#901 Spanish date - Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (6th October 2022)

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name's Jason and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep and my website is jasonnewland.com. Let's have a drink. Just to let you know I only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

This desk is annoying me now. I should be able to lean. I've been moaning about this all the time now.

I should be able to lean on the desk without it creaking. I wonder if I can lean on the other desk without it creaking. Let me check.

Yep, no problem. It's easy which means I think I'm going to change it over. I'm going to change it over and do my podcast.

I like doing it here. It might sound strange but I quite like doing it here because I'm facing the wall so I'm not distracted. I can't watch television.

I'm not distracted by other stuff. I've got my iPad in front of me when I do these ones but when I'm doing a hypnosis recording I'm not looking at anything. I've got my eyes closed and I like to lean my hands.

Can you hear that? Now my arms, it sounds like my arms are really heavy doesn't it? It's like it sounds like I've got the biggest arms in the world and I do not. That's me taking my arm off. Now admittedly I'm pushing down so I'm for effect but I didn't need to tell you that did I? You've probably figured that out.

You know I'm a cheeky little monkey. You know that don't you? So another expense I've just paid a hundred and what was it 114 pounds for the it's the it's the it's called euphonics. Basically what it does it it does the production of the podcast.

So I produce it obviously out of my mouth. I record it on the recording studio with the microphone then what I do is I put it through this service online called euphonic productions and it raises the volume up so that it's louder because before it used to be very quiet.

Now it's at the proper level that it should be for podcasts and I've been using this for I don't know a couple of months now two three months and let me have a look account under my account what it tells me how how often I paid it's not it's very basic as far as the actual you know online but it does it I mean you can let your listeners donate credits to your account so to donate credits the follow link to your podcast add the follow link to your podcast so that your listeners can donate

one-time credits to your euphonic user account oh that's interesting you might be thinking oh you set all this up we knew we knew this you planned this no I genuinely didn't I didn't know that this was possible so how it works is they it's I I buy I've got a contract it's a monthly thing where I get 100 hours of processing that I can use a month then after that I have to buy more so I've just bought credits I just bought another 100 hours which costs a little bit more than the normal monthly one

and I can't believe how quickly I've got through the 100 hours but then 100 is how did I get through 100 so quickly how that I don't think that's possible is it I mean 5th of the 10th 2022 these are all the ones that I've that I've um why is that can't be 100 hours surely what's the what's the date now 6th of October so 6th of September really isn't it as well got go back to 6th of September it's not allowing me to go that far back um okay so from the 8th of October

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38 well it doesn't make sense to me because that's 38 38 and not all of my recordings are an hour long these ones are but most of the other stuff isn't so how did I manage to get to use 100 hours more than once that that's gonna bug me now I'll tell you what I need to do let's have a

look so so going back to October the 8th no September the 8th September the 8th until now and just to show how many I've got through September the 8th September the 8th 14 okay one or I could just like how many recordings should I do in September let's just do that so we can get an idea I can't have done that many seriously it's ridiculous especially as I was away for a while for a little bit I didn't start recording to the 13th of September so one two three three four five six seven eight nine

ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty twenty one twenty two twenty three twenty four twenty five twenty six twenty seven twenty eight twenty nine thirty thirty one uh thirty two thirty three thirty four thirty five thirty six blimey thirty seven thirty eight thirty nine forty forty one forty two forty three forty four forty five forty six forty seven so I've counted 47 recordings over that period and so that is no no way I could have got through 100 it's not possible I couldn't have got through 100 hours 47 recordings okay a

couple are a bit longer than an hour but a lot aren't though are they think about it and the last one I did one hour and three minutes one before that 26 minutes one before that 21 minutes one before that 21 minutes it's the same one the one before that 19 minutes and 55 seconds one minute one hour and three minutes ask your lungs this is it Nick royalty Let Me Bore You To Sleep one hour nine minutes um world records 59 minutes so the most the most I'll have is 60 60 hours worth the

most as far as just the one-off you know original recordings 60 hours but probably less 50 more like you know 51 52 hours so how do I manage to get through 100 hours I'd like to know that I'd really like to know something's gone wrong somewhere something audio audio productions will be removed from our servers after 21 days which they've stuck to their thing on that one which is fine I've got my own stuff saved I'm confused that doesn't make sense to me anyway it's just cost me 116 pounds or something to get more and

it says here recurring credits will be reset to 100 hours on November the 6th it'll cancel your subscription there 100 hours should be enough for a month 30 hours a day 30 one hour days 30 hours a month so three six nine okay I might go over 100 hours on a full month oh yeah I don't know maybe I'm just a little bit you know I you know if I do four if I do even if I do four recordings if three of those are only half an hour long then it's still going to be

within the the remit or the limit of 100 hours hmm is this boring enough for you is it boring enough haven't been out today I woke up early this morning but it was too early to do anything I didn't have I wasn't awake enough to make a recording so I went back to bed and I woke up again and I got up and I thought no I still can't make a recording so I had some breakfast sometimes I wake up and I'm like yeah got a bit of energy and I kind of yeah cool let's

make a recording other times I just can't just can't be bothered and I don't like to force myself to do them because if they become a chore I won't want to do them and I don't have to do them I do but you know I think for my own for my own mental stability I probably do have to do them and also it gives me a purpose in life but and that might sound really sad but imagine it probably does sound really this is your purpose in life talking of rubbish to people on a podcast

is that what you're telling me well not everything I say is rubbish in my defense not everything is complete crap what 116.

40 euro is what I paid which is um I don't know how much that is in pound oh 106 pound 42 pound 106 pound of 42 pence so that is that's what it ain't that that's what it monthly is but I just didn't expect to I don't know I can't I don't know where it's all gone I got a message today on my website I won't read all of it because some of it's quite personal well it's very personal and hello Jason I'm a long-time listener of all of your podcasts from the USA in Michigan

I've listened to your podcast for many years and I won't read the next bit but had a bereavement I've been listening to try and fall asleep more than ever I wanted to suggest that you use your awesome talent at pain relief for a pain relief for teething babies podcast I know that any single mum with a young child is getting teeth in would definitely agree with me it's horrible and filled with a lot of painful sleepless nights for both parent and baby just an idea best wishes to you thank you thank you very much for

that message uh I won't say your name because you know who you are um Nicole Nicola um I just said your name but Michigan's a big place and I haven't given any specific details 44 Melrose Avenue okay joking telephone number seven seven five nine four three four five seven six five four five three eight nine the thing is about that that was loud wasn't it the thing is about that is um I suppose I already am you know as far as the fall asleep um recordings do uh go I'm doing quite a few of those

um can't really make a recording for a baby because they're not gonna I'm not being condescending here and either I'm just because I love getting nice messages so I don't want to put anyone off sending me messages I love getting messages it's I was gonna say the biggest thrill of my the biggest thrill of my life that sounds like a weird sentence doesn't it that sounds like a piss state doesn't biggest thrill of my life is receiving a message from my website whoa especially if it has pictures whoa no they never have pictures it doesn't

allow you to do that I don't think or my website I don't know but um I love getting messages because you know I I feel like sometimes I'm on a desert island and I'm sending these bottles out with uh messages or uh maybe I'm sending a bottle out with a a c I don't know a cd or a little uh hard drive little disc thing and I'm recording this stuff and people get to listen to it and I don't know if anyone's listened or not no feedback now I know that people have listened because I

can see the stats and I realize people's buttocks clench when I say the word stats so I'll stop but I don't know who's listening see what you can't see is I've just gone to the stats screen I can't help myself I'm I can't help it I know I know roughly where people are listening from okay um 49.

2 I know there's people out there that genuinely genuinely dislike me talking about the statistics and for some reason that makes me want to talk about them more I'm sorry it's the it is a cheeky little monkey in me I can't help it I just it's like don't touch that button and I just like all I want to do now is touch that button the rest of my life I just want to touch that button that's why I could not be I could not be a head of a state you know in the position of

prime minister or president because as soon as they said you should not touch that button under any circumstances I just keep looking at it like oh I want to touch it do not press that button oh I want to press it I want to press it anyway um just briefly this I literally I mean I've got blimey top countries top countries is like one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirty fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen twenty twenty one twenty two twenty three twenty four twenty five twenty five top countries that

listen to me united states is number one as like the most amount of listeners the most amount of downloads united kingdom next then australia then canada then ireland then spain then south africa then norway mexico uganda new zealand indonesia netherlands india japan sweden germany france hong kong malaysia morocco denmark taiwan belgium turkey and the rest is others so I don't know that's just other countries I guess I suppose it makes sense um no belgium I thought I'd be popular no belgium is there yeah good good I like belgium I know someone got upset at me

because I was making fun of belgium but I like that I genuinely it was one it was the first country I ever went to outside of England in my life first time I ever set foot on the soil of another country and I loved it I did I honestly I really loved I loved it I loved it I liked it a lot and I also like the fact that it's flat and I'm not a big fan of hills even before I was a big fat chubby fat man I'd never liked hills even when I was

fit and strong and whatever just I'm not a hill I'm not I don't I'm not a big hill lover I'm not I like uh when it comes to walking I like flat surfaces I think it's good um so uh there's a big drop off though after Canada so United States 49.

25 percent of my listeners and this is this is the last 30 days this isn't like forever so just the last 30 days 49. 25 percent from America or the United States 20. 14 percent United Kingdom 10. 48 percent Australia 6. 86 percent Canada and then it drops down to 1. 96 percent Ireland Spain 1. 42 percent South Africa 1. 02 percent Norway 0. 58 percent now I know I know I've got um some followers in Norway because they contact me so it's it's weird just like it's okay it's such a difference you think 49 percent to 0.

58 percent and I've still it's just I don't know I think it's mind-boggling I do find it mind-boggling when I look at the stat and I go a little bit deeper into it sometimes you have to go a little bit deeper into it to really appreciate the depth and my the the area that I'm listening to most in the whole world is California like as far as a region goes in America anyway California 13. 42 percent I think that's of USA not of the whole world but Lompoc where's I've never heard of Lompoc before Lompoc so 11 percent of the of that of California state the top amount of people come is from Lompoc then San Diego Porterville LK John Ontario I thought Ontario was Canada it is isn't it I still think it's Los Angeles percentage 4.

16 percent Sacramento Santa Cruz Long Beach Foothill Ranch Folsom it's a prison there isn't there blimey wow it's just phenomenal I just it's just that it's weird I think it's weird that people are listening all over the world why why why very strange hey maybe I shouldn't find it strange but I do can't help it I do find it's just just unusual and then you got um nice sniffing United Kingdom London is a top city then other than that you got Towerster Towchester I've never heard of that one before Liverpool Walsall Hounslow Derby Slough Barrow-in-Furness

Newark-on-Trent Amersham Bristol St Leonard's-on-the-Sea South Sea Parr Leeds Orpington Colchester Sheffield Birmingham Yaxley Burnmouth Milton Keynes Brentwood East Rochdale Stockton-on-Tees Bognor Regis Bognor Regis I lived there for a little while once Bradford mind you that might oh uh Surbiton Plymouth Nottingham Wembley Old Ham others 21.

12% so that that isn't so the highest amount of people listening in the UK are from others other towns that aren't listed that's strange wow so that's I don't know where Towchester is anyone Towchester Towchester I'm gonna have a look at it t-o-w-c-e-s-t-e-r Towchester it's in Northamptonshire Towchester is an affluent market town in Northamptonshire England it currently lies in West Northamptonshire but was the former administrative headquarters of the South Northamptonshire District Council Towchester or Towchester is one of the oldest continuously inhabited settlements in the country I live in an older one I live in an

older one I live in an older one one one one one I live in the oldest town in the whole country probably in the whole wide world I'm making that up I might not be what is okay let's have a look what's the oldest town oldest UK town oh Colchester I wonder where that is so Liverpool 4.

89% hello so hi everyone from London hi everyone in Towchester if it's Towchester or Towchester was it Tewchester Tewchester hello everyone from Liverpool hello everyone from Walsall hello everyone from Hounslow hello everyone from Derby everyone from Slough hey everyone from Barrow-in-Furness Newark-on-Trent Amersham Bristol St Leonard's-on-Sea South Sea Park Leeds Auckland and Colchester Sheffield hello everyone so I'll stop that now but you understand where I'm coming from as far as like it's just weird what was that when the TV came on that might not seem weird to you it's maybe I'm just acting strange I don't

know but it seems weird oh Sinaloa in Mexico I've got a bit of a bit of a following there wow I'm gonna go for the last 12 months hmm last 12 months which is interesting because from the looks of it it hasn't gone up that much for Sinaloa so it must be quite a new you know top countries so for the whole for the last 12 months United States is 50.

47 are you really doing this are you really going to continue to talk about your statistics it's really you're determined you're really going to continue no I'm just briefly I'm briefly tickling them I'm tickling the stats just briefly just put a little feather over them just you know tickling them I'm not I'm not gonna I'm not getting involved in the statistics I'm not giving you numbers really giving you percentages but I'm going to actually download numbers and stuff that's when you know I'm talking about the stats see so the United States in the last 12

months 3,193,985 in the United Kingdom 1,302,544 Australia Australia 559,841 Canada 429,240 Ireland 99,373 New Zealand 61,510 South Africa 59,851 Sweden 54,686 I'm really doing it I'm really going through it and I if you're in Sweden say hi Norway 49,252 Netherlands 36,062 Philippines not Philip what what do I want Thailand Thailand 10,122 so over the last year are there 10,122 downloads of my podcasts and I didn't meet one fan um top countries let's just do over the last 30 days I wonder if Thailand's not even on there it's not even on there no it comes up

on the 30 days but it's not on it's on the no nowhere near nowhere to be seen 30 day oh wait a minute let's say last that's it yeah so since May 2,712 downloads so maybe maybe going out there and showing I sure I showed a few people what I was doing maybe a few people followed me who knows who knows Saudi Arabia uh three million or three thousand times okay cool America and United Kingdom it's basically English-speaking countries where I'm mostly listened to which makes sense doesn't it really if I was speaking in French

or I don't know there's other I can't think of another country what's another language other than French um Cockney no uh Mexico so if I was okay Mexican if I was speaking Mexican then I'd probably have a well I might have a more people listening to me in Mexico but because I'm speaking Anglais it's you know I'm never gonna I mean even no matter how how many people whatever percentage of the country listens I won't get everyone because not everyone speaks English today in any country not everyone speaks French in France not everyone speaks uh

Deutsch in Deutschland not everyone speaks is it is that right Deutsch in Francais isn't it it's not French it's Francais not everyone speaks France Francais in uh Francais Francois un petit petit I don't know I'm trying to adapt and be more open-minded and be more universal I'm a globetrotter trotter now don't you know trotter Spain I semi-dated a girl in from Spain in 2004 uh it's then I realized that I've just got too much respect too much respect I'm like the opposite to Rodley Banchfield he got no respect I just I give too much respect

I really liked her her name was Marta M-A-R-T-A and she's long gone I mean I mean I'm sure she's hopefully she's happy and everything in her life and but I mean she's she was an au pair and she was looking she was looking after a doctor uh she was an au pair for a doctor two doctors in fact at oh it's a place near Romford Harold Wood she was a hat it's probably someone listens this thing wait a minute I dated her oh well I can't I don't class what I did as dating to be

fair um it was but it wasn't it wasn't romantic not from her side she didn't really she wasn't interested I don't know it was confusing but she was 19 I was 20 23 and I met her on Stratford station and I went up to her and asked the directions for the next train see if I was on the right platform now I lived in Stratford so I knew exactly where I was but I just saw her enough I wanted to talk to her so it was it was a bit um no I wasn't going to

say the word creepy back in them days it wasn't probably good clasters now but it was a way to know the thing is she didn't know although I was from Stratford I wasn't living in Stratford anymore so otherwise she'd have I'm sure she'd have questioned that but I was in Forest Gate at that point I think I'll lose track of where I was anyway she um I said to her oh you don't know what what train goes to Liverpool Street and she said what are you talking about and I didn't understand really I said what

I don't I don't know I'm not from here you need to check over there like everybody else does and she was written on the thing and I said oh you I just I tried to chat her up and I said oh yeah where are you from she said I'm from Spain it's a really bad impression I'm from Spain I'm from Spain Spain um and she's she said I said okay and I can't remember what she looked like what her face looked like but she she had dark hair and she's very very beautiful woman and I

just said to her look uh perhaps you perhaps you'd like to while you're here I could show you around we could do something she said okay and she wrote down a name her home address and her telephone number on a piece of paper for me the the address there that she was staying at and it turned out that her English was really really good way I mean my my French my French was awful and you should say well perhaps I should have tried speaking Spanish to her but I used to I just forget I just

figured well Spanish French I learned a bit of French at school that should do I'll stick the chicken in the oven for 10 minutes that should be enough it's enough for the fish fingers it should be okay for the for the chicken no things don't always um fit that way do they I spoke a bit of French to her I thought that'd be enough to seduce her but it didn't didn't work but anyway we went out I phoned her up from the pub that I was drinking in every day this is uh 1994 there's a

pub around the corner it was like someone's living room but it did end up being someone's living room I think probably was someone's living room before turned into a pub and then it got turned back into a house and I was in there every day after work and I would talk on the phone it was like a pay phone and I just talked to her for ages and ages and ages and eventually we went out and I fell for it she was she was funny she was just you know the dream she was a dream

and I was her nightmare I wasn't she we we went out I took her to I took her to Southend pier because I know how to show a lady a good time and we just went just went for a walk spent the day got out of London which I thought was important to get out of London so we did went out went out of London went to um just spent the day in Southend which is Essex and a place that I know quite well used to live there when I was very young but I know

it I feel I haven't been there that often but I've been back and forward for the last 40 odd years so I know the place I know it kind of feels like it's a part of my consciousness a little bit Southend even though I've not lived there for a long long time since I was a kid sort of six years old but I have been back many times and I dated someone that lived in Southend for a while so I kind of you know kind of know the area and I used to go back fairly

often when I lived in London it used to be a nice day out it used to be where I took my girlfriends I'm not even joking I did I had a few dates in Southend although the first proper girlfriend I ever really had in London our first date was in a cemetery but that's another story so I we went I took her to I said I took her because she didn't know she didn't know the area so she kind of like led led the way a little bit and she we went down the Southend pier

it's the longest pier I think it's the longest pier in the world or it used to be and we walked all the way down there and there's a train that takes you it's a long long long pier really long pier and I think it it it was much longer but it got hit by a boat or ship or something I mean why the hell they didn't think that would happen I don't know I mean it's it's it's just like it's you know I mean it's it's kind of almost certain to happen isn't it if you

stick something around in the sea it goes out for miles I think it's over 10 centimeters long no it's two miles long exactly it's over 10 centimeters long no two miles is or is not two miles longer longer than 10 centimeters yeah okay all right nice people don't do it because it does really I like to do it but I like to do it more on here now I used to do it to people's fat I used to I used to do that with people and it annoys them don't don't do it in real life

just pretend you've done it sometimes that's all you need just to pretend I like to pretend I like to pretend I've got people listening and there's no one listening I'll make up the stats I had five people listen to me last month but you know as long as I as long as I pretend and fantasize it keeps me going it keeps me occupied keeps me motivated it keeps me feeling groovy and isn't that one of the main things you know so I might have only had two people listen to me last month but that's two

people I might have helped that's how I see it two people I might have helped now if we go back to the pretend stats you know the ones where I pretended I was getting millions or whatever was it last 30 days last 30 days so a united states 142 000 downloads so 10% of that is what let's forget america let's let's just go for the whole lot 289 289 354 downloads for the last 30 days 10% of that is 28 935 something like that so one percent 28 000 10 percent is 2008 one percent is

2800 so even if one percent of the people that listen to my podcasts benefit on these made-up figures there's still a couple of thousand isn't it still a couple of thousand then you could say yeah but what about people who listen over and over again listen every day what about those eh what about those well you know what we think I thought about that a while ago and I thought well the most popular podcasts that I do out of the four so I do a recording just my voice I do a version with background music

for the same length of that as the original then I do a version which is five hours long version 10 hours long and with music and optimistic positive affirmations and stuff like that counting down and things like that you know in the background without fail pretty much from what I see the 10-hour ones are the most popular ones now how many 10-hour recordings can one person listen to in a day that wasn't like a literal question because I know it's it's it's less than nine isn't it well it's two isn't it you can't get it

yeah less than nine see that's how you do it he's just what if you can just find a way to annoy people that's what this is all about my cheeky little monkey um not quite sure why I'm talking about this but yeah yeah and so I took her to Southend and a couple of blokes spoke to her Spanish they were and she she spoke back in Spanish and I knew exactly what they were saying to each other they were saying uh you're right and she said yes it's all in Spanish I could just tell and

they said who's this man who's this man you with and she said oh isn't he a handsome fellow isn't he an absolute specimen of perfection and they start laughing and she said why are you laughing he said well he really is he really is amazing he is perfect the perfect human and we wish that we looked as good as he did it does and we wish we was as handsome as him and then they they sort of left each other so I kind of knew what had been said I didn't understand the language because they

were speaking in a different language to me but I could tell you know when you can tell like okay and I said to her I understood what you were talking about I understood what you said to each other and she said what what did we say then and I said they asked you if I was with you if I was your boyfriend and she said yes true and you said no you're not and she said oh which was also true so I okay the other bit was lying but I knew that they'd asked her is

he your boyfriend and she laughed and said no that was a clue that perhaps she wasn't interested in me maybe it annoyed me a bit but I had stronger emotions because I was hungry I needed to have some chips so that emotion took over so I went from being upset emotionally a bit of emotionally distraught to thinking I need something to eat so I focused on that so I got some chips came home and I just she just went home did her thing and I then spoke to her again on the phone and she invited

me round her house the next week I think it was the next week because all this happened she she was only about three weeks from going back to to Spain so and she was looking after the kids I said she was an au pair au pair au pair lovely pair no and she said come round because my boss is on holiday both the the man and the woman and the kids are on holiday so basically they would they would take advantage of having her look after the house for the last you know few days or

whatever so I did and the thing is it was a train strike on that day train strike so not good so I had to get a taxi and nothing was going to get in the way of me getting there I honestly I would have I would have I don't know I'd have flown I'd have learned how to fly I whatever I'd have got there because I was getting there trust me I was getting there and I figured oh maybe she does like me a little bit just a little bit just you know a little bit

so I'll get there eventually and the taxi it took about because there was a train strike the roads were very busy and it took ages and the the train the taxi driver he he said I can't remember how much it was he said do I get do I get a tip I said yeah I'll give you a tip don't take people in a don't pick people up when there's a train strike he didn't laugh but I did give him some some money extra money I thought was funny but he didn't and I come back yeah

and there was a taxi taxi firm right outside the train stations I thought okay I'll get a taxi back from there I knock on the door I don't go to the shops first I should have gone to the shops first and got some wine or some alcohol or something but I didn't and didn't know didn't know like because this was a I don't know what day it was but it was in a little village and everything closed early which is annoying it might have even been a bank holiday Monday I don't know but anyway I

went knocked on the door she let me in and it was all okay it was quite cool she sat down she said uh you take your t-shirt off take your top off I said no you're talking about I'll take my top off and this was the summer this was in the summer I was a little bit sweaty probably from that that's that's not really here and there here were there it's not really a this that was needless I don't know why I told you that were you were you wondering what level of condensation was on

my body at the time probably not I was a bit I was a bit sweaty I'd been in a taxi for about 45 minutes on a hot day in probably August I think it was anyway it might have been August bank holiday Monday like you know the end of the end of the month sometimes you have some really hot days in August so I so I'm standing she's sitting down on the settee I'm standing up I've I even had a bath you know I thought well I'll make an effort I'll have a bath instead of

just washing my balls in the sink I thought no I'll have a bath um instead of just getting there and washing my balls in the sink when I got there I'll have a bath before I leave not when I get there not every not everybody appreciates that when you turn up for a first date with a towel and uh you know your soap and everything like where's the bathroom dressing gown and stuff so yeah I just so I had a bath before I left um but yeah it's like can you take take your top off

all I had was a t-shirt on or like a shirt you know and some jeans underpants and socks and trainers or shoes or whatever that was it so she wanted me to take my top off I'd have been naked I wasn't going to do that so what what were you kind of sick are you and you know what every now and then every now and then I think about that and I just want to kick myself but what was going on in my mind why didn't I take my top off this was I was in

I was 23 years old in a room with arguably the most beautiful woman I'd ever met at that time you know that's how I felt about her I was I was really smitten with her you could say I felt like I loved her I did that's how I felt and she she says take your top off and I'm like no you don't tell me what to do but I didn't do that I said no now I would have played it different if I'd had a bit more time to think it through I won't go through

the different scenarios because there's different scenarios in my mind of how that could have turned out and some even involved UFOs and horses so we don't really want to go down that road but I was like what I think back to that and I think I really I just I didn't have the first idea about anything even at that age even having been in relationships I still didn't know what to do I still didn't know how to how to read signals you know basic signals and she might have taken it as a rebuttal or a

um some kind of I don't know would she no I don't know she might have done she might have felt that I was like not interested wow and I really was but I just you know I just got there I quite like the idea of a cup of tea first don't rush me cup of tea maybe two or three ginger nut biscuits digestives otherwise you know nothing with chocolate I don't want to get chocolate everywhere and that's that's another reason because I don't want to take my top off what if she made a cup of

tea first of all what if I spilled a cup of tea on me that's gonna it's gonna be you know it stings and what if she gives me chocolate biscuits so I dunk them in the tea what if they fall off and end up with chocolate all over my nipples it's not a good look I was not you know I plan ahead for these kind of scenarios and I was looking for the word rejection I was looking for the word rejection earlier and I couldn't think of it maybe she felt rejected and I ended up

talking about chocolatey nipples I can't help it I just but then I kind of went to kiss her and she just like nothing it was okay this is later on when we were kind of cuddling and stuff so I thought there's nothing happening there I said well I said I'll go and get some wine if you want I think she might have asked me to go get some wine I said okay and as I stand up she grabs me and grabs me from behind and grabs my chest and squeezes my chest now to me that's

not someone that that's not someone that hates me you know so I'm thinking oh okay if only we could reverse this position and I said okay get off I can't try to put my shoes on so I went to the shops shops were closed I come back and I and eventually it's getting late and so I need to go and get a taxi she said all right then bye it was just the night was kind of ruined and then right as I'm leaving she starts talking about her chest so I don't know where I said

she started she let her go and pushed them out and said oh I think they're too big what do you think I said look I'm a Mr.

Taxi I'm trying to get out of here what you keep trying to pull me back in with nonsense for and she I didn't say that and I said I don't know I just I didn't know what he what I don't know what you I don't know so I left to get a taxi with every with every indicator of it you know of keeping in contact with her giving a phone call later in the week and that just keep a track of what time we've got oh blimey and then then bloody then I get to the

taxi rank taxi's closed I can't get home I got the money I got like 20 30 quid in the in my pocket or whatever can't get home so I go back knock on her door who is it it's who it's me oh what do you want like just just I explained it to her so I'm stuck now she must have thought I was trying it on and trying to you know make out that I couldn't get home so I had to sleep there and eventually we'd fall in love or whatever I don't know but genuinely

I couldn't get home there was no trains normally that it's early enough for it to get trains there's no trains there's no buses we're in the middle of nowhere and there was no taxis so I said oh can I just sleep here just on the set here or something she said oh okay and then she went upstairs and she locked her door in her bedroom I had no interest he said well how do you know she was it was locked I said well try to get in no I didn't no I didn't I just generally

was being nice and it was weird because maybe she'd never met a nice person before not nice now but I was back then I'm horrible I'm a hell of a person I'm not I'm just it's just it's weird it's such a weird situation and then I visit her probably the next week go around knock and she's in the field in front of the house playing with the kids I'm not sure if I told her I was going to visit I might have just turned up just as a surprise because it literally was two days before

she left so I think she did know I was going to come down I just didn't know what time and she said well if I'm not in I'll be out the front playing with the kids I said okay I made that last bit up but I'm guessing something like that and she was playing with the kids and she seemed quite happy and she said yeah I'm leaving on I don't remember what day the next day the day after told me the time gave me her address of where she lived gave me you know that information

and and then she gave me a cuddle and cuddled no kiss not in the lips anyway and you know it's basically I landed in the friend zone I think right from the start without realizing it and um and I wrote to her I wrote to her and she did write back but I didn't get the letter until months and months later and by then it was just like there I'd moved on I'd you know I'd moved on with my life so I just left it it was weird Marita Marita Marita Marta I would refuse to

say Marta I actually met another lady called Marta here in this town and she was lovely I met her at the bus so she actually she asked me directions to the hospital so I kind of I was walking to the hospital so I got off the bus with her so I didn't know each other and we're just chatting and she introduced herself told me her name asked me my name then she hugged me and then I didn't see her again and then I saw her again on the bus well you said you didn't see her

again then you said you did see her again no I didn't see her again then I didn't follow I had my own thing to do I wouldn't follow her anyway but I'm just saying I would stop putting me in a corner um and anyway I saw her on the bus and she was I said Marta she said you remember my name I said yeah she said who are you I said Jason she said no no I don't remember you I said I was at hospital she said no doesn't ring a bell I said I fell

down the hole she said oh that Jason oh yeah okay yeah so she said hello and everything and I just never saw her again it's weird because I liked her but I kind of didn't feel very confident to see if she wanted to do something I didn't know I just assumed she had a boyfriend or was in a relationship with someone but I didn't ask when will I see you again anyway that's kind of it from me I think for the day for today uh thank you for listening see squeaky desk squeaky desk please remember

to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy be gentle with yourself lots of love bye