#954 Accident prone Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (16th January 2023)

Hello and welcome to... Let me bore you to sleep. I hope you will. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

My website's jasonnewland.com So, I'll just read a few little messages out. There's a message on my Jason Newland Hypnotist Group on Facebook. So it's Jason Newland Hypnotist Group.

It's a private group, there's only 94 members. You can join if you choose. Ruth has posted, loving the sleepy boring objects audios but mishearing about the stats.

Should I be worried about how invested I've become in the stats? Seriously though Jason, thank you for the audios. Eight times out of ten I'm asleep before the countdown. Wow, so yeah, so I'm getting from that is more talking about the stats.

That's what I'm getting. Brilliant. There's three answers.

Sky says agreed we need the stats. Kathy says I love let me bore you to sleep. Diana says I miss the bedtime stories although never heard a whole story.

Laugh out loud. So yeah, well thank you for everyone for those messages. That's very nice.

Okay, there's another something else there. Always a happy new year Jason. Okay, thanks.

I won't reply to that. It's like weeks ago now. I got a message from Oh, who is it? Where was it? Oh okay, maybe it was on Facebook.

Yeah, Kissy. Dear Jason, I have been listening to your podcasts and you mentioned the names of the countries you have been to. Amsterdam is not a country but a city in the Netherlands.

Amsterdam is the capital of the Netherlands. You may be not aware of this but you can add the Netherlands to the list of countries you visited. Greetings Kissy from the Netherlands.

I suppose you could say Netherlands a few more times. Could you? Well, I'm sorry to contradict you but you're wrong. Amsterdam is indeed a country on its own.

I'm going to check it. Is Amsterdam a country? I'll just Google that. Amsterdam is a city and a port in the Netherlands.

It is the country's capital and its principal commercial and financial center. See, I told you. I think the reason why I suppose I particularly focused on Amsterdam is just because it's quite a a tourist place to go.

Because when I went, I didn't go to, I've not really gone, when I've been to other countries, I've not gone to a particular place. For example, if I went to America and I went to New York, you know, I went to New York for the weekend or something, I would have said I've been to New York. If I went to Paris for a romantic trip or something, you know, so I've been to Paris.

I know I was talking about countries, but I guess I was just talking about, I mean, I have been to Paris, but it was like one day out of the, I don't know, six days I was in France. And yeah, yeah, so it's good. See, sorry about that.

Amsterdam is actually a country. So it's okay. I mean, we live and learn, don't we? I mean, that's what I'm here for.

I am here to educate the population of the world. That's what I'm here for. Yeah.

Yeah. So I wonder if I'll ever go back to Amsterdam. I went there, actually.

What happened is I, what did I do? Yeah, I'd been ill. I'd been ill back in 2002. Basically, or was it 2000? No, it was 2003.

Yeah, 2003. I was ill in 2002, November. And I still carried on working and I was having panic attacks and stuff like that.

So I was still carried on working. Tried to work through it. I got therapy, medication.

Stop it. Seriously, mate. No, don't be doing that.

That's not what you do. Stop it. I'm gonna put him in his room.

I just put him into the bedroom. I don't know why he does that. It's literally pretty much nine out of 10 times, I'd say, when I'm making a podcast, he starts just and then he starts barking.

I don't know if he wants my attention or he doesn't understand what I'm doing. Why am I talking to myself? Maybe he thinks I'm ill. Maybe he's concerned about my well-being.

I don't know. Daddy, you're doing it again. You're talking to yourself again.

You need help. No, it's a podcast. I don't understand what that means.

You need to use words that I understand. Okay, walk, treat. Good boy.

I think they're the only three. No, he understands no, but he doesn't acknowledge it. He hears it enough.

I think he's beginning to think that's his name. No. Stop that.

Stop. No. No.

Stop. Stop. Oh, here's something.

Free Birds Magazine. Is Amsterdam a country? No, silly. It's the capital of the Netherlands.

Talk about my Netherlands. I am. You need to have a little trim.

So, how are you doing today? Are you well? What the stats? You want to know about the stats? It's weird. You know, yesterday, yesterday, Sunday, it's Monday today, hence yesterday being Sunday, and tomorrow is Tuesday. So, yesterday, it was a quiet day.

I still had like nearly 13,000 downloads, but it was compared to the day before it was over 20,000. But today, it's one o'clock in the afternoon, I've got about 8,000 downloads. But I still can't figure out because the Hypnosis for Stress and Anxiety podcast, the last 30 days, I've had 158,249 downloads.

And every day, generally, I get a fair few. You know, yesterday I had 4,000. The day before, six and a half thousand downloads.

Sunday generally is a quieter day. Saturday and Sunday generally are quieter than the rest of the week. But today, I've only got 734 downloads on that podcast, which is just really weird.

It's not the first time it's happened. I mean, at this rate, I might get a couple of thousand all day. That'll be it.

It does happen occasionally. It's just weird. And on that podcast, I've got just under three and a half million downloads.

And the most I've got three, just say two and a half million. My three nearly three and a half minutes. So that's, that's my most popular podcast that one.

Yeah, blindly. Now the second most popular one is the Hypnosis for Sleep in Deeply. That's 3,366,000.

Now today, I've got 4,000 downloads on that one. Yesterday, 2.7 thousand for the whole day. So it's just I can't figure it out.

I can't figure it out. But then Friday, no Saturday, on the Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis, I had 4,700 downloads. Yesterday, just under 2,000.

And today, I've already reached nearly the 2,000. And we're halfway through the day. I can't, there's no rhyme or reason.

Now I realize some of you are probably thinking that message you read out about wanting to hear more about the stats. You do realize Jason, that was sarcasm. I don't really literally want to hear more about the stats.

You've taken it the wrong way. And now you're telling us about the stats, but no one actually wants to hear about the stats. You use your middle name gullible.

I know is sarcasm. I was just, I'm just talking about what what I'm thinking about. And that's what I'm thinking about.

Deep Sleep Whisperer. 1.1 million altogether for that one. So that's all right.

I don't feel I've got you know, I've got a one another one with over a million. 1.8 million is a sleep insomnia hypnosis. I got 222 downloads today.

I mean, just weird, weird the way it works out. There's no others that are anywhere near a million, I don't think. No, there isn't.

Relax and sleep hypnosis daily. 538,000. So that's, I get a regular I got like 12,000 for the last 30 days.

So that's like a regular, that's a regular burner. Is that a right way of saying it? The Let Me Boy To Sleep podcast on its own is 628,000. Well, and 400.

So 628, I might 6, 7, 8, 9, never know, I might reach a million by the end of the decade with this one. Even though I actually did try and figure out how many downloads I've had of the Let Me Boy To Sleep spread over the different podcasts. And I started doing it and I realized it was going to take me probably two days solid to calculate it all to take you know, to look at everything and take it down and write it down and then add it all up.

And I couldn't be bothered. I just wanted to see how many I'd had in the last year, like last year, how many Let Me Boy To Sleep downloads I'd had on the hypnosis of sleeping deeply. Let Me Boy To Sleep 2022.

I mean, it's one way of doing it, I guess. But December, how far does it does it? Exactly. Let Me Boy.

Oh, okay. I think I had 238 recordings all together last year. That's everything.

And I only made one bedtime story time. The whole year. I think part of the reason for that is because I couldn't be bothered.

Now I think it was, I don't know what, I don't know what the reason was. It's finding stories, really, that are not copyrighted. Although I do do my own take.

And I, I adapt the story. So it's not verbatim. And it's not, you know, exactly the same.

We know what verbatim means. Now, what I mean is the actual story itself is not talking just about the wording. So it's, you know, I kind of, I'm quite, quite generous with the blimey.

So I'm just looking at this, it would take absolutely ages. There's got to be a way of it's got to be a way of calculating it. Just, there's got to be.

I'm not sure how to because there's so many. I did. I must I couldn't have been was it 230? Was it 300? No, I think it was 239.

That I did last year. And that was everything. So I'm not even sure how many Let Me Boy The Sleep I did last year.

I could actually look it up to be fair. Look up Let Me Boy The Sleep. We don't care.

No, come on. Don't be like that. So we're now up to this one here that I'm doing is number 954.

But 2022 you know, I've noticed and I don't know why. But the internet started to go very slow. And this is the fast internet.

I might have to reset it. Just turn it off and give it a break because it's on 24 hours a day. Yeah.

Okay, so yes, last year, I got 31st of December 946. So if I put in actually what I do is put in January 946. Blimey, so slow.

I'm not sure why it's so slow. So if I put in January 2022, and it's not even let me type anything in. January.

Copy that. Okay, now it is. I'll tell you something.

I just think computers are so annoying sometimes. Okay. So 784 was the very first recording of the year.

No. Oh, yeah. 784.

First of January 2024. So 784. And to 700.

And what did we say? The first right. Okay. So December 784.

784. And the last one was 946. 784 946.

So 784 884. Oh, my 784 946. So 84.

So 160 something off the top of my head. Look, I can't be a genius at everything. So stop judging me 784 884.

There's 10094 914 2434 44. So this is over 120. Yeah, blimey.

So it's Yeah, it was. I think I might have done more the year before. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. It's weird, though, because I feel like I'm doing them all the time. But that wasn't even one a day.

I didn't even do one a day. All together, including the deep sleep whisper, the relaxing sleep hypnosis daily. The I don't know, stress and pain relief.

Just the stop smoking ones. I didn't do one a day. Chronic pain ones, the sleepy boring objects.

The ASMR let me bore you to sleep. Let me bore your pain away. I'm one.

Did I do one or did I do nine, three, six, nine, nine, did five, nine episodes. One, two, three, four, five. That's strange.

I don't know. I don't know what is. I didn't do the ones with music or ones with five hours.

Never mind. So yeah, so I did five different versions of the let me bore your pain away. Perhaps I'll do more of that.

Someone did actually point out something it was on YouTube and I'm getting quite a few comments now on YouTube, which is nice. Not like millions, you know, less than a hundred thousand comments a day. But Heather Earth from YouTube and listening to Invisible Body, which was a relaxing sleep hypnosis daily podcast.

Your voice is so relaxing to me, especially when you get off track and talk about other random stuff. I don't think I ever get off track. I'm pretty focused, I think.

Am I normally? Hmm. But thanks. You know, I mean, I, you know, I'll be honest with you.

And I really, really am I honest. It doesn't really doesn't suit me. Honesty doesn't.

I like to lie. Just feels better. Feels right.

Back in the day, and I'm talking about quite a long time ago, over a decade ago, when I was really, I'd say pretty focusing more on YouTube than on the podcasts. It was more cases, I'd make the YouTube video, I'd extract the audio from the YouTube video, and then upload that to the podcast. So podcast was secondary in my mind.

And part of the reason for that is because podcasts kind of went away for a while, you know, in popularity. They were popular for a little while. And you know, I've been around since the birth of YouTube, the birth of Facebook, the long before all of these things like TikToks and all that stuff.

I don't mean I've been alive. I mean, because obviously, I'm 96 years old. What I mean is, I've been around online making content, hypnosis content and things like that.

And I was around at the beginning of podcasting. And then it seemed to just go away. It was still around.

People were still making podcasts and so was I. But a lot of the companies, the websites just disappeared. And then over time, and I don't know, maybe a few years ago, four years ago, five years ago, started to make a bit of a resurgence and became more popular. And I don't know what the popularity is, what level of popularity podcasts are.

If I'm honest, I don't know. I do try and keep up to date with that stuff. But there's, I don't know, really.

I know, I think Joe Rogan's one of the top podcasters. And I think he gets, you know, over 300 million downloads a month or something like that. So, you know, he's, if not more, I mean, he's one of the biggest stars in the world when it comes to YouTube and podcasting, the crossover.

He's, he is a huge, huge star. And so what's that? 10 million a day? I mean, it's a little bit more than me. I mean, just a tiny, tiny little bit.

Just a tiny, you know what? He could lose the amount that I get every day and not even notice it. He could lose the amount I get in a year. No, not in a year, because he wouldn't notice that.

But he could, he could lose what I get in a month off of a day and not probably notice it. Because I get like three, 400,000 a month, maybe. So that's what, if he gets 10 million a day, 300,000 off of 10 million, it's not hardly noticeable, is it? In fact, yeah, he could get the whole year.

I just under 5 million downloads last year. He could lose 5 million in a day. It's like, oh, it's been a bit of a quiet day.

And then the next day, perhaps he'll get 13 million or 14 million downloads. Oh, it's just almost like it's nothing. It's unbelievable.

So my my target in my imaginary world is to, I'd like to get a million downloads a month by the end of this year. And then the next target is a million downloads a week. And then a million a day.

And then a million an hour, million an hour. And then to be the top podcaster in the whole world. Yeah, sure.

I think if I wanted to be the top podcaster in the whole world, I pretty much, I'd need to speak Chinese, I think, because the market in China is so huge. If I could tap into that, and speak Chinese, if I could speak Mandarin or whatever the different, and there's lots of different dialects. As I said, I'm here to educate everybody.

So I mean, it's weird that some of them speak duck. But I, I kind of don't speak any other languages. I therefore can't really reach outside of, well, I can, but you know, generally English speaking countries, but I clearly do because I've researched and I've got people from all over the world listening.

Now, I don't know if they're English speaking, or maybe English as a second language. And I've never spoken another language. So I don't know what it's like.

The lady in the garage, I got on really well with her. She was from, I think she's from Poland or Romania, somewhere like that. And she, I used to talk to her every time I went in there.

She was lovely. And her husband was really nice as well. He worked in there as well.

And sometimes she'd stop before answering the question. And I'd ask her a question. She's like, stop.

She said, well, normally, I normally I spit. And I said, Oh, so you took a while. She said, Yeah, I was, I was processing what you said in English.

When, you know, processing what you said, and then turning it into Arabic or whatever her language was. That isn't what she said, you know, so I was turning into Arabic or whatever her language, that would have been weird. And, and I thought, if that's the case, I don't think my brain works quick enough.

I've got a very slow brain. Dude, I've got everything slow with me. And I don't know if that's a disability.

I'm not sure. But I have to look when I'm walking, I have to look at the ground. Not all the time.

But I have to, I have to be careful when I walk up and down stairs, especially since I fractured my back. But I've slipped on the stairs loads of times. I fell out of the bath, broke my wrist.

When I was in Thailand, I tripped over loads of steps. I broke three toes last year on the same thing. I basically banged my foot on my toes on this is solid steel bench, weight bench.

So basically, it's a, it's a one that you lie on. And then you, you know, you lift weights and stuff. But it's solid steel, heaviest thing I've got in the whole flat, really.

But I had it in a position that was just not conducive to having happy toes. It was just, you know, twice, I smashed my foot into them. Once I did two toes, and the other time I did one toe.

And I was just ridiculous. I mean, even at the airport, on the way in London, at the airport, not at the airport, at the train station, on the way to the airport, I fell down some steps. So I was looking up at the signs.

And I just fell down a step. Luckily, I didn't hurt myself. I, my friend says I'm accident prone.

I don't know why. I'll be honest. You know, normally, I am.

I, I think I might have some kind of spatial thing going on. And that's part of the reason why I don't drive. I mean, I probably wouldn't get a license because of bipolar and a medication, because it causes drowsiness and stuff.

So I can't drive anyway. But like when I was younger, younger, I did take driving lessons twice. One in London in about 1991.

And I had a job in a bakery. So I had enough money coming in to pay for driving lessons. And I just thought, yeah, let's do it, baby.

Let's get a driving license. And I had a provisional license. I think it was just sent to me when I was 17.

I was 16. Yeah, 16. I got provision license when I was 16, just sent to my home.

I was 15. I can't remember. Basically, it allowed me to, to, to ride a moped, a 50 cc moped, and a tractor as well, apparently.

Something like that. And then when I was 17, I was allowed to take driving lessons. The 50 cc, I had to have L plates on.

And I think at 17, I could draw, I could ride a 125 cc motorbike with L plates. Yeah, I think that was the rules back then. And there wasn't a, with driving tests back then, let me just check it's still recording.

This chair, it doesn't make any noise, big bang. I need to get a new chair. Some would argue that if every single chair I ever sit in falls apart really quickly, then maybe it's not the chair.

I disagree. It's got nothing to do with my big fat bum. It's the chair.

It's the chair. So they didn't used to have a theory test when I was a kid, when I was sort of like left school. No theory test.

It was just a driving test. And then I don't in the 90s or whatever, they changed it. So there had to be a theory test before taking the actual driving test.

And the theory test would be just you know, about what theory, you know, answering questions about road signs and stuff like that. I don't know, I guess I've not never done it. Never done it.

So I took driving lessons in 1991. The problem is that in where I was living in East London, there was cars parked both sides of the road. And you literally had to wait for other cars to come through for getting going continuing.

There's not enough room for two cars to go down the road at the same time. Not in not in every road, but a heck of a lot of roads like the side roads. And to me, that seemed just pointless.

It's just, you know, I mean, the roads here were built for horse and car. They weren't built for cars. And they definitely weren't built for two cars going either way.

And even the roads that are built specifically for that, they're still all you got is this line in the middle of the road. They can't physically do anything. And people are supposed to keep to their side of the road.

And it's a bit of a strange thing, really. But I didn't like driving. I didn't enjoy it.

I didn't like it. I had a couple of lessons. I just didn't really, it wasn't my thing.

It wasn't my thing. I mean, nothing weird happened. I don't think I don't think I didn't crash or anything.

I hit the curb a few times. And I was either too close to the curb or too far away from the curb. I couldn't get the space right.

I couldn't judge the space, the distance. And I guess that comes with practice. But I don't know, I just don't seem to have that natural ability to I mean, less so now because of my eyesight is not so brilliant as it used to be.

And I can't even when it's dark, I can't see. I can see, but I can't see really what's around. I can see the ground and I can see the street lights and the street lights are about half as half as bright as they used to be.

The local councils are really trying to cut down on money and stuff and and conserving energy and things like that. But the streetlights are practically useless. It is, it's like someone's just, I reckon a mobile phone will be brighter than a streetlight.

Seriously. It's just not very good at all. It feels almost like this must have been what it was like, you know, 150 years ago, walking around and not really being able to see very far ahead of you.

So. Just walking around with your little DIY doctor's kit. Lurking in an alleyway or whatever, you know, just just normal stuff.

I just, I don't know. I want the lights to be on bright. I'm not saying, I don't expect it to be like daylight at night.

You know, I do understand that, you know, generally it's not going to be. But the thing is, because we live in a country, well, I live in a country where during the winter time, there's very little, we don't, there's a lot of very cloudy evenings. So we don't get the moon, we don't get the brightness from the moon so much.

Because if the moon's out, it just brightens everything up, doesn't it? Not everything, doesn't brighten up my bathroom. And I think a good cleaner would probably do that. But on my underpants, I think they'd be on cleaning.

It's weird, isn't it? I never thought I'd get to the age where I just had to chuck underpants out, where the washing machine would just say, nope. I literally, I can't even get close to the washing machine anymore with my underpants. I started hiding them, you know, with all the other rubbish, the other washing, and the washing machine says, hey, wait, I actually have to show each individual piece before I put it into his mouth.

Won't, honestly, I have to chuck it, I have to get new underpants every time, which isn't true. So what was I going to say? Yeah, driving lessons. I didn't like it.

I didn't see the point of it. I can see the point long distance, having a car, driving, getting away and the freedom of it. I really, you know, I do admire, not admire, I don't know, I can see the benefit of it.

And I know that if I had a car, I would be definitely away from here. Probably now, I probably wouldn't be here right now. I'd be driving somewhere.

If I had the money for the petrol, I'd be gone, you know, go, just go away somewhere and just take Vinnie and just go for out for the day. Maybe not today, because it's a bit of a rainy day. But a lot more than normal.

I don't think I want to turn into one of those people that takes the car absolutely everywhere. You know, it's in the winter, I walk to the petrol station, and I've got my coat on, I've got like two tops on underneath the coat. I've got me hat, my gloves, my ball warmers.

And, you know, I'm wrapped up and perhaps still cold if especially it's windy or whatever. And I get into the, and I'm walking up to the petrol station, and I see people just get out their cars with t shirts on. I just walk quickly into the petrol station, do what they need to do and get out and get back into their warm car with their t shirt on.

And I guess they're just going to drive home with the t shirt on. And just get out of the car and walk into the front door. Maybe the t shirt's still on.

And I just, it seems unfair. But then if you're literally just walking from your house to your car, and it's three footsteps, and you're doing like maybe another five, six foot steps to get into the petrol station. Why would you need to wrap up really? But if anything, if you're in a nice warm house, sometimes going outside can be a bit refreshing.

Like a bit of air. But I sometimes find really cold air. It does me the world of good.

I like it. Especially if I'm a bit tired, it wakes me up. Or if I'm, if I'm a bit too, too awake, it makes you feel sleepy.

Again, that's not true. I don't know why I said it. So I don't I wouldn't want to be like that.

I wouldn't want to start getting lazy to the point where I drive the car to places where I could walk. I don't mean well, you can walk for 40 minutes. No, I'm not gonna obviously get a car for that, use a car.

But if I can get somewhere in five minutes, and I'm not actually on the way somewhere else or having to pick something up or carry something. I'd like to think that I'd walk but I probably wouldn't. You know, the fact is I might not.

And maybe part of it is because as a pedestrian, a long term lifelong pedestrian, I can't really mix things. I can't, you know, if I go and see, let's say if I live in a town, I do live in a town, I live in a village actually, but I've never been I sort of go to one side of the town and then the other side of the town, unless I get bus. So if I was going to see someone the other side of the town, I'll perhaps do that on a different day, because it's a long walk.

But if I had a car, I could go to it's really boring, isn't it? Blimey. Even for me, this is boring. Yes, if you had a car, you could go to both places, one after another.

Is that what you're gonna say? Yes, that's what I was gonna say. Why? Why do you put us through this Jason? Why do you put us through every single day? More and more of the same? I don't know. And yeah, I'd like to think, you know, I don't, yeah.

I know people that don't live far from town, but they get they drive their cars there. And I think, well, why do you drive your car when it's only a 10 or 15 minute walk? But the reality is, would I walk if I had a car? I sure as heck wouldn't walk if it was raining. And would having a car give me more time? Because you think about it, if it saves time, if you can save an hour a day by having a car, I mean, that's 300, that's over 220 hours a year.

So, one hour a day over the year is over 15, just over 15 or 15.2 whole days, 24 hour days that you've saved. So, if you go for an eight hour day, 45 eight hour days, or an hour a day. So, to save that much time.

Can you imagine how many box sets or how many TV shows, how many books, how many chocolate bars, I don't know, whatever you could do in that time that you've saved. Because, you know, I, when I worked in, yeah, I worked in a course center just before I started my college course, back in 2007. And it was a 15 minute walk to work, a 15 minute walk back.

Now, I could have got there in, even with the traffic, I could have got there in 10 minutes. Let's say 15 minutes, okay, with traffic, so it was quite busy. I was, I was going there peak time, I was starting at nine.

So, let's say 15 minutes, and then probably 10 minutes coming back. Or should we just say 20 minutes there, 10 minutes back. So, you know, so let's say 30 minutes in a day, I spend traveling, instead of 50, 60, one hour, one hour and 40 minutes.

Is that right? So, 90, 50, is 100. I've even forgotten what I'm talking about. What am I talking about? Walking, driving.

Yeah, I kept driving too near to the curb. I know that, I knew, I know that's not what I was talking about. So, yeah, so 50, 50 minutes either way.

So, that's, I mean, it's one hour, 40 minutes. So, if we, that's five days a week. So, let me just work that out.

So, 40 minutes, 40, 40, 40 times by 10, 40 times by five equals 200, divided by 60 is three. So, five, six, seven, eight. So, let's say eight hours, eight hours a week, traveling, which is quite a lot, isn't it? That's how much I was spending.

So, eight hours a week. So, eight hours a week times by 52 is 0.15, eight times by 52. If let's say eight times by 48, because I always had holidays if I, 384 hours.

So, I want you to remember that, 384 hours, 24, 16 whole days. What was it again? 384 divided by, so it's like an eight hour day, divided by eight, 48 full eight hour days. So, that's how much time I was spending traveling in a year, like 48 eight hour days in a year traveling, just walking to work.

So, what I did, what I do is eight times by 48. Eight times by 48 is 384 divided by 848. So, if I say 20, 30, 30 minutes, 20, 20, 30 minutes a day.

So, 30 minutes a day times by five. So, I said three, one, two and a half hours, two and a half hours, 2.5 times by 48, 120 hours, it's 120 hours, 120 hours. So, was it 384, take away 120.

264 hours I was saved by having a car, which is 33 eight hour days. Now, I realized it was 15 years ago, or 16 years ago. So, it's not really relevant.

And maybe I'm a little bit late on the ball for that one. I didn't think about it at the time, you know. I think part of the reason for that was because I was so young and fruity.

Young and fruity, because I was, I guess, although I didn't feel young, really. I suppose I didn't value time quite the way I do now. I'm not sure I actually value it even now, but I definitely acknowledge it.

Definitely realized that time, it does go, it goes, goes by. And yeah, I feel like I should write a poem about it. Time, doesn't it fly? Oh, how it flies.

You know, it's true. It really flies. It flies by.

Okay, that was a song. I don't know why I didn't make it as a songwriter. Oh well.

Dear Sarah, how do you do? Hope you're missing me the way I'm missing you. Do you think about me in your dreams? If you do, think about what it means. Not always what it seems.

This next bit is actually quite good, considering I was 14. Feelings are not always shown during the day, but when you go to sleep, all your worries drift away. Then your feelings start to arise, showing something that you didn't realize.

And then this is the hook. I love you. You know that it's true.

There's nothing I can do. I love you. Sarah, I love you.

So yeah, that's, it's weird. It's embedded in my brain. My brain.

Sarah. So yeah, I wrote that song for a girl called Lucy. But yeah, I couldn't think of anything to rhyme with Lucy, other than juicy.

And that seemed a little bit too familiar. Juicy Lucy. Hey baby, juicy Lucy.

Yeah, that's, no, no, that's true. No, I did. I was, I was infatuated with a lady called, she was a girl, but I was at school as well.

She was called Sarah. I really, really, I don't know why. I do know why, but I don't, I don't know why I really, well I do, but I don't, but I do, if you know what I mean.

I know why I was attracted to her, but I don't know why I felt that I loved her. Because she wasn't interested in me at all. So I don't know.

I mean, basically what happened is my friend asked her out. And then I decided that I wanted to go out with her. And it wasn't a case of, I just want everything that he has.

I don't think. Although we did used to share girlfriends, not share girlfriends, but we'd swap girlfriends. Like there was a couple of girls and sometimes they'd be my girlfriend and then sometimes it'd be his girlfriend.

And I was very young, I was only five. But yeah, I don't know what was quite going on. I went back to watch her come home from school.

I don't know what happens to that, that telescope. I'll tell you what, technology now would have been great. Imagine if I had access to a drone back then.

So I just really liked her. That's the thing. I was innocent.

It was very innocent. I, I bought her flowers, I bought her stuff like that. But I didn't really talk to her.

She knew who I was. And she did tell me to go away. No, she didn't.

No, yeah, she did want to say, I don't want to go out with you. I said, okay. And then my dad turned up out of nowhere.

So I don't know if, I don't know if he had an alarm or something. Like, Jason's at her house again. Can you come and collect him? No, I didn't.

I went once. It was for me, it was like Romeo and Juliet. She was upstairs.

And I was like, well, I was, I wasn't doing poetry or anything. It's really hard to just fit that into a conversation. I mean, if you literally talk to someone and they're looking out the window and used to go stoned, start saying, Oh, thou art is more fragrant than a smelly prune.

You know, like that old language, like, nah, doesn't doesn't work. It really does. Like, wait a second, before we go any further, I have a poem to read to you.

Let me just get my little ladder to stand on. I do believe I should wear a crown for this. Let me get my little costume on.

Lubricate my little stick. And I was like, I don't know. I was a romantic person when I was a kid.

I don't think I've got a romantic hair on my body anymore. And it's, I don't know what happened to it. Maybe it could be reignited.

Maybe it's, you know, it's dried up and healed and needs to be opened up again. But I really don't have. Yeah, it doesn't seem to be there.

Which is weird, isn't it? It's kind of, well, where is it then? I don't know, it's gone. But where is it? Where is it? Where's it gone? I don't know where it's gone. I just, you know, I was on holiday and there was this really nice lady.

And she was, she was a waitress in the hotel that I was staying in. And I was there for three weeks. So she saw me every day, pretty much.

And she was very friendly and we got to know each other a little bit. I saw her outside of work once. And she was in a bar that I was walking past and she called me over, Jasanne, Jasanne.

And I thought, who's shouting my name? I came here to get away from people. Who'd recognise me? It was her and I thought, oh, she looked different because she didn't have a costume on. And she was really friendly, like outside of work and inside work.

And I didn't offer to borrow a drink because I didn't want to spend any money. And she, she already had drinks. I just, I don't know, I felt a little bit, because she worked at the place where I was staying.

And I thought I kind of need to, I don't know, not start flirting or anything like that. Well, she started flirting with me. And on the last night, she actually said, I can come back to England with you.

She said she had a visa, she, that she could come, is still eligible to come to England for the next six months. She'd got friends in England and she could come back with me. And I said, no, you're right.

And it was too, we hadn't even been out, you know, if we'd had a holiday romance and fell in love, maybe, maybe I said, yeah, come back. But as we hadn't, we were friends, we got on really well, we had a laugh and that, but nothing, you know, you know, she'd like touch my hand when she walked past me and poked me in the ribs. At that walk, she didn't do that to start with, but when she realised I had a injured rib, she thought that was funny.

And I remember she, she came in one day, she said, I said, I said, you're right, she said, yeah, she died the day off yesterday. I said, did you? Okay. And she said to me, did you miss me? I said, no.

What do you mean did I miss you? I don't miss anyone ever. Now, I think culturally, that was probably the wrong thing to say. Or maybe just socially, that was the wrong thing to say.

But it was true. I never miss people. I don't miss anyone.

I just don't, I don't have it in me to miss people. And what I mean by that, I miss my Nan, I miss Andre, I don't mean like never miss anyone ever. But if someone's like got the day off, I'm not going to miss them.

You know? Maybe if I'd have been in a relationship, and I was in love with her, or, you know, maybe, yeah, maybe I would have missed her. I don't know. Generally, I don't miss people.

I don't know what that is. Just if you're there, you're there. If you're not, you're not.

That's just the way it is. I'm not that bothered. You know, I don't, I haven't seen my brother since before the lockdown.

I don't care. I don't miss him. I've spoken to him on the phone a few times.

I mean, I remember speaking to my dad on the phone, and he said, oh, we should come out and see you before Christmas. I said, why? We've just spoken on the phone. There's nothing else to say.

I didn't mean it horribly. It's just like, we've caught up. We don't need to meet up to catch up because we're just caught up on the phone.

What else are you going to add? You got a story about a plumber or something? I don't know. Or tell me about the garden. I mean, what is there to talk about? We've done the conversations.

I'm not sure if that makes me sound very nice, but I don't know, just I kind of don't see the point. It's not that would be nice to see you like, okay. It's I mean, for me, seeing someone or talking to them on the phone is kind of the same thing, really.

I can get a sense of them. And I suppose in my, in my mind, I'm seeing them as I'm talking to them, maybe. And I just, yeah, I don't miss people.

I don't. And I said that to her. And I don't think it went down so well.

In fact, she didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. But then she talked to me again the next day. And the next day, though, she was fine.

I think I think it took her back a little bit. And I wasn't being moody. My memory was being moody.

But I wasn't sort of trying to be horrible. I just just being honest. But then, as we all know, when is honesty ever helped a relationship? So as the week as I had a chest infection, so I spent most of my time in bed.

I did get up every day, especially near the end and I was going for walks. But I was I was very unwell for a good 10 days. And even the last few days when I felt better, I still didn't feel you know, still coughing.

And it wasn't socially acceptable out there to cough in public. Literally, every time I coughed, I'd hear someone in the distance shout out that that word. Rounds of Ovid.

And so I kind of felt a little bit self conscious. And then on the very last night, or the last two nights, she was really nice to me. And she was nice to me the whole time, but she kind of paid me more attention.

Had I been well, and fit and able, I would have sort of probably said, did you want to go for a meal? Do you want to go and do you want to go out dancing? Maybe said that you want to do something. You know, before I go home, just go for a meal or go for a drink or something like that. And then we could have got to know each other a bit better.

But you know, she was lovely, really, really nice, nice, nice person. But I can't, I'm not gonna, I think she, I don't know if she wanted me to pay for her travel to come back here. And that wasn't really an option, to be honest.

And that's one of the things that I really I did struggle with communication when I was in Thailand. Because it's about I think I struggle, I struggle to read people here. People that speak the same language, I don't necessarily know what their intentions are.

Or if they're being sarcastic, or you know, that I'm not kind of sure. Unless it's blatant, I blatancy is easier for me. But over there, it's, it's so much more subtle.

And I just don't know, I don't I don't know how to read the signals. Especially when it comes to like relationships and stuff. I found I've gotten very well with the men out there.

Just, you know, and women as well, but women that I wasn't interested or they weren't interested in me. And it was just fun. And but with this lady that I was talking about, I just didn't know.

I don't know if she liked me or, and she wasn't after my money, because I didn't have any money. But that can be misleading, because sometimes I think it looks like people have got money when on holiday. Because maybe they've been a bit reckless, even though it might just be credit card money, which it was for me.

Which I'll be paying off in the next five years or something. I don't know. I'd like to go back.

I'd like to go back for one reason. One reason really. I want to know what it's like to be there with either without a broken rib, or without having a chest infection.

Because that's the two things that happened to me. I want to be able to go and just feel normal, you know, just feel my, just be myself. And see how I am.

And I think part of the reason, one of the things is, I got a bit bored. I got bored. I mean, to be honest, the thing that gets me up in the morning, the things that, the thing that keeps me motivated is making podcasts and videos or whatever, doing this stuff.

So when I'm not doing this stuff, there's not really a lot for me to do that grabs my attention. And I know I'm not spending all day making podcasts, but there's a lot of other stuff that goes into this editing, processing, all kinds of stuff, behind the scenes things. At the moment, I've been focusing on producing videos for YouTube.

Some of them are old videos, or old podcasts. And you know, some just, I've got 149 videos now on YouTube. And I've scheduled up to the 25th of January.

So it's gone okay, you know, it's gone okay. It's very slow. But it's steady, steady and slow.

And I've been getting a lot of very, very positive comments. I need to reply to them because not everybody's going to hear, hear what I say in the podcasts. So I don't, I don't talk about comments when I do a deep sleep whisper podcast or relax asleep hypnosis daily podcast, or sleepy, boring objects podcast.

I only read out messages on this one, let me boy to sleep. So not everybody's probably going to hear it. So I really should make an effort and post replies to the comments that have been put on on YouTube.

Because I have read them and I have read them out. But they might think that I'm just ignoring them. I'm not.

And pretty much every message has been really positive and nice. And there was another one, I'm not sure if I've read it out to you. Chris said, this is about spreading relaxation.

This is your best one yet. I don't care for whisper videos. This one is great.

Okay. My Autistic Journey read out and this is for ASMR Mike. So it's for 949.

Let me boy to sleep. My Autistic Journey wrote, I have had insomnia all my adult life. I have severe anxiety and depression.

I've been listening to your bore me to sleep podcast on my phone for the last month. And want to thank you so much, because my ability to get sleep has improved a lot. And if I wake up, I just listen again and fall back to sleep in a short time.

My ability to stay awake all day has improved immensely. And my mood levels are so much better. Your podcast has changed my life.

So thank you for all the hard work you do to bring us your content. Kind regards, Helen. Thank you, Helen.

I do really appreciate that. And so I'm guessing you probably hear this message anyway. So I did read out a message you posted last week or the week before.

So thank you, but I'll go on YouTube and I'll post a comment or reply. Pretty much brings me to the end of the recording. It's the end of the podcast.

Thank you for listening. And remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself.

And maybe do something today that gives you some kind of pleasure. Doesn't have to cost any money. Just do something that you enjoy doing.

But take care of yourselves. Lots of love. Bye.