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Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. And today on Let Me Bore You To Sleep is Trivia Tuesday. Trivia, Trivia, Trivia Tuesday.
I don't know about you but I think the little jingles are actually improving. Maybe not. Maybe not.
So it is 16th of December 2025. It's a Tuesday, Tuesday before Christmas, I don't know when it's Christmas. No, there's one more Tuesday left, which would be the 23rd.
So it's the 16th today, okay, good, groovy, yum yum. And, just to let you know, all my podcasts are uploaded and are available on, oh Debbie, pretty much every podcast provider. All six versions are also uploaded straight away to YouTube.
And they're also available on my website, jasonnewland.com, where you can download them or you can stream them on the website. There are six versions of the recording, without music, with music, and five and ten hours with both. And that is it.
Although, I do have a new podcast, I've not done it yet, but I kind of started a new thing. And I've been doing them, I'm not necessarily going to do them every day, but it's just going to be called Sleep Hypnosis. And I did one yesterday called Calm in Mind.
And I've done a few, I've done a couple. But yesterday is going to be like the first one on that podcast, Sleep Hypnosis. And I've got a logo and I've got, you know, everything.
So that is going to be something also that I'm going to be doing, like regularly. Yeah. And that's on top of the Let Me Bore You To Sleep.
So just gives you a bit more choice of things to listen to. And also, there are no adverts on my podcasts. And on YouTube, if there's any adverts, then it's not my fault because I don't have my YouTube channel monetized.
Okay, there shouldn't be any adverts on there either. Sometimes YouTube just do their own thing. Also, I do have a Facebook group called Jason Newland's Boring Group.
And there's a link to that on my website as well. I can't think of anything else to say, other than it's a nice day today. Kind of.
Yes, all right. It's okay. Oh, dear.
So what I need to do when I want to do Trivia Ideas, I'm going to ask ChatGPT. New Trivia Ideas. There's just so many different things in there to choose from.
So I thought, hmm. It's offering me weird things like human body, animals, places, non nostalgic, everyday objects, the history of pillows, the history of pillows. But that's not going to be, I mean, that's a trivia fact on its own, though, isn't it? Language and words, odd history, laws that still exist.
Yeah, should we do that one? Weird laws that still exist. Strange UK laws. I wish I could spell.
All these years of using the keyboard. And I still have to look at the keyboard. If I want to actually get the word spelled properly.
I'm talking about loads of years working in a call center, constantly typing. And I still had to look at the keyboard. Well, maybe I didn't have to as much, maybe.
I don't know. I just ordered some stuff. It will be here.
Oh, sure. Well, about half hour on Uber Eats. So what I've done is I've ordered some chocolates for Christmas to give away as gifts.
And it's mainly all I've ordered some potatoes. That's about it, really. So let's have a look.
There's a hundred. A hundred strange laws that still exist in GB. Oh, my goodness.
Number one, it is illegal to handle salmon suspiciously under the Salmon Act 1986. Now, you'd think that that would be under the Salmon Act 1886 or something like that. Nineteen eighty six.
OK. I'm going to have to just I'm going to put in one, see if it just explains it. Right.
OK. So I don't want that. Just.
Oh, is it doing all I want it to do is just expand one. No, it's not doing it. It's it's.
Why is it messing about? Right. It's not giving me any specific information. So.
OK, I'm just going to have to copy and paste. Because that's weird. I don't understand that.
Really? Oh, it's. It is still illegal to shake carpets or rugs in the street in some boroughs. Wow.
Dear, dear. What it actually means. The law was created to combat salmon poaching, not to judge people's behavior.
So it's not really about how you touch the salmon. He was touching it. It was inappropriate.
It was not that kind of thing. He was stroking its head. He was kissing it.
Not nothing weird like that. Processing salmon without being able to prove legal ownership. And handing salmon in situations that suggest illegal fishing or theft.
So I guess that would be walking up to someone in a pub or in the street and opening your raincoat and having salmon like inside your coat. Like trying to buy a salmon. That would, I guess, suggest that it was illegal or stolen.
I imagine that's what it is. Or a suitcase. Rodney Trotter.
The law does not define what suspicious looks like. The ambiguity is intentional. Allow an enforcement officer's discretion.
That doesn't seem to me like a very good thing in when it comes to law. Like ambiguity. For me, I, well, my understanding of what the law is supposed to offer is the opposite to ambiguity.
I don't know what you would call that literalism or just facts like straightforward. I don't know. Anyway, let's go back to the original list.
Members of Parliament are not allowed to wear armor in the houses of Parliament. I don't know why that is, but I'd love to see it. Wouldn't you? So, they're not allowed to wear armor.
Maybe in the past they used to wear armor. Maybe someone turned up. The Prime Minister or maybe the Chancellor of the Exchequer was doing some kind of Roman reenactment at the weekend.
And there was like an emergency meeting, you know, so everyone had to get back into Parliament. And they didn't have time to get changed. And maybe that upset everyone.
It was so, so put off by it that they had to make a law. I don't know. It is illegal to enter Parliament carrying a sword of any kind.
It seems a bit weird that they're being specific. I mean, it's illegal to go anywhere carrying a sword of any kind. You can just change enter Parliament to going into a shop, going into the post office, walking down the street, going into a pub, going into a hospital, you know, dressing up as a lollipop lady, delivering post.
Working in a supermarket on a cashier. Delivering groceries. I mean, literally any situation fits in with that.
It is illegal, which is illegal, to carry a sword of any kind. In this country we're not even allowed to own swords, like samurai swords. Not allowed to have them.
There was a recent story that I saw where a man had a samurai sword. I think he was just cleaning it. And he tripped and he fell on the sword and it cut his face.
So he goes to the hospital because it wasn't like severe, but he needed medical attention. And they asked what happened and he said he'd been attacked. He said, no, no, it's fine.
I was just cleaning my sword and I fell on it and it sliced his cheek or something. The next thing he knows, not his face cheek, not his bum cheek, the next thing he knows the police are arresting him. And he ended up going to prison for owning a sword.
He actually went to prison, got put in prison. So, I mean, I used to own a samurai sword when I was... In fact, it was the very first thing I bought when I was 15. So my first week's wages, which was £60 before I went on to the YTS, which was £27.
And so for the first week's wages, I got paid £60 cash and I spent probably at least £30, maybe more on a samurai sword. See, now I'd go to prison. Crazy, isn't it? Unless you have to fall on it to go to prison.
Maybe it was just like, you know, you don't go to prison for being dumb, do you? But it was like, how many people have got samurai swords that have just had them for years? Because they are kind of... they're decorative, aren't they? The one I had wasn't sharpened. I mean, it was heavy, but it wasn't sharp. It's weird.
Was it a samurai or was it a ninja? No, it was a samurai sword. And I loved it because it was my... I'd always wanted one. Well, not always, you know.
When I was five or six. What do you want for Christmas, little JJ? I want something... I want a train. No, wait a minute.
I want a new bike. No. I want something I can behead someone with.
Give me a samurai sword. No, probably not, but not always. I wasn't born with the intention of getting a sword, but I used to have one.
And I didn't have any bad intentions with it. It was just exciting because I loved martial art movies and the martial arts and the idea of being a samurai or a ninja, you know. So it was just decorative.
I used to practice with it because it's quite good at strengthening your shoulders and your arms because they're quite heavy. If they're, you know, legit. So yeah, it's illegal to carry a sword... anywhere.
It's like, it's just such a weird thing that is. But you definitely can't take it into Parliament. It's technically illegal to be drunk in a pub under the Licensing Act 1872.
See, this is something that I've always kind of struggled with understanding the complete ridiculousness of pubs and the laws around drinking. Because all through my life, probably a little bit less so now, but you know, growing up and being an adult, there were pubs everywhere. And it was encouraged.
And then, you know, I'd be in a pub and they'd serve you drinks until you became annoying. So it wasn't the fact that you were drunk, it's just that you were annoying them. And then they'd say, no more.
You're drunk. But you're the reason I'm drunk. You're the one that gave me the drink.
So it seems weird. You're not technically allowed to be drunk in a pub. Although, I mean, drunk people are amongst the most annoying people in the world.
And I include myself in that as well. I'm annoying. I don't drink.
But when I did use to drink, if I got drunk, very annoying. I'd annoy myself. I'd literally stand in the mirror, I didn't stand in the mirror, but I'd stand in front of the mirror and I would, in the end, I'd just have to walk away with disgust.
And then you've got the whole thing with like, drink driving. I saw this documentary when they were about to, it didn't ban drink or driving, drink and driving, which seems so ridiculous. Just ban drinking and driving.
It's not against the law. But if you go over a certain level, I don't know what it is, a pint of lager or something, and they expect people to judge that for themselves. That's how dumb it is.
It's just dumb. Just ban it. Like, if you're going to drive, you don't drink.
If you're going to drink, you don't drive. It's as simple as that. Clear.
And they don't. It's like, the amount of pubs they've got are, I understand now if you've got a restaurant and stuff, but the amount of pubs that have got cars, like a car park, I mean, encouraging people to drink and drive, really, in a sense. I know some people who have a designated driver.
Some people who go to the pub and they won't drink alcohol, like non-alcoholic beverages. Some people who are using the car park will be working behind the bar. Or there'll be the staff, you know, working there.
And as I said, if they've got a restaurant, I understand a lot of people will just be going there to eat, not to drink. Because the food is so tasty. It just seems kind of weird to have a car park in a pub.
Because pubs used to be local. I think, you know, if you go back 50 years, 100 years, people didn't travel to a pub. They might travel to a tavern that had rooms, like above to sleep, you know, like a motel or a hotel or whatever you want to call it.
Because they used to have a lot of travelling places, didn't they, where you could stop and rent a room for the night and stuff like that and have something to eat. A nice broth of some kind. Usually, in the movies, they're kind of situated just below a really large hill with a vampire castle on the top.
And all the locals are like, we don't go there, we don't go there. And there'd be a person serving a beer with a huge bosom for some reason. Never understood that.
I'm not complaining. I mean, just those movies always seem to have the same... I mean, why would you wear a corset? You're going to work for eight hours a day. Those corsets, I mean, I tried one on once.
They're not suited for a body. Really not. I mean, if you wear them for too long, they can distort your actual body, can't they, like the ribs and stuff.
No, corsets are not... I don't wear them anymore. I'm not like a regular corset wearer. There's nothing wrong with wearing corsets if that's what you like.
I wonder if corsets are banned in... I'll tell you what's weird, though. In Parliament, right? You're not allowed to wear armour. You're not allowed to carry a sword.
So there are these laws, but it doesn't stop them taking cocaine in there. What? Yeah, every time they swab, every now and then, every six months, every year or so, cocaine's found in Parliament's toilet. Like, I don't know how many times I've seen that story.
And then they just disappear it. No one follows it up. Search everyone.
I think what they should do is give a test. Test every Member of Parliament. They're getting paid enough to be tested.
So if they have alcohol in the system, or drugs, then they get suspended because their job is so important. Maybe. Or definitely.
Because you know, anyone that's taken the harder substances, it doesn't stay in the system for like a long time, but it does stay in a hair. So if you cut someone's hair, it stays there for months, apparently. So, I find that interesting.
I used to, at a nightclub where I used to go to, my friend, because he knew people were using this, because there was this board above the toilet where people would use it to, in order to, they'd use it as a place to inhale their substances. So what he did is, he didn't tell anyone he was doing it. He covered the whole thing with a small layer of Vaseline.
And you couldn't even tell by looking at it that he'd done that. And every now and then, we'd hear someone yelling, because basically, it ruined what they were trying to do. So yeah, my friend was very clever.
He knew when people were trying to take money from him. Because he owned the place. He was the boss.
And it was a nightclub. It was a comedy club. There was a nightclub upstairs.
The comedy club turned into a nightclub. At 11 or 12. Oh, well, I just had a little break then.
Because my delivery came. It was early, in fact. The bloke was lovely.
He normally, well, this is what I normally have to do. I don't have to, but when I open the door, the living room door, Vinnie runs straight out. So it's hard for me to get to keep him in the living room door.
I can't keep him in the door. To keep him inside the room. And he runs right at the front door and is like really loud.
Which is normal. It's normal for a dog to bark, isn't it? So I don't really have a go at it. I don't moan at him or anything.
But I do shuffle him into the bedroom and he's so used to it, he just goes in. Doesn't argue, usually. Sometimes he'll swear at me, but we mumble.
You know, I'm a real dad. And then I'll close the bedroom door and then I'll answer the front door. It's just Vinnie has a tendency, well, he will always run out.
Generally just to say hello to the person. But if he sees another front door open, he will run to go into that door. Which is not ideal considering we've got two new people living here.
One of which has got about 16 cats. So if he runs downstairs and runs into a flat full of cats, it would, yeah, I don't know how he would be. And it's not something I want to test.
So generally I keep him indoors. I take him out on a lead. Even when I take him into the garden, he's on a lead the whole time.
Because you know, someone opens the front door, he might just run. Which he has done in the past. If he's off the lead.
He's just not very trustworthy to be fair. And it's just, he gets so excited. He sees something and he forgets I'm even there.
He just focuses it in, with blinkers on I guess, on a specific person or another dog that maybe is his friend. Or it could be anything really. And he just goes towards it.
It's almost like he doesn't want to take me with him. So I keep him in the bedroom. But this delivery man, he was really quite talking about dogs and he's got his own dogs and a cat and stuff.
And he was saying how much he loved dogs. I said, do you want to meet him? So I got Vinnie out and he was, Vinnie was loving it. All the attention.
He absolutely loves humans. Generally. There's a couple that he keeps his distance from so I don't really know what that's about.
But he loves humans. Generally. So above other dogs.
And it was quite nice for him to be able to say hello because a lot of the Uber drivers don't seem to like dogs. I mean maybe because they're delivering, they've had experiences that weren't nice. Which is fair enough.
I can't judge him on that. But when I meet one that's that really likes dogs or if I get to, because I get Uber deliveries regularly. Not takeaways necessarily but like groceries and stuff.
I guess I kind of get to know some of the drivers. And you know there's a couple that really like him. But a lot of them don't.
They just don't want a dog near them. So when I do meet one that likes, that wants to say hello to him I quite like it. So that's it.
I've put stuff in the kitchen. Giving him a treat because he's he's got his treats. He loves them treats.
They're like nearly £4 each for a pack. And every time I get a delivery I get a pack for him. So it's costing me like £8, £10 a week probably.
I'm just on those treats. £12 sometimes. £3, £6 £8 Depends how many deliveries I get.
Because I don't always just get big deliveries. I get like the basic sometimes. You know £30 worth or whatever.
Which is just enough to last for a few days. Where was I on this? It is illegal and rightly so actually for this one. It is illegal to ring doorbells and run away.
If it causes disturbance. And this was at Town Police Calls Act 1847. I'm questioning this because doorbells weren't even around in 1847 were they? I mean electricity didn't even exist did it back then? It did didn't it? But I suppose they just mean like in the past you'd pull a string wouldn't you and it'd be like a bell.
So I guess that's a doorbell isn't it? But the electric doorbells they weren't around were they in 1847? Why would you ring a doorbell and then run away? I mean unless you're under the age of like 7. You know for some people it's funny isn't it? I don't know. But yeah it's good. I'm glad it's illegal.
I'm trying to think if I ever did that as a kid. Loads of times as an adult but not as a kid. No I don't think I've ever done it.
I think I might have done it as a joke to someone I was visiting. You know what I mean? Like rung a doorbell and then like said where are you? I'm outside your house. You know like a call up to their window.
Look it's me I'm here and they come down. I'm not there. Then they go back upstairs and I ring the doorbell again.
They look down the window like I'm here. I'm trying to get them to believe that I'm invisible but it never seemed to work. Number six it is illegal to beat or shake a carpet in the street before 8am.
Good. Good. I think anything that causes noise any kind of noise should be illegal before 6am.
No. Before 10am. Before 10am.
No noise before 10. Or before 12. In the morning no noise before midnight.
And all noise has to end by 2. So only 2 hours of noise. Or should we give 5 hours? 5 hours of noise. So between 6 hours between 11 and 4. I'm making my own laws here.
These are my new laws. Between 11am and 4pm power tools can be used but never after that time. That's it.
Done. Outside of a I guess a building site if it's not near a residential area. I remember years ago it was 2005 I moved into a Buddhist community specifically partly for quiet.
I'd visited there before. It was on a main road but it was quiet inside the house. It was quiet behind the house.
That's what I was looking for. A bit of peace and quiet. It was opposite a park and countryside.
Everything in the UK is around countryside. People say I live in a country. We all do.
Even if you live in a city you still live in the country. Because you're never far away from the countryside. Even the motorways have been built through the countryside.
You're never far away. I don't know what my point is there. What's my point? It seems a long way if you're walking.
But once you're in a car you're never far from trees. I moved into this place and it was quiet. I suppose you get used to the traffic but generally outside of the hum of the traffic that was it.
So I move in and I was there for two weeks. I think it's a Saturday and I'm woken up by the house shaking. I was like that's not good.
It's never a good sign is it if the house is shaking generally. And I thought what's going on there? And there would be a gap where there was no noise and then bang another shake. So I realised it was a big massive bang.
Like really like and I thought maybe one of the other lads has got a new girlfriend or I don't know what was going on. And I noticed there was also shouting outside the window and there was other sounds and I thought what's going on there? I thought maybe I'll look out the window but I couldn't be bothered. So I just still was thinking oh I wonder.
I was sitting on the edge of the bed and then I moved to the desk and I'm still thinking I wonder what it is. And after about an hour or so because it was still going on I thought I suppose I could just walk to the window and look. I mean technically that is what windows are for isn't it? To look out of.
Otherwise there wouldn't be see through. So if you're ever in your living room or in your kitchen and you see someone just standing there staring through your window then you think you're going to go out and say what are you doing staring? Like they're doing what windows are supposed to be there for. To look through.
Honestly someone can never have a go at you for looking through a window. They're literally designed for that purpose. And it's not just well no it's for me to look out of not for you to look in.
Or have it so it's one sided then. Have a one sided window. So you can see out of it but I can't see the other side.
I shouldn't have to do that. Yeah but shouldn't we shouldn't have to do a lot of things should we but you know there's a big difference between what should be and what is. Reality and how things should be.
It's a different category. It's a different planet almost. Can you just stop looking through my window? Okay.
I do sometimes think that when I'm out with Vinnie and he's just sniffing a bush I'm just standing there and sometimes I'm looking at him then I look up and there's just a family sitting in a window maybe eating a dinner or watching TV and it does look like I'm just standing there. I mean literally I am just standing there. But because Vinnie's so tiny and he's behind the bush they can't see that so all they can just see is me just standing looking at them.
Now if you're ever in a situation and you want to like make it look like make it look less weird put down the binoculars you know generally but and then he does a poo on the garden if he can he'll wait until he can find a window that's full of people like literally ideally standing up talking or looking out of the window and he'll do a big poo and I have to pick it up while all these people are just maybe at a dinner table eating their Sunday dinner looking at
me picking up this nice little treasure that Vinnie's given me his bum is the gift that keeps on giving so yeah it's what's that got to do with oh yeah so I look outside the land next to our house was being built on they were building two bungalows so the person that owned the place is basically was building a bungalow for himself and building a bungalow to rent out or to sell and I had no idea this was going to be going on had I known I would not have moved
in because this houses are not built quickly and this seemed to be almost like it was a part time thing as well so that went on for months and months and months like a whole summer but the thing that was really shaking the house was something I'd never seen before it's called pile driving and this big thing was basically banging into the earth like it was trying to reach the the earth's core or something and it kept just like going up and banging and I didn't know if they were drilling
for oil what the heck are they doing so yeah that wasn't great so I definitely would change the laws you know just it's hard to you know I've got neighbours or had neighbours in the past not necessarily generally in the house I live but like in a different house because I've lived with shared accommodation most of the time so there wouldn't be a lot of building work being done in that house but the amount of times I've heard people or even now when I'm out with Vinnie hear people on a
Sunday morning with their power tools or you know quite late at night almost oblivious to other people existing it's kind of like they forget that other people have ears and I don't know maybe there's a degree of satisfaction of using a power tool you know having something that powerful in your hand I don't know it's been a while since I had anything powerful in my hand and I used to have a I had a drill a drill was a screwdriver one of them a drill maybe and a screw no a drill I lent it to a neighbour and she didn't give it back but anyway I agree with that legal it's illegal to shake a mat,
rug or carpet in the street except except a doormat right it's illegal to beat or shake a carpet in the street before 8am but it's illegal to shake a mat rug or carpet in the street except a doormat so make your mind up how can it be that kind of is it's just saying it's illegal to shake a mat, rug or carpet and then the bullet above that is saying it's ok after 8am so make your mind up a doormat a doormat's noisy as well though isn't it it's like a
rug really isn't it just maybe a smaller rug what do people do oh some people put it onto a washing line don't they and just hit it with something like a tennis racket yeah I've never done that I don't think not really my thing it is illegal to fly a kite in a public place if it causes annoyance I mean really I'd change that as well I'd go it's illegal to do anything in a public place if it causes annoyance not just fly a kite anything anything that is causing public
annoyance should be illegal I don't know how it would be enforced because everyone's got their own specific personal idea of what is annoying don't they it is illegal to obstruct the highway by playing games in the road wow you'd think there wouldn't need to be a law for that would you I mean but then the laws are weird don't they because if I stood in a road and blocked the traffic the police would come and well the people would remove me but the police would come if the public didn't do
anything and at the very least I'd get removed or I'd be arrested if I held a placard save the oil or whatever it is I would not get arrested that was a bit of a unsatisfactory ending to that sentence really I guess it depends in the same way is if I went into town and I walked up to a police person and started swearing at them calling them names they might warn me to start with and if I continued doing it they'd arrest me if I did it every single day
of the week eventually they would ignore me because I've seen people do it I've seen people breaking the law first of all they're not allowed you're not allowed to drink alcohol in public out of a can you're not allowed to do that but the police do nothing to those that cause too much problems for them it's weird isn't it how the laws kind of change depending on who does it because they can't be bothered by the actual people that keep re-offending especially on something like that because it's not the kind
of crime that you're going to end up going to prison for I've never tested it I've never gone up to a police human and started mouthing off because I'm scared of them it is illegal to set off why would people play games in a road but yeah anyway it is illegal to set off fireworks after 11pm except on certain holidays personally I don't think 11pm is late enough or early enough until this year I've never had an issue with fireworks and I don't remember Vinnie being bothered by them but this
year he has been bothered by them and during bonfire period bonfire night the fireworks seem to last for about 2 weeks and admittedly they weren't going off really late at night but it didn't matter even at 8 o'clock he was still scared I think and so yeah just because I've got a dog that doesn't like fireworks doesn't mean that people can't have fireworks but I like the idea of just having one night I mean literally it's bonfire night, it's firework night it's the 5th of November let everybody have fireworks on that day and then we've got New Years Eve,
another time for fireworks and that is it really I know sometimes some religions have fireworks and stuff because I had that in London and I don't know what it was but it was like fireworks would be going off and it was like what festival is it now because there are so many different festivals yeah, I love fireworks actually I like the sound of them, I love seeing them but Finnie doesn't and I don't like seeing him like that it is legal to sleep rough in some cities under old vagrancy laws currently under review I mean how do you enforce something like that,
if someone's homeless they're homeless so the solution is you give them somewhere to sleep then they won't be homeless I mean it seems like quite an easy solution but I did have this, my friend had a friend who I met and he was homeless, he was living in a tent but it turned out he was doing it because he wanted to because even though he had he could go and stay in a hostel or like a night shelter,
they don't allow alcohol and he chose drinking over sleeping in a place and so I remember saying to him why don't you just get into the hostel and in the end he shouted at me because I want a drink I know it's obviously his thing so I can't judge him on that sometimes there's a choice you know ultimately if you're going to go to sleep that's a period of time when you don't do anything anyway isn't it don't eat don't drink don't you know it's kind of a period of sleep
sleep time and then you can do what you want during the day I don't know if they do a drunk test before it's kind of weird it's not really fair because a lot of other people have got other substances in them but it's quite hard to fit a without being rude it's hard to fit a six pack of four pack of lagers up your bum or a bottle of vodka it's hard it's hard to sneak them into the place if you know what I mean I've not tried it's illegal to
sell alcohol to a drunk person again that just seems it seems sensible but at the same time ridiculous because if you're a pub and you've been serving someone alcohol you're the reason they're drunk I mean they're the reason because they've drunk the alcohol but you know there needs to be some responsibility from both sides I would say and how do you know where do you you know where's the line is illegal to sing obscene songs in public well in that case they'd have to close down every single football match wouldn't
they in the country there's loads of obscene songs sung at football matches and I'm guessing a place where there's maybe 20,000 people all congregated would be classed as a public space I'm guessing it's illegal to allow a drunk person to consume alcohol on licensed premises that's just another way of saying it's illegal to sell alcohol to a drunk person isn't it because no pub's going to allow you to walk in there go to the off license and come back in drink in a drink that you got elsewhere anyway regardless if
you're drunk or not it is illegal to cause a public nuisance by noise at night I'll just leave that last bit out it is illegal to cause a public nuisance by noise full stop but then every time a football match ends you're going to hear people especially maybe the winners singing that's a public noise as they walk towards a train station or towards the local pub I mean a public noise for me street cleaners or leaf blowers that's a public noise and I know I've mentioned this before why do they blow,
suck it seems ridiculous just blowing something around and then having to bend over and like shovel them into a bag suck the stuff into a bag there's got to be a way of doing it I mean vacuum cleaners exist what's the difference like a different version maybe a bigger version a more adaptable version of that and maybe they do exist, I don't know maybe the leaf blowers are preferred because it gives people more time,
more work because something that would only take maybe 15 minutes can last a couple of hours because you just keep blowing something away especially if it's windy you can make it last all day if you just suck in the whole time pretty much it will be done a lot quicker I just realised that was at night so people don't usually use leaf blowers at night do they and football teams people do watch football at night don't they people that bib their horns it's weird I've got kind of double standards on
this one I don't like it when other people do it to like say hello to someone or you know they park outside the door and they like beep beep beep they're impatient I'm not a big fan of that however when I'm waiting for someone and I'm picking them up in the car and they just take ages and I'm bibbing the horn and they won't come I'm like just come on I keep bibbing the horn and they're just taking their time that's annoying as well I realise I've got double standards because
somebody bibbed their horn at me the other day and it realised it was at me so initially I'm like what are you doing bibbing your horn and then they're waving at me and I'm like oh that's nice they bibbed their horn at me someone loves me and I realised that it's kind of a little bit what's the right word idiotic of me possibly judgemental I don't know why Vinnie's hassling me oh I know why because he wants another thing when we've done this you'll get another one good girl it is
illegal to carry planks of wood along the pavement in some councils without permission I don't know what to comment on that one it's illegal to carry planks of wood I mean if you've got a plank of wood and you need to get it to another place and you've only got one plank of wood but then it depends how long the plank of wood is doesn't it because it is potentially a dangerous thing to be carrying around because you can't see behind yourself and in front of yourself and if it's a
long plank of wood you can't see one side of yourself you know if the plank of wood is on your right shoulder you can't see to the right of you so I guess it's quite dangerous it depends how long the plank of wood is I guess it's illegal to gamble in public places unless authorized well nobody listens to that do they people, they're going to do what they want but generally I mean what do you class as gambling even playing chess can be gambling can't it if you're playing for money
because you're kind of gambling on yourself to win although I'd gamble on the other person to win because I don't even know how to play chess I used to think I'd be quite good at chess because I kind of have a tendency to be able to see steps ahead or possibilities but I don't know I did have a chess set like a electronic one 2004 and I decided I wanted to be a chess master and I wanted to be the greatest chess player ever in the whole world and I remember
one day I don't know for about two weeks I was sitting there I thought I want to be the best in the world and I thought oh EastEnders is on so I watched that instead and I'm not sure I don't know what happened to that chess game it's illegal to bet on credit at betting shops that makes sense because if you've got no money how can you you need to have money to bet don't you I'm not a better or a gambler probably the most gambler I'd do would every few years I'd buy a lottery ticket or I might get a scratch card like literally every few years but gamble,
I don't even know how to gamble so in public places I think a lot of that from the legal perspective is just because the country or the government wants tax don't they they want money from it because there's a lot of money to be made from gambles gambles, gamblers from a tax perspective I think I'm not 100% sure it is illegal to bet on credit at betting shops it just said I've already read that out,
sorry it's illegal to disturb a church service in that case is a wedding a church service if it's in a church and when the vicar or the priest or whoever the person in charge says does anybody have a reason why these two monkeys shouldn't get married and run back into the forest and live with Tarzan whatever I don't know is there any reason why I mean they're inviting a disturbance aren't they it's true though isn't it they're inviting a disturbance so if a tiger says yeah I love cheetah and then
cheetah's wife is saying you've been cheating on me there's a pun there it's illegal to impersonate a police officer but what about what about what about apparently Valentine's Day seems to be a time when people dress up I don't really know why that is but stag nights, hen nights and sometimes just parties there's dress up parties and people come as police officers are they breaking the law I mean technically unless you do something police like and I don't know throw your weight around talk down to someone I don't know you
know sort of like if you're trying to trying to arrest somebody or tell someone what to do then I suppose you're not really breaking the law are you especially if it's obvious you're not a police man or woman oh there's this scene in only fools and horses where Del Boy he thinks he's getting a stripper for his birthday or for his hen night, his stag night and this two police women walk in to arrest him and he thinks that they're the strippers and he starts well you know he gets arrested
put it this way it's illegal to sell pet animals to children under 16 without adult supervision I guess that makes sense unless the 16 year old is living on their own because I was 15 when I was pretty much working full time does that include goldfish yeah I want to report a crime what is it well the next door neighbour sold my son a caterpillar how much do you charge £1.50 I think there would be silence wouldn't there if that happened it is illegal to use threatening or abusive language likely
to cause harassment good so it should be it's illegal to let animals stray onto public roads again ok so that means every cat owner that allows their cat to go outside needs to be arrested is that what we're saying is that what we're saying because every cat strays onto public roads I don't know why they do it I wish they wouldn't do it because it makes me feel ill seeing it because I just I love animals so I don't want to see anyone get hurt but even dogs if it ain't
on a lead if it sees something the other side of the road unless it's super well trained there's a good chance it's going to run across the road you know at any opportunity he runs into the road it makes me wonder sometimes if he actually enjoys living with me but he's on a lead so I keep track of him and I have to stop him you know when we're near a road I have to keep him on a short lead because he will try and cross the road or just randomly
pull me erm it is illegal to damage or deface a public monument I mean I would just change that again just take away the public monument and change it to anything just anything whether it's in front of someone's house whether it's a letterbox, whatever just damaging or defacing something, just stop it stop being naughty it is illegal to tampon, not tampons to tamper with post boxes yep and rightly so I'm not disagreeing with any of these laws really some of them I'm kind of querying but it's illegal to open someone
else's mail intentionally eee I mean I did open someone's mail intentionally erm but that was like I'd lived here for 9 years and I got a letter from one of the previous tenants to this address and I'm like why am I still getting mail after 8 and a half years or whatever it was so I thought I'm going to open it and it was a doctor's letter recent like from a recent visit it's almost like she hadn't even changed her address with her doctor's surgery so I just erm I just did a thing put it back in there,
put some sellotape over it not at this address and put it back in the letterbox but it's like you know normally I just put it back in the letterbox not at this address, go away but I got a neighbour who moved in that was loud wasn't it, got a neighbour who moved in to this flat and she accidentally opened the previous tenants mail because she'd been living here for a year I think at that point and it's just naturally if you share a house or share a property with someone you
might look at the who's it for but I live here on my own so anything that comes through that letterbox is for me I'm opening whatever comes through that letterbox unless I happen to see that it's for someone else if it's for a different I will go and give it to the person and if I have opened it I will apologise and say I didn't look first but I just don't assume that it's going to be for someone else occasionally stuff's come through and I do like to look at the
envelope just to guess who it's from or what it is because generally I get junk mail I don't even get bank statements anymore I just get junk mail the only things from the bank I get do I get bank statements?
I think the only thing from a bank I get now is just the charges when I don't have enough money to pay the bills I don't get any bills by paper yeah so it's a very small amount of stuff I don't get hardly any anyway yeah the neighbour she opened the previous tenant's letter by accident and she realised ooh however if she hadn't of opened it she wouldn't have seen that she was due to have a new kitchen put in so she called up the council and said I just opened
up accidentally opened up the previous tenant's letter and I've been here for a year and it's saying something about having a new kitchen am I able to get back to you to tell you when is a good time to have it done and they said oh that's good we've been trying to get hold of that tenant for three years and they just haven't replied to us it's like they weren't aware that the tenant had gone and they had been kicked out so I guess one department doesn't talk to another department
sort of scenario so she ended up getting a new kitchen that she wouldn't have gotten because they weren't able to get hold of her occasionally I still get a letter from the council to the previous tenant telling me oh here's the receipt for us checking your gas meter pump thing whatever the boiler I've been here for 39 years can't you remember my name it's illegal to set traps for animals without proper authorization I mean I would just put it's illegal to set traps for animals full stop but it is illegal
to hunt certain protected species I'm not really big in hunting so I'll move on from that I know it's different so in some parts of the world and I've seen it and someone will post a picture of them with they were hunting a game and maybe they'll have a big animal and they're kind of with their gun and they're smiling next to this animal and posting a picture and then they post it on Facebook and their friends will be saying well done can't wait till next summer so I can hunt
some animals that I could never take on if it wasn't for having a gun all these stuff now that's ok in some countries in this country that isn't ok even though it's not illegal I could go to Africa South Africa to different countries perhaps America different places and I could go hunting however if I posted that picture on my Facebook page there could be serious consequences and you might think why but why especially if it's like a tiger or a lion even though they're bred for that reason that's why they're
bred specifically for hunters but there was this dentist I think it was years ago who went to I think South Africa or Kenya or somewhere to go on a hunting exhibition and they posted a picture on Facebook and they became the most vile person in the country their picture was all over the national press, on the news and I think they lost their business everything because they posted that picture even though they had not broken a law they hadn't you know it's everyone's got their own thing what's acceptable and what's
not different countries I guess and if I posted a picture of me sitting on top of a bear unless it's a cuddly teddy bear then I better not be sitting on it because if it's still alive I'm in trouble and if it isn't I'm in more trouble, different trouble if I post a picture online because of living in this country see you might not have known that it's true,
true stuff see even things don't have to be illegal to be classed as if they are illegal I mean certain things like you don't you don't date your best friend's ex that's just a standard thing you just don't do it some people do do it and some people have done it, got married had kids and had an amazing life, so I'm not here judging, I'm just saying those are the rules, it's not the law but it's the rules,
there's a lot of rules which you probably got where you live I mean if you think about it two men got put in prison for three and a half years for cutting down a tree in this country recently they cut down a tree and it was a special tree that was a weird voice it was a special tree, it was magical all trees are kind of lovely aren't they but it was there for hundreds of years a lot of trees are there for hundreds of years but it was a special tree people take photographs of it people travel to see if you're going to travel to see a tree then I don't know,
maybe get a hobby I don't know if I'd travel too far to see a particular tree I mean I love forests and I love trees, I think they're lovely they're here longer than we are hopefully if they're left alone and they're more part of the earth with the roots we're kind of on the earth they're in the earth, they're part of it and they provide oxygen and you know,
without them we wouldn't exist if all the trees disappeared but it was one tree and how many thousands of trees got chopped down around the country on that day how many people in their gardens cut down a tree because it was in the way of their greenhouse I mean over the fence had someone cut down a tree because it was stopping the sun from getting into their garden it was a council tree that had probably been there for 50 years and they did it bit by bit they just started taking
getting as high up as they could in the ladder and just chopping down little bits it was like the longest worst haircut you'll ever see in slow motion or whatever that is you know you just see a little bit at a time and in the end it just ended up being a mess and the council came around and they chopped down chopped it down it was a perfectly good tree it wasn't quite as big as the building it just wasn't one of those trees that grow that high but they mangled
it because it was in the way of the sun and then the council came and tidied it up because the other people were moaning because it was all mangled and branches were falling off of it they didn't go to prison the council who chopped down a tree didn't go to prison didn't even get in trouble leave the tree alone so yeah weird some of these laws I mean they were all you know what the way they were talking about these two blokes and the tree being cut down I really thought
it was the amount of press attention it was getting was at the same level as a terrorist attack honestly it was huge news couldn't stop talking about it the news 24 hours a day talking about that tree we've got to find the people responsible it was like one of those things if you see them here's a picture of them we've got them on camera if you see them it's ok to approach them because they just cut down a tree they're not dangerous unless they've got a chainsaw I mean I think
they used like a don't even know what they used to do it like a one of those swiss army knives or something just plant a new tree get in trouble for it I'm not saying it doesn't matter yeah naughty naughty naughty naughty put them on the naughty step give them some community service maybe I don't know but eh give them the same sentence that you would get for doing something really serious like you know it just seems weird it is it is illegal to sell counterfeit goods still happens though happens
a lot if you're ever a tourist in this country or from other countries I mean be careful of these street sellers especially the ones on the bridges in London because if you buy anything off a market don't expect it to be real I mean it might be a t-shirt it's still going to be a real t-shirt but it might not be goatee especially if it's spelled g-o-a-t-y-e-r y-e-r you know it's just don't spend a lot of money on that stuff if you're going to buy perfume be careful because obviously perfume
can irritate your skin and I'm not saying it is but it might be goat pee just letting you know which probably smells as nice as some of the perfume it's illegal to sell food unfit for human consumption yeah good good it's illegal to drive without a license or insurance so why is okay it's illegal to sell food unfit for human consumption but there is some food that I think is really unfit for human consumption I mean technically all chocolate it's not fit it's not good for us is it if it's
not good for our bodies then it shouldn't be allowed if they're going to go down that road I think not allowed it's illegal to drive without a license or insurance true it's illegal to park on double yellow lines unless exempt it's illegal to block access to emergency vehicles and to fail to control dangerous dogs perhaps it should be illegal to possess a dangerous dog I don't know if a dog is dangerous then there's some people around here that their dog is kind of being aggressive towards another dog or a person
to the point of you know biting or something like that and they still walk the dog around like nothing happened or some people their dog is clearly dangerous but they're warning people or maybe the dog is just obviously trying to get to you why don't they just have a mask on them like a muzzle you stick a muzzle on a dog it can't do anything oh but he doesn't like muzzles he doesn't like wearing a muzzle so I'm sure he'd prefer that than the alternative no he doesn't like muzzles no
he doesn't it upsets him does he want to go out or not it's that's like maybe have muzzles for all dogs when they're outside I don't care I'd put one on Vinnie the fact that he doesn't like it would make it more fun oh dear he's asleep now he's waiting he's listening he's waiting for another treat yeah bless him it is illegal to own a certain breed of dog without exemption that's true it's illegal to set fire to property intentionally why have they included this it is illegal why would that
I mean of course it is I thought I was asking for like silly strange UK laws that still exist how is that a strange law I tell you really strange you're going to be in a public situation with people and they're talking about strange laws one of the old ones and I don't even know if it's true or not is if you need to do a poo a police person has to allow you to do it inside their helmet or something or they have to cover you up while you do
it on the floor I remember a friend used to go on about that and I think that's just probably not true but that just seems like a weird thing it is illegal to set fire to a property intentionally that's not a strange law you're not going to say that well you know what you think that one with the policeman is weird do you know what else is against the law and it's like I can't believe it's illegal you're not going to believe honestly get ready for this one you're not even
allowed to set fire to a building on purpose you can't set fire to things what no it's true it's true no really yeah well there goes my weekend then I was looking forward to that I was going to set fire to next doors house they'd gone away I thought it would be nice you know when they come back and say why did you do that I said well I thought it would make a change he said to you you're bored you needed to do something different is it illegal to carry
offensive weapons in public yep is it illegal to carry knives without law for reasons is it illegal to carry an item made or adapted to cause injury is it illegal to throw objects onto roads or railways I mean why would you need a law for that if you're chucking something on a road or railway you'd have to be something very seriously wrong with your brain to do something like that it just yeah absolutely like you know I mean it's yeah I mean I think someone does something like that you know
the old they need their brain tested I think we need to be literal in that situation they I'm not saying experiment on them I kind of am but they definitely need to be observed and to have lots of brain scans and to see what would cause that kind of behaviour in order to maybe prevent it in the future it is illegal to climb on war memorials people do do that it's illegal to damage ancient monuments well that's done all around the world isn't it it's illegal to remove fossils from protected
sites it's would that be museums probably it's illegal to take plants from public land without permission I've never ever seen a plant I wanted to take home I just haven't I've never like thought you know what I need to do on the way home today I'm going to get that plant I've been looking at that for years I'm having that no never it's illegal to disturb nesting birds I didn't know that but good it's illegal to release balloons near airports oh my god really again that's got to be the list
of chucking stuff off bridges and onto motorways and onto railway tracks if someone releases balloons near an airport with planes taken off there's got to be something you know it's illegal to use a mobile phone while driving relatively new law actually there was a time when it was frowned upon but now it's because there was a time when the only thing you could do really was just talk on it so they removed that like you could use it on hands free which is also a distraction having people in your car
is a huge distraction but there's no laws to say that the person sitting next to you has to shut up or the people in the back seat have to be quiet not argue so there's no laws for that but that is a huge distraction but there's and I'd say that probably causes more problems than anything else but a mobile phone because now they don't they've got so much text in and people I mean I actually saw a lorry driver a couple of years back driving fairly fast went right past me
on a road that leads to a motorway and he was watching a movie looked like he had an iPad or something he was literally watching a movie and he wouldn't have seen me if you know it's like wow it's got to be some kind of I suppose if you're inside a lorry or a car and you make it as comfortable as possible it's like a part of you is going to forget that you're inside a car or a lorry if you've got all the comforts you're on like a screen to
watch stuff on because you've got a satnav that's a distraction not allowed to look at a phone but allowed to look at a satnav you see what I mean it's like can you have a hands free phone and look at texas you're not allowed to use a phone so what if you've got a phone that you're using a phone as a satnav and it's hands free you're not allowed to use a phone so yeah it's illegal to fail also having a coffee machine it's illegal to fail to wear a seatbelt
unless exempt is that for the back as well because I grew up in a time when pretty much no one wore seatbelts in the 70s it wasn't the law and they brought the law in and then you know people started wearing them they did tests and realised that seatbelts were kind of important but yeah it was just like natural just to sit there without any seatbelts on it's weird and the same with drink driving people could drink as much as they wanted and drive provided they didn't cause an accident they
wouldn't get in trouble this is I think I don't know if this was the early 70s maybe the 60s but it's I think during my lifetime people were able to drink and drive any amount there was no legal thing for it and then it came in probably mid 70s maybe late 70s I'm guessing the dates I did see a documentary on it and they showed these people they said ok we're going to get you to do this little circuit very basic in a normal car and they got a group of
people together and they gave them drinks and they kept going to a pub and coming back out and they had this little circuit in the pub car park and they had just people like a pensioner they had a 23 year old person, student someone that worked down the mines they even had a professional they had a professional driving like a race driver and they had a driving instructor I'm making that bit up possibly but it sounds good for the sake of the story and they got them all to do this
little course before they started drinking and everyone did it easy you know a few traffic cones just in and out and reverse it was simple and as the day progressed after having a pint or two pints they did it again and the novices the young person maybe that hadn't been driving so long maybe the pensioner struggled a little bit after two or three pints after I don't know how many even at the end of the test even the driving instructor and the racing car driver couldn't do it they were driving
all over the place in fact I think the driving driving instructor pretty much ran over all the cones and then when they finished when he parked I don't know if he, no he didn't drive into the pub but when he he parked and the interviewer because he had the person with him filming it and he turned to the person and said well done you've passed so it's kind of weird it's illegal to drive without headlights at night good mind you I'm not a big fan of the old fog lights the
ones that are really really really bright they're dangerous brilliant when it's foggy obviously and I'm guessing if you're in a pitch black there's certain lights you need in order to see further into the the future but the ones that are really bright I think some cars you can't help it they're just on some lights are on during the day as well it's illegal to advertise without planning permission in some areas it's illegal to erect structures without approval yeah standards and that building thing it's illegal to trade without a license it's
illegal to fail to pay TV licence fee even if watching or streaming live TV so this is a weird thing you might not know about this if you're not in the UK we have a thing called a TV licence and basically it's a tax it's something that you have to pay if you own a TV set and if you can't prove that you're not using the TV set to stream or watch live TV then you have to pay the TV licence and it's quite a hard thing to prove because generally
you know I've got a TV set I could quite easily not watch any live TV at all and just watch Netflix just you know watch YouTube stuff like that the thing is Netflix does give you the ability to do some live streaming and YouTube you can stream live but it's none of it's BBC stuff but once you've got one of those like Apple players or Roku or whatever they've all got you can gain access to live streaming and they know that and the fact that you can gain access to it
means you need to pay a licence it's very hard to kind of get out of it some people manage to do it but I think there's like a £1000 fine or up to a £1000 fine if you get caught without a TV licence and the weird thing about it is the BBC and the BBC has two channels or whatever BBC1 BBC2, BBC4 maybe I don't know but a couple of channels and that's it and all the other free view channels are ITV, Channel 4,
UK Gold all like loads of different other stuff so even if you didn't watch any BBC stuff at all you still have to pay a TV licence if you watch Channel 4 or ITV it's true it's weird isn't it never made sense and it still doesn't it's illegal to sell alcohol without a licence it is illegal to drink alcohol in designated alcohol free zones fair enough I mean it does kind of make sense doesn't it it's illegal to spit in certain public places I don't know where sometimes you kind of have to don't you,
without getting into details sometimes it just needs to be removed it's illegal to drop litter yep it's illegal to fail to clean up after a dog it's illegal to fail to clean up the foul it's illegal I think we should DNA all dogs and then every time a bit of poo is on the ground they can DNA test it they can find out who the owner of the dog is and fine them a thousand pounds give that money to the NHS and I think we would fund the NHS probably for
the next six months just from that money seriously the amount of people that just they might stop doing it though after that it's illegal to feed certain wild animals in protected areas hard to enforce though it's illegal to tamper with railway signals, wow why would someone want to I mean that, oh man can't even imagine that it's illegal to walk on railway tracks yeah it's illegal to trespass on military land I mean both those things it's illegal but seriously dangerous seriously dangerous you trespass on military land it's it's more dangerous
than walking on railway tracks just don't do it it's illegal to photograph certain military installations makes sense really doesn't it it's illegal to refuse to provide name and address when lawfully required but when is it lawfully required that's the question because it seems from what I've seen on some of these auditing channels on YouTube that even the police don't seem to know when it's lawfully required so I don't know I just tell if a police wants to know where I live I tell them here's my wallet,
here's my debit card there's my bus pass, I don't care it's like the idea of you being in town and being asked what's your name I'm not telling you my name and making such a big deal about it that they start to think that you're up to something when all you're doing really is just being awkward but at the same time you should be able to walk down the street without having the police stopping you and asking for your name you know I mean it kind of works both ways I
guess unless you're urinating in the library doorway it's illegal to cause alarm or distress intentionally yeah good it's illegal to block pavements oh plenty of people do that don't they so does that mean that I mean how many times have, by the way pavements are I think they might be called sidewalks where you live, they might have a different name, it's basically that side of the road, so you've got the road that bit where people walk, we call it pavement and the reason I say that is because I've got a worldwide audience,
I've got at least three people in every country listen people block the pavements all the time so what about cars where I live people park on the pavements it's illegal right it is the law it's illegal to park on a pavement in London full stop maybe other cities but definitely London it's illegal like you potentially get towed away serious the rest of the country it's unenforced unless it's like I suppose, I mean if you parked blocking a school entrance or something like that then you get towed away,
you can probably get a big fine or whatever but generally I live on an estate, a housing estate and people park on the pavement like half on the road half on the pavement every day and I speak to other people that are in wheelchairs or electric wheelchairs and they can't drive around so they're kind of stuck on the estate because it's just a main road around it but if they were able to get around on the on the paths they could have an hour or two just riding around the estate
on a lovely day but they can't get more than 5 minutes without having a car in the way then they have to go into the road and they can't see what traffic is coming it's so yeah, yeah it's illegal to block pavements make your mind up it's illegal it's illegal to dump waste illegally it's illegal to burn waste without permission it's illegal to light fires in prohibited countryside areas it's illegal to sell fireworks to under 18s I'm pretty sure when I was a kid you could buy fireworks as a kid but I might be wrong it is illegal to possess fireworks illegally mind you,
when I was a kid I used to go to the shop and buy my mum's cigarettes and alcohol or collect it I don't even know if I had any money, just go and collect it and used to light them for her, used to light cigarettes for her I was about 4 at the time it's illegal to possess fireworks illegally it's illegal to set off fireworks at restricted times it's illegal to sell aerosols to minors it's illegal to cause smoke nuisance I think it should be illegal to sell aerosols to anybody
those things that go like people have at football matches and stuff way too loud there's no reason ever to have something like that ever apart from as a self defence because that yeah if someone's committing a crime or you know has bad intentions towards another person having an aerosol go off is going to they're going to run away they're not going to stick around with that blowing because it's too it hurts your ears doesn't it plus they know it's going to you can't not garner other people's attention with an aerosol
it's illegal to allow excess vehicle noise good so let's ban all motorways then yeah is that what you're saying it's illegal to drive dangerously yeah good it's illegal to sell age restricted products to minors that's the whole point of age restricted products isn't it to sell them to only people that are restricted within that age it's now illegal to advertise tobacco it's illegal to it's illegal to block fire exits yeah it's amazing that people would need to be told that really you'd think that would be you know what I mean
it's like don't balance a hot frying pan on your head it's like obviously you shouldn't need to be told that don't try and parachute out of a tree you know parachute's not going to open you're going to have time don't bungee jump from a bridge when the river's frozen over you know just things like that it's illegal to purchase alcohol on behalf of a minor that's a difficult one because if you're an adult and you've got these kids that they're like can be a little bit intimidating you know and they're
like 10 of them or 12 of them all stand outside the shop alright mate go and get this can you buy this we'll give you the money can you get that for us no I shan't be purchasing alcohol on behalf of a minor because it's illegal I don't do it but just yeah I definitely avoid that situation it's illegal to damage CCTV cameras it's illegal to steal water why would you need to steal water from where we have taps I mean how do you steal water well that'd be a weird
phone call to the police yeah hi about a break in oh ok er did they take anything not really what do you mean well they did take some water they took a glass of water right we'll come round and get some fingerprints like how do you steal I don't know how you steal water it's illegal to sell unsafe I don't know why it's not funny but to sell unsafe toys of course it should be illegal it's like it's illegal to fail food hygiene inspections no it's not illegal it's it's unfortunate
and you could get closed down but you have to make changes and then they do another inspection I think there's a point if they do enough inspections and you don't get a good mark you could be closed down but it's not sort of I think it's one of those grey areas where you just have to make changes to make yourself better have better hygiene hygiene I remember there was a kebab place locally and my friend used to love that place always ordered from there and I'd order from it sometimes and
the place got closed down temporarily because their hygiene level wasn't good they had a sink that didn't even work they weren't washing their hands like all day weren't washing their hands there was a toilet under the counter there wasn't but it's like a sink that doesn't work what is the point in that that reminds me when I worked in a chip shop they had a sink that didn't work and I said you need to get this fixed this is ridiculous because we were literally standing there pretending to wash our hands
now I don't know if that's true or just a made up but it sounds quite funny not funny funny but like just imagine standing there pretending to wash your hands and you've got all batter all over your hands and then you go back and the batter is still on your hands that'd be a weird one wouldn't it it's illegal to mislabel food products also to sell fireworks without safety information which no one reads of course it's illegal to cause light pollution in designated zones I don't know what that means what
does light pollution mean I really don't know it is illegal to ignore court summons well if I ever get called out for jury duty I will not be going so I guess I won't ignore it I'll just tell them I'm not going and if they say you've got to come then they're just going to have to come and get me and arrest me because I'm not sitting on any jury service because I know that I'm not capable of doing that sometimes it's good to know our limits and because the fact
is if someone's guy comes in depending like when it comes to actually deciding on the whatever you know whether or not they're guilty or innocent for me it's going to depend on how I feel on the day what my mood is so if I wake up and I'm in a really good mood I'll say yeah they're innocent what do you mean they're innocent they admitted to it no they're innocent come on so yeah I would never do never and two of the people in my building have already done it they've
been on jury service and I ain't not never never doing it never I won't and they can do what they want take me to court that'd be weird wouldn't it if I end up having having a jury looking at me because I wouldn't do jury service but it's your it's your duty as a member of society look if it's bad for society for me to be a member of a jury then it's not a good thing for me to be a member of the jury is it it's like don't put
me in charge of a department in the government because I will mess things up there are some things it's sometimes good to know ourselves it is illegal to break any act of parliament even the ones that still technically enforce even the odd ones still technically enforce would that be interesting to know the acts of parliament that are still enforced that are just ridiculous I'm just going to see if this anyway oh okay it's illegal to be drunk in charge of cattle, horses or sheep on a highway unless the cattle,
horses or sheep are I mean okay it's illegal to import potatoes from Poland without proper certification it's a plant health law what's wrong with Poland's potatoes I'm just going to see if there's any other weird ones you must not urinate in public places local bylaws fair enough kind of I mean isn't a public toilet a public place am I being too pedantic I mean a public toilet is by it's name a public place you must not drive without wearing glasses if your license requires them okay cycling on pavements cycling on
pavements is illegal unless signs permit it now if everyone that cycled on a pavement got arrested the prisons would have to re they'd have to build about another 10 prisons right I'm pretty much done 1351 it is illegal to treasonously imagine the death of a monarch treason act 1351 wow so you can't even imagine it's illegal to even think things back then you must not touch the crown jewels I wonder if Camilla was told it's illegal okay I'm just looking for any really weird ones I think that's it I think
that's it publicly indecent public indecency in graveyards is illegal I broke that law in 1991 sorry we didn't have anywhere to go let it not be said that I don't know how to show a lady a good time definitely a memorable first date not something I would do today I was a young carefree naughty boy back then I do believe that is the end of this recording I just want to say thank you for listening there's been some weird laws here remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy be gentle with yourself you deserve to feel safe and remember that you are enough you really are already enough and you're going to be okay lots of love bye
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.