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Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. It was absolutely silent in here until I started talking. Now the little one is trying to annoy me and he's succeeding.
He was very happy munching on his own bits then for a few minutes and now he's underneath the table. I don't know what he's doing. I don't know where he is.
He's hiding from me. Okay he wants a cuddle. Right um yeah Let Me Bore You To Sleep.
My name is Jason Newland and please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. The weirdest things just happened. And I don't mean me scratching my sweaty armpit and then sniffing it.
Oh dear, I didn't have to tell you that did I? Um oh smells lovely. Nice and nice and sour. Oh dear I'm acting silly today.
Um I considered walking to the petrol station. So it was you know quarter past seven in the evening. It was dark outside, extra dark in the hallway because there's no lights yet either upstairs or downstairs in the hallways.
Council haven't done that yet. Bless them. Um it's kind of an important thing to do when you've got stairs to have lights to have lighting.
Is it me or am I being old-fashioned? I don't know. Anyway I'm outside I'm thinking I could go to the petrol station and get myself something to eat. Just like a sandwich or something.
I do the meal deals so it's like $4.99 or something and you get a packet of crisps, a sandwich or I like to get the wraps and they're only little but it's fine. I don't eat much and then a drink. So I'd normally just get a bottle of water or a juice.
I used to get a can of coke but or a bottle of coke but I don't drink coke anymore. So I thought about that because that saved me cooking anything.
So I'm walking in the park with the little one underneath my feet right now chomping on a bone and I'm walking towards the petrol station and I kind of decided no I'm not going to do that even though there's not a lot of traffic about but there is still traffic and people have a tendency of speeding a little bit when there's less traffic and it's dark outside and I thought no that wasn't the reason not to go but I just thought now I'll do something indoors.
So I start to walk back through the park towards home and suddenly Vinnie's running off not a long way but about 10 foot away. It's like I didn't feel the lead going like what's happening and I felt the lead and then I felt lead like roll back inside itself and I thought how has he managed to get out of the lead? Snapped the lead snapped. It's one of those leads that extends to about 20 foot or something and it snapped broke.
If I'd been on a pavement with him he would have ran. I'm pretty sure without a doubt it ran off in the wrong direction and this would be an entirely different conversation. Well it wouldn't be a conversation because I wouldn't make a recording after that would I but you know what I mean and wow.
So I had to carry him home because he's not the type of dog that will just follow me and once they get on to out he might follow me out of the park. He might do. I've never tried it because I don't trust him to be on his own outside the park but once you go on to the pavement and he sees a cat the other side of the road he'll be over there because he tries to do it with the lead on like he pulls to go into the road.
So what's going to stop him if he doesn't have a lead on? So I carry him home. I get into the front door the main front door and I'm thinking to myself first of all where's all that drilling coming from? There's some drilling and like where is that coming from?
That's weird and it's got to be indoors because how would they see what they're doing if it's outdoors at this time of night and then I remembered that there was a delivery this lorry there's an alleyway just around the corner from where I live and sometimes me and Vinnie will walk the long way around and then through the alleyway and then round to where we live just it's not it's not a long walk from the alleyway but the alleyway is full of bricks that's fallen out of this wall.
I don't know how it looks to me like someone's just been kicking the wall over quite a long period of time and just gradually just loosened it and kicked the bricks off and there was this delivery this huge truck lorry metal thing that was being hoisted up and they're about to take something off the back so I said to them and they were in because it's like a cul-de-sac which leads to the alleyway and I said is it okay to go down the alleyway because I didn't know whether or not
I just had this idea that because of the wall maybe they were getting bricks delivered and they were going to be fixing the wall but I couldn't see what the delivery was because it was so like packed up so thickly that I couldn't see what the contents were and they said no it's fine and I said okay cool and Vinnie didn't want to leave he was like staring at them and I said I think he wants to help you and the driver lorry driver said oh yeah something I can't remember
what he said and so he came back and I was thinking maybe that's what the drilling sound was they were perhaps building that wall up or perhaps it wasn't the wall it was something else and that's what they were doing I don't know just got me a little bit curious that's all just a little bit curious anyway so I'm walking towards my where I live and I'm thinking he needs to go out regularly you know I can't it's like what it's ten to eight now I'm probably going to go to
bed about ten o'clock so I'll finish this about nine have something to eat and then I'll go to bed about ten he'll need to go out for another to go to the toilet before we go to bed and then he'll be up again early hours want to go out again maybe four o'clock or five or something like that sometimes earlier both of those times it's going to be pitch black in the building because no lights in the hallway either upstairs or downstairs I do have a torch so that's okay but
it's not ideal to you know it's quite hard to maneuver him because you know he's he does his own thing it's almost like he's got his own mind and what am I going to do for a lead that's that's the point of what I'm trying to say now you mean there is a point isn't there oh wait stop being rude you're being rude so I thought what shall I what am I going to do for a lead what am I going to do now when I got in he had a
lead but I don't know what happened to it because I got him a nice one a nice new one and I don't know what happened to the old one can't see it anywhere and the ironic thing it's not ironic really but when at the end of November when I was looking after my friend's dog for two months there is a multitude of different types of leads that he'd had and now a lot of them were broken there were bits and bobs and mixes and matches and just make a lot of
noise under the table he does it on purpose I'm sure he does and I don't know what happened to all of that either now in the past with Logie when I looked after him or he came up here he escaped and he came up here in the middle of the night or in the middle of the day and my friend wasn't around whatever I would put a dressing gown lead around his collar because he had a collar on so I could use that as a lead temporary lead and because he
was good he never tried to sort of run away when he was on the lead but I don't have a dressing gown because my friend had both my dressing gowns so I wasn't sure what I was going to use so I get upstairs I'm carrying Vinnie up the stairs with the torch and did I have the torch no I could just about see my steps but yeah I used my torch anyway you can go upstairs I put him on the floor so I could open the door from my front door
with a key which is what I normally do and but he's normally on the lead now I didn't know if he was going to run downstairs and be naughty but he didn't he just stayed at the door with me which is nice open the front door he came in and I'm looking around looking around like where is there's got to be something there's got to be some leads or something couldn't find anything what I ended up getting which I can use is a hand wrap for boxing so I've got for
so I got a punch bag and I got these hand wraps that I think they might come with the punch bag I don't know if the gloves came with a punch bag I don't remember but the gloves the the wraps came with the gloves the the boxing gloves and bag the bag gloves they're not like big on full-on boxing gloves but they're bag gloves and these wraps are quite long so what I've done is I've turned it into a lead I'm going to use that blimey he's ripping up a bag
of an empty bag of food he only had something to eat a couple of hours ago uh now I want to say thank you to let's have a quick look I received a PayPal gift from Viola and for some reason I'm unable to contact you so if you're listening to this thank you for your PayPal gift I try to contact everyone and say thank you I don't know if everyone receives those messages I try and do it either through Facebook or through email now I couldn't find an email address PayPal
is not allowing me to send a thank you I don't know why I really don't know why no email address so um thank you Viola and if I said your name wrong I do apologize but unable to it won't let me send a message there's no email comes up often emails come up but on this case it didn't it didn't and I don't know why so let's put this back in so uh yeah so I'm going to use the hand wrap temporarily for the next like two or three times taking
him out I'm only going to take him into the garden because I'm not going to take him out like properly for a walk like that because I don't trust the thing to be sturdy and tomorrow morning I'm going to need to go to the pet shop and get a new lead for him blimey I mean I can't believe that I realized that things like that are not going to last forever but to just snap the way it did and it's not heavy he's not it's not like he's an Alsatian or
um Rottweiler or you know one of those huge dogs um St Bernard it's a tiny little thing so I don't know how he managed to I mean he does bite the lead sometimes and maybe that's what he's done he's just he's weakened it by biting it and he stopped biting it for ages because I used to put a metal chain on the end he didn't like that one and then he stopped biting it so I just took the metal chain off because it was like a metal lead you know and
it was the like three foot or something so it gave him a little bit extra length to play with like to run around on the lead but he didn't bite he didn't want to bite that because it wasn't pleasant you know it wasn't biteable so that kind of got him out of that habit because he used to do a lot when I first got him constantly biting the lead but I just figured that was that was him playing up because he was testing me pushing my boundaries because I was new
he was new to me I was new to him he probably had no respect for me I say probably still doesn't never mind and recently the love for quite a while he's been good been really good as far as not biting the lead only occasionally when he's playing I think usually it's just when he's playing to be fair I don't think he's kind of he's he's really out to cause trouble he just gets excited so tomorrow I have to decide what I'm going to do I'm just going to get him
a normal lead where he can't run off and come back because how can I trust those leads at least you know with a proper solid lead a chain you know that you use with a big dog you know it's not going to break well especially with him because he's so little that's not going to break I just don't know I'm not sure I'm gonna have to try and figure it out I'll have a look I hope they're not too expensive because I just don't know I don't I don't know what
kind of cost a lead is it just seems ages ages and ages since I last bought that lead and it was a very similar very similar lead to the one I had for Andre and it just allows him especially when it's when the grass is wet like really wet and even though I've got supposedly waterproof shoes they still let the water in and and I haven't worn socks for a good couple of months if not longer because I broke my toe and it's still still not right yet still still hurts
a bit it's okay go and help yourself okay mate I've got another story for you you know how things just I ordered some food today to get delivered and what I do I use Amazon basically it's Morrison's supermarket I won't be using them anymore I'm gonna because I've stopped my Amazon membership that runs out I think a few days time but for the last blimey quite a few months I'll be using Amazon to deliver my food my groceries because Morrison's is a supermarket in the UK like Tesco Sainsbury's Asda I
don't know just just to get an idea I don't know I don't know what kind of supermarkets you might have where you live Costco is that is that a we don't know if we have that here but it's basically groceries and I wouldn't even know where there is a Morrison's in my town because no I don't know where is a Morrison's I know where this Asda is I know where the Sainsbury's two Sainsbury's a small one and a big one no yeah yeah I say small one it's quite the other
one's quite big as well but it's not huge the the Sainsbury's in it's not in town but it's still in the town it's not in the town centre the big one it's one of the Europe's largest supermarkets in that chain or it was anyway it's huge big old thing and I don't know how that compares to supermarkets not supermarkets um yeah there are supermarkets aren't they I don't know how they compare to other countries supermarkets because you might have you might have like 10 times bigger I don't know really really
don't know so I know where the Sainsbury's is there's I know where the Asda is it's two Asda's that I know of um Lidl Lidl or is that no I don't know where Lidl is I don't know where there's a Lidl in this I don't know I'm not sure if we've got one in this town um Waitrose I know where that is I think and Tesco I know huge Tesco again it's out of town but it's a big really big one and there's a few smaller ones I think they call
them Tesco metros so they're dotted around I think there's hundreds if not thousands of them around the country and Morrison's got I've got no idea where it is anyway that's that's who Amazon is so I've just got standard standard stuff that I order I'll tell you what it is I ordered I know you want to know I know you can't look the idea of me not telling you is just too much isn't it too much to bear okay let's also say hello to Chanel Chanel Chanel yeah Chanel hi Chanel um
um uh uh uh uh uh uh right where is it blimey just trying to find it now where's Amazon Amazon Amazon Amazon there it is so oh yeah oh no a big a big notice when I when I log in oh no your Amazon Prime membership will end on the 2nd of April 2024 continue your membership nope no no no no no um I'm trying to make cuts at the moment so I just have to that's what I'm trying to do where is it why did it or should let me
know my orders okay my previous orders I also ordered some stuff for him um to be delivered tomorrow so I've got um poo bags so Beko strong and large poop bags 120 loose packed with tie handles 5 pound 38 so they'll be delivered tomorrow and also I've got good boy small rawhide knotted bones dog chews so that's 10 16 10 pound 16 so that's for him I came to 15 54 the other thing I got delivered today okay I tried to make it as small as possible but there was certain
things I needed and uh items 22 items so there's not much on here that's of uh that's giving me any kind of pleasure to be honest pleasure um yeah it's a bit wow what the heck okay right so the first thing I got is a Morrison's thin pepperoni pizza 314 grams frozen quantity one now it's just one pound five pence so I'll I'll have that on Saturday evening when I'm watching the boxing hopefully all being well the next thing I got was I can't believe it's not butter original 450 gram
quantity one one pound 59 and the next thing I got was ready break smooth porridge oats 750 grams quantity one two pound 50 so I've tried to limit the quantity of everything this time just uh just to get me through for the week and rather than well just the idea was to keep it down as low as possible but didn't quite didn't quite work out because there was some things that I needed um as well so normally I would get two ready break smooth porridge oats which would be like five
pound for the two of them but I needed deodorant um enough people have stopped me in the street to tell me so I thought I better get some sure men quantum dry non-stop protection antiperspirant deodorant aerosol motion sense technology antiperspirant deodorant spray spray 72-hour protection against sweat and odor 250 ml that's a long title isn't it just for deodorant blimey so one quantity that two pound 70 and other than the pizza one pound five which was kind of like a little treat really I guess um I've got a couple of
packets of biscuits is that a treat I suppose it's a treat I decided to get myself some hot cross buns because being Easter this weekend it's um good Friday on Friday and which is two days away because it's Wednesday now although this won't be released till tomorrow uh so hot cross bun day so we celebrate a good Friday wasn't so good really was it when you think what happened but hey and see I remember I got this thing for hot cross buns and or toasted tea cakes even doesn't have to
necessarily be hot cross buns but I prefer hot cross buns to toasted tea cakes depending upon what type of toasted tea cakes they are because sometimes the toasted tea cakes are made of a certain texture certain kind of bready dough which is it's a bit oily a bit I don't know yeah you know I'm just I'm not sure um generally I mean it depends where you get them from but generally hot cross buns are not around or available all year long some some places you can get them I guess they
just put them in the freezer but this time of the year yeah a couple of weeks leading up to Easter I will probably buy hot cross buns and I like to cut them up and put them like slice them not like into a lot of tiny little bits because that because I'm not a bird or a duck um I put them into the toaster toast them well you know the toaster toasts them I watch um anticipatingly and I have a cup of tea with them and I put some butter or
my can't believe it's not butter on them have a cup of tea it's lovely it's just it's a nice little blissful moment I do enjoy um I'll come back to this in a minute this is quite disturbing you're not going to believe the story behind them you wouldn't think that just ordering something would be that complicated but anyway I also ordered some Morrison's dried fruit 500 grams £1.79 so that's what I put on top of my ready break in the morning that I have because every morning summer and winter all
seasons I have a hot breakfast of ready break which is basically oats um with milk and it's probably the meal I really it's probably the meal I enjoy most of the day the first now he's moaning he's whining whining again I swear that's the thing that I enjoy I like getting up in the morning I like getting the editing done for the podcast and then having my breakfast and watching the news so just yeah it's quite nice to do that so I have I don't have sugar on the ready break
although it does taste amazing with sugar but I'd stop that I have Morrison's dried mixed fruit 500 grams I don't have the whole packet I just have a I sprinkle them on top so some dried fruit I figured would be better than sugar I might be wrong then I've got McVitie's ginger nuts 250 grams £1.79 quantity one so you know during a week every now and then I like to have a ginger nut it's you know dip it in a cup of tea or sometimes even just on its own I
mean they are quite dry so generally you need to have a drink of water you know afterwards and sometimes I'll leave a little bit of my mouth and put some water in and just let it all get all mushy and just it's like a party in my mouth it's lovely and next I've got Morrison's meaty strips with beef pet food pack of 20 and these are some of the treats that Vinnie has so that was one pound five pence and so I've got that I usually get a couple of packs
of the treat things for him when I get a delivery he likes to have one likes to have a strip every time he gets in from from being out and that sounds weird doesn't it so so these are the things that I needed to get which I didn't really want to have to pay for yeah like that would have just added a cost on like the deodorant I kind of didn't have any choice for that one I've been threatened with eviction if I don't get some deodorant and toilet roll eight
pound eight pound 99 andrex supreme quilts toilet tissue pack of 16 so quantity one pack of 16 I know you can get I'm probably going to get a little bit cheaper toilet roll but I just I'm a I'm a firm believer in treating your bum gently and being nice to it it does an awfully awfully important job and you know quite a hard job as well I just think it needs it could just needs pampering and loving and tender kindness and all that stuff so that's why I try and use
a nice nice toilet paper and blimey this this okay so that was but that was something that I kind of had to buy so that's like nine pound and then the deodorant was nearly three pounds so you see how the the price of the delivery goes up and none of this is really much in the way of food really it's just more like breakfast cereal so the next one is breakfast cereal again Nestle bite size shredded wheat 625 grams quantity one price three pound and I usually have at least two
breakfasts a day because I get up quite early I'll have another breakfast start later in the morning might sound weird but just just the way things are panned out really next is Morrison's white super toasty loaf 800 grams quantity one 99 pence that's just a loaf of bread another thing that costs money is not as much as I thought I'd spend actually but is uh I'd run out of coffee I really noticed it yesterday or this morning rather no this morning I really noticed it like I mean not just that
I noticed I'd run out of coffee because I knew the day before and I forgot to get go to the shop and buy some and this morning I thought okay I forgot let's not make a big deal about it it's just coffee doesn't really matter there's a part of me thinking yeah it does because I want coffee it doesn't you just have some tea I don't want tea I want coffee I want coffee I want want coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee and it was like this whole thing going
on and I just thought well because I only have coffee once a day one coffee one cup one cup one cup of coffee and two breakfasts one cup um yeah two two coffee one coffee a day one coffee in the morning and then the rest of the day I'll drink water or tea or juice and get through quite a bit of water so I did miss the coffee but I got a fairly decent size one 300 grams Nescafe original instant coffee rich aroma aroma full and bald flavor six pound so
it's not too bad I mean six pound just there's quite a lot of money for coffee I think but it's you know what are you going to do uh you can't get some coffee for like nine ten pounds so I was yeah I think it's not a terrible deal but again it's something that I kind of needed needed to get uh you mean something you could argue or you don't need coffee do you well you know I mean I don't technically need tea and I never used to hardly ever drink
tea but now I drink tea and it's become part of my daily life and it would be very weird to not drink tea anymore because I'm used to drinking tea I normally have at least one two three at least four cups of tea a day at least four and one cup of coffee and so I've got the Nescafe coffee six pound I've got some water so I've got this uh eight this is Buxton still natural mineral water eight times 500 milliliter bottles of water one quantity two pound 75.
Well I thought I had two packs still there so I thought I'd just get one because I generally I get through a fair bit of water in a week and I it's probably the only healthy thing I've ever done is to drink water it's the only thing probably and I've always always been a an advocate of drinking water if I don't drink it out the tap then why don't you come here and drink water out of my tap and that's that wasn't a euphemism that wasn't weird that was sounding strange
but seriously it did the taps is weird stuff comes out of them taps honestly I don't know where they've been but strange though there's like I think they're like medieval I mean evil but like they're old very old pipage and the only thing that I would drink out of the tap is something that's boiled such as a cup of tea and even then the kettle is continually getting scaled water from the water scale what's it called scale lime scale um right so I've got the water so I got one two
two short one two two less than I needed so I've only got two packs left so but I ended up getting one so it means I've got eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty twenty one twenty two twenty three twenty four twenty four yeah yeah I think I might have one other one as well 25 no no I didn't I didn't have two packs I only had one pack which means I've got less than I thought so oh it sounds like a cat that was
that was actually Vinnie um so eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen and there was one spare seven so I thought I was 17 bottles of water which hopefully should get me through the week um that's him it's not me uh then I've got Cravendale semi-skimmed milk um I don't know how much they are each but I've got six one litre bottles it came to £10.50 now you might think six one litre bottles of milk what are you are you are you are you feeding a um a cow
I don't know you know what what would you are you bathing in it I don't know what I'm trying to think what what would you use milk for well just breakfast cereal is what I use it for so I it's not that much to be fair each bowl of breakfast uh a ready break takes nearly half half a litre maybe just over a quarter of a litre maybe nearly half I don't know so you know it's it takes a while oh did I tell you did I tell you this morning
was it this morning or was it the day the day before might have been the day before I do my my normal routine and I get out of bed I put my crocs on I was probably woken up by this little feather so I was like oh oh look at the look at my phone see what time it is and that and do a wee wee and then I take I've got a stomach tablet that I take which is just a anti-acid thing because I get um and flux thing and
then I have to wait about half an hour after taking out before I eat so I start editing the recording and I think it probably took about three quarters of an hour to do the editing part that I needed to do and then I went to the kitchen I had a bowl ready that was on the draining board so I could use so I just always rinse out the bowls even though they've been washed rinse it out put the milk in the bowl put it in the microwave for three minutes
and I put the kettle on as well I usually what I do is I put water in the kettle and I kind of swirl it around to make sure there's no limescale in that and so I boil the kettle microwaves on for three minutes go into the bathroom brush my teeth and I've got it's not very interesting I've got Listerine mouthwash which I always use after I brush my teeth it's amazing even after brushing up me after I brush my teeth I still find um bits kind of fall out it's
grim isn't it you know it's like bits of carrot and you know an old burger from months ago just fell out from one of my teeth it's like wow where did that come from I haven't eaten meat for about six years so yeah it was weird so I um curly whirly I then use my face wipe which is uh my beauty routine and it's a facial thing that I so I wipe clean my face with this face wipe and is it Nivea something or other whatever it is and so I
do that to make myself beautiful I've been using it for years I wonder when it's going to start working so unless of course it was one of those or well imagine what you look like if you hadn't used it for years wow so I do that and then I wash my hands or whatever and just like finish up finish up sounds a bit strange thing to say what are you doing we're making so much noise I'm just finishing up I don't know but anyway I came out of the bathroom and
went into the kitchen I think well I might have come into the living room just to check the progress of some of the editing I was doing because it was in like the last throws of editing and I just clicked some buttons and stuff you know because some of it is although I need to do it like once the first one's done the rest is a bit easier it's just a bit time consuming that's all and sort of check that out and then maybe depends I might have given him some
food and changed his water and then went back I went back into the kitchen the the microwave had already bleeped like that always so I think it's I need to pay more attention don't I but it makes a sound anyway and I hear it in the bathroom so usually it's that's it takes me more than three minutes to do what I need to do in the bathroom I go back in the kitchen I usually I'll open a microwave because I find that's the easiest way to get the bowl out and
the bowl with the milk in and I pull it out and I have to be careful because it's quite hot and usually the milk isn't too high up because if it's if it's too high then when I pick it up the because it's liquid it moves around a little bit and sometimes it'll splash onto my thumb or the back of my hand and I don't like it when stuff splashes onto the back of my hand it it's you know it's hot isn't it so it's a bit sticky as well because
milk so I take it I put it on to one of the hobs so I've got an oven to the right of the microwave and then to the right of that is the kitchen counter where the toaster is and then there's also the uh what's it the blimey the kettle I forgot the name of the kettle Humpty his name is and then to the right is you know I've got to turn around a little bit I'm actually physically doing it now for some reason I don't know why that's where the
sink is so what I do is I put the bowl of milk onto one of the hobs of the oven or the cooker they're not on and I then make a cup of coffee and I do you know put the coffee into the cup put the hot water in then I add a splash of milk I probably do put a little bit more milk into the coffee than I do into the tea I don't put I don't use hardly any milk in tea just just enough with coffee I also use
two tea bags for the tea as well see you should try it do you ever make a cup of tea and you just you're in a hurry or you just you know you've got things to do and you just want a cup of tea and maybe there's a television program on that you want to watch and I don't know you just just want a cup of tea you just want it to be done and you know you've waited for the kettle to boil and you've poured it in and you know
the tea bag just seems to be taking ages it's just it's been very lazy it's a very lazy tea bag well the solution to that you might be ahead of me on this one is to put two in two tea bags double the strength two tea bagging I call it double tea bagging and it just it's almost like they become competitors and one is trying to empty its sack a bit quicker than the other one and they're both you know trying to empty their bags of tea whatever the juice the
is it tea leaves isn't that tea leaves so they're trying to empty and produce as much tea as possible and it's when you literally you can just watch them they're moving around on their own it's amazing and then you can the good thing about this as well is you can add the milk but if you accidentally put in too much milk just a splash too much it's like oh well that's the advantage of having two tea bags because give the tea bags a little bit of a squeeze give those give
those uh those uh bags a bit of a squeeze and you get enough out to to change the coloring of the tea to the correct because you can tell by the color whether or not it's the right strength can't you if it's too pale then it's like uh too milky but if it's just more ready brown red kind of color so oh it depends what kind of tea you like I mean I'm talking normal human tea you know normal tea bags not um meant for healthy things made out of seaweed
or nettles and I've drunk all those teas in the past and as far as drinking you know as far as having something to drink and I think they're quite good for detoxification but they're not tea you can call them tea but it's not tea I can call this uh my phone a walkie talkie but it's not a walkie talkie although I do I can walk and talk into it I can call my crocs stilettos but they're not although I do feel super feminine when I'm wearing them I feel glorious I
don't know what that means so I do wonder sometimes I I'm quite a feminine person I'm not I'm not very masculine not much not very manly man whatever that is these days but just never was never was into the the you know football was never a kind of into all that stuff or the wanting to be tough or wanting to be the boss or be in charge or tell other people what to do wanting to be important be what do they call it a a a class or a whatever um
yeah never never one of them I don't know what I was I still don't know I'm a nominally I'm a nominally that's me a nominality what am I talking about oh tea so yeah um use two tea bags double tea bagging and it really does work a treat because not only can you get the the correct strength of tea that you wish but you could do it in a much shorter time and in the case of putting too much milk in it doesn't matter because all you've got to do is
just squeeze those bags squeeze them a little bit and not not with your hands well you can do with your hands to be fair but what's this you have to take the the bags out of the water otherwise the water's gonna be too hot for your fingers and you need to wait a few seconds for the tea bags to get cool that's something that I never used you know I used to hear when I was a kid or I think I was a teenager and I was told well if you
get styes get a stye on your eye use a tea bag because it draws out the impurities and it's detoxification this is your eyes and it takes it helps to do helps to cure the stye in your eye they didn't say anything about letting the tea bag cool down first so sometimes it's good to give some information that's useful and really if you're if you're a tight arse you can reuse the tea bags as well because it's two tea bags you probably get another cup of tea at least a weekish
cup of tea so what you could do is you make your own cup of tea and if you're making a cup of tea for someone else you can make yours first let's say you've got a visitor and then you can make theirs afterwards with the same two tea bags and let's face it it doesn't really matter what that one tastes like because you're not drinking it oh yeah they're drinking it doesn't matter what it tastes like so you can just put the tea in and say do you want milk and
it doesn't matter again it doesn't how much milk you put in or how little because they're the ones drinking it and it's only a win-win situation if it's a nice cup of tea they're happy which is brilliant you know good that's the the main objective isn't it but if it's a really really they don't like the cup of tea then there's a chance they won't visit again and that's also a win so you know whichever way you look at it i think it's funny you know you make someone a cup
of tea and you can see from their expression that they're not enjoying it but then they're just too polite to say anything i've never had that problem i've never been too polite i'll let you know if i've got a cup of tea this i'll go i need to get rid of this can i make my own and then what i'll do i'll pull out a tea bag from from my jacket and little flask of hot water and some milk i don't know why i said that i don't have that stuff
on me i've got like a magic hat just with with tea stuff no cups and sauces and no no that i remember when i was a kid my nan both my nans actually used to use tea leaves it's not because they were witches or anything they weren't like telling fortunes they were actual they used tea leaves in a teapot and then have a tea strainer and pour it out and it'd be very slow it's a very slow process so what i used to do is if i was about to visit
my nan i'd phone her first i'm going to be there in 20 minutes stick the teapot on because i wanted the tea to be ready it was annoying to get there and have to wait what are we supposed to do while we wait talk no i want my tea i want a cup of tea that's why i came here none of that's true no that's true i'm not a connoisseur or connoisseur i don't know what the right term is but i'm no expert on tea tea bags tea leaves all the
same to me the same with coffee yeah well if you'd taste this and if you'd ever tasted proper coffee if you'd ever tasted proper coffee then you'd know what it is you wouldn't be able to drink that muck that instant freeze dried rubbish that you that dirt that you drink it's all dirt isn't it let's face it um no i'm not yeah it's not really that a big deal to me i just just drink coffee it's yeah nescafe is fine i like nescafe i've had nescafe since i was a kid
although i didn't used to drink that much coffee when i was a kid to be honest but um it's not really it's not it's not a child's drink is it you know what does everyone you know all party is a birthday party happy eighth birthday party everyone jason oh lovely all my friends what does everyone want to drink what do you want do you want a coke i've got a fanta you've got pepsi no just coke but i want pepsi but you haven't got any pepsi we've got coke uh have
you got any fanta no we've got coke oh no we have got fanta oh have you got the lemon fanta no we've got just an ordinary straw um uh orange fanta you nearly said strawberry fanta there's no such thing i know but we've got strawberry juice have you got any pepsi no and here's me saying i'd like a coffee please can i have a coffee with some cream and some uh do you have any cookies nice cookies oh no you're digestive oh no wait let's keep the digestives for when it's
tea time i just yeah no that wasn't you know the best can of coke i ever had in my life it's still weird how we remember these things i was at school it was during the summer holidays and it was a fair it was the school fair and i was helping out on one of the rides or one of the i think it might be in the coconut shy or something like that i don't remember but i was helping out anyway really hot day and i was put i when i
did stuff like that i always put my best effort in i did i'll be honest i was i wasn't lazy not like now but i used to put effort i really used to like give it my all not that it needed a lot but i just did i like to first of all i like to be not at home and i liked to be it was nice to be at school doing something that was fun something that i was being i felt like i was being challenged a little bit like
something that well that probably wasn't very challenging maybe but to me it was it was fun and i kind of felt like the teachers were appreciating me i don't know but anyway i liked it so and i was doing that and at the end of the day the end of the afternoon because it only lasted a few hours my teacher said oi jason i said yes teacher uh he said do you want a can of coke i said do i ever so he gave me a can of coke and it
was it was cold it was in an ice box it was cold and i rubbed it around my face to start with as you do around my forehead it's like probably on my neck and my chest it was i was probably about 12 so it wasn't anything weird just it just you know wasn't like i don't know what you know it's not like the advert when all the women in the you know in the office was watching the man without his top on digging the road remember was that pepsi or
was that coke yeah it's very sexist that was very sexist oh he was a very sexist man that's probably why they used him in it because he was so sexist um i mean sexy sexy so i had this can of coke and the best bestest can of coke or any soft drink i've ever had in my life because it was a multitude of different things i was thirsty i was hot i i needed a reward i was probably in need of some kind of a pickup you know a little bit
of caffeine with sugar mixed together it helped me a little bit to to revigorate myself so i drunk it and i must have nearly drunk the whole thing down that was so nice so nice so it really really did its job and even today i mean what was i would i like to say if i was 12 or even 13 at a time it's 40 40 40 years ago and i still remember that and that's a weird noise yeah so that was why am i talking about drinking coke from i
don't drink coke anymore i can't remember why i mentioned that anyway so what else did i get i got the milk craven down semi-skim milk mcfitty's shortbread biscuits pack of one uh 200 grams one quantity one pound 59 and then what have we got morrison's meaty strip sticks 200 grams 20 sticks so it's the same as the other ones they're just a different type they're just a different flavor really i think one pound nine pence so all of that it's not a lot but it came to so like 59 pound
how much should amazon take off of me let's have a look 59 pounds 78 how did that come to 59 pounds 78 absolutely ridiculous and then right i get this message before before they um deliver it so i had a delivery between two and four this afternoon now they're supposed to leave the delivery outside on the floor like outside my front door and there's a sign it asks them to do that and i sign and i click the click the box do not disturb and on this occasion i was actually
in bed i was in bed with vinnie we were having a sleep and then probably about quarter three half two quarter three we were we were play fighting in the bed so that was nice he woke me up and we started like biting me and it was fun and then so i started knocking on the door and it's uh i thought it was them so i was getting annoyed and everything and they sent me they sent me this message saying uh let me read it to you let me read it
to you because i've got it here somewhere amazon your order oh no amazon amazon amazon amazon amazon amazon why is it doing that 27th okay i know what it is write me um your order has been received thank you for shopping with us you can modify your order blah blah blah blah blah payment authorization 59 pounds 78 again it seems i'm sure i had it down below 40 pound when i ordered the stuff so i'm not sure why because the delivery is two pound i have to look at that and
i got thank you for shopping let's make sure uh why is i received a message i might have been by okay it was by um text your amazon shopper is working on your order if an item is out of stock we'll make substitutions based on your preferences and this was 12 53 this afternoon and then i get another message saying we're out of an item please accept or decline the substitution in the next few minutes now i didn't see any of these messages when they were sent and then um your
morrison order will be delivered soon and then i got another message it's giving me no times for any any of these um delivered your morrison's order make sure your store you store chilled and frozen items before the end of the window before the end of the window what window that's weird what do you talk about windows well here we go the thing that they couldn't get and they replaced was the hot crust buns right we didn't hear back we didn't hear you didn't you didn't get back to us we were
waiting but you didn't call we didn't you didn't text you didn't email we haven't received any kind of message no flowers no chocolates nothing we've had to move on with our lives and so your shopper selected to substitute yeah are you ready for this substitute my morrison's six hot cross buns okay if you know what a hot cross bun is it's something you put under the grill or in a toaster i mean of course you can eat them without toasting them but the tradition in well at least that's what i
was told when i was younger might not be tradition everywhere but is a tradition in my part of the world was to toast the hot cross buns and eat them with butter or margarine with a cup of tea or maybe a cup of coffee but you know something like that and it's traditional to eat them on good friday which is the friday before easter day which is on sunday so friday saturday sunday and then good and then you've got monday so it's four day weekend it's the only four day weekend
that we have in this country and throughout the year apart from it sometimes christmas can be a depends on when it when it lands you know but so we didn't hear back so your shop has replaced so this what they've selected is to replace the six hot cross buns and i ordered two packs of these by the way at two pounds 70 each thinking i can have some today some tomorrow some friday some sunday maybe so you know there'll be enough there to have have a couple of hot cross buns
each day for the next four days well they didn't have them so what they gave me instead was morrison's the best chocolate orange hot cross buns four pack so a four pack instead of a six pack which is no good to me belgian chocolate orange hot cross buns why would i want chocolate in my hot cross buns something i'm going to put under the grill something i'm gonna like chocolate and heat ain't the best little mix in the world and little mix blimey i've not heard of them for a while
so so it was too late and they came through and quite tasty actually i thought well you know what i can't put them in the toaster because that means cutting them up and they're going to be gooey and it's going to melt inside the toaster so i had to use the grill of the oven uh so cut cut them slice them open put them onto the grill and they got a little bit sticky to be fair a little bit a little bit but they're okay you just i felt i had
to grill them for a little bit longer than i would normally do for hot cross bun in order to make the chocolate not so melty you know kind of harden it a little bit and i had them and it was actually they're okay i'm gonna eat them it's not the same as a hot cross bun but it's it's yeah it's it's it's just something a little bit different i didn't even know that they made stuff like that i mean why what's wrong with just the hot cross bun just a normal
but then i guess they're gonna run out and they two days before hot cross bun day or good friday i guess there's gonna be an influx of people buying them and so yeah i was just a bit too late and then i see this message about i don't know half past two when i get woken up by vinnie and i said oh really it's like come on but they hadn't delivered the stuff yet because i've not heard anything and the oh dear so i'm play fighting with vinnie on the bed
and he's biting me and i'm just like just just just play fighting and he starts barking and i thought oh what so i open the bedroom door go out and like shout through the door what what do you want no i shouldn't have just i just it was just annoying like you're supposed to leave the stuff there don't disturb me i was in bed i know i guess technically i wasn't awake but i was half asleep to be fair i wasn't really awake wake and also the reason i say don't
disturb me is because i might be making a recording and i don't want the door going because then he goes into one it got absolutely really loud but um i opened the door and it's one of my neighbors it wasn't the thing i didn't shout i wasn't like what do you want but it's just like hello what what and and it was it was someone i knew which is why he was going so the way he was because he's he loves he loves my friend my neighbor he absolutely it's a
different neighbor to the one i've talked about but he's got a quite quite a big quite close bond with him and um anyway the the reason why i was a little bit miffed with the delivery people is because sometimes if they've knocked on my door they knock on my door like constantly even though there's a sign on there or they phone me up and yeah delivery's here yeah i don't know do they want a tip is that what they're they're after so i pay for the delivery um i don't really
have the money to be tipping to be honest i only have that spare cash and that's another thing i never have cash everything i most gen most of the things i pay for is online and it goes out the bank and i don't i rarely have cash at all um i know we're not a cashless society yet and i don't i could see why people don't want that to happen i generally i don't really have much in the way of cash i don't really use it but i do see the
benefit of having cash because if you know that all your money's going to be taken out in by bills which is going to leave you with not enough money to buy any food then you and you've still got money in the bank you might as well draw it out now so at least you can eat you know but you won't be can't do that if well i suppose you could buy food before the bills go out i guess i don't know i haven't really given much thought anyway so a few
times the people that have delivered they've actually one of them i think a couple of times have asked me to help them to deliver now the reason there's a few reasons i get deliveries one is that i don't always feel up for going out and it's quite hard for me and this is more in the past well it's not more than really not really but you know i've got the excuse of vinny now because if i leave him on his own he screams the place down hates being on his own
doesn't like being left and i guess that's just because he's he's had too many homes and he doesn't hasn't got that doesn't feel secure yet doesn't know that i'm coming back and doesn't know that i'm not coming back i don't know but yeah so he's it's hard to leave him here on his own can't take him with me because you can't take dogs into supermarkets now if i could i would if i could do that on days when it's not raining i probably walk all the way to the supermarket which
is a good few miles with him or get the bus to be to might maybe get the bus maybe hot maybe half half maybe walk there and get the bus back i don't know but if i could take him into the supermarket physically then i could just go in once every day every every day or every two days or every three days and just get a few bits that i need instead of having to order it you know online but i can't because dogs are not allowed unless they're guide dogs
or service dogs and he's not he's neither of those i mean i mean technically i guess he's emotional i don't know emotional well-being dog i mean if anything he makes my life harder he just winds me up but i think there's a benefit of having someone to care for may it may give me more of a purpose i think to you know i have to take him out for walks i said the word i shouldn't have said the word oh he hasn't he's he's heard but he's not looked up yet
um he's probably thinking now not about the lead mate i know he's coming back he's got up he's stretching his legs he always does that when he's ready to go go out oh no i said the word out now he's looking at me now he's looking at me no out um so the other thing is you know i got my backs a little bit or with a dodgy back so i can't really lift i can lift heavy stuff but i feel it afterwards you know and it's it's like okay i
can lift it but it's no good for me if i'm now then spend the next three hours in bed trying to recover from it you know so it's like nah i'm not going to do that so that's why i get deliveries i rarely get any big heavy deliveries i try and make them fairly small mainly because of cost to be honest the big ones cost a lot of money and when i did get big deliveries which i have done my friend downstairs used to come and help me with them and
partly because a lot of the stuff would be for him anyway so there'd be like bags of food for for his dog food for andre there'd be you know big big old deliveries but then back in them days would get stuff delivered in bags it was just a lot easier now if you get deliveries for supermarkets i don't know about all supermarkets but all the ones that i've used over the last couple of years no no carrier bags and it means that i have to go into the hallway outside there's
no room inside my hallway to do it so i have to and it's weird whenever i got a delivery i haven't had deliveries from like directly from supermarkets for quite a while regularly not for about nearly a year probably i'd always be prepared so they would come between let's say let's say like three and five in the afternoon so i'd have all of my carrier bags all like stacked together inside each other already knowing that i was going to be using those to empty the brown trays full of groceries which
stack on top of each other they'd knock on the door right i had a little bit of a bit of an interruption then in the garden absolute scream from a cat i don't know what's going on there and then starts barking so i had to put him into the bedroom as i turned the light in the bedroom on close the door i also just because i knew it's time to eat it's like quarter past nine now so i have put one of my microbe meals in i'm gonna have cottage pie
the cottage pie and veg so i put that in the microwave 12 minutes it takes and yeah so then i'll let that so when this is done i'll have my cottage pie yeah i have to let it have to let it cool down for about it says two minutes two minutes and that's way too hot i have to leave it for about three or four minutes but it says two minutes but uh leave it for two minutes no no now i understand what they're saying because apparently sometimes for a microwave
it continues cooking even after the microwave's finished um but you know i like i don't want to eat cold food unless it's cold so it's supposed to be cold but i'm not really into the like super duper hot food either so yeah last week amazon delivery knocked on my door i might have mentioned this before like in a previous recording in a previous life knocked on my door and i'm pretty sure i was making a recording that day like really you're supposed to not knock just leave it on the just
and then he's and i look this is when i still had the camera like the camera's now been taken down because we're not allowed to have cameras so and he was phoning me like why are you phoning me because i hadn't answered the door as quickly as he'd hoped i guess i realized i've got other deliveries i've made to do so i can't mess around with just one person but i answered the door like what i didn't know i didn't open the door i just put the chain on said yeah
hello can i help you he said i was perfectly pleasant you know i was not rude i'm not rude i try not to ever to ever be rude what do you want i said and uh what's weird is sometimes i'm a little bit embarrassed by this okay sometimes because i'm because i'm if you see me you could you think well i'm perfectly physically able to do stuff which two degrees true you know um but as i said i feel it afterwards do do do do do do do do do do
do do do do do um what on earth so i just seen something here what's this about what's this about oh well um i sometimes when i've got someone at the door i pretend to be someone else now these people don't know who i am if they haven't seen me so when I had a thinner door I would just talk through the door but now the door is quite thick and sturdy it's very very kind of yes very sturdy sturdy door so I opened the door with the chain but I
stand inside I don't I don't like letting them see me you know sometimes I put a voice on hello and pretend to be an elderly lady and that's I'm not saying it's a good thing but it's just that's what I kind of think well maybe they've shown me some respect and they won't ask me to do anything they won't ask me to lift anything and so I did this I don't do all the time sometimes I do and so I'm just here on my own door goes I've got Vinnie with
me of course he lets me know someone's at the door I'm doing a recording I thought oh blimey why are you ringing what first they knock then they ring so I didn't answer the phone because I'm literally get to the door as I see that they're ringing me and I got my phone on mute but when I get back I see that they'd rung me while I was there like what are you doing anyway I opened the door with the chain on so they couldn't see me I said hello can
I help you dear and a man said yeah I'm delivering from Amazon I said it's okay dear if you just leave them on the floor like that like that the note says I'm an ugly lady and I'm on my own so I can't open the door so if you can I have to wait for my grandson to get back so if you could just leave leave the the bags on the floor like the sign says thank you very much and what he says next really put me in a little bit
of a little bit of an issue and he said I need to see ID I said what I thought I might said what what do you mean ID he said your voice has changed and said you need idea to for the I'm thinking oh no how am I gonna get out this I'm just pretending to be like a 97 year old lady waiting for my grandson to come back to help with the shopping and I'm on my own and now I'm gonna have to open the door and you'll see that
was me none of those things apart from being on a home on my own how am I gonna get out of this this is really really embarrassing and he said oh you need ID like well you you can I mean oh I'm an old lady why would I need to show ID he said it's the law we have to see ID by before handing over alcohol and I said I've not ordered any alcohol which is true I hadn't ordered it was like tequila or something or schnapps whatever schnapps is and
he said yes you need ID in order for us to deliver alcohol to you and I said well firstly I didn't order alcohol secondly I don't even drink alcohol which is true both of those things and everything else about me is a lie but those two things are true I also do have my own hair but if you see me no one's gonna lie about having this hair I mean I was like of course it's your own hair and we wouldn't be a hair piece you wouldn't no one would put
that on their head not without not on purpose so he said oh wait a minute let me just check now I don't know if you could hear my knees were nobbling and shaking I thought what am I gonna do how can I open the door after pretending to be a 99 year old and then just answer the door and he's like I'm gonna look silly and eventually said he went downstairs into his car and I thought either delivered the wrong stuff but he hadn't he delivered the right delivery he just
had the wrong paperwork with him or on his phone or whatever yeah the wrong number for the delivery and he said I'm so sorry as we don't need don't need ID it's it's clearly you haven't got alcohol it was it was a it was the next delivery that we're doing and I was so relieved I opened the door I looked through him I didn't even realize what I was doing I said oh that's that's that's good don't worry about it mate it's it's just it just happens doesn't it and so
I opened the door and he passes the stuff through to me I said thanks and I put it down so you take care he said okay he was looking at me strange and I thought I don't know why why he's doing that and but then he went away and I'm sure I had laughter but I don't know what it was maybe he was listening to a comedy album or something but weird that's that's kind of like I just it's a sign on the door do not disturb which is why I'll
sometimes I will like put on a character because I just hopefully they'll get the message but it didn't happen it didn't disturb me this today though no one no one knocked on my door this morning or this afternoon because the person that was at the door was a friend it wasn't them the delivery was already there said come I don't know what time between two and three didn't knock didn't ring just left it on the floor didn't disturb me it's almost like they didn't want to see me which is that
I'm really understand that and and I'm the weirdo yeah okay then I've got one of my neighbors is in there and we're chatting and then another neighbor turns up and then another like three people within half an hour so when the third person comes in the other two leave it's like I said so look can you spread it out next time over maybe six months it's like not in not in half an hour three people in half an hour is too much spread it out I do believe they thought I
was joking spread it out free pick I said like I can't have three people in my home it's too many I like when when when the door went the third time I said to the two people sitting there said your plan is something weird because this is this is strange to get three knocks on the door in such a short period there's something wrong something wrong but they laughed again thinking I was joking so like it just seemed weird but it wasn't it's just just coincidence coincidence and that was it
really so Vinnie's lead broke got my delivery I don't know how it ended up need being nearly 60 pound when well I've read you I've given you a list of stuff it's hardly anything in that list and that's it really I'm gonna stop doing I tried to make some changes so I've I've reduced some of the things I'm paying out for just trying to cut costs and you know get out of debt and stuff so just you know just trying to figure some things out but that's kind of it really
Vinnie's in the bedroom so I'm gonna go my dinner's just dinged ding ding ding and the microwave that is not the dinner that'd be weird if you need a little bit more time in a microwave if it's making sounds who's talking to me so I will eat that myself a cup of tea first take my medication and have my dinner I won't be going to bed at 10 because I need more than half an hour to digest my food so I'll probably be in bed by half 10 maybe 11 and
then tomorrow when I get up I will edit this recording and I will upload it to the internet and that's it and we start a whole new day and it will be Thursday oh yes so thank you for listening to another blimey I've really been talking for that long I know what's going on I seem to be talking for a bit too long these days if it's too long let me know because it doesn't seem like it's I've been talking for long at all seems like maybe half an hour and remember to be kind to yourself remember to be gentle with yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love bye
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.