#852 Let me bore you to sleep - SORRY - RECORDINGS NOW RESTORED - Jason Newland (23rd JUNE 2022)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Now, I need to you know that Louis CK or Louis CK has a new stand-up special or some scream in the background.

He's got a didn't know he was in town. No, so Louis CK has got a stand-up special that's only available on his website and for some reason none of the major television networks wanted to to produce it. I'm not sure why and he's selling it you know on his website and it's called Sorry.

So, I think I need to call title this recording Sorry not for anything similar to Louis CK. But in my last recording I mentioned that I had made some changes and what I did was well what I'll do is I'll tell you the the end end bit first so then you know and then I'll tell you you know how I got to that. All of my recordings now are back on my podcast.

All of the recordings that were deleted are now back. Okay, all the ones 10 hours long everything is back to how it was. Okay, that's the that's probably the most important part.

Yeah, I had an idea now not not all of my ideas are gold um you know. I'm not sure if any of my some of my ideas must be quite good because everything's come from ideas so the podcasts and all the different things I've done have come from ideas and some of them have worked out quite well. Now this particular idea that I had was to first of all first it sounds funny now for some reason first of all and this was I think on Saturday I had this idea first of all to get rid of all of the recordings with music in the background.

Okay even though they're the most popular recordings so yes get rid of all the all the recordings with music in the background and then and then I had another idea I will get rid of all the recordings pre-2022 on the the bigger podcast you know like the relax and sleep hypnosis and for anxiety or I don't know so for a few of the podcasts I got rid of all of the episodes dated pre-2022. Now you might be wondering how do you get rid of all the episodes you might think why was that even a an idea why why would I think that was a good idea?

I can't remember why I can't I'm not sure why I thought it was a good idea and I just did so that's what I did I deleted so not only did I delete all of the all of the recordings with music in the background which was thousands of recordings and also all of the recordings from 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021 got rid of all of those.

So we were just left with for most of the podcasts just the recordings from January 2022 until June which is this month it's the 23rd of June today Thursday 23rd 2022 yeah so that that is what I did on top of that I also deleted is that Horace no Horace the pigeon was on my windowsill early came earlier it normally doesn't come to like late afternoon but came and saw me a few hours ago he was on the windowsill looking through hi Jason all right Horace you're right mate okay that's what he actually said and

so he's been following me around as I said for 12 years my neighbor said well they don't know and he lived for three years like well obviously not so it shows how much you know he's been visiting me for well over 12 years he comes to different addresses that comes and sees me everyone knows everything don't they well he's been visiting me he's my friend Horace but all pigeons look the same that's just racist stop it so I deleted every product every recording off of my podcast off of my website okay and I changed the

website into my thinking for the website is this I don't get huge amounts of visitors to my website you know it's just a tiny percentage compared to how many people go directly to the podcasts and listen there so I thought well from a perspective of time it takes me to update and maintain the website perhaps I'll just first of all I was just I got rid of the website I just deleted it the whole thing and then I changed my mind on that one and came back and then I just deleted all of the products

because they were products in the sense they were free to download and I also put embedded a recording into each page so you could stream it as well for free well so I got rid of all the products and then I made some pages up which has got an embedded playlist so on the website you've got all the main podcast on there so it's up and running and it works fine actually to me in some ways it's probably better than what it was because you just it's easy you go to the page you go to

the podcast you want and then you just you can see all the latest recordings and you can if you want to click you know navigate down you can go down for years for years and years and years yes and also the podcast on the first page of the website is always updating so the latest recordings are always on there so you can just stream them or you can download them again you can download them as well so you don't need to have it a product in there just downloads it from the actual player so that's

that okay so that's what I will oh yeah I also came off of Facebook so I deactivated my Facebook page my Twitter page and my not origami what's the one oh the other one the one that's connected to to Facebook I don't even really use it but anyway that's so I I'm not sure if I've um if that's still deactivated I'm not sure so this this was I think Saturday and then Sunday I'm looking at the stats the podcast stats and it was atrocious like really low really low and if that will tell you let

me just turn the I'm still here I'm just gonna look on the other the other um iPad because I can't this one's being used to record so wait a sec yeah yeah so is it Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday, Monday, Sunday, Saturday well Saturday okay um nine thousand downloads so Saturday not too bad that's when I started deleting Sunday nine and a half thousand downloads so again it's like okay people are listening to the ones without music so this is okay Monday four and a half thousand downloads this is when I started to get worried this was

oh you know Tuesday six thousand one hundred and fifty five so Tuesday you know this is this like oh this is not good this really is not good I was like oh no what am I going to do I've just ruined 16 years of work and I've also not only that is I realized I didn't have backups of all of the recordings because I knew with my website every recording was backed up and also every recording was on the podcasts but by deleting both I do get I've got a hard I've got two hard drives

which has got stuff on as well which has got the old recordings on um but not all of them and I realized I'd lost a lot of recordings I've also got the iCloud where I thought all of my recordings were on but they're not so I don't know how I've managed to lose stuff so that was a bit you know I've got two terabytes worth of space and I think probably 1.

5 terabytes used up so I figured I'd have you know enough recordings but no all the latest stuff's on there all the late you know but I realized I'd lost probably well hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of recordings I'd lost forever yeah well done JJ you and your brilliant ideas so what I did on Tuesday is I well first of all I reactivated the Facebook page and the Twitter I did that thing on like Monday or Sunday or Monday and I contacted the website administrators straight awards and the podcast administrators to see if they could

help me to re or undo the changes that I'd made the website said nope no no no no nothing's saved bye bye it's like okay by the way your website's looking really good like yeah thanks but anyway so that that was a no-no that was gone so my last ditch hope was with Spreaker will they be able to do that and I worded it wrongly I asked could you is there a way of um I worded in a way they thought I was trying to change the dates and they said well you can change the

dates of a podcast episode so I can upload an old recording and change the date on it so it goes back to where you know so it shows that it was recorded in 2018 or something like that and I said no no it's not what I need I said I've deleted lots of my recordings can I get them backed up are they backed up can I get them back or whatever and eventually there was a little bit communication issue and that was me because I didn't word it in a way that I wasn't sure how

to word it if you know what I mean but um eventually we did and they said oh okay well we're not sure but we'll you know I spoke to them live on the website so I kind of was texting them you know I don't know what they call that but you know when you're on your laptop and you talk to by text so this took quite a while and they said we'll go and speak to someone that knows what knows more about this stuff and see if it's possible and eventually said yep um but we

have to again I have to get more confirmation and we'll be in touch within the next two hours or something now I waited and waited and then I looked at my website and it's the podcast started to upload update go back to how they were now they'd put the process in action and they started to do it but it was it wasn't like an instant thing it didn't just all update at the same time um and I'm I'm I'm assuming that's because there was thousands of recordings that needed to be uploaded that needed to be

you know reinstated uh and some you know lots of them were 10 hours long and five hours long so that's a lot of uh a lot of work I guess that the computer system had to do so it would take a while a while well by the end of Tuesday and I'm talking early hours of the morning I guess on Wednesday it had uploaded and reinstated a lot of I think four of the podcasts like four of the bigger podcasts it updated but not all of them not all of the recordings and I didn't really

know what was happening I thought maybe they weren't able to upload all of them um but I was happy that they'd managed to upload some you know quite a lot because it meant that I'd got back the recordings a lot of the ones I'd lost so Wednesday morning like you know when I got out of bed so late I don't know but the next day anyway on Wednesday um I I looked and there was still some stuff was updated even more and I thought this is good but this must be it and the previous day

I'd already started to re-upload the recordings on the Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis podcast because I'd already thought well I'm going to have to start re-uploading the ones I do have so I'd started that and then I put a pause on that because if they're going to do it anyway so I thought no but then on Tuesday afternoon it still hadn't uploaded nothing had changed so I started to work even more and I spent all afternoon uploading and processing and making public the old recordings back onto the Deep Sleep Whisper and then by the end of

it by about six maybe seven o'clock in the evening everything was back all of the recordings were back how they were before on every podcast all the 10 hour ones five hour ones all the ones from four five years ago whatever everything back I was like wow so at this point I started having to delete again because I had to get rid of the Deep Sleep Whisper ones that I'd added so I got rid of those I had to do a little bit of cleaning up because some of the things weren't right but I did

that I didn't take long and everything's kind of gone back to normal now what has happened is let me have a look it seems that some people must have seen well I actually got a message from someone saying why would you do that why would you delete all the long recordings didn't really have an answer I'm like because I'm the king of my world I don't know I didn't have an answer so I was surprised because yesterday as soon as the stuff got uploaded again and it was available people were downloading and listening and streaming

like almost instantly so I ended up with 22 and a half thousand downloads yesterday and that's way more than I've been getting lately and I didn't even make any new recordings yesterday so you know ten thousand's about an average day and today's been good so far it's only what's it half past twelve and I've got eleven thousand so it's like wow this is really good so it's almost it's almost like it's given it a boost sort of that wasn't my reason for doing it but maybe some people are oh didn't really I didn't realize how

much people liked the long recordings or maybe appreciated them and as soon as they're back people are listening to them it's like okay so that was my mistake my mistake I'm sorry um and I just want to say Spreaker were brilliant the podcast host they've they've they were never down in my estimation but they've gone up even higher I mean what a great podcast host to be able to do that because it's not it wasn't a small job this was thousands of recordings not you know because I'm I'm I guess I'm quite a prolific podcaster

and there's probably unlikely that there's anyone else on the Spreaker system that has as many hours worth of recordings that I have I literally have thousands upon thousands in fact let me have a look see if I can tell you let me have a look why how did I not know is it sure it shows it on my maybe it's on the you on the maybe not I thought it showed it on the I know it doesn't oh no I know what it is I know how to do it let me have a look Jason

knew what's my name Jason new land Spreaker so if I just go on to there okay all right if I go on to their Spreaker on there oh it's not the one that's not right I thought Spreaker all right no no it's not what I want I don't want that okay okay okay right here we go so I go on that oh okay well I don't know where it was but at some point it showed me how many hours worth of um per podcast recordings maybe it still does somewhere but I can't see come back

to the microphone I can't see where it is there is um I wonder where that is it's not something I normally look for never knew to look how many hours worth on for each podcast I mean it normally says how many recordings on each podcast but not the hours worth of recordings oh it don't matter unless wait a minute I think I might know unless unless nope download statistics no it doesn't why where was it then it's very strange dashboard edit information distribution pod card paste settings nope nope I don't know I don't know where

where it is but the point I was the point I'm trying to make there's lots and lots and lots thousands upon thousands of hours and Spreaker are really good there's no limit if you pay there's a good they got a free one where I guess I don't get five hours or something but the one that's unlimited is there's no limit I mean literally it really is unlimited because you might say well yeah it's unlimited in it well some podcast hosts say unlimited and then they freeze you if you if you update if you upload too

many so for example if I joined a new podcast host and I was going to change all of my podcasts over to that new hosts after about a day of uploading they will some of them would put a block and I'd have to contact them and say why what's happening you put a block this is supposed to be unlimited and they'll say yeah but there's a point there's you know you're you're you're really you're I mean come on I said what do you mean well look how many there are that's not normal I say yeah

that's backdated that's their their old recordings from four four years or whatever and sometimes usually they're quite good normally extend sometimes not you know so some would say well you have to wait until the next month until it resets your limit because it's you're too many you've overdone it you know it's a fair use fair use kind of rule so it's like okay I mean at the moment I upload I don't upload huge amounts every week because it's all uploaded so I'll upload I don't know for sometimes I'll upload maybe 30 40 recordings a week

and depends sometimes I'll only upload 30 40 I don't know you know it depends so I'll upload and that's the different hours ones so if I want one recording is without music with music five hours and ten hours so each recordings four recordings so if I make 10 recordings 10 different recordings in a week which is possible I mean maybe not every week but sometimes less sometimes more that's 40 recordings oh really so four times 10 is 40 thanks Jason that was useful information okay there's no need for that so I'm not uploading a huge

amount at a time but some podcast hosts don't even they have a limit of like 12 hours a month what am I going to do with that I could fill 12 hours with farts every month I still have a few farts left over so it's it's true as well isn't it wow so yeah um I highly recommend Spreaker I really do you know it's easy to use easy to share your podcasts and there's lots of benefits of being a Spreaker now this is not an advert I'm not getting paid by Spreaker to say this um

wish I was but yeah I've really I'm now I mean I've I've been I won't say the word dedicated but I've been loyal to Spreaker now for four over four years like solidly and I'm staying with them now that's it I mean apart from the fact that it would take so much work to change over to a different podcast host um but what I do need to do because you never know with businesses and I need to you know if they're going to be around in 10 years time or whatever I'm going to need to

make sure I've got backup of all of my recordings which I thought I did I'm going to need to really um spend a few hours a week working on that and backing up stuff to make sure that I've got all the recordings because you know these this is a lot of work I put into producing this stuff and then to lose things I mean I actually lost over over 100 200 recordings I could never replace and these were like one-off recordings that were you know good and I was like oh wow so luckily I got

them back so I'm going to be uh I'm not going to focus on that now but I will work on that and get them all sorted and get them um backed up it's all about learning isn't it it's all about learning so yeah sorry about that um I want to say it won't happen again but I don't know hopefully it won't happen again um it's just just seems a bit yeah you know I mean just yeah yeah you know well it's just silly that I've got a I have to have a rule when I want

to make changes I have to step back and turn everything off and then go for a walk or do anything else because once I start deleting stuff I really get the bug and I haven't deleted stuff for a long time it's been quite a long time since I've kind of had one of those episodes yeah it's an episode of a on the end and I can't quite explain it I can't quite explain it and it's the thing is and you know when I destroyed all my book collection you know what's eight eight nine years ago

eight years ago seven years I don't know it was the year before I moved in here so 2014 I think it was I destroyed all my books now I had a bit of an episode a bit of a you know and I just yeah well that only hurt me that only affected me back in 2012 I destroyed all of my journals like written journals handwritten and I've been writing for 20 years I had 20 years worth of my life talking about my life and what I'd done and you know day-to-day stuff and as well as

some jokes and stories and memories poems you know all kinds of stuff and yeah I destroyed them all ripped them up and again I'm the only one I hurt by doing that and when we had the first mouse up here I chucked out most of my belongings it really had a weird effect on me I honestly I went a bit slightly over the top only affected me but deleting all of those recordings mainly affected the people that listened to them the people that rely on them to maybe get to sleep and it affected me as

well but it ultimately affected others and I have to I have to be more of an adult about this and realize that first of all the responsibility I have without getting all serious like okay I'm sure people could find someone else to listen to which is true of course you could it wouldn't be the same as me but then it might be better it might you know I'm not I'm not good at promoting myself am I but it's you know there's a responsibility there's also I kind of need to remember why I'm doing this in

the first place what was the reason that I started making videos and and making podcasts you know making audio recordings mp3s and it was to help people because I had this thing about I don't want to make videos anymore because I don't really like making them and I don't like how I look on camera but then I think back to 2006 when I was 35 I didn't like how I looked on camera and I didn't like making videos I didn't enjoy doing it I did so I didn't hate it but I didn't I've never liked

the way I looked on camera but I kind of got used to it because I was doing it regularly every day I got used to doing it so not liking how I look and not wanting to be bothered with the process and it's a very drawn out process even the most basic editing takes hours with the you know for the processing and you know with the uploading and sharing between devices and it's a long drawn out process which to me is just not hugely enjoyable if I'm honest but then it never was an easy process

because unless when I first started yeah I was editing everything and then I was uploading it to YouTube the internet was very slow back then so it would take hours and hours and hours to upload when I got my iPhone I started to just not bother with the editing make the recording film myself on the iPhone and then just upload it directly from the iPhone to YouTube and it would still take hours sometimes to upload so that that drawn out process even though it can be shortened I guess you know if I just record on

the phone and just upload directly with no editing yeah it's easier but then if there's no editing there's no introduction there's no um cutting off the the bits at the beginning and at the end which is useful to do so it looks a bit more tidier and then maybe working if I need to increase the volume or if I want to add a title or put a few bits in there you know or if I want to extract the sound and that all takes time so I'm thinking I might make videos in the future right

now I'm in the process of oh yeah I also deleted all my videos oh man I was on a roll I deleted all but one video from my YouTube channel I only left the most popular video on there the one that's been on there for years and years and people still listen to it or watch it but I deleted all the others and so yeah I was on a proper roll on Saturday I was I spent all night doing this yeah I think it was Saturday Saturday or Sunday I can't remember so the YouTube channel

what I'm doing is I'm re-sharing all of my podcasts onto the YouTube channel including the ones with music before I just had the ones without music now I'm going to share all the ones with music like the 10 hour long ones so they might go down fairly well hopefully might get more of an audience I don't know I've got no idea but I'm going to share all of the recordings once I've completed that I will either just continue I need a drink just continue to share the podcasts onto YouTube or I might start making videos

again but it's going to take me a week maybe two weeks to share all of the podcast episodes onto YouTube it's a it's a big big big old thing sometimes it takes 10, 15, 20 minutes to to share it sometimes it's almost instant so I just do it every now and then because I can't sit I don't want to sit in front of the iPad just staring waiting for it to be done and then then I you know share another one that's not really uh how I want to spend my day so yeah so that's

it it's a sorry I'm not sure if I did I didn't delete anything else that's enough wasn't it blimey I nearly went on to Facebook and deleted all the posts before I deleted the channel so kind of luckily I didn't do that so the website's going to stay as it is now it's going to leave it as it is I might make some changes a few changes you know now and then and maybe add a few more podcasts but the main podcast are on there and then I might I might make some more podcasts and

then add them onto the website so maybe recordings just with music or recordings or maybe have listed you know so um 1 to 20, 1 to 50 and then 51 to 100 like that so you haven't got to scroll down for an hour to get to the one you want so these are a few things that I'll do but I might do in the future but right now my priority is I think just stepping back I've done enough damage you know I managed to get some damage control managed to get the recordings back thanks to

Spreaker and you know I make a new recording and there's a couple of few few things I need to do um such as put in the copyright stuff for the music background music but I'm going to do that for each podcast just in the introduction details of the podcast so that it covers the entire podcast and I've already already done that with YouTube and then that's it so I'm going to kind of kind of step back a little bit if you know what I mean um yeah maybe try and do something I've never done before

learn I'm gonna try and learn from my mistakes I've never I've never given it a go I've never I never thought about doing that you know maybe I'll try and learn from my mistakes so I don't remake the same mistakes again so I'm gonna give that a go see if see if it's even a possibility it might be I don't know but you know it's worth a try maybe maybe maybe oh dear I mean it'd be better for me to just move away from the podcast and not even make a new podcast for another month

than what I've done then you know then deleting stuff so yeah okay maybe the stats will go down unless people listen as the month goes by but at least people can listen to what they want to without it having disappeared because you know if I put myself in someone else's position and because I guess I don't know if this is true people have told me sometimes that I have a favorite recording a specific recording that for some reason every time you listen to it you fall asleep like within minutes you don't know why but you

just do you never get to hear the end and maybe you you listen to that one regularly because it does the trick and you know some people I know tell me they listen to me because it's company it's light hearted generally just you know slightly mildly maybe one percent humorous sometimes once every few months might be a slight little bit of humor added and some people say that I'm a distraction I distract you from whatever it is that maybe you feel you need to be distracted from for that period of time that you listen so

you know for whatever reason whatever benefits are gained from listening to my variety of recordings I've got quite a few different podcasts it's it was um yeah it wasn't great of me to start deleting stuff because if that had been someone's most favorite recording or the one that helps them to sleep and suddenly it's not available yeah it's not so good is it my voice is going croaky I have to drink so um oh my voice is croaky still brilliant that's great thanks lovely so I'm pleased that everything's back I am there was a there

was a period when I thought oh oh what have I done so I need to find a way to make sure that it doesn't happen again I mean it hasn't happened for a long time it's just um who knows it just just happened so I need to make sure that I don't do that again I mean seemed like a good idea at the time really like ah you know yeah but you know so now everything's back to normal everything's back to normal and we can all just get on with our lives and I will continue

to make new recordings and hopefully someone out there will benefit yeah um I got rid of my postbox so if you if you hear I've taken it off the website and stuff so I just didn't see the point having a postbox in the end so I got rid of that there's no reason to really send me mail I guess really is there um well that'd be quite nice at Christmas and on birthdays and stuff oh well um the other thing you can contact me on my website there's a contact form on there at the bottom

of the page on the first page of course you can leave messages you can leave a comment on the actual recordings on Spreaker or whenever whatever podcast you're listening to you can leave messages on there I might not see them I will if you do on Spreaker I always see the messages on Spreaker but I might not see them on like Spotify or um Google Podcasts or Apple Podcasts I may see them eventually but it might not be for years because I don't sort of visit all those different pages regularly regularly maybe maybe maybe I

should I don't I don't know I don't know do you know I don't I don't know can't know everything so yeah so yeah that's it really I was so knackered Guspin's ah it's just there was such a relief when I finally saw that everything had been updated or gone back to how it was reinstated whatever the correct terminology is I was very pleased ever so ever so pleased just to have it back just to have it oh and it was almost like well I clearly didn't appreciate it enough firstly how much work I've done I

need to appreciate perhaps appreciate myself but more importantly appreciate the audience for listening and appreciate that actually the ones with music are perhaps the most listened to recordings so you know I can't ignore that it's not that I was ignoring it I was almost yeah I guess ignoring it is probably the right word isn't it I guess I wasn't ignoring it I was just pretending it wasn't there but that is ignoring isn't it ignoring possibly so I was very ignorant again I apologize this is the only time I'll ever apologize for anything ever sorry in

fact I'll be honest the last two times I said sorry I I could say only about 70% of me actually really meant it when I said it to start with it was like you know a good 90 94% I was about 94% sincere but as I've said it more and more it kind of it's lost its meaning a little bit for me so I'm really sorry about deleting all the recordings and it's probably about 32% sincerity sorry sorry sorry sorry it's going down I can feel it going down I'm a little bit worried if I

keep saying sorry it's going to revert it's almost going to like go back on itself like sorry sorry sorry to the point where I don't mean it at all and I don't mean it by 10% more of not meaning it and then 80% more of like I'm sorry oh I'm so sorry me me me me me so yeah I'm gonna stop saying sorry because it becomes meaningless really it's one of those words it doesn't it the more it's used the more the less meaning it has I think maybe I'm wrong but it's yeah I think

it's like the word genius like there was a time when you said someone was a genius like you know someone like Albert Einstein for example like wow um Prince was a genius I'm not talking about Prince royalty although there might be some princes that are genius as well but you know Prince the singer and actor I guess and musician songwriter producer all-around good guy and who's no longer with us he was a genius I don't think that can be even he was phenomenal and I'm not even a huge Prince fan I liked some of his

stuff a lot but I wasn't a fan I wasn't I didn't listen I probably only listened to a tiny percentage of what he actually recorded because he used to make a an album every few hours he'd pop an album out he was like you know it's very prolific wasn't even the right word I don't know what the right word is for him it's beyond prolific so the genius is often a word that's maybe been overused over time and that's why things like saying saying stuff by rote doesn't have any meaning it loses its meaning if

it's just by rote it's just like repeating the same sentence I found that in Buddhism with some of the not chants so much we're kind of chanting but uh prostrations and you know bowing to the to the shrine and repeating a bunch of sentences and it just seemed to lose its meaning when it was almost expected and you had you know you didn't have to do anything but you know you kind of to be to go along with everyone else you you did it you sort of said those words and a lot of it was

in Pali so which it didn't even have I mean maybe it's because I'm I'm a non I'm a non-foreign speaker well I am foreign obviously to billions of people I'm a foreigner aren't I but I don't really know any other languages so when I even though I know what what I'm saying in Pali I know what the English equivalent is when I say in Pali it doesn't mean anything it doesn't doesn't I'm not I'm not repeating it in English in my head it's not being interpreted so it really is just a bunch of mumble jumble

and and this is after I did this for years and years and years and it still didn't really mean anything because it's just rote just being just repeating reciting stuff it loses its meaning and that's why I quite like the idea of what I do here in a sense of everything's fresh it's fresh you know it might be literally fresh manure basically it's just poo but at least it's fresh and it's just me talking and whether it's me doing this or doing a deep sleep whisper or daily relax and sleep hypnosis whatever it is that

I'm doing a boring objects one it's fresh and it's new and it's it's not read I'm not reading it off a piece of paper I've not repeated it loads and loads and loads and loads of times saying that I probably have repeated myself hundreds of times if not more over the course of the last four years making these recordings I'm sure I've repeated myself lots of times I'm sure I've repeated myself lots of times but um I don't know when exactly I want to listen back to that to see if it was almost perfect I

wanted to see if I could do if I could almost remember the space in between the words that was almost a visualization like a a spatial orchestration orchestration orchestration orchestration orchestration of a sentence trying to mimic what I previously said I wonder if it was almost exactly the same I know it's the same well I think it was the same words but in the same tonality the same expression the same volume the same spatial um distance between the words and the length of each word and all that stuff I don't know why that's even interesting

to me but it is for some reason I don't know why I'm sorry see meant nothing when I said sorry there nothing to be fair right if it's like you know if if if I I don't know let's say if I was on on my skateboard I don't have a skateboard so that's why this this story is ridiculous but if I was on my skateboard and there was another person on their skateboard and but they were had their back to me and they were waiting at the traffic lights because they were in the middle of

the road and they were waiting for the the light to go to green because it was on red and you know there's lots of traffic behind them and that and I'm not paying attention and I'm just going and then I didn't see him there because I'm looking out for lorries and cars and motorbikes and bicycles and didn't realize there'd be another skateboarder because I thought I was the only one in the village and and then I go into the back of him and he breaks his arm okay he doesn't break his own arm until he

falls over and he hurts himself you know so there's a break it's not serious but it's you know it's it's not good and I say I'm sorry you know I'll maybe go to the hospital with him I'd like to think I wouldn't but you know maybe I would and but at least I'd wait around until the ambulance got there but probably wouldn't need an ambulance just need to get back to get to the hospital to have an x-ray and maybe stick it in a cast and so maybe I could I don't know give him a

lift on my on my skateboard or I don't know something like that maybe he could stand on my shoulders sit on my shoulders and there's different ways of getting back to the hospital or maybe getting a bus I'd like to think I'd be helpful but I'm not sure but anyway so I say sorry that's the point I said sorry but I meant it like I'm so sorry honestly just didn't see you there I'm really sorry now if I visited him you know if I took him to the hospital and the hospital said oh it was

broken but it's healed you've got magical healing powers and now basically your arm healed within five minutes and it's now all healed and it's fine and it stopped hurting after about 10 seconds that's why it stopped hurting and it wasn't shock or anything it just stopped because it was healing I'd feel less sorry so if I said sorry then well again I'm going now your arm is healed magically I just want to say sorry the sorry would mean less because I was leaving him and he wasn't hurt anymore I'll give another example maybe let's say

I'm on my electric scooter on the pavement or the sidewalk and I run someone over and they're standing and but I just bang into them and their food drops onto the floor and it's a burger and the dog runs up and grabs the burger and runs off and I say I'm sorry I'm so I'm so I'm so sorry yeah that's gonna be in the high 80s you know I mean maybe even goes up a little bit because of the dog running off but there's a bit of that it's kind of a bit funny though isn't

it as well isn't it ironic don't you think and then but I'll be sorry and I say look what what was it was a burger said yeah burger so I'll replace it I'll come back I'll replace the burger do you want fries yeah I'll have fries I'll come back so I go go to McDonald's get a burger get fries maybe even get a drink you know just chuck a drink in I didn't know if he had a drink or not I wasn't looking because I was focusing on the dog the dog running off with his

tail waggling laughing maybe it's a hyena and then I take the food to the man that I'd you know knock this food on the floor I said there's your food I really I'm sorry about that and even at that point my sorry is it's gone down because I'm replacing the food it's probably maybe a 64 percent sorry you know legitimate sincerity hand in the food and he says uh as McDonald's I was eating a Burger King burger and Burger King fries I just left a pause because waiting for him to mention the drink but he

didn't I was like okay and if I when I say sorry at that point it's starting to move towards a zero probably the minus minus 15 percent so that sorry is almost a sarcastic sorry almost like well you should need to apologize to me now although that might not make sense so yeah but yeah I'm really sorry that's that's that's what I'm trying to get I'm sorry about deleting all the recordings but they're back now so that's me done I'm gonna go thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself remember to be gentle

with yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love bye