#1048 - Song writer - Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland and please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. I should say that more seriously, shouldn't I? Okay, here we go.

Please, please only listen, only listen when you can safely, safely close your eyes. Is that better? Ah, three years of drama school not wasted. So I didn't, I didn't.

Um, I, what else? Oh yeah, I've got a website, jasonnewland.com. At the moment it's in the process of being rebuilt, so don't, you know, not a lot happening on there at the moment. I do have gas. At least I hope it's gas.

I need to do a burp. Nice burpy poo. So anyway, um, today is Saturday, the 23rd of September, 2023.

It's 1822 o'clock. And, oh, oh, I got boxed on at half past seven. So I will do this and then I will watch the boxing.

Joe Joyce against Zhang, number two, not Zhang number two, but that's not his name, it's Zhang. But it's the second, second fight between the two. Zhang won the first one because it was stopped due to Joe Joyce having a very, very injured right eye.

Although he did protest and he said, no, I, I could have fought it on. I was okay. That's not a very good impression of Joe Joyce, but I'm a big fan of Joe Joyce actually, big fan.

And Zhang I've been following for a few years as well. Still waiting for the gas to come out. Sorry about this.

I know you don't really need to know this. It's not bottom gas, it's mouth gas. That's wrong, isn't it? To say that.

But yeah, it's, it's tummy gas rather than, oh, wait a minute. I was wrong. No, wait a minute.

I think this might be both. Finny, did you just fart? I forgot to blame Finny. Finny.

So I did a recording today. Earlier on, what was it? Deep sleep whisper hypnosis number 513. Sleep cannot be forced.

So it's 28 minutes and 19 seconds long. 28 minutes really? I don't remember it lasting that long. Oh, okay.

If you say so. And in that recording, I talk about the fact that you can't force sleep. I thought I'd tell you that just in case you were a bit curious about the, the title and the title wasn't clear enough.

It's all about, it's all about where you can't, you can't force sleep. And that's, that's, that's also applicable to this recording because this is about relaxing and sleeping and stuff. You can't force it.

You can't force yourself to feel hungry. You can't force yourself to be excited. You know, those things just come naturally.

I mean, you can't really force yourself to go to the toilet, but you can strain and give yourself piles. So that's not a good idea. I mean, I suppose there are times when you need to, but generally, if you can avoid it, I would.

I remember my nan saying that to me. Actually, no, it was my granddad. One of the few things he said to me, he said, grandson, don't strain when you're in a toilet because you can end up with pharmagiles.

Piles. That's what they use in East London, pharmagiles. That's a memorable 10th birthday party.

I, yeah, you can't, I'm just trying to think what I was talking about. You can't force stuff like that. You can't force going to sleep because the opposite happens.

You know, I remember being on the bus when I was, you know, teenage years onwards. I still feel like I need to do a burp. Oh, trapped wind.

I never get trapped wind in me bum. Isn't it weird? Anytime I get trapped wind is in me upper half. Never gets trapped in me bum.

There's always a, I was going to say the entrance is always clear, but that sounds wrong, doesn't it? You know what I mean? That, that functions better than the upper half sometimes. My bum's better than my mouth. That's just weird, weird sentence.

I didn't say that. Stop saying stuff like that. So, yeah.

You can't force yourself to be tired. And I know that sometimes, I know it's, oh, I just did a big burp. I think I might have edited it out, but I might not have done.

If I didn't, I have, I apologize because I just forgot. My plan was to edit that out. It really was.

That is the most important thing in the world to me. But sometimes, you know, I actually did this the other day. I uploaded a recording where I, I think Vinnie started barking and something, and I completely forgot to edit it.

And I uploaded it with that. So I had to go back and re-edit it all again. Blimey.

Anyway, you can't force sleep. It's, it's just one of those things. And it's, maybe it's not as obvious as I feel it is.

To me, it's really obvious, but it didn't used to be. You know, the idea is, I suppose I used to think, well, I'm in bed now. It's time to go to sleep.

But it's not the same as having a bath, is it? You know, you get in a bath, you get wet. You don't sit in a bath full of water and wait to get wet. It just happens.

There's no willing it, there's no wanting it or wishing it. You know, it's, it just happens. It's a natural thing that happens.

Sleep is another thing that just naturally happens. And I talk about that and I'm not, there's no point going through it now because I've, I've talked about it in the other podcast episode. Sleep cannot be forced, deep sleep, whisper hypnosis, number 513.

It's, but now I can't think about anything else. So, really, I discovered this kind of when I made my most popular video. Oh, my stomach's churning now.

My most, I say my most, it is my most popular video, the most popular video that I ever made. Was try and stake away, try and stake. That was, no, that was my vampire years.

I was trying to stay awake hypnosis challenge. And it still is my most popular video on my channel. Funny enough, it still gets, it doesn't get the most views now, like in a, in a period.

But it's got the, the most overall views. So if I do lifetime, try and stay awake hypnosis challenge, I up, I uploaded it. For the umpteenth time on the 26th of March, 2018.

So it's over five years ago, blimey, no, four years, no, five years ago, five and a half years ago. So that's 8,423 views. And the second most views on any video is the long body scan that I uploaded 26th of June, 2023, 523 views.

So, you know, I didn't, you know, in 2018, I kind of uploaded the bunch and then I just didn't really do much. The reason that I uploaded that is because people kept asking me to, so I please just upload that one. We don't care about any of the other videos.

Just, can you please upload that one? Because we like it. We were listening to it 12 years ago. And we want to continue to listen to it or watch it.

So, that's what I did. And that was the first video that got over 100,000 views on YouTube for me. And I know it's only got 8,000 now, but you know, originally, and it was, it's an old video, 2011.

That was, so that is what, 12 years to, yeah, 12 years ago, 2011. No grey in my beard. Hardly, pretty much no grey in my hair.

I mean, back then, I was, it's almost like a different person. I'm looking at a very small picture of myself, to be honest. It's like, I'm on YouTube now and I'm looking and I do, it's weird though, because on my YouTube channel, my actual picture of me on the channel itself is me for when I was about, I don't know, eight or nine.

I don't think I really look anything like that anymore. Not that I should look like a nine-year-old, that would be a bit strange, but it just, I don't know, like I've got, my younger brother has the same face he had when he was a child. He's old, you know, he's older now, he's eight years younger than me, but he's still got the same face.

He was born with that face. My face has changed quite a bit. I'm not saying my brother looks like a baby, he doesn't look like a baby, but if you was to look at pictures of him when he was like three, four, you could see it's him.

There's no doubt that it's him. You see what I mean? It's him. I mean, I know it's him because I know the pictures are of him.

And you might not know it's him, but if you saw him now and you saw him, those pictures, you know, a picture of each, but side by side, I mean, it'd make it easier if he was wearing the same clothes, whether he'd be up for dressing like a three-year-old, I don't know. But, because you can't really do it the other way around, can you? You can't, you can't go back in time, you get a time machine.

And if you could get a time machine, if it was one, you created one, bit of a waste of time to use it for that, isn't it? To go back in time just to dress yourself up as a, in a suit and tie, dress yourself up as a 44 year old or 45.

He's 45 now. Yeah. 45, 53.

He's eight years younger. So yeah, he's 45, isn't he? 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53. So yeah, that's eight.

53. Am I 53? Yeah, I am, aren't I? So he's 45. Wow.

He's getting old. He's catching up on me. Hmm.

Not a lot of difference between 45 and 53. Really, not a lot of difference. A heck of a difference between two months old and eight years old.

A big difference between two years old and 10 years old. You know, this is a huge difference. He was eight when I was lit, when I, basically he was seven when I left school.

You know, I was in the big, big bad world of adults when he was seven. But now as we get older, you think when I'm 73, he'll be 65. Hardly any difference, like practically nothing.

85, 93. Actually, it does go the other way then, doesn't it? 93 does just anything over 90 is fairly old. You know, it's, I think it's universally accepted as being a quite a senior age.

But still 85 is a fairly dusty, dusty number, isn't it? A dusty number. Wow. An original thing from Jason.

85 is a very dusty number. So talking about dusty things. I was sitting on a toilet earlier.

No, I wasn't. I'd, I got a flea comb for Lily. And I've been trying everything.

I gave him another bath yesterday. I gave him a bath a few days ago. I know you're not supposed to give them baths regularly.

But he's really been, you know, I've tried so many different things to help him. And every opportunity he runs into long grass. Because for some reason, and maybe you know more about the anatomy of grass than I do.

I imagine most people know more about it than I do. But the council decided that the local park should have bits of the grass left uncut for like a year or two. To encourage wildlife.

So I mean, you know, when they do cut it eventually, I won't miss the fleas and all the ticks and everything. But I will miss all the lions and the giraffes and, you know, the crocodiles and everything, all the wildlife that come to that part of the park. But wildlife, nothing.

I did see a ladybird the other day, to be honest. Or you might call it a ladybug. Ladybird is the correct term.

I don't know if it's a term that I was brought up to say. Because you might not know this. And this might have been a worldwide phenomenon.

But in the middle, in the middle 70s, 1970s, there was a I don't know what the right word is swarm. I mean, swarm is usually used by the press. When it comes to refugees, they use that word swarm.

But I think in those days, it was used in the correct term. And we had billions upon billions, and I counted them all. Before you start saying, I counted each and every one of them.

Thank you very much. And they were everywhere. They literally they were and I loved it.

Because some people didn't like it. And they got a bit like flustered. And apparently it was it was a big deal.

And everyone was moaning and it was it was catastrophe apparently. But I was probably five years old, four or five. And I wasn't reading the newspapers.

I wasn't taking any new I wouldn't take no notice of the news at all. The news might have been on telly but I didn't didn't watch it. If it wasn't cartoons or children's TV shows, I was not interested.

And besides, I was outdoors most of the time, if I could be. So during that summer, I was outside with my brothers with my friends, on the new the new castle council estate that we lived. And we could literally stand there and be covered in ladybirds absolutely covered.

And since that time, people have said to me, Oh, they used to nip, they used to bite. Now a bit me. Now, admittedly, it was about 700 years ago.

So it's hard to precisely remember any particular memory of it. But I have a vague memory of I do see is one of those things I can use if there's no internet, there's no news, there's nothing. And you said, Oh, name something that happened when you were a kid.

And I could say, Well, I remember when there was absolute swarms and swarms of ladybirds everywhere. And, and then you can say, it sounds like absolute tosh. What a load of rubbish swarms of ladybirds covering your entire body everywhere all over the trees, eating the crops.

Shut up. But then you can go online and you can research it. And actually, like, wow, it really did happen.

So it's not one of those things that I've seen online. And it reminded me, I actually remembered it before the internet was given birth. So if we go ladybirds, UK, 1970.

Oh, it's 1976. It was. So I'd have been five massive swarms of seven spotted ladybirds cosinella.

This is from the Wikipedia. It's wikipedia.org forward slash Wikipedia forward slash 1976. Underscore British underscore aisles underscore heatwave.

If you want to check it out. I just googled 1976. heatwave UK ladybirds.

And I didn't actually put 1976 until it came up as an offering, if you know what I mean. So let's have a look. So night at the same time, there was a severe drought on the islands of Great Britain and Ireland.

Didn't know about that. I don't. I mean, maybe kids are aware of stuff like that, but I don't remember anything about a drought.

Really don't. I know it was a hot, hot summer. It was one of the driest, sunniest and warmest summers in the 20th century.

Although the summer of 1995 is now regarded as the I just read that. It sounded like I was saying that was off my head, didn't it? And I remember it being I remember all the summers of the 1970s that I can remember being hot. Probably after that.

Before that, not so much. I can't remember. But after probably the age of four or five, five, definitely six, seven, eight.

And I think part of the reason why those years are quite memorable for me is because quite a lot happened and I moved around a fair bit. So if I'd have just been in the same house, the same town, the same friends, the same parents, the same, you know, same shops, the same, you know, and then like one school and then in the next school, you know, just that kind of stuff.

I think it would have been a bit more samey.

Perhaps I might not be able to remember stuff that happened when I was five and six and seven could be like, Oh, was that when I was seven? Was that when I was eight? Was it when I was nine? But because at five, I was living in Newcastle. At six, I was living in South End. At seven, I was living in Suffolk.

So, you know, there's these different places that I was living. Before that, I'd been living in London as well. So, you know, there's different places, different schools.

Although I don't have a huge memory of any of the schools before going moving to Suffolk when I was seven. I was just before I was seven, it was the summer of my sixth birthday, 1977. So I started school in September.

And then I moved from that school to another school. And then I moved from that school to another school. So I went to three junior schools in that town.

And then I eventually went to one high school, because we lived in three different houses. And the first time I moved school from that in that town, wasn't too bothered. I was used to moving around.

I was used to moving from school to school, I guess, making new friends, but not being attached, which could explain why I don't get attached to people. It's something that I don't, I don't naturally get attached to anybody anymore. Pretty much.

I can't remember my nan, my step mum, Andre, that's pretty much it. You know, as far as attachments go, there's not many in my life. So it's, you know, it's always gets this downfalls, but maybe it's got its ups as well.

I don't know, I'm not sure. However, the first move was easy. So we moved out, the first move, we moved out the children's home in Southend to this.

So I was going to school there, it was a Catholic school, because it was run by the nuns, the kids home. So we had a church in the garden. So you get, you can get to it through the garden, but there was also an entrance through, through the actual, the building, you know, where I lived.

And there's a crypt there as well. And yeah, it was, it was, I remember I was allowed to, to put the candles out with these little snuff things like big old, the little little bells without a bell inside. And a big old stick because they're high up, I don't know how they lit them.

I just saw must have gone a ladder or something. But I was allowed to, as long as I was careful and gentle, I was allowed to snuff them out. I like that.

One of my favorite things ever that was doesn't take much to please a six year old as I guess. So moving to that new town and going to the new school. I liked it there.

You know, well, as far as you can like school, and I, it was all right. I don't really remember too much. Remember, I've got a few little memories of it, but, and it's very close to where I was living.

And then we moved. The house we was living in was pretty much if he was cat, it was a council house. And my step grandmother was living there.

And I don't know, but I think my step mom, my new step mom at that time, was I think she might have grown up in that house. But it was what's the right word where it was just had to be closed down. Not not for illegal reasons.

Because it was the the foundations were wrong or the place was just rotting. It was just a very old house. And it was no longer fit to be lived in.

So the council moved us into a house for me and my dad and my step mom and my two brothers. And my step grandmother, she got moved into her own council flats. Very nice, very nice flavors.

And then I moved to a different school, which was not far from where I lived. And we moved on to this council estate. Now those that don't live in the UK might not know what council estate is.

And you might all know what it is, I don't know, but some people might not know what it is. So it's basically a housing estate, which has council houses, and maybe council flats on it, on the land. And this was a new build.

I mean, they were literally still building other houses around us. When I moved in, or when my family moved in. It was good.

I have my own room for the first time in my life. So seven years without having my own room. It was brilliant.

I loved it. I loved it. Not having to listen to.

I didn't miss my brothers. It's weird, isn't it? I'm so used to being in the same room as them. But then they had their own room.

They had bunk beds in a different room together. And then the parents were in their room. So I had my little room.

It was kind of a box room really. But I didn't need much space. I loved, loved that room.

My little Bruce Lee poster on the wall. And yeah, love, love that room. So I'd still be there now if I could.

I would, I would. So we went to this new school. Now with this new school, I was there long enough to make friends.

I was there, maybe I was there long enough to the other place to make friends. I just don't remember. But I was there long enough to have a best friend.

I had two best friends. Really. One called Ian, one called Andrew.

And they both lived in the same street as me. Ian was born on exactly the same day as me. So we had the same date of birth.

26th of August 1970. And I mean, that's not the reason we were friends. But I like to think that's not the only thing we had in common.

We were pretty much the same age. And his dad was lovely. His, his mom was, yeah, I think his parents were lovely.

I don't remember his mom, but I remember his dad. Because he used to take us out into the fields and not hiking, but just going for long walks. And I think they might have had a dog.

And that was just nice just to get because it was all the council estate, most council estates, I would say, to be fair, most towns and villages in the UK are surrounded by fields. This country is just fields, but with gaps, with bits where there are people living. You know, if you if you fly over this country, in a plane, as opposed to a train, you'll see that it's just fields.

It's all it is pretty much just field after field after field. With a few houses, a few million houses probably, but you know, a few, a few houses, like areas of houses. So always kind of near nature, I guess was not far from the fields and trees and stuff like that.

We did have a motorway outside the the back of the house. There's a little garden. And you could you could hear and see the motorway right outside it was there was a do you know when you go on a motorway and there's like a like a grassy knoll is that the right word where it goes down so the motorway is higher up and there's downwards and then there's houses there that that was where I lived just there.

Then he's making a bit of a bit of a noise. I've realized something with him those bone things again, they're not like proper bones, but they're shaped as a bone. He likes them until they're ripped in half and then he doesn't like him anymore.

And if he starts eating one and play with it, and he leaves it on the floor, the next day, he won't touch it. He wants a new one. Even if he hasn't touched it, even if he's only had it for, let's say I give it to him, then he gets distracted by something, you know, a moth farted a mile away, and he's like, what was that? What was that?

And then he might forget about the bone and he'll leave it under the table.

He'll go off hunting for the moth. Where was it? The next day, what I'll do is I'll pick it up off the floor and sometimes I'll wash it, not with soap, but just, you know, rinse it off and give it to him, pretending it's clean and fresh and everything. Nope, won't fall for it.

Doesn't have the smell or the taste of the ones that have just come out of the packet, as it were untouched. Strange, isn't it? It's weird. I don't know if I told you this, I found out a way to get, when he's off the lead in the park a way to get him back on his lead is to say to him, while we're out, to say to him, Vinnie, I won't say the word because he will run over here, but do you want to go, do you want to go for a w a l k?

Okay, I can't say those words because he will just run over and get all excited, but, you know, imagine me saying it.

I want to say it, it's really weird, it's the only thing I want to do now in my whole life is to say that sentence and I can't, I know I can't say it, but there's a real, there's a real need inside me to just shout it out, maybe partly because I know that it will annoy him, I don't know, maybe, but anyway, he gets excited and runs over to me and eight out of ten times he'll let me put his lead on.

We're outside, we're already out for a w a n, w a l k. Yeah, that was a mistake, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. So, yeah, the second time I said that, that's when I had that friend, Ian and Andrew, Andrew had one kidney, so he was poorly a lot of the time and I should look out for him.

Andrew was, he was blonde and he was my best friend, he was my first, I would say my first best friend, kind of, because I moved around so much and I'm sure I, I mean, I must have had friends when I was in a children's home, but that was more like family, you know, you live with kids, you see them, you sleep with them, you know, in dormitories, you eat with them, you go to school with them, you play with them, you know, you're with them all the time, kind of, in the same space, so you're at church with them, so they are family, they're brothers and sisters, really.

I would imagine that's, kind of, probably how it felt, which is why I didn't like them all. Brothers, keep my, keep, keep them away, brothers and sisters, no, that's probably what it was, so it wasn't like friends and I, I think we, kind of, kept ourselves to ourselves, you know, I imagine there was probably a little bit of, because where we were living, where, you know, we probably, I'm not saying outcasts, but possibly weren't quite as integrated, integrated, integrated, integrated, integrated, integrated, into society, like maybe the other kids, I don't know, I'm just guessing, really.

My only, I have a vague memory of being in that playground, but it was quite low down, and there was other stuff above it, like it was a low down playground, and maybe there was a motorway or something, one of those playgrounds that was, kind of, out of the way, it was near the school, but I just remember that.

I do remember one thing, which is a bit of a weird thing to remember, is, I was standing outside school, at the school gate, and there was this woman, standing there, actually, she was talking to me or whatever, I don't know, it might be someone I knew, and she fell over, and I thought that I caused that, and I think that's when I started to think that I had powers, and I could, and I could cause things to happen, that's what I used to believe when I was very little,

for a long time, many years, until yesterday, in fact, so, I remember that, that's very strange, but I can't remember much about that school, really, really, maybe it'll come to me one day, but I can't really remember much, or about any of the kids, I can't even, there's only one child that I remember from the children's home, the second one, south end one, and it was a little black girl there, I think she had two sisters, or a brother and a sister, but I really liked her, I was good friends with her,

and she used to let me comb her hair, she had this wooden comb thing, and the first time I did it, she, I think she punched me, because I was being too hard, and she thought I was doing that on purpose, trying to hurt her, which I, I might have been, I don't know, I mean, I was very little, I don't think I would have been, because I think I might have been in love with her, possibly, I was very romantic, I was very romantic when I was little, might sound silly,

but I used to write love songs when I was like eight years old, it's true, I did, and poetry and things like that, I was quite a romantic little fella, zero romance now, it's nailed, let me, let me have a look, no, no, no, nowhere to be seen, no romance, but I was back then, I really had a, used to fall in love with girls, used to fall in love with, I remember I fell in love with this, Jack, not Jack the Ripper, Jack and the Beanstalk, in Southend, in the pier,

or in the, there's a pavilion there, I think it's still there, and they were well known, or they were really famous around the country, back in them days, in the 60s and 70s and 80s, maybe, maybe further in 90s, maybe, and the place to go, to go, you know, to watch theatre, and to watch shows, comedians performing, musicians, pantomime, I think this one was a pantomime, Jack and the Beanstalk, and the whole of my, pretty much everyone from the children's home went there, and I went there with them, and I made, I guess we just

got free tickets, and I remember I fell in love with Jack, and Jack was being played by a girl, or a female, adult female, and you might say, how do I know?

Well, even then I knew, you know, so, and I was, what, six years old, I loved her, I loved, I mean, I dreamt about her, really. Now, if I did get to meet her and marry her, you know, I dreamed about marrying her, she was still dressed as Jack, Jack the Beanstalk, still had the green costume on and everything, like, no way was she going to be wearing anything else but that, the whole way through the marriage.

I decided that, you know, with my six-year-old brain, but I did love her, I very much fell in love with her. I remember we, I was about eight years old, and we, my dad and my step-mom, and when we had, the new family together and everything, I think this was before, or maybe, probably before my little brother was born, maybe afterwards, possibly, but he would have been a little baby.

We went, maybe I was nine, maybe I was ten, maybe I was, I think I was about eight though, and we went somewhere, and I think, like, in a, maybe camping or something, and we stayed over in this caravan site overnight, and I met this girl, and I fell in love, of course, as you do, fell in love with her.

She was, I don't know, she might have been a bit older than me. I liked the older woman back then, and she's probably at least nine. I was very much into the more mature, mature women.

I was, I was eight, she might have been ten, but she's, you know, I liked, really, well, no, I loved her. I fell in love with her. There was no like involved, and I'm not sure if, I don't think anything happened, but we played with each other, like, we ran around, and just had a really good time, but then she had to leave, so I met her, I think, the night before she left, or the day before she left.

She'd been there a week. This was in Yarmouth, or somewhere like that, Lowestoft, and I remember her name, and you might think, well, how on earth would you remember the name of a little girl you met when you were eight years old? You met her once, well, you know, spent a few hours together, but you met her, and you never saw her again. How would you remember her name?

Should I tell you how? I wrote a song about her called Mandy.

See, there's method in my, my whatever. So it's, I've talked about this before, but probably not for years, but the song goes, Mandy baby, listen to me. Mandy baby, I want you to see.

Mandy dear, I want you to hear. I don't want a single tear. I love you baby, Mandy I do.

I just want to know if you love me too, or I want to know if you love me too. Just say something, I want to know. Just say something like, hello, oh Mandy, I love you.

See, I was eight years old. That's not bad for an eight year old, is it? Now, you know, I continued writing songs for years and years and years after that. I wanted to be a singer.

I really did. And I fell in love with a girl called Sarah when I was about 14. And she was probably 13, maybe 12, 13, 14.

I don't know. But she was, yeah, she was younger, but she was older, and you know, in certain ways. And I was still a kid.

I was, I was just, I looked about seven, I think back then. Anyway, I wrote a song and this just shows you, you know, let's say 10,000 hours can cause you to, it can also create almost expertise in something. Now, I don't know if I'd reach 10,000 hours between the ages of eight and 14.

But I've probably got a few, few hours in, you know. So you can tell by the sophistication and the, the more, I don't know what the right word is, the more creativity involved in the production of the song I wrote about Sarah. It's just called Sarah.

So I've always kind of, I've been quite into minimalism when it came to songs, apart from the eight hour annoying song that I wrote. That's what I called it back in 1999 or 2000, something like that. So I've been writing songs for, from the ages of eight all the way up to the ages of 30.

A few gaps, admittedly, but, you know, it's, I kind of wish I'd stuck at it from the ages of eight all the way through that period and maybe pursued that because there was a time when I was a fairly good singer, I think, and other people might have agreed with me if I'd asked them. I don't know. So anyway, so the Sarah, I'll give you a little, I won't sing it to you, but I'll give you the lyrics.

I remember these, I'm trying to think if I remember the lyrics for this one. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. So this is one I did in about 1984 when I was 14, 13, 14.

Sarah, baby, listen to me. Sarah, baby, I want you to see. Sarah, dear, I want you to hear.

I don't want a single tear. I love you, Sarah. Sarah, I do.

I just want to know if you love me too. Just say something like, I want to know. Just say something like, hello.

Oh, Sarah, I love you. So, you know, I'd clearly grown as a songwriter by that time. And I wrote a few songs about her, actually.

I really fell for her. She was not the first girl I fell in love with, because I was falling in love a lot. When I was little, when I was young, but she definitely was the first, she's kind of, I think she was the first person I fell in love with who I really fancied.

Before I was falling in love with girls, because I just felt emotions for them. And I, and I liked them. And I wanted to be with them, play with them.

And, you know, like as a kid, you know, running around and dancing and just being a little kid, so that I'd fall in love with girls like that. But Sarah was the first one that I, not the first, but the first real love, unrequited, I must add, but she did tell me to go away. So I, so I had to in the end.

But I was sending her flowers and balloons and cards, it was a little bit over the top. But I thought, you know, when you're a kid, you watch movies and stuff, it's like all this romance and oh, cool. But actually, in real life, maybe not so much.

But I didn't know that. So that's why I never send flowers. Oh, wait a minute.

No, no, do you know what the real song was? I did a different song for Sarah as well. Dear Sarah, dear Sarah, how do you do? Don't you miss me the way I'm missing you? She didn't miss me, she didn't want to like me. I don't think she even knew I existed.

Anyway, dear Sarah, how do you do? Dear Sarah, how do you do? Hope you're missing me the way I'm missing you. Do you think about me? Do you think about me? Oh, wait a minute. Dear, I have to sing it, please.

I'll do it very quietly. Dear Sarah, how do you do? Hope you're missing me the way I'm missing you. Do you think about me in your dreams? Yeah, do you think about me in your dreams? Do you think about me in your dreams? Dear Sarah, how do you do? Hope you're missing me the way I'm missing you.

Do you think about me in your dreams? If you do, think about what it means. Not always what it seems. Yeah, that's it.

Feelings are not always shown during the day, but when you go to sleep, all your worries drift away. That's deep, isn't it? And then your feelings start to arise, showing something that you didn't realise. Then the chorus.

I love you. I love you. There's nothing that I can do.

There's something that you do for me. Can't you see? Or something you do to me. Can't you see? E, E, E, E, E. This feeling's uncontrollable.

I'm going out of my mind. There's nothing that I can do. I'm so in love with you.

Sarah, I love you. I was going through a bit of a Buddy Holly phase at the time. So there's a lot of E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E,

E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E So I wrote a song and it's called what was her name I miss you it's called I miss you because I missed her and it's I still got it actually I still got it on tape it's a very very crackly and bad copy now because it's very old from 1996 so how many years is that 17 years no 27 years blimey and it went I miss the way I miss the way oh Vinnie

shut up I'm trying to sing I miss the way that you held me tight and cuddled up to me at night I miss the I wish you'd come back to me we should be part of my world I miss you endlessly doo-doo-doo-doo to be my girl I'll be the best that I can be showing you anyway it's like something like that and I played it to her and I took it around her house she was a student nurse so I took it to her room in the where she lived and

she just like it was it was kind of like I just said to her you know I've just won the lottery and here is a gift and I just bet I would farted it's that was kind of expression I got from her like it was just what what what what so that wasn't a huge success I did get back together with her but yeah I wasn't too pleased because it took many hours to record that and my uncle did the music the guitar and everything and we started from scratch with

just me needing to get back together with my girlfriend so I went back to the drawing board I mean we did get back together but I thought hmm I'll write you another song now and this one went I wrote you a song that's what it's called I wrote you a song and it was I have uploaded these before somewhere maybe you've heard them maybe you haven't maybe I'll let you hear them again it's very very bad quality but doesn't sound like me and I wrote you a song it took quite

a long time I played it to you and all you did was look out of the window inside it took a long time to write this effing thing but you did and you just didn't care at all why did I bother why did I try why'd I even take the time why did I bother why did I try to try and write this song for you because it didn't even change your mind or something I can't remember the words so I write that it wasn't quite as a success as I

thought it might be and then I wrote another one and I forget how that one went I wonder I wonder wonder why that's the best one ever did I did I did four during that period and I think they were all good to me I liked them but then I was a bit biased I guess because I'm the one that wrote them but the way I wrote them is by my uncle and me cousin they would play chords and they would just play around on a keyboard or the guitar and

I would just start singing and then almost like the there'd be a synchronicity happen and then that would be the start and go from there but that one was I wrote you a song it took quite a long time I've already done that one oh yeah why why why I wonder I wonder wonder why did you have to leave and take your and take my heart away from me how did you try and so that was that and then of course do-do-do-do-do someday I'll get over you do-do-do-do I don't know

that's not very good example of the song but it was quite good I like that one that's really my favorite one the original of the I wrote you a song the one that I originally sung went you know off the top of my head that was better than the the the final cut as it were because there was a lot of emotion in that one I wasn't crying or anything but just like it takes a long time wasn't like that but you know also in 1986 96 I did a Beatles

song this is before I did my own songs with my cousin my uncle we did a Beatles song ticket to ride and we did the simply read if you don't know me by now if you don't know me by now you'll never ever ever know me that one and they were pretty cool so I did a few songs back then the weird thing about is even though I played during my school years I played the bugle I learned to play the bugle I learned to play the drum I mean yeah

in that context I learned to play the drum I was by no means a drummer but I could play that drum and then I played the violin of course earlier on of course obviously obviously in case you didn't know and then I played the glocking spill with the Sea Cadets as well no idea what I was doing but hey I just wanted to learn to play something I couldn't spell I mean the original idea was the drum someone did say why don't you try drum which is a bit rude that's

my dad but I learned how to spell that and it's like bum but with an R I did buy guitars I bought a guitar because I wanted to be I wanted to be a singer I was about 14 13 14 I bought a guitar off of the catalogue and it was a bass guitar I didn't realize guitars are supposed to have six strings not four so I ended up with a bass guitar electric bass what use is that to me I mean that was as useful to me as a packet

of condoms I mean it was just no there's a pointless really so I just left it together dust I think I must have sold it or gave it away to someone I have had a few electric guitars over the years a few acoustic guitars and the only time I really kind of made any kind of Hedgway is that right term Hedgway is with the acoustic guitar in 1997 90 late 96 97 bought an acoustic I was living with my friend and it was a really good acoustic there wasn't expensive but

it was above average cost if you know I mean so I probably spent I don't know 250 pound or something which is a fair bit of money back then but I just wanted to get it I once I realized that I wasn't gonna spend much time practicing on an instrument that didn't sound very good even when I played it correctly you know something that was just tinny and plastic and yeah so I purchased a decent acoustic guitar it still sounded rubbish because I wasn't playing it correctly but at least it

sounded less rubbish than the other one did and then I did start to manage to play the notes correctly and I but the thing is my friend used he really got upset with me because all he kept hearing was do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- you know me at all if you listen to my recordings you know the last thing I'd want to do is upset anyone with a musical instrument that's the last thing I would ever do so I've got myself an electric guitar with an amplifier that was very loud and I played that

instead so yeah we kind of fell out for some reason didn't want to live with me after that strange in it but I'm not quite sure what the point of this conversation was I just I used to used to write songs that was it that was that was I think I've stayed on track with this recording I stayed on track started off talking about songs and I finished talking about songs maybe I didn't anyway I'm gonna go now thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy be gentle with yourself lots of love bye for me and Vinnie