#809 Let me bore you to sleep - PHOTO ALBUM - Jason Newland (20th MARCH 2022)

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. My name is Jason Newland and my website is jasonnewland.com where all of my recordings, not just these podcasts, but everything and all available on the website to download for free and also to stream for free. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Now today's a bit of a weird record, well not weird recording, but I'm going to go through some photographs. Let's put my glasses down. So basically I went and visited my family for the first time in about two years.

Well actually it's probably nearly three years since I've visited them. But I visited, I saw, no I think it was August 2019, I think was the last time I visited, but I did see them New Year's Eve 2019. And then I didn't see them through 2020, 2021, up to Monday because it's now Sunday.

So last previous, last Monday, I saw them for the first time. So it's what two years and three months. And I went around for, they invited me around for dinner or for evening meal on Tuesday.

And so we had a meal, we were sitting down and they said, Oh, we've got a present for you. And there was a package wrapped up. I said, What's that then? They said, It's a present.

You've seen presents before, haven't you? I said, Yeah, I know it's a present. You know, they said, It's wrapped up. You can see, I know, I know it's a wrapped up.

I know what a present is. But what, what's for? It's not my birthday. It's not Christmas.

And they said, Oh, this is for last. This is for your 50th birthday. So I was 50 in 2020.

August. So it's quite a while ago. And so because we haven't seen you, but this is a present we got for you.

And I said, Oh, what is it? They said, Well, do you not understand how presents work? I said, Yes, I do understand how presents work. They said, Well, we're not going to tell you what it is. It's wrapped up for a reason, isn't it? So you have to open it up and find out what it is for yourself.

I said, I know that. They said, Well, why don't you open it then? I said, I'm going to. So I opened it.

And to start with, I could see it was a photograph album. And I thought, I'm making a big deal over a photograph album. You know, it's like staring at me, I'm thinking, Well, okay, first of all, I don't really take photographs.

Everything's digital now. So I'm not even sure how you go around, go about printing stuff off. To put into a photograph album.

I don't own any photograph albums. And I've only got the only photographs I've got really are some that, you know, like a picture frame that my dad gave me when I moved into this place. And I've got a picture of my nan as well in a separate photo frame.

But all the pictures of Andre are all on my phone or on hard drives and stuff on Facebook. So anyway, I'm thinking, I prefer chocolates. I'm thinking to myself, because you know, I'm greedy and fat.

And I realized that there's stuff in it. There's photographs in the photo album. So I'm intrigued, very intrigued.

So the first thing I see is there's some stuff separate from the photograph album. And it's like plastic, you know, the, you know, when you get a folder, like a four folder, where you put papers in, and you get a little plastic containers that you can put a piece of paper in to keep it all nice. So one of those, I forget what they're called, spiral plastic paper things.

And there's a couple of photographs in there, well four, two big ones and two little ones. So that's the first thing I looked at. So I will show you, I'm going to describe to you the pictures and tell you what pictures I have.

So this is me sharing quite intimate details with you. So I might talk about some personal information. So you know, if this is not really your thing, then bugger off, stop the recording and go away.

Now if it's, you know, it might be a little bit emotional. So, you know, I realized this isn't for everyone. And it might not fit in with, you know, falling asleep, listening to me, you know, because I'm talking about my life, my important, well, what's important to me, I guess.

So these photographs, the first one is of me aged seven. And it's just weird. You know, I used to go through my Nan's photograph collection because she had about, she had these huge boxes full of photographs from all the family, going back to her great grandparents, all the way through her brothers and sisters, my dad and my uncles and aunts, and then all my cousins, all the great, and all my cousins' children and their children, you know, including photographs of me and my brothers.

And, you know, so there was a lots of photographs there. And there was a few ones of me. And there wasn't a huge amount.

But this is basically kind of like a history in photographs of my, my life, well, not my life, but photographs that have been taken of me throughout my life. And even in sort of later years, visiting and family occasions and birthdays, Christmases, things like that. As I got older, or throughout my 20s.

And but it starts, it doesn't start at age seven, because I was actually born, believe it or not, much younger. But there's a picture, and it's me, not pouting. What's the opposite? Pouting is when you kind of make like a fish lips, isn't it? What's the opposite when you like, is it purse? When you lift your lips back? Well, that's what I'm doing in that photograph.

Kind of purse in my lips, I think. And I got long hair, parted at the left. And it's pretty much dark brown.

Very curly, it's long, and she's not as curly as it's long, it's curly at the ends. And this is this would be 1977, I guess. So back in them days, long hair was very much the thing.

I didn't have a beard. But I was absolutely tiny. I mean, my head the same size what I've got now.

But my body was absolutely tiny. I've also had the same size head. Ask my mom.

She's still screaming now. So this, I've got this little white jumper on. And I don't know what this is almost like a brown cardigan, but it's it's just covers my body, not my actual arms.

So and I'm looking, I don't look very happy. Look at miserable, not miserable. I don't know.

Very drawn, withdrawn, very tiny, very tiny, too small for my age, really. So that's the first picture. Then there's a picture of me when I'm probably about.

So I had my tie. I think the first time I had a tie was when I was at junior school, which would have been about nine, nine years old. And I was there till I was 10.

And I went to high school and I was 11. So this would be two years before I went to high school. And again, I look a lot different.

I just bigger got got chubbier face in this one. So being I guess I've been eating well and stuff. I'm smiling in this one, which is weird.

And yeah, I got freckles, but can't quite see it because it's I think it's like a professional photograph done at school. You know, when a photographer comes in and takes pictures, which is, I guess, what a photographer would do, isn't it? Remember when a photographer came in and started juggling? So it's, it's a bit tinted. It's, it's a bit more professional.

But I got another photograph, another school photograph. Now, I think I look older in this one. Yeah, I've got a jumper on and a shirt which I would only wear outside of school.

So I don't know what and this is another professional picture. Another proper picture being taken. Everyone looks at it.

My hair is very messy, but still very long. And I can't imagine how many knits are in it. Hiding probably a whole generation of knits just waiting to jump into other people's hair.

But there's me, I've got freckles all underneath my eyes and on my nose. And I'm smiling. And from the looks of it, my teeth, I'm missing some teeth.

So maybe I was about 10 there. I'd say it's before I went to high school because I look very young. But maybe I was about 10.

And I'm missing from the looks of it. The, to the left of me, the tooth is missing. And without sounding weird, I'm not a bad looking little boy.

It's not weird if you say about yourself, is it? Is it? I'm not saying I fancy myself. I'm just saying I was not bad looking really. Just, I mean, compared to now, blimey.

So yeah, that's that picture. And then there's another picture. Where is it? Where is it? And this is this is old.

Well, it's the oldest picture here. And it's me as a baby. I look like I've only got one arm.

Oh, no, I've got another arm. It's just, I'm lying on a like a patterned, like this flowery patterned thing, whatever it is. I got my eyes closed.

I'm a baby. I'm a little tiny little baby. I'm covered up completely.

I've got leggings. My feet are in these little boots that are kind of, it's like all in one thing. Looks like something that my nan might have actually knitted for me.

It looks very comfortable. It's a big old thing. And I'm just asleep.

Fast asleep. Yeah. And I got a lot of hair.

It's not as long as it is in the other ones. There's a lot of hair there. Wow.

So I definitely wasn't a bald baby from the looks of it. Now, I've literally got 90. Wow, yeah.

It's not a full beard, but it's pretty much getting on there. It's weird because I'm actually a baby but I've got hair. Like proper full on hair.

Wow. That was to make up for me to get going bald in later life maybe. Although I'm not really bald.

I just shave it. Balding perhaps. They put them away.

So they're the four that are separate. So there's me as a little baby. Now, there's another picture.

The first picture of the photograph album. And my dad's wife did this. She put it all together.

And she basically has written down, she's written down years. She says she wasn't sure if she got all the years right. But she also wrote down some other stuff.

So the first picture, again, is me as a baby. But this one's the top of my head's cut off in this one. But it's exactly the same picture as the other one.

Then there's a picture of me and one of my brothers. And it says Dungaresse. Now, I don't know what that means.

I don't know if that's what it's got written on the back of the photograph. I'll have a look. No, it doesn't.

Dungaresse. What does that mean? So maybe that's we was on a holiday. I was from I was a toddler with lots of hair.

I was a hairy little thing. Wow. Almost like a little ferret.

So I'm there I'm tiny. From the looks of it, I would say my older brother. To me, he looks about five.

But he might have been four because he was quite a big, quite big for his age, I think. Was that a smiling face, my brother? Very smiley. When he took photographs and that.

I was not always so much but I'm smiling in that one. But I'm tiny. And I've got from the looks of it, quite blondie hair.

So I'm thinking maybe that photograph because it's in black and white of me as a baby. Maybe I didn't have dark hair. Because I've pretty much got blonde hair in this picture.

And I've got a blue duffel coat thing on. And I'm on a beach and there's my brother behind me smiling. And there's a big behind a boat.

That's looks like it's about to be launched into the sea. So I don't know if they're about to use me as a bottle to launch the launch the boat. Anyway, so that's, that's that.

Wow. I've got a chubby face, chubby cheeks. Right.

The next picture is those are not arguments. But I said, I wasn't sure if it was me. I said, I'm not sure if that looks like me or not.

And my step mom said, Oh, maybe, maybe we got it wrong. And my dad got up, he said, I know what my son looks like. So we kind of left it there.

But just the thing is, at a certain age, I think we all kind of probably looked fairly similar. Because you know, we're brothers. And I've also got cousins who I've seen pictures of them didn't look that look maybe similar to what we look like when we were their age as well.

And if these pictures were taken out of my Nan's collection, then maybe because you know, I'm not sure if it's me. But I've got a pal in lower lip. But my dad said it is me.

So it's the same kind of hair. But again, I don't know. My dad was definitely it was me.

So I mean, it does look like me. The more I look at it, the more I think Yeah, it does look like me. But it's one of those weird ones.

Because from the front. Yeah, definitely argument is like, well, I spend a lot of my time person my lips when I have photographs, or making funny faces, which are noise, but that probably have ruined many photographs by making faces. But apparently, I've found other photographs where my lip is like that.

It's basically I had my mouth open, and my lower lip is much bigger than my upper lip. So yeah, so it's, and it's the same chin. It's the same chin.

And it's the same eyes. But you know, anyway, there's a photograph above that. And my dad still has a beard.

He was he's had a beautiful beard. He shaved his beard off again. He grew it for a year.

And he realized it was an experiment. He grew it right from, I think his birthday to the next birthday, and he shaved it off. And so he hasn't had it for a year.

shaved off last April, but he had it for a whole year. And he said it was itchy, but it looked lovely. And that might be another we'd say sentence to say, but he did.

He looked beautiful with a beard. He just like a gentle giant, because he's a big man, not fat. He's just big, big, strong man.

And he's, he's reminded me when he went because when I first met him, when I was just before I was seven. And I'd met him before, see, like when I was a baby, but I didn't didn't remember him. So I didn't see him really from the ages of three to six months old until I was nearly seven.

So he was a stranger. But he was so lovely, big, strong, and I know everyone's strong and big when you're tiny little seven year old, and always tiny. But he was he's a big, big, strong man.

And he saved us all. He saved me and my brothers from the children's home. And I made him cry by telling them that.

So as I said, that's why I was quite an emotional evening, but try not to do that. Get all emotional here. But this pictures is a picture here.

And this is where it really strikes home to me. The the problems of and the followed is I was tiny, but I was seven. My other brother was nine, and my other brother was 11.

It's a very, it's a lot to take on. To suddenly, you know, he had my dad had a new wife, and she was 21. And suddenly, she had three kids, then another baby a year later.

It's a huge amount to take on. And we were all say damaged goods, but that probably would, you know, emotionally challenged emotionally, whatever. So it's weird to see that picture because we're near a beach.

But we're near the sea anyway, in this. But that's, I'm on my dad's knee. And what both my me and my second oldest brother is sitting on his knees, me on one knee, him on the other.

I think he's almost leaning on a knee because he's a lot bigger than me. And then my other older brother, he's at the back. And he's, he's taller already, he's probably nearly as tall as my dad by then.

Because he goes on, he's like, he's got a six, four, something like that, my brother, my oldest brother. My cousins are even taller, they're like six, six. So all the, I'm the only one, like my other brother, he's over six foot plus.

And I'm five, eight. So I was the one, my dad was about five, 10, five, 11, maybe. So he was just under six foot, I was the short ass out of all of them.

But now my dad's about the same height as me. And I guess I'll be shrinking soon, won't I? So there's another picture, this is me wearing this little blue shirt, like with these little patterns on, I can't quite see what the patterns are. But it's like a tiny little passport photograph.

But obviously not proper photograph album. Oh, look, look at this. Oh, wow.

There's me and my two brothers with Nanny Waker in London. Now, when we lived in Southend, we moved to Southend from Newcastle Children's Home to Southend Children's Home. It was called Nazareth House, they just knocked all in the process of knocking the building down.

And it was run by nuns. And when we first visited, when we came, started sort of seeing my dad, and he started bringing us back to where he lived. And my nan and granddad still lived in London, in Enfield, North London.

And he, we used to go and visit and my Nanny Waker, who's my granddad's mother, lived with them. And she was bedridden most of the time when we visited. And we used to visit pretty much every time we came down, we'd either visit on the way, I think quite often on the way back or something like that.

Because London's not far away from Southend. And there's a picture of me and my two brothers, all in our pyjamas, I think. And we're standing behind the chair with Nanny Waker sitting in a chair.

And she got a big shawl on, which I imagine my nan probably made for her. Because my nan was, she used to like to knit, so she'd make us all jumpers and stuff. I mean, I couldn't always get my head through.

But she's, she was a great knitter. But I think she didn't, didn't always plan for the neck bit. Because, I don't know, I don't think she was trying to choke me.

But it was, and sometimes it was almost, it's a present, so wear it anyway. So I'm like, trying to breathe. I'm like, no, you have to wear it because it's a present.

Your nanny's coming around for lunch, you have to wear it when she's here. But how am I going to eat? I can't breathe. Doesn't matter.

Oh, there's another picture. That's weird. This is a picture of me and my two brothers again.

I don't know where we are. I'm probably guessing that we may be still in London. Because it is saying London on that page.

And it's my oldest brother. He's so much taller than all of us. Even at that age of 11.

He's probably as tall as I am now, when he was 11. And my other brother, he's, it's almost like there's our heights never changed, in a sense, connected to each other, if you know what I mean. So my second oldest brother, I'm probably still the same height.

So I probably come up to his, I probably come up to his ears, or his mouth, probably in height. And my brother comes up to the ears of my other brother. It's that kind of height difference, if you know what I mean.

Maybe a little bit more, but I come up to about my other brother's chest. So that's a nice picture. I almost remember some of the clothes.

I think probably because I got hand-me-downs, so I ended up wearing them. That's why I always used to sort of try and have a say in what new clothes were bought for my older brothers. So I know I'd end up having to wear them myself.

Here's a picture of me and my other brother. A lot of pictures of me and my second oldest, because the one just above me, he was two years older, probably because we were more the same age group. Or we were still at that age where we wanted to play.

My other brother being 11, 12, you know, teenager, he wasn't interested, probably wanted to do other things. From the looks of that, I've got a Spider-Man t-shirt on. Oh yeah, even then I love my superheroes.

Anyone like that's into superheroes? Oh, you know, they're always great. I've been into them since 1977. I've been a big superhero fan my whole life, pretty much.

What was that? 77, 87, 97, 2007, 2017, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. So what's that? 35 years. Yeah.

35 years or 45 years? No, 45 years. Yeah. So here's a picture.

This is probably classed as racist now, but I've got a little... Okay, we, when I, in the 70s, even in the 80s as well, used to be able to play Cowboys and Indians. It's a game people used to play. And you'd, you know, for kids would buy costumes.

So one would have a cowboy hat, maybe like a spurs for the, for your feet. And like a thing, a shawl maybe, and guns and holsters and stuff like that. I had, I was dressed not as a cowboy, but as a, used to call them Red Indians back then.

It's not, not the correct term now, I know. But I had my little hat on, my Indian hat, and my shawl, shawl thing. And I've got a little bow and arrow.

It's a tiny bow and arrow. Staying on the racist theme. There's a picture of me.

I'm guessing Christmas or a birthday. So probably Christmas. I've got a Christmas hat, Christmas cracker hat on.

But I've got a moustache. This is like, it's a Christmas cracker moustache. The one that used to like peen in your nose, used to like clip to your nostrils.

And all red tracksuit top. It's definitely a Hitler look there. Just with my hair, like from one brush down one side.

Yeah. And my lips. I think I'm trying, it's for the, the thing was too big for my nose.

So it's starting to fall off. So I'm pushing my lips up to keep it up there. So it's a very strange photograph.

Wow, here's a photograph with me and my granddad. Don't know where it was. Probably, probably in London.

Yeah. And because they didn't move. They they moved into the house that we were living in.

But that wasn't till I was eight years old, nearly nine that they moved. Now it had been about 1979. This is a picture on a bench with my granddad, my oldest brother, one side.

I'm next to my oldest brother, my granddad and my other brother next to him. And I don't know, it looks like I've got some kind of Mickey Mouse or something t shirt on. And my oldest brother is like leaning forward.

But if he if he and my granddad straight up, straight up, like back straight, because he was in the army. So he's very, his posture is always brilliant. But it looks like, honestly looks like my brother, if he's actually letting up straight and be nearly as tall as my granddad.

What's your obsession with your brother's height? I don't know. I really don't know. I just find it interesting that I'm so short compared to all the others.

I think there's something amiss. That's what I'm saying. Something amiss.

Something wrong. There's a picture, again of me from earlier. There's a picture of my nan and granddad.

I don't know where this is. It might be at one of the tower, the Tower of London or something. It's strange because this is like late 70s.

My nan just looks the same to me. It just looks the same. It's weird.

There's a picture here of my dad in his favourite car, which was an MG I think. And it was an open, it was a convertible. And I don't remember that.

It's a car we used to travel down from the children's home every time. I don't remember that it was convertible. He could take the top off because the top's off there.

I just didn't remember it. It's weird isn't it? I've never really been a car person though, to be honest. Well here we go.

Here's a Christmas picture. This is when my little brother was born. So he was, he's got to be a year old there.

So we're probably looking about 19, yeah probably I'd say about Christmas 1979. Probably our first Christmas in the big house, I would say. So there's me at the back.

I'm standing on the settee I think. And then my second oldest brother sitting in front of me. There's my oldest brother holding my little brother on his knee like and pointing towards the camera.

It's funny because he's saying to my little brother, well I don't know if he is because I can't remember, but it's almost like he's saying to my little brother, look at the camera. But my oldest brother's looking at my little brother, so he's not looking at the camera. He's the only one that isn't.

Although my little brother just looks, I don't know what he's looking at. Looks like a little girl. He looks like a little girl.

I should mention that to him when I speak to him next. And there's a Christmas tree behind. I remember those settees.

Wow. And then there's another picture there. This time there's, sometimes I think no, this this is before and then I see my little brother's in it.

So there's a picture of my dad holding my little brother. And there's a picture, my brother, my oldest brother's always at the back pretty much because he's so tall. And so my little brother was eight or nine.

So at this point, probably my oldest brother was about 13 probably. And he was up to my dad's ears by then. So you see even then he's he's getting tall.

I'm sorry, I'm not even up to my second. I'm up from the looks of it. I'm up to about my oldest brother's left nipple.

And my other brother, he's probably about to my other brother's ears. But I'm not even up to my second brother's shoulders. That's about how high I am.

I'm still tiny, very small. But it's weird because we all have these little jackets. These is I had a green one.

My brother had a blue one and they were the same type of jackets. And my oldest brother had one that was more, more stylish, actually, it was more like patterned. My dad's got almost look like he's been to a wedding or something.

He's got trousers and some kind of jacket on. He's got moustache, got hair. His hair is brown, so he hasn't got dark, he hasn't got any, any gray in his hair.

The thing is, he wasn't old. Because you think about it, I was, let's say if I was, I was eight years old at this point. I don't think my brother's a year yet because he's still not, he's not old enough to walk.

So he wouldn't be a year old yet, I don't think. Near enough. So probably nearing nine years old at that point.

My dad was 25 when I was born. So he was only 34. There.

I think he looks older. And I think it's more to do with his hairstyle. The hair, I think people just looked older back then.

He's, yeah, he looks older than 34. I think he looked older, he looked younger. 10 years later, he looked younger than he did there.

He just got younger as he got older. Now I've mentioned in the past that we had a puppy called Misty. And there's a St. Bernard.

Well, here's a picture of her. Didn't think I'd ever see a picture of her. And you could say, yeah, well, St. Bernard's look the same.

Yeah, not necessarily. Cutest little puppy in the world. All puppies are cute.

There's no, no puppy that isn't cute. And she used to run under the table, run under the chairs, run through our feet for the first three weeks. And then suddenly she just, honestly, she's, she'd grow in front of you.

She just literally would just, you watch her and she'd just get bigger and bigger. It's weird. Oh, there's a picture of her as a full grown dog.

Well, not, no, she's not full grown yet. But she's probably six months old a year, maybe. She's big.

And my dad, there's a picture here of my dad's workshop. I wonder if, oh, can you see it? I think I can just about make out the punch bag in there. Because part of it I had as a gym for me, there was a punch bag, two punch bags actually, and some weights, you know, three weights with a barbell and a curl bar and stuff like that.

So these aren't all in order, but it doesn't matter. Some of them are very much out of order, actually, not out of order, but not in sync year wise. But it really doesn't matter at all.

There's a picture of me and my dad, my dad's Hulk, got his arm around me. And I don't know where we are. But we're outside his van, because he had a van for because he was, he had his own business, we had a van and stuff with his name on it.

And then there's a picture there must be must have been at some kind of farm place because he's this miniature horses. And as me with my little brother, I'm like just got my arm around him. And which is really weird, because he couldn't have been more than about five years old, four years old.

And he was up to my shoulders already. That's how little I was. It's crazy.

He shouldn't be anywhere near my size. I was eight years older than him. All right, so there's a picture here in Wales.

And we're on holiday in Wales. And we went there a few times. And my dad said, Yeah, we went there numerous times.

I can only really remember two. But I think we've been going there since or 79. 80, 81, 82, 83.

Maybe 84. So probably did about five, maybe three or four, at least four times, probably went to Wales. If not more.

And we were there when the royal wedding Prince Charles and Princess Diana when they got married. And that was we were in Wales at the time that they got married. We watched it on a little black and white television out in the sun.

And it was it was lovely. I got my Spider Man t shirt on. See, my brothers are a lot bigger there.

So this might have been a later visit. Because but then I'm looking at my little brother because he's standing in front of me making some weird faces. And the other brother, it's a very blurred picture.

And so that but we were inside the tent, a huge tent. I didn't like it took way too much time to put up. But it was I still like laying in it when it was raining.

When I was on my own, it was lovely, really therapeutic. So there's a picture of my dad. It's weird because it's my dad's really slim in that picture.

And again, he looks younger there than he did in the other one. His hair's longer. But he's just got sunshades on.

But again, it's the same kind of time. So I got Oh, yeah, it's me. And it's the same people, me and my brothers.

So that's in Wales. So we all had our shirts on. So I guess we were perhaps going into the sea.

Mount Snowdon. There's a picture of us on top of Mount Snowdon. The again, my dad, my little brother and the other two brothers and me and a cap, a little baseball cap on.

Well, they don't have to be baseball caps. So they're just caps. So I had that.

That's on Mount Snowdon. And then there's a picture, my dad's holding my little brother's hand. So he's the only one who didn't want to fall.

And so we've got one in Great Yarmouth. This is a weird one, because we got again, my brother's grown so long, he couldn't even fit the top of his head in the photograph on this one. He's about nine foot tall there.

So he's on the left, my other brother's on the right. He's tall as well. There's me, I'm taller.

And there's my little brother, who's probably, I'd say he's probably about three or four there. So it's jumped quite ahead in time. I'd say he's about four years old.

And I've got this blue top on with the number 37 on it. But on my left shoulder, I've got a monkey, little monkey. And I've got my head's a little bit just to the side.

Just not sure about this. Hmm. There is definitely a, I look, I didn't look scared.

I look quite just a little bit. I was smiling. Well, I think I think I was kind of a little brother looked upset.

I think he might be a bit scared. I don't know. He was clinging to me like a monkey.

He I think he might be worried that maybe the man who owned the monkey might have took him because he looked a little bit like a monkey. Mom, he didn't. There's a picture here.

Again, I think it's the one. I'm very freckly. Again, this is from a different period.

This is I think this is from when I was about nine or 10 or 11 or something. So I've kind of shot forward and I've shot back again now. Now I'm forward again in time.

So all freckles there. There's a picture of me with my sea cadet uniform on. Now I didn't join the sea cadets until I was I think 12.

Yeah. So I would have been 12 or 13 there. And my brother would have been 12, 14 or 15.

So he had a an army cadet uniform because he was in the army cadets. And I was in the sea cadets and I had a sea cadet uniform. And we both look very smart.

He looks smarter than me. Yeah, I look smart as well, I guess. But to be fair, mine was a lot more hassle.

You know, his was blue. It was a bit of ironing and stuff and the boots had to be polished, but easier to keep the sea cadet uniform. There was a lot of hassle, a lot of bleaching and a lot of certain weird, weird ways of ironing the trousers.

And it was, it was a fuffle, a fuffle patuffle. Very silly. I mean, not silly if you're in the in the Navy, obviously, because part of what you're doing, but a little bit silly just for a kid to do, maybe.

I didn't like the sea cadets. Here's a story about sea cadets. It took me so long to get my first badge, which was, I think, Junior, Junior Seaman.

That's what the name was. Junior Seaman, I think it was the first, the first stripe on my shoulder. It took so long that when I actually finally gained it, the place burst out in celebration.

Like, the way, honestly, it was like you could, it was rupturous roars of probably laughter as well. It took so long because there was people, I mean, normally it'd take about two months, three months, and you get your first one. I was there for two years before I got my first one.

Because I was so naughty. That's what it was. I just never put me forward for it.

I never, never, never, never fitted the criteria. So here's a picture. I think it's, yeah, it must be a birthday party.

You know, I really, I don't need to take a detective exam. I'm so, the fact that there's a cake with candles on, and I'm blowing out it, you know, it's like, maybe it is my birthday. Wouldn't be someone else's, would it? And there's a big spread on the table of food and cakes and stuff like that.

Now, I can't count the candles on the cake because the picture's too small. But, and I can't figure out where it is. It's probably at home.

It could be at my nan and granddad's. Because it's so quiet. Sometimes we had stuff there as well.

There's a picture of me. Oh, it is weird. Do you know, I don't know if you remember.

I mean, some people probably still do it. But you know, the, the belt little holders that you have on jeans. I don't know if they still have them because I haven't worn jeans in years.

But for trousers, you know, where you put the belt through the loops and put, you know, so it holds the belt in. I used to have a little key chain. I don't know what was on the key chain, maybe, maybe key to the house, but I can't remember.

I don't imagine I'd have a key to the house at that point. Not that, that early, that young. And, but I used to have it.

And it was almost like this little leather flap with a little metal thing on the front. Like a horseshoe or something. Wow.

And now there's a picture of me outside at Christmas again. So this is Christmas. I can see inside the door, there's a Christmas tree.

And I'm on my new bike. So I was about, I'd say 14. Yeah, I'd say probably 14.

And it's a new racer. Brilliant, really good bike. I was so happy.

Because that's what I wanted. And at that age, I'm, I'm a bit bigger now. The bike's a little bit big for me.

You know, I can literally just, I can't put my feet flat on ground. Unless I get off the seat. But I grew into it pretty quickly.

And I wanted that bike so badly. It was just exactly what I wanted. And because at the time I was walking around on my paper round and it was taking ages.

And now with a bike, I just get it done a lot quicker. Which was nice. So let's have a look.

I've got some other pictures here. Is me, me and my little brother playing sticks. So we're basically sword fighting with sticks.

It looks like we're on holiday somewhere. It's almost like someone took a private photograph, like a sneaky one. Because it's from a distance.

There's a picture of my dad's van outside our house. And there's also a car on the driveway. So I remember helping build that driveway.

So that must have been quite late. Quite late on. Now, at this point, I was thinking, well, nothing's going to surprise me.

Have a drink of tea. Although the tea is cold now. Because I just, yeah, there's a picture here this I just didn't expect to see.

And it's me in my karate uniform. Now I've got my yellow belt, which is the first belt. It's not always to be fair, it's not as white as the first belt, but it was the first grading.

But in Taekwondo, I had to do a grading to get the white belt. So it's but this was karate and it was a little bit different. So I'm standing with my yellow belt and my gi.

And it's all ironed. It's lovely. I've got my socks on.

It's a little bit too big for me, actually. Because you can just about see my hands. But I'm standing.

Now I don't know if it's my birthday, because there's a load of cards on a shelf behind me. And I know where I am. Because I know what room I'm in as well.

It was the adjoining room to the living room. So there was the lounge, there was another room, we knocked through it, my dad knocked through to the other room. And we used to have a big table in there and also some seats as well to sit in.

And there was a piano in there as well. And I'm standing there in my in the position, you know, you know, I'm holding my nunchucks in my right hand. But one's underneath me armpit, you know, like Bruce Lee.

And there's a picture of me at the front and there's a side picture, exactly the same picture from the side. But I've turned to the side. And it's weird because my hair is not too bad, you know.

My hair is very dark in this. And of course I'm not, well I say of course I'm not grey, I know some people go grey very early. But there's, I don't know if this is Easter, because it looks like there might be Easter eggs on top of the, on top of the piano.

Hmm. And now there's a picture of my nanny granddad. And this is, maybe this is from the same period.

And my granddad looked a bit like Clark Gable. Honestly, he had, he could have been a film star. He was very, very handsome man.

And my nanny was beautiful as well. So there's another picture of my nanny granddad. This one I already, I've got this picture as well anyway.

But it's a picture of me on my 18th birthday. And I'm celebrating it at my nanny granddad's. And my dad's there, my aunt's there, my stepmom, my cousin, of course my nanny granddad.

And I'm, I'm sitting at this table, holding a knife about sort of, you know, dig into the, into the cake. And my nanny granddad just standing right behind me. And I don't know, it's a weird look.

It's just weird seeing me so young. But it's the first picture of me as an adult, like a young adult. All the other pictures of me as a kid, the previous picture that I had was me when I was what, 14, 15, 14 probably.

So it jumps from 14 to 18. So there's no, no, there's no years between that time, any pictures of me. And there's a picture there of my granddad, me.

My hair was big. Like quite high. So I quite curly.

I got a thick hair. I used to have very thick hair. And my nan's next to me to the left, my granddad's to the right.

I've got a suit on. Why have I got a suit on? I've got a suit and a tie. And I'm at, I know what this is.

I know I don't. It can't be my birthday, because I wouldn't wear a suit for my birthday. It can't be a funeral because you don't have a cake with candles on a funeral day.

Generally, it's a bit of a bad taste, isn't it? It's got to be someone's birthday. Unless it was my birthday. I'm confused.

Very confused. I don't know when that was. But my aunt's next to me as well.

Well, she's next to my nan. But I've got a suit and a tie and a shirt on. So unless it was my birthday, maybe it was my 19th birthday.

But why would I wear a suit? I never wear a suit. Weddings, funerals, that's it. And job interviews.

Alright, so here's a picture of my granddad. He's sitting in front of this. This is in my nan and granddad's garden.

And there was this little, like a big green thing. Like a little building, just a little thing, but it had a seat in it or a swing in it or something. So I'm sitting there.

And my dad's sitting there. And my little brother's sitting in between us. It's quite weird though, because I don't, I'm wearing a t-shirt with the mirror on, like the newspaper.

So I must have got it somewhere. It must have been, unless it was a football. Football was on or something.

But why I was wearing that t-shirt, I don't know. But although I know I was skinny as anything, but I don't look, I can't look quite, I look bigger there for some reason. I wasn't, because I was skinny always for years.

Got jeans on. And I just look older. I might have been about 19 there.

Well, here's a picture of me. I don't look very old. This is more like probably 17, 16, about 16 years old there.

And with my auntie and my dad. Yeah, I'm about 16. Don't look very young.

So that's one of those in the middle pictures. Here's a picture from 1989, which is my nan and granddad's 50th wedding anniversary. All the family, you know, well, pretty much everyone was there.

Big old picture. And I'm at the back. You can't actually, I am in the picture, but I'm hidden, almost.

I am. I am there, but I can't actually see myself. But I know I'm there because I've got a bigger picture of this.

And I'm right at the back. So this is 1990. And this is my birthday.

This is my 20th birthday. Wow, my hair is good. Now I mentioned this when I when I first saw it.

And my stepmoms are you keep going about your hair? Well, my hair was nice there. It's styled. It's back.

It's nice. And that is probably explain why I had a girlfriend. Why I was able to have a girlfriend that summer.

So I looked okay. And then there's another picture again 1990. And I got rubbishy hair again.

Wow. They all look so young. They all look so young.

I look good there. It's in the summer because my birthday is in August. So nice weather in the garden.

And I look well presented. My dad would be happy because I haven't got a beard. You won't find one picture on there with me with a beard.

Because my dad would go through them. Probably after he my stepmom got the pictures together. My dad would look through and if there was anything with a beard on it, remove it.

He cannot stand pictures of me with a beard. Even though I've spent probably 90% of my adult life with a beard. It's weird though, isn't it? You know, I don't tell him what to do with his facial hair.

I don't like I'm only gonna look at pictures of you where you've unless you've got no moustache. Because yeah, he used to have a moustache for years. Hi, it's a lovely pictures, my dad and my granddad together.

What that was that? I don't know that. I think that was his. I don't know.

I'm not sure. There's a picture of my granddad drinking a cup of tea smiling. And there's a picture of him when he was in the army on a horse.

When he was a young man, because he served his time in the army. Before the Second World War even started, he'd finished retired in the army. And then he was I don't know what age he retired.

I think he probably went to the army at 16 and did 12 years or something like that. And so that would take him to 28. Retired came out the army and then when he was 29, he had to go back in.

But I might have it I might have that wrong. I don't know if he spent 12 years in there. But he was he did.

He was in there long enough to get an army pension. But I think he did do like a quite a long time. And then he retired and Oh, there's a picture of me.

This is 1991. My 21st birthday party. Well, my 21st birthday.

This was in Enfield. So I was living in London by then. And again, my hair's a mess, but I'm growing it long.

So it's very straggly. And there's a picture of a cake is I'm cutting a cake. So basically, I was visiting, I just, my dad picked me up from where I was living, and took me to another part of London.

And there's my little brother. And my other little brother and little sister, the stepbrother and sister there as well. And stepmom.

Oh, blimey. And now there's a picture. This is my, my dad's wedding.

So I was standing there with my dad, me to the left, my little brother to the right. Oh, he's so smart. And I'm smart as well.

I got a suit on. Oh, got a nice tie. Yeah, my hair's a bit messy.

I have long hair at this point. This is 1992. In August, I'm pretty sure it is.

So I have long hair, but it still wasn't long enough to pull all the way back from the front. But I had a ponytail. So it's long enough is growing, but it probably wasn't until 93 that I was able to pull it all the way back all into a ponytail.

But there's no pictures of that. I think there might be one picture of that. It probably didn't like the ponytail either.

And there's my stepmom with her dad, probably outside the church. There's my nan and my other nan, my, my stepnan. And she's not around either.

She's, I saw really well with her. She's there both standing either side of my, my dad and his new wife. And at that point, my granddad passed in 91.

So he wasn't around anymore for that wedding. And there's a nice picture. There is me and my dad, his new wife, my new stepbrother, my new stepsister, my little brother, and me on the end, the other side.

My little brother's got a perfect little hairstyle. It's just kind of parted in the middle. And it's just perfect.

He's always had really good hair. And it's just honestly, I never, I like my hair in 1989 for a little while, because I was able to almost style it. It's so thick and curly.

Wow. Okay. So there's a picture of my dad's wedding.

And I was crawling down. I'm crouching at the front with my little brother. There's my nan, there's my cousins, me uncles and everything.

And here's one, this is at my dad's house, Christmas. And yeah, well, there's a step nan, step granddad, stepsister, step stepbrother, my nan, my little brother, and me. We're in that photograph.

And this was, he hadn't lived in the house that long, really, a couple of years. So my dad said, I'm right next to my dad. And oh, he's allowed me to have a little bit of stubble.

He allowed me to have a little bit of stubble in this one. And we're eating at dinner. I'm smiling.

I look stoned. I wasn't, but I'm just gazing. Just like, oh, yeah, wow.

It's really strange. I don't see myself the way that I look. I saw myself in the mirror the other day.

And, okay, there's another picture here. 1993 is my auntie's wedding. So I've got long hair there.

It looks like I'm able to get the front of it into the ponytail. So at that point, I was able to pull it all the way back. But the sides still hadn't grown long enough.

Either that or they'd pulled out of the ponytail at that point. It took ages to grow the sides long enough to get into the ponytail for some reason. But I got the front in anyway.

And I'm looking all right. It's weird. I've got my suit on again.

Same tie. I must have kept that same suit for years. And I'm clean shaven, of course.

And yeah, smiling. There's another picture. I'm not in this one.

Who are they? What? Blimey. That's not me. No, that's not me, is it? No, I don't think that's me.

I think it's... No, that's not me. I think it's my cousin. I think that's her boyfriend and their kid.

And yeah, my nan. Oh, it's my nan as well. She does look younger there, you know.

And there's a picture here now. And this is of me and my dad. Now, I'm looking older.

Starting to look a bit more mature. But my dad's got grey hair. So I don't know when this was.

This might be quite a lot later. So my dad didn't have grey hair in the early 90s. So he's pretty much got white hair there.

So I reckon I'm probably, probably, I'd say probably in my 30s at that point. So yeah, that would make sense actually. Or trousers and shoes.

Yeah, I'm dressed too smart to be any time other than in, yeah, I'd probably be in my late 20s, early 30s then. You know what? Maybe not. Wow.

No, from the looks of this, it might have been in my 20s. Maybe my dad did have grey hair then. I didn't think he did.

No, he did when he got married, he had grey hair. Wow. But he just looks, there's a difference between grey and white, isn't there? He's got white hair now.

Now, I probably contributed towards his grey hairs to be fair. I'm sorry, dad. But he looks like he's got white hair there.

I just look older. I look older there. So I think that photograph needs to be a different place.

It doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter at all. There's a picture here at Connell Waters in Chingford.

And this is one of those weird days that we all, the whole family got together and went for a walk. It's a bit random. And there's a picture of me in a denim jacket.

I remember that denim jacket. I had that for years. And I'm walking with my nan.

And there's a picture of me. I think basically, we were, I was just chatting to my nan and we were just behind talking. And everyone else, everyone else was like walking quickly.

And there's a picture here of my nan in my, I think it's my dad's garden, actually. She's there. The flowered top.

There's another one. It's a, it'd be a birthday. Got a big birthday cake on her lap.

And she's smiling. And there's another picture of my dad and my step mum. There's a picture here.

I saw this the other day. And there's just, I think my little brother's in front of me. My dad's there talking.

His little brother's next to him. So my uncle and my auntie. And they're all kind of talking.

I think everyone, all the uncles and aunts are there. And for some reason, I've just turned around and a photograph's been taken. And I just turned around and looked at the camera.

Now I'm probably in my 30s at this point. Because I remember late 20s, early 30s. Probably I looked at my best then.

My hair was pretty good. I managed to find a hairstyle that just about managed to suit me, kind of. But I'm making a weird, for me, I said, that doesn't look like me.

And my step mum said, yeah, because you're making faces. I said, I'm not making a face. It's just apparently I am making a face.

It just doesn't look like me really. But it looks better than me. Which is probably why I made that face.

But quite, I'm starting to feel out. It's the first photograph where I actually look like I've got a bit of, a bit of weight on me. And there's another one.

This is, this is 19, this is 2004. So I'd have been 33 at this point. And we went to the Isle of Man.

My dad, my step mother, my nan, my cousin, no, my auntie and me. So there's five of us, I think. One, two, three.

Yeah. Was it four of us? Five, four or five of us. I can't remember.

But we went to the Isle of Man. And there's a, I've got this blue hat on, like a, you know, cap. And I remember that top.

And at the time, I'm looking quite, quite well, actually. But that was the year where I didn't drink for a year. I got, I lost quite a bit of weight and I was working out and doing kung fu.

So I was fairly fit. At that time. I don't know when it was.

What part? I think it was about July, June. And there's a picture of me with my nan sitting next to my nan. And there's my dad, the other side of the table in this pottery place, which was, and I got shaved, I got a shaved head, which I really shouldn't shave my head.

I think I need to stop shaving my head. I'd say it's not that shaved. He's growing back.

Yeah, he's growing back at this point. But I haven't got a gray hair, not one gray hair. Wow.

Blimey. So there's another picture. This is of my dad.

It's one of his, 60th birthday party. Wow. So this is about 15 years ago, 2006.

So that, what does that make him? 76 this year. So 2006, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. Yeah.

So it'd be 70, 76. Blimey. He doesn't really look that different now.

Not really. He looks old. We all look older, but he doesn't look that much older.

2008. Wow. My niece is born.

Now she's about 30. There's a picture there of, wow. I've got a little bit of a beard.

Little, yeah, definitely got a bit of a beard there. So it's a small beard, but it's a little one, a picture. So that got through and that was with my little brother and my stepbrothers.

And it's probably because it's with my niece because my dad adores her. So they're the only pictures he could find of me with her. So he probably just allowed it.

He allowed me to have stubble. There's another one picture. This is a different day, but yeah, I've got a beard.

It's only a small beard. So I was at university doing my counseling course then. So I'm holding her.

There's another picture of her. A picture of my nan with a little champagne glass. This is in 2009.

That's my nan's 90th birthday party. Wow. And I'm just sitting next to another one, just holding my arm around her.

That's again, 2009. I mean, I don't know if this is all the same day. Looks like it might be the same day, like her birthday party.

I think it was. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm wearing the same top. It's all the same day. Yeah.

We're outside as well because her birthday was in March. It actually was last, I think Monday. This Monday just gone, the 15th or 14th of March.

Oh, look, I'm laughing. I'm holding to my niece. She's trying to get away.

That's amusing me for some reason. Wow. I've got more than one chin there.

Blimey. Yeah. I was back in 2009.

Yeah. I was a big, big boy back then. And now there's a picture of 2010, my graduation.

So there's my dad, stepmom, and me in the middle with my little flat hat on. And yeah, there's me against the wall. About to be shot.

And yeah, it's, it's a really, probably not a great wall to be next to because that's where all the drunk people go at night. But yeah, it's not bad because, you know, it's my graduation, but I'm in the oldest recorded historic town of this country. So that's, that's not bad, is it? And I did it.

I got my degree. Eventually, I got my degree. I managed to do it.

It was, it was an achievement that I didn't think I could ever do. I didn't grow up not believing that I could, could ever. I mean, that was like climbing Mount Everest for me.

Getting a degree, that was something that I really didn't believe even, you know, that I could ever do, that I could ever even pursue. Nevermind start, nevermind complete. So if I got a master's degree, that'd be like going to the moon.

There's a picture of my nan, a couple of pictures, one with my niece and one with my dad. I don't know where they are. There's some, I don't know where they are.

I don't know. I've got no idea. So there's another picture of, with me in it.

Again, I'm next to, I was always next to my nan. Whenever we sat down, my nan would go, oh, come, come Jason, come and sit, come sit next to me. Honestly, she did it.

She didn't just do it when I was visiting, if I was visiting my dad's or wherever. But sometimes I'd visit my nan. And I didn't know that she'd, she'd say, she'd say, I'll come up tomorrow.

Come up Friday. So go up Friday. So get here about 11.

So I'd get there about 11. And then my dad would turn up and say, mum, are you ready? And I'd be there. He's like, hello Jason, what are you doing here? And I said, oh, I'm just visiting, just visiting.

And my nan said, oh, and my dad had arranged to take her out for lunch with like, a few times a year, my uncles and aunts would all get together and come to where my nan lived and they'd take her out for lunch. So she'd, she did this a few times over the years. And she'd met, I didn't know, I didn't, she'd orchestrated it so that I'd be there.

And therefore I'd be invited out as well. I used to say, don't worry, I'll go home if you, you just go and do your thing. And my nan would be like, no, Jason can come as well.

I want Jason to come. And we get to the restaurant. Jason, you come and sit next to me.

And it was just, I think it used to annoy them. It used to annoy my uncles and aunts because it wasn't really for, it wasn't for the grandchildren, it was for her children. It was for them to sort of spend time with her, even though they'd spend all their time talking to each other.

So maybe that's why she wanted me so that she had someone to talk to. But it was funny, just like, I was like, dad, I didn't know, you know, I just then said to come down. I mean, if I'd known I wouldn't have bought these cakes because I used to buy cakes on the way there.

Oh, there's a picture here, right? And everything's normal. Again, I said I was me sitting next to my nan at dinner. And now there's a photograph in the, there's a photograph in the garden.

And here's the big version of me. I'm big. Honestly, it's the first big picture of me with my belly and I've got jeans on.

And I'm big. I'm not, I'm just, it's weird. I mean, my little brother is just as big as I am.

He's just, he's not fat. He's slim. And he's, you know, he's a lot younger there.

Which is always a lot younger, he's eight years younger. It's like, wow, consider I lost so much weight in 2004. Yeah, 2011.

I was yeah, I was big. And then there's a picture of me throwing some things, these hoops in the garden. And I can't believe how big I am.

It's ridiculous. I've grown so much just in a couple of years. Just got bigger.

I was doing weights and stuff as well at that time. And boxing. That's it.

I've been boxing and doing weights. And so I hadn't just put on weight as in fat. I just also just got bigger.

And this is a period when this is probably the Christmas around the same period. But because the other ones was during the summer. But I look like this is yeah, when I was doing the boxing because I'd lost.

I wasn't, I look quite fit. You know, I was wearing a blue, a blue jumper. So it's a picture me, it's a Christmas.

I'm holding a son Merry Christmas, you know, from my dad, and stepmom and I got a beard. Wow, yeah, he left that one in as well. I suppose he didn't have any choice because from that point on, I was never clean shaven.

I haven't been clean shaven, probably at all for a decade. Occasionally I do but I don't you know, but it's only for a few days and it grows back. But I've always had a beard for most of my adult life.

But the last since the late 90s, like the late 2000s rather, because I sometimes used to shave when I was working. And in the call centers, and I went to university and I didn't have to shave. So I didn't bother.

I didn't. I just kept my beard. I trim it I didn't have a while I've had wild beards.

You might have seen pictures of me with my wild beards. That's little my little cousin. I liked her when she got older, when she was about when she's a baby, you can't do that stuff just can't communicate.

But when she got to about, I don't know, three or four, just hilarious, absolutely hilarious. A lot of fun. And but I just haven't seen her hardly.

So I just don't know. Really. No one's fault.

We just live in different places and she's moved around a fair bit. Oh, this is bad. This is me with my big old belly.

I don't know what year this is it about 2012, something like that is think. And, oh man. I shouldn't have worn that jumper.

I think it just looks bigger when you're sitting down. I don't know. Is me pretending to read.

I'm reading a card to my niece. And there's another picture of me step nan, step granddad and me nan in the garden. And there's a picture of me 2012.

And my niece is sitting on a chair with me. And I'm looking down, I think it might be sweet. So chocolates, I'm thinking I want to eat them.

So 2012, what was I doing then? Thanks to the pigeon, Herbert the pigeon. Was it Horace? I can't remember which one. And 2012.

I would have been still counselling. Yeah, still counselling. So there's a picture there.

This is blimey. Wow. I remember that.

2012. I remember this. But it's 10 years ago.

And basically the I don't know if it was Christmas or a birthday. I don't know. But we're all in the kitchen.

Not my nan, but my dad, me, my little brother, he's not little, but younger brother, my stepbrother. And my stepsister is making she's icing a cake. And then there's another one with her and me niece.

And icing this cake. And I remember the cake. Because it's like a gingerbread gingerbread house.

And it's made these lots of gingerbread biscuits with tiles on the roof. I just remember it. I don't know why.

And there's a picture of my dad in 2013 with my nan in the garden. Dad's got his shades on looking all cool. My nan's just, I don't know, she looks a little bit tired.

I mean, 2013. Blimey. Yeah, she wasn't well.

I just forget how quickly time's gone. Because you know, it's 2022 now. But 2014, the end of the year was when she left.

So it's only a year before she wasn't doing too great. She's just very, very old. She's 90, 94 in that picture, probably.

There's a picture of me and me stepsister. She looks really well there. I look a little bit like a blue beanbag with a head.

And there's another picture. This is a nice picture. Because okay, I'm in the garden.

This is the same year 2013. And there's me, my stepbrother, me, young brother, and my stepsister. And we're all grown up.

We're all grown up now. We've been grown up for a long time. But we're all like, I'm middle aged.

Well, I'm not even middle aged then, am I? It's only 33. But they're all in their like 20s. And I've got actor like glasses on, which is something that I've been wearing for years now.

I've got a beard, it's very tidy. But I've got I'm big, I'm much even bigger there. But my belly the rest of me is kind of filled out a bit.

My belly's big, which I don't like. But the rest of me is quite big as well. I'm trying to think.

I just want to start doing Taekwondo. So yeah, I guess I would have done the exercise in that. But I should have, I thought I slimmed a bit.

I'm sure I slimmed down a little bit. Oh, here's a picture 2014. And I yeah, I have slimmed a bit.

Unless I'm holding my stomach in. And it was my Nan's 95th birthday. As her last birthday party.

And I'm sitting on she's sitting in a chair. I'm sitting on one chair, and one of the armrests. And my other brothers that's sort of not kneeling down, but he's sort of crouching down on the on the other armrest.

And my Nan's holding the cake on a on a lap. So it's 2004. Right.

And that's the last photograph of my Nan. Now I, when I last saw my Nan, I had a photograph taken the very last time. And I think my Nan, my aunt, my aunt took it, but she didn't give it to me because, because my Nan looks so ill.

She's done I think she didn't think I really wanted to see that. But whether she still got it or not, I don't know. Because again, if you take pictures on your phone, they can just get deleted so easily, can't they? Wow, 2016.

I'm starting to look older. See, 2016. Was I talking about? What was I talking about? 2018.

2013. I was 42. No, I was middle aged, wasn't I? And they were all in their 30s.

Blimey. I'm losing track of. Anyway, it's my stepbrother's wedding, 2016.

And there's me. It's me. So it's my, my stepbrother is bride, my little brother on the left, and me on the right.

And I'm the shortest out of all of them. Now I don't understand. I think my little brother's wearing high heels.

Because he is taller than me, but he's not that much taller than me. He looks about six foot and he's not six foot. Now, my stepbrother's six foot.

And he looks, I think he's wise nearly six foot as well, you know. She's taller than me. I look like a little munchkin.

I really, really, I tell you what it looks like. It looks like they're all standing in front of me and I'm right by about a yard away. But I'm not.

I'm actually standing next to them. I've got my hands over my stomach because I was struggling to keep just the I was struggling for the, the jacket not to pop open. So there's some more pictures of the wedding.

Oh, here's another picture of me 2017. And got a little t-shirt on. I like that t-shirt.

It's quite a nice color. I'm holding one of the new, new nephews or nieces. I'm not sure.

And yeah, I've got some gray hair. The first bits of gray hair are coming through, which isn't true. I've had gray hair for years.

I just tend to have, I didn't have a lot, if I'm honest. In 2013, pretty much hardly any gray hair at all. Yeah, pretty much none actually.

Maybe the odd little one. And a few of the little clusters at the front about 2016, 2000. Oh, there's a picture.

There's a picture of my dad. I don't know where the heck that was from, but he's wearing a Union Jack suit or suit top. He's very happy.

It's like, I don't know, that must have been, would that be at the wedding? I don't know. There's a picture at my, this is the last time I saw them at their house until this week. It was at my stepmom's 60th wedding, 60th birthday.

Now she was 29 when she got together with my dad, or 28. And they'd been married, I don't know, 92, 2002, 2012, 2020. So 30 years they'd been married.

And this was back in 2019 when she was 60. And the very last picture, well, these are the two last pictures. The other last picture is me and Andre.

And it's been taken from, I think, probably from my Facebook page. So I'm guessing, but it's me and Andre kissing. I've got him in an arm and he's just kissing me on the lips.

I guess it's a nice, nice picture to end it on. And of course, there's a lot of pictures that are missing important people in my life, you know, from the past. They're not in that and I guess they wouldn't be.

Like my stepmom, my original stepmom. And I guess, I mean, I've got no photographs really of myself, hardly, apart from ones I've took on Facebook. And it's also I did lots of videos on YouTube over the years as well.

There's not a lot out there, not a lot of pictures, sort of from my 20s that I really took of myself or my 30s. There's a few, a few out there somewhere, a few people took pictures of me. I want a few security cameras.

No, I'm not. I'm gonna go anyway. So that's it.

I thought I'd just give you a long, long recording. Just give you I did say I was going to do this a couple of days ago. So I'll go through the photograph album and I'll just explain the pictures I got.

Now it's a little bit different if you could see the pictures, but hopefully I've described them fairly well. And thank you for listening. Remember, remember to be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself.

You deserve to be happy. And you know, do something nice. You haven't got to do anything expensive.

You know, just do something that you enjoy doing. Treat yourself nicely. So take care.

Lots of love. And I'll speak to you soon. In fact, probably tomorrow.

Bye.