#8 “Pizza” SLEEPY Boring Objects (Jason Newland) (22nd September 2021)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Boring Objects. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. The objection, objection, the object of this Boring Objects podcast is to talk boringly about stuff, choosing a particular topic to focus on during that recording and in the process you can relax and maybe even pop off to sleep if you choose to do so.

Because whilst you're listening to my voice I guess it's kind of a distraction from other things, which means you can just let go and you're no longer focusing on the stuff that you was focusing on before. And when you focus on my boring voice you may or may not notice that your mind starts to slow down and those thoughts that were there before tend to just drop away like friends of a lottery winner once all the money's been spent.

Dropping away one by one.

But I used to be so popular. Yes, because you used to have money mate. Oh where are all my friends gone? Well they've spent your money for you haven't they? There's no more left to spend and they've probably gone to try and leech off of somebody else.

Oh perhaps I should buy another lottery ticket. Yeah that's the solution. Or you could work on creating a personality for yourself.

Well it's a bit rude. Yeah probably. Sorry.

Okay should we get back to the podcast? Yeah okay then. So today I'm going to talk about pizza. PPP pizza.

Now I've been a fan of pizza for a long time and there's various different pizzas that you can get. All the pizza places are the same. I guess one of my favorite pizzas is the Pizza Hut.

But there isn't a Pizza Hut around here that does deliveries. So I get deliveries from Domino's pizzas when I do get a delivery. Although there is a couple of other places where I can get pizzas from as well.

Not that I'm regularly buying pizzas. But pizzas are one of my favorite fast food takeaway delivery category foods. And my favorite flavor is sweet corn and pineapple.

And that's been my favorite flavor since I was a kid. Since I was I don't know 16, 17 when I started getting takeaways. You know because I was living on my own.

Living on my own. And there used to be this kebab shop not far from where I lived. And I used to go in there and I used to get on quite well with the owner of the kebab shop.

And he used to make nice pizzas considering it was a kebab shop. The pizzas were nice. And he used to make me huge pizzas.

And I would have a pizza and some maybe a bottle of coke or something like that. And I didn't have pizza very often. I mean but when I did I used to really enjoy it.

One of my fondest memories was 1987 and it was it was an election. The you know for the Prime Minister. It was election time and it was the actual election night.

And I'm pretty sure it was about October November time. And I'd worked all day. But for some reason I wanted to stay up all night and watch the election.

And watch the election results as they came in. Because I'd never done it before. So this was something that for some reason I was looking forward to.

And it's something that I've kept up as a tradition most of my life. I think there is at least one time when I couldn't do that because of the job I had. And I was starting work really early or maybe I had night shift.

And that would have been the early 90s election. I don't think I was able to sit up for that one. But I had definitely set up for the 97 election.

I sat up all night for that. And then I'm not sure when the next one was after that. Early 2000s.

I would have sat up for that one. And probably the next one. 2010 I definitely sat up for all night.

And then 2014 I think it was. 2015. And then the 2000 was it I can't remember was it not the year before last.

2019 election. So I've sat up most all night long watching the election and the election results. Eating pizza.

And sometimes just for amusement I'll put a mirror. A big full length mirror. Opposite me so I can watch my belly grow bigger.

Yum yum yum yum yum. So that's that's kind of been a tradition in my life. Being part of what I do.

Something that I guess it's it's a tradition that I have started. Thinking about it yeah I remember the last election. Because I had a pizza.

So I ordered a big pizza from Domino's. And one of my neighbors came around. And I'd like well you then this is probably about nine o'clock in the evening.

Eight o'clock, nine o'clock. And just he just sat there. And he said I didn't come around to eat your pizza.

I said just as well because you're not having any. And he got a little bit annoyed with me. And I gave him a bit yeah I gave him a bit of pizza.

And he said I don't feel you have to give me any. I said well no I don't. I just don't don't think we were connecting on that day.

When the the conversation wasn't running smoothly. But I just found it a little bit annoying. Because I didn't want to be rude.

But he was interrupting my tradition. And my tradition is to have a huge pizza. Lots of drinks and stuff.

Not usually alcoholic normally just soft drinks. And sit maybe maybe do something else at the same time. You know work on the website or do something.

But have the television on and watch the you know the the whole night. From I don't know nine o'clock in the evening till maybe six or seven in the morning. Until the the final results.

Or not the final results usually. Because sometimes it takes a days for the last people to come in. But to the point where they know who's won.

And this is something that I've been doing for years and years and years. Eating a pizza and watching the election. And some may think oh that's a diff.

That's a bit of a strange strange combination. And my answer to that is what's it got to do with you? You live your life. I live my life.

I don't see how me watching the election whilst eating pizza affects you in any way. Why would you even feel the need to comment? And that person may say well I was just I was just saying you know. I didn't didn't mean any harm.

I just thought I'd just say it. And I was and I would reply well why did you feel the need to say it? I mean do you have nothing else going on in your own life that you need to focus on what I'm doing on election night? I mean have you got an issue where you prejudiced against pizza eaters? And they might say they might say yes.

But they might say no I'm not I'm not I'm not got an issue with people that eat pizzas.

I just was wondering why you do the same thing every election night? And possibly my reply to that would be are you talking about it as if it's every week? Elections generally every three or four years, sometimes five years depending. So it's hardly regular is it? It's hardly uh it's not like I've got some kind of habit going on. I mean this is maybe three times in a decade, two to three times a decade that this will happen.

And they might say oh okay okay calm down I was just saying I didn't expect this kind of conversation to occur when we started this discussion about pizza. And I might respond well now you know and maybe in the future you can keep your opinions to yourself because this is my life and I'll I'll live it however I want and I don't need to ask your permission.

At this point the person might say oh come on relax you know this wasn't supposed to be a serious conversation.

We were just I was just talking about like just questioning just just mildly interested in why you would choose to have the same topping on your pizza on erection nights. And I would say do you mean election nights? Or are you saying erection nights just to try and be mildly humorous? And they'd probably admit to it saying yeah I I said erection I know that the words election but if I suffer if I if I said erection it would um it would be hilarious.

And of course I go back and say well it was hilarious.

I do appreciate your your input and the effort that you have brought forth into this this arena of discussion regarding certain eating aspects and processes of of pizzas being eaten during the erection. And I think at some point it would start to get a little bit confusing about who's saying what and why. This might start to get a little bit strange which is okay I guess.

Because it doesn't have to be all serious all the time. In fact maybe taking a break from seriousness might be beneficial to just different people depending on their circumstances. So pizzas I like pizzas but there was a time when all pizzas just seemed to be thick crust.

And I didn't want thick crust I wanted thin crust. But now I seem to have moved the other way. And I prefer I prefer the crispy ones the big the thicker crust to thin crust providing because it was a caveat on this preference.

I love the pizza to be crispy. You know when you bite into it it goes oh okay the pizza doesn't go all but my my senses go hmm that's nice. And the crunchiness in between my teeth it gives me a sense of it's a sense of well-being that really really does.

So yeah there's a plane going past. I don't know why well I know why because it's in the sky. But I don't get I don't get many planes around here.

We do get helicopters but not many planes. We have cars as well. So I'm trying to think of other times where I have had pizzas.

There was a period before I moved here and I didn't really have much in the way of cooking facilities. There was a tiny little camping oven and stove which wasn't big enough for anything. Nothing big only small items could fit into that oven.

But what I used to do because I had this job and on a Saturday evening evening if I was working I would go to Asda which you might not know what it is. It's a it's a supermarket and everyone that works there has to wear a luminous green like snotty clothes. It looks like a luminous snot and and it's quite well known for being fairly decent value.

So at the time what I would do is get some general shopping for the week ahead. And for myself I would give myself a big pizza. But I don't know how I cooked it.

That's the thing I can't remember. I think I might have had to cut it up and put it into the put half of it in the oven and the other half in the refrigerator. Unless I didn't get a really large one I just got a small one.

Which would have worked just as well or better because it would have actually fitted in the little camping stove oven thingy. And I would sit there and I'd have that eaten. And it's nice.

Yeah I used to sometimes I would get a Domino's delivered and they used to do this special discount and the pizza would cost me just 10 pound for a large sweet corn and pineapple pizza. Just 10 pounds. I was very pleased with that.

It just seemed like a very good deal. And they kept that deal up until I moved. And I moved further away from where they are delivering.

Yeah the ones I got from Aldi or Asda. They weren't sweet corn and pineapple. They were I think mushroom and something else.

Cheese. Definitely cheese. Cheese.

Because I remember when I was at school I made a pizza in cooking class. And we used tomato puree on top of the base of the pizza. Yeah the the not the plastic the the pastry that's it.

The dough. The dough. And then I think we would post the post we would say present we would present to the pizza some cheese.

So chuck some cheese on sprinkle it on. And then some other toppings. And that would be dinner.

I'd have to take it home and we'd eat that for our dinner. Just after cooking for a couple of hours in the afternoon two or three hours. I didn't really want to go anywhere near the pizza.

But it all worked out okay. On those days I think it was a Tuesday or Thursday or it might have been a Friday. Or Wednesday.

It was a week day. And as I said whatever I cooked that would be our dinner. And on those nights people always you know in the house all suddenly found themselves busy and having to go out.

That's it really. Talking about pizzas. I kind of want one now.

But I don't want one that is as you know very flat. I don't want a curvy one or one like a building. But I just want I'd like one that's nice and crunchy.

Like a pizza hut. There's a long way to go. In fact I don't know where there is a pizza hut.

But they're so tasty. So I think it's the crispiness that I like. I like the you know biting into it.

I can't do the sound. I'll try. This is the sound of biting into it.

Admittedly it sounds like an ant sneezing but it was it was my attempt at an impression of a pizza. A crunchy pizza. A slice.

You pick it up and you put it in your mouth and it's just it's not all about the topping. It's also about the type of pizza. I don't mind mushrooms as well.

But it's something about the sweet corn and pineapple that I I just like it. I think I'm gonna go now. Take care.