#1002 Remembering holding hands Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (7th May 2023)

Hello and welcome, welcome, sorry Vinnie's making me laugh, welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name's Jason Newland, this uh my website's jasonnewland.com. Yeah only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Yes, ah blimey.

So I decided to sit at my desk to to record this and I've given Vinnie a bone, one of those little bone things to chew on. But I didn't give it to him, I put it in my pocket, my pocket and I thought I'll set up the recording thing or get all that set up and then I'll give it to him so that hopefully it will last him for the duration of the recording.

So I sit down, set up over everything and when I finish I go to give him the bone and it's gone.

He's actually stolen it from my pocket and then he starts chasing, I go to pick it up and he starts grabbing it and chasing, you know basically wanting me to chase him. Just, he's a little thief, he's a little thief. So hello, I hope you are well.

Blimey, I didn't realise how tired I was. I just had a little nap listening to the Bee Gees. It's Sunday the 17th, no Sunday the 7th of May 2023.

Hello, how are you? Before I start, I did get a message. Oh wow, I hope I don't yawn all the way through this because I was going to say that would be unprofessional but when have I ever been professional? I did get a message. When did I get a message? Oh brilliant, now I've got a guess.

Great. Right, I'm not sure if I can read this out or not. So, this is from Q. I did see Quillen.

Yeah, I read out the, this is a contact form, so I read out a message. The message is yes, you pronounced it right, so pronounce your name right. I'm from, so I don't know if I should read that out because it's saying where you're from.

Okay, I won't read it out, but thank you for the message. It's very good. Nice message.

Thank you. I'll read some of it out. I won't read that bit where you say where you're from.

Oh wow. So, I've actually had people in the past complain that I yawned, but I don't like it when you yawn. I know this is a sleep recording, but do you have to yawn? I'm surprised people haven't complained that I talk.

I know it's a podcast, but do you have to talk? I don't like it when you whisper on that whisper recording. Do you have to talk about sleeping? Why are you so boring on that boring podcast? You're too boring. Blimey.

Okay, here we go. 2020 was the start of my insomnia. Two or three days and no sleep.

Lack of sleep is not good for your body and your brain, which is true. It's the way your body heals and recharges. I, for lack of a better analogy, was a drained battery.

I was on so many different medications for sleep and I was getting really frustrated. I threw them all away and sought self-help via meditation. Was working fine, but not enough until I stumbled upon or stumbled on your podcast.

Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I have been ever so grateful for your voice. Thank you.

I have also found you on YouTube and Facebook. Not a stalker, I promise. I'm scared.

I just wanted more information on the topic of hypnotherapy. I see your website and all the subjects you have covered and plan to make use of it. Quick question for your subscribers.

Do you have additional podcasts or any other content for them? Serious interest. I kind of do. Not like extra special stuff, but I have some old recordings.

Many, many years worth, in fact, that I took off of the internet and I took it off my podcasts. So all the stuff I did between 2006 and five years ago, whatever that is. 2008.

Yes, I've got about 12 years worth of recordings on a hard drive. Part of the reason why I took them off. Well, the main reason because of the quality, not the quality of the content, but the sound quality.

See, it's reversed now. The sound quality is better, but the content's worse. Back then, the content was pretty good, but the sound quality was worse.

Honestly, it was like I was talking in a cave covered in cling film and sponge pudding or mouth or something. It really didn't sound so good. But now I'm looking at some of the technology that's available.

I don't know what that's funny. Some of the technology that's available, but I can clean up the sound. So I might revisit some of those older recordings, clean them up, make them sound clearer, take away the background sound and whatever, maybe add some music and perhaps release those.

Because people used to listen to them, believe it or not. It's hard to believe maybe, but there was a time when I was quite popular in 2000, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, maybe as well. So up to about 2013, I was doing a lot of recordings, making a lot of videos.

Well over a thousand videos I did, which are not available online. Although actually, not totally true. There's a few on YouTube, but they're not on my YouTube channel.

Other people have copied them and put them onto their YouTube channels. But I stopped doing YouTube in, I think it was 2014, 2013, 2014, one of them. Probably 2014 actually, thinking about it, because I had a job in 2013 and I did have the YouTube channel then.

So probably 2014, I got rid of the YouTube channel that I had, that I'd had since 2007. And I had a following, you know, it wasn't a huge subscriber base, but a few thousand, and it was growing, you know. And I also had the podcasts.

So when I said I was popular, I don't mean popular, popular, but some people really seemed to like what I was doing. Five people liked what I was doing. Those five people were very, very interested.

I had a lady called Angela actually, she, I think she lives in Australia. I hadn't even spoken to her or had any contact with her for a long time. But she even took, she took a photograph, she sent it to me, she was on holiday on a cruise, and she took her podcast, her pod, pod player, podcast player, what do they call them? iPod.

Yeah, iPod. She took her iPod with her and was listening to my recordings while she was away to help to relax and pain relief and things like that. So yeah, I did, I had a, quite a few people, a few people that liked what I was doing.

And there's part of me just seems to forget that, that I think, oh, the stuff back then, it was just wasn't very good. But then I'm thinking, well, why were people listening to it then, if it was no good? Because, you know, I wasn't doing this, I wasn't doing the Let Me Boy To Sleeps. It was basically hypnosis, you know, relaxation, pain relief, insomnia.

They were the three main things that I focused on for those years, for 12 years, 13 years. 12 years, six, no, it wasn't 12 years to 2006 to 2013. However, I did continue to make recordings about after that as well, audio recordings, and a few video recordings.

So I continued, I didn't stop doing it. I just got rid of the YouTube channel and focused on the audios, the mp3s. So I was still making recordings, I never stopped.

I've had a few periods when I didn't do it for a little while, but never for more than maybe a month, maybe a little bit longer than a month. But I never really stopped for long. I never stopped, I just had, maybe I was unwell or had to have a break or whatever.

I was busy working. So yeah, even the stuff that I did, I can't even remember what I did back in 2014, 15, 16, 17. I don't really remember.

Because although I don't know, I really can't I can't recall what I was doing back then. I mean, yeah, so I was doing stuff, and it was still the thing that I focused on. It was very much more the podcasts than YouTube.

I gave YouTube literally no, no attention for from 2014 until recently, really. I gave it, you know, a few little dabbles. But this is the first time that I've really kind of been putting the effort in and making sure I've uploaded regular videos every day.

Yeah, older videos from the past, a podcast that I've created into videos with decent graphics and backgrounds and video, you know, rather than just a static page, or static picture. And it's not much of me talking like my, you know, my face on there. But I think that's that can only be a good thing.

And if anyone wants to look at me, that'd be distracting. Mind you, that's one way to get people to close their eyes, isn't it? To actually have my face on the screen. I won't have to say to anyone, please close your eyes.

Look, no, they're already closed, Jay. They're already closed. As soon as I saw you, I closed my eyes.

You're such a great hypnotist. They closed automatically. And they stayed closed and still the computer until the computer just turned off.

So yeah. And I forgot to unplug the computer the other day. And it was on for hours.

And I couldn't I couldn't dare look in case you're still there. No. So I am planning on putting more effort into the YouTube videos.

It's just there's a lot to do. There's a lot to do. And there's a lot of work involved.

And especially when you're making 10 hour videos. I was even thinking about just converting my entire library for the last five years into videos and put them onto YouTube. But that would probably take me another 10 years to do that.

Because such a such a long process. I mean, this even a 20 minute video takes quite a while. Yeah, so it's all right.

I'm trying to figure out what how I'm going to go with this. The with the channel, it's going very slow, but that's okay. I'm I'm okay with that.

I absolutely absolutely fine with that. I know how you I'm not an expert on YouTube, but I did it for quite a few years, and I kind of got to realize and also from videos I've watched and tried to learn a bit from. They come to time.

Providing you're offering a decent service and you're, you know, you genuinely trying to make decent content, trying to anyway. And if people like what you're doing, there does come a time when it starts to grow. YouTube starts to promote the videos.

It doesn't start straight away. But eventually, something happens and there's a you know, the views go up and the subscribers go up. And just because more people are going to see the videos than before.

Now at the moment, I'm practically, I'd say I'm pretty invisible on YouTube. I'm on there, but I'm kind of, you know, I've got 960 subscribers now. So I've had 23 new subscribers in the last in the last 28 days.

So it's quite it's I had more the month before. But I've had 2195 views in the last 28 days. And 352 hours worth of viewing.

So it's, it's a slow process. But I'm okay with that. Because, you know, if I'd have stuck with doing YouTube before, I just kept that I'd have I'd be in a much better position, but I didn't.

So that's just the reality, the reality. So yeah, I think it's gonna be alright. I reckon YouTube, my priorities, the podcasts, because I've had a lot of, I love YouTube.

I do actually love YouTube. I watch YouTube a lot. So I'm a big fan of YouTube.

Anyway, if I prefer YouTube, I like YouTube more now than I used to. It's you could say it's probably my favorite TV channel on my television. So, you know, I watch the news.

I watch a bit of telly, but I don't watch too much. Don't watch much TV much at all. Much, much, much, much, much, much at all.

But I do watch YouTube and there's certain channels I follow. Very interested in the old AI. All the new updates on chat GTP or GPT.

The various different things that go on. Going on there. Boxing, I like to watch some of the boxing, which is what I did last night.

Blimey. Boxing. I was watching boxing from seven o'clock in the evening.

And bearing in mind, I'm in bed by nine or ten every night now. I never up late anymore. It's just but and I wake up, I wake up early.

So by nine, I'm tired. I'm actually tired. I'm ready for bed.

And the boxing was going on till about 11 o'clock. I couldn't sit. I couldn't sit up anymore.

I watched the first two fights and then I went to bed. Which is about nine, half nine, maybe ten. I had to go to bed.

I was too tired. And I thought I watched the rest later. I also knew that I kind of needed to be up.

About one or two to watch the boxing early hours in the morning, which was live. It's in America. I didn't set my alarm because I thought, well, if I wake up late, it doesn't matter.

I'm still going to be in time to watch the main event and I can rewind it while it's live. So it's fine. The app allows me to do that.

Usually. But I did wake up at two and the thing had started. So I just rewound it.

Watch the first fight. Watch the second thing. Yeah, second.

And then, and then I was there. I fast forwarded it between rounds, you know, so I did. And I caught up and then I watched Canelo against Ryder.

And it was about four in the morning. It was in Mexico, so it wasn't in America, it was in Mexico. So I think they must have a different time zone to America.

Because quite often the American shows, the main event isn't until like five. And I was in bed. I was in bed by five.

So, yeah, that, that was. Yeah, it was a good, that was a good fight. It was a good, it was a good night of boxing, but it tired me out.

A little bit too much boxing. So when I got up this morning, what did I do? I wanted to see what the boxing results, I wanted to see if I could watch the fights that I missed last night. But there wasn't, it was just highlights.

And I got the results. Unfortunately, I got the results before I even watched it, because the results, the, the, the actual title of the video was. By Buatzi wins on points, something like that.

It's like, just ruined it for me. Ruined it. And it was just a highlight.

So I watched it and it didn't really mean anything once I knew what happened. But I couldn't stay up. I was falling asleep.

It reminds me of years and years and years ago. Evander Holyfield was fighting. I don't know who he was fighting, but he was the world heavyweight champion at the time.

This is the early 90s. And the fight was on ITV, early hours of the morning, like really early, four o'clock, whatever. And they were showing it live, which is brilliant.

Like, yeah, great. I'm pleased with that. And it was a Saturday night.

Well, some early hours, Sunday morning, I didn't have to work Sunday. I had worked Saturday morning, probably. And most probably had a no, no, no.

Well, yeah, possibly I worked Saturday morning. But I had a gig on a Saturday night. So I went and did a comedy gig on a Saturday night.

I got home. Probably maybe two o'clock in the morning. Just in time to watch the boxing.

But it was late. It was something happening. It was delayed or something.

And I was so looking forward to it. But as soon as I laid down on the bed, because back then, all I had was a bed. That's not all I had.

I also had clothes and, you know, I had hair. I didn't just have a bed and walk around all day with a bed beside it. But I didn't have a chair.

Well, I did have a chair, but it was one that went with the table. It wasn't like a comfortable chair. Although I did used to sit at the table with the chair and write and stuff like that and maybe watch television at the same time.

Anyway, I was watching television. And I laid down on the bed and I'm kind of sitting up in the bed. And this is how I lived for years.

I'm not saying I just stayed in one position for years and years because, you know, I had to go to work and do things. But I lived in many places where all there was was just a bed and maybe a table, a wardrobe. That was it.

You know, not a huge amount of stuff in the room. And occasionally I'd have a place that had a chair that I could sit in. But, you know, it depended.

But a lot of the time I didn't. So I spent probably most of my adult life sitting up on a bed, watching television and also eating my meals and everything else. I don't do that anymore.

The problem with doing that is I used to, I'd get tired because you're kind of almost lying down. And I found the more I tried to keep my eyes open, the more they decided not to stay open. And the more I tried to keep awake, I just couldn't.

It's the opposite happened. And I kind of realized then that that's what happens is the opposite happens. You can't force yourself.

You can force yourself to stay awake, but it's really harder. The more you try, it's like you can't force yourself to fall asleep. It's, you know, you're more likely to fall asleep if you try and stay awake.

It's a weird one, isn't it? Happened so many times in the past. I remember when I was at Butlin's and we were all drinking. It was a very social, very social place with people working with each other.

And we'd only just got there. So we were, I think we'd been there for one day. And we had a quite heavy night the night before.

And they said, oh, you've got to be in the, I don't know where it was, some big room where we had to sit there and listen to a lecture on probably health and safety and other things that are actually possibly really important. But I was so tired because I had very little sleep. And I literally was trying to force my eyes open, but they wouldn't do it.

They wouldn't comply. I wasn't the only one. There was a few snores going on around me.

And the more, the more I tried to stay awake, the more my mind would drift. I never really understood it. It's like this, but then in the same way, when I was younger, I remember laying in bed trying to sleep.

And the more I tried, the less sleepy I was. And I questioned it at the time. I'm talking, you know, when I was a teenager, really, teenager, kind of age, late teens.

Like, why? Because when I was younger teens, I never tried to sleep. I, you know, I had no intent, I didn't want to go to sleep. When I was, when I was like 13, 14, 15, 16, sleeping just really wasn't important to me.

I slept, but I didn't, I'd rather do other things. I'm not going to go through a list of all the things I prefer to do. I prefer not to do that, thank you very much.

But I, you know, watching telly or reading or whatever, although I always found reading last thing at night, that was, that was just, I'd be lucky if I could get through a whole page before snoring. I used to like waking up though, apart from those times I didn't. So I'm not really a big, I partly don't like waking up early in the morning, but I kind of do as well.

There's something quite nice about waking up, and there's like no one else around, really. I mean, there's, there's lots of people that wake up early, but the majority of the society that I kind of, in my country, is the majority of the people would be, wouldn't be awake at four in the morning, just because most stuff happens during the day. Of course, there's loads of, there's lots of people that are awake, but you know, that's why I like doing night shift as well when I was younger.

Night shift was cool, I'd done quite a few different jobs where I had night shift. And the hardest night shift job was doing security, because there was no stimulation to keep me awake. When I worked in a factory, I was working, I was busy.

When I was working in the bakery, the big, huge bakery, I was working, I mean, it made no difference if it was three in the morning, or, was it any point me saying another number? It didn't, it just, whether it was night or day, it was inside, the lighting was the same, 24 hours a day. It's a 24-hour day operation. It's the same, it's nothing like, oh, it's starting to get dark now, oh, it's now, it's night time.

It's no way of knowing what time of the day it is, unless, of course, you look at your watch. Back then, we used to have watches, they're, for anyone that doesn't know what a watch is, it's, it was this big, dangly thing, that used to strap right the way around your wrist about 15 times, and it was in the shape of a poo.

Yeah, so, it's, I suppose that's one way of seeing what time it is, but, I, doing security, just sitting there, especially if there's no one else around, yeah, it wasn't really for me, I didn't mind the job, because I'm incredibly lazy, but, it was hard to stay awake.

But now, I think, if I had a job like that, I could do this. If I had a static security job, sitting in an office block, all night long, not having to leave the desk, no one coming or going, until six in the morning, and everyone's left by nine in the evening, or something like that, eight in the evening. So, I have all night, I could make recordings, I could work on the internet, I could do all that kind of stuff.

So, I could keep busy, I could actually be very productive. I could do university course, you know, there's lots of things I could do. But back then, this was the middle 90s, I didn't have, we didn't have, computers were around, I can't lie and say there was no computers, because there was.

But not like they are now, there was no internet here. There was no internet, there's no mobile phones, that's a lie, there was mobile phones, but they were very, very basic and quite new. I didn't have one.

I think my first mobile phone was, end of 1997, or early 98. I think it was the end of 97, probably November time. So, that's the first time I got a mobile phone.

Although I was dating someone who had a mobile phone in 96. So, they were around, but she was a student nurse, and they were basically giving them away. Not student nurses, I mean the phones, they were giving mobile phone contracts away pretty cheap, because they wanted to get them out there, they wanted to get people to see the phones, and to want one.

And it worked, it really worked. And there was a time when you could literally go into a place, and I'm partly lying, partly making it up. But I think it might be true.

You could go into a shop, like a mobile phone, T-Mobile shop, yeah, for example. And you could buy a phone for £10, and get £20 worth of credit on it. Like, a pay-as-you-go phone for £10.

And it's like, again, I was going to say £20 credit, what's the point in repeating that? I've said it once. But £20 credit, three times now. So you'd be getting more than you paid for, technically.

And, I don't know, the amount of times I kept running out of credit, had to go and get more vouchers, and scratch off the number, and put the number into the phone to get the £10 credit. And back then we didn't even have taxes. It was just phone calls.

There was no internet, or even WAP. There was a mobile internet called WAP, here in this country. I don't know if it was where you are.

And I think that was introduced in the late 90s. It was really bad. Like, really.

Exciting, I guess, but really, really bad. And I didn't, yeah, I wasn't really interested in it. It just didn't, it was just pointless.

I mean, I didn't even have cameras on them. Although I did meet someone when I was doing insurance, I spoke to a lady, and she, we just hit it off, and she wanted to meet up with me. So I thought, okay.

On the phone, we'd met on the phone. So I said, cool, come up. Well, she said, well, can you send me a picture of yourself? I said, well, I can't, I don't have a phone.

I've got a phone, but I don't have a camera on my phone. She said, oh, that's a shame, because I could send you a picture of me. So two seconds later, I was suddenly there with a camera phone.

I went and bought one. And she sent me a picture of herself, which was lovely. And she said, now send a picture of yourself.

I said, I can't, I'm at work. I said, I'll tell you what, I'll send you a picture tomorrow. When I get off work, or whatever, I'll send you a picture.

So she kept sending me messages saying, at this time, we did have text messages. Can you send me a picture? I'll send you a picture, send me a picture. So I sent it, I took a picture of myself, and I sent it to her.

Now, I'm not sure, I think she must have lost her phone. Mislaid her phone, or maybe got her phone, she just forgot where her phone was, and maybe, it's just, I really don't know. I mean, she's just been really busy for the last 23 years, but she hasn't got back to me.

I'm still waiting. Which is a little bit silly, considering I don't have that telephone number anymore. But, where are you? I sent you a picture of me.

I mean, to be fair, she wasn't specific what part she wanted to see, but, no. Or maybe, I'm not sure, no. No, no, no, it's just a normal picture.

Although I did do that once, but only because I was asked. There was this, someone I met, it was a YouTube, one of my YouTube followers. And she lived in, where did she live? In Europe somewhere.

It's very precise, isn't it? Europe. Anyway, she said she really liked me. And this is in the days when I used to put videos of myself on YouTube.

And I thought, really? Why, why? She said, yeah, I'd really like to come and see you. And she lived just across the channel, it wasn't a long way away. You know, so I thought, oh, okay.

So she said, I'll send you a picture of me if you send me a picture of you. I said, well, you know what I look like? She said, no, not that kind of picture. So she was on Facebook, I already knew what she looked like, a face in it.

And I thought, this is going a different direction. Perhaps I should leave the library. And she said, oh, and so she did.

She sent me a picture. And I was grateful. Yeah, it's a nice picture.

Okay. And then she said, your turn. I said, no, no, I don't really want to.

And normally, it's weird. Normally, I get this, you're obviously not used to women saying, please send me a picture. It's usually, please stop sending me pictures.

But this is like, oh, can you send me a picture? Can you hear him in the background? I hope he's going to go back to doing what he's doing. Because the one that's hassling me, he's right underneath the table. Yeah, he's hassling me.

So I thought, I don't, because you know, part of what I was for is, I can't really be sending, but I know that I would never, ever share a picture that someone sent to me. I would, she would do that. But because of what I do online, I don't want to jeopardize what I'm doing by sending pictures and someone then putting it online or whatever.

And I thought, oh, I don't know about this. So, but she kept insisting, can you send me a picture of, of, of and I don't want to, I really don't want to. No one else has enjoyed it.

And I had plenty to choose from, but I just thought, no, no, that one is too dark. And that one just, anyway, so what I thought, you know what I'll do? I'll send a picture, I'll go online and I'll just find one and I'll just save that, download it and just send it to her and say, yeah, here it is. And she was very happy, very happy.

And in fact, too happy, she wanted to come and see me straight away. She literally said, I'll come and see you this weekend. And at first, I thought, oh, cool.

And then I started to think. Okay. She might notice, she, she, she might notice that the picture that I sent isn't exactly the same proportions as the real thing.

Maybe a tenth of the size, I don't know, but so I had to kind of say, well, I can't meet. Because of that, like, it was a shame, I liked her, but it's, I mean, you can't live a lie, can you? This is not fair. But I didn't expect her to want to come.

And she did. Multiple times. She kept saying, I want to, I want to come, I want to come visit, I want to visit, I want to visit.

And I just, I had to put her off. All because of a lie. I mean, she wasn't my girlfriend, and it wasn't like I was in a relationship.

Because, you know, I'd never lie in a relationship. I can't even remember. I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship.

Is that where you hold hands? I think it is. And you cuddle. Yeah, is it, is it, is it a relationship? Holding the hands and smiling.

Everything's fine, everything's wonderful now. I remember once I was loved up, and I visited my dad, and I was with this, literally I was visiting him with her. And we stayed over in the caravan outside.

So we stayed there for a couple of days. I was just in a good mood, pretty much the whole time. And I was laughing at stuff that I don't normally laugh at.

And in some ways, she was one of the first, not proper girlfriends, but kind of one of the first proper girlfriends I had. She was the first girlfriend I ever had. No, she wasn't.

She was the second girlfriend I'd had in my own home. I say my own home, like where I was living. Because there was someone in 95 that came around my house.

I know, yeah, but as a girl, no, actually there was someone in 1990 as well. Yeah, so that's, that's not true. I'm just making that up now.

So that 1990, but generally, I lived in places where I couldn't really have women. Because it was embarrassing, if anything else. I actually had a woman dump me because of that.

Seriously, she was living in, I don't know, she was outside of London. I was in London at the time. And I thought we were quite compatible.

I liked her. And we'd seen each other a couple of times. And I went, I went to see her in the evening.

And we're sitting in the car and she said, yeah, it's not going to work. I said, is it because of my smelly feet? She said, what? I said, no, no, no, no, don't worry. She said, I don't think it's gonna, I don't think it's, I don't think we're compatible.

I said, is it because I screamed during sex? She said, no, it's not that. I said, it's because of where we, we live different lives. We live different lives.

I said, what do you mean we live different lives? She said, well, you live in a little room with your cousin. In her house. In a little room, a box room with a bed and a little desk and your computer.

And I'm an adult. With a car and a home. I said, no, you don't have a home.

You live with your parents. She said, but that's not the point. I said, it kind of is.

We're both in a similar situation. Except, different. She might have had her own home, I don't know.

But she, I never went there. She did come around mine actually. But that was when my landlady was on holiday.

So she came around and stuff. But she didn't want it. She wanted to be with someone that had their own house, that had a car.

Because we lived a fair distance away. But what she didn't realize is, I probably would have been up for moving. And living off of her, living with her and letting her pay for everything.

I would have been up for doing that for her. To give her the opportunity to pay for my lifestyle. But she didn't seem to be interested.

I lost another girlfriend because of where I was living. It's not, it's funny, well it's not even funny now really. It's embarrassing.

But I'll tell you anyway. Me and this, she was a nurse, another nurse. She was lovely.

Really nice. And she liked me. Before I liked her.

She, she was for some reason liked me. And we went on and got together and had a relationship and I went round her flat. She was sharing with another nurse.

So it wasn't hers but she could have people in and do what she wants. And we went out and we did some stuff and it was good. It didn't last long.

Because she came round my house when there was no one there. And we went up to my bedroom and I think she was probably a bit taken back by the fact that I was living like a teenager. And then.

We heard a car pulling up outside the house. So we go downstairs. And I think it's my land, my landlady coming up.

She's coming in. And I said, go outside. And I didn't physically push her but I kind of led her into the alleyway.

Where the bins are. I know it sounds bad. And it was raining.

But yeah, that sounds even worse. It was literally just, I hadn't thought it through. Clearly.

And it was dark outside. So yeah, so she was out there. And I closed the door and it turned out it wasn't my landlady but her husband.

And he didn't care what anyone did. So I said, all right, okay. And so I brought her in.

I went down and got her in that. And the look she gave me. Wasn't a look of pleasure.

Yeah, it wasn't, wasn't best pleased for some reason. I started to think, maybe I've made a mistake. And I walked her to the tube station because she wanted to leave.

I guess she needed to get home early. And she didn't want me to take her home. For some reason.

And I phoned her a couple of days later. And she pocket answered. So she didn't actually answer the phone.

But it must have been in a bag or something. And she was moaning about someone. So this is the first, this is the last I ever heard from her.

I don't know who she was moaning about. But this bloke sounded ridiculous. It sounded like a man.

And he was, she was moaning to a friend about this man. And he was, she was describing this really pathetic lifestyle. And no kind of very immature.

So, you know, smelly feet. And I was like, I don't know who it was she was talking about. Micropenis.

I don't know who it was. But she, she seemed very angry. And I was saying, hello, hello.

She couldn't hear me. So she must have been, yeah, just talking to a friend. I don't know if she was on a bus or something.

I heard laughter in the background. And then she just didn't call me again. So I don't know, she was so angry with that other man.

I don't know what, that she just, just got angry about everything. I don't know. Maybe she's still working through it.

I mean, this was about 2000, 1999, 1999, 2000 time. So it's a few years ago. A few, few years ago.

But I liked her. I did. She was ginger-ish.

Not that that's really relevant, but she had kind of red hair. I've dated a few nurses over the years. I've also dated a few redhead, redheads, ginger kind of coloured hair over the years as well.

I'm just letting you know, I'm not fussy. I'm not joking. I love all, um, actually I'm quite fussy.

I'm very, well, am I? I can't remember. Is it holding hands? Do people hold hands anymore? Do they still kiss? Do people still kiss each other? I don't know. It's been such a long time.

It's been decades. I can't remember the last, last, the last time I actually even touched a shoulder. Touched a shoulder.

See, romantic me. I'm so romantic. I like touching shoulders.

Oh, got Litchi back. So yeah, yeah, I was watching the boxes. I really haven't accomplished much today.

It's been quite a tired day because being up all night and stuff. I haven't even unpacked the hard drive, the external hard drive that came through. I need to unpack that and see whether or not it fits and it's easy to use.

But the other thing I've been trying to tidy up and get rid of some of the rubbish, not like dirt, but just bits and bobs. Trying to, trying to tidy these desks up and figure out how I'm going to have them. Because if I'm going to have that big hard drive, and it is, it's not huge, but it's, it's a size and it stands up so I can't be moving.

I don't want to be knocking it over. So I'm going to have to kind of figure out where I'm going to have stuff. But it'll be all right.

And I do, I might not, probably tomorrow I'll start working on the YouTube videos. Perhaps. Perhaps.

But I'm thinking. I was watching To Russia With Love on TV earlier. Oh, it's the seven, eight, nine, seven.

It's the concert, isn't it? I need to watch the concert. The concert, Coronation concert. And yeah, I want to watch that.

Although I might not watch it all the way to the end because it doesn't finish till 10. And I'm thinking nine o'clock sleep. That's what I'm thinking.

So I need to edit this, upload it. Blah, blah, blah. Oh.

And Vinnie is at my feet, still chewing the remains of that thing. It looks like he's chewing his foot, but it's not. He moved his foot, just let me see.

Oh, that's nice. Yesterday I went to the petrol station for my friend. I left Vinnie downstairs.

And when I got back, well, just to start with, Vinnie followed me out. He wasn't even on the lead. He followed me out of the flat to come with me, which was like, wow.

Normally he wants to stay with his friend, the dog, they have a dog. And I closed the door and he wanted to come with me. It's like, we just got back from a walk as well.

And when I got back, he was all over me. Like, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. Like, really excited to see me for about seven seconds.

Very weird. I can't work him out. I really can't.

He's so, so good most of the time. And then other times he just doesn't stop barking. Like, if he hears something downstairs, someone knocking on the door.

And his little barking engine gets warm and he just has to let it all out. He does his little miniature barks. That's just for no reason.

Like he's winding down. He loves those bones though, he really does. They're not proper bones.

They're just, I don't know what they are, but they're in the shape of a bone. And they last him for an hour or so, maybe a little bit longer. And he really likes them.

They're, it's not food, but he loves chewing and they're, ever since I've had him, they've been his favourite things. But I couldn't get him any because they ran out in the sweet shop, the pet shop, pet food shop. But they had some, so I got him a bag, a big bag of them.

So I give him one a day. Ideally coinciding with making a recording. And he's happy.

He's in a room with me, but he's busy doing that. Chewing on that thing. He doesn't disturb me or distract me or try and start whining.

Which is what he will do if he hasn't got anything to chew on. Even if he's asleep, he wakes up. The second I start to do a podcast, he springs to life.

He wants my attention. Even if he's fast asleep. I don't know why.

I really don't know why. I guess maybe he just wants to be included. Yeah, I don't really get it, if I'm honest.

I didn't get it. So that's it from me. That's it from me.

I just want to say thank you to, well, I suppose I'll do it in the next one. But thank you to everyone that left your messages on Facebook. On my Facebook page.

Jason Newland's Facebook page? Group? Is it Jason Newland's Facebook group? Anyway, I've got, it's a private group, but you can join. Just a request. I wonder if it's on there.

The thing is, I know that some people will just be asleep by now. So they won't even be listening to me anymore. So maybe I'll read it out tomorrow.

So take care of yourselves. Remember to be kind to yourself. Because you deserve to be happy.

And remember to be gentle. You know, just be gentle. Give it a go.

Lots of love. Bye.