(Overnight Music) I Might Be Diabetic | #1647 Let Me Bore You To Sleep

hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo and welcome to just on Newland. com let me bore you to sleep what's the latest? well well well well well well em I thought as it's Sunday the 12th of July 2026 just do like a summary of the last week so please only listen when you can safely close your eyes if I haven't already said it Vinny's giving herself a little little shower a little clean on the sofa which is nice so one of the things has come out okay I went to the doctors I think it was Monday went to doctors on Monday been very hot week I think it was Monday Monday or Tuesday I think it was Monday and what did I go there for oh my mental health annual checkup so had a blood test check my blood pressure weighed me and just asked me some questions you know general stuff and so I come up at about 103 kilos 104 kilos now last time a year ago I was 89 kilos so I put a little bit of weight on and my blood pressure was perfect absolutely perfect it's really weird you know like Dell boy you know David Jason if you're not if you're in the UK you know who I'm talking about you might know who I'm talking about as well if you're in other countries but he's kind of a like a legend like in the industry the entertainment industry and he played Dell boy he played open all hours what was his name in that he played he was in that as well and is also in the detective show so he's in like three really big shows but they're the ones I think that people remember Only Fools and Horses was the top one and when I think about him I kind of list those TV shows because Open All Hours was a really really big TV show when it was on with old Ronnie Barker in that and Frost that's it Frost was a really popular TV show as well where he was a detective he played a very a very short detective who looked weirdly like Dell boy the thing is in the 90s he was in one of the most popular TV shows of the 90s the Darling Buds of May he starred in that and that TV show seems to have been forgotten it's almost like it's just come and gone and I've never seen I've seen repeats of it on TV or anything like that it was huge like hugely popular really really popular I can't think of any TV shows in the UK that were as popular as Darling Buds of May.

Forgetting Only Fools and Horses and stuff I'm just as like a new phenomenon when it came out it was absolutely massive and I'm not exaggerating nothing I was going to talk about this so but I can see I'm going to do some research now Darling Buds of May so Darling Buds of May it was it was based in the 50s but it came out 7th of April 91 to 4th of April 93 okay so they didn't do that many episodes a series of it three series it made Catherine Zeta-Jones one of the most famous women in the country after like Princess Diana and what's her name what's the one oh forget her name there's another one there was a little power couple a little power there was a power couple of actors that got married and they were Elizabeth Hurley that's it I don't know if you can hear that background sound there's a bit drilling going on downstairs so outside of you know the Princess Di who was at the top I think Liz Hurley and Catherine Zeta-Jones were kind of the the most popular females like to be you know in the magazines and stuff I'm not sure how much of this is true but that's what that's my memory of it so if you can hear background sounds I do apologize it's not much I can do about that so I'm just gonna have a look it should say something about how successful it was surely right it's the reception the series was a rating success it's feel-good factor during economic recession often noted as the reason and the first episode broke British broadcasting record becoming the first instance of a new series topping the national ratings beating soap opera Coronation Street on the night this came to a shock to the producers although they had been hopeful of good ratings in all fairness you had Del Boy in it and they've you know they've I'm sure they promoted it but you had Pam Ferris who was famous actress David Jason who was the most famous actor in the country like from TV but you know Del Boy with only Fools and Horses they used to do like a Christmas episode every year for quite a few years during the 90s and it was almost like the biggest watched shows of the year because like you know it was such a popular show but yeah see I'm glad that what I said isn't completely true completely false rather or completely true because I remember it being really popular and I'm I'm correct it broke British broadcasting records they say Jason David Jason attributed to his popularity to the public wanting a more wholesome inclusive and inoffensive viewing option okay I don't know what that's about it did win an Ivor Novello Award this is interesting apparently the first novel was originally adapted to the screen in 1959 as The Mating Game starring Debbie Reynolds and Tony Randall oh so it's based on books Wow it was so popular I mean I if you get a chance if you're just out of interest used to be on on a Sunday night as well 8 p.

m. on ITV admittedly there wasn't a lot else to watch probably and you know back in 1991 was it 91 92 whatever we didn't have well we didn't have the Internet here we only had four television channels unless you had a satellite dish then you had you know other channels from around the world and Sky was already kind of producing programs and stuff so if you had Sky and a Sky dish you could watch Sky you could watch sports and stuff but you didn't have that you'd have four channels until 1995 no 1997 when Channel 5 came out but what's that got to do with anything I don't know you started it I don't know why darling but to me so I went to the doctors and gave me a blood test my blood pressure was perfect my weight wasn't perfect and the doctor actually looked at my back and told me that my back was okay and looked at my skin because I was concerned about some stuff on my skin and that it's not as bad as it sounds you know I'm not like turning into some kind of scaly monster but you know it was still concerning to me and yeah the doctor said it was fine nothing at all to be concerned about which put me in a fairly good mood actually for a little while yesterday I looked on the app we've got an NHS app where I've not received a phone call from them or anything about the results of the blood tests but and they've published the results on the app for me to look at only as far as I looked at some of the results from previous years and I'm above average in quite a few of them and it just says to be expected at his age to be expected it's like wow so things that they used to be concerned about when I was in my 40s they bothered about no more because I'm getting old it's like okay well that's normal now you know things like lung capacity and all stuff like that it's it's supposed to be less it's so wrong thanks the blood test results on the app said that I was above the diabetic thing I mean I'll actually read it to you because I looked it up and wait a minute I went on to chat chibity as well because they they explained it to me a bit better I kind of understood really what I was looking at but at the same time it was also good to get a little bit because I basically took screenshots of everything that they'd had on there and chat chibity it's basically says that my BMI is about 35 55 years old BMI of 35 and my HbA1c of 53 mmol whatever that means so it's basically I should be yeah it should be below 48 mine's 53 which isn't a lot above I'm not a raving diabetic you know I mean it's like it's marginally above what it should be but still 44 48 you know that's the top mark it should be below that you know 48 still not good anyway is it but I've been here before so I'm pre diabetic um I might be classed as non-diabetic pre-diabetic if that makes sense and I've been there before and I lost some weight stopped drinking coke reduced sugar out of my tea the thing is I'm still not drinking coke I'm still not having sugar in my tea yet my weight's gone up I don't know why that's funny but my um it's like almost like I'm not supposed to be slim it's weird and I look in a mirror and if I manage to look at a mirror where all you can see is like if it's kind of in line with me nips anything above that I look alright and I'm quite heavyset like I look fairly fit as long as you don't look at me belly you know I mean even the bosoms they've still got quite firm boobies they're not drooping yet so basically I need to reduce my sugar levels I need to stop eating desserts and get more exercise and lose some of this blubber otherwise I'm saying otherwise I'll have to be on medication but they might be putting me on medication I might not have a choice in it if they say that I'm diabetic and I need medication I'd be probably a little bit foolish to ignore it but I don't want to be on medication I want enough medication I don't want any more just you know the thing is once you get on you get on one medication then another medication and then you might then I find like I need another medication to kind of to deal with the side effects of the previous medication so I used to have acid reflux and I had the acid reflux acid reflux tablets but I have them every now and then and it seemed to clear up once I got put on Prozac it caused acid reflux it irritated it or whatever so if I don't take the acid reflux tablets I get really really quite extreme indigestion heartburn and stuff but I can't stop taking the medication for the bipolar I'm also on mood stabilizers as well by the way not just antidepressants when I was the second time I was diagnosed I was already on antidepressants so they had to kind of do a reach-around kind of in a way of giving me a complementary medication for the bipolar so I'm on Depakote it's got an actual name but that's I think Depakote is the brand name and I used to call it Depakote because I'm posh and it was originally used for seizures epilepsy and then the researchers or the experts realized that actually it was really good for mood evening which does make sense actually you know because with seizures it's both sides of the brain kind of sparking up and if it calms down both sides of the brain then it makes sense that it's going to calm down someone with a mood disorder like logically it seems logical to me so I wasn't put on any I mean it's lots of different medications for the bipolar let's have a look into it shall we come on I know you're interested top bipolar meds I'm gonna put UK because I think in America it might be different and in other countries Japan and that UK might be wrong so Lithium Crutapapetin, Olanzapine, Lamotrigine, Aripidazole, Risperidone, Valproate right it's saying here if I rank them overall for long-term bipolar treatment in the UK it's listed everyone but mine so I put in what mine is and it says Depakote the brand name for Sodium Valproate a well-established treatment for bipolar disorder and is particularly effective for mania and for helping preventing future manic episodes many people do very well on it especially if they've had manic or mixed episodes guilty mixed Wow you know what right and I'm just gonna talk about the positive aspects I've no idea what they're doing down there so that's what they're trying to escape building a tunnel or something anyway I'm just gonna continue the recording so turn it off if it's too noisy in the background I just had a little listen and it's very faint on here but yeah you know I mean yeah so what dose am I taking every day thousand apparently a hundred and four kilograms some people need more than a thousand milligrams of food good symptom control oh do it do I think Depakote could be contributing to weight gain yeah I noticed that actually it's like the buildings farted I noticed I did put on weight once I started taking it and I just got heavier and heavier but but then it have you ever had your Valproate blood level checked well they do the blood they check everything with the blood so yeah I don't know I mean I'll be honest with you lithium scares me a little bit anyway so I need to sort of like sort out my weight and health so that I'm not diabetic other things that happened this week I've also thought about starting the beginning of August writing a journal it'll be a mixture of what I write down and a mixture of what I've said during to let me boil to sleep on that day and then at the end of the month on the beginning of September I want to combine it into a book a digital book that you can download on Amazon I'm thinking of doing that so just be a journal so I'll use AI to help me to format it into the right kind of how it needs to be presented to Amazon but it will be me it won't be Amazon writing it won't be AI writing it it'll be my words okay I can't I did actually look got this noise I think this is gonna be a very short recording or I'll have to continue it when the noise stops bloody ridiculous it is bloody hell hmm trying to figure what else happened what has been happened this week Monday Monday Tuesday Thursday Friday oh yeah I had the council what was the actual council themselves but it was the the company that's coming to fit my kitchen so they made an appointment to come around to do the planning of it I don't quite know what it is what it means or what it entails but they're coming around one day this week and then they also booked they phone up a separate day booking for the radiators to come put the radiators in yes I think they're looking at a kitchen this week and then the radiators is a week after I think I don't know I have to look at my diary it's one of them anyway I suppose the other main thing is being the football because the World Cup's on and this week gone by we but there was a match Saturday night which I didn't watch because I'm too late I think it started 10 in the evening but I'm I'm in bed at eight or nine luckily we won we England won that one that was against Norway and the one before that was against Mexico and that started something like two in the hour two in the morning so I did get to see some of that because I was up at three so I'd get up early go to bed early get up early to make recordings so I watched the I watched kind of the last little bit really I kept turn I was gonna make a recording because I was making a hypnosis recording and I thought well I had the football on at the same time on mute so I can just watch it couldn't do it it was a distraction so I turned the TV off and every now and then I'd kind of pause what I was doing and I'd turn the TV on just to check what the score was and when I'd finished the recording I turned the TV on and it was literally in they were in the last few minutes of the game and then the extra time was just over 11 minutes so they got to the end of the game and England was one goal up and this was against Mexico so but then they added the time on to 11 minutes and that 11 minutes was probably the most exciting okay I'm a boxing fan so I'm not really into football but I do support you know the England team during the World Cup and during the UEFA Cup or European Cup and so many times in the past they got through to the quarterfinals or the semifinals or even the final and they just haven't got it maybe I mean quite often on penalties so we've got through to the semifinals again so we are a good team we just we just never seem to be good enough not since 1966 which is when we won the World Cup the one and only time I think so that's one of the three few things I grew up knowing about as a kid from the past I mean obviously there was the war then there was World Cup winning winning the World Cup in 1966 and there was the 1969 first man on the moon thing and a few other things like Kennedy and what other things Marilyn Monroe Buddy Holly James Dean a few like big things that happened in the 50s and the 60s the Beatles Elvis so I kind of grew up knowing about some of those big historical figures in entertainment and stuff but really like sports wise as far as national pride goes England winning the World Cup in 1966 is the pinnacle of what this country has done even though the female team have won it I think on multiple occasions so it's kind of yeah it's the it tries to get promoted when it's the female team but it's a little bit like there was a time when the press and the TV channels all really went out all out to promote rugby as if it was a like not a real sport but obviously is but as if it was kind of trying to get to become as popular as football which it never was going to be if anything rugby is way more exciting than football and it's proper rough it's honest it's one of the roughest roughest sports there is if you see a rugby player if you put a rugby player and a boxer professional boxer together you'll be able to tell which one was which if you unless you knew who they were because they both look the same the rugby player blimey they look like UFC fighters cauliflower ears and tough so blimmin tough and I remember one of the neighbors was told about her grandson being a absolutely loved rugby and she said he's as big for his age and he loves it and you know when you hear people and you feel like oh she's just bragging I met him he's about five he's nearly as big as me seriously his arms are bigger than my arms and he's about eight years old or something he's crazy it's like wow and she's a little old thing well she's not a little old thing but she's she's I mean her husband and her son might be huge but it's it's weird you know when someone talks about oh yeah yeah yeah sure and then it's like wow you were not lying was you blimey I think it's I was at college with someone whose son was very big and she used to say before I met him oh he's big for his age and I met him like it's like yeah no kidding he literally was bigger than me and he was 10 crazy I think he was like 16 17 stone at 10 years old something like that he's big really like a man it was a man I was like it's amazing I would love to have been like that honestly if I'd have loved to have been big and strong when I was at school loved loved loved it my mind you my whole life would have been very very different it could have it could have gone either way to be honest but it would have been great imagine being able to go into school walking around and just be in the top dog and you just like that you're 11 and the 15 year olds get out your way you know when you were kid and you're a boy it's like it's it's fun I imagine it's I don't know when there was this kid at school he was yeah I think he was a second year I saw him because he was a year below me so I was in the second year and this kid turned up called Clive and no word of a lie he looked like a bodybuilder he was 11 years old and it was sports day so I don't know it's weird that I would have gone the whole year maybe he just joined halfway through the year but I don't know but anyway he was walking with his top off on the field and he looked like a bodybuilder like muscles everywhere and he was and he had a big deep voice he was a toughest kid in the school well not in the school but like in his year and the two years above and you know I was like it's not fair I still had like a high-pitched voice so hi Clive hi how are you today he wouldn't talk like that but and all the younger the older kids and when I say older I'm talking like probably sixth form so they were all in there like 16 17 they were hanging around with this kid because I was so impressed with him so they would take him around and basically get him egg him on to do stuff I was like it's just silly the thing is he was a really nice lad he was actually really nice person he was a friendly person but at the same time you know he was a tough tough guy I had another friend actually called Carl another one like it was a few kids at school it's probably the same for everyone when you're in high school you're in first year I just turned 11 in the end of August because my birthday the 26th of August so I turned 11 started high school and some of the kids would turn in 11 within a week of being at high school so they were literally like just give a give away like a week or two a year older than me and there's a couple particularly there was Douglas he was huge huge a bit like my friend's son like just but he didn't seem to know it he was like a remember my my St.

Bernard when I was a kid I did the family had a St. Bernard dog and she did not know that she was big she would actually get scared of little dogs did not know that she was massive now he was not he wasn't scared of little dogs but he was really really big and then he took up boxing and that's when he realized that he was a fully grown man and he was a fully grown man in junior school so I went to junior school with him as well and he was already like six foot probably getting on to six foot hairy and you know just a man he was a man and I'm like oh why can't I well to be fair I didn't want to be hairy didn't fancy it I mean I wasn't spending lots of time looking at other boys to see how hairy they were but unfortunately when you're really really short and everyone's kind of having showers or they're just getting changed and everyone's a hell of a lot taller than you you basically I was kind of like genital level height so I got to see much more than I ever wanted to it's crazy I mean yeah I would have preferred to have had yeah I would have liked to have been a more developed when I was younger like at least be a man by the time I'd left school physically which I wasn't I mean there's a picture somewhere of me holding my nunchucks it's not euphemism it's nunchucks as in like kung fu I was doing karate and there's a picture of me in my gi with my I think it was my yellow belt or green belt or whatever and I'm 13 at the time I look about 10 and there's another picture when I was in the sea cadets when I was about 11 12 and my brother who's two years older than me he's literally head and shoulders above me just two years and he's so much taller so much bigger than I am it's weird and now I'm being told that I'm overweight I don't even know what 104 kilos into stone right 60 and a half stone I mean 14 14 pounds 14 pounds so 16 and a half stone is kind of what I am I was eight and a half stone when I left school so I'm literally double the size physically double the size I was when I left school and that doesn't that doesn't seem possible I can literally fit myself inside myself so that person then could fit inside me that might not be the way it works it also sounds weird when I said it out loud I could fit myself I could get myself inside me no but I never felt that small and I don't feel that big now but I'm gonna have to lose weight it's almost a non-option now saying that I just had an ice cream well it's a chocolate Mars chocolate a Mars ice cream so yeah it was always yummy I can't stop eating sugar or having sugar in my tea because I don't have sugar in my tea which I haven't done for over two years I can't stop drinking coke because I haven't drunk coke for over two years and what am I supposed to do well I know I need to eat healthier and not have cakes and stuff but they taste so nice it's not fair is it it's not fair I mean when I'm eating my dinner and if I've got dessert coming I'm looking forward to the dessert the dessert is what gets me through the dinner especially if there's vegetables and stuff if you know if I'm eating something I'm not particularly enjoying it's different if it's a burger then yeah I'm happy don't even care about having a having a dessert you know a burger like a barbecue we'll have a barbecue a flyless barbecue I'm very much into fly a flyless anything doesn't seem to be a fly in this room today I don't know why so I've been bagging up my stuff today so not bagging up my belongings although I've not got many belongings anymore and it's recycling tomorrow I think they come so I've got one two three four five bags of recycling a lot of water bottles I get through them blimey and quite a few boxes and stuff so yeah I'm gonna have another one or two bags of cardboard as well yeah and I've also gone through because on my kit on my bedroom I was going through every single room in the building there my kitchen my bathroom my living room the hallway the storage room next doors cabinet yeah my bedroom loads of stuff on the floor like clothes from quite a while ago that I just worn so I had a big pile on my bed and I was trying to decipher what's what's gone what's okay you know and there's a lot of deceased clothing there but it's all old and tattered and I can't really it's not like I can give it to charity because you know I've got like ripped underwear and stuff yeah I saw I thought about putting some of my stuff into like a like a charity you know one of those charity bin things but none of it it's all just shabby it doesn't it's like no it's not gonna be of any good to anyone unless they take the fabric apart and make other stuff I don't know I should look into that maybe and I had a look at one of those bins and they said what we do want and what we don't want and I went through a list of things I did want like shoes cardigans trousers shorts you know those kinds of things what they don't want among the things they didn't want was rugs I don't mean hair pieces like you know rugs like carpet rugs didn't want them they didn't want curtains they didn't want used underwear and I just I just started to think don't want used underwear I mean I had some used underwear but I didn't even consider giving it to them you know I mean just like this is like an obvious thing it's almost just plus the only reason I was chucking the underwear away because it's ripped I have a very sharp willy I thought how did they get ripped how did you get a hole in your underwear very strange anyway I started thinking about that and yeah I mean someone might have some underwear and they soil themselves which it can happen as I'm just saying it's you know can happen to anyone and and they're thinking oh I'm definitely not putting that in the washing machine I mean if you use a washing machine you'd go on strike wouldn't you if you have something like that put in your mouth and like I'm not putting a washing machine but these are new underwear I don't want to chuck them out I'll donate them so I suppose you could do it from a like a sense of duty or like kindness I mean you can't take back dirty underwear we can't take back even clean underwear that you've bought in a shop can't take it back it's been worn even less so if you're wearing it when you're taking it back you know just take your take your trousers off and take the pants off and say I need to return these they're a bit too tight that'd be funny a funny thing to do I mean it I get arrested but it'd be yeah I did actually there was someone I don't know what shop it was but they sold underwear and they had it right on the counter that they would like taking cash or whatever they would you know buy that people were paying for stuff so I went up to one I was with my friend Luke and I went up to her and I said to the lady I got a complaint she looked really serious and the other bloke that was over there looked really serious at me I said I'd like to complain she said what about I said I'd like to complain and say can you please stop using my picture on your underwear adverts so there's a picture of this really nice bloke or a lovely body with I don't know what the boxer shorts are what they called you know the nice ones and we all we all laughed and had a wonderful time and then went out for a party it was brilliant person should have put more thought into that story I don't know so yeah I've got I've got my whole well I did have my bed full of stuff all these clothes and more like rags man more like rags so put them into four black bin bags full so I'm going to put them into the bin room and then what I've done because I think we've got more hot weather coming I have looked through my t-shirts and most of my t-shirts I've got holes in them or they've just been ripped or stuff so what I've done and it's old it's really old I mean once a couple of more literally ripped open I don't know I think it's because I'm I'm not told you ever I do actually turn into the Hulk sometimes and it happens too often for me to keep buying new clothes so and unlike the TV show you don't see it in the movie really but the TV show there's always a washing line with clothes on isn't there every time just happens to be a washing line never happens in the rain does it if you watch the you know the TV show from the 70s and the Incredible Hulk or the Hulk when he'd wake up after being the Hulk he'd wake up as Bill Bixby again and like no never raining always a nice sunny day there's always a line in someone's garden which had clothes on it that he could wear always fitted in as well though his trousers always never burst I mean Bill Bixby was a very slim person and the Hulk wasn't there's no way I don't think there's any way ever that you could put some trousers even stretchy ones on to Bill Bixby and have them stay up they'd fall down yeah so that just wasn't realistic I remember thinking that I remember saying to my dad this isn't realistic he like his pants would like completely rip off he and my dad said is that the only part of it that you find unrealistic he's turned into a green monster once that happens everything else is kind of acceptable isn't it and I hadn't thought about it that way before like okay yeah there's a good point hmm so last time I spoke to him no it isn't at all I don't know why I said that I don't know why yeah I think there was an old I had this silly joke I did when Bill Bixby unfortunately passed away and I said he's a tall people but he had an extra specially large coffin made in case he got angry silly that was sad I like Bill Bixby he was also in a show called the magician and I just liked him you know the two TV shows are very similar but I don't think people have connected is Kung Fu and the Incredible Hulk two similar things they're always traveling always on the move both of them they never settle down hitchhiking and at the end of each episode there's sad music and you see them both walking along a road the side of a road doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo and then Incredible Hulk was doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo it was something like that used to make me think I used to be quite a when I was younger not so much now I can't remember the last time I thought no I can't remember last time oh no I do remember it was when I was trying to count up to seven I try to work out the days in a week yeah I do wonder I can't figure out my own brain because on some levels I am mentally there used to be a word for it we can't use anymore the r-word on some levels on that other levels I'm just about just about average intelligence it's it's weird but also my brain freezes sometimes especially if someone's like pushing me to do something quicker and I can't function I literally cannot function and I get angry and I get frustrated and I will sometimes shout and it doesn't happen very often because people generally know not to do that with me anyone that knows me generally knows not to they know I'm slow everything I do is slow now when I say that I don't mean mentally although I suppose in some ways I really am I'm beyond slow mentally in some some regards but I I mean anyone that's listened to me enough he realizes I've got some kind of got something going on but I'm not I can talk but then don't they say that about people like the people that talk to most of the people that have nothing to say I fit that criteria probably don't I yeah nothing to say that's all I heard hmm I'm not sure oh so what I've done with my clothing the ones with holes in or the the trousers that Vinnie's ripped holes in I have cut the legs off to make them into shorts I've already done it I've done it before to another pair and I did that when I had my shed in my bedroom now the problem with the shed is apart from that it didn't do the job it was supposed to do okay it didn't do the job that I wanted it to do I mean it would have been fine as a shed in a garden but I needed soundproofed I figured right if I'm inside a building inside a room inside a building and then inside that room is another room like a shed then that would automatically cut down the sound from outside but it didn't and I don't know why it didn't Vinnie snoring and I filled it with soundproofing so it's not like I just you know I put soundproofing all around the blimmin thing so my doctors is phoning me up actually you know I'm not gonna call them I know why they're phoning me up because of the diabetic thing I don't want to go to the doctors anymore no I don't no I don't no I don't yeah not really yeah not really let's go have a quick look at the test results maybe there's more test results added to the blood ones because that might be something view all test results 2026 haemoglobin al1 abnormal need to repeat test action oh I can't be bothered give me time to get my to lose weight and stuff message recipient Kapuswemi Kapuswemi Kapus really that's that's a name isn't it specimen type blood reference one blah blah blah blah blah the thing is I've got I'm busy this week busy next week I'll call them tomorrow I don't need to do it today so what I've done is I have made some shorts I've now got three pairs of shorts which were the tracksuit bottoms that I was walking around with Vinnie in but now I don't go out in them anymore because well mainly because they're completely horrible completely horrible tatty so I've been trying to look a little bit more a little bit more tidy as late just a little bit not a huge amount but just a bit you know just a little bit of effort just a little bit just a little bit do a little bit of making love oh so I'll close this and what I've done with the t-shirts because I did it with a t-shirt at the weekend or last week I cut off the sleeves the sleeves only go down to kind of you know just over the shoulders so they're not all the way down my arms but I cut them off at the shoulder part and cut all the way down to the front so the air can get in maybe I should do the same for the back as well I don't know but anyway I think I've got three or four t-shirts now like that now I realize that that's not really going to be useful you know after the next few months but it doesn't matter at least because of the heat we may have a lot more heat over the next I mean it's it's only the first two weeks into July so we've still got August and you know there might it might be hot in September I don't know and it's quite nice just to have a little bit of air you know even like when the heating's on I like to I like to kind of be relaxed I don't I'm not I don't wear jumpers indoors you should wear jumpers turn the heating down wear jumpers you know the reason why I don't is because it's uncomfortable I mean I do I'm saying I never I do have a cardigan that I wear I don't sit around in t-shirts but if I can I will I mean quite often it's not the heat is not warm enough to sit here in t-shirts but I like to have the windows open so if there's some reason the radiators are just under the windows which seems like the weirdest part for the I mean it's the heat's just going out the window I'm sure there's a reason for that I might have asked my dad but when he went to tell me the answer I refused to listen I just refused to be told anything because I'm a child I refuse to learn something new nope I don't know Mr.

Sandman play me a song yeah I'm just gonna have to get on and do what needs to be done am I so I'm just thinking about so well this week then I got next week hmm I just don't want to go out might sound weird but I don't I've got to the point where I don't even really want to go out with him for a walk at the moment I just go through periods that's all it is go through periods when I when I want to and through periods when I don't want to which is fine I think just I'm still taking him out whether I want to or not but I think the heat and stuff has made it a little bit uncomfortable and then I realized I can take him into the garden have a little wander around the garden it's it's a shared communal garden but I can do that for like maybe 10 minutes and not go out and I quite like that but I don't like it but it's easier and I could see how I could start getting lazy and only take him into the garden and hardly ever take him for walks and I can't allow that to happen because it's not fair on him and it's not fair on me either because I need the exercise even more now than I did before why would they need to give me another blood test though hmm oh okay anyway so I've got I think three pairs of three pairs of shorts that I've made myself three t-shirts that I've made myself and the reason I'm trying to get everything sorted is because next week I've got the radiator people coming around to do the radiators and I need to make sure this flat is in as good as I just need it to be as tidy as possible so I have these people in my flat you know my home and I need to sort of do my best to make it as presentable as I can and also get rid of stuff I don't need because they have to get access to all the radiators I hear a little baby in the garden bless there's a lady opposite she had a little baby well they weren't they really had a baby probably about a month two months ago that wasn't a very interesting story was it I mean that's life-changing for her absolutely life-changing and I'm just yeah she had a baby like and like it was just nothing and it's not nothing it's absolutely amazing and then people argue don't they say yeah that happens all the time people have babies all the time now like come on don't be cruel to my heart that's true don't be cruel to my heart it's true I don't want no other love a baby it's just you yeah I think I've never had a baby so I don't know what it's like I've heard people say oh you know you have the baby holding the baby in your arms for the first time and you you realize that your whole world has changed and your priorities change and the world is no longer about you it's about them it doesn't sound pleasant does it I don't want the world to stop being around me it's because I mean when I was younger I wouldn't have kind of thought of it but I do know what happens when that kid gets to be in a teenager and it's gonna potentially not always but it's potentially and well not even teen like even whatever age once they get to a certain age they don't want to spend time with the with the parents they want to spend time with their friends and it can be a difficult time can't it I remember when I was 17 16 I went right off my parents like proper didn't want to know them not a bad way just just had no time for them and not in a bad way did want to know them not in a bad way I mean even in my 20s I wasn't particularly great with the parents or with my dad anyway see yeah I was I forget what I was talking about I started barking a little bit not barking barking but it's like I've never known a dog to bark so loud and high-pitched and just start from nowhere if that makes any sense like I'm not even know it's gonna do it and it's like suddenly absolutely crazy so yeah that's it really I'm kind of kind of trying to prepare for this week I want the place to be tidy for when the kitchen people come around but I also want a place to be tidy for next week as well so I should be able to get I've already started like getting a place tidier once they get the bags the rubbish bags out and everything and the recycling bags out it will clear up some space I'll do some laundry so I can then put that stuff away so that's not on the floor anymore yeah get the bathroom a bit more of a clean I think the kitchens are one I have to try and get that I'm laughing because I just don't know how I'm gonna do it try and get the kitchen sorted and tidied it's not as untidy it's just needs a bit of work needs a bit of work yeah so I do believe that's it from me for now just waffling on so thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy be gentle with yourself you deserve to feel safe lots of love bye