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Hello and welcome to, oh, let me bore you to, oh, let me bore you to sleep. My name is Jason Newland and my website is jasonnewland.com. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Blimey.
And that's with the window open. Wow, I don't know where that smell came from. Must be leftovers from when the dog was here earlier.
Phew. Anyway, hi. Hope you're OK.
This is just a, it's another podcast. Yes, another podcast. Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, it is isn't it. Isn't it. So I'm just, you know, just doing my thing.
So today I found, well I ordered a pop, pop filter for my microphone and I put it on today. So hopefully I shouldn't get too much of a gust of air, gust of air, causing the microphone to go pop. So it should be kind of OK.
Still not, still not quite got my head around the, the controls of this Zoom LiveTrack L8 recorder and connecting it to the microphone. And I know it's been going on about this for about three or four days now. But basically today, earlier, so I spent, well it feels like I spent all day on this.
Earlier today I had, I did a sleep, deep sleep whisper hypnosis recording. And it didn't even save it. It didn't record it.
I'm like, what? And then I put this filter thing on to the microphone and then it stopped recording. I couldn't record anything. Nothing was coming through the headphones.
So I'm like, what is going on, man? And luckily I bought a pack of three. So, so I put a new one in, formatted that and it seems to be OK now. But the other one, I seem to have ruined it somehow.
So I took it out, I put it, you know, I transferred the files onto the iPad. But then I started deleting stuff and I think, and then I re-undeleted them and it seemed to mess up the disk. I'm guessing that that file will be fine if I just reformat it, that disk.
But I don't think I need to really worry. And according to this, I've got 29, 29 hours and 57 minutes left to record on. Is that right? I thought the other one was like 90 hours.
I don't need 90 hours. I guess it depends because it's being, when it records it saves it as a WAV file. Which is a lot larger than an MP3.
So an hour long, let me bore you to sleep, recording is nearly 800 megabytes. And then when I put it through the processing app, it then breaks it down to an MP3 or transfers it, converts it to an MP3 and it ends up being about 60 megabytes. So you can see there's a big old difference.
Big, big, big difference. So yeah, I want to say thank you to Mary for your messages. Thank you very much.
Thank you very, very, very much. I should read them out. Actually, wait a second.
Oh, just banged my foot. Right, let me see. Let me see.
Hi, Jason. This is eight minutes past two this morning. Hi, Jason.
Not sure the technical term of your new system. The sound on tonight's podcast 860 or four is great. Last night was really good, but I felt that the background music was drowning out your voice a little.
Not hearing any background sounds. All the best, Mary. P.S. I can't message on your website as I'm listening to the podcast.
Does that make sense? Yeah, it does make sense. Especially if you like, you know, you're lying down, you've got your eyes closed. You don't have to get up do you? And do stuff.
So yeah, I'm going to say, yeah, I noticed that yesterday when I when I was saving the recording. Basically, there's a few changes that I've made. And yesterday I was the background music for the recording with background music.
The music was too loud, so I reduced it. Now, what I've done today is I've added the cloud filter or cloud lifter. I think it's lifter, cloud lifter, which increases the volume between the microphone and the digital recording machine, which then improves the sound loudness.
Or as we say in the in the in the business, volume. Hmm. Yeah.
So that's cool. Oh, I'm tired, tired, tired, tired, tired. I am a little bit.
It's been quite warm today. It's quite warm in here. I've got I've only got one window open because there's a fair degree of sound sometimes coming from the garden area.
But I do need at least one window open because of the temperature. Plus, you know, I have the windows open all year round. I like to have air entering into the vicinity.
I've not always had the window open. I mean, there was times when I didn't have access to even reach a window, you know, when I was a year old. So I haven't always done anything.
But more recently, more recently, I've especially when I've. I have access to the thermostat so I can have the heating on when I need to have the heating on, you know, in the winter. And I'm not not limited to what someone else decides, which is quite often the case in other rooms that I've lived in.
You know, I've lived in some places where they the mentality is the heating goes on in September and it goes off at the end of March. And that's it. So April, May, June, July, August, no heating comes on regardless of the temperature.
Now, if anyone's listening that has lived in this country that I'm in, you'll know that the weather doesn't work like that. You know, the weather, the seasons aren't like that, where they're just like, oh, now it's going to be a certain temperature and never go below. It's now never going to go below 20 degrees.
No, it's not even like that in the summer. It's not like that in the winter. You can have days in the winter where people walk around in T-shirts.
And that's no lie. I don't walk around in T-shirts because I just look, I just look too sexy. That's the that's the bottom line of it.
It's not fair on the other people around, you know, I don't want to distract the drivers because, you know, I'm walking around and everyone's like, wow, look at that sexy beast. And it's kind of fair. So, you know, I try and keep covered up as much as possible.
So as I talk to you, I've got the boxing on. I didn't think about this, but what I could have is the headphones so I could listen to the boxing and talk to you at the same time, but I've got it on. I've got it on mute.
So I can watch it, but I have no idea who's fighting because this is the undercard. And to be fair, I don't even know. I only know one fight, one boxer on out of the whole night, but.
But. That's OK, I'm not complaining, I'm just sort of mentioning it and mentioning, mentioning it, not complaining, I'm mentioning it, that's all, that's all I'm doing. No, no complain, no complain.
So I've got no idea who's fighting Pierce O'Leary. I've seen him before. I've seen him nine.
I'll tell you what it is, what it is, is I'm used to watching Sky Boxing and I have a certain stable of fighters. BT Sport have a different bunch of fighters, so I'm not as familiar with the BT Sport fighters. So I've got the BT Sport app so I can watch boxing on my TV.
It can also watch it on a phone or a tablet. But why do that when I can watch it on the television? It's weird because I used to have it free part of my telephone contract. I can never get the thing to work, just never worked.
I don't know why, but for some reason, as soon as I paid them, it worked. Strange that, isn't it? So it's quite, it's more of a test. I've just got it for the month.
I wanted to see if it's worth, because, you know, watching boxing is my hobby. That's my thing that I love to do. Kind of above most things, really.
I mean, I guess this is my hobby as well. But I suppose I think like boxing is my hobby because it doesn't, no one benefits from it. You know, just me.
I know people benefit from getting paid to do it and, you know, millions of other people get enjoyment of watching it. But it's just something for me, just something for me to enjoy. It's my little luxury, I guess, that I give myself.
And doing the podcasts, although, you know, it can be fun, I take it a bit more serious than watching, than sitting down and just chilling out watching boxing. Does that make sense? This is more my life. This is more important, which is why I'm making this podcast while I'm watching the boxing, because basically the boxing's on till 12 o'clock tonight.
It's now about five past seven or something. And then the boxing starts in America, a different on the zone that starts, I think, at two o'clock, maybe even one o'clock, which means I'm not going to have a lot of time to really do anything, you know, to make any recordings. And if there is like a two or three hours break between this fight, watching this one and watching the American boxing early hours, then I'll probably go to bed for a few hours.
Because it's going to be quite difficult to stay up. You seem very angry then. Stop being so silly, you silly little, little.
That's how I heard, I'm hearing dogs barking, squeaking, there's a squeaky dog. What else is happening? I spent about an hour in the garden today. In the outside.
Well, most gardens are outside, aren't they? Yeah, I just, you know, it's quite nice out there. But there's something about, I don't know why, and I'm not sure if it's, maybe I've always been like this, but I struggle a bit just sitting, doing nothing. Now, I like meditating.
For me, meditation isn't sitting doing nothing. It's, you know, it's an activity, meditation. Not that I meditate as much as I used to.
Lying down, listening to an audiobook on Audible. Now that's not doing nothing, that's reading. I'm listening to a book, but it's still, I'm still active.
So I'm kind of just sitting down in the garden. It's okay for 10, 15, 20 minutes, but then it's like, oh, especially today with all the problems I had with the podcast and equipment. Trying to get it to work, trying to get it to sound okay.
And then I've got these headphones that are not very good. And I can't really get my head around if it sounds okay or not. It might sound weird, like we're surely headphones all the same.
And I kind of thought that myself, like it should just be easy to be able to tell the difference when I start touching the knob and turning it, you know, like there's one, two, three, four, five different control knobs. Which changed the sound slightly and a change in some of them, I can, I can hear it. It sounds different, but others are a bit more subtle.
And I thought my hearing was quite good, you know. I thought my hearing was quite good, but I don't know. Like I should be able to hear, you know, I should be able to hear if it sounds okay.
I've been doing this a long time. But it just sounds different through these headphones. And I haven't listened to myself, like I'm listening to myself now, talking through the headphones, and it just sounds weird.
I can't help it, it just sounds strange because I'm not used to it. But I used to test with the headphones in the past, just to make sure that everything sounded okay. Then I'd take the headphones off and I'd, you know, sort of just talk.
And then the equipment I was using before, the headphones stopped working. So I'd have to, I'd have to record myself for a minute, then unplug it, listen back to it to see whether or not it recorded okay, and then start again. So now I don't need to do that.
It's weird. I think the headphones are very, they're very, very, very, very cheap headphones. I'm not getting the proper quality sound that I need to hear.
Because in part of what I'm doing, and I know that if you're listening on a phone, especially if you're listening on speakers, you're probably not going to even notice potentially. Because there's a, I find even with my iPhone, there's a certain, not tinniness, but there's, there's a different quality sound from the headphones, from the speakers of the phone, to what it sounds like listening with headphones. And then there's a difference between using those little bud headphones to listening through really nice headphones, like wireless, nice ones.
So I guess, I mean, maybe that's what I need to do. I need to, need to listen back, using different types of headphones, just to get myself, you know, just to get a rough idea, rough idea of how it's sounding for you. And you, and you, and you, if you want to be a record breaker.
So yeah, I'm just, wow. You know what? I've just seen a boxer, right? And well, I didn't, I didn't see it. I saw the, I saw them stop in a fight, but I didn't see why they stopped the fight.
And the other person's corner, the corner of the person who got stopped, were arguing. Yeah. But I've just seen it.
And the man was knocked out on his feet. He was clearly knocked. He was pretty much just standing there unconscious.
And the referee stopped it. He had a couple more punches before the referee got in, but the referee stopped it. And a referee is a hero because so often they don't manage to do that.
But I've seen it a few times lately where people have actually got knocked unconscious while they're still standing up. It happened a few months ago with a couple of female boxers and it was for a world title. And literally she, I think it was like a left hook or something like that.
And she was just standing there, just stood there. And the problem is if they got their hands up, I don't think you can necessarily tell, but she was just, and the referee saw. Now, I don't think it should necessarily be stopped.
The referee should stand in and do a 10 count or eight count or whatever, you know, just, just so you can see, because sometimes, you know, I've seen boxers like, I've started talking about boxing now. Sorry, everyone. Joe Joyce, he gets hit.
And sometimes, I've seen him stunned or I don't know if he's even stunned, but he blinks and he just stands there for, it's like a small percentage of a second, but noticeable. I find it noticeable. And he just stands there, almost frozen.
And then he carries on and he kind of punches. Now, I think that there's some boxers, heavyweights that will have seen that and they would go right in, if you know what I mean. They'd, you know, they'd see that and they did jump on that.
And maybe it's I just noticed it. I don't know. I just noticed things like that.
I'm quite observant sometimes. Now, we've, yeah, sometimes, but then other times, I don't even notice a helicopter in the garden. That's weird, isn't it? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
I'm going to do a little song now. This is a song. I wanted to test out the microphone and see if it's any good for voices.
I know that's what, I didn't realise I said that. I know that's what microphones are for. They're for voices.
These kind of voices. Oh, really? Okay, here's what, I'll do a song. Postman Pat and his black and white cat.
Nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin, nin Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat.
Early in the morning, just as day is turning, oh well he's a really happy man. Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat.
Early in the morning, just as day is turning, oh well he's a really happy man. Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat. Okay I'll stop.
I'm sorry. I know it's supposed to be a sleep recording. Dear Jason, First of all thanks for boring me by talking about b-boxing and I fell asleep but unfortunately about 27 minutes in you started singing.
Not helpful. Please don't do it again. Thank you very much.
Big fan. Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat. Early in the morning, just as day is turning, oh well he's a really happy man.
What was that Elvis? Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat. That's not very good. Early in the morning, just as day is turning, oh well he's a really happy man.
That wasn't good. Apparently the Elvis movie is supposed to be really good. I really like it.
I don't know. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait until it comes out on stream.
I don't normally watch him if I'm honest but there's this like a cinema critic, person, reviewer, critic, I don't know what the difference is. But he, I don't know what, he's on one of the, I think it might be Breakfast Telly or something like that once a week. And he's got a quiff and he's just, I don't know.
There's something about, if I hear something negative about a film it puts me off the film. So I'd rather not hear anything. Now if someone is raving about a film like, wow that was really good.
Yeah, tell me. Don't spoil it. See I got a friend who went to see Elvis, he said it was really good.
And he went to, I said don't say any more. Don't spoil the story. I don't want to know what happens.
So I'm going to wait until I see it. So I'm hoping that, I don't know how long it takes to come out but hopefully within about six months. By Christmas it should be out to watch.
Because I'm not sitting in a cinema. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do they have air conditioning in cinemas? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Do they? And why am I talking like this? I don't know why. Why? What are you talking like that for? I don't know. You must know.
I don't. But you're the one doing it. I know.
I don't get it. Strange isn't it? So yeah. It's all groovy in the hood.
Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat in his black Uber kit. I've got that song in my head now. I can't get it out.
There was a song that I was singing all day today. What's that one? You never close your eyes. You never close my eyes anymore.
With your finger tips. You lost that loving feeling. Oh the loving feeling.
You lost that loving feeling. Now it's gone. Gone.
Gone. Oh yeah. I've just been singing it all day.
Don't know why. Don't know why at all. That's the whole story I just wanted to let you know.
Oh nice little drinky. Nice little drink. I like to have a drink now and then.
It's nice. It makes me warm and cosy and sad. Yeah.
Hey June, it'll be your feed. So I'm wondering. I think these headphones are crickling.
I don't know if you can hear that. Right this is now the third fight. Now I think there's six fights on.
Right. This is the third fight. This is not going to go on till twelve o'clock is it? Because they've had three fights.
What the hell is that? Can you hear that? That was very loud. Yeah they basically had three fights in the last hour. So you're going to have to make the next three fights last over four hours.
Which is actually impossible. It's impossible I tell you. Because each fight is only 36 minutes.
Actually it's not true. 36 plus 12. So that's 48.
48 minutes if it goes 12 rounds. With a minute in between each round. Actually 47 minutes because you don't want.
Yeah you don't get a minute at the end do you? So yeah 47 minutes. And I think there's at least. There's over 50 minutes in an hour.
So I don't know how I'm going to manage to get. Imagine someone said yeah there's 60 minutes. Exactly.
There's over 50 minutes in an hour. There's 60 minutes in an hour. That's what I said.
There's over 50 minutes in an hour. There's 60. How can you not know.
How can you not know that there's 60 minutes in an hour. I'm agreeing with you fella. There's over 50 minutes in an hour.
That's like saying there's over 12 minutes in an hour. Which is also correct. When I think about the past.
And I sometimes wish that all of my bits still worked. So I don't know what's going on. I mean the state well.
The arena or wherever the fight, the boxing has taken place. It's not even full yet. And they're nearly.
I did say three fights are gone. But this one's going to end soon. I can tell.
You know when you can tell. I can just tell. It's going to end.
Probably the next. I'd say the next minute. Is my prediction.
Now you won't know. But I'm not going to lie. So within the next minute it's going to get stopped.
Okay. There we go. So.
I'll still talk but. Okay I'll start the minute. Wait a minute.
I'll start the minute now because there's actually a clock on the screen. Right the minute starts now. So there's a minute left in the round two.
It's going to get stopped. That's my prediction. Okay.
It's my prediction. Right. Providing the referee doesn't keep getting in the way.
Come on. It's probably not quite as exciting or interesting for you because you. I guess you can't see the fight but.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. I said. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Oh 15 seconds left.
Right. When I said this gets stopped what I meant is. The bell will ring.
And the referee. Look the referee's just stopped it so they can all go and sit down in each corner. For a minute.
So I was kind of correct. See. You didn't ask for the specifics did you.
I said the fight was going to get stopped within a minute. And it did. The referee stopped the fight.
When the bell went. He got in the middle of them. He only kissed one of them though.
I think he's got a favourite. I'm quite surprised at how many times I see referees. Pat.
Talking about postman Pat. How often the referee pats the backside of a boxer. And how many times I see that on a football pitch as well.
Not the referees. But you know like. Each other.
Or the manager. And I like. Or the coach.
I'm not a prude. But I don't want anyone patting my bum. My bum bum.
I don't. My bot bot. My.
My bathroom window. I don't know. Why would it be called a bathroom window? That's strange.
That's a weird thing to say. My caviar container. I don't know.
It's just. It doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense at all.
Whatever words could you use for it. Well. My toilet employer.
That's one. Yeah. If it wasn't for my bum.
There'd be no use. No use for a toilet would there. So it keeps the toilet in a job.
Not a particularly well paid job. Mind you. No amount of money.
No amount of money. No at all man. I remember.
What was it I had. Gastroenteritis. I had gastroenteritis.
A couple of years ago. And when I got better. First thing I did was go and buy some flowers for the toilet.
I did. I had to take the toilet out for a meal and everything. It was like.
Just. Thank you. I'm so sorry.
But thank you. You were really there for me. And you know what.
Toilets. I think they get. I was going to say.
They don't get enough respect. I think they take a bit of a bum rap. I think they take too much crap.
I mean. I'm trying to think. I need more puns I can think.
But. They don't get the respect. That they deserve.
Because let's face it. No human being. Is as supportive.
To you or me. During our lifetimes as the toilet is. The toilet is always there for us.
Like. 24 hours a day. Over 200 days a year.
There's 365 days a year. Exactly. Over 200 days a year.
And the entire. The day. The entire day.
Over 4 hours. But there's 24 hours. I mean think about it.
There's no human being. Not through. Lack.
Of caring or wanting. Or. You know.
Trying to. But. There's no human being.
Who's capable. Of supporting another human being. 24 hours a day.
Solid. Continuously. Because we all need to sleep.
We all need to eat. You know. Just.
But a toilet. Is always there. I mean admittedly.
Like you make a phone call. Sometimes. The number's engaged.
And if you share a toilet. You share a bathroom with someone. It might be engaged.
So it's fair enough. It's like you're engaged again. When are you going to get married? Never went down well.
No one ever laughs at that. And. I don't share a toilet.
I can't. It's not fair on anyone. That's just not fair.
So. I use my toilet. It's mine.
And it's there for me. It's. A loyal companion.
Really. Very. Very.
Very reluctant. But. Loyal companion.
Let's face it. Why are toilets. You know.
The way they're kind of. Connected to the ground. And all the tubes.
And why they. So solidly. Connected to the ground.
Well you wouldn't sit there on purpose. Would you? You wouldn't. Wouldn't just sit there.
Waiting for someone to sit on you. And. Release.
You'd be off. Wouldn't you? Use a toilet. And so.
Oh there you go. And that's where you're going to be now. This is your new job.
Oh. Wonder what it is. Now after the first flush.
As soon as a person leaves. And closes the door. You're out the window.
Aren't you? You're gone. You're planning your escape. In fact.
You're planning your escape. As soon as. You realise that.
It's not. It's not possibly. The best job in the world.
You know. I mean. That's what my dad used to always say.
What are the prospects? Being a toilet. What are the prospects? The only thing you can hope for. Is that one day.
They get a new toilet. And you get to spend the rest of your life. With.
A plant. In a garden. With a plant growing out of you.
Or as a birdbath. Or something like that. I mean.
That's not a bad old age really is it? But then. To be fair. Anything's got to be better.
Than. Being a toilet. But then you might say.
Yeah. They're not. You know.
They're only. Only used every now and then. You know.
You don't use that often. That could be a good argument. I mean.
Unless you. You know. It's a big family.
And. It's constantly in use. I've shared houses when.
Oh. I'm not even going to say it. It's just some things I've seen over the years.
It's just amazing. Not in a good way. Not in a wonderful way.
But definitely. Amazing. And.
I like having my own toilet. I like having my own bed. It's not that I want to live on my own.
Forever and ever and ever. I think I quite like to do what Woody Allen does. OK.
I should correct that. I don't want to do everything that Woody Allen's done. But the thing he has done.
Apart from being a comedy genius. Is. He.
I don't know about now. But he didn't live with his wife. They lived on either side of.
The park. I think it's New York. What's that New York Park.
The really famous one. Might just be called New York Park. And apparently he lived in an apartment.
She lived in an apartment. The other side of the park. So they weren't far away.
And they were married. But they weren't far away. But you know far enough away to.
Be independent and do their own thing. I think I quite like the idea of that. I think.
I don't know. It seems a bit too long distance for me though. I can't do long distance relationships.
I tried it before. Doesn't work. And I did it for a year.
Once. Yeah. Met this girl.
I say girl because I was just a boy at the time. I was only 17. Met her.
She was. Probably a year younger than me. Maybe the same age.
It's not a lot of difference really. About the same age. Maybe a little bit younger.
And. I talked to her on the phone for a year. Yeah.
For a year. A year. I'm talking.
I wrote her letters. Send her poems. You know.
Really. Really. All because she danced with me.
You know. I just fell for her. I was like.
She was. She was gorgeous. And she.
I thought she'd like me. And she danced with me. And this was at the holiday camp.
In a town that I lived. So she'd come on holiday. I met her on the last night.
I don't know why I was even there. I must have gone. Gone with a friend or something.
We sneaked in. And. I ended up.
Asking her to dance. And she did. And then.
She gave me her address. And details. And everything.
Well. No. She gave me her number.
And then she gave me her address. And then. So I spoke.
I used to. I used to. Talk to her.
On the phone. For hours. Literally.
I'd have these. This is going back. Nineteen.
Eighty seven. Eighty eight. Whatever.
And. It was quite. Honestly.
I had like a bag of two pences. In a phone box. Five pences.
Two pences. It might have even took. One pence.
Back then. And I think it was before. Twenty pences.
Were even existed. I might be wrong. So I'd be talking.
For absolutely. Ages. And I'd keep.
Phoning her up. And. I'd make her laugh.
And. We just seemed to have. So much fun.
And I. You know. She lived in. A different part of the country.
Quite a long. Way from where I lived. And then I waited.
For her to come down. And she came down. And I was on holiday.
At that point. I'd had a. I had a girlfriend. By then.
But the. The relationship. Kind of ended.
It kind of fizzled out. I dated her for. A couple of months.
And it just sort of fizzled out. To nothing. And.
This. This girl from the other place. Like came to the.
She came to the holiday camp. For. A holiday.
With her parents. Like normal. And.
She let me know. But that same night. My.
Well. Former girlfriend. Decided she wanted to get back with me.
And invited me to. Go around hers. Because she was babysitting.
Well. Not hers. But she invited me to go around and.
And. You know. Spend some quality time with her.
I chose to go to the holiday camp. To see. I forget her name now.
But I went and saw her. Anyway. And.
That's when I find out. That she's got a boyfriend. And.
And she's been dating someone for the last year. And guess what? That person was someone that she met. The previous year.
At the holiday camp. And he also lived in my town. So she was.
Had me as her basically. I was in the friend zone without realising it. He was definitely.
Her boyfriend. I can't remember what happened. Because.
I caught up with her. Quite quite quite insistent. On.
Seeing her. But she was hiding from me. I didn't realise it.
We kept missing each other. So I pretty much went round every single. Caravan till I found her.
That's how it used to be. We're not going to give up. But I didn't know she had a boyfriend.
I didn't know she was hiding from me. Once I found out. Then I just obviously I let it go.
And said okay. See ya. And.
Her boyfriend did know about me. But then. I didn't realise there was nothing about me to know.
I was just. A friend. Her boyfriend was a lot older.
A man. I was just a boy. Yeah.
The thing is normally you don't get to see. Unless you live in a town. And you never leave.
And you stay there forever. And you get to see people. From childhood.
You know you get to see what happens in their life. And get to see. Who they marry.
And the children they have. And you get to see what happens to their children. And you're just like it's you know.
I guess it's quite a. Quite a magical pattern. I suppose. I've never stayed really in one place for.
Too long. And I've not experienced the bliss of that. But.
So I've not always got to see the end result. Well. I kept in contact with her.
For some reason. I stayed friends with her. And.
In 1991. When I moved to London. Bearing in mind this was.
Probably. Probably two years later. Maybe three years later.
I decided just to go and see her. I just turned up. Knocked on her door.
And she was living with her parents. And you know. I think I must have still had contact.
Because I'm sure I wouldn't have just turned up. Having not spoken to her for years. But I don't know I might have done.
Anyway. I knocked on her door and. Her mum was there.
And I think her sister or brother. And they were watching Neighbours. And.
They said oh. She's not here. I said okay I'll wait.
It was just. It was just weird. I don't know.
I must have just. I wouldn't do that now. But I wouldn't do any of it now to be honest.
Definitely would knock on someone's door. I must have still been friends with her. I must have stayed friends.
Maybe I was hoping that it would still be a chance. I don't know. Maybe she led me on.
I don't know. I can't remember. But anyway.
When I visited her we went out for a walk. When she came back we went out for a walk. And she had a baby.
Like in a pram. Two years old. One year old.
Toddler. Something like that. And.
She was telling me how bad things were. I don't know how compassionate I felt towards her at that time. It's.
I'm not proud of myself. But. It just felt a little bit like.
Oh. Okay. Well.
She definitely led me along. Probably because I amused her. And maybe she just liked talking to me.
She never told me to go away. And she always sort of said I'll call me back. Do this.
Whatever. So. I really did think that she liked me.
So then hearing how. The person she chose over me. Didn't.
She didn't get what she. Would hope for. I kind of like felt.
I don't know. Part of me felt sorry for her. Like oh what can I do to help.
But I stopped myself. Because. I just knew that I. I was in love with her.
I was. I was in love with her. And then.
I suppose that year before. You know the year when I was waiting for her. I was in love with her.
I fell in love with her when I met her. But then. After like maybe a few months.
It started to fizzle out a bit. You know it's like well. She's not seeing her.
So there's still another eight months before I see her. And blah blah whatever. And then just as the week.
A couple of weeks before she came back. Then I started to have that rekindled feeling. And.
So when I found out she had a boyfriend. Well that was hard. You know definitely.
Well. You know I met him when I was 18. And I say it's hard.
It was difficult to process. At the same time. I hadn't seen her.
I wasn't. We weren't in a relationship. Romantic relationship.
Regardless of whether I wanted to or not. And I did. And that seems to be.
I don't know why. I'm getting all deep here. Deep.
There was this other woman. Years and years ago. I met her.
Okay. It's not for some reason. That's a different sentence.
I just stopped the sentence after some reason. I met her at. The comedy club.
And she was dancing. And I really liked her. A lot.
And I told her. And you know I got a telephone number. Gave her mine.
And. She was dancing. Having such a great time.
And I just. I love watching her dance. Because she was so happy.
To really sort of. Let her. Let herself go.
But that's probably not the right term is it? Stop doing her hair. Stop doing her makeup. Start eating.
Eating fast food. All the time while she was dancing. She let herself go.
Very nice to watch. Very unselfconscious. And I liked her.
And. I would always like her. You know if I ever met anyone like her.
I'd always like. She was like. My.
Kind of my type. I thought. And then.
She phoned me. And we sort of spoke on the phone. And.
She said oh. You know I would like to meet up with you. But unfortunately.
I'm going away. For a few months. I'll contact you when I get back.
I said yeah okay then. See ya. I didn't expect to hear from her.
And then out of the blue. Like six months later. Did I get a phone call from her? Do you remember me? Yeah yeah yeah.
How are you doing? I'm like thinking who the heck's this? And. Just trying to find out. Some clues to who it is.
I said. Alright so. How's your family? Oh yeah my dad's still dead.
Okay okay. I was just trying to figure out who was she. Okay so that's not Tracy.
Got a boyfriend? You know I haven't got a boyfriend. I wouldn't be calling you if I had a boyfriend. Okay okay that's fine.
So that's 50%. That I don't know. I ran out of questions.
So I said what's your name? And she said oh Paula. I don't know if it was Paula. Probably wasn't.
And she just thought oh. So nice. And we start talking.
And it starts to get dark. Everything's starting now. We start talking.
It starts to get dark. And we start to whisper for no reason. Well kind of a reason because next door to me.
My landlady and landlord. That's where they slept. When I say next door to me.
Not. Well in a different room. But not in a different building.
So I was kind of okay. Let's just speak quietly. So I was whispering.
She was whispering to me. And it got very romantic. That's all I'm going to say.
Very romantic. Very quickly. And I didn't really understand what was going on.
Because that wasn't where I was going. With the phone call. You know I mean I was just really happy to hear from her.
And I really liked her. And I was looking forward to hopefully seeing her. Well.
Things got very interesting that evening. On the phone. And then.
I invited her to come and see me. And she did. She came and saw me a couple of days later.
And. I don't know. I don't think we really.
Hit it off quite as much as we had on the phone. Well nowhere near as much as we did on the phone. And then.
So. She went away. I think I missed out some bits.
I think when she went away. She might have given me her address. And I was sending her love poems.
To be honest. So that might have happened. Yeah I get a little bit muddled up sometimes.
About who I've sent poems to. A few people. Over the years.
Not anymore because I've got no rent. There's not one romantic hair. On my bum.
Ain't no more left. It's all been used up I'm afraid. You should have caught me when I was 14.
I was so romantic back then. So I. What was I doing? I went to. Yeah what I did is I did another thing.
That I just. I just turned up. At her house.
Unexpected. Well it wasn't unexpected to me. But to her.
I think it was on a bank holiday Monday. Or a Sunday or something. And.
She was a little bit taken back. As to why I was there. Because she didn't invite me.
I just turned up. I thought it would be a nice surprise for her. It turned out it wasn't.
And she didn't just like tell me to go away. She said okay. I'll try and tolerate.
I'll try and tolerate you for a little while. And I said. You know you're supposed to keep that inside your head.
You're not supposed to say that out loud. She said. Oh sorry.
And then what happened is. What happened next? Oh yeah we. Went for a walk.
And there was this hot air balloon fair. I think. Yeah it was a hot air balloon fair.
Never seen anything like that before. And she seemed like quite good spirits. And we were having a laugh and everything.
And then. I'd said something that. She didn't like.
Said something that. Well I can't remember what. It's hard to believe that I'd ever say anything.
But. Apparently. And then.
We got into the car. And she said. Because during our first.
During our telephone conversation. She talked about a Mars bar. Okay.
That's all I'm going to say on that one. So. What I did.
Is I took a Twix. Because I couldn't. They didn't have any Mars bars in the shop.
So I took a Twix with me. And I was going to bring that out. And it was going to be like an in.
An in joke kind of. You know. Well anyway.
I think I had a cup of coffee or something. I get into the car. And she's like.
So I think she said don't put that down there. Or don't slam the door. Something like that.
I said oh. She sort of shouted. She snapped at me.
And that's when that was it. That was the end of the relationship for me. So I thought okay.
I'll be off then. Isn't it weird. I don't take a hint like.
Someone moving away. And having another boyfriend. But if they snap at me for spilling.
Coffee all over their steering wheel. Then I'm like. That's the end.
It's. I'm not always great on like. The smaller cues.
The smaller communication. That's enough of my silly. Dating history.
There's more. There's more coming. So you take care.
I should be back again. Probably tomorrow. So.
Thank you. For listening. And remember.
To be kind to yourself. Because. You do deserve to be happy.
Be gentle with yourself. Lots of love. Bye.
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.