(no music) (10 hours) Barrel of nonsense | Let me bore your pain away #43 | Jason Newland | 18th November 2025

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland.com. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. This is going to be a chronic pain relief session.

So make sure that you know the cause of your pain and that you have permission from your doctor before listening any further. So that's all that out of the way. I'd like you to get yourself comfortable.

Sitting down in a chair that supports your body, maybe lying down on your bed. You do not need quiet at all. It doesn't matter if there's background sounds.

You don't really need your eyes closed but it's kind of more comfortable I would say to have your eyes closed. I'll bite you all a bit, which I tend to when I make these recordings. In the same way that Vinnie, my little doggy there, likes to play on the floor.

As you may hear him in the background. If I was making this recording two hours ago you'd have heard the leaf blowers in the garden. Why do they use leaf blowers? Why not leaf suckers? If you want to collect something, you want to use a vacuum cleaner.

They don't blow all the dust away do you? You suck it. So why don't they suck the leaves in? Why blow the leaves? It's things like that that annoy me. What's the answer? I don't know.

I mean maybe all we can't suck because the the bag would just be full of air straight away. Well a vacuum cleaner doesn't get full of air straight away does it? In fact I'm pretty sure you could use a vacuum cleaner to suck up the leaves. Like a bigger version of a vacuum cleaner would work perfectly.

Maybe not connected to electricity because the leaves could be wet. But you know generally I thought it would be a much easier way to do it. Because there's still half the leaves are still on the floor.

They haven't collected them all. Now I didn't count them before they started nor have I counted them after they started. And you may be wondering what's this got to do with chronic pain relief? I'll tell you what it has got to do with that.

Nothing I'm just having a moan. And you might be thinking oh you're using a distraction technique. So that I'll think about something else rather than the part of my body that I was focusing too much on before.

And it'll be a you know I'll be distracted so I'll feel more relaxed and be focusing on what you're saying. Your nonsense and leaves and things like that. Therefore my body will kind of get used to just being how it is you know.

Like no no I was just moaning about the leaves. Ah you're using a confusion technique. So you you're pretending to not use be using any hypnosis technique at all.

But in fact by mentioning distraction and by mentioning the other ways. You're actually you're trying to use a confusion technique. So therefore I kind of won't know where you're coming from next.

And I'll be trying so hard on focusing on what your intentions are as far as where you're coming from. The reason you're saying what you're saying. And then I'll just feel more relaxed and I'll almost forget why I'm listening to you in the first place.

And then after a few minutes or 10 minutes or whatever the session will come to an end. And I realized that I've had 10 minutes of comfort without even realizing it. Because you've been using this like mixture confusion hypnosis technique.

No I was generally moaning. I was moaning about the leaves. I really was.

But when you think about it. Those techniques can work. If you don't know you're doing them.

I'll give you an example. So I've got arthritis in my lower back. And it hurts when I walk and stuff.

But if something happens. And there's an emergency and I've had a few emergencies regarding other people over the years. Or for example, I don't know if you'd class it as an emergency but an elderly lady fell over in a road the other day.

That's if it sounds really callous done a few classes an emergency. But she was okay. She didn't hurt herself but I didn't know at the time so I ran to help her up.

Now she was heavy like most humans are. But I didn't. I didn't feel it.

I didn't feel it in my back which I would normally feel. I wasn't concerned for my back. All I was concerned is that what two things really that I didn't hurt her and I didn't touch her inappropriately which might sound weird.

But you know I had my arms underneath her armpits trying to get her up. I didn't want to sort of look like I would. You know, I was trying to help her.

That's all. But I didn't want to accidentally touch her in a way that could look like I was a groper because I'm not. I had no idea I was going to even use the word groper in this recording.

This is supposed to be a therapeutic recording. But the point I'm making is I wasn't focusing on myself. I wasn't focusing on my back.

I was focusing on helping her and my back didn't hurt. And normally my back hurts if I bend over just to pick up my Vinnie's dog poo. My back hurts.

And that's not heavy. So imagine bending over to pick up a human. I don't know how much she weighs.

Probably 12 stone or whatever. I don't know. It was a big, it was a dead weight as well.

She didn't seem to be trying to help me to get up. She could have put a bit of effort in. But she was okay.

She wasn't hurt, which was the main thing. But I think it was, it was just a little bit disorientating. It was definitely not what she expected to happen.

And not what I expected to happen either. I mean, you could argue, why did I put the banana skin in the road in the first place? But no, I didn't. I didn't do that.

Do you know what? This is totally true. I didn't put banana skin in the road. That bit's not true.

The, my nan told me, and this was like 15, 20 years ago, 17 years ago, something like this. My nan told me that my auntie had broken a leg. And the way she did it is she slipped on a banana skin.

She was out in public, she slipped on a banana skin, and she broke her leg. And my nan would talk about that every now and then. And I thought it seemed like she found it quite amusing, but not in a bad way, but just, that's her daughter.

It was like, bearing in mind my nan was in her nine, well, she was in her eighties probably then. No, maybe she was in her nineties. Yeah, blimey, she was probably in her early nineties.

And which meant her daughters were, her daughter was kind of in her seventies, or maybe late sixties. And I saw my auntie five years ago, and my nan has been gone for nearly 11 years. But I saw my auntie, it was in 2019.

I hadn't seen her for quite a while. I hadn't seen her since, I'd seen her like for about 10 years probably. And I said to her, no, I had seen her, but I didn't mention it, but this time I said to her, oh, nan said to you, because she was limping, I said, oh, you still have problems with your leg? She said, what are you talking about? I just stubbed my toe on the ice machine.

I said, what ice machine? She said, the ice machine over there. I said, what, what ice machine? There's no ice machine. Because it was in the garden, it was at my dad's house.

It was a celebration for my step-mom. I think she was 60 or something. 55, 60, one of them.

And thanks, Vinnie. Make some more noise, please. Thanks.

And she, she, she said, yeah, the ice machine. I said, there ain't no ice machine, it's just a garden. And she pointed, and it was basically a bucket full of ice.

It's not a machine, is it? It's a bucket. She said, well, tell my toe that. Does it make a difference? I said, I suppose not.

And she looked at me in a way that I actually for a second thought that she really did want me to talk to her toe. But, you know, hopefully what didn't work didn't happen. And I said, oh, so you're not limping because you broke your leg, um, slipping on that banana skin all those years back? She said, what? I said, about, um, 10 years ago, a few years before Nan passed away, she said that you, you slipped on a banana skin and you broke your leg.

She said, I never broke, I never, I did break my leg, but I never slipped on a banana skin. I said, it was ice. It was icy.

It was in the driveway and it's just, I slipped on some ice. Okay. So what about your arm? You broke your arm like about 20 years ago, didn't you? She said, yeah.

And you fell out of a tree. She said, no, I didn't fall out of a tree. She said, what kind of stuff is my mum being saying to you? Cause it was her mum, my Nan.

I realized that my Nan was just full of lies. She was a, she was a porcupiner. She was just like, it was making fun of everyone.

I couldn't stop laughing. First of all, I laughed when I found out that she broke her leg. Okay.

I didn't laugh. That sounds bad, doesn't it? If there's, if I don't finish the sentence, I didn't feel bad that she broke her leg obviously, cause that's awful. Um, but the idea that she slipped on a banana skin is what made me laugh because it doesn't sound real and it wasn't real.

But why did my Nan tell me that? Can you make a little bit more noise, please? You're not making quite enough. Thanks vinegar. So that was really strange that she would just like make that stuff up.

I wonder what she made up about me. Oh, I know what she made up about me. I was friends with a lady that had two kids.

I visited my Nan in hospital and these, these, yeah, the kids were visiting at the same time visiting their Nan, which was my friend's Mum. And my Nan and this lady were in the same room, it was a convalescent place in the same, like next to each other. Next thing I know, cause I'm visiting this friend, I've known her for years.

My uncle's there and my Dad's and he says, oh, I hear you got a ready made family with kids. I said, uh-huh. Yeah, I said, I hear you're getting shacked up with, uh, with a woman and she's got kids and stuff or ready made family.

I said, no. That's what your Nan told us. So why, why are you, maybe she was just bored.

I don't know. I never, at one point I'd ever say to my Nan, oh, I'm moving in with someone. I've never lived with anyone, uh, you know, like in a romantic relationship.

Never done that in my life. I don't have any kids. I'm not saying, I mean, I, there's probably been a, well, if I'm going to be honest, don't like to be, but if I was going to be honest, there was a time in 2003, 2004, sorry, about early 2004, when I was dating that lady who had the kids and that, not 2004, 1994, 1994.

And this, this is, we're talking like early 2000s now. So back in 1994, I was dating her and I did want to move in with her, but she didn't want to move in with me. I don't think, I mean, tell me, you know, some people are vague and it's hard to really get a grip, isn't it? Like you can talk to someone for like three hours and still not know what they're thinking.

So I said to her, look, you know, I'm traveling down from London every weekend, if I can afford it, I'd much rather be here because, you know, I'd be able to see my Nan, see my family and spend time with you, live with you. And we can build a life. Um, together.

And she said, no, I don't want that. Now, I'm not sure was that vague was, I mean, I can never really gauge what she meant. You know, I tried it again.

I said, so, you know, after talking for hours, like trying to figure out what she wanted, I said, so do you want me to move in? She said, no, I don't. It's like, just just be straight with me. Can't you just, it's not always beating around the bush.

I don't know where that expression comes from. I've never seen the bush beating. How do you beat a bush? How? I don't know where that expression comes from.

But as what it's like, can you just be frank? And bear in mind, we're both quite old. She said, oh, Betty. And we did laugh.

We did laugh because, yeah, we both kind of lived through the 70s. And Frank Spencer was a very big some of us do have and was a pretty big TV show. Because she's about six years, seven years older than me.

So she was but she still is still still the same age. She's still the same distance in time above me. And she'll be in her 60s now.

So I couldn't really get an answer. It was the same when I kept asking her out for years, from the age of 17 to the age of 23. I was asking her out.

Eventually in 2000 December 20 1993, sorry. So from 1987 to 1998 1993. I was asking her out.

I could never get an an offer. I can never get an actual answer, proper answer. You know, it's the old kind of vagueness.

So if you were the last man on earth, I still wouldn't go near you. But I'm not the last man on earth. So what it's like, it's just too.

It's almost existentialist philosophical. Like what are you talking about? If I was the last man on earth? And it's the old joke, isn't it? If you're the last man on earth, I wouldn't wouldn't touch you come near you. If I was the last man on earth, you wouldn't even get a chance.

I wouldn't know. Well, I haven't seen any women for years. I don't know if the women still exist.

I don't know. I haven't seen any. I have quite a sheltered life.

I don't. I mean, I see them on telly. But I don't know if they exist in the real world.

Or that's just AI. I don't know. Could be.

Dear Jason, are you on your meds? Or are you off them again? No, I am on them. I am fine. And yeah, so the point of this is let me bore you pain away.

I didn't mention that at the beginning. This is this is kind of where I just talk crap. And so how is your body feeling compared to how it was before? How do you feel different? Can you hear the faint sound of the leaf blowing in the distance that moved to other gardens? The leaf blowing? I mean, honestly, I don't get it.

It's that would be like having like having snooker. And all the balls made of metal and a magnet on the end of the pool queue or the snooker queue. And every time they went anywhere near like the white ball would be made of metal.

And it just be magnetized and stuck to the end of the queue. You could argue it's nothing like that. But it's kind of the opposite of what you want.

You want to suck. You don't want to blow, you want to suck. Sucking is better.

If you want the job done, you need to suck. That's what I'm saying. And, you know, you get a vacuum cleaner, you get a vacuum cleaner and it kind of malfunctions.

And it just blows, maybe gets too full and it blows the contents all around the room. That's what they're doing outside. It's not the correct way.

It's like making a sandwich and sticking up your ass. It's not it just doesn't. It's not it.

Maybe it's not the same as that, but it just it seems weird. It seems like wrong. Not in a moral sense, not in a religious way, a spiritual way, but just.

I mean, if there is such a thing as common sense, you don't blow leaves, you suck leaves. It's like trying to if you've got a candle for your birthday and go, it isn't what's it going to do? I might blow out if you've got enough suction. You know, if you if you're good at sucking it, you might be able to get a good full like if you've got good lung capacity or whatever, maybe you can suck that flame out.

But probably not loads of candles. You need to blow. Sometimes you need to blow, sometimes you need to suck.

I this this is technique I used to quite like where. This is something I used to do, actually. I still do it, but.

I would imagine like with stress or tension every time I went to the toilet, the tension was being released. So if I did a wee wee or a poo poo. It'd be releasing and if I eat in or drink in, if it was drinking water, I'd be putting positive energy into myself.

Relaxation. And then when I was breathing in, I'd be breathing in healing and breathing out. Like the smoke of.

Negativity, for example, just breathing that out and breathing in healing and breathing out. The negative. And it's weird because if you do it long enough, if you do, I'm not saying like for years and years without a break, you do need to eat, but.

And possibly go to work. And sleep, you know, living basically, but you. It's something that can also be almost become automatic.

And you find yourself doing it, find yourself feeling more relaxed and maybe not even realizing why. I suppose it's a bit like listening to these recordings. Although some of them might seem absolutely ridiculous in some ways, you know, like the let me boy to sleep to let me bore your pain away.

I mean, how what's this got to do with being with the let me boy to sleep? I don't even mention sleep. Apart from when I say, welcome to let me boy to sleep. And then I talk about my life or just stuff.

But thousands of people fall asleep every night with me. I can might exaggerate the number, at least four people fall asleep around the world. Four people in each country, but it does vary because they keep moving to each country, they move from one country to another every day, but four people.

And which I think is quite good over 20 years to be able to gather for at least four regular customers. And the more you listen, the easier it is to just let go. Without trying to let go.

To feel calm without attempting to feel calm. To experience that sense of really deep relaxation. Unintentionally.

And I'm quite pleased with myself because I managed to say pretty much the same thing three times in a row using different wording. Yeah. I would even argue that I deserve a round of applause for that one.

I'm ever so pleased with myself. Is that wrong? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know where Vinny is. Is it around here somewhere? It must be. I sometimes wonder I'm gonna wake up and or just like get up and look for Vinny and realize that he never existed and it was just all one big dream.

That'd be weird. Bit like the Wizard of Oz. Sorry, I don't want to spoil it.

If you haven't seen the Wizard of Oz, then I'm sorry, I might have spoiled the... But it was all a dream. When she was in the Wizard of Oz place, the characters were where she said at the end, you were in it and so were you and so were you and so were you and it wasn't till I was about 30 that I realized that not only was it a dream but that the characters that are in the movie at the beginning were also in the movie during.

I mean, how am I supposed to know? You think about it, yeah? Her uncles weren't really, what did they do like at the beginning? Yeah, they were dressed as a lion and as a wardrobe or whatever and not cactus, scarecrow and not leprechaun, tin man and so they got dressed like that but they weren't dressed like that at the beginning of the movie so they wanted a little bit of consistency.

Have them dressed as a tin man, lion and the scarecrow at the beginning of the movie when they're on the farm, you know when she's like balancing on the wooden post and she falls in and scares the hell out of a bunch of pigs, falls in some pig shit. So I think that would have made a bit of consistency and then had the lady who decided to take Dorothy's dog, have her dressed as a witch and have her being green or blue or whatever colour she was. Then it would make more sense because continuity, continuity, that's it.

I saw a documentary yesterday on Hiroshima and all I could focus on is why do they call it Hiroshima when it's Hiroshima? Hiroshima, Hiroshima, Hiroshima. And then I thought after all the horrible stuff they were showing, perhaps I shouldn't really be focusing on the name. Hiroshima, Hiroshima, it's really weird, it's a bit like you know that picture of the old lady with the big chin and then you've got the lady, the beautiful young lady apparently but in the same image, depends on how you look at it.

Once you look at one it's hard to see the other. That's a bit like that for me with Hiroshima and Hiroshima. Once I say Hiroshima I can't quite get back to the other one.

It's a bit like we say aluminium and other places call it aluminium, aluminium, aluminium. Aluminium is easier to say though isn't it? Aluminium, that's why, why? Who decided to call things differently? Spelled the same, although some words aren't spelled the same are they? Which I didn't really understand, like colour, c-o-l-o-u-r, and in America it's spelled c-o-l-o-r-r-e. And I'm like why spell it differently? Who was first though? Because the language came from us, that's not me personally but it's English, and it came from the early pilgrims that were English.

So maybe that's the correct way that it was spelled and we added a u. Maybe this country changed it just to be awkward, thinking you know in the future spell correction is going to have an absolute nightmare with this word. They won't know what to do with it. You'll be writing an essay and you'll put the word colour and it'll come up like no it's wrong, it's spelled wrong.

But it's not spelled wrong, it's c-o-l-o-u-r. No it should be c-o-l-o-r. No, no.

Oh here's a little technique what you can do is, um, if you get a piece of paper and you draw a circle with a colour and you keep getting another colour, another colour, and keep drawing another circle, just leave a tiny little gap between the new circle and the old circle. And you keep doing that, keep doing that, keep eventually you run out of paper. To be fair it's not a hobby but it's something to waste your time doing I guess.

You could waste your time drawing circles. I mean you can make it last longer if you used a really big piece of paper. I don't know how, what's the biggest piece of paper you can buy? Anyone? I mean like really big.

I suppose if you've got the money and the needs there's probably places where you can buy. But no, I'm just thinking like billboards they don't use one big piece of paper do they? They use a bunch of strips that kind of fit together. So when is a one big massive piece of paper ever used? See I bet you didn't think that would be coming up.

These are questions that I don't think the answers are there are they? I mean they're not here, they're somewhere. The largest piece of paper, and I don't mean what's the largest piece of paper in history of the world, in a Guinness Book of World Records or whatever, because that was potentially made specifically for that reason. Which means it'd made in a kind of paper press or whatever the size of a skyscraper building or something like that you know.

But maybe not that practical to sell in sheets in a stationary. You need a big shelf for that wouldn't you? Hmm I need a blind for my kitchen window because people can see in now. Because a blind, you know what? My window is broken.

And it was broken in the I couldn't open the bathroom window. And I couldn't open the kitchen window. So earlier in the year, probably May, March, April, May.

Someone from the council came around and fixed both the windows. In the process he broke my blind. So all I've got is some neck curtain which is ripped.

And that's it. And because it's dark now in the evenings and in the mornings, I have to have my light on which means people can see what I'm up to. Now, admittedly, if if they're peeping Toms and they get off watching me doing washing up then I say good good on them, you know, let them have some fun.

But it's still a bit weird. I don't really, really want to be seen because sometimes I like to just dance. I'm sure you do as well.

You know, when you're in the kitchen and you stick the kettle on and you just waiting for the kettle or waiting for the the fryer, was it called oven fryer, whatever it's called to kind of finish. And you feel the urge to dance. And I don't mean dance.

I don't do full body dancing. I just use my upper body. Because my my my lower back hurts a little bit sometimes if I do too much, too many handstands.

And I think my cartwheeling days are over, to be honest with you. It's really strange, I kind of, I've noticed with the ageing process, it's almost like, okay, fair enough. I'm okay with getting a little bit older now.

It's not the worst thing in the world. I suppose I could might have a little bit of wisdom now compared to when I was younger and gain some life experience that perhaps I can pass on to the younger generation. Maybe not, I don't know.

But maybe potentially could be useful, could be helpful. And accepting some of the physical limitations that are there, that's just natural with the ageing process. And yeah, kind of okay with that as well to a degree.

But then, then I see myself in the mirror. And all that goes away. And I think, I actually, I'll be honest here, the other day, I got out of the bath.

I realised I'd left my, my, it's not my pyjamas, but there is my nightgown, whatever you want to call it, in the bedroom. So I went in there. But as I went in there, I passed the mirror and I made myself jump.

Because I saw this thing, this big thing, this big pink blob wobbling past the mirror. And I thought, Oh, who the hell was that? And I mean, it's merely the window is steamed, the mirror was steamed because the whole room was steamed. So because of the shower, so I thought, Oh, that's all it is.

So I wipe my hand over the mirror and that and that wasn't the reason. I've always like maybe a bit distorted, but no, I really did look like that. It's like, what happened? But I used to be slim.

I also used to be like two foot tall. I used to weigh, what, 20 pounds at one point, you know, I've, it's, you know, there's lots of things I used to be. But yeah, I was a little bit disappointed.

I think the biggest one, I've had a couple of shocks like that, where I've been somewhere, and I didn't know there was a mirror there. And I've seen myself from an angle that no human being should ever have to endure that. You know, visually, it was just not, it's unacceptable, really.

And I thought, Oh, oh, no, that's just wrong. And then I'd gone away somewhere a few years back. I got into a lift, elevator, you, you may wrongly call it a lift.

And why is it called an elevator? A lift, elevator, I mean, it's, it's the same thing. It's just like, why, why can't we just all have the same word? Wouldn't it be easier? If America and England, or, you know, United Kingdom and America had the same words, we wouldn't constantly be at war with each other, would we? We'd be at peace. So, there was this lift, this elevator, mirrors everywhere.

Like everywhere, I mean, I don't mean everywhere, apart from on the floor. Everywhere, the whole thing was mirrors. And no matter where I looked, if I looked ahead of me, if I looked down to my left, down to my right, all I could see was my bald spot on my head.

It was just shining like some kind of pessimistic halo, an agitator, teasing me. And I could, I could hear it whispering to me, I thought, oh, it's weird. Like, do you remember when you used to have hair? Wow.

It was lovely when we had, we didn't have to wear a hat in the summer, wasn't it? Can't believe we get cold in August now. Wow, come on, leave me alone, man, man, woman, whatever, the bald patch, I don't know if it's, what sex it is, it's just rude to me, my bald patch on the top of my head. It's getting, I've got a camera on my door.

And when I walk down the stairs, I'm fine when I'm walking away. But as soon as I start walking down the stairs, it picks up the bald spot and you don't see anything else. Like the front, the other two front doors, the whole, all it is is just bald spot, that's all you see on the camera.

And I hear the camera laughing. It's not fair, it's not fair at all. I think Vinny's over there, I don't think Vinny's over there, he is over there, but I thought he'd gone somewhere else.

It's very unusual. He's burying his head underneath a cardigan. I think he wants to go for a walk.

What if you hear me if I say the word walk? Walk? No, he's asleep. So just notice how you feel, how different you feel now compared to how you felt before you started listening to this barrage of nonsense, which is let me bore your pain away. A barrel of nonsense, that's what I'm going to call this.

Notice how much more relaxed you feel. Calmer, looser, more positive even. So I'm going to go.

Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself.

You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love. Bye.