(Long | Voice Only) #1589 Let me bore you to sleep | Jason Newland | 8th April 2026

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland. So I was trying to say my name and I kept coughing.

Jason Newland, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Today is Wednesday the 8th of April 2026. It is 6.32 6.32 in the evening.

And I've been in a bad mood today, funny enough. I've had a little relaxation, sitting on my settee, reclined listening to the best of Aretha Franklin and it seems to have done the trick. It seems to have uplifted me a little bit.

I'm just a moody old git sometimes. There you go. I've got quite bold to go through all the introduction.

So I've got two websites, one store, one just jasonnewland.com, jasonnewland.store. One is a podcast, one's you can download my stuff from for free. I've got a YouTube channel and I've got a Facebook group called Jason Newland's Boring Group, which hasn't had any new members, members, members for aggies and aggies. And there's this whole thing going on.

My stats are all tipsy turvy upside down around around inside out. And I can't figure out what's going on. It's, I mean, it looks really good from the outside.

But at the same time, there's no logic to some of it. Now, for one thing, the stats on my UK podcast listeners, I was a bit salivary, wasn't it? It's gone down. Well, today, anyway, it's really low.

According to my podcast, I've had nearly 800 listeners, listens or downloads to my podcast so far. And only 18 of those from the UK. I don't I think it's got to be got to be like, over a decade since I had that such a small amount of UK listeners, maybe 15 years.

So that's very strange. It wasn't the same yesterday. So you know, maybe it's just a one a one day thing.

Maybe it's because of the weather. It's been so lovely people have been out and perhaps haven't needed or haven't just haven't had time to listen to my voice. Yesterday, I did start recording.

And Vinnie kept barking. I kept hearing people in the garden and I just I lost I lost my mojo halfway through. So that's I don't 25 minutes in and then I just Nope.

Nope. And that was it. So that was that was yesterday afternoon.

It might actually been about this time because I went to bed at half seven. And then Vinnie woke me up about mid about 1112 or something, sitting on me, waking me up. Like licking my face and I just didn't know why.

And there was an ambulance outside. And because I went to bed so early. I tried to go back to sleep and I just wasn't really tired, to be fair.

And he wouldn't let me sleep. He just kept like playing and wanting to be fed. And I found out why just now because there was an ambulance outside.

I didn't know who it was for. And having ambulances outside this building is not an unusual procedure. It's that happens probably at least once a month.

But it was my neighbor downstairs I just discovered. So that's why he was so awake and grabbed my attention because he absolutely adores her. See, he must have heard what was going on downstairs because they've got good hearing, haven't they? Which makes you wonder how he manages to scream so loudly when he's excited.

I don't get that. How can he bark so loudly when he's hearing so good? And how is he able to if dogs really do have the smell, the sensitivity of smell hundreds of times more than humans, how can he smell poo and not be like, so I guess it just shows maybe the stronger the smell is, the different the smell is maybe. And the better the hearing is, the different the sound sounds.

I was trying to think how to say sound sounds without saying sound twice. The sound, what's another word for sound? I mean, it's the description of the sound, the bark, the shout, the scream, the sing, the whistle, the no sound, I'm stuck with sound. Huh.

See, yeah, that's what happened there. So I've been a little bit, a little bit tired during the day. And I know I'm too honest, but I put some weight on, right? I'm now 16.

I'm getting on to 16 and a half stone. And so I'm now wearing like today I went out in a shirt, a t shirt and a shirt rather than a jacket or jumper because it's been nice weather. And it's not it wasn't so bad.

Because you know, I was at 16 stone for years and years and years and years. And then I lost a stone and a half a couple of years back or a year and a half ago. On purpose, you know, cut out sugar and stuff.

But I didn't have a door camera back then. And as I walk up the stairs, all you can see is my belly. Walking up the stairs like my belly's got legs, walking up the stairs and you can't even see my head until I get to the top of the stairs.

So it's literally like I've got a walking, I'm a walking belly. And I don't know, for some reason, it didn't feel me full of gladness. Oh, see, yeah, I've gone back to being uncomfortable in the summer again.

And the last couple of years I've been fairly okay, because I did lose some weight. I mean, this time last year, I was at least a stone lighter. And I had put weight back on so I got down to 14 and a half stone.

Last summer, I was over 15, maybe 15 and a quarter. When I was going back and forth to hospital with Uncle Sausages or to see Uncle Sausages. And I was wearing a shirt and a shirt.

I never got rid of the belly like the belly's there. It just if I'm being honest, I had I had more success of holding it in than I do now is I think it probably is the difference right between doing a magic trick with a dove, practicing with a dove. Yeah.

And then when you get on stage, deciding to use an emo or an emu, like different size bird. It's a little bit harder to hide that up your sleeve. You know what I mean? It's nothing like that.

But I'm trying to get just give you an analogy, analogy of it's a little bit different now. I mean, last year, I was in Sainsbury's because I was I had to go past there to go home on the bus from the hospital. So I went in there and I got some bits of food and stuff.

And a female came up to me and just stood in front of me and said, excuse me. I said, yeah, I really didn't know what to make of that. It was I understood what excuse me meant.

But what I didn't actually I didn't know what she meant by excuse me, because it was plenty of room to get around me. There wouldn't be now but there was then and I had trouble getting through the aisles now without knocking everything off. People were shouting don't turn sideways, don't turn sideways.

And I I just like what would you Yeah, just this didn't know what to say to her because she just stopped and stared at me. Now. It wasn't for as long as it seems to feel good.

It wasn't as long as it takes me to tell you this story. So it's very short. She wasn't staring, but she looked at me.

So I looked back at her. She said, Oh, sorry to disturb you. I said, Okay.

She said, I just wanted to say that I really like your shirt. That's when I didn't know what to say. But like, would you mean you like my shirt? I didn't say that to her.

I was like, Oh, thank you. But I didn't know what to say. Now.

30 years ago. 25 years ago. 20 years ago.

15 years ago. Even 10 years ago. That would have been an opener to a conversation that I would have like had a conversation with her.

You know, almost like she started a conversation. And I just said, Oh, thanks. And just carried on walking.

30 years ago. I've really been married to her now. I wouldn't be I don't know why I said that.

But I would have kind of like, is she telling me that because she likes me? Or because she's? Because you know, it did happen sometimes might it might be hard to believe but it did. I've had humans like me in the past. I don't care what you think is true.

And I didn't know what to say. I just said thank you. And it was a little bit awkward.

And she didn't mention the fact I was wearing no trousers. Is that a thing? Do you think that's why people stop listening to me in the UK? Because I keep talking about not having any trousers on? Wow. Well, if people are that fickle, come on.

It's a joke, isn't it? I mean, I don't always walk around with no no trousers on. Probably only about I'd say 10% of my stories about me not wearing trousers in public are false. So that was really weird.

But I don't imagine now with my big floppy belly. I literally I need a wheelbarrow just to carry my belly around with me. And I don't think the T the shirt I was wearing on that day would actually go over.

I don't feel even cover my belly now. It's terrible. I know I don't paint a great picture of myself.

And not quite as bad as I make out, you know. It's not, I'm not, you know, there's no Jabba the Hutt here. I'm not quite as not quite there, but a few more years.

I mean, yeah, but then it is Easter egg, you know, chocolate egg season, isn't it? And I've had a lot of eggs, a lot of chocolate eggs in the last couple of months or two. Can't get them anymore. So I have a real need, a real want, a real oar for some chocolate eggs.

I just love, I love Easter eggs. I don't know what it is. Just love them.

So anyway, I talked about that yesterday, but you're never going to hear it because it's gone and I never published it. It's not fair, is it? Or it might be fair. It might have been, I don't know.

It might not be very good, but who knows? But it's been sunny the last two days. I sat in my friend's garden yesterday and today, today for a lot less time because she was having a bathroom being done and she needed to do a wee-wee. So she came back up to mine to go to the toilet.

So we didn't stay there too long. Yesterday I was there for about an hour, maybe a little bit longer, had a cup of coffee and afterwards I just had a bit of a headache and I thought it might be because I've had the sun shining on my head for an hour and a half, the back of my head, and I'm not really used to having the sun on me.

So yeah, maybe the brightness is just a little bit of a shock to the system because it's been kind of dull for a fair few months really, generally since like November.

So now it's, even when it's not sunny, it's still fairly bright now, which I'm not complaining about. I'm just, it sounds like I'm moaning, doesn't it? I'm not moaning about the, I'll be honest. I think yesterday, I let the, I let the news get to me a little bit.

Yeah. So that's why I went to bed early. I kind of, I had the news on, I wanted to hear, you know, it was like one o'clock in the morning or whatever, we were going to find out, you know, what was going to happen next.

So I won't go into that, but that was, I was, you know, I don't talk about stuff like that on here, but it was, I found it a little bit concerning. I'm trying to see what else I've got going on. Yeah.

So Vietnam, if I move this out of the way and I get my, I get my website on, my laptop on, sorry. And I'll just show you what I want to show you, but I'll read it out. So today's stats, yesterday's stats, right.

Don't worry, I'm not going to go into like great detail, but just the geolocation. So all the stats I got 1410 downloads yesterday, geolocation, 32% was Vietnam. United States was 17% and United Kingdom 9%.

And normally, it's United States, then United Kingdom in that order. And then Bangladesh was fifth. By fourth, Bangladesh, then Canada, then Iraq, then Pakistan, then Australia, Uzbekistan, and they were getting like two, 3% each.

So I'm getting a lot more of other countries than I normally get, which I'm grateful for, but I just, I'm confused. And the other thing that's happened is more of my podcasts have been listened to. So for a long time, it's always been Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast or the Hypnosis for Sleeping Deeply.

They've always been the top two podcasts to get listened to forever, not forever, but for a long, a long, long time. Now, yesterday, Relax and Sleep Hypnosis Daily was second. Let Me Bore You To Sleep was third, and Hypnosis for Sleeping Deeply was first.

Then Relaxation for Stress and Panic Attacks was fourth. Q&A Friday had loads of listeners, Monday's Sleeping Born Objects, and Sleep Hypnosis. It's like every single podcast I have, it's been listened to pretty much.

But then today, I mean, still a few hours to go, still, I think the stats finish at one, so what is it, seven, eight, nine, 10, it's about six hours left. So today so far, 931 downloads. Let Me Bore You To Sleep is at the top.

Relax and Sleep Hypnosis Daily is second. And Sleep Hypnosis, which is a very new podcast I've got, which has only my Sleep Hypnosis recordings, like the newer ones I've done, is number three. And you've got Q&A Friday.

Hypnosis for Sleeping Deeply is like two, three, four, five, six, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, seven down, which is normally number one. And the geolocation, this is for today, top one, 38% Vietnam again, then United States, 13%. Austria, 7%.

Iraq, 3%. Bangladesh, nearly 3%. United Kingdom, 1.9%. Just 18.

18 downloads in my own country. And it just surprises me because that's not and that's between the United Kingdom, not just England. So in England, I've got Haywards Heath, Lambeth, Stroud, Eastley, Ascot and Manchester.

So I'm wondering, that's interesting. That's very, very interesting. Wonder what the most plays are.

Overnight music. Okay, they're the latest recordings, they're getting the most views, or most listens. So literally in the last seven days, country wise, the top countries, United States, this is the seven days, Austria, above United Kingdom, United Kingdom's third, then Australia, Norway, Canada, Denmark.

That's the last seven days. If you go to the last 30 days, United States, United Kingdom, Austria, Canada, Australia, Norway, New Zealand. This is Belgium, Ireland, the Netherlands.

But then Vietnam's not even on there, which is weird because Vietnam is, that makes no sense. You see what I mean? Well, you don't see what I mean. But Vietnam, right? Isn't even on the list when I've had a lot of Vietnam listeners.

It's not even on the list of the 30. If I go to the last seven days, it's not even there. So how can Vietnam not even be in the last seven days when it's, that's very strange.

Yesterday, Vietnam's disappeared. Oh, because I'm looking at Let Me Bore You To Sleep. That's why, blimey.

I thought I was looking at the overall stats. I do apologise. So Vietnam are not listening to the Let Me Bore You To Sleep according to that.

Blimey, wow. Okay, here we go. So the last 30 days, Vietnam is 9%.

United States, United Kingdom at the top, and then Vietnam, and then Canada, Australia, Austria. Vietnam wasn't anywhere. It just wasn't really, it was on the list, but it was very, it wasn't like high up on the list.

If I look at last month, I don't think Vietnam was even on there. Was it? Canada, Australia, Austria. So Austria was getting quite a few.

Vietnam was, it was 1.5% last month. If I go for the last 12 months, United States, United Kingdom. So 45% is United States.

United Kingdom's 22%. Canada, Australia, Ireland, Sweden. It's the same countries pretty much every year.

The kind of in the top like 10 or 20. New Zealand, I'm sure I used to get a lot more people from New Zealand listening. But Vietnam is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13th in the last year.

The last 365 days, it's the 13th on the list. It keeps going like this, it's going to be number one. In the whole like, it's, I just find it kind of a bit unusual.

The last 30 days. Yeah, it's third. I can't figure it out.

I'm not sure where. Maybe that's what I need to do is find out which website is listening. If I look at sleep hypnosis, hypnosis, sleeping deeply, chronic pain.

I do way too many websites. Let me put sleep hypnosis. So sleep hypnosis.

Let's see who's listening. Vietnam. Sleep hypnosis in the last 30 days.

Today so far. Vietnam, Bangladesh, Iraq, Pakistan, Uzbekistan. So they're listening to the new podcast.

Podcast yesterday. Vietnam top Bangladesh, United Kingdom, Iraq, Uzbekistan, Kosovo, Pakistan, Oman, Israel. Okay, fair enough.

So it's, it's pretty much Vietnam's at the top of that one particular podcast, sleep hypnosis. Because I wasn't getting hardly any stats for that particular that for that podcast. Because it's a relatively new one with new recordings.

There's not even that many on there, I don't think. To be fair, I didn't even know anyone was listening. So 157 episodes.

Oops, blimey. And I'm well behind. I'm really behind as well.

So I've got loads to upload as well. But I forgot. I didn't put much effort into it, because I didn't think anyone was listening to it.

So I can upload the new ones. So podcast statistics. I've had 1210 total downloads of that podcast.

From the first of March, it started one, then six on the 12th of March, then the 14th 10. Then the 11th of March 11. So it's kind of quite low numbers.

And then for some reason, on the 6th of March, went up to 50. On the 7th of March, which was was that yesterday? 39. And today 114.

I don't know. It seems Yeah, this is. I don't get it.

If anyone else, you know, I think I said this yesterday, but it wouldn't have gone out. So if anybody's listening to me in Vietnam, please let me know, please just because I'm trying to figure out if it's a bot if it's you know, if it's real listeners listening or research and apparently it won't wouldn't be a bot, but it could be people listening on different places than they normally would.

For example, if I look where is it sources, I'm getting a lot more people listening on the Apple podcast still at the top for the month.

Edge is the new place where people are listening. And Chrome as well. So if I go in last seven days, edge is 45%.

Although Sunday the 6th Apple podcast only and there's no edge. Well, I got I got the smallest amount of listeners I've ever had, I think on Sunday, but it was Easter. So I think people had other things to do.

Friday was quite busy. One for one. 1000.

1100, 1800 on Friday. So yeah, it's basically today is 671 on edge. So 72% and Apple podcast is 104, Chrome 1966, Jason Newland, my websites, six people listen on there.

I'm just pleased, you know, I'm just grateful that anyone listens at all. But it might have an inquisitive mind and inquisitive. Yes.

I also want to know, has anybody asked a question for this week's Q&A Friday because it's coming up. It will be here before we know it. Oh, yes.

Before you know it, Q&A, Q&A, Q&A, Friday will be here. And the excitement I can feel it in the air, can't you? I was kind of excited that the, the boys, the TV show, the boys was back. And I started watching it this morning, but I just wasn't I didn't find myself able to really enjoy it.

Probably because I've been up a lot of the night and I felt a little bit disorientated as it were. But that will be sorted because I will not be having an early night tonight. I reckon I go to bed at 11 or 12.

Yeah, I got a few bits as well. Some food, just some milk and stuff Uber Eats got that delivered earlier. I had to put the recycling out today.

Other than that, I just I'm getting a little bit Vinnie. So the dog over the fence reacts to when Vinnie barks, which is natural. I understand that.

Vinnie doesn't react to the dog barking over the fence. Now he did, but he doesn't anymore. But Vinnie's got a little bit more screamy with his barking.

So instead of just right, right, he's like high pitched, super loud. Whenever someone at the door, which is natural to do that, but also now, if I'm on the phone and I put the phone down, he starts screaming and thinking that we're going out to see his mum. Which is his favourite thing.

So I literally can't stand up because he starts barking. If we don't see her for a while, this is a normal day. We go out for a WALK.

He doesn't make a fuss. He might like try and pull on my socks and stuff like that as I'm getting ready and try and trip me up. But it's like general stuff.

He doesn't scream with excitement. He doesn't bark. And that's starting the other dog off, which then starts the, the, the human.

And just, I'm just kind of just so it's hard. I feel like I can't have my windows open. So I need to get something to block that window up for when I'm making recordings.

Especially because I do want to do some hypnosis recordings. I do. I just haven't been able to because of the sound.

And now because it's nice weather, there's people in the garden, sitting around, shout talking for hours and hours. So yeah, it's kind of a little bit, it's a little bit difficult because if I can't make these recordings, it's the only thing that it's the only for me. It's the only thing I do in a day that actually has any meaning.

And if I can do that. Dog's barking again. If I can do that, I feel a bit better about myself, you know, generally, like I've kind of accomplished something kind of have a drink of water.

But what I did do today is anyway, if you got any feedback, if you think that you know why no one's listening. Well, it's only today. Yesterday, I had a normal UK audience.

It's just today it's gone down at 18. It's very low. But I'm sure someone will say, Oh, an opportunity to to be rude to him.

Let's go for it. No, I'm not offering that. I don't offer that service.

That's what TikTok's for. And X. I can't believe someone wrote on X, right? This is about Oh, what's his name? Neo? Was it Neo? Neo is some rapper Kanye, Kanye West. They wrote on TikTok, they wrote on X, sorry, they wrote on X that they something that he wrote about or something and which was very controversial.

But this person said they'd never seen anything as bad in their entire life. And they're gonna be getting off X. And I thought to myself, you only have to go on to X for about 10 minutes to see things that you should never see, that no one should ever see, which is way worse than any bit of written words that Kanye wrote. It's, it's, it's not a nice place.

Honestly, if you've not been on X, I suggest don't go on there. At least don't watch any of the videos because there's some pretty some of the stuff's alright, some of the stuff's funny, but it's, it's almost like you don't know what you're going to get. And after a while, you realize that it's not worth the gamble.

So yeah, no, thanks. So yeah, I don't go on there. I actually, I was trying to post my videos on there.

My like, you know, my latest videos, so I can post up to an hour, I think, but try and post it without watching any other videos. But the honest and also what people write is just so it's not the most positive place in the world. If you know what I mean.

Not the most positive. Blimey. That's an understatement.

Anyway, yeah, so this bloke on ticks on X said, that's it. You need to kick him off X. It's the worst thing I've ever seen. Like, really? You need to spend more time on there.

Wow. X, because it didn't used to be like that. Twitter.

It was, it was a place for people to argue and stuff, I suppose. And it became, it kind of became like a free speech thing, didn't it? Old Twitter, X man bloke, wanted to have free speech and stuff. And which is weird, because on TikTok, right, you can do a live.

And I kind of done a bit of research, and I decided it's not really for me to go on there live because I don't get the most positive response. But people do listen to they do watch my videos. So that's okay.

So I post my YouTube videos on there. The you can say certain things and not other things and not get in trouble. And what they do is they change words.

So it sounds exactly the same, but just add another letter to the word. And then it's acceptable. Yet they can call each other the C word.

And that's fine. And they can tell each other to shut the F up. And that's fine.

And be hostile and that's fine. But certain words they're not allowed to say. And for me, if you change a word, then it still has the same meaning as the word that you're changing it from.

So if you're saying instead of saying the word bloody, because some people don't like that word, you know, it's like it used to be classed as swear word about 60 years ago. So bloody hell. Bloody.

I had a girlfriend used to say that. That was the limit of her swearing. Bloody hell.

What? If you changed it to ruddy hell, which it was, so it was no longer a swear word. It's still a swear word, isn't it? Ruddy is just a replacement for bloody. Therefore it's it's a swear word.

It's you know, you know, I mean, like if it means the same thing, then it's I don't know. I know what I'm trying to say. I just don't know what I'm trying to say.

What other thing? Yeah. So TikTok is a bit of a weird one. Facebook.

I haven't really used Facebook in the way that Facebook used to be used or the way I used to use it for a long, long time, probably well over a decade, if not more. You know, when I when I signed up to Facebook in I think it was 2007, maybe 2006, I lose track. But for me, probably 2006.

For me, it was just it was a new thing. It replaced another place that I was using to post my videos and mp3s. The difference is, you couldn't post your videos and mp3s to Facebook, you could post links.

And I think that allowed you to post like short videos. And then YouTube came along and you could only post. Initially, you could post really long videos, and then they stopped it down to 10 minutes.

Then I upgraded it to 15 minutes. And then you had to hit a certain amount of viewers and stuff. And they allowed you and you had to prove who you were.

And you could then do 20 minutes. And now it's gone back to pretty much unlimited again, for a long time. But Facebook, as with all the social media places, and everything that I joined was all about promoting my recordings, my videos and stuff.

And that's all Facebook was for. But I did get carried away with it a little bit. Like most people did, because it was so new, really, it was for communicating, it was way better than the previous apps, or the previous like social network sites for like keeping in touch, which is why it flourished, I guess.

And I didn't get, I think I might got caught up into believing it was a real thing for a short period. And then I realized it was just a website. So all is just a website.

And I realized a long time back, but I could still see people acting as if it was a real life thing. So unfriending someone on Facebook was literally some people as if you'd unfriended them in real life, which however pathetic that sounds, is it seemed a lot of people actually had that mentality. When actually, it's just a website.

I actually had a friend once said to me, why have you unfriended me? I was talking to him on the phone, he said, why have you unfriended me on Facebook? I said, I haven't unfriended you in real life, have I? He said, what do you mean? I said, I just phoned you. We've been talking for half an hour. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I said, it's a website. Oh, I think got a bit confusing for him.

It's like, oh, yes, a website. It's not real. It's not, you know, I'm not saying that people, I've met people on Facebook that have turned out to be lovely.

And they are my friends and my online friends, I probably never get to see them, but they are friends. But initially, anyone that I met, you know, back in 2006, they, you know, they would and generally, I mean, it's been times when I have but generally don't unfriend people. Unless they're, you know, they're being rude or posting stuff on my page that's not good.

Sebastian. And but even then, I don't break all sources of communication. Like Sebastian, I can't let him on my face.

Is he on my Facebook page? I don't know. I think he is. But he posts stuff that he shouldn't, which doesn't actually bother me personally, but it's upset a few people over the years because he's, he's, he's, he's very unnecessary.

But he's still got contact with me. He still sends me messages on YouTube and still have contact. So I've not blocked him just occasionally had to block him from certain areas.

You're not allowed in this area, Sebastian. You know where you know why. Yeah, there's there was a period when I had all my friends on there's like all my family and then I realized, actually, I didn't want my friends and family in a public setting, where I had 1000s and 1000s of complete strangers.

So kind of listening to my recordings and getting to know me a bit, and me getting to know some of them. And I realized a long time ago, like, actually, I'm going to keep that separate. So I deleted people, I blocked pretty much all my family and friends.

And some of them never spoke to me again. Which is weird, because, you know, when I if any of the other family or friends, they said, Oh, why did you block me? I said, No, I've, you know, I'm not having family or friends on any of my social media, which is what I've stuck to. There's there's a couple, but they're hidden.

So it's fine. But generally, you know, if you look up my name, my surname, you won't find anyone on here, that's connected to me at all. You won't find some kind of lineage of father, mother, brothers, or anything like that.

Not on Facebook, not in any, any social media. So that's on purpose, because that's private. It's their privacy, isn't it? Because even though I'm known by, I'm a public figure to about seven people.

Seven people around the world know who I am. That's public, I think. I'm a public figure.

I'm famous. Oh, I love being famous. Actually, someone did once go up to my cousin in a pub.

It's one of my first cousins, but he lives on the other side of the country. And he said, Have you got a brother called Jason? And he said, Not brother, have you got a cousin, have you got a relative called Jason? That's probably it. Have you got a relative called Jason? He said, Yeah, because he's got the same surname as me.

So his dad, his dad is my, my dad's brother, or was my dad's brother. And said, Yeah, it's my cousin. Oh, I saw him on YouTube.

He makes weird videos. And then he went and told his dad. And then he told my dad.

My dad told me. No, in fact, no, I saw my uncle. Yeah, my uncle told me.

This is a long time ago. This is probably 1617 years, 16 years ago, probably. So 17 years ago, so it was kind of like, Oh, so some people, some people kind of have heard of me.

You've heard of me. For people listening to this, you've heard of me, haven't you? Kind of. Yeah, it's Jason.

Jason, new land. What I've done today. Right.

And I kind of I kind of wish I hadn't now because it's been a bit of a waste of time. is a car pad and paper. So I ordered these legal pads.

Very thin. And little pack of pens, the pens are no good. I can't believe how rubbish the pens are.

You just moaning about everything. No, it's not that it's just they're like, supposed to be good. Fine Jen fine gel.

Paperweight or the writing is too small for me to even read. Paper, paper. I don't know.

It doesn't. I mean, I actually had to scrape it to get so it looks like glue on the front of it, the top of it, the nib, the nib. I like the word nib.

Do you like the word nib? It almost sounds rude, doesn't it? The nib. I had to touch the nib. It's not though, is it? There's nothing rude about the word nib.

Nib. Oh, I love the feeling of I'm not. No, but it sounds a little bit saucy.

Just nib. Maybe because it sounds a little bit like the beginning of nibble. Nibble.

Nibble your ear. Nibble your nib. So what I decided to do is I have subscribed again to Readly, which is basically has all but doesn't have all of it, has quite a few of the daily newspapers, as well as magazines and stuff.

So I went through today, I went through the Daily Star. And the people. Daily Mirror and no, this is today.

So I went through the Daily Star. The Daily Mirror. And I think maybe the Daily Express.

So I went through those. Look through the stories and I made some notes. Okay.

So for Okay, let's just see if I can find any nice, nice stories. You never know, do you? It's always possible. And so I went through them.

And okay, I've got to go all the way back now. What the heck? It's left me. It's left it right at the last page.

Right. So the Daily Star. It's a tabloid.

It's similar to the sun, which isn't on here. That's not one of the listed ones. So I've kind of made a few notes on which pages to look at.

So the first one is Cindy Bill. Cindy Bill had a fall. Cindy from EastEnders had a fall.

And that's not the funny bit. And it's not it's not really funny. It's just this is something she hurt her knee, chasing her dog.

What was weird about this is she says she was at home. This is the story for her. And I think she tweeted, tweeted or tweeted.

Where did she? She posted it somewhere online Instagram. She Instagrammed it and said, staff were great. Had a fall.

I fell over trying to stop Peggy bolting out the door while staying in Norfolk. bashed my knee, blah, blah, blah. Staff were great.

Then it has hashtag efficient. And hashtag kind. Despite apparently very low, being very low on a hospital league table.

Was that necessary? So they mentioned the hospital in there. So it's Norfolk, Norfolk Hospital or whatever. And I was like, really? That doesn't sound like a kind of, can you imagine posting something online about hurting your knee, let's say? Would you mention first of all, would you put a hashtag efficient? Would you grade grade service that you received? It's not a restaurant.

It's not Uber Eats delivery. And kind hashtag kind. And then put despite the fact that they're supposed to be a bit rubbish.

I just found that a bit weird. Anyone else? Anyway, I wonder if it's real story. So we're on page three.

This is in the star Kylie's warm front. So reality star Kylie Jenner shows plenty of front as she sunbathes in a teeny weeny white bikini. Let's have a look.

What was what was I saying? Michelle fell over in EastEnders. Oh, so Kylie, Kylie, Kylie. So she's the keeping up with the Kardashian star shared a string of glam pics with her 390 million Instagram fans.

It says Kylie 28 was holding a glass of water in some photos. Can't see any water. But all 390 million Instagram fans, none of them noticed the water.

Weird. So look back at them to make sure I haven't got the story. I've got a story, right? Yeah.

Oh, anyway, um, page six was on page six something about Christina Blinkley. Brinkley Blinkley Brinkley, young at heart. So this is a good good.

A good story. I mean, Kylie Jenner, whatever. That's a nice story.

And that's very positive. Yeah, I don't know. Is it positive? Someone's sunbathing in a bikini.

I don't know. It's good. Good for good for him or her.

I don't know. I didn't look. And Christina Brinkley.

It says here young at heart. She looks incredible at 7072. She says that it's down to plenty of sunblock.

Vegetarian diet. Makes sense really does I guess and a sense of curiosity. Sense of curiosity.

Let me just turn this over. I'm thinking maybe. I mean, yeah, good.

Good. Passage start my own alternatives to plastic surgery just like so you don't need plastic surgery come to me. Just need to be curious.

Curious and that will change everything. Usually it's the other way around. It's not that I'm curious is when people meet me.

They're curious as to what I am. Do you know what right? You know, a joke about walking into the bathroom and seeing an old man, a fat old man looking at me and jumping. Right? And you'd like you always just want to chuck away lines I do and, you know, genius comedy and all that, you know? Well, my neighbor came into my bathroom today.

And the same thing happened to her. She looked into the mirror saw fat old man. She looked in the mirror and she she saw herself in made a jump.

See? You think that I'm taught telling Porky's but I'm not all the time. Sometimes I do I expand sometimes I expand as much as I'd like to expand. I was having to expand in the wrong places.

I was thinking about getting some Botox but I decided no. I'm just going to sit around being curious about what Botox would look like if I did do it. Curiosity.

It's not going to make you look young might make you feel young. I can't imagine it's going to make me look young being curious. But then if you feel young and you're bright and you you know, it can change the way other people perceive you, can't it? Yeah.

So there's a list of people. Legendary thespian Ian McClellan, 86. He calls acting a child is acting a childish activity that keeps him in touch with his 12 year old self.

It's probably got to be something in that, you know, if you're an actor, you get to play different personalities, different characters. And it is play, isn't it? I know some people I guess take it super serious and they get you know, maybe their method get into the methods of it, but I didn't mean I did do drama at school. It just didn't interest me.

I don't know why I think I realized later is because the chip shop was calling me. I had a call in to fry chips for two years. You know, working in theater and on TV and in movies wasn't really my thing.

I needed to fry, I needed to fry, you know, potatoes that had been sliced. That's what I needed at that time. You know, going on to like reaching my late 20s, maybe early 30s, where maybe I'd really accomplished a lot and perhaps been nominated a few times for an Oscar and then finally won.

It wasn't for me. I wanted to be a security guard. I did.

That's what I needed to be a security guard in the hospital. Page nine, page nine. This is about the this is quite a funny story, actually.

You know, the the moment there's that spacecraft in space, traveling around the moon. Apparently, it's the furthest we've ever been away from what human beings have ever been away from the planet, this planet, which I don't know why. I mean, literally 1972, apparently, was the last time they ever visited the moon or went near the moon.

So why haven't they for the last 53 years, the last 53 years, been getting further and further away with humans, just testing it, testing the boundaries further and further, like constantly. Every, you know, every few months, every year, for all that time, who knows what advancement we could have had. No, I never understood.

Well, I say I never understood. I've not really thought about it until recently. All that effort to go onto the moon, which started in, I think, about 1966, when the American president said, we decided to do it not because it's easier, but because it's hard.

And yeah, I think he says something like that. And then by 69, you know, it happened, apparently. So all that effort, and I imagine a fair amount of cash as well, to do that, and then just to like not bother anymore.

It's just like, it's like, it's like a five year old with a skateboard. Like it's the five year old's life for about a month, and then on a bike now, on an Xbox, you know, it just changes. And then it seems like that's what that was.

Yeah, I just do wonder if we'd really gone out. I say we, like the world got together, which I think they did, to be fair. I mean, there was an international space station, wasn't there? Don't know if it's still there.

Really kind of went out to keep pushing it and not give up, keep pushing it. And to see how far, because it seems that whenever a target is set, a result seems to happen. I say not every time, but like, that was almost impossible.

It was an impossibility, really, when it was kind of, it seemed anyway, I think, when Mr. Kennedy said, we're gonna, we're gonna go to the moon. And so I'm just wondering what, and then there's other, there's been other times when the whole world has kind of got together to find an answer to a particular question. So just like, perhaps that could be done more.

Imagine how many wonderful things could be done, if everyone just got together. You know, focused on what we, focused on our familiarities, our, the things that we were like, what's the right word to say it, but focus on what we agree on. Focus on, I mean, everyone agrees, I'm pretty sure, that they want their family to be healthy and happy.

Everybody, pretty much around the world, all countries have that in common. And want illnesses to be cured. So why doesn't everyone get together, all the best top scientists, and instead of finding new ways to do other things, maybe find, yeah, maybe find new ways to help and cure.

I don't want much out of the world. I just, just want everything to be different, that's all. See, that stuff makes sense to me, but it doesn't, I seem to be the odd one out.

It's, it's almost like there's, people's belief systems are getting in the way of what they could really achieve. I gave him this treat earlier, and it was huge, it was a huge treat. And he's, he's eaten half of it now.

And it was kind of a mixture of marrow and bread roll. It was a weird one. It's a real, it was big, and he's been going at it, on and off all day.

And he's now, he hasn't had any food, not during the day, but he's, he's been eating that. When he wants food, he lets me know. He never goes about, he's got food, he's got dry food and stuff, but he hasn't had any wet food since this morning.

Yeah, anyway, this space thing, they're in space, and they're being filmed, of course, and, and a jar of Nutella is just floating in the air. Really clear. You can see it says Nutella on there, and there's a big jar.

And that picture is pretty much, I imagine, being posted in every single country, every newspaper. And someone was pointing out that it's, I think Nutella even said it's the best, it's like a billion, billion dollar advert. They couldn't, they couldn't pay enough money, they couldn't afford an advert like that.

And I think they're now going to say something like the catchphrase, Nutella is out of this world. Yeah, I think they've done that. They've actually used that, said Nutella is out of this world.

And now the space people, you know, the in charge of the spaceship, whatever, they've been very adamant, like, this was not a product placement. And you think, well, why not do product placements? That would pay. You think, why don't they have adverts on the side of the rockets? Adverts on the astronauts' suits? Adidas and Puma and McDonald's or whatever, you know, various different adverts, which would cover the cost of the whole event.

Potentially. I don't know why. Right, page 11.

This is a really good news story. I remember this because I need to do something about this paper's annoying me now. Page 11.

Okay, got it. And it's very small, but it's bigger in other papers. So the headline is AI bloody marvel.

And this is really good, really good news for people with diabetes. Hundreds of thousands of diabetics could benefit from AI device that could predict potentially low blood sugar. Okay, it's called an AccuCheck smart guide.

And I think you wear it like a watch or something. It monitors your glucose in your blood. And it can predict or forecast the glucose levels up to two hours ahead.

And overnight to warm of light, you know, so that you can prepare and get yourself do what you need to do. And it uses where a sensor that sends readings to a phone app every five minutes. How amazing is that? And they started giving it to patients on the NHS in the UK, which is the National Health Service.

That's amazing. See, good news. Yeah, Kenya West is banned.

They've completely what's it is not in the they're not doing the whatever the festival was. I've never been to a festival. I think I'd have liked it when I was a kid, like a little kid running around and you know, but I don't as an adult, I can still see it would be fun in certain aspects.

But no, no, this is especially bands. It's not really a thing. It's never I'm not I've seen a live band a couple of times in my life.

But never gone to like a venue, you know, like a a gig proper. I've been like a pub gig kind of thing, but I've never been to a live like a large audience place, standing in a crowd of 1000s. Apart from once when I went to see Pavarotti live in Hyde Park in the 90s.

And I was waiting for hours and hours and I was setting up the stage and the whole family came and started sitting down and it started raining and I thought so when I and as I'm walking out the gates, I can hear the singing starting and Pavarotti going and I thought perhaps I should have stayed now. Because it stopped raining by that time. It's just like a little brief bit of rain.

I didn't go prepared. Yeah, I wasn't prepared. I mean, you need you need something.

I think even though it's a free open air concert, and there was huge amounts of people there. Huge. I watched on TV.

Well, I think I did watch on TV that in the evening, or played it back. Because I think they showed it live. Saturday afternoon or something.

And it was huge. I'm not talking about his belly because that'd be rude. Yeah, it would be.

The thing is, he'd become, he was already obviously an international star, Pavarotti. It's obvious, you know, he was, he was a massive star. But in this country, he was not popular.

He was well, well loved by lots of people who loved what he did. People who were into opera, people into classical music, and like listen to that stuff. But it was during the World Cup that he became like super famous in this country.

Okay, because my memory is Barcelona with Freddie Mercury was the actual song. It was the World Cup. And it was 19, I think it was a world or European 1990.

And Barcelona, which was Freddie Mercury and an opera singer. That was supposed to be the theme tune that the British TV channels played. Barcelona, Barcelona, Barcelona, I'm thinking of that's not what I'm thinking of Barcelona is it? I might be thinking of the Mighty Mouse tune.

Danger Mouse, Danger Mouse, Danger Mouse, Danger Mouse, Danger Mouse. Yeah, I get muddled up between Pavarotti and Danger Mouse, the cartoon. That's a weird combination.

Anyway, Barcelona, sorry, not Barcelona, not Pavarotti. So Barcelona, Freddie Mercury, that was supposed to be the song. However, the TV channels and everything decided to play Pavarotti's that one.

And it wasn't the official tune, as far as I'm aware, of the World Cup. It became the unofficial tune. But it also became super popular, like in the UK, like so popular because of the World Cup.

And people that would possibly would not normally, and I include myself in this, would not normally listen to that kind, you know, opera. I would never liked opera when I was younger. I'm coming around to it a bit because I'm really into, I listen to a lot of classical music.

And opera kind of comes along with that sometimes. Yeah, sometimes it's the language barrier is a bit difficult sometimes. But then other times, it doesn't kind of really matter.

Because I'm not used to that kind of just chilling out listening to it. But Pavarotti became a superstar in the UK. But overnight, that he was already a superstar worldwide.

He was already, you know, one of the biggest opera singers. Again, I'm talking popularity wise. And it's the World Cup that changed things for him in this country.

And it's going to be some people think now he was already popular before. No, I think is the one thing about me is I will never back down. I will always assume I'm right.

So just just move on. I'm always no, it's true is it that was the case. I mean, people, it's not like no one knew who he was.

I knew who he was. I'd seen him on TV a couple of times, you know, the what these raw variety performances and stuff like that, that you'd have once a year on TV. And it'd be like comedians and maybe some kids dancing and like a Yeah, a bit from a show like from Cats, for example.

And maybe Pavarotti come on and sing a song. It that kind of stuff. So he was he was around.

Again, when I say round, I mean a round like the world like the way the world not the way the world is round by saying he was round. I'm not being bodiest ish body body ish bodiest ish roundish. I mean, I'm roundish as well.

We're both round. I just see, you know, people say, Oh, the world is round. Don't people say the world is flat? It's neither is it? The world is bumpy.

How can if you had a ball, right? You had a ball, a tennis ball, around tennis, that's round. If that was the earth, there'd be huge things sticking out of it called mountains. And it'd be huge dips.

And so basically, it wouldn't be round with it. No longer would you look at I think that's round. It's not round at all.

It's just, it's almost like a crystal. Like this is out of shape. It's not round.

The world is not round. And the idea that it's spinning like million times a second, like, come on. This, people believe, people believe anything.

Anything at all. It's quite weird. You know, it's like people say, Oh, I don't believe that was some religion.

So why would I believe that? I'm, I'm into science. And you think some of the things that scientists believe, which is way out there, more out there than a lot of the religious people. Believing that this happened, and that happened.

And you can tell the age of something by this, and you can like, so much of it is made up. It's not made up because we use this technique to measure it. Yeah, but the technique was made up.

Oh, no, but that was made from this technique. But that technique was made up as well that you use to measure this, to make this technique to make this measuring tool that was made up and you go back far enough. And you know, we've got medication, we've got inventions that have been created from mistakes.

I don't have them at hand because I haven't got my laptop on. But there are things that we use every single day, like in society, which were a mistake, they shouldn't even be. And you might be thinking, what, what JJ what? And I'm starting to think what? What could it be? I don't know.

Got to be something. He wouldn't make it up, would he? He's never made anything up before. He's always been completely honest the whole time.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Wait, Waitrose.

This was Waitrose in the UK. It's a shop called Waitrose. And it's one of my higher end shops.

And one of the staff tackled a shoplifter and got sacked from this from Waitrose. And it was in the newspapers and everyone got excited and I got a semi, you know, but and then what's happened today is Iceland, the boss of Iceland has offered this man a job at Iceland. And you think just when he was this bloke was thinking just when things couldn't get any worse.

Oh, great. Another retail job. Less pay, because Iceland won't pay the same amount as Waitrose, I'm pretty sure.

Imagine like, you've been in all national newspapers, you're kind of have a go hero. Perhaps you might even be having people whispering in your ear that there might be a book in this. It might be even a TV show, you never know.

And you get a phone call from Iceland. And they said, Oh, we've got an opportunity for you. And you're thinking, Wow, I'm going to be a manager of a store, maybe.

So, yeah, we've got you in a warehouse, got your warehouse job. I don't know. I mean, it's, it's nice of them to do it.

But I'd say the job I want is the job of the person that writes these headlines. Hottest April day in six years. That person.

They do it. Nearly every day, there's a new headline. This is the wettest day in May in four years.

And they're going and they go on 1000 5000 years and it's never been this windy before. Where? Is it just someone keeping a diary? They got like a weather diary. And then just dip into every day and they get paid like 40 grand a year to just do a headline.

And a little bit of waffle underneath. Because that's a nice job, isn't it? That's a five minute a day job. Including sending it five minutes a day, and you send it to all the newspapers.

Imagine if each newspaper just pays you 40 grand, that's like unlikely, but you know, it's probably some kind of, they share that stuff I mentioned between them, don't they? There's so many stories very similar to each other. Gary Newman is has lost 90% of his hearing. I'll be honest, I mean, I had a hearing problem.

So I know it's bad, but it was feel sorry for his, his audience has been listening to him for the last four years. I don't know why. He, we started, he used to be a bloke in my town where I lived, and he used to think he was Gary Newman.

He'd walk around all in black. And no one knew why, including him. He actually got banned from the next town, because he was walking around all in black.

And apparently he was scaring the pigeons. And there was a cute story about a sausage dog. And this couple are earning a living from dressing up this little sausage dog and putting pictures on Instagram and stuff, making four grand a month.

How are they making money? I don't know. But it is a cute dog. But I thought, you know what, Vinnie's cuter.

And he's kind of like a sausage dog. Anyway, there's a bit here about Lisa from Friends, Lisa Kudrow or whatever. And she says she always felt like the sixth friend, the, the one that was least popular.

Now I don't know about you, but I didn't even realize she was in the show. No, I don't know about you, but she was the funny one. She was the, I found the two funny people I found, I'm not, I didn't, well, I didn't find them all funny.

I found the funny in situations, but like on their own. David Swimmer could be pretty funny on his own, but it was more to do with in situations. But as far as the just on their own, for me, I found Lisa.

And what's his name, Joey. So Lisa Kudrow and Joey to be the funniest. Because they kind of were quirky and silly.

And, you know, I mean, a bit weird and perhaps a bit. I don't know how to explain it. But yeah, it's just, I find those characters funniest on their own.

And neither of them were trying to be funny. Maybe that's why it's funny. Because they weren't trying to, to do any kind of humor.

You know, the characters were kind of quite, they were just funny, but they weren't trying to be funny. But they were quirky, like Lisa playing a playing a guitar in a coffee place. And just it's funny, really funny character.

But anyway, I don't think she was a six, I would say she was the first friend. Although that TV show was made for David Schwimmer. Apparently, he was the first person it was made around him.

Everyone else kind of came in afterwards. There was a there was you know, the agony aunts just Jane page 30. There was a thing saying, Oh, my boyfriend, who I work with, he's the boss.

He's, he's sleeping with three other members of staff who I work with. And I want to know, why is he doing that? And Jane said, because he can. It's quite a short, short one really.

The Daily Mirror. Drunken plane job is jailed after he stopped a Ryanair. I basically started playing up on the plane, going from Poland to Bristol on a plane.

And he got he started drinking too much and he got out of hand and but landed safely. But he got in trouble. The passenger another passenger said he was fine until someone told him what it was like in Bristol.

And that I do believe is it Ladies and gentlemen, I have to take him out. It's nearly dark. I forgot about him.

I forgot he needs to go outside and stuff. Because I took him out twice. And then he was in the garden.

That is m u m m m m i e s is and since then he's been in. So I need to take him out. I could you take him in the garden here, but I don't know if he needs a poo poo.

So that's me done for the day. I need to get some food in me, some food, some lovely food. So thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel safe.

Lots of love. Bye