(no music) #1078 - Curly Wurly - Let Me Bore You To Sleep (5th March 2024)

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland and please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Yes, you might hear a little bit of buzzing.

It's that light. That light is a little bit buzzy. That one's spectacularly buzzy.

So this is number 1078, I think 1078. Without looking at my laptop, I can't tell you exactly. Can't use.

Yeah, so it's, there's too much equipment on this desk for me to start looking at the laptop. We're not we're not we're not a video. And I'm just using this old microphone is a little bit easier because I can play around with stuff but not so much with the with the camera.

No. So hope you're well hope everything's fine. I did one of these yesterday.

I don't know if I'm gonna I'm there's this whole thing about should I make videos should I make videos of the Let Me Bore You To Sleep recordings podcast should I do that or should not do that. And I started thinking maybe maybe I should maybe just do it anyway. How? Yeah.

Yeah. You know, just just do it anyway. I'm making I'm making the podcast.

So I'm doing the verbal aspect of it. So talking into a camera is, I mean, it's what I spent over a decade doing previously to focus in mainly on my podcasts. It's how I started off on YouTube, not how I started off and I started as a baby.

And there was no internet back then. No internet, I wish there was. I'll tell you something.

If there had been internet. When I was born, I reckon I'd be very wealthy. Because for some reason, not that I'm wealthy now.

So that probably wouldn't count. But I took to the internet quite easily quite quickly, quite enthusiastically. Even though I was nearly 30 when the internet kind of really took hold.

It was late 80s, late 90s. When I really probably I started I started really getting involved in the internet in 2000. When I started making videos, not videos, websites.

So was it 2000? Yeah, I think it was 2000s. Yeah, 2000. So yeah, I think I would have grown into if I'd have like growing up with it.

But then maybe I wouldn't have liked it if it was wouldn't been a novelty. It would have just been Oh, it's that is it's just there. But because it was so different from anything that I'd ever done or seen or experienced before.

I just found it fascinating. And then as I got older, I was already old then. So as I creamed in age, as I became flakier, I, I, as I deteriorated mentally, I started to not so much be interested in website building, sort of like with the HTML code.

And I think this used to be HTM, then it became HTML. Then of course, there's all the different Python and all the different codes that I got no idea how to do. But I used to be able to do HTML to an intermediate, intermediately satisfactory point.

Couldn't think what word to end that with. Condition, not really condition, is it? Coding. So that there will be backgrounds in the in the garden, and hopefully, you won't hear too much of it.

Hopefully hear more than you do. But Flemmy out there. She's she you hear her.

And I was hoping that the rain would prevent people from going in the garden, but it doesn't seem to be. It's amazing how people can stand that close to each other, and still be shouting. Like they can't just have a normal conversations like they're literally shouting.

And you'd think they're shouting, there must be like 100 200 yards away, but they're not. They're like, literally, maybe three, four foot away. It's kind of weird.

Okay, that's two hands making weird noises. But you know, that's well, to be fair, this would probably make more sense. That made sense to me.

Oh, that don't that outside. That's because I can't hear it. All I can hear is mumbles.

I can't hear the actual words being said. I can just hear shouts, shouty language. So if that is to know, I mean, I suppose I could close the window.

But the problem with closing the window is they can hear me close the window, they can see there are no neck curtains up, you see, I ripped them down because say, well, I didn't so much rip the neck curtains down as I touched them, and they just fell apart. Because I've been up there for nine years. Yeah, it kind of disintegrated.

So kind of, yeah. What do people have to talk? So why do people go in the garden to have big, long, loud conversations? What do you reckon that is? I wonder why that is? I don't know. I suppose that's one of those council estate enigmas.

Probably something that's never going to be discovered. Maybe one day the secret will be revealed at the bottom of the Dead Sea or something. I don't know.

They'll dig it up like underneath a pharaoh's tomb. It's like, oh, that's why they talk so loudly when they're only inches away. It's a specific communication for people living on council estates.

Now I live on a council estate, I don't talk like that. But maybe I do. Maybe I do and I don't realise it.

Just make sure that I'm recording. Blimey. Maybe I do do that and I don't.

Maybe, mind you, I do have a lot of people who ask me to repeat myself. Maybe I talk too quietly. They're humans.

Perhaps that's the human level that I should be talking at. But I wasn't aware of it before. No one told me.

They just say, what would you say? Plus I spent most of my life around people that weren't really listening to me anyway. I seem to get that a little bit. I seem to get a little sense that that's what's happening.

They're not actually communicating, they're just pooing out their mind. And then that person poos out their thoughts. And that person poos out their thoughts.

But it's not necessary. They just happen to be doing it in the same location. I don't know.

Maybe I'm wrong. So I did. YouTube has started to grow a little bit for some reason.

I don't know why. So it's all I can hear. I hope you can't hear it.

If you can hear it, I apologise. But that's no different from having Vinnie on the floor eating a bone. I mean, hit that slightly.

The annoyance levels, you know, miles apart, but you know, he will make noise when I make these recordings. It's just it's quite hard to close the window because I do have the heating on because it's winter. Well, still kind of winter.

But with those lights, it makes it very warm in here. We'll turn the heating off. Yeah, all right.

Okay. Even if the heating is off, the lights shining right in my face, making me look like a bald, pink football. I don't know.

What do I look like? I don't know what I look like. I look human, a bit human. I don't know.

Maybe. That wasn't an invitation to send in comments about what I look like. I know what I look like.

I have eyes. Thank you very much. I remember my nan when she had laser surgery on her eyes.

She, as opposed to her scales, on her eyes, she had laser surgery and it was kind of sad what she said. She said, well, first of all, she started saying she could see the skid marks in my under pants because she used to do my washing sometimes. Before, she never noticed it.

First of all, why have you got to notice it now? Secondly, why have you got to mention it at dinner in front of my girlfriend? She thinks I'm clean. She had the eye surgery. I think she had to have one at a time because otherwise you can't see.

You end up banging into things. You literally can't have both eyes done at the same time. I guess unless you've got someone to look after you, but still, you know.

And she said the one thing she noticed is because she always wore glasses. The whole time I'd known I've seen pictures of her from the seventies and she wore glasses. So she's always, and I've worn glasses probably since I was, I've been wearing glasses all the time since about 2013.

So yeah, over 10 years, over three years. What do you mean over three years? That's 11 years. Yeah.

11 years is over three years, isn't it? I'm right. So I thought, yeah, she said, I can't believe how old I look. And I said, I've been telling you that for years now.

You look old. You are old. And she said, I thought you were just joking.

I said, no, no, you really do look old. Now give me some more meatloaf. She said, what the food or the album? That was that little meatloaf joke.

Those are the days when people used to have meatloaf for food instead of basically only eating it during poverty. I hated meatloaf. I liked it.

I like meatloaf. It's one of those things, right? There's certain things that I don't like, but if it's burnt, like really tough and chewy and like crispy, I'll eat it. One is meatloaf.

Make that crispy as bro. Yeah, I'd eat it. It's like, oh, this is nice.

Because the taste of meatloaf is nice. It's just, I didn't like the texture, especially when it was soggy. It's just, I don't know.

I was gonna say like second on a witch's tip, but probably not a good idea, but just like, just, you know, it's, I mean, like being breastfed by a sumo wrestler, just, it wouldn't, it wouldn't seem right. I've got a thing about being breastfed right now. So I'll move on.

How'd you get from meatloaf to being breastfed? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how I get from anywhere to anywhere, to be honest with you, apart from when I'm in a taxi or train, even then I'm always sure.

Have you ever fallen asleep on public transport and really not known where you were? I remember I'd, I fell, I had this job in a bakery and I would be so tired coming home and I'd be on the bus and I literally, I'd fall asleep as soon as I got on the bus. It was from Walthamstow to Leighton. So it wasn't a long journey, probably about 25 minutes or something.

It wasn't a long journey, but it's a very busy journey. A lot of people, I mean a lot. And I had to get off at outside the Thatched House pub, which is in Leighton.

It's Stratford and Leighton, it's Leighton High Road, but it's Stratford. It's kind of like the very kind of mixed together really. So I needed to get off outside the Thatched House because I think the bus was then turning left or I don't know, but that's what I would do.

And quite often I'd go to the shops first before going home and it was a little bit of a walk to get home as well from there, but only like 20 minutes. But I remember once I fell asleep, I didn't nod falling asleep because I was that tired. Because when you're really tired, you don't know you've fallen asleep.

There's no, that's the thing about sleeping and something I've been trying to kind of pass on a little bit with sleeping and falling asleep. It's not something that you do, it's something that just happens. And the only way really that you kind of allow it to happen by giving, just providing the circumstances.

I think Flemming might be going, I don't know. I'll see. But it was, what's that? Oh yeah, so I was on the bus and I was just waiting for, yeah, I got on the bus heading towards the, where I lived, you know, the Thatched House and then I'd walk.

I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep and I woke up. Luckily it wasn't at my stop. It was earlier in the stop.

So it wasn't even, to be fair, it wasn't even that far from where I'd got on, but I'd fallen asleep. And it was like the other end of Wardenstow. Like literally just, probably the bit that leaves Wardenstow and heads towards Leighton.

Like, you know, where the area I'm talking about, you might do. I mean, I don't know what lane is that? Was it Wardenstow lane? Was it Leighton? I don't know. Anyway, I woke up and I was leaning against the window.

So I was on left hand side of the bus, sitting against the window and I woke up and I looked down and just the bus stopped at a bus stop, which they do tend to do. And I think the jolt of the bus must have woken me up. And I looked down and there's all these people.

I mean, a lot of people, a lot of people, good, like 50, 60 people. And they're probably waiting for different buses, but there's a lot of people all crowded together. You get a lot of crowds, you get a lot of people crowded together in London.

I mean, some people aren't that bothered about distance, you know, personal space. Not everyone's that concerned about personal space. And I've always been like, I don't really want people too close.

But some people just like, they enjoy being really close to each other. Almost, not inside each other, that'd be wrong, but, you know, kind of really not stuck together, because that would like, well, how did they get stuck together? But they like to be close. And I never really wanted, never enjoyed being too close to people.

I quite like to have a little bit of distance. And I think part of that is my eyesight is I can't focus on someone if they're too close. And that's a bit better when they're fair.

But they haven't got to be like a mile away, because I just can't, not only can I not focus, I can't see them. But I'm not saying that the only way I want to communicate is with binoculars and a walkie talkie. That goes back a while, isn't it? I mean, why don't I just say phone? Why did they say walkie talkie? It's not the 80s.

It's not the goonies, you know, we're not in a goonies world. The goonies. Anyway, I, I, I, I, I, oh, yeah, so I'm on the bus.

I'm on the bus. What I do try and say is like, because falling asleep naturally, is if the conditions are there. Like there was a time years ago, and when I used to try and fall asleep, like literally, I've got to get asleep, I've got to be up at six in the morning.

It's now 1130 in the evening. I'd be counting the hours of how long I'd got before I had to get up. And I'd always fall asleep eventually.

But it wasn't enjoyable, the process. Because I was trying to force it. And in life, you can't really force much, you can't force yourself to be hungry.

You can't you force yourself to, to love someone, you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone, you can't force, can't force yourself to enjoy an album or music, you can't, it's like you can't force yourself to just do the things that are natural. Certain things are natural, you like what you like, and you can experience new things. And then, you know, which is how we learn to like new things, isn't it?

But we like what we like.

And then also what we like sometimes changes, and we like different things. And maybe we stopped liking something that we used to like. Hence divorce.

So I, you don't, you can't force sleep, you can't force relaxation. And it took me a long time to realize that my real long time. And once I realized it, and once then I had to go a bit further to start to no longer go to bed to go to sleep.

Even though that was why I was going to bed, you know, it's kind of okay, that's the reason to go to bed. But I started to think of laying down on the bed as an opportunity to just relax, not try to relax, not planning to let just relax. An opportunity to just when you lay down or sit in a chair, reclined or ever comfortable chair, if you close your eyes, you're cutting out a lot of the lot of the stuff that's coming into your brain.

A lot of visual stuff. Well, all the visual stuff, really, I know you got your internal visual imagination and things like that. But and even with your even with your eyes shut, you can if you've got lights on you can still see the light for your for your eyelids unless you're a rhinoceros.

I think they've got quite thick elephants as well. I've got quite thick eyelids. But I'm surprised I imagine not too many elephants are listening to this.

I've got a handful. I'm not bragging. I've got a handful.

I have. I mean, I've got a handful of elephants. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Then what I did, I started thinking, right, I started thinking, I'm just gonna lie down, just gonna lie down on the bed. And have no expectations. I don't care really about anything.

Just gonna lie down, get comfortable, allow myself to get comfortable and just appreciate how nice it feels to close my eyes. How nice it feels to give my legs a rest. I mean, in all fairness, my legs do get quite a lot of rest.

But, you know, it's that's why it's nice, you know, feeling when you've been, I don't know, maybe you've been shopping, you've been walking a lot and you and you're walking home and you've got bags of shopping and stuff and then you finally get in your home and you put the bags down and that's your first bit of relief. And the second bit of relief probably is just getting indoors.

And then everything you do from then onwards is a little bit more relief, a bit more, a bit more relaxing.

You know, maybe you take your coat off, you take your shoes off. Take your chastity belt off, you know, whatever, your metal helmet, whatever you've got, you know, your suit of armor, whatever you're wearing, you take that off, your parachute. And then when you actually sit down, that even young people have that old, because there's a certain thing that old people, and I'm going to class myself like as I got older, I was like, as I sit down in a chair.

Now, even young people do that when they've been walking around a lot, you know, when it's like a little bit too much, you just need to sit down. And as that is almost like a little bit of ecstasy, like, it's so nice to just take the weight off your feet and relax. And it's that kind of feeling really that I'm talking about when I lay down in bed.

It's, it's an opportunity to first of all, close my eyes. I'll have the light off so there's no light coming into my eyelids. And there's probably not going to be a lot of audio going on.

But even if there is, I've noticed that it doesn't bother me. I don't need it to be completely quiet all the time. When I'm lying down, I just thought I'm in bed.

I don't. There was a time when I felt I did, but I don't now. There was a time when I felt I needed to have really thick curtains blacking out the room so there was no light whatsoever.

I don't feel that way anymore. I don't know, that's 30 odd years ago. Now I'm pretty chilled out just, or should I say I'm pretty chill.

I saw an advert they said that. It was a car insurance advert. We help you feel chill.

What? Help you feel chill and now having a mental illness is mental health. But I'm bipolar so it's, it's not mental health. It's mental health issues.

It's mental illness. It's not being bipolar. It's not mental health.

Mental health is when you're fine, when you're feeling good, when you're balanced, when you're healthy, happy and all that stuff. That's mental health. Physical health.

That's why I'm in physical health. Yeah, it's physical illness. It's, they're not the same thing.

I've got mental health. Well, good for you. I haven't.

I have to take medication every day for the rest of my life. Instable, I tell you. Instable mental.

It's, it went from being mental health to, it was just like started off people were doing it, saying it by accident. Mental health issues and they just like started and sometimes they say mental health and they forget to say the word issues, mental health condition, whatever. And then the last word just seemed to drop off altogether.

And now I'm hearing professionals, a professional. I'm talking, should I repeat that? An actual professional medical person used to turn mental health. If you've got mental health, if you've got mental health, you're doing well.

Mental health issues, mental health illness, mental, mental illness, you know, it's like, no, I'm feeling great. I need help. It's weird.

It's, I don't know. And I'm coming from a perspective of being one of them. I'm one of them.

No, you're one of them. Yes, I'm one of them. It's not self-diagnosed either, by the way.

If I was going to self-diagnose myself, it'd be as a super stud. That's why I would self-diagnose myself as a genius, super stud, king of the world. That would be my self-diagnosis.

I wouldn't diagnose myself as being, having a mental, mental health. You've got mental health. Yeah, no.

I mean, some people are like, oh, that's offensive. It's not offensive at all. A little offensive is disrespectful.

It's not the right term, but it's the right term now. Yeah. Okay.

Maybe it's just going to be the correct term, but it's like, well, it doesn't actually make sense. If you say that someone's got mental health, it means that they're healthy. What's next? Someone's full up.

Does that mean they're hungry? Someone's tired. They're tired. So it means they want to go for a run.

Someone's wide awake. It means they need a nap. I mean, what? Are we just going to be reversing everything? It's weird though, because I remember I had a friend years ago.

This is not that long ago, 2004, around the summer time. Well, probably spring, spring time. And I went into work and I was in this gift shop, Evolution.

It was a Buddhist charity. And I had a drink of water. It was, yeah, it was just spring, 2004.

And I, what did I do? I did something. I can't remember. Oh yeah.

I went into work with, just went to work anyway, just dressed, decided to get dressed. I thought gave everyone a treat, a rest from my nakedness. And one of my colleagues said, Oh Jason, that's a very gay shirt.

I'm not sure if he wobbled his head like that, but those listening to the podcast about the video, you're missing out on some absolute gold. Because right then when I said, that's a very gay shirt, like that, I actually wobbled my head, which made it, it just added probably, I'd say at least 70% of the impact of what I said. Hearing it without the nodding of the head, I don't think did it justice.

I'm not, you know, obviously I'm pleased you're listening. Brilliant. Thank you.

I mean, at least four people a day listen to me. It's good. But it's just, you missed out on that.

It was, I would say so far, it's a highlight of the last 18 years of doing this. That was probably the highlight of the whole, the whole little adventure of making videos and podcasts. But anyway, he said, that's a very gay shirt, very gay shirt.

And I said, I mean, he was blindly, yeah, he was, was he 50? He was 50 then. So he's, blindly, he's probably nearly 70 now. Wow.

I haven't seen him in a long time. But he's like, you do realise that the term gay, that you're using it, because I understood what he meant. But he was using any old fashioned term of gay being jolly and happy and bright and colourful and whatever.

And like, you're not that old. But if he was in his hundreds, if he was 120, and he'd come out with us, okay, fair enough, because in the 50s, 40s and 50s, they use the term gay. But not in 2004.

Never, he's the only person ever in 2004 to use the word gay, in a way in a like, flamboyant, colourful, joyous t shirt or shirt, whatever I was wearing. And I said, you got it wrong. And you know, when someone proves you right, when they, they kind of in an instant, they prove you wrong.

Like they just really mess with your theory. He did that because he kissed me. No, he didn't.

I got it right, mate. That was again, those listening. You didn't get to see my romantic expression of kissing.

See, you're missing a lot. I mean, I do. There's at least three people listen to my podcasts.

And I just Bob, Steve and Shirley, I think. Hi, everyone. I just, you know, sometimes a video, the video element really helps.

I don't know what I'm talking about. And I just said to look, you're using it wrong. It's like no one uses that word in, in that, that way anymore.

He said, What do you mean? I said, Well, when you were in a different century, basically, literally, we're in a different century, literally. Yeah. And I said, 100 years ago, they would have used that term.

And it wouldn't have been offensive. No one took offence to you saying that to them. He said, Did you take offence? I said, No, I don't take offence because I don't care.

I'm, I'm, I'm everything friendly I am. I ain't got no issues with people with any groups of people. Don't I'm not interested.

I don't care. And he said, That's not why I asked you. I said, Yeah, I'm just just telling you.

Yeah. Because sometimes when I get serious, I like to go. Because then they know, if someone does that, you know, that they're actually first of all, you've got their full attention.

They've got your full attention then. And you mean what you're saying? So I said, Look, I'm telling you that I don't have an issue with any group of people are really not. It's not about that.

It's just, it's just a bit weird hearing it in that context. Because I've never heard it in that context outside of a black and white movie. And he said, Oh, and he farted and walked away.

And you might think, well, that's all right. It's not because we're in a cupboard. And he then closed the door.

I mean, cupboard, closet, whatever. But it's like, Oh, why do people have to fart in closets and cupboards and tight spaces, like lofts, and underneath beds and things like that. You ever been under a bed and just like, just use weigh in, you know, you just, you just under there for whatever reason.

And then you think, well, I'll surprise someone, you know, it's a little joke. And then they come in and they get on a bed and you just like, don't do as far. I got nowhere to go with that.

I don't know really worse. Just they even threw me off. Why would it be 100? Why would I be hiding under a bed of someone that just gets on and starts farting? What context? What possible? What it just doesn't make sense.

I mean, the last time I hid under a bed was probably when I was a kid. That at least that's what I'm sticking to. And I was I mean, you see the size of me, you can't fit under beds.

There's no bed I could fit under. Maybe a king's bed. I literally can't an old fashioned king's bed, it might be like five foot high or something.

Maybe I could get under that. I don't know. But I couldn't get under the normal bed.

It just wouldn't fit. I mean, to give you an idea of how fat I am. And I'm five foot eight.

When I'm taught this, that's why what was your height got to do with him? Well, let me finish. Let me finish. Yeah, it's got to do with your weight.

If you'd let me finish, then you understand what I'm saying. It makes sense. Just, you know, let's just let me just talk.

Yeah, we just keep going on about stuff. And it's like, none of it's really relevant. And I'm still waiting to hear about this sleeping thing.

And before that, what was you talking about? You're talking about? I don't even know what you were talking about. And then you start talking about shirts and gay shirts and old movies and, and people in the garden. I mean, what were you talking about people in the garden for? What was that about? I don't know.

This is what I was talking about. I don't know why. I don't have a have an art swore for everything.

Which is kind of stick to the point. I am sticking to the point where you're distracting me. Can you just get back just just just choose a subject and just stick to it.

Which ladies and gentlemen, and others, I did do the boring sleepy boring objects podcasts, where I did stick to the subject kind of I've done one for ages and ages. I did quite a few did support I think I did. I did either 27 or 35 different recordings.

And they're pretty much just like this, but they're focused on one thing. And I keep coming back to that one thing. So I choose something like haircuts.

And I'll talk about haircuts I've had over the years. Of course, these days, I just tend to just shave it off. Although I do have hair, you just can't see it.

It's hidden. It's hidden under the skin. I do have hair.

I just shaved it all off. Which I like to do every now and then. And I picked the wrong times to do it though, because the amount of times I don't know why I shave it off on almost like the coldest day of the year.

And then I realized why we have hair. It's not just to look sexy. Which of course, you know, obviously I do.

But it's not it's not the only reason to have hair. It's because it is a thermal thing is to keep us warm. And also protects the scalp and everything as well.

Mildly, the amount of heat that I mean, I'm I wear a hat. Now. I don't think I wore a hat until I shaved my head.

So I shaved my head off. And I started wearing a hat because it was cold. I could feel the cold.

I could feel the cold. I mean, that's kind of it really. It sounded more dramatic, as I started to say, I could feel the cold.

It's almost like what I'm going to do is I'm going to start like reciting or creating some magnificent new poem based on the cold and my bald slaphead head. And but nothing happened. Nothing came out.

I just got stuck with. Yeah, I could feel the cold. That was kind of it.

That was it really. So I what else? What else? What else? What else? Yeah, so he said that about the shirt. I went through a period when I don't know why, because with my colouring, it's not a good idea.

I was wearing white clothes. Because I'm pretty much red and pink or pink face. I was wearing white clothes.

So I looked, I look when I got my bald head, I look a bit like a devil baby. You can imagine that like if you just like a little devil just given birth. It's a it's not a good it's not a good description.

It is of myself. By the way, I am available. If any women are out there single, ideally desperate.

I am. There's a thing is in all reality. You imagine waking up to this every day.

Morning. That's what you get this this that you can't How could you? How could you not want that? How could you? Have a cup of tea. Yeah, that that's got to be an irresistible thing.

Really. Okay. I used to wear white clothes.

I went through a period it was 2004. I don't know why. I kind of know why.

It's I went through a period. Actually, it wasn't just 2004. It was 2004, 2005 2006.

I started wearing nice clothes. I don't know why I just started wearing nice clothes. Just nice-ish clothes.

And I lost a fair bit of weight got very fit in 2004. I was doing Wing Chun Kung Fu. I was I was doing weights and I was active at a physical active job for the first seven months or eight months of the year.

And I was a vegetarian. I didn't drink any alcohol for the whole of that year. I didn't do anything else.

So that was particularly unhealthy. And at one point, right the last three months of the year, I didn't even eat chocolate. Now, I don't eat chocolate now anymore, because I had a wisdom tooth out a few weeks back, and it caused so much kerfuffle.

I decided that's it. No more chocolate. Now, admittedly, it's not like the teeth got taken out.

And then the gap was waking me up. You know, at night. Feed me a KitKat, a Mars bar, a snicker.

Feed me. It wasn't that kind of situation. It wasn't waking me up.

It was waking me up for different reasons. None of them pleasant. It was very, basically destroyed my mouth for a little while.

The dental specific way, he destroyed my mouth. Because, you know, when they rip a tooth out, it's not even with anesthetic. Obviously, you need anesthetic for that.

But it's apparently the wisdom teeth are really deep, really big. And luckily, I only had two wisdom teeth. And I think I've had them both out.

Oh, I've got one left. Oh, I don't know. I've got to figure it out.

It's hard. It's I'm trying to kind of figure out which teeth are. But then, so as to see inside my mouth.

I've now got two teeth missing there, two teeth missing there. It's terrible, really. I mean, I have three teeth missing, but the ones at the back, so that did well did count.

So five teeth. It's over like 2030. Well, ever since I lost my little teeth, and gained the big teeth ever since then.

But it's over quite a long period. It's not like suddenly like in a week. Although I had two teeth out.

I don't even remember which side it was, to be honest with you. Yeah, two teeth out. I think it was that side.

And probably a few years back. And then ones was one at a time. And that was over probably 20 years.

And that one was recently. So yeah, it was. It's not like suddenly a big issue.

Just got to start looking after them. And I love chocolate. I really do.

I really, really, and I'm being really serious right now. I love chocolate. I do.

I really love chocolate. Not all chocolate. But I do get a boost from chocolate.

It gives me I guess, give me a bit of a bit of a buzz and not like huge buzz, but oh, it's nice. I like chocolate, but I don't eat it anymore. Mind you, I do eat chip chop, chip, chop, chips, chip, chips, cookies, chip, chop, chip, chip, chop, chip, or whatever.

So they do have chocolate in them cookies, but I don't eat chocolate. Like as in chocolate, like bars of chocolate or chocolate bars, bars of chocolate, you know, bars of chocolate is something that's got full chocolate in isn't it? And then chocolate bars would be I don't know. Twix or crunchy or crunchy.

See crunchy, that's one example of it just gets right in the teeth. It's like the the chewy or honeycomb nectar of love just gets stuck. I'm doing that because that's my chin, teeth up there.

And I remember once, that's when I had to think had to have my tooth out before. I saw I don't know where I was. I was somewhere.

I might be in the pound shop or I don't know where, but I saw something I hadn't seen for a long time. I'm not talking about a naked woman. I'm talking about a Curly Wurly.

Something I hadn't seen because if I said you mean something you haven't seen for 30 years. No, I'm not talking about a woman. I'm talking about a Curly Wurly.

I hadn't seen a Curly Wurly for quite a while. And they are one of my favourite chocolate sweet treats from when I was a kid. Crunchies, Maltesers, Curly Wurlys, or anything, anything really.

I used to quite like bonbons. But the the ones with the icing sugar, you get different flavours. You get the and it'd be like toffee inside.

So there'd be the white ones, which were I think vanilla. Then you get the pink ones, which was strawberry. Then you get the yellow ones, which I think were lemon.

And then and then I'm trying to think, did you see where they get mint ones? That'd be green, wouldn't it? I don't know. I'll tell you what I used to quite like. And there was this spaceship things.

And they were mint. They weren't like the the spaceship with sherbet inside. That was a different thing.

But these were, I don't know, like discs. And they were mint and very tasty. Toffos.

I don't know if toffos are even a thing anymore. And there was these little just basically just little toffees. It was nice.

And you get you could get I don't know if they were like a different brand, or just another version of the toffo. But you get ones with chocolate inside. And a little bit like chocolate eclairs, a little bit kind of different, but softer versions of chocolate eclairs.

Anyway, I got this Curly Wurly, I got a pack of them. I think it was five in a pack. Or four or six.

There might have only been three. I'm trying to think. Three in a pack doesn't seem that many.

Six seems too many. Five seems like a like a kind of a good number. But then I'm edging towards four.

I don't know why. I mean, it's not not hugely relevant to the story. But I'm going to go with five.

But then I'm thinking, okay, five if they were little, but these are quite big. Not as big as I remember. But then my hands were smaller back then.

And my mouth mouth, my mouth was the same size. Always had the same size head. I was born with this head.

I asked my mum, she'll tell you. She's gonna stop talking about it. And well, I say talking, screaming.

And so I, I think there was five, maybe four. So these Curly Wurlies, if you don't know what Curly Wurlies are, you might not have them in your country. So oh, he thinks he's talking to people in other countries.

I thought he said he only had three people listen. Yeah. One in Australia, one in America, and one in England.

Three different countries. So they're they let these kind of long and they're covered in chocolate. But there's holes in them.

It's kind of curly. Kind of, it's like, almost like someone's got a bag of toffee and squeezed it, done like a curly thing, and then turned back and done a whirly thing. Oh, that amuses me.

They're called Curly Wurlies. It's just silly. But and then they dried them out and put chocolate, covered them in chocolate.

And generally you eat them and they're a bit chewy and everything. But you know, that's it. If it's in the winter, they're a little bit chewier.

In the summer, they get soggy, like more chocolate, a bit soft. I think I bought them in the summer. The six or five or four Curly Wurlies.

I remember the packet, it's really weird. It's a white packet. And you're gonna think why? I remember because what happened next.

Just stick with me. It's gonna be this is one of those YouTube videos when they say stay to the end. Stay to the end.

Oh, you're gonna love the end. It's all gonna be worth it at the end. No, it's not.

But just just for the sake of humor, humor me. Someone please. I I remember the packet.

I mean, the packet was pretty much like a large version of the packaging of the individual Curly Wurlies themselves. It was like a bigger version. That makes sense.

Yeah, that's that's a wider because it had to contain the various different ones in there. Whether it's six or five. I'm going towards five now.

I don't think it was four. But keep going back to four. So I got home and I had one.

Damn right. I mean, I was practically eating it. As I was walking through the door.

It was like, oh, so excited. It's a little bit you know, when you go on a date with someone, and you've, you've liked maybe you've liked them for a long while. And you go, maybe it's not a date, maybe you've gone to a you've been at a party, or Christmas party or something or a works do or something.

And this person you've always got on with you've always always been really, really good friends with in the office or where you work. You've always been attracted to them, but you've never kind of never done anything. And you always just like, well, I don't know what their situation is.

I don't know if they feel the same. I mean, you know that that situation. And then you you end up going to this party together.

It's a works do maybe I don't know, funeral wedding or whatever. But you go to this this this thing and you're both there together for the first time. And you find yourselves at the bar or maybe you the seating arrangements has put you both together.

When you actually normally work in different offices, you see each other regularly, maybe once a day, maybe every two days, you might see each other in the canteen or you've got a different set of friends, though, you've got a different set of friends and you kind of want to just go up to them and say hi. But generally, you just only do that when you're alone with them.

You talk to them, but when they're with their friends, you feel a little bit a little bit separated.

And then so you go and you sit in there and you read all the seating arrangements have put us both together. And you see and it says, oh. Page.

I don't know page and then page maybe walks up to the table because no one sat down yet. Everyone's mingling, you know, they don't want to just walk into a Christmas party and just or a wedding or whatever and just sit down at the table. It's nice to mingle, walk around and see who's got a better table, see who's closest to the toilet.

Oh, how they have to sit this in their toilet. And other people that will be happy with that. I mean, it's good to be near a toilet sometimes.

You never know what the food is going to be like. So it's good to be prepared. And and maybe you've seen all page pages sitting there and you see your because, you know, roughly where you're sitting.

Someone said, oh, your table five table five because you've got it. Maybe you've got a memo. A memo has come through by email.

I mean, unless it's before emails existed, then. It was the 80s, 90s, not emails existed in the 90s, didn't they? I think maybe they probably couldn't do if there was no Internet. I don't know.

Anyway. And she's come along and so all juicy JJ is getting excited, like, oh, what? I hope it's a juicy JJ I know. And I might be there.

OK, maybe your name is Jason, for the example of this. And you look all page. Hope is the page that I know.

Oh, dear, this is silly. And and you can really well, you know, you just used to see each other. And maybe you both individually, without knowing that each other are doing it, have had like little fantasies of could there be something there? Could there be something more, something deeper than just like having a laugh at the water fountain? Or the waterfall or wherever, wherever you get your drinks?

It could be.

Is it just banter? Is it just you just whiling away the time because you're bored? Or is this a real connection? Is there something and maybe you both feel that way? Like, I don't know. I wonder if she likes me. That's my internal voice.

I wonder if she is interested in me. I think about it sometimes. I'm not sure.

But I wonder. Sometimes I sit in my chair. And I ponder about the possibility of maybe one day holding her hand with her permission, of course, and maybe falling in love.

And she might be thinking, oh, no, not that, Jason. No, I don't know why. Why? I can't.

That's how she sounds. It's like, oh, not that, Jason. Oh, that didn't sound good either, did it? Oh, not that, Jason.

Anyway, so you're both like, oh, we like each, they like each other, but don't know. It's like there's no, it's not like there's any, there's no real signals, like just it's very vague, very vague. So they get seated together and they meet each other.

They see each other. Oh, good. It is the person I think it is.

And they chat. It's a little bit, a little bit nervous to start with a little bit. Well, this is weird because we've never been in this situation before.

There's normally no one else around when we chat and we talk about, just talk about weird things and have a laugh. But now there's other people and some of them are listening. You can tell, you can tell.

And the tables are quite close together. So there's people behind you as well. I'm not saying that they're necessarily like, you know, got a line of ear trumpet right next to your mouth, just so they can hear what you're saying.

But an ear trumpet, it's what people used to use for hearing aids. It's like a big trumpet thing. Oh dear.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And you hit it off.

They, you know, they both hit it off and, and they, they, everything's really good. I don't know why I'm doing this. It's just, it's, anyway.

And you end up eating, you end up, mate, just, just having the time of your life. And you don't even, you don't even realize there's anyone else in the room. And I don't know why it's romantic and you dance and then you, you go home and there's that moment where maybe one of you invites the other back to your place and everything feels right.

It feels like this is what your whole life has been building up to. And you get to their front door and, or they get to your front door and you open the, open the front door and maybe your hand touches. I don't know why your hand would touch.

Maybe your hand touches and perhaps she's letting you into her home, but you don't realize, you forget it's her home. So you go to open the door yourself, forgetting that you don't live there and your hands touch. I don't know how, and there's spark.

There's a spark comes off and like, Oh, and you look down, you both think the same thing. You look down, make sure there's no carpet. Not only that, make sure no one's rubbing their foot on the carpet because that could cause a spark.

No loose wires anywhere. It's like, Oh, this must be physical attraction. And you look at each other.

And of course it could be, it could be same sex as well. I'm just using this as an example, a man and a woman. Um, it could be, could be two penguins.

I mean, it doesn't really matter. And I'm not talking about chocolate bars. Do you remember penguins, penguins? What happened? I hated them.

I hated them. Then they come out with puffins, which was another chocolate bar. Pretty much exactly the same, just a knockoff of a penguin.

I wouldn't even consider a puffin. But then I thought, wait a minute. I don't like penguins.

What if puffins become more popular than penguins? So I will eat a puffin in protest against the penguin chocolate bars because I don't like them. And then I realized it's the same thing. I think the problem is because they used to get melty, really melted quick.

And they didn't, they couldn't hold the texture didn't hold it wasn't sustainable. Wasn't for a chocolate bar. Chocolate bar needs to be firm.

I think I just spat and I get chocolate bar needs to be firm. It needs to be, um, if he gets too melty, it's a bit, uh, you know what I mean? Puffins. So, and you, and you like, you get that electric, kind of like a little electric spark off of each other's hands.

And you realize that maybe, maybe all of your dreams have come true in this moment. Everything you've ever wanted, everything that you ever thought you wanted is kind of turned upside down. And you realize that actually what you thought you wanted and what you really want right now, and what you thought you needed and what you now know you do need has changed.

And there's an intensity, there's an intensity that is growing. It's growing with every second. And you look into each other's eyes and it's almost like everything.

It's like you're almost kind of like melting into one, like one person. And nature takes its course and you just, you just lose control and you're just kissing each other. And so you're trying to fumble through the door into the, you know, so you're opening and you're dropping the keys on the floor and you're bending over to pick the keys up and you're having to like laugh because of what they're doing.

And like, stop, stop, stop. We've got to get indoors. What about the neighbors? And you said, it doesn't matter about the neighbors.

And, and that's what you say. And they say, but no, but we're in my house. You know, your neighbors aren't going to notice it because we're not there.

So, oh yeah, that's true. Like, oh, fair enough. And it was like, you managed to get the keys in the lock and you open the door and you get in, you stumble into the door, the lights are off, so you have to turn the light on.

And that's not really relevant, but you know, you turn light on because it's good to see because you don't want to trip. You don't want to be tripping over stuff, especially if you've not been in there before. It's good.

You know, it's different if you know the, even if you know your way around, you know, it's still good to have the light on if you can. I would say it's my advice. I broke my toe, walking in the dark in my bedroom.

And it's really weird. I forgot there was a weight bench in there. It takes up half the room.

How did I forget it was there? So, so you get into the door and you're just like losing all control. You're just so happy. And at last, it's like all your dreams have come true all at once.

That's how I felt with the whirly, the curly, whirly, the whirly curly, the curly, whirly is I got in and like, oh, it'd been years. Wasn't really worth it, was it? That wasn't worth the weight. Nevermind.

And I hadn't had a curly whirly for so long. And it was because of one of my favorite things to eat when I was a kid as a sweet, but I ate it. And because it was summer, it was a bit soggy.

It was a bit wet. It was a bit chocolate drippy, you know, but it still tasted lovely. I'm not complaining, but it was a bit, you know, a bit, yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't, it didn't, didn't maintain its shape, didn't maintain its nice shape.

And it just was floppy. It was a bit, you know, so I thought, well, what can I do? So I put it in the fridge, but it's going to take ages really, because it's, I want, I want it now. I want another one now.

And I think I had Andre at the time. So I think I gave him some of it, because he's my little ferret. And he liked a little bit of chocolate.

I didn't give him a lot, just a tiny little bit of chocolate. He wasn't, he quite liked sweets and stuff. And I decided I put the curly rollies in the freezer.

I came to the conclusion that maybe in the freezer is the best place for them. Because they would get colder quicker. There seems to be some logic to that.

Colder quicker. And the more I thought of it, I thought, yeah, that's what I need. I need colder quicker.

The two C's. So that's what I did, put them in the freezer. I mean, I waited for them to get frozen.

I mean, I didn't, I wasn't expecting to get frozen. I was going to, I was going to eat them after like half an hour or an hour, just let them get cold. But then something else happened.

I can't remember what it was. It was just, I don't know. I think, I think a spaceship crashed in the garden or something.

I don't know. But the aliens were trying to take over the town. But I got distracted, got distracted for a couple of hours.

I went back to get the curly rollies and they were frozen. But I thought, yeah, because it's cold, it's warm outside. This would be nice.

It'd be like having like an ice pop, ice lolly, whatever. So I was sucking it. So I'm kind of just like, you know, so I'm starting to in and out my mouth.

I'm just, I'm sucking the end of it. And it was nice. But when I got something in my mouth, there's a, I just kind of want to bite.

Not, not everything, but just generally, because I'm used to food, you know, eating stuff. And so I'm sucking on this thing. And to be fair, it's because if it was like more circular, rather than it's kind of quite flat, it's quite a flat end was quite flat altogether.

So it didn't feel particularly comfortable on my tongue. It wasn't quite as smooth as something that was a bit rounder, like an ice lolly or something. I want those milk pops, milk, milky, milk, milky, milky things.

And I thought, I don't want to buy it, but I do. So I thought, yeah, and the good thing about if you buy it, if you buy into curly, whirly, normally, it's very chewy. And it's just like, it's shit.

But if you if you buy into a frozen one, it chips off just, you know, and you can hear it go, you can hear the break. Well, that's what I did. But into it, I could hear the crack and hit a crack of it.

I didn't realize I was hearing the crack of my tooth. I cracked my tooth open. Literally, it like was in half with this frozen thing.

I mean, to be fair, that wasn't really worth the wait, was it? That was the ending I was talking about. No, it wasn't. I do.

I apologize. It wasn't worth the wait. It wasn't really wasn't the finale.

It's a little bit like, you know, when you watch a movie and like, you're really enjoying it. And then it just passes out to nothing. I'm not saying this was like a good movie, because obviously, it really wasn't.

But the ending is just a bit, you know, bit really, really, is that is that is that really how you're going to end a $100 million movie that you spent $100 million? Can you maybe you've spent cut 1000 pound on? You know, a little bit of like get together to make it a little bit of a bad ending? Maybe, maybe. So yeah, that was the I just basically, the tooth broke in half.

So I had to go and I ended up having it removed.

Yeah. So I've never had a curly wally since. I haven't had a curly wally since.

So yeah, that was it. Considering I didn't want to make a recording, I've done all right. I didn't want to make one I was just in it.

I was in a grump. Earlier on I was a proper grump. Really moody, really.

And I wasn't sure why really wasn't really. I don't know. You know, I don't I don't always know why.

So hey, now someone's in the garden kicking stuff around. So I'm gonna go thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself.

Because you deserve to be happy. Remember to be gentle with yourself. Lots of love.

Bye