(music) (5 hours) Thin Legs LMBYTS #1416 Jason Newland 20th August 2025

Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. Yeah, my name's Jason Newland, this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Welcome, welcome, hope you're well and please remember to only listen to this when you can.

And safely close your eyes. Yep, it is Wednesday, the 20th of August 2025. And here we are, here we are again, we're doing another recording.

Oh, so it's the 20th in six days time. Ladies and gentlemen, I will be 55 years old. 55, 55, really? 55? 55, yeah.

I'd like to say thank you for those of you who have sent in some questions for this coming Q&A Friday. And just to let you know that this coming Q&A Friday will be lasting around 17 hours because there's so many questions. I've gone from one question week last week, so I didn't do the recording to about 5 million.

So yeah, it's good. I mean, I can't, not that I can't. I can't always make one question last a long time.

I mean, I could. You know, you could ask me what colour is my ceiling. And I could spend three hours talking about that if I wanted to.

But I don't want to. I don't. That would be boring for me.

In fact, I wonder what colour the ceiling is. I really need to look up some a bit more often. Oh, oh yeah.

I never realised the ceiling was there. Oh, it spreads from one side of the room to the other. It covers the whole... That's why I don't get wet when it rains.

So, I've often wondered about that. How come I get wet when I'm outside but when I'm indoors I don't? I've got a ceiling. Look out the window.

Oh, I wonder if I've got a roof as well. I've clearly woken up in a very strange mood. What did I dream about? What did I dream about? I can't remember.

I definitely had some dreams because I do generally have dreams. Yeah, there was this one bit of the dream where someone was saying to me, Oh, if you look that way and you look that way, it's a tunnel and it's flowing one way. There's a big tunnel flowing one way and there's... Oh yeah, and we had to, yeah, there was like a... We had to leave where we was.

We didn't have to but we kind of had to get out of where we was and had a choice to go, let me see if I've got this right, to travel in one direction, which everyone else was, which was forward. This is weird, it's a weird dream. Everyone was travelling forward and I decided to stick around, to stay back because I didn't feel quite prepared enough to go where everyone else was going.

But then, now this is weird, I just remembered, wow, I do have dreams. I was with Andre, the original Andre, Irish Andre, who was my best friend in the 90s, or one of my close friends, I do have other friends, but he was one of my closest friends in the 90s and I had Kev as well, I had two friends in the 90s. Now I had Duncan as well, he was my bestie, like for years.

Anyway, Duncan, I know you listen, I can hear you listening to me and I know that you still love me and I still love you, but it doesn't matter as long as we know that the love is there, Mr Duncan, that's all that really matters. We fell out over something petty, it was one of those silly things. For some reason, I set fire to his house, I burned his house down, for some reason he found that unforgivable.

Some people are so petty, I'm joking of course, I didn't do that. So yes, me and Andre, we're there in a kind of going out partying and for some reason I'm wanting to look good, well not good, but as good as I'm going to look. Do the best with what I have.

I know they say you can't polish a turd, but at least you can stick a hat on it and dress it up, maybe put a bit of make-up, you know what I mean? That's what I did with myself, I tried to make myself at least look presentable back then. Sometimes, if I could, if I was able. But you know, in a dream I was a little bit more tidier, a little bit more together, a little bit more, I don't want to use the word fashionable because that hasn't ever happened, but, not that I've never used the word fashionable, but I've never been fashionable.

Not through choice, I just have, you know, I say not through choice, I mean I wasn't born, the first words I said when I was a baby was, it was not, I don't ever want to fit in, I want to make sure I never fit in with my peers, I want to be unfashionable forever, I never want to have sex, ever. No, that wasn't on purpose, I wasn't purposely being unfashionable just so I could avoid any kind of pleasure.

No, I just, I don't know, I suppose my mind has not gone that way.

There's been a few occasions when I've made the effort, three occasions. I mean, I did buy some clothes on, oh, yeah, I bought some clothes, yeah, back in 1980, that's a long time ago, 1986, I had a bit of a little fashionable period, because I'd just left school, and I had a girlfriend, and I bought some boots, and I think that might have helped me get a girlfriend, but it probably didn't, because I can't imagine anyone being impressed by boots, but then that just makes me, you know, think about my lack of fashionableness, because if I was fashionable,

I perhaps would realise that boots are amazing, and they're really an incredible aphrodisiac, but I don't know if that's true, because I'm not fashionable-ish, I'm not, no, I'm not, no, it's weird really, because I will, if I see someone, if I see a female that I like, you know, if I meet a complete stranger, who I think is nice, I mean, she literally can be wearing a T-shirt with tomato ketchup stains on it, and gravy stains, and twigs in her hair, I don't know why she'd have twigs in her hair,

maybe she'd been rolling around in a pile of twigs, I don't know how it would work, and she could be walking around with a jetpack, why would she be wearing a jetpack, I don't know, but again, none of these situations really would be, they're all a bit strange possibly, but I'd still fancy her, if I liked her, I wouldn't think, oh, there's tomato ketchup on her left breast, I'm not happy with that, she's just not taking care of herself, I just feel, like, no, you see, I just said the word booby there,

see, no one noticed, it wouldn't bother me, it just wouldn't bother me, because stuff like that doesn't, I'm not saying that, you know, my ideal date is someone that spills food all over themselves when they eat, that's not what I'm saying, it's not what I'm saying at all, although I do myself personally have a tendency of being a bit clumsy when it comes to eating, so yeah, but then I find it's quite funny, seeing someone spill food all over them is quite funny, it's apparently, it's not a turn on for everyone,

but it's funny, anyway, you know, if nothing else, in the past, I've been quite a funny date, not purposefully funny, you know, quite often accidental, but it's still quite a funny date, it's maybe not one to remember, but maybe one to remember, it can't be both really, can it?

It could be, it depends on the situation, there's certain things I remember and then I don't remember them, and then I do again, that's called getting old I suppose, so I'm with Andre, and I just imagine, you know, I'm sitting, I don't think any woman's ever been on a date with me in a restaurant, and I'm just spilling food all over myself, and a waitress has whispered in our ear, oh, you've got to keep her there, probably hasn't happened, so I'm with Andre, and we were going out to a club,

or to a pub, something like that, and I have to get changed, I needed to have a shower, so he went out and I was just going to meet up with him, and I was counting this cash, so I had cash in my wallet, and I was working out how much I've got, and how much I can spend on what, I don't know why, but yeah, that's what I was doing, and then I went out, it was a very boring dream, it was almost pointless wasn't it, it's like, so tell me about what you dreamt last night, oh, you won't believe it, I had an amazing dream last night, what was it?

well, I was in a field, and I was riding this horse, yeah, yeah, and that's it, I was riding a horse in a field, and then what happened, nothing, just riding along, was it a big horse? I don't know, what did it look like? a horse, I mean was it a black horse, was it a white horse? I said how am I supposed to know? well, didn't you look at it?

I said no, that involved looking down, I've only just learnt to look up, I didn't realise there was a ceiling up there, often wondered, you know, why I don't get wet when it's raining, and she said but you already said that earlier, in the broadcast, I said I know, I'm not saying it again, she said it wasn't a particularly funny joke the first time, and I said well you know what, I beg to differ, I think it was both surreal, and kind of cute, quite a cute joke,

the idea that I never knew that there was ever something above me, because I never looked up, yet I was curious enough, to wonder why I didn't get wet when it rained, when I was indoors, but I did when I was outdoors, so curious in my mind, but not curious to physically move my head, up, and use my eyes, none of that makes sense, there's no reason why it should make sense, oh yeah, here's something as well, so, there was this, like a countdown situation, where everyone had to leave this area,

some people, I didn't go with anyone, and I was thinking, oh, because I was more kind of, you know, doing my own thing, yeah, and I started thinking, if I had left with everybody else, I'd have actually had a little adventure, with them, I'd have got to know some people, I'd have perhaps had a laugh, we could have helped each other out, you know, and that maybe would have been a better way to do it, but then I thought, no, but if I do it solitary, I couldn't look out for myself,

I'm not going to be held back, won't be responsible for anyone else, no one will be responsible for me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I did, it was weird, it was, very strange, I'm not sure the night before that I was, in a pub, and I was sweeping, around the outside of the pub, I want to say sweeping, I wasn't searching for bugs, you know, like in the CIA, I don't mean that kind of sweeping, I mean literally with a broom, I was sweeping, the rubbish, around the outside of this pub,

and there was people there, drinking, and hanging out, and as I think about it, I think it's the same pub, that I've seen in my dreams before, but it's not one that I've ever been in, although some people are in there, some people I haven't seen for a long time, are in there, but I've never been in there, and this is pub, and it's, it's kind of, it's an okay pub actually, it's alright, it does make me wonder, this whole, dream world, because, I mean it might just be,

I mean maybe when I was younger, maybe younger people, have different dreams every night, but I think at my age, I just run out of ideas, maybe my dream world, keeps going back to old, old dreams, and like mix match, of different things, because, after, so many thousands of years, there's no more new, there's no more new dreams, it's going to have to sort of, rehash some of the old ones, I don't know, maybe, maybe, and I did, I met up with Andre, and we went out, it was weird,

because I said to him, oh I had a dream, yeah this is weird, I said to him, this is totally in a dream, this is true, I said, you know what Andre, I had a really weird dream the other day, a while back, I found out that you were still alive, and we hung out with each other, and it was really weird, but then we didn't get on anymore, because it had been such a long time, we didn't really have anything in common, you were doing your thing, I was doing my thing,

you know, neither of us were, any longer into, wrestling each other, it just did, I was never into wrestling, wrestling, wow, he did that once, he just like tried to wrestle me, he was like, what are you doing, the first time I went to Ireland, and I get there, and, he decides he wants to have a wrestle, I was like, no, it's like really weird, it's almost like he stood, like a sumo wrestler, he didn't have a sumo wrestler's body, he was very slim like me, but he was,

like he was going to have a, a proper sumo fight, and I was like, what are you doing, and I think he was, I don't know if he was trying to get dominance, or something sort of, this is sort of like, this is my country, you're in my country now, bless him, yeah, Ireland is nice, I like Ireland, you know, parts of me wish I'd stayed there, and, it's like anything, if you stay, things generally work out, I'm saying like anything, but in my life, things generally work out, not necessarily,

well I think everything's worked out, as far as, I'm here, doing this, but, you know, not necessarily, in a way that I had, anticipated, or hoped for, if I'd have stayed in Ireland, back in 1995, for, I may be married, I may be a grandfather by now, you know, I might have, who knows, I might have really, flourished, I'm not quite sure how, but I might have done, you know, there was very limited, jobs, where I was living, and when I say that, I mean, limited, there was, you know,

I mean like anywhere, there's off licenses, there's plenty of them, and, shops, tea, tea shops, you know, supermarkets, things like that I suppose, I'm not sure about big supermarkets, but they've got a lot of regular things, but, the main two employers, in that area, was, a, dry cleaning, dry cleaning, laundrette, dry cleaning place, and an abattoir, those were the two main, like, big employers, and, I didn't fancy either, and when I say I didn't fancy working in either place, there's marginally, marginally, an understatement, it was more as, I would never,

never, work somewhere like that, I couldn't, it's just, it would, no I just couldn't do it, I couldn't, morally, emotionally, and, dry cleaning people's clothes all day, I couldn't, couldn't do it, that's against all my principles, and, no the real reason is, I actually worked in a dry cleaners, because I did lots of different jobs over the years, and it was too hot for me, it was so hot, and the dry cleaners were just all, tablecloths and stuff, for, restaurants, the local restaurants, and it was just never ending,

tablecloth after tablecloth after tablecloth, it's like wow, yeah, yesterday, what did I do yesterday, I know I made two recordings, one in the morning like now, just got out of bed, see I've got a different, I don't have a different brain, that would be kind of a bit silly to say, I've got a different brain when I wake up, but I do seem to have a different type of mind, set, different type of attitude, a different, type of mood, when I first get out of bed, I'm not sure, why,

but I've always been like this, it's like, I don't know, it's, yeah, I've, yeah, always, always been like this, just, just different when I wake up, different to how I am, during the rest of the day, or later in the day, like a different person in some ways, which is weird, I think I'm very calm, not that I'm not calm, most of the time, ish, but much, calmer, much more, stable, first thing in the morning, more, not stable, but just more, you know, chilled out, but at the same time,

there's a sharpness, there's a, yeah, I don't know, I'm not quite sure how to explain it, in a way that I would understand, just feels a bit different, it's quite a good start, to the day, in, some ways, especially if I have, you know, I've had a nice, big night of dreaming, but I'm trying to remember, some of the dreams I had, I can't remember, no, I can't remember, any other dreams, so yeah, not a lot happened yesterday, so I did the thing in the morning, made a recording, I,

didn't feel very well, mid-morning, like about 11, and I went to bed, and then, I feel, I felt a bit better in the afternoon, I felt really, yeah, I just didn't, my mood changed, it was very strange, and yeah, I felt really, ugh, but then, yeah, I felt a bit better after having a nap, oh yeah, I ordered some food, groceries to be delivered, but I forgot the hot, the hot dog buns, so I ordered some sausages, I was going to have them in a roll, you know, nice little treat,

celebrate it being Tuesday, as it was, was, would, was yesterday, it was Tuesday, yeah, I did a trivia Tuesday last night, or yesterday afternoon, yeah, trivia Tuesday, I talked about teddy bears, teddy bears, if you haven't listened to it, I wouldn't bother, to be honest, it's very boring, and, I was very tired, last night, I was very tired, I went, I had to go to bed, but I also did some laundry, so, I had to hang that up, and, what else did I do, I've actually got some rubbish to put out,

can't be bothered, I'll do that later, I'm pretty sure, I went out somewhere, but I didn't, other than to take Vinnie out, for a walk, I took him out three times yesterday, oh, yeah, in the evening, well, it wasn't evening, it was about late afternoon, five, six o'clock, something like that, I realised I'd run out of, tea bags, and I forgot to order any, with the groceries, shopping, and I was like, oh, really, the one thing, well, not the only thing I needed, technically, I could have got through, till today,

without getting any groceries, it's just the tea bags, I needed the most of all, so, I asked a neighbour, to borrow some tea bags, and she said, well, what do you want them for, and then we both laughed, so, yeah, it was a nice icebreaker, I mean, technically, you know, I've known her for a couple of years, but, she's always had a problem with ice, so, I managed to break through the ice, yeah, been blocking her front door, for ages, I don't know how I got there, you're right,

that was a weird thing to say, no, you're right, no, I agree, made no sense, made no sense, whatsoever, what do you mean, she's got ice in her front door, that doesn't, what's that about, I don't understand, no, don't worry, I don't either, I don't, evil, understand, so, Wednesday, the 20th of August, 2025, well, 2025, 40 years ago, I was, a Karate man, The TV show, the TV channels keep showing the Karate Kid movies for some reason.

So I'm guessing the time span is probably 40 years.

Maybe after a certain amount of time, they don't have to pay any kind of money to the film studio or whatever when they play the movies. Maybe that's it. After 40 years, they can play a certain movie as many times as they want without having to pay any kind of repeat fee thingamajig.

And that's why they just keep showing it. I'm guessing it's the same with Frasier and Cheers. Because perhaps after a certain period, the TV channels in this country don't have to pay anything for Cheers or Frasier.

Which is why they play it over and over again every day. And I'm not complaining because I love both those shows. But perhaps that's why it's on kind of almost, it's on a loop.

For years and years and years, in fact, I can't remember the last time that Frasier was not on, mid-morning. On Channel 4. Yeah, I can't remember a time when, honestly, I realized I was just about to repeat the sentence, but I want you to know how serious I'm being, how important this is. We're talking about Frasier, the television show.

I do think that's possibly for timing, for the one-liners, one of the greatest sitcoms. Yeah. And maybe it's the characters.

But then you're probably going to get that anyway, aren't you? But it just didn't seem like a, it's not like any sitcom I've ever seen before. And even though it's from the writers of Cheers, I didn't really find it to be much like Cheers at all. In fact, I remember when Cheers finished and the newspapers were speculating, will there be a follow-up TV show? And if there is, is it a cast-off or I don't know what they call it.

But because I know a lot of TV shows have done it. Happy Days did it. What other sitcoms had other TV shows come from it? George and Mildred was originally in Man About the House.

There was Landlord and Landlady. They had their own TV show, which I think was much funnier. So I think to myself.

Didn't they do one with Chotchy? Hmm. They did it with The Living Dead recently. The Walking Dead, sorry.

The Walking Dead. And suddenly all these shows popped up out of nowhere. Three different shows.

And they're all starring different stars from the show. And for continuity, which I find quite important when it comes to TV shows, I didn't know which one to watch first. So I ended up not watching any of them.

Well, bits of them. Because I wasn't sure if any of it was going to fit together with each other. I don't know.

Hmm. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. I'm trying to think.

What else? I was going to read the newspapers. But that hasn't happened. Might as well close that up.

I prefer not to look at a computer screen when I first get out of bed. Oh yeah, these, er, these tracksuit bottoms I got on Monday. I hadn't tried them on when I got home.

I thought, well, I'll just wait. I'll wear them, but I'll just wait. I wasn't in a hurry.

I wasn't that excited, to be honest. It was just something to cover my bum up, wasn't it? It's not, you know, just tracksuit bottoms. Yeah, I've never, I don't think this has really been an item of clothing that I've purchased.

And I'm like, oh, can't wait to get home so I can try it on. I don't think so. Maybe my Trilby hat.

Because I bought a Trilby hat when I was about 16. Yeah, I wanted to be like my brother, my oldest brother. He had a Trilby hat.

I still don't know what Trilby means. But he had one, and I thought he looked cool. Because he was my older brother.

And I bought the Trilby hat, I mean, I say 16, I might have been 15. And, yeah, probably was 15, actually. The problem I had is it kept blowing away.

Because I lived in a seaside town, or in a seaside town, very windy. And the hat kept blowing away. Blowing.

And I'd be chasing it down the street. And cars would be honking their horns. Shouting out the window, Oi, look, is that your hat? And then laughing hysterically, driving off.

Another car driver would stop, say, Oi, have you lost something, mate? And drive off. And another driver pulled up and says, Hey, do you know where the Sainsbury's is from here? I'm a little bit lost. And I said, ah, very funny.

Yeah. And I just carried on chasing me hat. Eventually, I found it.

Well, I didn't find it, I could see where it was. I caught it, and I put it back on my head. On my hand, my head.

I think the problem was it was too large for my head. And it's not my fault, is it? I think the problem is I was wearing a Chilby hat, and I was just wearing normal clothes. You know, I mean, I don't personally think it went very well together with the other clothes I wore when I was in the chip shop.

Yeah, the white coat and all that stuff. The Wellington boots. I think wearing a Chilby hat didn't really fit.

Didn't fit so very well. I do sometimes amaze, well not amaze myself, but I feel a little bit amazed that I actually did that kind of job for two years. It's not about the job, it's just that I was able to hold a full-time job for two years from the age of 15 to 17.

And it wasn't an easy job. It was quite long hours. Quite unsociable hours.

And there was, you know, all those people to deal with. Especially when it was busy. And it got busy, you know, lunch times, really busy.

And it was just, I don't know how I managed. I really don't. I mean, I did manage, but I don't know how.

I think the only good thing about working there is when someone from school came in, like a friend that I hadn't seen for ages. That would be nice. Yeah.

It was nice working with the girls that were there. Because for some reason it was only waitresses. There was one boy who, Justin his name was, and he was super fashionable.

And he was basically just doing what I was doing, but part-time. Because he was still at school. But other than him, and my boss who was male, and another friar who was male, who came in a couple of nights a week, everyone else was female.

So the other boss was female, because there was a married couple that run the place, or that owned the place. And all the waitresses, you know, there was a couple of adults, and then weekends it would be, you know, young females. Around my age.

So that was quite nice, kind of, sort of trying to get to know females. Which was never my, wasn't my strongest attribute. Hmm.

I did kind of fall in love with someone. I was falling in love all the time, back then. In love with the idea of being in love, maybe.

Or just really horny. I mean I was a teenager, I just wanted to, you know. I wanted something.

That's all I wanted. There was nothing else of importance to me. You know.

That was it, that was the most important thing back then. And I didn't, I wasn't very successful at all. And, yeah, very much, very much had a relationship with myself for those couple of years.

Yeah, what I did notice is, over time, I'm half asleep now, and I just said over time, but I've got no idea what's coming next. Ahh. I'm tired.

I'm going to have my breakfast in a minute. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. So these trousers, see I've completely forgotten what I was talking about.

These tracksuit trousers, or pants, maybe. They're fairly tight. So I've got a medium.

Luckily, they're just the right size. You know, around the waist, just perfect. There's a little bit of giveness, a little bit of give.

Tiny, not a lot. But it's not uncomfortable. And I was relieved because I was concerned.

I just didn't want it, I didn't want it to be too tight, I didn't want it to be too loose. I didn't want it falling over, falling down, or getting stuck, you know. So I tried them on yesterday.

I had a shower first, tried them on. And, yeah, they're not as easy to put on as the normal pairs I wear because they're very baggy and loose. But the thing that was surprising is, and it surprised my neighbour when I went to get my tea bags.

They just assumed I had big legs, big fat legs. But I don't. I have quite slim, nice, well, I don't have nice legs, but my legs are okay.

And they're not big, they're not fat. And you can see with these, because they cling, they cling to the leg, these tracksuit bottoms. And so they're just hanging down really loose like the other stuff that I'd normally wear.

And they couldn't believe it. They were aghast. They fell over.

No, none of that stuff happened. And they said, your legs are so skinny. I said, oh, no, no, don't use the word skinny, don't mind that.

My legs are not skinny, they're just, they're just slimmer. I hold my weight on my upper body. My lower body is fairly slim.

But yeah, I've still got strong legs. It's just, they, I think if it's someone that, they must have just assumed that I had just like, my legs were wobbling when I walked or something, I don't know. But, you know, I've been walking my whole life.

Yeah, I suppose technically, I don't, technically something. I started thinking about something else in my mind. And I have forgotten what I was talking about.

Erm, wagon wheels? No. Smurfette? No. Hmm, starting to drift off a bit now.

Which means it's possibly time to go and get myself some breakfast. Yes, yes, yes. A nice bowl of ready brick.

And today, it's Wednesday. Yeah, I have a few things that I'm needing to do. But ultimately, yeah, I need to get it done.

So I will. So, thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy.

And be gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love.

Bye.