(no music) Q&A Friday | Let me bore you to sleep #1304 | Jason Newland | 14th March 2025

Hello, and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is a Q&A Friday. Yeah, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Now. All right, if you if you're watching the video, unless you've noticed, but the background is now a little bit different.

Look, a yellow sofa. Or could it be the old sofa with a yellow throw over it? Hmm. If I move my chair like this, can you see the reality look? If you see I could only it was only long enough big enough to cover one half of the sofa.

But it definitely makes it look better. I haven't got the because it's very worn. It's very, it's very old, old sofa.

I actually spoke to a local refuge collector person and mentioned to him that asking if he'd be able to take it away if I give him a hand. And if you'd be able to sort of take it away for me. And he said, Yeah, but depends on how heavy is.

So I might need to get some other help because that is proper heavy. Me and my friend, it was his. So he got another sofa.

So he gave me that one, carried it upstairs and pretty much other than the washing machine. It's the heaviest thing I've ever carried. If I say that was heavy, that was harder than the washing machine because it was awkward.

The washing machine and super heavy. But you know, it was just getting out the stairs and there's too much bending. That was probably the worst part of it.

With the settee. It was just huge to get in. We got it in obviously because it's there.

But and no. Well, I don't I don't necessarily need to get rid of it and get rid of it. I don't have the cover on all the time.

I only put it on there for when I make these recordings. Because yes, not really. Not for me, really.

I'm quite happy just because I don't care what it looks like personally. But you know, I mean, the more videos I make, the more conscious I am of the background being a little bit grim, especially the wall looks like mold, but it's not. It's just the back of some soundproofing.

You can see one side of soundproofing. I've got soundproofing all on this wall in front of me. You can't see I've got soundproofing over there.

I've got soundproofing all on the corner there, which you can't see as well. I've got soundproofing on the door and I've got soundproofing over there. So behind those bookcases.

So there's a lot of soundproofing in this room. It's just I don't know how well it works and I don't I don't even know if I really need soundproofing anymore. Because it doesn't stop the sound from doesn't seem to stop outside sound because most of the outside sound comes from outside.

I guess that's obvious but the because it's the window. And I can't I mean, there are ways of soundproofing a window. But unless it's like super, super, super noisy, I generally just leave it in.

You know, if it's not too much screaming and stuff. And yeah, so what was I gonna say? So yeah, so it's Q&A Friday. What I'd like to do is get some more bookshelves book, I'd like to get a really big bookcase that goes all the way across from one side of the wall to the other.

Doesn't have to be tall, like five foot's fine. But all the way from one end to the other. Or maybe six foot, but all the way so I can reach it, you know, so I can yeah, I can reach six foot.

So because I'm seven foot all the way from one end to the other. And then just have the books and maybe start maybe start my collection up a little bit because I used to love getting books. I mean, over the years, I literally have had 1000s of books.

But now I've got, I don't know, a couple 100 probably. It's hardly any anymore. Which is fine, but it's quality not quantity.

Maybe. So time for the questions. Where are the questions? Okay, I've only got four questions.

So the first one is from Anne. Hi, Jason. Our birthdays are in the same month.

And we are both Virgos. Do you follow astrology? No. Chris asks, as a sleep hypnosis therapist, what is your take on dreams? They're just dreams.

Rick asks, have I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm going back. So I'm going to answer Chris's question as well. Just and you know what, I'm not into astrology so much by used to be.

I used to let me have a look at the name of this astrology magazine. 80s 80s. Because I used to buy a magazine I forget what it was called.

Reve vintage, vintage, vintage, no, nope. Vintage Astrology magazines, 80 magazines 1980s. I used to get it every either every month or every week.

Abba, what's that got? Oh, stars. Blimey. Astrology.

There was a UK I think it was a UK magazine, UK. Spider. Starlog.

I mean, it might have actually been called astrology. Might be called I'm just having a look at this. Astrology, horoscope, astrology, prediction.

It was called prediction. Wow. Prediction magazines or cozy and warm then.

Blimey. Prediction magazine is UK's oldest esoteric and astrological magazine established in 1936. From the same stable as the financial times.

Wow. Previous editions. Okay.

November. I want to go back see if I remember any of the previous editions 1991. Oh.

Previous edition 1991. Merlin in black. So I was I was reading in the 80s.

So they're not going back any further than 1991. That's a shame. It's a shame.

That's a real shame. Because if it's the same magazine as I think it is. I don't think it was a big magazine.

It's quite a small magazine, but like more like like a reader's digest kind of thing. But it had loads of stuff on witchcraft, on magic, on horoscopes, on tarot reading, on anything from tea leaf reading to prediction stuff about Nostradamus. Yeah, all those I suppose psychic readings.

Spiritual spiritualists and things like that. And I used to buy it might not be the same magazine I'm thinking of. Maybe it was astrology.

Esoteric does. I mean, that comes under esoteric crystal heat. Yeah, healing and stuff like that.

I I think it was by looking at the by reading the horoscope, I was quite interested in the the way that it repeats itself every certain amount of years, as in the dates. So I found out I was born on a Wednesday. Horos horoscope dates, repeating every horoscope dates repeating every change.

Oh, I'm not explaining this very well, because I don't understand it probably. But I used to. Okay.

So you got the dates and the dates are the same. Dates become the same every weather. It makes sense to me.

Okay. dates repeating dates repeating. Okay.

Okay. How often in years the calendars repeat the same day date? Here we go. So 12.

Is it six? Is this a loose track? What is this another? Except all cookies. I don't want that. Stop teasing me with cookies.

Nice equation, but incorrect. The day for any day advances one day per year, two days in leap year for another blah, blah, blah. Right.

There used to be a calendar, which you could actually just look at it and then just turn it around. So you can figure out exactly what day each year was. And it was quite simple to use.

But I'm not seeming to find it. So I mean, in answer to the question, not now. I mean, I do read the horoscopes out.

I think the horoscopes you get in newspapers is a little bit I wouldn't really judge anyone to take those judge, I wouldn't really take those seriously. Because millions of people, you know, will have the same horoscope. So like, everybody, all those millions of people are going to have the same thing.

So no, obviously not. But I think we've real astrology. You can get a map made specifically for you, specifically for if you know the time that you were born, the obviously know the date, if you know the time.

And that I used to know an astrologist who that was his thing. And he would put together that was his job. That's what he did self employed.

And he would put together people's maps, I guess. So their horoscope would be specifically for them, as opposed to vague and generalised like it is in the newspapers. When can I reuse this calendar? Okay, so here we go.

The 2025 calendar is reusable in 2031, 2042, 2053, 2059, 2070, 2081. So every 11 years, the calendar is exactly the same. So some people might not know that.

I knew this. I've discovered this. That's what I was trying to say earlier, by the way.

And 87 2081 2087. Really? 81 says I was at because of the leap year, maybe I don't know. 2098 2021 10.

So there is a pattern where the months. So in 2031, every day will be exactly the same date, you know, so Christmas will be on the same day, your birthday will be on the same day, they'll be exactly the same days in each month. So now, leap years every four years in that.

So I've actually got a friend who was born in a leap year. So he's he's always I think he celebrated before. I think he celebrated being 15 or something the other day.

Because he's like 90. And he's like, well, you know, I can understand because it's his birthday is on the whatever the 31st of I don't know whatever year there's an extra day in a month, I think is it's March, isn't it? So he Yeah, so he was born on 31st of March or whatever it was. So he only really gets to celebrate his birthday every four years.

But we all know he's not really 12 or 13. I mean, he's was he blimey? Probably about 70 now. So I don't know what that would be in dog years, horoscope years.

Hmm. So back to the question. I don't follow astrology.

But what I found most interesting about all that stuff is I found all of it interesting, actually. The idea of being able to predict things, the idea of maybe our minds being able to do more than what we realize. I had books on astral traveling, actually tried astral traveling.

And didn't get very far. That's when I realized I was scared of heights. But witchcraft, I got really into that.

As a kid, this is not as an adult. So as a kid, very much into Wicca. And I was was actually doing, you know, I was doing spells and things like that.

And my parents didn't see the care. So I just did it. And I would give my step my money, because I had a paper round.

Or I'd know I did. I had a couple of part time jobs. So I'd give her money and she'd order stuff.

For me, she'd write a check out and I'd send it. And I get these books and these bits and bobs. And in the post by incense, various different things that smell lovely.

And I got a little bit more into it in 2004. Again, but it was more for I don't know, I used to like going into this magic shop for it. So I guess it was a sorcerer's shop.

Kind of, you know, they had incest, but they also had charms. And they had books on magic and things like that. And I got a few books back then.

And I was interested in it, because I guess I've always been quite interested in the I'm not sure I'd call it paranormal, but abnormal. I like the idea of just I like abnormal things, things that are just a little bit different. And it fitted in.

When I was a kid, it fitted in with my belief that I was an alien, and that I had special powers. So that's what I used to believe when I was a kid. And I'm not talking about young, I'm talking, you know, 10, 11, 12.

So it wasn't I'm not sure what that was. I think it might be part of my mental illness, who knows? Or maybe I was just powerful. And I used to used to get me excited.

I'm not a very excitable person. Really, you know, I'm quite laid back. So when I get excited, I quite enjoy the feeling of being excited, you know, so someone's telling me a story.

And usually, you know, perhaps I'm not interested normally when people are talking. Sometimes, well, I'm kind of averagely just chatting, you know, shooting the breeze, as it were. And they might mention something that really wakes me up, like, okay.

And unfortunately, because they have grabbed my attention, I might say, that's the first interesting thing you've ever said. But I don't mean it like that. It's like, it's the first time I've ever been interested in what you said.

Again, that doesn't sound that doesn't come across very well. But when I'm interested in something, I'm really interested in something. I mean, you know, like, it's got all my attention, like completely nothing else.

And I quite like that feeling. I don't get it that often. I've got it now I'm completely focused on this.

But it's look at Vinnie was he doing is he doesn't. He almost melts into the background of that sofa cover. He's a little bit similar color, isn't he? He's red, but he looks a little bit yellow, a little bit yellow.

This just show this is a bit of movie. This is what movies do, isn't it? They because if he was watching a movie, you'd think the whole of that sofa was covered in yellow. And that there's nothing in the background because the microphone is covering it.

But there's actually some package bags that the throw came in, all squashed up in the corner, but you can't see it because of microphones in the way. And you can't see the elephant behind the bookcase. You see, it's just things.

It's very I mean, I could angle the camera in such a way as it looks like there's mainly bookcases, like in the whole room's bookcases. But I can't bothered. What I think bookcase I started off with bookcases in the background, when I very first started making videos in what 2006.

I had this one, two, I think I had three, maybe four bookcases in the background, one on the side, and then maybe three right behind me. And it's the videos are still there. But some of them I think the the earliest or the oldest video I've got is probably April 2007.

That's the oldest video that I've got on YouTube. And I think it's in black and white. But you can see my book collection behind me.

And I just didn't just have book collection, I DVDs on hypnosis, I had tape courses, all kind of manuals, all kinds of stuff. So it's pretty cool. Yeah, I was gonna say the I was interested, I was interested in weird things or things that perhaps other people found weird, and I found fascinating.

And I think maybe growing up in a kind of science fiction, the kind of world on television, maybe that's part of reason I don't know, you know, Star Trek and Logan's run this, you know, the superhero movies, Superman, that Batman TV show, that was a comedy, wasn't it? But a Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica. And then the TV shows like Sapphire and Steel. And there was a lot of Wonder Woman, you know, it was a lot of um, the bionic man, the bionic woman, or the $6 million man, the bionic woman, the Incredible Hulk, these things that weren't necessarily real to life.

Kung Fu, all these things were around when I was little. And, you know, we're going to be shaped by what we watch, what we do, what we see, what we hear, what we listen to, what games we play. It's weird that there's arguments, you know, experts argue about games, about computer games or video games, and how it could affect the kids, like some saying, oh, it doesn't affect them.

Some saying it does. Like, of course it does. Everything we do has an effect.

What kind of an effect will differ from person to person? It's just, it's like, it's obvious. You don't need a PhD to know that. We are affected by everything that goes on in our life.

Every communication can have an effect, maybe slightly, maybe deeply, depends. Maybe it has an effect in that moment, and then you just ignore it. Maybe you don't know it has any effect, but it does, you know, psychologically or unconsciously have an effect on how you are as you move forward in your life.

So just, that's why, that's why I, I like watching stuff that isn't potentially positive, you know, for me. Movies and stuff. I like, you know, I like watching movies and TV shows that are dramatic and stuff, but at the same time, I also listen to positivity recordings, and I try and make more like positive stuff as well to even it out a little bit, you know, so that, to keep me grounded and to realize what I'm watching isn't real.

Because there's a lot, there's a lot of stuff that isn't nice in movies and TV and stuff, but I think I'm at a much older age where I'm going to be less affected by it, because I know who I am, kind of. Kind of, do I? I don't know. Do we ever? I don't know.

So no, I don't follow astrology, but I used to. I used to be interested in those things connected to that world. I mean, maybe call it esoteric.

I mean, I never used to really know that word until I was in my 30s. I never used the word esoteric really, but you could include Buddhism and Taoism, and various religions kind of a part of that, came out of that. You know, a lot of religions have come out of very superstitious, old-fashioned kind of stuff, like mixture.

I mean, for example, when Buddhism left, because some people think that Buddhism came from China, which it did not. Some people think Buddhism came from Tibet, which it did not. So, which it did not.

So it's India. Buddhism came from India. Padmasambhava.

Oh, I know stuff. Wow, I forgot that. So Padmasambhava went from India, I think, to China, and then it kind of spread.

But every time it was taken to another country, they molded it and introduced it in a way that fitted in with the original belief of that tribe, or that people, whoever the people were. They integrated the Buddhist philosophy into what they were already doing. So you've got Tibetan Buddhism, where they're doing the old bells, and the incense, and all that stuff, which is not part of Buddhism.

Well, it is now, but it wasn't part of Buddhism. It wasn't really a thing. It was just, it was introduced.

And then you got Chinese Buddhism, and that was different as well. It's still the teachings, and it's still just done by mouth, wasn't it? Start with hundreds, maybe thousands of years, I don't know. I mean, it's about two and a half thousand years old.

When did we start writing on paper? Humans? I don't know. But we went centuries before, you know, from Jesus, from the various leaders, you know, the main people in different religions, went centuries where it was word of mouth. So a huge amount of what I would say a huge amount of what is said that the main figure of those religions were supposedly have said, it's actually just been adapted by people later on, possibly to suit their own needs.

I don't know. Possible. Human beings as human beings can be.

And so, I mean, they did that in this country, didn't they, with the Bible, they changed the Bible in order to control people. And I imagine that's been done with lots of religions. I mean, it's quite a good way to control people.

And I kind of understand it. Because, you know, you think hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years ago, people's lives weren't great. You know, they didn't have what we have now.

So they needed something else. And they needed to believe that there was more than this. And I can understand that.

Yeah, I'm just like, if someone's in prison, they need to believe that they're going to be released. If they know if they think they're never going to be released. They got no hope.

If they have to believe that they're going to be released. And that release is equivalent of some pretty much going to heaven, isn't it? Like there needs to be something better after this after the after the situation they're in. Did you know that going to heaven is very much like being released from prison? I didn't know that was going to come out of my mouth today.

And see, yeah, I do like all that stuff. I would say I believe I don't disbelieve. And the problem is, there's not a problem.

But there's so many connections between things. If you look at religion, and then you look at things like witchcraft, and there's so much in common. And then you look at hypnosis.

And you look at witchcraft. There's so much in common. It, you know, it's a what came before has evolved into different things.

And yeah, I won't go into details what I've noticed, but just it's kind of weird, not just in a kind of cute way, I think, in some ways, how someone might be completely against another thing, like dead against it. But at the same time, they share so much in common. Which as human beings, we do, don't we? Those that are human, they share so much in common.

And I find that another thing I find that quite interesting is some people with their belief system, let's not use religion belief system, they'll be so nice. And it'd be the nicest person you'll ever meet. They'll do anything to help you.

They'll be generous, kind, loving. If you go against what their belief is, you, you prod, you push the wrong button. Which is, you know, the yeah, you challenge a belief that is so ingrained in them, that maybe they've been raised and brought up with that belief system.

So even if they wanted to think differently, even if they wanted their brain to be activated, so they could sort of see both sides or to have more intelligence, they, they're stuck, because it's not their fault. They've been raised with that belief system. And, you know, there's parts of the world where people that have some, let's say, schizophrenia, are kept in cages, because the people around them think that they're possessed.

You know, is this people still have it and they live. That's why I was finding it quite interesting. I've noticed, and I've worked with people that are actually from countries, working with people in the mental health industry, who didn't actually really believe that mental health illness existed.

Yet, they'd be working in a mental health facility, supporting people that were severely ill, but they didn't actually believe, really believed it, they were brought up to believe that what the patients needed was to be exorcists, an exorcist to come along and pray and get it out of them, and that they were basically just evil. And, and I've actually worked with people and met people that work in that environment.

I've met doctors that I know, for certain, didn't believe in mental illness.

And it's like, wow, why are you allowed to practice? Surely that should be checked first. Like, if you're going to have a gynecologist, you got checked at the man, if it's a man, believes, I don't know what they'd have to believe, but that they were respectful towards women, or that they, you know, that they weren't misogynists or something. Or if, yeah, well, if you got a doctor, you got a, so what did I, what did my doctor once say to me?

Maybe he said, oh yeah, he said, this is years, years ago, he said, oh, it's okay to smoke, some people just need to smoke.

I said, what? He said, yeah, some people just need to. I was like, okay. I had another, another doctor once had a go at me, he was almost on the verge of shouting, and he was really calm with it, but he looked angry.

And we're talking about my, I was drinking to excess. And I was, it was causing a bit of a problem at the time. And he was saying, well, don't you think I'd like to drink? Don't you think I'd like? What do you think? And he was going on about comparing his life to my life.

He said, you think you've got stress? What do you think it's like for me? 10 hours a day I'm in this place, seeing people with all kinds of issues, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You don't think I want to go home and get drunk, but then what would my life be like? How, how good would I be as a doctor? Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I felt like I was five years old again, being told off by a teacher for weeing on the desk.

You know, it's like, it's strange. I had one doctor and it's when I moved to this town when I was doing my course, my university course. And it was a new doctor.

So I went there, it's a new surgery. And he said, what medication are you on? At the time, I think I was on antidepressants. And I said, I don't know.

He said, what's the name of them? I said, I don't know. He wanted me to know what the chemical name was, what the actual, I think it was Prozac, but he liked fluoxetine. He basically wanted me to say fluoxetine.

And he gave me a lecture saying, I demand that every single person, all my um, patients know exactly what medication they're on and know that the amount they're on and like the correct name of them. It's like, it's a bit demanding, isn't it? Prescribe them and I will tell you, all I need from a doctor is prescribe the correct medication. And I'll take it correctly.

But I'm not going to necessarily, I mean, I know now but I didn't know for years. I didn't know what fluoxetine was because it used to have Prozac on it. And then now it never has Prozac on it.

It just has fluoxetine because that's just the, that's the non-branded name. It's just like Depakote. I have Depakote, but that's the branded name.

What it is is is it Alanzapine? That's going to annoy me now. Depakote, Depakote. Okay.

First thing that comes up, Valproate, Valproate, Valproate, bipolar disorder treatment. So I take it for the bipolar. It's also an anti-epileptic drug as well.

So, and it basically evens out both sides of the brain, which is what anti-epileptic drugs do. They kind of calm the brain down. So this does that with the bipolar.

So I've been taking this since 2014. So yeah, 11 years now. And I've been on the fluoxetine by Prozac since 2013.

But I was also on it before as well, but I stopped taking it. And then I kind of got back on it again. It's weird.

The first time I took antidepressants was in 1995, 30 years ago. 30 years. Crazy.

I don't want to be on any of it, but you know what? I've stopped in the past. And then I remember why I take them. That's the one thing.

If you want to be reminded why to take them, stop taking them, and then you get reminded why, why. It's a little bit like, what's the point in washing? Oh, there's no point in washing. I don't need to wash this week.

And by the end of the week, you realise why you need to wash. And if you don't realise, other people let you know quite regularly, which is surprising. And eventually the council come round and warn me that I'll be kicked out if I don't have a wash.

Not me, but to a person. It might happen to a person. Chris asks, as a sleep hypnosis therapist, what is your take on dreams? Well, I'm not really a therapist anymore.

I'm just a chatty person now. But I appreciate you saying that. I've got a few different things to drink.

I know what some of the literature and some of the professionals would say about dreams. You know, the old wishful feeling, or is it just going through stuff that's happened in the daytime, just processing it maybe. I think it's a mixture of everything.

I really do. I don't think that it can be a way of working through things. But also, it can be things that we're thinking about, maybe concerned about.

I don't always remember my dreams, to be honest. But when I do, I can kind of figure out, not always, but I don't know, a percentage of the time, maybe 2%. But a percentage of the time, I can figure out where the dreams come from.

And probably, if it's something I've been concerned about something I've been, maybe I've been worrying about a little bit, giving it a little bit too much attention during my waking day. And then there's other things I dream about. I dream about my nan or dream about Andre.

So that's kind of my stomach's gurgling. So that's something that I do dream about as well. So I okay.

And sometimes, more recently, I've been dreaming about being in love. Which is weird. You know, I've had that a few times.

And, you know, those aspects of being in love. So it's, I don't know what I don't really know what that's about. It has meaning, I do believe it has meaning, it's probably what I want, but it's not anything that I'm pursuing.

Also, because I do listen to stuff as I go to sleep, whether it's an audio book, whether it's and that's more for him really, because he, if there's no sound, when we're in bed, for the first couple of hours, he's hyper sensitive, hearing wise, and he will bark at any little thing. Once he's asleep, he don't hear nothing. Once he's a sound sleeper.

So usually, if I go to bed at 10 by 12. That's it. I can turn the radio off, I can turn the audio book off.

And sometimes music, but not so much. Or I listen to all I've been listening to YouTube, watching YouTube lectures on chronic pain and stuff like that. So or hypnosis, or just those kind of subjects.

He's gone by 12. If I say 12 or one and he's go to the toilet, I put it on pause. I come back in.

And then I look at him and I realize he's gone. He's just completely, completely crashed out. I can turn it off.

And, you know, even with the door open, the bedroom door open, I wake up before he does. He needs at least January 11 hours sleep at night. Believe it or not, that's what he got.

So he spent about 11 hours in bed. And I get up, have my breakfast. And then the things that would normally disturb him that would normally get him like, don't like someone's someone in the garden, the rubbish being taken from the refuge people, the neighbors coming in and out.

Pretty much nothing disturbs it doesn't care. Those same sounds at 10 o'clock in the morning or 11 or at nine o'clock at night would have him. So he's very, very deep sleeper.

When he's relaxed, he's relaxed. He doesn't really care about anything. But what I've noticed is the reason I'm saying that is, and I've been doing this for a few years now.

Well, since I've had him, I've been doing it. So what two years and four months, my dreams are often affected by what I'm listening to. So I have to be careful what I listen to, basically.

So if I'm listening to a lecture, that's fine educational. If I'm listening to music, then it needs to be relaxing music. You know, maybe an album I like, you know, but something that I know, I wouldn't listen.

Yes, certain things I wouldn't listen to. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't go to sleep listening to Eminem. Because it's very aggressive music.

Some of it, although I do like, you know, especially is like his first two albums, love them still do. But I wouldn't go to sleep listening to that stuff. Because I know my mind is potentially gonna soak that in.

So I need to be completely aware when I'm listening to things like that. If I was listening to an audio book, again, I need to be a little bit careful what I'm listening to. Because I remember I was listening to something once, and there was a section of the book, which was not a pleasant subject, which would be fine, if I was awake, and I was listening to it.

Because, you know, is important. But at the same time, it's not something I want to listen to when I'm asleep. Because it could be I don't want to say the word triggering, but that could be triggering.

But it could just instigate me dreaming about that stuff. So what I'm saying, basically, is I am affected by what I listen to when I'm in bed. So sometimes I think we can if we're listening to the radio, if you listen, we can be a little bit affected by what we hear.

That's why I try and keep things light. And I just mess around in my recordings generally. I try not to talk about anything too heavy.

But it's and why with the longer ones, it's just me talking or saying counting down and relax and, you know, very that that all that stuff for like 10 hours or whatever. And then I suppose there are dreams, dreams, wish fulfill, wish, wish, wish fulfillment, that's probably not the right word, isn't it? Like, things that we'd like to happen. So something going perfectly in a dream, being able to do certain things in a dream that we can't do in real life.

And so there's, you know, I have those dreams sometimes. I think so. I do have dreams.

I, it's really, we're going into a very weird world, because I'm talking about my dream world. But I've got this whole not say a whole world. But there's this certain map of a dream that I've got, where I'm living in three different places.

All at the same time. I don't know why, because only one of the places is now a real place I've lived. Another place is in a building that I once lived.

And the other place is somewhere that I've never lived. But it would be it's similar to places I've lived, you know, so. So in one place, I've kind of been kicked out, but I still live there.

And sometimes I go back and they're happy to see me. Other times I have to creep in because I think I've moved out. And I'm going through the process of moving my stuff and put it into bags and my books.

And it's weird. And then there's this other place that I live, which was at the YMCA, but I'm not actually living there anymore. But I've still got the flat.

And it's just messy. And I don't, I don't really live there. But whenever I go there, people are trying to like knock on the door.

And I think in one dream, I had all these bills, like I hadn't paid the rent for months and months and months. And it's kind of strange because I don't think I ever had never had a flat like that where people. Yeah, I don't think I ever lived anywhere unless that was, maybe that was the flat that my stepman lived in.

Possibly. But it's weird. So there's that.

In fact, that is the stat is exactly the same map out as my stepman used to live in where I used to live when I was 15. That flat is so it's a YMCA flat, but it's not in the YMCA building. So it is but it's not it's not like once you get in there.

And there's no step, you know, it's not it's not the same layout, you actually just go up some steps almost like a doorway, like a shop kind of doorway thing you go in. But it's the same bedroom, bedroom, bathroom, living room, kitchen, the same layout. But my friends live in there.

In a different dream, he's living there. And then someone else is living there. There's someone that I'm I don't want to see anymore.

Used to live there and he and he might come back and it's weird. And then third place is just a room, like a little room in a shared house, which I've done many times over the years. I can't even remember how many how many shared houses I've lived in.

Should we count them? Yeah, the first one, I'm talking about multiple people, whatever to call it MPL or multiple person dwellings, where there's like maybe a three, four or five bedroom house, and each person's rent in a room of the landlord, the owner of the house. So I've done that on a few times. So one, two, this one I was younger.

So the first one was when I was 18. I lived in I've moved a few times already by that time. 18 I think says one, two.

So rent in a room in a house. So we do that then rent in a room in a house. One, two, three.

Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, maybe about 20. About 20 different rooms over the years, and maybe more, but I've also sort of shared shared accommodation. So like, you know, I had a flat with a friend.

So we both got paid to rent equally. Well, to start with, and then I lost my job. But and then I lived with my dad three times for short periods of time.

And yeah, probably I well over 20 times I've rented rooms. Maybe 25, actually. Had my own like, my own space where kind of a studio apartment or stuff like that.

So I've had, I have my own flat. Well, kind of above the chip shop. So that was when I was 16.

And then I had a studio apartment. When I was 18. And then yeah, so and then I had my I had three and there were three studios.

So that's five. And then in here, really, so that's six, six kind of six places were kind of my own, kind of, you know, as in, I could close the door, and generally no one else could come in. What the one above the chip shop is a little bit different because they had an office up there.

So I had the, it was still renting the flat 40 quid a week at the time, 1987. And I had the living room, the bedroom, and the kitchen and the bathroom. But then I think the rules changed, the laws changed or whatever.

So because it was a restaurant, they had to provide a toilet to customers if they wanted. Because there was a it was a restaurant and takeaway. So instead of building a toilet outside or putting a toilet in, they allowed everyone to come and use my bathroom, which wasn't great, wasn't Yeah, I wasn't a huge fan of that.

But I didn't really have a choice. And then this place I've been here for next month, be 10 years, 10 years, 2015. Blimey.

What was the question? What was my take on dreams? Yeah, I think it's an influence of stuff that's happened. And thinking things through. It's a mixture of different things.

That's what I think. It's just from my experience of noticing my own dreams. And yeah, I'm no expert.

But that's why I would say it's just it's a mixture of different things. And sometimes it can be things that we're concerned about other times, it'd be things that we want to happen. And I guess with me dreaming that I've fallen in love and or I was not as far as that I was in love.

That was the dream. And but the person was in love with me as well. And that was maybe that's something I want.

I don't know. But yeah. So that's for Chris.

Thank you. I've got those two questions. This has gone on forever, isn't it? Blimey.

I think that's answered. So Rick has a question. I have one what sort of Buddhism were you or are you involved in? You mentioned you were a resident at a center in a in your past.

I'm just curious which tradition and how does it apply or integrate into your current broadcast? I remember you reading a quote from Geshe Gelsang Gyatso a while back. Thank you. Okay, Rick, I I became interested in Buddhism when I was at school.

Probably to start with when I was doing religious education, are we? And it seemed to me like the most humane one. Because it well, from what I understood, I mean, I realized that's not necessarily the case. But what I understood at the time is the Buddhists were peaceful people.

And they didn't go around getting aggressive with people that had different beliefs. And they were passive. And that's something that I quite liked each year.

And yeah, it just from a minimal knowledge of it. At the time, it seemed to suit me seem to be more how I was as a person. I mean, I was definitely a big fan of the teachings of Jesus.

Very much so when I was younger. And it's just I struggled with a lot of a lot of religious stuff. I struggled with that.

What I said earlier, some people would be so lovely, amazing. But then if you go against their beliefs, if you if you challenge their beliefs, not that I'm really into challenging people's beliefs, because none of my business generally, but you do something that goes against their belief system. Even if you know, it seems mild and not even offensive, but to them, it can be and that extremism that can happen, that extreme reaction.

Generally, you won't get that with Buddhists, not in the West anyway. I think it can happen in the East. I mean, there's, there's been new stories of Buddhists fighting amongst themselves and stuff.

But you know, I mean, in the Buddhist teachings, you are allowed to defend yourself, you are allowed to defend your country. So it's not like being completely passive all the time. You, you're not there to just allow someone to bully you.

And you are allowed to do whatever it takes to defend your country, or defend you, you know, we're not not, they're not passive, completely passive. But passive generally, won't get into arguments over silly stuff. And if someone doesn't believe doesn't agree, or this completely disagrees with a gender of a Buddhist, the Buddhist will say, okay.

Depends how advanced their practices, I suppose. But generally, they just won't care. And that's part of being a Buddhist, part of the training part of the practices, that, you know, it doesn't really matter, really.

But one of the things I wasn't a big fan of with Buddhism was, it almost seemed to some, some of the Buddhists seem to go almost really internal, to the point where it was very selfish. And so to the point of not really being bothered by what was going on around them, they weren't noticing things that were going around them, that maybe as a human being, as a compassionate person, perhaps they could have really benefited from noticing some of the stuff that was going on around them, and helped, as opposed to just not being affected by it.

So it's kind of one of those quandaries, one of those paradoxes, where to not be affected by the world, by other humans, by what's going on, to not be affected emotionally, can come across as very cold, very inhuman.

And I think some, I've seen some people struggle with compassion and equanimity, really struggle, and go try and become, try and get to the equanimity where they're just fine with everything. But at the same time, there's some things you shouldn't be fine with. And, and, you know, if someone needs your help, or someone's in trouble, my personal belief that we all should be there to help that person.

Not just, oh, well, that's life. There's a song, isn't it? No one wants to hear that. So it's like, oh, can you help me? I've got a car on my leg, can you help me? That's life.

That's what the people say. And no, you need to help them, you need to get the car off their leg, you know, it's standard stuff. And but then some people be like, why is a car on the leg? Who's the driver? What they've done this? They want to know all this other information, just as a human being, which is not relevant to what's actually going on now.

So having a clear mind is one of the parts one of the things of being a Buddhist. And it's probably something I struggled with, in a sense of my moods changing constantly. And I used to be very reactive.

I'm not as reactive as I used to be a lot less, I'm more calmer than I used to be. But I suppose for me, Buddhism, what was the question? My personal take on Buddhism was personal. For me, and I think it is for everyone.

And it's nothing new, not special in that way. But what a lot of Buddhists seem to be looking for and wanting to be is the idea of I don't know, to say enlightenment, or to be a non returner. That's in Buddhist terms is because there's we get reborn, it's not it's not reincarnation, it's reborn.

And if someone gets and it's like the cycle of life, and it's the weather, and they come back, and eventually, with practice, with studying, with meditation, with good deeds, karma, all that stuff, they get to the point where this is the last time. So a Buddhist doesn't want to come back. A Buddhist is looking for enlightenment.

And like I say, probably a pure Buddhist, someone regardless of where, what what system they're studying under, they may, again, I'm generalizing. But the idea is to be a non returner. So you're here.

And this is the last time you're here. And you can know that it's done. You won't be returning and you'll be you've, I suppose at that point, you'd have maybe you'd have reached enlightenment in this body in this world.

And then you'd you wouldn't return again. And I never really cared about that. I remember one of the order members once saying, I said to him, I want to be perfect.

I'm not trying to be perfect. And he said, we should know. I've never wanted to be perfect.

I don't want to be perfect. They never even entered my mind. I'd like to be better.

I'd like to be nicer. I'd like to be kinder. I'd like to be taller.

I'd like to have a big, no, but just, you know, I'd like to improve. But I don't want to be perfect. I've never wanted that.

I don't believe that even exists. I've met amazing people in the past. But there's no perfection.

It's like perfection is just an idea. And I had a friend, he was a Buddhist, and he was amazing, still is amazing. He's one of almost, he's been doing it for 30 years.

And he's really very kind, very gentle, very sincere person. And I remember, and I used to lean on him a little bit too much when I was younger, telling him my problems and trying to kind of using him for support, emotional support, and perhaps I shouldn't have done. But I was, in my early 30s, I was only really just starting out in the Buddhist world, practicing.

And we became friends. And he did say to me, you know, I'm not always going to be around. I'm not always going to be there for you.

He said, I said, What do you mean? He said, Well, I will let you down at some point. You know, there's going to be times when you call and I'm not able to come, I've got a family and there'll be times when I won't say the right thing. And because I was kind of building him up to be this perfect person.

And he's just basically saying that he wasn't perfect. And he knew that. And I realized that, yeah, I kind of already knew that anyway, but it was it can't be everything for everyone.

And I didn't want to be perfect. I didn't, I wasn't interested in enlightenment, whatever that is. I've actually met people that said they were enlightened.

And all I saw was arrogance. So all I heard was arrogance. I mean, there's this, I suppose, esoteric fair thing where there's people doing things.

And, you know, I kind of this lady was selling Buddhist stuff. And she was like, shouting out how she was enlightened. And she was.

Yeah, it's weird. So I, so I got involved, first of all, when I was at school, learn about Buddhism, that I went to a Buddhist center in London, part of a religious education trip, day trip to London, went to a mosque, went to a Sikh places, I don't know what they call their places, went to a synagogue, went to a Catholic church, and went to a Buddhist center.

Brilliant day out, a lot of fun, went to McDonald's for the first time.

And I was doing karate at the time. So I was very fascinated with the Buddhists, because they also did karate. Because I don't know why I how I brought it up.

I think I was. My question was, were you passive? But what do you do if someone attacks you? What do you would say in London, you know, just generally, as a kid, I was 14 or something. What do you do if somebody puts their hands on you? How do you protect yourself if you're a passive person, non aggressive? And they said, Well, we do karate.

And it didn't mean that every Buddhist did karate, he just meant they did. They had karate there at the center. And they all practiced.

Well, some of them practice karate. And he said, that way, we don't have to, we can look after ourselves and each other. And because I was doing karate, I was super interested.

And I kept asking what I was making the other kids laugh, I kept asking question after question. It was more about the karate than the actual Buddhism, to be honest. And then we meditated, probably for five or 10 minutes, never meditated before.

That didn't really know what meditation, but I did know meditation. I'd seen Kung Fu do it in Kung Fu. Kane, and he, this is in the late 70s.

So he was locked up in this sweat box as punishment for fighting or whatever, I think he was in a jail or prison or something. They locked him up and left him in there for like two days. And they opened the door expecting him to be well, not in a good space.

And he was just there with his legs crossed meditating, smiling, absolutely fine. That's when I kind of so watching Kung Fu is when I first really learned about meditation. And some of the martial art movies and stuff that I saw.

But this is the first time I'd actually ever done it. And I loved it. Really, really, really liked it a lot.

And there was the bells had incest going. And then there was the bell thing like and they did the either did the mindfulness of breathing or the metabarbner. I'm not sure.

Can't remember. So that was my first taste of the what are now called the true Ratna. But they used to be called the I can't remember now such a long time ago.

But that was a London Buddhist center, which is still there. It's an old used to be an old fire station, I think. So I'm, that was that was all my that I had no more contact with Buddhists.

And I met someone in 1989 who was a Buddhist, and he became my best friend. And he would talk about Buddhism. And I was interested, but you know, didn't.

I saw some of his books that he had, and he had books that I ended up buying for myself. And it was from Geshe Gelsang Gyatso, which is the Tibetan Tibetan forest or Buddhist. Anyway, he, he, so I kind of got involved there.

So my best friend was a Buddhist. And then, in the 90s, so I would say, late 80s, early 90s, I started to think of myself as a and stuff like that. And he, he was giving me book, books to read and telling me books to buy and just, you know, kind of educational stuff, really.

And I knew the I knew the Buddhist book he had. So I went and bought that in the early 90s, probably 92, maybe. And then I started buying more Buddhist books, go into Zen, go into Taoism, go into joyful, is it joyful path to behold or something.

I think I've got a guess a book on my bookcase. But again, I was reading cones, Japanese, but to be honest, I don't know how much of it I understood. But it was having an effect on me.

So I was reading these books, I was taking them to work. And I was reading them at work. It break time.

And you know, the teachings of the Buddha, there is Yeah, the Taoists, the Taoism, I very much got into that. So you know, that's kind of what I did in the 90s, didn't realize it didn't even enter my mind. The whole time I was in London from pretty much 89 to 2001.

But I had a break and I went, I left and I went back again in 91. But you know, for at least 11 years, I was living in London. And there was Buddhist centers, like there was a Buddhist center, the London Buddhist center was just up the road.

I could have walked it in about an hour. Maybe 50 minutes to an hour. So it wasn't a long play long time to get there.

Or God bus. You know, it's walkable, just about. Not really, I mean, probably an hour and a half to be fair, it's quite a long distance, but it's in Bethnal Green, I think I lived in Stratford.

So there's two stops on the tube. I think, or was it one stop Bethnal Green, then Mile End, or Mile End, then Bethnal Green, one of them. So I never went never thought about going.

Yeah, I was buying these Buddhist books. And I just didn't know what to choose. Didn't know where to go.

And I do it's just like, so I just read the books and, you know. And then in 2002, I moved in 2001, September, got a job in insurance. November 2002, I started having started being ill with anxiety and stuff.

So that was November, October, November, I started going to the Buddhist Center, because I used to, I used to pass it every day. And it just had like meditation classes, and I'd see it. And sometimes I get food in the shop next to it.

And it was a gift shop, and I go in there as well. But I didn't really think about going to the Buddhist Center. Because I wasn't really that into Buddhism anymore, which is like, you know, I kind of moved away from it.

But I needed something. So I went in there on a Wednesday night meditation. And I got quite involved in the whole thing.

I went from when I left my job in 2013. It was the night the following November night, and 2003. I left my job because I tried to stick with it for a year.

But it was, it wasn't going well. It was going well. But for me internally, it wasn't going so good.

And by this time, I've been going to the center for a year. They knew me and the people in the shop knew me. So I was given a job.

They offered me a job over Christmas. And we said this, I probably did not full time hours, but enough to get me by. And I worked in the Buddhist shop, which is a gift shop is evolution is called.

And I was I worked there for until about August the next year. And I did cut the days to three days a week, maybe not all day. So I wasn't really at that point and enough to live on.

But I was living on credit cards and stuff. And then I, I kind of had to leave to get another job again, because financially, but I still continue to go to the center. And in 2004, I got the job in August or September 2004.

I got the job in insurance. And then in the year, I think it was the March 2005. I moved into the Buddhist community, which was a lot of the people that were working in the Buddhist shop.

And it was just a big, it was a shared house, really. But it was nicer than a shared house. It was sometimes we'd eat together, meditate together, hang out together, spend time with each other, get to know each other.

And that's something I didn't really do in any of my shared houses. And I do have one of the friends that he lived there and he said it was just it was just a shared house. But to me, it was more than that.

And yeah, it was more than that for me. And I lived there till 2007. November.

So I was there for over two and a half years. And I didn't want to leave there because I got my university course all sorted. I was going to travel every every day to a different town, but it wasn't far.

20 minutes on a train. I had a job all sorted, part time in supermarket. And I was going to stay living there.

But then things kind of fell apart. And I ended up moving away. But when I did move away, I started going to the Buddhist center in this town.

So that was like November 2007. I started going to the new Buddhist center, my new Buddhist center. Got to know people.

And I started working in the evolution shop in this town as well. So I started I got to know more different Buddhists. Ironically, one of the Buddhists was ended up working there from that I knew from the other shop, and end up marrying one of the ladies who was a manager.

So I worked there over a three year period, not the whole time. But I was kind of there on and off. And then I continued going to the Buddhist center.

I started using when I was qualified counselor, I started using the back room because there was this porter cabin thing behind the Buddhist center. I started using that as for my private practice. And I'd see people for free pain relief as well as counseling as well.

And they used to used to meet up there as well in groups and stuff. But this is what I actually rented it out when I needed it. And then I kind of I stopped going regularly.

Before I moved here. So I've not been going regularly. It's ridiculous how quick time goes, but I've not been going regularly for 10 years.

I mean, I don't know how long I'm expecting. It's like 10 years. It's just everything so far away from where I am now.

The Buddhist center used to be literally around the corner from me. For the last two addresses I had it was around the corner. It was 10 minute walk.

Which is handy, instead of I think it'd take three hours to walk it from here. Two and a half hours. It's a fair, fair, fair walk.

I mean, I have been there since I've lived there, but just it's been ages since I went there. And the thing about it, and they moved as well, they moved to a different address, got their own, just like the one in the other town. Moved to a different address.

Bought their own place. And when I do go there, people don't know who I am. I mean, there's no reason they should, because there's people there that probably feel that, well, they have been there for years themselves.

But I go there and I feel like, well, they're new, but they're not new. I'm the new one, really. I mean, there's probably 20 people, maybe 30 people that are going there, that started going maybe two, three years ago.

So they all feel established. And I'm the new person. Yeah, I've been around since 2002, 2003.

20 odd years I've been going to the centre. Between the two, I used to go to the one here as well as the one is where I lived. Because they used to, they're quite closely connected between each other, like friendships and stuff.

So I used to go to the one here as well, during the early 2000s. And go on retreat with people that went here. But now I wouldn't know hardly anyone.

It's, it's kind of strange. But yeah, I don't know if I've answered your question. How does it apply? How does it apply or integrate into my current broadcast? And I would answer that, saying that probably everything, my everything kind of has an impact on probably what I do, what I say, you know, from a, you know, I mean, like from philosophical books, I've read psychological books, I've read the all the different books I've read, but also the courses I've done, the things I've studied over the years, life experiences, as well as experience of doing this stuff.

So it's been, was it 19 years now, that I've been making videos and recordings, audio recordings. So I think it's a mixture of everything, you know, it's like experience of doing it. I've been pulling that experience in.

When I was training as a counsellor, I would integrate the things I was learning into my recordings, into my videos. And then once I was trained, I perhaps I would integrate things I learned, practicing as a counsellor into my recordings. And, and maybe feedback, I get I'd include and life experiences, my own experiences with my own health stuff, you know, so it's kind of a mixture of all different things.

And they go into this, these things, these recordings, and a little dash of creativity, I like to think a little bit of magic dust of I don't know what I don't know if I answered your question. So thanks, Anne, Chris and Rick. I hope I answered your questions.

I do try I do this is the most focused recording I ever do is a Q&A Friday. And I'll go off a little bit sometimes but I do try and answer. And Maria, Maria asks, Hi, this is the last one.

Hi, Jason, did you enjoy your school days? No. Right. Well, it's nice speaking to everyone.

So did you enjoy your school days? And what was your favourite subject? I enjoyed junior school. Did not enjoy high school. But saying that there were times when I loved it.

You know, it's so easy that I didn't like anything did like that, actually. Yeah, there were times when I absolutely loved it. But the aspects of high school I didn't like was the lessons.

The teachers, most of the teachers and probably most of the pupils. But other than that, school was okay. And I did like playing with my friends.

I did like being naughty. I did like being unruly and just being naughty, being a naughty kid. And, you know, expressing myself, I suppose.

So I did quite like that part. But at the same time, I didn't really enjoy it because I was forced to do all this stuff I didn't like. And I've never been a big fan of that.

You know, it's I mean, who has, I suppose, really who does love doing stuff I don't enjoy. But I was never, and still the same now. I can't force myself to be interested in something unless I genuinely am.

That's just how it works. I have to be interested. And I don't have any control of what I'm interested in.

Either it grabs me or it don't. And also that's due to moods as well. So sometimes something will grab me today, tomorrow I have no interest in, or vice versa.

You know, so it was like that when I was a kid. This old brain of mine has kind of been like that for a long time. It's not a new thing.

And I favourite subjects. I suppose RE, if I had to choose one, I didn't like any of my subjects. None of them, drama, maybe, maybe drama, because I could play around and be silly.

But even then, I don't think I learned a single thing in drama. And all I did was get told off for being naughty. Because to me, it was just dress up.

For me, in my mind, it was just, drama was an opportunity for me and my friends to run around, dressing up, hide and seek, all that stuff. Bear in mind, I was, you know, 14 at the time, 15. I wasn't a little kid.

But I just, I used to love just messing around. But I didn't take it seriously. I didn't want to be an actor.

I didn't really care about any of it. I was, it was just playtime. It was an extension to break time for me.

Drama was. RE, I didn't particularly like the drama teachers. They were okay, but they'd tell me off.

But generally just let me just, just wanted me to keep out of the way, really. I was just a bit of, I was, I suppose, a bit like a gnat, just a bit of a nuisance to them. And RE, out of all the teachers in high school, I only had three teachers in high school that I liked.

One, two of them was my RE teachers. I had a man, he left, I think he retired. And then a lady came and she was brilliant as well.

Both of them were lovely. The first one gave me Joseph and his Technicolor Dreamcoat, a tape to take home to listen to. I think he made a copy for me so I could have, I mean, that's, that's over and beyond, isn't it? And he was lovely.

And I think he understood that maybe I wasn't the average student. I wasn't perhaps as, maybe wasn't as clever or as quick or whatever as the others. But he, he knew that when I was interested in something, I was interested.

And I did listen. It didn't mean I understood what I was hearing, but I did take notice. And because also I'd come from living with Catholic nuns, for a couple of years, I knew, I understood religion a bit, that part of religion.

And I was also very into Jesus at that time as well. And very into the new, the New Testament. I read it, I read it a lot.

I read it a lot when I was in my early, probably 11, 12 time, really into it. And all day, break times at school and when, when I was at home. But it, it helped.

It helped. It helped me. I felt it helped me.

And also my dad was undergoing, he had a thingy that he had to have removed. And as soon as he was in hospital, it was a very serious operation. I won't go into details, but it's very serious.

I was probably about 11 when he, when he had it done and I was praying. That's what I was, you know, so I was reading the Bible and I wanted him to, to recover. And he did.

So good. All went well. Still around now.

And he's 79 in a couple of weeks. And I'm not saying I'm not, me praying wasn't the reason. I'm just saying that it's, it was definitely didn't hurt, did it? That's my attitude is like, okay.

Argue all you like, that wishing someone well, praying for them, trying to help them, doing what you can to be kind to someone. It might not help, but it doesn't hurt. It might not help them.

I spent nearly 10 years trying to help my friend downstairs. In the end, maybe I didn't help him, but I didn't hurt him. And the intention was positive from my perspective.

And so praying for someone or meditating for them or whatever, just wishing someone well, hoping the best for someone, sending love to someone. I think it's a wonderful thing. It doesn't matter how beneficial it is.

I mean, some would argue it's probably more beneficial for the person who's doing the praying than it is for the person they're praying for. In a sense of it's such a positive thing to do. And that comes back to again, hypnosis and the power of the law of attraction, all that stuff is so, so much connection between all these different things.

I should write a book, shouldn't I? And favorite subject, I would say Ari, drama because I got to play around, but it wasn't, I was not interested in the subject. Ari, the first teacher was lovely. The second teacher got me really interested.

So the first teacher was very much, he was lovely, but it was very much based on Christianity. Then the second teacher came probably in the third year. And I stayed with her for three more years because I took it as a subject as well.

So we could have dropped it, but I took it as a subject, even though I didn't do GSC or anything like that, or I didn't do any O levels rather, because I wasn't academically able to. And again, she didn't give me any hassle for that. She just, she started introducing different religions, but she did it in a way that made more sense to me, like comparing things to Star Wars and the force in Star Wars and sort of, I can't do it justice, but she was, yeah, amazing.

So I really liked her. And she was kind. That's what made the difference.

They were both kind to me. Gave me a little bit of time, didn't talk at me, didn't expect too much from me, didn't give me hassle, you know, didn't complain, didn't all that, any stuff like that. And the other teacher I really liked, I didn't like the subject, was maths.

Mr. Johnson, he was one of the friendliest, loveliest teachers I ever knew. In high school, where he was, you know, pretty much the three of them, but I'd say him in this in some ways, but I'm not going to compare the three. But he was absolutely lovely.

And he gave me attention. And he tried to explain things to me. But he was gentle and had a big beard as well that helped.

Because my dad had a big beard when he first lived with him for the first year. And that was when he was at his nicest. So I associated big beards with friendliness.

And then you also had Grizzly Adams, and he had a beard and he was lovely. It's weird as that was my brain. And he got ill.

And I was starting to learn some stuff. But he got ill, and he left. So I had him for like one term.

I think in high school, the first year of high school, one or two terms, he left. And then they started getting substitute teachers in. And then I was moved into a dunces class.

I don't think they called it that, but that's what they remedial or whatever. Me and a bunch of other kids, the problem kids were moved into this class where we were just left on our own for about two or three hours at a time to just do what we wanted. It was games to play.

And we would just play with each other, just like run around and pretend to get married and play board games and just chat. And that was it. And did that for about a year.

Not not all day every year, but just for a couple of hours a day. Every year for about a year or so I think maybe longer. And then eventually they remember the room really well.

And I remember then they put us back into normal maths class. And I've done all the other classes. I feel you might be taken out of geography or history or something like that.

I don't know. But it was definitely maths. So for about nearly a year, we didn't do any maths.

But they would give us stuff to do, but we didn't do it. Yeah, so okay, everyone, we're going to give you these, this stuff to study. And then just leave us and we'd like laugh and just wouldn't do nothing.

And they didn't do anything about it. Because that's why we were there. That's why we were in that room.

Because all of us. But, you know, I was in some some kids. There was one girl at school, I couldn't believe it.

She got away with this. She didn't do one bit of work. The whole five years she was there.

She just sat there refused to do anything. And in the end, I just gave up on her. I thought she was I mean, even in my world, that was a bit weird.

And then we did in the last year of school. I was sent to a nursery with her, or like a play group, whatever. So it was like a part of our work experience.

And I spent six weeks, one on Friday, every Thursday or Friday, for six weeks going to this nursery, which was miles away, and I'd go and I was chosen to go with her. She was nothing like that. When she was at school.

She was lovely, chatty, funny, completely different. And I think she said to me, don't let anyone know. And I won't be talking to you when we're at school.

Okay, we were like best friends when we're out of school, when we're on that day. I learned a lot from that. Anyway.

I learned I didn't like walking. And we got married. No, we didn't.

So I'm going to go thank you for listening. I've done all the route. So Maria, I hope I've answered your question.

Rick, Chris and Ann. Wasn't a lot of questions, but I think of, I hope I've answered them. So thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Because you do deserve to be happy. Lots of love.

Bye. Did I just blow you kisses? That's I don't normally do that to either end recording. These recordings are going in a different direction to what I thought.

See you later.