(Overnight | Voice Only) #1601 Let me bore you to sleep | Jason Newland | 26th April 2026

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. Let me bore you to sleep? No, not let me bore you to sleep. I am determined determined to keep my eyes open for the duration of this little adventure of ours.

Otherwise I will fall asleep and I don't want to fall asleep because then I have to spend about 73 days editing the audio recording because I go from talking clearly to yeah and then this happened I mean literally that's what I do I go from like talking clearly to and then to talking clearly again and it can be quite difficult to find right I think I'm gonna undo this why is it vibrating shouldn't be vibrating oh I don't know what it is what's vibrating I've now unplugged some of the other stuff that was plugged in

that was vibrating the desk desk we do have the dog in the background and downstairs are playing music and I thought to myself what perfect time to make a sleep recording it couldn't get it couldn't get more ideal than right now all I need is for Vinnie to start ripping up a carrier bag or something and it'll be perfect or just for him to you know what have you noticed he doesn't bark when the other dog barks because Vinnie is a good boy he is he's just lying down on the settee looking at me but

his eyes keep going closed you're just chilling you're just chilling out today aren't you we're just chilling out easy going so we've been out already we've been out twice actually once to the park and then the second time was to his mummy so he had a little play in the garden and that and the time now is 2 0 5 on Sunday the 26th of April 2026 and did I say please only listen when you can safely close your eyes if I didn't I now have I have I didn't I yes so oh blimey this

is the third recording where I am using the I'm going to say new microphone but using the different microphone because I broke my other microphone but this time I am recording it on my iPad as opposed to on my laptop because it's easier to do it this way also I'm using different software that I prefer so yeah so yeah I am what am I what is I I don't know I don't know what I am I don't know I'm tired I know why what's going on with me today is I am trying to prepare for

a very busy day well two days really but a very busy Monday because tomorrow I have both a dental appointment and an optician appointment and I don't know what I'm going to do about the well first of all I don't know if the dental appointment will lead to having any treatment because it is just a check-up and you might think yeah but if you listen to previous recordings I need a tooth removed but that was with a different dentist that was not NHS because I signed up with a different dentist which I feel very lucky

to have found which is NHS the first meeting the first meeting greet is a check a dental check I guess I do an x-ray my teeth and you know check all my teeth so I couldn't just I mean maybe I don't know maybe I could have just booked in to have a tooth removed but they have to check themselves if it needs to be removed I suppose so I'm expecting just to have a check-up and then to have to go back another time to have it removed just because of the time it takes so I'm

thinking they might not yeah if they're busy they might need to you know book a slot which is like 40 minutes long or something but I honestly don't know now I'm assuming this is the case because I've also booked the opticians and the opticians is ideally not a place I'm going to go after I've had a tooth removed because if I do if I do have to have my tooth removed my mouth's going to be numb I very much hope it will but I'll be you know I won't I won't really be able to talk

properly and I probably won't want to talk properly just want to get home and rest so I don't know I'm kind of hoping it's just going to be a check-up and then yeah book a book an appointment I mean you never know they might be able to do a fill-in but see if it's in the roots then this filling is not going to do the job is it I suppose but there's no infection anymore or toothache is completely gone and my question is this not regarding the dentist but with the opticians and before I go

any further I just want to thank I want to thank Mary just for your kind message thank you Mary as in regards to me having people in my flat looking at stuff and reporting back to the council and stuff that I was just talking about so thank you I appreciate it I have replied and also the other thing is I kind of don't don't like to keep mentioning you know PayPal and stuff but I do this is costing me a fair bit of money every month to run this free service and I can't really afford

it anymore to be honest with you so if there's a way of any help that'd be great it costs me over 200 pound a month for all the things I pay out for and it's yeah I mean I'm it's a lot to pay out I'm on benefits and it's a lot to pay out so any help's really useful the thing is it I think it'd be easier or more acceptable for a lot of people if it was like a one-off if I asked once a year or you know I mean but because it's a continual

thing it I don't want to come across as begging you know I mean because I'm not a beggar and I spent 20 years paying for everything and now it's just getting a little bit just a little bit harder that's all to cover it all every time I go on to the msn it's annoying msn uh I don't know why I'm always at windows isn't it so I'm on the search engine msn search engine and it's just constantly constantly chucking all these different stories at me and so much of it is just just I don't know

how to explain it bs maybe just absolute gossipy stuff I don't just don't see it I don't want to see it anymore please stop it so yeah oh the oh man so there was a there was I won't say it that people in the UK probably know what I'm talking about but there was this really important bill in the house of parliament the house of commons whatever that was going to make it potentially much easier for people at end of life okay giving people the choice more choice and the opponents of it basically timed it

out on purpose and I and they it was it was getting there's a deadline I don't know why that was a good term for it isn't it deadline but there was a time limit and I went on to the live and they were debating it in the house of lords and I was watching it live and there was this woman on there she's a former disgraced MP she was in charge of the health and she was probably the most unhealthy person in the house of commons and she was in charge of the nation's health and

she was just I don't know hard to explain but not I don't want to say anything horrible about but yeah she just never seemed to be come across as really knowing what she was talking about well she was on this in the house she's now in the house of lords because whoever like liked her and she was standing she stood up to talk and the whole bill you know is on the news saying it's coming it's running out of time it's running out of time and she stands up with about 200 pages to read purposely

holding it up purposely running the time down you could almost see it in her face that that's what she was doing she was talking slowly it's almost like um like a little child purposely making fun of the teacher you know I don't know it's like this like a little brat that's what she seemed like like she she knew she wouldn't be naughty if she carried on doing it anyway really manipulative and I just thought oh man so it couldn't even go it couldn't even be voted on because her and the others as well dragged it

out so long so they didn't even get a vote at the end and I just like that's that's why I don't really get into politics or talk about it just stuff like that wow these people these people are supposed to be above me intellectually it's the war and they probably are but like just you know you know you can tell that someone is doing something that dog over the over the fence is here's the ironic thing about that dog okay I'm just moaning now the ironic thing is about two months ago the dog was barking

well maybe three months ago the dog was barking a lot during the day and somebody I think over there possibly I don't know complained to the council reported to the council about a dog barking all the time and I think he thinks it was me but because someone did ask me if it was me like no I've never never complained to the council about any individual person ever ever just blind me if I was going to complain it would have been years ago some of the things that I've seen since I've lived there but she

made up all these excuses which made sense to me you know she spoke to me said oh there's lots of you see the dog's new doesn't really know the environment yeah makes sense it's gonna bark a bit it's never there's lots of building work and the council were doing stuff like yeah that's also true there's other dogs here that bark that's true as well like yeah I'm with you on that one but then you know she also used to just stand there with the dog barking and not say anything and just almost like she she

couldn't hear it or maybe she was one of them like he's talking to me my doggy is talking to me he's not barking and upsetting all the neighbors all day long he's talking to me and I was like okay maybe that's the mentality lovely dog that's the thing lovely lovely really beautiful dog very cute and then when the council because I heard all this basically because she was letting everyone know and then she said I spoke to her and she told me about it the council sent her a letter or something about the dog and

she spent the next three weeks yelling and ranting and raving in that garden about basically shouting at the neighbors calling them rats and she's getting up early in the morning shouting get up get up you lazy thing you should be at work seriously it's hard to even it sounds like I'm making it up it's absolutely true and she did this and she kept going on and on and on and on and on and she was moaning about cutting people's grass and now they've turned on her about the dog and she cuts their grass then this

is weird every time there was a sound she would shout out it's not my dog so you know Phinney barked which he does when someone knocks on the door or you know just the standard kind of barking really though he's quite high pitched she shouts not my dog if another dog goes over not my dog if a plane go past it's not my dog a cat it's not my dog honestly any sound she starts shouting it's not my dog everyone it's not my dog you rats I'm talking like for hours and hours every day for

weeks and every time she had a visitor she'd repeat the same monologue the same and it was loud I didn't even have my window open I just could hear it because it was so loud I think the dog was too scared to bark like dog probably thought I can't compete with that I don't need to be guarding anything no one's going to come near us very scary and there's once I was actually oh Vinnie really loved this little girl that lives around the corner and she was visiting so he's known her since he was well

since he's been there and he's he just loves her and she was in the garden with her mum visiting this woman and Vinnie starts barking because he hears her in the garden so he's just shouting to say hello so the woman down there said it's not my dog everyone I was okay for that dog to shout not mine and the little girl that loves him she started saying it's just Vinnie it's not my dog it's just Vinnie it's Vinnie she's pointing up to the window and I heard that so I went to the bedroom window

and looked out and put Vinnie on the windowsill and she stopped talking and I went down that's when I sort of spoke to her took Vinnie down there and not not a different part of the garden because he apparently no one's allowed near that dog and it was weird and she was really she was friendly to me but she was doing all that ranting and raving in front of kids as well so it was like the kind of thing I'd expect to see in a an institution someone that can't stop shouting and can't stop ranting

until they've been sedated that that's what it felt really seemed like and I don't think anyone's complained since and it took three weeks for her to calm down from that she still keeps talking about it but she she managed to bring it down to her to like a level of talking and it's weird because if you talk to her she's actually a pleasant person she moans and complains and stuff but she's she's all right actually you know to talk to and she she's part of the reason I found a dentist because her and my little

girl's grandmother who works I'm kind of I know the family and through my friend Luke they all knew him so I kind of got to know them so I went up to her so how are you doing all right she said yeah hadn't seen her for a bit but she was picking up the lady over the fence so I just told her that I had I've been to the dentist and had this penicillin thing and I was stuck to the toilet for most of the time and she said what is it I said well it

right it rhymes with diarrhea I can't and she uh and then the other lady came out so we're talking about a dentist and the lady over the fence mentioned a dentist that she'd joined that had was had NHS or that was accepted in NHS and they were both talking like I phoned it up didn't get it but it gave me that extra energy to start looking again for an NHS dentist and I did find one through calling that up then call another one up and then through a referral so I went down there the next

day and gave some treats for a dog to say thank you see um the way I feel it is if someone helps you thank them even if they don't like me I'll thank them because it just seems like the right thing to do so I gave a little present for a dog some treats um and said thanks because if it hadn't been for that conversation and for her giving me a recommendation for a dentist even though that wasn't available it led me to finding one so I said thanks and she was pleasant and we had

a chat and everything then a couple of days later I hear the the little girl's grandmother in there again talking to her but she's this time she's actually in the garden and I hear them talking about a dentist and I hear my name and I hear the word dentist so I thought I'll say thank you to her yeah well I phoned her up because I got a phone number I phoned her up uh this is the the neighbor the not the lady that lives over the fence but her friend who's my the the two are

who I've known for years I phoned her up and said um I just want to thank you for helping me to find the dentist you know that conversation really helped and she said who's this I said it's Jason who Jason upstairs Vinnie's dad oh Jay they don't know me as Jay they don't know me as Jason they know me as Jay I never introduced myself as anything but Jason or you know juicy JJ of course and but a lot of people call me that I don't generally introduce myself as juicy JJ anyway then she says

to me well don't use your she said something like come down or whatever don't don't use all your credit up on your phone so I which I don't I don't have credit on my phone so I go down and I like say hello to her I'm basically looking over the fence and um I say thank you you know say hello to the doggy dog's such a lovely dog that's the thing and said say hello to to what's her name but the other lady from over the fence did she didn't even come out she stayed in

her flat didn't come out she was out in the garden until I came out and she stayed in a in a thing until I came until I came back out and came upstairs then she came out to the garden I think what happened is she was talking about me she thought I heard what she was saying but I didn't I just heard my name and the word dentist so I think she was a little bit embarrassed thinking I can hear and a good thing about that is they don't talk as loudly anymore well at least

when they're gossiping they kind of it's a little bit lower level of talking it I don't think she she didn't realize that I could hear over the fence but it's like an echo it's like an echo chamber those gardens because they're surrounded by houses it's an echo it really does so I can I can hear when people are talking in my garden or my community or in that garden over there it was more than just a talk like talking level over there I can hear it it was just talking level I can hear it here

um I'm not fully probably gonna hear this level of talking but I'd possibly be able to hear my voice and I think couldn't figure it out because I'd like be nice to her and thanked her for helping out with the thing but maybe yeah maybe she still believes that I told the council on her dog and I didn't I didn't I didn't genuinely didn't the only time I have I have complained to my landlords before not here but I complained to two landlords about my about the loud music in the past one was when I

lived at YMCA another time because I was the person yeah there was a yeah it's very loud very loud and then the second one was about 94 and I didn't realize because I thought I was moaning to um someone else in the house because the room next to me was blaring out music but it was in a different house it was a next door house that is um it was like a semi-detached is that right yeah two houses together big houses I'm gonna let my person who lived in the house said why do you phone

the landlord I said it's a different house he said no he owns that house too he owns about both of these massive houses well if he owns both of these houses why is he around every week like like a um like a miser collecting the pennies like Ebenezer Scrooge you know he can't you know he's I've seen him when someone couldn't pay the full rent and he's like like it was the end of the world yeah he owns these properties that are going up in value every year by thousands probably it's just it was an

okay bloke to be fair there was because where I lived in that house it was full of dysfunctional people there was yeah alcohol or otherwise if you don't mean so I don't know how that happened and it's ironic because that was a year that I took off from drinking any alcohol 2004 didn't have any alcohol at all during that year until New Year's Eve so technically I suppose I drunk New Year's Eve but or did I I can't remember anyway downstairs there was a okay I'm gonna I'm gonna word this in a way that I

don't say out loud I'm gonna have a drink of water there was a sea den and so it was a place that it got closed down a place that was illegal and people used to come and purchase stuff so that was one room and that was closed down by the police there's a big notice on the on the thing I knew what was going on but uh I just assumed everyone knew but you know he's I like the bloke actually he was a nice nice bloke next to him was extremely heavy drinker this one point

ended up in hospital for liver he had jaundice but he he recovered I remember visiting him holding his hand and thinking how can someone be that color honestly and then I see him two days later and he looked absolutely fine I'm gonna close that curtain and see if it blocks out a bit more that sound hopefully that'll do the trick at least kind of block a little bit the thing is that the dog's in the garden all day long and I don't know quite what it's barking at now but it barks at another dog further

up and that's that's equally as loud as well if Vinny hears both the dogs barking he joins in but every time he barks to bark the dog the dog it gets confusing the dog over the over the fence barks every time Vinny barks but it barks every time a leaf falls off a tree it's just it's hypersensitive barks every single thing and it's in the garden all day long so I think it's going to be a long summer and I'm also going to need to spend some time away from here because I'm going to have

to go out start to get out and don't have to leave Vinny on his own which is going to be hard but you'll get by won't you you'll be all right I can't sit and listen to that dog all day and then um so what was I talking about oh yeah that house so next to that so that's that's the bloke that had the liver thing so he he recovered I couldn't believe it saw him three two or three days later and he was absolutely fine I mean yeah later on he wasn't fine so but

during that he recovered very quickly from that uh short term anyway and then upstairs there's three floors I was on the top floor upstairs there was um another person didn't really get to see him very often but he apparently he was a drinker but he kind of kept himself to himself next to him was a full-on heavy drinker I'm just gonna use the word heavy rather than ALC you know and I got on really well with him then upstairs the one next to me was another really heavy drinker and none of them knew each other

when they moved in they just happened they obviously got to know each other a little bit once they moved in and I could not believe that I'd moved into a house that was basically basically everyone was in need of rehab AA, NA, everybody in the building except me and I wasn't doing anything didn't smoke didn't drink didn't take anything the only year I'd ever done yeah it's the only year probably as an adult that I'd never done anything for like a whole year I mean prior to 2000 yeah prior to turning 30 I'm really drunk

and I had a couple of summers where I did but I didn't really drink much never been a not been a very good drinker and I'm so pleased that I don't even want to drink there's no part of me wants to have a drink and it's not because I'm against drinking I just I can't be bothered I've got no interest and I'd like to get like that well I've got like that with a lot of things a lot of things that I used to do that I don't do anymore in fact most of the things

that I used to do I kind of feel that way and I never thought I would I never thought I'd ever kind of not care about holding a lovely lady's hand you know I thought like there's always going to be not necessarily a romantic part of me but the the part of me that wants to not needy maybe needy maybe needy is the right word because there is a degree of need in something isn't there can you can you need something without without being needy that's a good question is it we need food does that

mean we're needy we need liquids we need water does that make us needy and most people seem to need human contact does that make them needy what makes somebody needy or what what would you not what makes them needy but what would you classify what behavior would you classify as neediness is it someone that maybe is over protective or a bit smothering doesn't want to leave you alone wants to be with you the whole time I don't know because in a way that could be classed as a relationship I mean I think there'd be something

quite nice about having somebody or that I've never known anybody that I wanted to be with the whole time that I just wanted to spend time with that's probably not true but I've never I've never dated anyone like that never there's there's I've met people that I really really really liked there was this lady when I was counseling and she was I just really liked her not she wasn't a client she was another counselor and I just liked being near her when there was courses because there's always courses going on and we had to keep

our training continuous educational as they call it and we also worked together once a week as well I worked in the same building so I'd see her if she had a client that didn't turn up or either or we had a like a missing spot we would sit and chat and I really really really liked her probably more than I've liked most of the people that I've actually dated because I enjoyed her company and it wasn't based upon any kind of self-gratification or neediness needing to well you know when I was younger I had certain

needs and I think my my dating was around that satisfying those physical needs maybe rather than I don't think I had emotional needs but I'm sure I had them but I didn't wasn't focusing on them perhaps and this lady I really really liked someone that I could have she was in a relationship so there was no nothing there I didn't even approach it but we got on so well and we just I enjoyed her company I think she enjoyed mine as well and we both gravitated towards each other when we was in a crowded room

we just automatically you know we had coffee or if we did a course course on depression and we ended up sitting next together at lunch having their coffees together and there was loads of other people there there was probably about 30 odd people but we just gravitated towards each other like naturally the very first time I saw her I did kind of I think she told me she had a boyfriend I don't think I asked her out but I was talking to her in a way that she felt she needed to tell me that she

had a boyfriend I don't know how it was but perhaps I was being flirty I don't know I don't think I know how to be flirty don't you have to curl your lip up to be flirty or lick your lips how do you how do you do flirting I don't know I've been flirted at in the past and I don't think I've ever flirted with someone not very well and chat up lines I did the only time I ever did chat up lines was once I was at this party and it was above the comedy

club and it was I don't know what the party was it was some kind of it was it might be the opening party to the to the nightclub or I don't know and I sat down at the bar or stood at the bar ordered a drink and there's this lady there and we just talked absolute crap to each other for about an hour absolute rubbish like just making stuff up and nothing went on between us I walked downstairs because she was she happened to be there with some friends that were dancing or something we went

down she got into the car she was in the middle of her three friends in the back of the taxi and I think another friend in the front and she was saying goodbye I said don't you want to take me home with you and she climbed over her friends to get out of the taxi and after which he said you can't believe she did that like that was a bit rude and she just closed the door said see you to her friends and we got a taxi back to hers and yeah we we got married

had 52 children no we didn't I did have a shower and I think I got a lot of water in my eye and I did leave her unsatisfied yeah so that's it's a normal night out really she'd yeah but that was probably the only it's not the only time I attempted to chat someone up but it's probably the only time that I'm going to say it worked but that it was semi-successful in a sense of I think she enjoyed the conversation I think I did once have a and this is one of the only times

ever after a gig I've been on stage I got off stage went up to the room it's like a big it was in a pub but this this room was for the comedians and it's quite a big room and all these comedians were there chatting and stuff and this was the end of the gig and I was just talking to one of the comedians and another comedian came up to me and said oh there's someone at the door for you a lady I said so I went over I went outside and this lady said oh

hello I said yeah hi what do you want I didn't say what you want but I didn't really understand why she was there I thought she was going to tell me off for being rude and she said I liked your act that that raised alarm bells to start with because not many people like my act I said okay thank you she said can I get you a drink I said that's fine I got one thanks they said okay bye then I said yeah see ya like five years later I was thinking about that and I

thought maybe she was chatting me up and she might have liked me now I don't know if that means I'm slow but I think the fact that she was she actually went out of her way to go upstairs from the club bit to find out where the comedians are to find me and then to ask me if I wanted to drink there's kind of a clue isn't it that she might have liked me but I need more than that though I've always needed more like I need more proof there's there's a certain point when you

know someone likes you isn't there there's there's a certain part of an evening or whatever when you think okay well this wouldn't be happen if this person didn't have some kind of positive feelings towards me they must like me somewhat but until I get to that point I'm not sure I'm still not sure even at that point but this is very I need blatancy I need someone to blatantly say to me this is what I think and this is what I want to do you know this is what I think of you this is what

I want to do with you just so that I know rather than I guess I'm not so he don't maybe I don't read the clues don't read the maybe I'd be a terrible detective so I'm leaving the little gaps just in case leaving the gaps in case she can hear the dog and I can edit it out but another thing I've noticed is the microphone is much higher than the other one is was and I keep banging my glasses on the cat on the microphone so I'll have to be a have to be a bit

careful with that I do wonder though you know when it comes to relationships is that is is it is that it for me is that it am I done now is it my age because I'd I really do not oh here we go I started to think that a dog barks at his own bark he he his own bark sets him off to start barking okay so I wouldn't be surprised if someone or the person that complained before complains again I've no idea who it was but I know there's one person that lives this side

in a different building but I think he works night shift so that must be very difficult to have that barking all day long but I don't think it would affect me if I was asleep now I don't sleep through pretty much anything could be annoying when I'm awake but when I'm asleep I don't care I quite like background sounds when I'm asleep or when I'm in bed I like listening to the wind or you know stuff like that the rain against the window I can hear Vinnie breathing and maybe hear the train in the background

maybe some cars on the motorway um it's it's a distance away but if the wind's blowing this way I might hear that maybe a plane in the sky going whoo that's my impression of a plane and the cars going vroom vroom vroom and Vinnie going because he snores proper snores Vinnie does he really does and then obviously when he's having a dream we've all seen a dog have a dream that's funny he makes these noises so cute uh what other things yeah I'd like is it even possible because I'm not I don't even know anymore

is it possible to get a girlfriend is even I mean is it the right term should it be woman friend should it be partner I don't know the thing is I'm very immature and you know I can almost hear in my head thousands of women showering out all men are immature that's a thing I have to kind of avoid that a lot you know because I've noticed in not even old age but the certain age group of people and I am generalizing I really am but I've noticed a lot of people of both sexes of

both men and women rather is having issue towards the opposite sex because you know maybe they've been in a long marriage and they're just their experience dictates how they feel about a whole gender and I don't have that I mean my thing about women is I always liked girls because they were different from boys that was the thing I liked about them and I don't mean physically although I do like the physical differences but it was I'm talking about the the females a lot of females I've met I've met a lot of not very nice

ones as well over the years like when I was in a nightclub okay unfriendly not not not nice I'm sure they're lovely but unfriendly to me and a lot that might have been because of the alcohol or the fact that they caught me stealing out of their handbag oh he didn't just say that did he he did no I did have someone actually it was a waiter came up to me once this is very early days when I worked when I was helping out in the the club and he came up to me said oh

look what I found so in a dj dj booth I said what's that he said I found a purse was a handbag okay it's got money in it it's got money do you want to go halves I said no what do you mean go halves have you got ID in there you see whose it is he said yeah I said well take it up to the bar and get them to announce at the bar over the microphone for the whole club to hear can mrs whatever come to the bar because we've found your handbag or

your purse and he looked at me like I was absolutely crazy he said why would you do that I said why would why would you not do that oh talking there was a neighbor it's a female neighbor and I was in the petrol station and she came out and she bought something for oh probably for about seven pound bottle of wine or something like that and she gave a 10 pound note so instead of giving her three pound change they gave her 13 pound change and she came out of the petrol station all made up

like oh look they gave me too much money back I've won the lottery I'm going to live my own private island now whoa she didn't say all that but I said now you've got to take it back no I don't yeah you do what do you mean yeah I do I said you see that person on the counter there she said yeah it's just give me an extra 10 pound of course I know who it is I said when their tour comes up short that money will be taken out of their wages she said what

yeah because giving change is a very easy thing to do if you make a mistake then you have to pay for it it's easy to make mistakes but you know the fact that you saw that he gave you 10 pound more than you should have done puts the uh is it the onus on you to do the right thing and give that money back and I don't know why because knowing this person normally she'd just say she'd say a swear word and walk off telling me what she could do with that money smoke it probably

but she didn't she walked back to the counter and handed that 10 pound back and then we walked home and she cried the whole way home she was so upset she literally was walking back from the till out into the door you know and literally the rest of the staff were mopping up the floor because it was so covered in wet and tears it's like flooded it broke all of her rules all of her morals well not morals really is it but it broke her way of thinking to give something back that isn't yours to

not take something and it's almost like if you see someone drop a debit card on the floor a cash point what do you do bearing in mind that most cash machines most debit cards can be used and you can draw draw cash out where you can buy stuff for up to 50 quid just by a touch you're touching the screen and without anything in the in the shop or do you give it back to the person i give it back to the person or it's been times when i've gone to the cashpoint machine and i've

been queuing and the the last person left and i go to the machine and their money is still in the deposit slot thing for some reason they've forgotten to take it out perhaps they've been distracted by a phone call or something what do i do do i keep the money do i keep the money or do i i'm laughing at that because it's it always seems silly to you like of course you keep the money but no oi mate give the money back give it to them and they don't even i think people that get

you know you call them back say you left your money here i think there's even a part of them that doesn't understand why did you do that because a lot of people wouldn't they'd keep the money and i've done that in the past when i've given money back to the shop it's happened a few times over the years quite a few times and i've taken the money back to the shopkeeper i said look you gave me too much change why would you do that like look at like that look of confusion why would why would

you bring it back i've just given you 10 pound for free and you're giving it back why because i've worked in retail and i know that i've had or worked in a pub and i've got into trouble because the tools were short being accused of stealing when actually i was just incompetent you know which is it's a big difference between being a thief and being incompetent you know i mean you get me so i just i give back just seems like the right thing to do it's not because there's a hero if you look inside

your pants no not because of that some things are just the correct thing to do i think you know it's just right and i don't know why it's right i don't make up the rules it just feels right to give back something because i'd like to think that other people would do that for me if i dropped my debit card and it has happened for me actually happened on the bus i was getting up and i dropped my debit card on the on the floor and someone shouted oi smelly old tramp i said what so

you dropped your debit card i said well thanks what did you call me he said nothing i said you dropped your debit card i think you just called me a smelly old tramp he said don't be hard on yourself it's not your fault i said what do you mean it's not my fault what is it my fault he said nothing and then he said go move along move move along so i did like well got my debit card back but there's this one time i got on the bus when i was at college university when

i was blimey late 30s and there was this there was a college time so there were six form colleges so they're about 17 16 17 and there was one kid one lad and he was taking up two spaces of the bus on purpose pretending to be asleep so i got up to the top of the bus looked around and there was no spaces at all apart from his space that he was taking up and it's very embarrassing because i was like excuse me excuse me and i don't want to touch him but i was finding

myself getting a little bit a little bit less relaxed without every moment that was passing and in the end i just went back downstairs but it was a close one i'll be honest with you a very close one i remember once on a bus this bloke he was reversing and i think the bus got in his way because you know the bus was just pulling into the bus stop and this man got out of his car and started trying to have a fight with the bus not the bus driver with the bus started kicking the

bus like you're not going to win a fight against the bus i'm sorry unless maybe you're a lorry or a tank yeah you can't you can't compete with a bus the big old things yeah so i just remember the bus we used to have these buses that used to go down down the seafront where i used to live so down one hill all the way up to the bus station which wasn't really much of a bus station it was just i don't think it was ever a proper bus station not when i lived there but

then it would turn around and go back up the up the seafront and up a different hill but this one was way steeper the other one was steep but it was kind of more curved if that makes sense so it didn't seem so steeped this one was way like straight up and i remember just always being on it thinking oh oh oh and the weird thing about it i feel nostalgic about that now because it was such a long time ago and i was young and i can't even sort of say that oh nobody warned

me nobody warned me about um i was a bit of a different accent wasn't it nobody warned me about to make the most of being young because loads of people did loads of people said to me that you're only young once and you need to enjoy yourself and don't take being young for granted because it doesn't last loads of people told me that did i listen no i didn't i won't listen but i didn't didn't acknowledge it i didn't i don't think i was much very receptive but nobody i mean some people older older older

people would warn me about getting old oh don't ever get old like actually it's a privilege to get old it's something that millions upon millions billions in fact are not fortunate to experience getting old so it's a blessing it's actually an amazing thing to be able to get through youth get through middle age to get what am i now i'm 55 am i middle-aged or am i old i don't know all i know is i still like some of the things that i liked when i was a teenager there's certain things that i've never stopped

liking you know i know what i like and that hasn't really changed it's just i'm not so i don't need i feel i need it i'm not i'm not like thinking about those things all the time like i used to be but then in the really early days i didn't really didn't have a huge amount of fun back then either because i was working and living on my own as well at the age of 16 so i didn't have that like little period of that period of being able to go out to nightclubs wearing nice

clothes living with the parents maybe even taking driving lessons having my own car cheap old car driving friends around going to house parties all that kind of stuff that happened i didn't really experience any of it and even going to university i was an old fogey when i went there so i just turned 37 i wasn't living in halls of residence i didn't really meet many people you know outside of the class setting i didn't go to the student union bar anything like that just i guess because of the age difference i would have liked

to have done but so many of the people were just way way way way way younger than me so i ended up just sort of just going there during the day coming home and that was it i know there was this uh the youngest person on my course on my degree i think she was about 19 20 20 and i couldn't believe she we had to do these we had to do counseling right part of our course we had to have i think it was something like 15 counseling sessions where we went to see a

professional counselor part of our training you know before we went to counsel other people once we were qualified and she went along to her counselor and she told me that she did the 12 sessions or the 15 sessions and she put a character on she didn't go as herself well she went as herself like name-wise and got a discount because she was a student but she didn't she's made up a bunch of stuff that's what she told me made up a bunch of stuff because she didn't want to be genuine i on the other hand

i think i spent three years in counseling with my counselor i think i even continued going after i finished my degree until she moved away so it's the only way getting away from me is to move and in a way that was possibly the best the best part of the course was getting my own counseling and i wish i could still see a counselor now what i enjoyed i enjoyed my psychotherapy well she was a psychologist and i enjoyed having her as my therapist but when we finished i said well is there a chance for

you to go private and she i mean she just she wasn't being rude but she said you couldn't afford me you know if she if she did private practice she'd be charging a lot of money due to her qualifications and i think she had a doctorate as well so she'd you know it wasn't going to be 25 pound an hour i said what about 26 pound 50 and she jumped out of a chair and said yeah that'd be wonderful started doing handstands and did the splits and i joined in and i did the splits and

then um she waited for the ambulance to arrive and then they took me to hospital and stitched up the stitches that were called by the splits stitched up the stitches you know i mean sorted out they reversed the the un-reversal reversal that was necessary for this particular situation blah blah blah did we do did we do but yeah what was i talking about oh yeah that's that was strange i remember i got all my hours so at the end of the second year at the end of the first year of the college but the university

course i got no hours of counseling my clients kept not turning up and then one did turn up and i knew her and i had two turn up one turned up and she was really late and i said if you come i'd like a very brief five minute conversation with her downstairs and i said well you can come next week but you need to be on time if that's all right she didn't come back and another one was someone that i knew and uh yeah couldn't do that either i don't remember who that was it

did happen occasionally that i would see somebody that i knew they've been in counseling with me and i've seen them on a bus or as a coffee shop or supermarket i haven't done any of that for years really going out going out i haven't done any of that although i'm just a little bit dubious about you know when it comes to dating talk to someone on the phone and then meeting them because i've done that in the past i've even done it with someone that knows me in real life that knows me to talk to

to sit next to they know me and there's this female she went she took some time off came back to the buddha center swap numbers and we talked for a week and then we were gonna i think this is a wednesday night yeah this is the was it a wednesday night or was it the friday i think it was possibly a wednesday night so i spent thursday night talking to her friday night talking to her saturday night talking to her and then sunday i went round to her home during those conversations we were talking about

having kids together we were talking about all kinds of things like building a life together and then i went round to her home and i was talking to her the sunday turned up and it was like i was talking to a stranger wasn't the same person who i was talking to on the phone it turned out it was her roommate no it wasn't she just wasn't the same person she was the same person but this friendly person on the phone was not not there and i just couldn't figure it out and there was the apparently

this is wrong this is wrong on my part but we went into we went to blockbusters because blockbusters was still around i didn't have the movie we wanted to watch but we got the karate kid the newer version with um keep my wife's name out of your mouth his son and i'm trying to see his name brandon not brandon is it anyway um oh yeah so i'm in we go to blockbusters then we go into this electrical shop shop she's she's buying light bulbs so i'll leave it to her leave her to it because i've

got a very limited interest in light bulbs i go and have a look at the electrical equipment for audio but you know nothing in there of interest so probably 10 minutes later i get a phone call i said hello and on the other end of the phone is where are you i said what do you mean where am i said where are you i said who is this and she said her name and i realized that i'd left her in the shop i'd literally walked out of the shop walked up a hill heading home forgotten

about it was very embarrassing and the weird thing about it is we went back to hers watched some of the movie she did play with my ear so i don't know if that's a good thing i didn't know what to do to be honest i'm not always good at reading signals but i've got a sense of i don't know i felt like i might let her down a bit it's just so hard to know isn't it really anyway anyway anyway any any anyway just trying to think of anyone else that has been disappointed in me

not many too many though too many of not many all of them okay there was this one time and i was dating someone and i did like her genuinely liked her and we'd been up in my bedroom for a bit then we heard a door we had the car pulling onto the driveway and i thought better get down which was weird because i was like 30 years old and i was acting like i was a kid at home but my landlady was just such a handful i just do i is i knew that she started

moaning that i had people in the house that i just yeah i just wanted to avoid that because it was painful and we go downstairs and i hear the door the door like lock unlocking now i don't i'm not proud of this and you know i learned from it but i kind of guided my girlfriend out into the garden to stand in the alleyway next to the house and hide in a dark alleyway until i realized that it wasn't my landlady it was my landlord who didn't care unfortunately by this point any chance of that

relationship continuing was over there and then as soon as i kind of i didn't push her but guided her into a cold dirty alleyway while it was raining outside and this is january so it's quite cold yeah i did walk her back to the train station but it was very much um the wasn't very romantic apparently i thought you know pushing someone in a dark alleyway in the middle of winter would be a romantic gesture but apparently not not everyone is as sentimental as me so i did regret regret that because i liked her but

also she would like me it seemed oh well is there love out there i don't know it's not in here i do know that so i'm now starting to eat so i'd like to say thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy be gentle with yourself you deserve to feel safe lots of love bye