(music) (5 hours) Let me Bore you to Sleep #1528 Jason Newland 4th January 2026

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and um I don't know why I'm finding my own name funny. This is um Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

I've actually had quite a busy day. I've done some laundry. Oh and I've made I've started a new podcast because you know remember when I said I'm not going to do anything new this year.

I started a new podcast and it's called relaxing 10 minutes. So each recording roughly 10 minutes long maybe a little bit longer maybe a little bit shorter but very short recordings compared to you know what I normally do and so I started working on that today. They're going to be videos as well as audios.

I've already uploaded one and I did a few of them actually so they're going to be oh they're going to be released over the next four days so I've done five today five different relaxation sessions but short although one does last about 16 minutes and I've done them in a format video wise so they fit on to TikTok and Instagram which is not what I normally do on my general videos.

Now Instagram um TikTok wait a minute let me unplug this and show you oh there's a little doggie there that's nice so oh I wasn't yawned until I started doing this. I don't mean I've never yawned in my life but just right now so on TikTok I've had a bit of growth over the last couple of weeks and it's I was getting people watching my videos anyway but I went online live a few days ago and I think it was hmm happy new year maybe it was the 2nd of January 2026.

I used to have hair back then and I went live I did a thing where I was asking people I basically became like an agony uncle that was the idea it didn't work out but hey it was a good idea it wasn't it was an idea that was given to me and I thought I'll give it a go not much in the way of planning um I didn't really know what I was gonna do how to go about it but as a big fan of the TV show Frasier I just

wanted to say go ahead caller I'm listening that's just all I wanted to do I didn't say that anyway but I said it now so I feel quite good but I did make um I didn't record yeah I couldn't use that video because it was so I recorded it and went live at the same time using different um equipment and recorded the audio I couldn't use it because it was full of people coming on and saying naughty words being very rude and but there was a couple of nice people and

Amber Amber and another person but since then um so I did another recording the next day which was it was hello it was oh yeah focus on sounds so it's a sleep hypnosis was it was it relaxation relaxation hypnosis hypnosis a long one um so and that was on the date was it it's not telling me the date why is it not telling me the date one day ago right one day so it was one one day ago apparently and I've had 690 video views of that video and then I

uploaded the Let Me Bore You To Sleep 1527 and I had oh that was this morning I think and I've had 664 views so it's kind of like wow which is um no promotion nothing I just had a lot of people coming on and viewing the videos which is just nice I'm really pleased it's more than what I get on YouTube I uploaded my um shave in my head video that I did and I've got 175 on one of those and 221 on the other you can actually see actually I

can show you the screen just in case you think I'm laying look can you see that 690 for that one there and that one's a bit covered but and I just uploaded the latest one about an hour ago it's about 58 so far so I don't know if it was an hour ago yeah about an hour ago so that was the short relaxation so 137 followers which is it's not a lot but bearing in mind I've not really until very recently put any effort in to TikTok so suddenly I'm kind

of yeah it's quite good it's uh it's nice to try and find a new audience or more people from a different place I'm still uploading to YouTube still uploading the audios and the videos but just I don't know I've lost two subscribers the last day the last two days it's I don't know it's just I mean I got I think what 1,300 something like that I don't know and it's I don't know it's one of those things maybe I just continue just continue doing it and I'll get more visitors and

I know like in some ways it shouldn't matter but then it does matter to me it does uh if I was doing this I'll be after 20 years I mean admittedly the YouTube channel is not 20 years old but if I was you know let's say if I was still getting the same numbers that I was getting 10 years ago on the podcasts or 20 years ago then I haven't really kind of accomplished much in a sense you know because it's all about the more people I can reach the more

people I can potentially help in my old my own own old little way little old way had a weird thing happen today in the park this was because it's Sunday now Sunday the 4th of January 2026 cold not as cold as yesterday though I don't think and I saw someone out yesterday wearing shorts I'm sure I saw someone wearing a t-shirt as well and it makes me cross I find him I do I find myself getting cross at that like how dare you wear shorts and a t-shirt in minus degrees

what kind of neanderthal are you and it's got nothing to do with me what other people wear but I just like what's wrong with you it's one thing being at school and having a school uniform that forced you that you have to wear shorts short trousers you know because some places might still do that or being forced to do PE or games and wear shorts and run around a football field in the ice kicking a ball around and like you're kind of forced to do it why would you choose to

do it though unless you're obviously into I mean in sport yeah different but like like in a kind of walking down the street environment and it seems to be a fashion I've seen adult men like adults people in their 30s and 40s walking around with shorts on in December never seen that before in my life I mean it it's almost like it's a blue sky the sun's out I'm gonna wear shorts or maybe it's just it's the fashion so I'm gonna wear shorts see I don't care I would even if

there was a line of women that like you know if like every woman in the world suddenly got attracted to people wearing shorts and there'd be a line queue of women wanting to speak to me because I was wearing shorts I wouldn't wear shorts not in the winter and that's the biggest lie I've probably ever told I mean I'd wear shorts I'd put ice down my pants I don't care if someone's willing to say to speak to me a lady spoke to me yeah you got any new year's resolutions or

do you want me to tell you about the the thing in the park because I just remembered I was about to tell you something I don't really have any new year's resolutions really I suppose my new my new my new year's resolution is to do more more of this to be more productive for some reason I'm starting to get back in to the rhythm of making videos so it's a lot easier with this setup that I've got I haven't got a sync the audio so this is just for the podcast

this is for the video the sound quality is better on the podcast but it means that the video can be pretty much put together a lot quicker it's still processing and still up uploading and it takes a few hours for that stuff but ultimately it's fairly basic I need to do something to cover that wall up because it is grim and I know some people say what is it like oh look oh oh that may have felt weird it's just the back of some um oh that's horrible that was it's

like scraping down a blackboard or I've never like felt oh or sticky stuff on my hands my right hand I don't mind but sticky stuff generally like glue or um like marmalade or honey or anything just like you know I got used to it with my right hand I don't know why it doesn't bother my right hand so much but my left hand it does and I just have to wash it off just like oh really and even from eating something I'm trying to think what what's what can I eat

that's sticky like a sticky bun a sticky iced bun so I've had me dinner treat myself to sticky ice bun to say thank you to myself for eating my dinner up like a good boy and I'm eating this sticky bun and it's gone all over my head all over me honestly I'm a messy eater I love it that's the best thing about being living on your own you can literally if I want to chuck like if I've got a pizza and I just want to chuck it at the wall I

can you can't do that when you're living with other people I'm not saying that's what I do but if I wanted to I could I can do anything I want within reason you know legal and don't make too much noise I don't walk around naked I've never done that but I've been naked because obviously I have to get naked sometimes but I don't yeah I wear clothes always have really never really been a naked person I guess I'm not a naturist I like nature I just don't I mean I like

trees I do I just don't want to wipe my rub my ass on one you know so I was in the park and partly one of the reasons I couldn't go to a naturist park or not a naturist club or something like that is because it wouldn't be fair on the other people when I was younger it'd be like a thrill war get to see other people naked now I'm just more concerned about other people seeing me just like it's just not fair I actually did go to a naturist club

it's a true story it's in Stratford now I did not know that it was like a nudie place not nudie place as in you know strip club nothing nothing weird it was just a health club and it wasn't compulsory that you had to be naked so I didn't go naked I wore a dressing gown um it was very short just went down to my belly button but I made sure I covered me top up now I wore a dressing gown and I I think sometimes I'm a little bit slow because

I didn't know it's I think it said naturist health club I didn't all I saw was health club and massage sauna um jacuzzi and I was having the beginnings of my back because I've got um a bit of a weird back and I've it's been going on for years and years and years so this is about 1999 probably 98 maybe it's a long long time ago and so I went in and I said hello they said hello they might not have said hello like that it's like hello it might just

be a friendly hello nothing weird but just like hello hello I don't know how they said hello but I remember I went in and I said I'm just interested in the massage because of my back and I was a little bit dubious because um it wasn't that I was worried that it might there might be shenanigans going on in there and they might be like a lot of very happy people leaving I just didn't want to go in there if that's what was going on because a very public entrance it

was just below a snooker hall and it was just up the road from where I lived so it was a little bit too public and I didn't want to kind of go in somewhere like that if it was known if it had a reputation but as I'd never heard of it before I didn't know so I went in genuine genuinely genuinely to see about getting a massage because my back was hurting and I also ripped um a muscle in the middle of my back in 1997 the year before oh this

is weird so I had this job it was on agency and they sent me to this place which was near it was a hospital it was in it might be in South London maybe in North London I don't know it was in London anyway it was South North wasn't East possibly West London but anyway I was there and I was up the road from really one of London's biggest hospitals which technically is not relevant because I didn't have anything to do with hospital but again it is because where I was

at was students it was nurse students or student nurses accommodation brand new accommodation has just been built or refurbished and this was probably in the summer of 97 and at the time I was literally struggling for pennies I just didn't have any income coming in had no regular work behind on the rent everything was going a bit weird so I got a day's work doing that I just realized I'm lying it wasn't then it was 95 was it 95 it wasn't the summer 97 definitely wasn't 96 I think it might

be 95 because it was snowing it doesn't snow in July generally maybe in Australia it does but not here yeah it was snowing that's an integral part of the story otherwise you know that's why you know I'm not lying because I would kind of change I'd bend the story to suit the narrative that I started out with but no no I will happily backtrack and admit to lying no to have like just accidentally told an untruth it doesn't really matter what year it was does it I guess that's not as

important as the story itself but I suppose you're not in a position to judge that at this point because you've not heard the story maybe you're wondering or one if it's one of those stories again where nothing happens it's just pointless you know I hope that you don't think that at the end I hope I'm not expecting a round of applause not kind of any kind of awards you know an Oscar or anything but wonder what that'd be like to get an Oscar must be so strange isn't it because generally

if you get an Oscar especially if you're if you're an actor and you get an Oscar it's almost um guaranteed work I mean maybe not forever but it's it's uh you know that the next thing you get offered is very very likely going to be huge with a huge payday because you're famous if you weren't before you know I'm thinking maybe if someone gets an Oscar when they're for the first time my voice makes a weird noise sometimes I think I might be turning into a frog so I can't really

go to the doctor for that though can you doctor I keep making frog sounds you know I mean let's face it the only thing doctors do now anyways is they just look at their computer and they google it I've noticed that I've seen like just googling it that's just not that's not the way to I understand that it's not fair to expect one human being to remember the whole of medical science that's not fair but google's not always right you know I mean so anyway I was in this new no

no I was in this um where was I I'd say I was once actually in I went into this I might mention Browns which is a strip club in Shoreditch now I didn't know it was a strip club it's a very famous strip club in London it's well known it's been there for I think well no it's been there for decades because but it's been there for a long long time and I used to go to the comedy club early I'd be there before everyone else I'd be there sometimes before

the staff even got there and once they got to know me they'd let me in and let me just sit at a table especially if it was raining or if it was cold unless of course you know they didn't want to and one of the comedians I think it was uh Jeff his name is and he was comparing that night and he was there early he was there about half six and the show didn't start till no but maybe yeah seven the show didn't start till nine so he said well

why don't we go and get a drink I said okay then Jeff because I was nine how old was I I was like 20 I was 20 years old so and I had lived since 37 to 15 well pretty much to 19 really I'd lived in a little town which I had very little very little experience of like a city although I had lived in Newcastle when I was a kid when I was younger and I was born in London but you know for a long long time I hadn't really

been out of this little town apart from when we went into the next town which was a lot bigger and he said to me that's a lot of information you're giving me just do you want to come for a drink or not I said yes yes Jeff so he said you haven't got to keep calling me Jeff I said why not Jeff he said because it's only me here when you're talking to me you haven't got to my name have you like I if I say to you what do you

want to drink you're not just gonna like not say anything but if I say do you want anything to drink Jason then you'll answer you're not gonna just not hear me unless I say your name are you I said no what are you going on about he said well you don't need to say people's names when you're with them it's different if you're in a crowd maybe and you're trying to get someone's attention but if it's just you and them just the two of you just the two of us you

don't need to say their name at any point really unless you get a phone call and someone you say yeah I'm with GCJJ yep he's still annoying it's yep yep still telling that story about the strip club yep and I just I was like what's the issue with me calling you by your name he said but I know my name I know my name he said yeah I know you know your name yeah we both know each other's names yeah we don't need to mention it don't need to keep sort

of so how are you so then Jason right should we get pinting then Jason so uh you enjoying that pint then Jason uh should we get back to the club then Jason I don't need that but they do that in some parts of the country don't they Jeff he said what what do they say stop calling me Jeff I said all right then Hillary he had to laugh because um no he didn't laugh actually at all he didn't laugh but anyway we're sitting there and I felt quite good because he

was like a professional where he was a professional comedian good he was a compere got paid and a lot more experienced than me because I was doing the open spot on a Wednesday night and you had to get there early to get on the list really Vinnie and so I'd go there every week I performed there so many times anyway he said you want to go to do you want to go and get a drink I said okay and he said are you mocking me I said what he said you're

just you're speaking the same way that I am I said I can't help it we both speak the same language he said no the same tone tonality so easy for you to say and he said can't let's go so we went it was literally down the end of the road so turn out of the club turn down any end of the road turn left probably best bet is to cross the road Shoreditch High Street I think it was called go round or you can go turn left and then cross over

but I think it's like a little roundabout and there's uh like a I think it's a railway railway or there's uh arches or whatever underneath which leads you to Hackney I do believe so yeah so Browns was just on the corner or just a little bit further up on the corner and not much else around there's those shops further up I'm sure there's an entrance and an exit or there was like two two but there was there was no door staff or anything there was later on so anyway I went

in there he went in there we both went in there at the same time because we were together and very quiet and he said what you having what you having Jason what you having oh I'll have a pint please I thought I had to get him back you know I had to because it was quite it was they had music playing and stuff and um but then they turned the music off and the tv because a couple of the regulars I think the staff as well wanted to watch tv EastEnders

not EastEnders I think it was on at seven so it's something that was on at seven maybe it was EastEnders maybe it was a little bit later than I think maybe EastEnders half seven to eight and we went back in time for half eight to you know get ready for nine o'clock maybe yeah so I think EastEnders was on it was on quite a big screen I think it was a it might have been a projector I'm pretty sure it was because it went up so we had a drink I

think he had a cup of coffee but that's not guaranteed to be factual I think he might have done um so I'm watching EastEnders always a big fan of EastEnders right from the start and I don't mean from the start of the episode onwards I mean like from when it started so I'm getting into it he's talking I'm kind of trying to half listen to what he's saying just nodding like um say yeah yeah yeah but I'm watching EastEnders and occasionally doing a little laugh just you know at one point

he said I'm talking about a funeral here I said oh sorry and but then you know I'm sort of giving him half my attention well 10% of my attention giving the other 60% to the tv and all of a sudden this the the screen was it's like a like a projector thing it starts to go up and the lights start to change and I'm like what are you doing and this woman this lady stands on the stage and starts dancing and taking her clothes off now I'm still trying to watch

EastEnders because it's still on there I'm just like it's very annoying I've never been so annoyed in my life and I went to the bar I said excuse me she said yeah I said I was watching that EastEnders I was watching the tv is there any chance we can get it back on until it's finished because there's only about 12 minutes left and she said no I said well thanks anyway thanks thanks for thanks for your time the doorman were massive I so were her um her heels were big but

I'd I was just like it annoyed me like what are you doing there you're stripping off I'll be honest I forgot what I was watching Vinnie's now hassling me what do you want Vinnie go away he keeps doing that he does not like me not giving him attention whoops oh in the park here's what happened in the park I all I did is took him out he said two two outings today this was his third this was his third outing and it was just after four o'clock took him into the

so we went to the park it was still light but dusk you know it's getting getting there but still light enough for me to see where I was going I saw a neighbor who used to have him so it's his mum so he got very excited to see her her boyfriend had their dog so Vinnie was super excited to see everybody and we're just talking we're not far from the entrance of the park one of the entrances and suddenly we hear people shouting and this big black dog comes running towards

us barking it was a bit frightening to be honest and it stopped though it was like barking at us and it was looked very agitated and these people were trying to catch him and they were running from one part of the park to the other and apparently they'd already done it they'd already kind of he'd run off and they'd caught him so I'm like why didn't they have him on a lead but then you don't know I don't know the circumstances he might run out the house they ran out without

the lead not thinking managed to get him back into the house and he slipped you know he gave him the slip again and got out again I mean circumstances it's just without knowing the full facts I can't really judge but if I mean there are some people that have dogs who are off the leads and their dog attacks another dog and they still have their dog off the lead now it's not the dog's fault and it's it's a weird I mean it's lack of intelligence that one is lack of intelligence

so I don't know what the situation is with these people and the black dog but it's quite a big dog and both Finny and the other little dog but both little the other little dog's little I don't think it's weird to want to watch the full episode though is it you start watching a tv show you want to see it to the end he thought it was weird and then when he back he actually started talking about it on stage because they they knew me by this stage the audience knew

me because I was known for being really bad really really rubbish and a little bit controversial I basically I go on stage every week and do a different act and it all involve quite vulgar humor I guess there was no cleverness in it a bit like now not a lot cleverness and it was making fun of me before I even got on stage I probably had the best gig I've had which is quite good because I'd also said my first pair of I've I saw my first um naked lady so

that's another thing I didn't want that to be in public you know I mean I didn't want it to be I mean anyway so we're in the park and this dog's running up and it's just stopped there and it's barking I won't do an impression but you see you've already heard a dog bark woof woof don't sound like that at all do they woof woof woof woof meow actually that does sound a bit like a cat doesn't it woof woof woof woof maybe it does sound like a dog the more

I do it the more it sounds a bit like a dog woof woof moo moo yeah cow oink oink oink oink no pig oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oink I suppose if you do it really fast it could be a pig oink oink oink oink oink choo-choo train wow all my education's coming back to me all at once it's all coming back to me now I was frightened though in the park not for me um but for this little one I didn't know what to do because you know

picking him up apart from the fact that he doesn't like being picked up chances are Vinnie would bite me if I did that but then if you do that it's almost like goading the other dog we couldn't run away because a dog would run after us you know so again it's like we just had to stand there and it was a standoff and the dog eventually the dog ran back to the owners and the owners just left didn't wave to us didn't shout sorry nothing so yeah but maybe they were

just I said like confused or uh stressed out by the situation it might be someone that I even know I don't know because it was too it wasn't bright enough for me to see plus they were too far away it didn't look like a dog that I would say hello to because Vinnie doesn't really like big black dogs but big dogs isn't really his thing but yeah it'd be interesting to find out what that was all about if I ever see them again they might not they might not even live

here they might be just visiting someone and the dog doesn't know the area and just ran out and there's no way of knowing is there really unless unless I find out I guess then I will know so this health club I go in and there's a bar on the right hand side selling alcoholic beverages as well as fruit juices and I'm thinking what kind of health bar a kind of health health club sells alcohol it seemed a bit strange a bit I don't know it just seemed weird it turned out

people used to stay there for the whole day and hang out and stuff so there was these um deck not deck chairs you know the ones that you know deck chairs or maybe the long ones that you could like lay down half sit on beach things so there was about six of those in this room this is in a reception in the second part of reception so I'm just to just I said well I'd quite like to get a massage and she said okay now at this point everything was kind

of normal I say normal but like because I was just in the reception bit and she said okay there's going to be this amount of money and here's some towels here's uh what's ever you can go upstairs and key to a locker and I just put my stuff in the locker and you come back down and you can just wait she's actually seeing someone at the moment she'll be about half hour I said okay so I went upstairs no one around put you know got undressed changed into the dressing gown

did it properly you know like put the dressing gown on first then pulled it down took my top off put it back on then pulled my trousers down and everything you know because I didn't want anyone to see my bits and bobs and so I went downstairs and she said you can take your socks off if you like I said oh thanks and so I just stuffed them in the pockets and I walked through this bit it's kind of like got the not tinsel but it's you can't really see through

until you walk through and the bar staff weren't wearing clothes on top now I wanted to complain and ask for my money back straight away but I was embarrassed I was so angry but I just didn't know what to do because there's nothing that infuriates me more than seeing human bodies I mean I just find it absolutely horrendous there are actually people like that oh it's it's you go to hell shut up so but I was confused because I wasn't in there for anything weird I was in there for a

bit I was in there for a bit but it did get my mind going a bit but I wasn't in there for that so I'm just sitting down and there's a couple of men one's got a dressing gown on and someone came in and sat down he took the dressing gown off he came from where I guess I didn't know where it was to start with but that's where the jacuzzi was or the sauna and he just took his clothes off and just he wasn't looking at me but parts of

him were I didn't know yeah it was strange it's kind of I knew I knew not to stare but at the same time I was going to stare I knew I was just because it's I suppose it's not something that I see very often generally like a naked body but definitely not a naked middle-aged man's body I hadn't really spent a lot of time with naked middle-aged men ever really apart from myself I'd only realized that when I saw myself in the mirror one day and I thought oh someone's broken

into my bathroom some really fat person and I'm like oh it's me whoops got excited for nothing so I I really didn't know so I'm kind of like oh so I go up to the counter because there's some leaflets on the table I said what's this thing about like jacuzzi and sauna and stuff it said yeah we've got it's through there and where that man just come through it's do you want to see the stuff I said yeah she said well your your appointment's probably not going to be it's about

45 minutes because she's going to need a like a break afterwards she has at least 15 to 20 minutes between clients I said okay so she said I can show you around if you want okay and um this this I didn't still know what to do she's literally showed me she she shows me around where the sauna is and she says do you want to try the jacuzzi and I'm sitting in a jacuzzi and she's not wearing any clothes and I was just I was confused because it's just the only

time something like that would happen is if there was if I was in a you know a relationship or or looking through someone's window no I don't I wouldn't see that normally and it really like and she said right should we get up now are you ready to get out I said no um if you just want to go in I'll be with you in a minute and she giggled and left and went into the back into the bar so then I went had a massage and after that the massage

was great it was really good for my back that's what I really needed and I went to get undressed so I got undressed I got you know warmer clothes on and just as I was coming out there was a woman coming out another side and she was a member of staff and she was talking to me and she was completely no clothes there's something about her I found attractive do you know when you get that spark and you might say yes because she was naked no there was there was a

connection now had she had she been wearing clothes I could have pursued that connection like by having a normal conversation with her how long you've been working there do you what do you do because they had like reiki massage hot stones all kinds of things like that so I could have had like a normal conversation with her um and maybe got to know a little bit because I felt there was there seemed to be a connection instead I'm just like nothing no words were coming out of my mouth and I

just had to leave it was just it was ridiculous and they liked me and they said oh come back at the weekend because on a Sunday we all get together and everyone's naked and it's not about anything rude or it's just naturist it's just um they're very lovely we have a buffet and ironically because we're all in a buff but they you know it's like it's a really nice day and uh I just I thought about it but I didn't know if I had the ability to hold a conversation with

someone whose um dingo was dangling out you know I don't know if I had the maturity to not just point and giggle I mean that's a true story though yeah it's one of those few moments that I actually a few times I met someone that I really liked and I could this is the lady upstairs when I was when I just got changed really felt a connection but and I did go over and talk she came over and I went over and we was like normal face-to-face talking but it's just

so strange I just couldn't you know I did talk but it was it was tough I don't normally have trouble talking put this sense to get a sentence and a sense together a sentence together it's not usually too difficult for me but on that occasion um I just couldn't I loved her so there so yeah I did some washing today took him out three times he's managed he's starting to eat his dinner again so he stopped so I'm glad I've managed to get him to eat his dinner it's Sunday today

and it still feels like Sunday but it's felt like Sunday for the last two weeks it's ridiculous it's gonna be so weird tomorrow Monday's back everything kind of goes back to normal are we ever gonna have snow I don't know how should I know why are you asking me I don't know if it's gonna snow it might do though it might snow I don't mind it is a bit inconvenient for people though isn't it that need to get around need to get about yeah so oops I'm gonna go that's gone

quick so thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy be gentle with yourself you deserve to feel safe also remember that you are enough and you're going to be okay lots of love bye