(no music) #1068 - Chatting to Jen - Let Me Bore You To Sleep (27th January 2024)

Hello and welcome So Let Me Bore You To Sleep My name is Jason Newland and this Yeah, I've already said what it is, please only listen I'll undo my top When you can safely close your eyes So today is Saturday the 27th of January And 1630 says 4 31 Um Yeah, that's it what else is going on Let me think Ah just saw someone coming out of my friend's flat downstairs taking all this stuff away Um Oh well Vinnie barks every time that doors opens down there He just maybe thinks my friend's going to come upstairs and see him or It gets excited.

I mean proper proper excitement bark Ah, but it wasn't was it then no Just waiting for his ghost to turn up really Uh, he did say he'd haunt me. So yeah, psychologically he is Hey So, uh, my website's jasonnewland.com.

I played with the idea getting rid of it But i've worked quite hard on the thing even though it's Very much not complete But the latest recordings are available you can download them and everything so at least that that part of it's done Most of the recordings i've got most are available on the website to download Including All versions of those recordings You know the one without music with music five hours and ten hours And pretty much every one of my recordings is available on my website somewhere So, uh, the other thing is i've got

a You can join my boring group on Facebook Jason Newland's boring group It's basically just for people that like what I do and you can talk to each other and stuff.

I don't know There's 140 Two people I think so far There was 143 but someone The most recent or one of the most recent ads added people was um I think one of those Facebook scammer Things I looked at the website. I looked at the Facebook page and it was just You know when you get into a Facebook page and it's just all diet pills. It's all like Advertising some diet thing or some Uh political thing that's their agenda and that's all they've every post is about that.

It's like, okay. No I mean you could argue that every post of mine is about this But that's kind of a little bit different is it maybe it's not maybe it's exactly the same Maybe maybe So, hello to everyone whether you're in america or in australia new zealand south africa france belgium Canada Netherlands scotland wales ireland Russia china Wherever you're listening or uk england as well, of course Wherever you're listening birmingham liverpool manchester london hi hello I've come to realize that the stats don't give me precision They might give me A rough idea

of the country But they don't give provision precision as in towns Because this country is so small Someone in manchester might get put down as being in bolton Someone in london might get down being in ipswich even though there's 60 miles between But 60 miles in the world isn't a lot. Is it? so it's you know, it's uh Hard to really know and also some people use is it dns?

The Where it cloaks your address so They might have it themselves down as living in america when they live in china Because that way they have access to the podcasts, which they wouldn't normally have access to I found that out from a chinese Lady a lady that living in china rather I should say and telling me that they i've got an audience out there um, but they it won't come up as being from china the stats because Then perhaps not allowed to I don't have access to the The internet that people in the west have access to they have a lot of different internet Uh,

I don't really know how it works to be honest with you But i'm thankful for everyone to everyone in the world anyone that listens i'm thankful because You know what without you listening I wouldn't make the recordings and if I didn't make the recordings My life would be very very empty very very Free It's not just the recordings because it's the the website the other stuff that goes into This whole service it's free service Is there's a lot involved in it?

It's not just making a recording and just uploading it because you could say well, that's It's an hour to hour to record And maybe an hour to edit Maybe an hour and a half, you know, maybe an hour then you're making images And then uploading so You're looking at three or four hours And then sharing and all the little little tinkering and stuff that goes on to it.

So you're looking like four hours per recording of I don't you want to use the word work because it's not not hard But you know, this is about four hours of time because each recording I mean the 10 hour ones are like one and a half gigabytes Now before they used to be a lot less but I I I upload them at a higher level of audio now Than I used to So they take a lot longer to upload Take a lot longer to edit and to process as well.

So So it's about four hours roughly so if I made a recording at seven between seven and eight in the evening I'm normally done by about 11 Roughly if that makes sense, usually 11 11 30 i'm done Everything's uploaded. Everything's got the image on it.

Everything's been shared on Facebook and Then if I include adding it onto my website, that's another Period of time because it takes a while to upload there as well And creating that page So yeah, you can say four four hours roughly Sometimes a little bit longer So, you know there's a little bit more goes into it and then there's the website building the website and I was working out.

I probably some weeks I do probably 80 hours a week Even if I haven't made a recording i'll just be spending from the time I get up in the morning And to the time I go to bed working on stuff working on just Tweaking and twerking the website uploading podcasts to different podcast places and Uh, you know trying to organize things trying to work things out trying to work things out baby So, yeah, uh other times, you know I do absolutely nothing.

So it all depends on how I am at the time So vinny seems happy now he was barking really really Everything.

Oh, okay. It is is some news is some news Right, let's have a quick drink Um, right, where was I?

Oh, yeah Right yet again, I was interrupted by a little dog barking very very loudly And I had to wait for the noise that he was barking at to desist And now he's he is very comfortably sitting Or lying down Down sitting on the floor leaning against my Um leg chomping on a bone And everything's well with the world yet again Ah Oh, right, yeah this morning this morning I should really remember this because it's the only Mildly well, it's the only thing that's really happened this year kind of well,

not the only thing but It's the only thing i've really had to talk about because I don't normally have anything to talk about I do all right though, don't I considering there's zero going on in my life This morning, so I went breakfast And I Was about eight eight, what time was it?

Eight o'clock or something nine eight o'clock And I was in there for about an hour maybe two hours And I got outside so i've got you know the front the the living room doors open The bathroom doors closed and the kitchen doors closed The bedroom doors open the front door is closed, of course But I don't hear anything and i'm not hearing anything Unusual and I go I think oh I need to do a well.

I need to go to the toilet basically And I was given the um pretty much the five minute warning So I get up and I think okay, let's just do that treat myself And the carpet Is wet Outside the kitchen So I go into the kitchen I think there's a bit of wet in The kitchen entrance just a little bit oops And i'm thinking okay.

I don't know. Where was it coming from then? But I turned off the freezer Which is right near the door I checked The because I what I thought to start with is maybe there'd been a power cut And forgetting the fact that i've just been watching television You know, but hey Maybe there's been a power cut just in the kitchen Which generally doesn't happen does it? Or perhaps the freezer stopped working, I mean that can happen, you know things break down don't they?

My brain broke down many times I turn it off. I turn the kettle on and off to see whether or not that's working it is So the the electrics on I turn the freezer off at the mains Because I don't want to move it around in case You never know there might be a something in the wiring that I don't know and If it's in water So I thought okay do that and then I pulled the freezer out nothing underneath apart from you know all the dirt and mud and Something that looked like some kind of meringue Meringue shaped in the shape of a Giant wasp But yeah,

it's there's not much on in underneath the freezer There's a colony of ants holding up a white flag, but other than that not much under there And i'm thinking where's all the water then? Where's it coming from?

So I go back into the hallway And At this point i'm still trying to figure it out hasn't dawned on me that maybe it's coming from the bathroom And not even like even though the carpet is absolutely drenched All the way to the bathroom door including outside the bathroom door So my brain's not working Particularly quick at this point and then I think I wonder if it's something in the bathroom So i'm standing there And I realize i'm only going to find out if I open the door I kind of don't want to open the door in case I don't know why I thought it would just floods would you know,

it's just like, you know, you see in films and cartoons and stuff, you know when someone opens the door and like Water just falls all over them.

I mean, it's you know, it's not gonna be likely to happen. Is it? Anyway, that's exactly what happened. No, I opened the door and There was I don't inch two inches.

However, the water was that the floor was covered in water Maybe an inch or two of water Because there's a rise where there's a doorstep that Goes out of the bathroom into the hallway So there's a not a huge amount but it's enough Thankfully, otherwise it would have probably covered the whole living room carpet But I still couldn't see where the wall was coming from I looked at the ceiling Uh, lots of cobwebs, but there was no sign of any kind of leakage from the ceiling Now i'm on the top of the building.

So that is always a possibility I guess isn't it? or if the water tank in the Is there water tank in the in the Not basement attic. Do they have water tanks in the attic? I don't know So, you know But I couldn't see anything I have had problems with the water dripping in the in the toilet So I have to turn the water off But i've never had a flood I had a flood once in the kitchen.

So, you know, I just said i've never had a flood But now i'm going to tell you about a flood. I just had No, that was a different thing. I just left the tap running There was nothing weird about that other than The sink was full.

I left the tap running not realizing it Went out and I came back and the floor was flooded but this was Worse than that this I mean it was proper I mean, I wasn't deep enough to swim in but it was it was definitely Difficult to walk in I had to wade. I didn't need a canoe, but you know, just like it it was very Luckily, I had a mop.

So what I did as I turned the water off At the mains And I couldn't see where it'd come from had the toilet over overflowed Um Because it it does strip water into the toilet bowl and maybe if the toilet bowl was blocked from a previous Um Session should we say then perhaps it could have overflowed that way But the toilet looked quite Normal, it didn't look like it had been overflown, you know, it wasn't wet or anything on the outside of the toilet The sink looked fine I'm thinking now maybe the bath, but no It wasn't the bath.

I don't think so. I'm not sure what it was It's never happened before like this Now I just want to remind you I needed the toilet Now If this had been three months ago, I could have just knocked on my neighbor's door downstairs and said can I use your bog?

Um Because we're common we use words like bog Uh, no, we don't we don't You got any bog roll and But I can't do that And I don't really although I do know all of the other neighbors To speak to and known some of them for Nearly, you know nine years, but I don't know them well enough to really Do a dump in their home, you know, it's it's just kind of there's levels isn't there?

I don't I feel I know. Oops.

Wait a second. Oops Right, i've just got a phone call from jenny As i'm speaking on here. So jenny's gonna join me on this podcast She's just gonna she's gonna have a little chat Hi, jenny All right, see you then bye um This is this is weird, I don't normally I was just calling up just to see how you are because you've been on my mind for the last few weeks and um Something was just telling me to call you to see how you're doing if you're okay Oh, thank you.

Yeah, i'm okay. I was just literally doing a podcast as I told you when I when you yeah, I'd um, basically Yeah, I just let the listeners know that I did ask you permission didn't I to if you wanted to be on it I didn't just i've not just added you and I wouldn't do that No, I gave you my explicit permission. It's not a problem This is this sounds very formal, doesn't it?

Very legal very legal.

Are you? All right, help it. That's okay. So do you want to say hello to everyone then because it's going to be Hello listeners I hope everyone's doing well and you're having a good saturday um Yeah, as I said, I just quickly called jason up now because he's been on my mind.

He's been having a few difficult um Situations he's had to go through so He was on my mind and I just thought I must call up jason to see how he was Doing you know He's a good friend. Thank you. You know, I was just in the middle of talking about my latest adventure I got a flood in my bathroom No, yeah, i'll tell you about it because then I was just telling them basically, um, I don't know how Um, but something overflowed.

I still don't know really what what part there's a toilet or if it's the I don't know But I needed to go to the toilet And I had my warning, you know that the physical warning to tell me that it was time soon There was I was I was on the countdown clock, you know, I mean, it's like it was counting down and i'm Yeah And I had to mop up the water.

Okay, i'll just say them. Yeah, I took but it's Not my water.

No, no, it wasn't. No. No water water wasn't a problem I could to be fair.

I could have done that in the kitchen sink if I wanted. I mean, i'm Not well, I know well, oh come on Sometimes I move the dishes first, you know depends it's No, like no what i'm saying. I could have gone outside, you know, if it was an emergency I could have done it out the window or something, but I can't Couldn't do what I needed to do No, no Oh those poor passers-by, how could you judge jason?

Well, oh my gosh, that'll be a complete surprise for them Yeah outside your window.

Well, I wasn't think it's an april showers. That's for sure No, the thing is the thing is I mean, I do generally try and see if anyone's Outside first. Oh, that's decent of you.

It takes ages sometimes it takes ages for someone turns up And then I can It's it's terrible Anyway, I I'm gonna um, this is weird, isn't it? I've never done I and I have done this once before with sebastian But it was planned. It was planned And also did a live one where I think I brought someone on Um that didn't go so well but it it was that was like I listened to help.

Do you listen to lbc? Obviously? Yeah.

Yeah. I love nick ferrari Nick ferrari. I don't listen to nick ferrari.

I like I listen to the other nick Uh, he's on at 10 o'clock friday saturday sunday I go to bed Yeah, I tell you who I do miss is the guy that left steve steve allen Oh, he's sorely missed on that. I mean he's got to come back. I do Yeah, I used to listen.

I actually listened to him in thailand. Can you believe it? I went to thailand and I was on my veranda in a hotel and it was I don't know 11 in the morning 10 in the morning something And he was on and it was so good just to have some familiarity something familiar Yeah, you know listen and just listening to him going on and on about well I can't really Yeah He was I used to like listen to him but he's I'm, not quite sure what happened.

He was just there one minute the next minute.

He was gone, wasn't he? I think well I've got my suspicions what's happened? and reading in some other papers, they were saying that he Don't know if I should say this, but I don't think it would it was on good terms. It was controversial He'd I know that he'd had a lot of uh people as said i'm not i'm not Slamming him because I liked him. So, um, he's great.

He was used to used to wake me up in the mornings So he's like really sluggish and right. Okay, and I'd I'd set aside half an hour um, so my radio would come on and i'd hear him and he was Wake me up by me laughing at his jokes and it just got a spring on my step Yeah, I used to go to bed to him because I used to a couple of years ago Uh three years ago.

I used to be up for many years.

I'll be up all night long And I sleep during the day. It's just that's when I get my we used to get my most work done Because it's so quiet. I could make podcasts in the evening, you know, two o'clock in the morning There's a great time to do a podcast Because there's no no roadworks.

No people in the garden. None of that stuff But so I used to go I used to listen to him at four in the morning Till probably five half five six and then I go to bed Yeah, he was great. Yeah By the way, how's your little dog? Vinnie he's all right.

He's he's uh eating something under the desk he's He I got him this bone. It was too small. Then I got a bone.

It was too big So No, I tell you this is a weird one, okay When I got him Which was not december not last december the december before he I got him and like it was a lady who lived across the road. She's a friend now, but she lived over the road And I said to her it was he was 10 months old when I got him And I said i'm going to give him i'm going to call him no.

I'm gonna change his name to no after a friend of mine And she said no.

No, his name's vinny. It's a lovely name. Don't change it.

So I didn't And then two months later I found out she'd she'd changed the name herself from dog, I know from um uh bear So two months earlier, so she basically she'd had him for three months Uh, and those three months she decided that he'd be better off being called vinny rather than bear That he'd known for seven months for seven months he'd known he'd known the word the name bear and then she changed it to um, vinny But she said oh don't change it.

Like I thought okay. It's not fair to change it after 10 months of being called vinny And you know what? I think you know, jason Yeah, is it is it me lovely lady is it me you're talking to Yeah, okay.

Sorry. Don't you said jason? I was making sure. Yeah Well, you're jason, yeah, no, I'll make sure yeah, is it are you talking to someone else as well or is it No, no, but with this lady.

Yeah. Um You know people give their pets names all kinds like uh roger or mabel or anything, but Of course Mabel mabel. Yeah To call a little doggy bear It's a bit weird.

It's like calling your cat giraffe It is it is actually odd It is why I had a I had a friend who had a cat called big fish so Yeah, that was that was more than that because it's a cat like fish, you know Yeah, I suppose I I think did you say mabel roger and ma A cat called roger. I just I don't know. Yeah, I can't remember the first name I said, but definitely mabel Yeah, you said roger.

I just remember roger Trevor, you know if you call your pet trevor, that's a very That's a very human name though, isn't it? I think it's funny. I think it's really funny Well, I think if he was if I got him today Well, the reason I called andre andre was because after one of my best friends when I was in the 90s In my early 20s.

He was he was probably my first best adult friend Because I had a best friend at school and stuff But when I became an adult when I was like in my early 20s I met him when I was about 21 22 and we became best buddies and his name was andre and Um, is he french?

No, no, he was irish okay and he Yeah, so then um before I got before I got vinny before I got andre the ferret I found out that my friend had died Oh, so I hadn't really had contacted him for quite a while so I I named him as uh As a tribute really to to him And also because andre Because vinny was so little and tiny uh Everyone used to call andre no legs Because it's silly because he was the same height as me, but they used to call him no legs like No I

know i'm short, but i'm not that short It does get confusing to andres but so yeah, I I named him after andre um Yeah, and vinny That's his name now.

So I It could have been I I don't know who Yeah, the one who um had one ear yeah, he took his ear off. Yeah. Yeah, that's right But yeah, it's a great name vinny.

I love it Answers to it doesn't he when you call him when other people call him? Yeah, not me What he doesn't answer me at all he ignores me oh, so when he's in the other room and you call him he doesn't come bouncing into to come and No, he doesn't like me if if if he if if I say do you want do you want this he'll come in if I say Do you want to go for a walk?

He'll come in Um, if I say do you want a treat he'll come in Do you want a bone he'll come in if it's something if it's If there's something in it Yeah, if there's something in it for him if there's no if there's no End pleasurable result for him then he's not going to do it So he doesn't want his tummy rubbed and all that, you know tickled and well some yeah, sometimes he does but he's not It's not that affectionate.

He does It's kind of on his terms He'll cuddle up to me when he wants to but he doesn't like me Grabbing him and not grabbing him but picking him up and stuff He likes to do it on his terms and I don't i'm not quite sure why that is He does think you know in general pets are like that. It's on their terms, isn't it? You can't force them to do what they don't want to do No, I mean, I don't I don't I don't want to do that either.

I don't want to force him to to do anything But I do I do expect cuddles on demand and Yeah, but I don't get it from him from him I just I just sometimes want to just You know, sometimes I just need a cuddle for my little boy. So it's everybody needs a cuddle jason. Yeah but he's not always um Reciprocal.

Yeah, sometimes i'm kind of trying to corner him and i'm thinking this isn't. Oh, no, don't corner him No, no, no, no, no, you don't want that. I've got a big net.

I try and catch him with a net It's like a big butterfly net and uh Stick him in an album or something. He's I don't know He's he's he's like in bed good company for you. That's the main thing, isn't it? And it gets you out there out the house to go for walks good exercise Yes, it's annoying.

It's it's you're right. I mean if he if I didn't have him there was times before I got him That I would be indoors like between andre before I got andre there was times when I didn't go out for weeks on end Okay, um before and then andre I I was taking him out for walks, but I didn't have to take him out Because he didn't have to he's not a dog.

He was a ferret.

So he didn't it was more just for the fun With and then when andre passed away and there was that year and a half period Um quite a lot of the time I didn't leave the house at all Sometimes like for weeks and weeks Uh, I get deliveries and I wouldn't go out because I didn't my friend downstairs used to force me to come out Because I need your help and it did like me get me out Um, once I got vinny, I had no choice because I have to take him out That's right.

There's no To go outside and get some fresh air you know these uh See people there's no point looking yourself away because that doesn't do anything for you good Good for your mental health and research says when you have a pet Actually, it says the stroking does. Um Um create the endorphins, is it it builds them up? Yeah, it's almost the same as exercise this stroking I do.

Yeah, I do every day. I mean he'd Or pet him. Yeah, I do every i'm gonna do that quite a few times a day There's there's certain times when i'm sitting down and he lays on my feet So it's not like he's keeping away from me.

He's still touching me and he's still He likes to be at my feet and he likes to lick my feet and stuff But then sometimes he'll come and sit to the side of me And cuddle me other times he'll he'll sit on the the on the like the armrest of the chair So i'll put my hand on him there in bed he So he he now sleeps on the pillow next to me And and then other times in it when I face my back to him and i've got my and i'm facing the wall He'll snuggle up to my back Like push against my back so Sometimes he does yeah sometimes Not not yeah, not a huge amount, but he does sometimes.

Yeah And then sometimes I wake up and he's cuddled to me and i'm literally stroking his belly I don't even know i'm doing it. I'm waking up and i'm cuddling him and he's cuddling me And then we both wake up and realize get away This oh, it sounds like you've got um, a best buddy there I mean the dogs are really good companions and then and as I said Not all pets.

It's unconditional love Yeah, I don't know I I like him a little bit Um Yeah, he's growing on me I reckon I reckon in five six ten years ten years. I might come around it's he's He's just so annoying It just like earlier. I took him for a walk and he was literally biting The bottom of my trousers.

He just started attacking me for no reason I know he's playing but he was doing it in front of other people It looked like I didn't have any control over him, which I don't But it's still just and he why he did it just then and there was a big family of people Walking right behind me and he was growling and it it looked like I had an unruly dog And I was saying get off I'm sure they weren't thinking that more.

Oh, look at them. Aren't they sweet together? Look I don't think anyone in the world has ever looked at me in any situation and used the word sweet Not since I was 10 Are you I used to be a sweet boy when I was 10 then um, then it went downhill Well We all love you.

Jason And we couldn't do without you. I should ask you how you are. Shouldn't I I know? How are you? I'm good.

Thank you. Yeah I'm, very very well anything you can say bearing in mind you're on we're being recorded No, it's just as I said earlier you've been on my mind like um I have this little boy ball. I don't know maybe others experience it as well, but when someone's on my mind Just subconsciously you're there a person.

Yeah It's like a little uh Trigger, I must call this. I must call I must call. Yeah I have that so yeah, you're right.

I have that sometimes so just Just have to like I wonder if they're okay if it's sometimes like if I dream about someone um Providing it. Do you know what they say about that? Don't you? Um, if you if you dream about someone it means that they love you Really yeah, if you dream about somebody an individual it means that they love you Uh, there you go Right You ain't saying who you're dreaming about Well, there's an old man that walks a dog that I see in the park Quite regularly.

It could be that you thought oh, what a nice man I'm gonna avoid him now.

I'm avoiding him You've got a secret crush on me. That's really random. You you dreamt about the old guy.

Did you young man? Yeah, I do I bet we dream about things that we don't like as well. So that doesn't mean that they I don't know. Well, if you dream about your teeth falling out, it means there's a change on the way for you What if your teeth do actually fall out Yeah, it means it means it's definitely it means there literally is a change on its way, doesn't it?

Like your whole life's about to change.

You're gonna have false teeth. Yeah. Yeah, blimey.

Yeah I don't know. Are you into that the the dreamy? I am I am absolutely I used to My mom says to me when my mom says to me when she dreams it means Anything she dreams it means that someone's gonna die, you know Oh It's like uh, I dreamt of wood the other night pieces of wood.

Someone's gonna die I dreamt of uh A table the other night Someone's gonna die So like a whole old west indian thing So when you get together for christmas a big family gathering do you all make a pact not to talk about dreams No, don't mention dreams during a christmas dinner Because that's that's a real downer isn't it if every dream leads to someone I I have premonition dreams actually I have to say I don't mind admitting that Which have come true So Really is that we'll talk about that another time i'll go on this is interesting only if you want to because it's No one knows who you are No, I no she lives in ilford.

No one knows who you are I don't live in ilford. I know you don't I know 44 plasma avenue I i'll make No plasma television screen plasma. Oh, yeah No plasma is I think it is also isn't it blood?

Yeah see That's why I don't like talking to humans because they have an education and I I just make stuff up as I go along and then when I talk to another human Because I used to work in a hospital in theaters So I picked up, you know What did you do I used to be within theaters as a reception and Receptionist blimey and I used to be all scrubbed up in the clocks and everything not that i'm going to be You know a nursing or anything like that.

Yeah, it was more there was a if I got a call for the professor while he was Undertaken operation. I had to scribble it down, which it was urgent and Uh walk very briskly to the theater Yeah, one two, three four and go in and say professor I wasn't allowed to call his name There's a message for you. Yes read it out, please and i'd read it out and he would um, thank you very much And then i'd go back to my desk again.

Wow Now i'll be i'll be honest. That was really I thought it was going to be a really boring story But that was really interesting No, I didn't I didn't think it was going to be boring. I'm joking It is a question though So here's a question you so you went in there people were having operations we how did you prepare yourself for that because I'm i'm because i'm not squeamish.

You're not that doesn't bother me at all. No wow I didn't have an arthroscopy which I that actually did stick in my head one time. Yeah, I had a message for the consultant and the knee was up in the air and all Open you know all the muscles and everything.

Yeah, lovely. Let's let's just let's not focus on that though because this is relaxing You give me nightmares I mean But this was many many years ago and now they do keyhole surgery I mean now could they not when I say could they not use a tenor system? I don't mean for knee surgery but could they not just have like a A speaker that you could No, because I was next to the ICU Unit, so everything was very quiet Oh, so it had to it was quite personal and and Um discreet had to be discreet We had intensive care right next to the reception area.

Yeah, I I I don't mean in the whole hospital Announcement announcement like I don't mean like the whole everyone in the hospital here If I know if it's announced Professor there's a message for you.

He couldn't come out of if it was urgent. He couldn't come out of the operation Oh, so you need to get his answer if there's an answer. Oh, I got you.

I got you That's just that's i've never I didn't even know that existed didn't even know that that kind of many years ago many many years ago, I think you must have been Well, well, you're you're probably about 20 years older than me, aren't you? Because i'm i'm only quite i'm only i'm i'm 27 So you're not jason. I know your age. No, you don't i'm 27 Don't try and embarrass me because it's being recorded.

I can edit this I can edit i'm 27 I know that you're a couple of years younger than me. Am I younger than you am I? Oh my god. Yes.

Jason. I don't know. I just I assume i'm older than everyone now Do you know there was a time when I was younger than everyone and now i'm older than pretty much everyone How did that happen? How how? I don't know.

What's it like to be older than me? There's only three people left that are older than me. I've got friends. Um Now newly made friends of friends and before I've got handbags that older than them Wow Yeah, and I do admit that to them i'm very young at heart I still feel as if i'm 18 years old inside How many handbags do you have? I'm, sorry.

How many handbags do you have? tons Do you i'm a bit of a hoarder? With my handbags, I think they're going to come back in fashion. So I hang on to them But to be fair if they're if they're well made I can't believe i'm not well made. I don't know No, what I mean, I don't mean designer just if they're if they're put together well Like sturdy, then they could probably last for generations.

Can't they I guess? No, not quite. It's just like I just can't I can't release them Are they literally just flaking flaking apart? No, not flaky. No, they are good You have to keep in plastic bags, otherwise if you let air get to them they just dissolve Not that bad I look after my bags But I just can't they're like little friends to me.

I just can't bear to let them go. But if I did Um, it will go to charity It's a really weird isn't it? It's like I never thought that the words I look after my bags would be said today But then you said something like This these things that if they do fall apart give them to charity. So if they're no longer usable No, no, not if they're falling apart All right.

No They're not fit for anybody. You just have to just let them go But if I was to release my bags and they're still in good condition and I say no I have to let them go. It's too much.

I'm drowning in bags. Then I would release them to the charity. You're keeping them hostage, aren't you? Basically in a way.

Yeah How many do you and you got? um About 40. Wow Yeah, and I do like to swap and I do like to swap i'm not I have the same handbag every day Well, some people are like that with shoes as well and they like loads of pairs of shoes Um, i've got like two pairs of shoes One that I wear all the time the other that I don't And then I three you only wear one pair of shoes all the time.

Yeah But i've got some pink crocs that I wear indoors.

You know, you shouldn't do that, you know There's a lot of things I do that I shouldn't do But I don't generally tell people about it. But this It's not good for your toes when you wear the same shoes all the time. No, i'm not wearing them all the time I just wear them all the time like when I go out I mean and I don't just Um, i'm not I don't wear them during the day No, but you you said did you say that you wear the same shoes?

Every every time I go out I wear the same shoes.

Yeah no, because I thought I don't know. I thought it's good to have a break Have another pair of shoes because your toes can get a bit gnarled if you use the same shoes They kind of mold inside the shoe But I don't wear them another pair of shoes which is a bit different inside i'm not wearing them for long enough I mean i'm only wearing them for me the the longest I wear them for is an hour If I take him for a really long walk But other than that, it's like for half an hour 20 minutes Oh, is that?

Oh, okay. Yeah, i'm not wearing them for like long periods of time No, because i've got pink crocs for that And yeah, my pink crocs is what I wear.

I don't even wear socks on them indoors so, um So I really imagine you wearing pink crocodile shoes Yeah, well I got them partly to make my friend laugh Because he he because my other crocs were Ripped to bits vinny's Attacked them a few times. That's a real crocodile. No, they're just croc, you know crocs Oh, I thought you meant crocodile, uh shoes like um, the the material like a real crocodile animal skin Do when you say do you feel you want to sing the song now?

What crocodile shoes No, oh no, what's his name it was the um, the bloke from newcastle that was in spender And he was in um Oh, oh, what's his name? A very tall guy unusual face.

Yeah. Oh He's lovely unusual, you know I saw him once at this benefit gig And It was an art out. It wasn't it was a benefit art gallery opening rather but there was a comedy show there And I went on stage my friend didn't want to go on because she didn't feel very well.

So I took her place Wasn't it paid or anything? But seriously out of there was probably 100 people there 150 people Not to see this show they were there for the art art gallery thing but him I kind of cut Jimmy now, yeah, jimmy now was head and shoulders above every single person there.

So he's got to be nearly seven foot tall He's gotta be because he stood out there was I've never been in a place Because I was quite high up as well on the stage So I was above everyone's head And I could and he was still above me It's like wow, it's a really tall very tall Um Is it really you know, I because he was I don't see many people i've seen a few few famous people over the years But I really wanted to say hello to him but I had nothing to say to him Um, he just said hello.

Nice to meet you After I'd done my comedy.

I couldn't really talk to anyone um Because I used to be a bit offensive back then So I used to I probably would have I might have made fun of him to be honest which Wasn't it? He would have taken it in good humor. I don't know. I don't know.

I think I might just ran off And ran away straight away just in case he was upset but yeah, I was he he had one of those faces that um He looked like he was always annoyed and miserable he just had one of those faces I've got one of those faces if I don't smile It looks like i'm upset. Oh people always say to me cheer up jenny might never happen Really what do you do is it's always been like that or What my face?

That's a weird that's a weird set. It's your face always been like that.

I didn't mean that in a derogatory No, I know but it's true. Some people got faces Where if they don't smile they look really annoyed and miserable but it's not it's just how the face is set I've got a i've got a face. It looks drunk.

I just look drunk And i'm not yeah, i'm not drunk, but I look drunk I think I look confused Oh, I think I i've Red nose as well. I've got a pink face. My face has always been pink.

Oh, you're flushed. Yeah No, i'm not fly. It's just it's the skin.

I'm not i'm not white I'm i'm pink i'm kind of No, no, it's just it's my skin it's just it's just inherited it it's uh irish I was got irish side, but i've also got I would say i'm probably Scottish or indigenous Indian red indian. I know you can't say red indian, but the like I can't see it though. Jason.

I have to admit I think I think you can I can't you can't know. No, I think somewhere along the line one of my ancestors used to walk around with feathers in their head That's just yeah, I do or It could be roman because don't forget this country has been invaded by So many different other countries didn't it over the over the history and we were Uh, I think the romans lived there for is it 400 years?

I don't know. Am I i'm not up a long time.

They they ruled this country for a long time And then they just took off one day. So There might be some romans. So and my mom was I think my mom was her My gran was french I think on my mom's side I didn't know that jason.

Yeah, so my nan, I didn't I never met her My granddad was died before I was born But I probably did meet my I did meet her but I was a baby so I don't remember um But she but then my other nan on my dad's side was irish Both her parents were irish came over here uh, and She was born here, but both her parents were irish So she kind of classed herself.

She was english and irish if you know what I mean because Maybe you should have a little um a little jaunt up there To ireland a little mini break. I've lived in ireland.

I lived in ireland. Um for a couple of months back in 1994 Um, you know, I'll tell you about my friend, uh andre Yeah, he we had uh What did he his so I was living with him and another friend so we were living in his house And things weren't going too well for him Things had gone a bit pear-shaped, you know work. He lost his job and everything but His mom and his sister came down to visit And they looked at what was going on and she's and his his mom said you're coming home To ireland even though he was like 24 years old.

His mom just said that's it. You're coming back with me So he did And a couple of weeks later I went and they invited me to go and live with them So I went a couple of weeks later I went to ireland and stayed with the family Stayed with andre's mom and dad and him That was good of them, wasn't it? Yeah, she's coming look at us.

Yeah.

Well, it was short They weren't they didn't mean it forever. I didn't realize at the time No, it was I thought it was forever, but they didn't they they meant they meant short term.

They didn't tell me that I was I was I was I I hadn't I was my feet were under the table as they say I was very much at home, but um and then it was weird though because I Me and andre were going to get a flat together or a house or something and I fell in love with andre's cousin nicola She didn't know but i'd met her quite a few times over that period and I fell in love with her and then I saw her one day with a bloke kissing him and And I realized that because I kept putting it off telling her that I liked her Does that make sense?

Okay.

I was too I was shy. I was worried that because Is his family it's like it's his andre's family and It is it should I ask his permission to ask her? I didn't want to like upset people But it turned out she didn't like me anyway, so that was good So it turned out fine Because Well, she might like me but she didn't like me like that because she got with someone else She got with someone else in front of me No, but maybe she thought you Maybe she didn't think that she didn't know that you liked her.

Oh, no, she probably didn't know that.

No, I didn't tell her uh and Yeah, I didn't tell her it's not her fault it's not but I got so upset I I left I left I left the next day and came back to england because I was I was upset you were heartbroken Well, I was annoyed I don't know if I was heartbroken. Oh, yeah, maybe I was at yourself But you didn't say anything Or you annoyed it That she was with someone else.

I was annoyed at her wasn't I never annoyed at myself.

It's always other people I have to always aim it outwards No, I don't know probably to be fair in the moment I was annoyed at her Because I didn't like someone else I didn't like what I was seeing Although it was nothing to do with me really But afterwards like why did I just put it off? Why why didn't I just tell her? because I spent Maybe back then it Wasn't that bothered about it so much?

Well, I suppose because I really did like her If it had just been like do you want to go out for a drink? And she said no, it wouldn't have bothered me if I didn't like her.

It was just someone that I just met but because I got to know her and she was lovely And and I was You know, I don't know because I was kind of part of the family for a little while so I got to know her brother and I got to I met her parents and You know that I was just this english bloke to them I was just weird english man And well, you know jason It's never too late.

You never know Like think think ahead going forwards If you want to make something happen, she may be single, you know, things are different.

Well, she'll be 90 now She'll be 90 What 90? Yeah, she'll be 90 now How many years older was she was she then even about 35 years? Oh, no, she was No, she wasn't no she was I think she was probably about Probably a little bit younger probably about 22 Something like that.

Yeah, you know what though jason sometimes Um, you know, I just think As i've got older sometimes you've got to think you've got to seize the moment you've got to make things happen You've got to make good memories, but you can't go for it to come to you can't go yeah, I I agree, but you can't go back and sometimes I think that you know, like Yeah, and then I remember when I worked in a night comedy club There was this Wait, i'm not i'm just gonna say a waitress,

but she had a name obviously and I liked her a lot And she let me know she liked me but I did nothing I did I took she hinted in ways that was so blatant Like more blatant than I could even say on here and I still didn't do anything because It was where I worked and I didn't want to It's almost like if I if I get involved with someone I work with It's gonna be very difficult if something if it goes wrong Yeah, no, I absolutely I totally agree with you it'd be embarrassing if it does go wrong then you still have to Work together.

It'd be awkward Yeah, very awkward also um It's much harder to cheat on her when i'm when i'm with her i'm some joking i'm joking i'm joking um It was Did you take her out? No, no, no, she basically came into the dj booth and was talking to me and We were friends.

Anyway, we always got on really well right from when she started working there and um Yeah, we got really well and it's just she had a boyfriend and everything and it's just there was we're just friends So she had a boyfriend.

I know when I first met her she had a boyfriend Okay, and I think she got through a couple of boyfriends during the period because she was there a couple of years right and she Yeah, she came to dj booth one one night and started what I was working she started asking me questions like personal questions And telling me personal stuff about herself, which isn't like a normal conversation So I wasn't really sure where she was coming from.

I was enjoying it, but it's like this is weird Okay, and then that was it and then nothing again And then another time on her birthday party she got me onto the um Dance floor.

She had a birthday party in the club And she pulled me up to dance with her forced me to dance with her basically And uh, she grabbed my hands and put them on her bum In front of everyone it's like I was in bad light. I wouldn't normally I wouldn't do that in front of other people Do you know what I mean?

Like it's it was It's just stuff like because to me that would be like i'd done it Without asking not without asking her permission, but You know, she wasn't my girlfriend So I wouldn't put my hands on on the bottom of someone that wasn't There was someone I worked with If that makes sense And I was worried that other people would take it wrong. They'd look at and think what's he doing?

Even though she she grabbed my hands and she she put super glue on my on on Yeah I kind of super glue bit isn't true, but she did she did do that and I and then I didn't know what to make of it It's because i'm pretty dim and uh, and then The last time was at the party What do you mean? You didn't know what to make of it?

She was obviously, um Making you know that she likes you.

I know but I still wasn't sure I still I know it was a long time ago. It's a long time ago. Um, how old were you 31? Why is that funny I actually you crack me up sometimes you really do.

Okay. I was okay. I wasn't I was I was About 30.

I wasn't 31 I was a little bit younger um look, it's weird because I just I suppose I didn't want to I really liked her and Because I was friends with her If someone likes you you don't like them but if you if they don't like you you like them That has happened a few times i've been in love with a few women Um Look I'd i've never dated anyone that I fell in love with before dating them But I fall in love with women that I never dated well, that's That's strange.

I've just I guess it's just People are attractive. How can you fall in love with someone that you don't really know? It's that natural like wow thing and just Lost no, no, no, no, you know what? Do you think it's love or lost? Sometimes it's probably a bit of a mixture to be honest.

Yeah, not so much now because i'm too old Nothing works anymore Too old lost doesn't just go out the window when it hits 50 You've hit 50, haven't you? Yeah, and I also have to plan I have to plan an erection. So, you know, this is way too too old You can't say that word if this is something that you're You know, this is a broadcast Um erection erection erection erection.

Yes, I can.

Yes, okay Erection erection erection erection erection, of course I can say it this is Okay, it's your your channel Erection erection erection, I don't swear at all when I do my things. I don't like not um, don't swear erection erection Erection, it's it's not I don't normally say that word but because you said erection I just have to keep saying it now It's not a swear word, is it?

It's just a normal word Your broadcast goes out to you know, anyone can hear it can't they Yeah, look normally I say stuff and I say it really quickly then move on so by the way Yes able to get onto your um You know before you you you know, you're on um Spotify Yeah, so now you're on another um platform, aren't you? What's it called sound cloud?

Yeah, it's not working for me. I can't You see when it so what happens before we spotify which is continuing the players, especially with the ones with are you? You know bore you Yeah Yeah, that's fine.

And then you can put a timer on it and then it will switch switch you off after an hour Yeah, okay Could I fall asleep? But with sound play or sound it doesn't allow you that because when it when your phone goes dark You stop talking. I'll tell you where else my podcasts are where Any all the sound cloud ones are on apple podcasts But I don't have an apple phone You can still what kind of phone do you have Android you can still access apple podcasts on on android Apple if I tell you if you if you go if you go to my website Yeah, this okay.

I'm not i'm not 100% sure but hopefully it'll work if you go to my website Okay, you know jasonnewland.com. And then on the first page there's uh Was it soundcloud podcasts? Yeah, just click on one of them links and it should come up And it should be the web version so you shouldn't have to it's not the actual app it's just the web version Right.

Okay. Is it coming up? Oh, i'm not doing it. I'm just listening to what I should do Are you not? Oh Do you want me to do it? Oh, you're on the phone.

You're on the phone talking to me, aren't you? Sorry I forgot I forgot I forgot we were talking I forgot you I forgot you weren't in a room. So i've just just i've just come back from tesco I haven't unloaded my my shopping trolley So my magnets are gonna be Are gonna be um melting now your magnums My magnums. Yeah.

Oh, I could do with a magnet. That'd be nice Yeah, it's the dark chocolate one. Oh, I like dark chocolate me too Oh That's not fair telling me about you know, what I could go to the garage because What did they do ice creams in the winter? I bought some the petrol station because I bought some ice creams in the summer and by the time I got home they were melted Like they were ice lollies I could imagine that would happen jason.

Yeah, but I I've got them No, they were melted they were literally fallen apart they weren't even um They were like your handbags Some of your hand like completely dissolved I can't believe I just installed your hand but it's the worst thing I could have done. Sorry Sorry, um, no, but that you know when a nice story just flops It just likes flopping over I'm not saying it wasn't frozen when I buy it because it was hot outside right And it melted by the time I got home Well jason Yes, jenny Why don't you eat it as you're going home?

Because I got one for my friend as well and I didn't want to eat mine And then have to watch him eat is in front of me when I didn't have one to eat Bring your friend to the shop and you both can eat going home together. I didn't know I was gonna get an ice lolly Oh Until I got there Not in not in the petrol station they don't no you can buy one and then when you go to the shop Buy the ice lolly put it in the in the frozen bag and then you can go home.

It's still frozen Or chilled i'm not that well planned to be honest with you Well, I I can organize you jason yeah, I mean It's enough that i'm wearing trousers when I leave the house you know You usually yeah, I mean i'm just saying it's that's enough to remember don't have to start remembering frozen bags and uh, you know lists of stuff i'm gonna get and All that stuff I just I go when I go there I just get what I need to get I forget what I forget And then just move on I know

You know the amount of times I forget what I go in for and I have a shopping list jason Too many solutions that's the problem with you too many solutions.

I am a I am a solutioner a solutioner Yeah I'm i'm a i'm a problemer Problemer is that a word? Yeah. No, it's not but we'll go with it.

Yeah Yeah, but we we don't Problemer No It's better to be a solutioner Try and solution the problem. I'm good at solutioning other people's problems Not so good at my own. I I think I can You haven't got any problems.

Have you jason? No, no, everything's perfect but if uh, no, but sometimes I can kind of See a bit a bit more clearly outside And I can see other people like not not trying to tell them what to do But if there's an issue like well, maybe try this But quite often I notice and I should know this from counseling that Quite often people don't tell you their problems.

They don't want a solution. I just want to tell you I just want They just want to talk.

They just want a sounding board just to get it off their chest. Yeah. Yeah, so um so it's I should know that you really shouldn't I but Sometimes I forget especially if it is an easily solvable situation Practically, I mean It's you know, it's just like well the light bulb's gone.

We'll get it changed then, you know I'm not going to sit and talk for an hour about the light bulb being out And all the problems Well, you're like a jigsaw puzzle you you kind of click together so you're the Well, you're in sync so if she's got a problem You're able to come up with a remedy if you've got a problem vice versa yin and yang yin.

Yeah Oh, and that way I won't be talking about light bulbs That's right I like light bulbs What's that, you know, I haven't had a light bulb in my living room for years Haven't you I got a lot I got this. Um Uh, what is it called? Uh smart light bulb 25 pound it cost you one is it? No.

No is well, it's supposed to be low energy But it's a smart one which you can actually tell what to do And you use an app and stuff and you can say okay, it doesn't dance or anything But it doesn't make the dinner but it changes color like blue green, uh, it's brighter than it's duller, you know, you can sort of Play around with the light a bit um You can dim it or you can change it color like from orange to green or blue or red Yeah, it's a smart Yes Yeah, maybe when it goes to the toilet I reckon Wait, it don't have to be water.

It can be anything different colors I mean, it's beautiful. Do you know what I dream right? because I go to okay.

Anyway, I dream that I need to go to a toilet like do we be You know, oh I can tell you what that means. It needs to go. I know exactly what it means But I know what it means What because I I get I found out every time I wake up what it means What I need to get a new bed no, it means I need a toilet No, every no every time.

Yeah, I know. I know you want to go to the loo. Yeah, of course, of course You're in your dream and you you feel like you want to go but i'm looking for somewhere to go i'm not constantly looking for windows and um, you know, uh Wardrobes again.

No, but like in my dreams I mean i'm constantly looking for somewhere to go to a toilet and then I wake up and I need to go It's really consciously you want to you need to release Some emotions somewhere you'll you'll block you're you're um, keeping them to yourselves to yourself I do not have emotions. How dare you? You're very emotional yeah sometimes sometimes maybe Yeah, it's But my magnums are waiting for me, okay, they're gonna be like a pool of chocolate Oh in the shopping bag.

All right, we'll go and have them.

You can you can still refreeze them. Can't you? No, because then the ice crystals forming and then they're all four. Okay, you're gonna have to eat all of them the whole box I I normally do.

Yeah Well all four you get four in one go. Yeah, you don't really do you? Yeah, I do Magnums are big Not that big, they're nothing to me. I can eat four in one go.

I can also eat I love cheese and onion crisps you get um eight in a pack. I can eat eight in a pack in one go Wow Yeah Good if I go to the gym, isn't it? But like, you know what? It's really weird because although i'm i'm quite quite big I guess i'm not i'm not little I don't eat much. I can't eat much in a setting In a sitting or whatever.

I like if I have a meal I like it's only a small amount of food. I eat I've never never been a big eater ever um my whole life never really been like occasionally, you know, you know when you're really hungry like Gotta eat everything but not for long not many many years. I never never finish a dinner It's weird, isn't it?

Maybe you've got um a small stomach Worms, I got worms Small stomach Yeah, I think internally not externally Yeah Maybe maybe I've got an innie You've got an innie, yeah Right I've got a bladder like a camel So I need to have a wee once a day Wow I just remind you you've been recorded for the podcast.

Um, oh, yeah, blimey. You've got It's not too bad compared to your erection thing. I had a girlfriend once Did you I did it's hard to believe.

Thanks. Cheers, mate um, and this was Blimey, it's a long time ago This was a long long time ago. I could still see my own feet.

It's that long. That's how long it goes is and I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I