(music) Sundays Papers Let me bore you to sleep #1320 6th April 2025

Hello and welcome to letting me bore you to sleep. This is Sunday Newspapers, la la. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

My website is jasonnewland.com and my Facebook group is Jason Newland's Boring Group. Yeah, as you could tell I didn't put a lot of effort into that. Only three or four hours practicing but hey don't worry it's okay if you didn't appreciate it it's okay it's fine it's fine.

Right hello everyone it is Sunday the 6th of April 2025 and it is indeed Sunday Newspapers. I've got the window open do you ever sometimes hear a sound in the background and not know I'm not really 100% sure is it a lawnmower or is it a wasp. Is it a lawnmower far away or a wasp quite close.

They've kind of got that similar kind of sound don't they like a wasp like tapping on a window well not tapping but like you know near the window and a lawnmower maybe half a mile away maybe a quarter of a mile away. I don't know what the earlobe distance is for hearing a lawnmower at the same volume as a wasp. Shall we move on okay all right then so here's the Sunday Papers in the UK of England.

Let's start off with the Sunday Mail. Right as I always try and do I'm going to miss out the horrible stories which doesn't leave me a lot to talk about but I'm gonna you know I'm gonna I'm gonna have a look I'm gonna see if there's anything. What it usually means is I end up just reading out the adverts and horoscopes but the weather what's the weather going to be like.

Today Scotland cloudy morning clear into a bright and mild afternoon. The rest of Britain sunny and clear with mild temperatures across regions. Yeah that pretty much sums up what it looks like out the window and what it was like when I went out a couple of hours ago.

Oh Outlook Monday clear skies midweek cloudy with rain Friday breezy. Cool so we got the... what does that mean? Cloudy Aberdeen maximum 15 minimum one. Oh is that temperature? Minimum one degrees.

That's cold isn't it? Where am I? I'm in right 16 degrees minimum two. That's very cold though isn't it? Like for a first spring and two degrees. I mean 15 degrees it's pretty okay cool 16 degrees.

Perth it's actually warmer in Perth than it is where I live. Now Scotland is quite often a little bit a little bit chillier than because I live near London so it's very I guess it's probably just all the pollution and all the the heat from all the millions of people that live in this sort kind of area. That makes it a little bit warmer probably to be honest all all the traffic all the motorways and stuff.

So there's an emergency helplines exchange rate the exchange rate US dollars 1.2335 euro 1.1416 so for one pound I get 1.23 dollars and a euro I get 1.14 euros. Is that good or bad? I don't even know. I don't even know.

Oh last night's estimated jackpot 7.4 million so I'm going to read out the numbers now if you're in this country and you've won please share please share send me something because you might have just done the lottery and just assumed that it's another you know like any other week it's just the but when you hear me read the numbers out you might suddenly realize oh yeah that's my numbers I've been doing the same numbers for 6 000 years and they've finally come up but I wouldn't have even known it known until that weird man on the internet read it out on that strange audio thing he does so here we go this is the numbers 10 26 33 53 57 59 18.

I don't know if 18 is the bonus ball and then the thunderball I'm not quite sure what that is 18 19 22 32 33 and the bonus ball is 7 I'm guessing that the ball that's in yellow is the bonus ball I have a little bit of a memory of it and the first time I did the lottery was in 1995 when they launched it in this country and I might I've probably done it maybe 10 times over the years over 30 years right so well we've got clarifications and corrections

okay right so but but a lot of nonsense government plans to replace more than 1 000 civil service jobs in Scotland with artificial intelligence bots is pure rhetoric with technology more likely to create jobs if has claimed okay yeah well with my with my uh very basic knowledge of AI the I mean I don't know how much I would trust it with like really really important things as such as putting people's well-being in its hands at this point you know until it's been really tried and tested but there's so much

can be done on automatic tasks that can be set up and especially things like sending out emails and even blimey some of the bots they have now can probably do just as good a job as quite a few of the telephone staff I say quite a few because some people on the telephones in call centers are just in my opinion not all of them are suited to be doing that job and that also goes for my own experience of having worked with people that really were not suited for doing that

kind of job and in some ways I wasn't suited for it either but I was quite good at it but I was yeah it's a bit temperamental at times but I managed to keep a rein on it but at the same time there's some really really great people answering the phones at electric companies and banks and stuff so I've dealt with lots of different types of people but I think the the one thing that I would argue I won't get all serious here and I the one thing probably my biggest

complaint about call centers is the staff don't know the answers to the questions it's not their fault it's because they're not clearly not trained with the information now AI will have the answers and the answers won't change depending upon the mood you know and also I noticed when I worked in again worked in call centers you'd ask a supervisor three different supervisors the same exact question and get three different answers and anyone that's worked in a call center will probably recognize that so a lot of team leaders and supervisors don't

actually know what they're doing they might be good at motivating they might be friendly and they might make the working environment like pleasant which is really important but as far as knowledge they may not know I had a team leader one of first sales jobs I had in a call center and his answer was always the same so I'd say please Eric whatever his name can you what is the they want to know if I can get if they get a van insurance will they be able to do this and

that whatever whatever the question was because it was car and motor insurance what I dealt with and he said what do you think that was it that was his get out of jail card what do you think always put it back on me and I think once I said well if I knew the answer I wouldn't ask you would I but it made me like oh what do you think it did he said but then he'd agree to what I just said even if it was wrong and then I get

then I get told off like two weeks down and down the road when I'd like SAP a wrong policy but he didn't have to take any responsibility for it because there was no it was you know there's no comeback from him so yeah bless I'd love to be top dog at the games hoops fan snoop dog doggie dog says he wants to help kick off the 2026 Commonwealth Games in Glasgow if the open ceremony is held at Celtic Park I guess he must be a Celtic Park fan maybe the rappers

famously he carried the Olympic torch on the final leg of its journey to the Stade de France in Paris last year and the drop it like it's hot star 53 wants to repeat the accolade with the King's baton next summer if the opening bash returns to Parkhead was held in 2014.

I might be a Celtic fan but I think most people Celtic fans are not recognized as one of the greatest stadiums in the world I might be a Celtic fan he hasn't said he is a Celtic fan though is it I might be a Celtic fan but it doesn't mean he is he hasn't said he is a Celtic fan is it Celtic or Celtic one of them so exclusive parents speak out over nope can't read that um what we got we will fight for investment jobs scare is it really weird

Liz Trust um the American government person in charge is now being compared to Liz Trust um due to making choices making choices that has sent sent the um financial world into chaos and which is what Liz Trusted when she became Prime Minister she suddenly did a mini budget and the stock market fell interest rates went up everything just which I mean she wasn't given a chance she had the job for what six weeks or something if it was less than that I don't know but she was just really excited second

female Prime Minister um one of the youngest Prime Ministers as well I think because she was how old she is younger than me I think so you know a lot of the Prime Ministers in this country have been well over 50 not all of them but you know I'd say probably most of them I think Tony Blair was in his 40s David Cameron was in his 40s um but the more recent ones I suppose a bit younger Sunak he was in his 40s or maybe he was in his early 50s

I think he was in his 40s and yeah the current one's in his 60s early 60s it looks pretty good for 60 I don't fancy him just saying it looks good in 60s because what's his name Kiar Shakira Shakira Starmer large firms must probe staff claims peers this week called for large employee employers to be legally required to investigate investigate claims made by whistleblowers in the wake of the post office scandal and the collapse of outsourcing firm Carillion campaigners say a gap in the law has allowed some of the UK's

biggest scandals to escalate blah blah blah yeah it's hard so anyone has ever worked for a big company and I've worked for a couple well actually yeah probably more than a couple quite a few big companies but I suppose the biggest companies I worked for and I worked at Sunbless bakery which was huge huge company was a huge I can't imagine there's a bigger a bigger bakery in the country at the time but Sunbless made a bread and I don't know if they sent them all around the world or all

around Europe I'm not sure I don't know how many different places Sunbless had factories unless that was the only one Churchill was a really big company as well when I worked there I'm trying to think of yeah so I've worked for a few big companies I'd say probably Churchill was the most not I'm gonna say it's the most professional but it was the one where I kind of I saw more you know yeah it seemed to be the most yeah very professional put together like with a PR HR department and

you know took things seriously because I had to I had to make a complaint about a supervisor who threatened threatened to give me disciplinary for having time off being ill and it's yeah it's I never said anything it's just like ridiculous isn't it you think I think the ridiculous thing for me I'm just moaning now aren't I I was and this isn't like just making up at the time I was one of the top sellers on the dance floor at the time and I wasn't the I was I'd say probably

number two like consistently as far as because if you look at it's not always how many sales you get it's also conversion and you know all that stuff but you know I was definitely pretty much always in the top five out of maybe 200 people maybe 250 I don't know they had a big excel of increased staff for at one point because you know it's big very big company and I think Lloyd's TSB bought them bought them out yeah I'm pretty sure and that was quite early days 2002 time so

I would have thought that I would be someone that you know generally they'd want to look after me I should look after everyone but I was you know I tell you the difference right and I sometimes think that I should just if I had gone a different route if I hadn't had the problems you know the illness and all the mental stuff I think I'd have been quite good sales trainer because there's a few things there's very little difference between someone that's really rubbish like as far as results go that's

what I mean to get rubbish results they might be really really good at the job really friendly like do everything really well but don't get many sales so the difference between that person and someone that gets a good amount of sales so like the middle rung if everybody's on the middle rung they'll make more money I mean they've got those people in the top rung but there's only a few of those the ones in the middle if they can move the ones from the bottom to the middle they can get

rid of the ones at the top because they're going to make more money consistently more sales consistently I don't get rid of you obviously you're not going to get rid of the top but so what the only the only thing they have to do to move the ones at the bottom to the middle as far and I want to say at the bottom I'm talking about sales only I'm not talking about quality I'm not talking about personality I'm not talking about you know person's worth because they're worth just as much

as anyone else and they might be much better at the job than the people at the top because in my experience having listened to a lot of those calls the people at the top sometimes miss they miss out corners they they you know they focus more on the sales rather than the quality of what they're doing and the customer may not always know what they're getting I know there's a lot of there's a lot more rules now to make sure that doesn't happen but back then when I first started there

wasn't so much and the rules came in and more more scripts were being read so there's a lot of obstacles to sales it got to the point where it wasn't really sales anymore but the only difference and I realized this right from quite early on because they used to put people next to me to not to because they could ask me questions but at the same time a new person who perhaps wasn't doing very well or maybe someone's been there a while it wasn't doing very well they'd stick them sitting

next to me for a week or two and their sales would go up just by being near me because they'd be it's quite hard but you find yourself mimicking the person next to you I didn't because I didn't want to be rubbish um over there if it's kind of natural to sort of because I'd say some silly things and make the customers laugh and stuff so and I noticed they were saying the same things I was like that's my joke because quite often it'd be the same line just different people

but they'd be hearing it for the first time I actually had one person he got so annoyed with me because um he was better at me actually this is the third company the third insurance company I worked for and he was way better than I was and at that time I'd kind of I wasn't at my peak anymore and I was I wasn't doing great generally and it wasn't long before I had to leave but it snowed every month for six years for six months not all month but every single

month it snowed and over the there was a period when it was snowing and it was just like going on seemed to be going on forever this was 2013 and December January February March April it was snowing so like through all those different months but at different times I'm not saying there was snow on the ground the whole time because it wasn't but there was a few periods what times when it was like snow drifts really a lot of snow that year and I haven't had hardly any snow for ages

now said that it probably be snowing next week it's weird because the last time it snowed and settled was the week that I got Vinnie and I've had Vinnie for two years and four months can you believe it so not last December not the December before that but the December before that so last December was 2004 December before that was 2004 23 rather so 2024 2023 2022 so the last time it really properly snowed and settled where I'm living was pretty much the first week or within the first 10 days

of December 2022 nothing since we've had a few little little bits of snow I think there's a couple of times when it's snowed and it's just basically melted before I got out of bed before I've gone out bearing in mind I do go out you know regularly with the old the little one who's asleep on the sofa behind me he's having a very lazy we're both having a very lazy day today to be honest oh yeah so this bloke what I was doing is I was asking all the customers is

it snowing where you are is it snowing and I said can you believe we've had snow for the last six months so he was listening to me saying this to the customers all day every day for well for four months and he was getting so annoyed with me because he knew that within a minute of me speaking to a new customer he'd hear the sentence he did the question is it snowing where you are so I had to keep it going even further so once I was still doing it in

August just because I know it annoyed him oh bless so I always thought it's funny but he didn't I thought he might have done oh I had one bloke to work with he was the other side of me he'd been there for a while he used to find it hilarious to tell me the wrong thing so I'd be on the phone with a customer I was new bearing in mind I'd only been there since December 2000 and this might be in 2012 actually 2012 December 2012 2012 I think it was

yeah and then through through 2013 so he I was sitting next to him on one side the other one was the one that was they were both good but one was really really the top seller and the other one was a part-time football coach he found it hilarious to tell me the wrong stuff so I'd be on the call and I'd sort of put them on hold can I just just need to ask my my supervisor a quick question because I'm new here which I was I'd just be honest to

people so I'd put them on hold and I'd ask I don't know Dominic or whatever his name was and he'd give me the answer completely straight and even after the amount of times that he kept telling me the wrong thing I would say is this definitely he said yeah yes that's true so I'd tell the customer and then he'd start laughing that's right I mean at least he laughed while I was still on the phone so I could say I was sorry I think I got the wrong information at the

beginning he'd laugh after the phone call was finished and a couple of times I got in trouble I said but I'm asking him I said why are you asking him he's not a supervisor I said no but we had a suit hard the supervisor I had was a team leader now I'm gonna say he's a really nice bloke so I'm not saying anything bad about him because really nice bloke he was very enthusiastic and you might think well that's a good thing yeah but he was kind of grumpy if other

people weren't enthusiastic as well so we'd all get into work at six in the morning or seven in the morning whatever time it was and he'd be full of beans and not everybody's a morning person in those days I was not a morning person I kind of am now but I wasn't then and he'd be hey hello everyone and like yeah all right and he'd get the right hump he really gets so annoyed of everyone for not like what do you want cartwheels I mean I don't know what you want

us to do what do you want me to do do you want me to draw you a picture of a happy face do you know what do you want to cuddle is it a cuddle you want I just didn't know what you know and here's how strange things were by then because you know it changed a bit since I was last in the call center there'd be no a lot of it wasn't verbal communication anymore it was all emails so he'd be pointing at me like going like that like wait

he can't see what I'm doing can he he was waving to me over the desk while I'm on a call to a customer and he's pointing to his computer which meant he was pointing to my computer you know which meant why have I not answered my email because I'm talking to a customer I'm doing the job I'm supposed to be doing you know I like to focus on what I'm doing I'm not going to keep going on to I'm going to go on to keep going on emails while I'm in

the middle of a conversation with someone and he gets so angry like whoa it's kind of funny really but there was um there's one really weird moment and the thing is it was a strange environment when I worked there because they took me on this in December and I don't know why they were taking people on because and this same thing happened with every single insurance job I had Churchill sold to I think Lloyd's TSB within I think uh I think yeah within a month of me starting I think it

was even during my training but within a month of me starting so before I started September 2021 before Christmas I think they they basically sold to Lloyd's TSB or that the sale was going through I was I was I mean I was still working for the company it was still Churchill but we were also dealing more as a broker so we were dealing for you know selling car insurance to Lloyd's TSB customers which was really good it was you know it was but it was still Churchill I don't know it's

complicated the way they put it all together I still don't understand it 75 years later well so that that was the that was the first one that the second one they sold the company probably yeah I was still there so they sold it excuse me within I started there September was it August 2020 to 2004 and 2005 so it's probably 2005 they sold it they because it was um they sold it to another company a bigger company so that was the second time the third time we literally got a letter

in our training I think it was a three-week training we got a letter saying oh the company's been sold and it's been bought by an equity company which means no one knows what's going to happen I said okay so I've just come and worked here just started this job I still had Mondays off to be a counsellor so I was running both at the same time but there's no money there's no money coming in from that like I was having like maybe three clients a day if that probably sometimes less

so anyway I was like okay all right all right then that got really weird because they did start laying people off now I've been through the old redundancy not myself but in a place where they're making people redundant twice now and they were the last two insurance companies and that was just yeah I wouldn't suggest it I wouldn't recommend it it's not not nice but I couldn't believe it was happening again so I'm in this third insurance company and the the owner of the equity company or he was in charge

of like the company trying to sort out the equity so an equity company bought it but they didn't know what they were going to do with it and that I don't know if he was the owner or the manager but he came in and we all sat around all the phones got turned off everyone came in sat down bearing in mind I think they'd already made redundant they'd already closed down one department which was the motorbikes so they'd already made those redundant and over this period because no one knew what

was going to happen people were leaving every week like two or three people were just leaving because they were people looking for jobs so and they weren't replacing anyone because they couldn't so the staff was dwindling down it's very strange environment there was times when there was like there's hardly anyone here just because that shift pattern happened to be the shift pattern where people had sort of gone and yes very strange so or perhaps they were on holiday because you know you still got still have to let people have holidays

don't you well at what this one point was all around so there's still probably at least a hundred people if not more still there but there was that was from all how many floors was there one two one two three floors the yeah one and one of the floors was huge it went all the way around it's a big massive building which is near the train station and it's now I think they even knocked it down or they converted it to flats you know probably about 10 years ago this is

quite a long yeah blimey it's quite a while back well maybe not 10 years ago but so they had everyone all around and this man sat in the front and they just talking to everyone and he was telling everyone basically we don't know what's going to happen genuinely don't understand and we understand if you go and look for other jobs I mean at least he was honest and the only the only person really in that sort of kind of situation that's gonna I don't want to say benefit I mean there's

going to have a financial any kind of financial reward for bankruptcy would be someone that's been working there a long time and again it's not a reward is it if you lost your job but in call centers can you hear that it's quite a loud old plane in the call center they do have a lot of turnover of staff especially in sales so they and also a lot of young people younger than me who would find it really easy to get another job in another call center they might have to

travel to a different town because the original town I worked in a call center was full of call centers but the town I live in now doesn't have so many and he said oh well if you need to just you know got any you need to go if you just do you do whatever you need to do but you know we do appreciate you staying and we do appreciate your hard work it's just one of those things we basically it seemed like what was going to happen the reason why the

equity company bought this company and they were going around buying different insurance companies because they wanted to sell the books not the books the basically the customers I wanted to sell the customers on to another company so it was not about the staff it wasn't about anything like that it was just about what do they call it maybe it was the books or maybe there was a name for it I forget what it was well I said um he said is there any any any questions my supervisor said he he

didn't know if he stood up but he sort of interjected quite quickly oh I'd just like to thank you on behalf of all of us uh what a great job you've done and thank you so now we couldn't stop by we had to couldn't we could not laugh at that because he was sucking up to the boss but the boss there was nothing there's no benefit in doing that I mean no one was being rude to the boss but there was no point in sucking up to him because he was

you know it was a he didn't know anything about the company he had no emotional interest in the insurance company that I was working for because he he was you know into buying companies and then just selling them on dissecting the goods maybe selling the property and you know I don't know I don't know how it all works so a few of us started laughing and he wasn't impressed and um I think that the bloke at the front said I think it was two of them there's another bloke there and

he said because he had he was playing music at the beginning and I had a slideshow and everything explaining how it all worked and um he said well got some music we should play out maybe just to just to you know recognize everyone's hard work and to I don't know something appropriate for this moment any any ideas for a song and I shouted out yeah the final countdown and my supervisor gave me a look he wasn't happy the thing is he's genuinely nice bloke really nice bloke so I'm not I'm

not being rude he's a really nice person uh much nicer than me so I'm not going to be rude but it was just funny it was a bit funny penny shoe rack cost us a few pounds penny mordant claimed taxpayers money to have a shoe rack removed when she lost her seat why would you replace this so you needed to put your seat in where the shoe rack was you think you'd be able to afford a house that's got enough room for a shoe rack and a seat the former Tory

MP and paymaster general claimed 642 pounds for a van and a driver to collect 19 boxes plus a shoe rack from her office in the houses of parliament four days after the election MPs were entitled to expense expenses to wind up their offices after losing their seat oh so they she got to pay it to get them to get her stuff out of her office I'll be honest with you and what I'm about to say is very superficial it's partly superficial probably all superficial penny mordant had it all to lose

you know what I mean is she lost it on her personality and how do you do that when you're involved it's like I can't I just can't she was involved in the royal wedding the king's wedding or was it the king's coronation the king's coroner the king's crowning sorry not the wedding or was she in fact I don't know I think it was the coronation she was there holding the sabre wobbling about the sabre was still and so she's there being watched by probably billions of people around the world because

you know royal family are popular probably more popular abroad than they are here so probably at least a billion people were watching that live stream and she was on there she was dressed amazingly she looked great as I'm sure everyone did you know but she stood out she was in all the newspapers and I would say she was popular and this wasn't very long ago I mean it was like what 2023 and a year later she loses her seat as an MP now you might think yeah but it's it's a

different you know the the labor got in different government yeah okay that's fair enough that's a good answer but quite often famous famous really you know well-known politicians quite often keep their seats forever because especially if they're celebrities quite often they do they just keep their seats just you know even if they're not around much we even if they're not in parliament or they are in parliament or they're on the front benches or on the back benches some are just famous they're like celebrities and they'll keep their seat as long

as they want to some of them generally but she lost her seat I don't know I don't know what she did I don't follow it really enough to know but on July the 8th so literally within like a year of her bouncing I mean walking down the the aisle in front of Prince well was Prince Charles and then became King well no he was King Charles name by name but he hadn't officially been coronated I don't know what that means coronated coronated chicken I don't know isn't it sort of a

kind of a what's the cooking way to cook isn't it I just don't get it I think she had everything everything to lose or everything to win I'm not sure whatever the term is she she had it all kind of it seemed to be all going for her I was just really surprised that she lost her seat just just was she seemed like her I think what it was I think if she hadn't gone she hadn't tried to become Prime Minister or to become did she try and become leader of

the Conservative Party party yeah she did didn't she and she she she tried to become the Prime Minister because there was a I mean bloody we had like four Prime Ministers in in six months at one point I mean we had a lot of Prime Ministers I mean 2000 what do we have David Cameron 2010 then after David Cameron we had some others right oh one we had one one David Cameron he left don't even know why he left to be on oh he left after Brexit didn't he when how

about this for those who don't know Brexit's a made-up word it's basically just exiting Britain exiting that's kind of what oh stop it I didn't want that to happen that's so not okay gone now good no the the iPad's playing up or my fingers playing up so what you know if you want let's say you're in charge you're the Prime let's say you're the Prime Minister right and it's something that you don't want to happen so the Prime Minister David Cameron did not want us to leave Europe he didn't want

us to leave to leave Europe so what he what he did to ensure that we didn't leave Europe bearing in mind he's in charge at this point of this country he is the Prime Minister so what he did to ensure that we didn't leave Europe was hold a referendum offering the public the chance to vote on whether or not we leave Europe or stayed that was what he did that was his best solution on how to stay in Europe when all he had to do was let me think oh nothing

he didn't have to do a single thing just we're staying in Europe that's it he can't force him to he can't force a Prime Minister to have a referendum us Scotland they've been going on about it for years they want another referendum and that's why there can never never ever be another referendum for the Brexit because as soon as that's called Scotland will have to have another referendum for Scottish independence because you can't you can't say okay you can't do it there's no way of doing it otherwise so and I

don't think the Parliament want that for whatever reason okay I don't I don't know enough about politics to understand the wheeze and the poos about it but she had everything she lost it penny what's her name so Penny's rack cost the old shoe rack cost us a few pounds it's weird I thought she was going to go on to be like big old celebrity you know just because I know it's superficial because she looked good on at the the prince the prince king's um what's it it became clear early the

okay let's have a look Robert Carlyle before Begbie came kicking and cursing in our cinemas in Trainspotting Carlyle played this is Robert Carlyle Phil McCann a slab boy who spends his day grinding paint a Dundee rep okay so this is the Sunday list actors big breaks Robbie Coltrane appeared in the first production of a play called Spanky okay Alan Cummings I never kind of got my head around where Alan Cummings was from or even who he was I kind of recognize his face but I don't know anything he's really been

in which is weird I Scott's playwright okay Kevin Bacon the actor's career was already on the rise when he starred in the slab boys in New York without capturing the kind of headlines Penn received but within a year of Burns play he was making Footloose I like Kevin Bacon he did it he did a TV show Vinnie Vinnie do you want to say hello to everyone Vinnie say hello to everyone oh that's nice a bit rude but oh well do you want to open the window say hello to everyone yeah

I've got an order coming from um Sainsbury's just a bit of groceries because I've running out so should be here by 2 30 it's now 11 minutes past two what is it the watch the watching or the wanted or something the Elton loses okay do you ever get people that just they don't so I was talking to someone and they're saying oh big brothers on and always it no uh are they were talking about a tv show that they liked no that's is what I said I said have you seen

laugh out last last one laughing sorry last one laughing and and she said no but I watched this like not what is it were you talking about but no but I will like this program it's on Saturday nights that had nothing to do with what I was talking about so but it's okay fair enough and then she said oh and that's just it's really good I like it I said oh well so I'm looking forward because uh big brother starts on Monday and she basically did a big massive poo over

that idea oh it's rubbish that's got I used to like it but it's crap but Britain's Got Talent's on tonight that'll be good like are you not aware of how communication works you don't you know it's like you don't have to be horrible about something that someone else likes and then expect them to listen to something that you like because I try not to um spray all over someone else's likes if they if they like it if they're into something that I'm not into you know I've learned over the years

it's trying okay cool it's not my thing but good I probably wouldn't say that just say oh good cool um unless of course they want to talk about it and I'll say stop stop but I was it's just strange like why you gotta be so negative about something that I like to watch yeah you're gonna gush about something you like I mean I used to like to watch big um what's his name Britain's Got Talent I've not seen it for years I used to like it but the thing is with

Big Brother it stopped they stopped it for a few years well for quite a few years in fact and then they brought it back and I was just grateful to have it back so I do like it I've always been a fan of Big Brother but I'll admit the last two years I didn't really watch it and part well the last year I didn't because I didn't have a television so it was kind of like you know what it's something to look forward to now but I don't get why people

oh look this shark bait rocker turned eco campaigner Fergal Sharky has challenged the boss of Scottish Water to drink a glass of water glass of river water amid a row over dumping stuff um this always reminds me just that the idea of drinking out of a river I mean you know you'd have to be pretty pretty thirsty to do that anyway but it's it's kind of I just remember the Bill Gates seeing him in the I don't know what country he was in but he was in a country which was

in need of more water and there was this big machine that was built and it could turn poo into water this isn't a joke this is actually true and and he was at the other end you didn't see the first but you didn't see him climb on and like crouch down and do a big poo but you saw the end bit and someone's like basically a little tap huge big old thing and this little tap at the end and poured some water and Bill Gates he'd he'd finance this whole thing

and he was clearly feeling good about himself and so he should but I don't think what happened next I don't think he was expecting because the assistant handed him the cup of water to drink he handed it to Bill and I swear for a second day like really isn't it enough that I've just given you 100 million to build this thing and I'm here promoting it you want me to drink that I mean don't get me wrong but isn't one of the benefits of being one of the richest people on

the planet so that I don't have to drink poo I don't have to drink poo water that is that he did it bless him I mean it's amazing this technology and he I know Bill Gates is the biggest farm owner in the US or biggest landowner farm owner we're probably both and he you know there's a lot of people you know they're not big fans of rich people and stuff I'm up I'm down with the rich I don't mind I don't people's bank balances doesn't affect me if they're a decent

person and he's doing a lot of really good stuff if you forget all the conspiracies some of which might be true I've no idea but he's been going trying to get rid of mosquitoes to he's saving saved so many lives over the last like 20 years or something so there's a lot of stuff good stuff they do but it's just natural you know when you look at the newspapers they're not going to focus on that are they social media firm backs okay hunt 10,000 thank yous from nope another one I

can't read out I keep getting emails asking me about you're offering me cheap will writing kits I mean it's changed that now I'm not getting to 55 it's the the you know the spam email I get is changing all the emails the the adverts I see online are changing before it was all about Viagra when I was in my late 40s and early 50s do you have trouble getting stiff like no go away leave me alone I'm not answering that it's like are you not noticing what I'm looking at right

now um but yeah it's just now it's wills like what's next oh yeah and not just wills hair replacement places that's another thing that's they're aiming at my age group it's almost like they can see me oh let's have a look oh look at this call to force landlords to make repairs slum landlords that was very sloppy when I said that slum landlords could be banned from hiking rents in properties that aren't up to standards under plans being considered by msp msp's oh scottish oh this is a scottish page yeah

um good good ridiculous that they I've lived in a lot of slum places over the years and I tell you slum landlords don't only rent out horrible rooms sometimes they rent out nice rooms but do no repairs and overcharge that's also a slum landlord as far as I'm concerned someone that overcharges someone that will not make repairs and like a I don't know just dodgy okay how many slum landlords have I had um okay quite okay probably not a huge amount to be fair but I've had I've lived in a

lot of rooms and quite a few of them and the landlord or the landlady lived in that house as well so I'm trying to think one two three four five six seven eight nine technically no no eight yeah at least eight of the places that I've lived in nine have been um yeah owned by the landlady or you know they've lived in the same house that's what I mean and yeah it's it's one of those things like if I could go back I'd do something different but the reality is I

can't go back I can't change it I can't it's I was listening to this buddhist lecture or this buddhist talk and it was um I don't know if it's Tibetan or Shaolin or and it's basically just saying I guess what we all really know but is trying to just let go of the past and I talk about it I've I know I do I think it's probably maybe it's because I talk about the past so much in my recordings perhaps this is why I can't let it go but I don't

really talk about any nasty stuff do I in these recordings I just talk about some silly things that happen sometimes and other times you know but yeah I quite like the idea of there is there is sometimes when I'm kind of just I'm going to say meditating it's not really meditating but it probably is meditating where I just got my eyes closed and I focus on the it's almost like I suppose I'm kind of looking up I've got my eyes closed I'm kind of looking up but it's almost like I'm

looking inside behind my eyes focusing on behind my eyes and there's a certain feeling I get which is I suppose maybe expensive in a sense of it's calming it's peaceful but at the same time it it's not eliminating all sounds around me because weirdly that maybe it's weird when I'm meditating or when I'm relaxing you know no music no nothing I like the sounds of background but there's someone doing some drilling or something out there and I like because it's in the moment it's what's happening now and I don't mind

that you know I mean it's like it's all right so I suppose when I'm in that moment I am like when I do that when I'm in that kind of zone I am here now as it were I'm not concerned about the future or the past it's just like okay this is me now and I do like that feeling I do I do I really do uh an American YouTuber has hit back at online trolls who accused of faking an online video of her playing the bagpipes which went viral um

2.6 million views 2.6 million people listened to her playing the bagpipes um I mean good good for her but yeah it's not my it's yeah again good for her I'm just out of all the instruments I've never yeah it's not not my favorite out of all the instruments bagpipes it's not I don't find it most relaxing you know it's when I'm laying down on the occasions when I'm kind of thinking oh I just just want to go to sleep you know it's just I've had enough of the day I just

want to go to sleep I don't think I wish there was someone playing bagpipes in my bedroom so I could gently fall asleep it's not not quite it's not quite that kind of instrument violin I like I mean I used to play the violin but I wasn't any good at it I like the piano but unfortunately I don't maybe it's just me being too sensitive but the because I listen to Amazon music the piano just too clicky you can hear it's almost like I've got the they've got the microphone inside

the keys and you can just hear like that as well as the the sound if you can hear that that's me like tapping and I don't want to hear that I just want to hear the piano and I'm pretty sure you didn't get that with Richard Chamberlain um back in when he was like the top pianist pianists in the 80s what else have we got oh dear right my delivery is a minute away I'll tell you let's quickly do my forecast my um stars Virgo this is when what's been up

in the what this is when what's been up in the air or going through some sort of assessment may come to a turning point with Monday's station of ruler planet Mercury that's got to be the longest sentence I've read for a long time 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 words 28 words is not a sentence I mean it's not a paragraph but it's definitely too long for a sentence there

may be you there may be encouraging career news blimey um maybe there's someone out there listening to this thinking you know what let's invest let's invest in this little monkey let's this this cheeky little monkey let's let's just I don't know write a book give her a book contract or okay let's I don't know let's buy out all of these recordings all the thousands of recordings and give them a million pound there you go there's a million pound we'll buy everything you've done and then we can just maybe you know

make it available and just as a just as a thank you 19 years for the for your 19 years of work yeah dear cheeky little monkey we would like to offer you a book deal your life sounds so interesting we thought it might be maybe do a five book deal and do one book a year over five years and we'll pay you 100 million per book oh oh my thing is arriving now so I'm gonna go because I've not even got through the whole yeah I've got through the whole of

this paper so I managed to get through one paper so thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy happen you do deserve to be happy and be kind to yourself be gentle with yourself you do deserve to be safe to feel safe I didn't get any of that right did I you'd think after saying the same thing every every recording for years I'd be able to get the wording correct anyway remember to be kind to yourself because you do that I'm not going to try and say it again because it's going to sound worse it's not going to sound sincere either is it oh just take care lots of love bye