#1025 CRABS - Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland. Hello and this.

Yeah, that's it really. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes eyes. So yeah, it is Friday the something or other date I don't know 2028 27th 28th something like that of Julie 2002 three.

It's just before 6pm. Still light outside, which is normal for this time of the year. But it's kind of a bit not light like inside.

You couldn't really read a book in the light as it is you'd need to have a light on what I would need to have a light on. I mean, you might have night vision. I don't know.

Yeah, you might. You might be a cat. I don't know.

Or a bear. So that I'm, I'm human. So I, I can't see in the dark.

I can. I can see to the extent of you know, you know, when you wake up in the middle of the night and your eyes become accustomed and then you kind of see see your way around a bit. I still wouldn't try and read a book like that.

You know, it's like, oh, I can see that. Oh, I think I'll have a little read. Should I turn the light on? No, don't need a light on my my eyes are adjusting.

I'll be fine. No. He's now having a little lick drink.

Oh, Vinnie. I was giving him a giving him a bone. I just give him one of those bony things.

And he's hopefully fingers crossed and all that going to be nice and beautifully perfectly quiet ish for the duration of this here podcast. That's the dream. That's the dream that he will be slightly peaceful and not needing or requiring my personal attention.

But we will see. We shall see. So it is my I don't know me pretty fifth, fifth day, sixth day, fifth day.

I've not watched the news. I'm getting withdrawal symptoms a little bit. Because I'm used to seeing the news multiple times a day.

And I have purpose Lee avoided watching the news, which involves not watching any television. With Okay, not all channels have the news on. But it there's a lot of the kind of the programs that I watch are usually current affairs programs.

So they talk about what's current, you know, topic topical program, topical, topical topics. Yeah. So I've not watched any of them this week.

I'm a little bit clueless to what's going on. I've not watched any television. All I've done is like television programs.

Not even Benny Hill. I like a little bit of Benny Hill in the evening sometimes if it's on. He was very funny.

Benny Hill is I think he's Benny Hill is one of those people that while I think you'll be more appreciated in the future. I think like maybe a younger audience, maybe even no one that's alive now, maybe someone in the future. They'll come across his tapes, you know, watch the TV shows.

And I realized what a genius that man was. Because it's not just about scanty clad women running around. And generally, it was making fun of himself anyway.

Because, you know, there was that whole he'd be running after the women and then they'd be running after him. It was just silly, you know, slapstick. But I would I would say that for physical comedy, he's up there one of the greatest of all time.

Some would say Chaplin. Some would say I guess Jim Carrey even or whatever. Lolan Hardy.

I used to love Harold Lloyd. I did. He was one of my favorite ever.

I wasn't big into Charlie Chaplin. Because it was I mean, not only was it way, way before my time, as was Harold Lloyd, but it kind of stayed at its time. It, the stuff that Harold Lloyd made, almost was timeless.

You know, even though it's black and white, and a lot of them were silent, and it was like, obviously old buildings, and he was doing stuff in New York and different places like that. That's part guesswork, by the way. But I don't know how it just seemed more up to date, something I could relate a little bit more to him.

Charlie Chaplin. Clearly brilliant, brilliant, brilliant and what he did and he earned. You know, he was lauded at the time, wasn't he? Everyone loved him.

Highest, highest paid most successful Hollywood actor at the time. Who else was there? Harold Lloyd, Buster Keaton. And I really liked Harold Lloyd.

There was another one, but I forget what his name was. Similar one of those kind of periods, you know, the 1920s or 1930s. And I think what's amazing is Lauren Hardy.

They started off in silent movies. And then make a bit more noise, please, Vinnie. Thank you.

Good, good, brilliant. Cheers. The yeah, Lauren Hardy, they started off, I think, in silent movies.

And then it sounds weird to say talkies came in, but talk, you know, movies with audio of voices, talkies came in. And they had such perfect voices for it. Which was it was, I think I remember seeing documentary.

And this is some of the biggest silent movie stars. When when they turn into talkies, and once once the talkie movies came, everyone wanted to watch those. They didn't want to sort of stay with the silent movies anymore.

And I mean, for me, the only time to listen to a silent movie is when there's other people in the office, and they can't see what I'm watching on the computer, you know, it's like, then that's just turn the volume down. But that would be a good time, you know, if you say you, you decide you want to watch a Lauren Hardy movie, you know, on YouTube, then, but they did have music, didn't they?

They did have music. But they had such good voices.

Like Lauren Hardy. Brilliant, brilliant voices. They I love them.

I love them both. They're very, very brilliant. Even now, they're still funny.

Even now, it's just, it's timeless. That's my word of the day. Timeless.

I'm hoping to fit in the word crabs at some point as well. So they're very timeless and trying to think of whatever WC Fields, although a huge star in America, I don't think he was ever that famous in this country. But then I wasn't kind of alive at the time.

So maybe he was. But I don't remember really seeing WC Fields on the TV. And when I was growing up, yeah, because I was born in 1912.

And I was born in 1970. They were showing, well, I remember in the late 70s, very late 70s, like they say 79. And early 80s, Star Trek was still being shown on television.

You know, Captain Kirk TV show. Even though it was from the 60s. It was still on in the evenings, I think, I think BBC two, because that was before Channel four came along.

So we had three channels, BBC one, BBC two, and BBC three, no, ITV. Now it's BBC one, BBC two and ITV one. Because there's, there's different ITVs.

It's just, was it independent television reviewing? I'm not sure what it stands for. I'm not sure. I just remember the, they used to have Star Trek on.

I loved it. I loved Star Trek. Even now, it's however weird it is to say, because I absolutely love the next generation.

You know, the 1990s Star Trek. Brilliant. Everything's about it.

It's just brilliant. And I even love a Star Trek. So it's been so many, isn't it? I used to watch Deep Space Nine.

I used to watch Voyager. A lot of people used to watch Voyager. A lot of non Star Trek fans used to watch Voyager.

A lot of people used to watch it with the volume down. But that's enough of that. It used to be a thing.

What are you doing tonight? I'm watching Voyager. I'm a Star Trek fan. Nope.

Okay. Do you know what the soundtrack, you know, the theme music for Star Trek Voyager is? Nope. Never heard it.

Oh, okay. Do you know what any of the characters names are? Yep. One.

Okay. Do you know what that character sounds like? Nope. But why are you watching it for then? Well, you need to perhaps search it out and find out for yourself.

If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you. But surely you'd watch it because you're a Star Trek fan. Nope.

Okay, fair enough. Never did find out why but apparently it was very popular. Talking of crabs.

Talking of crabs, that that wasn't a good segue, was it? I will fit crabs in at some point. I suppose that mind you, I can't say talking to crabs because then I've already spoken about crabs. So I won't need to ingest or inject or interject or introduce crabs into the conversation when I've already been talking about crabs.

Technically, I've just done it by talking about crabs about how I want to talk about crabs. But I'm not sure if that's really, I'm not sure if that would pass the test, as it were. Hmm, I'm thinking maybe not.

It seems almost like cheating. Cheating the crab test. You don't want to fail the crab test.

If you get tested for crabs, you don't want to fail. Mind you, you don't want to be positive if you do. Oh, blimey, what's the correct? You want to be negative.

Yeah, I suppose you do want to fail. So, trying to think what other TV shows. You know what my favourite television show of all time? One of them is from, I think it was the early 80s.

I get a little bit muddled up between the very, very late 70s and the very early 80s. Because there was a particular time in my life between the ages of seven and eight and a half, maybe even nine, when I, we almost had a like a perfect life. It was a good, it was a good time.

It was generally, it was a good period in my life. And we moved, I moved to this house, I basically moved to this little town where my dad was living with his new wife. So we moved there.

Me and my two brothers. And we lived in this house with his new wife's mother. We lived there for a while.

And then we moved out. And we moved into a council house. And it was a three bedroom.

But to be fair, one of the rooms was a box room. Wasn't it? It was a real room. It was just a box with a little door.

It was an actual room. But I mean, you could I mean, yeah, you could. It was big enough to live in.

But not really, you know, if you if you had as a bedroom, that's all it could be is a bedroom. You wouldn't necessarily want to spend time in there. It might be a safe place to fart, but it's not, you wouldn't necessarily want to go, maybe pray.

But it's not, you know, so I'm not not saying praying and fighting are the same thing, but there's no reason why you can't do both at the same time. That's, that's what I'm, that's not really what I'm saying. And I wonder if, if, if crabs pray and fight at the same time.

No, that's probably not a good way of bringing crabs in either, is it? So I, I slept in a little room, because I was little, I didn't really, to me it wasn't a little room. And I slept in there and my two brothers slept in bunk beds in the other room, and then parents in the other room. So it was all fine.

And we had a little garden. So the, there was no like, help dig the garden, any of that crap that came later in life. It's just not really any point.

Plus, it was a brand new house, and the foundations were still settling. But the garden was almost like swamp, quicksand. You know, I was up to my, up to my waist in mud.

Because it hadn't settled, it took quite a few months to settle. And some of my happiest childhood memories occurred when I was living there. I don't remember much about living in the other house, before moving there, because we weren't there for long.

I know it was a happy time. I don't, just don't remember, just don't remember it really very much, very well. I'm not like, got a huge memory of living in the other house, the one that I'm talking about, where I had my own room.

And it was the first time I'd had my own room, I think, ever, in my life. So I was seven and a half, maybe, getting on to eight, seven and a half. And it was the first, yeah, seven and a half.

And it was the first time I ever had my own room. And it was brilliant. I say brilliant, it was all right.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I even realised that it was the first time I'd had my own room. I don't know if I really cared about stuff like that. To be honest, I don't, I'm not sure.

Plus, I didn't know how long it was going to last, if we were going to move on somewhere else, I just didn't know. So it was all right. I liked that house.

My nan took over it, took over it. She ended up living, she lived there when we moved out, her and my granddad. So it stayed in the family for a long time.

Many, many years, all the way until about, I don't know, 2010, something like that. So maybe, maybe earlier, but it's in there, in the family for a long time. From, you think about 1977, 87, 97, 2007, at least 30 years.

I would say. And that period was really nice. And maybe it's a weird sentence, you know, it was a really nice period.

But it was, it was, I was young. And for the first time, I was starting to get settled a bit. Although we moved and then all my, I lost all my friends again, so I wasn't so good.

But I had a bunch of friends that I used to play with. And like, because, because the estate was new, everybody was kind of new. So I got to know the local boys.

There was a kid called Ian, Ian was my best friend. And he had his birthday the exact same day as mine, on the exact same date. So he was born exactly the same day as me, same age.

And then about 123, three doors up was Andrew. And he was my other friend. So they were kind of my two of my best friends in the road.

And then next door was Robbie and Amber, I don't remember their names. Robbie was, he was more my brother's age. So he was older than me.

And Amber was younger than me, probably by a couple of years. And we we used to go to next door and hang out with them. And their parents were lovely, really lovely.

And mom was a nurse, I think. I don't know what the father did. But he was also lovely.

The whole family was really, really nice. And I saw them years later, and they're still nice. They're just nice people.

And I've got this memory, and I don't know why. I don't know why. But I've got this memory, and I was next door.

It was a Saturday. I don't know if it was the afternoon, or it's the morning. But I think it involved needing something to eat.

And it was getting time for food. And I think my mom or my brother might come around and said, dinner time, lunchtime. And because we were watching, I was watching Doctor Who, but it was the movie with Peter Cushion.

I think it's called Doctor Who and the Daleks. So it's Peter Cushion played the doctor. And I was watching that.

And then we got called to go to dinner and got home. And here's me thinking, I remember, I think Amber might have said, oh, what are you having for dinner? And I said, crab. We're having crabs.

I didn't, that wouldn't, doesn't be fit either, does it? I don't think many, I don't think many seven year olds would get excited about eating crab. It's not really a Saturday lunchtime snack, is it? For the average person, I guess. And we were particularly average.

We were, I don't know, we were on a council estate. I don't know, lower class. I don't, I'm not really into the class system.

I don't really class myself. I know I'm not upper class. I know that.

And I know I'm not middle class. But I'm not a big fan of the term lower class, just the term. It's the, it's just a word.

There's two words. And one of those words just doesn't really fit, fit with me, doesn't, you know, just the word class. I just, no, I mean, sorry, the word lower.

I don't really like to think because it's almost like I'm lower than someone. And because I'm short, I've always been lower height wise to most people, most women, most children even come like three foot five. And but it's a lower has always been a thing.

The fact that I can, you know, those, you know, when you go into a car park, or toll booths, and those big things that go across and then they, they raise them up and lower them, you know, for the cars to get through. I can still walk straight through. I don't even know they're there.

I don't see them, because I just walk through under them without seeing them. It's not bad. I mean, it's good because remember, I've got squeaky doors.

And I remember my neighbors saying, you know, I just don't hear your doors squeaking at night time. And, you know, we've all got squeaky doors. It is the squeaky door mentioned we all live in.

It's known for the squeaky doors where I live. It's famous worldwide for the squeaky doors. And the huge crabs that live in the local forest.

Okay, maybe that's okay. I'll edit that out. I'll find a way to introduce crabs somehow.

So I yeah, I said, yeah, squeaky doors. So I just hold it in. I don't go to the toilet.

I went, I went to the morning or just, I didn't, I was a little bit embarrassed. I did tell him I just walk under the door, the gaps big enough for me just to walk under. So I didn't, I didn't want to embarrass myself.

So I said, I just stood in the bed. I just go to the toilet in the bed if I need to stick my bum out the window. So I didn't want to embarrass myself.

And the idea that I could just walk under a door because I was so short. No, I've got to be aware of crabs. How can I include crabs? But that was a really, I have fond memories of that.

And I remember it was Christmas that that house, it was Christmas. And it was around December, middle of December time. And this very, very excited parent, not positively excited, knocked on our door.

We were just having a dinner, knocked on our door. We'd only just come in from playing outside, me and my two brothers. So he knocked on the door, this bloke.

And he had a little kid with him. And he was holding a bicycle, which had a tree like poking through the spokes of the bike. And he said, one of your kids chucked this tree at my at my son's bike while he was riding it.

And it went through the spikes and knocked him off his bike. So my dad said, which one of you was it? First of all, it wasn't like my kids wouldn't do that. He just, he just like, it came out of acceptance that one of us did it straight away.

So of course they did. Which one of you was it? Was it you? Was it you? Jason, was it you? Jason, where are you? He realised I was hiding under under the table. But I wasn't hiding, I was just standing.

I didn't realise because you know, I'd heard it's a good place to be if there's an earthquake and I just I'd just seen the movie Earthquake recently. It was a big movie called Earthquake in the 70s. And whenever I could, I'd just stand under a table.

It's just a thing I did. No, don't judge me. But anyway, the kid had hurt his leg and then the father said, look at my kid, look at the way he's walking.

He's walking like a crab. He's walking sideways. Imagine applause, like all this applause coming down and fireworks going off.

That was pretty good, wasn't it? He was walking sideways like that. No. No.

Okay. Oh, come on, give me something. I it fitted in with the story.

Okay, you might say yeah, but you mentioned the word crab too many times. So it kind of took the sting out of it. It kind of took the almost took the you suck the jam out of the doughnut before giving me the doughnut.

That's an analogy, isn't it? You'd you scrape the cream out of the eclair. You know, the cream, chocolate cream eclair isn't the same without the cream. The doughnuts not the same without the jam.

Oh, by the way, I wanted to also introduce the word jam as well. I forgot that. So yeah, well, good, good to me.

Good for me. I've done type both the words. That's what I should have done to start with just said something and then just pretended that that was the word I wanted to say.

So instead of telling you at the beginning, a word that I wanted to try and incorporate randomly into the episode. I could just tell you when I'd said it's like that was the word. But would that work? Would you believe me though? I like to think that I'm I come across as quite trustworthy, but I'm not sure if everyone believes everything I say.

I'm not sure. So we're standing there, it's a bit cold, to be honest. I mean, I was, I thought, well, you know, as far as I was concerned, it's cold, but I wasn't bothered because I knew that I was safe if there was an earthquake.

Because I was under the table. I'm sticking to this three foot five and I and I we yeah, so my dad was like, Who is it? Who was it? Was it you? Because all my three, I've got three brothers, but the other one wasn't born yet. And the oldest one, he wasn't born yet.

But he's four years older than me, but he was a late developer. Anyway, he said, Was it you? And they looked at my brother. He's two years older than me.

Was it you? Then he looked for me. Was it you? The thing is, it was quite difficult. Unless he looked at us for us to know who he was talking to.

Because the whole time that he's been my dad. You know, since the age of seven. He's called me son.

I don't think he's ever called me Jason. He's called me son. And to be fair, I don't call him Gertrude.

I call him dad. But his name's not Gertrude. But his name's not daddy, is it? You know, I call him dad, or daddykins, or papa, or dar.

I love my dar. I call him dad. Don't call him by his name.

Well, I wouldn't dare. I wouldn't dare that for me in a very jammy situation. And I was over there at the front door.

Back to the story. We're at the front door. So this man, he's got a hat on.

It's not relevant to the story. Really. He's just got a hat on.

I don't know why he's got the hat on. I don't know why he's got the hat on. I don't know why he's got why he's got the hat on.

I don't know why he's got the hat on. I don't know why he's got the hat on. the hat on.

I don't know why he's got the hat on. I don't know why he's got the hat on. I don't know why he's got the hat on.

I don't know why he's got the hat on. I don't know why he's got the hat on. Which one was it? I don't know but his face was covered in jam.

Now see it doesn't work does it? I try and add jam in, even if you don't know. See even if you didn't know I was trying to do it it just wouldn't work would it?

Just by adding it in randomly. unless I gave myself like a contest at the start and saying okay here are the ten words I'm going to try to incorporate into the recording at some point but in a way if I just said here are the ten words that I'm going to incorporate into this recording so marmite, caviar, bottle, hairpiece, yogurt pubes, tweezers, lice cream not ice cream don't get muddled up between them two lice cream and ice cream the very two things it's two different things very two things I can't

even put that's not even a sentence but I struggled with that they're very two things you know them two things are very two things very different and then I'm a swastika and wallpaper just as I probably wouldn't want to add that into a positive podcast like this because it's not really what I'm about and even as a joke I couldn't do that I mean besides I'm pretty sure I'd have quite a few people complaining you know big question marks I can't believe he mentioned wallpaper I can't believe it wallpaper of

all things a man's got no class so yeah just so I said oh that's the ten things I'm going to try and incorporate into the recording but then by saying that I've already incorporated it so it's kind of a done deal ish do you know I mean no you know what I mean don't tease me don't tease me with that that question mark on your forehead come on you know you know what you know what's going on come on yeah man I tell you what is quite nice and you might

think I'm just trying to incorporate and I'm not this is a genuine thing now you might not know what did I say jam you might not know what jam is do you know what jam is if you if you're from England you would know what jam is but you might call it jelly if you're in America or other countries Wow it's basically is it fermented fruit so I think the way you make it because I used to live in this house with this landlord landlady well it was landlord and a

landlady but it wasn't the same person it's the landlady was a different person and she used to she used to do many things but she used to this is beyond boring I can't even say the words about just realizing that this is the most boring podcast honestly that you could ever listen to because not only is it boring it's also true it's it's also has this this real stuff that I'm telling you about Wow it just goes back to something I was thinking before someone said you know so well if

you could live your life again would you like no now once was enough cheers thanks but you can go back you can go back and relive your life again you'll be alive now you're okay you were right once was enough honestly I don't need to go back I did it I lived it I'd like to move on thank you very much but you get a chance to have another 80 years because well 90 because I'm gonna be 90 or 100 you know you get another 90 years of living like nah

nope you can keep that time off this is fine I remember my Nan she'd really just even when she was healthy and she was in her 80s I'd go around and I said you're right she'd look at me with a very very distressed look I said you okay what's wrong she said I woke up again it's like blimey it's she wasn't even like in a low mood it was just like why did I have to wake up Nan if you didn't wake up who's gonna make my tea who's gonna make

my cheese and pickle sandwiches who's gonna get the biscuit tin from off the top of the the cabinet and balance on the stool that wobbles who's gonna do that I'm not gonna do it's dangerous that's your job she did she did used to do that I to be honest I used to try and stop her she did it's amazing some of the things like didn't didn't see any danger anywhere like yep it's under once and she was putting the shot up she took the she used to have this clothesline which

went from the house it was like just outside the kitchen on the wall it was like a I don't know it was attached anyway some screw or thing and it went all the way down to the end of the garden which was I think on the fence and she used to put a washing there but because it was quite low she's had this stand this big wooden pole which she used to push the line up once you put the washing on she then pushed the line up in the middle and

it's catch the wind and it'd be well above all the fences so I guess it would catch yeah it was really good I'm the once I saw her and she was like where's the stick I said what so I was just in the kitchen looking for money and said where's grandson because he's another one wouldn't say my name grandson where's where's the stick I said what stick the laundry stick it didn't need to be a little bit more precise the laundry stick she had a she had a word for it

but I can't remember what it was and I forget what but anyway it was really it was about 12 foot long and sounds like a real brag there doesn't it yeah it's 12 foot long and she she's looking for oh I realize what she was looking for because what I looked out about five minutes later I saw her with it in her hand like the big stick so I'm thinking oh she's putting the washing out so I just get up to I put the dish in the in the in the

sink I'm not gonna wash the dish up obviously because that's for her to do but you know I'm happy to make the dishes dirty by eating food that was I'm a terrible grandson and but she enjoyed she enjoyed it no I probably didn't I don't think anyone enjoys washing up today but I was very lazy unlike now yeah so and I looked over there and she's she's doing a balancing act on the washing line like tightrope act walking from one side to the other using the big stick to balance herself

but the stick was so long that when she went to fall over one side she just pushed the stick and pushed it against the ground and pushed herself back so it gave her an advantage in the way she was walking reminded me of a bit of a like a crab no that's not what point is I'll give the crab up I'll give the crabs up but yeah it's like wow no day no sense of danger just like it I had a friend like that we was someone I lived with back

in about 2006 and we went away I don't know where we went we was going somewhere or coming back from somewhere on the coast and we're just having a walk went to some tea rooms had a cup of tea in the scone and we're walking on these cliffs and it's a huge sign but first of all he's saying I thought my I like to go for a swim and me and the lady that was there said no you can't go for a swim it's a big sign saying don't go near

the cliffs danger because the cliffs were crumbling like don't go past this line so we turned to him and said you and you've got it wasn't there we looked down it was actually on the beach running into the sea how I don't know how he must have transported either that or I mean it was quite a long sign maybe it just took me quite maybe it took me too long to read it maybe that's what it was but it seemed almost like he was there and then he wasn't and it's

weird like he's there and suddenly oh don't go near the cliff you shouldn't get there and he's there you can see he's running it's like a little ant actually it was an ant that wasn't him no but he was on the beach as well that was an ant on some grass I remember that and made me laugh he was on the beach running in and I heard him scream I thought oh no and he just basically the water was too cold and he ran back up but he didn't he was

like he was running up the cliff like I've never seen anyone just run up a cliff no no sense of being human even he just ran up it was easy and he didn't look fit but he was fit like really fit and he didn't look it but he was and I realized I just said the same thing twice but he was really fit and he didn't he didn't look to be able to run down a cliff into the sea scream he screamed it was a bit of a shock to the

system I think and and then because we don't have warm water generally around the the coast of the UK of England Britain Commonwealth whatever is we wherever I live this is we don't really have warm water it's warmer than it used to be but it's still pretty cold so I've heard I don't go in I'm not I don't partake in the sea you know I I appreciate it's there I respect it but I don't that's why I don't go into the sea first of all I don't I don't swim so

I wouldn't be getting into the sea properly the most I would do is put my feet in the into the sea just like paddle and that seems a bit disrespectful to the ocean to put my smelly feet in there it's like just a bit wrong imagine if you're having a bath and I just stepped into your bath and then stepped out again well that was nice and just walked off you it wouldn't be nice you wouldn't like oh oh no it's like it's and you didn't look and watch the clean

water turning black and oily and sooty and bubbling from the dirt from my bubbling from the dirt from my feet like an oil spill it was like yeah that's that's what my feet produces when I put water on it my feet are pretty much like gremlins you can't put water on them but instead of like little gremlins popping up out and they just smell really bad really and water they're allergic to water actually yeah I think the gremlin is not a great analogy and don't worry I'm not going to go

towards crabs either a good analogy would be a vampire and holy water that's the kind of effect is the holy water would scream though so it's like the vampire would scream normally if they get holy water on them if holy water lands on my feet the water screams so yeah it's just slightly different what about the bike what happened with the bike and the spokes and the tree and the spokes and the angry the angry neighbor with a hat okay right so he my dad said well we all said no

wasn't us wasn't me it wasn't me we said it wasn't us and I and the neighbor said well it's one of them and my dad said how can you prove it's one of them how can you prove and the bloke handed him four little presents little present little little small little presents and he said and he basically each one of them had a name one was my mom's name one was my oldest brother's name on it one had my just above me brother's name and one had my name no actually

one had my dad's name I didn't have one I didn't didn't what is that that's weird anyway so they had just little presents you know just little square boxes with their names on and my dad said well what was that got to do with anything and what does that prove that it was one of my kids chucked it through did that and then the bloke handed my dad some tinsel and the bloke said to my dad it's your Christmas tree isn't it it's your Christmas tree that your son chucked through

my my my son's wheel and my dad said hmm and my dad and the bloke said have you got anything to say for yourself and my dad said yeah well first of all I'd like to apologize to everyone listening because that was a really quite crap ending to a potentially good story wasn't really the ending that we were hoping for and I piped up from under the table yeah it could have been delivered a bit more a bit more concisely my older oldest brother said yeah I think it went on

too long and then my other middle brother said well I think that maybe we could do a different story again next time because he was French and then the curtain came down and we all did a bow it was it was brilliant so so thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love bye crabs