(no music) #1180 - Second Step Mummy - Let Me Bore You To Sleep (21st August 2024)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. That's my website. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep and my name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Yeah. I've done the sensible thing today and I'm recording this in the early afternoon so it's 2.42pm. Instead of waiting until seven or six when I'm tired. I generally don't do it first thing in the morning although I have.

I have. I've done it late at night as well. There's probably not a time that I haven't done it over the years but there you go.

Can you believe that in I think February. So what we got another six months now. Well yeah probably another six months.

I'll have been doing this for seven years. These Let Me Bore You To Sleep. This podcast will be seven years old.

Wow. I'm not even sure what number it is. What number is it? What number is it? Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

It is. That's weird. It's Facebook.

How weird. Normally it lets me. Oh there it is.

It is number. This is number 1180 and this is step mum number two. Step mum number two or second step mum.

That a few people have asked me to do because I did say I was going to do it and I haven't. It's almost like you expect me to do what I say I'm going to do. Wow.

When did that happen? When have you expected me to be reliable? Come on. So before I go any further I want to say thank you to Christine and Jennifer for your birthday PayPal gifts. I made a little image and posted it on the Facebook Facebook group.

I'm a bit tired. I've also started to upload videos my Let Me Bore You To Sleep videos to a private album Let Me Bore You To Sleep which is only available on the private group the Jason Newland's Boring Group. Something I posted the other day I'm thinking about not not sticking to it is I was going to only well basically I posted all future Q&A Fridays will now only be available to members of this Facebook group.

Then I started to think it's just the Q&A Fridays seem to be quite popular. I don't really know why but they do. They seem to be quite popular on the podcast.

So I'm thinking if I put it onto the private group I'm going to be depriving a lot of listeners from hearing it if they mean some people aren't on Facebook. The only a tiny tiny proportion of people that listen to my podcasts are actually on my Facebook group. I've got 182 people and probably get anything up to a couple of million plays a year of my different podcasts.

So I'm guessing 182 people are not that's not all the people listening. I'm guessing it's a guess. I might be wrong.

I might be really wrong. Should we do you know what I just heard I read your thoughts. You know what JJ you haven't read your stats out for ages.

Wow. Really. You really want me to do that.

Yeah please. Okay then. All right.

I'll sign in. Let's have a look. So I'll sign into the main podcast which is the Hypnosis is Sleeping Deeply.

That that always gets way way way more plays than the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast. Even though I do post the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast on there as well. Just get more plays.

So you know. I don't know how I can get the stats on my phone. I don't know.

I don't know. Your Megamix Megamix. Weekly Wave.

I'm not sure if the stats are available on here. This is a bit rubbish. Library.

Oh yes I can. Yes. No.

No. No. Listening History.

Listening History. It's not offering stats. You are so lucky you avoided hearing stats.

So likes. Nope. You avoided.

Yeah. So my most popular. Yeah that's weird.

The most likes I've had on a podcast episode was 1127 Let Me Bore You To Sleep Neighbors Deliveries. 25th May 2024. Playlists.

Albums. No albums. What's an album? I know what an album is but I don't know what album is on the SoundCloud.

So that was pointless. I need my laptop to get you the stats. Feel very fortunate don't you? I bet you do.

Wow. Let's see if I can open this open app. Download the app.

So maybe. I have the app. I already have the app.

So why am I. Oh no. Download the app. No.

I can't be bothered. So anyway. I'm going to talk about my step mama.

My second step mama. And also Christine. You posted a message saying on the Facebook group.

He's saying that your SoundCloud player stopped working. I checked on there and everything seems to be working okay. My end.

So I'm not sure what happened. You are. All the podcast episodes on SoundCloud are also available on Apple Podcasts.

On all of the different places. Spotify. Pretty much every app.

Every popular app they should generally be on there. It sometimes takes a little while to update but they're on there within a couple of hours of me uploading them. So I'm not quite sure what happened.

Anyway. I think the last Let Me Boyd You Sleep 10 hour one from last well a few days ago Friday. About one and a half thousand plays of that one.

Just the 10 hour version one. So it's. I kind of think in.

Plus the 5 hour one. The zero with no music and with music. So that's like.

One two three. It's probably like maybe 3,000. Plays that I will miss.

Well not 3,000 but maybe two and a half thousand that I'll miss if I made it private. So I'm probably not going to do that. Sorry.

But I do have an idea of maybe doing a recording that's only available on the free you know the Jason Newland Boring Group on Facebook. Just just for members only. I'm giving it some thought.

So let me just get my. I don't want it's my jacket. It's my jumper.

I'm unzipping. Don't get worried. Stats.

God do you remember when I used to read out the stats all the time it seemed. I didn't really but it just. There was a period when.

I was very excited about the stats and. I'll be honest I'm not quite so excited anymore. I mean I like it when I get a good day.

So a good day now is a good days maybe 10,000 in a day. 10,000 plays. But there was a time when I. I was getting.

Sometimes a lot more than that. Especially during lockdown. I definitely picked up a lot of traffic during that period.

So yeah. It's all right. It's still growing.

But I think sometimes if I don't record regularly as in every day. Then the stats do go down. The listeners.

I just get less less listening less listening less less listening from listeners. Yeah something like that. So what about my step mum number two.

Well what I do I start from the beginning. Not my beginning and not her beginning. But the the first time.

Well I've mentioned I used to work in a chip shop probably a thousand times. The we had a when I left the chip shop in which was 1988 around April time. Maybe March.

It was around that time. It was definitely like just the beginning of spring ish. And I went and lived with my dad.

For. Probably two months. Just a short term thing.

Until I got myself another job. Which I did. I got a job in a co-op.

And the. Just stacking shells on the till. A co-op is a supermarket.

It was only a little. It was like a local supermarket. For local people.

Very small. Not really any bigger than a. I guess slightly bigger than a corner shop. Like a corner shop newsagents slash groceries.

But not not very big at all really. Although. Probably had a bit more room out the back.

Than perhaps an average shop maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure.

So anyway. I. I got a job in there. And.

I was terrible at that job. I was really really bad. Just.

I was okay. You know. I don't know.

I didn't like the jacket they gave me. Now you could maybe say well that's not really a reason to. To be awful at your job.

But. It was brown. It wasn't nice.

And it smelt. To me it smelt. I didn't know what of.

Not of me. Because I didn't smell back then. Back then.

I didn't. I was you know. I was young and fruity.

And always smelt wonderful. Constantly showering. And you know.

Just very. Because I wanted to hopefully. Have a girl touch me one day.

That was kind of my hope. So you know. I was sort of 17 at the time.

And I hoped to maybe hold someone's hand. You know. So I thought if I keep keep things clean.

Maybe. Maybe things will work out. And anyway.

This jacket. Because I was so skinny. This jacket was super tight on me.

I mean it was like a. You could probably put on a 10 year old boy. And the 10 year old boy would have enough room to kind of maneuver. I just.

It was tight on me. Because I was so little really. I was very very skinny.

It didn't have any fat on me at all. Just in my brain. But the actual.

It was restricting. And I kept having to bend over. And stack the shelves.

The lower shelves. And it used to just. I didn't like it.

I liked loose stuff. The only time I've liked tight things is. A tight t-shirt when I've.

When my body's been. Socially acceptable. You know.

When it's been okay. When I've been able to go out in public for a t-shirt without getting arrested. You know.

For being too fat. So. I don't mind a tight t-shirt then.

Forget to show off my muscles. But when I used to have muscles. When I had someone to show off on muscles too.

In the old days. 25 years ago. Whatever.

So. But back then. I had muscles.

But they were kind of inverted. So I knew I had them. But you had to really press hard.

You needed an x-ray to see them. But anyway. That's enough about my muscles.

I. What the heck am I talking about. So. I didn't like that job.

And then I got the lady that was the manager. She. Was she the manager when I. Yes she was.

Yes she was the manager when I moved in. So she was the manager. I got.

She had a flat upstairs. And then I moved upstairs. I was her lodger.

So I moved out of my house. Well I moved out of my dad's house rather. Which was literally just up the road anyway.

To be above the shop. I didn't realise. I hadn't really thought it through.

Even though I already knew this. Because I'd lived above my last place I'd worked. Is.

It's hard to skive off for the day. It's hard to phone in for a sickie. And then.

What do you do? Because you can't go out. In case someone sees you. That's the downfall.

Which meant I never had a day off in the chip shop. And if I had a day off when I was in the. The co-op.

The supermarket. I had to kind of. Hide.

Or wait till they closed before I went out. Or go out before they got in. That makes sense.

Yeah. So. Or put a disguise on.

Which is a lot of work. It's just a lot of work. It really is.

Although there was a wig shop opposite. So. I. I don't know why there was a wig shop.

But there was. I wonder what they sold. Yeah.

There was. There was a wig shop. I feel.

I know it was a hairdresser. I feel it was a hairdressers. But they had wigs in.

In the. In the window. Wait a minute.

They kept. Oh I see. The wigs kept changing.

I realised it was actually just people waiting to be seen. No. It was the customers sitting on chairs in front of the window.

It wasn't wigs. Oh. And there was.

Yeah. There was news agents as well. And there was a laundrette.

Directly opposite. Which was handy. Especially for washing clothes.

Very good for that. So. So when I moved.

So. But during that small period of time. That I was living at my dad's.

In 1988. It might have been two and a half months. But it's a long time when you're seventeen.

I. I used to ride on a woman's bike. See you can say that back then. It was a bike for females.

See I never understood this. Okay. Bikes back then.

That were made for female. And I don't know if that's allowed to be done anymore. You know.

With the climate as it is. But it was. At the time a female bike.

But it was the most comfortable bike I'd ever ridden in my life. And I didn't have to put my leg all over. Right across the bar.

Because there was no bar. It was like a. A V or an L. So there was no bar where my groin was. And.

For the first time. My bottom felt comfortable. Which sounds weird saying it out loud.

But. You know. Just like riding I mean.

Because previous to that. I'd had a racer. And I'd had a BMX.

And none of the. None of the. Bicycle saddles particularly were.

Comfy. Right mate. Right darling.

I gave him a bone to eat. And he's had it. He's eaten some of it.

And I think he's. He's happy just to come and chill out with me now. Oh.

So I had this. I was riding on this bike. I was so comfortable.

It just. It was almost like. I don't know how to explain it.

For the. It just. It was heavenly.

It was so soft. And. It was almost like I wasn't even sitting down.

Like I was sitting on a cloud. And moving me legs. I mean generally I guess if I was on a cloud I wouldn't want to move my legs.

I always imagined if I was sitting on a cloud I'd be on some kind of cross-legged position. But that wouldn't really be ideal because. My lower back doesn't really allow me.

I'm not very flexible so. I can't really do cross legs. I need to sit on a chair.

But I don't know. I mean clouds look like the. Would they hold a chair? But then I guess if I'm able to sit on a cloud I probably.

Wouldn't matter would it? You could just make a chair out of the cloud. Part of the cloud. Because it looks quite pliable.

Meanable. Meenable? Moonable? What's the right word? I don't know what the right word is. You can manuable? Meenable.

You know you can. You can. Like not clay.

Because that. That. You wouldn't get.

You wouldn't get a cloud made of clay would you? That'd just be too heavy. And it'd be a weird colour. Although I suppose you could get white clay.

You can get white clay can't you? Yeah not all clay is brown is it? So yeah. So I used to. I used to ride that bicycle.

And it's. I remember I had. I was.

Was it. Yeah I was. I was pulling up to the to the shop.

So I'd get off the bike. Because I always like used to park it outside. I'm not sure if I used to lock it or not.

I don't know. But it was outside. There was nowhere to put it.

So it was like in the public. But kind of near the. Near the shop.

And I'm just taking off me clips. Because I used to have these clips to keep me. Me trousers from going into the.

Into the. Not the railing. The.

What do you call it? You know. The thing that turns around. No not the wheels.

The chain. Yeah the bicycle chain. I guess everything on it is a bicycle something isn't it? Yeah the bicycle handlebars.

The bicycle wheel wheels. Wheelie wheels. You know.

So everything's. The bike. Yeah.

I could have just said the chain. So I. I came. So I got off the.

And I was just taking the bicycle clips off of me. Of me legs. And.

So I'm bending over. Because that's the best way to do it. I mean I suppose I could have lifted me legs.

I mean sometimes. If I was in a place where there was a chair. I put me legs on the chair.

You know. My feet rather. One at a time.

Otherwise it defeats the object. Because you're just higher up. But you're still just as far away from your feet.

So I put me feet up. And I'd get off that way. But there was no chairs outside.

So I had to kind of. I mean back then I could touch my toes fairly easily. But I might have.

If there was no one around I probably would have just bent me. Bent me knees. But if there's people around I'd show off and touch me toes and do it.

Because. Well sometimes it's just right isn't it? It's the right thing to do. It's.

You've got to let people know what you've got to offer. You know. How.

As far as I was concerned. There might be a woman out there. You know.

That might really. Really like. Want to have a boyfriend.

But she hasn't met anyone that can touch their toes yet. And that's the one thing she needs. Doesn't mind about anything else.

That's the only thing. That's the only requirement on her tick sheet. But she's yet to find one.

Then she walks down the road. And she sees me touching my toes. And that's click.

Oh yeah. Got to have that. And she's.

That's it. Then she tells me how much she loves me. And we fall in love.

And I just. I go for it. Because probably the only option I'm going to get.

So it's like. Yeah brilliant. And we have kids.

And now I'm 54. And got grandkids. And just enjoying the peace right now.

But what do I get home? No. That didn't actually happen did it? But yeah. But just saying.

That's kind of why. I got carried away with that story. Blindly.

So anyway. I'm bending over. Taking the bicycle clips off.

Guess what they were called? They were called bicycle clips. The bell. Used to call it the bell.

But not the bicycle bell. Just the bell. Why not? Everything else is the bicycle.

You've got the bicycle clips. The bike chain. The bike seat.

The bike wheels. But the bell. I suppose you could call it the bike bell.

Handlebars. A bike handlebar. I mean they have.

But then handlebars. Pretty much it's assumed that it's for a bike. Because you don't get handlebars on a washing machine.

Usually. Or on the back of a seagull. I don't know.

So anyway. So I'm sitting there. I'm not sitting there.

I'm doing my. I'm taking the bicycle clips off anyway. And this bird.

Well basically I hear of a splash on my shoulder. And a bird. Probably a seagull.

Because I live near the sea. Did a big poo on my shoulder. I mean.

I don't think they purposely aimed for my shoulder. I was so little back then. They probably couldn't even aim for something that small.

But it splashed off my shoulder. And onto the saddle of the bike. Now luckily I was somewhere where I could get something to clean it off.

So that's what I did. I went in. Went into the shop.

Hello everyone. And for some reason they found it funny that I'd been pooed on. Brilliant.

So I go into the back. To the storeroom. It's like a. I don't know.

The staff room I guess. It was a tiny little room. But that's where we used to.

Where the staff used to go. So I guess it's a room where the staff went. So I guess that is a staff room.

And there was. There was a kettle. There was a sink.

So I rinsed off the. I got like some toilet paper or whatever. So actually it was probably some paper that was in a thing.

Because let's face it. It was in a grocery store. We had lots of cleaning stuff that was available.

Because we used to also clean the place ourselves as well. Didn't have cleaners come in. So I had cleaned off my shoulder.

And I remember I think Doris or whatever said to me. You need to start work in a minute. I said I know.

But I need to clean off the poo. She said have you cleaned it off. It's gone.

I said no. There's some poo on my saddle. She said what kind of saddle is it.

I said what saddle on my bike. She said why didn't you say bike saddle then. It's confusing.

It could be a saddle. It could be any kind of saddle. It could be.

You could have a horse out there. It just gets silly sometimes. So I just said OK.

And what I did. Luckily she was quite easily distracted. All you had to do was give her a piece of cheese.

And she was happy. She just completely lost her trail of thought. I can't imagine that happening.

But anyway I gave her a bit of cheese and she was happy. So I went and sat in the corner and was eating that. And I said why don't you sit in the chair.

She used to make that noise as well. This is silly. Anyway.

Oh dear. So I said to her back in a minute I just need to clean the saddle because if I leave it it's going to dry and it will be difficult to clean it off. Plus it's not my bike.

It's my dad's bike. It wasn't actually his. It was his but it was I think he inherited it from someone.

But anyway it was still he owned it. And he did say to me whatever you do don't wreck it. Which was very trusting of him.

How would I wreck a bike? Actually I did crash it into the back of a car. So maybe that's what he was talking about. So anyway.

I go outside to the front. I've got this little cloth. It's a damp cloth because it was a sink.

It was dry to start with but I made it damp by putting it under the sink. Because I find that's the best way to make a dry cloth damp. By putting water on it.

So I thought I'd try that first. If that don't work then I'll get some kind of polish or something. And just nick a little bit from the thing.

You know. Because back then there was no locks on them. Do you know now that you have to unlock or like turn in order for it to open.

Back then everything you could spray it and no one would know. Anyway. So I go outside.

I bend down again just to touch my toes. You know I like to do it every 10 or 15 minutes. I used to do it back then.

Because I really wanted a girlfriend. So I go to the bike and I start wiping it over with the damp cloth. And it smudged a little bit because it was a black.

Was it brown? It was a black leather seat. Very comfortable. Did I mention how comfortable it was? I went to wipe off.

Even the seagull poo was like. Oh please don't. This is so comfortable.

Just just leave me here. I said no. I'm sunbathing.

I said no you've got to get off. Oh this this is the most comfortable bicycle saddle I've ever been on. I said yeah I can understand that.

The thing is all over me. So I go to the bike. I clean off the seagull poo.

And I dry it off with my coat. Because I've put my brown jacket on at this point. Dry it off with that.

Because I thought if anything it'll it'll make my coat smell nicer. Because it just didn't smell nice. Anyway.

Vinnie get comfortable mate. Get comfortable. He's all fidgety.

Get comfortable. He doesn't know what to do. When I'm sitting this side of the chair.

Or this side of the sofa. He doesn't know where to sit. Because he's.

When I'm on the other side. He's got two different places he sits. Or lays down.

One's on the the leg of the chair. And the other one is like right near where I am. Now he's trying to get the equivalent of like.

You're laying down on me. He wants to. He wants to cuddle.

Don't you? You want to cuddle? I love when you cuddle. Makes me happy. Makes me happy Vin.

Just cuddling him now. So yeah. So I clean that off.

I wipe it over with me with me sleeve. And I smell the sleeve. A bit of a frog in my throat I think.

So I smell my sleeve. And it doesn't smell quite the same as the other sleeve. And I'm thinking.

Is that the. Is it. Is it.

The smell of the jacket. As it normally is. Or is it just the smell of.

Well you know. I used to wipe my nose on it. So is it that.

Or. Or. Or.

You know. I didn't know. So what I thought.

Well there's only way to tell really. If the saddle's clean or not. So I gave it a sniff.

So I thought I'd smell it. Make sure it was clean. Just at that point.

Just at that moment. A lady walks past. And gave me the weirdest look.

I thought. Maybe she knows me. So I wave at her.

And she didn't wave back. And I thought. Why's she giving me a weird look.

All I'm doing is sniffing the saddle of a lady's bike. That's when it clicked. Like.

Oh. I'm sniffing the bicycle seat of a lady's bike. She might not know that it's my bike.

Well. You know. My dad's bike.

But she might not know that it's actually. I'm the one riding it. And because she wasn't there earlier.

She didn't know that a pigeon or a seagull. I still don't know. It could have been a pigeon.

Let's say a seagull. I think it was a seagull sized poo. Actually it was an eagle sized poo.

But I don't know if we have many eagles around there. Because I don't live in Arizona. I think where eagles live isn't it.

So. Yeah. What I thought.

The thing is. It didn't click to me. Because to start with.

When she looked over and I waved to her. I thought. Oh.

I might have pulled it. I think she might like me. I think I was wrong.

I think I might have misjudged that one. Which. In retrospect.

Perhaps I shouldn't have asked her out. Oh well. So yeah.

That was weird. But yeah. So I moved above the shop.

And I lived at my dad's. So when I moved into my dad's. I didn't even know that he was seeing anybody.

I didn't know that he had a girlfriend. Until I kind of moved in. And I met her.

And she became my second step mum. Vinnie is literally laying right over me. He never does this.

So I'm holding him by his chest. And he's just lying over part of my stomach and my legs. He's so relaxed.

I don't know. This is weird. So yeah.

So I met her for the first time. During that period. And we got on really well.

Straight away really. Very lovely. I don't think I met her kids at that time.

During that period. But I remember we used to watch Brookside together. Which was a soap opera.

It was not on anymore. But it was on Channel 4. And yeah. I used to get on really well with her.

But she. I mean at that time. My dad didn't have really much in the way of cooking utensils.

I think there was a microwave. And that was it. He had a kettle and a microwave.

So everything was pretty much microwavable. There was no cooking to do. Couldn't cook anything properly.

Which I didn't really care to be honest. I'd just have like sandwiches and things like that. And he was living a bachelor's life I guess at the time for a little while.

But he spent. Yeah he'd be with her. I think he'd be at hers quite a bit.

So I didn't really get to know her like. I got to know her but not like hugely well. But got to know her a little bit during that period.

And then I moved back into my dad's again probably in 19. Beginning of 99. January.

89. So this is 88. And then now it's 89.

So less than a year later I needed somewhere to live. And I stayed with him for a couple of months again. And I yeah.

I remember I got to know her more then. She was more around. I think by this time my dad had a cooker.

And you know it was I guess because she was staying over she needed to have a nice thing. You know have it nicer. So I got to know her more.

And probably thinking about it. Probably spent Christmas. I would have spent New Year's Day with them.

At my Nan's. Because we had New Year's Day dinner. So I would have seen them for that.

At my Nan and Grandad's. And then I think during that period when I was living at their house. Or at my Dad's house.

I think I met her kids then. And we. I was going to start a jewellery company.

Selling jewellery. That I'd already kind of dabbled in over like a year ago. So I was going to get into that.

And my step mum. Second step mum actually helped me with that. And helped me to get leaflets printed.

And stuff like that. Nothing came of it in the end. Because it was another non-starter really.

This is the only thing I've ever stuck to. This thing that I started in 2006. The only thing in my life really.

Apart I suppose I did stick to my degree. And I got that finished. But generally I've been a lot of start and stops in my life.

He is absolutely shedding his hair. This one. He's needing some loving today for some reason.

Aren't you? You're needing some loving from Daddy. He's really cuddly. He's not normally like this.

He's enjoying the attention. And all the massaging his head and stuff. You're happy aren't you? Why are you quite relaxed? It's nice.

Yeah it's nice. He does fall asleep sometimes listening to me. So yeah.

So I got to know a little bit then. And it was kind of one of those things that just gradually increased. If that makes sense.

I think I got to really know a lot better in 1990. When again I moved back. Because I moved to London.

And I moved back for. I was there a little bit longer this time. So I went back in I think it was April.

Maybe end of March. April. Until.

I was living at my Dad's until September. So five months. I counted that on my fingers.

And I'm glad it wasn't more than six months. Otherwise I don't know how I would have done that one. So I was using my toes.

So I was living there. This was much better though. To be honest.

Because I was a bit older. A bit more mature. I was still very immature.

But a little bit. A bit more worldly wise. Because I'd lived in London on my own.

So things were going quite well. I had two jobs. So I was fairly busy.

And my Dad was hardly ever there. He'd be there during the week. So I didn't really see him because I was doing nights.

So I was working nights. Working ten till six or something. So I didn't see him very often.

And he wasn't there at the weekend either. He was usually at my stepmums. So that was quite a nice period.

And we moved house in August. Into where he is now. At the time I didn't realise that he was doing that.

In order to move her into the house. And both her kids into the house. Because it was a three bedroom house.

I didn't really click. But he never asked me to leave. But I did.

I mean they'd already gotten engaged to be married. So I should have kind of had a clue really. So I remember my Dad saying.

Oh we're engaged to be married. And this was probably. Maybe during that period.

Like I was there maybe the year before. But no probably not. Probably that period.

When we was at the house before he moved. So probably been like maybe May June time. 1990.

And he said oh we're engaged to. We're engaged. But we're going to have a 20 year engagement or something.

He was joking. And they did actually get married in 1992. So was it August.

So yeah it was quite. Still quite a while. There's still a two year.

Two years. Two and a half years before they got married. But it was.

Yeah they got married. So then when I moved out of there. Out of the second house.

Remember they moved. Although it was quite nice living there. I kind of.

I probably moved out knowing that they wanted me out. Probably. And yeah I guess there was a clue.

I don't know what the clues were. I mean. There was there was once I saw this.

Well I walked. I walked out into the kitchen. There was a big banner.

Get out Jason. Leave now. So you know there's a few little hints.

You know nails in the bed. Things like that. Just just little things.

Goldfish in the bathroom sink. Now I still don't understand that one. Because I thought that was cute.

Why would why would you move out of a place that had a goldfish in the kitchen sink. Or a bathroom sink. It's like it's nice.

It's a nice touch. But apparently that was a warning. Because I didn't tell you this.

My stepmom's actually a mermaid. So in mermaid land. Atlantis.

That is actually putting a goldfish in a bathroom sink. Is you know like the mafia putting a head. A horse's head in a bed.

And you know it's a similar thing. I didn't understand. Because I didn't know mermaid language.

Yeah it's weird. I remember saying to her. So you know it's like let's just like get this sorted out.

Do you want to move? Are you planning to move in here with your kids? And she said. Because she was a fish. And that's what fish sound like.

To me. There must have been a better fish. Maybe like a. I guess that was kind of like a whale.

No. That's more like a dog howling isn't it. Anyway.

She wasn't really a fish. But she. They wanted me.

Well I think. Yeah. They wanted to.

They were going to get married. They wanted to be together. It's just.

It's just natural isn't it. There's nothing weird. So I moved out of my own accord.

Eventually. I figured after the locks would change six times. But maybe.

That was a hint. Maybe. Yeah.

They also moved five times as well. So anyway. I got my own place and everything.

But from then on. They were always together. So they moved in shortly after I moved out.

12 minutes in fact. And they moved in. They're waiting in a van.

I couldn't believe it. It's like what if I hadn't moved out today. How would you like.

Because I just moved out. I said I'm moving out today. And my dad was like.

I've never seen him so excited. He was literally dancing. He was defying gravity.

It was almost like there was strings. Like a puppet. And he was just like.

There was no. There's no gravity. And he couldn't control his legs or happiness.

At first I thought he was crying. He was upset. But it was tears of joy.

And so he said. Oh okay. And he opens.

Opens the door. And the front door. And my step-mom and the kids are all there waiting there.

All the suitcases are already in the garden. Everything. It's like.

What would you have done if I wasn't moving out today. He said. Don't worry.

You were. I said. What.

What. He said. You were moving out today.

You just. I figured you knew. That's why you left.

That's why you packed. I said. No.

He said. Did you not see the signs. What.

He said. Come out here. So he took me out the front door.

And painted on the front. All the wall. Was.

You're not welcome here anymore. Leave. By the way this is for you Jason.

In case you didn't realize. That was in smaller letters. Because.

Well it was a longer sentence. I can't believe he spelt my name J-A-Y-S-O-N. Doesn't even know how to spell his own son's name.

Anyway. That wasn't really the issue was it. I guess.

But since. After that. Going forward.

I would be there. Pretty much. Most Christmases.

Throughout 90. Throughout the 90s. And.

And. I'd be there for birthdays. And.

My dad's birthday. And. Just.

So. And I'd be visiting my Nan. So I'd see them on them occasions as well.

And. You know. Weddings.

And funerals. And all those things over the years. And.

It's. You just. It's.

Yeah. Just get to know people I guess. It's.

I've spoken to her probably hundreds of times. Maybe probably more than that over the years. And.

I've stayed over. Loads and loads and loads of times. Not so much these days.

Because of having. Vinnie. And before that having.

Whatever his name was. Albert. Not Albert.

Andre. Yeah. Like I'm never going to forget his name.

And. We. I couldn't really stay over anymore.

But before that I used to stay at Christmas. Most years actually. Generally.

Sometimes I'd go periods when I didn't. But. So I don't technically really celebrate Christmas.

But. Yeah. It was.

I mean one of my happiest memories with. Actually. One of my nicest memories ever.

Actually. Was a time I spent with my step mum. Number two.

She used to be a cake decorator. And also a florist. So she'd like.

Flower arranging and stuff like that. So she was qualified at these things. She worked from home.

I think she used to work in a florist. As well. But then she started working from home.

But she made the cakes. And had all the kitchen done out. And made.

Made correctly for guidelines. You know. In order for her to work from home.

And they had an extension built on. Yeah they did. They had an extension built on for the kitchen.

Specifically for her business. And. Yeah.

But I forgot about that. Blimey. There are two extensions.

One on the side. And one on the back. And they've also knocked through.

I'm saying it like you know the house. But. You know.

They've knocked through. It's really weird. So I went there on Saturday.

And there was two rooms. One was a room that I used to sit and watch. With her mum.

We used to watch the. The soaps on Christmas day. So we'd be in that other room.

It was nice and quiet. It was a table. And that's where they would generally eat throughout the year.

And then they would eat in the conservatory. Which was the extension. The Christmas time in that.

But then earlier this year. They knocked through. And it's almost like that room doesn't even exist anymore.

I mean on its own it doesn't. But it's. The room looks so small.

It's really weird. Because now. They've done it so you just walk in.

They've done it in a way that you just walk in. Just. I don't know.

It just looks weird. It's nice the way they've done it. But it just.

There's a settee. It's just a nice little place you can just sit and chill out. It's just weird though.

Because I've never seen it like that. I mean the place was a complete dump when we moved in. When I moved in there with my dad.

In September 1990. It was really gungy. I don't know if that's an actual word.

Gungy. But it was. It wasn't.

It was just not nice. It was. Not derelict.

But. Yeah. It wasn't.

Yeah. It wasn't. It wasn't.

You know what I mean. It was. It was.

I don't know. If you dropped something on the floor you wouldn't necessarily want to put it in your mouth. It's best to put it back in your mouth.

That kind of situation. If you saw something on the floor you wouldn't particularly want to just eat it. Like you would normally.

Perhaps. So we. I got to know her a bit.

And you know one of my happiest memories as I said. She was. She used to make truffles and chocolates and cakes.

And not just big cakes. I mean she used to make birthday, Christmas, wedding, all kinds of cakes. Do they have funeral cakes? I don't know.

But she used to make all these different huge big cakes for big events and stuff locally. As well as doing flowers as well. So she was very busy.

But she also had these truffles she used to make and sell them on the market. It was like a proper trades market thing. It wasn't like a market where you buy old toasters and shoes and stuff.

Sticky magazines or whatever. It was like new stuff. It wasn't really.

It wasn't like a junk market. And it was nice. And I helped her out one day.

And I went with her. And we just helped her set up. The table came anyway.

So the table was already there. After we put a cloth over the table and just put everything out. And there was samples.

But everything was all bagged up. But there was samples on a plate where people could just test them to see if they liked them. And then they'd buy a bag.

And I just helped. Helped, you know, just took the money and just gave them the stuff. And it was a really, really nice day.

And she did ask me why I kept touching my toes. And I said, don't worry about it. But you know, I still kept that up because I thought one day I might meet someone.

There might be someone there at that. But it wasn't a jumble sale. I don't know what the right thing to call it.

It was a market, like a proper, like a food market kind of thing that you might have in your country, maybe. Not necessarily farmer's market, but there was flowers, there was, there was plants, there was, I think, vegetables, vegetables. There was, I think someone was selling pillows as well or cushions.

There might have been a wool, a wool store where they were selling balls of wool. That would probably be my second favourite one to work on. Because at the time, I quite liked the idea of being a juggler.

And balls of wool are quite good to juggle with. Because unlike, if you get normal juggling balls, and you know, just like tennis balls, and you juggle them. And sometimes, you know, they'll drop, they'll drop on the floor.

But if you drop a ball of wool, it doesn't hurt your foot if it lands on your foot. Those tennis balls. Ow.

I mean, you could argue, wear shoes then. But that's another thing I used to do. Because the thing is, if you're going to touch your toes, the best way to let someone know you're touching your toes is to actually have your toes out.

And you push your toes up and look, my toes, literally, hand to toe, they can see. If you've got shoes on, it's not quite as obvious. You could be cheating.

Trust me, I've cheated enough times doing it. I mean, I can pretty much touch my knees now, if I'm lucky. So, he's really uncomfortable.

He's on the chair. He's on the leg side of the chair. And it's just not comfortable because it's not what he's used to.

Because he's, it's just really weird. He's not enjoying it, are you Vinnie? You're not enjoying being there. You'll be all right when I get back to sitting on this one.

Or the other one lower. But that's one of my, one of my happiest adult memories, actually, is that it wasn't, it wasn't for a long time. It was a few hours with her.

But it was probably the first time we'd really spent any time together on our own. And it was nice. I enjoyed it.

And I was on my best behavior. I didn't, I wasn't rude to anyone. I didn't, so not rude, but sometimes I, it might come as a shock to you.

But there have been times during my life, when I've been in a public situation, and again, this might surprise you, I have occasionally said something slightly inappropriate for the setting. Sometimes I said something and on this occasion, I didn't, I don't think. Yeah, no, I don't.

Yeah, I think I was, I was on my best behavior. And it was nice. It was a very gentle, gentle summer.

Yeah, it was, it would be in the summertime, probably. And it was nice. I liked it.

It was really good. So that was probably 1990 as well. I think so.

Yeah, I think. Unless, of course, it was later on, when I was visiting, and I just sort of could have been, I could have been visiting for the weekend in the early 90s. But I think it was about 1990.

I don't have the exact date. Sorry. Yeah, blimey.

So some of the qualities, I mean, I know it shouldn't, it's not really about judging, but she's a brilliant cook. Now, I can cook, but I'm not a good cook. I can, I'm very basic.

You know, I know how to cook things, I'm more likely to overcook something than to make it taste nice. Just because then I know it's cooked. But you know, I did go to catering college, and I had multiple jobs in catering over the years.

But you know, I'm still, I'm basic, like, cook an egg, make toast. And I had to cook frozen stuff. But you know, I've never ever made myself a shepherd's pie.

I've never made myself a lasagna. I could do these things. I know how to generally.

I also know how to follow a menu, or not a menu, but what do you call it a recipe? I know how to follow that. To follow instructions, because, you know, I was doing that when I was at school, making stuff. I just I don't know, just haven't just haven't.

Haven't for whatever reason. Although I could really do a shepherd's pie with some beans right now. That'd be nice.

A nice shepherd pie with cheese on top with baked beans, but a small one. Not small baked beans, because they're all pretty small, aren't they? But a small pie, I don't want like a big, you know, I don't eat much in one sitting. And I don't really want to eat shepherd's pie every day for two days or three days, every meal for two days or whatever.

No. Another thing I quite like is really large Yorkshire puddings with something in the middle, whether it's like shepherd's pie or or something nice. Oh, lovely.

So I toad in the hole, toad in the hole inside of a big Yorkshire pudding. That's special. I used to eat a lot of frozen toad in the holes.

I think Aunty Bessie's. Yeah, I used to like them. Wow.

So not only is she a great cook, because and that's kind of a shallow reason to like someone, I realise that. But she's always been welcoming to me. Always been welcoming.

In the same way as my Nan was always welcoming to me. She never turned me away. Always.

It's always been kind, always been friendly. Vinnie, calm yourself down mate. Calm yourself down.

No. Right, just started barking. You heard someone going out their door or something.

Completely lost it, didn't you? Yeah. And yeah, so she's very stepmummy number two. Very lovely person.

And, you know, technically she kind of gave me a sister and another brother as well. You know, her kids. And they were the same age.

Pretty much a little bit younger than my little brother. So that was good for him as well, to have other kids that were sort of the same age. And it's, I guess, you know, over the years, I've watched them grow up.

Have boyfriends and girlfriends and go through various different things. And then both get married and have kids. And now they're in their 40s.

It's, you know, it's just weird. They were like eight years old when I first met them, I think. Eight or nine.

And now they're, yeah. Wow. It's weird.

It's like 30, how many years? So 1990, 2000, 2010, 2020. So 34 years. 34 years.

And they've been married for 32 years. Blimey. Not my stepbrother or sister, because they'd have to have been six when they got married or something.

So yeah, it's, it's, it's weird. Just seeing, seeing them grow, not grow old, but you know, we all kind of got older at the same time. Well, not at the same time, but you know, I mean, we're all aged as everyone does.

And I used to get on this, I've mentioned this before, I used to get on really well with her mum, who was my stepman, got on really well with her. We used to chat, chat and chat and chat and chat and chat. It was very, really, really enjoyed talking to her.

It's very funny. And it's quite weird because I had a different relationship with her to my own nan. I mean, there was no one like my nan, ever.

No one in my life was anything like my nan, my nanny Newland. She was different. There was no relationship I've ever had or will have that was like hers.

But in the same way, the relationship I had with my stepnan wasn't the same as the one I had with my nan, it was a different one. You know, I don't know how to explain it. It's just it's different, different people, different relationships.

Just like the relationship I had with that I have still, with my stepmum number two, was very different to the one I had with my stepmum number one. Because with her, she was, you know, I met her at the age of seven. Well, before I was just before I was seven.

And I attached myself to her, like a flea, probably. To be honest, I probably just completely, I grabbed her and I never let go. Metaphorically, not literally.

And I guess I've always been ever since that kind of ended, I've been a little bit. Yeah, that was probably the last time. Yeah, things changed after that, you know, once I hit 16, she moved on, I kind of stayed where I was for a while.

And then when I was old enough, when I was able to get out, I did. I moved away for good from that town, back in January in 1991. I never went back, not to live anyway.

I've been back to visit, I did on Saturday, just gone a few couple of days ago, but I never been back to live. So 1991 was the last time that I actually lived there. I've slept over loads of times, whether at my nan's or, well, you know, the past, or at my dad's, or in a hotel even.

I might have even stayed at my step sisters. I probably stayed at friends actually. I had a couple of friends, a girlfriend I had there for a while.

So I stayed at her sometimes in the 90s. Yeah, blimey. Those were the days, eh? Those were the days.

But she's very kind, very nice, very, very, very caring. And she's understanding as well. She's quite open minded when it comes to things like mental health issues.

And because she's got, she understands, she's more understanding about that stuff. She can, yeah, she understands it, if that makes sense. For reasons that I'm not going to go into actually, but she's, she's dealt with, she's dealt with other people that have had stuff.

And yeah, so when it comes to my situation, I actually had a conversation with her about it. And she's really like, she gets it. Yeah, my little brother is clueless, like really.

What do you know, when I visited, because I got a taxi to there, why didn't you get a train? Why didn't you just get a train like anyone else? And like, he couldn't get it. Couldn't, couldn't, it's not his fault. But it's just he couldn't, couldn't grasp the context of having, well, you know, being bipolar, whatever, because he's not, he's not, and he doesn't, I mean, even other people with bipolar not necessarily gonna understand what it's like for another person, because we're all different.

We all experience things different. But he was completely, it wasn't through lack of care, and he just didn't understand. And there's loads of things, millions of things that I don't understand.

So it's just, you know, it's, I had a friend who said to me a while ago that she just, because she had some family stuff happen, and it's the first time that she was, didn't have any parents. And, and I couldn't relate to it, because I've never had both parents, really, you know, in reality. I've never really had that sort of regularly in my life.

Even now, I don't have, I don't have anyone that I could just, they're not like around the corner. And I see them every day or see them every week. I see my dad a couple of times a year.

That's about it, really. I haven't seen the rest of the family for five years until Saturday. So the only two people I see is my dad and my stepmom, my second stepmom.

I don't call her second stepmom. I don't call her stepmom either. With cards, and you know, because my birthday coming this Monday coming, just in case I haven't mentioned it, we're 54.

But if there's any ladies out there that like me, I'm 34. Okay, I don't mind lying. If you don't mind living a lie, I don't mind living a lie.

Because I'm quite happy. And so anyway, so I call her, I write down mum, mummy and daddy, usually, or mummy. When I, that's what I do, is when I send them cards in the post, they always know it's me, I never put their names.

I always put mummy or daddy on the card, like on the address. So they know before they open it, it's from me. I've been doing that for decades.

I'm very childish. It's, I can't help it. I just, for some reason, I just don't like doing, doing things how everyone else does them.

You know, how we're supposed to do it. We're supposed to put the Mr, and it's supposed to be his first name, or maybe just the initial, and his surname, New Land. Supposed to say Newland.

Not supposed to say New Land. What do I want? My name? But yeah, she's really nice. And she was, I mean, when both of her parents got ill, she looked after them, and so did my dad.

I saw a different side to my dad. I didn't know he had it in him. I'll be honest, I didn't.

And they both cared for quite a few years. They cared for both of her parents and my nan, so my dad's mum. They cared for them for years, because for my nan, it was just really age.

But she, she did go practically blind, and nearly deaf, and very disabled. So he was, he was going around her flat where she lived. She lived in Sherwood Accommodation.

This is my nan. He was going around there sometimes three, four times a day, just to make sure she'd taken her pills, to make sure that she was eating, to make sure that the nurses had come, because she used to have nurses come and look after her. She had care workers to come and help her to have a shower, and things like that.

So he'd be coming in, constantly, in and out, every day, to make sure she was okay. And he also did the same for both of my stepmum's parents as well. And he used to, because her dad, my step grandad, he had Parkinson's and dementia.

So my dad used to take him to the toilet, he used to look after him like that. And my stepmum used to do that care, that personal care for her mum. And I just didn't, I didn't know my dad had it in him.

To, I don't know, I don't know why, why wouldn't, why would I think that? I don't know. But he, he was never the most patient person. And I think I've got, I'm not always the most patient person, sometimes.

But to do that, and to care, especially, and it wasn't his own father, you know, to be able to do that is, just shows his true, I don't know what the right word is, the kindness is there that he doesn't, he doesn't really show. He's quite a stoic, or stoic, he's quite stoic. He's quite a stoic person.

So he kind of keeps, he's from that generation, maybe, and because his dad was like that, maybe he's just, he's learned to be like that, you know, keeping things inside and not really, not really talking about things, not to me anyway. He does talk about things to his wife, because she's told me, he doesn't know that she's told me, not, not what he said necessarily, but he does open up to her.

And so how did I get how I am? That's what I don't understand.

So my younger brother, he's kind of similar to my dad. My oldest brother's, I think, from what I remember, is quite similar to my dad. In some ways, kind of very, kind of keeps it in.

And I just tell everyone everything. Not everything, obviously, but you know, I'm, I'm quite open, I would say. I'd say I'm fairly open about how I'm feeling and, you know, and stuff that's gone on.

And I did have a friend once say, well, why are you telling people about the bipolar? Especially when trying to help people and, oh, my stomach's gurgling. You know, and I understood where he was coming from. He was, he was saying it out of kindness towards me, because I know this person cares about me deeply, as I do him.

The thing is, I kind of understand in a sense of why would you get help from someone that maybe from one angle or from an angle could be clearly not helping themselves. Or maybe isn't as stable as you'd expect someone, you know, maybe, but to be fair, it's not like I'm charging for a service. I'm not counseling, I'm not sort of seeing someone one on one.

I'm not pretending that I can do something that they can't do. I'm not pretending to be sorted or to be perfect. Or because that'd be the same as me coming on here, or doing a video on YouTube offering financial advice.

And the worst person in the world to offer financial advice to anybody. Apart from don't spend all your money, don't give it all away. Don't help everyone.

But then I wouldn't ever want to say that to someone don't help people. Because helping people is the best kind of one of the best feelings in the world is helping people or feeling that I've helped people. You know, even when I was in Thailand, and I was ripped off by this food place who made all these meals to give out to hungry people.

And there's hundreds of meals made. And I didn't know that they charged me a foreigner rates, they charged me tourist rates, instead of Thai rates, even though I was giving the food out for free. I didn't know.

I found out afterwards. But I got such a buzz from doing it. Just by giving people food, you know, cooked, this is cooked food.

And I don't know, even though I spent more money than I had to spend, it felt good. And that's something I'm possibly never going to be able to do again. I could have spent that money on something else.

Probably much more enjoyable. Actually, I could have gone on dates and toured around and visited islands or got on a helicopter trip, got onto a yacht, not an expensive yacht, but had some days out, you know, on the sea and stuff. Gone, but I didn't do that.

I just I wanted to, I wanted to know what it felt like to give away meals to hungry people. And I've watched videos of people doing this on YouTube during COVID. I don't know how to say that word, but during lockdown in Thailand.

And I wasn't able to go out because we weren't allowed. No one was really allowed to travel back then. But as soon as I went out there, they were still partially in lockdown.

Everybody still had to wear masks. You had to get your temperature done before going inside any of the shops. A lot of things were still closed down.

And so there was a lot of jobs still hadn't been people's a lot of people didn't have work. And it was a lot quieter than it would normally would be. So even people that did have work didn't have enough work to live to live properly.

Like the taxi drivers on the motorbikes. Some of them were getting no customers all day. And yeah, it was a lot bars were really quiet.

A lot of hotels were empty or closed or closed down. It was yeah, it was weird, weird time. I mean, it's partly why they decided to redo the road in one of the busiest, one of the busiest roads in the world when it's really busy.

They decided to re tarmac it or no repave it because there was hardly anyone around. So the government will just start to do that. Because they had an opportunity to finally do it.

Wow. Anyway, so this is about my second step mom not about paving, paving roads. So yeah, that was it really is, you know, I've seen every every year.

30 was it 34 years. 35 years. 36 years.

So I've known her for 36 years. So I met her in 1988 98 2008 2018 2019 20 21 22 23 24. 36 years is did I say 36 years? Yeah.

More than 12 years. Wow. And yeah, she just hit 65 last week.

And the last time I was at her now wasn't I did see her at her house in 2022. But I didn't go didn't see any family but I did visit there. And I felt a bit unwell.

So I came home. And I I yeah, the last time I saw the rest of the family was at her 60th birthday party. So it's weird to just, yeah, five years just like that.

By the way, click my fingers, but I'm not gonna do very well. So you might not heard it. I'll do it again.

Shut up. So yeah. So I don't think I'm gonna leave it until she's 70 before I see her again.

Try and although I have seen them. I see them. They come up here a couple of times a year.

Usually in the summer and around Christmas time. Or I try and get up there. But I haven't for a few years.

Yeah, last year. I didn't go Yeah, because it was an end of November and my friend downstairs passed away. So I didn't.

I didn't really leave didn't go out anywhere for a few months. I the previous year, I had a cough. So I didn't want to take a cough to them.

Just in case I do. Yeah, they're elderly now. I'm getting getting on as well.

So I did. But I didn't want to like take it, take an infection or whatever to them. So and I didn't go that Saturday.

And it was a sad the second Saturday of the month of December. Maybe the first Saturday of December 2023. But that no 2022 sorry.

But that Saturday afternoon, so so I sat here. And that's what I met Vinnie for the first time. So if I hadn't been here, that Saturday.

Oh, I don't know, maybe I would have got Vinnie anyway. I think I think my friend downstairs was set on me having him. He knew I'd take him.

But it just would have been different. Because you know, if just everything would have been different. If I'd have gone there, my whole life could have been different from that moment onwards from what it is or from what it has been.

It's don't know dear. It's you know, as George Michael said, I want your sex. Yeah.

And Michael Jackson, George Michael, turn a different corner and we never would have met. It's good, isn't it? It's true. So that'd be a bit aggressive.

Turn a different corner and we never would have met. That's aggressive. Turn a different corner and we never would have met.

See, like he was in the room. And it's true, isn't it? It's a whole butterfly effect and stuff. So I do wonder.

Yeah. So so that's it. I know I haven't necessarily really, particularly, maybe, possibly said a huge amount about my second step mom.

But that's kind of the history. You know, I can't go into personal details about her life or but, you know, I talked about the it's more about how for me, it's more about my life with her, my life, how it's been affected by her. And it's been positive.

She's been this, I guess it's stability. She's it sounds maybe it sounds wrong to say it like that. But she's always there.

She's always I know. Realistically, that's not necessarily going to be the case as the same for me. I'm not always going to be here.

Am I not? You know, just reality. But she's always been there. She's if I phone her up, she answers the phone.

And she always seems happy to speak to me. And I know that she's probably not always happy to speak to me. Because she's got stuff going on and she's got her own stuff going on.

And but I don't know, I just saw how, how devoted she is to her kids, to her grandkids, and how devoted she was to her parents. And, and I know there's millions of people that are devoted, you know, they do that. But I've not really seen it before.

I guess not firsthand. And seeing how she was with them. And again, how my dad was.

I mean, I was kind of used to my dad's being around to my nan's because even when she lived in the house, before she even, long before she even broke a hip the first time, he'd be in and out, like at least twice a day to see her for years for, you know, since, or even when my granddad was around, he'd visit pretty much every day to say hello and have a cup of tea, because he was self employed.

So he could take a little bit of time off. And when she was there on her own, he'd come and make sure she was okay.

And he'd do a little bit of housework for her if she needed it. So he's, he's a really good, well, he was a really, really good son to her. And to him.

I mean, all the kids, all my uncles and aunts are really good kids, but to their parents, well, they were, you know, but the thing is, he's the one that lived closest. So it was, it was easier for him. But then my aunt used to come down and stay over for a period of time.

So she'd take over the reins and she'd look after her. And my dad would have a bit of a break. And there was a routine from about 2005 onwards.

My aunt used to come and pick up my nan and take her back to their house. And she'd stay there for the Christmas period. So I didn't see my nan at Christmas.

The last time I saw my nan at Christmas was in 2004. And I actually stayed at my nan's house. My aunt and my uncle was there, my aunt and her husband.

They were there at staying at my nan's house as well. And it was as an adult, it's the best Christmas I've had. Because I had the best of both worlds.

So I had my nan, so I was living at my nan's, not living, but I was staying there. So Christmas Eve, I was with my auntie and my uncle. I got on really well with my uncle.

And I've known my auntie since I was a little kid. Since I was, to be fair, yeah, sort of six, seven, when I moved down. So since I was about seven.

I probably knew her when I was bored as well, but I don't remember that far back. And she also used to live around the corner from us for quite a few years. So she's kind of, was kind of the closest auntie, like living wise, and the one that I saw the most growing up.

Well, you know, sort of becoming a teenager and all that stuff. So yeah, so that was really good because we had Christmas Eve. And I didn't know that they, they would have presents on Christmas Eve.

That was a tradition that we never used to have. Just like take one present off the Christmas tree. I love that, love that idea.

It's brilliant. I say have a Christmas present every day of the year. Because that's the best thing about Christmas is the presents.

I know I'm not supposed to think that, but you know, it's true. No, it's, it was just fun. It's the fun part.

It's not even about the present. It's just kind of fun, even if it's just smelly old socks, which apparently is not a good gift to give. Supposed to, if you're going to give someone socks, make sure they're clean or new.

And so without holes, mind you, there's no hole, how do you get them on your feet? What the hell was that? So yeah, and then I think we went to church, I went to church in Munnan Christmas Eve, midnight mass but it was earlier, it was like five o'clock or something because you couldn't go to the late one. And then Christmas Day, so I had Christmas breakfast at my Nan's, Christmas Day I went to my Dad's for Christmas dinner and I think, I don't know if my Nan, I think my Nan and my Aunty and that all came to my Dad's for Christmas dinner, I'm forgetting, I'm not sure.

I might have gone for Christmas dinner and then come back to my Nan's for Christmas evening and then Boxing Day my Nan, we all went to my Dad's for Boxing Day dinner, it was something like that.

And then the day after Boxing Day I came home and that's the last time I spent Christmas with my Nan and I'm not going to say it's the last good Christmas but it was the last one that was the most complete Christmas, kind of, you know.

Technically, the last, in some ways the last real Christmas was 1984 really and that's when I was living with a family, three brothers, my Dad and the first step Mum and my Nan and Grandad and that was kind of, and her Mum as well, my Nan, so that was kind of the last time that we were all together because Christmas 1985, I think, I don't, yeah, I don't think all my brothers were around then, at least one of them had moved out or two, I lose track, so there was a different,

unless they were there, it's really weird, I can't quite grab the times because it's so long ago now but I'm thinking that they weren't, that not all of them were there because, yeah, I can't remember, so it's either, but I'd say 1984, maybe 1985 Christmas but 1985 was the last Christmas in that house but I'm thinking 1984 was the last one where things were kind of normal if you can, yeah, kind of, yeah, Christmas was always good, honestly Christmas was always good, always, always, always good, so we just had good Christmases,

my Dad is, he is Father Christmas or Santa Claus, he is, he loves Christmas, still does, absolutely adores Christmas, it's his favourite time of the year I think and yeah, he is, I'm pretty sure if every day was Christmas he'd be quite happy, yeah, I reckon, now with his big white beard he looks like Mr. Christmas, so I hope I kind of did okay with this podcast episode because I've never had a requested podcast before, I know I'm the one that mentioned I was going to do this but I've had a few people actually request it like, are you going to do it?

You did the one about your first step Mum, what about your second step Mum? You said you were going to, where is it? When are you going to do it? Do it now!

So I have, so there, I doneed it, I only gone and doneed it, so I hope it was alright, it's, you know, just a standard, it's done, I don't know, it might have been silly, it might have been pointless, it might not have been very informative but the bottom line, the whatever is, she's lovely, my second step, well my first step Mum was lovely and my second step Mum is lovely, so I've been very lucky, never had the, was it the evil step Mum or whatever, kind of scenario, never had that, so I've been very fortunate.

I don't know if that exists but I'm guessing not everybody can get on, yeah, yeah, it's been, it's been, I've been fortunate on that one.

So I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, thank you for listening, remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy, be gentle with yourself, lots of love, bye.