(10 hours) #22 Jobs - SLEEPY Boring Objects (Jason Newland) (18th October 2021)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Boring Objects. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Now in this mega exciting podcast I just talk about stuff.

Talk about, I choose a subject or an object and I just talk about it for a little while and in this time that you listen to me and my boring voice you can just relax your body, relax your mind, and just focus in on my voice so that those thoughts that were in your mind before you pressed the play button just start to drift away naturally and slowly and your body automatically relaxes and that's all there is to it.

There's nothing for you to do it's just me waffling on about something that's mildly insignificant. So today I'm going to talk about what should I talk about today? You see I like to plan things.

Let me think. Today I'll talk about jobs. It's a bit more specifically jobs that I've had.

Now I don't think that I've talked about jobs in this podcast before but if I have then it'll still be different from the original one because I can't remember anything that I've ever spoken about. I think I did one about hats. I think I don't really take any notice once I've recorded them.

I upload it and I forget about it. So this is going to be me talking about from my own experience the jobs that I've had and I'll I might list them chronologically. Chronologically.

That's a word I can't spell. Chronologically is how many how many ends are in that? Chronologically. So I'll start off right from the beginning.

When I was a chimney sweep age three and I only did that job for six months until my dad was arrested because it was illegal. No it didn't really happen. So the first job I had pretty much I would say would be working as a paper round a newspaper delivery boy or newspaper deliver deliverer.

And I guess I was 12 probably at the time and it was a an evening round. So it was after school. So I'd literally go from school directly to the newsagent shop which was called Hammond's.

I still remember that and that's where I would pick up the papers and I'd have my own yeah I think I'd have my own bag and it was a bright orange bag. I guess that was more for visibility because a lot of the delivery children who delivered papers were doing it on bicycles you know early evening or early morning when it was often quite dark. Because in England we only have three hours of sunlight so that's probably why.

Yeah we don't have street lights either and so there's a lot of we have to wrap ourselves our bodies in bubble wrap otherwise because we keep banging into each other so we don't hurt each other when we walk through the street. And yeah so the I was going to say the pavements are made of marshmallow but that would be silly. I mean you'd just sink wouldn't you?

Plus for kids they'd just be eating all the time.

They'd just be So yeah I had that as a first job and then I got myself an early morning paper round. Now I never got myself a Sunday paper round because Sunday papers were too big. You'd have all the supplements and as far as I was concerned that was just abuse.

To get someone to carry something so heavy around on their shoulders especially when those little boys and girls who weren't physically really developed enough to be carrying such weights. Even the evening paper rounds in the mornings sometimes had supplements and they'd be a big my shoulders would be so sore that the 11 inch indent from the strap of the newspaper bag along my shoulder and to start with I was walking and then I got a bicycle which made it a lot easier and a lot quicker as well but I enjoyed being a paper boy.

I can't I'm not saying it was my life's calling but but or that you know when I was a small child that was a dream of mine.

All my friends wanted to be astronauts. I wanted to be a paper boy. I wanted to deliver papers so people can read about the news and all the positivity that's going on in the world.

That was my dream and so I did that. I then had this is a period of my life that's a little bit fuzzy because I had a few of those jobs at the same time. So at one point I had an early morning paper round Monday to Saturday and an evening paper round which would be at four o'clock in the you know four or five in the evening.

So I'd get home from I'd go there from school at about four o'clock and then I'd deliver till I get home probably about half five. The early morning one would start probably maybe half six till about eight. So it's enough time to have my breakfast.

Yeah and I also got a weekly weekly leaflet no no it's a weekly paper I think it was like a local gazette type of thing and I used to deliver once a week. Those I used to have a few thousand to deliver every week the weekends and then once a month I delivered the town crier. So that was a monthly thing and that would be like a like a little leaflet pamphlet thing that had just local businesses it's just an advert it was just adverts really.

Sometimes there were leaflets to be added as well and so I did that once a month as well. At one point I did have all of those jobs at the same time which didn't leave a lot of room for school or outside activities because I was hoping to train as a pole dancer but I just didn't have the time.

So you know I had to at one point I thought I'm going to lose this dream I might as well do it while I've got the flexibility because I was I kind of I was halfway wanting to be a fireman and halfway wanted to be uh be in the RAF and jump out of planes but I'm scared of heights and I don't really much like fires so I thought maybe instead of jumping down a pole or sliding down a pole as in with a fire station maybe if I danced on

the pole that would be almost like the next best thing because if you do it properly or if you do it well and you've got your legs wrapped around it and you like let your body go floppy it is almost like jumping out of a plane I imagine.

So you know I had these dreams even then the next job I had was in a bakery it was a restaurant in the town that I lived which was handy because I was too young to commute and I started off working in the kitchen, kitchen portering, washing dishes etc etc well just okay I didn't wash I didn't wash any etc it was just just dishes and plates knives and forks and spoons cups as well mugs little saucers for the cups I never understood saucers in a restaurant so you've got the

saucer and then you've got the cup and the saucer and you spill if you spill the tea it goes into the saucer that isn't one of the points of going into a restaurant is spilling food and drink on the table isn't that one of the good things about it you don't have to clean it up sometimes I just pulled the whole thing on the table after a while of doing that someone pointed out maybe you should wait till after you've eaten before you do that because it's going over everyone it's

dripping on the floor onto our onto our clothes and that's okay but we live and learn you know I was only two years old I didn't know so the other thing yeah I did that and then I was asked if I wanted to work in the bakehouse which was the bakery and that so when I was doing the washing up job in that restaurant I was doing it in the evenings but the bakehouse was Saturday and Sunday morning so at that time I couldn't have had an early morning paper round

either I'd stopped and so I've had a few paper rounds over the years so I did that for a while and then I just continued doing paper rounds until I left school and then when I left school at 15 years old I got a job in a chip shop and I wasn't going to get a job in a chip shop it wasn't my grand it wasn't part of my grand plan but I didn't have a grand plan because I was 15 and I'm sure some people are 15 know exactly what

they want to do and I've got um no respect for them for that at all um no I didn't know what I wanted to do I really didn't all I knew is I didn't want to I didn't want to go to school anymore and I hoped to one day see a lady naked that was kind of my that was my goal in life at 15 there wasn't anything else I really wanted out of life and I remember when I left school at 15 in the April 1986 and my dad spoke

to me in the garden he didn't call me into the garden to talk we just happened to be in the same place at the same time in the same vicinity I think he was he was down the garden where we had a workshop and I think I might have been standing outside uh counting the ants on the floor which is one of my favorite things to do and he said to me well he waited he said to me he said Jason what are you going to do with your life I

said what he said what are you going to do with your life I said what he said wait a minute I'll come closer so he came he walked a bit closer because he was too far away for me to hear that's what I mean by that and he said what are you going to do with your life I said what are you going to do your life and he said what I said nothing nothing sorry dad and I said I don't know do I have to decide now I've just just

come out to look at the ants I didn't know a life decision was required a bit more notice next time that's all if you don't mind and he said you can't live here forever I said I've only lived here for six years I think some people would call me pedantic but uh I just you know I didn't expect to live there forever um not really but you know past the age of 15 maybe I was you know I was hoping until at least adulthood because I was still a child I

suppose legally and and in my brain I was probably about 10 still I wasn't the most mature I feel I became an adult when I was about 35 I think that's when I started um have a bit more of an adult brain it took a while took a while ask any girlfriend of mine they'll tell you that I was very childish I mean I remember I think my fifth my fourth girlfriend leave me because I wouldn't go anywhere without me blankie I needed me again everyone's needs a little bit of

safety don't they to feel safe well my blanket was a safe thing for me she said well can't you wash it I said no that's part of it if you wash it it gets rid of the smell she said well yeah that would be the part the point of washing it we didn't agree on much but he said what were you gonna do and I said well don't know he said we're gonna need to get a job because you won't be going to university will you and he laughed and I

didn't realize that there was so many people listening because I heard laughter from all the gardens in the neighborhood it's almost like everyone outside listening like he'd almost planned it I mean if it'd been now I'd probably be on YouTube a bit cruel really so he said well you're gonna have to get yourself a job I said really he said yeah why I mean I I'd only be left school for probably I think it literally was like half an hour after I got home you know I was waiting there and

with my suitcases packed so I kind of felt a little bit under pressure to get myself a job so the next day or that the same day depending on what was true I can't remember but it was pretty much straight afterwards I went into town I didn't didn't go far I just crossed the road basically from where I lived walked into a chip shop that said help wanted or vacancies actually I think it's help wanted because I don't know sure I would have understood what vacancies meant back then and and

I just said uh can I have a job please he said uh uh I feel a little bit taken back by my bravado and my uh super enthusiastic outlook my go-getting my go-getter kind of personality so uh he said we'll pop back later we finish at two and we'll have a little chat I said I don't want a chat I want a job don't mess me about none of that happened I said okay then and I was with my friend Dean and I'm not sure what we did next I thought

we might might have played hide and seek for a little while and then he was really good at it he was brilliant at hide and seek I've not seen him since that day I think he's still hiding anyway this the chip shop's uh that's going to be a subject for another recording on its own but you know I got the job so that was my first job I had for two years so it took me to 17 and then I got a job I had a I had a kind of

like an argument with him about concert tickets to go and see David Bowie my argument was that he kept going to concerts and I didn't and for some reason I think I was a bit jealous or annoyed he kept going on about it and I was I didn't didn't have anything I didn't have any money to do anything and it annoyed me so I I think I called him a a plum or something and he didn't like it he said I'm not a plum I said no you're not and that

that just confused things yeah I think I wore a straw skirt as well on that day for some reason isn't it a mind's a weird thing isn't it bringing just remember these memories up from nowhere that didn't happen and then I got a job in a supermarket but it wasn't a proper supermarket because it wasn't a proper town it was this little town where nothing really was real it was a little bit like a dream and I got this little job it's a full-time job it was in this really small

supermarket it was busy it was full of full of objects to sell but it was it was small but I worked there until I worked there for I don't know oops April, May, June, July, August April, March, April, May, June probably about three months and that was about enough for me and I left and then I worked in oh I forgot about this I had other jobs I had a job in there was one week I had I think three full-time jobs I started three full-time jobs and left all of

them within a week one was I think it was in a restaurant one was in a no so yeah it was a restaurant that was in the kitchen so I had that job I left after a day I found another full-time job it was working in a a laundry it was like a like a proper laundry place not a laundromat but where they do I forget what they call it steam room yes they steam stuff I worked there for a day that was one of the hardest jobs I ever had

because it was just well I couldn't be bothered to do anything I mean anything's hard when you're lazy isn't it but it's very hot so I didn't go back to that and then I had a job in I'll try and remember wait a minute so there was the restaurant in the kitchen the laundry place oh yeah I had a job full-time cleaning caravans on a caravan site and I did that for a day and I didn't get paid from any of them because I didn't finish the week you know I

didn't didn't give them any notice so I had three full-time jobs so I got the first job I think on the Friday I got the job and start Monday started Monday quit that one and I got the next job I got to start on Wednesday so I got the job on the Tuesdays and finished it and then I got the next job on a Thursday to start the Friday and I didn't go back so Monday too I told Craig David that story and he nicked the idea and turned it into

a song except he changed the lyrics originally I was talking about various packets of biscuits that you could buy jammie dodgers and digestives and hobnobs and stuff Monday I bought some hobnobs Tuesday I bought some uh toffee biscuit ones and you know had that happen a lot in my life people stealing ideas it's okay I don't mind I'm at peace I'm just happy to see people be successful that's that's the main thing in my life really I don't mind if the idea was mine and it was originally about biscuits and

different jobs I've had as long as you know something wonderful came out of it for somebody else so that didn't work out and then I got a job in a residential home they were called old people's homes back then and I think before that they were called geriatric farms but they stopped they stopped using that terminology by probably the end of the 90s and my job was to be a cook there and I was being trained up by the cook that was already there when they were leaving I lasted I

think a week and I had a lot of problems with the porridge funny enough a lot of complaints about the porridge it was either too salty or too hard or too sticky or too smelly it was just I couldn't win I mean I'm laughing because it was such a ridiculous situation and I got sacked and to get sacked because of porridge you know not many people could say that I don't imagine many people would like to say that and then I got a job in a factory factory and that was

okay I didn't mind that I was just packing putting stuff in boxes and making boxes that I put the stuff into before putting the stuff into it's hard to do it afterwards and I did that then I left I got a job in a pub that was rubbish I left that and then I went back oh I got a job in a freight firm a company that had lorries that delivered fuel you know petrol and stuff like that so I worked in a freight firm in the office and I I

can't remember if I left or I got sacked but I wasn't very good at it and then I went back no I think I left actually and I went back to the factory job because I was friends with a supervisor and I phoned him up and I said can I come back and he said I didn't realize you'd left so I went back there and then I left there to go to Spain to live so to to work in Spain but I ended up there for the afternoon and came home

and I got some cleaning jobs for a while to sort of tide me over sort of working offices cleaning offices in the evenings and in the mornings so that sort of kept me above board and then I got what happened then I worked as a canvasser for windows double glazing knock on people's doors I did that for the summer and I moved to London worked in an agency doing really menial work and then I moved back again to the little town worked in canvassing again but also had a another full-time

job back at the factory but this time it was night shift so that was the for the first time I'd actually was earning good money night shift was more money hourly than the other one with the better salary and I was also earning pretty much full-time money doing the double glazing but that was only three hours a night or three hours in the early evening so I didn't do that for too long probably two months and then I just just did the night shift job because it's a little bit too

much to do two jobs and I didn't need to and then I left there and I went back to doing cleaning work cleaning jobs for a few months just to tick by and then I was in London again and I had lots of different jobs temporary uh with an agency so no proper employment but before that I worked in a bakery a big bakery and also had a part-time job trying to sell insurance door-to-door another one part-time trying to get people to take sky satellite dishes so they could watch sky

television no one wanted that back then even it was free and if they kept it then they'd get charged you know they could have it free for a month and I I would get commissioned and no one wanted them which is weird and so I I've been heavy to carry around as well and then I think I made a metal back then and then I made a plastic so I worked in a bakery and then I worked in as various places cold store places putting stickers on meat and then I

worked in the Elephant and Castle on a record store for the Christmas period like the winter during December and then I worked on the agency and I tried quite a few different jobs trying to sell sales jobs that were commissioned only and you know I think I'm about six of those over the years but they never came to anything because I just couldn't I couldn't live without eating you know I needed to eat and they the commission you know it was training involved and it just took too long I might

have been good I don't know um so I continued those kinds of jobs I worked in a nightclub did other cleaning jobs administration jobs DJ worked as a DJ for a while and 2001 I started working in sales and I did I sold phone contracts mobile phone contracts on the phone I was cold selling then I worked in insurance selling car insurance then I worked in a gift shop for a while then I went back to car insurance and then I worked at a gift shop for a while again when

I was at university I was I think I was 83 years old then and had a job in a psychiatric ward unit working as a care assistant then I worked as a counsellor for a few years then I because I was trained at university for that then I had a job as a care assistant for a little while and then I went back to car car insurance again for a different company and that was my last job so yeah I'm not sure how to end this recording I've not talked about

the jobs I'm a little bit worried about my friend Dean though I mean where did he go to I mean he's one thing being good at hiding but blimey that's like 40 odd years ago now huh anyway thank you for listening and uh I'm gonna go speak to you again soon hope you found this recording nice and relaxing bye