(no music) #1141 - I’m too generous - Let Me Bore You To Sleep (5th June 2024)

Hello, hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name's Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can.

Safely close your eyes. A little bit late doing this one. Yeah.

Hope you well. What was I going to say? Oh yeah, I have a YouTube channel. Just put in my name to YouTube and you can find me.

Thank you for those that have subscribed lately. I'm still in the process of uploading the old videos. It's going to take probably a few more months to get all that done.

And then I will be making, not live videos, but videos of me on screen. Like I used to. Because for some reason, for some reason, they're the most popular ones.

I don't quite get it. I think it's just a YouTube thing. People want to see a human on the screen, regardless of what they look like.

They just, they prefer that over a, you know, a spiral graphic or whatever it is that I do. So. Also, there's Jason Newland's Boring Group.

If you'd like to join that. It's a private Facebook group. But you're welcome to join.

And if you'd like to support this free service, please, you can send a PayPal gift. Thank you very much. It's been a weird week for me, actually, this week.

I'm not sure how much information I want to give you. But it's just been a weird week. I've Yeah, just a weird week.

I've had a bit of a I like to call it a brain fart. I mean, it's more mental health issues. But just struggled a few days.

This week, it's not been easy. Had a couple of really early nights, where I just wanted to say goodbye to the day as it as it is, it's like, okay, I'm going, going to bed. And today, Thursday, the whatever day is the fifth of June.

It's a kind of similar thing. I think the more contact I have with people, the more drained I get. And I kind of know that anyway about myself, but it's become harder as I've got older, it's worse or more affects me more as I've aged.

I mean, that might be because I'm around people less. I don't know. But when I'm around people, and have a lot of visitors, because sometimes I'll a bunch of visitors in one day, or have multiple conversations with dog walkers, or have neighbors that I'm dealing with.

And I feel really, I might enjoy the interaction at the time. But afterwards, I don't feel so good. And I don't know, it's like I give, I give myself to them, I give my energy to them.

I don't think they take my energy. It's not like that. But it's like I give my energy to them, and I leave it with them.

And then I'm left feeling kind of drained. I don't feel that when I make the podcast. It's the opposite.

And so I don't feel like I'm taking the energy from the people listening. But I'm, it almost helps me to it. I just feel positive, generally, but depending on what the podcast is like, I mean, I'm not sure about this one, because it's not started off particularly uplifting.

So I'm going to move into that. But just, you know, a bit of honesty now and then. Yeah, it's, I've been helping out a new neighbor and is, I've got this problem.

That's not impotence, don't worry. Well, that's, that's an old problem. And this this got this problem, a new problem.

And I just wish again, this isn't a new problem. I can't say no. I don't seem to be able to say no.

If someone asks me for something, I just, I feel compelled to do it. And I don't mean if someone says, Oh, should we go rob a bank? No, nothing like that. Please don't ask me to rob a bank because I don't want to be tested on that one.

But if someone asks you whether it's for money, whether it's for food, I mean, I'll always give someone food anyway. But if it's, it's something wrong with me with that side of things. Yeah, if someone I've had neighbors, and I've seen them in the street, and you know, say, How you doing? Someone I don't even particularly know that well.

And they'll say, Oh, I haven't eaten for two days. I'll bring her up to a flat and I'll give I won't just give them enough to, you know, a little bit, I'll give them like two carrier bags for the food if I've got it to take with them. And I can't stop myself.

I'm literally going through everything. Do you want a banana? Do you want to, you know, even if I've only got one packet of biscuits, I'll give you half of the biscuits. That's a lie.

I'll give them I hide the biscuits because they're for me. But you know, you know, I'm saying generally. So should have got chocolate on them.

Wow. If I've got chocolate biscuits in the house, I don't let anyone in. I barricade the place until they're gone all chocolate biscuits.

And I'm not I'm not saying is to make me look good because it doesn't feel good. If you know I mean, it's it does in the moment. Yeah, I mean, not not to give them food.

I'll never regret giving food to anybody. If they're hungry. There's no reason for anyone.

There's no reason for anyone in the world to be hungry. But especially in a country like this. There's, there's literally no reason ever for anyone to be hungry.

And, or perhaps I should rephrase there's no reason for people to let other people be hungry. Maybe that's another word wording. Because everyone gets into situations sometimes.

Well, I imagine I have why I've got no money for food and having to get by on scraps for a little while. But it's there's always someone to ask. If you ask someone, and there's places to get food in the UK is soup kitchens, you know, if you can swallow your pride, go go in the evening and get food for free.

You can get my you can get a thing from the doctors or wherever to go and go to the food bank and buy food during the day. There's even places you can get hot food during the day as well for free in churches and stuff around the town. So there are places there are ways of doing it.

They're not particularly good for homeless now. A friend is homeless and he can't get anywhere to stay. But anyway, this is this is depressing and I'm gonna stop.

I'm gonna move on. I'll move on. Now it's just it's bugging me a little bit because I love helping people.

I do. I enjoy it. It's my favorite thing, probably helping others.

And no one helps me. And it's not I don't expect anyone to help me. I'm talking about in real life people around here.

No one. No one does anything for me. No one sees if I'm alright generally.

No one asks if I'm okay. They'll knock on the door, tell me about their problems or ask me for stuff if I can help them. But I don't you know, I don't have people think that I'm together.

I'm some kind of sorted person and but they're wrong. If they think that, you know, if I've got 20 pounds in my pocket, and someone asked to borrow money, I'm more likely to give them 15 pounds of that and leave myself with five. And that's it's not workable.

It's not it's not the way that I know it's not the way my dad is. It's not the way that my brother is. They wouldn't give away money if they only had 20 pounds in their pocket.

Which is why my brother's got his own house and my dad's got his own house and but it's I can't at the same time I don't want to see people go without because if I ask someone that I didn't really know very well for help, then I would really need that help. But really that be desperate. So I wouldn't just ask just willy nilly.

That's a British term by the way, willy nilly. It means in a sexy way. You have to dress up in a tight kilt.

No, you don't. I don't know why I'm saying that. So I just left myself in a bit of a predicament.

And it's it's dragging me down a little bit. So that's all. So I just I don't know why I'm telling you this.

Not really anyone else's business. But it'd be okay in a couple of years. I'll have it all sorted out in a couple of years.

But it's just see, I don't want to spend my whole the rest of my life on my own, sitting in this flat, because that doesn't seem like much of a life. But at the same time, I know that if let's say if I go out today to the supermarket, which I'm planning to, I'm going to walk all the way to the supermarket, because it's my new thing.

It's my new plan is to walk every day, a good 10 miles or something, in order to get fitter, lose some fat.

And also because I want to go to supermarket, I won't be able to take Vili because he can't go into the supermarket, which is unfortunately, because they'd be good for us both to walk together. Well, the 10 miles might be a little bit longer than he was wanting to do. I probably have to carry him.

Like I used to have Andre. Andre, I'd walk and then he just plunk himself down on the ground, and he wouldn't move. And I'd be dragging him and not so bad on grass.

So I knew he could get up. He wasn't like he did have the ability to get up. So if it was uncomfortable, and he'd lay on his back, while I'd drag him a little bit, and he seemed to enjoy it, I think, but on the pavement, he can't, because it's scratchy and whatever.

The thing is, Vili does the same thing. Although he's got a lot more energy, he's a lot more wanting to walk. But when he doesn't want to, he just digs his feet in.

It's actually dense in the floor. Seriously, he's like, no, I'm not going. He does that when it's raining when it's really, really, you know, quite heavy rain.

He won't come out. He's like, Nope, nope, nope, nope. I'll just do a wee wee on the bed.

Don't worry. It's fine. Like no, I don't want you to do a wee wee on the bed.

He said, Yeah, but come on. I said, No, I don't want you to do a wee wee on the bed. I'll do it on the sofa then.

No, you need to do it outside. He said, Are you kidding me? You really expect me to go outside? So you don't want your bed wet, but you're happy for me to get completely soaked? I said, It's a different thing. How is it different? Were you not a bed? I'm not a sofa either.

That's not an argument, is it really? No, not really. But I'm not a bed. You're not a bed.

I said, I didn't say I was a bed. And it just goes on and on and on. And he said, Do you think we've now distracted everyone from the previous quite morose start to the podcast? And I said, Yeah, I hope so.

He said, What was going through your mind, daddy? Talking about helping people and like putting it into some kind of negative twist. It's just people listen to this to be brightened up a little bit to relax. And how is that relaxing? I said, I don't know.

I don't know. I just I just feel like I want to still a human being kind of I still want to be like a real person. He said, Daddy, you'll never be a real person to people listening.

You're just this weird voice on the end of the phone. You're not on the end of the phone. Now on the end of the podcast, sorry, but you're not a real person to them.

You're this just a voice. You know, this like listening to the radio or not real, not really to listeners. You're just more a bit of entertainment or a bit of someone to relax to.

So a friendly voice. I don't want to hear about your problems. I said, I know.

That's why I try not to mention them. He said, Well, what happened today then? Why do you have to mention them today? I don't know. Maybe it's about honesty.

Daddy, you said to me when you first got me when I was 10 months old. Honesty is overrated. Yeah, I know.

Why did I say that to you, though? Then he said, I've got no idea that seemed weird at the time, to be honest. I thought, Oh, no. Stranger danger, stranger danger.

Got to get out of here. He's a weirdo. But it turned out that it turned out that I wasn't weird.

Is that what you're saying? No, no, no, you are weird. Very weirdest ever. But I kind of got used to you.

Thanks, Vinnie. It's all right, Dad. Yeah, anyway.

Oh, if you've got any questions for Q&A Friday, let me know. Let me know. Q&A Friday.

I've been going through my various videos. It's very strange to come across stuff from such a long time ago. And to see how I have how young I looked.

I've got videos where the only gray is a gray in the front of my hair, just a little bit. No gray. And I've got videos, you can actually see me age.

Not actually in the video, because that would be weird. But I go from having dark, a dark beard. There's ginger bits, but you can't always see that in the video because of film isn't that clear.

The picture rather. And you can just see as the sides become a little bit gray. And then eventually, you know, you can see my hair, the sides of my hair start to go a little bit gray.

And I was turning into this old man on film. It's very weird, but it's not really because I've got videos from me back in 2009. So that's what 15 years ago.

Of course, I'm gonna have slightly aged in that period. Slightly. Oh, ever so slightly.

Ever so a lot. Did I say I shaved my head? Did I tell you that? Yeah, I shaved my head. Yeah, I've been following the election a little bit.

Because we've got an election, I think it's the fourth of July was the sixth of July. And so it's just over a month away. In fact, it probably would have been a month away.

The month away today, Thursday, because for some reason elections usually on a Thursday. I don't know why that is. I'm pretty sure it's usually on a Thursday evening, but Thursday during the day.

And the results are counted on a Thursday evening. And usually, and I will probably be doing it this time as well, is I stay up all night to watch it to watch the results. And I've done it pretty much every, every election since 1987.

And we've had, we've had a few elections lately. And we had the election in 2010. Then we had another one in 2000.

And I don't know what we have. One. I don't know.

2010 2000. Oh, do we have? I think both Theresa May and Johnson both did elections, didn't they? They both hold elections. So there's so there's been three elections since 2010.

I think maybe more. I do genuinely lose track of because we've had so many prime ministers since 2010. So we had Cameron.

He was the man who brought in austerity. And then how about this for a really dumb move? Dumb in the sense of it was something he didn't want to do. But he did it anyway.

So with this thing, which they ended up calling Brexit a made up word, but most words are made up on there, I guess. He decided to have a vote for Brexit about, you know, pulling out the European Union. But and he was a prime minister.

But even though he no, because in 2000, I think he had two elections himself. So 2010 and 2014. So there's 1234.

There's been at least this would be the fifth election, I think since 2010. So in 15 years, five elections is quite, quite good for me, quite good. So quite a lot.

So he's, it might be more, I think it's only five elections. I think. So David Cameron, and this isn't, this isn't like Brexit's good or bad, because it's just what it did, the thing that was not helpful about it is it divided the country.

Anything that divides a country in an emotional way is harmful, personally, I think. And it was, I'd never seen it before. I know that there's parts of the country that absolutely had an issue with the Tories or the Conservatives, Margaret Thatcher, there's parts of the country that really, you know, like Liverpool, for one is a place that a lot of the places where the the coal mines and got shut down and things like that.

So I would never, ever vote Conservative, probably for the rest of history, just won't happen. And it's a real emotional feeling there. So I don't understand emotionally how that feels, because I haven't had not been in that situation.

Although the Conservatives ruined my career. Now you're going all depressive again. I'm not I'm just being factual is I got my degree 2010.

I started working as a counsellor. And I got work 2010. I'd already, I was already qualified in 2009 as a counsellor.

But mine start the charity started giving me work like really good amounts. And I was getting paid 25 pound an hour or self employed, but I was getting enough to live on like a decent amount of hours. And I also had another charity that I worked for.

I was also self employed myself. And then I had another place was a children's part of mine, but it was for young children going into schools. So I was doing all right, you know, not like I wasn't rich or anything, but I definitely had enough to live on.

And then the austerity gets brought in by Mr. Cameron. And they cut the funding. So one week I was doing 2025 hours of counselling with mind or 20 hours of mind, and they cut it down to four, four hours, which is just like not, it's just impossible.

And literally overnight said, Oh, we have to, we had to finish the ones we had. So that was fine. But once that finished, because everyone got six sessions, once the six sessions was done, that was it.

No more. And I mean, that was that was the lead. There's so much happening anyway, with the austerity.

As if that wasn't enough. He decided, let's separate, let's divide the country. This is too political, Jason.

We don't like politics. It's not really politics. It's just factual.

And people listening might not know this about the UK. And but so they got this Brexit thing, where it's basically choosing to stay or leave the European Union. So I probably simplified it, but that's kind of what it was.

And regardless of why anyone wanted to stay or leave, that's not what this is about. This is the fact that two facts, first of all, the three facts. First of all, it divided the nation.

That's a fact. The second fact is, Cameron didn't have to call it. He didn't have to call a referendum.

He chose to. Okay. I mean, basically, this, the referendum had already been done in 1975 or something, which put us into the Union.

That was a referendum. So he could have said, well, we're in, that's it. We had a referendum, that's done.

It was 1975, we're not having another one. And there's probably loads of things that that's been done, you know, rules, laws have been made and we don't go back. And it's not like, you know, like in some countries, let's say a president comes in and says, this thing is now legal.

We changed the law, you now have rights, this specific group of people, that's whatever. I'll be very vague here. But you can now do this thing that was not allowed before.

And then another president comes, president, or whatever, leader of a country, comes in four years later, and then reverses it and says, nope, that's not legal anymore. That's now illegal in all but three states, as an example, completely reversing it. So something that was illegal last month is now illegal.

Now, we don't do that here. You know, once the law comes in, it pretty much stays. You know, once they allow something, so for example, same sex marriage, that's not going to be reversed.

It's now in law, it's a prime minister can't come along and say, yeah. Well, actually, my particular belief system. No, it's there.

I mean, it could be changed. I'm not saying it's impossible to change the law, because it is possible. But generally, when you go forward and you make progress, you don't, we don't go backwards on it, generally.

But with that, if other countries, some other countries are kind of just completely changed up constantly, undermining the previous person in charge. As you can never get ahead that way. It's like stepping backwards all the time.

Anyway, he didn't need what's his name, the prime minister here did not need to have a referendum for the European thing, didn't have to do it, because it would have been done in 75. We had the results, that was it. That's what he could have said.

But nope. So not only did it divide the country, he didn't need to do it. He didn't need to.

Thirdly, there are third fact, which will if you don't know anything about this, this will amaze you, right? If it hasn't amazed you already, or surprised you, or flummoxed you, that he didn't need to. He knew, everyone knew really, I think, maybe not to the extent that it happened, but that the nation will be divided. So he would have known that he would have been advised.

Because you know, you don't get to be prime minister, unless you're quite clever, to be honest, you have to be. I know I don't always come across as particularly intelligent, but I have to be to be doing something like that. So he would have been advised that it would have caused problems.

Which I'm guessing that's why they did it. Maybe, maybe there's a benefit to them, to the government for doing it, I don't know. So the third one, and this will surprise you, if you don't know anything about this, this will surprise you more than anything.

David Cameron launched the referendum. And you know how he launched it? By telling people to vote to stay. He didn't want to leave.

He was a remain. So he went ahead with a referendum, for something that he didn't want a referendum for. He didn't want to leave the European Union, he wanted to stay in the European Union.

Why? I'm just thinking if I was a prime minister, probably not going to happen. But if I was a prime minister, and for example, I didn't want. I'm trying to think.

Let's say I didn't want to. Oh, that'd be good for me. Yeah.

So sugar, chocolate, all that stuff's obviously unhealthy, as we all know. So if I, it's like me putting forward a referendum about taking chocolate out of the supermarkets. It's like, chocolate will no longer be available in supermarkets.

We want to make people healthy. Supermarkets is for food. Chocolate is not going to be in there anymore.

I probably don't even know if that would be legally allowed. But you know, as an example, so again, we're taking chocolate off the shelves, or you'll no longer be able to put chocolate on a counter at the level where children are, because of course, they want the chocolate. Okay.

Now, for me to put that forward, and then just say, I want you to vote against it, because I love chocolate. And we all love chocolate. We want our kids to eat chocolates as early as possible, because it's tasty.

It wouldn't really ring very true, would it? It's like, yeah, but you just, you just created this vote when you don't want to do it either anyway. So you like giving everyone an opportunity to vote against it, against what you want, when you didn't need to. And unfortunately, Mr. Cameron wasn't, wasn't the most persuasive little monkey on the planet.

You know, he didn't quite eat. Yeah, he didn't didn't do so well. So and they all lied.

Both the book, everyone involved was just lying, making up stuff. And we can have 350 million pounds a week going into the NHS, when we like, extra like, nah, it was all porky pies all the way. And they get away with it.

Because if enough of them do it, it's no longer lies, is it? It's, it's almost like if you do it, if you do it in public, it's so I watch boxing, right? If only one referee in boxing, only one referee got in between the boxes, you know, separated them and patted one of the boxes, one of the boxes on his bum. Okay, if only one referee did that, or one trainer did that, then it like people probably notice it.

But the fact that lots of them do it on live TV, patting the boxes on the bum.

But no one else seems to notice it. I notice it. And now, if they did that to female boxers, that's assault.

But for some reason, doing it to a male boxers fine. It's weird. And I don't see how it's fine either way, to be honest, although I would quite like to get patted on the bum myself, by anyone that's willing to do it.

But that's a different matter. I'm just desperate. I'm desperate for some loving, for some loving.

I tell you, I'm desperate. I'm patting my bum. So yeah, it's weird.

Things that people don't, if you do in public, you do on TV, almost like, well, it's normal. I noticed that with the TV programs, documentaries about the police, because I don't watch much of these programs, but I have seen quite a few of them. And I'm talking about the English police.

Okay. And I've seen them actually stop. Well, first of all, very aggressive.

They're not supposed to be aggressive. You know, the civil servants, aren't they? And the emergency workers are supposed to be, not supposed to be aggressive with the public, but they are. But they do it on camera, so it almost normalizes it.

And I've seen loads of police kneeling on people when they're on the floor for years, 20, 30 years of it. And no one ever seemed to be bothered by it until a few years ago. Like it's never happened before.

I've seen it on, actually seen it on cop programs, cop shows and tasers. We don't have guns over here. We do have guns, but we don't.

The Metropolitan Police carry guns, some of them, not in a holster, believe it or not. And some, some police carry rifles. Some police have got machine guns.

I mean, it's, it's, but you know, there was a time when if you came out of Liverpool Street, there was a thing called the, was it the Golden Mile or the Golden Circle or something where there was a protection around the city and armed police kind of protected that area. And it was a city as in the financial part of the city, the financial part of London, the Golden Mile or the Golden, not shower.

It's like a circle, kind of like an area around it.

I forget what they called it. And literally, if you come out of Liverpool Street Station, turn left, and there would be two police with machine guns. It's like, this is in the 90s.

It's like, hello. And there'd be more than that. There'd be a police lorry and be armed police, just checking cars randomly and kind of intimidating really.

It's, especially we're in a country where probably 99.9.9.9% of the population never ever see a gun in their life. That includes all the people that go into the forces. You know, most people don't see a gun.

They live their whole lives, don't see a gun, never touch a gun. I've seen, I've seen two guns and I have, I used to do, I was in the Sea Cadets, I used to have a rifle. And, but it was, it wasn't a real rifle.

It was a, is it, did they call it a decommissioned rifle? And heavy old thing, probably from the World War or something, but, and it was, didn't, you know, couldn't use it. Trust me, I tried. And they might get shouted at, so I thought, because this is one of the blokes, he's an adult, I was a kid.

He used to shout at me and I thought, you're a bit silly. I said to him, this is a bit silly. He said, what? He said, there's like 20 of us all standing facing you in a line and you're shouting at us.

He said, yeah. And we're doing what you tell us. He said, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do.

I said, you're being rude, you even swear. He said, that's it, 20 press-ups, Newland. I said, no, no, that's, I've had enough of this.

I said, have you not noticed something? He said, what? Have you not, have you really, you've not noticed anything? He said, yeah, put your pants back up. I said, no, not that. Have you not noticed that we've all got guns and you haven't? So I pointed my gun and that's when I realised it was just like locked and jammed and there was nothing, there was nothing I could do with it.

Well, there was, because it was very heavy, but, you know, I didn't do anything, but it was like, and he just laughed at me and everyone else just laughed at me. And I laughed as well, making out that I meant it as a joke, but just like, but in reality, in the army, they do have loaded weapons and they've got this little man at the front hurling abuse at them.

How do they not, how, you've got to be so disciplined to be holding a loaded gun and have some smelly little man shouting in your face and not react.

I mean, that's amazing. That's the discipline to have. And I felt, I felt a little bit of it when I was in the sea cadets, because that's what they did to us.

Shouted at us, screaming, screaming, get dressed, get dressed, Jason, turn up with clothes on next time. It's like just constantly, you know, why are you wearing your slippers? You've turned up in your pyjamas again. What are you doing? It's like little babies.

I mean, that's why I never joined the army, the Navy, because I thought, oh, no, nearly joined the army, but probably would have been even worse. I don't know, just the Navy, just after being in the sea cadets for a couple of years. And the whole idea of the sea cadets really is to prepare you to join the Navy.

That's kind of what they were for originally. Originally. And yeah, put me right off.

Mind you, I got to learn how to do some knots, but I've forgotten how to do them. But I learned some knots, learned a little bit of first aid. One of the things I learned was fire safety.

And there's the triangle, I don't know if you know about this, it's the triangle of fire. So if you take one away, it puts the fire out. So you've got heat, oxygen and fuel.

Take one of those away and there's no fire. Take away the heat, take away the oxygen or take away the fuel. So it can't work with just two.

Fuel and heat, fuel and oxygen, fuel, height. So it can't work with just two. So that's the only thing I've retained from two years of being in the sea cadets is the triangle of fire.

Isn't that weird? I guess because it made sense to me, it was logical. And it was something that I could visualize, something that I could imagine and just like, yeah, we also learned practically that they'd start fires and we put it out. And another thing is, we're a fire extinguisher.

If there's a fire, if there's a wall, spray the stuff against the wall so it splashes onto the fire. Because if you do it directly at the fire, it can spread the fire. So it doesn't always, it won't necessarily put it out.

It might just spread it further. But if you can, if there's a wall or something, do it against the wall so then it sprays over. See, I remember that as well.

A lot of things that I learned in the sea cadets. I learned about mixing chocolate bars. So getting two different chocolate bars and just having them both open at the same time and just trying a little bit of each and then just mixing them.

Get some really unusual tastes. Yeah, that was it. That's what I learned.

I learned I didn't like it. You know, I broke the world record for the longest person to get their first badge. Junior Seaman.

So I can't say that word without laughing. Junior. Is that I actually, it took me, I was passed over by for probably nearly two years, literally nearly two years.

And we're talking every month. Every month, they did a ceremony for people that had passed, got their first badge. And every month, or every two months, it was quite regular.

Because there's always new people come in. And so you know, it had to be staggered like that. Couldn't just be once a year.

So every one or two months, I think it was every month, they'd have a little ceremony. And sometimes it'd just be like a quick thing, like the end of the night, or the beginning of the beginning of the night, you know, on a Friday. And now they'd walk up and they'd have badges, like the CO, Commanding Officer would have a badge, like in his hand, and he'd call out the names.

So they have a little list, call out names and the person to come walk and salute and collect their badge, and everyone would clap. It got to the point where people weren't looking at him anymore, they were looking at me. Even the CO and all the other officers was looking at me during these ceremonies.

Like, almost like why? Why? How come? Because I was still a badge-less seaman. I don't know whatever, I think it was, I don't know what they called it, but a new cadet or something, you know. Two years in, and no one had ever done that.

No one had ever achieved that status of taking so long to get the very, very most basic first badge. And all that meant was that you turned up, basically. You turned up, and you'd been good, you behaved.

That's all that that first badge meant, is it was just recognition of being there and being consistent and showing interest, I guess, you know, and learning at least one knot. And every month, my name wouldn't get mentioned. And then my name started getting mentioned, but in a more derogative way.

Like, you know, Newland, it's not you. It was like, almost like the X Factor. You know, it's like, we don't, I don't like you.

I didn't like your act. I loved your act, but it was almost like, oh, you're gonna get this. You know, you've been so good this month, you're gonna get a badge.

No, you're not. It's not quite the same, but you know, it's not quite the same. And when I did eventually get my Junior Seaman badge, Junior Seaman, when I got my Junior Seaman badge, the place erupted.

Because no one really believed it was ever going to happen. Including me, I was very surprised. And that actually had the original badge that because whenever anyone joined the Sea Cadets, they'd have a badge and they'd stick it in their file, ready to give it to him by the first one.

And I think they get a set of them. If the person stayed, then they get more and they'd have it all like ready to give to him in the future. Well, they pulled my badge out and it just disintegrated because it'd been in a folder for so long.

And they said, sorry about that. You have to get you another one. Actually, I think no, no, and that's not, no, they've been using it as a coaster for his tea.

So I've been using it to put his tea down on the table. So it was very stained. But eventually I got it and everyone was like, yay.

And I went up and looked at the CEO. To be fair, I didn't have to, when I first started out, I was looking up at him. And when I left, I was looking down at him because I was like 10 years later and I was seven foot by then.

And he gave me the badge and he just started laughing. Everyone started laughing. And I was like, am I a joke? Am I, am I a joke? What am I, a comedian? What, what a clown, like a clown.

I tried to do that and it didn't really work because I'd only seen part of it, that movie, you know, the wise guys or whatever it was called. Wise guys? It wasn't wise guys, was it? Wise guys. Joe Pesci.

Wow, funny like a clown. Did you know that the person he shot in the leg in that scene was Tony Soprano's cousin in the Sopranos? So the barman or waiter that he shot in, did you know that? Yep. Yes.

See, little things like that. All makes it all worthwhile. And then I left there and I didn't, I wanted to leave.

My dad wouldn't let me leave. And then, and then I left. Basically, that was it.

I had to get out. I just, it was, yeah, it was, I'd served my time. I'd served my time.

I started, what, 12, 13. So, yeah, I carried on until I was 13. And then I, then I did karate.

So it was just really weird because I was there seeing, two years is a long time when you're a little kid, isn't it? You know, from the ages of 11 or whatever. It's a long time, two years. Two years now is like, what, a month in adult years.

It's very weird time, the time distortion. I mean, time traveling, it's real, isn't it? I mean, we are all traveling through time, but we're traveling at different speeds. Like a 10 year old or a five year old, they're traveling in the same world.

They might live next door or live around the corner, but they're traveling at a different speed to me. Even though technically it's the same time, but they're experiencing it differently. Their days are not going as quick as my days, experientially.

And I'm guessing people in their seventies, maybe time goes even quicker then, than it is now. Not necessarily during the day, because I guess sometimes days can drag, I suppose. But a year, just bing, bing, bong, bash is kind of like, what? It's June.

It's not June. It is June. No, it's not.

Yeah, it is. But it was only May recently. Yeah, I know.

January, February, March, April, May, June, sixth month. Wow. So yeah, time, time, time, time.

So what's the point of what I'm trying to say is, I don't know. There's really a point. Rarely, very, very rarely is there a point.

But yeah, it's kind of strange the way time goes. And I think lately I've been thinking about the past. And it's probably because I'd make these podcasts, because I talk about the past.

And then memories come up. And I am sometimes surprised about little things that I recall. Like the other day, I was talking about where I stayed and lived in the living room on a camper bed in my stepmum's, or my step grandmother's flat, when the family sort of split up.

So I was living in there for nearly a year, pretty much. And the I remember, because I was talking about watching cartoons on a Saturday morning with my little brother, who was, he was like seven at the time. And that's the highlight of the week for me.

It was just nice, just because it was like what we used to do. And I've been doing for years. And even though I was technically too old, I was 15, hadn't turned 16.

And maybe when I was 16, I was doing it. But I was only there for a few months after the age of 16. Because 16 in August, September, October, November, December, January, February, March, seven months, or six months.

So yeah, so I was there for a half year after I was 16. But we'd watch that. But then I remembered that I used to take the camper bed.

And I think it had even a thing that would keep it like stuck together, like a little latch or a couple of latches that would keep it together. And I put it into the storage cupboard, which had a curtain. And that was next to the living room.

And it's just really weird that I remembered that bit, because I've forgotten that bit. And as I remember that bit, I now remember the bathroom. It's lovely, it's a lovely flat, really, really nice flat, something that I'd quite like to have had for myself.

There was a balcony, I was seeing the sea, it was high up. The living room was lovely, big dining area, the kitchen was nice. Two big bedrooms.

You know, the bathroom is still lovely bathroom. So there was no light in the bathroom. There's no there's no natural light.

There was no window. That's what I was looking for. I forget the name of windows sometimes.

There was no light. There must be a light. How could you see when you're shaving in whatever part of your body you're shaving? Like, okay, there was light, but no human light.

That's not true, is it? No sun or whatever. And that's weird, because normally, as far as I'm aware, bathrooms normally have a light, a window, sorry, I keep saying light, don't they normally have windows? But this flat didn't have windows, because the bathroom is in between the living room, the kitchen and the bedroom. So the living rooms are to the right of it.

As you as you as you walked in the living rooms to the right, the kitchen was straight ahead. And the other bedroom was to the left. So there was nowhere for a window to be.

And I'm pretty sure the layout would be the same in every flat all the way down. I think it was six stories or 100 stories. I don't know.

And it was a corner one right on the left hand side, facing the building, right at the top, right on the left. And really lovely flat. I mean, I'm sure I could ruin it.

I mean, I've ruined this one. So I'm pretty sure I could ruin, ruin the place, but it was lovely. And I don't know why I'm telling you it was lovely, but it was odd.

Oh, you know what? And I didn't even think about it at the time. I had to find somewhere to live. They moved away.

It wasn't even mentioned about, let's see if we can let you have this flat, because you're going to be home. You know, basically, we move away, you're homeless, you're 16. You can take this flat, but there was never not even mentioned doing that or anything.

And that's what my, that's what my dad did with my nanny granddad. They moved out of the council house and my nanny granddad came and moved in there. And that was 1978 or 1979.

So it's not like it was, I was only like, what, five, six, six years earlier, or seven years earlier. So how cool would that have been if I'd have got that flat? I wonder if I'd still be living there. Do you ever wonder though, what your life would be like if you just, I started singing George Michael, turn a different corner and we never would have met.

And yeah, just so if I'd have moved in there, and I've been it, you know, would I have ever gone to London? Would I? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have stayed at a chip shop. I probably would have done something different. Why didn't stay at the chip shop today? But if I was, maybe, I don't know.

I mean, I guess in a way, it doesn't matter. Because, you know, the past is, it's occurred, and there's zero we can do about it. But yeah, I do.

It's a little bit of fantasy. I mean, just like there was this, this, when I worked in a co op, this female, one of the customers, a few of the customers took a shine to me. I was 17 at the time.

And I just heard the weirdest sound. What on earth was that sound? It sounded like bubbles being blown. Very strange.

So I think I was talking about now what was I talking about? Oh, lawnmowers. I thought about getting a lawnmower so I could help the people, disabled people in the local area, who can't do their own lawns and stuff. And maybe spend a couple of hours a day, just offering to help people just to cut their lawns.

Just as a, I don't know, give something to the local community. Because I did. And I know I wasn't talking about lawnmowers.

I know I wasn't. See, it's kind of silly. This is me being silly.

But at the same time, I can't remember what I was talking about. Until I was distracted by little, which is what I just heard in the distance. Like bubbles bursting, popping, being blown.

I wonder if Michael Jackson ever blew bubbles. And it's an old joke. But because I used to like blowing bubbles, didn't you? You know, the little because you used to be able to get a little pipes to blow lots of bubbles.

And then other ones where it's just a ring in your blue. So I wonder if Michael Jackson used to ever do that. I'll tell you, I had this girlfriend, she stayed for a while years ago.

She stayed with me for a while. And she said, sorry, I'm leaving. I said, why? She said, I want to go somewhere I've never been before.

So I showed her into the kitchen. Do do do do do do do do. Actually, I've been watching the Addams Family last night.

And I forgot how much I love that show. The Addams Family, the original Addams Family, the original monsters. I dream of Jeannie and what's the other one? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

There's G bewitched. They are four of my favorite programs. And they're all the 60s.

Or finished before I was even born, I think. But they're really, really good. I just like them.

I like that kind of comedy. It's it's really weird because you think I dream of Jeannie. It had Jr doing Jr. Jr. Ewing was the the star in that one, I think, or was it bewitched? I think it is one of them.

They were so similar than two programs, to be honest. Just like the monsters and the Addams Family. There was a similarity between the two.

Slightly. You know, the characters were different, but it was you know, it was similar. And that's why I liked them.

I liked it. But Jay, I never mentioned it today. It's all this high powered, high powered oil ballon, ballon, baron, whatever.

They never mentioned, you know, Jeannie or his past, which is weird because you think about it. Both Jr and Bobby Ewing. They both had secret pasts.

Bobby used to live in the ocean. Isn't he? The man from Atlantis, Bobby Ewing. So Jr never, you think they'd be ribbing at the breakfast table, wouldn't you? Like, oh, Jr, Ewing, mama, what's for dinner today, mama? What's for breakfast, mama? And oh, Jr, Ewing, you, Jr, I'm not, what do you think I'm some kind of genie? I can't just make food appear out of nowhere.

Anyway, let me look. No, it's going to be eggs, eggs and muffins for today, Jr, Ewing. Oh, mama, I wanted some fish.

I like myself some fish. Oh, Jr, Ewing, I can't just magic you fish. I'm not, I'm not a witch, you know.

I'm not, well, I can't just magic you fish. I mean, oh, oh, come on, mama. I want some fish for my breakfast.

Some fish. Oh, go on. Hey, Bobby, why don't you go out into the ocean and get me some fish? Go on.

Go have a little swim. Little flip ahead. Go on.

So there'd be some ribbing, but, and Bobby would be like, maybe Jr's picking at me again. You don't like it. Leave me alone.

Leave me alone. And that would be him talking. And then Bobby Ewing, he ends up marrying, at the time, my opinion at the time, the most beautiful woman on the planet, Pamela.

Pamela. And she was, I mean, you know, she'd been through an earthquake and everything, you know, in the past. She was in a movie, Earthquake.

And so it's kind of like, really, I mean, how old was I? Probably, I was, when I first saw Earthquake, probably eight or nine. And I fell in love with Pamela. She wasn't called Pamela then, she had a different name.

So I don't know if she was on witness protection or something. But in Dallas, I loved Pam Ewing. I thought, yeah, enjoy the surname while you can, because it's going to be Pamela Newland soon.

Now, this is when I was about nine or 10. So perhaps my, I wasn't quite as limited as I am now. I had a few, you know, my brain was a little bit more wider, had more optimism.

I loved her. I loved her. My favourite, I had crushes.

And it seems weird if like a 53 years old, I start saying about crushes that I had, or that I have now, that can seem a bit, maybe for some people a bit weird. Now, don't talk about women like that, can't you? But I was a little kid. So I had crushes on women, when I was a small child.

There's nothing sexist about that. I was just, and there's no one told me, you know, you should only focus, you should only like girls, you don't like females. No one ever told me that.

I just naturally had this, I had a thing, I don't know why, I had a thing for brunettes, when I was little. And there was three, three particular ladies on TV that I was in love with, when I was young, you know, when I was like, 10, 9, 11, whatever. So, what, even eight.

Wonder Woman, I would say probably at the top of the list. But then Pamela Ewing. I just, yeah, it'd be hard to put her anywhere at the top as well.

They were both kind of, yeah, at that age, they both were fairly at the top. And then there was the, I can't remember her name, but she was in Charlie's Angels, but she was the one that was in it all the way through, pretty much. I'll have a check, see who that is.

Cheryl Ladd, is it? Cheryl Ladd. Charlie's Angel, Charlie's Angel, Kate Jackson. No, no, no, it wasn't.

It was Karen, oh, Cheryl Ladd, no, that wasn't Cheryl Ladd. Not Farrah Fawcett, although she was probably by far the most famous out of all of them. My favourite was Jacqueline Smith.

Jacqueline Smith, and I think she was in it all the way through, she might not have been. She's 78 now, wow, good for her. She was in television, Charlie's Angels from 1976 to 81, seasons one to five, 115 episodes.

So she's pretty much in it right from the start. Let me just see how many seasons there was. There was five, yes, she was in it all the way through, from the beginning to the end.

And Farrah Fawcett was only in it for the first season, first season series. Kate Jackson was only in it for the first, well, for the first three. Cheryl Ladd was in it for the last four, so two to five.

So John Bosley and Charlie, the voice of Charlie, they were in it right, all the way through. And Tanya Roberts was in it from the very last episode, last series. And Shelley Hack, who played Tiffany, was in it in series four.

Jacqueline Smith, she was one that I really, really liked. Just had a crush on her when I was very young. Very.

Oh, what does she do? She, she sells, she sells watches now. Like, I don't know. Yeah, I'm just having a look at her pictures, like when she was in that.

Yeah, see, I really was kind of in love with her. But then again, I fell in love with Jack, not Jack the Ripper, Jack, Jack the Beanstalk. The character played Jack in, it was a pantomime when I was probably about, I don't know, six in Southend.

But it's played by a girl. And you might say, how do you know it's played by a female? And I could even see that from the top row, because it was in the balcony. And I fell in love with her, fell in love with her at six.

And I couldn't stop thinking about her. I had a more active love life when I was seven than I do now. Isn't it weird? And like, I wasn't a love life, but imaginary romantically.

Yeah, I used to be romantic. I used to be proper romantic when I was younger. Used to write poems, used to write songs, and used to send flowers to women and girls and whatever when I was a kid.

Even as a kid, I sent flowers to people. And I don't know where I got that from. Probably just stuff I saw on TV and the movies and that.

That's kind of what we should do. But yeah, Cheryl, and Jacqueline Smith. Yep.

Really liked her a lot. And what's her name? Pam Ewing. Pam Ewing.

Let's have a look at her. Pam Ewing. Yeah.

I mean, it's a similarity in a look, like the facial look of her. And Jacqueline Smith. So let's have a look at Wonder Woman.

Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman. It's got the new one.

Don't want the new one. If I just put in proper one, proper, and the old one comes up good. Linda Carter.

Oh, no, it's still got pictures in it. I don't want the new Wonder Woman. Go away.

Okay. Real Wonder Woman. Not the the one now.

Nothing wrong with the one now. It's just she's not. It keeps coming.

Blimey. Isn't it weird? They really want to keep the new Wonder Woman in there. Stop it.

Go away. Okay, Linda Carter. Linda Carter.

Yeah, it's the same kind of dark hair, dark eyes, kind of face. I'm not saying they all look the same, but I can see I obviously had a type back then when I was seven. It's weird.

Who knows? Who knows what's going on inside her? I didn't feel like I was six or seven, though. I don't know if I ever really felt like a little kid. I felt, I suppose, in some ways, like I was an adult.

I think I kind of went through my childhood. I feel sometimes I went through my childhood when I got to my 20s. So I definitely didn't have much fun when I left school.

Yeah, the whole period wasn't, there was no fun really to be had there. So I didn't do what a lot of people do and left school and start working and then going out to pubs and going out to night clubs and meeting people and having relationships and all that stuff. Getting their first home together.

I didn't do any of that stuff. Didn't do any of that, really. Went to pubs sometimes.

Yeah, I don't know. Got all kind of bit topsy-turvy, really. Do you know how I'm going through the malmenopause? That's what it is.

I'm going through the something. Yeah, maybe, maybe. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, I want to go because I'm just boring myself now. But definitely had a type back then.

Dark hair. And that was, mind you, I was eight, eight years old. So I guess it's not really valid, is it? I'm trying to think what other, what other stars did I really like? Oh, I had a, I had a, oh, I had a poster of, oh, blimey.

Sharon Davis, this Olympic swimmer in a swimming costume on my wall. Because it was acceptable. Because first of all, it was, she was an Olympic gold medalist.

And secondly, it was just in a, the look in magazine, which I got and put it on a wall. My family probably thought that because I was only like nine, there wasn't anything. You know, I was, I didn't have any of those kind of feelings towards females.

I didn't look at females like that. But they were wrong. Very wrong.

I did. I was, I used to look at that picture for the minutes at a time. That's weird.

I just, yeah, Sharon Davis. Yeah, I was a little bit in love with her. So who else was I in love with when I was little? Okay.

I dream of Jeannie. Jeannie. I really like Jeannie.

I really fancy Jeannie. I like Bewitched. She was good.

But she, I like the way she winkled her nose. It's very attractive. And I liked her.

But I think Jeannie, I liked, I dream of Jeannie. I liked her probably the best out of the two. What other TV shows do I like? One of my favorite scenes when I was a kid, it's gonna be weird.

One of my favorite scenes was Back to the Future. And Marty, Marty, Marty McFly, the Michael J. Fox. He's in the car with his mum.

Now she doesn't know that he's his son because they've gone back to the 60s or something. And but she's trying to hook up with him basically. And he's pushing away her.

I fancied her. But this is like early 80s. So I was like, what, 11 or something.

No, I can't think of anyone anyone else. Bo Derek. Bo Derek's another one I used to really, used to have a really thing for.

So I always knew my limitations. I kind of thought, well, Bo Derek is gettable. Especially when I was nine.

I thought, yeah, I think I think she'd go for me. So I wasn't deluded at all back then. As opposed to now.

What other women, famous women did I like? Dolly Parton. Yeah, saw her in some movies in the early 80s. And there's something about her, I don't know what it was, is I just liked her voice.

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, I'm big and heavy, please don't take my ham. It's yeah, I just, yeah, I do. It wasn't just the fact that she's sung, it's the it's the style of singing, it's the voice, the texture of her voice, the fullness of her vocal cords, the roundness of the tones of her voice.

And they just, she had a really large voice, didn't she? Big, big. I mean, she must have big lungs to be able to sing quite as good as that. And just like it was a handful, her mouth, her vocal ability was a mouthful because, or handful because it was just like so big, because she was only like five foot tall.

And it's almost like she didn't even need a microphone to sing to the back of the crowd. And it was that very, very talented, very talented. I really enjoyed looking at her poster.

It's weird because I didn't hear her music till I was older. But a big fan of hers, because she was actually in the movie, wasn't she? 9 to 5 with Lily Tomlin and someone else. Is it a girl? Is it a lady from Cheers? Was it? No.

9 to 5. 9 to 5. 9 to 5. What are we to make a living? Dee dee dee dee dee. Movie. Okay, let's have a look.

9 to 5. Film. Lily Tomlin was in it. I know that for a fact.

Dolly Parton. Jane Fonda. Jane Fonda.

That's it. Really good movie. I like that.

Anyway, I'm gonna go. So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself.

Remember to be gentle with yourself. And I will see you again tomorrow when I will be making Q&A Friday. So thank you for listening.

Lots of love. Bye.