#870 Reading Newspaper - Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. This is let me bore you to sleep. Hello everybody.

How are you doing? Are you well? Is you all happy? Hope so. So hi, hi. I'm very close to the microphone right now.

Hi. Hi. So today is Saturday, the 23rd of July.

Did I say only listen when you safely close your eyes? I think so. Yeah. And my name is Jason Newland.

I've been doing a bit of research today, bit of research. Hmm. And one of the things I've been researching is tag words.

I know, exciting, isn't it? Yeah, very exciting. I can't imagine anything more exciting. So just tag words is basically, if you don't know what tag words are, they are, it's hot in here.

It's a, it's kind of a way for people to find you or find the podcast online. Google or on the podcast itself or on the podcast host. So I'm hoping that it might help.

So yeah, let's be looking into that. Doing a bit of research. So I'm going to, I'm going to go through the mirror, the daily mirror today.

This is a newspaper. So let's have a look. Whole, okay.

And there's been a few, a few queues for people going on holiday, because the schools broke up last week. So a lot of people are going on holiday. Okay.

Looking are more like lovestruck teenagers, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck stroll on honeymoon in Paris. Oh, two people on their honeymoon to look happy. Not the most unusual situation, is it? I think most people on their honeymoon are usually in quite a good mood.

What's toast at the BBQ? BBQ? BBQ, sorry. What? What? This doesn't even make sense. Not a sausage.

That's what barbecue loving Britons think of traditional grill fare, a poll found. Bangers, burgers and bread rolls are giving way to halloumi, marinated meat and brioche buns. According to 1500 people aged 18 to 41.

Seven in 10 Barbies are now catering for more sophisticated modern tastes, such as organic meat and whole fish. With shut up. Shut up.

That's not a barbecue. That's a meal. A barbecue is supposed to be burgers.

I mean, yeah, if you're vegetarian, yeah, you're not going to be having a burger and sausages. They're veggie. I mean, it's, you know, it's like going into a Chinese restaurant and saying, yeah, I'd like a bowl of cornflakes, please.

But no, it's nothing like that, is it really? So some people, instead of here we go, they've got the headline here, we don't go because not everyone's getting away on holiday. So now up to page six and seven. This is an interesting thing that I found.

And I heard this on the radio last night, and I wasn't sure if it was real or not. Apparently, the there's some people like conservative members, not the not the MPs, but the actual like the hundred and seventy five thousand supporters of the Conservative Party, paid up members that is. Apparently, they're not happy with the two people they've got to choose from to be the next prime minister, which is Liz Trust and Dishy Grishy, whatever his name is.

So some of them are getting together to put together a protest or like a poll or whatever you call it to keep Boris Johnson in. Some of them want to keep him in. They want to have a third choice.

So Liz Campbell, Dishy Grishy and Alexander Johnson, that's kind of, they want to have him as a third choice. I don't think they really understand what's happened. Do you? I don't think.

Oh, OK, so we've got here living together for sake of. So there's a celebrity. And why do we need to know that? Whose business is it? It's his relationship and her relationship.

None of my business. We skipped my birthday takeaway and bought a whopping home instead. Couple in three point six million euro millions win.

Good for you. So. Oh, this is weird.

It's all about Dennis. Dennis Waterman, who left left this planet last month. He was a bit of a legend.

TV legend is in quite a few big TV shows. Yeah, lots of mind. He was in the Sweeney before he was in mind.

Then he was in. What was it? What was it? He was in a TV show. He was in a few TV shows.

He was in a sitcom. Yeah. And then he was in.

I forget what it's called, but it's like a detective show that he's been in for the last hundred years. But he was cool. I liked him.

We're far from the perfect couple, but she's my best friend and I think I'm hers. Rochelle and Marvin renew vows 10 years on. I don't know who either of those are.

Food bank. OK, this is something I don't know why, but I just confused about. Why did why do the newspapers and the magazines and the Internet? Why are they so surprised that people age? Why is it such a surprise? I've never really understood that.

Like people age. We've all known it. I'd imagine most people grow up and they see old people or older people, and maybe some people are very elderly.

But the newspapers, they can't get their head around it. They've got one that not a young one anymore. It's a picture of Aid Edmondson.

So he's preparing to play Ebenezer Scrooge, I guess, in a play or maybe in a film or play. It's a play. And then there goes the 65 year old actor best known for his role as shouty punk Vivian in the 1980s comedy The Young Ones is going to be in this Charles Dickens thing.

And they're making a big deal about the fact that he looks 65. Well, he looks older. He is older.

And when you think about 80, probably 84, 84, 94, 2004, 80, 90, 2014. So it's like 38 years ago. He was in The Young Ones and he was in his 20s then.

You know, he's like, come on, we are allowed to get old, aren't we? When, when, when, when, when did that become an issue? When did that become an issue? It's an issue for the individual people. I can't say I'm a big fan of the old aging process. So I'm just going to look at this deck.

Okay, right. I was looking anything that's even in the slightest bit. Not interesting.

I'm not right reading about it. I want to say interesting. I mean, anything that's Liz Hurley's stretching out.

So that's another one. Film star. Liz Hurley is on a is on sarong.

On sarong. I guess they mean what they're trying to say is she's on a song, but she's wearing a sarong. She shows off a bikini from her beach range.

Liz, 57, said she was on a vacation at home when pictured in meadows at Leadbury Hartfordshire. Well, I think she's we don't say vacation in this country. So she must have spent quite a long time in Hollywood.

Hollywood. And that's weird, isn't it? They go on about when people look old, but they don't mention the fact that she with the lighting and the makeup and the way they put the photo, you know, she looks very young there. Maybe she's got really good genes.

The top's not bad either. Blimey. Wow.

Gary Lineker. He's. How old is Gary Lineker? He's looking.

A letter from Prince Charles criticizing Princess Diana. Diana's butler has been sold for almost $2,000 at an auction. Wow.

When are they going to leave her alone? Benatar Axis hit me song. The only time I cried so hard we had to stop filming a story that broke tough. OK, this is Esther Anson.

There's no nice stories in it. I'm trying to I think I have to read the adverts. Ryobi charged and ready to move, including free grass trimmer.

Only £219.99. Wow, that's good. I can't. I can't see anything.

Bingo. OK. Win up to 500 free spins on nine pots of gold.

Men's when I said I'm going to do the adverts, I wasn't joking. I really am. Men's wide fit.

I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking.

I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking.

Lightweight trainer with touch fastening. Who are they aiming at with this ad for this paper? I don't get it. I was a really picture of a beautiful little kitty.

One zap and our electric weed burner kills from tip to root. Coopers of Stortford, £29.99. Wow. There's a food section.

Got this. This is some gardening shrubs up. Well, why not travel? Nothing there.

And by of the week, some skirts. OK, fair enough. I don't really want one.

Thank you very much. And do you have a soothing relief from your back to your feet with a big it's a vibrator, but it's external, though it's something you put your feet on and supposed to help you all the way up your feet into your back. Wow.

I might try that because I do have back stuff. Stenna Airlift. OK, I don't need one of them just yet.

He is the OK is a sport Pim's time. Right. Paddy Miblet admits Pimlet Pimlet admits he is not everyone's cup of tea, but he's determined to give Jordan Levitt one lump or two tonight.

This is a UFC fighter. I've seen him before. He's good.

It's funny as well. He's got a personality and he's quite popular. But it's like he's not his cup of tea, but he's going to give him one lump or two.

Anyway. OK, what's this? This is boxing. Yep.

This is the only thing that I want to hear. Gentlemen, Chris Billum Smith is one of the great feel good stories on British boxing. As an amateur, the gentleman was overlooked by the national squads.

And as a professional, few thought he would progress beyond domestic level. He is defending his European and Commonwealth Cruiserweight titles next week with his eyes firmly on a world title shot. Dinner down.

He is good. I saw him the other day a while back. So if there's anything else to read that Barry McGregor.

So I want to see. So he does the sport. He does the boxing for.

Well, I wish there was more boxing. There's not. That was it.

Nothing else. Just there's some athletics things going on at the moment. I'm not really sure what it is.

Is it the Commonwealth Games or some some European games or something? So that's been going on and people running and stuff. So good, good luck to everyone there who's winning and partaking. Good on you.

Sunday, the 17th of July. Why is this? It's not the 17th. What's.

Why is it got Sunday, the 17th of July? I don't want tomorrow's paper. I want today's paper. Is it? It's the 23rd.

It's the 23rd. What is going on? Recommended Saturday. It's giving me the wrong date.

OK, let's look at the Daily Mail. The Daily Mail. Wish you weren't here.

Oh, dear. So they've tried to do a pun as well. So that's just that.

So apparently Posh Spice is in a froid war between her and her daughter in law. I don't know what a froid war is. What's a froid war? Wow, it's not coming up.

This is weird. OK, adverts. The biggest Britain's biggest selling newspaper delivered to your tablet or phone.

The Mail Plus read, watch, listen, play. Start your trial today at mail subscriptions .co.uk. Just one pound for three months, normally 10.99 a month. See, when I read that, I've been caught out in the past.

And in the past, you know, so it's it's normally 25 pound, but you can get it for 9.99 for three months. And I'm thinking 9.99 for just for a whole three months, but it's not. It's 9.99 per month for three months.

And this is probably one pound a month for three months. So it's very vague the way they put it together. Another thing I noticed is with the newspapers, you know, when I when I used to buy them, they'd have a big 10 pence, just 10 pence.

So I think, oh, good. They've got special offers. I'll take it.

And I said, that's 60 pence or 80 pence, please. I said, it's 10 pence. They said, no, that's that's how much it is.

If you collect vouchers for the next month, you get get a paper for 10 pence. Or it's something else. You know, it's like, well, you just fooled me.

I've been fooled again. Fooled again. Oh, it's going about Lopez and Affleck.

Wow, it's really publishing, trying to sell the old paper online here. But then I suppose if it's your paper, you can advertise your own paper, can't you? It's free advertising, kind of. Really, though, if you pay for a paper, why should you have adverts? Shouldn't be adverts, should they? If you pay for something, if it's free, then yeah, but if you're paying for it, why? Why should there be adverts? Why? How do they get away with that? If they're selling and they're making millions, millions and millions upon millions of pounds, selling this paper, why do they need adverts? To make more millions of pounds? I know, but that's one of the things that used to really still does a bit.

It gets me a bit with. Um, well, for example. When there's a major boxing event, so let's say heavyweight champion boxing title.

And then there's this. You know, pay like £25 to watch it. And then they put adverts on during the live broadcast in between rounds, you know, 30 second advert, because that the rounds, there's a minute between rounds, there's 12 rounds and there's a minute between each round.

I want to hear what's being said with every round between each round, because quite often they'll they'll show one corner one round at the you know, in the middle and I show the other corner what's being said in the next break. Sometimes they go between each, you know, in the same break, but. Tired.

They tired. I'm a big fan of the old adverts. Not when I paid to watch something and just that sky for you, though.

Sunak under fire for COVID fraud billions. Okay. Trust.

I'll throw off you you change by end of next year. Tories in battle to stop party gates. It's what the Queen wants to literally.

It was this the Queen, not Freddie, but the Queen, Queen, Queen, once deliciously said of the Sussexes. Recollections may vary. I've got no idea what that's all about.

Wow. It's so you've got you've got Rishi Sunak or Liz Trust. They're the two future prime ministers, one of them.

But at the end of this month or beginning of September, they're going to. It's not August, is it? But, you know, apparently over the next five weeks or whatever, they're all going to be battling out and stuff. So.

It's kind of like the two choices. It's like between the two of them. It's like, do you do you want the poo on top of your toast or do you want it to sit on the side of the plate? It's like, yeah, not really.

Either of them. Thanks. I could never vote for a snake in Ola.

Who's Ola? Having spent one of the most and then leading a large. Well, I don't know. I'm just reading this and I'm thinking, well, Andrew Neill.

OK, so he does the Daily Mail political piece. I like Daily Mail. I like Andrew Neill.

Haven't seen him. I used to watch him on TV quite a lot. Oh, that's interesting.

Brooklyn, Nicola. Victoria and David were close before the wedding. I don't know who that is.

So that's David Beckham's son and a lady got married. OK, cool. Why is that in the paper? I'm not sure.

Mail investigation. I can't have to read the adverts for this one. Tigers, the Himalayas and five golden triangle tour.

All exclusive celebrity voyage and ultimate India experience. Oh, OK. They went down in history when they started in northern places.

John Jones and Dominic Cooper. Dominic Cooper. Who's Dominic Cooper? I don't know how Boris Conroy.

Families. Schoolboys. Come on.

Give me something nice to read. Trump watched TV for three hours. That's that's fair.

That's nice. Nice story. As right now, it's not a nice story.

OK, fair enough. Custard. Blimey, come on.

There's a picture of Kate Moss. That's weird. Considering I was only talking about her recently.

Too shy, but she wouldn't wear it because she's. Ah, it's Lila or Lila Moss. OK, it's a daughter, so they're getting excited about a daughter.

Snapshot. This is nice. Snapshots of a 50 year friendship.

So two boys, 10 years old and 15 years old, 20 years old, 25 years old, 30 years old and 35 years old. Oh, God, now 40 years old, 45 years old, 50 years old, 55 years old. And 60 years old.

I think they might have. Yeah, they swapped over those have not stayed in the same position. Oh, it's quite amazing, really, isn't it? You think how much someone changes from 10 to 20? I mean, he didn't have a beard when he was 10.

Slipping on a skirt like Brad Pitt, I felt like Rebsi Nesbit. Henry Deeds tries the latest celebrity fad in male fashion. It's a skirt.

OK, well, now I know what I'm getting my dad for Christmas. Wow. Oh, OK.

Yep. Yeah. Oh, he says your chance to be a top author, author.

Who hasn't dreamt of having a novel published? I don't know if you have dreamt of my thought about it. I've never I've never dreamt about it, but I fantasized. Is that what she meant? Well, today, the mail gives you the chance to do exactly that.

Send us part of your story. And a synopsis and you could win a book deal with a two 20,000 pound advance. Why should I? Why should I let my son come to my sons? Why is this is Bell Mooney.

She's like an agony arm thing. And one of the one of the questions or one of the things in there, why should I let my angry sister in law come to my son's wedding? What's got nothing to do with you who comes to your son's wedding, isn't it? It's not your wedding, it's your son's. Next.

Let's have a look. Miss Money Saver. Jasmine Bertles helps helps you with the cost of living.

What? I don't know what's going on here. Late escape. So no flight cruising from London to Burry.

Thirty four nights, money, one thousand four hundred ninety nine. Really? Wow. Thirty four nights.

12th of September. Embark ambience and depart London. Embark ambience and depart London Tilbury.

Excuse me. Tor, Tor Shaven, Faroe Islands. That's Monday the 12th.

You get your leave. Thursday the 15th you allow you arrive at Tor Shaven, Faroe Islands. Monday the 19th, you arrive at Nassarakwak, Greenland.

I was about to say, where's that? But it does say something here. It says Nassarakwak is located close to Bratahlid, the farm of 10th century Viking explorer Eric the Red. It is also home to the Greenlandicum arboretum, a nature reserve hosting more than 110 rare species of tree.

And then Tuesday the 20th, you get to Kwakwetok, Greenland. Then Friday the 23rd of September, St John's, Newfoundland, Canada. Wow.

Then Sunday the 25th, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. Monday the 26th, Sydney, Nova Scotia, Canada. Arrive late a.m. Tuesday the 27th, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada.

Arrive late a.m. Wednesday the 28th, Cap-Aux-Moules, Iles-de-la-Madeleine, Quebec, Canada. And then Thursday the 29th, Cornerbrook, Newfoundland, Canada. And then Friday the 30th of September, Havre-St-Pierre, Canada.

Is that Saint-Pierre, Canada? Canada. October the 1st, it's a Saturday, Baie-Conou, Quebec, Canada. And 2nd of October, Quebec City, Quebec, Canada.

Monday the 3rd, one of North America's oldest cities, Quebec, is a haven for culture and the arts featuring 37 national historic sites of Canada, countless museums and theatres and some stunning early Canadian architecture including the Château Frontenac Hotel. So Tuesday the 4th, Montreal, Quebec, Canada. And then Wednesday the 5th, cruising St. Lawrence River to Thursday the 6th.

And then Wednesday the 12th, arriving at Reykjavik, Iceland. And then Sunday the 16th of October, arriving in London till Bury. It says days not mentioned are spent relaxing at sea.

So let's have a look at the price. The price is here. Single cabins are available from £2,129.

Why? Why is a single cabin more expensive than a double cabin? It's not fair. It's really not. I'm guessing, I'm guessing that it's not all inclusive.

You ain't getting free food on this thing. You have to buy your own food. That's what I'm reckoning.

Oh yeah, I'm reckoning that's the thing. And let's have a look. I'm just going to reduce fare so I'm a bit more confident.

So standard, excuse me, I'm quite tired. Standard plus inside grade 2. Full fare should be £3,349. Oh, got ya, got ya.

It's not £1,499. It's £1,499 per person. So these cabins for two.

So yeah, so that'll be £3,000 wouldn't it. So £2,129 is cheaper than a double. Standard ocean view is £1,199.

Superior balcony £5,500. Junior suit £8,469. The deluxe suit is sold out.

Wow. It didn't say how much a deluxe is, but it's just showing me there's an October version of this and the deluxe is £10,819. Oh, or is it £10,019? Hard to tell.

It's got a red cross through so you can't actually see if it's a zero or an eight. Looks like an eight. Looks very much like an eight, but it's got a red through so I'm not sure.

Oh no, this is Jerusalem. This is a different one altogether. So this is Canada, Greenland and Iceland.

The other one is the Grand Mediterranean and that one goes from Tilbury in London and it goes through the Black Sea and Mediterranean. So you've got Portugal, Spain, Malorca, Italy, Sicily, Turkey, Greece, Cyprus, Israel, Egypt and then back Italy, Gibraltar and Tilbury. That's a lot of countries, isn't it? Let's count them.

So Portugal, Spain, Malorca, Italy, Sicily, Turkey, Greece. Okay, start again. Portugal, Spain, Malorca, Italy.

Is Malorca in Spain though? Or is that an actual country? I'm not sure. Let's pretend it is. Portugal, Spain, Malorca, Italy, Sicily, Turkey, Greece, Cyprus, Israel, Egypt and Gibraltar.

That's 11 different countries. 11 countries. So this other one is Fair Islands, Greenland to Canada.

It's mainly Canada and a bit of Iceland. So it's like three or four countries there, but this is 11 countries. That's pretty good, isn't it? Don't you think? Yeah, don't you think? Single cabins are available on request for that one.

I'm not sure how much that'd be. I guess the same kind of price, I imagine. That's 23rd of October.

Wow, I'd like to do that, you know. I think that'd be really cool. Adults only as well.

So no kids. That's good. That makes it even better.

I mean, imagine that. You can go away for 32 nights and get to see 11 different countries. And I know they're all kind of quite close together, you know.

You're in literally, I don't know, you're in Spain, then you're in Italy, then you're in Sicily, next day you're in Turkey, next day you're in Greece, next day, two days later in Cyprus, next day you're in Israel, two days later in Egypt. You know what I mean? So like Italy and two days later in Gibraltar. So it's kind of quite similar.

Not similar, but it's quite close. I can't see anything else. An inspector calls.

What's this? An inspector calls. If you think of technology, an in-room gadget, oh okay, right. So it's a hotel inspector, but he doesn't let anyone know he's a hotel inspector.

So he pays his own way and he's kind of anonymous. I've not read what he had to say, but I'm guessing it'll be, might be quite interesting reading. I'm not sure.

That's papers done. See, I've done well. Have I done good? Have I done good? Two papers read.

And that's enough for now. I can't be bothered to read anymore. But that's two papers.

Or is it three? Let's read the star. I've not read the star today. Let's read that.

Because that one was the Daily Mirror, I think I read. Oh dear. Okay.

Jeremy Beadle created a stink by constantly farting Chris Tarrant's sleeping bag. Okay, cool. That's good.

Making sense of our senses. Movie. I was looking to see if there's anything.

Okay. Billy Piper returns to our roots for a surprise two track EP guitar songs. Good.

That's nice. I don't know what to say. I've not heard it and good good for her.

I like Billie Eilish. She's cool. She's groovy.

Groovy. Okay, here we go. Here we go.

This is what I'm interested in. About time it says that's the headline. Connor Ben against Chris Eubank Jr. will be an event for the ages but is it the right time for them at their ages? Well, the problem is the different weights and that doesn't work for me.

There's a lot of difference in the weight that they both fight at. So Chris Eubank Jr.'s super super middleweight and Nigel Ben's, Connor Ben is I think he's like welterweight. The contract was signed late this week after the reiteration clause was sorted out and the final details now being put together.

Wow, it's a definite fight. It's definite. So they're going to fight at 11 stone two pounds.

So because I've got a reiteration clause, basically what that means is Chris Eubank Jr. will probably have to almost starve himself to get himself down to that weight and as soon as he gets off the scales, he'll be eating burgers and stuffing his face full of food and he'll be turning up two days later or a day later, whatever, a lot bigger. Wow, yeah, this is interesting. That's exciting though.

But I don't know. I don't, I didn't think they had any issues with each other because for those of you who don't know, Nigel Ben and Chris Eubank were rivals in the 90s and they fought twice and it was huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge deal here. They were both world champions and they fought at middleweight, well middleweight, super middleweight.

I think Eubank even went up to light heavyweight at one point. So both of Chris Eubank had some sons. One of them is Chris Eubank Jr. and Nigel Ben had Connor Ben.

Both of them became professional boxers. Now Eubank Jr. became a boxer long before Connor Ben and he's also fought for a world title. He didn't win it, but he fought for it a few years back.

He's lost two fights, one against Billy Joe Saunders and another one against, what's his name? For the world title, I forget his name now. It's gone out of my head for now. Connor Ben's unbeaten and he hasn't fought for a world title yet.

I'm kind of surprised they're fighting each other. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if they had a big issue with it. I don't know if they had beef and they really didn't like each other, but I don't see, I don't know.

I'd like to see it. Of course, I want to watch it, but I'm thinking, I wonder what the parents think because Eubank Sr. and Nigel Ben, they get on okay now. They've actually done tours together where they've talked about their rivalry and all that stuff.

They've done sellout shows. So, they don't have that rivalry anymore. So, I wonder what the point of it is other than just a bit of fun, I guess.

A bit of fun for us oldies to remember the fathers. Yeah. Anyway, that's me for today.

I've read two papers today. I'm a bit tired. I need to get some food.

So, take care of yourselves. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself.

Lots of love. Bye.