(10 hours) #32 Doggies SLEEPY Boring Objects (Jason Newland) (10th January 2023)

Hello and welcome to Sleepy Boring Objects. My name is Jason Newland and my website is jasonnewland.com. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. I'll move my chair closer to the microphone and move my cup of tea over here.

Yum yum. I swear I'm getting older by the day. Cup of tea.

I'll be drinking cocoa in the evening soon. Going to bed at 8 in the evening. A nice cup of cocoa.

Anyway, these podcasts or this podcast is kind of similar to the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast, except I focus on one specific topic or subject, hence the boring objects. Now, the last one I did was in the end of September last year, so it's been a while, three months or so. And that was airports.

That's the last one I did. Before that I did NLP, I did boxing, glasses, punch bags, shoes, Belgium, wooden benches, baths, jobs, you know, so I've done quite a few different topics. And I might repeat myself sometimes, I might do the same topic twice, is a chance I'll do that, I don't know.

But the real the point of it is to pretty much just bore you into relaxation, bore you to drift off to sleep by just talking about a specific thing. That's all it is really. It's not, you know, it lasts generally about half an hour, sometimes longer.

And as I said, it's a little bit more focused than the Let Me Bore You To Sleep, slightly. So I don't talk about my life as it is now. I don't talk about what's gone on today or yesterday.

I only focus on the thing that I'm talking about. Now, I want to just clear up one thing before I start. And this is fairly important thing to say is, did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? Okay, that's the first thing.

Secondly, when I put down, when I talk about a subject, I'm not putting it down. So although the podcast is called Sleepy Boring Objects, I'm not saying that the subject itself is boring, because it could be a really exciting subject for some people. It's just, I'm probably not talking about it in the most exciting way, potentially.

So that's all it is. It's not really, I'm not saying that, you know, I'll talk about hypnosis, but I don't think hypnosis is boring. I don't think there's anything boring about punch bags and wooden benches among the most exciting things in the world to me.

So you know, I just basically just think of a topic or a subject, an object and just talk about it. So ideally, just get yourself relaxed, sit down, lay down. If you just want to relax, maybe pause, make a cup of tea or something, you know, just, just relax, chill out.

And I'll just talk at you calmly for some time, however much time I talk for. Now I thought, because today, I'm babysitting my friend's dog. And I've also got a new dog of my own called Vinnie.

And he's, I've had him for a month. And they're both asleep. Vinnie's asleep on the bed in the bedroom, which is where I keep the bed.

And my friend's dog's on the living, in the living room on the sofa. And he's so big, he's taken up the whole of the sofa. And he's asleep.

So they're both asleep. They're both relaxed and happy. And so I thought I'd take this opportunity to talk about dogs.

That's my subject. And I thought, I'm not going to talk about Vinnie and talk about all that stuff, because I'll talk about that during my Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast. So I thought I'd talk about the dogs that have been in my life during my lifetime, the different dogs that I've had contact with.

So there's been a few, been a few. So, I mean, to be fair, the first dog that I remember, really my first interaction with a dog was a dog that bit me. This Alsatian that basically knocked me off my bike when I was about eight years old.

But it never, it didn't. I mean, in some ways, it wasn't nice. I wasn't hurt badly or anything.

It was just a scratch. But I did get the day off school. So it's almost like a happy memory in some ways, which is weird.

And I think the dog was just being over friendly. I think he was just jumping up at me, wasn't trying to hurt me, because let's face it, a big Alsatian could have hurt me, a little tiny little eight year old, you know, so he didn't try to really. He was just excited, I guess, to see me maybe.

But my family, I don't recall ever having a dog when I was like really little. You know, all the way through ages 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. But then when I was 14 slash 15, I think it was about when I was about 14, my family got a dog.

Now, my dad doesn't like dogs. He doesn't like animals. He's not a big fan of them.

And he got it to please his wife at the time. It's my stepmum. He just basically got a dog, but he didn't just get a normal dog, you know, and you might think, what do you mean by a normal dog? Well, what I mean by a normal dog is one that fits inside the house.

He got a St. Bernard, or you might pronounce it St. Bernard. But he got a St. Bernard, which are one of the biggest dogs in the world. Not the biggest, but one of the biggest, absolutely huge, the size of an adult.

And in fact, a good six foot standing on his legs, when he was grown, weighed probably 14, 15 stone. So it's probably weighed as much as I weigh now probably some 16 stones. So the dog probably weighed about what I do.

Absolute monster of a dog. But not to start with. Tiny little thing.

Absolutely beautiful little doggie puppy. So we had it, you know, first base as soon as it was on solid food, I guess. Running around the house causing chaos.

And it's a lot of fun. And then they used to feed it tripe. And I remember the smell of it.

And it was awful. Like really bad. And my understanding is tripe is basically haggis.

It's what haggis is. But cooked haggis is cooked and this is just raw tripe. And he used to be frozen and they'd defrost it and give it to him.

And it grew and grew and grew to the point where you can actually watch it growing in front of you. You know, I remember she was standing in front of the telly. And the beginning of the movie we could see over her head.

By the end of the movie, couldn't even see the telly. Which is a complete lie. So she got too big for the house.

She'd literally turn around and she'd knock stuff, knock the table over and things like that. She just, to have a dog like that, you need a lot of space, a lot of space. And we didn't have that.

I mean, we didn't have a small house, but none of the rooms, we had lots of rooms, but none of the rooms were particularly big. Not big enough for a dog like that. So she ended up with a big kennel outside.

And she became an outside dog. Which wasn't fair on her, especially as she'd grown up around everyone and indoors and suddenly she was outside and there was no one around hardly. So she eventually became a rescue dog and not that she was mistreated, but she got, you know, she went to a different home because wasn't, they weren't able to look after her anymore.

Because they were both at work and everyone kind of left home and you know, we moved out of that house. So yeah, so that was the first dog. Now she was too big for me.

Ever since then, I've not really been a fan of big dogs because I couldn't take her for a walk. I tried, I could when she was little, but when I was 14, she was stronger than me. Probably still would be too big.

She used to literally drag me down the street and no one else wanted to walk her because of that. Cause she was just too hard to walk. And so, you know, it was, it's a shame because she's a beautiful dog, but I didn't really, didn't really bond with her.

You know, I didn't really, I don't know. Cause there was lots of us there and she wasn't, she didn't sort of take to any one particular person apart from maybe her mum, you know, my step mum. So yeah, that was, that was a weird one, but she, she's a huge, huge beast of a dog and she found a good home and, you know, lived happily ever after.

So that was good. Then I never lived with another dog until 1994. So it's pretty much like nine years later, 1994.

And I moved into a house where my, well, I moved in with my friend and he was living with his girlfriend and they had a dog. And it was a black dog. And she seemed to like me.

She'd come in and she'd, you know, cuddle up to me at night and stuff sometimes and then go off and she'd go in between the different rooms and yeah, she was quite cool. And I lived with her kind of three different times. So I lived with my friend again in 1996, a separate place.

And then for a short while, I lived with him in 1990, no, in 2001. So with the same dog. So, and I used to look after the dog at Christmas for him when he used to go back to visit his parents abroad.

So I'd stay there with and look after the dog. And I liked it because I got a chance to have the flat to myself and, you know, it was nice. So I got on alright with her.

But she was a daddy's boy, daddy's girl. Daddy's boy, daddy's girl. And it was all about him.

She just absolutely adored him. And as soon as she was, he was around, she ignored me, which is fine. Didn't really matter.

I'm over it now. Then in 1995, I'm not going back a little bit, but 1995, I moved in to this house with a friend, rented a room, and he had a dog. Now, this dog was vicious, a vicious dog.

And I'd met the dog a few times. First time, it literally just barked at me for about two hours solid. And then got to know me.

Once he got to know me, it was all right. And once I lived there, he was good as gold. Loved me.

He'd sleep on my bed and, you know, I'd look after the, sometimes my friend would go away for a week or two and I'd look after the dog. And he'd be fine. Absolutely fine with me.

I used to take him out walking. I started trying to train him so he behaved and he did until his dad came back. And then he went back to being naughty again.

So, you know, it's a bit of a weird one. I actually got to the point where I could walk him and he wouldn't go for any other dogs. I could actually walk him off the lead and he did everything I told him.

But it only works if it happens every day and someone doesn't come along that this lets him do what he wants. So yeah, that was weird. I was quite pleased with myself temporarily.

So I lived with him for between 94 and 95. And then I lived in a place and moved out. But then I moved back in in 97, 1997 and they had a puppy, which was really cool.

So I used to take the puppy for walks and I really needed that. I needed to, I needed something to do at the time. I was going through a weird time in my life and it was, it was lovely.

Used to take the dog to the park and tiny little thing and grew up and yeah, I lived there for a few years. And then that was the last dog really that I had any kind of contact with. I think, is there any other dogs? Oh, there was a dog.

I lived in this place when I was at university in 2007 to 2010. And my landlady had, well actually I woke up one day and it was barking and I'm thinking, what on earth is going on? What, what's that? Because you know, my brain wasn't working very quickly at the time, you know, it's barking, well it's a dog obviously. And there's this little dog running around all excited and I'm thinking, oh please don't tell me they've gone and got a dog.

Because I just couldn't really face another barking dog. I didn't want that at the time, especially as I was tired. Well, it turned out that my landlady was babysitting this dog for a couple of weeks for a friend.

Now, I think the friend was either on holiday or in hospital, something like that. And not those two things are at all similar. But you know, I'm saying that she needed someone to look after a dog for two weeks.

I bonded with this dog. We actually played in the garden together. It was a really cute dog and I quite liked it.

And then it went, it was gone after two weeks. So that's a little bit of a shame because I like the dog. And then I didn't, I did have a friend who was, I was at college with and she had two dogs that were, yeah, she had two dogs.

I think they were kind of um, Labradors, I think. I nearly said Albatross, but that's not right, is it? Labradors. And she used to take them walking on the beach and they just run off and do what they wanted.

And it was, they were really happy dogs. So I met them, but I didn't kind of get to know them well. But you know, I did see them a few times.

Trying to see if there's any other dogs. Before moving here. No dogs there, no dogs there.

I nearly had a cat. I realize it's not the same thing, but I was living in this cellar of a room. It was underground.

It was pretty, pretty horrible little room. But this cat, and it was a little puppy cat, a little, I don't, a kitten. That's a kitten.

Puppy cat. And he or she, I don't know if it was a boy or a girl, kept coming to the window looking through. So I started opening the window and they'd come through nervous, but like poke her head through.

And once actually came into the room. So I thought, because I'd heard that there was some cats that were wild, like a cat gave birth and they were at the end of the garden. So I kind of figured this must be one of them.

And this, this cat took a liking to me. And I really considered, because I'm not, I'll be honest, I'm not really a cat person. I'm not necessarily a dog person, but I prefer dogs to cats.

I don't dislike cats. I just, I've not had much experience with them. Although saying that, we did have a cat when I was about seven for a little while.

And my nan had cats for years and years and years. Even the local cats, local bar, you know, the neighbors' cats used to come into her house and sit on her lap. They'd just congregate in her living room.

The cats loved her. Absolutely loved her. And she loved them.

And she'd, you know, I'd just, I'd be, I'd visit her and the cat, a cat would come and just sit down on my lap. And it's very relaxing. It's very relaxing.

I just found it very, very calming. And again, in 1997, when I moved into this place with the dog, there was cats there as well. So the dog got on okay with the cats, because it was a puppy and it just, that's all he knew.

There was one cat that liked me. There was three cats and only one really liked me, really took a shine to me. And this cat used to come into my bedroom and I'd lay down on my stomach and she would walk up and down my back, just like massaging my back.

I'd have clothes on, there's nothing weird, but it just felt so relaxing. And she was purring and she really took a shine to me. She liked me.

All the other cats weren't that bothered. I'll be honest. Even the dog wasn't that bothered about me.

It was all about her mum. That's what she cared about. The dog was like, it was the one that fed her.

That's the one that she loved most. But this cat really, really liked me. I don't know why.

And I like, because there was like a mutual kindness between the two of us really. But ultimately she wasn't my cat. But she did give birth to some kittens.

And that was an interesting period. I've never seen that before. I didn't see the actual birth, but I did see the whole process of, I didn't see the initial process of the procedure.

But once she was pregnant, I did see how she like got bigger and bigger. And then she started getting ready to give birth. She was so good with the babies.

And yeah, then I saw the babies grow up as well. Because some of them went and some of them stayed. And it was weird, like a year later, there was two cats that were the same size as their mum.

And in fact, one of the cats was being a bit too friendly with their mum, which was a bit strange to see. But that was the only, the only cat, apart from the one in the window. I mean, if I'd have like fed the cat at the window, giving it some milk, some food, I imagine it would have gone all right.

Would have had a, I might have even ended up bringing her here. But at the time, I didn't know that I was ever going to have anywhere to live, anywhere else. And I wasn't also allowed to have animals there.

So anyway. So, when I moved here about eight years ago, again, no dogs, no cats, nothing. Neighbour had cats.

The person before who lived here, one of the people before here had two huge, massive dogs. And there's scratches all down the doors. Even though she was a werewolf.

And this, you know, so I know the other neighbours and they told me that, yeah, she had two huge dogs here. And then about five years ago, my neighbour got a rescue dog. The one that's asleep on the settee.

Huge dog, really big, strong, bull terrier thing. Huge, heavy thing. And so, you know, I spent time with him and I look after him every now and then, take him for walks.

And I see him, you know, most days. And he likes coming up here and having treats and things like that. And then about a month ago, just over four, four weeks and three days, in fact, my friend knocked on my door.

Now, I was supposed to go to my dad's for Christmas. It was like an early Christmas family get together, but I had a cough and I didn't want to go there in case, I just didn't want to spread it, if you know what I mean. I didn't want to take it to my dad.

He's a bit elderly now. He's 105. And so, I mean, I'm 82.

It's not bad, is it? So I thought, you know, so I better stay away. I didn't want to start passing on the lurgy to him, especially coming up to Christmas. So I stayed here.

So I knock on my door in the afternoon, early afternoon, and my friend, I opened the door, my friend was standing there, and his dog was there. But this little thing, and it was almost like a trail, like, like a bullet just ran through the floor, through the into my flat. I couldn't even see it was moving so fast.

And it was Vinnie, the little dog that's now on the bed. And he's a Jack Russell. And I'm like, oh, what the heck was that? And my friend was laughing.

And they came in and he said he couldn't believe it that him and my friend's dog get on. They're best friends. And my friend's dog doesn't like other dogs generally.

I mean, really doesn't like other dogs. He's scared of other dogs. Therefore he doesn't welcome being approached by them.

Let's just put it that way. It's not his fault. It's just he's a rescue dog.

We don't know what's happened in the past. But he's, he's got issues. Well, he loves this little dog, Vinnie.

And Vinnie loves him. And the size difference is ridiculous. I mean, it is like a flea compared to him.

You know, he's absolutely tiny, compared to the big one. And my friend said, basically, that this dog needed a new home. And a neighbor had been kind of fostering Vinnie for about three months.

Previously, he had a home, but the lady couldn't look after him because she wasn't well. So she went back to the original breeder. So, you know, this is kind of like, I'm his fourth home, really.

So he's a rescue dog. But my friend was worried that he wasn't going to be taken, that, you know, they wouldn't be able to find a home for him. So my friend said, I'll have him.

Now, the bloke wanted money. He wanted a certain amount of money. And my friend, my friend ended up buying him for me.

Because I said to him, I'll have him because I don't know why I said that. But because he's he's very cute, and he's friendly. And he gets on with him over there, the big mountain of a dog.

And I thought, this is almost like a perfect situation. And he said, Really? I didn't say all that. I mean, he said about having him.

He said, Oh, I said, I suppose, unless you want to keep him. He said, No, no, I need to. I just don't want him to be going somewhere that he shouldn't go.

I want to make sure that he's safe. And basically, that's what happened. So from that day onward, I've had him.

And I got him insured on Sunday. So literally, I've had him four weeks, and then I got him insured. So I've been waiting for Christmas, the new year to kick in really, and last week wasn't a full week.

This is the first full week of without New Year's Day and whatever bank holidays. So I think last Monday was a bank holiday. So now got him Vinnie insured on a rescue pet insurance.

So that no proof of where he comes from or anything like that is needed. Although he is a pedigree. Both of his parents were also called Jack Russell's.

His dad was his dad was a show dog. But don't need any of that information. Although I can get hold of it, but I just, I thought be easier just see if I can find a a really good insurance that covers most things and has a small excess to pay.

And then so I got that sorted. So now I've got this new dog. So there's quite a few dogs, isn't it? How many dogs is that been in my life? The first one is the first one.

Then there's second one, third one, fourth one, fifth one, six. So this is a sixth dog. And I've only lived with five.

I only lived with five dogs, but I do have him stay over sometimes, or he stays during the day. He has slept over a couple of times, but generally doesn't and but so I've only lived with five, but he's he's almost I'm his uncle, you know, quite close relative to this one over here. He, he sees me as being part of his family.

I'm pretty sure he's very relaxed with me. He's fast asleep on a set and he's happy to be here. Got no issues.

And he used to in the past, he used to be a little bit, um, where's my dad? Where's my dad? Now he doesn't do that anymore. He's quite happy just to be here. Because he has like separation issues and stuff.

But he's, he seems very happy. So that's nice. That's nice.

So you know, I've had a few dogs in my life. I mean, before the only real pet, I'm not really a big fan of the word pet, because to me, they're not like children, really. But I had a ferret called Andre for about five and a half years.

And they came, my friend downstairs got it for me. So it's the next animal is going to be an elephant probably. If you're gonna go by size, I mean, a ferret is tiny, and this dog is tiny, but a lot bigger than a ferret.

And why actually, to be fair, I suppose the next, the next thing would be another small animal really, wouldn't it? I'd have to go quite high up to get to an elephant. Plus, where would I keep it? That reminds me, I've ordered some new underpants. And Vinnie has destroyed about three or four pairs of my underpants.

He just loves ruining things. Really loves ruining, ruining, biting, ripping things to bits. He destroyed two pairs of shoes.

He's I had this big cardboard box. I'm not bragging. Okay, I'm not showing off or anything.

But I had this big cardboard box. I want to say big, I'm not wasn't big, big, but it was big enough to big enough to trip over. That's definitely was true.

You know, he moved in and he ripped it half to bits. Honestly, he just completely tore it to bits. Now that's probably not the most exciting story you've ever heard.

But if you listen to me regularly, it's also not the most boring one either. So now I've got this little dog called Vinnie. And he's about 10 months old.

He was apparently was nine months old when I got him. But I've got no, no like physical proof of that. He's clearly a little boy.

He's clearly a puppy. He's clearly a little. But he's a miniature Jack Russell.

So he's going to always not that Jack Russell's a big anyway, but he's always going to be little. So I can pick him up, which is cool. He weighs hardly anything.

I can walk around and hold him, carry him and it's, it's like carrying a little baby really, like weight wise. Just just little weighs. I don't know, four kilos or I don't know even if that if that I don't I need to weigh him and I'd be interested in weighing him if I can get to sit still for long enough, which is unlikely.

No, no, the one way to get him to keep still is to ask him to come to me, because he loves to do the opposite to what I ask him. So if I see him on the scales, and I say get off the scales, he'll probably just continue sitting there. So then I can sort of gauge his weight.

We have a standoff probably every couple of days at the moment, where or sometimes once a day, where I'll bring him back from a walk, and be on his lead, I'll come into the front door, close the front door, take my hat off. He'll still be on the lead, but he'll have walked into the living room. So I say come back, come back, so I can take your lead off.

So we'll come out of the living room. I'm still standing at the front door inside. Because he can see me, if I was outside, he won't be able to see me.

So and I said, come here so I can take your lead off. And he just sits there and stares at me, refusing to move. So I have to stare him out.

And I keep looking in. And eventually starts looking away, looks back, he looks away. And then he moves halfway and looks at me.

And I just wait. So come here, come here. I'm not I'm doing I'm being nice and gentle.

Come here, come here. Eventually, he gives in and he walks towards me. And he lets me take the lead off.

I was good. You know, it took a took about two weeks for him to let me put the lead on. He wanted to go out and he got to put the lead on and he'd run away.

Because it was a game turned into a game but it was a game that I couldn't win because he's too quick, too little and too quick. I can't catch. I literally can't catch him.

I will sit on the bed and he will jump on the bed and jump off before I've even got a chance to move. He's so quick. He's like lightning, flash lightning.

So yeah, so I've got him now. He's a good boy. He's very, he's very, he notices noises and sounds outside and he barks before my friend even gets up the stairs.

He just knows when someone's about to knock on the door but beforehand. And when there is when my friend is at the door, he barks with a high pitched noise that is not, it's just, it can't be legal. You know, it's unnecessary and almost painful to hear.

It's so high pitched. You know, my ears just like say no, please, no more. You know, honestly my left ear actually started putting its coat on and wanted to leave.

I don't want none of this. I can't handle it. I said, come on back.

I need you. He's got one more chance. So now, so you know, I'm left, I've got my left ear there but I don't want it to leave me.

You know, so I said, oh, what happened to your left ear? It left. You know, it's left. Where did it go? It left.

I know it's left. It's like, no, I don't want to have that conversation with someone. So yeah, he's, he's a good boy when he's asleep.

That's why he's like a child. Brilliant when he's asleep. So good, so well behaved.

And that's really the story of dogs. I mean, that was a very, very boring story of dogs. There's not really a lot of interesting stuff to really mention.

For myself, I haven't had any I mean, the one thing I've mentioned this before is, I think the second day I had him, I ordered a pizza, got a takeaway pizza. No, I didn't know it's a natural pizza from the frozen pizza. So I cooked it in the oven.

And I was going to eat it. And he was basically, I think I gave him some treats. So you know, I could eat my food and I give him and I give it to him and he's like, sitting in a way that's in the way.

So I put him, so I put the treats in his on the chair next to him. And he sits down on my pizza. He actually sits on my pizza, doesn't he doesn't even notice.

Doesn't notice he's still walking around with a pizza stuck to his bum. Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy.

Lots of love. And if you have an idea, a topic for this podcast that you'd like me to talk about, then send me a message on my website. Lots of love.

Bye.