#912 Thank you Spreaker - Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (27th October 2022)

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland and my website is jasonnewland.com. Now hopefully you can't hear the background sound of someone. Sounds like they've got a leaf blower going in the distance and I hope you can't hear it.

If you're listening with background music it should kind of block that out but I mean it's nowhere near the microphone. You know it's probably, you know, a quarter of a mile away. That's probably not that far but it's not even in my garden.

It's another garden so hopefully it's not. What can I do? What can I do? I can't just not make any recordings. You know what I mean? I kind of still got, I don't know, but, oh yeah, only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And I find the background sound does annoy me if I'm honest but this isn't a whisper or softly spoken. Everything I do is kind of softly spoken. I'm not shouting.

That would just be weird. Welcome to jasonnewland.com. This is let me put you to sleep. Whisper.

Relaxation. You know I'm not quite doing that but. And so it's Wednesday.

Is it Wednesday or is it Thursday? It's Thursday today. Yeah it's Thursday. 27th of October 2022.

So I hope you're well and I hope that any background sound isn't too annoying. I mean you might have background sound where you are and the way I see it, the way I perceive things these days is a little bit different to how I used to be. I used to be very, very, very reactive to the slightest background sound.

But everything was noise to me. You know in my mind it was noise. It wasn't sound.

It was noise. A clicking of a door. A door closing.

Just anything. The wind. The rain.

I even used to moan at myself for not hearing my own breathing. So or the bed creaking. It's like come on man.

There's always going to be sounds. You know even if you're in the top of a mountain you're going to hear the wind. It's going to be quite windy up there I imagine.

You know you're going to hear your own tummy rumbling at times. This is always going to be sad. If you're in the middle of nowhere you're going to hear the seagulls farting or something.

There's always going to be a sound somewhere. You know if you go and sit in the middle of a rainforest. I mean can you imagine how noisy that would be if you perceive those beautiful sounds as noise.

And I say beautiful sounds because I think sounds of nature are generally just beautiful. Generally. I mean I don't think hyenas make the nicest sound.

And I definitely wouldn't if I was sort of sitting meditating. I wouldn't want to hear a lion's roar in my ear. That wouldn't be the nicest most welcoming sound.

And I guess sitting here I'm making recordings or when I'm at home the only real nature sound that I found I find a little bit annoying and I feel a little bit bad because one of my best friends makes this sound is the sound of the pigeons. Like continuously. Now Herbert the pigeon who hasn't visited me for a little while.

I'm a little bit concerned. He may have moved but you know he's been he's been following me for probably 12 or 15 years. So he's come whenever I move he turns up.

So for him to move without letting me know because I know I always let him know when I'm going to move and he moves with me because we're best mates. But for him to just it's like a brother to me. It's like a brother I never wanted.

And he's just he's just gone. I don't know where. I hope he's okay.

I'm sure he is. He's just perhaps he's gone on holiday. Maybe.

I mean do pigeons migrate in the winter? I don't know. I'm not sure. That's the only I say I mean if I lived on a farm now cocks make a lot of noise don't they? The old cock the cockerels.

Now that that's not a very good impression but it's like wake up everybody. I'm awake so you should be awake. I've known humans like that.

You know I've got to get up at five in the morning ready for work so everybody else should also be awake and I'm going to make as much noise as I can. Every door will be slammed. I will walk down the stairs and up the stairs like a small child being sent to bed without dinner for being naughty.

You know I just okay. I will make all the noise I can. I will boil the kettle five times.

I will oh every war it's like yeah okay you have to get up at five. It's not my fault is it? Don't blame me for what you have to do. So that used to be an issue for me in the past because I lived in shared houses.

Multiple is it? What do they call them? Houses of multiple occupation. I lived like that from the ages of 16 onwards till seven years ago six years ago. So I've you know I had decades of it of living with neighbours and to be fair even you can't get rid of neighbours.

I mean I've got neighbours now but they're not in the same. Sometimes it does feel like they're in the same house because I'm in a building and I can hear the neighbours and I've got my own flat but I can still hear the neighbours you know slamming their doors or whatever. So but it doesn't affect me the way it used to.

Maybe I've grown up. I don't know. I don't like to I don't like to think that's the case.

It's I had to let it go because it used to well my reaction was a bit over the top and I nearly I nearly got into trouble a couple of times and just like well this is ridiculous over something so petty. So I kind of I started sleeping during the day not because I couldn't sleep at night. I just that seemed to be working and well working it's not really work is it but making recordings at night when it's quiet you know in the middle of night one o'clock two o'clock whatever is pretty much the best time to make an audio recording or a video recording because very unlikely to be any background sound other than the weather you know if there's if it's windy or whatever outside.

So I used to sleep during the day and in the winter it's a lot easier to sleep during the day because in this country where I am it's I mean there's parts of the winter where it's dark or very dull most of the time. For a couple of months there's hardly any real daylight of any consequence you know it's it's a bit gloomy for a couple of months sort of November I would sort of December January kind of January specifically is a bit of a gloomy month.

So I think Christmas should be in January it'd just be a better month to have it it would be weird you know it's like well no it just doesn't feel right and it wouldn't feel right but it would definitely break January up because I know a lot of people don't enjoy January.

However I like January because it's the beginning of the year it's a new start it's new opportunities to I don't know start afresh in a way and by that I don't mean have a bath you know my yearly bath. So I just I don't know I quite like it and I like spring so April like end of March April again because it's like new life it's you can I can hear the birds come into life and the trees that come into life and nature and because I live in the countryside.

So the air is nice the air is kind of a bit fresher and although it's quite fresh in the winter I yeah sort of if I think in the countryside the air is a bit fresher than it is if you live like in a city because sort of less pollution I imagine.

I've not measured the air content I didn't realize that the average air content on this planet is 21% oxygen only 21% of the air that we breathe in is oxygen. How ridiculous is that? Also I was watching this documentary and the more oxygen they did this with a beetle they did an experiment exactly the same beetle raised in very kind of clinical settings. The only difference you know from birth the only difference same same age and everything one was fed more more oxygen in the air into the like the container it was living in than the other one.

So the other one was just normal air that we all breathe and the other one was 10% more oxygen in the air and the one with more oxygen grew probably three times bigger than the other one in the same time. So I'm thinking that there's parts of the world where some the average size of the humans are bigger than others. There's places I'm thinking of Norway and wherever where some of the the males are very very big very tall and then you've got some parts of the kind some parts of the world where people are on average even shorter than me.

So I'm short for a man generally not not not not like tiny tiny but I'm five foot eight. I'd say the average height in this country is about five ten for men and probably I think it's about five seven for women I don't know not 100% sure. So I'm below normal height but the average height for some nations are a lot taller.

So I'm thinking maybe did not now necessarily but in the past that they had a higher oxygen level in their air you know going back it might be thousands of years because big people are kind of more likely to give birth to bigger people like two large humans mating would probably good chance that they'll you know give birth to a large human and that happens a lot doesn't it's not doesn't always happen but you know just genes and genetics and stuff but maybe to start with if you go far enough back the reason why some of those people were so big is because of the oxygen.

So maybe the Vikings would be because they had though I think it's some like when they invaded England they were classed as giants because they were so much bigger because in them days I think the average height for English people is about three foot two.

I mean if you go to some places I'm lying if you go to some places I'm just I'm remembering I'm remembering back to my a long time ago but I went to some of these old relics of like castles and places like that and also to museums and they'd show the armor and the armor was the size of like an 11 year old or 12 year old heavy so they must have been really strong but little maybe not little as in width but in height and they might have been built like oxes you know I

don't I imagine they would have been because to carry around a shield that probably weighed more than I did at that time when I was you know to be carrying around the heavy swords and the armor alone so so there's like these little children running around they're not children they're adults but just they were kind of very very short how did they get on the horses unless they just maybe they rode on the little little donkeys and stuff you know this little those little shire horses you can get the the miniature ones maybe they maybe

maybe King Arthur and Sir Lancelot used to ride around on them but no one knows about it no one's thought about it no one's given it any any conscious um decision to think it through maybe horses used to be smaller but then there's that whole thing isn't it like why we know that cats used to be bigger and lions are kind of a descendant of much bigger animals but then there's that question why why why do we have small cats and big cats at the same time why haven't they all become little and you know

what my answer today is I don't care I don't I don't know why how would I know how would I know oh yeah I have to do my um my gratitude journal today so my gratitude journal is going to be food deliveries so I've got a food delivery coming and this is from the supermarket and it's really really helpful for me because because of where I live I live so far away from anywhere it's a six mile walk six and a half mile walk or 6.

6 miles to the town and it's about two and a half miles to the nearest like supermarket so that'd be like well no three miles yes three miles so that'd be a six mile walk there and back and you know I can do it I have done it in fact I've walked all the way to town a few times but it's not ideal and there's also the the limit to how much shopping I can carry in reality you know if it's if it's just a short distance but I'm not one I don't like that feeling

of my fingers being completely numb from the carrier bag straps and handles cutting off the circulation for all the pressure it doesn't doesn't really feel nice especially when at the end of it I've only carried like four carrier bags and struggled and what's the point what's the what use is that and with my lower back it's not such an easy thing to do sometimes so the options I have is to get a bus but it's still the same amount of stuff that I can carry I can only carry so much and you know I've still

got a walk to the bus stop still got a walk from the bus stop to my home so that's still a walk carrying the stuff and it's like well that's I can get enough for maybe three days so that's a couple of journeys a week to the supermarket on the bus and it's still the bare basics you know bare basic stuff and some of the things are heavy like milk milk is quite weighty isn't it if you get a few bottles of milk or well they're not bottles anymore are they but you know the containers

of milk I'm surprised we haven't gone back to bottles like glass bottles considering plastics not quite as popular as it used to be so I also potatoes and things like cans and cans of coke or tins of beans that's all quite weighty stuff so yeah it's not really ideal it's probably three trips in a week it's not three trips but I mean I don't know because I used to live before I moved here I used to like I had no problems with shops for pretty much yeah ever really not since maybe 2001 I've lived near

supermarkets since 2001 and before I moved to this sort of area before I went to university so between between 2001 and 2004 2004 2005 2005 yeah so between 2001 and 2005 I wasn't far from town but also there was a co-op which was close by which is a supermarket so I could always go there so it wasn't far there was you know 10 minute walk all around the corner actually when I was the last place I lived then I moved in it I moved to somewhere that was quite a long way from town it's a

50 minute walk but a 15 to 20 minute walk to this a huge supermarket now to go to the supermarket it's like okay that's a bit of a pain but I had to walk past the supermarket every day on the way to work and back and also that's Monday to Friday and then on the Saturday I'd be usually going into town anyway especially yeah so I'd be I'd be walking past that place maybe 10 12 times a day or a week no 5 10 9 12 maybe 14 15 times a week I'd be walking past

the supermarket and it was open really late it was sort of 6 in the morning till about 11 at night well it might have been 24 hours actually I forget so I just passed by and get what I needed and it's the only way I could really do it because I was living in a shared accommodation but it was it wasn't like a normal shared accommodation it was a Buddhist community so I was sharing the house with a bunch of Buddhists so we didn't have locks on our doors or anything like that because we trusted

each other because we were all friends generally you know kind of I sat down I didn't really know everyone well but generally apart from you know most of the people I really did trust in fact to be fair all of them to be fair even I fell out of one person even then I didn't I didn't not trust him from an angle of like stealing my stuff or anything I didn't didn't I trusted him just in the same way as I wouldn't have done anything like that to him we fell out as friends and we

we'd no longer you know I moved out and he moved out but I didn't not for a second yeah I just just didn't think that of him I didn't think that it was him yeah we didn't we didn't get on but I didn't I knew that he was outside of our disagreement he was okay if that makes sense you know he was he was uh still a decent person we just uh personality clash I guess that's when I used to have a personality I left it there I let him take it with him and I

used to because we shared a tiny little fridge can you believe it and eventually they got a bigger fridge right at the end and they got a new kitchen right at the end just as we were moving out or just as I was moving out just just before I moved out they they refurbished the place and made it nice there was nothing wrong with how it was before quite a big kitchen and we used to sit around the table there is when I moved in I'm trying to think who lived in the room upstairs I

can't remember anyway there was a room upstairs oh no there was a room at the front at the top of the front of the building facing the main road we had a we lived on a main road this was a road that led to the motorway one side and led to the town on the other side or led to a train station it was really busy loads and loads of lorries went past there you know it got a little bit quiet after about 11 or 12 it was quieter definitely a night night but you know

first thing in the morning five six in the morning they'd start again and that's another thing I did to learn to learn to sleep through it I was originally wearing earplugs and I stopped because I thought no no I don't want to wear earplugs actually this is irony okay I'm I moved partly because I thought this would be a place where there won't be any noise you know I won't have to deal with noisy neighbors it's the only house really it's not connected to another house it's their own little bit of ground at the back

there were other houses but you know there wasn't anything to the right of it for a little while and then to the left of it there was a bit of waste ground or at least I thought it was waste ground and then there was some houses the other side serves quite a distance between the nearest house so I you know I partly moved there thinking well it should be fairly quiet I didn't take into consideration the traffic because I didn't know how how much traffic there was going to be I just didn't realize it was

going to be quite as busy but I think I'd been living there for about two weeks three weeks maybe a little bit longer maybe a month or two and at this point I'd moved into another room because the person who was living in there moved out I didn't even see them I don't think I ever saw them again they moved out and that was it didn't see him again and I moved into their room and there was loads of wooden furniture it was nice it was wooden floor not ideal for but I wasn't where was

I I was above the living room so I wasn't disturbing anyone or anything and it was a fairly quiet house well so someone did move in once and he was only there for a short while but he used to play his organ he used to practice his musical organ and stuff like that musical organ he used to play with his organ and it would be like 11 o'clock at night and I'd be in bed because I had to get up at six or seven or whatever I was like come on mate what are you doing

really please please and he like he seemed almost surprised that it wouldn't be annoying or that it was annoying to people that he was playing his organ loud like headphones mate headphones that's the way forward if only they invented something that you could plug in and you could hear without disturbing oh they have headphones I'm not sure if I gave him some headphones to use or I bought him some or I just didn't say anything about I just thought it to myself probably the last one I mean it was it wasn't the most inconsiderate thing

I've ever seen I've just had so much over the years it's I could write a book I could write a book about it about inconsiderance inconsiderate is that is that a word inconsideration but I won't because that's just a little bit not the most positive thing I could write is it anyway I moved into this room and it was a nice room big big room and I ended up getting did I I had bookcases yeah I brought them with me so I had bookcases full of books I had a good old book collection much bigger

than what I've got now and I don't know why I just loved looking at them I did I remember I had my birthday party there and I took I invited a female to my party and I remember taking her up into my room now I think when I told her that I'd like to you'd like to come to my room so I can show you my book collection I thought she she thought I was joking or she didn't really expect that to be the reason but it was the reason and once I was talking about

the books I had nothing else on my mind I was like well here's the books here's my here's my philosophy books here's my hypnosis books here's my psychology books here's my buddhist books and I was like this this this I was just I don't know why I thought she'd be impressed by the books but I don't think anyone's ever in the whole world ever been interested in my book collection but I am I love it I love books I can't help it I love them even if I don't read them I still love them if

I visit somebody and they've got a book collection I need to look at their book collection and I know some people say well you can tell you can tell a person by the books that they've got on their bookcase shut up you can tell a person by what well no you can tell what a person's like by getting to know them not by the newspaper they read not by the clothes they wear not by the books they read not by the television programs they watch you can only get to know a person by getting to

know them by spending time with them and sometimes it can take years to really get to know someone so that whole idea like yeah you can tell the kind of person by uh you know if they're where if they've got tattoos or by the car they drive I mean no you can't just shut up so ridiculous so the idea of like can you imagine bringing such a complicated creature as a human down to just basically I can tell what kind of personality you are because of the color of your t-shirt or your socks I can

tell I can tell that you're by I can tell that you're an unhygienic person by um um by your trousers how can you tell poo stains no like no I mean this is silly isn't it anyway um I was in this I was in this room this new room so you know I'm kind of getting used to the traffic but it was peaceful it was peaceful at the weekend the traffic was less at the weekend and then I was sitting there I think it might be in a like on a Saturday and I the the

whole house started shaking and some of you listen to this they'll be listening for a few years I might be thinking wow for the first time in two years he's actually telling an original story I don't remember this story I wonder if he's making it up or not well I'm not making it up and I don't remember if I told it before anyway it's true mostly and I wasn't wearing a spider-man costume I wasn't that was something I was going to tell you I was I was doing but I wasn't so I won't mention it

then um I wasn't I wasn't juggling kittens no so I I was sitting there and the building started to shake now not like a jelly or a wobbly flange not flange um um yeah it's wobbling like it not like a it's it's like a cow's udder it was it was it was just wobbly you could hear the vibrations it wasn't it wasn't like a Japanese earthquake where the building's like going from one side to the other but it was definitely like oh this is weird it felt a little bit like I I should get up

just to make sure I'm not sitting on my phone that's vibrating again but it wasn't and I accidentally switched the vibrator on you know it's just the vibration of the phone is but no it was the whole building and I couldn't figure out what was going on and then and then I heard bang and it's like shook the house one shake and then a few seconds later probably 30 seconds later bang I'll shoot the whole house again and I went downstairs I like what the hell is going on and no one really knew apart from

one person and he said oh that's next door I said what do you mean next door next door neighbor ain't from my well it was it was like okay a minute's walk but it's still that's quite a distance from your house in a minute's walk he said no they've bought the land one of those houses bought that that land that wasteland that's there and they're building houses on it I said really he said yeah because apparently I don't know if they put letters through the doors to tell people I didn't see it so what they

were doing is basically pile driving is it pile driving where they have to test the ground and they did this for something like two weeks or maybe longer and then and it was really really uncomfortable because of the bang pile drive is that the right word I'd have to google it to see what exactly what it is but it's it's it's their way of building the foundations I think for the houses but they were building two or three houses or they were bungalows on that land I think the idea is they were going to live

in one or have one as an extension to their own house and then sell the other two I think too much information even for me to be honest once that part of the building process was completed then there was another nine months of building drilling sawing hammering lorries coming and going it was just it was probably the noisiest house I'd lived in and I had a week off work and I remember sitting there because I've rarely ever gone anywhere on my holidays I think twice twice one no maybe three times I've actually had a holiday

and gone somewhere you know a week off work usually I just don't do anything it's lack of planning on my side really anyway I could not believe it because I had a holiday and I was just sitting there listening to this building work and it was in the summer so I couldn't even sit in the garden it was even noisier oh oh well never mind eh okay so oh okay my gratitude journal so I've got food deliveries number two is I'm going to put down credit card the reason for this I'm grateful for my credit

card is because I ordered the food delivery online and it wouldn't accept my debit card which is my bank card I don't know why there was money in it enough money in it to cover that but it wouldn't accept it and I don't know why so I had to use a credit card now if I didn't have the credit card there I wouldn't have been able to get my food my delivery so it's quite handy as a like an emergency thing now you know the reality is that 43 pound on food has probably cost me

50 pound because of the charges on the credit card so that's not ideal but hopefully I'll get the uh the bank situation sorted out you know soon you know you know you know soon I just had something put through the letterbox and I think I know what it is I had a delivery from Amazon and it was uh I think I told you my my camera the the SD card that goes into the camera the storage card memory card or whatever stopped working it kept saying it's full but it wasn't full because there's nothing on

it so I'm not sure what happened to it it kind of just seemed to be ruined and the only other SD cards I had were just 32 gigabytes which is not long it's not it's not enough or 34 or 64 I think the one I had was a 64 gigabyte so what I've done is I ordered another one which is 128 gigabytes which should be enough and I mean I think some of the longer videos couldn't be anything up to 30 40 gigabytes if you know if it's in HD or 4k so it's kind of

I'm still playing around with figuring out how to do stuff but what has happened which I was a little bit surprised about is once I started making a few more videos which I have for YouTube my YouTube channel not only are people starting to watch them not huge amounts not only a small amount but I'm starting to get more subscribers at the moment it's like one at one a day which is I know it's not a lot you know I mean it's clearly it's like a tiny amount but because I've put no energy hardly into

the YouTube channel really until recently and then I stopped and I started then I stopped and I took loads of stuff off and then I started again because I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it and I was using my phone which was fine but then it took hours to upload and transfer and now I'm using the camera that I actually got last year for this particular purpose to make videos for YouTube and the sim card means it's a lot easier to transfer onto the onto the iPad to do or onto the laptop if

I want to do what I need to do everything's just easier it's quicker but then the phone that then the battery ran out and I was struggling to recharge the battery because I had no way of recharging it so yesterday I had three rechargeable batteries and a rechargeable a recharger came through the post so I've got that so they're now charged up so it means I'll never I won't have to plug the camera in I can just use the battery so I won't have to it won't matter where I am I won't need to be

near a an outlet you know electric outlet and secondly now I'll have this new sim card which I think she's been put through the door which means well of course I've not been able to make this as a video but the next recording I do should probably be a video as well as a podcast now the only kind of real problem I have apart from it's just a bit hassle setting it all up and everything I have to brush my hair is it gets hot in here with all these lights because I've got one two

three four lights three powerful lights specifically for making videos or for photography and then there's the just a normal light bulb and then I've got the heat in the radio it comes on if it's cold and the last video I could I could actually see the top of my neck sweating like dribbling down and the top of my forehead was getting wet because it's just too hot but if I had the window open which would be obviously it would cool down the room then there's the background sound but the lamps the lights have their own

sound they buzz it's a weird old world in it it's just trying to it's like a balancing act the whole thing trying to figure out how to do the best you know to have the best product at the end it's not product is it really but content I just sometimes I'm not even sure what I'm doing just is this is this right because before I didn't care you know when I had my youtube channel before I'd just make a video and upload it I wouldn't even edit it oh you know but then I started doing

a bit of editing I started putting introductions and stuff like that you know about 10 years ago I started doing that but before that I used to just make the video on my phone or on the camera or the webcam or whatever and just upload it maybe have a little bit of editing but minimal there was times when I'd literally just make a video on my camera and upload it from the camera so there'd be no um even the beginning would be fuzzy or there'd be the beginning would be me sitting down on a chair

and like getting ready and then talking or and then the ending would be me leaning forward to press the stop button now I try not to do that anymore I try to make them as but they're not there's no great introduction or anything I mean I used to have introductions to my videos a while back I used to I had some that actually had music and a proper video introduction and I guess maybe I'll do that as well I just haven't sort of I haven't really thought about it if I'm honest because partly is I

didn't really I don't know if I'm honest I didn't really think I was going to continue with making videos but it's dawned on me that there's a different audience and maybe I can be useful to other people who perhaps don't listen to podcasts you know not everybody does not everybody watches videos not everybody does anything so there might be uh I've still got an audience on YouTube there's still people that believe it or not is people that are subscribed to me now that was subscribed to me in 2008 in the past they've kind of re-subscribed

to this channel which just blows my mind really it's phenomenal isn't it in a sense that doesn't seem that long ago to me but you know for someone who's 20 years old that's a heck of a long time you know 14 years he was six 14 years ago I was I was what 49 or something you know no I was 10 so what's the last the third thing I'm grateful for um I'm gonna say I'm grateful for Spreaker who is my podcast host because they didn't ask any questions when I asked them if they could

reset my podcast back a week and to re-upload all the stuff that I deleted they just said yes and did it and they did it really quickly and um and I know some people have the attitude well you pay them they should do it well they're still human beings and I just appreciate when someone does something nice regardless if they're being paid or not you know if you if you're in a hospital or if you're in a if you've got a paramedic saving your life you're not thinking to you you're grateful aren't you you know

like well thank you for helping me thank you for saving my life or if a policeman or policewoman um comes to your rescue and helps you in like a really big way you can be grateful to them it's not like well it's your job you should do that and if that is your attitude then give yourself a good talking to I sometimes feel this maybe that's society's gone a little bit that way well you're getting paid just do it and I agree if you're getting paid for something you should just do it however it's still

I mean if nothing else but common courtesy but they're still human beings we're all human and if someone goes out of their way like the dental nurse or no not the lady at the reception the dentist she got me an appointment last week now I had my toothache was not good it was there's no good toothache is there really how you doing what's the weekend like I had toothache it was brilliant no it was a bit rubbish and they first of all they weren't even going to see me because I was I hadn't been for

four years since 2018 and they said I wasn't on their books anymore they're taking me off their books because I hadn't been and I couldn't be seen on the NHS if I if I could be seen privately in an as an emergency but it would cost me you know a fair bit of money and I asked if she could do any anything I explained my situation I explained the the reason I don't get out so much is because of my mental health stuff bipolar and that which is true I didn't say anything that wasn't true

sometimes I don't I don't leave the flat for months because I know it's a bit sad but it's true sometimes I don't and if it wasn't for my neighbor downstairs asking me to walk to the petrol station or to the shops with him or I might not get out at all you know sometimes I just to help him I can help myself by helping other people you know I'll kind of push myself to help someone else more than I will to help myself sometimes it's it's I know it's not necessarily healthy but it's the way

it is sometimes anyway um she put me on hold and says I'll see what I can do I think it might be the same lady that I spoke to when I was last there because again I hadn't been for a I've been for ages it's probably why I got rotten teeth isn't it because I don't go to the dentist regularly it's kind of a correlation I guess um I just thought about that I haven't got rotten teeth but I've that one when I actually had the x-ray the dentist said that it was it was rotting

but it was at the bottom of the tooth near the nerve which is why it was aching so much and if it had been at the top of the tooth I could have it could have just drilled it out and put a filling in but he said there's no option other than to remove it that's all he could offer it wasn't um that was all there was it was it was just it was a it was a bad tooth and then the other one was completely full in the past we took two out it took

the other one out as well it still hurts a bit it's a week later anyway the the lady I remember I think it's the same lady I spoke to in 2018 when I went in there it was the same thing I had a toothache but he gave me a filling uh it's the same tooth and he no it's a different tooth next to a hank it might have been the same too it was that side anyway so yeah it was the same because I literally had a filling that went from but between both of the

teeth so there was a filling that went over basically heart three quarters of each tooth that filling went and when it came out the whole thing came out I think I was eating a curly whirly a frozen curly whirly what was it popcorn I think it was frozen curly whirly and I remember thinking god this this this bit of curly whirly is a bit hard I know it's frozen but it almost feels like it's metal and it was a feeling a big old chunk came out so I had this big hole in my in my

um in my teeth in between the teeth since 2000 and it was about the early early 2020 so I had it like that for about two years maybe a year and yeah about two years but it wasn't really a problem you know it didn't all come out it just like a chunk of it came out and I thought oh okay and everything else was fine and then one of the teeth just started to crumble it just literally because I was using dental floss and making sure it was all you know tidy and everything and one

just fell apart part of it just came out but it wasn't painful so otherwise I'd have got help so I thought okay and there was uh you know it was quite hard to get a dentist appointment in 2000 and 2000 and 2020 2021 or no no 1919 in 2020 I lose track and so I didn't even apply because I knew that you know it was going to be difficult and then you know but in 2018 I had to reapply because they'd take me off their books again back then as well because I hadn't been for

a while but they allowed it and I said okay and I said they said have you got any medical conditions or anything I had to fill a form in so I put down the bipolar and she said oh I think she said either her boyfriend or her brother had bipolar so she's very um I don't know what the right word is but had an open mind or compassionate or whatever towards towards the condition you know it's like and I'm not talking about is a negative thing it's just is what it is I'm five foot eight

I happen to be incredibly handsome and I've got bipolar you know it's just one of the factual things huge feet so I um I think it was the same lady now her job you could say well it's her job she should just do what she's supposed to do she gets paid for it I don't see it like that for me it was like a wonderful act of kindness towards me not towards me for any reason other than she just wanted to help and that's that's how I treated the situation I asked when I went there

didn't know who it was because I couldn't really remember I don't remember what people look like and I couldn't tell from the phone when I got there I couldn't tell whose voice because there was two people there two females and I dealt with the other female when I first got in but her voice did sound a bit familiar so I asked her the other one because when I came down she asked me if I was okay and I said my teeth are gone where are my teeth I miss my teeth and she laughed and um

I don't know if she laughed or not I made that bit up I was a bit I was a bit dizzy to be honest I was a little bit oh it was a little bit overwhelming really the whole thing anyway I said to her are you the person you're the person I spoke to yesterday on the phone because I phoned on a Tuesday afternoon and she said yeah I said I just want to thank you so much just you know and she was like oh that's okay I said you really helped me I really appreciate

it and you know because I was going to take her a present but I don't know if that was inappropriate I kind of thought is it inappropriate also I forgot to do it but I was going to take her flowers or I was going to take her chocolates chocolates didn't seem a good idea in a dentist but also it could be deemed as inappropriate and yeah I don't know you know if I gave her flowers she took them home you know what would a boyfriend or husband or wife girlfriend whatever think you know it's like

cat dog donkey I don't know but just like what it's not worth it is it so plus I forgot to be honest I was I was stuck in the bank not stuck in the bank but I was chatting to the person in the bank and before I got there so I literally I had about four or five minutes to get to the get to the place it was just it was literally just around the corner so it wasn't far but I didn't have enough time to to for my memory to kick in I tell you

what else kicked in is the hours kicked in the whole hour that more than an hour has gone by it's almost like I start the recording and the recording's over it's really weird I don't understand so thank you very much you lovely people thank you for listening remember you know what I'm going to say next remember you don't you don't need me to say it to you if you listen regularly be kind be gentle with yourself be kind and gentle it's really important really it's really important just to just to be nice to yourself you

deserve to be happy and for those that think well why why do I you were saying that you know this is just me repeating what I've said in the past I don't say it every time but I've repeated I've said a few times that every one of us has affected in a hugely positive way other people way more than we'll ever know and that's the thing about it we don't know about it we don't realize how the most smallest gesture of kindness maybe even just a smile or opening a door for someone if someone drops

something on the floor calling them saying look you dropped your wallet or you know it could be anything or someone stops to let you cross the road and you wave to them instead of just you know well they should stop or it could be a zebra crossing I always wave to people and say thank you even though they're supposed to stop at the zebra crossing to let me cross to let pedestrians cross I wave to say thank you because it just it could have a positive effect on their day you know that someone's acknowledged them

and the fact is a lot of people don't stop at zebra crossings if someone stops a place where they don't have to to let you cross or to let me cross I always say thank you I don't walk up to them and give them a big kiss or anything but I do blow kisses to them but I do wave so thank you thanks I'm still waving now from someone from last night I'm actually at the side of the road waving to them they're driving very slowly been here for 12 hours but it's we affect people

in a positive way everybody has been affected and you know what without even knowing it and maybe there's been times that you do know about you might have transformed someone's life in a positive way and I'll give you an example for myself okay a couple I'll give you a couple of examples for myself I was at work and I didn't have any food I didn't have any money to buy food and I was hungry and this is it's a proper job but you know for just it just happened to be it's quite early days and

I you know I hadn't really been paid a full amount of money yet and one of my work colleagues gave me a sandwich now he took notice of the fact that I didn't have anything to eat I don't know how he knew but he must have been watching was a bit weird but he must have you know he noticed that I didn't have any food with me or he might have asked me what I got to eat and and he gave me half of his half of his food that kindness made a difference and and

what I'm still talking about and this is from 2001 so how many years is that 20 21 years ago something that happened even longer ago back in 97 I was in a I'd gone there was a really huge personal thing had happened like huge in my life and I won't go into that stuff but I went to I didn't really know how to deal with it if I'm honest and I went to the comedy club where my friend who owned the comedy club was there and he came up to me like he normally did and

he just like how are you doing you're right and I told him you know what was going on and at that point everything had gone wrong that could go wrong almost you know I just I've kind of yeah this is weird I don't get all negative but a lot of weird things happened kind of in succession in like like a domino effect and I really didn't know I really didn't know what my next step was and he offered me a kindness and he helped me and I'll never forget I'll never forget you know his kindness

and he helped me in that situation he helped me get through it and and again this is what 1997 so it's quite quite a while back but these are big things that are obvious but then is times when someone's just been friendly to me there was the there was someone that offered me that actually um I've talked about this I should really finish the recording but I talked about this before and it helped me in a big way it actually almost transformed part of how I think about life I was again I've told this story

before but I was doing I was in working in call center this is back in 2000 and probably 2002 2003 time yeah I'm pretty sure it was around that time and the customer was rude right from the start and I'll be honest I couldn't stand him I absolutely couldn't stand him and he clearly didn't like me either and we were on the phone and we had to trying to get through it but every question what do you want to know that for what do you want to know and it was he was so awkward and

that I'd never ever hung up on a customer ever I tried never to be rude or to you know react because that's unprofessional and you know and if and if the call gets listened to you could or if they complain I could get sacked some people didn't care they would just hang up or tell people to f off and stuff I just didn't I wouldn't do that but I wanted to with this person really really didn't like him and I was I was getting angrier and angrier and then one of the last questions on the

form on the online was not online it was the computer system one of the very last questions was have you got any medical conditions and he said yeah I've just been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease instantly I'm talking instantly my anger disappeared I'm talking within a like a millimeter of a second gone I don't think a millimeter of a second is a measurement but it doesn't matter you know what I mean gone totally gone and all I felt was I don't know I guess compassion I don't I've never really thought myself as compassionate but it was

kindness anyway I felt kindness towards him and he changed instantly as well towards me we ended up laughing like the last it's like we didn't want to let each other go we didn't fall in love but I'm just blowing kisses you hang up first no you hang up first you put the first you put the phone down no you you didn't put it down did you no I didn't no no none of that stuff but just it changed how I felt but not only did it do that it changed me as a person in the

way that I dealt with people on the phone and in person as well because you don't know what you're dealing with with humans you don't know what it's if you work in a call center and I did think about writing a book about this like techniques and stuff to help people things that I've learned and I I was pretty good in what I did and I don't want to blow my own trumpet if only but I I could reach I do I really the one thing one of the things that is you don't know what

someone's life is like so to have some compassion right at the start a bit of caring kindness is often the best way to start from and that person had that effect on me and perhaps I've had that effect on other people and perhaps all of us have not in that that situation but someone's been affected by your kindness by you giving time by you letting them through you think even you know when you stop your car when there's an ambulance coming through or police and you pull your car to the side to let the ambulance

or police through I know you saw that's what we're supposed to do not everyone does not everyone does it straight away those 10 seconds of time that as a that the ambulance or the police have gone through those 10 seconds could have been a difference that saved someone's life so by letting them through instead of you know like some people would like oh okay and maybe you know that maybe they'll pull pull over eventually could be the difference so you know it's things that you never find out about and I just I believe everybody or

most people have got good hearts kindness and I think we have to believe that it's important I think to believe that to believe that everybody you meet even if they're grumpy or disrespectful or angry or if they're an alcoholic or whatever they have kindness in them they have the ability to be gentle and so yeah that's really all I've got to say on that one so and I could talk for five hours about why I say be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy so it's not just I don't know what is that

word that when you say something it has no meaning you're just saying it for the sake of it I forget the name but the word but it's not that so when I say these things I'm not just saying it for the sake of it I do say a lot of things for the sake of it you know 99% of this recording is just me saying stuff for the sake of it but that last bit that's meaning that has meaning to me anyway and when I when I do a recording and when I talk about stuff

that's serious you know not not these recordings but some of the other stuff I can explain what I'm doing and what I've said so take care of yourselves and I'll speak to you next time lots of love bye