#947 Happy 2023 Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (4th January 2023)

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. My name is Jason Newland.

My website is jasonnewland.com and relax. So much for me doing one recording every day of the year. It's the 4th of December, no January already.

4th of January. It's a different year. Blimey.

I've not been well, ladies and gentlemen. Not been particularly well. So unable to really function very, very much as far as making new recordings.

But I'm here. And yeah, the windows open so there might be a few background sounds. But it's okay.

I think it's alright really, innit? It's okay. Sounded like there was a couple of cats doing something. I don't know what, but it's very, very high pitched.

More high pitched than Vinnie. I need to talk about something. Wait a minute.

Facebook. Right, I need to sort out my desk. This, this place, this room, it's very messy.

And you know, I can't have a flat surface without putting something on it. So even a chair, a flat surface, you know the chair where you sit down on that bit? There's a plate on that one over there. It always has to be something on a flat surface.

I don't know what it is. So I need to sort out the mess in here. And I've been using the excuse that, you know, I've got Vinnie and that's why it's so messy on the floor.

But I kind of realized the other day that, you know, if I have someone new come into the flat and I'll say, oh, sorry about the mess. I've got a new dog. I can't say that to someone that already knows me because, oh, someone that's already been up here because they know that it wasn't the dog.

It was me. It was already messy. The dog just, he divided up the mess by ripping things into bits.

So there was more mess, but that mess was already there. So, you know, there was a big box on the floor and that turned into about 52 different pieces. Bless him.

And then I did my laundry yesterday. That's a bit of a jump to subjects, isn't it? How's that connected? Well, let me tell you. I did my laundry.

So I'm in the bedroom. He's on the bed just looking at me. And so I'm putting the clothes, my dirty laundry is always at the bottom of the bed on the floor.

Not on the bed, but on the floor, you know, the other side of the bed. I just chuck it there and then I pick it up and wash it. I found only two pairs of underwear that had not been ripped to bits by him.

I can't believe it. He's had about four or five pairs of my underpants and just eaten them. Well, ripped them to bits.

You know, I seem to like that term, don't I? Ripped to bits. Shredded them, you may say. So I need to get a new set up for this whole desk thing because I've got a stand for my ear headphones that I want to use for the whisper stuff.

And there's some other stuff that I just want to have in the untidiness. The untidiness is... Oh, happy new year, by the way. Happy new year.

The untidiness is starting to annoy me a little bit, but it's a lot of work. Well, it's not a lot of work. I mean, it's not like I live in a mansion or anything, but there's, you know, there's a couple of hours of cleaning to be done and I'm going to do it.

I am. You know, I dislike cleaning so much that I decided I was going to make a recording. Not that I dislike making recordings, it's just, you know, if I'm going to do something, if I'm going to... Shall I clean or shall I make a recording? I'll make a recording.

Shall I clean or shall I go to the supermarket and get some shopping? I'll go to the supermarket. It's like, honestly, anything but clean. And it sounds a bit like, well, if you don't want to make recordings... No, it's not that.

It's just, I wasn't sure if I was really up to making a recording if I really felt well enough, but I really didn't want to clean. I really... Oh, and the toilet's leaking. Yeah, great.

So that's leaking into a bowl. You know, the top part of the toilet, I don't know what it's called. I was going to say the white part, but it might not be white everywhere in the world, but they're white generally here.

And the bit where it holds the water, not the toilet bit that you sit on and you know, present your gift to the toilet. You know, it's not that, but the top bit. Leaking.

So that's a little bit unfortunate. So let me see. All right.

Okay. So I was going to go on to my page of Jason Newland hypnotist group. I saw a message on there from Molly.

Molly, Molly, Molly, Molly. Oh, that's from Mike. Mike says, Molly, should we consider changing a group's header graphic to this photo? There's a photo of Vinnie.

So what's the original group photo? Let's have a look. It's Andre. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I'll tell you what I'll say. Up to Molly. I'll leave it out to Molly.

So let Molly, if you're listening, it's up to you. Whatever you want to do. I should say I'm not even put a happy New Year.

Happy New Year. I've not been online. I've not done anything at all, really.

To or since New Year's Eve, I think it was. And it's weird. I'll tell you why.

Oh, there's membership requests to. Okay, Rebecca and Diana. Okay, I'll approve.

I'll do that. I don't normally do it. I'll let Rebecca.

Okay. And hi, Rebecca. Hi, Diana.

Welcome. Welcome. So I was going to say, I, I, I, I, I. Oh, yeah.

New Year's Eve. So I'm not really like a big Christmassy person. It's just because of just my lifestyle that what kind of my life has it's been.

Christmas kind of stopped really being Christmas when I was 15, really. 14. So, you know, that was kind of last, like family, family Christmas with all my brothers.

And, you know, like the family I had growing up from the age of seven to the age of 15. So to me, those were special times. I can't help it.

It's just the way I feel. They were more real Christmases. Not the other Christmases weren't real, but they just, they meant more to me.

Meant more. And my nan and granddad were there and, you know, it was good. So not really celebrate Christmas.

But I won't talk about Christmas anyway. I was going to talk about Christmas a lot more leading up to Christmas. But, you know, it's gone now.

So I'll wait until next year. Isn't that something to look forward to? Put it in your calendars. I might forget.

And yeah, New Year's. It's always been, I say always been, but generally it's a time of, it's a time I look forward to. I don't mean like the New Year's Eve celebrations necessarily.

But the new year, the new, I don't know, like opportunity, a new beginning. And I don't know, it's just, it's just the way I kind of, the way my mind is. And, and also because January is generally the coldest month of the year in England.

Well, where I live, my part of the country, it's generally, you know, December can get cold, can get cold anytime of the year, but January is generally fairly crisp. So wherever I've lived, even when I lived in London for 12 years, it's quite a smoggy place, lots of petrol fumes. And it's a lot, you know, it's a lot, a very crowded area, you know, 10 million people or whatever, all sort of stuck together.

And there's lots of smells and you know, from the different, from the different houses, but also from the various takeaways and restaurants and, you know, from the, as I said, the car fumes and, you know, petrol stations, it's just lots of smells and lots of, smog is probably not the right word, but probably pollution probably is the right word, I don't know. But when it's like really cold, it tends to, it cut through that, it tends to almost, for me, it felt a sense of quiet, because when it's really cold, less people are around, less, you know, people stay indoors as they can, you know, when it's really cold, especially right at the beginning of the year, like New Year's Day, it's generally a day off for most people.

So there's not a lot of people about.

And I used to like that walking around when I was in London, normally, it's just busy all the time. But New Year's Day, there'd be nothing, like Christmas Day, again, there'd be hardly any traffic. I used to like that.

So that almost a sense of crisp newness, like almost like anything's possible. You know, does that make sense? And it's not, to me, it was never really about making New Year's resolutions. I mean, in some ways, it's more like these days, it's more a case of carrying on with what I'm doing, rather than doing something completely different.

And it's been the case for the last 17 years, really, you know, I've been doing this thing that I'm doing now, in different forms. Whether it's videos, whether it's YouTube, hypnosis, sleep, pain relief, whatever, podcasts, different podcasts and stuff. So every year is a continuation of what I'm doing.

But also wanting to improve, perhaps, not perhaps, I do want to improve, but whether it will happen, perhaps. And to get better and to reach more people and progress, you know, just generally progress. And so that that's a little bit different to how it used to be.

You know, before 17, before 17 years ago, so less 18 years ago, it was more like, okay, this year, we'll do something different. I remember, is it 2000? And yeah, 2000. What was I doing? Oh, blimey.

2000. Or was it 2001? Might have been 2001. I think it was.

Yeah, I think 2001, January. I had loads of leaflets printed up, right at the beginning of the year, but not the first of the of the of the month, because it was, it's a what's it bank holiday thing. And the second was a bank holiday this year as well, because it was a Monday.

So this is only really the second day of normal kind of back to normal, sort of, you know, working days, where things are open and you know, like doctor's surgery and the dentists and I don't know, just general things. The post office probably Yeah, that wouldn't have been open on Boxing Day. Unless of course, we're on strike again.

I don't know. So I remember I went into this. It was in Stratford, East London, where I lived.

And there was this shop around the corner from where I lived. And so you come out my house, turn right, and turn right again. And there was an off license.

And then across the road, there was, I think there was a Indian takeaway. There was a laundrette. I think there was an Indian takeaway.

There was a pizza. I might be dominoes. And there was pizza go go.

This is pizza go go still around anyone? Pizza go go. So I didn't know what go go was now go go bars and stuff. I didn't know what that was.

But pizza go go. And it was pretty much half the price of it was either Pizza Hut or Domino's pizza. I don't remember.

And then next door to that there was an off license. They're not an off license a news agents. That's it news agents.

They also had stuff in there you could buy. Well, so you can buy the papers but had. Although they call themselves news agents, they also like had all kinds of groceries and things like that.

milk and eggs and beans and stuff, you know, all kinds of things, all kinds of different things, rice and bread and magazines, all kinds of magazines. I just have to take my own ladder in there sometimes when to collect my magazine. So the news agents once Yeah, because he knew me for years, years and years and years.

Like, you know, nearly a decade, this news agent knew me because I'd go in there. And like, it's the only way he's gonna know me, isn't it? He wouldn't know me if I never went in there. That would just be strange.

Unless we both went to the same club. A special club for people that work in news agents and people that don't go into news agents, like meet up. I don't know.

So I went in there with my girlfriend. And this was 1996. Right, so going there with him, just to buy something, I don't know, probably cigarettes or something.

And he said to me, and he pulled out a magazine. He pulled out a magazine from underneath the camera said, Oh, your big guns is here. Big ones is here.

Whatever. Busty and proud or something like that. I don't know whatever it was that he had.

And he put it on the counter. He said, Do you want to take it now? Or should I keep it for later? I couldn't believe he did that. And he started laughing.

And I honestly could not believe that because that really could have caused problems. The fact that he was laughing, I think my girlfriend thought it was a joke. I mean, it was kind of a joke.

You know, I said, like, I'll show you know, I buy stuff like that. As I walked out turn backs, it just so for later. It was just like, I couldn't believe he would do that.

And it was probably the probably the highlight of his month. Honestly, he must have. I'm sure he went home and told his grandkids about it.

Because it was funny. But yeah, that could have that could have really backfired on me. And I interviewed also introduced my girlfriend to the laundrette lady.

She just was like three doors up. And you might think, why would you introduce your girlfriend to laundrette lady? What simple is this? Yeah. I believe that if you start a relationship with somebody, and it's going well, and you've really think that, you know, it's potentially going somewhere and you care about the person, then it only makes sense to introduce her to the most important people in my life.

And there's very few people more important than the person that washes my underwear and doesn't complain. I mean, she did it for 10 years, she washed my underwear and never said anything. I used to buy Christmas presents.

Honestly, I mean, she was very important, very important person. She really was. I mean, I was so grateful to find someone that wasn't that was nice to me after, after touching my underpants.

That was still friendly. It was good. So yeah, so but basically turn left.

So if you don't cross the road, turn left. I'm trying to think what was down there, I'm taking you to the shop where I got these leaflets printed. So basically what I did was, oh yeah, to turn left.

Trying to remember. Going past there, I don't think there was that much there. But there's definitely was a gym.

So my I told you about my friend Wilf Sylvester. He was the Mr. Universe. And he was one of the nicest people I ever know, ever knew.

And I used to say I was like best buddies with him or anything, but I used to talk to him. And I used to train in there. He was, because there was a cardboard cut out of him in the window.

And I used to pass that for a couple of years thinking, wow, because he's huge. Obviously, Mr. Universe, I mean, really muscular, but it was a really, really kind of miniature size. It was only really short.

And when I met him, I was like, he is really short. He couldn't have been more than about five, four. So I'm not taller than many people.

But I was told him as like, wow, that he was big. He was like still big, but not as big as he was when he was doing the Mr. Universe. Because at this point, he'd retired, I think he'd retired just off in bodybuilding and from work as well.

He used to work at Ford's in Dagenham. He was such a lovely man. And his son was really cool as well.

So I met his son, he was really nice. And basically, I used to see him quite often, even in the late day in the late years, sort of late 90s, maybe early 2000s. He'd be outside and I'd be walking past, I'd stop and have a little chat with him.

And yeah, he was really, really nice man. So past that gym, I don't know if it's still there. I don't know.

Is there was a mobile phone shop? Isn't that weird? I can't really get an image of the of the place. I can get an image of the gym. Because going in on the right hand side, there was this empty room.

I rented it for a few months because I was going to do hypnosis in there. This is probably 2000. And I painted it and everything, but then I couldn't afford it.

I was I was just, I kind of jumped into a situation and I couldn't, I couldn't afford to do it. And I'd advertised and I'd got no response. And I had to give it up.

And so I dealt with Sylvester's, Wilf's wife. And I don't think she liked me after that, because I probably let them down. I didn't, I didn't owe them any money.

I paid up and then I just said, sorry, I can't do it anymore. But they got a newly decorated room out of it. So it wasn't all bad.

That's what I said. And she said, Yeah, we didn't need the carpet decorated, did we? The carpet was fine. Didn't need the carpet painted white and red.

Probably had a point probably had a point. So a little bit further down, as I said, there was this mobile phone shop. And in, you know, late 90s, in England, there was mobile phone shops absolutely everywhere.

Like everywhere. Everywhere, the very late 90s, early 2000s. Because that's when mobile phones really took off.

So I actually the same same person I dated in 1996, when I went into the newsagents. And that person, her, she had a mobile phone. And I'd never even met anyone that had a mobile phone before.

Generally, back in those days, like before they became more, you know, before they became available or affordable. It was generally a certain group of people that had mobile phones. And it wasn't the average Joe, you know, it wasn't the general public, really.

I think because they're very expensive. They were and some of the phones were huge. They're like bricks.

So, you know, you get that's a weird noise, isn't it? So you get people from the city talking on their phone and people had phones on their in their expensive cars. And they're almost more like satellite phones, I think. More like in some ways, like a mixture between a mobile phone and a walkie talkie.

I've used a walkie talkie when I was in security guard. And I know that uses radio waves. And mobile phones, I guess do use radio waves as well, don't they? There's a different type of different frequency and blah, blah, blah.

That's as much as I know about that. But I think it's a similar kind of thing. It might not be.

I might be completely wrong. Don't you think it's weird that radio waves have always been there? And it's strange, always been there. So you could literally take if you if you could go back to prehistoric days with the technology.

And it would work in any time, providing you had, you know, the masts and all the stuff and the satellites in the sky, orbiting and all that stuff would work. I don't have any idea what my point is. I wonder if there was a point to what I just said.

It didn't seem to be, did there? It was almost like I was just saying it for the sake of saying it. And that's really unlike me. I usually have a proper agenda.

I have a reason for the things I say, don't you know? Yeah, okay. So Oh, yeah. Happy New Year.

If I haven't said already. Do you think you know, just going back quickly to the the what's it the group, my group, my group um, approve, approve. Okay, right.

Community home. So this is Jason Newland hypnotist group. How many people have I got on there? Members, so I've got 92 members.

I need to do something with this group because I've got members but I'm not really doing anything. Am I I need to have something a little bit a bit more something a bit special just for members of the group. Maybe, maybe that anyone's listening, there's a member of the Jason Newland hypnotist group on Facebook.

Maybe you can leave a message on there. And if you're listening to this, just not right now because you might be wanting to go to sleep or, or just relaxing. Maybe think of something that I could do that's a little bit different.

That would be a bit special, a bit unique, or just just for the members. Something that no one else has. I don't know what.

I mean, the video of me cutting my toenails. I mean, that would be weird, but it'd definitely be different. So I don't know.

And as for changing the picture. I'll be honest. I don't know if I put that picture up there.

I'm not sure if Molly put the picture up there. It's such a long time ago. I can't remember.

I think I'm pretty sure Molly can change it. But I might. I don't know.

I really don't know. I mean, having a picture of Andre the idea of taking down his picture. Feels a bit weird to me, if I'm honest.

But you know, this. It's not like I'm ever gonna forget a little boy, you know, he's, he's, he's etched in my mind for the rest of my life. So it's I don't know.

I mean, it's not. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, just let me know what you think. Anyway. Perhaps I mean, I could make I could make an actual proper banner, which would be something that a lot of people would do be a bit more professional.

So make a banner for the group. I don't know, maybe have a banner and then have maybe a picture of Andre and a picture of Vinnie. You know, just as a like, like a mascot.

I always kind of classed Andre like a mascot in a way of what I do. But bearing in mind is it was only part of what I do for five and a half years. And I was already doing it for 10 years before he came along.

Or nine years before he came along. So you know, maybe Vinnie can be the mascot for the next however long, maybe both of them. I don't know.

I'm not really sure. Someone did leave me a message that was really nice. I was on YouTube.

It was a YouTube message. And I was just kind of taken back by it. Two messages actually three messages.

One is from my autistic journey. This is the YouTube channel and this person says, I find your content interesting and funny. Even though I do also fall asleep.

I think it's your voice that relaxes me. I actually tried to stay awake so I don't miss what you're saying. Well, thank you for that.

I still need to apply. I'm terrible at replying. I've been so I've been busy doing nothing to be honest, the last few days.

Busy not doing much at all. Friendly Toad says, Please never stop making videos. I've been listening to you every night for 10 years.

Wow. Thank you, friendly toad. And Chloe Chloe commented, Jason, hello from Michigan.

By the way, these are messages that have been posted as comments on my Facebook videos, my YouTube videos. So they're not private messages. Okay.

Jason, hello from Michigan, USA. I'm a longtime listener. And I want to thank you.

My fiance and father of my three small children. Unexpectedly passed away last June. Since then, I've had horrible anxiety and insomnia, but your let me bore you to sleep podcast still always helps me tremendously.

Even if I cannot fall asleep, I appreciate your voice being there as company to help put my mind at ease. At night. I actually use your hypnosis for pain recordings.

What? Whoa, I'm gonna reread this. I actually used your hypnosis for pain recordings while I was in labor with my one year old daughter. And they helped me a lot.

Blimey. Blimey. That's that's pretty amazing.

I've recommended your podcast to everyone I know. Thanks for all of your hard work. Please keep it up.

Thank you, Chloe. Chloe. That's very nice.

That's a wonderful message. So it's free really lovely messages on on YouTube. And what you want to know how many subscribers I've got.

You people you can never get enough of the stats Kenya. Okay, let me have a look. 818 subscribers I've got now.

818. So the views are going up. So 1.9 thousand to nearly 2000 views the last 28 days.

So the I'm getting like one subscriber new subscriber a day or something. Well, it's less than actually 25 in the last 28 days. 25 new subscribers.

So let's not look at that anymore. Let's move on. Oh, dear.

So yeah, that's lovely, isn't it? I'm really nice. I really like getting lovely messages like that is it? I feel like I'm actually doing something worthwhile. You know, I'm not just wasting my time.

Just this feels like it warms my cockles, as it were. It feels nice. Yeah, it does.

It really do. So thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. Right back to the story, the exciting story of the leaflets. So a little bit further up on the left.

I think this was a furniture store a little bit further. Anyway, there was this mobile phone shop. And they sold mobile phones, they sold contracts.

There was a lot at the time, a lot of people were on pay as you go. And pay as you go wasn't. It wasn't expensive, but it wasn't cheap.

The way it worked out is if you had, for example, if you was with one to one, then I think one to one became T-Mobile, and then T-Mobile became someone else. So if you phoned a person on another phone that had one to one pay as you go, I think it was free calling, you could call for free. Or there was one thing where you could phone for 59 minutes and have a free call for 59 minutes.

And then after the 59 minutes, you started paying like a pound a minute or something silly like that. I made that bit up. So it used to be weird because everyone would be timing their phone calls to make sure that they hung up before the 59 minutes.

Even people with money. Because even if you've got money, like why would you pay for something if you didn't have to? It doesn't make sense, does it? You know, in a sense of why would you continue for another half an hour and pay 10 pound for that half an hour, if all you had to do was hang up and just ring them back and then get another hour for free? Or another 59 minutes? So yeah, this is this is one of the things I had. Another thing they had one to one, I think we might have been T-Mobile, where you could phone any number, anytime, anywhere in the UK anyway, mobiles, what is landlines as part of your contract, and it was a, you know, unlimited, it was forever, unlimited forever contract.

And it was 40 pound a month or something like that. Which was a lot of money back then to pay for a phone contract. And people people were using them for business.

And, you know, it's, I mean, there was a thing where, yeah, I think what it was is if you find another contract provider and have a few years, let's say, I can't remember all the different mobile phones, but there used to be one called Orange, that then became, what did Orange become? Orange, there's Vodafone and Orange, Orange, mobile, mobile, Orange, mobile, Orange, mobile, and EE courses, EE. So Orange became EE. And but you said Orange was around.

So actually, in 2001, I had a job selling Orange mobile phone contracts. It was a sales job. Well, I guess the fact that I was selling contracts, indicated it was a sales job.

You know, so okay, I'm gonna go on about it. So I did that. So Orange was around.

I think Vodafone was around. So let's say if you was with one to one or T-Mobile, you phoned a different provider, such as Orange, it would cost way too much money per minute. So this contract one to one did, where it was pretty much free to phone anyone.

Yeah, once you paid your monthly fee, you could, you could call any contract phone, any anywhere. And it wouldn't cost you anything. So that was, it might have been 100 pound a month, I don't know, it wasn't cheap.

But you could, a lot of people got these phones, and they rinsed them, they completely used them, and they'd share them around with their friends and say, Oh, you, you know, and they'd be used all the time. I knew a couple of people that had them, and they loved it. And that was around the time when mobile phones started to get even smaller and smaller and smaller, where literally, you could lose it.

You put your hand in your pocket to get it out, and you couldn't find it. And he realized it was under your fingernail. It was so tiny, honestly, tiny little things.

Now, didn't really like those. They were fashionable. But too small, great for little kids, you know, because they've got little fingers.

But for an adult, I couldn't. Yeah, you press one button and it presses all the buttons at the same time. It just didn't make sense.

So my favorite phone I ever got, because I think I did get a contract in 2001. And that was my first one. My first contract.

Before that I had pay as you go. And I got my first pay as you go phone in probably January 98. Or maybe late November, whatever 97 1997, something like that.

So it's either late 97 or early 88. Late 97 or early 98. Wow, that was complicated.

And but it wasn't a contract. It was just pay as you go, one to one. And I think one of the adverts was a woman would answer the phone, walking down the street and said, Oh, how are you then? How are you? And that was the advert for that.

And orange. Their slogan was the future's bright, the future's orange. Now, when you think about it, that that advert was played probably hundreds of 1000s of times.

Over a few years, it was, you know, even now, I reckon in 50 years time, maybe not fit, let's 40 years time. So our lobby then 67 8090. So when I'm 92, and you say, say to me, finish the sentence.

And I say, and I say, what finish the sentence? No, I think I want to be quite a stubborn old man. No, I'm not going to finish a sentence. Go away.

I'm doing my jigsaw puzzle. Leave me alone. Where's my magazine got here yet? We don't sell magazines anymore.

It's all on the internet. I don't want about him. I want my magazine.

Anyway, I'm just predicting the future there. Oh, yeah. So mobile phone is no.

So if you said to me when I'm 92 said, finish, maybe not me, a version of me that's nice, that's welcoming towards someone asking me questions that are a bit random and pointless. Finish the sentence. The future's bright.

The future's orange. That's pretty wide. I don't know if I'm going to sound like that.

Orange. I might still sound I might have a deep, deep orange. The future's orange.

Oh, yes. Yes. Who are you again? I ordered my magazine.

Where's my magazine? Will I still be doing podcasts when I'm 92? Will podcasts even exist when I'm 92? Will the internet even exist when I'm 92? Will it matter when I'm 92? It probably won't. It probably won't matter. I don't know.

Because I'm going to finish the story. I will finish the story. I might not.

So at the moment, AI, artificial intelligence is quietly becoming the big thing. Online. It's, it's really starting to come into its own.

And it's really only just started. And it's amazing. It's truly amazing.

Especially for those of us that don't have any talent, like me, you know, as far as like making an image or that kind of stuff. It can make you an image, you can get an image made, you can get music made, they can, you can make videos, you can do all kinds of stuff, you can edit using artificial intelligence, that's already been used. So when you see a video where literally there's, there's zero gap between each sentence, like zero gap, like it's almost like the next sentence starts, literally the same time or, you know, almost before the last sentence finishes.

There's an AI, artificial intelligence, I want to keep saying the word. So there's AI, there's an AI app that does that. For videos, video editors, you can just edit your video for you.

It looks for gaps, and it gets rid of gaps. And I'm sure maybe you can imagine the way I am. I'm not necessarily the quickest talker.

I don't particularly like listening to fast talkers. But I got nothing, it's not a personal thing. It's just, I can't process super fast stuff.

And that might, it might literally be my lack of intelligence. I don't know. I don't, I don't care, you know, but I can't function.

And I was saying this to my friend the other today, actually, because I was with Vinnie, and my friend and his dog. And we were crossing the road. I know we were walking.

Yeah, we're walking from the petrol station back. And the lead, I've got this lead, it's one of those that extends, but you can lock it so it doesn't open up anymore. I had it on lock, and it opened up on its own.

So he had more, more of the lead than he should have had, because he had, he needs to be on a short leash when we're, there's not enough room for more than one person on that bit of the pavement, the side of the road. And that there's lorries going past quite fast. It's not great.

And if I if I gave him a long lead, chances I'd see something on the side of road he wanted to get to, or he just wrapped the lead around my legs like he did last week. So I can't really let him do that. No matter how much he wants to.

He begs, please, I just want to trip you up. That's all quickly there's a bus coming. Let me trip you up.

I enjoy it. No, Vinnie. I don't know he's a bit mischievous.

Anyway, my beautiful people. So I was talking to my friend and he crossed over he said, because we stopped we stopped at a place. When there's like, I don't want to call it but half of a like an island thing, you know, where you can cross halfway and stop in the middle and then cross the other halfway, you know, so I always cross there, unless there's no traffic at all.

And he crossed. And he said, Come on, I said, No, I'm not crossing until the car stops. And the car did stop flashing lights stopped and I crossed.

And I said, I'm not. And he was like, why did you just cross? No. Part of the fact that this little one tries to trip me up.

I'm not crossing the road until the car stops and lets me cross. And I don't mean stops completely, but like slows down, flashes their light, I don't need them to stop if they're a distance away from me. Like, but I'm not crossing while the cars coming at me.

And I've even had I've had cars look like they're slowing down. And they keep going. What? Honestly, I'm not even joking.

I've I've had cars. It might be in my imagination. My imagination.

But there's been times when I've crossed the road, and I swear the car speeded up. It's like a big grin on the driver's face. I'll get you.

I'm gonna get you. No, stop it. So I will not do that.

I've got some personal reasons why as well. So I'm not gonna do and I said that ain't gonna happen. And then I thought, let me explain this.

So I've been thinking about this been given this quite a bit for since I fell down the stairs a few weeks back, and fractured my back. Oh, yes. I can't.

And this is just a personal thing. I can't concentrate on many things. I know it's a cliche about men not being able to concentrate on more than one thing at once and all that stuff.

But for me, it's a bit more serious than that. It's literally I get over I don't know anxious or I don't know what the right word is. But I struggled to function.

I just struggled to function. Like when he came up a few weeks back and said, Oh, do you want to put the dogs out into the garden? For Yes, good idea. So I go out in the garden, I go out, I don't put my proper shoes on because I'm not thinking.

So I don't put my proper shoes on because I suddenly start rushing around. Because the dog my dog's going not evil. No, let me out.

Let me out. So he's already gone out. So I want to get down and make sure he's okay.

As it is, they both escape out of the back gate fence because someone's opened it in the meantime, you know, in the time that it took him to walk up the stairs, which is what among one of my concerns because I know what he's like, Vinnie will run. And it's a game to him.Me running after him is a game.

It's not like he doesn't want to come home. He just is he turns everything into a game. And I can't blame him for that.

It's just it's not good if we're near a road. And especially now, the streetlights run about half mast as far as lighting goes. They used to have proper lighting, we used to have proper lighting streetlights, we used to light the streets.

Now they don't. They're like little, almost like little rubbish light bulbs. Honestly, you'd be you'd be hard pushed to read a book underneath a streetlight.

They're that dull. They're really, really not good at all. So in between the streetlights, it gets dark, you can't even kind of see the pavement.

So I don't want him running around and stuff and I can't find him in that. Anyway, so I'm walking down the stairs. My normal procedure is I put my shoes on.

And then I walk down the stairs slowly. I hold the railings I look down to make sure there's nothing on the stairs. I've lived in enough homes that had cats to know to look at the stairs before as I'm walking down because cats like to sleep on stairs for some reason, in my experience.

And that time I was my habitual behaviour was chucked out the window because I was thinking of the dogs and concerned and like, well, you know, I'll go downstairs and it's why the wrong shoes on that was slippery. The stairs were slippery. And I wasn't holding on to the railings properly.

And I slipped down and I hurt my back. So that that is my I don't like to blame anyone. So I'm not blaming myself either.

But having that distraction from my normal procedure for my normal routine had an effect. So it's not done completely inflexible. Sounds like I am, doesn't it? But I'm not completely inflexible.

I just there's certain things that I need to, to be. I guess I'm the opposite to chaotic. Like the opposite, complete extreme opposite to chaotic, which means I'm, I guess a bit boring, a bit, you know, maybe, maybe a bit inflexible, to be honest, maybe I am.

But I don't try and outrun the traffic. You know, I don't. I don't run for buses.

There's lots of things that I do. I don't, you know, run around in icy weather. I don't I sound like I'm about 95 year old, grumpy old man, don't I? Oh, I'm very exciting in other ways.

I don't know what ways yet. But I must be exciting. In some ways, I must surely.

I can't be bored in every single way. That's the thing. Because I make this podcast.

You know, let me bore you to sleep. I really am that boring. Genuinely.

So I'm just stretching my back. Back still hurts. It's more achy now, rather than the sharp pain.

I don't really get the pain. Apart from when I sort of stand up and sit down. And when I'm laying down, getting up out of bed and stuff.

That's kind of the only time I get the sharp pain. But the rest of it is just more achy. achy breaky.

Oh, Vinnie's turned up again. I hope he's not going to cause me problems. Bye.

Hello. I put him in his harness today because he doesn't normally like to wear the harness. And it's a fluorescent.

You know, the kind of things that runners wear. You know, joggers wear and on the street and maybe traffic police and stuff like that. Lollipop people.

Lollipop people. You're gonna have to Google that if you want to know if you put in Lollipop Lady. I think it's an English thing.

But they might. It's probably got a different name now. And I'm probably being on PC.

I mean, you can get lollipop men as well. We just I used to call the lollipop late if it was a lady doing it, I'd call a lollipop lady. And if it was a man, I'd call him a lollipop man.

You know, I've, I've, I've seen both. I've had both. I say had.

I mean, in one junior school, there's a lollipop man. And every day would say what what flavors your lollipop today. And remember, it started so strawberry is banana.

After a few weeks is like just shut up, go away. He got a bit annoyed. No, he didn't.

He loved us. And it was a lollipop. There was a lollipop lady somewhere.

She Oh, yeah, there was a lollipop lady. Not far from where I lived. Put about 10 years ago, or more than 10 years back in 2008.

We do in give me cuddles. You wanna give daddy cuddles? You wanna give daddy cuddles? Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle. He's looking at me like what on Earth are you talking about? Weirdo.

Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle. Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle. No? Okay, I'll stuff you then.

Cuddle, Cuddle Cuddle Cuddle Cuddles Cuddle Cuddle Cuddles Cuddle Cuddle Cuddles yeah I've listened back to that it probably sounds weird does it sound weird the other day I took him for a walk in the field and it's proper muddy proper muddy had my boots on first time I was able to actually get my boots on for a couple of weeks because they're just a little bit difficult to get them on with my back and I know some might say well why don't you try putting them on your feet no I'm talking about the bending over

part and anyway I took him for a walk I was starting again and when I got back he was really like limping you're right do you want a treat I'll give you a treat oops there you go there you go actually keep him quiet for about 30 seconds when we got back and we was in the field for about an hour and a half so it's quite a nice you know long walk slow but long and we got back and he was barking but not like loud barking but just up and he did it for

about an hour I couldn't figure out what he was doing I mean he was in the bedroom and I couldn't be bothered to go and check him well I did check him but he was on the bed and like okay but it was but it looked like you know like how a cat pats on on you like on your top or whatever and it's almost what they do I don't realize it they do that with their mothers in order to get the nipple their mother's nipple ready to suck on and they do that and they

pat on it and it's you know I know what I'm talking about anyway then I'm doing the actions you can't see the actions not not the sucking bit just the the patting you know that you know cats do that don't they pat with both their paws like and they do that on us stubborn humans they do you know like I'm not the only one that's noticed it surely anyway he was doing that on the bed and I thought oh he thinks the beds got nipples oh how cute how stupid and then he started doing to

the what's the thing on the floor the carpet he started doing to the carpet I thought you really is a bit dumb and I thought oh maybe he's got something in his foot because he started biting his foot oh no you want another one really don't need this right at the end of the recording him howling like a sport little monkey anyway bring it to an end now because he's just gonna keep going online until he gets something I don't know what he wants so I went to and he was like licking his toes and

and he was like biting them like what's he doing so I went and touched his feet he let me but then he like pulling them away from me so I thought oh what the hell's going on so what I did and he started licking the other foot and I thought well maybe he's got something stuck in his foot but which foot is it and then I remembered that he was trying to if he was trying to get a nipple out of nipple hard on my bed covers there maybe he's not quite the brightest so maybe

he didn't realize which foot it was I don't know so what I did is I put some water in the bath gonna give him some more treats put some water in a bath only it was enough to kind of go up to his to cover his paws really and I've got a scrubbing brush which is it's not hard scrubbing brush not you know it's quite soft they've got two different sides to it and he got in the he got in the bath he was okay you know I thought he tried to get out once and

then he was okay once we were in there so I kind of washed his feet you know with the water just for my fingers and did that and then I scrubbed scrubbed all of his feet both his hands and his feet with the scrubbing brush on both sides and then when he got when he got out it was fine and the look there was a little bit of wood looked like a bit of twig that was in there very thin now I don't know if it was actually I think it might have been under his

toenail or something so it didn't look like it was in it didn't have any blood and he didn't like he he wasn't limping or anything but I think it might well it was clearly causing him some kind of discomfort but you know I was quite pleased with myself I fixed the problem you're right I do deserve a pat on the back unfortunately I can't reach I have to make do with cooking myself a pie so I'm gonna have my dinner a pie vegetarian pie Paul McCartney Linda McCartney's pies I like Linda McCartney's pies I've been

eating them for absolutely donkey's years seriously right from I remember starting eating her pies probably in the 90s yeah but especially 2005 2006 I used to eat her pies regularly big fan of the older pie vegetarian Linda McCartney food anyway I'm gonna go now because he started barking and edit that out probably not the best thing to have at the end of a recording probably not the best thing to have at the end of a recording so thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love

lots of love bye say goodbye say goodbye to everyone say goodbye oh now you're gonna keep quiet now yeah now that I want you to say something you're gonna keep quiet hmm you're gonna say something that was that was no take care bye