(Long Music) Whisper Wednesday | #1642 Let Me Bore You To Sleep

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. My name is Jason Newland and this is Whisper Wednesday. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Vinny is here with me as well. Giving himself a bed bath. He's a very hygienic little girl, he is.

He's very clean and constantly cleaning himself. Especially a certain part. Even there he's just a little perv.

Oh dear. So, I do have a website called jasonnewland.com I also have a pigeon, Horace the Pigeon is outside. So when I do these whisper recordings, there's a chance, I kind of think that the background sounds are part of the recording.

I don't know if that sounds weird. I kind of feel, if anything, the background sounds enhance the recording. Does that sound strange? Is that a weird thing to think? I don't know.

It just feels... Yeah, I quite like background sounds. In fact, if it wasn't for Vinny, who's quite reactive to sounds outside or inside the building, I'm quite happy just to sit and meditate without any music, without anything going on. And I find the sounds in the background, such as the train going past in the distance, or planes going by, or sometimes the traffic, the odd motorbike.

Vinny, Vinny's still hunting. Still hunting the fly. Wow, I just did the biggest burp in history just then.

So, yeah, I quite like even hearing neighbours in the garden chatting. It's a weird one. I just, I can't necessarily hear what they're saying.

But it just all becomes like ambient background sound, kind of. Maybe that's strange, I don't know. So, oh yeah, did I mention that I have a Facebook group called Jason Newland's Boring Group? I've got a squeaky desk as well, can you hear that? I don't know why it's squeaking, because it, well, I guess it's just a squeaky desk, but it only seems to have started squeaking lately.

I've got some of that lubricant, is it KY Jelly or whatever you call it, that's really good with, to reduce squeaks, like door hinges and things like that. I forget what it's called, but I've got it, I don't even know where it is, where is it? It's got to be somewhere. Yeah, so, ba-bam, ba-bam, ba-bam.

I've also got TikTok, X, and Instagram, where I upload one recording every day. And my YouTube channel is called Let Me Put You to Sleep, slash Jason Newland. And I think I've got 1,733 subscribers now.

I'm ever so excited. It's weird, my subscribers go up, then they go down, then they go up, then they go down. Constantly changing.

Let's have a look, 1,733. Oh, look at this, apparently, playlists are set as a podcast. Your eligible playlists are now set as podcasts.

They're now available on YouTube Music, and will receive better discovery across YouTube. Wow, okay. I tell you what I do have to do is, I keep forgetting this.

I have to keep trying to remember to add my recordings, or, you know, that I upload to YouTube, to the different podcasts that they're supposed to be on. Just keep forgetting. I'll do that later, though.

I mean, I did a Q&A Friday. Is that being edited, or not? Q&A Friday. No.

It's crazy. So, literally, the last 50 recordings, so next to that. I think the problem is I'm doing so many different recordings at the moment, that I'm finding it hard to keep up with myself.

Seriously, it's getting a bit difficult. I mean, just doing the, I mean, making recordings takes time. But the whole editing, processing, uploading, promotion, and then, you know, adding to the website, also adding it to the SoundCloud podcasts, it takes hours, and hours, and hours, and hours, and hours every day.

It takes forever, and ever, and ever. Amen. It really does.

I'm quite pleased with the website. I'm starting to get more people visiting the website. I don't know whether or not people are just going onto the website and basically streaming the recordings instead of downloading, because, oh, I've got an itchy eye.

Oh, okay. All of my recordings are available to download. So you can literally go to jasonnuland.com, and I've got a playlist at the beginning.

It's just the latest recordings. There's 4,143 episodes there, and you can just scroll down as far as you want to go. And then scroll, and it's like a little bit on its own.

Then you scroll down the page, and then I've got a list of podcasts. And there is 3, 6, 9, 12 podcasts that let me put you to sleep. Sleep hypnosis.

Breaking free from control and manipulation. Relaxation for stress and panic attacks. ASMR, deep sleep whisper hypnosis.

Chronic pain hypnosis. Relax and sleep hypnosis daily. Stop hypnosis.

Stop hypnosis? Stop smoking. Stress and pain relief. Stop nail biting.

Let me pull your pain away. And Jason's bedtime story time. So, I'm quite pleased with the breaking free from control and manipulation.

Because I've been doing that regularly now, and I've got... How many have I got now? There are... Actually, it's easier to look... Oh, I don't know. 1, 2, 3, 4. So, what's that? 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. 5. 6, 7, 8, 9. So, I've got 36 recordings. 36 recordings done for the breaking free from control and manipulation.

So, 36. And each one that you click on, there are 6 versions of the recording available to download. And you can also stream the one, the voice only one, the short voice only, on that page.

But you can download, at the moment, completely free. All 6 versions. That's not too bad, is it? And then if you go to the let me put you to sleep, what's that one? There's now 1,641 episodes.

Although there are a few missing ones along the way. Over the last 8 years, I've lost a few, but not many. And again, all the latest recordings, you can download 6 versions.

3 without music, 3 with music. Short, long and overnight. I haven't, there's still a big tidy up to do on that podcast.

To make all of the recordings available in like 6 versions on each one. But there's at least 1 recording, 1 version on every one of the 1,600 odd. Oh, that's interesting.

Wow, I didn't realise this. So I've got a new podcast called, what's it called? Healing from the Inside. Now, this is interesting, because I've got 10 recordings on there.

It will be 11 today. I've got 10. Breaking free from, yeah, 6. Sleepy boring objects, I've got 63.

Apparently, according to the let me put you to sleep, I've got 1,630. Out of the 1,641, so I'm missing 11 over 8 years. Stress and pain relief, there's 48.

Relax and sleep hypnosis daily, there's 209. Jason's bedtime story time, 31. Stop smoking, there's 14.

Deep sleep whisper, there's 249. Relaxation hypnosis for stress, anxiety and panic attacks, 205. Let me put your pain away, 43.

Sleep hypnosis, 49. Nail biting, 4. Wow. According to this, the chronic pain hypnosis, there's nothing on there.

Which is weird. Very strange. But my, that is strange, very strange.

So what happens if I click on the pain relief, nothing. Click on there, there's no recordings. Okay, it's a bit rubbish.

So what I need to do is, I need to edit the website. Edit, not edit, edit, edit. My voice goes weird sometimes when I whisper.

I just heard another dog in the background, but it's a different dog. Which means Finny might bark. But I will edit that out, because it will be way too loud.

I'm serious, like proper loud. So let's have a look at this. So what I need to do is add.

I need to add another one to the collection. Add a collection. Which is going to be.

Right, I have to select. In, what is it called, healing from the inside, okay. So I'm going to move that.

Down to, next to. Breaking free from control. Because I like that.

I like that new collection. I get excited about new recordings. Might seem weird, but it's true, I do.

I can't help it. So there's now, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 13. 13 podcasts.

I think. I'm going to have to get rid of the chronic pain one. Because there's nothing on there.

So it seems a bit silly having it on there, so I'll. I'll just, I'll block that one from being shown. I can't, I think sometimes I missed an opportunity.

Back in like 2000, 2001. To getting into website design. Because I was absolutely obsessed with websites.

And designing websites from scratch. Using code and everything. HTML.

And. I loved it. I just loved the idea of being able to turn.

A bunch of characters and words and. Bits and bobs, you know. Of text into images or into like a design page.

Which had images and had all other kinds of things on them. I just loved it. It's.

Yeah, it was a real passion. Between all through 2000. And halfway through 2001.

Okay, probably. May, June. Maybe a quarter away 2001.

Because I got. I got evicted from where I was living. Apparently I was spending too much time on the Internet.

No, I don't know. I'm not even sure why but. Apparently the reason I think it what it was is.

Where I was renting they just didn't need the money anymore. Which makes sense if you're renting a room out. And you don't need the money.

You might as well not rent the room out. And get your house back. So it makes sense.

At the time it didn't. I didn't see any. I wasn't.

Yeah, I didn't see the logic. But it's quite a while ago now. I mean that was the start of.

That was the start of the end of me living in London. Because I moved out there. I just.

Been forced into a new job. Selling mobile phone contracts. And.

So I moved out there moved into a room. Which was probably twice the amount of money to pay. And it wasn't even.

Basically it wasn't even a room on its own. It was another room adjoined to it. So originally it would have been.

Like a double living room. With an archway where you could just walk through. So what they did.

The landlady. She put wooden doors. Like not even a proper door.

Like just flimsy wooden things between the rooms. It was locked. That it meant I could hear every single thing that they were doing.

Or that he was doing next door. And he was the loudest snorer on the planet. Now if that had been pricked the whole way through.

I might not have really heard him much. But we were basically sharing a room. And so yeah.

I was looking I mean. The thing is. When I was evicted.

My friend did ask me if I wanted to borrow money. To find a place. He said do you want to borrow a thousand pound.

To find a flat or somewhere like. And I didn't want to do it. Because back then or even now a thousand pound is a fair amount of money.

I might have been better off doing that though. I mean. You know if I was to go back in time.

My best bet would have been to have gone on to the council list. The waiting list for a council property. When I was.

A teenager. I actually had a friend who. Was in a very similar position to me.

Because. You know my family broke up when I was 15. And I was.

Even though I was staying with family. I was living. In the living room of my step grandmother.

And I was sleeping on a camper bed. So I was. Technically.

Sofa surfing. In a sense technically homeless. Because I didn't have my own room.

Didn't have my. You know at 15. I don't think that's even.

Legal now. But I didn't know what the rules were. I didn't know what was available out there.

And then I went from there. Because they moved away. And I moved above the chip shop where I was working.

I was getting paid. £27.30 a week. Into a chip shop.

Into the flat above the chip shop. They charged me £40 a week. And gave me extra overtime to cover it.

So at the end of the week. I had £47. £47 I'd earned.

And I gave them £40 for the rent of the flat upstairs. It's crazy when you think about it. It's like.

I was the only one that seemed to think it was okay. No. I was the only one that didn't think it was okay.

That's right. It's like the other way around. Everyone else acted like it was normal.

Now it's not that £40 was expensive for a flat. It wasn't. But it was expensive for someone earning £47 a week.

When I wasn't earning enough to pay tax. So yeah. So if I'd have gone to the council.

To be on the council list. I probably would have got my own council property. By the time I was 20.

Or maybe even 18. Because I had a friend who had the same situation. Because.

He basically didn't have anywhere to live. And he was just sofa surfing. He was a year older than me.

And I became friends with him. Because he was at my school. And I became friends with him after he left school.

We used to hang around and. I wanted him to move into my flat with me. And we were just going to put like a divider up.

Or he sleeps in one room. I sleep in the other. You know.

But my boss said no. But then I think within a year. Maybe two years.

He had his own flat. His own council flat. And he was working as a postman.

It's like he had it. I was going to say he had it made. But you know as far as it goes.

He had a really good job. And a nice home. That was really cheap rent.

And I was still living in grotty little rooms. And the weird thing about it is. Pretty much the only advice my dad ever gave me.

Was get on the council list for property. And because he told me to do it. That's why I didn't do it.

Because I was just being stubborn. Now if I had done it. I'd have had a council property.

Decades and decades before this. And eventually I did do it. Obviously because I got this.

I was on it for quite a while. Then it came off. Then it went back on.

But for the first. Blimey. 16, 26, 36.

First 25 years of my working life. I wasn't on the waiting list. For council property.

Now. The longest waiting list. The longest I would have ever probably waited.

Outside of London would have been about 10 years. The very longest. But because I was living in a little town.

I'd have got a place a lot quicker. So I may have only been waiting 2 or 3 years. To get a council flat.

So by the time I was 20. Let's say. I could have had my own place.

It's weird. Because my whole life would have been different. There'd have been.

Sort of a degree of security. You know what I mean. Like a base to work from.

A foundation. And I've had my Nan there. Not in the flat.

But she lived in the flat. In that town. And.

I probably wouldn't have moved to London. Because I wouldn't have. Well I would have felt some kind of.

Well stability. I would have felt like I had a home. Which I didn't.

At the time when I moved to London in. 1991. I was again just living in a little room.

Before I moved. I mean in 1990. I lived in.

One. I moved. 1 2 3. 4. 5. 6. 7 times.

So I moved home. 7 times. In 1990.

Just alone on that one year. And then 91. I moved just once.

And I lived in Stratford. Until 94. In 94.

I moved one. 2 times. In 93 times.

Because I went to Ireland. And then I came back. 4 times.

So in 94. I moved one. 2. 3. 4. 4 times.

95. I moved. One time.

And at the start of 96. I didn't have anywhere to live. Literally.

I had just come back from Butlins. I was working in Butlins. And my girlfriend.

Didn't want me to live with her. So. Understandable.

I think I'm quite annoying to live with. I reckon. So.

I remember sitting in Stratford. The. Or.

I think it was Stratford. The housing office. Sitting there for hours and hours and hours.

With my bag. Just one bag of belongings. Some clothes.

One book. Not knowing where I was going to sleep. And I kind of just.

Gave up and decided. Well I guess I'm going to be on the streets. And I popped round to see someone.

That I know. And. They just happened to have a room.

That they were willing to rent. I didn't even think that. Last time I was there.

The house was full. Like a family home. And they.

She let me move in. Like straight away. It's funny she said.

When do you want to move in? I said. Right away. When do you want to move your stuff? When do you want to move your stuff in? I said it's already moved in.

Just that one bag. Not bad for 25 years of living is it? Just one little bag. Blimey.

We laughed. 96. I moved.

So one. Two times. 97.

I moved. Just once. 98.

99. 2000. So I stayed in the same place.

2001. I moved. Well I was kicked out.

I moved. And then I moved to. Yeah that other place.

Then I moved. Closer to where my nan lived. And I got a job in insurance.

So yeah. 99. Did I say 2001? 2001 I moved.

One. Two times. 2002.

I moved two times. 2003. I moved two times.

2004. Once. 2005.

I moved. Once. Yeah.

Pretty sure. Then I stayed there till 2007. November.

When I moved. To a different town. Where my university course was.

So I lived there. From. What is it? November.

2007. It was winter time. Well it was snowing actually.

Just after I moved in. It was proper proper. Thick snow.

It was lovely. And then. I stayed there.

Until. The beginning of 2011. When I was evicted again.

And I. Moved out of there. 2011. Once.

To this place. And then. In 2012.

I moved. So after the year was up. I moved to a different place.

That was 2012. Until. 2015.

So I was there for three years. And in 2015. I moved in here.

And I've been here ever since. Thanks Vinnie. I like a bit of ear flapping.

During a recording don't you? It really relaxes me. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. I'm just trying to think if we go back even further.

So. When I left school. So at 15.

When I left school. I moved out of the family home. Into my step grandmother's flat.

Living on the camper bed. Then I moved from there. Back home with my dad.

So basically my dad was still living there. With my oldest, my eldest brother. I moved with my mum.

To my, what my step mum? To my step mum's flat. Lived on the floor. Well lived on the camper bed in the living room.

It wasn't fun if I'm honest with you. It was not fun. And then.

I didn't like it. Really didn't like it. So I moved back to my dad's.

The original house where I lived. But it was kind of. It just wouldn't.

It was like winter time. Like probably September, October. It just didn't have the heating on.

There was no food, nothing. It was just. Rubbish.

I could have bought my own food. Probably. Although I was earning £27 a week.

But I could have done it. It just. I was getting food for free.

When I was living at my step mum's. My step nan's. So I was getting my food.

And. My laundry was being done. All the stuff that was happening.

When I was living at home. It's just the living part. The sleeping part was just.

Not good. And. But yeah.

I went back to my dad's. And it's like. It's too cold.

It was literally just. I was happy to be back in my own room. But it was so cold.

So I went back to my dad's. And I went back. To my step mum's.

Nan. My step nan's. So I like moved.

Moved again. Moved again. So I was 96.

97. I moved into the flat. Above the chip shop.

And I was there. Until. I was there for about 2 years.

Until. No it wasn't. It was every year.

Until 98. And. I got.

Evicted from there. And I went and lived with my dad. In his new house.

For a few months. And I got a job. In a co-op.

And I found myself. And basically I moved in. Upstairs.

Above the co-op. So I became friends with the manager. And she got a flat with the job.

So. In 98. I moved to my dad's.

Then I moved there. Above the co-op. So that's the second move.

Then we got evicted from there. Because she lost her job. So she was evicted.

I was evicted too. I moved into a room. Then I moved into another room.

And this was 98. And. So like 4. I moved 4 times in 98.

Then in 99. I moved back to my dad's. For a little while.

Then I moved into. A friend's place. My friend's mother's place.

Then I went to. I went to Spain for the afternoon. I actually left.

To go to Spain. Left my job. Left my home.

Everything. And then came back the same day. But my landlady didn't want me living there anymore.

So I was evicted from there. She decided that I was up to no good. If I was going to Spain just for the afternoon.

Then I must be some kind of criminal. Which I wasn't. I just went.

Didn't have enough money to get by. I was young. So I moved to my dad's.

Then I moved there. Then I moved. Then I stayed.

I don't know where I went then. I stayed with some friends. I moved around.

Sofa surfing. And then. Someone I used to work with.

They offered me. To sleep on this. On their floor.

In their living room. So basically. For quite a few months.

I was pretty much just sofa surfing. And living on people's floors. And sofas and stuff.

And then. I moved into a. Room again. A different room.

On the sea front. Just before the summer started. Well at the summer.

Probably about. June time. And.

Lived there. And then I moved out of there. In with a friend.

So I stayed. He had two beds. In a room.

A big room. So I slept in one bed. He slept in the other.

And then we both moved out. And found another place. It was bigger.

So we both had our own bedrooms. And then I moved to London. So that was 1989.

In 1989. Yeah. 1990.

I've already done that one. So if I go back. Even further.

So when I was born. I lived. I guess.

I lived at home. With mummy and daddy. And then.

I think I was six months old. Or something. And the family split.

And I went and lived in. With foster parents. For about.

A year and a half. To two years. So hard to know really.

And then. I moved to. Newcastle.

And I really don't know. How many times I moved around. During that period.

I think there was quite a lot. Of moving around. During that time.

When I was with my. Biological mother. And then I moved into.

Newcastle. Children's home. Called Nazareth House.

Then I moved into. Nazareth House. In Southend.

Then I moved in. With my dad. Because he found.

Me and my brothers. I moved in with him. And his new wife.

Which was in 1977. So we lived there. In the summer.

Then we moved out of there. Moved into a council house. And we moved out of there.

Into. In 19. Probably 79.

Into. The big house. The one that I lived in.

From 79. To 1985. No 1986.

So I was there for 7 years. That might conclude. All the times I remember.

That I moved. I think. What a weird conversation.

So I don't remember. How many different places. I lived in.

When I was very little. But. From the age of 7. I do know.

Well. I know all the places I lived. From the age of 7. To.

Leaving school. And then leaving school. I know most of them.

I definitely know how many places. I lived. Up to.

I think I remember all of the ones. Up to 1990. And then from 91 onwards.

Yeah. I think I remember nearly every one. That might be the odd one.

But I think I've got it. Fairly. Organized in my brain.

Mapped out as it were. And I've lived here since. 2015.

I think it was. April. March or April.

So yeah. I've been here. Over 11 years now.

And I've just put some. Net curtains up. In my living room.

Took a while. I knew I'd get around to. Decorating eventually.

I'm so excited. Because I've got my. Dustpan and brush delivered.

And it's got long handles. So I don't have to bend over. I started using it yesterday.

And it just. Oh it was lovely. So basically what I'm going to do.

Over the next few days. I don't do it all in one go. But I'm going to collect up everything.

From the flat. Off the floor. Put it into the big.

Container. Well it's not a big container. But it's a storage container.

It's the kind of thing you know. That you stack up on top of each other. In your storage room.

And I'm going to dig through it. To find out what's rubbish. And what's not.

Because my floors. Turned into a bit of a piggy bank lately. I'm sure I've seen a few pound coins.

Down there somewhere. Oh other things going on. So.

I've got an appointment. With the arthritis nurse. Not with the.

Oh here get this. This is a new thing right. My doctor's surgery.

Will not give doctors. appointments. Unless it's on the actual day.

So you've got to phone up at 8 in the morning. Or fill a form in. And see if they can fit you in.

But they won't do an appointment for next week. Or for two weeks time. Nothing like that.

Wow. And you've got to fill a form in. Talking about all your personal stuff on there.

And. I phoned them up. Because I have to have a medical.

Mental health medical thing. Which is next month. Well it's about a week or two time.

And I sent them a form. Asking about. Basically mentioning.

My arthritis in my lower back and stuff. And because I had to phone them up. Because I got a message saying.

I need to call them. So I called them up. And the lady on the reception.

Explained that. The only way you can get. A doctor's appointment now.

Is through the nurse. The practitioner nurse. So if you go in.

And the practitioner nurse. Thinks that it's serious enough. To need the doctor.

Then you'll get seen by a doctor. Or the practitioner nurse. Do a referral to.

A specialist or you know. Something like that. So I've.

They gave me an option. Either to see a physiotherapist. Or.

A practitioner nurse. Now. I've already.

I've spoke to the physiotherapist. And what she asked. And also another practitioner nurse.

Asked me. On the phone. A while back.

Is. How come you haven't had. A scan on your back.

Haven't had a CAT scan. To see what's going on in your back. And I said I don't know.

But then. When I. Because I was referred for physiotherapy. And I started getting physiotherapy.

During lockdown. In 2020. So.

Maybe. You know. It wasn't a priority was it.

At that time. To be having scans. For like.

For what I had. And. The practitioner nurse.

Said well. This is recently. Well a few months back.

Last year whenever. They look. They can see what it is.

By looking around the bone. And you know. So I'm hoping.

When I see the practitioner nurse. On next week sometime. They wanted to do it this week.

But I can't afford to get out there. It costs too much in taxes. So they said.

I'm going to ask. The practitioner nurse. To refer me.

To get a scan. Because. I want to know what's going on there.

Make sure it is. There. I mean it's been coming on for decades.

So it's. It's. I'm not like hugely concerned.

Apart from like the future. Because it's definitely. It's not been improving.

But. Yeah. I'd like to hopefully get that done.

Also. Also. Also.

This is quite exciting. I got a phone call yesterday. From.

Well basically. From the people that are going to. Install a new kitchen.

In my flat. So I've got them coming around. To measure up.

And show me some designs. So I can choose a design that I want. So I've asked my neighbor downstairs.

To come up. Asked her she'll come up. And help me to choose a design.

Because. If you look at my color coordination. I'm just.

I don't. I mean it seems a bit. What I don't want to do right.

I'm sure they don't have Larry's stuff anyway. Multicolored. Like weird stuff but.

I guess I have to be a little bit considerate. Towards the next tenant. Hopefully the next tenant won't be for 50 years.

But you know. I'm sticking around to 96 I am. So that's quite good news.

I've got that done. So I've got the light on on Monday. I think in the bathroom.

Still not turned it on. Haven't used it. I'm literally.

I'm so used to not turning it on. Because I haven't had it working for three months. Maybe longer.

I just don't but I don't turn it on anymore at night. It's weird. I used to have it on all night long.

That was a little bit boring wasn't it. Slightly. Nothing much else going on today.

I mean I'm just going to. Take the Mr. Vincent out. V.A.W.A.R. K. And then.

Yeah that's it really. Got a lot of editing to do. Lots of.

Yeah I'll edit this recording. Process it. Upload it.

And then I've got another couple of recordings. That I'm going to be working on as well. So that's going to take most of the day up.

Yeah. Most of the day. It's quite.

It's very breezy today. But apparently. Come the weekend we've got the.

Heatwave returning. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't want a heatwave. I don't want any more of that. But it's okay.

I mean at least now. With the net curtains up. I can walk around.

Without any clothes on. And no one can see inside. As long as I haven't got the lights on inside.

So that's good. Mind you. I used to think.

Because I've got on my glasses. They go dark in the sun. I thought that people couldn't see.

My eyes. But they can. So all those years of.

Well. People could see where I was looking. Which is.

I thought I was safe. They were a little. You know.

I don't know. You know what I mean. I thought.

I didn't think people could see. My eyes anyway. That's what I'm trying to say.

And I asked someone that I know. That person laughed and said. Yeah.

I can see where you've been looking. I said I've not looked anywhere. I look nowhere and everywhere.

Like someone in the garden moaning. Not me. But you know.

If you're looking through the window. What are you doing? I'm looking through the window. That's weird.

No it's not weird. That's why windows. Were designed.

To be see through. So you could look through them. What's the point of having a window.

If you don't look through it. Hey. What's the point of having a hot pepper.

If you don't sprinkle it over your back. You know what I mean. It's just.

Well. Maybe that's weird. What's the point in having.

I'm going to stop now. Actually. I had a list of things.

Of what's the point in having. But then I thought. No.

The one I was going to say is. What's the point in having a hot sauce. If you don't squirt it up your.

But then I thought. Nope. There's no reason to go there.

There's no reason. Why. Okay.

Nose. Squeeze it up your nose. I've never been into the hot sauce.

I did know someone. Who moved into. A place I lived in.

Quite a few years ago. And he was a young. I don't know where he was from.

Caribbean maybe. And that kind of area. And his mom.

Used to send him hot sauces. And he used to cook for the whole week. Like on a Sunday.

And then put all his stuff into. You know. Cartons and stuff.

And he told me about a hot sauce. I said go try it. And I said.

No. And I did try it. And I regretted it.

And he found it hilarious. Like he was used to it. He grew up.

Eating them hot sauces. I. I can't. I couldn't do it.

I mean. Yeah. Admittedly.

It tastes lovely. For about. A millimetre of a second.

Till it starts burning. I think we've got someone doing building work. In the garden now.

I did have a date with someone once. And. Went to a pizza place.

And I didn't know what jalapenos were. Or jalapenos. I didn't know.

She ordered. And I said I'll just have what she's having. I'll have the same.

I didn't know what jalapenos were. I honestly didn't know. I just know.

It takes me ages to decide. What to eat. Sometimes.

Very difficult. To choose things. For choices and stuff.

Wow. I regretted that. I was.

I was a mess. I basically. My whole head.

Just evaporated. Just dripped onto the table. It was.

It must have looked awful to her. And I'm already pink anyway. My head just exploded.

It was awful. And you know what. It's the first.

I was a fairly young person back then. Even if the opportunity. An after date.

Evening nightcap. Or whatever. Was available.

I wouldn't have took it. I wouldn't. It's like.

No thanks. I've got no interest. In anything right now.

Other than getting home. And just sticking my tongue. Under the cold tap.

For the next. Three or four hours. That's it.

The only thing. I'm going to be licking. Tonight.

Is the cold tap. And a bit of ice. Ice.

Ice. Ice. Ice.

Didn't I tell you that my mouth's now soiled? I don't. Was it two months of that? Just for one. Blimming tooth.

Wow. Five. Dental appointments.

In four weeks. Absolutely ridiculous. But it's done now and I'm just honestly I'm brushing my teeth I literally brush my teeth in between brushing my teeth I must lie back 3 or 4 times an hour now I'm just like yeah brush my teeth I don't want no cavities I don't want no nothing now I'm just going to keep them if I could I'd stick a permanent you know those things that just like a miniature car wash just stick one of them in my mouth so it's continually turning around and cleaning my teeth I realise I'd end up with just nubs but I love that word nub end up with a nub so I'm going to go now thanks for listening and remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy be gentle with yourself you deserve to feel safe lots of love I think I'm going to get blown all around out there today