(Short Voice) #19 SMELLY OLD TOOTHLESS SULTAN - Jasons Bed Time Story Time

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Jason's Bedtime Storytime. Bedtime Storytime. So the idea behind these stories is I pick a maybe a famous story from the past can't choose one from the future just yet, and I adapt it.

So it may have the same title as you know an original story from let's say the Brothers Grimm as today's is, but it'll be slightly different. It will be adapted by moi. And that's the only French attempt of talking I will do.

Moi. I've never I feel I've said moi referring to myself. Probably 1984 was the last time.

Yeah. Anyway. So today, I only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And today's story is going to be called Old Sultan. Smelly Old Sultan. Okay.

So here we go. I'm going to read you the story now. So here we go.

Once upon a time, long, long, long ago, before mobile phones and the internet, possibly before washing machines as well. I'm not sure what was really available back then. Probably fire.

Fire was around. You could cook things. Sticks, there's lots of sticks around on the floor.

Stones. At night, you could look at the stars. There's no television.

Or you could if you really wanted some drama. You could do I don't know what could you do if you wanted drama back if you wanted to watch drama. Shadow puppets, I guess.

Okay, against the wall. You know, it used to be quite popular. So I think they had roofs.

Depending on where you live, you might call it a roof. That's the incorrect way to pronounce it. It's roof.

R O O F. Roof. That's what a dog does. Dog goes rough, rough, not roof, roof, which is the correct term, the correct pronunciation.

Now that I've lost that part of the audience, we can get on. A long time ago, a shepherd had a faithful dog called Sultan. Why would you call a dog salted? What's wrong with Rover? Sultan.

That's not a real name for a dog, is it? That's a silly name for a dog. How? How? Why? Sultan. It sounds more like a breakfast cereal, doesn't it? Anyone want a bowl of Sultan? Yeah, not really.

No. Okay. Anyway, his name is called Sultan.

He was he, he was very, very old. Very, very, very old. And this seems to be quite a prominent feature in the story.

He'd lost all his teeth. Now, I've known quite a few old dogs. I've dated a few.

Now, I've met, I've known quite a few old dogs, and I've never met any that have lost all their teeth. I mean, how would he eat? But anyway, apparently this dog had lost all his teeth for the sake of the story. And one day, when the shepherd and his, lots of shepherds around back then.

Have you noticed? Lots of shepherds. Lots of well, you know, iron mongers, carpenters, shepherds. Not many people working in call centers in these stories.

Anyway, the shepherd and his wife were standing together in front of the house. And the shepherd said, I will shoot old Sultan tomorrow morning, for he's of no use to us anymore. His wife said, pray, let the poor faithful creature live.

He has served us well, a great many years. And we ought to give him a livelihood for the rest of his days. But then the shepherd, remembering now that I should have done a voice for him, but I'll do it now.

What can we do with him? Said the shepherd. He has not a tooth in his head, and the thieves don't care for him at all. Yeah, fair enough.

He has served us. But, but he did it to earn his livelihood. You know, he got something for it.

And that's why he did it. But you know what? You know what, mate? Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm gonna shoot him.

Shoot him dead. Well, poor Sultan, who's lying close by them. He's literally, it was on, it was just next to them.

A bit inconsiderate, really. I think if most people, if you heard that, you'd just be gone, wouldn't you? Just run, run, run, run. He heard what the, let's face it, his mum and dad had said.

They were his parents. So his dad's talking about killing him, shooting him, because he ain't got no more teeth. Well, if that happened to humans, if you lost your teeth, oh yeah, I'm gonna go and, you know, the dentist says, you'll be fine.

We've removed the teeth. You'll be okay now. No, I won't.

Why? Well, my dad's gonna want to shoot me now, isn't he? You know, imagine that. Anyway, so Sultan was listening to his mummy and daddy, the shepherd and his shepherd's wife. I don't know if she had a name.

She might have actually been called the shepherd's wife. That might have been her christened name. And it just was coincidental that she married a shepherd.

I don't know. So after hearing all that stuff about being shot at by his mummy and daddy, he was very much frightened. I mean, you would be, wouldn't you? You wouldn't just listen to that and then think, I feel I'll listen to some music now.

I think I'll play hopscotch. No, you know, you gotta take it seriously. So what he did in the evening, that evening, knowing that the next day he's gonna be shot, he went and saw his good friend, bestest friend in the whole wide world, his groovy fella, his BFF, BFF, BFF, GFF, I don't know, the wolf.

Again, in this story, he's just the wolf. Well, I think he should be called Clarence. So yeah, he visited Clarence.

And if a dog can be called Sultan, and the wolf is a big part of this story, why can't the wolf be called, have a name? The shepherd's called the shepherd. I mean, how does that work? The chances? Mind you, I suppose if you're, the generational situation would be shepherds would have children and those children would become shepherds, I suppose. And they would be, they'd have to grow a beard.

Perhaps they were born with beards back then. I don't know. Born with a beard and a little curly stick.

Oh my goodness, you've given birth to a pig. No, that's a curly stick. It's not anything weird.

Oh, blimey. And when's the last time you saw a pig being born that had a full beard? Yesterday. Today.

Okay, you've always got an answer. So have you. Yeah, okay, you can leave it now.

So can you. Just, just let me get on to the story. Yeah, why don't you? Well, I would if you stopped talking.

You talk more than I do. Okay, I'm just gonna just get on with it. Yeah, why don't you? Can you please stop talking? You talk more than me.

So, Sultan. Yeah, what about Sultan? Shush, shush. Sultan.

Oh good. Sultan went and saw his good friend Clarence. The wolf.

Wolf, wolf, wolf. And quite often Clarence, he looked like a wolf. But he kind of, he had an inferiority complex.

He, I think he had kind of a bit of dysmorphia thing going on. And he didn't think that he looked like a wolf, but he really did look like a wolf. So in order to, because he just felt that no one else, because he'd look in the lake, because that was his mirror.

Because they didn't have mirrors for wolves. But he looked in the lake and he'd see himself and sometimes it was a little bit dim to be fair. Sometimes he's like, oh no, I've turned into a fish.

No, there's just a fish swimming there, mate. Just wait a second. Yeah, now you can see yourself.

Oh, blimey. And in order to let people know that he was a wolf, he would sort of tell everyone, I'm a wolf. That would be what he did.

He just like, I'm a wolf, everyone. I'm Clarence the wolf. And I, yeah, we know, mate.

We know. I'm walking along the road with you. I've known you for 15 years.

I know that you're a wolf. Yes, that's true. I am Clarence the wolf.

Yeah, it's getting a bit boring now. Why do you keep mentioning that you're a wolf? Because I am a wolf. Yeah, we all know you're a wolf.

Why are you telling us? Well, I'm a wolf. So if you ever, yeah, if you ever got a crossword puzzle and you're struggling with it, or you got like a bit of a difficult thing to figure out, don't ask a wolf. No offence, but they ain't the brainiest.

Don't tell, but if they don't, don't say it to their face because they can take it. Well, they've got very sharp teeth. Very sharp.

So, but not such a sharp wit. So it went up to Clarence and this is a sultan. He keeps calling, poor sultan.

No, sultan. Let's, let's not be a victim here. Come on.

Let's not go down the victim route. Oh, poor sultan. Yeah, it's a horrible situation, but that's not going to get him out of it.

Feeling sorry for himself is not going to be a solution in this moment. Yeah, yeah, they're going to shoot. Fair enough.

Now, why are you still there? Is a question probably most people would ask. Why have you not run, run, run your little trotters and kept going? Because believe it or not, some people, you know, farmers are not well known for it, but there are people in the world that actually like dogs and don't expect them to earn a living for them. They just love dogs.

I don't believe it. I don't believe it. Wherever I go I'm going to be shotted.

I'm going to be shotted because I've got no teeth teeths. And it's hard to get anything through to him. Like, just come on, sultan.

Just no, I can't. I'm going to get shotted. Shotty, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot.

Okay, fair enough. Just the thing is, because he had no teeth before he had the teeth, he used to talk. Yes, this is how I am.

This is my name is Sultan. When he lost when he had his teeth taken out, we lost them. I can't remember.

Might be in a poker game. And he's just started talking like that.

So some people thought it was just like a gummy version of his voice but I think he just lost his self esteem a little bit along the way because well he was in a punch up with another dog and he went to growl at the dog and at that point he still had three teeth left and they all just flopped out of his mouth and fell on the floor and everybody was laughing, the elephants, eagles were flying over, an eagle actually flew into a tree because he was laughing so heavily and so it was a very strange situation.

Elephant laughed, fell over, crushed a lion. It was funny, not for the lion obviously but there you go. So I think his self esteem was knocked a little bit by the teeth situation or the lack of teeth and he was still lovable, he was still a lovable dog.

So he went and saw his friend Clarence the wolf who lived in the woods and told him all about his issue and said like his master, like he's his dad really isn't he? My daddy wants to shoot me. If you say master it sounds very robotic. My master wants to shoot me.

I don't know why. It's something to do with my lack of teethies. So basically the wolf, very cunning, very cunning, the cunning wolf thought up a plan, a plan that could help his friend but like cunning people, they'll help you but they're out for themselves.

Cowardly, cunning, scum they're called in human terms. So they'll help you out but there's always a debt to pay, there's always a reason behind why they're helping. It's the same with the wolf but he didn't announce it until later on.

But he had this plan which could help him because it was all about him. If he could find a way to use the little doggies problems to his own advantage he was prepared to do that. And so what he did and it was a pretty good plan, pretty pretty good plan but you know I think the dog or sultan should have been a bit more aware of it.

But then he was his friend. He didn't think that his friend was going to take advantage of his situation. But then the thing is people like that, users that take advantage of other people, they don't really have any friends.

They just have victims, people they can take advantage of and they'll keep them as friends for years waiting for that opportunity where they can really you know steal off them or take advantage so yeah. But everyone should have a scummy friend. I've had many so I know what I'm talking about.

So here we go. The poor sultan, he was crying. He was crying and he was, he just, he didn't know what to do and the wolf, Clarence the wolf was saying oh come on.

I know how I can help you. Sultan said how? Clarence the wolf he said I'm Clarence the wolf and I reckon, yeah I know your name, stop. I Clarence the wolf think I can help and I have a plan.

So he told him his plan and it's basically this. The next morning, early in the morning, they planned for the wolf to come and steal the baby, the shepherds and shepherdesses baby, a runoff and the dog, sultan must chase the wolf and then the wolf would let go of the baby. And the wolf and you know the dog he'd come back with a baby and he'd be a hero because he saved the baby.

Well this plan went to plan perfectly. Absolutely wonderful it was. I love it when a plan comes together.

So it was all good and the owner, the shepherd, he said because of you saving my child, because you have saved my child I have decided not to shoot you in the face. I feel this is very kind of me. It makes me feel like I'm a very wonderful person because I'm not killing you.

So I hope you appreciate that you will not be killed today. Now Sultan was really pleased, very pleased but a little bit confused. It was all right with it until the shepherd said the words today.

I'm not going to kill you today. Does that mean you're still going to kill me? So you know he wasn't sure. So you know he thought well I just I won't I won't press the point because you know what would be the point you know if I started asking him what he meant then that would open up clear communication and who wants that eh? Who wants to really know what's really going on let's just keep it vague you know like a lot of communication is so that neither party really understands what the others is saying or meaning and that suited them fine.

Well the wolf Clarence as is his mentality and disgusting nature he decided that he was going to start stealing the shepherd's sheep. And he said to us the Sultan the Sultan the dog the wolf said to him listen mate I've decided I'm going to start stealing the sheep and I think you should just turn the other turn the other way and just ignore what I'm doing because I've helped you.

I'm the reason you're alive and therefore I think you should just allow me to steal the sheep because you owe me.

Well the the doggy Sultan said no no I am loyal to the shepherd. The shepherd's always been good to me. Now bar that part when he was going to shoot me but other than that he's always been good to me.

I will not I will not not not not not not not defy him I will not go against him I will not allow you to steal off of him. Now the the not the fox the wolf the wolf thought he was just joking. Oh you funny oh you jokes always always jokes you always always jokes because he was 10 years old a 10 year old and used phrases like that.

Oh jokes always jokes you can't finish can't do a whole sentence he tells jokes all jokes he's got jokes he tells jokes he's he got jokes jokes no how old are you you look like an adult and you're saying stuff like this. Can't you do a whole sentence is it that complicated. Dread reading a book.

So anyway the the wolf thought he was joking and he came back that evening started stealing a sheep and the shepherd came out and chucked a tin of beans at him and it hit him on the head the wolf. And he looked up he was in shock not only did he see well he was seeing stars but then it was a really clear night and he's like what's going on he didn't realize that the doggy sultan had grasped him up to the shepherd so the shepherd knew he was coming he was all prepared with his tin of baked beans.

Heinz they were Heinz baked beans and he couldn't believe it so he ran off but in the meantime he said you know what mate me and you we ain't friends no more and I'm gonna beat you up.

I'm gonna beat you up I'm gonna knock your teeth okay I'm gonna beat you up anyway. So the next day the sultan went into the into the forest to have it out with a wolf he was like come on then come on in come on in. What are you waiting for let's have it let's have it let's have it right you're the one you're the one that stole you're the one you deserve to get a tin of beans on your noggin you're the one let's have it right come on then you want some you want some.

You know I'm so angry I think I hate you I've got hatred from here to here I'm so angry come on then wolfy come on then wolfy. And the wolf said well he was up in a tree hiding because like most bullies you know he was a coward and like most scheming people like that again cowards they hide they don't want to be found out for what they really are.

And the what was weird is the tree started it looked like tree was dripping like it was something was squirting out of trees but he realized that the wolf was doing a big big poo big diarrhea because he was so scared.

And the wolf said can we be friends again please and Sultan said okay but you need to have a wash and the wolf said yeah I know I know can you bring the can you bring the bath over to me. And Sultan says oh I need to explain this to you again it's a river I can't bring the river to you you have to go to the river.

Oh but I'm scared because I keep turning into a I keep the other day I turned into a fish.

And Sultan said yeah same thing happened to me someone was trying to make out this because there's a fish in there but we know it's a mirror don't we we know that we know. And then the wolf said to Sultan he said Sultan can I ask you something and Sultan said yeah go on then. Sultan said how are we going to end this story then because I don't I don't know I don't know how to end it.

Sultan said why does your voice keep changing I mean why does your voice keep changing and the wolf said well yours yours keeps changing too. And Sultan said no my voice doesn't. I think what we need is a character from this story to come back that's stuck to their voice.

Shepherd. Yes what would you like me to do I think this is the best voice in the whole thing and I have stuck to it all along. Is that what you want me to do? Yes I think so yes.

And then Sultan the doggy shot the shepherd. So it all worked out fine and he stole the shepherds false teeth put him in his own mouth and went home and married the shepherds wife. Because they always had a secret crush for each other.

They always had this special this special secret quiet loving feeling. They had this loving feeling. They had the loving feeling but now it's gone gone gone.

Oh oh oh oh oh. But then it came back again. I mean she used to have used to have arguments with the shepherd when he was alive and she used to say get out get out get out my door.

Don't come around now you're not welcome anymore. And you'd go and the shepherd would sit on a swing and sing. Sandy why can't you see I'm in misery.

Yeah I don't know. There's something you can see. I don't know the rest of the words.

I sit and wonder why I I O Y. You left me Mrs. Shepherd Sandy. And Mrs. Shepherd Sandy yes a real name didn't mention at the beginning because we didn't realize she had one. She'd be then walking around totally devoted feelings of total devotion.

And this music would come. Maybe I'm not the first heartbroken. Maybe I'm not the first to cry.

But there's no getting over you. Totally devoted to you. Now usually you wouldn't use the word you twice to rhyme with itself but it seemed to work.

And she felt nostalgic. And she missed him not being there. But what she missed most and she missed his beard.

She loved that big strawy sticky smelly beard of his. Because sometimes you know no matter how bad things got. Food wise and if they'd run out of food or all that.

Or she could always just go to his beard and put it open and it'd be a nice a nice cooked meal stuck in there somewhere. On a plate nice and warm. Or if the heating had gone off you know central heating had gone off and it was really cold.

She could always climb into his beard and just snuggle up. He had a beard. And it kept her warm.

He had a beard. And it kept her warm. He had some toes.

And he sometimes twinkled them. And you may wonder what twinkling means. And I wish I'd thought of that before I said it.

So twinkling toes. Dancing on the ice of a river. Twinkling toes.

Making fish look for their supper. Thinking that maggots were in the water. But what they were really seeing was the shepherds toes.

Because his toes looked like maggots. He was such a good fisherman. All he had to do was put his feet into the river.

But unfortunately his toes were very sensitive. So when he got a bite of a fish he would scream. And that would scare all the fish away.

And they'd travel so far away. So scared of the fisherman with his maggot toes. But the maggot toes themselves.

They enjoyed playing the piano. So they asked the shepherd would he please buy a piano. So they can play it instead of being used to try and catch fish.

That would actually scarper off. Because they were so scared when he would scream very loudly. And the shepherd said no.

I don't want to buy a piano. Besides pianos haven't been invented yet. But the little wormy toes.

Said in that case why don't you invent a piano. Yourself. And the shepherd said how.

Can I invent a piano. When I don't know what a piano is. Because they've not been invented yet.

I need some kind of blueprint. In order to invent a piano. Besides what's the point in inventing a piano.

Just to let my wormy feet play on it. And his wormy toes said. We might only be maggoty and wormy.

But at least we can play. Musical instruments which is more than you can do. And the shepherd said ha ha.

But you try and catch sheepies. You try and keep sheep under control. And safe from a wolf.

But the maggots knew differently. And the maggoty toes used to spy on the shepherd. And when the shepherd thought he was alone.

He'd sometimes do handstands to himself. And he sometimes stuttered when he sang. And when he was standing on his hands.

He used to pretend that he was a walrus. Even though he'd never seen a walrus. Or even heard one that existed.

And the toes would watch him. And sometimes they would mock him. But he didn't even hear them.

Because he had bits of paper in his ears. But nobody knew. Why he had that paper there.

In his ears. Nobody knew. If this story will ever end.

Because nobody cares. About that paper that was in his ears. Or even about the maggoty toes.

On his hands. His hands? Oh no. Not his hands.

Yeah. Maggoty hands and maggoty feet. They sometimes went on holiday together.

Maggoty hands and maggoty feet. They really, really, really did love one another. The maggoty hands and the maggoty feet.

Sometimes they would go and rob a bank. That's what happens when you start a song. And have nothing to say.

Said the maggoty feet. And the maggoty hands. And the maggoty toes.

And the maggoty bum. And the maggoty... Shepherd. And Wolf.

Loved each other. And they got married. And they lived happily ever after.

Inside a baked bean factory. So that's the end of this story. I hope you enjoyed.

And thank you for listening. Now go to sleep. Now!