#960 Things I dont regret Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (23rd January 2023)

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name's Jason Newland and my website's jasonnewland.com. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. So I thought I would start by saying hi.

That's a weird sound, isn't it? It's not a very pleasant sound actually. I think I shall stop. I do have a message.

Where was it? On YouTube I had a message. Where is it? Where's my messages? Tasha Rosario commented, I'm 840. I'm a Spotify listener, but I heard you say you're at 394 subbies.

So here I am, rounding you off. You have rounded me off, so thank you. Thank you, Tasha.

Stephen Kovler comments on my deep relaxation session on YouTube again. What's with the strange music in the background? As I am trying to relax, I keep hearing this upbeat music. Well, yeah, that's a good point.

I've been using music from the internet. Up till now, I haven't really been using the same music that I use for my podcasts. I try and find very slow, relaxing stuff, but it's not always successful.

So I apologise for that. Connie Cano comments, hey Jason, just wanted you to know I've been listening to your sleep hypnosis for about 3 months now. And I like to listen to you, and I love to listen when you talk about your dog Vinnie.

Oh, thank you. Oh, what else is there? I love dogs myself. Thank you, Connie Cano from San Jose, California.

The reason I'm reading out these whole things with the names is because it says it on YouTube, so it's not like a private message or anything. Heather Earth comments, your voice is so relaxing to me, especially when you go off track and talk about other random stuff. So I think I've already read that one out before.

So that's it. Subscribers, because I know you're really interested in this, 841. So it's averaging one a day, really.

I've had two since yesterday, but it's averaging about one a day. Well, no, wait a minute. 37 subscribers in the last 28 days.

So I guess that's more than one a day, isn't it? One and a quarter, something like that. So, yeah, I've got. 152 videos.

Dominic, OK, I've been what I decided to do today. Is. On using Premiere Pro, the Adobe video editing suite.

I have. Well, I'm in the process and I'm in the process of processing. A video that I made, which is for.

The. Yes, for number 957. Let me put it to sleep to put that on YouTube.

But what I've done is I've actually used the whole 10 hour recording. And use the 10 hour video. And and.

Hopefully. Hopefully. It will.

I mean, this is just a. Kind of a tester, but if it works, then I'll be doing more that. Hopefully it'll be fine. And that's pretty cool.

So it's it will be like the whole 10 hours. Wow. I'm thinking that that might be because they're the more popular ones on my podcasts.

Maybe they'll be more popular on YouTube as well. So how's Vinnie? He's asleep at the moment. He's in the bedroom.

I took him out for a walk. And I got in these these packs of little high bone things. And there's a pack of.

I mean, he's in there 24. And he really likes them. But as soon as I came out of the pet shop.

He was trying to get into my bag. And we were heading towards the road and I didn't want him to be jumping around while I was, you know, walking on the very tiny pavement. I mean, it's big enough for one person.

It's not really big enough to have a dog next to you. Luckily, he's tiny, so it should be okay. But he has tripped me up a couple of times.

I don't want to be tripping into the road. So I thought, what can I do? Because he's just going to keep hassling me. And I thought, hmm.

I'll give him one of them bones now. And, you know, he walked. Most of the way home happily with it in his mouth.

Didn't give me any hassle, didn't bite the lead. What he did do is he wanted to stop and chew on it. So he dropped it in the park.

And when I said, come on, he actually ran towards me and he left it in the park. So I had to go back and get it. So I went to pick it up and he grabbed it up before I even got to it and ran off.

But eventually I got it. He's basically dropped it on the ground. He didn't want to carry it anymore.

So I put it in the bag. And he was so good. Coming back, he was good.

He didn't try and bite my trousers. He's also starting to follow my instructions. So I do this thing.

Every time we go to cross the road, I say, wait. And I put slack on the lead so I can see whether or not he's waiting there or not. Just because I'm holding there.

And, you know, I'll make sure there's no traffic. And I say, OK, slowly. And he walks across.

Sometimes he goes too fast, but more and more he's starting to slow down and walk slowly across the road. And when I get onto the other side of the road, I say, wait. And he waits for me.

And then I say, OK, and he carries on wherever he wants to go. He's on the lead, but I'm trying to get him to. It's not so much following orders because I don't want to be bossy.

You know, sort of telling him what to do all the time because that just seems a bit. I don't know, a little bit. I don't know how to explain it.

I just I don't I'm not really into telling people what to do. I don't expect people to do what I want them to do. It's not really how I operate.

And I don't want to be nagging him all the time. But he's very. And he's probably not being naughty, he's just excited.

He does have a tendency just to have just do naughty things, like I said, ripping my trousers, grabbing hold of my trousers while I'm walking. Pulling, trying, just trying to run in the road or run across the road to get to the cat. He's obsessed with pussy.

I don't know how naughty that dog is. Honestly, he'll see a pussy and he just like runs towards it. He just he likes birds as well.

If he could climb trees, he would. He thinks he can fly. It's like.

Just what are you doing? Because you know what? I couldn't forgive him if he hurt a little animal. You know, if there was a little baby bird on the floor, I didn't see it and he grabbed it. I would just, I'd be devastated.

I genuinely, I love birds and squirrels and things like that. I just love them. And I don't want him to be doing that, but it's in his nature to do that.

His species was bred to do that. To hunt. So.

You know, I can't. I can't stop him from being what he is. But.

I like. I want him to be able to. I want to be able to walk in the field with him off the lead.

And if a dog comes running towards him, that looks like it might be hostile. I want to be able to call to him and he comes back to me straight away. Under whatever the circumstances, if I call him, he comes back to me.

That's what I need him to do. I need to have that degree of discipline. Because I don't want him to.

I'm not bothered if he sits and rolls over. I'm not interested in teaching him to do tricks. I don't care about that stuff.

If he wants to roll over, he can roll over. If he wants to spin on his head, let him do it. But I'm not.

It's not really something that I've got any interest in doing. He might enjoy it, you know, because he's getting treats. And I've done some training with him with treats.

Another thing, he stopped when I bring him in from a walk. Because he has about four walks a day. When I bring him in, he used to walk into the living room or into the bedroom and he wouldn't come to me.

So I could take his lead off. And I'd have to stand there and just stare at him and eventually he'd come to me. Now he just waits.

He waits with me at the front door until I take the lead off. So, you know, he's gradually coming around to doing what he's supposed to do. You know, to being a good boy.

Being a good boy. Sounds patronising, doesn't it? If it wasn't a dog, you'd say, oh, he's a good boy. You're a very good boy.

What good boy? What did you say? So, I'd like to... I'd like to reduce the barking. Now what I've been doing now is opening the windows so that all the outside sounds can come in. So he can start to get used to those sounds.

So that he's not barking all the time at every single sound. And he will get used to it. I'm thinking of getting a... Do you know those ring doorbells? They're, you know, they're kind of... You put them on, they've got a camera and it connects to your phone.

I'm thinking of getting one of them. And you can get them quite cheap now as well. They're not... It's a different brand but it's kind of the same thing.

So people can ring that. And I'll be able to hear it on my... see it on my phone. It'll just be... whatever tune it is.

Because he doesn't bark when my phone rings. And then I'm going to have to tape up the door knocker so that no one knocks on the door. You know, you just put a sign, ring the bell.

So that could... that could cut down the amount of... You know, problems as far as like a lot of people knocking on the door. And with the post, I'm thinking I'll maybe go online to see if there's any kind of thing that I can attach to the door. Where the post person can put the post in without pushing it through the door and having... Because the door... the metal... I don't know what you call it.

The bit where you put the post through the letterbox. Yeah, letterbox. That's it.

The letterbox. It really slams when things are put through it. Which gets him barking.

So I might look at trying to figure that one out. If I can have something outside the front door that's secure. That, you know, the letters can be put into.

I'm not sure. I'll look into it. And... Yeah, so that's... I'm just trying to figure ways to just reduce the barking from him.

So that he just feels a bit more... I just want him to relax a bit. He does relax, but I'd like him just to maybe be a bit more relaxed. But then he's got huge amounts of energy.

And... I'm pretty sure I could walk him all day long and he wouldn't get tired. Or if he did, he'd just, you know, he'd need five minutes rest and then he'd be back again. Although I'm starting to think that he's using... It's not a punishment, but something that I do more at night for some reason.

But if he pulls at the lead, because we're going in a direction that he doesn't want to go in. I pick him up and I carry him for a while. He never struggles.

He never struggles to get down at all. He just lays there and he seems quite happy to be carried. So I'm thinking he's using that.

You know, he's starting to bite on the lead so that I carry him so he hasn't got to walk. Because he loves being outside. He loves all the smells, looking around, everybody, he just loves it.

So I'm starting to think that maybe he's a bit lazy and he's just taking advantage of my good nature. Well, maybe not good nature, but just taking advantage of moi. I'm trying to think what else.

Nothing really much is happening, to be honest. Just taking him for a walk. It's a lot earlier today.

I mean, was it last night? I think it was ten o'clock that I was doing my recording. It's now five o'clock, so it's a good five hours. Yeah, we can net up, you know.

So, stats wise, no. I got 25,000 downloads yesterday. Today so far I've got just over 14,000.

So, I don't know, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 1. So there's still eight hours left. So, yeah, I don't know how many I'll get today. But it's still eight hours, so that's pretty good.

So in the last 30 days, I've had 505,465 downloads. I'd like to share that with you, because I know some people pretend they don't want to hear about it, but I know that secretly everybody's excited. I know that.

Come on, we all know that, really. Everybody's interested. Maybe not.

Maybe not. So what's happening? What is it today? It's 23rd of January. Yeah, I'm looking after my friend's dog tomorrow.

So that'll be an early start. And I've been waking up later than I used to. So for quite a few months, I've been waking up, you know, early, six o'clock, sometimes, sometimes four o'clock.

But, you know, six o'clock's about average. Now it's been later, it's been about eight, maybe half seven, eight o'clock. And I realized something.

Well, it's not really a realization, I guess, but it's light outside at eight o'clock. And it's so much nicer to take Vinnie for a walk when it's light outside, where I can actually see where I'm walking. And I can see where he's pooing.

And I can see what he's doing as well, because if there's anything on the floor that he can fit in his mouth, he will. Constantly. He's like, I have to empty his mouth of stuff.

Just pick stuff up. I mean, he tried to eat some chewing gum the other day. I was like, what's wrong with you? Even earlier on, he was scratching at the kitchen door.

So I was in the kitchen. He doesn't like going in there. At all.

But then I'm thinking it might be to do with the, I've got this mouse thing in there, which lets a high pitched screen thing, which is supposed to prevent mice. It's part of the mouse prevention for this that I've got. And it seems to be doing the job, hopefully.

And he won't come in. So I'm thinking that might be part of the reason why he won't come in. Plus it's cold in there.

It's cold in the kitchen. There's no heating on in there. It's cold in the bathroom as well.

But today, he was scratching at the door. I was like, okay. The door was a little bit open.

So I opened the door. I said, you come in if you want. He's like, no, I don't want to come in.

So I closed the door again. And he's scratching. So I opened the door.

And his head basically pokes in. And he picked something up off the floor. It was a bit of tissue that I must have dropped off on the floor.

He picked it up and ran away. That's all he wanted. He wanted the bit of tissue that was on the floor.

He's got a thing about tissue, toilet paper tissue. I don't know what it is. I mean, I don't know if he eats it.

I hope not. I try and take stuff out of his mouth if I see him. I found him earlier with a pen.

I don't even know how he got hold of the pen. I don't have pens on the floor. How did he get it? I don't know.

But he did. And it was broken and there was bits of plastic all over the place. So I cleared that up.

I mean, has he hidden my pens somewhere? Stored them and then gets them out when he wants to eat them. Or play with them or maybe write a novel. I don't know.

Perhaps if I search I'll find his journal somewhere. It might be true. I got him a rope dog toy today.

Which is... No. No, that was before. I got him this little... It's a little... A tiny little teddy bear thing.

Because I was in the pet shop. And I was showing him things. I said, do you like that? Do you like that? And he just wasn't interested in anything that I showed him.

It was almost a very big lack of... A lack of anything. Do you like that? It's alright. It's almost like he's turned into a teenager overnight.

It's alright, I suppose. It's like, wow. I've got a 12 year old now.

He's 12 years old, suddenly. I'm not saying all 12 year olds are grumpy. I'm still going through puberty myself.

You know, a friend said to me earlier, he said... When you're 16, you're an adult when you're 16. I said, well, I wasn't. Now, I know that in some countries, you're not... You know, 18 or whatever, 21 even.

But in this country, 16... It's weird, you can do certain things, but you can't do other things. But I know that I was really immature. I mean, I literally hadn't... I was still going through puberty when I was 16.

I don't think I'd even finished growing. And I remember thinking to myself, once when I was in the bathroom... I hope I haven't finished growing. Yeah.

But I... I was a kid. I was a kid. And I was probably still a kid.

I was a kid. And in some ways, I still am. And I think part of the things that make people grow up, or act more like adults, or more responsible, is due to responsibility that they take on, or that is, you know, introduced into their life.

Like children. Or looking after parents. I suppose, you know, even things like having a car, having a mortgage.

Things like that, I've not done any of that stuff. Living with someone, I've not done that either. So, in a way, I'm still living the life of a... Not a child, but like a young adult.

Or... My life's not... Well, it has changed, but... There's not that much difference between now and when I was 16. In a way. I mean, I'm doing different things.

I have... I mean, I have zero social life. I've had zero social life for years. I rarely go out.

I did at least used to go out when I was younger. Not socially, but I'd, you know, go for walks, and I lived near a beach, and then when I moved to London, I did go out to comedy clubs, because that's what I was involved in, comedy. So, pretty much every Saturday night, maybe even Friday night, I would be out at a comedy club.

For years. So, I did have... Well, kind of a social life. I mean, usually it was... I'd meet up with the other comedians that were on.

I'd just look in Time Out magazine, look at the comedy listings, and just see who's on, and if it was someone that I knew, I'd go along, or if it was someone that perhaps I wanted to see, I'd go along. Ideally, it'd be both. And I'd get into most places for free, because they knew me.

Yeah, that was good. I like that. But generally, I went on my own.

And even Mark Thomas, he's a comedian, and he's... In the 90s, he was one of the top comedians on the circuit. And then he got a TV show and everything in the late 90s. And... I had his telephone number.

He gave me his telephone number. And I phoned him up, seeing if I could get... get a comp, complimentary tickets, to go and see him at the comedy store in Leicester Square. And he said, yeah, I'll stick your name on the door.

So I went along, and saw him, and I'm not sure who else was there, who else was on as well. But that's one of the few times that I actually... got comp, you know, sort of like that. Normally, I'd just... Even if I'd pay, if it was a comedy store, they didn't really know me.

But a lot of the other comedy clubs did. Some of them said to me, you can always perform here, you can always come along, but you're never going to get paid. We'll never pay you for a gig, but you're welcome to come along.

I said, okay. So they let me go and do five minutes, but we're never... It was a bit sad, really, just assuming that I was never going to get good. I mean, they were right, but that's besides the point.

I had a couple of good nights. A few. A few good nights.

I think the problem is I wasn't myself when I was on stage. I was something different to me. I hadn't really developed my own personality at that point.

And being an introvert, you can't do that on stage. And my life experience, because I was 20 years old when I started doing stand-up comedy, and I did about 100 gigs in my first year. So that was 1991.

And you know, I didn't really have anything to talk about, like real life stuff, that was comedy worthy. My life experiences weren't... I suppose with comedy skill I could have turned them funny, but a lot of stuff just wasn't funny. So I tried to put on like a character, almost like an Andrew Dice Clay, Sam Kinison, Dennis Leary, you know, Bill Hicks kind of character, but without the substance, without the laughs.

And yeah, I mean over time it changed, and I got some good jokes that worked, and I stopped with the character, and I tried to just try to be myself. But I think I got to a point where I was myself a couple of times, and those were good gigs. I did one gig, and I was just making silly noises, and just acting silly, kind of like I do, just acting silly, and they were laughing.

There was a little bit of material, but it was just a bit of ad-libbing, and just messing about, and it went down really well, for some reason. But I remember thinking to myself, well, I don't know if I've thought this to myself, but I remember, my memory is that I thought, oh, I enjoyed that, because I was just me, just acting silly. I like to act silly, it's something I just enjoy doing.

I like to make silly noises, and silly faces, and just not take myself seriously. You know, it was kind of the opposite to how I started out, when I was almost trying to offend people. And that's not really me.

You know, I did it for the comedy effect, I didn't want to upset anyone. I wanted to be, let's face it, if you're a comedian, you want to be liked, and people don't like being upset, generally. So I was alienating the audience, that's what I was told.

And I remember this, it was 1997 or 98, and I was in the comedy club that I was involved with, quite deeply involved in that place, loved that place. And I was there on a Thursday night, or a Wednesday night, I think it was New Act night, but I was just there, watching the show. And this bloke came up, and he said, he said, oh, you're that horrible C word.

I said, I looked at him and said, what would you say to me? And he backed off, oh sorry, and he said, oh no, I mean, you was horrible on stage, because he'd remembered me from previous years, because I did comedy from 91 to 98. And I was like, I said, look, it was an act. What you saw was an act, I was just acting, putting on that kind of personality.

You know, decent person. And he was really apologising to me. He was giving it all a bit, oh, you're that horrible, wait a minute, I'm not, I'm not horrible, at all.

You know, I can be horrible, but everyone can. But generally, that's not my, that's not my go-to place. But I was acting like that, you know, for the comedy.

And I guess I was doing the kind of comedy that I liked to listen to. But at the same time, I wasn't doing it in a clever way. I didn't have, yeah, I don't know what it is.

I think the other problem I had was my moods. Because I never knew what mood I was going to be in. So I'd book a gig for April, maybe three gigs in April, five in May, you know, book them ahead of time.

But I didn't know how I was going to feel from one day to the next. I didn't know how I was going to feel during the day, how I was going to feel in the afternoon. Because I was all over the place, constantly, my mood was changing.

It was quite extreme. so I'd turn up to gigs in a really good mood, sometimes really not so much. And it affected what I did.

Sometimes I'd forget everything that I was going to say. And other times I would just come up with stuff off the top of my head. And it would get a laugh, or maybe it wouldn't get a laugh, you know, depending.

Sometimes I was confident, other times not so much. It was a weird thing. And I'm glad I don't regret doing it, because it's not a huge amount of people that can say that they did it.

So I've done something that I mean obviously thousands and thousands of people have done it, but if you think what percentage of the world has done stand-up comedy or stood on a stage in a comedy club, it's going to be a very small, very tiny percentage. And I did it. I wasn't successful, but I did do it.

I gave it a good go, or a bad go. And I'm kind of pleased that, you know, the thing is I didn't quit. It just, you know, I had a break.

I had a break from it. I did a particularly bad gig in January 1998. And I hadn't done a gig for ages previous to that.

And I just decided that was it. You know, for now. It wasn't like a definite, you know, part of me was like, on the night, that's it, never doing it again.

But afterwards I thought, well, okay, I'll take some time off. You know, give myself a bit of space and then I'll revisit. And I was busy.

I was doing other things anyway. And 1998, that's when I first really discovered hypnosis. And it was so exciting when I first discovered it.

It was, I'd love to be able to get that excitement back. Just the real, like, wow, I could change the world with this. That kind of, I don't know, it was almost like I was being, I was reading secrets that no one knew about.

But I guess it was something that the general public don't know about because they're not interested in it. It's all available. There are thousands of books on hypnosis.

I've got hundreds. There are thousands available. And it's, it's not, I guess, that popular of a subject.

But today I've chosen something that most people don't do. Like with the stand-up, I'm now doing hypnosis. And not many people, I mean there's still thousands upon thousands of people around the world that do it.

Thousands of people, I mean I counted it once, there was over 5,000 hypnotherapists in the UK in the late 90s. So, you know, 2,000. I actually counted every single one from the telephone books for the whole of the country.

I clearly had too much time on my hands. And yeah, I did this. Genuinely, I did do that.

I photocopied them all. I was going to put them onto a website. This is back in 1999, 2010.

No, 2000 rather. Yeah, 2000. And the same is, you know, with people making hypnosis videos on YouTube.

I was one of the first to do it. I wasn't the first. And I was by no means the most popular at all.

But I was one of the first. You know, I started my YouTube channel 2007. And there was a handful of us.

I didn't even know that anybody else was doing it. Genuinely, didn't know. I didn't do any research.

I just, you know, I'd already started on MySpace, putting videos on there. And then my friend I was living with said, have you heard of YouTube? I said, no. And then he knocked again because I shut the door in his face.

And he said, oh, it's a video website. I said, oh, OK. And it was a video he wanted me to see because it was really good.

So, OK. I said, I'll check it out later. So I went on there.

I was like, wow. This is great. And exactly what I was looking for.

I mean, to me, it was it was kind of MySpace, but more organized as far as videos go. Obviously now, you know, after being there, it's nothing like MySpace. But it was, you know, it was just like another version of that, but more without the social networking.

Although there was a fair bit of social networking on YouTube to start with, you could I'm pretty sure you could have friends on there. I might be wrong. I might be completely wrong on that one.

But it used to be able to post stuff, post text. And again, I might be wrong there as well, but I think it used to be able to. It's changed a lot.

YouTube has changed a lot over the years. And there was literally a handful of people making YouTube videos. And then, you know, over the years, as the time progressed, YouTube became absolutely massive.

And more and more hypnotists came along. There's more and more people doing videos where it's a video rather than them talking. They'd just be a video with their voice.

And they were really popular. And then I think with my YouTube channel, it wasn't until. It steadily grew steadily, very, very slowly, but steadily.

And then by. What year was it? Two thousand and eleven. Is when it really started to grow a bit more when I had my first.

First successful video that really was way, way more successful than all the others put together, really. And then. I did another one and that got, you know, good reception and.

Yeah, everything started to grow. So it was cool. It did take a few years, although I had to, you know, I had a regular audience and.

It was. It was going OK, but it wasn't, you know, it wasn't like super duper and it never did get to that level. I didn't allow it to get to that level because I destroyed the channel, got rid of it, close it down.

Don't even ask why. I don't know. One of the more silly things I've done.

And it was really growing. It was. I mean, if it continued the way it was, I'd be getting millions of downloads or millions of plays a day.

Now. You think like 11 years later, 12 years later. No, I think I got rid of it in 2012, maybe 2013.

Yeah, 2013 probably. So. Ten years.

Yeah, depending on whether or not I continued doing what I was doing or I started making vlogs, which people liked, but it was very different from the hypnosis. It was just me chatting about my life and stuff and. It didn't necessarily fit in with.

What I was doing with the hypnosis stuff. I mean, in a way, because I used to call him Jason Chats. And.

There was one I used to call pretending to think that was another vlog I did. And what was the other one? The beard, the bearded. The bearded hypnotist or Mr. Beardy or something.

Winky wonky was another one, I think so. But yeah. Jason Chats was the.

The vlogs. On YouTube. So I was doing those from.

2007 or 2008 onwards. For about 2008, I was doing Jason Chats and I did them every now and then. I usually delete them.

Then I upload another one, you know, maybe a few weeks later and I go through a period of maybe doing one every day and then I delete them. I'd leave the hypnosis stuff on there, but I get rid of the vlogs. And then.

I started doing this thing. Which was a mixture of hypnosis and Jason Chats and I called it Hypno Chats. And I used to make these videos.

And I'd also turn the video into a podcast as well. You know, extract the audio from the video. So I'd make these videos and I was a counselor at the time, so I'd make them while I was in the room.

It's a little bit distracting for the client, but. And a good thing the room I was in was very bright because of the sun. The sun literally at that time shone right in.

So it was a fairly clear picture, not a brilliant sound. Very echoey. So I did this Hypno Chats was me just talking about something.

Talking about how I was then talking about the subject and then leading into a hypnotic kind of induction thing. So this kind of just led into it gently. And.

I did that for a while. And I did another one. I forget what it was called.

Thinking out. Thinking out. Thinking out quietly or something.

Which was kind of another sort of that was very. What would you call it? Stream of consciousness thinking talking just talking about how I'm thinking, you know. Pretty much what I do here.

No structure, no beginning, no knowing what I'm going to say. You know, it's no notes, no reminders, no particular purpose or any kind of topic of conversation. So I did that as well.

And then. I think kind of the mixture of those ended up being the let me bore you to sleep podcast where I just talk. It's kind of like the Jason Chats really, but it's longer and it's.

I mean, sometimes some of those Jason chats are a little bit hyper. So I'm not not really high. I do many hyper podcasts.

It's usually quite slow. You know, on purpose and it's supposed to be slow. It's just supposed to be.

Don't ask me why. I don't know why it just is in it. So.

Yeah. I do sometimes wonder. It's weird the way things work out, isn't it? How one thing leads to another thing.

How. You know, where would I be now if I hadn't started doing this? And I don't mean making this recording that I'm talking into to you now. I don't mean right now, but where would if I hadn't for example.

Decided to make a video. And. Then upload it to MySpace.

You know, the very first thing if I hadn't done that. And all these things that led on to other things. So doing the free service helping people then led me to wanting to volunteer.

Which then led me to being headhunted by another charity that worked with drug alcohol, drug rehab. And. But then volunteering at the alcohol charity led to the one of the people that worked there making CDs of my recordings because I would record all my recordings.

So every time I did a session I'd record it. And then I put it on to my website. Or on to a podcast.

Or both. And. You know, someone said I would like it if you you know would like to be able to.

It's nice hearing you once a week or twice a week. But it'd be nice to be able to hear you at night or when I'm trying to get to sleep or you know at home. I said I'm not coming home with you.

And they'd say I wasn't asking you to come home with me. I said good because I'm not. I wasn't asking.

But I'm not. I know I was. I'm asking.

I'm saying it'd be nice to be able to hear you at home. Yeah but that'd involve me going home with you and I'm not. I'm not saying I want you to go home with me.

You know, by the way have you finished with this coffee mug? No I haven't finished with the coffee mug. There's nothing in it. Yeah there is there's still some in there.

But it's cold. So. How do the people listening know who's speaking? What do you mean? Well both voices are the same.

Oh yeah. Wouldn't that be a bit confusing? Possibly. And do you know who's speaking now? I'm not sure.

Yeah that is a bit confusing isn't it? Yep. Why didn't you do a different voice then? Well I didn't know it was going to go on this long to be fair. It's really dragged out hasn't it? Yeah you're right it has.

I mean I thought maybe five seconds and it'd be over you know just be a you know oh you mean your love life? There's no need for that. So I just thought it'd be good you know be over and done with and just move on. But it's still going and I don't understand why it's still going because there's nothing left to say.

Yeah but it's never really stopped him has it? Well who's that? You know Jason. No true. Doesn't really know when to stop does he? Did you realise he's got nearly a thousand recordings and he's not said one one useful thing yet in all of those recordings? Yeah I know I can't believe it.

You know what's even more strange? What's that? Some people actually listen to it. No. Are you sure? Yeah some people listen to it.

Wow. Why? I've got no idea. I really don't know.

I mean what but he's so boring. I know tedious. I said boring.

Yeah and I said tedious. It's the same thing. Well it's not spelt the same.

Doesn't sound the same. And I do believe mine's better. How is tedious better than boring? Well it makes me sound more intelligent.

You know you can use words like boring but it's very basic English isn't it? And tedious is you know it's a level higher. Pretty much everyone knows what it means but you know it's just a more a more creative use of words than boring. In fact boring is a boring word.

I don't understand why you're being like that. Being like what? Well you know we were getting on so well you know aiming aiming everything at Jason and now now you're aiming it at me. What's your problem? Oh I just I don't know it's just been a long day.

That's all. Don't tell me about it. It is isn't it? Well first of all I got up it was really early in the morning and it was a knock on the door at 9.30 in the morning Wait wait wait when I said tell me about it I don't really want you to tell me about it otherwise we might as well just listen to Jason talk.

You know another boring story. I think you're a little bit a little bit harsh towards Jason. Not all of his stories are completely tedious.

How are you using my word? I don't think I mean you know I'm pretty pretty sure that if you pick up a dictionary or a thesaurus it doesn't have your name on it. Well I think you'll find my thesaurus does have my name written on the inside of the cover. You know that's not what I meant.

Well you weren't specific. You know that's not what I meant. Do you want to get fish and chips today? Nah I fancy curry.

Okay then. Come on give me a cuddle. Okay.

End of scene. Why do you say end of scene? I don't know I thought it would be dramatic. I mean can't you just enjoy the cuddle? Yeah okay.

Always have to make something bigger than it is. Well you know if something isn't big enough you've got to make it bigger haven't you? If it was big enough already I wouldn't need to imagine. That's just rude.

Why would you say such a thing? I don't know I just the conversation has gone on too long and it's almost like it's a conversation about nothing and there's a limit. You know what I mean? There's a limit. What do you mean a limit? Do you know what the word limit means? I know what the word limit means I mean what do you mean by there's a limit? And what do you think I mean? That's it.

I'm going to sleep now. Alright then well I'll turn my light off. Goodnight dear.

Goodnight. I've got no idea what that was. What was that about? So I'm going to go it's time to go to bed.

So well not for me yet but I'm going to go thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself remember to be gentle with yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.