(Long Voice Only) Whisper Wednesday #1581 Let me bore you to sleep Jason Newland 25th March 2026

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. This is whisper Wednesday. Hello, hope you're well.

Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Vinnie's having a little break. He's at his mum's.

So I thought I would take this time to make a recording. It's 11.53am on Wednesday the 25th of March 2026. And so far, apart from wind, there's nothing else going on.

Now this morning, there was building work being done in the building here that I work, that I live. And there was other noises in the garden, plus the wind. And I can still hear power tools somewhere.

That's in the distance. So it might be a leaf blower or something like that. Or I suppose it could be a lawnmower.

Or a trimmer. Or they fly-mo things. So yeah, did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? Also to let you know, all my podcasts are available on all of the major podcast hosts and apps.

Such as Spotify, Apple Podcasts. In fact, let me tell you, let me show you exactly where I'm going to read them out. I know, I'm lovely, and I'm ever so helpful.

This isn't all of them, but it is a lot of them. Apple Podcasts. Podcast Addict.

Chrome. Generic Android App. Overcast.

Spotify. Spreaker. Pocket Casts.

Apple Core Media. Castbox. iHeart Radio.

Alexa Media Player. VLC. Audible.

IVoox. Amazon Music. Podbean.

Podcast Republic. Deezer. And Apple WebKit.

As well as a few others that's not listed. So... Yeah, it's quite a few. Quite a few.

Yes, that is quite a few. Blimey. So... I'll just have a look at the stats.

No! Not the stats! Yeah. This is Spreakers. I'm just having a look.

This is... I think in the last 8 years. 8 years-ish. I've had 15,461,362 total downloads.

And 42 total live plays. They don't even offer live plays anymore, so... And the majority of those come from Apple Podcasts. The next one is Podcast Addict.

No, that's the last 12 months. Overcast is third. Then Spotify is fourth.

Generic Android App. Deezer. There's quite a few different ones.

Safari. I do six versions of each recording. Three without music, three with music.

Short, long and overnight. I've got two websites. jasonnewland.com, which is my podcast website.

And JasonNewland.store, which is my... The archive of all of my recordings. Including all the newest ones as well. Which you can download for free.

I'm also on YouTube. You can just search my name. Or go to my website and click on the YouTube link.

I'm on Facebook. Twitter. Blimey.

TikTok. I upload videos every day there. It's just 59 minutes of the latest recording.

It gets uploaded to TikTok every day. Whenever I make one. That's it.

That's a very long introduction. So I hope you're all well. I think I'm feeling hungry.

But I'm not sure if I am or not. Because I just had a cup of coffee. And I don't normally drink coffee.

Especially, but I don't drink coffee here. Because I don't have coffee. And I don't normally have sugar.

See, I drink tea without sugar. But I can't drink coffee without sugar. Because it's just way too bitter.

So it gives me a little bit of... It makes my tummy feel a little bit... I don't know. A need for a bit of food. Potentially.

Maybe just biscuits. Because I haven't got any biscuits. And for some reason.

My neighbour. Vinnie's mummy. She used to have Vinnie before me.

She... I don't know how she can pretty much... Go out in public. When she doesn't even offer biscuits with her coffee. What kind of a friend is that? Can you imagine giving someone a cup of coffee.

And not having a... At least. Like a little plate of digestives. Now this is between me and you.

But I'm incredibly angry about it. I'm not really. So yeah.

Although it would be nice. But I don't have any. Or I haven't got any biscuits.

And I've got nothing in the cupboards. That I can just eat. Everything has to be cooked.

Which is annoying. But I think I'm going to have a pie. A pie and some veg.

No a pie. Maybe and some chips. Oh yeah.

Linda McCartney pie. I really like her pies. And some... Frozen fries.

So I'll do those in the air fryer. I'll do the pie in the oven. And then I've got a... A tub of beans in the fridge.

So I'll stick that in the microwave for a minute. That's going to be my lunchtime lunch thing. In fact I might go and turn the oven on now.

And then in 15 minutes. Put the pie in the oven. Because that's going to take like 40 minutes.

And then when I've finished the recording. I can just go and... Stick the air fryer on and cook the chips. That'll only take about 5 minutes.

Maybe 10 I don't know. Wow I've never been so excited. About eating at dinner before.

Is that weird? It is a little bit isn't it? Blimey. Oh I have to say. I'm getting excited now.

I have to say a big thank you. To... To Nancy. From New York.

So I don't know Nancy's surname. Although I wouldn't give it here. I need to find a way to reply.

But Nancy sent me an Amazon gift card. Like via my email address. So like a digital one.

And it says the message is. Thank you Jason. For your inimitable.

Lulling sleep. Podcasts. Belly rubs to Vinnie.

Okay. And to you too. I could do a nice belly rub.

But you'd have to have very big hands. Because I've got a massive belly. But Vinnie loves having his belly rubbed.

And his chest. He loves having his chest. Stroked.

I don't know what it is. But just. It's a thing.

You just lay there and just. Have his chest. Just.

Yeah he loves it. Anyway. It's weird though.

Because when I stroke his belly. And I kind of do it. And then I kind of.

He likes it. And he tries to turn it. Into a game.

Like he doesn't want me to do it. Then he does want me to do it. Like what are you doing? But he loves his chest.

Touched and stroked. I was going to say fondled. But that's not the right word is it? So thank you.

Thank you very much Nancy. And also thank you to everyone. That sent me PayPal gifts.

I did say thank you yesterday. And I sent. I thanked everyone individually.

I'm just not sure. How I'm going to thank Nancy. That doesn't have.

An email address. Or anything. So I'll have to look up to see.

Hopefully you'll hear this. But I will put up. A post on my Facebook group.

Which is Jason Newlands. Boring group. Just to say thank you Nancy.

Okay. Also. I also need to say.

I'm in quite a good mood today. For some reason. I do like having a little break.

From Vinnie sometimes. Because I know. That he loves spending time.

With his mum. Absolutely adores her. But he also likes.

Coming home as well. So when he gets back here. He seems to be really calm.

And relaxed. So it's kind of a win win really. And her son.

Who is his brother. He absolutely. Can't get enough of him.

He hadn't seen him. For three years. And when he saw him.

After three years. It went absolutely nutty. So he hadn't seen him.

Since he was like 10 months old. Not the bloke. But him Vinnie was 10 months old.

Or like 11 months old. The last time he saw him. And.

He still remembered him. How's this for. A coincidence.

See. I saw that I had a new member. Of the Jason Newlands Boring Group.

On Facebook. You can join if you like. So I'm just going to say.

Congratulations to a new member. Nancy. So it's Nancy.

That can't be the same Nancy. That sent me the thing. So.

The gift card. For Amazon. I'll send you a message.

On. Facebook. I'll send you a message.

On Facebook. A photo. A picture at the top.

Of a turtle. Or tortoise. A turtle.

And the round pictures. Two dogs. A black dog and a white doggy.

And there's another one of a turtle. Another one of a turtle. One of a cat.

From the looks of this. You don't post. Very often on Facebook.

I'm a bit like that. If it wasn't for. The recordings.

I probably would never. Hardly ever post. And there's a little video.

Of a fox. Having his tummy tickled. I like foxes.

That's a big old tail though. Isn't it? I didn't realise it was a tail for a minute. I thought wow.

Lucky boy. But yeah it's a tail. Huge tail.

Is that a fox or is it. Some kind of different type of animal. Looks like a fox to me.

Alright rescued fox. Animals are way more. Intelligent.

Than we give them credit for. Because this fox. Remembers him.

The man who rescued him. I personally. I know.

There's been some incidences over the years. With foxes that weren't good but. I've never had an issue with them.

I've always. I've always found them to be great kissers. No I don't.

I just think they're cute. The last time I saw a fox was. What did I say.

Uncle sausages. I think it was the very first night. It was a Friday night.

Me and him. I went to the hospital with him in the ambulance. And I stayed with him in the A&E.

The emergency ward. He was in a bed. And the nurse said.

You might as well go. Because you won't get the results. Of the scan.

CT scan or whatever. CAT scan. Until the early morning.

And I think this is at like. 2 o'clock in the morning. So I thought well I'll go now.

And I'll come back tomorrow. And I went outside. I ordered a phone for a taxi.

And outside the hospital. There's a. It's like a round bit. Just outside the accident emergency.

And also the main entrance. And. It's where the taxis park.

And where people park. And drop people off and stuff. And it's a big car park as well.

So I'm just waiting. About 1.32 in the morning. Something like that.

If I could even tell you. Probably. What day it was.

If I looked on my phone. It's a while ago. Just see if I can find out.

See if I can find out. What day it was. How far back does my records go.

Because this is like July last year. No. I've just been looking through the phone.

It only goes back. A couple of months. A few months.

But anyway. Yeah it depends on taxes. I might be able to find out if I'm a tax.

I don't know if I've still got. His taxes on it. Let's have a look.

Let's have a look. In fact. If I look at contacts.

I think I've removed his number. I took it off my phone. Blimey.

Unless I have it under Uncle Sausages. Because that wasn't actually his real name. In case you didn't know.

That would have been a bit cruel of his parents. Wouldn't it? Nope. I wonder how far back the messages go.

Are you joking me? What? I've got messages going back to 2022. That's weird. The 225.

Okay. So yeah. I've still got his messages here.

So if I click on there. I can get the. Right.

May. Okay. Right.

22nd of June. So it's Friday. The 21st of June.

That he went. That we went to hospital. And I sent him.

Did I send that message on that day? I did. 21st of June. I sent a picture of Vinnie.

And on it says. He replied saying. Vinnie's looking very top dog.

And thanks for sending me a nice pic. So. And then on 22nd.

Which is the. That's weird. I'm pretty sure.

It was the Friday. Unless it was a Saturday. Maybe it was a Saturday.

I remember it being a Friday. No, it's definitely a Friday. So.

I said. I saw him on a Saturday. And I sent him a picture.

And I said. He wanted to say hi to his uncle. Sausages.

And the Sunday. I told him what ward he's in. Because he didn't know.

Because he was in bed. He didn't want to ask anyone. So.

He was asking me. To bring him stuff. So.

Could you bring me my battery shaver. It's in the kitchen. Many thanks.

And on Monday. He said where are you. This is 23rd.

I the bed in my ward. I said I'm nearly here. So that was like.

11 20. All right. Okay.

So. That's when I got a video. Of the people.

In the chip van. Let me play that. This is a video.

The chip shop van. People saying hello. I think this is before I made the.

The video of all the people. Yeah. It was just a one-off video.

And then. Okay. Okey doke.

So it was a 26th of June. That's weird for some reason. June.

And then. The 4th of July. I put together.

A video. That I showed him. And I sent him some other pictures.

On the 15th of July. Thursday I said. Yeah Thursday the 10th of July.

From tomorrow you'll be able to watch. Sky Sports and Netflix. See you in the morning.

He was trying to get me to find his checkbook. And I couldn't find it. And there's pictures of Vinnie for him.

A little video. The 23rd of July. Alex I visited you today.

But you were asleep. And I didn't want to disturb you. I left a package.

From your friend. And those sugars. I got these little packs of sugars.

And. I said I'm feeling really unwell. Myself right now.

So I probably won't be able to come up. For a little while. Until I'm recovered.

I'll try and call you tomorrow. I'm now going to bed. So this was 23rd.

The 25th. I did speak to him on the phone. Because he was wondering where I was.

Why I didn't go up. I was trying to tell him that I felt ill. I did come up.

25th of July. Hi I have Covid. And.

I kept. Messaging him after that. And I got no reply.

So the last time. I got a reply from him. I spoke to him.

Yeah I spoke to him. On the Friday. I spoke to him on the Wednesday.

Then I spoke to him on the Thursday. He said can you bring me some stuff. So.

I kept saying to him. I can't come because I've got Covid. Trying to explain that to him.

But he didn't quite. So he'd been there for. A month hadn't he I guess.

In hospital for a month at this point. And I said. I can't come into the hospital.

In fact. It would be illegal. Generally I guess.

It would be an actual crime. For me to come into that hospital. Knowing that I have Covid.

That I could get arrested. For that. And rightly so to be fair.

I don't know if I said that to him. But. And I spoke to the nurse as well.

Like on the phone. Can you please try to explain. To Uncle Sausages.

That I can't come into a hospital. Full of ill people. With an illness that could.

Really be bad for them. And she said. Who's Uncle Sausages.

I said. Uncle Sausages. He's in.

He was in. And she said. This is the library.

Why are you calling here. And I thought no. It's happened again.

It's happened again. And she said. What's happened again.

I said I've just called the wrong place. And she said. How could you get the wrong place.

I mean the library. And the hospital. Are two very different buildings.

I said I know that. She said have you ever visited the library. I said yes.

Why. What do you mean why. She said.

I hope you don't come here with Covid. I said I don't go anywhere with Covid. I can't.

I've never had it before. And I'm stuck inside. Until.

I can get. The all clear. And it turned out.

That Uncle Sausages. Had his phone on the windowsill. And he wasn't answering the phone to anyone.

And. Yeah. That was the last time.

I saw him awake. And. When I. As soon as I was clear.

It took. I think. A good five days.

Or six days. Before I was cleared to come. To go out again.

I was straight up there. But he'd been moved. To a. Like a care home.

Thing. On the Wednesday. Yeah.

So technically it'd been a week. So I'd visited him on the Wednesday. The previous Wednesday.

And then the following Wednesday. Is. I think I visited him on.

The first. I think maybe the Wednesday. Thursday and Friday.

And in early hours of the morning. He left. So.

It's really weird. Because I look at. Sometimes I think.

I want to read. Some of those text messages. From the past.

And they've been deleted. I don't know if I've deleted them. Or I don't know if the iPhone.

Automatically deletes them. I don't know. It's kind of strange.

It's a very weird time. To get ill though for me. It was almost.

I mean it was. It wasn't an easy time for anyone. But it was almost like.

My body forced me to take a rest. But I didn't want to take a rest. I wanted to go up there.

Oh yeah. At the time. Right.

That Wednesday. He said. Can you just.

I need those drinks. Because he was getting. I was getting him fizzy drinks.

He could pretty much eat and drink. Anything he wanted. And I had no way.

Of getting them to him. And my brain wasn't really working. Very well because.

I was unwell myself. But I thought of an idea. And.

I ordered. On Uber Eats. The app.

To get. A bunch of stuff delivered. To his ward.

And it was about. Including. The delivery charge.

Over 50 pounds worth. 40 to 60 pounds worth of stuff. Mainly drinks.

And treats and chocolates. And stuff like that. I went a little bit overboard.

To be honest. But I knew I wasn't going to be able to get up there. For probably a week or so.

Just based on a normal cold. A normal cold normally. Lingers for.

A good 5 or 6 days maybe. So. I ordered that online.

And I got a phone call. From the Uber Eats driver. From the hospital.

And he said. I'm at the hospital now. Yeah.

And I put instructions. When I ordered it. For it to be taken to the ward.

Or please could they take it to the ward. And he said. No I'm not doing that.

I said well. How else is he going to get it. He said.

It's not my problem. This literally is what he said. So I tried to explain the situation.

Because it wasn't. It wasn't a normal situation really. On the one hand.

You had my friend. Who was. He was.

He couldn't leave his bed. And. He said why are you telling me all this.

I was like trying to. I was trying to. Dig into his humanity.

His kindness. Because we've all got it haven't we. Everyone can be kind.

Basically what I did is. I ordered too much stuff. And he said.

Even if I did walk to the ward. I couldn't take all this stuff with me. It's too much stuff.

And I said well just take what you can. And you keep the rest. And he said no.

Because I thought. Well just take. Take a couple of bags.

And just take the rest home. I don't care. He said no.

I said. Can't you not give them to the reception. In the hospital.

And he said no. I started to think that maybe. That's the only word he knew.

Until I said to him. Are you seven foot tall. And he said yes.

Then I realised okay fair enough. And. I said what are you going to do then.

He said well. If you don't sort something out. I'm just going to.

I am within my rights. To just leave it here. On the pavement.

Outside the hospital. All these bags of drinks. And just leave them.

I said you're joking. And he said. Well it's not a very funny joke is it.

If I was. I said well you don't sound. Particularly funny.

He said but you've only just met me. I'm actually quite. Quite a humorous person.

But I'm at work at the moment. And. This is not the best place.

For me to try out new jokes. On people. For my stand up career.

And I said okay. And we came to the point. Where there was nothing I could do.

And he left. All of the drinks I think like. Well including the delivery charge.

And the admin fee. About £60 worth of stuff. He left it.

On the pavement. Where it's basically like a traffic. A taxi bank really.

Kind of. Where taxis would park and wait for people. He's left them there.

And drove off. So somebody. Just came along probably.

And helped themselves. And. Didn't know.

The fact that I'd just spent £60. And I thought about it through. What I should have done.

I didn't do it. But what I could have done is. Had everything delivered to me.

Not open the door obviously. But just said go away. Leave them there please.

Although he probably wouldn't want to carry them upstairs. And then. Ask one of my neighbours.

Or someone. I know. Two people.

Locally that have cars. Three in fact. Three people that have cars.

That might have done me a favour. And taken them up to him. And all three of these people.

Well two of them know him. One's an actual neighbour that lives here. No two of them are neighbours.

That live in the building. And they both know him. So.

I didn't think about that. It's just one of those things. I just like.

I couldn't think of a solution. Even though the solution was. Quite easy.

But hey. There you go. What are you going to do? So I don't know who had the drinks.

So I just had a little break there. To go and put the. Pie in the oven.

So I've already turned the oven on earlier. The oven's a little bit smoky. I think it's because.

I haven't used it in. A little bit. A little while.

I think the last time. I'll get bored even talking about it. The last time.

I think I used the oven. Was a few weeks ago. When I had a pizza.

Yeah. I had a pizza. It was a nice one as well.

Boxing's on tomorrow. Moses Adama. I'm looking forward.

Not tomorrow. This Saturday. I'm too far ahead in the week.

Yesterday. It felt like. It was Saturday.

I don't know why. I literally went out in the morning. To take Finn for a walk.

And I just. Why are there so many people about? I didn't realise it was just a normal day. Because normally on a Saturday.

There's not a lot going on. What the heck. I remember years ago.

I got up one morning. And I looked at the clock. And I realised I was late.

And I got up. I was really like oh no. Why hasn't anyone woken me up? I get downstairs.

There's no time for breakfast. Nobody's there. They must have all left.

They probably know where I'm going with this. And I run to school. Now that's probably the only time.

I've ever run to school. Ever. I wasn't you know.

And I ran and ran. And I get there. And.

The gates are closed. Locked. And I'm thinking.

Why are they locked? Why have they locked everyone in? And then I realise. Crazy. Maybe you're expecting it.

Then I remembered. I'm 38. I don't go to school anymore.

No. Then I realised. It was Saturday.

Saturday. Literally no one was out of bed. In my house.

It was weird. I giggled for a little bit. Felt a little bit embarrassed.

Looked around to see if anyone was looking. You know the way you do. If you're like.

If you're out in public and you poo your pants. It's like oh that's funny. I hope no one saw.

But. You know. You tie your jumper around your waist.

So no one can. You know normal stuff. But.

It was. Oh man that did happen once. Anyway so.

I remember once I was in. I was working in a call centre. It was the second insurance company.

I worked for. Not really relevant for the story. But relevant for me.

And my. Memory process. And.

For some reason. I forgot what time we finished. I thought we finished at five.

When we finished at six. We always finished at six. But for some reason.

I thought we finished at five. So I start putting my stuff away. Start putting my coat on.

I'm looking around. I'm thinking. How can everybody be doing overtime.

On the same night. Are they not aware. That it's time to go.

And my boss. My supervisor says. What are you doing.

I said it's home time. He said no it's not. I said it is.

It's five o'clock. He said. Well firstly.

We worked till six o'clock. And that's always been the time we finished. Since you started working here.

A year and a half ago. And secondly. It's only.

It's only half past ten in the morning. All we could do. Is have a little laugh.

And we danced around. The office holding hands. Only for about five minutes.

But I think it was a distraction. From what I did. No one noticed after that.

Because I didn't want it. Otherwise I thought I'd feel embarrassed. You know.

I didn't want everyone looking at me. I genuinely thought it was time to leave. But I noticed that.

That's the first time. I noticed time distortion. Is.

I'm trying to think what job it was. I had a job. I wasn't.

I was enjoying doing. It was a very hard job. Physical.

And every time. I looked at my watch. Thinking.

We're closer to a break. It was like. Two minutes later.

It was almost like. Time was going backwards. And it was the longest day ever.

At the time I was waiting. At the bank. And I had to put.

It was an important thing. I had to do. But I also had to get back to work.

And I had about ten minutes to get back to work. And it was. A ten minute walk.

In fact. Blimey. Yeah.

Ten minutes. Probably longer. Ten minutes at a fast walk.

And I was watching. The clock behind the counter. On the wall.

And it's just the time. It seemed to go fast and slow. At the same time.

It was very strange. Because I knew that every time. The clock tick tocked.

I was going to be later. And later. And the more I wanted time.

To go slower. Even though it seemed like it was. Everything else went even slower than the clock.

And I still remember the man. The man. Who was being served.

I think he really wanted to have a conversation. With the person behind the counter. Which is fine.

I've got no issue with that. If I'm not in a queue behind him. Eventually.

Eventually. It all worked out. But.

Not at all. Then. Waiting for something.

That seems a drag doesn't it? Waiting and waiting. But if you want time to speed up. Do something you really enjoy doing.

It's kind of weird the way that works. Just. Do something different.

To find something that you love doing. And you can just watch. The hands of the clock.

Swirling by. Like three hours gone by. So quickly.

If you're talking to someone. That you like talking to. I've wasted so much time talking to people.

Over the years. At the end of the day. I'm like.

I could have actually done something with that time. I could have made a podcast. And it wasn't a complete waste of time.

But just sometimes. I feel like I've. Not.

Necessarily. Been. The most productive.

That I could have been. You know what I mean? So yeah. 29 minutes.

Just until my pie is cooked. I can enjoy that. I don't normally have a cooked meal at lunch time.

But it is. Just before one o'clock. 12.51. And it sounds like the gate.

In the garden is moving around a bit. With the wind. It's quite windy.

I'm half asleep now. I think that's one of the problems. Because lately.

I've been listening. To my own recordings. To relax.

So now when I hear my own voice. I kind of go into that. Space.

Of comfort. It's almost like my own voice. Triggers me to feel.

Relief. And deep relaxation. Even though I'm the one.

Doing the talking. I could so easily drift off. To sleep right now.

I reckon it must be. Really good weather today. To fly some kites.

I haven't flown a kite. Since I was a kid. What am I saying yes please for.

I started daydreaming. I was just dreaming of someone. Handed me a kite.

And said would you like to. Fly this kite. And I said yes please.

There's a kite slamming. I have to go out there. And sort the kite out.

There's no need for it. Blimming wind. I'm getting very angry now.

That wind is just too windy. Damn it. I think it must be the case that.

I've now got used to. Listening to myself. And relaxing deeply.

Which is not a bad thing. But it makes it. A little bit.

I don't want to say more difficult. But a little bit more challenging. Sometimes.

When I'm talking. To not listen to myself. His ears are.

Molly just appeared in my dream then. Sorry Molly I'm now dreaming about you. I stay dreaming but.

I've noticed that. Sometimes. Especially when.

We're in this building. This building. Blimey.

So I was actually talking. While I was dreaming then. That's weird.

I mean if I talk. Or whisper. Whilst I'm dreaming.

Then I'm going to be talking. About what I'm dreaming about. And these ideas.

Again. It doesn't make sense does it. Some of the things I'm saying.

It's not. I'm not awake. I keep just drifting.

And I can hear. It's very strange. I can hear.

Someone's in the garden now. I hope they don't. Intend to make lots of noise.

Isn't it weird. I've got my eyes open. That's one way to keep myself.

Awake. Close my eyes. I just fall asleep.

It's part of the medication. I'm on. For the bipolar.

It's very. It does make me tired. But.

Close my eyes anyway. It's almost a signal. To drift.

To. Feel more relaxed. I quite like the sound.

Of wind. In it this morning. Just after 8am.

And I had my hat on. And it was still cold. On my face.

That might be because. I shaved all my hair off 2 days ago. Sounds like.

Someone's. Banging. Door.

I made the mistake. Of closing my eyes again. I drifted.

Earth. I think. I can smell.

My oven. I'm not used to it. For ages.

My oven. So I'm going to check. To see if it's okay.

Maybe I need to. Start using it more often. Yeah that gate.

Outside. Definitely needs to be closed. Or.

Blocked open. Blocked. Something that stops it.

From closing. Proper. Proper closing.

Continuously. Yeah. It's nice though.

Just to. Sit here. Listening to the wind.

Sometimes. I quite like it when. I go for a walk when it's windy.

And I feel like. The wind is blowing. Almost like.

Blowing the cobwebs away. In a weird kind of way. Just.

Like cleansing me. We don't really get the wind that bad here. I used to live near the beach.

When I was younger. The air got very windy at times. Like really proper.

I used to like to watch the waves. From a distance. Sometimes they'd be really really large.

And it's kind of fascinating. Watching the. I suppose.

Doing it's thing. Yeah I used to quite like that. Sometimes I wish.

If you can hear that. The wind's really. Really picking up.

It's the loudest I've known it to be. For quite a while. Bearing in mind all my windows are closed.

Usually have a window open. So yeah. This is with the windows closed.

It's very. Proper blasty out there. Wasn't like this.

A couple of hours ago. Wow. I reckon if it's like this.

Around the country. Don't be a few surfboarders. Having fun on the waves.

That's. That's something I'm never going to understand. I never get the.

I never know that. Wow so loud. Blimey.

There must be a certain amount. Of pleasure that they get. Otherwise they wouldn't do it would they.

Like bungee jumpers. I mean. Blimey.

That. I never got that. Never.

I would never do it. But I got a friend who jumped out of a plane for charity. No.

No. I mean it'd be no point. Me doing anything for charity anyway.

Because I don't know enough people. To make any money. Some people.

Have lots and lots of friends. And they can. Um.

Raise thousands for charity. It'd be. No point really.

I know you can jump out of planes. And go parachuting. And stuff like that.

Without it being for charity. But. For me that's kind of like.

Offering me a glass of pee. To drink like. No thanks.

No. You're okay. Thank you.

I don't know in what situation. You would get offered that. It sounds like a pretty grubby restaurant.

I'll have some wine please. Thanks. Can I see.

Yeah. Thank you very much. Do you have any soft drinks? Yes.

Good thing about this is I can't hear. The shouty people. In the garden.

Because the wind is. Blocking out their sound. It's lovely.

If only it'd blow them. Away as well. Not in a bad way.

But in a kind of. Wizard of Oz kind of a way. You know so they landed safely.

But in another. Planet. Full of.

Munchkins. How cool would that be though. Imagine waking up.

And opening your front door. And you've got. You're in munchkin land.

I still think that's. Really so good. How they did that.

In the movies. How they did it like. Because of the time.

Most of the movies were black and white. And to go from. Black and white.

As it was to start with. I don't want to spoil it. I hope I haven't spoiled it.

It's only 80 years old. And to go from black and white. To colour.

Technicolour. Really bright colours. It's very clever.

I don't know. Any other movies that did that. There might be.

That's the only one that I remember. That ever went from. Or is it.

Or is it. I'm just trying to think. I might have seen.

I tell you what. If you haven't seen this. There's a movie I think.

Not Brad Pitt. What's his name. Edward Scissorhands.

What's his name. Him. He was in a black and white movie.

A western movie. Really good movie. But it was black and white.

I think it was made in the 80s. Maybe the 90s. But I think it was maybe the 90s.

It was really good. And I watched it one night. On TV.

And it just started. And I had Johnny Depp. And I had no idea what it was.

It was just this bloke. Travelling on a train. And it was in black and white.

And I thought wait a minute. That's Edward Scissorhands. And it was.

I was like. Why is he in black and white. How old is he.

I mean he is in his 60s now. Why is it. That Johnny Depp.

Who is 62. 63. Can date someone.

30 years younger than him. But non famous people. Are not allowed to.

It seems to be. The last taboo. Is to date someone.

Whether you are male or female. To date someone with a large age gap. It's not allowed.

It's not illegal. No it's immoral. But no one has a go.

People like Robert De Niro. Or Deporting Stones. That are still having kids.

Jack has been dead 30 years. And he's still having kids. And getting married to younger women.

I mean he's marrying women younger than his own daughters. I don't know if that's true. But it sounds true.

Here's a story. I tell it every now and then. Oh.

My pie is ready. There was this lady. Something DeSantos.

Her name was. And she dated. A politician.

And she wore a Chelsea shirt. And she sold her story to the newspapers. And it was a huge story.

Like. Honestly it was the biggest story. At the time.

In this country. And a few years later. I ended up having dinner with her.

At the comedy club. She was with her boyfriend. And.

A lady who was close friends. With my friend who owned the club. So I was just sitting there.

Having my dinner with her. And she was making. She was a very funny woman.

And it had been. A good like. 6 or 7 years.

Since the whole thing. That was in the press. It turned out she had to leave the country.

She went to Australia. To get away from it all. And she went to the toilet.

In the club. And people were still. Giving a grief over it.

And some people. Stood up in the crowd saying. So I started singing Chelsea songs.

And I was like. They hadn't got to know her. She's really nice.

And she was flirting with me. Like just jokingly you know. But she's a really nice woman.

Someone that I probably would have been. Quite happy to be friends with. But people.

Just like they wouldn't forget it. But it's just like. I had predetermined.

Ideas. Because I didn't know I was going to be meeting her. I've just seen opposite.

And I'm like. You look familiar. And she said yeah.

And she just told me straight away. Let's get it out and done with. Yeah it's me.

I said okay. Have you got any photographs? What the hell is that noise? Wow. There's a lot.

Something's happening in the garden. I don't know. Someone's decided to do some work.

Might be the council. So I'm going to go. Thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Because you do deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself.

Deserve to feel safe. Lots of love. Bye.