(music) Q&A Friday LMBYTS #1391 Jason Newland 12th July 2025

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. This is Q&A Friday.

It's still, it's rubbish, isn't it? Sorry. Sorry about that. It was terrible.

And before I proceed, I would like to say a big thank you to I literally just posted it. What? What on earth is going on? This is ridiculous. I literally just posted it on my Facebook group and for some reason it's disappeared.

That is really weird. How can it just disappear when I just posted it? There it is. Wow.

Right, I posted something on my Facebook group which is Jason Newland's boring group on Facebook. And thank you for your kind and much needed PayPal gifts. Maria Ng and Samantha.

So thank you very much. Things have been going weird, you know, financially. I spent a fortune.

I spent my entire, my entire life's savings of over £170 on taxis and then all my other money that's been coming in, getting them backwards and forwards to the hospital to see Uncle Sausages. But now I'm just gonna have to, just gonna have to get a bus. It's just, I can't explain it.

It's because I was taking stuff up for him. And also a taxi journey is 25 minutes, half hour. Buses can take up to two hours.

There's two buses and waiting around and the walking and stuff. So just from a perspective of time, so I sort of choose a taxi. Although I don't necessarily enjoy traveling on the roads myself personally.

But at the same time, no, I'm not a huge fan of public transport either. Because I'm not, I'm not used to going out. This is the first time.

I mean, now I'm into the fourth week of traveling. It literally is, it was three weeks ago, yesterday, that Uncle Sausages was taken to hospital in an ambulance. And it seems like months ago, seriously, is he's now in the fourth ward that he's been in.

This ward, I'm not, I'm not a big fan of this ward. The last ward was nice, it was quite airy. There's big windows, it was bright in there.

And, and it was more open, you could see the, the recept, you could see, I don't know, there's a lot. I can't explain it. I probably can.

But this one is just, it seems a bit more closed off. And not much air. It smells of farts and boredom in there.

It's just, my Uncle Sausages is so bored. But what I did yesterday is I took him in my iPad. And I subscribed for all the all the sports channels, streaming, because he does have Sky, which is what he prefers.

That's what his main place is. But he doesn't know the passwords. So if he was at home, he could just watch it.

So I subscribed myself on there for him. And I took it in there. So he's got Netflix as well.

Because he has Netflix at home. He's got Netflix, Now TV, which also has Sky Sports, Sky Movies, and Sky TV. So he's got all those, all those different channels.

He's Netflix, he needed because he wanted to watch the Serrano Katie Taylor fight because he's a big Katie Taylor fan. So I've got all that done. I've got radio channels, apps downloaded for him.

I talk sport, all the things that he likes, because, well, he loves he loves sport, absolutely love sport. I'd say he loves sport as much as Vinnie loves sausages. But I don't think that's possible, actually.

Because Vinnie loves the sausages. He loves sausages. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

So yeah, it's been weird. It's just been weird. But no matter how weird it is, for me, it's a lot weirder for him.

So it's, you know, getting a perspective on the whole thing. He phoned me up this morning saying when I phoned up last night, because I was in bed. So I called him up this morning, and he couldn't log into the into the sports channel.

So I kind of went through it with him on the phone, and got him back on there. That was hard work. He's literally working blind, isn't it? Like, because I can't see what he's got.

Can't I can't do face to face, FaceTime, because the phone he's got, it doesn't fit with the phone that the phone that I have. But I managed to do it. I did say to us while the conversation was going, just grab someone, ask someone to do it because 50% of the population are going to know how to use an iPad.

I would say, you know, there's some people prefer tablets that aren't Apple. Some people but you know, generally, I would say a lot of people that can know how to use an iPad probably way better than I do. I'm basic really.

I just use the iPad for editing. It's quite good for editing stuff like that. And yeah, it was so he's this is now being moved.

He's in the discharge ward. So he's, he's awaiting to go into either this is okay, I won't I won't go into heavy stuff after this. He's waiting to go into either a care home or hospice.

That's basically the situation he's in. And physically, other than a bad stomach, he's fine. Like physically, he's fine.

At the moment, he's okay. So he's, he's doing pretty good. Yeah, really, all things considered.

And it's yeah, it's a weird one. He phoned me up last night, moaning about the food. I don't like the food here.

Yeah, you're in a hospital, you're not supposed to like the food. It's a cliche. It's been a cliche since I was a kid that hospital food is awful.

I mean, I don't know if it is or not. It's like school dinners are awful. I'm sure that's not the case everywhere.

But it's just one of those kind of cliches, isn't it? You don't expect hospital food to be good. I don't know, just I don't remember what it was like. So I've been to hospital twice when I was a kid.

And I don't remember the food. All I remember is it was brilliant being getting out of house. For me, the hospital was a holiday really.

So I don't remember the quality of the food. But I did say to him, just ask someone if you can get something different if you can get because he said he was hungry. Okay, so he said, you know, I'd pay someone to come up here in a taxi and pay for the taxi for him to come and go and get some food from the shops downstairs.

And I said, well, I'd have done it for you while I was there. So I visited him yesterday morning. I said, why didn't you know, I kept saying to you, do you want anything from the shops? And you kept saying no.

This is like three hours later and he's saying no, I can't go back. I can't keep going backwards and forwards. You know, I've already been there.

So I did like probably three hours travelling today already, or yesterday, there and back. And he was like, oh, the food's horrible. I thought the food would be the same whatever ward he was on.

Because don't they use the same contractor? I can't imagine they'd have a different menu for a different ward. Maybe I'm wrong. But there wasn't a lot I could do.

But I just said, so I said, look, what I'll do Uncle Sausages is I'll phone up the main reception in in that ward you're in, in the block. And ask if there's anyone that can go down with you to get some food to go and buy some food. See, he's not allowed to leave the ward.

So for medical reasons, he's not allowed to leave the ward. So I said, Okay, he said, All right. Okay, so I phoned up the reception.

Right. So this, this this lady answered the phone laughing. So I guess she was having a giggle or whatever with her colleague.

And to be fair, you know, if you can have a laugh in a place like that, then good on you. Yeah, need to need to break it up somehow. But then she became a little bit.

I can only think the word piss takey with me a little bit, a bit rude. And I said, Hi, you know, I'm just here for Uncle Sausages. And basically, he's, he wants to, he's wondering if he's aware of him getting some food wants to go down and get some food.

And she said, and she laughed. I think she passed, she was in a giggly mood, but it was a little bit annoying. She laughed.

We serve food here. We have food here. I said, No, he's had his dinner, but he didn't like it.

She laughed again at that. And I said, Well, I didn't know if there was any way. Because at this point, I'm getting a little bit.

This is not the problem is right. And I found this out the other day. They're all on really, really bad money.

Because most of them are not nurses or doctors. They're care workers on some of them on minimum wage agency or whatever. So you're going to get some that are there because they care.

Some are there because they just need the job. And in that kind of environment, if you got someone that is solely there, because they can't get any other job at the moment, they might not be completely like with any job. And I've had jobs where I didn't care about the job.

So I didn't perhaps do a very good job. Admittedly, you know, this was like putting putting meters in boxes and or rubbing bits of meat to put stickers on. It didn't involve human beings that were seriously ill.

You know, but I guess it's a little bit different, isn't it? Possibly. And then I said, I said, I said, here, here's a situation really, Uncle sausages wants to know, it's wanting me to ask you, if there's any way of it as a member of staff that could possibly take him down to the shops downstairs, so he could go and get himself some food. She laughed again.

And she said, we're not delivery service. We're not shopping service, something like that. And, and I said, something funny.

And she stopped laughing. And she said, wait a minute, see what I can do. And she went quiet for a second and she came back said, well, try and have a word with someone, but I can't, you know, guarantee I said, that's that's all I was asking.

I know you're busy, you know, understaffed and really busy, you know, but he's the situation for me is like, he's not asking for a pole dance. You know, he's not asking for extravagant things. He's not asking for caviar.

And if they're too busy to do it, then fine. But I don't think it should be weird to be able to ask for him to be able to eat something that's edible. Plus, he's not used to eating food.

I think it's the food, if anything, the food is probably too good. It's probably not that it's bad food, probably maybe doesn't taste very nice. Mass produced food often doesn't taste very nice.

It's hard to make it taste nice. I've worked in catering and there's a degree, I don't know, it's harder to do it. If you cook for 20 people, or if you cook for 200, it's hard to get the same quality for 200 meals as you would for 220.

You know, and again, I've worked in catering, I've seen it, I've seen 200 meals come out on a Christmas dinner. And plenty of complaints. This is too cold.

This is too warm. This is too, I'm not cooked enough. There was one woman in the comedy club, she actually or man could have been could have been a man.

It wasn't. And she came up and said, it could just want to be the man. I'm just, I keep mentioning women as if like that's the only people I talk to.

It just happens to be these stories. I've spoken to men as well. I have.

And as far as you know, the comedy club goes, it was the men were just as disruptive as it was not really about that. This is about food. This lady, this customer, let's just say customer, this customer came up to the, yeah, she came up to the manager.

This was like a long time ago. So about 1999 or something. And she said she'd had a dinner.

I think it was during the Christmas season. And she said, I asked for vegetarian meal. Because they booked the meals ahead, you know, people they book tables for 10, 20, 30, 40, whatever.

And then they don't book all the meals. So she ordered, before she even got there, a vegetarian meal. They served her chicken.

Okay. And she came up and she said, she had the plate. She said, I haven't eaten meat for 25 years.

I'm absolutely furious. And the manager said, so what did we give you? She said, chicken. He said, I think it was a lady manager.

Of course, it just happens to be a lady manager. I'm not, not like focusing on women in the story. It's just she was, her name was Gina.

I can't help that if that's just a fact. And she said, well, where's where is it? The customer said, where, what? Gina says, where's the chicken? She said, I ate it. She said, so this was more than a mouthful.

It's not like she just had, it was a chicken nugget, and you thought it was a vegetarian nugget. And you put it in your mouth and you ate it. And then someone says, all these chicken nuggets are nice.

What? They're chicken? I thought they were vegetarian. No wonder they tasted nice. And you know, but this was like a chicken meal.

There was slices. In fact, it was turkey, I think. Slices of turkey.

She ate the whole lot. I said, there was that weird question. Why did you eat it then? You must've known after the first mouthful that it was, you know, not vegetarian.

And it's a very confused look on her face. Almost like she was in a lift and she smelt a fart, but she didn't feel it. She didn't feel herself fart or him.

Could have been a man in a lift. Smelt a fart, but couldn't feel the fart. Like, it can't be me.

But who is it? Where's the fart coming from? It's not coming from my bum because I can usually feel the air leaving. It's in that, you know, that there's a certain vibration that you only get with a fart and you don't get any other time, isn't there? I might be talking about farts just to ease, ease the subject matter of Uncle Sausage's possibly. But anyway, she, the lady on a reception at the hospital said, okay.

And it's the second time in one week that I've had two people with that kind of weird attitude on the phone. When I've been really nice, I mean, I was on the phone. I'm really good on the phone.

I'm polite. I'm very calm and very, like, maybe too polite sometimes, but I really will, you know, I'm good on the phone. I spent years working on the phone.

I kind of managed to learn how to do it. I was a professional person on the phone, I guess. Well, in the end, she didn't send anyone, but I organised for someone else, his other visitor, to buy him some food.

So I told her yesterday, because she wanted me to sign a legal document or something, given her rights, her and another one of his friends' rights to be in control of his estate, which, this is all stuff that Uncle Sausage's wanted me to do. So he's asked me to do this. So basically, Uncle Sausage's has got two best friends, and me.

One's in another country, who's his pastor that he knew for the first, he's known his whole life, since he was a kid. He's about 12 years older than him, or 10 years older than him. And another person he's known for 40 years, who lives in this country, lives in this area.

She was down at his next of kin, when he first went into hospital. Because I was with him when he went into hospital, and I was with him for the first two weeks, every single day. And then, you know, every other day, I can't count how many days I've been in there.

So he put me down as his next of kin, so that they could talk to me, so that I could phone up and ask how he is, so I could ask the doctors questions and stuff like that. So I'm also down on his medical records as his next of kin. But it's more just for that.

It's no other reason. And because we got to the point where I'd be asking questions, and they'd be saying, who are you? I'm with Uncle Sausages. But who are you? Are you his son? Are you? I said, no.

Well, he can't talk to you then. So in the end, Uncle Sausages himself said to them, you can talk to him. This is my knobby neighbour.

That's what he calls me, knobby neighbour. I don't know why, it's a bit rude, isn't it? So now I'm down as that. But in order for his friend, or his two best friends, one abroad, and one here, to be in control of his estate, so looking after the arrangements in a few months time, without going too deep into it.

They're going to be the ones that are going to be dealing with that. So I just had to witness it. So I put my signature and everything.

So it's cool. Because I said to Uncle Sausages, I don't want anything to do with money. I don't want anything to do with that side of things.

I can't be organising events. I don't want to say the word, but I can't, I don't. Yeah, that's not really my thing.

You need to, that needs to be done by one person or someone that you've known a long time. So that something happened the other day, which is weird. Two nurses or care workers came up to him and asked him if he was being taken advantage of by visitors.

But they were trying to get money out of him. I couldn't believe it. Because I've gone in there, at this point, I've been going in there nearly every day.

And the staff know my name, I know their names, some of them. And it was because Uncle Sausages asked his friend, the other one, to go down to the cash machine, take his card. He couldn't go down there with her.

He couldn't leave the ward, draw money out for him. That was it. So he asked her to do this.

She phoned him up. I wasn't there that night. She phoned him up and said, Uncle Sausages, she's Auntie Landlord.

She thinks she used to be his landlord 40 years ago or something. So he said, yes, Auntie Landlord. And she said, Uncle Sausages, the PIN number you gave me is not working.

So Uncle Sausages said, oh. But at this point, he's got it on loudspeaker. Because he can't hear very well.

Generally, he can't hear very well. And he's got it on loudspeaker. And I guess the staff are listening to this conversation.

And then eventually, they sort it out and get the right PIN. He gives her the card to take home with her. So Auntie Landlord leaves money with Uncle Sausages, his money.

And he tells her to take the card because he didn't he didn't feel safe having the card in the hospital. He actually had it locked up because he thought his next door neighbor was going to steal it. There you go.

And I say next door neighbor, the person in the bed next to him. He got a little bit of a conspiracy thing going on. Anyway, so Auntie Landlord took Uncle Sausages bank card home.

Her and her husband took it home on because Uncle Sausages requested this. I spoke to Uncle Sausages and he's also said this as well. Well, an hour later, apparently, Uncle Sausages was making a fuss, saying that he couldn't find his card, couldn't find his bank card, someone stolen it.

So the nurses, care workers were looking around for it and they phoned up. Yeah, they must have phoned up Auntie Landlord because she's his direct next of kin to tell her and and she said, I've got it. He gave it to me to take home to bring home here.

So because of that, I think the next day, because Uncle Sausages, I guess, was a bit confused about the situation or whatever. I suppose the whole like, what's your pin number? Maybe that was confusing. Plus the environment and that.

But then he had Uncle Sausages had, I came around to see him. I think the next day. No, it's the day after that before I came.

Oh, wait a minute. No. It was.

Yeah, it was after I saw him. Apparently they came up to him and said, are your visitors taking advantage of you financially? Are they? Are you okay? Because of the whole, you know, bank card fiasco. Now, I understand, you know, duty of care and safety.

And I know some people do get taken advantage of, I guess, in these situations. But he's really not. It's the complete opposite.

He's being cared for. Bearing in mind, he's got, you know, there's no one there for him other than me and her really. Auntie Landlord.

He's Mr. Pastor is Mr. Pasty. Mr. Pasty abroad. He's actually he hasn't seen him for quite a few years, probably about five years the last time I saw him.

And neither of them can travel. So realistically, he's never going to see him again. But he does speak to him on the phone every day.

So it's kind of it's this whole weird situation. Why did I mention Mr. Pasty? I don't know. But yeah, so he can't be there.

So it's only really me and Mrs. Landlord that can are able to come visit him. And it's weird, because I was going to go visit him. This was on a Thursday.

So I saw him on a Wednesday. This is on a Thursday they came round. I think on the Friday.

So his Mrs. Landlord saw him on a Tuesday night. I visited them on a Wednesday morning, Thursday, Thursday, they went to nurses came out and said to him, what did you know? Are you being the people trying to get your money? And he told me in the evening or the afternoon, on the phone. And I thought, well, I need to say something when I go in there.

But then he was moved to different ward. And it's so far out of the way. I'm not sure if I can remember where his old ward was.

So honestly, it's on the other side of the hospital. There's the discharge ward. So this is his last stop before he leaves the hospital.

He may be there. He still may be there a few weeks, but you know, hopefully not. Hopefully, I hope he's out by the by the next, within the next week, I hope that he gets moved to his, his new place, whether it's wherever it is.

I hope that he is just staying there will be have a bit more. It'll be quieter. Hopefully he'll have his own room.

He might not. I don't know quite how it works. But it will be Yeah, definitely he'll get it just be better than because this place is there's more people in the ward now than there was in the other wards.

And yeah, it's a weird one. So I don't know. It's almost like this with the other ward he was in.

If someone needed you, you could the staff could hear them because they were going between wards here. The staff can't hear because they're too far away. Because the wards are like a walk to get to the different wards within this block.

Because the one he was in before there was ABCD and E and probably four beds in each. Maybe six beds in some but I think four beds in each. So that's four.

So that's, that's over seven beds, all together. And they were kind of going in between. So there was always, they could kind of keep an eye on everything here.

It's, you know, when you're in a different ward, because I don't know what you call it, but it's the it's not the same. I don't seem to have the definitely don't have the same amount of staffing because the one I was on before when he was on before. Busy, busy, constant, you know, staff all the time.

Here there seems to be a lot less going on. I'm sure they're just as great. It's just it's a lot less.

But anyway, Uncle sausages doesn't like it there. And he's been told off a couple of times. And he's not a big fan, as I'm sure most people are not of being told off.

He's Yeah, it's weird. You can imagine getting to 78 and being told what you know, you're not allowed to leave your bed. You're not allowed to have ice cubes.

He was told he said ice cubes are banned. I don't know if that's true or not. But that's what he said.

That's a weird one. I'm not sure what the context was of that conversation. Unless he was just chucking them at the staff.

And it should be banned then shouldn't they? Anyway, if he was playing hockey with them or something. Cooling his nipples off. So and Michelle says does Uncle sausages have any family? You're so kind to be there for him.

Oh, thank you, Michelle. I don't feel very kind. I don't not not don't feel very kind, but I don't feel I don't feel that I'm necessarily helping him.

I do but I don't but I do but I don't. It's I tell you what, I don't know. I don't know.

It is. He wouldn't be in hospital if it wasn't for me. I mean, I'm not the cause of his illness.

Clearly, I'm not the cause of that. But bearing in mind, he's very symptomatic free. Pretty much he's on medication.

So Yeah, his symptoms would be he'd have a lot more symptoms if he wasn't on medication. So in those three weeks, since I saw him, when he opened the door, and he was yellow, and I basically bamboozled him or lambooned him or kind of pushed him into opening the door to a paramedics. He didn't want to.

I kind of force his hand a little bit for that, because I was so worried about him. And I was right to be worried about him because it was way worse than I thought. I didn't think it was, I could see there was clearly a jaundice situation possibly, just because of the colouring.

But I thought it just, it'd be something simple. You know, just needed some medication. And he'd be fine.

I was wrong. But he didn't want to go in there. All he wanted to do is be left alone, watch his sport at home.

And just I get it. I do. Well, I think I do.

Not the sport part because that wouldn't interest me. But just the wanting to be left alone. But chances are he wouldn't be here now.

If I'd have done that. Pretty big chances, actually. And if he was here, he'd be in hospital.

So you know, he would have ended up in hospital anyway. But it's, I don't know, I think there's part of him I think really dislikes me for that. He's mentioned it a few times.

That Friday night, it's the infamous Friday night when I did everything I could to get him to listen to me, because he wouldn't. And he slammed the door in my face that day. But at the same time, he agreed, you know, he agreed on the phone to see the paramedics when they phoned him up.

He answered the door. And they were all going out. He didn't knock on my door, nothing.

So I went out to see how he was. And the paramedics said we'll take him to the hospital. And Alex looked at me.

I said, you want me to come? And he said, yes, please. So from then on, we've been good. But you know, he was just gonna go on his own.

I think the fact that he slammed the door in my face probably thought that I possibly wasn't the right person for him to ask for help after he'd done that. But I've had worse. I mean, I've had doors slammed in my face before.

I've had people say nasty things to me. But you should have seen me and Luke, some of the things he said to me. But when you know someone's unwell, I think it's kind of is making a few adjustments, I think is required.

So I've done that while he's been in hospital as well. Uncle Sausage's kind of got to realise that he's going through something that I've never gone through. I've not really got any way of understanding what he's going through.

And because everyone experiences things differently, anyway, you know, we can, I mean, you can say someone, you get 10 people going through the same experience, you can swap notes and say, okay, well, there's a few similarities in how we're feeling about this particular situation. But ultimately, when it comes to feelings, when it comes to emotions, it's going to be different for everyone. So I have no clue, really, how he's feeling.

And he doesn't like to talk about his feelings. Unless he's angry. And it's usually got nothing to do with the situation.

It's to do with an outside thing, something that's annoying, rather like the food and not being tasty or something like that. But he's not. Yeah, I guess.

But again, I can't judge it because I've got no idea. I've got zero, zero idea what he's going through. Emotionally, or physically, I don't know.

I don't know. I know what he tells me, I still don't know what it's like for him. So it's been weird.

It's been very, very weird. Yeah, I just hope, I hope that within the, he's gone through a point where he was going to walk out. Now he's got to a point where he's just waiting to be moved.

That mention of just walking out is gone now. Because he knows he's not allowed out. He knows that he can't, it's not going to work out if he just walks out.

He realizes that now, for a few medical, physical reasons. And he seems to have come to accept that he can't just walk out of the hospital and come home. Not that he can't, but he'd be possibly unable to himself do it.

In a, from a physical perspective, there's a few, there's a few barriers, few physical barriers. And also there's the medication, which possibly having a bit of an effect on him. And if he walked out, he wouldn't have the medication.

Or if he did, would he take it? You know, stuff like that. So, it's been very strange. Oh yeah, I had another one.

This lady, I phoned a taxi. All I did is, I phoned for a taxi. Can you please pick me up from the hospital and take me to this address or whatever.

She said, okay. Again, she answered the phone laughing. It's a weird one, just, I don't think it's the same person.

And it's, she's basically laughing at me when I was talking. It seemed to me, because I've been on the other end of that situation where someone's making fun of the customer, whether it's because of the way they're talking or because of their accent or maybe anything. Or perhaps the two people on the other side are just, you know, so it's got the person answering the phone, talking on the phone to the customer, but they might have been in the middle of something hilarious, who knows?

Or maybe she was watching a video on YouTube at the same time as talking.

It's anyone's guess. But super rude, just laughing at me. And again, I was like, okay.

And I thought, I'm maybe saying I'm just moaning, but maybe I am. If you're picking, so I'm phoning for a taxi from the hospital. So the way my brain works is it goes this way.

So if you're phoning for a taxi and you're answering the taxi, yeah, your job is to answer the phone to organize a taxi for a customer, and they're phoning from the hospital, then treat that person with respect. I must say, treat everyone with respect. But nobody who's phoning for a taxi to be taken away from the hospital is, no one's been having a jolly.

No one's been having a good time. Either they're a patient, a visiting a patient, or they work in the hospital. That's kind of pretty much the three types of people that are going to be at the hospital.

I want to say work in there, even people who work in Costas, work in WH Smiths, it's got to have, it's an extra element to work in those places in a hospital that you wouldn't get in a normal Costas or a normal supermarket. Because of just, it's a different environment. It's this, it's not, it's just not easy.

It's not an easy environment. So yeah, I was, that was a weird, I don't get that very often when people are rude on the phone, but I had it twice this week. So this is what I'm going to let you know.

This is how I talk when I, when I phone up, this is what I first say to the person who answers the phone. Okay, so tell me whether or not this deserves the other person to be rude to me. So this is how I spoke when I phoned up the hospital reception, you know, for uncle sausages about getting him some food.

And it's exactly the same way when I phoned up for my taxi. So I'll be honest, right? You can write in the comments or whatever you want. Tell me if this really deserved for me, for them to be rude to me.

So you've got like ring, ring, ring, ring. And it answers, hello taxi or hello hospital. I said, yeah, now listen to me.

I'm the boss. I want you to do what I say. I'm the king of the castle.

You're the dirty rascal. Now take, take a pad. If you've got a pen, write this down because you're probably going to forget it.

Come on now, chop, chop. What I want is this. Now tell me, does that deserve, does that deserve for people to be rude to me from that? It's a perfectly kind and gentle way to start a phone, a telephone conversation.

Don't you think? It's like, yeah, I saw Shakira in an interview the other day. She's hardly changed. She just looks, she just looks the same.

It's like, I don't know. It's weird. I mean, she doesn't mean she doesn't look exactly the same, but she's still, she's just doesn't seem to have aged hardly.

It's weird. So, oh, do you ever see that thing on Facebook where they say, oh, guess who this celebrity is? And they show you a picture of them now in their seventies. And they're so surprised, like, I can't believe it.

They're 78 and they don't look like they did when they were 23. That's just crazy. It's just like, why, why have those photographs? At least we haven't got to put up with that.

If you're, if you're like, I mean, you might be famous, but for non-famous people, we haven't got to have that, have we? To have publicly pictures of us when we was young compared to how we look now or when we're older. I don't know what's going on down there. A lot of noise.

That's what's going on. I actually listened to my podcast the other day and I could hear, um, Gobi out there. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, like that.

I don't know why. So Michelle asks, yes, I'm, I'm still doing Q&A Friday, believe it or not. Michelle asks, does Uncle Sausages have any family? Oh yeah, I've already done this.

Um, no, no, zero, zero family, none whatsoever. Uh, I think he, he would probably class, um, I think he pretty much classes Auntie Landlord and Uncle Pasty to be his family. And I'm Nobby the Neighbour, as I said.

Uh, and also Little Vinnie. He loves, Uncle Sausages loves Little Vinnie. Little Vinnie loves Uncle Sausages.

He does. They talk to each other through the door while they used to. So I'd be in here and I mentioned this the other day, I think, but I'd be in there and they'd be having this full on conversation through the doorway because the door would be locked, closed because I didn't want him getting in, did I? And he'd be outside the door talking to Vinnie and they'd be like talking, it's like, it would go on for about five minutes.

I don't know what they were saying. I could hear what he was saying, but I couldn't, Vinnie was just going like that, maybe barking a bit. You can understand Uncle Sausages, couldn't you? He understands anyone that gives him sausages.

He can just tune into their language. If sausages are involved, you turn in, he turns into a genius. Don't you, Vin? I'm getting the sense that someone's about to cut the lawn.

That's what I'm getting. Did I tell you they took the scaffolding down outside? I feel like I'm giving you an update on the whole week because I haven't done as many recordings as I normally do. So I didn't do one Thursday.

I'm doing this on Saturday. I know it's terrible, but should have done this yesterday, but I was too tired yesterday. I got the weekend off.

So I got today and Sunday off and I'm going in Monday. And his auntie landlord went in to see him last night. No, not last night, Thursday night, and she's going in tonight.

So he's literally only going one day without seeing anyone. I kind of do the Monday. I'm trying to do it on Monday, Wednesday, Friday at the moment, but leaving those other days open in case he needs me to go in.

So, you know, they're still open, they're still available. And I have, you know, last week I was going to have, I did the whole week and then I was going to have Saturday and Sunday off. But Saturday morning, he wanted me to go in.

So I went in. So, you know, if he needs me to go in, because for whatever reason, if I can't sort it out on the phone, then I'll go in. Or if he just really needs me to go in, then I will, if I can, if I can afford to get in.

Oh God, yeah. Yesterday he was going about, oh yeah, I'll get someone to buy, to get a taxi in and, and get the, get the sandwiches from the petrol station across the road from where we live and bring them in to me. Because that's what he used to do every day, go to the petrol station, buy some sandwiches, maybe a drink and then he'd come home and eat it.

That would, that'd be his food. And, and I said, I'm not, I can't, you know, he wouldn't say, he didn't ask me directly. He said, if only, if only someone could do that.

And I kept saying to him, look, I was there with you two hours ago. I was with you for three hours or whatever it was. I could have got you anything.

I kept asking you if you needed anything. I mean, I can take him down in a wheelchair, if he wants to go down with me. It's a ramp the whole way and, and lifts and everything.

So I've got like bumping up, bumping up and down the stairs. It'd be weird, wouldn't it? But I thought, no, I'm not, I can't. First of all, it's gonna, he's, he wanted to pay for us, it's going to cost £40.

Well, £17 there, £17 back. I always give £20, give a tip. But that puts me in an awkward position because firstly, I couldn't afford to spend that money myself.

So I'd have to go there, walk all the way up to the ward, get that money from him to take it back down to the taxi driver. So by this time, it's probably going to be £25 because it's a long old walk. It's a waiting time, you know, but then I'd have to ask him for money, which means going into the ward and the staff seeing him give me money.

And I'm not prepared for that, especially after those nurses questioning him about it. So I thought, and I said that to him, I said, don't ever give me anything. I said, you've never, he's been offering me stuff for years.

Whenever I help him out, he said, oh, I can help you. And I've lent him some money and he always pays it back. It's only a couple of times.

Helped him when he got locked out, helped him with his bathroom, helped him with just various different bits and bobs. Helped him get his water bill down from £90 a month to £12.50. Literally he's been ripped off by about £12,000 he's probably spent that he didn't need to spend over the last 30 years, 25 years. Helped him with his banking, just because he can't hear on the phone.

He can't hear the person he's talking to very well. So what I do is I do it with him. So he's in the room with me and we do it together.

So it's just been the last year or so that we've been doing that. And he's, he's offered me stuff like, oh, I'll give you this, give you that. I said, no, don't want anything.

He got a, like a loan thing, which wasn't a loan, but it was one that you don't have to pay back from the government, which was to help him with his flat because he had some problems with his flat. So to buy some new stuff and he needed it for his new kitchen that was being done. He had four weeks to use it and he didn't use it.

And the expiry date was the 31st of, I don't know when. I think he could use it for anything he wanted, I think groceries, whatever. So, but I think it needs to be used in a supermarket.

So what I did is I said, we need to use it. He said, no, no, you just have it. I said, I don't want it.

It's not for me. It's for you. He said, well, you just buy stuff for yourself.

I said, no. It's like £359, I think it was. It's like, he said, we'll just chuck it away then.

I said, no, you wouldn't just chuck £359 in the bin, would you? He said, I might do. What's it got to do with you? He didn't, he didn't say that. So I almost had to kind of talk him into coming in there, going on the computer and him choosing what he wanted to buy for himself.

And then doing it on the card. He just didn't want to do it on, he didn't know how to use the card. I think he was a little bit afraid of it, which I understand.

But it was just like, that's a lot of money to just let fall on the floor. Especially as he needed, he needed a kettle. He needed a, what did he get? A kettle, toaster, cutlery, dishes and plates, towels, all things like that for his new kitchen that he didn't have before.

And a toaster, one of those, you know, those Breville, not Breville, but it's a, makes toasted sandwiches. And a few other bits and bobs that kind of, he really needed. And it's like, okay, well, this is, you got the delivery.

I said, it's going to be delivered to my address because this is my supermarket that I'm using it on, like online. But you need to keep the receipt and keep hold of it and know that you've got the stuff that I didn't order it myself for me. You know, just, I'm trying to cover myself because that, that could look bad, couldn't it? Like I've stolen his card or something, which I haven't.

So all the stuff is in his flat anyway. He started using some of it, but he was waiting for the, because the kitchen hadn't been, yeah, at this point, the kitchen hadn't even been started. So it's about to be started and we, he, we had to get the, yeah, that's it.

So he had it all stacked in his bedroom while the kitchen was being done. And once the kitchen was finished, then he started taking the stuff into the kitchen. So I got rid of quite a few of the boxes the other day.

So yeah, but even then, like, oh, you take it. No, I'm not taking it. I'm sure plenty of people would have done, but I'm just, no, I'll give you some money.

No, I don't want any money. I don't want his stuff. I don't want anything from him.

Just like, come on, just all I want, all I ever wanted for him is for him just to be safe and happy and help him out. If I can help him, I will. He's elderly.

He's not that much older than me though. He's about 24, 24 years older than me. But what I see in him is kind of me in a sense, living on my own, got nobody, nobody to look after me.

Nobody visits. I don't let anyone in. I'm very, very similar to him in that way.

I live my own life, very independent. I only go out because of Vinnie. If it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't leave the house.

And he's obsessed with football and sport. I'm obsessed with this stuff. So it's kind of, I can see that similarity.

We're both very verbal, very, you know, talkative, chatty, energetic. I'm not sure how energetic I am, but he's way more energetic than I am even now. But that's more to do with his passion.

He's absolutely obsessed with sport. And that's what annoys me, probably more than annoys me about his situation because he's more enthusiastic. In fact, I don't think I've ever met anyone more enthusiastic about being alive than him in my whole life.

And I'm including the kids. I'm including everyone. The energy he's got, he's got the energy of a small child.

It's endless. As far as his enthusiasm goes. Yeah, he can't run, can't probably climb a tree anymore.

I don't mean it in that way. But his enthusiasm for football and for rugby and golf and stuff like that. And I've always found it annoying.

Just because I'm not interested in sport other than boxing. And he can't match me with boxing because I know a lot more about it than he does. But I can't even when it comes to football, rugby, golf, tennis, cricket.

I mean, that's a lot of sports. He knows the name. Well, his memory is not as good as what he used to be.

But he's a bit more groggy. But again, that might be due to the medication or the other things. So he's always been so passionate.

And that's the thing that I've respected. It's the thing that annoyed me, just because he just talks and talks and talks and talks and talks. And so in the past, I've told him I'm not interested in what you're talking about.

Not in a bad way. I just like, you know, I don't care about football. Yet you want to talk to him about football.

And he laughs because he knows that I'm not, that it's just not something I want to talk about. But to have that passion, and he's so friendly to everyone. Generally, I mean, he's a little bit grumpy at the moment, but hey, who could blame him? But generally, he's friendly.

His start in a conversation is, if he meets someone, if he hears that accent, or he can kind of roughly tell where someone's from, and he'll guess their football team that they support. Or if he can't, he'll just say, who's your favourite football team? That's his opener. Or if he's never met the person, because he met the lady that lives downstairs for the first time, and he said, do you like sport?

And I was behind him shaking my head saying, say no, say no.

No, but he said, do you like sport? And that's his opener, because that's his passion. It's not just an interest. It's his whole life.

Really, sport is his whole life. And I have nothing but admiration for anyone that can live their life doing what they love. And that's what he's done.

He's lived his life every day. Okay, I'm exaggerating because I'm not inside his head. I don't know how he feels every day.

But it seems I get a sense that he wakes up, when he goes to bed at night, he's looking forward to the next day. Or he's looking forward to the next sporting event, which is usually because he watches sports all over the world. Whether it's because of cricket, tennis, you know, all year round.

So there's always something that he's looking forward to watching. And he wakes up with something to look forward to. And I think you can't put well, personally, I don't think we can put a price on that.

It's something that it's a gift. I mean, maybe, you know, some possibly would argue that it's to be obsessed with something isn't necessarily good. Which I understand if it's an obsession with something harmful, that's going to harm the person.

Yeah, that's not a good thing. If it's an obsession with another person who doesn't want you near them, you know, it's not interesting. Obviously, that could be very, very difficult too.

But he's obsessed, he's not obsessed in, he doesn't drink alcohol, doesn't do anything, he just, he watches sport. And he reads about sport. And he talks about sport.

He loves it. And that's, in a way, and I don't mean this in a bad way. When I started doing the Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

Okay, right. When I started doing the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcasts, I was thinking about two people that I've met in my life as an inspiration for doing this. Okay.

One was him. It's not that he's boring. It's just that I've tried to explain this quite a few times in the past.

For me, if you're not interested in a subject, it's boring. Doesn't mean the subject's boring. It's just from a personal perspective.

You know, I've got no interest in trainspotting, for example. But I've got nothing but admiration for trainspotters. Because they're happy.

They're enjoying themselves. They're doing something that, you know, I bet the ones that are maybe working all week, that's what they're looking forward to doing at the weekend. Having a great time, because they're doing what they love doing.

So whatever it is, whether it's martial arts, whether it's, I don't know, being a leader in the scouts, or writing, doing jigsaw puzzles, watching television. I don't think it matters. Fishing, whatever it is.

If you absolutely love doing something, and you get a chance to do it more often, as often as you want to, in a way, that's kind of like a dream, you know, it's like a dream scenario. And it hasn't cost him much in a way of money. I mean, he's probably spent, he spent a lot of money traveling around, going to different sporting events when he was younger.

But he hasn't done much traveling in the last five years. When I first met him, he was out and about all the time. You know, he was away, going abroad to watch sporting events, going to football, coming back early hours of the morning.

In 2000, that kind of changed. So the last five years, really slowed down. It might have just been a physical thing.

He just maybe struggled to sort of get around as much, which I struggle a little bit, you know, with my back in that. And I'm, I'm just still a kid really. Compared to him, I'm still a, I'm still a baby.

Okay. So what I did is I looked at that situation of someone talking about their particular interest to someone that has zero interest in that subject. So what I thought I'd do is that I'd kind of do that kind of podcast talking.

But also, it's a mixture of myself as well. Well, obviously, what I talk about is myself. I mean, probably Sleepy Boring Objects was or the Monday's Boring Objects.

That's kind of based on that really, he's talking about something that's going to be interesting to some people, boring to a lot of other people. And I added myself to it in a sense of someone told me or, you know, they messaged or left a comment on a YouTube video, which was just Jason Chatz where I was talking about my life. And they said, Oh, I fall asleep every time you talk, even when you're not doing hypnosis.

And I thought, Oh, okay, that's interesting. And then I got another friend who, see, see, none of these people are boring, including myself, I hope. But none of the people are boring that I'm talking about these friends.

But it's just, if you talk at someone about a subject that they're not interested in, that person is going to glaze over. And I've seen people's eyes glaze over multiple times. I only started noticing it when I was in my late 20s.

And I suppose once I started learning about hypnosis, I started realizing that, Oh, okay. I'm basically zoning people out when I'm talking to them. I didn't know it.

I didn't know what I was doing. So I wasn't purposely doing it. Then I played around with it a bit.

So the other person is somebody, okay, another close friend that I've known a long time, I don't see any more much, but still someone that's, you know, close to my heart. And this person would talk, but then they'd go off. And they talk about something else, then they talk about something.

So they talk about Bob. And then they talk about, then we're talking about Steve, who was Bob's friend. And then it's zoning on Steve.

Then I talk about Steve's sister, who went to college with Adrian, who was in a rock band. And that rock band is also Oliver, Pete, and Roger. Now Pete, he used to like to, he used to work in like a florist.

And his favorite music was Elton John. And he saw Elton John in concert. And he met this, he met his girlfriend at that concert, Elton John's concert, and they had a baby.

And that baby grew up to be, you know, I mean, it's like, just goes on and on and on and on. And he can't follow it. It's almost impossible to follow.

And within that, he'll talk about music, songs, movies. And just like, can't follow this. And he was the expert at that.

But he didn't mean to do it. He just did it. He just followed his thought pattern.

And it was hard to follow. And I'd like to bring it back, bring it back. Because I generally can't do that if I'm with someone.

You know, like, I like the conversation be focused. If I'm in a room with someone, and it's a one, you know, it's a give and take conversation, which is what conversations kind of supposed to be, isn't it? Not talking at them, like I am here. Then I really needed to be focused, and to stick to the point.

Which is weird, considering I don't stick to the point, necessarily, when I'm making a recording. But when I talk into a microphone, I didn't realize I did it. Until probably, you know, much later on.

That once I just go into, I don't know, if you want to call it stream of consciousness, just talk, talk, just, I guess, just talking out loud, isn't it? That's all it is. Talking out loud, just my internal dialogue being external, I suppose. And I kind of mixed it up a bit.

When I first started, I was trying to get have relaxation and include hypnosis and then talking perfect, on purpose really slowly. But then it felt false to me. When it's right at the beginning, it didn't feel quite myself.

And now I just am me, this is me, whatever this is, this is me now. It might not be me tomorrow, but this is me now. This is the speed I'm talking at.

I'm not controlling the speed. I'm not controlling the speed. I'm not controlling any aspect of how I talk.

This is me talking normally. This is how I talk. If I'm not, if there's no, if there's no one else around, if there's other people around, I would probably talk a bit quicker, maybe.

That's a whistle then, didn't I say quicker, quicker. And I don't purposefully go into a sort of a weird tangent, it just happens naturally. You know, so nothing's planned, nothing I say is planned in these recordings.

Other than answering questions, which I'm supposed to be doing today with the Q&A Friday. So Michelle, Uncle sausages doesn't have any family. But I feel like I've expanded a bit more on that.

Because I've pretty much that's all I've talked about, isn't it today so far. Can you hear that? Is that a helicopter? Sounds like more than one helicopter. Ing says, in one episode, you talked about the biscuits, biscuit habits in England.

I thought that it was very funny. Thank you. That's a stupid plane, man.

It's the same one that used to go over this just over where I am. And I got like, dip down and then did swerve right over my flat. Do the English have any other quirks? I hope the word quirks doesn't have a negative connotation.

No quirks is fine. Yeah. No quirks is fine.

I'm trying to think talking about the weather. That's a very English thing. It's probably the most English thing there is talking about the weather moaning about the weather.

Another thing is blaming everything on politicians. But I think that's possibly a universal worldwide thing. Possibly.

I don't know. Uncle sausages, he's like everything. It's Starmer's fault.

I think at some point he even blamed his illness on Starmer. He can't blame him for everything. Starmer is the current president of England or whatever it is.

So she's a nice lady, though. She's a nice Starmer. She's very nice.

Shakira, Shakira, Starmer. I hope that the weather I would guess the weather is really the thing moaning. Negativity as well.

But not necessarily meaning to be negative. So let's say one person might you might go up to someone and say, Hi, how are you doing? Not too bad. Yeah, that's kind of an answer.

It's just a negative answer. But it's not kind of meant in a negative way. They might be having a really good day.

So I'm not too bad. Could be worse. Could be dead.

You know, honestly, it's like it is quite negative, but it almost doesn't feel negative. For example, you might get it a little bit more nowadays. But if you go into a shop here, until recently, you would not hear the words have a nice day.

That was an alien phrase in England. It is I've noticed a little bit more. Maybe have a good day.

And but it's because it's false. If it's in this country, it's false, because English people generally don't maybe the younger generation do but just my generation or whatever. We don't say have a great day.

It's but I've noticed some younger people do seem to say it. And it is a little bit of a jolt for me because I'm not used to it. Because I never my dad's generation didn't say it.

My generation didn't say it. My granddad's generation didn't say it. And I think the generation after me didn't say it.

But now maybe the younger ones, I guess my grandchildren's generation if I had grandchildren, perhaps. But then sometimes it sounds a bit threatening. Like, yeah, you have a good day.

Like, really? It didn't sound like you want me to have a good day. You take care of you look after yourself. Yeah.

That sounds threatening. So yeah, I don't I don't. That's not how I was.

It's not the the England that I kind of really grew up in. It was negative, but not really negative. It just I don't know how to explain it.

And it just passed down wasn't it just passed down people. I think it's quite natural for people just to talk, have expressions and they don't question anything. They just say what they were taught to say, say what their parents said, use the same expressions as their friends, and then just go through life doing that.

But other people might question like, Why am I saying this? I started doing that probably in my late 20s. I stopped saying not too bad. So for this is really negative.

This is this I started to notice I noticed I noticed when I was a teenager, but I became a bit more aware of it. And there's other things, some statements like, Oh, no good deed goes unpunished. Or as in the same category is, there's no smoke without fire.

Just stupid, stupid sentences like that. It doesn't mean the person who uses those sentences are stupid, but they're not useful. It's not useful stuff to be saying.

No good deed goes unpunished. Okay, so don't do anything nice for anyone. Yeah.

No smoke without fire. So everybody's guilty. Because that's what it's usually used for, isn't it? It's always been accused of something that must be guilty.

Okay, well, let's get rid of the courts. Bring back the firing squads, baby. No.

So what's the other one? Plan for the plan for the best. But it's no hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Really? No.

Yeah, so I don't really sign up for some of those old sayings that some people still hold on to. Because it's, it's a negative country. And maybe it's because it's such a gray country.

Not the whole of the country, but is there's times of the year when it's just very gray. Because we don't get huge amounts of sunshine, even though it's a we're having a nice bit of sunshine now. There's large parts of the year where because we have seasons here.

And only one season is really well, spring's not too bad, actually. Not too bad. That's another expression.

Not too bad. How are you not too bad. Still alive.

My dad says that. I phoned him up. And he said, you're right.

Daddy said, yeah, still above ground. Still above ground. Like, not something you want to hear.

He's in the middle of having serious medical treatment at the moment. Four weeks of it. I know it's his humour and stuff.

But it's like, his wife said to him, stop saying that. Daddy. Because it's weird.

I wonder why she calls him daddy. That's strange, isn't it? Jason's daddy, she calls him. And I just send him when I send him Christmas cards or birthday cards.

I just put his address on it. And at the top of it says, dad, dad, daddy. That's his name.

Daddy, dad, daddy. I'm trying to think of any other weird stuff in the country. Yeah, nobody likes rain.

Even though technically, it's one of the most important weathers that we have, especially for the agriculture. You know, all the food and stuff. But yeah, it's a universal dislike for rain.

But then another thing is sort of starting to think of, like, oh, it'll soon be Christmas. You'll hear that in like February, or soon be Christmas. Or if it's a really nice day, or soon, it's soon be winter.

It's almost like by cheering and being negative to cheer yourself up. It's a weird one. Like, oh, you're enjoying yourself on the beach today.

Couple of months time, it'll be freezing cold. Yeah. It says I think it's just a I think it's maybe just a humorous thing.

It's I tell you what we are good at England. And I don't know other countries might be just as good there. But I don't have anything to compare with.

But what I noticed since I've lived here most of my life, I lived in Ireland for a little bit, but I've lived here my whole life pretty much. gallows humor. And it's just that kind of laughing in the face.

Well, if if you're not gallows humor is good. But if you don't, then it's basically just, it's called that because it's maybe a very unpleasant experience or situation. And managing to see a joke in it, to make light of it just to make it more palatable, I guess, you know, just to make it be easier to get through it.

So I think gallow humor is something that the English people tend to have inherited. Being able to make fun of situations and, and to say stuff that isn't true. But as a joke, you know, so like, I was talking to someone the other day, and we were talking about, yeah, it was, it was in the lift.

And I was with this another neighbor, and this person was talking about their father and how she'd go for this big court case because her father had been mistreated in this care home, which is super serious and everything. And as we came out, she said, Oh, I have to keep, she said, I have to remember that care home. I thought, I guess, you know, sort of make sure no one goes there.

She said, Oh, let's try and send my mum there. It's just, but she was just joking. It's just like, because it was such a serious, serious conversation.

And she was in hospital herself, she was on oxygen. So she she really didn't need a super serious conversation. And I've just been visiting Uncle sausages, and I've seen her as well.

So it's that kind of humor that's inappropriate, but at the same time, cuts through the tension and gives maybe a momentary release. You know, and she wasn't making fun of the situation. She wasn't making fun of that.

She was just, it was a need to gallows humor. That's all it is. I'm sure people that worked on a gallows, and that's people that used to, you look it up if you don't know what gallows is.

It's, it's a way of dealing with the emotions, really. People deal with things differently. And I said, I'll see if I can get Uncle sausages in there.

No, I didn't. Oh, maybe I did. Maybe it's because some people get confused and they say, Oh, the subject, if you talk about subject, then you're making fun of the subject.

And it's not, not the case. Necessarily. It's just you're making the situation absurd, something serious, turn it into an absurd thing to make it a bit more easier to digest, perhaps.

But hey, I'm not here to. It's not a TED lecture. Blimey.

Dev asks me, Oh no. Tammy says, please send loves and hugs to Uncle sausages. Give Vinnie a belly rub for me and you a big virtual hug for being an awesome person.

At this moment, I'm giving Vinnie, he likes, I tell you what he does like to be rubbed. I shouldn't leave a big pause, should I? He loves his chest being stroked. That's almost like one of his favorite things ever.

Honestly, I think he'd lay there for hours just having his chest stroked. So yeah, that's his favorite thing. So I'm doing that now.

Hey Vinnie, you have your little chest stroked. Hey, yeah. He likes that.

So thank you, Tammy. And I'm hoping Uncle sausages is okay. He's going to just.

Yeah, I've probably talked about him too much, but it's what I tend to do. I talk about what's going on in my life. Dev says best wishes for Uncle sausages.

Just wondering, have you tried ready made angel delight dessert selling in Sainsbury's? I wish I'd seen that before I did my order. I just got a few groceries. Angel delight.

I did not even sold it anymore. I could do some. I tell you what I used to like the answer is no.

But I'm gonna. I'm definitely going to. Thanks, Dev.

What I want to do now, I can't do it. But what I want to do is make myself a knickerbocker glory, or some kind of Sunday, you know. So Angel Delight.

Some ice cream. Maybe some sponges, like those little sponge fingers. Some fruit.

So it won't be a knickerbocker glory as in a big tall thing, but maybe just in a bowl. Mix it together, perhaps. And some.

Like a Cadbury's flake. Yeah, I tell you it's weird, right? I don't know if you if you feel the same. I like Cadbury's flakes.

But there's something about Cadbury's flakes when they're on an ice cream. See, I don't get excited about Cadbury's flake if I buy it in a shop. But if I buy an ice cream, if I'm out at the beach or you know somewhere where I'm buying an ice cream.

That flake becomes the most amazing thing in the world. And it's only half a flake. It's not even a full flake, generally, but half of half of a, I think.

It becomes the pivotal focus of my life. It's the most exciting things ever happened to anyone ever. That chocolate flake in the ice cream at the top sticking out the ice cream.

Without the chocolate flake, it's just boring ice cream with the chocolate flake. It is. It's the universe.

It is. It is just infinite happiness. It's weird, isn't it? Don't you think? I want an ice cream now for some reason.

This is bad, okay. It's not too bad, but and I've been given permission. Okay, so it's not like I'm doing anything wrong.

But Uncle Sausage said that I can just help myself to what's in his freezer. And I looked in his freezer yesterday. So I had to go in there.

I didn't have to go in a freezer, but I had to go in there to sign a thing. And he got some, they're not Cornettos, but they're Sainsbury's versions of Cornettos. And I think I might, I'm thinking of going and getting one.

But he did say to me, help yourself because he's not eating them. And I can't take frozen stuff into the hospital because I'd be melted by the time I get there. It'll just be a mush.

It'll just be a trail of ice cream dripping out of my pocket. Because that's why I put the Cornetto in my pocket. I probably wouldn't help to keep it frozen, would it? Vinnie's been a good boy today.

He's had a little bit of a bark earlier. But generally, the rest of the day has been good. Haven't you, Vinnie? You've been a good little boy.

I'll tell you another thing I really like. There was a thing when I was a kid. There was this squirty stuff that you could put on ice cream.

And it was chocolate, or chocolate with, let's say, mint flavoured chocolate, and it would go hard. Yeah, you just basically squirt it on your ice cream. And it would freeze quite quickly, hard.

So it'd be all sloppy and then it'd be a crust. You'd have to break through the chocolate to get to the ice cream. I like that.

I really, really like that. So much. But then other companies started producing it, maybe the supermarkets made their own version, and it didn't work.

It just sort of just laid there like a puddle of poo. I don't know, it just laid there. It wasn't a nice, it didn't get all hard and, you know, it's like, what's the point? But that, and I don't remember what it's called, it had a specific name, and it was brilliant.

I can even slightly remember the packaging. It was so good. But I don't know what happened to it, if it's even still around.

Worst things happen at sea. That's another thing I used to hear a lot when I was a kid. That's not, there was this weird, just things like that.

Another thing like this, these sayings that people would say to each other, almost like it was, they said it for the first time, or heard it for the first time, but they've probably all both heard and said it hundreds of times before in their life, yet found it hilarious to say it. And they'd say it and then they'd laugh, like, maybe not like that. But one example, if someone said, oh, effing hell, you know, swearing, but like, maybe they stubbed their toe or, I don't know, lost their car or whatever, and lost their family in a poker game, just something minimal.

And it's, oh, effing hell. And someone else that could heard them say that said, oh, I hope so, because there's no TV there. Okay.

I mean, the first time it probably was absolutely hilarious. But after five, 600 times of saying it, you know what I mean, innit? You get me? I don't know. There was this, I remember there was this bloke at work, I had this job in a factory.

And for some reason, he decided to attempt to pick on me, bless him. And I was a young bloke, I was in my early 20s, what, 21 probably. And he used to shout stuff out from the other side of the room, it's a big old room.

And he decided to call me ugly. And he was a little bit drunk, he was, yeah, he was, he was drunk. And I kind of put up with it for a little while.

But he kept shouting stuff out and then laughing hysterically. No supervisor to say anything. And in the end, I got a little bit annoyed.

A little bit. So I turned around. And I started speaking and everyone stopped working and watched.

There's only like six of us in there. So it wasn't like there was all 7000 people in the stadium. No, it's just a few people.

And I shouted over to him. I said, I said, Do you want to? Okay, I use I use nice words. Do you want to sleep with me? Martin? That might be his name.

It was his name. Do you want to sleep with me? Martin? He said no. I said, Well, why do you care what I look like? And the rest of the people in there clapped and cheered, carried me on their shoulders.

All around London. You know, there was open top buses with people fireworks going off. It was brilliant.

So I was quite pleased with that at the time. And after that, he was nice to me. Turned out he did want to sleep with me.

Yeah, we were together for about five years. It was lovely. It's a weird though, isn't it? So when you got a story, like an origin story, you know, in the beginning of a relationship, that was always a bit weird.

So how did you and Martin meet? You and Jason? Okay, well, Martin was being horrible to me. No, I never had a relationship. I wonder how much stuff of what I say people believe that the first bit was true, that story did happen.

But he was he did, we did become kind of friends, actually. I just, I don't, I think he just couldn't control his mouth. Once you realise that it's not really, because it's weird, because he was in his probably 50s, late 40s, 50s, probably about my age.

And he was mouthing off to people in their 20s. It's never a good idea. You know, it's almost like a ridiculous thing to do.

Because the odds are against you against a young person in their prime, against an old fart like me, you know. So yeah, it's a, see, I'm aware of that. But he didn't seem to be aware of it.

Because the, you could, the fumes, it's quite weird, actually. Because my job was wiping frozen meat, trying to get the ice off. So the person next to me, I put it on the scales, the person next to me would then get the ticket, the weight of it, the ticket would come out of the machine, and they'd put the ticket onto the meat.

My job was to make that bit of an area so that he could get the ticket on. So I'd be scraping and it'd be hard work for me. Martin, he just breathed on the meat.

And it just melted. Once the whole thing just melted and turned into a into a mush. A whole leg of lamb just melted in front of him.

In fact, he cooked it. We had just had time to eat. It was lovely.

Just breathe on that, Martin. Honestly, it was like a walking barbecue. Oh, anyway, I'm going to go.

So I've talked enough about silly things, and serious things. I try, I don't want these recordings to be serious. I genuinely don't.

And I try and keep it as light as possible. It's, I think one of the problems is when I'm talking about my life, this is the main thing that's going on in my life at the moment. So therefore, it's the thing that I guess I'm going to be focusing on.

You know what I mean? So there we have it. Oh, there we have it. We have it.

We have it. We have it. So thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. And be gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel safe.

Lots of love. Bye.