Read along
Complete transcript
Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland, this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Today is October the 10th, it's Monday, Vinnie's under the desk chewing on one of his bony things.
It's been raining all day, all day, I got very wet, not in a good way, just wet, I literally could have just wet myself and no one would have known, mind you normally when it's raining you don't have steam coming off your crotch do you, but you know what I mean, it's like it would have been, that's a weird visual, so yeah this is Monday's Boring Objects.
What I thought today, if I could stop yawning, I'm going to do something a little bit different. Now I've talked, I do a lot of talking, I mean literally I do a lot of talking and I've been talking about writing a book for years, in fact I was talking about writing a book long before I even started this podcast, and I don't mean this episode, I'm talking you know, the very first recording I did was, okay the first recording I ever did was March the, Tuesday March the 27th 2018, so what I've done, and there's a few variations and ideas of what I would like to do,
I'm not quite sure where I'm going with it, but I'm at least, I'm at least kind of pushing the pebble down the hill, down the snow covered hill, in the chance that maybe, maybe I'll push a few down, that one of them will take the form of a snowball, and then at the end of the bottom of the hill I can make a snowman, or snowwoman, depends how many carrots I can find, again that's a weird thing to say, a couple of potatoes, so I was thinking, to start with I'll do a diary,
go back and I've got all my recordings transcribed, word, well word perfect, pretty much word for word, and I use a website called TurboScribe, so I pay monthly for that, oh blimey, so I thought okay, there's different things I'd like to do, I'd like to do my life story, kind of just for me really, but the problem is, some of it's not going to be very pleasant, and I don't know how I feel, well I kind of do know how I feel about that, I don't like it, because I would say my,
you or people, other people that listen to me, are not used to me really talking about serious stuff, I know you know with the occasional bereavement and stuff I will talk about it, but I won't, I don't go into detail, explicit detail, I don't go into, if it's just like something that's going on in my life I'm going to talk about it, but I don't talk about my past, and I don't talk about some of the weird stuff that's happened, and I don't go into much detail about what goes on inside my mind, if that makes any sense, so I try and keep things light, try and keep things upbeat, I don't always succeed, but generally that is my aim with these recordings.
Now if I was going to write a book, how I would use my transcripts was, I would go through all of them, all 1,450 whatever, and just focus on one subject each time I go through all of them, one would be maybe the children's home, and just find out and you know, mark what time, what date, you know that I wrote that and talked about it, and compile that, and then out of that compilation of stuff that I've talked about, then I can perhaps write a page based on that information,
so use it as a jog in my memory really I guess, and you never know there might be the odd funny line that comes out which I think, oh I can use that, I'm going to steal that line, after all it is mine, and so that's one thing, and I'm kind of like, oh, but then there's the other kind of book which would be the diary, which is just day in day out what I've been up to, based on what I've written, what I've not written,
what I've talked about in my Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcasts, bearing in mind each one lasts about an hour, sometimes longer, and at the beginning of most of my recordings I just talk about what's gone on during the day, maybe a few little bits and bobs, sometimes I talk about memories from the past, I would say I probably did that a lot more in the earlier days, maybe I've become a little bit more focused, mildly more focused than before, you know with things like the trivia Tuesday, Mondays boring objects,
the Thursday throwbacks, it's Q&A Friday, so it's almost a kind of, I still talk about what's going on, I still talk about memories and that, but it's a little bit more structured than perhaps it used to be, and maybe that's not a good thing, maybe I should get rid of those structures and just let it be how it used to be, maybe let me know what you think, and you may be thinking right now, I'm lying down, I've got my eyes closed, I can't let you know, and I'm not getting up,
turning the light on and writing something down just to remind me to send you a message, so stop it, stop asking me to do things, okay, fair enough, sorry, Soz, I've never said soz, I've never said lol to someone that said something funny, I either laugh or I don't laugh, sometimes I smile, even if I don't think it's funny, I might smile or maybe I'll smile if it's funny but not, I don't put on a laugh, I don't like to laugh unless I laugh, I definitely wouldn't say lol, I mean,
text, okay, for texting or internet talk, but not like in an actual conversation, Rolf, I mean like clearly I'm not, I'm just sitting there, so why am I saying Rolf, I'm now rolling around on the floor laughing, but I'm not, am I, it's weird, Anyway, so that's another thing, this is another, something else I was thinking, maybe, because I'm now an old fogey, I was wondering if maybe, I have some kind of life, something to pass on, something, I don't want to use the word wisdom,
but something maybe that might be useful to pass on to other people, maybe younger people, that might, it might just be useful to them, I don't know, you know, if I want to do something like that, I don't want to do it in a conceited way, I don't want to do it like, I'm the adult and this is what you should do, not like that, I don't know, I mean, a few years ago, I did consider writing a, or doing a recording, where just for maybe 5 or 10 minutes a day,
I talk to my child, that I never had, and just sort of say hello and pass on my fatherly knowledge, you know, what I would, if I had a child, what I would like my child to know, or a few tips that may help my child from making the mistakes that I made, just a few little things, you know, so, I never did it in the end, I think I might have started, this is about 2012, I might have started doing it, but then nothing came from it, in fact,
the only real consistency, as in an actual podcast that I've done, is the Let Me Bore You To Sleep, I mean, I've been consistently making recordings for nearly 10 years, 20 years nearly, but the actual, for one particular podcast, the Let Me Bore You To Sleep is the only one that I've been doing for, well, since 2018, so what's that now, 7 and a half years, imagine when it gets to 10 years, wow, shall I make myself a cake, yeah, so that's how I'm thinking, maybe I could mix that together,
what I've learnt, with my life story, because I realise that my life story is not going to be of any interest to, it might be mildly interesting to people that listen to my recordings, just as there's going to be some silly jokes in it, you know, it'll be me talking, so, not talking, but, I mean, I could do a talk, couldn't I, I suppose I could do the audio for the book, stick on audible, but it's not really about the finished product really at this stage, it's just,
who would want to listen to it, or rather, who would want to read it, I mean, that's the thing, and I don't want to go down the line of being overly dramatic, or overly honest, but at the same time, I do want to be honest in that situation, and then, on the other side of the coin, I don't want to upset anyone that may have been part of my life, by talking about them, or what they've done, or how they've affected me, or maybe how I've affected them,
because I've definitely not lived a perfect life, many regrets, many regrets, was it Sat Frank Sinatra, I've had regrets, da da da, da da da da, might be the opposite, huge amounts, huge amounts, sometimes, I just go in the kitchen and I regret it, like, I wish I hadn't gone in the kitchen, I wish I'd gone in the bathroom instead, but hey, that's a different story, I need to get some Dettol, some bleach, so, what I've been doing today, what I've been doing this week, is getting together the recordings on my laptop,
I did mention this yesterday, so, so far, I've got year 2018, 2019, 2020, so, 2018 starts on March, as I said, March the 27th, and 2018 finishes on December 31st, like, as far as my recordings, that is, I know, it always finishes on the 31st, I did 70 recordings in 2018, between March and December, in 2018, rather, did I say 2017? 2018, now, 2019, I did, let's see how many, where's December?
Really? There's no December, oh, yes there is, so, I managed to do, did I say 70? So, I got up to 288 by the end of 2019, so, that's 100, 200, and 18, is that right? 218, because January, yeah, so, 218 recordings I did in 2019, and in 2020, I went all the way up to, no, what's going on?
November, no, that's weird, right, I'm not sure, well, I am, I got up to 500 by 22nd of September, 2020, so, I did a lot of recordings in 2020, however, it was, I was at home most of the time, so, I probably had a lot more time to do it, how weird, so, I started in January, 2020, oh, 289, so, 289, and by September, I was at 500, October, November, so, probably, yeah, wow, so, I probably did October, November, maybe 60, 70, so, that was quite a good month,
quite a good year, rather, so, that's as far as I've got with the actual, it's not as far as I've got with the transcripts, I've got a lot more done that are transcribed, I just haven't added them to the desktop, and I'm in the process of sorting out the dates, because some of them don't have dates on, and I need the dates in order to have it as a diary, so, what I've done is I've gone to ChatGPT.com, and I've basically said, please write a diary for each date, with date,
for each date, the first, in the first person, as if it's the actual day, so, I'm asking them to write verbatim, right, OK, so, here we go, make sure this is where it comes from, yeah, it's fine, so, it's verbatim, pretty much what I've said, now, before I would send this off, and, you know, I would check through it, to make sure that I actually had said that, because ChatGBT can be a little bit cheeky and add its own stuff, but, on this occasion, it doesn't look like it has,
I've had to be very specific, so, Tuesday 27th of March, I thought I'd just read out some of the entries, just to give you an idea of what was going on, in 2018, because I was a little bit surprised, in a way, just, I don't know why really, but just, thinking back, seeing the stuff that I've written, and, yeah, I'm still waiting for it to consolidate it into a PDF file, for 2018, and then I'm going to just, I'll download that, and just look through it, and, you know,
work on it a little bit, by looking at the individual transcripts, so, I've got Tuesday 27th of March, 2018, so, this is my Monday's Boring Objects, my diary, 2018 diary, I know, it's a bit of a, it's a long shot to call it Monday's Boring Objects, but, yeah, you know, in the past, I used to write journals, and I mean for decades, I wrote journals, just about my tedious life, really, like nothing interesting, just what was going on, what comedy clubs I went to, how it went, maybe some jokes that I thought up,
stuff that happened at work, how I was feeling, and I would love to have all those now, but they're gone, you know, I destroyed them, so, it would be amazing, because I started, I started writing them in 1990, and I destroyed them in 2011, so, yeah, what was that, 1990, 2000, 2010, so, 21 years, and I deleted, I didn't delete them, I literally destroyed them, I mean, why I didn't take, turn them into PDFs or something, I'll never know, and I travelled around with those, big massive pile that were growing constantly of books,
they were basically just pads, refill pads, and I'd go through long periods without writing anything, and then I'd go through a period when I'd just write a lot, it, you know, it varied, I mean, I could spend this whole session talking about writing my journals, how it all started, and that, and I do feel a little bit sad that they're gone, and, but it, something happened, and I, I had to destroy something, and that was the safest thing to destroy, really, Tuesday, 27th of March, 2018, it's spring morning,
and I'm lying on my bed, the rain is falling outside my window, now, chances are, I actually, I recorded this while I was on my bed, because what I originally did with these Let Me Boys Asleeps was, first of all, I didn't know what they were, I didn't, didn't really know where I was going with them, I still kinda don't, but, I didn't know what they were gonna be, So, in the first few, I do kinda talk about that a little bit, and, you know,
I feel the vibration of my own voice through the bed, a strange but comforting feeling, now, that does sound familiar, because I've read that transcript, so I think I did say that, I'm letting my thoughts drift, just being in this quiet environment, it feels good to stop for a bit, there's an energy of calmness that fills the room, as if I've allowed myself to finally slow down, each breath softer, I let go of everything that doesn't really matter right now, the noise, the worry, the rush, the rain, the birds,
the plane, the plane, the plane, all of it seems to blend together into this calm background hum, I feel peaceful, almost like the world outside is joining in my stillness, that doesn't sound like me, maybe it sounds like me when I'm doing a recording like that, maybe, yeah, I do go off a little bit sometimes when I do stuff like that, but, it's not how I would talk, it's a little bit, a little bit fragrancy, a little bit flowery, perhaps, I'm very plain the way I talk, Wednesday the 28th of March,
so this is when I start to move a little bit away from the, I start to talk about my life a little bit, but I was using it in a way to help to relax the audience, so this is the journal entry there, I found myself thinking today about when I used to work as a security guard years ago, I can still picture those long nights walking through empty buildings, checking rooms, switching off lights, locking windows, there was a kind of quiet satisfaction in that,
winding down a big office block until everything was still and dark, so I was kind of trying to, it's a true story and it was a true memory, but trying to connect that with the idea of turning the mind off, you know, turning all the lights off, closing the windows, you know, turning all that stuff, so I was still kind of in that mode, the memory made me think of how I wind myself down now, closing up the different parts of my mind one by one, like those rooms, see,
see what I did, blimey, it feels similar somehow, turning everything off and knowing it's all safely waiting for me tomorrow, so yeah, these definitely are my words, this is what I said, I also thought about the feeling of taking off heavy armour after wearing it for too long, that sense of relief when the weight lifts from your shoulders, I suppose we all carry our own kind of armour, letting it go for a while feels good, so yeah, that is something I've talked about before, but again, I'm still focusing on like the relaxation,
some may think, well why don't you do that now, isn't that the point, stop it, I was in a reflective mood today, this is Thursday 29th of March, are you really going to do the whole year, I might, I might actually do the whole year, this is like a first, a very first draft, so 29th of March, Thursday, 2018, I was in a reflective mood today, I kept thinking about how people try to force things, like trying to make themselves sleep, or forcing themselves to feel something that can't be forced,
it reminds me of times I've done the same, lying there trying too hard to relax, which only makes it worse, I caught myself smiling at the thought that sleep is a bit like a fart, it's best when it happens naturally, that still makes me laugh, now I don't think I said it like that, if my memory is so, just don't ever try and force a fart, so they've re-poetted it a little bit more, poetically written it, I caught myself smiling at the thought, no, I don't think I'm ever going to write down,
I caught myself smiling at a memory of years gone by, I was but a child, walking up a hill, there was a scarecrow, he wouldn't give me my turnips back, I don't know, this is not really my way of talking, I drifted into memories of times when I'd been so tired while someone was talking endlessly, yeah, you can probably all relate to that, me being the one talking endlessly, and all I wanted to do was to lie down and sleep, that image stayed with me, the idea of being bored into calmness,
I think boredom can be gentle sometimes, it quiets the mind, so this is when I start to kind of realise what I'm doing, start to think about it, thinking about people in the past where they've been talking and I literally just wanted to curl up and go to sleep, because I couldn't, I just couldn't follow what they were saying, not because I didn't want to, not because I didn't like them, I just didn't have the energy, and perhaps I didn't want to, but I still liked them, the same with Uncle Sausages,
he would not stop talking about sport, but he didn't stop me caring about the man, he was Uncle Sausages after all, and Vinnie adored him, you know, I've probably said this before, they'd have conversations through the door, so I'd be in here sometimes and I'd think where's Vinnie gone, and he was out by the front door going, and sometimes barking a little bit, and I'd look through the keyhole and I could see Uncle Sausages was the other side of the door talking to him, you're right Vinnie, oh how are you doing today, you're like what?
It's funny, it's true as well, so Friday the 30th of March 2018, Good Friday, normally I'm pretty sure that every time Good Friday comes around I start talking about the Good Friday from 1987, when I'd just moved into the flat above the chip shop, and I had hot cross buns, a cup of tea, and my friend Neil came round and we watched Words of Gummidge on my black and white TV, it's just a memory that I've got, it's quite a nice memory, it's Good Friday today, Andre's been full of energy again,
so those who don't know who Andre is, he was my little boy, my ferret, he was my first son, Vinnie's my second son, and I got him in 2015, September, so I moved in here April 2015, Andre's been full of energy again, scratching at the door and making a racket, I should have known better, he never gives up until he gets his way, he's been with me for about two and a half years now, he's funny, unpredictable, and endlessly curious, he's got this thing for feet, he sniffs them, licks them,
even gives the occasional gentle bite, he's asleep now, finally calm, I was looking at him earlier lying on his back with his little paws in the air, and I thought about how lucky I am to have him, people always stop me when I take him out, telling me how beautiful he is, and they're right, he's gorgeous, he feels like my family, my little boy, it's strange how much he feels the quiet moments, sometimes it's just me and him in the flat, but it doesn't feel lonely, and being Good Friday,
my thoughts turned to Easter, I thought about how for Christians it's more important than Christmas, all about renewal and re-resurrection, I like that idea of letting go and starting fresh, my mind wandered to the world outside, Brexit and all the division it's caused, wow, that's going back, I forgot about it, but I've not thought about that in a while, it's sad seeing how quickly people turn on each other, I wish more of us could just let go of the old fears we carry from the past,
like someone who grew up under a volcano and still expects it to erupt years later, even after moving somewhere peaceful, wow, that's very philosophical of me, that would be weird wouldn't it, so moving away from a volcano and still expecting a volcano to erupt, I've lost everything, a home, a job, a family, but the fact they've survived means something, I've had my own shares of ups and downs, but I'm still here, still alive, still breathing, that in itself feels like an achievement worth noticing today.
Andre climbed up onto the bed today for a cuddle, he's such a funny little creature, sometimes he acts more like a cat than a ferret, he sat there on me like one of those James Bond villains stroking their pets, he didn't stay long though, jumped off and ran off again, I love those moments when he decides to be affectionate, they never last long but they do make me smile.
I've been feeling more relaxed lately, my body's been heavy and loose, like I've finally slowed down a bit, it's strange how noticing little things, my jaw softening, my shoulders dropping, makes such a difference, I don't know if I was saying that in order to be relaxing to the audience, I'm not sure, or it might just be how I was feeling.
Tuesday 3rd April 2018, I've been so tired today, it doesn't seem to matter how long asleep, I still wake up exhausted, got up, went to the toilet, stood there half asleep doing a long steamy wee, and thought about going straight back to bed. I've lost some weight over the last few months, though not on purpose, just a bit around the stomach, which is good, still overweight but lighter than before, it feels nice when clothes hang a bit easier, I imagine what it would be like to go on a date and bore someone so much that their eyes glaze over.
That made me laugh, there's something comforting about being so ordinary, so unremarkable.
4th April Wednesday 2018, I've been thinking about routine lately, I'm trying to get a bit more structure into my days, even if it's just small things, like what time I eat or record. I've never been great with structure, too much chaos in the brain sometimes, my voice was croaky this morning, I noticed it as soon as I spoke, maybe it's the cold air, I really don't care how I sound anymore, I've been called the sandman before, I always wondered why, looked it up once and apparently it's some mythical character that helps people sleep.
I like that idea, though I don't remember much about it now, funny how memory drifts like sand through an hourglass, that was poetic.
Unless ChatGPT added it, it's possible. It does sound like something I might say though, trying to be clever, all I can do is attempt it. Thursday 5th April 2018, something funny happened with the neighbour today, he's proud because the council finally put up a new fence and gate after people were cutting through the garden, he looks so pleased with himself, staring at the sky as if expecting applause.
I couldn't resist teasing him, I said I'll stop people walking through unless they know how to use a gate handle, his look at me was priceless, I think he thought I was mad. It was a sunny afternoon and the whole thing made me laugh more than it should have, simple moments like that stay with me, I forgot about that, I think I was in the garden, it was a nice day, I was with my friend downstairs.
Saturday 7th April 2018, I've been thinking about my life's goals lately, I'm 47 now, wow I'm 55 now, 47 now and I don't see the point in big before I die lists.
I'd rather have small goals, things I want to do before I next have to visit family or take a bath, I joked to myself that I'd like to achieve something before I next have to trim my pubes, it's daft but true, smaller goals feel easier. I remember when I quit smoking in 1999, there was this American relaxation audio I used to listen to every morning, a woman's voice guided me through a forest, it was beautiful, I loved it so much that I listened every day until my brain linked to her voice with calmness, it helped me stop, that memory still feels warm somehow.
That's true as well, I've got it somewhere, I've got that on audible, Susan Merrillfield, I think that's kind of inspired me a little bit to maybe one day, it kind of sowed the seeds of maybe making something similar myself.
But again it was a long time ago and there wasn't such things on the internet and that was like a physical tape I think, audio tape. Sunday 8th April 2018, there's a pigeon outside my window again, sitting on a branch and waiting for me to start talking before it begins cooing like it's in competition, it's loud and repetitive but I find it kind of funny now. I've been noticing my body more, the way my ankles and legs feel relaxed, how nice it is just to wiggle my toes, my body feels lighter, almost new, sometimes those small physical things are what makes a day better.
Mmm, I was obviously in a good mood that day. Monday 9th April 2018, the neighbours were yelling today, it's strange, the total lack of awareness some people have, I'll never understand it. Living in a building with others means being considerate, doesn't it? Maybe I'm just too uptight.
Birds were singing outside too, real singing this time, not the pigeons. I always loved birdsong, though pigeons drive me mad. I remember Trafalgar Square when I was a kid, how it was full of pigeons back then, full of them, hundreds of them.
I used to love standing there surrounded by them, now they're all gone, moved on somewhere else. I looked at the bipolar group I'm in on Facebook, people were arguing again. So much disagreement and the need to be right.
Make me think about how positive, how pointless arguments are. No one ever wins, it's just people shouting louder. I'd rather feel something real than be right.
Tuesday April 10th 2018, I wasn't feeling great emotionally last night. After going to the toilet, I decided to sit quietly and listen to smooth radio through my TV. I turned off the lights, reclined in my chair, took my glasses off and just breathed.
The music was soft, songs from years ago. I could feel the air on my face where my glasses had been and it reminded me of being a kid running around the park near home. I must have been eight or so, I used to jog slowly around the park.
No rush, no finish line, no ice cream waiting, just a rhythm of movement and a space to think. I did, I used to do that, I used to love running when I was younger. Wednesday 11th April 2018, my neck's been hurting today.
All that running, all that relaxing. Right at the back shooting up my head, probably just a pulled muscle, nothing serious. I went to bed about half two so I'm tired.
Someone left a comment online saying that my stuff helps with anxiety, that made me feel good. I never meant to help anyone, not really. Really? I never meant to help anyone, not really, but it's nice to know it does.
That's not true. I never meant to help anyone, not really, but it's nice. Maybe because when I was thinking about letting me bore you to sleep, I wasn't focusing on anxiety or stress, it was more just sleep.
Maybe that's what I meant when I said that. I thought back to my time in the Sea Cadets. I must have been in it for a couple of years.
I don't remember much in detail, just it was meant to be like a junior version of the Navy. Uniforms, ranks, stripes on the shoulders. My memories of it are fuzzy, like faded photos.
I don't miss it though, I don't think I would have written like faded photos. I think ChatGBT added that bit. I don't miss it though, I was never much for discipline, that's true.
I started thinking about routine again, how chaos hates structure. Maybe that's why I've always struggled to keep things steady, the mind can feel like a protest sometimes. Too much stress, too much thinking.
I imagine it holding up little picket signs saying too much worry. The mind holding up picket signs, well. Thursday 12th April 2018.
My stomach's been making noises all morning. I'm hungry, but also annoyed. I just got my gas and electric bill.
It was causing my stomach to gurgle because I got an electric bill. And the amount they want feels ridiculous. Hungry isn't the word I'd use for that feeling.
I suppose hangry now isn't it they use? It's like more of a newer word, hungry and angry. Still my neck's feeling better than it did yesterday, so that's something. I can't remember if it started hurting yesterday or the day before.
All the days blur into each other sometimes. I've been thinking about neuroplasticity, how the brain can change itself, adapt and learn. It's strange but fascinating.
It makes me think about how much of life comes down to what we focus on, what we expect, what we allow. It's been a long quiet day. Even with the noise in my stomach and the bills on the table, I feel calm somehow.
Like I'm learning to let things go and come and go without reacting. Maybe that's enough for now. So we've got April 13th.
April 13th? Friday April 13th. It's Friday the 13th today. I've never really been superstitious.
Though the day always makes me pause a little. I've spent some of the day thinking about how odd our brains are. How we can get stuck on an idea and not even know why.
Thanks Finn. I used to be more serious about beliefs and habits, but these days I'm more interested in letting go of them. I remember being younger and feeling like I had to be right about everything.
Even silly things like who was the best singer or what colour a car was. Now I couldn't care less. I find it freeing to let the world be what it is.
It's not that I don't care, it's just that the need to control everything has gone. I'd rather sit back with Andre on my lap and let the day pass peacefully. 16th of April 2018.
Monday. I went for a walk earlier. The air was cool but clean and it felt good to move.
My mind's been quieter lately. Finn is... Finn is trying to find somewhere to settle down. He's trying to sleep, get comfortable on the curtain.
The bit of the curtain that's on the floor. I thought about how strange the body can be. How something that hurt yesterday can feel fine today.
I think about pain a lot and how people experience it. Not just physical pain but the emotional kind that hides underneath. Andre was restless this morning.
He gets into everything. I had to laugh watching him trying to squeeze into a space that's far too small for him. Determined as ever.
He doesn't give up easily. That one. And Tuesday 17th April.
It's been a slow, thoughtful day. I've found myself remembering odd things. School science classes.
How the teacher used to drone on and on. How I'd stare out of the window. I thought about the mind and the body and how they connect.
And there's a comfort in understanding how things work. Even if the explanations are simple. I used to be fascinated by how nerves carry signals and how the brain changes over time.
It still amazes me how much our thoughts can affect how we feel physically. Andre's been good company today. He follows me everywhere like a little shadow.
Sometimes I talk to him out loud and it actually helps me sort my thoughts out. He just stares at me like he understands. Maybe he does.
Friday 20th April. I bought new batteries today. It's silly how something so small can make me feel like I've got a new start.
A clean slate. Like the energy in the room changes with them. I was thinking about how long I've been doing this kind of thing.
Since I was 35. I'm nearly 48 now. Hard to believe that much time has passed.
I used to make videos in black and white because the webcam was so terrible quality back then. I thought it made me look more artistic. It's funny to look back at old photos or videos and see how much younger I looked.
I suppose that shouldn't surprise me. Because I was younger. But it's still strange.
Andre made me laugh again today. He has this habit of saving all his farts until he poos. Like he's building up pressure for the big event.
He does it right in front of me sometimes like he's daring me to comment. Such a character. Not just a pet but family.
Monday 23rd April. It's a mild spring evening. Around 8 o'clock.
I've got the windows open. Letting in the fresh air. I can hear birds outside.
Faint but steady. An occasional plane flying overhead. There's also that distant sound of trains heading to London.
It makes me think of travel. Of people starting new lives in far away places. I imagine them with a suitcase and a dream.
Maybe somewhere like Canada or India or Australia. I've never been brave enough to just up and leave like that. I met Dad for lunch last Thursday.
We sat outside and even though I stayed in the shade I managed to get sunburnt. My forehead's just been stingy ever since. I've always been like that.
I don't tan, I just burn. I remember being a kid and hating the sun because of it. Still it was nice seeing Dad.
He looked well. We chatted about ordinary things. Sometimes that's enough.
24th Tuesday April. Something odd happened last night. I got an email from Google saying that someone in America logged into my account.
I had to go and change every password I've got. I ended up deactivating Facebook and Twitter for safety. And the idea of someone trying to hack me is ridiculous.
They'd be so disappointed if they saw my bank balance. I took Andre for a long walk in a country lane earlier. I let him run off the lead for a bit.
He loves sprinting ahead and then waiting for me to catch up. He's always trying to squeeze himself into tiny holes in the ground, rolling in the grass, towel flicking with excitement. The air was fresh and I could smell earth and damp leaves.
I didn't bother rushing. There's never much reason to. I prefer walking slowly and letting the world move at its own pace.
Monday 30th April. The fridge has been buzzing all day. It's a soft hum, almost comforting.
Though it does remind me to sort out the kitchen soon. And my chairs squeak again and the TV's been making those crackling noises when it cools down after being switched off. I've been thinking about ways to make ends meet.
Maybe I could get some support to cover the costs of all the online stuff I do. The websites, the podcasts, the services. They do add up.
I saw a familiar face on the bus the other day. One of the dog walkers I usually nod to in the park. She looked different.
Without her dog. Out of context. It took me a minute to realise who she was.
It's strange how we build these quiet little connections with people who we don't really know. I thought back to when I used to ride the same bus every day years ago. Seeing the same faces again and again.
I even said hello to one woman once, realised halfway through the conversation I didn't actually know her. We just shared the same routine. It's funny how life gives you those small harmless misunderstandings.
Andre is being quiet tonight. Just the occasional shuffle from his corner. It's peaceful here.
The hum of the fridge. The creak of the chair. And the simple calm of another month ending.
I don't know if I would say that. Another month ending? That sounds a bit too poetic. So we're starting with May now.
Fourth of May. It's late. Nearly one in the morning and I've been surrounded by screens again.
iPad, iPhone, laptop, television. It's a bit ridiculous how much tech I've got going at once. I was trying to get everything to sync properly but instead I ended up with a tangle of cables, glowing lights and a mild headache.
There's something oddly satisfying about seeing all the gadgets working together. Though the room feels like mission control. I'm not sure what the mission is exactly but it keeps me occupied.
Andre is being quiet tonight. He's probably curled up in the bed by now. Sometimes he wakes up and scurries around making little noises.
It's peaceful having him nearby even when he's snoring. He did snore. Vinnie snores as well.
I looked at myself on the television earlier today. I looked at myself on the television earlier today. Oh right, so I think I must have streamed from the phone.
Blimey, that's not a great picture. The lighting here is terrible. Still I suppose I should be grateful to even have the choice to watch myself at all.
When I was a kid we barely had proper video recorders. The world's changed so much. It's true isn't it really, if like a long time ago the idea of being able to make a video of yourself so easily without spending, well they were expensive video cameras in the 80s.
My dad had one. Sunday 6th of March, 6th of May rather. I found myself thinking about names today.
My name in particular. It's funny how people always try to correct the pronunciation of my own surname. Even at the doctors they say Newlund, Newland instead of Newland.
It shouldn't annoy me but it does a bit. It got me thinking about identity. How much of who we are sits in something as small as a name.
When I was younger I didn't even know my surname until I was about 7. I suppose I didn't think much about those things back then. Life was simpler. I remember when I was a kid living in Newcastle my brothers used to test things out on me.
About that time they made me pick up a bee to see if it would still sting me. Of course it did. Hurt like mad.
I didn't learn a thing from it to be honest. I just got stung and then for some reason I ate it. Kids do weird things when they're little and curious.
I also used to eat daddy long legs. I don't know why, probably hungry or daftness. I can still picture the old flats, the grey walls, the buzzing in the summer air.
Strange how those tiny memories stick when so much else fades away. Lately I've been thinking about how experiences change us. Like tadpoles turning into frogs.
Not literally but in the sense that everything transforms slowly and quietly without us noticing. Maybe we're all just evolving through the little things. Bad days, good days, odd moments.
With bees and brothers. Saturday 26th May. It's nearly one o'clock in the morning.
Technically the 25th. But it still feels like Saturday night. The flat's quiet except for the faint hum of the fridge and Andre shuffling around.
I was thinking earlier about how people at the doctor's always mispronounce my name. It's become a theme lately. When I went in to get a letter from my bus pass the receptionist called me Mr Newland again.
I didn't correct her. What's the point? She charged me £25 for the same letter they'd been printing for years. Which is usually free.
I can't complain too much though, it's part of life isn't it? Small annoyances. I keep laughing to myself about Andre's habits. He's such an odd little thing.
He sneezes when he eats. A proper sneezing fit. And I can never tell whether it's funny or worrying.
The other night he was climbing all over me. Sniffing everything as usual. And at one point he started licking my feet.
Then stopped to lick his bum. Charming. He really is the star of my life though.
I love him to bits. Cleansing his palate probably. That's me saying that.
Well this is me as well but this is me from 2018. When I was just a young'un. I remember watching myself eat once on TV.
Why would I watch myself eating on TV? Mouth open chewing like a horse. I'd never realised I did that until I caught it. It put me right off my food.
I put myself off my own food. By seeing myself eating. That's funny.
Wow. It's funny I'm sorry. Mate I don't want to laugh.
I don't want to be too noisy. That's funny. I've tried to be more mindful since.
Though I still forget sometimes. Sometimes I think about dating again. I can't imagine it really.
I joke that I don't want to be remembered as the bloke who ruined the only date by talking with his mouth open. Still who knows anything's possible even at 47. I've had more than one date.
I've ruined them by much more things than that anyway. That's for another day. Well I've talked about stuff before I'm sure.
Sunday 27th of May. Andre's been extra cuddly lately. He has these phases.
Sometimes he won't sit still for a second. And other times he just wants to cuddle up on my lap and fall asleep. Today was one of those calm days.
He climbed up and rested in my arms. Eyes closed. Tiny breaths on my fingernails.
I scratched behind his ears and he leaned into it. He used to do that yeah. Pushing his head towards me as if to say more.
There's something beautiful about that trust. The way animals just give in to comfort. He did something weird earlier though.
He peed on the bathroom floor and then started licking it up. I stood there thinking. What is wrong with you? Maybe he was curious like.
What's that that's just come out of me? I don't know he's a mystery. It's a mystery to me. I started thinking about how much time I spend with him.
How he's part of nearly every moment of my day. He's the one constant presence in this flat. I talk to him like a person and somehow it helps me feel less alone.
I've been very lazy today. Properly lazy. I even told myself I should get some work done.
But ended up in the kitchen washing the top of a can. Before opening it because of rat wee. That's something my mind fixates on.
Hygiene. The small rituals that makes me feel in control. The night ended quietly.
Andre curled up next to me. Warm and soft. I thought about how fleeting moments like these are.
The tiny ordinary ones that make up a life. 18th of June. I've had a quiet day.
The weather's been warm. I stayed in for most of it. My energy's not been great lately.
I keep thinking I'll get up and do something productive. But then I blink and an hour's gone. I looked around the flat earlier and realised how much stuff I've got piled up.
Microphones, cables, random bits of tech. And I probably don't even need most of it. Sometimes I wonder how I ended up surrounded by wires instead of people.
That's a bit profound. Andre's been his usual self. Chaotic, cheeky, full of energy.
He's been chasing things that don't exist again. Zooming around like he's seen a ghost. Then he'll suddenly stop, yawn and fall asleep in the middle of the floor.
As if nothing happened. He's such a character. It's strange how much joy such a small creature brings into my life.
I've had pets before but none quite like him. He's a little rascal and he's my family. Thursday 21st of June.
I didn't get much sleep last night. I've been in and out of bed for days. Ended up waking late this morning around 10.
Which is unusual for me. I haven't been feeling great so I've been spending a lot of time resting. I've been on a bit of a health kick lately.
Well, semi-healthy anyway. Brought myself a load of fruit from Iceland. Couple of bags of clementines.
They were on offer. Two for £3. A cucumber.
A packet of six tomatoes. Also grabbed a bag of bananas. Though they're getting expensive these days.
I stood there for ages trying to decide if I'd actually eat that many clementines. Probably not but I bought them anyway. They're called Easy Peel Clementines.
Apparently that's an actual brand name. I didn't know there were difficult peel ones. But I suppose there must be.
I had one earlier. It was sweet and messy. They're dangerous if you're not careful.
Juice squirts everywhere. Especially in the eyes. No one likes to be squirted in the eyes.
I was craving chocolate though. And I started thinking about after 8 mints. Those little dark chocolate squares in black paper envelopes.
They remind me of Christmas when I was a kid. My Mr Biden for the table after dinner. It's strange how something so small can feel comforting decades later.
I haven't had chocolate for 3 days now. A record for me. Maybe that's why I'm thinking about it so much.
Later I went out for a bit of shopping with a friend. We stood at the bus stop. Got some bits.
Came home. I picked up some tea cakes too. I hadn't had any for days.
So I thought, why not? It's been one of those ordinary but satisfying days. The kind where you find yourself grateful for small things like fruit, mint chocolates, memories and a ferret that keeps you at company. I don't know if I'd have said that.
The others make sense. I've been thinking about the future today. This is Friday the 22nd of June.
What I might be doing when I'm 60. Maybe I'll still be in this flat. 60 is only 5 years away now.
Maybe I'll still be in this flat or maybe somewhere quiet by the coast. Sometimes I imagine living on a mountain. Meditating all day.
Then I laugh at the idea. I'd probably last a week before missing a kettle and a wifi. I've lived in this flat for about 3 years now.
It's now over 10 years. Wow. So I've lived in this flat for over 3 years now.
When I first moved in, it was a concrete shell. No carpet. Paint splattered everywhere.
And I remember walking in that first day, looking around and feeling both lucky and uncertain. I'd moved at least 45 times since leaving school. Maybe more.
I've had that many jobs too. Security, care work, call centres, warehouse stuff. Never much stability.
And this place feels different. It's a council flat. It's a council flot.
It's a council flat. As long as I keep up with the rent. It's the first real sense of home I've had in years.
Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have it. Andre's been affectionate today. He climbed up on my lap, wrapped his little toes around my finger.
Oh dear. And gave me a kiss before running off again. It always makes me laugh.
I can't imagine a flat without him. Saturday 23rd of June. Today's been simple.
Just one of those slow, quiet weekends. I've been sorting things out online. Trying to organise some of my projects and get everything tidy.
I've got more projects, podcasts and files than I can keep track of. It's a good kind of busy though. I was hungry earlier and started thinking about food, as usual.
Ended up making myself a sandwich. Two slices of bread, tomato, bit of cheese. I always slice the tomato in a particular way.
Upright with the little belly button on top. Two cut downs one side, turn it then two on the other. It's funny how I've got a method for something so small.
There was a loud whistling outside after midnight. One of the neighbours maybe calling their dog. It was such a strong, confident whistle that it made me smile.
Some people whistle, some shout. I guess just how life is. Everyone has their own way of calling things back to them.
Andre was busy exploring again. At one point he went to the corner and used his little tray. And then scurried straight into his little sleeping bag and fell asleep.
He can be chaos one moment and peaceful the next. Sometimes I look at him and I think how much I love that silly little face. I told him tonight, Andre I love you more than I did yesterday.
He stopped licking himself, was dull enough to look at me. As if he understood. Then went right back to what he was doing.
Typical Andre. Sunday the 1st of July. Andre's been cuddly today.
Lying across my chest like a little baby. It's one of my favourite things in the world when he does that. There's just something peaceful about his weight on me.
Like everything's right for a bit. Of course halfway through that moment I got an itch. Yeah, got an itch.
I couldn't move because he was so settled. So I lay there trying not to disturb him. Typical timing.
It's hot again. The flat feels still. And all I can hear is the low hum of summer through the open windows.
It's hot. July the 3rd. Tuesday.
Andre's been tearing about at the flat again. He was in the bathroom earlier knocking things over and wrestling with plastic bags. His idea of fun.
I suppose. He's full of energy lately. Like he's had too much sugar.
He's got a habit of making the carrier bags his own. They're completely ruined now. Chewed and torn.
I can't use them anymore. But he seems proud of his work. It's warm and the windows are open.
Wednesday the 4th of July. I realised something funny about myself today. I've got a strange sort of superpower.
I can bore people just by talking. So it's March, April, May, June. So it's taken me four months of doing these podcasts to realise that I'm boring.
Even though I've called it Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I've thought about the way people's eyes used to glaze over. When I was talking about my life.
At first I'd feel embarrassed but now I find it amusing. Some people are good at being funny or charming. I'm good at being dull apparently.
It's an odd talent to have. Thursday the 5th of July. Still hot outside.
Around 8 in the evening and as bright as midday. I'm sitting here in my red shorts with blue stripes. A black t-shirt, white socks and grey underwear.
I'm a bit glamorous about it but it's comfortable. The windows are on the latch letting in just enough air. Somewhere outside a chip van's parked up.
I can smell the fried potatoes. Make me think of late nights when I was younger. Walking home past chippies after a night out.
There's something soothing about the ordinary sounds of people washing dishes. The 17th of July, Tuesday. I've been coughing a bit today.
My throat feels scratchy. Nothing serious, just annoying. It's one of those days when my body feels tired but my mind won't slow down.
I've been thinking a lot about sleep. Sometimes it feels like a battle to get any. The sleep apnea doesn't help.
I wake up feeling like I've barely slept at all. Still haven't learnt not to fight it somehow. I don't worry too much, just go with whatever rest I can get.
I suppose I'm grateful that even with the small discomforts I've got peace here. The flat's quiet and underwear curled up nearly nearby. That's more than enough sometimes.
Yeah, so the sleep apnea, it affects me. It's alright, I always get enough sleep. Thursday 19th of July, 2018.
It's a warm night again and I'm sitting in my chair thinking about how strange my life's turned out. I've had so many jobs. Security guard, care work, call centres.
But nothing really stuck except this quiet kind of work I do now. I don't go out much these days. I like the stillness of my space.
The sound of the fridge humming. Andre's tiny movements in the corner. I've learnt that boredom isn't always bad.
Monday 23rd of July. It's after one in the morning and technically it's Monday. Though I still think of it as Sunday since I haven't been to bed yet.
I seem to be focusing on the fridge a lot. The fridge has been humming in the kitchen again. I don't know why I'm focusing on that.
I've been trying to fix the sound quality of my recorder but the fridge always wins. That's why. I'm noticing it because I'm trying to get a decent recording without the background sound.
Perhaps close the door would have been a useful thing to do. Andre's been eating his dry food, sneezing between bites as usual. I took him out earlier to visit a friend.
He had the best time exploring the garden, getting attention and sniffing everything in sight. He looked so happy. It was a beautiful, beautiful summer evening.
Warm but not too hot. Funny how quickly it got dark though. One minute it was light and 20 minutes later it was pitch black.
I wonder what garden that was that he was in. I've got no idea. I don't know anyone with a garden.
Especially not in 2018. Tuesday 24th of July. I've lost track of what day it is.
Somewhere around the 23rd or 24th. I really didn't know what day it was. I think it's Tuesday.
I'm sure of that much. The windows are wide open and the flat's filled with summer sounds. Andre's been scurrying about under my chair, rustling and exploring.
I cracked my toes earlier and laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. I'm tired tonight. Maybe I'll lay in bed by four.
I'll be in bed by four. Which counts as early for me. I started thinking about my school days.
I remember being 13, sitting through classes I had no interest in. History, geography, maths. I'd start every school year full of determination to do better, only to give up a week later.
The only subjects I ever cared about were religion and anything to do with people. Philosophy, psychology, although we didn't have those at my school. Looking back, I was bored out of my mind most of the time.
No wonder I drained daydream so much. Thursday 26th of July. It's been another blazing hot day.
The sort where even breathing feels heavy. I got the window open but the net curtains keep blowing in and knocking things off the sill. The chairs squeak again.
I really should fix it. I've been thinking about all the random things that relax me. Snooker on TV, for one.
The soft voices and the stillness of it. Cricket too, though I never played. When I was at school, I used to stand near the goalpost during football, spinning around like Wonder Woman until I got dizzy and fell over.
That was my version of sport. I started thinking about the old Wonder Woman TV show, the one from the late 70s. I used to watch it all the time.
The new films are good but there was something charming about the original version. Simple, bright, full of imagination. Maybe that's why I still love superheroes.
Friday 27th of July. March, April, May, June, July. I've done five months now.
I sat tonight in my big black squeaky chair of a cold can of Coca-Cola, timing myself with my iPhone. The flat was still warm and it reminded me a little of those Buddhist retreats I used to go on years ago. Early mornings, dormitories that felt like prison cells and the sound of handbell being rung at 6 o'clock in the morning to wake everyone up.
I remember lying there half asleep thinking how unpleasant that was as a way to start the day. That memory stayed with me as I sat here tonight, drifting on my own. I started imagining stories in my head again, strange, silly ones that always seem to appear when my mind wanders.
I thought about living in London, moving from a small town somewhere in the South East. I used to dream about that, about what it'd be like to trade a quiet little place of 50,000 people for a huge city of 12 million. London always seemed like another universe to me.
Crowded, noisy, alive. Then my thoughts turned unexpectedly to my Nan. She used to tell me stories about when she was young, how she'd eat bread and lard because that's all they had.
I remember sitting there not knowing what to say back. What can you say to that? I used to imagine doing a little dance just to change the subject. Bread and lard always felt like the end of a conversation.
Maybe think about food from those days, dripping sandwiches, marmalade, all the odd things that were normal then. I pictured her kitchen, the smell of toast, the heavy pans, the sunlight through the small window. As I sat there, I found myself laughing out loud at the ridiculous things my imagination was throwing together.
Ashtrays being used as yoghurt dishes, cows that produced porridge, and even a 97-year-old woman running and jumping like a teenager just all seemed daft and oddly comforting. Somewhere in there, my mind wandered to the Olympics. I thought about London again, about people striving for something greater.
And I laughed at the idea of trying to bottle that kind of energy, how nice it would be to transfer motivation, courage or excitement from one person to another. And it struck me how my mind jumps from the past to absurd humour, to small moments of nostalgia, all tangled together. It's how my brain seems to relax.
Sitting here with my Coca-Cola, listening to the faint hum of the fridge, I feel peaceful in the middle of this nonsense. Sunday, 5th August. Andre's asleep in his bed again.
Funny thing is he hasn't done that for months until recently, and now he's back there every night, cos he had a little bed inside his cage, which I left open, so he didn't have to be in there. I don't know what's changed, but he clearly loves it. Maybe he's rediscovered how soft and spunky he is.
How spacious it is. He's got a long little body, but he likes to stretch out properly when he sleeps. So basically it was a hammock.
He liked to sleep on it. He can't do that in his hammock. Oh no, wait a minute, it wasn't then.
He can't do that in his hammock or his green sleeping bag, or maybe that's what it is. The freedom to sprawl. I've got no idea what I'm talking about then.
He's got so many places to sleep. There's the hammock, the round cat scratch in the head, the green and brown, oh yeah, cos there's this brown box, I think it was round, that had a hole in the bottom so he could go in there. It was basically cat, and he could climb to the top as well.
So he used to sleep in there. And even, oh yeah, the green and brown bag, yeah, that was the one I used to carry him in. And even the pile of laundry on the floor when it's cold, he burrows right into the middle of it.
So sometimes I can't even find him. He's probably got about eight different places where he sleeps. He's in one of those lively moods tonight, rustling around, eating his dinner.
He's so fussy with his food though. He'll only eat cat food with gravy, never jelly. Don't like jelly.
I've tried, but he refuses point blank. He's also got dry food too, which is good for his teeth. And three separate water dishes dotted around.
He's a proper little prince. He used to love chocolate, but I've stopped giving him any. It upsets his stomach.
And even though he loves the taste, I can't risk it. He can't tell me if he's in pain, so it's better to say no. When he was tiny though, I used to let him try little things.
Bananas, bits of food, just to see what he'd do. He was barely five weeks old when I got him, so small he fitted in my hand. He's three now, born somewhere around August 2015.
I got him that September. His brother went to another home, but they came from the same litter. I remember when my friend told me that the two of them needed homes.
I hesitated at first, not sure I was ready for the responsibility. I'd only just had a new carpet laid in May, and I didn't fancy it getting destroyed. But then I thought about it properly, how much I'd wanted a pet for company, maybe even a small dog.
I actually did look into getting a small dog. I'd asked the council about getting one once. They said it would be fine as long as it was quiet and didn't disturb anyone.
I liked that idea. Just an animal for a companion. Not a big dog, not a big animal.
I've never fancied large dogs, especially after my family had a St Bernard when I was a kid. It started as a tiny puppy and ended up taller and heavier than me. Massive, beautiful, but completely unmanageable.
I couldn't take it for a walk because it was too strong. So when I was looking into getting a pet again, I went to a rescue centre in Essex. I remember the journey.
Two bus rides and passing a small river with what looked like a tiny beach. They had loads of dogs there and even a huge St Bernard that wasn't available for rehoming. Which I didn't want anyway.
I saw a little Pomeranian dog puppy. I liked it, but when they brought him out, he looked at me as if I'd just dragged a toilet into the room and sat on it. No interest in me whatsoever.
My friend came with me the second time and the puppy adored her instead. That kind of burst my little fantasy of a dog choosing me, like in the movies. In the end I decided not to take him.
He found another home anyway. My friend mentioned the two baby ferrets that needed adopting. I said no at first, I wasn't ready for that.
But when I finally met them, I fell in love instantly. With Andre. The first thing he did was bite me.
Not a nip, a proper clamped down bite. It hurt, but somehow that was it. I knew he was mine.
That night I had both ferrets staying with me and they fought non-stop. Biting, chasing, shrieking. By morning I rang my friend and said, you'll have to take one back.
I kept Andre, it was the right choice. He escaped his cage soon after. He actually bent the metal bars back and chewed through the wood.
He forced his way out. Clever little thing. The first couple of weeks were rough.
He tried to bite me constantly, but after a while he calmed down. Then one night when I was sitting in my dresser gown watching TV with a can of lager, he climbed up my leg. I thought he was going to bite me again, but instead he crawled up my sleeve and fell asleep inside it.
That was the moment it changed between us. He finally trusted me. He's been my closest companion ever since.
Watching him grow and change over the seasons has been one of the most rewarding things in my life. He has playful moments when he bites gently and runs around, wanting me to chase him, and quieter times when he just sleeps and snuggles. He's also helped me connect with people.
When I take him out, strangers stop to ask about him, amazed at how friendly and soft he is. I get quite a sense of pride from that. Like a dad being complimented on his child.
I know I've spoilt him. He's never had to fend for himself, and I hope he never has to. He still hides bits of food here and there, like dry biscuits tucked away in large bags or corners, just in case.
I guess it's instincts I suppose. I've been thinking about his birthday this week. I want to do something special for him, though I've no idea what.
I can't exactly buy him a pizza, though when he was younger he used to steal slices off my plate and then stash them under the furniture. He even used to nick chocolate bars, steal in their wrappers and hide them. I still find the odd little stash of food tucked away now and then.
He's three years old this month, my little furry friend. I can't imagine life without him. I owe so much of my peace and happiness to my tiny creature, who once bit my finger and never quite let go of my heart.
Tuesday 7th August 2018 Tonight's been quiet. I shaved my head earlier. Shaved my head completely clean and trimmed my beard down to nothing.
I'm not used to seeing myself like this. It's strange catching my reflection and barely recognising the person staring back. I had to use a load of moisturiser afterwards because my skin felt tight.
I've had a beard for years so my face isn't used to all the air on it. It's true, it's weird. If you've ever got a beard and you've shaved, what's that feeling? It's air.
I didn't know air, wind, breeze. I can't even find my glasses now. Typical.
I put them down somewhere and they've vanished into the mess. Everything looks slightly blurry without them but I can still manage. I'll be getting new ones soon with transition lenses so they'll darken in bright light.
I need to look after my eyes better because muscular degeneration runs in the family and it's been on my mind more lately. It's odd, this new book. I'm not sure if I like it.
I suppose it's freeing in a way. A bit of a reset. Oh, there's a new look, not book.
There's a new look of being bald but not having a beard. I've been thinking a lot about music again today. It's funny how songs can pull you straight back into that past.
I've been singing using that Star Maker app lately just for fun. I started thinking about when I first began singing as a kid. I must have been 7 or 8 walking around a school field singing songs from Greece sandy, hopelessly devoted to you.
I used to imagine I was performing in front of a big crowd even though it was just me daydreaming in my own little world. Later it was Adam and the Ants, Stand and Deliver, Prince Charming the madness songs like It Must Be Love and Baggy Trousers. Those are the ones I'd hum to myself while walking to school.
I always loved catchy tunes the kind that stick in your head even when you don't want them to. My absolute favourites back then were Shakin' Stevens. I think part of it was because he looked like a British Elvis.
The quiff, the denim jacket, the rock and roll swagger. I didn't know then that he was Welsh. I just thought he was cool.
He had this happy energy about him, fun, without being wild. His songs still make me smile. It's Raining, Behind the Green Door, You Drive Me Crazy, Merry Christmas Everyone.
All of them. They remind me of the 80s, of being young and hopeful and glued to Top of the Pops. His Christmas songs everywhere, every year.
Blasting out of shops from November onwards. Funny how something you heard as a kid can still stay part of your life forever. Elvis came before him, of course.
My brother was obsessed with Elvis. Had all the albums, posters, everything. I was too young to really appreciate Elvis when he was alive.
I was six when he died but his music was always playing somewhere. On the radio, in films, at home. I think that's where my love of singing began really.
That feeling of wanting to join in and become something bigger than yourself. I sometimes think about how certain singers mark points in your life. Shaken Stevens for my childhood.
Elvis for family memories. Madness for laughter and then all the rest that came later. Suppose music's been one of the few constants in my life.
Something that's always been there when people come and go. Andre's been rushing about in the background, exploring under the table. It's comforting just to have him potting around while I think about these things.
September the 5th. I've been thinking about how many recordings I've actually made this series. Probably 40 something now.
And it's a bit surreal how it's become such a big part of my life. So this is me talking about the Let Me Bore You To Sleep recordings. When I started I never imagined I'd have hundreds of sessions floating around online.
I was tinkering with my website earlier. It still amazes me that people can go there and download anything they want for free. I pay Shopify each month for the platform but I like the idea that anyone can listen without paying a penny.
Maybe one day I'll have some paid premium ones but I'm not really sure I will. The free ones feel right. I got caught up today noticing odd noises I make when I speak.
Little whistles at the end of words like saying whistle. Whistle. And hearing a faint hiss.
I can't do it when I try. It only happens accidentally. Like an uninvited sound effect.
It reminded me of how the funniest farts are always the ones that escape when you least expect them. Like in a job interview. The thought carries me on to old memories of being a kid in a seagull that's playing the bugle.
I wasn't exactly talented but I liked the control it gave me. Everything else in childhood felt dictated by others. Yet when I blew into that bugle it obeyed me.
Mostly. It gave me the petty satisfaction of knowing everyone in the house could hear it. I think I love the chaos of it.
My dad used to say my violin playing was worse. He might have been right. A friend offered to teach me guitar again if I buy one.
A friend offered to teach me guitar again if I buy one. I don't know. I knew someone who played a guitar.
I didn't know I had any friends back then. I used to play a bit when I was 14. Bought one from a catalogue.
Back then we had those thick Argos style catalogues that smelled of paper and ink. Hours spent flicking through them dreaming of things I'd never own. Shopping online feels emptier by comparison.
You can't hold or test anything before buying it. I remember those catalogue days fondly. Even Christmas shopping for DVDs in HMV.
Buying films on offer. Watching them all. Then wrapping them as presents.
It's true. That's wrong. I would have bought DVDs and watched them all first.
Then wrap them up. For family. Why is there no cling wrapping? No foil on the DVD? I don't know.
I don't know. Why is it not sealed? I don't know. Buying films on offer.
Watching them all. I thought it was genius. Free entertainment and gifts at the same time.
A strange memory popped up from 2006. A boxing day at Dad's with my girlfriend back then. We were always arguing but at home things were calm.
It was when we went out that everything went wrong. I remember blurting something daft in front of my step mum about wishing I could feel the same kind of attraction she had for Dad. My girlfriend's face said it all, honestly.
Honesty isn't always wise. Later she insisted I get an STD test. She never got one herself.
The result was fine of course, though I can still picture myself nervously waiting for the call. I even managed to joke about it, which was very me. Yeah, I did.
Here's what I said. I remember I was actually walking from work towards Argos. And my girlfriend kept phoning, if you had news yet.
Because she was waiting before we did anything to find out, make sure I was clear and clean of everything. And she phoned again and I said, yeah, it's fine. I literally just spoke to the person and it's all clear.
And she said, that's good. I'll tell you what, after going through all that, waiting around and going through that process. I think even if some woman just jumped out of the bushes and said, do me here, do me here right now.
I'll probably think twice about it now. And I realised I just said that to my girlfriend. This is true, I just said it and I, oh, I kind of forgot who I was talking to.
For some reason the relationship didn't last. That's Liz and me talking by the way. Friday the 7th of September.
So I'm realising this is really dragging. As far as, I need to eat soon. But I don't think, I'm not sure if I can get the whole thing done.
There's December, there's a lot of days. September, a listener told me once he nearly fell off his chair listening to me. So I keep thinking about chairs.
How even simple things like that can be a metaphor for support. Life's better with something steady beneath you. I found myself musing about how easy it is to drift when the mind isn't stimulated.
Maybe that's why boredom and relaxation are so connected. When I stop trying to think, my brain finally lets go. Tonight I remembered my old days as a security guard in London.
The long quiet nights walking through empty buildings. Places like Canary Wharf and Liverpool Street. I used to sneak out to McDonald's for runs with other guards.
Trade in turns like a secret pact of night workers. Back then I could eat burgers every night and not put on much weight at all. In fact I wanted to put weight on.
Well maybe a stone or so. One job was in a printing firm that published computer magazines and carang like heavy metal magazines. And I did 16 hour shifts sometimes, five nights a week.
When the next guard didn't show up, I'd be stuck there for hours curling up by the lifts to drag some sleep. Grab some sleep. The alarms would go off occasionally and once I discovered it was only a balloon shaped like a shark drifting past the motion sensor.
So they'd had some kind of Christmas party or something. I laughed about that for days. I probably didn't laugh about it for days, I don't know why it says that.
I laughed about that for days. Or maybe I was being sarcastic. It scared me actually.
I used to sing at the top of my lungs in those shifts because there was no one around so I could just practice my singing. Michael Jackson songs mostly because there was no one else around to complain. There were perks to the solitude.
A kitchen with a microwave for pasta, quiet corridors and that strange peace that only exists at 3am in the morning in an empty office block. I miss that sometimes. The calm, not the exhaustion.
I do. Yeah, even everyday things like shopping brought little lessons. When I lived near a row of supermarkets, Tesco, Sainsbury's, Iceland, I'd come home with a bag full of food and realise that none of it was ready to eat.
I just had chocolate, ice cream, cakes, nothing useful for dinner. By that I learnt never to shop when hungry. Some nights I'd catch myself watching cooking shows like Masterchef and get hungry all over again.
Monday the 3rd of September. Andre's been sulking all morning. I washed his brown and green sleeping bag, one of his favourite spots.
And now he won't go near it. He hates it when I wash anything that smells of him. I suppose I can't blame him.
Clean things mean his scent is gone and that seems to offend him personally. I take him out of that bag sometimes, tucked inside like a little explorer while I pop into the garage. I take him out in there but oh the bag, this is the bag.
Yeah, it's the only way I can carry him safely without worrying if he'll slip out or chew something. He normally loves being in there, head poking out, looking around proudly. But today, no today he's furious.
I can almost hear him muttering under his breath about how I'd ruined his bag. And his life probably. It made me think about how strange it is that animals have such clear personalities.
Andre's not just a pet, he's his own little person. Stubborn, fussy, funny. Lately I've been feeling a sense of direction again.
I've decided to treat all this creative work as my proper career. It's taken me years to call it that without feeling silly. But now it feels right.
I've done over 800 recordings since 2006 and it's time to start taking it seriously. While still keeping plenty of what I do free, I've always believed that the help I should give should be accessible to anyone regardless of money. People often ask me why I offer so much for free.
They say if it's free people won't appreciate it. But I've never agreed with that. Some of the most precious things in life are free.
Like the chair I'm sitting in, which was a gift. Or my TV, bought with an Amazon voucher. I appreciate both more than I would if I'd spent hundreds of pounds.
It's like when you're young and you buy your first car, maybe a cheap rusty one for a few hundred quid. That car is loved, cleaned, looked after. It doesn't matter that it's not worth much.
It's yours. That's appreciation. I think some people confuse money with meaning.
I'd rather reach 1,000 people at a low price than 100 people at a high price. The idea of helping more people has always mattered more to me than making a quick profit. Still I need to be practical.
Money's tight and every month feels like a balancing act between rent, bills and food. I've no savings, no steady income. Sometimes it's hard not to worry.
But this feels like the right step to build something sustainable while still doing what I love. Last week I turned 48. I can hardly believe it.
On the 26th of August I was sitting here thinking about how quickly time's flown. Two days ago. Last week I turned 48.
Oh yeah, but it's September, isn't it? Two days later I completely changed my routine. From staying up all night to sleeping properly at night. It's been a week now and I actually feel the difference.
I've been getting out every day even if it's just to the shops to grab food for the day ahead. I've missed being creative. Though it's been nearly two weeks since I last recorded anything and that gap has left me restless.
There's a deep satisfaction I get from creating something, even if it's just me talking about ordinary things. It gives structure to the day, a kind of gentle rhythm. I keep reminding myself that it's okay to help myself too, not just others.
For years I've thought helping people meant putting myself last, but it's not selfish to want stability or comfort. I'm realising now that self-care isn't indulgent, it's maintenance. It's late now and Andre's finally forgiven me for washing his bag.
He's climbed back inside, wiggled around and settled. I can hear his faint little sighs as he falls asleep. I smile just watching him.
He doesn't need money or plans, just warmth, safety. And the comfort of familiar smells. Maybe that's all any of us really need.
Wow, I went a long time without doing so. Friday the 7th of September, I didn't do another recording until the 8th, the 11th of October. That's strange.
Oh well, I've been trying to film myself more lately, it feels strange being on camera. There's a hint of self-consciousness that I never used to have when it was just my voice. I joked about having to make myself look like a supermodel, but really it's about being comfortable or feeling comfortable in my own skin.
After 48 years of wearing it. The creaky chair hasn't helped. It makes more noise than I do some nights.
When my iPhone cuts off earlier because it said storage was full. It reminds me of my Nan's kitchen when I was little. She had this egg-shaped timer.
I don't know what Vinnie's trying to do over there. She had this egg-shaped timer, not a real egg, but it's shaped like one, and she'd twist it to set the time. When it finished, it made a sound in my head with a chicken-like clucking, though that part might be made up.
Now he's flapping his ears, I think he's getting a little restless over there. Sunday the 14th of October. Andre's being my little shadow today.
He sat on me while I was chatting, half asleep, tiny paws tucked in. For a moment it looked like I was breastfeeding him, which made me laugh. There's still a strain on the wall behind me where the bookcase used to be, a stain.
Little things like that catch my eye when I'm sitting still. I live here in a council flat. I moved back in April 2015, and three years on, I still think of it as a proper home.
The rent's affordable, around 83 a week, which feels like a blessing compared to private places. It's about 110 a week now, I think. I got through Home Choice, the local housing system.
I grew up in council houses myself, most of my life has been spent in social housing. When I think about it, it's weird or odd how much of who I am is rooted in those places. The concrete walkways, neighbours shouting across balconies.
The familiar smell of dinners through open windows. Tuesday, 16th of October. I couldn't sleep properly last night, I finally went to bed around 6.15am, maybe 6.20 if I'm honest.
I even looked at the laptop clock before heading to the bathroom to make myself beautiful for bedtime. I started thinking about how strange memory can be, how we only notice things when we're told to. Like if someone asked you to continue blue cars, or to count blue cars on a bus journey.
You'd see loads, but without that suggestion you wouldn't even notice a single one. When I was about 8, I remember confusing lemons and melons. The words sounded similar.
The first time I ever tasted melon was at a park near home. It was a Saturday, probably late morning, and there was a smell in the air. Burgers, sausages, barbecues.
Turned out a group of Americans were celebrating Independence Day cooking, and they were handing out food, free. They gave me a slice of melon. It was cold, sweet, and bigger than my head.
That was a happy memory that was. Wednesday, 17th of October. I've been fiddling with microphones and trying to improve my setup.
Two mics now plugged into my little studio. It reminded me how many recordings I've lost over the years. Sessions that felt special at the time, gone forever because the laptop froze or a podcast site shut down.
I thought back to the early 2000s when I hosted my first podcast. I'd built it up to 100,000 downloads, which felt enormous back then. One day I logged in to find half the episodes deleted.
It wasn't back in the early 2000s, it was 2008. 2008 it was. One day I logged in to find half the episodes deleted.
The company had wiped them without warning to save space. I was furious. It makes me realise how fragile digital things are.
Hard drives crash, websites vanish, but the stories behind them stay. I also laughed remembering two work balls I went to when I worked for insurance companies. Both times everyone turned up in tuxedos, pretending to be fancy.
I was proud just to have clean shoes. The next day in the office everyone wore sunglasses indoors, pretending they weren't falling asleep. The unspoken rule was simple, as long as you didn't swear at a customer or do anything outrageous, the day was considered a success.
Wednesday 24th October. It's been one of those domestic weeks, little things break in or need an attention. I've had a few kind messages from people lately, which meant more than I expected.
It's nice to know that what I do reaches people, but even if it didn't, I'd still carry on. Andre's been misbehaving again, he decided to avoid the bit of carpet I'd cleaned and instead went to the toilet on the clean patch next to it. Hard to stay annoyed when he looks so pleased with himself.
He's clever, stubborn and completely unpredictable. When I take him out he has moods, sometimes full of energy, other times refusing to move, lying flat on the ground in protest. Today he went on strike halfway across the road, so I carried him for ten minutes.
I don't mind, he's light, warm and soft, impossible not to smile at. Saturday 27th October. It's strange how living alone changes your habits.
I'll scratch an ear or talk to myself without thinking. I caught myself doing that earlier and laughed, that's what happens when there's no one around to mind. Andre's been extra cute today, he poked his head out of his bag, eye half closed, just watching me.
He's happiest when he's nearby, he has a thing for making noises in the middle of the night, scratching at the wardrobe doors, climbing in and out, banging them shut again. Not trapped, just entertained, I envy that kind of contentment, to find joy in something as small as a door creaking. I looked at him tonight, half out of his bag, paws resting on the edge, he's so beautiful.
It's hard to believe something so small can hold so much personality. 29th October. I've been tinkering with a new microphone again, one of them arrived this morning from Amazon at ten to nine.
I'd only had about three hours to sleep, typical, I went back to bed and woke up again at eleven, another knock at the door. Fiona's been helping me run a new Facebook group, a peaceful place for people who follow my work. Fiona? Who's Fiona? Fiona's been helping me run a new Facebook group, a private place for people who follow my work, where they can chat and support each other.
It feels good to build a little community like that, something safe and kind. Fiona? That's terrible, I should know who Fiona is. Andre's bag is still the smallest bag, the smelliest bag in the flat, and somehow he loves it when more than the worst it gets.
He curls up inside with this look of pure bliss, like it's in heaven. I've washed it before, but he always prefers it dirty. Maybe he's right, maybe comfort isn't about clean or new, it's about what feels familiar.
Fiona? Is it the Facebook group? Is it the Jason Newlands Boring Group that I've got? Did I start that in 2018? No. Really? No, I don't think I did. Saturday 3rd November.
It's been cold today, I've had the heating on but still found myself wrapped in two jumpers. Andre's been in one of his energetic moods, running between rooms, scratching the wardrobe doors, then curling up to sleep on my leg as if he hadn't moved all day. He's molting again, little tufts of fur everywhere.
It's funny how something so small can make such a big mess. I vacuumed earlier but within minutes it looked like I hadn't even bothered. It's still worth it for the company.
Is it really? Really? I ended up sitting here thinking about how quiet life can feel sometimes. The neighbours are decent and the nights are peaceful. I've lived in noisy places before where you could hear every argument and door slam.
This flat's different. It's calm. I think that's why I've started to like winter again.
The darkness brings stillness. Saturday 10th November. I woke up later than planned today, around 1pm.
I've gone to bed at nearly 6 in the morning again. I really need to fix my sleep schedule. I made tea, fed Andre and sat on the sofa for what's supposed to be 5 minutes but turned into an hour of staring out of the window.
I started remembering working night shifts years ago, the same strange mix of exhaustion and peace at 3am, walking through empty corridors. The quiet of those hours still felt familiar. Andre was curled up on my stomach for most of the afternoon.
Every now and then he'd twitch or stretch, then go back to snoring softly. I love those tiny little noises he makes, they're comforting. 14th November, Wednesday.
I woke up with a headache this morning, probably from heating being on too high overnight. I kept forgetting to turn it off before bed. It's been windy outside and the windows were rattling when I woke up.
I've been in the flat 3 and a half years now, it's hard to believe how fast it's gone. I still remember the day I moved in, Andre running around exploring every corner. What? I still remember the day I moved in, Andre running around exploring every corner.
See this, this is weird. This is like made up, this bit. I've been in the flat 3, Andre, I didn't have Andre when I moved in.
I thought about mum today, she'd have loved Andre, she always liked swan animals, even ferrets. Who's mum? I don't have a mum, so... That's very strange. So that's, they've made that, maybe the headache's fine, but they've made that, added stuff that wasn't there.
I feel like I want to check that. 14th November. 14th November, let's have a little look.
14th, it's going to bug me now. 14th November, 2018. So let's just have a look, desktop.
14th November, 2018. November, 14th. 14th.
Right, yeah, it's not what it says here. Let's say you're listening and you've got me talking about maybe watching Danger Mouse. I'm talking about being the most boring daddy in the world.
So yeah, it's definitely, I don't know, I think maybe got a little bit confused with that one. But it's OK, it's done alright so far. It's not perfect, but... Saturday the 17th of November.
I've been trying to drink less Coke lately, I still like the fizz, but I'm cutting back. I realise I'd probably lose more weight if I shaved my beard off and my hair more often than if I gave up sugar for a month. Andre's been extra sleepy today, the cold weather really does make him hibernate more.
He eats, curls up and doesn't move for hours. I watched him tonight lying on his back completely still except for the faint rise of his chest. I thought to myself, that's what pure comfort looks like.
The wind's been strong again. Tuesday the 20th of November. Woke up to the sound of Andre snuffling under the wardrobe.
Snuffling? He likes sleeping there now, half in the dark, half in the light. I think he finds it cosy. When I reached in to get a jumper, it gave me the look, the one that says, you've disturbed my peace.
It's been cooler today, properly wintry. I didn't turn the heating on last night and when I got up the flat was freezing. Still I prefer that to being too hot.
I thought today about joining a gym. There's one about 20 minutes away by bus. I used to walk quickly everywhere when I was working.
I don't know why I talk about that, walking quickly. Rushing to catch buses, darting around, but these days I take my things slower. I changed subjects quite quickly, didn't I? The idea of running on a treadmill doesn't appeal much, but maybe I'll try it for the sake of my health.
Sunday 25th of November. Wide awake again, I've been thinking about all the websites and podcasts I've built over the years. Each one represents a little chapter in my life.
Some still going, some long gone. I thought about when I first started online, losing old YouTube channels and rebuilding from scratch. It used to frustrate me, but now I see it as part of the process.
Starting again keeps me adaptable. I was chatting online earlier with someone from California. Funnily, how small the world feels now.
They told me they were originally from Australia. I've always wanted to go there. I said I might visit America one day, maybe.
Tonight I caught sight of myself in the camera reflection and laughed, pulling my jumper down, joking that my chest didn't look pert enough. It's silly moments like that that reminds me to stay light-hearted. Monday 3rd of December.
Andre's been restless again tonight. He's been climbing into cupboards, scratching at doors, making little squeaky sounds that echo throughout the quiet. The nights feel longer now, cold air seeps in through the window gaps, and the radios can't quite keep up.
I don't mind the chills so much, makes tea taste better. Still trying to get up early in the day, but mornings never really seem to be my time. 4th of December, Tuesday.
I spent the day rearranging things in my flat. Pointless little jobs, but they make the place feel fresh. I moved the table near the window, vacuumed behind it, and found a sock I thought I'd lost last year.
Andre followed me around like he owned the place, and every time I picked something up, he came over to inspect it, deciding whether it was worth stealing. He still had this thing about my slippers. He still has that, I don't know why.
Sunday 9th of December. It's been raining all day, could hear it on the window ledge, soft and steady like a metronome. Made me think of childhood winters, the condensation on windows, the smell of roast dinners on Sundays, and my... and other things.
I remember... Why am I doing this? I'm kind of talking about Christmas now. Tuesday 11th of December. I woke up feeling groggy, like I hadn't slept properly, even though I had.
My sleep seems to be run out. Goes a bit different at Christmas, or at the winter time. I thought about how habits form, how easy it is to repeat something long enough that it becomes automatic.
Years ago I used to stay up late watching films, and that pattern stuck. I watched the same old movies on VHS until the tape wore out. The Goonies, Back to the Future, Trading Places.
Yeah, I don't remember that. Those... We did used to have those on video, I used to watch them. Yeah, I wonder why they were... We used to... they'd be recorded and I'd just watch them back on... watch them back.
So I watched them... if I wasn't watching TV, I'd be watching movies. If there was no one around. I've been thinking about sleep itself, how unpredictable it can be.
I read once that people used to sleep in two shifts. Saturday the 15th of December. It's strange to think how vivid childhood Christmas memories still are.
I must have been around ten when I got a telescope. A white Tasco with black ends. I tried using it for weeks before realising I'd never taken the cap off.
I remember looking up at the sky and seeing nothing but black. But my dad told me it was because it was night time. I thought I was studying astrology back then until someone corrected me.
I didn't mind, it felt magical to look at the room. The moon. The room.
The moon in the room. I remember how fast it seemed to move. I'd go to get changed for bed and come back to find that the moon had shifted.
I blamed the room, not my shaky tripod. Thursday the 18th of December. It's been one of those restless days where nothing quite goes to plan.
My laptop's been making awful noises. I keep hoping it'll last another few months. That's why I've been spending today trying to make things better.
Wednesday the 19th of December. Someone online asked me about my hobbies and I had to think about it. I realised that most of what I do now isn't a hobby.
It's just my way of living. But I do love comedy, especially the kind that doesn't age. I thought back to being a kid in the 80s, glued to the TV for Only Fools and Horses, the two Ronnies, Mork and Wise.
Yeah, just thinking about the past. 21st of December, Friday. It's nearly Christmas.
Andre's in full mischief mode. Opening cardboard doors. Cardboard doors? Cupboard doors.
Pushing tins onto the floor just to make noise. When he wants my attention, he knows exactly how to get it. I was waiting outside for the chip van tonight, chatting with a neighbour.
Uncle sausages. And Andre tried climbing into his... No, it's a woman. Tried climbing into a handbag.
Like, properly climbing in. She laughed, but I couldn't tell if it startled her or not. And later he was back in the kitchen banging cupboard doors again.
I watched him for a bit before scooping him up. He wiggled and twisted, but didn't bite. He just looked at me with that cheeky expression.
Just made me realise how much he's grown. When I first got him, he was tiny enough to fit in one hand. Now he's just a proper little character.
And the last recording of the day, of that year, was the 30th of December, 2018. The year's nearly over. I've been sitting quietly tonight, Coke can beside me.
Vapour pen in hand. Thinking about how 2018 slipped away. I caught sight of myself in the laptop screen earlier and laughed.
I looked tired, but oddly peaceful. Maybe that's how I'll remember this year. Quieter than most, but somehow fuller.
Andre's asleep again, wrapped up in his favourite bag. He's out cold, not a twitch or sound. It's peaceful.
I'm grateful for him, for the calm, and for the small, ordinary moments that make up the days. And that is the whole thing. It's like a first draft.
A first draft. Yeah. It took ages to read it.
And that's just one year. And there's seven of those to do. So... That'd be like... And that's just bullet points, really.
Yeah, so that's 14 hours it would take. Over 14 hours it'd take to read all seven. You know, the whole thing.
Huh. Right, OK. So I'm just trying to... I'm trying to get it to do a PDF file of everything.
Of all the whole year. And it started about three hours ago. It still hasn't finished.
Oh well. So I'm going to get myself some food now. So this is Monday's Boring Objects.
2018. I'm going to call it that. Or 2018 diary.
That definitely is not how I would have the book. Or have... You know, it's not how I would write it. And there's a lot more to get out of each day.
Could you think about it? Some of those... It's like one paragraph from an hour of me talking. So there's a lot more to come from each one. That could be interesting.
I don't know, it's a lot of work. A lot of work. But for now, I'm going to get myself something to eat.
And I'm going to watch some television. Television. So thank you for listening.
Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. And be gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel safe.
Lots of love. Bye.
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.