(no music) Buddhism | Monday’s Boring Objects | LMBYTS #1363 | 2nd June 2025

Hello, hello. Welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And this is Monday's Boring Objects. I hope you're well. I actually started this recording to do a kind of a relaxation recording and I realized that it's just not quiet enough to do that here.

Too much noise, too much background noise. Vinnie's like cleaning himself and it's just weird. So yeah, I'm going to do this instead because he is a part of the Let Me Bore You To Sleep or the Let Me Bore Your Pain Away recordings.

And those that listen regularly know who Vinnie is. You know that he's a little Jack Russell, little red Jack Russell who likes to be involved. He's kind of like my co-host in a weird way.

Very weird way really, isn't it? So I've ordered some shopping and apparently it's on its way. It should be here in about 20 minutes. And then I've got a meeting a friend for coffee at this afternoon.

So that's the first time I've been out anywhere in public since... Wow, December. Yeah, it's the first time I've been out anywhere since December because that was when I went and saw my dad at the pub just before Christmas. I mean, I go to the park and I have been to the pet shop probably since then.

I've been to the garage a couple of times but I don't like going to the garage anymore. I have been to the pharmacy probably a couple of times in that time. I mean, last month I didn't go but all the other months I did.

This month I didn't go but I got a neighbour, I asked a neighbour to go and collect it for me and they did which is groovy. So probably January, February, March. January, February, March, I got them, you know, I probably had to go and collect them myself.

Maybe not January but definitely February, March. But I haven't been in a public place, you know, sitting down with humans around me. So it's going to be a bit strange but it's okay.

It's a very old friend, someone I've known for a long time. I'm thinking I'm going to talk about Buddhism because there's a Buddhist friend I'm meeting and I don't want to, I don't want to really focus on him as the boring object and also I don't think, I don't think that anything I talk about is boring. It's just, yeah, that's the thing.

I hope people don't think that if I was going to talk about let's say hmm train spotting or a subject that some people would be absolutely engrossed and fascinated with, you know, I absolutely love that I'm mocking it and calling it boring because I'm not. I mean look at some of the subjects that I've covered in my boring objects. I say look, I don't know what I had myself.

I have to go and look. I go and look, look, look, look, look, look, look. Where is it? Okay.

Sleepy boring objects. Monday's sleepy boring objects. So I've now done, I've done a lot.

There's a lot of, a lot of episodes. But when I first started doing them I did, the first one was rain. Okay, that's not something I particularly find interesting.

Hair, that's another one I don't particularly find interesting. Bricks. So, you know, printers, cameras, plugs.

So I was talking about really random, just objects and then swimming pools, ovens, hitchhiking, books. Now there's nothing boring about books to me. So that was something that I have a, I've had a big interest in over the years.

And once I actually get my eyes tested and get some proper glasses, I will be getting back into reading the books once my eyes work. Microphones, that's not a boring subject. Well, mops.

Now that probably is. So yeah, I don't know how I managed to talk about mops for 35 minutes. Wall, wallpaper.

I mean, the that is the epiphany of boringness, isn't it really wallpaper, or a painted wall. And train spots, games, beds, hats, jobs, baths. Now the jobs only lasted 38 minutes 59 seconds.

And that was the 18th of October 2021. So yeah, I started doing these sleepy boring objects on the 9th of August 2021. So I've been doing it for a while now.

I yeah, I could have made that jobs one last for about 10 hours really. I got baths, wooden benches, Belgium. Again, I love Belgium.

I got it's like, I don't have an issue with Belgium. I really, really loved Belgium when I went there. Brilliant place.

Great, especially whatever I say now is going to probably come across as wrong. And it's just I like the fact that it's flat. That is.

I'm not a big, I'm not a lover of hills. Really? No, I like to be able to just walk and you can see ahead of yourself, can't you? You can see what's about. You can wherever you go.

So basically, whenever you leave your house, no matter where you go, how far away you go, you can always see your house. It's great. And tea bags, cheese.

Yeah, so I've done quite a few. The last one I did was dog walking. And I'm pretty sure that was super, super exciting for everyone.

Oh, God, I'm trying to manipulate, manipulate, maneuver the laptop, but it keeps missing school. So I did that the week before. Monday's boring objects, but I didn't even talk.

I didn't even give it a subject. And the one before that I didn't give it a subject. That's weird.

I don't know what that is about. Strange. And then I did Willy Wonka.

That was the 21st of April. Then another one before that I didn't give it a subject. That's kind of the point of the thing, isn't it? Why am I not giving them subjects? Doc job.

That's the one 31st of March. This year 2025 homes, cleaning jobs, New Year's Eve. Monday's boring objects.

So I did a recording on New Year's Eve last year. And there's an hour and hour and 40 minutes. So maybe I was actually talking about New Year's Eve's that I'd spent over the years.

And then the Monday before that it was Christmas. Well, it was probably Christmas Eve, wasn't it? New Year's Eve, Christmas Eve. So I talked about Christmas for one hour and 18 minutes.

Blimey. Then what before that I'll talk about friends. Hairstyles before that.

Counseling degree. Girlfriends, girlfriends. Girlfriends lasted two hours and seven minutes.

What the heck's that about? Online IQ tests. Two hours and 14 minutes. So I actually did an online, I did online IQ tests.

Wow. I kind of vaguely remember that. That was in October last year.

Yeah. So today, what did I say I was going to talk about? I can't remember. Oh, I have a... Not deliveries.

Oh, Buddhism. So I'm not going to talk about Buddhism. I'm not going to talk about Buddhism itself.

I'm not going to go into details, you know, about what Buddhism is and stuff. But I'm going to talk about my experiences with Buddhism from from an early age and then onwards. So just let you know, I do have a Facebook group called Jason Newland's Boring Group.

The link is on my website. I also have a YouTube channel at Jason Newland. I'm just going to go back to doing, I tried to make some videos the last few days and it takes so long.

And my head looks, my face looks like a tomato. I'm not. Yeah, I'm just going to go back to doing audios.

It's much more relaxed for me. I'm just talking to the microphone, I can look at the computer screen if I want to. I can close my eyes, I can just chill out.

And yeah, this suits me better. Better, better, better, better, better. And what else? So yeah, that's it.

I'll probably just continue, go back to uploading on YouTube, my six versions of the recording, you know, without music and with music, five and 10 hours. Yeah. Today's the second of June 2025.

I got my Universal Credit, an email from them telling me to check some stuff and I didn't understand it. I genuinely didn't understand it. And then, then I got a letter through today.

So apparently I'm on New Style Employment and Support Allowance. On your interview, on there's a little gap, but you, you had an interview. So they did call me last week with us to agree what you need to do to get New Style ESA.

This is known as your claimant commitment. You agreed your claimant commitment on the 28th of May 2025, which was Thursday, Wednesday, Wednesday, last Wednesday. What happens next? We were right to tell you if you can get New Style ESA and if so, how much you will get.

So at this point, I don't even know if I'm getting it. I don't know when they're going to tell me. And then this is absolutely, it's kind of, it's, it's funny, but it's not funny because it's very confusing.

I've got a letter about another one about my employment and support allowance. Your contribution based employment and support allowance will change to New Style Employment and we will book an appointment. So I get this, they sent this on the 25th.

Bearing in mind, it's, so they sent this on or it's dated the 25th, which would be the Sunday before last. So it would have been sent out earliest on the Monday. So it's literally taken, yeah, it's taken a whole week to get here.

So I'm not sure how that works. And now I've got a letter from the rent for the council. RE rent reminder.

It appears you have not received your rent. We have not received your rent payment on time and you now owe £168.90. If you have paid within the last few days, thank you and please disregard this letter. And it's given me like a list of things that will happen.

Overpayment, payment overdue, that leads to legal action, court proceedings, then eviction. A little bit heavy handed. I mean, my rent's 10 years, my rent's always been paid.

And the only reason it's not been paid yet is because the benefits have changed over. They're just, so does that mean I owe £168.90? I don't know. This is confusing me.

I really think, you know, if you owe £168.90, the word legal actions, court proceedings and evictions shouldn't not be on that letter. It's just really, it's weird. I'm not not a big fan of that.

If you are having difficulty paying your rent, please contact us. And if you normally pay your rent with housing benefit, or have made a claim for universal credit, then it may have been suspended or stopped. Wow.

The thing is, these letters are just generic, aren't they? No one's actually like thinking, all that Jason, I want to get him now. And typing it out. It's just, I guess if you go, I mean, £168.90, the rent's £104 a week.

So that's not even two weeks rent. And they send in a letter out. So I don't know.

Very strange. Very, very unusual behaviour. I personally think.

Should I talk about rent? I can't even remember a lot of the rents I've paid over the years. That might be more interesting, or less interesting, more boring. I've just met Vinnie.

Vinnie just said, Oh, you're all over the place. I know. Why are you making so much noise? You've already ruined one recording today, Vinnie.

Why don't try and ruin this one as well? I'm doing it all on my own, he said. That's so rude. Stop being so rude.

Don't flap your ears at me. You've got such an attitude now as you're getting older. Yes, you have.

You're getting an attitude. You need to calm yourself down. No, don't look away.

Look at me. You need to calm. He's so cute.

He's wiggling his tail. It's both his ears are up and he's turning his head. He's so damn cute.

Yes, you are. I finally found some food that he likes. That he really likes.

And I can't remember what it's called. I'll tell you though. It's like a whole food.

Where is it? I got it from Amazon. I bought it on Amazon. It's not, you know, an Amazon food.

Where is it? Okay. He really likes it. And I've gone through probably 10 different types of food, trying to find him something that he would almost, I don't want to say get excited to eat, but it seems sometimes he just reluctantly eats what I give him.

It's like, okay. Or eats it if he's hungry, but he doesn't seem to be particularly, you know, excited. Let's have a look.

Past three months. Oh, I got some. Yeah, because I also got some soap and some toothpaste.

Toothpaste and some deodorant. Sketchers shoes on the 13th of May. But my other shoes are falling apart.

Right. So I get these sketches, men's go max athletic. The idea of me buying anything with the name athletic in it is kind of funny to me, but they're supposed to be good for sort of slipping on.

And the weird problem is, and they're supposed to be size 10. They're too loose. They're not too loose.

They're not falling off me when I walk. But they're not. I definitely couldn't run in them.

Again, that's kind of tickles me a little bit because I've said the little visual of me like trying to run. I'm not going to be running in them. But that's not the point is.

I took Vinnie around the field the other day around the actual field fields. And I ended up with a blister on the back of my foot. This is this is wearing socks.

So how much did it cost 50 pound 56 pence supposed to be 10 pence and size 10. And I desperately needed because the other ones when I broke my foot, probably a blimey two years ago. Two years, maybe a year, year and a half.

I can't it's a while. And I couldn't put socks on. Maybe it was when I broke my toe.

I can't remember. But I couldn't put socks on because my foot. It must have been my toe.

Oh, was it when I kicked the wall? When I was asleep? I think I kicked the wall. Yes, I broke my toe, my big toe. And it wasn't on purpose, by the way.

So I was hobbling around for a while. I couldn't put my socks on. That was just a just no, no, no.

So but luckily, the shoes I had were comfortable enough. The former sketches ones I had. To not need to not need socks.

And I went for about a year where I didn't wear socks at all. Some would say that's gross. But it's it's not the worst thing I've done.

So it's it probably maybe is. Maybe it is grim, I don't know. But I went for the whole winter about wearing socks.

I was outside didn't need socks. Just got used to it. And there was a degree of freedom.

I quite liked. I enjoyed that. I don't know, just a little bit of was relaxing.

It was I didn't feel so restricted. But then the shoes I had started falling apart in internally. And also at the bottom.

They just worn out by basically, because I do I suppose I do quite a bit of walking through the week taking him out and stuff. So I could no longer wear I can no longer have them without socks. So I started wearing socks.

But then they just became really uncomfortable because there's just it's like stick things sticking into my foot. That's why I had to better go and buy some new shoes. And I do think maybe I could go back to not wearing any socks again.

But it turns out I'm going to need to wear two pairs of socks really, if I want them to fit tight now nicely. If I was going to walk around the field like I did before, I probably need two pairs of socks. But the question is why it is only my right heel blister, but my left heel didn't.

I mean, I wasn't hopping. I'd use both feet. So why did only one blister and the other one did not.

That just seems a bit strange. So Oh, okay, we'll try dog food, dog food, and just my delivery, by the way, I just had a few, a few. I think that's why I'm kind of losing track of where I am with this recording a little bit.

Because I've had a few interruptions from Vinnie from the door going from the door going twice once when the post got delivered, and Vinnie went absolutely. And then I got my delivery and Vinnie went. And earlier we had someone in the garden and talking a loudness or volume that's unnecessary.

Really, I think she did he or she, when they talk on their phone, have the phone on loud speaker, and they walk to the next road. So I think what they do, they leave their phone, like the other side of the road or something and then come back into the garden and talk. That's what it sounds like.

So loud. Lily's Kitchen natural adult dog food. Now, it was £6.56 and it was six tins, 150 grams each.

I give him half a tin per meal. Basically, because he adds treats and he eats the dry food and stuff in between. So I did give him the whole packet, I gave him the whole tin.

And he couldn't eat it all, it's too much. So I'm just giving half at a time. He loves it.

I don't have to coax him to eat it, which I did before with the other stuff. And I really have, I mean, you might think, oh, wait a minute. It was a one time purchase.

So I paid £7.29. Really? £7.29, does it tell me how much I paid? Delivered 28th of May. Buy it again. Okay, let's have a look.

Buy it again, £7.29. Yeah, that's how much I paid. The six. So I'm going to have another look to see what other, what other foods visit the store.

Lily's Kitchen. Calling all daring dogs. Shop dog food.

Okay, that's what we want. I'm not, I'm not happy now because they also serve, they help. I don't want to buy food that also makes food for cats.

It's just, it just feels unfair for Vinnie. Shop dry food. No.

Well, I suppose I could. Shop web food. Let's have a look.

See what different ones they've got. So they've got ones in big tins, which I don't want. Classic dinners.

That's the ones I got. Classic dinners, multi-pack six times 150 gram. Oh, I can also buy them.

What's this? £13.49. £13. How many is in that one then? 30 is cottage pie pack of 10. It's, oh, it's not £13.

It's £12.14. So it's a different, it's a discount, but that's the same, the same one. I'd like the idea of maybe me, you know, having options, having different ones. I don't want to just get him like 10 of the same.

Although there's quite a few different ones that they do. They've got, let's have a look. Beef goulash.

Cottage pie. Lean machine, whatever that is. Great British breakfast.

Sunday lunch. Chicken and turkey casserole. Lamb hot pot.

Lamb tagine, tagini. Fishy pie. Fishy fish pie.

Fishy fish pie, as opposed to what kind of other fish pie. Coronation chicken. Okay, so that's all the ones they do.

It's still a good, oh no, there's more. Beef supper, lamb supper, chicken supper. And you've got organic as well.

So I don't know how many's in that one. One, two, three, four. Is it four for £14? That seems a little bit, oh no, it's a pack of 10.

£14, a pack of 10. Okay, so I'll go back. So there's quite a few.

Let's have a look at some of these other ones. This is a pack of, pack of one. Lily's Kitchen, six weekend favourites.

Okay, so that's £7 a note. It is £8.49. But there's cheaper ways of getting it. Lowest price, other sellers, £7.75 plus free delivery.

So why is it costing more from the actual place that makes the stuff? That don't make so much sense. Where are they getting it from? Or are they buying it in bulk and then dividing it into smaller packs? Or, you know, I knew what I meant when I said what I said. I could put it down on my Amazon list if anyone's interested in buying Vinnie some food.

Let me know if you are because honestly, I have tried. Here's what I've bought him so far. Winnelott Meaty Chunks, Winnelott Sunday Dinners, Caesars Country Stew Adult, and Lily's Kitchen, so that's recent.

The other ones, Pedigree Chum, Adult Wet Food. So what other ones have I got him? Some of it might actually have been from Sainsbury's, so it won't be on here. But he's had lots of different, oh, another Pedigree Chum, different one.

Sultana Cake, no that was from me. I do like a bit of cake, hard to believe, but I do use, I do use like a bit of cake. Oh, Morrison's Chocolate Eclairs.

I ordered that at some point in the past. I haven't ordered anything from Amazon like the shopping groceries for ages. I use Uber Eats now because Amazon kept not delivering the stuff that I ordered.

So they use Morrison's and had a few examples when they just didn't, the stuff wasn't in the bag. You get a refund and stuff, but I just didn't, that wasn't quite what I was looking for. You know what I mean? Sketchers Men's Go Max.

Delivered Tuesday 10th of June. Oh, free delivery Tuesday. I was going to say I didn't buy it on 10th of June.

It's only the 2nd of June now. I did buy some FM London, one, two, three, four, five, eight pack. There was an eight pack of boxes or underwear and they were too small.

Just too, they weren't too small, but they were just too tight. So I can't really wear them. And I can wear them, but they're just a bit too tight, you know, a bit too.

Oh, look at this. Just looking at some of the stuff I've bought on Amazon. It's just been food.

Just looking at other dog food. It must be, oh, Wag Complete Dog Food. So I've bought, oh yeah, James Well Beloved Adult Dog Food.

And according to this, I bought socks, but I don't know where any of them are. Now, I'm not sure how many of those have been eaten by Vinnie. Possibly a few, possibly, I mean, genuinely possibly a few have been eaten by him or hidden.

He might have a stash somewhere. I don't know where he would have them. Oh, wow.

There's a muzzle that I got for Logie. So that's quite a while back, isn't it? It doesn't say what date it was. Man.

Right, I can't find any others. So yeah, what was I talking about? What was we talking about? Oh, this is going to be one of those recordings where I don't actually get to the point. And as we all know, that doesn't happen very often.

Maybe. Should we stick with the Buddhist? So my first interest in Buddhism, I would say probably came when I watched Kung Fu on TV, Kung Fu show. And Grasshopper, I don't know if you remember.

And there was one scene where he was locked in a, I don't know what it was called, like a heated little shed thing, you know, like a coal bunker thing. And he was locked in there overnight, or for two days or three days. And he, when they opened the door expecting him to be in a not very good space, he was calmly meditating, smiling.

And if I remember correctly, they were so annoyed that they closed the door again. But that might just be added, I might just added that myself. And that's when I started thinking, and like, oh, because I've been in, I've been in a situation where I was locked in cupboards and locked in places.

And like, I didn't know how to deal with it. And I thought, oh, there is a way of dealing with that kind of stuff where you, you know, to calm yourself down. I didn't really understand because I was like eight, nine years old.

But I liked it. I liked it a lot. I did.

I liked it. And I thought, hmm. And then I remember seeing Incredible Hulk.

And he also used to try and work or, you know, find ways to calm himself down, so that he didn't get angry, because you wouldn't like him when he got angry. And this was the TV show from the 70s. And I guess early 80s as well.

And again, I was kind of like, okay, because I had a few anger stuff issues, I guess back then, I would explode. So I could see the similarity between me and the Incredible Hulk, except I just turned red, and stayed the same size, other than that, and didn't get any stronger, but just screamed. Like a banshee.

So I, I was kind of like, that seed was sown, the idea of finding a way to calm down my mind, or calm down me. And I was, I guess I was a little bit of a stress head. When I was a kid, and I didn't even know why.

I wasn't, I didn't understand why I was how I was. And I remember one particular time, I went home from school, and we were still living in the house where my nan and gran had moved in. So I would have been about nine, eight or nine.

I went into the kitchen, and I, and my stepmom said, what, are you alright? I said, yeah, I'm fine. He said, go on, you don't look very, and I started crying, and I'm sort of just uncontrollably crying, and I didn't know why. And it was, I just remember that.

And it happened a few times, it still happens as an adult sometimes. But it was really just like built up. And I didn't really, I had no way of dealing with it.

I guess I had no way of dealing with what happened in the past. I didn't understand it. None of it really made sense.

But I could see the benefit of some kind of, I knew it was meditation. So I don't know how I knew it was meditation. Maybe someone told me that was that Kung Fu was doing in that, like, dungeon-y room thing that he was locked in, like a hot room or something.

But yeah, those seeds were planted, it was like, maybe there is a way to calm myself. And then I, when my dad was ill, he had to have a serious operation when I was about 12, I'd say, maybe 11. So at that time, I turned to the New Testament.

It kind of coincided when the Gideon Society came around the school and probably right at the beginning of the first year of high school, they handed these Gideon Bibles. I've got one on the shelf, actually. It's not the same one.

But it is the same one. It's a red Gideon's Bible and that they produced probably millions over the years, hundreds of millions, probably. And I read it.

I spent all my time reading it really. And there was a degree of meditation that came from that for me. By letting go and not clinging on to stuff and not getting angry with people.

But at the same time, I was letting people get away with stuff that I would not normally have done at school and that. So, you know, it didn't last long. But it lasted till my dad had his operation and was better.

So then I went back to my old ways. And then when I was, then I started doing karate. And there was a degree of self-control involved in that.

There is definitely, I would say, a degree of controlling the anger. Because it's a very, it's a discipline, isn't it? Like all sports, it's a discipline. So I was starting to learn a bit of discipline.

I'd already been in the Sea Cadets, so I had to learn that kind of discipline as well. Being shouted at and not reacting. Which, yeah, wasn't easy.

But then I went on a a religious education trip, school trip to London, visiting a few different religious places. So we went to a church, I think we went to a Muslim place, a Jewish place, a Catholic place and a Buddhist place. We might have even gone to a Sikh place.

So we went to quite a few different places and didn't spend a huge amount of time there, but because there was nothing there. There was just like empty buildings really. So we kind of had to look around.

But when we got to the Buddhist centre in London, there was people there. And we all sat around and they answered questions because we didn't have that with any of the other places that we visited. So, you know, it was probably a bit more enjoyable because there was interaction.

And then they did, they answered questions and I kept asking questions about karate, because they did karate there as well. So that kind of, I think I annoyed everyone else in the group. And then I was also the first time I ever had a McDonald's milkshake.

Oh my goodness, that was phenomenal. So two really lovely experiences in one day. So what they did at the London Buddhist Centre, which is in Bethnal Green, I think, we did some meditation that probably lasted 10 minutes, maybe 15 minutes.

And we all sat on mats, they had bells and incest was burning. And it was like really, I liked it a lot. I mean, really, really liked it.

In fact, I think if I'd have been closer, if there'd have been one in my town, I possibly would have gone. I mean, I might not have been allowed to go, but I would have probably asked to go and maybe sneaked in just for the meditation because I needed it. I so needed it.

The way to calm my mind. Actually, I'm starting to think why don't I go? I should go back. So that was that experience.

And then I left school the next year. And I didn't do anything other than just try and survive really. So I gave up the karate, I didn't had no interests really.

And then it was probably 1989, I decided I became very interested in comedy. I started to write journal. And then 1990, after living in London for a while, I came back to town I was used to living.

And I decided to become a comedian, a stand up. So I planned and I was going to move back to London the next year. And I did.

So I went back to London 91. And then probably about 92. Maybe 93.

But I'd say probably about 92. I started getting interested in beat generation books, like the Dharma Bums, the I don't know, there's so many different ones, wasn't there? On the Road and the Dharma Bums, both by karaoke, karaoke, Jack Kerouac, and then Allen Ginsberg, and Cassidy or whatever, lots of different ones. And as I have a tendency to do in my life, I collected every single book I could on the subject, every single beat book, every poetry book, everything.

I'm not saying I had all those books, but I collected all the ones I could afford to get. And I did that for the next three years, up to one, probably the next couple of years to 2004. And 1994, sorry, not 2004, 1994.

So I got very much into, after that, though, I got into Buddhism. Well, actually, probably more Taoism to start with. Because the beat generation, a lot of what they're talking about was very Buddhist, very Taoist, or Taoist, however you want to pronounce it.

And that interested me. So I kind of from there got back into interested in Buddhism, interested in, I mean, I remember I used to go to school, go to school, go to work. And I would be reading books like Confucius books, or Zen books about Zen, maybe the cones or not like ice cream cones, but or is it koans.

And I'd have these, I think the right word is pithy, you know, like there'd be a book of sayings, and I'd read those in my breaks at work. So I got very involved in Buddhism, but only in a sense of reading the books. And then 2005, or 2000.

Yeah, between. Yeah. So between that time in 2005, September, August.

No, when was it? Probably. Blimey, November, maybe. 1995.

I keep it so long ago, I can't. It's like 1995. That was like, there was a different century.

So 1995, I I sold all my books, all my Buddhist books. And I had a good collection, a large collection. But I sold them all.

And because I was basically being evicted, and I needed somewhere, I needed some cash. And I worked at Butlin's. So yeah, didn't really work out.

We worked out in the end. But I love that little collection. And it's, I had, yeah, I had a good collection of books back then.

Probably a good couple 100 books. Yeah. And then nothing.

Honestly, up from 95, then 96. I did rebuy another book, which was the, it was a Buddhist book, the Tibetan. I still, it's not the same one, but it's the same one.

So I basically had that book three times now. And it's on my bookcase. It's a red cover, I forget.

Something par for good fortune. It's making me want to read it again. Strange, isn't it? So I bought that, and I was reading that when I was doing a security job during 96, 97.

And I think I also got, I also had, see, this is weird. I've had this book. It is Teachings of the Buddha.

And I've had it since probably 1993. I've still got it. So go and get it.

Where's my book? Where's my book? Oh, there it is. Still can't find that book, the other one, can I? Ouch, ouch. There's obstacles everywhere.

Okay, I'm back. The cover, there's like a, I guess it's a dust cover or whatever, so it's very worn now. But it's called The Teachings of Buddha.

And it's one side's English, the other side is, I don't know, Chinese, Mandarin, I'm not sure what the what the language is. It might be Japanese, actually. I'm not sure.

Teachings of the Buddha, what year was this printed? Oh, it's Japan. Yeah, so it's Japanese. So it's English and Japanese.

1966, it was printed. And then again, the revised edition. Wow, 703rd revised edition.

703 revisions of this. 1991, this was so this this was from 1991. So I probably got it in about 92.

It's the only item that I have from that long ago. And then you know how much it cost me? 25 pound. Still got the price tag on it on the inside.

25 pound. When you consider at the time, my rent was 40 pound a week. I was earning 100 pound a week in my job.

So I spent 25 pound on a book. Which kind of shows how interested I was in the subject. Because so English and Japanese and there is how many pages? Over 600 pages.

But it's not a big book. It's, you know, quite small. The writing is quite small.

So yeah, it's, it's good. It's very, in a way, it's kind of similar to the Gideon's Bible, in a sense of, you can look up things to focus on. So for example, if you're interested in, I should be at the back actually.

Yes, at the back, like a glossary. No, it isn't. It's not all, oh, there is a there's a also.

Okay. So there is like, it's an index. So if you want to look at truth, or you want to, okay, do not forget what you are seeking.

Do not let your mind be disturbed, even under unsatisfactory circumstances. So there's little things like that you can go into and say, okay. It can help in a few, you know, I suppose, stuff when it's getting when things are maybe a little bit difficult, and the meaning of life, a prejudiced life, and the five things that no one can accomplish in this world.

The four truths in this world. Is faith is a manifestation, I can't even say the word. But anyway, the reason I'm getting it out is because I just, I forgot, I don't think I've got that book, but I forget that that book predates every other item or belonging that I have in the world.

I have nothing that's in that book. I mean, even my internal organs have regenerated in that time, because it's a it's every seven years, our organs regenerate over time. So that book's older than me, technically.

It was born when I was 21. That book. So in a sense, like my son, or my daughter, that book is.

And it's the only thing, even when I was destroying books, back in 2014. I wouldn't go near that one. I mean, it's not that it's irreplaceable, because it's probably probably now on its 9000th edition, reprint or whatever.

But it's, yeah, it's traveled with me, you think about it, it's traveled for so it was in Stratford, and it's traveled with me all the different places I've moved. So let's count those. So from from Stratford, 94 to another place in Leighton, so it's one.

Then again, stayed with me there. Then to Ireland, then back to London. So it's four places, just been to Ireland.

It's been into Bognor, Regis, then back to London. Then to another place in London, another place in London. Then another place in London, then Ipswich.

Another place in Ipswich, another place in Ipswich. Another place in Ipswich, another place in Ipswich. That's 14 so far.

Then where I'm living now. That's 15. Now where I moved, so here's rather in 16, 17, 18, 19.

19 or 20. So about 19 or 20 different places I've lived since I got this book. I think it's more than that.

I've moved probably more than that. I'm just the old 21, 22. Yeah, maybe 23.

Between 21 and 23 times I've moved since I've got this book. So it's moved around with me. Now, had I thought about it, I would have took it with me to when I went to Amsterdam or when I went to the Isle of Man or when I went to Bulgaria or when I went to Thailand or whatever.

I could have sort of taken it with me as my travel companion. But I didn't think about it. I like to travel light.

Not in physical weight, but just generally light. So yeah, so that I've got that book. So that's been with me the whole time.

I generally don't really look at it. Oh, I should have got that other book, shouldn't I? The other book that I've got, Path of Great Fortune, Noble Path of Great Fortune or something it's called. So what year am I up to on this? So yeah, I think when I got involved in about 2000, 1997, blimey, I keep saying 2000.

1997, I started getting into self development. And before that I was, it's going to be strange because I never really did any sales. In the 90s, I tried a few different sales jobs and failed every single one of them.

And because they were always, not always, but one wasn't, but most of them were, you know, bonus only, no actual pay unless you sell. I couldn't keep it up because I always, I had a tendency of starting those jobs. They're not hard to get, because there's nothing for the people to lose, is there really? The companies, they take you on, they don't pay you anything.

And they give you a commission. So they'd have to pay you a commission if you make money. It's a win win for them.

So I didn't get, you know, but I was interested in selling and I had lots of selling books, lots of sales books. And I used to read those books for fun. In the 90, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99.

It's weird, I just, in fact, earlier than that, I started reading sales books in 1989, when I was doing canvassing. And I just liked the positivity of it. Anything that could help me to feel a little bit more positive was a good thing.

But I did go off the rails a bit during the 90s. And then I started doing sales in 2001 as a job, like full time properly. So, you know, I kind of began reading books again on sales and listening to audio tapes by Zig Ziglar and people like that.

I kind of, yeah, I'd, I'd lost contact with the Buddhas, the Buddhism stuff. I didn't have anything to do with that. Although I did have my little book here, but I didn't look at it.

And then probably about November 2002, or the end of 2002, I was in much need to, for help as far as relaxing, as far as anxiety control and stuff like that. So what happened is, I used to walk past this place every day, a Buddhist center. No, it was a Buddhist shop, and then I realized it was a Buddhist center.

And then I kind of started thinking about going in there. And I knew it was open on I think a Wednesday or Tuesday evening. And I don't know, it, it kind of pulled me in a little bit.

So I was going into the shop, quite regularly, and buying gifts, it's a gift shop called Evolution. So I buy gifts for my Nan, I buy gifts for family from there, because I liked it in there. I like the atmosphere.

I like the calmness of the people that were working there, who I ended up being friends with, I ended up actually working there myself. But at that time, I wasn't going to the Buddhist center. And then I'm not quite sure how it worked, but I ended up going.

And from then on, in fact, that very first night, I met my friend who I'm going to see in a couple of hours. And he he was there. And we just got on really well.

I mean, what's that? 2002. 345. So that's what? 20, 23 years.

23 years. Yeah. So I've known him for 22, 23 years.

Even lived with him for a little while, worked with him twice. So, because he lived in a Buddhist community, when I moved in, they moved out. He moved out after a couple of weeks, but he was planning on moving out anyway.

That's why they were looking for someone to move in. And I worked with him in the evolution shopping hips, which he got me a job there. Because after going to the Buddhist center for a while, for about a year, yeah, I kept, I kept my job going for as long as I could, I didn't want to leave my job.

I didn't want to lose it, didn't want to leave it. Because I was good at it. And, you know, I was doing quite well.

But I wasn't well enough to keep going. And then in the end, I had to leave. So it's another year.

So it's the end of 2003. Even though I'd gone part time, I just packed it in. Couldn't do it anymore.

And that Christmas, my friend offered me a job, just over the Christmas period, working in the evolution shop. Because that was their busiest part of the whole year. So I did, I worked there for not every day, probably three days a week.

Or, you know, part time, but just, you know, having somewhere, because I needed to have an income. But at the same time, I couldn't work full time. I didn't feel up to that.

So, and I worked there part time until the following August. And I kind of lived on savings really. And then again, ended up living on credit cards and stuff, which wasn't probably the best idea.

And then, and then I left, but I didn't leave the Buddhist Center, but I left the shop, got a job. And I continued going to the Buddhist Center for, so this is 2004. And I had my Mitra ceremony, which is kind of like, I guess, like a christening, like a christening kind of thing.

It's a ceremony. And that was in August 2000, August or September 2004. And then in 2005, I moved into the Buddhist community.

Because I was, I got on very well with the people living there. Well, most of them, I didn't know everyone, but I knew like, at least one, two, three people, four, in fact, four people living there. There was another person I didn't know so well, but he moved out, and another person, my friend who, yeah, so.

And I lived there and continued to go to the Buddhist Center from up until I left in 2007, around November time. When I had to find, basically, there was a squirmish, a squirmish. And so I had to move out, and I went and lived, I needed really to live closer to where the university was, which was in a different town, which is what I did.

But then I started going to the Buddhist Center in that town. And then I ended up working in the, because a couple of people knew me, anyway, because it was wasn't that far away. And then I started working in the evolution shop in that town.

Because my friend was working there, the one that got me a job at the evolution in Ipswich, got me a job at the evolution in this town as well. And it was, it was just part time again, during Christmas, their busiest time. And it was handy, because I was a student, and that extra little bit of money was useful.

So I did that on and off for a couple of years. Well, during the period of being at university, really, just part time, Saturdays, not every Saturday, it's just whenever really, Vinnie, don't be barking, please me. And then I, when I finished university, I moved literally around the corner from the Buddhist Center.

So I was probably going a little bit more regular then, because it's just up the road. And then I moved again a year later. And it was also across the road, just like the opposite, but still the same kind of distance.

A little bit further away, but you know, 10 minute walk, five minute walk, six minute walk, 10, seven, eight, nine, something like that. And so I'd go along, I used to go New Year's Eve and stuff like that as well. So I was involved in the Buddhist Center then.

During this period, sort of, especially during 2003, 2004, I bought so many books on Buddhism. It's just, it's one of those things I have a tendency of doing. If I really get into a subject, I'll buy every book I can.

What I find is, to study a subject, I like to, if you, if you read enough books on a subject, you'll start to see repetition. Almost, you know, guaranteed you'll see repetition, but that repetition is good, because then it helps, for me, it helps it to absorb it. And also get to see things from a slightly different angle, or different opinion, or expressed in a slightly way, you know.

So that's what I did, bought a lot of books, I ended up giving most of them to the reason I know is because I didn't print. I didn't print, because I printed the Buddhist Center's printer on it. But I didn't give this one away, kept this one.

This was never, this will be with me. This will be with me, this is, this is with me forever, I guess now. And when I moved away to here, so there's a lot of things happened in the Buddhist world, you know, since I've been involved with, I went to retreats, and I went on a pain management retreat as well, back in 2005, I think, unless it was 2006.

And I think it might have been 2006. And that was amazing, because I was interested in pain relief. And as a practitioner, and this was like a breathworks, mindfulness, pain relief.

And it lasted for about a week, I think, two weeks a week, I think about a week. So as well as being a retreat, it was also training as well. Yeah, so I used to go out and meet up with Buddhists, I used to meet up with my friend that I'm seeing today.

When I was in the same town, you know, when I first started going to the to the Buddhist Center, we used to meet up quite often, once a week, once every two weeks. And he almost kind of became like a counselor to me. It wasn't the idea, it wasn't the plan.

And that wasn't his intention. But I used to just go and unload. And he'd just sit there and listen.

And you know, it was probably wasn't really fair on him. But he was so, so gentle, and so what word, attentive. And I said to him, why don't you, why don't you become a counselor? And he said he didn't want to.

But then, once I'd finished my counseling course, he trained up to become a counselor. So he also was a counselor. Well, he's trained.

I don't know if he's seeing clients or not. I don't know. I know I'm not.

I haven't seen clients for over a decade now. I wouldn't even know how. I'm sure I must have some skills.

I don't know. But yeah, so I've seen him go through lots of different things. I mean, he's now got a kid that's probably 13, 12, 13, 14 now.

And I went to his wedding, which was in probably about 2009. Which is yeah, 2009, 2019. So yeah, probably the next year, they had a baby.

So probably 15 years old, his boy now. Wow. It's really weird.

My niece, I got a message from my step mom saying, I'll just let you know that your niece is now, it's her 17th birthday today. This was yesterday. I forgot to send a card, but hey.

And 17. And I remember, it doesn't seem long ago that she was running around to all of us and just punching us all in the balls. You know, what was last year? No, but you know, when she was a little kid, you know what a kid do? They just sort of, they realize they found a place where they can hurt you.

And I had a video camera and I filmed her when she was probably five, four, something like that. And she was at a dinner table, it was at Christmas and I was filming. And she was just being so funny.

It's like making faces and doing all funny voices and stuff. But I lost it. I lost the film footage.

I don't know what happened. And it's a little bit unlike me because I did, I kept a lot of film footage that, well, most film footage that I took with that camera is actually on YouTube now. That wouldn't be, of course, because it's of family and stuff.

I wouldn't show, wouldn't have videos of kids and stuff on my YouTube channel. Even when my neighbor, I was filming Vinnie in their garden. And I made sure that the little girl wasn't in the camera, you could hear her voice, but I'm not filming.

I just want to, all I want is to film Vinnie. I don't want to film humans. I don't want humans on the camera.

He's laying on the floor, the windows, the curtains are open and there's sun shining in and he's found the one little part where the sun's still shining on the carpet. Honestly, it's, it's almost dog-shaped size. It, he fits in it perfectly.

It's a tiny little bit on the carpet that's got sun. He just makes me laugh. He's so funny.

He's so cute, but I don't know if I went over and I touched him, he'd growl at me. Doesn't like being disturbed. It's okay for him to disturb me.

It's fine, but me to disturb him. Mind you, I woke up this morning and he was just standing over me and I thought he needed to get up and go, but he didn't. He didn't want to go out, didn't want anything.

And as soon as I got out of bed, he just went back and laid down to go to sleep. So I'm thinking he woke me up. So maybe I was making some weird noises or something and he was concerned.

So he, he woke me up or he was protecting me, guarding me or something. Which, or just watching me. Either he was, he, he was helping me or he's just a weirdo.

Bit of both. Ah, tech stuff. Let's see if I've got any messages.

Okay. Right. PayPal.

Yeah. That's, that's just for the groceries I got delivered. Which is fine.

Okay. It's not coming up. Right.

Another message. My, my, what's it downstairs? Jason. Sorry, babe.

Do you have any fizzy drink? As my sugar levels are really low. I don't have nothing. I don't.

Sorry. I'm not allowed to drink fizzy drinks. Although saying that sometimes I have, or I could give her an ice cream.

I've got on. Yeah, I could give her that. I'll be, I just got some Cornettos.

I could give her a Cornetto, I suppose. Every day she asks for something. The weird thing about it, she doesn't even talk to me.

She like has no conversation with me at all, but constantly asking stuff. So that's today. Yesterday.

Hi, Jason. Do you have some juice, please? As I literally only have one, only have tap water. That was yesterday.

And last Tuesday, do you have any frozen meals? I could nick because I'm waiting on the food bank. And the Thursday before that, can you put, if you want to make, have someone put money into my account. And in the Monday before that, have you got some butter I can borrow to butter some rolls? And then the Sunday before that, is there any way you can order me some white chest of drawers on a pay monthly for the baby as I got so much baby clothes now, nowhere to put them.

And I can pay you once a month towards it. Like, no, I can't get credit. I literally cannot get credit.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. It's amazing. Absolutely amazing.

And so length. Okay, the the Sunday before that, you got a lighter please. And Sunday before that, can you keep my key? Can you keep an eye on my flat? It goes on.

I told I had a friend that did this. It's okay. And then the 30th of April, do any money I could have because I need to go to London I need 20 pound, which I didn't have any money.

So that was the 25th of April. 5th of April, don't suppose you've got 15 pound I can have so I can get a or if you can just order me an egg, egg fried rice, satay chicken and chips from the Chinese. It's like, what did I answer? No.

Got no money but you can have a pasta pack just needs boiling. I left a bag outside your door. I don't think she ate that.

And then the Thursday before that. The Wednesday before that, um, do you have any potatoes? Friday before that? Do you have any chocolates? And Friday 21st of March? I wonder if you had any money I could borrow for taxi. Okay, which I didn't.

And then the Monday. Blimey, that's amazing. This is amazing.

The Monday 17th March. I wonder if you could transfer me 17 pound. So I can give you cash at midnight.

Or if you can borrow me the money, could you order me a Big Mac? That was a no. And 27th of February. Is there any way you could do me a big favour and try and get me an iPhone please? Mine keeps turning off and is smashed.

And I'm having to whatever I'm not gonna be the whole thing out. I can pay you next week when I'm paid. And I said I have no money is get paid monthly.

And I said I'm I can't I can't. Can't borrow any money. Whatever look 19th of February.

We'll be able to ask can I can you borrow a 60 pound? I said sorry, I've already lent someone 80 pounds and they didn't pay it back, which left me with nothing. What other one? What's the next one? Just gonna keep just going back. All right.

January. So have you got any eggs? This is last January. Third of January.

Do you have any? Do you have 10 pound I can borrow? Third of January. And you take haven't got any? Yeah, painkillers. 17th of December last year.

Any painkillers? 15th of December. You got a lighter please? And 23rd of October. Do you have 17 pound? You can put in my account.

I don't have any money so I couldn't. 19th of October. Can I six pound or eight pounds to borrow off you? And then a big whatever information.

I said zero cash. 16th the day before. Wow.

Can I borrow you 10 or 15 pound? I got 37 pence I can do that. 15th of October last year. Do you have any newspapers I can use? And 16th of October.

You got any milk? Okay, what's the next one going back? And 7th of October. So this is when this is a time when I was helping her. I had to stop after this.

My heating box is not working. I was wondering if you know how to whatever. Just wondering.

This is 7th of October. Wondering if you have 10 pound till Thursday. As I'm very not very well.

So I put 10 pound in a bank and I just texted that to her. Sorry, I'm in a garage and I'm six pounds short. Could you help me out? Yeah, just goes on and on and on.

It's weird. 17th of August last year. Do you have 30 pound I can borrow to get whatever? Where's she going? Wow.

Friday 19th of July. Could you transfer me 69 pence? And then a little while later, can you put 20 pound in my account? And I give you cash. I had no money in my account so I couldn't.

31st of July. Do you have a tape measure? I don't know what that was about. It's a bit random.

Oh, this is good. 13th of July. Could I connect to your Wi Fi please? My data is low.

No, no, no, no, no, no. That you give someone your your password for your Wi Fi. That's it forever.

Then you're never going to get them off. You can block people and you can change the password. But blimey, I can't be bothered with that.

And okay, so we're going back to 7th of July. Wow. 17th of July.

Oh, yeah, I let my umbrella and I didn't get my umbrella back. Then I need you really need your help. I'm in a taxi.

And I only have three pound. I put I have less than you. So what do I do? Wow.

It's weird just looking back at it. It's Oh, yeah, what is this back in? This was like constant. This is a long This is a 27th.

27th of June. 27th of June. So 26th of June.

I'll just want to check you're okay as there is an ambulance outside at 4am this morning. I'm okay. And very like I don't have money for fizzy drink or chocolate.

The ambulance wasn't for her anyway. And so I got I got some coke. Less than coke outside your door.

This is on 27th. Can you Oh, yeah, can you? So if you want to borrow 50 quid? Could you buy me 30 for my prescription? And then later on another 14 pound. Wow, this is just silly, isn't it? Well, I'll move on from that because it's weird because she's only lived here for three months.

And he moved in last month. She's only been here three days. So I think one of the downsides of the Buddhism, I guess was not not downside, but I tried to help people.

I guess one of the downsides of helping people is more here than anywhere else. Not here, but like in this area, people have sort of took advantage of it, or took advantage of the situation. And bit by bit, I've managed to stop it.

I'm still getting asked for stuff, but I just say no. I had another neighbor downstairs knock on my door when I was in bed on Friday, about 11 o'clock, asking if I had 20 pound. She said, Oh, I need I need some tobacco.

You got 20 pound? Well, 20 pound doesn't buy tobacco. It's like 36 pound or something. So 20 pounds not going to get you anything.

And I said, you know, she just want when I said no, she's like, okay, bye. So she didn't hassle me for it. But I don't have any money.

I don't have any cash. I think I'm getting a big sign sticking on my door, my front door. You know, those, what are those, you know, when a shop is empty, and they said, this property does not contain cash.

But some shops have that done in the window, when they're closed. I remember when I worked in a chip shop, he always left the till open. I said, Why'd you do that, then? He said, because if someone does break in there, they can just help themselves to this, because there was always like a float, maybe 20 quid or something, they can help themselves to that and leave.

They haven't got tight, they won't take the till with them. I think the till was quite expensive, probably a few hundred quid. So they won't break the till because generally they'll smash the till up to get into it.

Even though underneath the till was a little catch, which you could push and it would open it. I don't know if they still have that in tills. They had it in a when I was in the comedy club, they had one, which was really old.

And for some reason, my boss liked it, it didn't work at all. But it looked nice, like wooden. But you could open it from the bottom.

So I think maybe a lot of tills, you can just open them from the bottom, but press a button or a lever and they open. So you haven't got to smash them and break them or anything. I'm not giving advice to thieves.

If he wants to break into a shop, here's my advice. No, not really. But yeah, this was about Buddhism.

It didn't really end up being about Buddhism, did it? Not really. Not really. Have I replied to the neighbour downstairs or not? I can't remember.

Wow, that's a lot. I don't. Sorry, I can't reply there.

The thing is, if I do take anything down, like the other day, I wanted to have a chat with her, just to find out what's going on. So can I come in? She said no, got no clothes on. I said that's fine.

And she just doesn't talk to me, doesn't have any conversation with me or anything. Just, it's almost like she doesn't like me at all. Yeah, she'll ask for stuff.

I don't kind of understand that. It's weird. It just seems a bit strange.

I did buy her television. That's a long, a long while ago. That was the 2nd of June last year.

2nd of June? Oh yeah, she wanted me to get her, she asked me to get her a television. And she said, I'd like one like yours, or a little smaller. My answer was, my TV's huge.

There's no way I can... I got this on a special offer, and I paid for it over a long time. But this was like over, I think, a grand, or maybe just under £1,000. It's like, I think, I don't know what size it is.

75, 85, something like that. But she got, I ended up getting her a 55 inch one. So yeah, it's, just have a look when I, my very first message.

What's her very first message? 18th of May, last year. 18th of May, my very first message. So as soon as she got a message, my, my, this is probably the day I gave her the telephone number.

How are you? This is at half six. 18, so it'd be a Saturday, probably. Cool, thanks, just watching boxing.

Okay, that's good. I'm just waiting to see if my friend can borrow me £20 to get food. Something like that, okay.

So I must have, maybe I called her. So I ended up giving her that money. So yeah, that's it.

That's the end of the recording. I'm feeling quite hungry. Anyone else? I can't be bothered to go out though.

I might have to go and get something to eat. I'm not really in the mood. I don't want to go out.

I don't. I really don't. But I don't though.

Here we go. Walking down the street. Quite tired.

How interesting. So I'm just looking at something online. So really, that's pretty much the end of the recording, I do believe.

Is it time to eat though? Because when did I eat last? 9, 10, 11, 12. Yeah, maybe it is. Yeah, I think I'm going to cancel my meeting.

I don't want to go out. After all these nice things I said about him, I just can't be bothered. It's not just, I just can't.

Yeah, yeah. You know, not can't be bothered. That's not the right word.

I have something to eat and then I'll see how I feel afterwards. So yeah, thank you for listening. I feel like I really wound down this recording to almost a standstill.

So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

Deserve to feel safe. Lots of love. Bye.