(10 hours) #21 Hats - SLEEPY Boring Objects (Jason Newland) (12th October 2021)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Boring Objects. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Today I shall be discussing hats.

Yes, hats. Now, I don't currently own a hat. So you might think, well why are you discussing something that you know nothing about? Well, I don't own a bicycle but I used to and I could talk about bicycles and I used to own a hat.

So therefore I can and will be discussing hats as a topic for this podcast episode. Because I've worn hats in the past, I just don't wear them at the because I'm an adult and there's not a lot of opportunities to really wear hats. I've worn baseball caps in the past but again, as I said, I'm an adult and baseball caps aren't really for adults, they're for children or for people that go to a sporting event, which I don't do.

I don't go to sporting events and I'm not a child so I don't wear baseball caps. Although I have worn baseball caps in the past when I was a child. Although actually, if I remember rightly, I did wear a baseball cap back in 2003 when I was doing an early morning cleaning job because it meant, well I was getting up so early that it was too early to wash my hair.

So I wore the cap in order to not look quite so smelly and dirty and so I wore the cap and I went to work in the morning and my job started at 5 30 in the morning till about 7 30 or maybe 8 30 in the morning and I was cleaning a supermarket and I wore the baseball cap whilst I was doing that job and for some reason it felt appropriate to be wearing that baseball cap and I don't know why but I do remember it was blue and it was nice and it was quite comfortable on my head and which is a bit strange because I never really enjoyed wearing hats.

I found it a little bit restrictive on my cranium but at that time for some unknown reason to thyself I seemed to not so much gain any kind of pleasure from wearing that baseball cap on my head but it just seemed somehow very very appropriate for what I was doing and I'm not sure why but it felt right and sometimes if something feels right to me I will go along for the ride and just accept that things will come together in a way that is positive for me and my life

and in this occasion wearing the hat didn't really seem to have any beneficial beneficial results for my life but I didn't mind because as I said earlier in this recording that it just seemed to feel right so that's why I went along with it but other times in the past when I was a small child I used to wear hats in the summer.

I used to wear hats in the summer in order to stop the sun from getting on my head or on my face because I used to sunburn rather easily and I didn't enjoy getting sunburned so very easily because it was quite unpleasant so I didn't want it to happen anymore and in the winter I would wear different hats sometimes it would be a woolly hat which was made of wool and I would put it onto my head in order to keep myself warm whence outside in the cold and it seemed

to do the trick because when I was outside in the cold wearing my woolly hat I found that I was less cold than how I had been in previous experiences of being outside without a hat so it all seemed to come together in quite a wonderful way kind of in a way sort of sometimes my grandmother would knit me a woolly hat usually it was made of wool and sometimes they were quite colourful which meant I didn't wear it because I didn't want it to look like an albatross or a

flamingo or something else that's very colourful now the next real hat that I was wearing regularly was when I joined the sea cadets in around 1981 and part of the sea cadet uniform or costume as I like to call it was wearing a hat or a cap and it was a flat cap which was white with a a little lid at the top like a little beak at the top and it used to make my head very sweaty I remember once on a particularly hot day taking my hat off and

looking inside and it actually was a swamp there was animals swimming around trees and I'm sure I saw a little canoe as well because it was a swamp and it was very smelly just like a swamp and I was going to clean it out but I didn't have time so what I did was I swapped it with someone else's hat because they'd left their hat on a chair and I swapped it and I put their hat on but unfortunately their hat was also very sweaty and it was like a sauna

and when I looked inside there there was lots of fat men sitting sweating and talking business so I kind of wished I'd gone back and had the my original swampy hat because I didn't really want those men in the sauna sitting on my head for the rest of the day I'm not sure if we had a different type of hat when we had the different costume on because there was two types of costume there was the very smart blue costume with the lapels and the big boots that were shiny and

the other costume was more for jungle wear or for outside activities and I'm not sure whether or not we had a beret for that costume but I think that maybe we still wore the same hat the swampy hat or the sauna hat but I did get my swampy hat back because the sauna hat made too much noise there was just too much chatting going on it was very distracting so I I had that hat and it was it wasn't the most comfortable hat I have ever worn not really not the

most comfy little adventure of my life and then when I left school and I was about 15 my oldest brother bought himself a trilby hat and I wanted to be like my brother so I also bought myself a trilby hat and used to walk around wearing that trilby hat and looking really silly in the process in fact the wind or the weather in fact seemed to dislike my hat because the wind kept blowing my hat off my head and into the road even when it wasn't windy the wind would just

follow me around blowing my hat off even on a day where there was no not even any oxygen or anything I remember when I went into space wearing my hat and I was on the moon and my hat got blown off zero gravity no wind but my hat still got blown off and I couldn't really figure out why the wind had such an issue with my trilby hat because to me I looked like Clint Eastwood in the spaghetti westerns the man with no name and my dad said I looked like

Clint Eastwood in any which way you lose films and any which way you can but I didn't mind that put down because I loved the movie those films I said to him I don't mind being compared to Clint Eastwood in those any which way you can or in any which way you lose films and he said oh sorry about that my mistake did I say Clint Eastwood I meant Clyde the monkey and I said he's an orangutan and my dad started tap dancing and then ran off giggling to himself when

I was 20 years old I used to started performing on stage and I went through a phase where I had a leather cap on partly I also had fingerless gloves and you know it's all part of the act partly because of it being part of the act also because I had decided to grow my hair long and because I have very very curly hair when it gets past a certain level that I needed to cover it up because it just sticks out I was scared of knocking people over in the

street because my hair just goes in all directions very curly if I if I actually leave it let it get long enough it is almost like an afro it's extremely curly and to get it to the length of being able to put it into a ponytail took probably nearly a year but once I got it into the ponytail things were okay it was easier to manage easier to maintain but when I woke up in the morning when I had long hair it would be absolutely wild frizzy,

curly I'd literally get up and my hair would fill the whole room touching the ceiling, the floor, the walls next door neighbour's bathroom it was everything everywhere and I remember once I was trying to comb through my hair and I was finding things I hadn't seen for years I found my bed my bed was in my hair and a lawnmower and a missing child that had gone missing how did he get in my hair?

I guess he didn't want to be found but he was happy to be reunited with his family and of course it was weird you know I got arrested but they said oh it's okay I said he was hiding in my hair and they thought I was making it up and then I went to the police station and took my hair out of the ponytail and suddenly my hair was the police were pushed against the wall because they couldn't move because my hair was just everywhere and they said oh I see

and one of them didn't believe it until he realised that his stolen car was also in my hair they're like oh I see what you mean it just seems to collect stuff it turned out that sometimes I just walked down the street and my hair would catch onto something and it'd fall become part of the mess it was like Star Trek the Borg it just got assimilated into my hair in fact if I understand correctly my hair was the first hair to be able to be spotted from space there was

an alien message it was in response to a satellite that was sent with recorded tape inviting aliens to come and visit us and they said no thanks we've seen we've seen Jason's hair we're not visiting we're worried very worried I didn't really need to be told that because I've always been a big fan of aliens and then suddenly I felt a little bit self-conscious about my hair unnecessary I think I'm planning to grow it again I'm planning to grow it long I am I am I'm planning to grow it very

long I figured I might as well grow it long while I still have hair because once I'm bald I won't be able to grow long hair so I guess I should take advantage of having hair for now and letting it grow really really long all the way down to my bum that's a dream of mine so we'll see if it comes true that and meeting Madonna when she was 25 well that's the end of my hat stories I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did and I'll see you oh by the way I'm sorry if I was too full of energy and enthusiasm see ya