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Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. This is Monday Boring Objects. Monday's Boring Objects.
Hello, how are you? Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. My name's Jason Newland and yeah, yeah man, that's it. I've got a YouTube channel, it's under my name.
I've got a Facebook group called Jason Newland's Boring Group and that's it. I've actually no idea what I'm gonna talk about. So I need to pick a really boring subject.
A boring object. Now I probably, I might end up repeating myself. Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep.
I'm joking. I might end up talking about something I've already talked about. So I need to find something that I haven't talked about before.
What could it be? What could it be? Something a bit random. Give me a couple of seconds. I'll think about something.
Something that's actually relevant to my life. Something that I've, you know, that I can, that I know a little bit about. So ideally needs to be an experience of mine.
There must be something. There must be something. Coat hangers, I suppose, because I'm looking at coat hangers, but I don't, I'm not sure where that would end up going.
So have I spoken about elections? Have I? I know I did a podcast about elections, but I don't know if I actually spoke about elections in my boring objects. It sounds like something that I might have done. It does, it does, it does, it does.
No, no, I haven't talked about it. So I'm going to talk about elections. Because I've seen a few over the years.
So yeah, let's talk about elections. Yeah, man. So, I, because I live in the UK of England Commonwealth.
I, I'm trying to think what my first election I ever remember. That's E-L-E, you know, election. Although it'd be quite interesting to do an adult version of this and talk about some more personal stuff.
But that might, it might pop the illusion that I'm family friendly. So I think the first election that I recall, if I remember, was, I think it was 1988. And I think it was Margaret Thatcher against Neil Kinnock.
I think I'm going to check this because if it is, I'm going to be very excited. Elections UK. So let's have a look list of elections.
No, 2024. No, no. General elections.
Okay, here we go. So I think it was 1987. It's not actually given me.
Oh, come on, it can't be that difficult. Blimey. I was because I've gone to the parliament website, they're asking me to put stuff in list of UK by elections.
Oh, no, not by elections. I don't want to buy election. Proper elections.
Elections in the UK, that'll be it. Wikipedia elections in the United Kingdom. Come on.
Come on. Come on. What are you doing? Elections using the additional member system, which is a hybrid of single that's Wales, Northern Ireland.
What about the English ones? Or UK rather UK. Scottish Parliament. List of newspapers.
I don't want a list of newspapers. Why do I want that? Counts United Kingdom 2017. Right, I've got it.
I founded it. So. The first one I remember was 1922.
And no. Wow. 1931 was.
The biggest margin. The biggest margin anyone's won by. Blimey.
60.7% I don't know if that's how many people voted, but 60.7% of people voted in 1931. And it's the highest percentage in the history of UK elections. Well, since 1922.
Three, I'm just so let's go back to the. So 1980 1997 was in 97. Wonder what month it was then.
Not 97 87. So 87. It's not even given the company 1987.
Let's go. 1987 1987. So my memory of an 87 is it was.
Neil Kinnock. Did I say Arthur Scargill? Neil Kinnock and Margaret Thatcher. So Margaret Thatcher won the election.
She was already Prime Minister. And she came in in 1979, I do believe. James Callaghan was the leader, the Labour.
And. The election was 3rd May 1979. And then does it have a date 1987 11th of June? 1987.
Yeah, that makes sense. So I was 16. I was living above the chip shop.
I moved into the chip shop about April time 1987. And I remember going and getting some. Getting a big, large sweet corn and pineapple pizza.
And it was the first. Election that I ever set up all night to watch. I have talked about elections because I remember they generally on Thursday.
So if I'm repeating myself, never mind. Never mind. I'm going to talk about UK and American.
They're the only ones I've really. It's not that they're the only ones I've taken notice of, which they are. But they're the only ones that really.
The newspapers and the news, you know, news on TV. Generally focus on. I mean, they do.
We do. They do like focus a little bit on. If there's a new premier in France, Australia.
Ireland. Maybe like Italy around sort of, you know, Europe place time Russia. And.
Yeah, and Canada. New Zealand. India and China.
And Pakistan. And possibly various parts of Africa as well. Other than that, they don't really cover much.
But they definitely focus upon the. I mean, I think in South Africa, when you had. What was his name? Christoburg when he was prime minister or president, and then.
What's his name? Not Gaddafi. Oh. Winnie, my wife, I love my Winnie.
What's his name? And Mandela, Nelson. So when Nelson became and he was, he took over, didn't he? So he was, I don't know if he was a prime minister or president. I'm not sure.
And I think his wife might have been prime minister or president before him. So I'm so, you know, it's glimpses of that, but I don't haven't really got quite into that as much in the past. But I do remember.
The 11th of June 1987. And I was at an age where I could stay up all night and still work the next day. And function, just about.
Very tired, of course, I was very tired. But I managed to do it. And.
I don't even know why I was interested in the election because. I don't know why. I really don't know.
Because I didn't really have I didn't live in a political family. I don't mean like that my dad wasn't my parents weren't politicians. I don't mean that.
It's just there was never really a big kind of political stance in conversations. Really. It was, if anything, it's kind of more right wing conservative.
Very much how things were in the. The 80s, I guess. Like late 70s and 80s, because as conservatives ruled the roost.
So I suppose that was kind of the way things were at that time. I always I was quite like Neil Kinnock. I was like people with red hair.
Gingers, I like gingers. And I don't know. There's something about his little his little freckly face.
I just thought because I had a freckly face at the time. The freckles turned my freckles turned into acne. And then they just turned into blotches.
That's all I got now. So yeah, I used to have freckles. I did.
I did. I did. I did.
You know, some people cover up their freckles with make up. They do. They use make up to cover up the freckles.
I just like why? Obviously, do what you want. Nothing to do with me. But why? I think freckles are nice.
But then it's got nothing to do with me, is it? I'm just saying, you know, I never covered my freckles up. And girls used to say that I was cute. It stopped once I got to about 10.
But before that, I was cute. Girls thought I was cute. And then I went to high school.
It didn't seem to be cute anymore for some reason. So I remember going to the chip shop. But actually, it wasn't a chip shop.
It was next to the chip shop. The other chip shop. Because I worked in a chip shop.
But this chip shop was around the corner. But it was also closed because it was open the same time as us. It was literally around the corner.
It wasn't far to go to get there. It was like down one road and then down the next road. And you were there.
Or down the end of town, turn left. You were there. Very close.
Very, very close. A bit too close. I thought it was a bit strange.
And they had a restaurant as well. Because there's a restaurant in my place. I mean, arguably, it is an argument.
But we had the best chips. My boss, he taught me how to make chips. And they were great.
Really good chips. Fluffy on the inside. But crispy on the outside.
How chips should be. In my humble expert opinion. In my humble genius opinion.
Oh, yeah. You know what? The fact is, I probably would have gone to the chip shop. I probably would have still been doing that job.
If I'd been getting paid good money. Because I think I was quite good at it. I was.
I felt quite good. Quite good at it. And I was.
If I just had. If I'd had enough to live on. I'd have been all right, I think.
And if I wasn't a kid. Because I was just a teenager. And I had a normal kind of life style.
I think I'd have been all right. Because I was pretty good. I used to have people come in and just literally.
Wait for me to cook their food for them. Because I knew how to do it. And you get to know the regulars.
Because I was there for six days a week or whatever. So I got to know people. And they'd come in and just.
That was the best. I think the best and the worst and best part. No, no.
The best part. The best part was the people. The worst part was not having any money.
So that was the worst part of it. But the good part was being around. All the staff were lovely.
I got on with everyone pretty much. I mean, occasionally I was very moody. And.
But generally, like, you know. I don't know. Maybe I'm lying.
Maybe I'm. But I might be deluded. But I think I was all right most of the time.
Yeah. I remember a bloke came in. And I thought he was a delivery driver or a delivery person.
And he's bringing these big. They're like big cans of oil. Which we use for the fryers.
So they're very heavy. And he's bringing them in. So he can help me go and get the rest of them out of the back of the car.
And I said, do it yourself. I walked off. And then my boss came in and said.
Or no, my boss's wife came and said, that's my dad. I said, so. And apparently that was important to her.
So I went and did that. And it turns out he owns. He owned loads of chip shops in West Country or wherever.
Which is where they they used to work before they moved and got the chip shop there. So I didn't make a good first impression with him. Yeah, it happened a lot.
Actually, that was I had one bloke came in. And he's what he was bibbing his horn outside the chip shop. I hadn't been there a long time, but being there long enough to be in there on my own.
In the evening, so I clearly must have been there a while. So this bloke pulled up his car. I was bibbing his horn like, yeah.
And he's waving. I was like, just wave back. And he kept bibbing his horn.
So I went out. And what's up? He said, oh, you get me some. It all made an order out of his car window.
I said, come in like everyone else. So he came in. I gave him his food and he left.
He had the ump. The next day. My boss came up to me and said, we need to have a chat.
And he said, that bloke that stops outside, you take the food out to him. And it was the tough guy. It was like this bloke was the toughest bloke in the town.
He was everyone was scared of him and. Including my boss, I imagine. And I said, OK.
Fair enough. That's what I have to do. But ironically, me and him ended up being going really well.
Me and this bloke. I'm probably the only person that stood up to him in the last 20 years. Accidentally, by the way, I didn't mean to.
I was just a bit rude. I just did this like no one else gets delivered to their car. It's not McDonald's.
It's not a drive through that I didn't even know what drive through was back then. We didn't have them in this country, I don't think. Do you know we got there's a drive through.
For a boots chemist or pharmacy, a drive through for a pharmacy. That just seems really lazy. I suppose for someone that's.
I guess in a motability vehicle or, you know. Fair enough, because they can't means I don't have to get out of their car. So that makes sense.
But it's just it's just it doesn't seem right to be collecting something from a window. If you can't eat it, it just seems wrong somehow. Maybe it's me.
Maybe I've got the wrong attitude. What other things? So, yeah, anyway, we came. He was a boxer, ex-boxer, and I asked him to train me because, you know, loving boxing that.
And he said he couldn't. I said, just train me, otherwise I'll duff you up. And he laughed.
He said he couldn't because he was scared of hurting me, which I mean, I wasn't expecting him to punch me or anything, but he just he was like the toughest, toughest guy in town. And he was a ex, you know, he was. But it was lovely.
I got on really well with him. And I knew him for from then on all the way up to 19, the beginning of 91, probably January, just before I moved to London. And I remember seeing him in town.
He was telling me about a fight he'd had. And it was just, I liked him. He made me laugh.
And he's just, I don't know, it's hard to explain. And then he's, there was this one time we were in town, in another town. And I was basically, I saw my neighbor.
Who I'd known for years since I was like, seven or eight years old. Bearing in mind, I was now 20. Yeah, 20 years old.
And I saw, I saw them in the next town. So, all right, all right. And I also knew the, I knew him.
I also knew his daughter. And because she was best friends with this girl that I used to live next door to. So I've known her, known them all for years.
But this, it was weird because we were just walking. And he was going to give me a lift home because they were all going back. So I was getting a lift, catch a lift in their car.
And these two really large men. Young, young men, but large, probably in their 20s, 25 or whatever, I don't know. Started, I don't know, sort of chatting to his daughter.
Let's call him Mick, I forget what his name was. But let's say Mick or Tony or Bob. And, and she said, eww, to them.
And that upset them. And it was like, what are you saying? Eww, eww, eww. And so Tony or Mick said, she can say what she wants.
And they were like, starting to kind of square up to him. And he was just laughing at them. So she's been too, honestly, they were like, six, four, six, five, six, six, big old fellas.
And Mick or Tony or whatever his name was. He handed me a bag because he had a bag of shopping. And they didn't take it.
I just didn't know what to do because I was shivering, shivering with fear. And in the end, they walked off. But he was about to have a fight with both of them in the middle of the street.
This was on a Saturday afternoon, probably half four in the afternoon in the summer. And he said to me, why didn't you take my bag? I said I was scared. Because I just assumed in that moment that because I was the only bloke there, regardless of the fact that I was, yeah, I was 20.
But I was skinny as anything. So as there was two of them, they weren't both going to be attacking him. Probably one of them will be coming for me.
So I was getting ready to push the girls in front of front of me and run. Well, as it turned, I wasn't. Yeah, sure.
As it turned out, it all kind of subsided and they walked away. And he was saying to me, why didn't you take my bag? Which is really weird, because even though that was all happening, he was still completely alert to what he was doing. The fact that I didn't take his bag.
Because you think about it, you guys to a potentially very difficult situation about to happen. Two, I mean, they were big, big lads. And he was concerned about his shopping.
I mean, I'd have just ran and dropped everything. I'd have dropped my shoes, my hat. I didn't have a hat.
But if I did have a hat, I'd probably let that drop on the floor. That's why I can never understand with the, what's his name? You know, whenever he was going through the, not Monty Python. And the Holy Grail.
Not Dennis Potter. Not Evel Knievel. Harrison Ford.
So, you know, whenever he'd go and the cave would be shut in and he'd go and reach through and get his hat. Just buy another hat. How attached can you be to a hat? And the amount of money he was getting paid for those movies.
You know, just get a new one, man. I mean, you could literally get a new one for each take. Why put yourself in danger? It's bad enough you have to eat monkey brains.
Blimey. I mean, you'd need a hat. You need something to be able to.
Anyway, that was, that was an interesting one. But he's, he was a nice bloke. I nearly told him, nearly sold some jewellery once.
But it's weird, working in that chip shop. This is turning into a talk being talking about the chip shop, isn't it? It wasn't supposed to be. What was I supposed to be talking about? Elections.
Blimey. What happened, though, is I got to know the taxi drivers. Because he was a taxi driver.
I didn't mention that, but he was a taxi driver. So I got to know the taxi drivers and a lot of them were like the tough guys of town. It was just weird the way it worked.
Just, that's how it was. So I kind of got to know two of them really well. Him and another bloke.
And again, he was like a mountain. And he'd tell me all about his fights when I saw him. It was weird.
Because literally, his arms were bigger than my whole body. Crazy. And it was strange how they seemed to take to me.
Maybe just... Maybe they were scared of me. Yeah. Yeah.
Always got on with tough people for some reason. I don't know why. Even at school, I was friends with the tough kids.
Well, I got on with the tough kids. Just always have done. In my year, I was... I was friends with... Yeah.
All the tough kids. There was one that was quite tough that I didn't like. But he wasn't... He wasn't the toughest.
So it didn't matter. And the worst thing about it is two of the tough kids that were my friends ended up having a punch-up in the last year of school. It's like a dominance thing to see.
Because one of them was always the toughest kid in school in the year. All the way up to a fifth year. And then the other one who took up boxing.
He was already a tough one. He was massive as well. But he kind of decided, I guess, he wanted to be the number one.
And then I had another friend who no one would mess with. Because he always win. He never lost a fight.
So I was always friends with these people. It's weird. I mean, the one that took up boxing.
He actually pushed someone nearly through a window. When they started on me once. I think that was in the fourth year.
And I still don't know what it was about. I guess he was just having a bad day and I was in his way. And he starts pushing me.
And my friend grabs him. And yeah, they both got in trouble. And I went and saw, they were both staying outside the headmaster's office.
And I went up to, I said thanks to my friend. I said, thanks for that. And I said to the bloke, the kid that did it, like, what are you doing? What are you doing that for? Because me and him were supposed to be friends.
Not like bestie friends. But like, got on okay, had been around his house. Okay, he wasn't at home.
But you know, never mind. Still, I hadn't been around the other one's house. So it's in some ways, you could say.
What it was, is sometimes I'd go, it was one of those people that I went around the house, and I was never allowed back. There was a few of those incidences. And I'm not really sure what I did wrong.
But I managed to do it. Whatever it was, I managed to accomplish it. There was one that lived around the corner from me.
And it was these, I don't know what it was, like a heap of dirt or something. And we were jumping up it and jumping off. And wrestling.
And I didn't even, I knew him, but I didn't know him. He just did my year. And for some reason, we ended up playing with each other.
In the greenhouse. In the cinema. No, we ended up like... I'm sorry.
That was very childish. We ended up like wrestling. Wrestling.
That doesn't sound, in the mud, that was, that doesn't sound any better, does it? We ended up, but I, apparently I got over the, I went, I got too excited. That sounds even worse. Oh dear.
Bikes are over the top. Over, over, overjoyed. I've been living my life full of love.
Yeah, so that was a Stevie Wonder song. I, yeah, and it's, I kept jumping off and landing on top of him. However I need to explain this, it sounds weird.
And I got carried away. And I was banned from his house. I was never allowed back.
And it was weird, because I enjoyed it. But I think, because I had two older brothers, a rough and tumble wasn't really a new thing for me. Okay, that sounded weird.
But, you know, if you're two older brothers, one's two years older, one's four years older. So we'd be fighting, or play fighting, or just, it was just normal to have that. Really, you know, not, not anything too bad.
But just, yes, I wasn't, that didn't really phase me. Another friend, I used to go around, and he had a, he had a violin. It's not really relevant to the story, but it helps me remember the person.
It was a different person, because I had another friend that had, his whole house was musical. Like he had, in his front living room, he had a piano, and his dad was a pianist. Pianist, and there was a cello, violins, oh, trumpets.
Come to think of it, I think it was a music shop. He lived, he lived above the music shop, that's it. It wasn't his, it wasn't his front room at all.
Oh, blimey, I'm making myself laugh, this is ridiculous. I wonder why there's so many guitars in there. Lots of music as well.
Anyway, the, um, see, I was friends with him, but he moved away, because he was part of my private investigation company. Well, it wasn't my company, but I was kind of shareholder. There was three of us that were in it, or four of us maybe, and we were all private detectives, and we'd run around with pretend guns.
They wouldn't be invisible. So we'd run around town with pretend guns, like shooting each other and stuff. I remember doing it during Christmas period when it was really busy, and I just thought, you know, they weren't pretend guns, they were, they weren't real guns, but they were, um, you know, like plastic things.
We'd look silly running around with invisible guns, wouldn't we? So, especially as I was 32 at the time, and we, yeah, that was a, that's a weird thing, because I, so I, I was friends with him, but he moved away. I really liked him a lot, but he moved. And then there was a young lad, I think he was a year younger, he lived around the corner, so we ended up walking to school together, because I literally would be going at the same time, so we got to know each other a little bit.
He played the violin, I used to play the violin. We had nothing to talk about. But it got to the point where I'd come into his house, and I'd wait for him to get ready, and I wouldn't, I mean, I wouldn't wait for him to get dressed.
It's not like I was, I wasn't hiding in a cupboard or anything. Again, this is weird. No, what I'm saying is, I'd, I'd go in and sometimes, I think his mum would be there, and she'd be talking to me, and eventually he said to me that I was banned from going inside the house.
That's another house I was banned from. What other houses was I banned from? So, there's another one. There's one, two, three.
There's four, maybe four or five. Pretty much any one I went to. The only people that, parents that put up with me, I wasn't allowed, even my best friend, Dean, wasn't allowed in his house.
His dad didn't like me. And he was my very best friend. Occasionally, I'd go in, but I never, I don't think I ever got to go into his bedroom.
He was in my bedroom all the time. Okay, not all the time. But he just came and went, came as he wants, just came up to my room.
And he used to eat with my family sometimes, you know. It's just, he was almost part of the family, really. But I weren't allowed in his.
I was never invited for dinner, I don't think. But he did live in a, this is gonna sound like I'm, he lived in an old people's home. Some would argue that you shouldn't have friends with a 90-year-old when you're 10.
But no, he wasn't 90. He was, his dad owned the old people's home, and he lived in that house, you know, with the residents and whatever. He didn't live with them.
I think they lived separate, I guess. I don't know. I was never allowed in his room.
So, unless he slept in the kitchen, I doubt it, though. And I wasn't allowed in there. Yeah, I'd knock on the door, and I'd have to wait outside for him to come out.
I didn't really understand it. I'm so lovable. The other one, I had another friend.
I basically, I would say, as far as the most times I ever went around anyone's house, or, okay, there's only two, two people's houses that I went around a lot over the years. And that would be my friend around the corner, a different one. And then another one that lived further up his distance.
But, so, the one man in the corner had a mum, and he had two brothers and stuff. And she was always welcoming to me, always. Really lovely.
And then the other one, his parents, let me know how annoying I was. But they were all always welcoming to me. Always.
I used to stay around. In fact, it's the only place I ever stayed around when I was a kid. Never stayed around anyone else's house.
The whole of my child, well, from the age of seven, I don't know before that, but from the age of seven, I never stayed around anyone else's house but his. It wasn't very often. And I didn't ever have anyone stay around my house, because I didn't want anyone in my bedroom, really.
Yeah, or did I? Maybe I did, I don't know. Not whether I did want it, or maybe I did. They did stay around, I don't think so.
I don't recall it. What's weird though, because when I moved into the chip shop, like the flat above the chip shop, I had, I was 16. I turned 16 in the end of the August, and I moved in there probably about, it was Easter time, 1987.
So it would be, I can even check that, can't I? Easter 1987. Let's have a look. So Easter was the 19th of April.
I moved in pretty much that week, leading up. So I remember having hot cross buns on the 17th, which is the Friday, the Friday, Good Friday. And I remember having hot cross buns So I had hot cross buns on the 17th of April, because my friend came round.
That's my friend Neil. He came round and had some hot cross buns with me and a cup of tea. And we watched Wurzel Gummidge.
I had nothing, really. I had a few little bits and bobs, and I did, my dad had some stuff in storage, like beds, furniture stuff from when I was a kid. So I had some of that thing, some of that bits and bobs.
I sold most of it just to get a bit of money so I could, you know, get food and that later on. But, so I ended up sleeping on a mattress on the floor. I didn't have any cupboards or anything, really.
Near the end, there was really nothing in there. But I just remember, that's really weird, because he came in and he just, he was the only friend out of everybody, or anybody, that I went to school with. The only friend that ever came round.
Really. In fact, he's the only friend that stayed friends with me after school. When I left school, my best friend, we kind of, we kind of gone our own ways.
We had a falling out, had a punch up. And I don't know when it was, but after that, things weren't the same. And I do not take the blame for it, because he pushed it and kept pushing it and kept pushing it.
Kept pushing what, JJ? What did he push? No, he just, he pushed me into it. I didn't want to, I kept, I kept trying to say, I don't want to, I don't want to. And he was like, well, I'm bigger than you.
And I was like, yeah, everyone's bigger than me. That's just the way it is at the moment, you know. But he didn't understand.
So after that, we kind of, yeah. I don't know if that was in the fourth year. It might have been in the third year or the fourth year.
So we were still friends, but we weren't like close anymore, really. And I still dream of him. It's weird, because we were almost inseparable for a long time.
But my friend, the other one, out of all the people that I was, I would sort of say I was close to, or quite close to, lost contact with all of them. And I was living in a tiny little town. I'd still see people, because they'd come into the chip shop and buy some chips, and people from school, and I'd be sort of seeing how they were getting on.
And sometimes they'd stop and give me a lift, you know, so it was quite cool. But I didn't have any regular contact, apart from just with one friend that was in my year at school. And when I moved into the chip shop, because I was also, I was seeing him from when I left school at 15.
And I was still friends with my other friend, even at school, but as soon as school ended, that was, he just went and did his own thing. And I don't really know what happened. I guess we were just in different places.
Literally lived around the corner from each other, but hey, in different places. But my friend, the one that I did kind of keep in contact with, his parents gave me loads of stuff for my flat. Like cutlery, plates, probably a kettle, toaster, and other bits and bobs for my flat, which was lovely.
It's like they didn't, I don't know if they realise how much it meant to me. And I didn't tell them. Probably.
I'm sure I must have said thank you. But that was, that was a very weird time. That was probably one of the loneliest times.
I don't get lonely anymore. But that was a time when I was probably at my loneliest. Living in that flat on my own.
My step mum, who I'd had as a mum since I was seven, gone. And my dad was still, he was still going through the process, I guess, of the, of, you know, the divorce or whatever. So he was doing his own thing.
And yeah, it was a lonely time. I had me Nan and that was it. She used to come, she used to knock on the window to say hello to me, quite regularly, like throughout the week.
Constantly like, just walking past. I don't even know if she was going anywhere. She might just come to see me.
And sometimes she'd come in. If it wasn't busy, she'd come in and say hello. If it was busy, she'd knock on the, knock on the window and just wave.
So that was nice. And I had contact, I had regular contact with her. Her and my granddad.
And my dad, you know, once, you know, he did start coming around and sort of check and make sure I was all right. And that, and I used to see my family gatherings, like birthdays, Christmas and stuff like that, I suppose. That was weird times.
Weird, weird time. There was one really strange thing. This was someone that I really liked a lot.
And I was friends with him from junior school. And we started karate at the same time. Well, he started karate.
He said to me, I remember we was at school and he said, I'm going to go and go into the karate club and just watch it. Because his brother was there. And I didn't know his brother.
And he said, I'm going to go and watch it and see. I might join. And I said, well, can I come along? He said, no.
And I said, please. He said, okay, then. So I went along with him.
And we just sat on the benches at the side and watched it. And I think we both had the same, I think we had the same kind of thoughts. And well, actually, maybe not the same.
I was thinking, I think he probably had different thoughts. I was thinking, because I found out, because I asked him. I was thinking that, this is amazing.
I've got to come back and do this. I want to, I need to learn this. It turns out he was thinking that I was sitting way too close.
Why don't you sit further away? There's loads of space. And this, I think this was either a Tuesday or a Thursday, because they were the two days when the club was open. So Tuesday or Thursday night, seven to nine, I think.
So if it was a Tuesday night, I would have gone back the Thursday for the first actual session. If it was a Thursday night, I would have gone back on the following Tuesday for my first session. And we both went together.
Now he did it for a while and then he stopped doing it. I'm not really sure why, but I got to know his brother really well, because he was, he was, I think he'd only just started himself, but he was really good straight away. And he skipped a grade in, I think his first grade in, he went straight to orange or whatever, instead of going via yellow.
And yeah, it was weird because this is a, we did a contest. Supposed to be talking about the elections, now I'm talking about karate. I always seem to get back to karate, it's almost like I have a fond memory of it.
We had this contest, it was an actual fighting contest thing that I went to, a tournament. And I don't know where it was, it was a few towns up. So I got a lift with one of the, I got a lift with one of the adults who was one of the higher grades.
Or I might have gone with the, I might have even got a lift with the instructor, I can't remember. So we went there here's something, and not many people can say they've done this, this is pretty groovy. One of the higher grades, I think he was a brown belt, but he purposely didn't go for black because he wanted to stay a lower grade so he could win contests.
And he was brilliant, he could have easily got black, he just, he decided he couldn't be bothered. He didn't, you know, and he was probably in his, everyone looked old back then, didn't they? I would say he was in his 30s, but he might not have been that old, he might have been in his late 20s. But I was like 13, so to me he looked, anyone over 20, when you're 13, anyone over 20 looks old, don't they?
Anyone in their 30s looks about 90.
Maybe not. So, he got married, or he was getting married to his future wife, that's kind of obvious, isn't it? So, lots of people were invited. Now, I wasn't invited to the wedding, but I was invited to stand outside the church for when he walked out after getting married.
You might be wondering, what's that about? Ah, I think I was in the, I was in the paper as well, the newspaper. So, what it was, is me and another lad, who's, I'm not sure who it was. We stood outside the church, the church main entrance, or exit, depending on which way you're going.
After the, not the funeral, the wedding, after the wedding was finished, he walked out, and we were both standing there, holding swords, like crossed swords, and they, they walked underneath that, and I think they even had, people were taking pictures, but I think they had a, I think it was in a local newspaper. It's a long time ago. It might be in some archives somewhere, somewhere.
One day, I'll show you a picture of me. I need to do that, don't I? I need to do a picture of me, in my karate costume, so you can see, because you might think I'm lying. Why would I lie? You know, millions of people have done karate when they were kids, but I do have a picture of it.
Not of that, but a picture of me wearing my gi, and how cool is that? It was cold though, so we were all dressed up, and holding these swords, they were quite heavy. They probably wasn't much lighter than me, at the time, so we're holding them, and all I was thinking, please don't slip, please don't slip.
I just had an idea like, oh, cutting off the bride's head would really go down badly, and it could really put a dent in the wedding, so I thought, oh please, but it went okay in the end, and we didn't have to hold it, you know, for everybody to walk under, just for them, and once the photographs were took, that was it.
Now I don't remember if we was invited to the reception, because ultimately, I was a kid. I just do not remember. Anyway, we went to this, what is it, this tournament, I think it was the first tournament, two things that really stood out, three things actually, four things.
The first thing is, I got a lift up there, and it was, I think it was with my instructor, Paul, and so he took equipment with him in the back, because at one point, it was either him or it was one of the other adults, but they said to me, can you go to the car and get the bag, I've left the bag there, so I went, I went to the car, took his keys, went to the car, pressed the button or buzzer or whatever, and walked up to the car, opened the back of the car, started looking through, and I realised I was in the wrong car, so whoever, they'd left their car open, and I was basically looking through someone else's stuff.
Now that, that is not ideal in any situation, but when you know that every single person there, every, every driver probably, had some kind of connection to a karate person, someone who's doing karate, it's not a good, you know, wasn't, there wasn't a good position to be in, so there was no money there either, I checked the front, I didn't, I didn't, so I closed, I closed the car, and I went back and I said, what colour is the car again, and he said it's red, so I thought okay,
so it's definitely not the blue one I went in, or the green one I tried, and that's why the black one wouldn't open, so it's the red one, and I think I found it in the end, it's weird because it's the car I came in, okay, again I should rephrase that, it's the car, it's the car that I arrived, and travelled to the place with in, and a few, there was a few standout moments, one of them was my instructor, won the black belt contest, so out of all the black belts he won,
he won the whole tournament, which was cool, it was an area event, but it was cool to, there's something quite groovy about that, my instructor was the boss, the other thing that stood out was, my friend's brother, who then became my friend, who was, he was probably an orange belt at this point, and the weird thing about it, well maybe green belt, orange or green belt, but he got teamed up, they were doing it by age, not by weight, not by size, by age, so they put him in with someone that was smaller than me,
and he was the size of a fully grown adult, you know 6 foot 1, 6 foot 2, grown man, and he was a grown man, even though he was young, he was only like 12 or 13 himself, so, but he was a fully grown, you know he was one of those that was just developed early, and because he was like maybe 12 or 13, they put him with another 13 year old, and it didn't go very well for the other 13 year old, and they had to stop it,
and I think he got disqualified because he was too big, I made that part up, I'm not sure if it happened, or he might have just won the contest, I'm not sure, I don't remember, I mean I remember, I know my contests, I think I did three tournaments, the first one I lost, the very first contest, the very first fight, the second one I won the first fight, and lost the second fight, and I think the third one, I won the first two, and lost the third, and I remember the first,
and I kept getting in trouble for being scrappy, because it ended up just being a fight, without any technique at all, but that's just, it was I guess I struggled to control myself, and they did as well, so it was just one of those, I think it was a lot of fun though, but I still remember that, I think it was the third fight I had, in the last tournament I did, so I had a bit of confidence that I'd won two, and I was about to go into the third one,
again this is like a vague memory, so a lot of it might be not true, or you know sort of mixed memories, but this next bit is completely true, because I remember, and there was this young lad, he was smaller than me, which is unusual, and I did not stand a hope against him, I mean he could have punched me all day long, and it wouldn't have hurt me, but his speed, he just kept like punching me in the stomach, in the face, and I didn't see it coming,
I'd win a point, and I'd look and he'd be behind me, and then he'd be under my legs, and it was just like, literally I couldn't touch him, and that's when I realised, that I'd lost, basically, and I didn't have a hope, he just, it was speed, the speed of him was amazing, and I kind of realised, that's what I needed to maybe do, maybe, but I don't know if I really had that kind of speed, but I didn't mind, because he went on to win it, so I didn't mind that,
again that might not be true, it sounds better though doesn't it, I lost to the eventual winner, yeah I did, I lost to the eventual winner, okay but you went out in the first round, yeah but you still went on to win it, but you went out in the first round, yeah but you went on to win it, you literally ran out of the ring, after the bell rang, yeah but you went on to win it, yeah but it doesn't mean anything, if you didn't actually participate, I saw that once you know,
where there's two boxes ready, the bell goes, and one of the boxes gets out of the ring, and runs back to the changing room, never find, I didn't find out what happened there, let's check out, it's got to be on here somewhere, the boxer, who walks out of ring, out of ring, after first bell, UK, UK, Curtis Harper, Curtis Harper, blimey, he laboured in obscurity, for most of his eight-year career, as a professional boxer, but by now most boxing fans, have seen the video of Harper, walking out of the ring,
seconds after the bell rang, for the start of his August the 24th fight, against Effie Ajegba, at Minneapolis in America, this is in 2018, I remember that, wow, I thought it was in the UK for some reason, I watched it in the UK, so I guess it's kind of the UK ish, that was weird, I mean I don't think it was, wonder if it was the headliner, it might have been, possibly, I don't know, I think it's the first time ever, I've ever seen that, really,
I've seen a few weird things in the boxing ring, lots of weird things, but one of the strangest things was, Lennox Lewis, I know, was it Riddick Bowe, and, Evander Holyfield, and a paraglider, landed in the ring, this is in the 90s, the early 90s, a paraglider, landed in the ring, got caught up in the in the ropes, do you believe me, I can tell you, paraglider boxing, if I just put that in, I bet you, James Miller, is known as the fan man, really, he was known, blimey,
he was known as, the James Miller, the para fan man, so there's a parachutist, but paraglider, his appearance, he was known for, he used to upset sporting events, his most infamous appearance, was November 6, 1993, against Evander Holyfield, and Riddick Bowe at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, he made headlines in the United States, yeah, so he crashed into the side of the ring, oh what, oh, there's a sad ending to that, not to the, to the Evander Holyfield event, blimey, nine years later, or 10 years later, he was found, yeah,
blimey, okay, still a weird event though, I mean it's the obvious Mike Tyson weird event that happened, but there's a few, there was a weird one, I'll tell you, Golotin, what was his name, Golota, Golota, who was Golota, Bowe Golota, Golota, Andrew Golota, fought Riddick Bowe twice, he disqualified twice for low punches, twice, two, they had a rematch and he was disqualified again, and you know what, he was beating up Riddick Bowe twice as well, yes, of course he was, he was punching low, no, besides that, he was winning those fights,
he put Riddick Bowe down, and he was winning those fights, Riddick Bowe, Andrew Golota should have been a heavyweight champion, if he'd have just kept his hands up higher, he would have been a world champion, but nope, so he fought for the world championship in 96, now wait a minute, I don't know if he was a world champion when they fought though, was it a world champion when they fought, I don't know, the purse was 2 million, Riddick Bowe got 600,000 for Andrew Golota, I don't know if that was for the world title or not,
and he's 56 now, it's quite weird because he fought everybody, I mean he carried on way too long, he went up to 2013, I mean he was getting beaten by people that didn't even go on to sort of make a name for themselves really, but yeah he'd, okay, so he did fight, well he didn't do too bad, he fought for the two world titles lost, but in 2005, 2004, so that was pretty good, he also fought for the IBF, so yeah blimey, 2004 he fought for two heavyweight titles, he drew one,
lost one, and then 2005 he lost, he went for the WBO, so the IBF and WBO in 2004, so he didn't win those, but if you go all the way back to 1996, he fought WBO, neither of them was for a world title, and he got disqualified twice for repeated low blows, however the next year, he without having another fight, he got a chance to fight Lennox Lewis for the WBC heavyweight title, which just shows you how highly regarded Golota was, because he beat up Riddick Bowen both of those fights,
he was winning, however Lennox Lewis, put him on the canvas quite quickly, but he fought everyone, Witherspoon, Corey Sanders, Jesse Ferguson, Michael Grant, Orlin Norris, Chris Bird, John Ruiz, Lamon Brewster, Kevin McBride, he's known because of Tyson, Tomas Adronek, and that's without all the others that he fought before that, Riddick Bowen of course, and he fought Mike Tyson, Mike Tyson, knocked him out, or you know with Mike Tyson, he wouldn't get out, he wouldn't go in, for the next round, because Mike Tyson just beating him up, so he didn't,
he wouldn't go back, and his manager, or his trainer or whatever, was trying to push him into the ring, to carry on fighting, and he wouldn't, and I think he had an injury, which is fair enough, but originally a retired win for Tyson, later ruled no contest, because he failed a drug test, well that's not something that's really, mentioned very often is it, Mike Tyson fell on the drug test, I didn't know that happened, that's what it says here, it might not happen though, wow, so it just shows you,
with Golota, 96, so that was him at his peak, so he beat Riddick Bowen up twice, but lost twice, because of low blows, fought for the world title, against Lennox Lewis in 97, and lost that one, and then he then, he lost one fight against Michael Grant, he lost, originally lost a fight against Mike Tyson, then it was classed as a no contest, and he still, kept getting chance after chance, to fight for world titles, in literally three times in two years, which I think is quite impressive to be honest,
bearing in mind he was probably in his 90s then, everyone's in their 90s, their 90s, yes, oh yes, I mean when he fought for the world title, against John, against Chris Bird, he had 38 wins, four losses, and one draw, he won no contest, then he fought the next one, 38 wins, five losses, 38 wins, six losses, so literally, to lose two heavyweight title fights, in a row, okay one with a draw so I suppose, it's kind of a loss isn't it, it's not I suppose, I suppose it's not a loss is it,
no it's not a loss, but, a lot of fighters would class that as a loss, why am I not talking about, why am I not talking about elections, I don't know, I don't know what happened, I think what I'm going to be, the title of this recording is going to be, I didn't talk about elections, I think it's going to have to be that, because I didn't did I, let's face it, the bottom line is, I didn't talk about elections in it, what can you do, what can you say,
who can you, who can you blame, who can you, who anything eh, anything, huh, huh, I don't know, 16, 16, pinky pinky pinky, boo boo, bum bum bum, so yeah, that's it, I'm pretty much at the end of this recording, so thank you for listening, I don't know what I've been talking about, remember to be kind to yourself, because you do deserve to be happy, lots of love, bye, bye, bye,
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.