(music) (5 hours) Whisper Wednesday | LMBYTS #1470 | Jason Newland | 22nd October 2025

And welcome jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep and it is, of course it is, What else could it be? Whisper Wednesday. And Vinnie has woken me up a little bit too early.

He's being a bit, a little bit, like this is not supposed to get into, remains of a takeaway over there, a dessert and that's all he's thinking about, even though I've given him a bowl of food, he won't touch that, he wants that remains, but he can't have it because it's got bones, and it's frustrating isn't it Vinnie, it's very frustrating, yes yes yes, so yeah he woke me up, so if I haven't already said it, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes, yeah, la la la la la la,

and I don't know what else, Vinnie is literally sitting down on the sofa staring at the bag, staring, I've never seen him focus so much since the summer when we had a fly visit, I say visit, like stay for a holiday, and he was trying to catch it, he'd watch it for hours, and now he's doing the same with that takeaway bag, bless him, so it is Wednesday the 22nd of October 2025, yesterday I received my, I'd ordered a couple of things that I needed, my dressing gown, I'm wearing it now,

oh it's nice and it's not tight, it's XXL or XLL I don't know, it's like super big, and it's so just lovely, because the other two dressing gowns I had were cosy but they were restrictive, this no restriction at all, it's lovely, and the collar turns into a hood, but it doesn't feel like a hood, you know like when you've got a hoodie, that feels like a hood doesn't it, and it's not, I don't know it kind of just feels a bit in the way, this doesn't even feel like a hood,

but I've now got it on, and now it feels like a hood, I think maybe that was more of a visual thing, this is going to be handy in the winter, just to keep the heat in my head, this is the first time that I've worn it, it's been on the back of my door, my bedroom door, since last night, I mean ok technically I wore it yesterday, but just to try it on, and I put it on over a t-shirt and a cardigan, and it was still ok,

as far as not too tight, now all I've got on underneath this, what's he wearing, well let me tell you, my pyjamas arrived, my new old fashioned style pyjamas, they're just one big long robe, they go down to about my knees, it's so comfortable, really really comfortable, and very freeing, if you know what I mean, there's no restrictions, so yeah, quite pleased with that, so last night about 10 o'clock, I had a shower, put on my new pyjamas, on my new bed robe, sleeping robe, don't know what really to call it,

and I laid down and I felt quite comfy, relaxed, it was nice, and I had a strange dream, for some reason I was back at the comedy club, but the comedy club had been extended, and it was all new staff, and even my friend who owned the club, wasn't him, it was someone else, I mean maybe the reason why I dreamt about the club is because I was thinking about it, also last night I mean, also I came across a picture on my desktop, I'm not quite sure where I got it from,

it might have been my friend, but it's a picture of, it's from about 1990, 1991 or 1992 I'd say, and there's, I wonder where it is, I'm not sure, but anyway, there's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 5 people in the picture on a big long sofa, and one of them's me, so on the right hand side, there's a young man and a young woman, smiling at each other, and it almost looks like it's posed, but it wasn't, and like the couple in there, they were snogging each other for ages,

but it's weird because they're making exactly the same facial expression, and in some ways they even look the same, same nose, same jaw, oh wait a minute she's looking in the mirror, no she's not, and next to them is a comedian called Mark Mayer, I think he's Mark Mayer, and Nick Royalty, they're deep in discussion, and then next to him, next to Nick, on the left side of the picture is me, with my curly hair, and my grumpy face, I'm clean shaven or maybe I just couldn't grow a beard at that time,

and I've got way too many clothes on, because I was completely just embarrassed about my weight, if you look everyone else is wearing hardly anything, just a top, I've got a t-shirt, a big jumper, and a cardigan, like a big coat on at the same time, and some black jeans or something, wow, I can't even remember that jacket, it was a denim jacket, I might try and use this picture and add it to the um, yeah, I might edit this picture and just show myself broody, Mr.

Broody Pants, blimey, a long time ago, crazy, was that 30, 34, 33 years ago, Finny's having a proper tantrum, he's just over there, sulking, I don't know why he hasn't just gone back to bed, mind you, never, never has been much of a quitter, he thinks if he just sits here long enough, he'll get everything he wants, of course he might not be thinking that, what have we got here, just have a look at my emails, so I got the lights come through as well, and because when I take Finny out at night,

I can't see where I'm going, some people wear the lights, some people wear them way too high, so it's very difficult to see, and a lot of people walk around in the complete darkness, like vampires, so I don't want to be either of those, I want to be seen, I want to be able to see where I'm going but at the same time, I don't want to be disruptive to others, so I got these, this flashlight for my forehead, it's a thousand watts, I thought that'll do the job,

I'm basically a walking lamppost, or Christmas tree, and what I did, I got these two lights which clip on, and I charged them yesterday, and I clipped them on to the belt, or the pocket, and I got this, it's like a belt, or a, I don't know what you call it, it goes over your shoulders, it's long, but it's got reflective and flashy lights, or different coloured lights, so that's fine, that works fine, because it makes me seen, but as far as seeing other things, it's no good, and then,

so I'm in the park, I don't like being out when it's dark, genuinely, and this man's walking towards us with a dog, and I shout out, I move Vinnie out of the way just because I can't see the dog, I don't know if it's a friendly dog or not, I don't even know if it's really a dog, because I can't see very well, and it wasn't a hamster, and I said to the bloke, because he got closer, can you see me okay, he said what, I said can you see me okay,

sort of laughing because I'm like so lit up, and he said oh yeah, okay, and just walked off, so that wasn't the longest conversation I had yesterday, so I'm guessing he's not going to be my new best friend, there was this yesterday, it was a woman running with her dog, and Vinnie, it's such a weird thing, I can't get my head around it, so someone takes their dog into the park, lets the dog off running around, a big dog, let it run around, but then when another dog comes into the park,

they grab hold of their dog, and I'm talking about a little dog comes in, they grab hold of their dog, put it on a lead, and hold it back, if it's a dangerous dog, keep it on a lead all the time, you don't ever let it off the lead, and stick a muzzle on it, when I'm the king of the country, that's going to be my rule, put a muzzle on it, and everyone must be topless during the summer, apart from me, and those I choose, which will probably be about 99% of the people,

you can cover up, you can cover up, you can cover up, everyone can cover up, everyone can do what they want, I'm not a dictator, this dream I had was, so I went back to this club, and everything was wrong, about the situation, nothing really, particularly made sense, my friend wasn't there, but someone else was there, and I was talking to him like he was my friend, and then I realised that it wasn't him, it was someone else, and then I realised that perhaps I have a bit of problems with making out people's faces,

I don't always know when someone's someone I know, yeah, see how I'm going in there, I don't have, at one point someone asked me, why have you only got one sock on, I said well what, you only wear one sock, and I think my answer was, oh someone else has stolen the other sock, which would be a weird thing to happen, so what I did is I took the sock off, so I wouldn't look weird, and I think that, yeah, I'm talking to a lady in the dream about,

I was speaking to the manager, and she said oh it's weird because I am the manager, I said okay, the owner, the owner's not here, well who on earth have I been speaking to, oh that's, what's his name, so it's the owner here, yeah I'll be back later, okay, admittedly not the most interesting dialogue, yeah one of the doorman, again someone I've never met before, so all the doorman I used to know probably be in their 70s now, or in their 60s at least, yeah, it's weird isn't it, wow,

they'd all be in their 60s to mid 60s, when I knew them they were in their 30s, yes I don't know why it's only recently that I've noticed time, I never really cared about it before, I was like oh doesn't time go quick, yeah, and then just moved on with my day, but I'm really starting to notice the reality of how much time has actually passed, how many times I've been asleep, how many times have I taken Vinnie out to the park, how many times have I woken up and gotten out of bed and had a bath or a shower,

brushed my teeth, at least five times, see I knew that over time things change, you know, I know that, but when I stopped hanging around the comedy club and I moved away from London, I'd still go back, I would still go back in, like every weekend or whenever I could, and everything was the same, they were a little bit too busy to spend time with me, but generally I could still hang out with them and they were friendly and I'd known them for years, the staff, sometimes I'd stay at my friend's house,

sometimes I'd stay at a different friend's flat, or sometimes I'd stay at a hotel, and then bit by bit, month after month went by, and there came a point where I didn't know anybody, not one member of staff that worked downstairs, I didn't know them, I think even the door staff were different, yeah, even the door staff were different, so in 2010, I was, yeah 2010, I was going up there in some months leading up to Christmas and just helping my friend out in the office, yeah, yeah that's it,

so I was doing that, and I, because I was going there twice a week, and I was sticking around for the evening, or at least part of the evening, I started to get to know the staff downstairs, which was quite nice, again you know, ironically the staff member upstairs, or the two main people who had been there, they were there, they'd been there since I'd known them, they'd both been there since like 1991, but the weird thing about it is 91, 2000, so it's 20 years isn't it, or 19 years,

yeah, do you miss that place, there's only two buildings that I've really truly loved, as a, well as a human, you know, lifespan, during my life, and that is my Nan's house, or my Nan and Grandad's house, when I, you know, I lived in when I was seven, and then they lived in it afterwards, that house, loved that house, and the other building would be the comedy club, just the building, everything about it, I just loved that place, that was my, I don't know how to explain it, it was just,

that was my 20s, being there in 1991, I used to go there every single Wednesday night, and it was open spot night, or New Act Wednesday I think they called it, and I'd go along, and basically the earlier you got there, the more chance of being down, put down on the list, and I think they'd allow up to about 20, 24 acts, or 16 acts, 12 acts, I don't know, so I would be there, sitting outside, half an hour before they even opened, and in the winter, or when it was raining,

the staff would let me in, so I kind of got to know the staff quite well, they'd let me in and give me something to drink, or something, so I'd sit at one of the tables while they were just getting the place ready, I actually semi-dated one of the key waitresses once in 1991, it was around September time, I quite liked her, I'd just come out of a relationship, and I asked her out and she said no, I think, or I just said to her look,

if I get on stage and I sing you a song, because they had a karaoke, after the comedy, there was a karaoke, so we could get on and sing, yeah we know what karaoke is, okay, blimey, and there'd be like a contest, I'd win that one, sometimes, although the combat used to try and hog it, I think he fancied himself as a bit of a crooner, anyway, I said to, what was her name, Marta, well I'm thinking Marta, that's weird, I don't know where that name came from, maybe that was her name,

so I said to her, if you, if I sing you a song on stage, you know, with a karaoke and I direct it at you, and she said no, I said please, and she said no, I said come on, and she said do I have to call security, no, she said okay, and now I, I have a vague memory, that she chose the song, I'm not sure, but I ended up singing Elvis Presley's Teddy Bear, you know the one, I don't wanna be a tiger, tigers play too rough, blah blah blah,

just wanna be your teddy bear, and I sung it, looked at her, when I was singing it, she actually came up to the stage and started like crying, and she jumped on the stage and kissed me and begged me to marry her, no, no, wait a minute, that's a movie I saw, that didn't happen, but I did sing and she, afterwards she said okay, and we did, we went out, that Saturday, because I figured I better just like use the momentum of me singing, let me be your teddy bear,

because it clearly had touched her in places, that she didn't know she had places, emotionally, maybe, maybe she had a soft spot, you know for that song, just let me be your teddy bear, maybe she liked teddy bears, I don't know, I didn't ask her, what I did do is, I took her out to the worst comedy club in London, and it was a complete dive, and it was in Streatham, on a Saturday night, and there was only about 5 people in Streatham on a Saturday night, and it was, yeah,

it was called The Comedy Pit, and I liked it, because it was underground, well like literally, it was in the basement, and the person who ran the club, I got on really well with, he took to me, he gave me gigs, he let me do gigs whenever I wanted, and he also gave me some paid gigs, I never had much money, but he had quite a few different gigs all around the place, and his name was PJ, he had long hair, quite stocky, probably about my height, maybe a little bit shorter,

a fair bit older than I was, so I would say probably in his, I don't want to be rude, but probably in his 40s, which means, yeah, blimey, he'll be a bit older now, now, he seemed a little bit of a gangster type, and we went out once, it was his birthday, and he invited me out to his birthday party, and there was a few of us, and we were at this, I don't know what it was, like a big bar, where everything was extravagant, including the staff,

and I kind of get to know him, it turns out he's a teacher, or he was a teacher, he's either, well he's definitely retired now, he was a teacher, he was no bad boy, gangster, club promoter, he was just a teacher that loved comedy, and yeah, so many different characters in that life, I know we can't redo things, but, you know, I kind of wish I'd done things differently, but it's okay, I was going to say at least I learnt stuff, but I didn't, I don't think I learnt anything,

I'm not sure I learnt much in this life, never mind eh, never mind, but yeah, that was the dream really, that was the dream about my dream, the dream was to do comedy, but my dream last night was about being back there, yeah, I don't know, maybe I can put together a tight 5 minutes, and go on stage, just do like a, find a local place where I can do 5 minutes, do an open spot, it might, I'm sure it's possible, and then what I'll do is I'll tell everyone who listens to my recordings,

and you can all travel there from all over the world, and then, yeah you can support me, and the club promoter will like be blown away, like everyone seems to like this bloke, and he's only done 5 minutes, no one knows who he is, I think I might give him a 10 minute paid slot, which will be maybe 20 quid, and he can all come back again, and I can share that 20 pound with you, I'm not sure how far it will spread, especially for those of you who travelled from Australia,

yeah, maybe you haven't really thought it out, but I do have people listening in the UK and in England, so if I got a gig, even if it was just a 5 minute spot in somewhere like, I'm trying to think, Romford or Ilford, you could perhaps come along, if you live in that area, and you could just come and support me, and that would be weird wouldn't it, imagine being, like the promoter hasn't even told anyone that I'm on, and people are phoning up or turning up saying, is Jason on,

just check Jason's performing tonight, when all I'm doing is like a 5 minute free spot, yeah, shall we do it, shall we, shall we, that, I don't even know what I would, I don't know, I guess I'd just be myself, I'd have to skim through thousands of recordings to just find some, a little bit of material that I can talk about, Vinnie's snoring, I wonder if he was coming in and out of the bedroom into the living room and just looking, wanting to get to that bag of food,

but he didn't because he knew, well I guess he knew he'd get in trouble, he wouldn't actually get in trouble but, he'd know he was naughty, I mean what can you do in that situation, he's eating food, oh well, I'd put it out of his reach, unless of course he stands on the table, which is within his reach, so technically it's not out of his reach is it, that's it really, I can't think of, was it Wednesday today, yeah Wednesday night, Wednesday new act night, all those new comedians,

I loved Wednesday night at the comedy club, I had quite a few friends that I'd meet up with, like the thing is back then there was no mobile phones, well not like proper mobile phones, and you could, there were phones you could buy, but it was like a backpack, it looked like it was an astronaut walking around on the moon, but without the space suit, in the moon, so, I forgot what I was talking about, something about astronauts, oh yeah, that's gone again, it couldn't have been important, so yeah that's me,

this is Wednesday, Whisper Wednesday, so thank you for listening, I don't know how long I've talked for, probably a little while, I'm going to go and have my breakfast, so please remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy, be gentle with yourself, you deserve to feel safe, lots of love, finish now fidgeting, lots of love, bye, bye bye..