(no music) Not so Subtle Nurse | LMBYTS #1397 | Jason Newland | 22nd July 2025

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. And this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

It is I don't know what it is. It's it's Tuesday. Again, I'm a little bit I'm out of rhythm with the regular recordings that I have been doing for the past few months.

You know, the Monday's Boring Objects, Trivia Tuesday, Whisper Wednesday, Q&A Friday. Although I've been doing a Q&A Friday. It's the only one I've really kind of stuck to as it were.

So I thought I'd just do a a general general thing just say hi, a little catch up, you know, not tomato. So me. I'm sitting here in my living room.

The knees curled up to me by my side, my left side. I've got the window open. But for now, it's fairly quiet.

There was hours and hours of loud chit chat in the garden earlier. It's seemed to go on forever. I don't know how people find that much to talk about.

Which is a weird cupboard for me because I don't seem to run out of things to talk about. It's just I prefer to do it on my own rather than with someone. I did well earlier, actually.

Someone asked me how I was and I asked them how they were back afterwards. See, I'm learning. I'm learning to communicate with humans.

It's about time. So I'll give a little update on what's going on. My, my daddy has finished his treatment that he was having.

And he's had four weeks of that five days a week, four weeks in a row. And he spoke, it was quite weird, actually, because I spoke to him yesterday. I think it was yesterday, yesterday afternoon.

Maybe it was Sunday, I'll lose track. And he, he actually opened up about how he was feeling and that was weird, because he doesn't normally do that. Normally, he just says, yeah, everything's fine.

And that's it. And there's like nowhere to go after that. But he actually went through how he's feeling and what he's been through the last four weeks.

And yeah, wow. So I was quite surprised. He seems to be doing quite well.

Very tired, though. Very, very tired. So that's kind of to be expected.

And everything seems to be going to plan. So outside of that, been going up to the hospital, went up yesterday to see Uncle Sausages. Yeah, he's a lot of confusion, a lot of, you know, it's, it's difficult to try and explain to someone that the, because the blood's not clearing it's the toxins from the blood, that it can affect a person's mind.

But unfortunately, kind of in the same way as when I'm going through a, should we say episode, it's hard to separate from that and realize that it's an episode, rather than believe in it. So he was particularly agitated like yesterday, as he has been really for about two weeks, three weeks even. So I went and spoke to the nurse.

And I said, Oi, nurse. She said, What? Who are you? What do you want? And I said, Oh, I want so many things right now. A big bar of chocolate.

She said, Me too. I said, I'd quite like to get on a cruise. And she said, Me too.

Should we run away together? And I said, No, thanks. Not really. She said, Oh, never mind.

She said, Anything else? I said, Yeah, about Uncle Sausages. She said, Who? I said, Uncle Sausage. And then I realized she didn't know who Uncle Sausages was.

So I explained who I was talking about. And she said, Why do you call him Uncle Sausages? And I said, Because I got a little dog called Vinnie. And he gives Vinnie sausages.

That's something they do. He buys them sausages. And Vinnie loves the sausages.

And so Vinnie calls him Uncle Sausages. And she said, But he's a dog. How can he call someone something he can't talk? I said, No, but it's just a bit of fun.

She said, No, we don't have fun here. This is a very serious place. I said, I know it's a try and have a little bit of fun, little bit of verbal play.

And in fact, he actually calls Vinnie sausages now. So he's Uncle Sausages and Vinnie is sausages. And she said, But what do you want? I said, Oh, okay, fine.

Blimey. I think it's because I didn't want to run away with her. But hey, it's just me.

Maybe I'm just being a little bit egotistical. But I actually had that look in her eye when she said, Should we run away together? Almost like she had a bag packed already. And it was hidden in the toilet.

I would be not inside the toilet, but like maybe a little cabinet, a locker, maybe. Anyway, so I said, Well, here's a situation. Uncle sausages is very, very agitated and anxious.

Is there anything you can do? And she said, Oh, she said, Well, explain what you mean. So basically, when I go there, and when he phones me up, he tells me all this stuff that he thinks is happening. Very I don't want to be rude about it, but it's like very conspiratorial, potentially hallucinatory.

Paranoid, paranoid, you know. So he's already been told in the past, you know, that he's being paranoid. And he's got very angry with that.

He said, I never want to hear that word again. I said, Okay. So I speak into the nurse, outside the ward, you know, just and she said, Well, he doesn't tell us any of this stuff.

He just says everything's fine. I said, I know he's just, you know, it's hard to help someone if they don't tell you. She said, Well, I don't know what we can do.

I said, Well, is there any chance he can see, get some kind of evaluation from a psychiatrist to see whether it is it is the condition he's got, or maybe it's a previous mental health issue that's re-arisen, because I don't know his background. And, you know, there's no judgment from my perspective, because I've I'm a bit of a mentor myself, aren't I? So I do have something, I've got something to tell you later.

It's I got, I got a letter through today from the council tax people.

So the council tax is kind of like it used to be called rates. And it covers things like, I suppose, everything that's done by the local council, you know, roads and waste and all that kind of stuff. So I got a letter saying that I was exempt from council tax for the next year.

Due to being get this right. This is because of the benefits agency contacted them, or my doctor, they contacted my contacted my doctor and my doctor. You know, I'm not sure quite how they got their information.

It's really weird seeing this in print. This is what they said. I'm not gonna get up and read it because it means disturbing a little one.

But it's etched in my brain. It says you are exempt from paying council tax for the next year due to severe What is it? Severe mental impairment. Severe mental impairment.

That doesn't sound good, does it? That doesn't make me sound like a hero. There's a hero. I mean, I kind of in a way rather pay £15 a month to not hear those words or not to see that in writing, to not be called severely mentally impaired.

I know it's just another way to explain my brain not working properly, but blimey, blimineck. So I said to the nurse, I said, is there a chance you can go and have someone come and give an evaluation and see how he is or something else you can do? She said, well, leave it with me. I'll go and find it out.

I'll go and find out. And she walks away and she turns back and says, are you sure you don't want to do the cruise? I said, no, I want to say I'm fine. Thanks.

And she turned away, just honestly stomped. She was just slamming her feet on the ground as she walked away. I'm going to get that a lot, you know.

I don't know why am I saying this? Anyway, so I go back into the room with Mr. Sausages, Mr. Uncle Sausages, and we're just chatting. I managed to disrupt his flow and redirect him to something else other than what he was talking about, because I didn't really think it was much use to him getting angry, you know. So I thought, I'll just distract him a little bit, focus on something different.

And the nurse came back in probably about 15 minutes later, bearing in mind that, well, here's a subtlety. This is the subtlety level of this nurse. She came in.

She looked at me. First of all, she's talking about him in front of him to me. Didn't even look at him.

I'm afraid Uncle Sausages, he can't have a psychiatric review. They won't come and see him. I'm like, he's right there.

It's like, what's going on? It's like, it's weird, very weird. And then she said, but we're going to give him some, the doctors prescribed some medication to help him with the paranoia. Shouted that word out really loud.

Again, directing, just talking to me. He was not happy. Because it sounds like I was talking about him being paranoid.

And it was just, they know his situation. They know that what is some of the he said in the past. It's just the last few days, he's been quiet.

Just telling me. So they said, oh, we can give him some medication tonight. Won't give it during the day because he'll be tired.

I don't know what it was. I thought they were going to give him something to help clear, clear away that stuff. You know, clear away the toxins from his blood.

I really don't know what it was. I'm not great with medication. And I said to Uncle Sausages, are you okay with that? He said, because he was hiding his medication before.

He didn't want to take it. And I said, look, I wouldn't never let anyone hurt you. And he said, I know, I know.

I said, no, seriously, if this is, if you know, this is a medication I would take if I had to, if it was going to help, the only medication they're going to give you is to help you. They're not here to do anything but help. That's their sole purpose.

You know, when they come into your room, it's to help you, nothing else. And he kind of, I think, pretended to agree with me. And then he was kind of cheered up for the rest of the day.

Rest of the morning I was with him, cheered up. He was quite jovial. I went and got, got him some stuff to eat from downstairs in the hospital.

And we talked about the golf. And he seemed all right. He seemed, you know, fairly okay.

You know, all things considered. And I had this call from him, yes, late afternoon yesterday. I was probably having my mid-afternoon nap.

So I called him back, no answer. I called him back again, called him back again, called him back, called him back, called him back again, quite a few times last night. Then I called him again this morning, quite a few times, and he was not answering.

Now, either he had his phone on silent, because his phone was on, because it was ringing. Or, well, there's no way, it's really loud. Now I know his hearing is not great.

But it's very, very loud. I mean, the whole hospital can hear it. I mean, in fact, if I, if I stick my head out the window, I can hear it.

I can't, I don't know why I said that. I rarely stick my head out the window. And while my giraffe, my head wouldn't fit out the window.

We fit out the window, but there's a window there, isn't there? It doesn't open that wide for me to just. So, eventually, I called him up this afternoon, and he answers the phone. And I said, Uncle sausages.

He said, Yeah, really quiet, the way he was talking. I said, You alright? He said, Yeah. I said, So you, I've been trying to call you all morning.

And last night, he said, I was asleep. I'm allowed to, you know, I said, Wow. Okay, now, of course, you're allowed to sleep.

I'm not saying you're not allowed to sleep. I'm just making sure that you're okay. Because I did find the hospital earlier.

I didn't tell him this, but to find hospital area to area earlier, earlier, just to find out if he's okay. And they went into his room. And they said, Yeah, he's fine.

Then he started barking. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, the nurses in there. Telling me that.

Just Oh, no, I would have done that. But Yeah, so I'm talking to him on the phone. And not only is he talking really quietly.

It sounds like he's asleep. Like he's almost half. Well, three quarters asleep and half asleep.

Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm thinking.

I kind of hope it's the medication to be fair. But at the same time, because I was hoping that whatever medication they gave him would reduce his anxiety levels. That's that's it.

And then maybe he he'd be because it's he's stuck in there. And he's had enough. You know, he's had enough of being there.

And he's waiting to be moved into a nursing home. And he's just, you know, he's just bored, bored. But even yesterday, he said he wasn't even bothered about he said, you can take the iPad back if you want.

I never expected that. Because he can he can watch movies and he can watch I realized I'm not sure how much meaning that stuff would have to him but it's still there is still sport on there's always some kind of sport on around the world. And he did say yesterday, just needed some sleep.

He says a couple of times, because he said he's not getting much sleep. I just need some sleep. So I think he got it last night.

He got a good night's sleep for the first time possibly in weeks. And I think that in itself might have cleared his brain a little bit might have made him feel a bit more himself. I was gonna this is this is a day I don't go and see him on Tuesday.

So I nearly went up there. Nearly. But I thought, I'll wait just you know, in case he does call me and he did in the end.

Well, no, he did answer in the end. And then he hung up while he was talking to me. And he phoned me about an hour ago, half an hour ago, I answered there was nothing.

I just hear him but he wasn't. I hear him breathing but I couldn't hear him. He didn't say anything to me.

I think he might have accidentally phoned me just holding the phone or something. So I'll go and see him in the morning. And I want to speak to his nurse to see, because he might not have actually had any tablets because sometimes you know, they're so busy and they might have just forgotten.

Because he's in this little room on his own, it's a little bit out of the way. They might, you know, they're busy with all the other people and it's, you know, human error, sometimes they forget stuff. So they might have forgotten to give him the medication.

And because he's had 24 hours, the staff are changing over, aren't they? So it's, he's dealing with a different nurse at night, a different nurse during the day, and then maybe a different nurse the day after. Because they're all on different rotas and stuff. So I'm not sure if they do 12 hour shifts.

So it might have three different nurses during a 24 hour period. I mean, he hasn't had the same nurse three days in a row, I don't think. I mean, it's different.

Yeah, I've spoken to I think four different nurses so far in that ward, maybe five. And they've all been great. Just, it's, I mean, one was a little bit, I don't know, there's something about talking about, talking about the patient in front of the patient, when the patient's actually looking at that.

I don't know if I do. I'd enjoy that myself. I mean, I've talked about him.

I've asked questions to doctors when a doctor has been there. And Uncle Sausage has been there, and I'm there and because Uncle Sausage won't ask any questions. I asked the questions, but I include Uncle Sausage's in it.

I don't just like talk about him. I'm kind of talking with him if that makes sense. Like, like I'm another mouth.

That's weird. I'm Uncle Sausage's second mouth. Yeah, that's very, very strange, very strange visual.

So I hope that when I see him tomorrow, he's all right. Because he sounded very, it's like he wasn't there. And I know that, you know, different medication can have different effects in that, but just that was kind of, I don't know.

I don't know what to think. So I'll go and speak to his nurse tomorrow and ask what he's been given. And whether or not that's normal for those side effects, or whether it's there's another reason for it.

But yeah, that's kind of it really. Although he did, he did say something about how his jumper had been stolen this morning or this afternoon. So I don't know what's going on there.

I said, I'll speak to you tomorrow. We'll work it out. And the other day I took him, I bought him some tomato ketchup sachets, because I took him in tomato ketchup in a bottle.

But that made a bit of a mess. I thought he said I'd rather have them in sachets, because that's what he's used to. So I ordered lots of sachets online on Amazon, took them in his big old bag of them.

And he found that funny. And I think he thought I was just going to go into McDonald's and just grab a handful, something like that. It's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Anyway, I went, he did the same thing on Friday. He said, no, yesterday, sorry. I've run out of sugar.

No, no, he didn't say that. He said the, what did he say? Something about didn't have any sugar to put in his tea. Mate, was it his tea? Or was it something? What else would you have sugar on? He had something, but he didn't have any sugar.

And he said it ruined it. Not ice cream, because that'd be unnecessary, wouldn't it? Mind you, it might taste nice, a bit of sugar on some ice cream. Not something that I would do, because I'm not supposed to really have sugar.

Not a hot dog. What was he needed sugar for? Maybe it was. Yeah, maybe it was for a cup of tea.

Cup of coffee. Or isn't it another boat? Their plane's going past all day. Can you hear that? I don't really know why, because I don't think there's any kind of celebrations.

There's no D, D, double D, E day, King's birthday celebrations, VE day, VD day. There's none of those stuff, because there's a lot of those different days. And we get all the aircraft flying over towards London, and then they fly back.

They probably come from different parts of the country to do a big old flyover over London, Trafalgar Square, or wherever they do it. But, or the Cenotaph, I don't know where the Cenotaph is. However, today, I don't think there is a particular thing on.

I mean, there might be. I'm just not aware of it. There might well be a big celebration going on today.

I don't know. Oh, yes. Anyway, he said, oh, she gave me tea, but no sugar.

So I thought, okay, and he asked for the sugar, but she didn't come back. So I thought I'll sort you out some sugar. And so I bought him on Amazon again.

They're not been delivered yet. No, they haven't. No.

140 packs of sugar, like the long ones that you get in cafes. You know, you open the end up and they just pour it in. So he's got 140 of them coming.

So I'll hopefully should be delivered today. And I'll take him to him tomorrow morning. I'm just trying to kind of give him what he needs just to it's those little comforts because in his situation, I sure as heck would not be drinking tea without sugar.

I would be having sugar with everything. Because I like sugar. I just unfortunately have to be a little bit careful with it.

A little bit careful. Not as careful as I should be probably. Yeah, I'm not sure I haven't bought a bag of sugar for well over a year now.

Yeah, well, I've put a year and a half. Whenever it was that I was told that I had to come and loose some weight. And I stopped with the sugar.

No more sugar on breakfast cereal. No more sugar in tea or coffee. Although I don't drink coffee anymore.

Although I did drink coffee the other day. So I'm just pretty much just lied to my I used to have coffee, I used to have one cup of coffee every morning with my breakfast for quite some time, possibly years. And then the rest of the day, I would have tea.

This is when I stopped drinking Coke. Before that, I would not really drink tea at all. I just had cans of Coke.

But I stopped drinking Coke. So can you know, tea, cups of tea, and a fair bit of water. I do.

I've always been a quite avid, avid, regular water drinker. And yeah, since since I was a kid, really. Anyway, I ran out of coffee.

This is even more boring that I wanted it to be. I never stop yourself at heart like midway in a sentence and think this is really boring. This is even this is too boring.

I can't finish this sentence. It's just too I've got to do a u-turn. This is really going to be tedious.

Why am I even saying this? I'll finish I'll continue but I'm just just letting you know. I'm talking about coffee. Why am I talking about coffee? There's got to be more interesting things to talk about.

Yeah, but it's supposed to be boring, isn't it? It's supposed to be boring. Yeah, but there's a limit. There's a limit to boredom.

I mean, I might as well just count how many times I've cut my toenails in the last 10 years. It's on the same level of like complete tedium. Anyway, I'll finish the exciting story.

So I was drinking coffee every day. One cup a day. That was my limit.

A little bit of a kickstart to the day. It's all right. And then I ran out of coffee.

And there was no coffee available. Basically, I had my delivery delivered and the coffee was missing. There was none available.

So I just had tea bags. And I thought what am I going to do? A cup of tea is not going to solve the issue. It's not the same as a cup of coffee.

Now at this time, I was drinking coffee and tea with sugar. So that's that's when the coffee finished before I stopped with the sugar. Which is just as well because there's no way in the world I'm ever well I say never but generally, I wouldn't drink coffee without sugar.

It ain't happening. And I had a Costa's coffee the other day. First coffee in, you know, probably a year, well over a year.

And I had a couple of at least one or two sugars in it. I can't have I can't have coffee without sugar ain't gonna happen. But as I was only having one coffee, you know, one coffee a year is allowed, I would say, I would hazard a guess that I'd be okay with that.

Although it did feel a bit weird. Having all that caffeine running through me. Oh, the buzz.

So yeah, I haven't had coffee really other than you know, when I did have coffee. I never drink coffee apart from when I do drink coffee. That's just a weird sentence.

Very weird. I used to drink a lot of coffee. I've been through phases in my life where like between the ages of seven and 15.

16. Yeah. 1516.

I was drinking coffee regularly. I drink tea regularly. Sorry.

Just part of that was the culture drink tea. I'd have the occasional coffee but not that often. Not in the evening.

But I'd have a coffee sometimes 11s with a cup of coffee and some biscuits, you know, on a, you know, weekend and stuff. Yeah, I'd have cups of tea. That'd be kind of normal.

But then when I left school, I didn't really drink much in the way of tea. I mean, I did drink tea, but not a lot of tea. I think, you know, once I got sort of 16, 17, 18, it was, I suppose I had a bit more choice.

Didn't have to stick to tea, because I was the one buying what I was drinking. And I think I started drinking more coke and more water. Just trying to think just, you know, bits, just whatever, really.

I can't remember. Probably quite a bit of water because I was working in the hot environment. But definitely drinking coke.

Other cans of drink. Lilt. I used to like Lilt when I was about 16.

Oh my goodness, Lilt. It was lovely. It was gorgeous.

It's a little bit like Fanta, really. But lemon. Lemony.

Not lemon, but I don't know how to explain it, but I liked it. And so I went quite a few years where probably the only time I'd drink tea would perhaps be the first thing in the morning with my breakfast. So that was kind of a regular thing.

I'd have a cup of tea with breakfast. And then during the 90s, I'd have a pint of milk with my evening meal. And water.

So that was what I'd have in the evening. Milk and water. Unless I went out and then I'd have, for a lot of the 90s, I would never drink alcohol.

So I would just be drinking, I'd order a coke. And I try to make the coke of glass, the glass of coke last as possible. Shall try and get that sentence out properly now.

I try and make a glass of coke last as long as possible. Because it wasn't just that I was tight, but I didn't have lots of money. Money.

So I'd go out and I'd have like maybe £10, £5 or £10 to last me for the whole evening. And, you know, that that was it. So what I did is I mean, not all the time, there was periods when I had a bit more, bit more cash than others.

And maybe I would drink, you know, I think 94 in the summer, I started drinking, like going out drinking and stuff really like regularly. But that was like for a summer. 89 I did as well.

That was just for the summer. Outside of that. During the whole of the 90s, other than when I was working and I had a cup of tea from the machine, or cup of coffee, I didn't drink, you know, tea or coffee.

So that'd be maybe two or three a day. But there was like tiny little those tiny little plastic cups. And yeah, so I didn't really bother with tea.

And then in the 2000s. Actually, in 2000, I got real, really excited about tea again. Which is weird.

Not excited. But I like drinking tea. So I was getting through more tea during the day in 2000 and 2001.

And then 2002. Well, at the end of 2001, 2002, I was drinking huge amounts of coffee at work. And that didn't do me any good.

And then 2003, I pretty much stopped drinking coffee. Again, I was from a machine. So that wasn't.

Yeah, it's a bit bit rubbish. So I stopped doing that. Didn't really had much, I suppose I get the odd coffee or tea, you know, bleeding into 2007.

When I stopped working in insurance. So it was about now, this time of the year, in 2007. And basically, it was my second insurance job, second out of three.

And I was part time because I'd been ill in 2006, nearing the I think it was September time 2006. And I had some time off. And they allowed me to go back part time after about a month off work.

So I went back part time. That suited me perfectly. Because I could then do volunteering and I can do you know, the other stuff that I was doing is really good.

And I was earning enough to get by. Just, you know, wasn't a lot, but I had enough to pay the rent, and buy the food and have enough for just bits and bobs, you know. Then in, I think it was June 2007, they hauled me into the office by hold, I didn't they just asked me to go in there.

And about seven foot steps from where my desk was. So it wasn't a big deal. Anyway, I walked in there.

And my boss said, We need you to go full time again. I said, No, I don't want to. He said, But we want you to.

I said, I don't want to. Because other than anything else, I had, I liked that job. Now, you won't hear me say that about many of my jobs I've had in the past.

And I've had a lot of jobs, like lots and lots and lots. That's one of the few jobs that I actually, I didn't. Yeah, a Sunday wasn't tarnished by thinking about going to work on the Monday.

I didn't have that anymore, because I was doing it part time. I like the job full time as well. But I just, I just struggled to, to keep it going.

I don't know how long I'd lasted part time, but I did quite well. So I've been part time since probably October. Yes, I did like seven or eight months part time.

So I was holding it together. I had a couple of weeks off. But other than that, I was doing all right.

And I mean, chances are, I might still be there. If they let me. I mean, I wouldn't still be there, because the whole place closed down.

And they made everyone redundant. So and that was kind of coming. I kind of knew that as well.

I think that's part of the reason why I was not so well. But it was, yeah, all things being equal and being good. I like the job, I was good at the job.

And this is, I've moved from working in sales to listening to people's phone calls, to make sure that they were doing the job correctly. So I was in compliance. And I was very good at listening, concentrating, I had headphones and stuff.

And I wasn't actually like, I wasn't sitting on the desk, listening to people talking. You know, I actually recorded calls because that would have been off putting wouldn't it? Just sitting there. One egg cup from the customer and one egg cup with string from the salesperson.

Egg cup, yogurt cup. Anyway, that's just a silly thing. Silly visual.

And yeah, I was quite good at it. No, I'm not sure. I'm not playing my own trumpet, or violin or whatever instrument.

It's just, you know, it's a factual thing. For some reason, I was pretty good at doing that. So I didn't want to leave.

But at the same time, I didn't feel like I could go full time again. At that point, I didn't think I could go full time anywhere. I just didn't because I'd already Man, the amount of times I've had issues, you know, I had to have time off and stuff with different jobs.

So I was like, okay, I want to stay here. I like I like the company. I like the people I work with.

I like the job. It's easy. It's challenging at times, but generally quite easy for me.

And I got on really well with my little team I was in. But then it was a choice of like, go full time or leave. That was it.

And I said, okay, I'll go back full time then. And then I came back the next day. I said, nah, I'm leaving.

And I had no idea what I was going to do. Well, I knew I was going to leave. That was it.

I think I was sort of doing a little gamble. I was hoping that they would say, oh, no, no, no, no, run after me. Oh, no, Juicy JJ.

We need you. It's okay. You can you can stay part time.

Oh, I'll employ someone else to come in and I'll pay out my own wages. So an extra to do the extra work. We can't lose you.

But no, that didn't happen. It was weird because when I left, I just said goodbye to but by this point, my boss had already left. And all I had was the lady that was sitting next to me that I got on really well with the people behind me.

And I just said see ya. And I just left. And it's almost like no one knew I was leaving.

Or no one cared. It's hard to believe. Very strange.

Yeah, I feel a bit cold. Because I knew people in different departments because I've been in the sales department. I knew everyone in the sales department.

Not just because I'd worked with most of them. Well, I hadn't worked most of my work at the time I'd worked with everyone. And then they took on another probably twice as many different people, maybe three times.

They took on a lot more people. And I got to know them because listening to their calls. So I felt like I knew them.

And I would speak to them, you know, and give them feedback and stuff. So not everyone was in love with me, because they sometimes lost money. Due to not doing the job properly.

And that wasn't my fault. I was just the way it was. You know, I did thought I was going to get in trouble once.

Some lad, he was in renewals. And he lost something like 200 pound from his bonus. Because he failed every single one of his compliance things.

And I said, Well, I only marked two of them. And what's her name next to me mark two, we didn't do all four. So it was a six, three, seven and six, either four or six, I can't remember.

But I didn't do all of them. So it couldn't all be blamed on me. So the team leader, he caused a big fuss, the team leader came up, wants to listen to the calls again.

And said, No, it was fine. So I'd listen to it again. He said, No, it wasn't.

And then my boss would listen to it. He said, No, it wasn't. All these people listening to the call trying to trying to find a way to pay him.

When I mean, when I listened back to the call, I didn't want myself to be wrong. Just for because I quite, I quite liked the idea that I was pretty good at a job. But at the same time, I'd have been happy enough.

When I wouldn't really, but I wanted him to have his money. I didn't want him to lose money. I wouldn't have been happy if I'd be wrong.

Just because that brings up doubts in other people's minds then. So how many other ones have you done wrong? I lost 100 pound last month. Maybe that was because him he doesn't know what he's doing.

But I really didn't know what I was doing. Very, very, very rarely will you ever hear me say that I was pretty good at that job. It was very simple.

But I knew exactly what or I knew what needed to be how things needed to be asked. And as a certain way it was I think it's ridiculous that the staff was made to do that. You know, I really did this but it's just compliance.

It's just the rules. It's the rules. It's the financial whatever organization.

But yeah, it's weird because I left thinking, oh, I did give months notice. So during that month, I applied to go to university. To do my counseling degree.

I applied. I didn't get a result, I think until I'd left. Because that would have been in the August.

Or maybe it was in the July. Yeah, in August, September. I started university in October.

So I think I probably went for an interview in the July. Because I think they do the interviews before the close. I don't know.

Yeah, I think I did. It might be in June. Blimey.

Anyway, I think it was July. And then I got accepted. I went on to, I got benefits, housing benefit just for three months while I was unemployed, waiting to go to university.

Remember, there's another one, I remember the lady is a, it was a lady on in this situation. It's not always a lady in my stories. It's quite often men as well.

Okay, it was a man, it was a man. And she said to me, yeah, you won't get any housing benefit because you're living in a shared accommodation. It's a religious house, because I was living with Buddhists.

There's no locks on the doors, because that's what makes a multiple occupancy, whatever. I said, yeah, but we trust each other. So it doesn't matter.

There's no locks on the door, it's classed as a family. I said, well, we do argue so it's similar to being in a family. But I do pay rent.

Well, it turns out she was wrong. And I did get paid, did get my rent paid. So that was good.

It was only for a few weeks, what was it, probably two months, really, only two months. And so if I hadn't been told, you either go full time or you leave, then I would never have probably gone to university. Because I was fairly kind of happy being there, doing part time, and then volunteering, doing a free pain relief service.

No, I stopped doing that at this point. So I was doing that in 2006. I was doing that when I was full time, the free pain relief service.

And I was doing on Saturdays. But then 2007, I was doing the rehab, drug rehab and alcoholic charity. So I was doing relaxation group sessions.

I was doing two a week each one. And not while I was part time, I was doing one a week each one. And then when I went, or was I? I can't remember.

12. Yeah, I think it was two a week, one a week. And then I went to a week for each one.

And when I left my job. That was a shame. I'd again, I'd probably still be there doing that if it hadn't been for circumstances.

It's a shame. It's weird, isn't it? I know, you know, life, just life is, it can be a bit unusual at times all the time. But there's certain, in some ways, for a short period of time, everything was kind of going pretty well.

Even leading up to be to start in university. Because I had everything planned very eloquently. I'm not sure if it's eloquent, but I had everything planned.

So I had a part time job in a supermarket to start. And it was just going to be at weekends. I was starting university.

Well, I'd already started university. And, but it was in a different town, but that's okay. It was doable.

I was still living at a Buddhist place. Again, that was what I wanted. And it's fairly cheap to live there.

I was still doing the voluntary work. I had to base it around, you know, university but I was still managing to go twice a week. So do at least one, one session per week at the, the two charities doing group relaxation sessions.

I was still making my recordings and my videos. And I had a new girlfriend that, which came from me doing the voluntary work. She was in charge of the volunteers, volunteer coordinator or something.

So everything was kind of going together quite nicely, actually. And then, as sometimes happened, hello, Vinnie. Hello.

Hello. As sometimes occurs, things went a little bit awry. So I ended up moving to the town I was going to university at.

Moving away from that job. So I didn't even get to start the job. And moving away from my friends.

My girlfriend wasn't, I moved away from her. She, she didn't take that greatly. And I wasn't able to do the volunteer work anymore.

So the only thing I continued when I moved was doing recordings and videos and going to university. But the way it worked out, it did take a lot out of me doing that course. So I'm not sure if I'd have been able to maintain all the other things at the same time, you know, a part-time job, a girlfriend, the volunteer jobs, volunteer work.

Yeah, I don't know if I could have, I mean, it might have been much better. I don't know, but I don't know. There's no way of knowing.

But that was with Sainsbury's. I tell you it's weird. I actually got a part-time job again in Sainsbury's in, where was it? Yeah, when I moved here, I got a job, part-time job at Sainsbury's.

And again, I didn't go. I got the job, just didn't go. Just couldn't face it.

It's weird. Couldn't get out of bed. And then, yeah, I think I kind of, I think that particular, that particular ladder has been shortened.

I don't think I can get onto the ladder anymore for that company. I was going to be on the vegetable section. It's weird, well not weird, but the bloke that showed me around and he was going to be my supervisor.

He was so enthusiastic about all the apples, the fruits, and the vegetables, and the cabbages, and the beetroot, and really enthusiastic. He had a hat and everything. You know, really, I can't really express to you how enthusiastic he was about that particular section.

Now, it's quite a large section in the supermarket, isn't it? The whole vegetable, fruit and veg area. It's quite a, quite a big section of a large supermarket. So I'm guessing there'd be quite a few staff looking after that area.

And he was, I don't know if he was in charge, overall in charge, or if he was, I don't know, like a shift manager or something. Definitely loved his job, which was amazing. I always like that anyone is in, I'm just got a thing about people are enthusiastic about stuff.

Because I don't think I come across as being very enthusiastic. I hide it very well. And I just, I just like that I don't.

Yeah, whatever it is, as long as it's not hurting anyone else. And for me personally, it's useful. Just just for me personally, I mean, other people can be enthusiastic about whatever they want, it's up to them.

I only really want to be enthusiastic about when actually, it's not true. Because I'm enthusiastic about let's try to say the word a little bit slower. So it comes out more concisely and clearly.

Enthusiastic. I am enthusiastic about boxing and that's not helping anyone. The only one that's helping is the people that are getting paid.

So I'm, you know, I love watching the big fights. My stomach's hungry again. It don't stop being hungry.

It's nearly time to take the little, the little monkey out for a little climb in the trees. Little monkey. So that's the end of this here recording.

It's not, you know, it's not in line with the regular Monday, Tuesday, kind of schedule that I've been building up over the last few months, or I don't know how long it's been. But I will get back to that. I promise.

I really do promise. It just, you know, it might take a little while. I will get back to it.

There's a bit of a blip with the adverts as well. But that's sorted now. Thanks to someone let me know that, thank you, that there was adverts played mid roll on some of the podcasts.

They shouldn't have been. So that's all been sorted out. Yeah, it should should be sorted out.

Please, please, please. Severely mentally deficient. Wow.

Yeah, I feel like I need to print that. I might put that as my, my screen as the image for this. Recording.

It's like, wow. Wow. Anyway, I'm going to go.

Thank you for listening. Please remember to be kind to yourself, because you do deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself.

You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love. Bye.