(10 hours) #34 Baked beans SLEEPY Boring Objects (Jason Newland) (17th January 2023)

Hello and welcome to Sleepy Boring Objects. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. My name is Jason Newland.

My website is jasonnewland.com. This podcast is just just me talking about, with my croaky voice, which I didn't have five minutes ago, it's just me talking about a specific subject. For example, I think the other day I talked about plugs. I've talked about wooden benches.

Yeah, so pretty boring subjects really, in a sense. It's not really about the boring subjects so much as just me. It's because everything's interesting to somebody, that's what I mean.

So if I choose a subject that or an object that somebody is really into, then I'm not making fun of them. I'm just, you know, just choosing to talk about that particular subject or object for the sake of the recording. And the idea behind this is that you can just let go of stuff, you know, in your mind, you can just allow your mind to, to slow down.

As you focus on my super exciting voice. You can relax, maybe even fall asleep if that's what you need. I've explained this in a way, in a sense that it's kind of similar to my Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcasts, which I've been doing for about five years.

But it's a little bit more focused. Yeah, yeah, kind of. Is it five years or four years? I don't know.

I lose track. I think it was February 2018. 19, 20, 21, 22, 23.

Yeah, it's nearly five years when I started the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcasts. Blimey. I'm nearly up to 1000 episodes on that one.

So I thought today, I would discuss the very exciting subject of baked beans. So if there's anybody that doesn't know what baked beans are, and Google it, I mean, I can't explain everything. And you might not have baked beans where you live.

So they're very much a staple of the English diet. Or maybe not diet, but they're very popular in this country. So what they are is they're the in tins.

And they're these beans that have been baked, I guess, in a tomato sauce. And they're lovely. I've been eating them pretty much all my life.

I don't mean continuously. Because that would just be weird. I mean, there'd be if I was eating baked beans all the time, the last 52 years, then my bum would be like a hurricane machine.

You know, I'm a big fan of baked beans. My favorite baked beans, actually, I've got two. But it's Heinz.

I've tried every, every assortment of baked beans, including the, you know, home brands from the supermarkets and, you know, various other types. My favorite Heinz always has been the ones I'm not too keen on are the low, the low salt ones. They just don't taste the same to me.

I'm pretty sure, you know, they're healthier. But I don't eat a lot of beans, really, you know, I might have eaten them for the last 150 years, but I haven't. I'm not.

Yeah, it's not something I eat every day. Although there have been times when I used to eat baked beans every day, pretty much part of my staple diet, I guess, at that time. So the other, so I like the normal baked beans, not the low, low fat or low sugar or low salt or anything like that.

Just the normal original ones. I also like the ones with sausages. Although technically, I'm a vegetarian now.

I do like the odd sausage roll. But you know, when I'm at home, I eat vegetarian food. All the stuff in the freezer is vegetarian.

So I invested the money and I'm going to stick to it. There's quite a lot of stuff in there. I need to eat some of it, I think.

So baked beans have been something that I've been eating for a long time. And when I was a little kid, so I'm talking probably six, five, six, I was a very, very, very fussy eater. Unless the food was made of chocolate, then I wasn't quite as fussy.

And often the only thing that I would eat would be beans, baked beans, beans on toast or something like that. I guess it's probably because I knew where I was with the baked beans. I knew where I stood.

There was no surprises. Not that you necessarily get surprises with food. You don't want to pop out like, surprise, happy birthday, you know, pop out a big cake or something.

But you know, I've never had any food on a plate just suddenly stand up and start playing the trumpet. I mean, that's that would be a surprise. I just think I felt safe with baked beans when I was very young.

Well, I didn't travel around the world. But wherever I was, I had something to eat. It was inside that little tin.

Yeah. So that was good. And I pretty much had beans all the way through my childhood.

But, you know, once I got to the age of probably eight, I started to be a bit more flexible with my eating habits. Because my stepmom was a brilliant cook, brilliant at making and preparing food. So I enjoyed her food.

I was never a huge fan of vegetables, generally. But some of them I did like. I mean, I'll probably talk about Brussels sprouts in a different recording.

I went through a period where I didn't like Brussels sprouts at all. And now I love them. And it's not just because they cause gas.

I just think they're amazingly tasty. But then I went off of Weetabix for years. And then I started eating them again.

So I suppose it's all down to taste or maybe I overdid it. There's some things I've had too much of. I'll give you an example.

When I first got my microwave, it was four years ago, maybe five years ago, even. I, the first thing I wanted to do was get myself some sponge puddings, the little sponge puddings that you could put in there and, you know, and then stick it with some ice cream. And it was absolutely a lovely, very lovely, absolutely lovely.

Yeah. So I used to quite like getting the treacle ones or the toffee ones. Sometimes I get the spotty dick ones, but generally I quite, yeah, I preferred the treacle ones.

So I'd have the occasional chocolate one as well, but it wasn't. I don't know. The chocolate sauce is very custardy and I don't like custard.

So I know some people are probably thinking, how could you not love custard? It's the most amazing thing in the world. I know, but you're wrong. So I'm not really into custard at all.

And some of the chocolate sauces you get in desserts are very custardy. Custardity. Yeah.

Anyway, I got very excited being able to have these sponge puddings, very excited, a bit too excited. And I bought lots. And I ended up having to chuck away quite a few because I got fed up eating them.

I overdid it. There was a special offer on them and I must have bought about 40 of them or something. And in the end, I just, no, I don't want to eat them anymore.

And even as I think about this, think about them, I just, no, I don't fancy that. Thanks. No, no, thank you.

Yet they used to be my most favouritest treats ever. It was almost like a magical experience on my tongue. And my tummy was quite happy too.

Anyway, so that's one of those things. Beans, on the other hand, they've been like a constant travelling companion throughout my life. Never let me down.

And they just, they go with so many different things. See, I'm, I don't really have gravy on my food, generally, unless it's a roast dinner. And that's different.

But every other thing, maybe, so that, for example, if I had fish cakes or fish fingers or something with some vegetables or with some mashed potato, I'd have, if I had some baked beans, then that would be almost better than gravy. In a way, you know, it kind of takes the dryness out of the meal. And sometimes I love tomato ketchup as well, which is nice, especially with mashed potato.

Something quite special about that mixture, mashed potato and tomato ketchup. It's a very wonderful experience. You should try it one day.

If you've never done it, if you've never had mashed potato mixed with some tomato ketchup, you should give it a go. You may be pleasantly surprised. So, you know, I had baked beans throughout my childhood and sometimes would have beans on toast.

And I was happy with that. I like beans on toast. I didn't realise until I became an adult that beans on toast is something you eat when you've got no money.

Or as a snack. It's not really a meal. Now, that's not why we were given it as kids.

It's just, that's what I like to eat. So I would get what I wanted. Which maybe explains why I could never put any weight on because beans on toast, I imagine, is pretty quite low in calories.

I was very light. Even when I left school, I was very light. I had to wear heavy boots so I didn't float away.

So I had, I think really, when I started to cook for myself when I was 17, no 16, I'd always have a few tins of beans in the cupboard. It's not the same cupboard, it'd be different cupboards depending on where I lived. I didn't walk around with a cupboard.

Mind you, well, I did a couple of times when I forgot to put my boots on. But it's, yeah, it's been like a real regular thing in my life. And there was a time, and I'm talking probably the early 1990s, I had, what did I have? Yeah, I went through a period when I was having toast with cheese with fish fingers on top.

Or fish fingers and cheese on top of the fish fingers. But I think it's usually melted cheese and then fish fingers on top and then beans on top of that. Sometimes I'd put a bit of cheese in with the beans in the saucepan just to melt it, which was quite groovy.

I think that was my own unique invention. Perhaps I should have patented it. I might have made two or three pound out of that.

Anyway, I did that for a while, like every day. And then it got a little bit boring, if I'm honest. And I went back to like boiled, not boiled, mashed potato with baked beans and whatever I had in the freezer to put into the oven, whether it's fish or whether it's something.

And I'd drink a pint of milk. That'd be my regular evening meal in the early 90s. I can't really remember much of the late 90s regarding if I ate beans on toast, like regularly.

I think I was a little bit more creative with my food once it got into the late 90s. By that I mean, sometimes I'd have a pizza or a kebab. I remember once I had a kebab when I wasn't even drunk.

And it got into the newspapers because I was the first person in my nation's history to eat a kebab sober. It was all in the national papers and everything. So we get to the 2000s.

Again, I think I went back to eating beans with mashed potato and sometimes I'll have veg, you know, frozen veg and I'll have vegetables as well. Or instead of, I don't have beans and veg, it's beans or veg. Although the potatoes are veg, I realise that.

And at the moment everything's vegetable because I'm a vegetarian. But I don't have beans if I have frozen vegetables. You know, it's one or the other.

And then the 2010s. Yeah, I was a vegetarian, no. I was a vegetarian for a lot of 2000s.

So beans was always a handy meal. A handy quick meal to have. You know, two slices of toast and some beans.

Maybe, or maybe a couple of slices of cheese with the beans on top. So I didn't go, I didn't become a vegan. Although I was a vegan in about 1995 for a while.

I remember I used to buy these biscuits. And I think they were vegan biscuits and they were really nice. It was from the health food shop.

And they were really nice, like proper, proper nice. Not cheap. But really tasty.

And I was kind of surprised. Because I remember thinking to myself. And I was eating them, my friend, I lived with a friend.

And I said, you should try one of these. He says, what are they? I said, they're vegan, vegan biscuits. And he said, no, all right, thanks, no.

I said, well, to be honest, they're nice. I was very surprised, I didn't think they would be. And he said, well, why did you buy them then? I said, what do you mean? He said, well, if you didn't think they were going to be nice, why did you buy them? I had no answer.

I felt a little bit silly. I felt a little bit silly. And then, well, I forgot all about the conversation then.

And I carried on eating the biscuits. This is the first time I've really remembered that conversation. Yeah, what a strange thing to remember.

I mean, really, baked beans, I still have them now. I've actually got about 10 tins in the cupboard. They're small tins.

But I don't eat them very often. Not the tins, I mean the contents. And it's a handy meal, but to me it's not a particularly fulfilling adventure for my tummy, you know.

It's just something to eat. It's not, it's not, mmm, you know. I don't love beans like I used to.

I think the romance has gone out of our relationship. We kind of got used to each other, you know. Maybe we take each other for granted.

I don't know. But yeah, so that's really my information about baked beans in my life. I can't really think of anything else that I've done with them.

I once had a bath, no I didn't have a bath in baked beans. I did see someone do that once on YouTube. I wouldn't fancy that.

I mean, imagine where they'd get. It was, ugh, ugh. No.

Didn't Cleopatra, did she use to bathe in baked beans, didn't she? I think so. Oh. So yeah, thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.