(no music) ENGLISH SUMMERS | Trivia Tuesday | LMBYTS #1386 | Jason Newland | 1st July 2025

Hello, hello everybody. Welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Sweaty Jason.

Oh, it's hot. It's very it's a stuffy day today. It's not, it's not, uh, it's not breezy.

It's not, it's a bit, uh, plus I was about to have a big moan then. I won't. Okay.

Let's have a big moan. That was a nice moan. Oh, and please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

So this morning about I wasn't actually supposed to go. We're not supposed, but I decided that I was not going to go and visit my neighbor in hospital today. I was going to visit Wednesday, Friday, Monday, Wednesday, Friday this week.

But after speaking to him this morning, he needed me to, he needed, yeah, I needed to go up and see him. So I did that. But before I went up, there was a lot of noise in the garden, probably about nine o'clock, 10 o'clock.

And it was the scaffolders. Now I, I forgotten that they were coming. So they were putting scaffolding up to put some kind of knitting around the solar panels to stop the birds from nesting.

So something like that. Uh, they did, the council did call me about two, three weeks ago. To let me know.

And because they're, they're basically putting a scaffold in my side of the building. Now, literally anyone can just walk up that ladder onto the scaffolding and just get into my windows if my windows were open. So I've got my windows closed.

I've had them closed because I've got them on the latch. So there's a bit of air, but they're not open, which is how I would have them in this heat. And I kept them closed also because I didn't know how close to the windows the scaffolding was going to be.

And I needed to go out. So I couldn't leave Vinnie in this living room that I normally do because it was too warm. So I had to leave the living room door open so he had the air so he could like go from room to room.

So I, he's had the access to the whole flat today. And I know that if he sits in a hallway, it's very cool in the hallway. There's no sun there.

And just, you know, so he had a bit of a, it's a lot of banging downstairs, a lot of door slamming. I don't know why people, why do people slam doors? What is it about door? Is it, is it, is it, I don't know, does it cause some kind of, is there a part of the brain that gets stimulated and it gives pleasure that I don't know about?

Cause maybe I'll start slamming doors if it does give me some kind of doorgasm, doorgasm. I just, I don't know if it's a pleasurable thing.

See this, there's like seven times now the door slammed just in that short period of time. Oh, I don't know. Yeah.

So Money, Money, McMoney, Jason McMoney, that's my name today. So now I've come back and all the scaffolding is put up and there's literally, it's just an entrance to my flat, to my windows. Which is not the best time of year to have that really.

When there's no good time, but I don't necessarily need the windows open in the winter. Well, I do have the windows open in the winter, but at the moment then it's, it's fairly important to have them open because of the stuffiness and the heat, but I can't go out and leave my flat with the windows open because anyone can just walk up the ladder and just get into my flat and just, you know, take my stuff.

And unfortunately I live in an area where that is something that is very, very likely to happen.

Unfortunately, the flat downstairs got robbed about three months ago. So yeah, it's, there's just, you know, when in all things, so it is. I went to, so I went and see my neighbor today, got a taxi there, got a taxi back, same taxi driver, which is quite unusual.

Well, it's unusual so far because I've had so many journeys over the last, however many days it's been. How many, so I traveled there Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. So I did eight days in a row.

Then I'd Saturday and Sunday off. Then I went on Monday, which was yesterday. And then I went again today, which is Tuesday.

So I've, you know, I've been a few times. I never had the same taxi driver the whole time, but I've, you know, this is the first time I've had two taxi driver, you know, the same taxi driver more than once out of that whole period. The door's still slamming.

Why is everyone slamming the door so much? How strange, very, very strange indeed. And so I went and visited him. I managed to get him some ice from Costa.

So he's been talking about wanting ice in the hospital. I just need to get some ice. So you need to get, well, you need to get some ice or you do, which is not how he speaks at all.

And I said, I'll get you some ice. He said, oh, it'd be good if it was in a flask. So it would.

I said, a flask. Yeah, we keep it icier for longer. Yeah.

All right. Okay. So I got him a cock, I got him a cock, a coke, got him a bottle of coke.

I actually thought he was going to be nil by mouth because when I spoke to him, he said he was going to have a procedure done today. When I got there, he's n, n, n, nil by mouth, n b m, whatever it is, it's normally, it said n, n, nil by mouth, n b m, they put on his board underneath his name. I'll put a d, I'll change it to d.

DNR.

I thought it'd be funny. And, but there's nothing on there today. There was on there the other day when he had to have a scan.

But there was any, he got food, he got his dinner delivered. He ordered his dinner and I went to the nurse. I said, what, what's going on? Isn't he having a procedure done today? Because I was going to go and get him some drink from Costa's.

And I didn't want to get him a drink if he's not allowed to have liquids. And the nurse said, this is the head nurse, he said, no, he's not having a procedure today. I said, but he said he was.

Well, he's not. He's always lying, isn't he? He's always lying, uncle sausages. That's, that's what everyone calls him.

Then he started it. So basically Vinnie calls him uncle sausages because he gives him sausages. So he's got nanny treats and uncle sausages.

That's the two people. It gives people nicknames depending on what they give him. But now all the staff call him uncle sausages as well.

I don't know why that tickled me. How weird would that be? Especially if there was bad news. I've got some bad news to tell you about uncle sausages.

So it's yeah, it's I'm not going to get into too much details, but it's not, it's not, nothing's going particularly well. But I've gone to the nurse, I phoned the doctor while I was there and asked the doctor what time he's going to be visiting the ward. So the nurse said to come there about between nine 30 and 10 so that I can be with uncle sausages when he gets his, when the doctor tells him whatever the doctor needs to tell him.

That way I can be with, I can be there with him. No one's got to give permission to talk to me or anything because uncle sausages always gives permission. You know, when I'm there, uncle sausages said, yeah, you can talk to him about anything.

So it just means I can ask questions or anything if they cause uncle sausages doesn't always ask questions that perhaps I would ask. And I do feel like I'm interfering a little bit. Yeah.

At the same time, I think the best time to ask a doctor a question, especially when the doctor's only on the ward for a little while is when the doctor's on the ward. That's, you know, it's kind of the only time, isn't it? So I'm going there tomorrow early. It's his birthday on Friday.

So I'm going to early tomorrow, going to get there by probably nine and then hear what the doctor has to say regarding treatment or whatever. Because he's been there for quite a long time now. And he's, he's had constant blood tests, et cetera, you know, which is normal blood pressure being taken and have a little bit of medication to try and clear his yellowness.

But other than that, he hasn't, he's not in any pain. He's not in anything like that. So he hasn't had, as far as I'm aware, any medication outside of just to get rid of the jaundice.

And he's had a scan. Like he had the CAT scan when the first day he was there. And then he's had another big massive scan of his whole body, which they still haven't given him the proper results from.

Or if they have, he's not telling me. So I'm a little, he was a little bit confused. So yeah, it's a weird one, really.

I just hope that, because he's now talking about going home. He wants to come home now. He's had enough in there, which I completely understand.

I mean, after half to half an hour, I want to get out there. It's not, it's not a place to, it's not an enjoyable place to be. And less so for him, obviously.

But I just, yeah, it's, I mean, in some ways, it's a bit freer than it is with some of the other wards, because some wards have very strict visit, visiting times. And he just seems to have a little bit more freedom in some ways. And there's only four beds in a ward, which is quite a small amount, compared to some other, some wards are quite big, aren't they?

So there's always someone around.

He's never, never really has to wait. There's always a nurse or a care worker within, you know, a few feet from him. So he's been looked after very well.

It's just, yeah, it's just, I think he's just ready to leave the place. And his next door neighbour, who is the person in the bed next to him, Derek Trotter, he's actually been released. So he's not there anymore.

He left today about 11 o'clock. Can you hear that? Listen to this. Can you hear that? That's when the windows closed.

That's RAF, I was gonna say bicycle then, RAF thingy. So that's the update on him. I'm just giving you an update for those that listen regularly.

For those that don't listen regularly, you're probably not sure, you might not even know what I'm talking about, which is fine, because that fits in with the podcast, really. So this is, this is, oh, I just clicked my collarbone. This is Tuesday, Trivia Tuesday.

That's it, I forgot what I was doing then. Trivia Tuesday. So I thought it'd be nice to do something.

I did, I kind of tried to do Monday's Boring Objects yesterday. I did it last night. I released it today.

But I did it last night. And then early this morning, I edited it and uploaded it, processed it and stuff. But I think I spent the first hour talking about my neighbour, potentially, and maybe some other stuff.

And then the last 50 minutes I spent talking about hospitals that I've visited and been in. But it, you know, it could have been to be Yeah, it could have been four or five hours long. If I'd have really focused on the things I was going to talk about.

It would have been a very, very long recording. And nobody wants nobody wants that. Wow, five hours long.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So I don't know what trivia what what trivia should I do? I seem to be I kind of want to Yeah, I want to move away from hospitals. I've had enough of it.

I want to talk about something different. What about the history of medication? No, no. Trivia about what would be the most random thing that we could talk about today? Most random trivia.

Okay. List, I'm going to use chat GPT list 100 trivia facts about umbrellas. What about umbrellas? That's that's even too boring for me.

The Smurfs? No. fairy tales? Could know what it's got to be something What could it be? What could it be? Something that I should be prepared. Just a little bit prepared for these recordings.

Like slightly prepared just minimally. Just by knowing what I'm going to talk about would be a good idea, wouldn't it? Especially with this, you know, trivia facts or trivia Tuesday. I mean, there was a time there have been times when I've already got the list already in front of me before I start talking.

But that today is not that case. So I'm not prepared at all. Other than just fitting here with my little boy by my side.

It is 326 in the afternoon. And I is tired. I think it's the heat.

I think it'd be the heat, which is making me tired. Oh, what list 100 trivia facts about the weather? Weather? Oh, if I can spell that correctly. About summers in England.

Over through history through history, history. So list 100 trivia facts about summer. Summers in England throughout through history.

I'm not going to ask you to fact check it. So if some of the stuff I might say that I'm reading off here may be completely, ridiculously wrong. However, I have looked into some of this stuff in the past, just out of interest.

And the very first one here is talking about something that I remember. The summer of 1976 was one of the hottest and dirtiest, no driest rather in English history. Now I already knew that.

It's one of those things even at the age of five, because I was five at that time. And even at five, I knew that it was something weird going on. Even I knew that Wow, this is hot.

This is really hot. And yeah, I remember that. Super, super, super, super hot.

Really was. I got sunburned. I actually got ended up covered in blisters.

Which is a weird thing, but it's true are covered in blisters. Because I was in this I was out in the sun for without me top on maybe just in me underpants. I don't know.

That'd be weird. Maybe shorts or something. Swimming trunks.

And we didn't have water nearby. So it's just playing on the playing field, I guess. And there is quite this is weird, okay, because I remember this in Newcastle.

And that makes me wonder because it just means I lived in Newcastle for a lot longer than I realized. But 1976 I was in Newcastle. So yeah, so from 7072 to 76.

I was there about four years. Yeah, that's weird. Anyway, so I yeah, I'm covered in blisters on my back on my front.

And I'm being put into a bath. I don't think that was the best idea. I don't think blisters and a bath are a good combination.

But I remember that and it wasn't. I remember all the laughter not coming from me. Okay.

So June, the 2023 was officially the hottest June on record in England. June 2023 2425. I thought June this year was the hottest one.

But hey, maybe. So this that was something it was hot. There were some days when it was.

Yeah. Right. July, this is the third one.

So I'll read this in a minute. So the great heat wave of 919 11 lasted over 10 weeks. I don't remember that one.

So when people act like oh, it's the hottest is a it's never been this hot for so long like yeah has actually 110 114 years ago. But you know, it's an abnormality abnormality anomaly, anomaly, anomaly, anomaly. England recorded its hottest temperature ever 40.3% centigrade or 104.5 Fahrenheit in Lincolnshire on the 19th of July 2022.

Now, if I remember, I just have a memory that that was it was really hot. There was one particular day when no one went outside. Apart from those people that did.

It was really just phoning each other saying, I'm naked. Are you naked? Yeah. I'm naked as well.

And it was the only time my whole life that I've been able to phone people up and have that conversation. Well having a conversation where they say yeah, I'm naked too. And yeah, it was good.

The weird thing about it was I was finding people up saying you're naked. No saying Yeah, you. I said, Oh, yeah, I am.

I didn't realize it was hot outside. I hadn't looked. And the summer of tooth.

2003 saw 2000 plus heat. Okay, I'm not read that out. It's horrible one.

Oh, stop it. The wettest summer on record in England was 1912 1912. Oh, the wettest summer on record 1912.

Are you sure? Because I remember some wet summers? Number seven. In July 1921. London saw 32 consecutive days without rain.

32. It's just a month, isn't it? In this country is weird. Because if we go more than three days without rain, there's a drought, there's a drought, hospital ban.

And then three days later, flood warnings. That's how it is here. It's not so short sightedness, maybe not all short memory, not remembering that the weather is constantly changing.

And that's what this country is. England is is a multiple seasonal country. In one day, it can be spring, summer, winter, all in one day.

And it might sound silly, but the changes in the weather can literally be that dramatic, that quick. So what else have we got? Thunderstorms are more common in English summers than in winter. Yep, that's true.

I'm agreeing with it. I can't remember the last time I heard a thunderstorm in the winter, because thunderstorms seem to be more a heat related thing. You know, the best thunderstorm I ever remember in my entire life.

No, there's two. One was when I was really, really little. And I was probably five or six in Newcastle.

This is when I was in the kids home. And we were in this kind of yard. And the building, there was a yard in the middle of this big building.

So we could get in from different exits and stuff or different entrances. So we were sheltering on one side of the building. And I kept saying, it's thunder.

And I said, No, it's thunder. And I said, No, yes, thunder. And they kept saying, No, it's thunder.

And I said, it's thunder. And she walked off. It wasn't a very long conversation.

But I just remember. And for some reason, I just remember that conversation. And then when about 2003, I think it was, wow, there was a thunderstorm.

It was the biggest thunderstorm I've ever seen. And I was living quite high up in this building. Not like super high, but not high enough to, to parachute out.

But high enough to, to not, you know, yeah, it's high enough. High enough. So you need a rope door rope ladder to get down.

But it's not quite high enough for a parachute to really gain any kind of usefulness probably wouldn't even be open before you hit the ground. I never tried it. I haven't got a parachute.

But yeah, it was it was up high enough. And there was nothing overlooking it, which was quite nice. So kind of had all the sky.

And this thunderstorm. So big, and so lightning. And so thundery, and loud, really loud.

I loved it. It was wonderful. And it was during the summer as well.

So this is 2003 in the summer. And it was powerful. Powerful, really good.

It was a it was a good moment. What other thunderstorms can I remember? Not many, really? No, no, not many. Thunderstorms, thunderstorms.

Can I remember any thunderstorms? No, I don't seem to be able to remember any. There's been lots. I remember the day that Elvis left us in 1977.

It I think it thundered on that day during the day and it was in the summer. And the rain, the rain, we got absolutely drenched. But it was warm.

So it wasn't an uncomfortable soaking. It was quite a nice soaking, in fact. And if you're ever going to get completely soaked, that seemed like quite a good time to have it happen.

And it was quite a good day to have it happen as well, because a lot of people were sad that Elvis had left us. So it's not really weird, weird day that was. I was I was upset as well, but for different reasons.

I'll be honest, I didn't. I knew who Elvis was, but I was. I was six years old, so I wasn't so kind of up up with who he was or what he did.

I knew he sung stuff. So my oldest brother was upset because he was a massive fan. And all the TV, because he was watching on the TV, all the news, every channel had news stories about him.

So all the other, all the other programs were cancelled. This was Saturday morning. And it's like, you know, and I was upset because every channel had his talking about him.

And there's no cartoons on. So I was five. No, six, six.

In August 2004. Oh, there was one time I got drenched where. Oh, yeah, I think it was a thunderstorm as well.

And I walked to my dad's on Christmas Day. This would be 1989. 1990, maybe.

19. Yeah, maybe. I think so.

For about 1990. 1990. Christmas Day, and on the way to his house, which wasn't wasn't a long journey.

It's probably 20-25 minute walk. I got soaked. So I'm annoyed.

I'm Yeah. I'm Oh, so I knock on his door, go in, completely drenched. And he said, Oh, do you want to go on? I got some clothes, spare clothes you put on if you want.

And I said no. I was so angry. And I just stood there in his wet clothes.

I couldn't sit down. I couldn't do anything in the end. I just had to say yeah, well, that's all right.

So he got me some a jumper and some tracksuit bombs or something. But I was like, I was determined not to have anything. I was so How could the weather do this to me, me, me? I could have just got a taxi.

No, no, I couldn't have got a taxi Christmas Day. But I know if I'd have just called my dad, he'd have come and got me. Or I could have just said, look, I'll come around, but I'm going to wait until it stops raining.

And then my dad would have come and got me. So, or his wife would have come and got me. Didn't have to be a big deal.

I just needed another controversial Christmas. Now it's all right after that. I can't think of any other thunderstorms off hand.

Some may come to me as I'm talking. This might be a subject of thunderstorms. It's weird.

Didn't mean it to be. If any of the thunderstorms pop into my head, I will tell you. In August 2004, Boscombe Down, wherever that is, recorded a single day rainfall total of 120 feet of rain or millimetres of rain, whatever that, I don't know what, what's 120 millimetres? Why don't they just do it in feet? So was that a foot of rain? Two foot of rain? Strawberries ripen faster during long, warm English summers.

See, I don't really know much about strawberries. But I feel like I already knew that. Fruit, I mean, you just take away the strawberries and just say bananas, apples.

Doesn't all fruit ripen faster in the warmth? Am I being a bit silly there? I don't know, could be. Oh, summer traditions and festivals. Wimbledon, which has just started yesterday.

Wimbledon, or as I like to call it, Grumpledon, or not Grumpledon, Gruntledon, because they grunt a lot. Grunt, grunt, grunt, yeah. I used to actually, when I lived alone in a house, you know, because I've moved around a lot over the years, not for the last 10 years, but before that, a lot.

I'm talking a lot, lot. I started off when I was born, really, like six months old, and I started moving. I packed my bag, I did, I packed my bags up, and I thought, that's it, I'm out of there.

So, if I was in a shared house, I would put Wimbledon, on Wimbledon the two weeks, I would turn up the female matches really loud, so that my neighbours, all they could hear was, grunt, grunt, grunt, grunt. So, I thought that they might think that maybe I had a girlfriend, and I knew ways to make her happy. I don't know, I don't really know what was going on in my mind.

It went quite well, until the audience, the audience applauded, then that's when it felt like, okay, I remember one, one of my neighbours said, how big is your room, if you could fit an audience in there, and a tennis pitch. Oh dear, Wimbledon has been held nearly every summer since 1877. Now, I think Wimbledon was cancelled in 2020, I think, as was the, the, the Olympics.

I also think that Wimbledon was cancelled during the two wars, the two world wars as well. I'm just thinking about like the World Cup and stuff, I'm guessing Wimbledon would not be going ahead during a world war in this country. So, I could look that up, but I can't be bothered.

It's weird, isn't it? I mean, I actually talk about stuff, and I just, it just, the idea of just pushing the keys on the keyboard, just seems like a lot of effort. The Notting Hill Carnival, a summer event, began in 1966. So, the Notting Hill Carnival, for those that don't know what it is, it's a, it's a very famous carnival in this country, that has a degree of a notoriety about it.

And I think it's basically because it's a street carnival. And it's, the police can't control it, the way they can maybe, if something's in a park, they can have a bit more control over something if it's, if it's kind of stuck in one place. And, but the Notting Hill Carnival, it's on the move, and there's millions of people probably turn up, and from all over the world.

And it's, I get a sense it is kind of chaotic. I also get a sense that, the press focus just on, they don't, they don't focus on the nice parts of it. And it's probably mainly really a good, good vibe.

I just, I've never been there, I never wanted to, never really felt, it's just for me, it's the crowds, too many people. I wouldn't really want to go to any festival, or carnival rather, just because of the amount of people, it's just like wow, I might go one day, maybe that should be on my little, my bucket list to go to the Notting Hill Carnival. I tell you what I would like, I'd like to, I'd like to be on one of the floats.

I'd like, if I was gonna, I think if I was gonna do something like go to Notting Hill Carnival, I'd like to be involved, even if it was just handing out bottles of water to people for free, something like that, just to be involved in a positive way, so that I can be part of it, but not a spectator. But also not a performer, you know, just kind of a, the background kind of person.

That's kind of what I liked in a comedy club, I liked the idea of being in the background, so I could be at the back of the club watching the acts, but also help with putting a show together, you know, getting the seats ready before the people got in, maybe emptying the tables of glasses throughout the breaks, and just helping out in the background.

So being part of the comedy night, but not being the focus of the comedy night, that I quite like that. I'm not saying that I would have, I would have loved to have been, you know, the main act on stage, that never happened, and that was, that I wasn't destined to do that at that time. But outside of being the star, I was, I quite like just, I prefer, okay, this is in preference to being an audience member.

Because I used to go to loads of comedy clubs, I went to every, I think, apart from Jonglers, and that's the only comedy club I didn't never visit. I don't know why, I never went to Jonglers in London, but pretty much every comedy club that was around in the 90s, I visited. Like every single one, every single one, and there's hundreds came and went during that time.

And I used to just turn up, and people knew who I was, quite a few of the people running the clubs were comedians themselves, so I knew them, and I'd just hang around with them, or maybe stand at the bar, and just watch the, watch the acts, maybe sometimes go on, do a little spot maybe sometimes, but it was just nice to be in the background. I like that.

Rather than being, rather than sort of sitting in a, in a chair with the audience.

I like to, yeah, it's nice to just, what am I talking about? Why am I mentioning that? Oh yeah, the Notting Hill Carnival. Yeah, if I was participating in some way, then that would be cool, but in a positive way, you know. I wouldn't want to be, not that I could do that, but like being part of, I wouldn't want to be working, like being a security or something, because that, that doesn't, that wouldn't be fun, because then I wouldn't be relaxed.

So maybe I'll go there one day, go to the Notting Hill Carnival. Morris dancing is traditionally performed in the summer. So Morris dancing, I used to do Morris dancing at school.

Is that the one where you've got, you're going around the pole, and you're dancing around the pole, and you've got, it's a different pole to the one my mum used to dance round. But this one is, no one, no one chucks money at you. This one is, you hold on to like a ribbon thing, a coloured ribbon, and you dance in and out of each other, but not literally in and out, but like, I don't know how, it kind of makes a pattern on the pole, a pattern from the different bits of fabric.

Is that Morris dancing? Or have I got it wrong? Or is that fairy dancing? Or is that a different, different type of dancing? Maypole, that's Maypole dancing, isn't it? For May Day, Maypole dancing. So Morris dancing, that's a, that's a Scottish thing, isn't it? Morris? I'm not sure. I think Morris dancing is Scottish dancing.

I might be wrong. Pimms, Pimms, a popular summer drink was invented in 1840. Is Pimms aniseed? I think it might be.

Or someone's listening to a TV and it's really loud. Do you think people sometimes listen to really loud things because it distracts them from their own thoughts? Because I don't know, I had a neighbour who I visited, and I went in there, and this neighbour was literally, had the music so loud, I had to leave. I couldn't, it was too loud for me.

And it's almost like it was, well, it would be impossible for me to think. In fact, I think I'd struggle to do even the most simple task. So if you said to me, I'll just add these numbers up, basic numbers, you know, something that's, it takes a little bit of brain power, but not much.

And even just working out, working it out on a pad, like two plus four, plus nine, plus six, plus nine, plus five, you know, just a few numbers like, okay, fine, might take a few seconds to just figure it out. It'd be almost impossible with the volume of that music. That's what I mean.

And I remember saying, when I worked in evolution, in Ipswich, I worked in the evolution shop, which was run by Buddhists. And I said to them, because there was the front entrance, but the back entrance, so you went through, there was a little office, that's where the computer was, and they did everything out there. But there was another exit out the back, which was a fire escape.

And out of there, you could then walk through out of the other door, or there was a few different exits, there's some stairs you can go up. And that was where all the other surrounding shops kind of led into. That was their back entrances.

And there was a key in the door. And there was a push bar, which opened the door, but it didn't work if the key was locked. If it was locked, it wouldn't work.

And I said to the person, one of the people that was kind of managing the shop, I said, you have to leave that door unlocked when we're in the shop. Of course, you lock it at night when no one is in there. But when we're in the shop, it has to be left open.

So when you push the bar, the door opens. And his answer was, we'll see, just turn the key, it's not that difficult. And I tried to explain to him that in an emergency, things that are very simple normally aren't always simple.

And he didn't get it, he didn't understand what I meant. But he did stop locking the door because I made such a fuss. So I'm quite on the old health and safety.

Things like that, I think it's just too important to ignore. He did get the ump, but he got over it, I'm sure. It's 21 years ago.

I think he's recovered. I do, I do, I do, I do. And I've been in that situation where I had to call for an amp, I had to call for the police once, and I couldn't get my phone to work.

It was just a normal phone. Probably a smartphone, it wasn't, I mean, it was a while ago, but it was a smartphone. And all I wanted to do is press 999.

And because I was so like not knowing what to do, that I was struggling just to press 999 and to press the button for it to ring. Seriously, it took me about six attempts to do it. Because my hand was shaking.

And it wasn't fear so much. Maybe it was fear, but it wasn't fear for myself because I was trying to help someone else that was looked like they were in trouble. So I wasn't fearful for myself or anything.

I just, I guess panicked, I suppose. So yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's that got to do with Morris dancing? I don't know.

Pimms. Oh, yeah, Pimms. Because it's, I don't know how I got into that subject of doors that are locked.

That's weird, isn't it? Hmm. So Glastonbury Festival began in 1970 and became a summer staple. So Glastonbury, I think Glastonbury was our version of Woodcock.

Is it Woodcock? Woodcock. You know, the American really famous festival of 1969. Wood, Wood, Woodcock.

Woodcock? I think it's Woodcock. But that was the, that was a huge festival, wasn't it? Jimi Hendrix and the Rolling Stones and stuff like that. I think it was 69.

It might have been 66. I think it was 69. And Woodstock, not Cock, Woodcock, Wood, Woodstock.

Blimey. So I think Glastonbury was our version of Woodstock, which was in America. And I'm guessing other countries probably did the same.

They copied and they had their own summer festivals. And Glastonbury, I'm guessing, because it's on at the moment, I think it's one and there's lots of festivals in this country. I think it's one of the biggest, if not the biggest festival in the entire country.

Now I'm talking about England, so I think it is the biggest one. But I might be wrong. Okay, so don't don't sell me shoes that are too small for me as a punishment.

I just, I don't know. Hopefully, I might be right. I don't care if I'm right or not.

It's just it seems to be the most famous one. You know, I went I once wet and once wet myself. No, I once went to last night at the summer orchestra or last night at the proms.

That's it. I was in Torquay. Torquay.

Torquay. Yeah, it was Torquay. I was in Torquay in 2003.

It was in the summer 2003, maybe September. And I went and visited my cousin who lived there with his girlfriend. Absolutely loved the place.

Loved, loved, loved the place. It was lovely. I really liked it.

It's one of my favourite, favourite places I've ever been ever. And we went to the park, the local park. And last night the proms was on there.

And I think they were filming it for the TV and it was live or something like that in the park. The park was all cordoned off. And we couldn't get in.

Or they were charging money to get in and we didn't want to pay something like that. So what we did is we climbed over the fences. And we just crept in.

We snecked, snecked, snecked. We sneaked. We crept and we sneaked.

Sneaked in. And it was cool. It was really nice.

There were people asking for, you know, proof of tickets and stuff. I don't quite know why, but we got asked to leave a couple of times. But it was, it was still fun though.

Not as many people there as I thought there would be. But it was nice. It's really, and the evening was lovely.

It was one of those beautiful summer evenings. It wasn't hot. It wasn't like hot, hot.

It wasn't cold. It was just, it was near the end of the summer, maybe August time thinking about it, but it was really pleasant. Yeah, maybe it was July.

It was nice during the day. I did get a suntan, or I got a bit burnt rather. I don't go and get suntans.

Got a bit burnt. But it was a nice, very nice. And that's, that's, yeah, I just remembered that.

Oh, anyway. Summer solstice celebrates at Stonehenge. That dates back thousands of years, long before the people in this country or the royalty adopted things such as Christianity.

So we used to be pagans, I think, in this country before the Romans came here. Trooping the colour. The King's official birthday parade is held in Dune.

So yeah, that was, we had that the other day, a couple of weeks back. The loads of planes and stuff coming over here for his birthday. Travelling towards London.

The Henley Royal Regatta, Regatta, Regatta, has taken place every summer since 1839. Well, let me tell you something. I know a little bit about the Henley Regatta, because in the 90s, I got myself a job selling.

Selling. I don't really want to call them basically trying to sell companies deals for their staff to go to the Henley Regatta. And it was expensive, expensive.

And all the staff that they took on, they didn't pay them anything. It was commission only. And it was just a numbers game.

So they had people that came along and did really well. And then they had people like me, that were desperate to earn some money, wanted to do really well, but couldn't be there long enough to do really well. Because I had maybe four days to earn some money, before I couldn't afford to get in anymore, couldn't afford the travel.

But if I'd have had, well, I probably wouldn't have been allowed to stay there for three months. But if I'd have had a good period of time, I would have learned more, and perhaps been able to sell something. And the commission was good.

I mean, we're talking thousands and thousands of pounds, these 10, 20 grand or whatever, for these packages. So I'd be earning some good money in commission. But yeah, I remember that I was there for about three days.

Three days. I had a lot of sales jobs. And we'll talk about that one day.

Because it is something I never really spoken about. I mean, I've spoken about the sales jobs in insurance. I've talked a little bit about the sales job where I did the selling phone contracts to people.

But I've not, I've never really gone into detail about some of the other sales jobs that I've had. And I'll try and list them. Let me see if I can list them for you.

Life insurance. This is back in 1989. Or before that, in 1990, I had a sales job selling timeshare.

So that was the second, or I had a sales job selling. And this is in probably about 88, 89, 88 probably selling water filters. So it didn't quite work out.

Yes, water filters, then I had another job selling advertising. And another job selling printing. So I was going around, go around the docks into buildings, trying to sell print, basically just printing, printing costs and paper and stuff like that.

A few sales, but it didn't really go very far. Then I had the job selling life insurance door to door in 1989 in London. Then I had a job, it wasn't technically selling, but it was trying to get people to have, this is door to door, the satellite dishes for Sky.

And they'd have the satellite dish for a month, I think. And it was the baby, it was the, the puppy sales technique. So you'd give them like, you know, if you give someone a puppy for a month and then go and take it back, they're not going to want you to take the puppy back because they'll have fallen in love with a puppy.

And that's, that's why it's called that. So if you leave something with someone for a period of time for free, and then you go and collect it, they're going to quite likely say, no, I'll keep it and pay you. And that's how Sky did their, their thing.

Now, part of the reason I stopped doing it, because firstly, no one wanted the satellite dish, because they were at the time, they were a joke. It was, it's one of those things that the, the newspapers were ridiculing them. Like we would want one of those ugly things on the side of their, their house, and the TV channels aren't much.

And it was just, it was kind of just starting up. And it was not classed as a particularly good thing to have. And that changed over the years.

And they became a worldwide phenomenon. With Rupert Murdoch, who now owns Fox, I think, or one of those massive TV stations. And he gets married, he's in his 90s now, he gets married every year or so.

And I kind of wish I'd stuck with that, because that proved to be, I think I was knocking on the wrong doors. I could have done that during the day, if I'd have done that all the time. As a job, if I'd have had the, if I'd have had enough money, because it was commission only, of course, again, if I'd have just had enough to get me by for six months, I think I could have turned it into a very, very successful enterprise.

And start to take on other people to work for me. I think I could have ended up being, well, if I'd have done it like that, I'd have ended up being very, very successful, very, very young as well. And I knew about canvassing, because I'd done that before.

That was my job for a while in 1989. During like, the whole of that summer. And I was, I was, what was I, 18 at the time.

So just turned 19 when I was doing this, the satellite dishes. So yeah, I could have, I just, I was working during the day. And I was knackered, to be honest with you.

I was just knackered. I couldn't be bothered to, I wanted to earn some more money and try and do something. But it was winter.

And I just, you know, beginning of the year in 1990. Yeah, 1990. It's the beginning of the year.

It's really cold and windy and wet. It wasn't much fun. But it was an opportunity.

It really was. And then, as I said, I did the Henley Regatta. This is a few years later, or a couple of years later.

And then I did, I also did the Timeshare, as well in 1990. That was weird, because I actually did get a sale, and then they changed their mind. But what I did in that thing, I had to sit on a table.

What they did is really weird. They, they offered people a gift to come and listen to a presentation. That's what it was.

So they'd go along, they'd think they were getting a new car as a gift. Some people actually came up on the train and said, well, where's a car then? I came up on, I came up on the train, I'm going to drive back. Like they were just going to be given a car.

And what it was really is they were put into a raffle. If they attended, watched the movie, which was probably 20 minutes, and then sat down with one of us and talk to us and us try and sell them Timeshare. And if they went through that process, then they would be entered into winning something, it might just be a box of nothing.

Or it might be. It might be a discount in a supermarket, it might be a voucher, you could be anything or could be a car. And they had a big car in a showroom, but one car.

And you know, someone just turned up and said, well, how do I get in? Where's the keys? It's like, no, it's not quite you know, I'm not, I'm not sure if the adverts were misleading. I don't know, maybe. I hope not.

But I did, what I did notice is I was talking to these people and I was making them laugh. And I quite liked that, quite enjoyed that. And I was just telling them stories and about my life, and they were laughing.

And it felt quite nice. And one person actually told me, they'll take it, you know, they'll take the, they'll, they accepted the sale. And I'm like, wow, didn't expect that.

And then they passed me, they passed them over to the person that had to do the contracts and then they changed their mind. I mean, I was there for probably four days, maybe five days. And this was, I would say, October time, 1990.

And it was in a different town and I just like, ah, so I just came home and that was it. I don't know what other things, what other things have I done? I've got little memories of places. Oh yeah, I sold, this is actually a paid paid job I had.

This was selling till roll, you know, for tills, you know, like in shops, just a till roll, the roll that goes in the till. And the amount of people that thought I was selling toilet roll, it just got, it just got silly. Like, I don't need any toilet roll, no, till roll.

So for some reason on the phone, just wondering how you're getting on with your till roll. It seems to sound like toilet roll. Who supplies your toilet roll? And they say toilet roll.

I said, no, till roll. Then after a while, I realised I was saying toilet roll and yeah, it got confusing. I think I managed to get a sale with my friend who had a comedy club and he took some rolls on.

I mean, it was, it, it, it was a legitimate company and, you know, so it wasn't like they would dodge you or anything. They paid a basic plus a commission. I got the job because a friend had a job and he got me the job there.

And our only source of leads was a Yellow Pages. That was it. But from all over the country.

So we dealt with the whole country, not just locally. In fact, we didn't do, we did a little bit of local stuff in London, but it was the whole country. And I ended up doing Manchester or part of Manchester.

I'm sure there was like, there was different, Manchester is quite a large area. So there was different, different areas, north, northeast, northwest or whatever, south, southeast, east, east, east. And yeah, I did, I did, I didn't, it was all right.

But I didn't enjoy it. If I'm honest, and this is a break I had between doing security. So I did security.

And I yeah, they sacked me because a toilet got blocked. And I found it so ridiculous that they were blaming me for a toilet, a blocked toilet. Not just that, but the fact that they were, they suspended me.

So I was wasn't getting paid for the rest of the week. And then on it, so this is like, maybe it was a Tuesday, the toilet was blocked. They sent me home, suspended me until the following Monday, when I went into the office for disciplinary.

And I don't know if they were going to sack me or not, but I just laughed at them. I said, you're ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

I said, why would I block a toilet up and not do anything? I mean, I'm an adult. I don't, I said, someone's clearly done that after I've left. It's ridiculous to blame that on me.

Besides, I can't leave the reception once he gets because once I open the doors. So I'm there all night. In this place, it was a, it was a, what was it called? It was a printing firm.

Not a printer, but it was a, like they printed magazines and newspapers and stuff. It was quite a, oh, I forget his name now. Henderson, not Henderson.

He, I think he did Kerang. So this, this company, they did Kerang and like heavy metal magazines, really big, famous magazines. And I think also computer magazines as well.

And maybe they went and did the, some of the, like I've not loaded and things like that. I'm not sure later on, but they did, you know, I've gotten really well with the people at work there. Some of the people that were like late at night, I kind of just chat with them and stuff.

Cause I start my shift, I think half three in the afternoon until I think it was half eight in the morning. So it was at half three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. No, wait a minute.

Half three, four, five, six, seven, half eight. One of two or three or four or five or six or seven. No, it wouldn't be that long with it.

Half three to maybe half four. It was about 15 hours anyway. I was doing about 15 hours shifts.

So half four, half five, half four, then half four again, it's 12. Or it was half four to half three, 12. Half five, half six, half seven, half eight, half nine, half 10, half 11, half 12, half one, half two, half 11, half two, half three, half four, half five, half six, half seven.

Yeah. So I think it was half four to half seven. And unless it was 16 hours, but 16 hours seems a bit long, doesn't it? I think 15 hours is what I did.

Because 16 hours seems a little bit, it's not enough really to get us enough sleep, is it? So I do 15 hours, five days a week, I think. And between, that was loud, wasn't it? Between 4.30am and when the doors were locked, I really didn't leave the reception. I couldn't leave the reception.

So when the front door was open, I had to be in the reception. I was security for the building. When the front doors were locked, then I could do patrols and do whatever I want really.

So yeah. So I'd in the morning, I would open the doors at about six in the morning. And I was there till 7.30am. I couldn't leave the reception from six to 7.30am until the receptionist came on and took over.

So that was me. Maybe it's 8.30am. There's something like that. Maybe it's half four till 8.30am. So I wasn't allowed to leave the reception until the receptionist was on and then I'd go home.

So and I didn't use a toilet before going home. So how did I block that toilet? Because I can't use a toilet while the cleaners are in because they're in. Once they're in, the front doors were open because the staff used to come in early hours.

So six o'clock, doors were open. The staff could come in. The cleaners would come in and then they'd get deliveries.

The machines would get filled in, you know, like, because in London, because this is in the West End, a lot of deliveries are done very early because it's hard to park anywhere during the day and to get around. And some of the staff would be in really early as well. Some of them would be there late at night as well, you know, they're there till 10 o'clock at night, some of them, and some would get in at six in the morning, or half six, seven.

So I wasn't allowed to leave the reception. So if I did go to the toilet, it had to be before the reception opened, before the cleaners got there. Now, I always did a patrol of the building.

My last patrol is just a go around, make sure everything's fine. Always check the toilets. But it wasn't really for floods, I just like looking at toilets.

And so I went around, and there was like toilets on each floor, I think there's four floors. Everything was fine. And I'm at home, and I get a phone call.

Yeah, I get a phone call. So I wasn't sent home so much, but I did get a phone call and at home saying, don't you can't go in there anymore, because you because the toilet was flooded. I'm not even sure if they told me why they just said you can't go in anymore.

You've been you've been suspended from the building. And yeah, I think it was when I got there on Monday. So it was a Tuesday evening, or maybe the Monday, the Wednesday morning, they might phone me, I was probably asleep.

And then the following Monday, they told me, it's because I'd blocked the toilet apparently, and it upset one of the the cleaners, and it leaked and water gone everywhere. I've blocked a lot of toilets in the past. I'll be honest with you.

It never is never overrun. Toilets are built to not overrun the you know, the water goes to a certain level, it doesn't go over. I've never had a toilet overflow ever.

So, and I've blocked a lot. I have blocked a lot of toilets over the years. Just like standard, I'm sure everyone has.

It used to be a hobby. But on this occasion, it wasn't me. Maybe I'm maybe I'm just getting punished for previous blockages.

But they're making out that the water overflowed and completely went everywhere like, how? That doesn't even make sense. But anyway, I was blamed for that. And so when I went in there, and they told me, I laughed.

Now one of the managers, well, there was two owners of the business, one like me. And he was, he was more active in the security company. So he'd, he'd go around and he'd, he'd do a lot more like dealing with the security guards.

And the other bloke would be in the office. So I think they were both equal partners, both ex police or something. But one of them was more in the background, we didn't really get to see him apart from the disciplinaries.

I'd already had two previous disciplinaries. Again, both not my fault. So there, and it was a two, two disciplinaries.

Two disciplinaries. Was it three? Not any discipline. The first disciplinary I had was, I was accused of drinking at work.

And at that time, I didn't drink. I just didn't drink. And apparently, this is when I was working in the nurse's home.

Someone said that they saw me with a flask. Yeah, I had a flask, it had a protein drink, like a protein shake in it. So I was going to the gym every day.

And I was drinking a protein drink, I was eating every two hours, you know, I was trying to put a little bit of muscle on. And she's like, someone must have thought I was drinking alcohol. And what's weird, though, is because the the what I don't forget what they call them now, but a security guard would come around and check everyone.

Because I was doing night shift. And they'd come along. And I remember that there's two different ones as a lady and as a bloke.

And they both used to like sitting and chatting with me. And both of them smelt the flask. Because they queried what's in there.

And I said, it's a protein drink, you can have some if you want. I said, I have I have gobbed in it, but you can have some. And I said, you know, but it's like it was a protein drink.

And they could smell there's no alcohol in it. It just seemed weird why someone I don't know if it was I don't know the reason behind it. But again, I laughed during that one.

I said, I don't drink alcohol. You asked me that in the in the you had gave me the interview. I don't drink alcohol.

I just don't. And also I don't go out because I'm working every night. You know, I was getting one night off a week at that point.

That's when I was lucky if I didn't have to cover someone shift. So getting on one night off a week. If I did go out, I might have a drink.

But generally, you know, I didn't didn't drink alcohol. I definitely wouldn't drink alcohol at work. People wouldn't know.

Trust me, if I was drinking alcohol at work, everybody wouldn't know it. I'm not. Yeah, I can't hide it when I'm drinking.

If I'm drunk, the whole world's gonna know about it. So I laughed that off. And they kind of just said, Oh, fair enough.

Because that's, you know, the one that was very active with us all he'd seen me enough. And he believed me. So that was cool.

So I got I went back. And and then I got I got accused of something else there as well. I can't remember what it was.

Or did I just leave? Did I did they move me? They moved me from there. I'm sure there was another reason I got I got a disciplinary. So I got two that I remember one was because of the when I blocked the toilet.

No, when I was accused of blocking the toilet, sorry. And the other one was when I was drinking. I mean, when I was accused of drinking.

Sure, there was another one, there was a third in the middle, or second, but before the third. It was well, anyway, I got sacked. So that one with the toilet, they sacked me, because I was laughing in the interview in the disciplinary.

I said, this is pathetic. This is really, really ridiculous. I said, after all, all the dodgy things I've done, while I've worked for you, that you don't know about.

And this one thing, which the all things I have done, and the one thing I didn't do, I'm getting blamed for. And they said, well, we just need to have a little chat together. And they went out and they came back and said, Yeah, that's it.

See you later. And they sacked me. What was the other thing I did? Well, not did, but that I got accused of? I wasn't stealing.

But anyway, I was doing this. I remembered it when I was started talking about this, and then it kind of went out my head. I'm sure I had three disciplinaries.

I'm so proud of it. And I always disciplined three times. I got suspended three times.

I got suspended at least twice. Sure, there was a third one. What would that be about? Did I get accused of something else? Because I definitely got moved from the nurse's home.

For a reason. I can't remember what that reason was. How strange.

So I ended up working in the printers, Dennis. Dennis printers or something it was called. And or Dennis publishing publishers.

Yeah, so I worked there. So I got sacked. I got suspended and sacked, went and worked at this sales job, trying to sell till roll.

And then after two weeks of that, I phoned up the security company and said, Oh, please kind of come back. Sorry. Sorry for laughing.

And they said, Yeah, come back. Because I was looking for people. I said, they said, we've got a new site for you.

And they started putting me on the grottiest sites ever. Honestly, they moved me around a lot, put me on some really, really bad sites. And oh, did I get suspended off one of those for drinking? I wasn't drinking though, but I was with another, another guard who was drinking.

And he got through about, I don't know, eight cans of lager during the night. But instead of instead of putting them, like hiding the cans, he just put them in the waste paper basket in the office. And the manager who was a fiery fella got very angry.

But as I said, wasn't me. And they knew the other bloke and they knew what he was around. And I think they suspended him and told the, the man, the manager of that place, that they had sacked him, but they didn't, they just moved into a different site.

And then one day, and this was a former psychiatric hospital. It was called an asylum back then. It was one of them places.

It was one of the biggest hospitals in Europe, one of the longest hospitals in Europe. And it was in North London, massive bit of waste ground, well, massive bit of ground. And there was houses where some of the patients used to live, where some of the doctors and nurses used to live.

And my job was just to parole this whole patrol rather not parole, patrol this whole area. And I could not stand being in the same room as this bloke who was in charge because all he did was moan. He was a shouter.

Just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, just moaned about everything. So in the end, I just decided to do the patrol. But just not go back to the office.

I had my radio on me. And I phoned in every time to let him know where I was because you have to phone in every hour or you know, patrol every, to let him know where I was and stuff. So I was doing everything on my side that I was supposed to do.

But this manager, you know, when I turned up, perhaps six hours later, he accused me of leaving the site. He said, you've gone home, you went home and came back. Well, first of all, I didn't go home because it took me two hours to get there.

So no, I didn't go home and come back. What's the point? Well, go home, sit down for five minutes, then come back, you know? No. He said, I don't know where you live.

I said, I told you I live in, where did I live? Upton Park at the time. Yeah, Upton Park. So yeah, I got sacked from there.

Because apparently, he thought I went off site. And I didn't, I stayed, I just, I did my patrol over and over again. And I phoned in, you know, I called in, I had my walkie talkie and I've called in every hour.

I did everything by the book, but he decided that I hadn't. So he sacked me. Or he reported me and they told him that they'd sacked me.

And they just moved me to a different site. And then I ended up on the Royal Opera House, the new Royal Opera House that was being built back in 1997. So I was there, I was a security there.

And I'd be backing in lorries and stopping traffic and stuff like that. Because they had nonstop concrete lorries coming and going. And I'd be stopping people and opening barriers for cars that had businesses in that little area.

Yeah, I didn't mind it wasn't it wasn't a bad little job. And yeah, it was all right, actually gone quite well with builders and the people involved. There was a couple of annoying people, but there always is.

No, I was one of them. And then I got sacked from that job for some reason. I can't remember why that was.

Oh, I just remembered why I got disciplined. It was at Canary Wharf. Canary Wharf.

I got disciplined for falling asleep. Right? So I didn't fall asleep when I did fall asleep. Okay, this is true.

I did fall asleep. So when I was at Canary Wharf, 96 probably April, April time ish. And my job was to just basically check people as they were coming in to the floors that I was protecting.

So I'm protecting I'm securing so there is probably about 12 of us. Maybe a little bit more that we had to think four floors. Two or four or five floors that we it was part of the mirror group, newspaper group.

So I had to race in times and Sunday mirror daily mirror, and possibly some other stuff. So it was we were kind of securing that so there'd be two of us, sometimes just one on the main door. So have to check people's passes, have to check their purses, their handbags, their bags, because this was directly after a very serious incident that happened.

That's why I got the job. Because I was taking on new staff. Because originally, I applied for the job and they laughed at me said, No, no, you're right.

We don't we don't need your thanks. We're not that desperate. And then they called up a week later after this major event happened.

And they said, Yeah, we are. We're quite desperate now. We are.

Yeah, we're desperate enough to employ you. I said, Oh, that's nice. And so I got that job.

Now I got on really well with one of the owners, the one that was around a lot. And I think that's why I got away with so much stuff because he made him laugh and we we had a laugh and even though I ended up getting sacked, he still I don't think he wanted to sack me. And he's the one that gave me a job back.

He came up to me one night, after I'd done 12 hours. It was time for me to go home. And he said, here JJ, do us a favour, won't you? I said, Not again.

I told you I've got a girlfriend. He said, No, no, not that. He said, Can you? He wanted me to stay for another 12 hours.

See, if you get any normal job, and they say, Can you do some overtime? It's usually like an hour or so, maybe two hours. This job in security is no, another 12 hours, please. I said, That's 24 hours.

He said, I can count. I said, No, but I can't do 12 hours. I can't do another 12 hours.

I started at six this morning. Or was it seven? Eight? I might have been eight in the morning. But I'd been up since six, you know, I'd been up two hours before I started my job.

So two hours getting up and then traveling. So I've been up for a long time. And he said, Oh, go on, please.

So my job was to go downstairs. And look after the main. This was the the big boss's office area.

The big boss like of the mirror group, who at the time was Kelvin McKenzie. He was also editor of the Sun as well before that, I think. I saw a few times very, very booming voice, not hugely tall, but very booming voice, big bloke.

And I was the reception and his office was further up. So anyone that came to visit him had to come to my where I was. Now, no one was going to ask for him.

Because he was gone. There was no one in his office. At that time.

There was also another office where someone did come and then he left. Probably his assistant or something. So, or maybe he did come for a little while.

But after eight o'clock, nine o'clock, there was nothing, no activity. So I was there on my own. Nothing to do at all.

So I said to my boss, before accepting to do it, well, first of all, I said, No. I said, Go on, please. I said, No.

I said, No, I can't do another 12 hours. He said, I'll be your best friend. And I was going to say no, but then he started tickling me.

And I just it's hard to resist, isn't it? And I said, Okay, but I just got to warn you, I will fall asleep. And he said, Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

Just whatever. I just need this to be covered. It's so important because of that area being no one's going to be down there.

No, you know, the big boss is gone. He's gone. He won't be back till tomorrow morning.

You'll be gone before he gets in. And he even said, I'll try and get the other security guards coming a little bit early. So you can get off a little bit earlier.

And I said, Okay, then. And I sat down. That's a nice little gig actually was comfortable.

No one else around really comfortable like it's like that's probably the nicest little area in those all of those floors. Because it was a boss's area, I guess. So he had a nice really big spacious.

And there was a book there called the off. There was like a crime book that I started to read. And I read a lot of it.

So I'm reading this book. And then, as I'm reading, I hear this voice saying, Jason, Jason, like, I look up. And it's my boss.

Like the security boss. He said, you're asleep. So no, I wasn't I was reading a book.

He said, you're literally in a hammock with your pajamas on what would we and I said, I told you that I would fall asleep. I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep. But I said, look, I've done 12 hours doing 24 hours without falling asleep is it's a ridiculous ask.

And he said, got to go home. I said, Really? He said, Yeah, I'll take over and I'll sit here. You got to leave.

You're suspended. And I said to him, I think I might call them a name. I said you are a whatever.

I told you I'd fall asleep. And you said it didn't matter. He said you're on camera.

You've been filmed, you've been seen falling asleep. How do you think we knew? I said, I literally said to you that I can't do another 12 hours without falling asleep. And he said, I know, but you know, you're suspended.

So I went away. A couple of days later, I went to the office in the London offices to go to my disciplinary. So this would be my second disciplinary out of three.

And I had everything in my arsenal for that one. The first one, I don't drink, they could take it or leave it, whether I was being honest. And it was true.

I didn't didn't drink. There's no way I would take alcohol to work with me, especially when I was at a reception. And it was all glass and loads of people coming and going.

They could, you know, it just seemed this wasn't what I was going to do. And I really wasn't a drinker at all. I'd go out and if I did have a drink when I went out, it'd be like one bottle of lager would last me the whole night.

I'd more than likely just have a glass of coke or a couple of glasses of coke. Just wasn't my thing back then. The year before, wow, I was putting it away.

But that year, I just took a break. And so the first one, it was like, could have gone either way. Believe me or don't believe me.

And because they both, one of them liked me, the other one gave me the benefit of the doubt. So they, they moved me to a different place. No, did they move me? I feel like they kept me there.

And then I got moved again for some other, someone accused me of something else. I don't know. I can't remember what that was.

And the second, the second disciplinary, unlike the third one, third one, I was laughing and I got sacked. But the second one, I went in there. And I was not not because I knew the reason I was in there for.

The first and the first and third time, I don't think I knew until I got into the disciplinary, why I'd been suspended. But the second time I knew because it already told me, you need to go home because we found you asleep. So I turned up there, I was I was proper like, I think the first thing I said is you're out of order.

To the bloke that was supposed to be my mate, well my friend, he was a boss, but I said, you're out of order, you know you are. And the other manager, the other boss said, what's going on? And the one that I knew started to talk and his partner said, no, wait a minute, I want to hear it from Jason, Mr. New Land. So I told him, I said he asked me to stay 12 hours after I'd just done a 12 hour shift.

He wanted me to do a 24 hour shift. I told him point blank, I would fall asleep. Because what else do you do? Staying away for 24 hours.

I said I'd fall asleep. And he said, it's okay, it doesn't matter. Fell asleep.

He sent me home suspended and without pay and ended up with disciplinary. He said, is that true? And they went out and they came back and apologized to me. Apologized.

And I went back to Canary Wharf and I went back and continued working there until they, now that was my first disciplinary. The second one was the alcohol one. So that was the first disciplinary.

So I'm sure there was another one as well. I can't remember what it was. I think, I'm not sure it's when the, I think it was at the weekend and a couple of vans pulled up and they said they were just here to collect some stuff and they took a lot of computers out.

And apparently they weren't supposed to do that. Yeah, I think I got disciplined for that as well. I wasn't to know, was I? Oh, but we've been, we've had millions of pounds robbed worth of computers.

Like, so you should have told me, should have told me that you weren't having any vans come. What do you mean tell you that we're not having any vans come in to collect the computers? Well, if you'd have done that, when they knocked on a window saying we come to collect the computers, then I'd know that they weren't and they were robbers. I'm thinking that maybe they made the excuse of the toilets up just to get rid of the computers.

Get rid of me. Maybe. The proms.

So I've talked about the proms. Cheese rolling. Did you know that cheese rolling down Cooper's Hill in Gloucestershire is a traditional summer event? Now, it is cheese rolling.

I think the person rolls with the cheese. And these are not little bits of cheese. It's a massive, massive bits of cheese.

And it's very dangerous. And people get injured doing it. It's, it's, it's not, it's not as fun as you'd imagine.

Unless of course it is. Coastal and seaside culture. The Victorian era saw the boom of British seaside holidays.

What is the Victorian era? Is that when my nan and grandad went on holiday? Because they'd have like, handkerchiefs on their heads and stuff. Yeah. I mean, back then there wasn't such a thing as going abroad on holiday.

You know, Spain and France and stuff like that wasn't, it wasn't a flight, a short flight away like it is now, or has been for a long time. So people from London, like my nan, she used to go to places like Brighton or Southend on holiday. Now, both of those places are not far from London.

They're both in, or one's in Essex, Brighton is in, I don't know where it is. Is it Hertfordshire? Brighton? But both places are not a long way away from London really. And they said they would go to places like that, maybe Harwich even, I'm not sure.

And that would be a nice summer holiday. And apparently, I'm partly making this up based on a very vague memory. Sometimes I think they would stay in boarding houses.

And they may even share rooms with complete strangers. And there would be a landlady, as this was kind of the cliche, a very, very mean landlady. And the landlady would make food and give them dinner and everything.

But they would have to be in by a certain time in the evening, or the door would be locked. That's the that's the cliche of that. But I think some of it's true, potentially.

It doesn't sound like a particularly nice holiday, does it really? Brighton Pier opened in 1899 and became a summer hotspot. Yeah, Brighton's changed over the years, but it was always a very popular holiday destination. And it's last time I went to Brighton, I ended up with a sore bum.

Because yeah, I fell over and I kind of banged, I fell over on my bum and I just banged myself. It's like, oh, I remember it's just, it was weird because I come home. Normally, you hurt yourself, you expect a little, you don't expect people to say, Oh, no, start crying.

You fell over and banged your bum. Oh, I didn't expect that. But a little bit of caring, a little bit of maybe interest or sympathy.

But people come back to work. Oh, how was your, how was your holiday? Or your weekend in Brighton? And I said, Oh, I got sore bum. And people found that hilarious.

I mean, someone actually who hadn't even told that I'd hurt my, I'd ever had my accident. You know, the first person I got into work with, and no one else had been in work. He was the first person there.

And I got there next, this on a Monday morning. And he said, How was your, how was your, your weekend in Brighton? And I said, Oh, have you got a sore bum? And I said, Yeah, how do you know? And he laughed and walked off. And I'm like, that's weird.

And then I told everyone and they laughed that that I'd fallen over like, you fall on your coccyx. It's not a nice experience. The first time it ever happened when I was in a chip shop, I got a sore bum in there.

And the I was carrying a bag of potatoes, which I would argue is probably heavier than me. Maybe not 5050 kilos possibly. I don't know if it'd be 50 kilos, whether it was heavy.

50 kilos would have been how much I weighed at the time. So maybe it was a maybe it was 40 kilos, maybe 30 kilos. But it was heavy.

That's all I know. And I slipped over in the kitchen. And the bag of spuds unopened landed on top of me.

And, yeah, I was struggling to walk. I mean, really, I should have gone to the hospital and got examined because it would have been, it took quite a few weeks for that to heal. But back then I didn't, didn't have the time to take off and just just got on with it really.

The last time I went to Brighton, yeah, it's been quite a while. Fish and chips became a seaside favorite in the early 20th century. Really? I thought fish and chips.

Yeah, seaside favorite. Fish and chips is quite a traditional Friday meal. Religiously, I do believe, or at least fishes on a Friday.

So I think it's the Jesus parable, isn't it? I think that's when he he turned up. It was a Friday, wasn't it? And he turned up and the chip van turned up and there's loads of chips. And he said, OK, now I've talked to you for a little bit.

We're all here. Let's go and let's get some chips out. There's some fish and chips.

And the fish van said, whoops. And he said, what is it? He said, Jesus, sorry about this. He said, OK, what? So I'm a bit embarrassed.

We've got loads of chips, but we forgot the fish. And then someone shouted from the back, wait a minute, we've got one fish. He said he got one fish, all those chips, but one fish.

And Jesus said, I'll just hand it here. And, you know, the rest is history. But that was on a Friday, because Friday is when fish and chips was a thing back in Jerusalem.

The bathing machine was a common sight on the 19th century beaches. I feel we need more information about that, don't you? The bathing machine. A machine that bathes you.

That sounds very pleasant. It sounds almost... The bathing machine. Unless it's kind of like a thing with just a shower that just showers you from different angles.

But even that sounds nice, doesn't it? If it's a decent temperature. I've got to look this up. I'm sorry.

This is one of those moments where I can't not look it up. Bathing machine. 1800s.

I'm going to look up images just so I can look at it. What? Right. It's only showing you the outside of it.

The bathing machine. Collection of... Okay. Bathing machine.

1800s. Victorian bathing machine. But why is it not shown inside? Maybe it was one of those things.

It looks to me it was just somewhere that you can jump into the water from. That doesn't that doesn't sound like a bathing machine. Let's read out what it says.

You search the web for bathing machines says Google, Bing, AI, whatever. The Victorian bathing machine was an innovative mobile changing room designed to allow swimmers, particularly women, to maintain their modesties while bathing at the seaside. Okay.

So it's basically a changing room. It's a changing room. Historical context.

The bathing machine emerged during the 18th century as the popularity of seaside resorts grew in Britain at a time when swimming costumes were not yet common and modesty was paramount, especially for women. These wooden carts served as both changing rooms and a means to discreetly enter the water. The legal requirements for men and women to bathe separately fostered the need for these machines, allowing females to change into their bathing attire while remaining hidden from public view.

Okay, so they, the cart, they were carts on wheels, six foot high, eight foot wide, and they were pulled into the sea by horses. And babies could just jump into the water without being seen. And maybe curtains or umbrellas to keep their modesty.

Oh, look at this. Women used these machines mainly. Men were allowed to bathe naked until the 19th century.

Oh, right. And the bathing costumes were ridiculous. It wasn't like, I mean, they were proper, full on, full on old attire.

It was the men always had to have stripy ones. And the it didn't, doesn't look fun. There's a woman there in a bathing costume.

It looks like she's getting ready to climb a mountain. Wow. That's interesting.

Kind of. I know it's not supposed to be sorry about that. The bucket and spade sets have been popular since the early 1900s.

I used to like bucket and spades. Yeah, I did. I used to like to, I used to like to make sand castles.

Because it's fun, wasn't it? If anyone did it, it's just fun. And my brother equally liked to just step on mine for some reason. I did think about trying to get hold of some explosions, but couldn't get any.

It's very hard when you're seven to get hold of explosions, explosives. I was going to put some underneath the sand. And when he stepped on it, I'll teach him not to do that again.

But yeah, couldn't get any. Spent a lot of my childhood in prison. That's weird, isn't it? I was the youngest terrorist in history.

Ice cream vans became widespread in the 1950s. Oh, ice cream vans. I loves myself some ice cream.

Haven't been to an ice cream van for a long, long, long, long time. It amazes me that they come out in all weathers. I saw one, it was freezing cold and it came out because it was a Saturday because it was in June.

It was raining and it was very cold and windy. It was like a winter's day out there. And they just decided, well, it's the second of June.

Let's go out. It's officially summer. Fly just landed on a microphone.

Punch and Judy shows were classic seaside entertainment. I don't think they're allowed anymore. That's the way you do it.

Blackpool illuminations, though not autumnal, used to start in late summer. So Blackpool illuminations, very, very popular. Blackpool, well, I think it was once classed as the Las Vegas of England.

Like casinos and all kinds of stuff in Blackpool. And I would have loved to have gone there. When it was busy, you know, not busy, busy, but in its kind of peak, just to see what it's like, because I never did.

I don't know what it's like now if it still gets really busy. I hope it does for the people that, you know, work there and have businesses. But I went there once and it was on the way to the Isle of Man.

And it was the windiest day in history. And it was probably August, July, August time, really windy. And we were going to Liverpool to catch the ferry to the Isle of Man.

The ferry was cancelled. But because we'd been in a car and we'd been traveling for 10 minutes, my dad decided to continue the journey anyway, in a almost hurricane wind, which is why the ferry had been cancelled. You know, he decided, well, we've been gone for 10 minutes.

Because his sister, who was my auntie, who we were visiting, said, don't bother coming. There's no ferries. There is absolutely horrendous weather here.

And the ferries are cancelled for the formidable future. Formidable? Formidable future? Formidable. It's very formidable.

Formidable is like, whoa, that's quite good. Formidable. Fordimmable.

Biddable. Anyway, they were cancelled. But my dad said, nah.

And we stopped at Blackpool because it's on the way to Liverpool. And I was quite happy because I thought, oh, go see Blackpool Tower. There was no lights on.

Everything seemed to be closed because the wind was, it was almost hurricane level. It was really strong. I mean, we don't generally get hurricanes in this country, but we do get very strong winds sometimes.

And this is one of those really, really, really windy days. My nan nearly blew away. And she went into one of these toilets.

And it was a, what was it? It was a toilet, um, like a porter toilet. Okay. It was, it was heavy enough so it wasn't being blown around, but it was a porter toilet.

She went in there and she got locked in. She couldn't get out. And my dad got a phone call from my auntie saying, well, it looks like the, the next ferry is going to be, the winds calmed down enough on their end that they can sort of send the ferry out.

So we had to leave my nan there. And yeah, she's still there as far as I know. That was 20, 21 years ago.

I hope she's all right. I've heard that they're quite comfortable places, those porter toilets, porter potty. And she did actually get locked in.

It was funny, but in the same sense, obviously it wasn't funny, but it was funny. We got out, we got her out. We managed to do the lock from the outside.

And I think I knew how to do that. And my dad looked at me very strangely, but I was able to open a toilet, a public toilet from the outside that was locked from the inside. But it was just like a coin.

It was very simple. And a drill. I happen to have the tools on me.

Don't, don't judge me. Lido's or outdoor pools gained popularity in the 1930s. Yeah, they were popular.

Popular. I was going to say they were popular in my day, but outdoor pool, like little pools, like the blow up ones and the Lido's, and they like the big like beds, floaty beds made of plastic. They were quite popular even when I was a kid.

And because you could, you could lay on them on in the garden. And then you can lay on them on the water as well. And we've got beach huts in places like Southwold and Bournemouth are worth tens of thousands of pounds.

Now that surprised me because that doesn't surprise me. I already knew that because where my dad lives, the beach, the beach huts are like 30 grand, 35 grand. There's not enough room to do anything in them.

Hardly. Literally. You can, you can sit in it.

That's it. You can't sleep in it. I suppose you could, but you're not allowed to sleep in it overnight.

You can't have raves. Agriculture and nature. Some is, I don't think you even own the land.

So it'd be different if you owned the land and you bought all those beach huts along the prom. Technically you could perhaps own enough land to start building on it. I don't know, put a fence up or something.

Summer is peak harvest season for many English crops. I didn't know that. I don't know.

I don't think I'm going to have enough time in my life to really put too much effort into it. But it's something that is, I know it's really important, but I just, yeah, I'd like a bit more time. I'd like a bit more, I'd like a bit more time added to my sentence so that I could actually, um, you know, devote that time to studying English crops and harvest seasons.

The next one is strawberry picking. Strawberry picking became a popular summer pastime in the 20th century. Well, did you know this? This is something that you've probably never heard before.

I don't know who told me this, but apparently strawberries ripen much quicker when it's hot. The smell of cut grass is a nostalgic trigger for many Brits. Yeah, I don't know.

There's definitely a certain smell, isn't there? Connected to that cut grass. Not like grass in a garden I'm talking about. Hmm.

So what have we got here? Hay fever. Known medically as allergic rhinitis. Rhinoceros spikes in English summer due to pollen.

I think that's the same everywhere, isn't it? What else has we got here? Bluebells. Bluebells finish blooming by early summer. Blooming bluebells finish blooming by early summer in English woodlands.

Butterflies, especially the red admiral and peacock are abundant in English summers. That's good. I love myself a bit of butterfly action.

That sounds wrong, doesn't it? I really love butterflies though. I think it's so beautiful and moths. I like moths as well.

To me, a butterfly is just a moth. It's a daytime moth and a moth is a night time butterfly. It's the same, isn't it? For me, it's just how I see it.

I suppose to me a moth is like a a butterfly that's been bitten by a vampire, maybe. Or a butterfly that's mated with a bat. I don't know, that's, that'd be messy.

The English oak releases most of its pollen in the summer. Oh, thanks. Hedgehogs are more visible in summer evenings.

Most things are more visible in summer evenings because you can see because it's lighter. Even the lampposts are more visible. The hedges are more visible.

The trees are more visible. The grass is more visible. The ladybirds are more visible.

My roller skates are more, you know. Oh, the dog's barking again. So yeah, it's hedgehogs.

I wish that dog would stop barking. I managed to stop Vinnie from barking. He did stop and I said to him, oh, come on, baby.

Don't be doing that, my little baby. Boy, we don't want to do that. We don't want to be barking, do we? We don't want to be barking because you're such a good boy.

You are a good boy, aren't you? You're my favoritest little boy in the whole wide world. You are my little son, my little Vinnie Minnilly. Yes, you are.

The English oak releases most of its pollen. OK, I've already done that one. Wasp season peaks in late summer, particularly August.

Brilliant. Summer thunderstorms help cool the air, but often follow hot, humid spells. Well, it probably wouldn't help cool the air if the air was already cool, would it? So it kind of has to follow a hot, humid spells.

It sort of makes sense, I think. Or am I just being pedantic? Right. Historical events.

The Spanish Armada was defeated in the summer of 1588. The Great Fire of London began during a dry summer of 1666. None of this is nice stuff, so I'm going to just leave that.

It's all about wars and stuff. The Queen Victoria regularly summered in the Isle of Wight. That's nice.

Food and drink. Eton Mess is a summer dessert originated at Eton College. So is that what Eton Musk drinks? Or eats.

Pym's number one cup is traditionally served with fruit and mint. OK, cream teas are a summer staple in Devon and Cornwall. I knew that.

Devon cream. Yeah. Cucumber sandwiches became popular as a cooling summer treat.

And barbecues became fashionable in English gardens in the 1980s. OK, barbecues became fashionable in the 1980s. I was around in the 1980s.

So were they not popular before that? I just thought everyone... I remember the early 80s. I remember even the late 70s seeing barbecues. Oh, that's interesting.

I just thought it was something that's been around for ages. And it has now, but before then. Yeah.

Ice cream cones regularly gained popularity in England after WW1. Rhubarb and gooseberries are commonly harvested in early summer. Rhubarb.

Rhubarb is one of those. I mean, isn't it technically a vegetable because it's a root, isn't it? But it's a fruit, is it? I don't know. I think it's a vegetable.

But anyway, rhubarb is both disgusting and beautiful. It's weird. Now it's sour and like funny face making taste.

If it's not done in a way that I like it, I've got to talk for myself really. But if it has the right amount of sugar and taste and it's in a rhubarb crumble. OK, the difference, a rhubarb pie can be a little bit sour.

Rhubarb crumble, but it's done properly. The most beautiful. I can't even say the word.

I'm so excited. Honestly, and with some cream or ice cream. Absolutely gorgeous.

Summer puddings made with berries and bread are a traditional dessert. I've got a funny story for you. One of my neighbours asked me for some bread the other day.

And I said, have you got any bread? She texted me. I said, yeah, all right. Yeah.

And then she said, oh, wait a minute. I'm not allowed to have bread because I'm diabetic. I said, OK, I've got pizza in the freezer if you want.

And she said, oh, that'd be nice. I mean, pizza is mainly bread, isn't it? So just that's what I was trying to. I think the can I have some bread? That was the equivalent of saying, oh, can I have some bread and water? Thinking I'd say, no, wait a minute.

Let me let me order you a takeout. Yeah. No, I can't.

I'm unable to. I'd like to be able to do that. But I can't.

I can't do it. Lemon barley water was made famous by Wimbled Dunn. Summer puddings made with berries and bread.

OK, it's a traditional dessert. Berries and bread. But that's bread and butter pudding, though, isn't it? It's saying summer puddings, but bread and butter pudding.

Bread and butter. Jelly and ice cream remain a nostalgic summer party favourite. The phrase British summer began in 1916 with daylight saving.

OK, fair enough. They changed it all, didn't they then? BBC weather forecasts for summer holidays became part of family planning. And the 1960s saw a surge in seaside postcard humour.

Oh, that's when it started. I used to love all those because it used to just be rude, didn't it? Lots of rude pictures. Last of the summer wine, a sitcom ran from 1973 to 2010.

It's just got summer in the title. That's not really relevant to what I'm talking about. But this next bit is summer holiday.

Cliff Richard. It's a Cliff Richard movie from 1963. Like, we're all going on a summer holiday.

No more working for a week or two. I love that song. Gavin and Stacey's Barry Island scenes became iconic summer TV moments.

I've got no idea what that is. I know Gavin and Stacey, but I don't know the moment they're talking about. And they're just talking about things like Love Island, Top of the Pops, the Radio 1 Roadshow, Doctor Who summer specials.

Just things that'd be on TV in the summer. Summer is probably one of the worst times on English television. They just don't put a lot on TV.

There's a bit of sport for those that love sport. Wimbledon, the World Cup or the European Cup, if that's on at that year. So there's things like that.

Cricket. But as far as entertainment programs, there's not always a huge amount on. That kind of starts in autumn.

Oh, there's got outdoor activities. It's got cricket, tennis, of course. Kite flying.

I don't know, kite flying is something you need a lot of wind for. A lot of wind, wind. Bicycle sales spike every summer.

Well, we all buy things we don't use, don't we? Caravanning is a classic English summer tradition. Paddle boats on lakes became popular in the Victorian era. Children's summer camps began growing in popularity post WW2.

And village feats with tombolas and coconut chai are summer traditions. And schools out for summer signals mass family holidays starting in July. So it's July the 1st today.

This is quite apt, isn't it, really for talking about. What are we actually talking about? What is the subject? Oh, summers. OK, we're talking about summers, right? Oh, the term staycation became popular during the summers post 2008.

Staycation. I think it got to the point where going abroad was no longer a really, really cheap option. As much as it used to be in the past, it used to be a cheaper option.

And I think it just became more expensive. Maybe. I don't know.

And Butlin's holiday camps were a summer institution from the 1930s. I used to work at Butlin's for a season in the winter of some time in the 90s. My tummy's gurgling for some reason.

Cornwall and Devon have been popular summer destinations for centuries. It's a beautiful coven, Cornwall and Devon, lovely places. Never been to Lake District.

I'd like to go there. It sees a peak in visits during the summer. I've never been there.

It'd be nice. The Great British queue can be seen at every seaside chip shop in July. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the old queuing.

I'll be honest with you. Nah. Rail excursions to the coast became common in the 1800s.

So, yeah, that's because we had railway tracks then, didn't we? Before that, we had to go by horse and cart, I suppose, or ride on sheep. Caravans and motorhomes often clog English roads in August. I was just wondering, with horses, you put a carriage in front of them so they run.

What would you put in front of a sheep? What does sheep eat? Grass. So I suppose you could travel on a cow and just put, like, some grass, or a little plant or something, dangling in front of it, and they'd just follow that and try and get to the grass, maybe. Bank holiday weekends are peak travel periods.

That's true. It says caravans and motorhomes often clog English roads in August. OK, but don't have a go at them.

It's not their fault, is it? Why are they having a go at people in caravans and motorhomes? They don't take up a huge amount more space in cars. It's like, you know, like the other day I went to... OK, I won't tell you about that. OK, I was in the hospital.

I needed the toilet. Like, I needed the toilet. It was just a wee-wee, but I needed to go.

Went to the men's toilets. I walked past, I think, five disabled toilets to get to the men's toilets. It was blocked off because it was being cleaned.

I went back. There was multiple disabled toilets, but they were empty. So I went in one, did my quick wee-wee, came out, as guaranteed, there was a lady there in a wheelchair waiting.

And the woman that was with her was looking at me like I'd just committed every crime in history upon her person. Honestly, it was like, really? And I said, oh, sorry about that. I just needed to go.

And neither of them answered me. Neither of them even acknowledged my existence. And honestly, I was there for... I was in there maybe 20 seconds, half a minute.

So it wasn't a long time. So I didn't feel great, I'll be honest. I mean, I am registered.

I'm technically disabled anyway. I'm disabled, but not just not physically. And I start thinking, and I'm, you know, a little bit inside as I'm walking out.

And I'm just thinking, you know what? Okay, disabled toilets, they're for disabled people. Fair enough. However, in what world does anyone expect to be able to just walk up to a toilet, open the door and go in without queuing, without waiting, without someone else being in there? No one does that with the men's toilets or for the women's toilets.

I can't believe there's someone in there. Why are you in there? It should be available for me just to walk in. I suppose I shouldn't use the word walk in, but just to use the toilet without having to wait.

I mean, firstly, I have to wait. It's like, I mean, she was sitting down, waiting. And why would she have to be? Well, it's just kind of like, wait a minute.

If I was in there for hours or if I was in there doing a long, long time, but why should it, why should that toilet be available instantly when I also need to go to the toilet? It's just, I started to think that like, wait a minute, I'm feeling bad here, but I don't need to really. Because if there was a queue of people, let's say abled bodied people queuing outside.

Let's say it was two people queuing outside the disabled.

Then she's within her rights to say, oi, bugger off. This is for, this is for me. This is my toilet.

I own this toilet. This toilet was built just for me. And she's got a right to kind of, I don't know, run them over, I guess, in a chair if she wants.

But that wasn't the situation. So the idea that she should be just about to just open the door and go in and never, ever have to wait to use a toilet. That's not real life, is it? Sometimes we have to wait to use a toilet because there's other people on the planet.

So I felt less guilty. I would have felt less guilty if I hadn't actually said that to her. And then I felt more guilty.

But, you know, we live, we learn sometimes. But I did think about that, like, OK, I needed the toilet. It's either that or going to the women's toilets.

And these days, that's round upon. But there was only one woman's toilet. There's only one men's toilet.

There was, I think, four, four or five. What's it named? Women's toilets. Because you can go in there as well if you've got a baby to change as well.

So, you know, it's not just for disabled people. And I did a quick wee wee. I didn't go there.

I wasn't in there knitting a jumper for Vinnie. Drinking a cup of coffee, watching the, I don't know, Wimbledon tennis on my phone. I wasn't in there for ages.

I was just, it was a quick zip in there, unzip, and then zip up again. Actually, there's no zipping because I was wearing. What's it? Tracksuit bottoms.

It was more of a shake, kind of not wanting drippage. Anyway, that's more than you need to know. So it's a little bit of shaking.

It's just, you know, just washing my hands and stuff like that. And then I left, opened the door. Because the thing is, they were trying to open the door.

They kept pulling it, rattling the door like anything. It's like, OK, it's not opening now. It's not going to open if you keep pulling it.

There's clearly someone in there. And it seemed like quite an angry person. Both of them, really.

I think seeing my lovely face didn't help when I opened the door. And it's the first time I've ever felt bad for not being in a wheelchair. I was like, it's not my fault that I've also got to do wee-wees.

Can't do it in the hallway. Can't do it in the bin. We're in a hospital.

It's supposed to be kind of sanitary, isn't it? And it's quick. It's not like I had to sit down. It's just like, probably half a minute, if that.

And they were nowhere to be seen when I went in there. So I'm thinking it probably took them at least 15 seconds to get there. So they were waiting for 15 seconds.

Because that door started rattling probably 13 or 14 seconds before I'd finished. So at this point, I was in the shaking section of the adventure. But I needed to wash my hands.

So I washed my hands. And anyway, being in the hospital, I might have blown my nose as well. So maybe I didn't need to do that.

But it's always nice to get prepared for when I go outside, just to make myself look nice. And you make sure there's no drippages and stuff. And just, yeah, make sure my shirt covers that area in case there is.

And then I walk out and I'm faced with these two angry faces. It's like, okay, I think it's the first time ever in my life that I've been caught. And the weird thing about it, right, is I think two days earlier, or maybe it was last week, I went to use the toilet and the cleaner said, I'll just use the disabled ones.

When these are closed, you just have to use the disabled ones. And everyone going in there was just every people, including nurses, doctors, just anyone going in there and using them because there's four empty toilets or five empty toilets. Not just going to leave, walk the other side of the hospital.

Because this is right near the exit of the building or the entrance to the buildings, exit and entrance. Yeah, this is, I mean, I'll tell you. Sand in your sandwiches is an unavoidable British beach memory.

And donkeys on the beach are an English summer tradition. British people rush to the garden at the first sight of sun. I think you're getting a little bit caught up in like British people, every single person in England, they see some sun and they rush into the garden.

I'm not sure if that's true. Socks and sandals are an infamous or infamous English summer fashion faux pas or fox pass. I don't, I don't think there's anything wrong with having socks.

What I'll finish, discovered this, the, the little old fly again, bless him. Pubs spill out on pavements every summer evening. That can happen.

It definitely can happen. I remember there was a pub in London, just near where the comedy club that I used to be regularly at, and it would be jam packed. And this is a little road that went all the way down.

And it was, it wasn't a big road, but the people would stand outside the pub and there'd be hundreds of people outside. I'm talking a lot of people. And I went in the pub once, I thought, it's gotta be a big pub.

If all those people are inside, then they come outside in the summer. It wasn't big inside at all. They just had more people visiting in the summer.

And it wasn't locals because it wasn't, it was in the, the middle of what's just near the, the city center, kind of, you know, the, the financial place near Liverpool street. So that wasn't a particularly residential place. It was the city, it was the financial district, although Canary Wharf also was, but there wasn't a lot going on at the weekend, generally, especially during the day.

Super busy during the week in the daytime. Sometimes on a Saturday morning, you'd see hardly anyone. People moan when it's cold and they moan when it's too hot.

Yeah. I'm sure that's not just an English thing. It's called moaning.

Although I imagine English people did invent it, to be fair. Fans sell out in shops every time there's a mini heat wave. Yeah, we're very, it's very short term in this country.

It's, yeah, it is. If you, if you, if the government, right, if there was suddenly a huge amount of bread, too much bread's been made, and, you know, I mean, millions and millions and millions of pounds worth of bread over made, and all the bakeries got together and said, look, what we're going to do, because we're going to lose millions of pounds over the next two days, because we're never going to sell all this bread that we've accidentally made.

And they went to the government and told them, and the government put out a warning saying bread shortage.

Every, every single shop would sell out of bread within a few hours. There'd be no bread left. So it's quite clever the way it works.

Water fights with hose pipes or balloons or a childhood staple. I tell you what me and my, my two brother, my two older brothers used to do. There was this pond where you used to have like boat rides in that down near the beach.

So we used to have buckets and we'd fill the buckets up and just pour water over each other. And sometimes we'd do it in the summer. It was great.

Paddling pools and ice lollies make even the simplest summer day feel magical. Yeah, I suppose it's something I don't really do because I don't have a paddling pool and I've got to kind of share a garden with the other people that live in this area. So it's a communal garden and it's not really a place to put a paddling pool really.

Although I did, I did think about doing something like that for this little one. I thought it might be nice, but it's a lot of water, isn't it? To be fair. And I don't know if he'd even want to do it because he doesn't like baths.

He avoids puddles, he'll drink out of puddles, but he doesn't, he won't walk in a puddle. So I'm wondering whether or not he'd even want to get into the paddling pool. Would you? Would you get in the paddling pool? Would you be a good girl and get in the paddling pool with your Auntie JJ? Would you? That I do believe is everything.

I managed to get through all 100 pretty much. I missed out a couple that were like, yeah, but yeah, most of them are done. So I want to say thank you for listening.

And I am going to do a Q&A Friday this week. So maybe I'll put up, I'll probably post something on Wednesday tomorrow asking for questions on my Jason Newland's Boring Group on Facebook. So thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.