#829 Let me bore you to sleep - THE BUS SNOT SPREADER - Jason Newland (30th APRIL 2022)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. How are you doing? Are you well? Are you well? I'm not sure when the last recording I did was. 25th of April.

Wow. So quick, the days go so past so quickly. It's now the 30th of April.

I've still got a bit of a remainder of a cough from the cold I had three weeks. This blimmin' thing's been going on. Not the cough, but the... By the way, I press pause when I cough, just in case you're wondering, well you've been talking for an hour, how come you're not coughing then? It's because I don't really want to cough in your ear.

And it's not the nicest sound in the world, is it? Well how come you don't stop some of the other sounds that you produce? I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know. I'm almost angelic, it's amazing.

I really am, I'm just... Oh anyway, sorry, I just got distracted. I just coughed then, see, I pressed pause. I'm just going to have a drink.

See, that's why I try and press a pause, because I don't want to make weird noises or anything. You know, this is a nice, gentle place. And the idea of you hearing weird, strange sounds, you know? No, I don't.

That's not me. That's not my bag, son. It's quite warm in here.

I closed the window. Not closed closed, it's on the latch, as it were. So there's air available to move in between that particular gap.

But I think I need the window open. You can just imagine how smelly it is here. It's not really that... Oh, blimey.

I've really painted a bad picture tonight. I paint a picture just almost like I never wash, I walk around just puddles of... I don't know, what, on the floor? It's like, no, it's not like that. I mean, it has been like that.

No, it hasn't. Andre used to leave the odd little puddle. Bless him.

He'd get excited sometimes, Andre. He'd get excited, he'd wee himself. Like, you know, this is not when he was older and ill or anything, but like, he'd just get so excited, he'd end up weeing.

It's true. It was funny, though. Because it's like, it's a play fight of him.

And then he'd like me running after him, and then he'd hide. And then he'd hide behind, let's say, the cooker, or the fridge, or the freezer, or the washing machine, wherever he could get to, basically. And then I'd run.

And I'd hide behind the living room door, or the bedroom door, or the near the front door, and I'd hide. And I'd see him walk very slowly out, looking, not knowing where. Is he in the living room? Is he in the bedroom? Looking, just looking around.

And then I'd jump out, and he'd run off. Now, I think once he must have done this, and he got distracted and forgot we were playing. And I jumped out and ran after him, and he screamed, like high pitched, like that, really high pitched.

And he ran. And I was like, what are you doing? We're playing. But I think he forgot.

He must have been looking for me, and then maybe seen a toy that he wanted to play with, or something. And then suddenly I appeared, like, really screamed, and ran. It's very funny.

But yeah, sometimes I'd like, get so excited to do a little, he'd leave a little puddle on the floor. It's funny. Bless him.

Oh dear. I got a bit nostalgic the other day. I was walking through the field, or through the little park, near where I live.

Where, you know, I walked, walked with him hundreds of times. And there was this particular, there was just a few little bits on our walks that he loved. A few little places.

In the park, there was, I think it was where a tree was removed, and there was a hole in the ground. But they, you know, I don't know, the council or whatever, they filled it in with some mud, but it just never really, kind of, the mud just went down. So it was more of a, like a sand pit, really.

And Andre used to love digging in there, rolling around. He really used to love it. And there was a lamppost, but not, like a concrete lamppost.

By the way, if you don't know what a lamppost is, it's, it's, come on, I just heard some weird noise. What was that? I think it's just the chair. And these chairs, I've got two chairs, one that my friend gave me, which is one I used to use at the desk.

And I got this chair here that I got, that I bought. And it's like a gaming chair, really. But it's very, it's good for sitting in, which is ideal, because that's what chairs are for, isn't it? It's fairly comfortable, providing I do my exercises and don't sit down all the time, because my back doesn't allow it.

But I do, I do, I've been very good, practically, apart from yesterday, funny enough, but every day. For, well, I started in October. This is the second time there's been fireworks.

Well, is there something happening this weekend that is fireworky? Because there was fireworks last night, quite late at night, actually, probably about 10 o'clock. And there's fireworks again tonight. And it's what, 20 past nine.

But it's very in the distance, can't quite, it's not close. So I don't know, is it a religious fest, a religious sort of season or something? For some religion? I don't know. Let me know if you know.

Leave a comment. Or don't, it doesn't matter. Yeah, I don't know, maybe.

So I started, well no, I was ill in October, like really, not very, really, really. I thought I had the, you know, the thing that we should not name. And I did a test and apparently I wasn't, but let's say pregnant.

I thought I was pregnant, but I did the pregnancy test and it came out negative. Yeah, I was really, you know, unwell. Anyway, what I decided after that was to start exercising.

Exercising. Yeah. And I think June, I'm not sure if this is correct, but I think in November, I ended up going to the hospital because of my back.

Or no, the doctors because of my back rather. And so when I was, I was unwell and then my back, my upper back was really, really, really bad. Which I've never had before.

I've had, I ripped the muscles in my back years ago. But that was a tear in the muscles. I remember quite well.

It was, well not well, but I remember it. It was, I've no idea when. I've forgotten now.

No, it was an agency job I had in 1990. Oh wow. Possibly 96, 95.

No, if it was 1995, I think. And I had this job. It was just an agency job.

It was just a day or two depending. I can't remember. And it was in, wow, it was the other side of London.

And I got a bus there, or train or something. Yeah, I can't remember exactly. But it was basically doing, removing furniture.

That was pretty much a job. There's a couple of jobs, I think it might have been for the same firm. One was in, I just remembered this.

I forgot all about this place. This one was putting in dividers into a call centre, like a new call centre. And the dividers and the desks and all that stuff, putting all that in.

Wow. So putting the desks together. And yeah, wow, I forgot all about that.

And something happened and we, the delivery wasn't coming. So the lorry or the big van that was delivering the stuff, there was some kind of delay or something. So we ended up waiting around for a few hours.

And I think then we stayed a bit longer. And yeah, it's not a very good story because I can't really remember what happened. So that was one.

But this other place, it was a, yeah, that might make sense. 1995. It was a nurse's home.

So a trainee nurse's home where they lived, or where they were going to live. It was a new building, or converted building, I don't know. But everything was new, all the rooms had been done.

And my job was to take, yeah, it was a new building because it was a building site. So yeah, the building had all been finished. It was near, it wasn't far from the hospital.

And I just literally, for a five minute walk from the hospital, I think, wasn't connected to the hospital, as far as I know. As far as physically connected, like underground, it might have been, I don't think so though. Because some of the nurses homes, I worked in one, and it had an underground and it was literally connected to the, to Middlesex Hospital.

I didn't, you know, so you could get from, you could literally get from one place to another, underground. But this, yeah, there was no nurses to be seen because it wasn't open yet. The hospital was open, but the nurses accommodation wasn't.

And our job really was just to take up the furniture. So there was wardrobes, beds, and desks. I think that was it, that's all we were taking up.

So each room had a bed, like a bed frame and a mattress. And then there was a wardrobe, a wooden wardrobe. And then there was a desk, and a chair, that's right, and a chair.

So a lot of the stuff was just taken up in the lifts. So there's, you know, with the chairs, you could take quite a few stacks on stacked on top of each other. And I think there was like, I don't know, in my memory, it was a very large building, it was a lot, it was a big building.

But in my memory, it was like, very tall. I don't mean taller than the average man. I mean, it was tall, like, what, like a building? Yeah, yeah, like a building.

No, probably about maybe 10 floors. But I might be exaggerating. Actually, it's not exaggeration if you've, if you don't know, is it? If I know it's five floors, and I say it's 10 floors, then that's exaggerating, isn't it? Because exaggeration is just lying, isn't it? Basically, lying to impress, possibly.

And I don't know this, it was quite a big building anyway. But each room was the same. And pretty sure it had a little bathroom as well.

But I might be wrong. Like on suite. I might be wrong.

But it was just one room. And yeah, might not be on suite. I can't remember.

But there was enough room for one single bed. One wardrobe like a single you know, you know, it's like a standard, quite slim wardrobe. And then a desk with a chair.

Wooden there, there might have been wooden, I think. Yeah, I think so. Because I guess so they can study.

And it was snowing, or it was actually snowing, but it had snowed. So there's a lot of snow, and it's very, very cold. So I get there.

And they've got this sort of report and say, yeah, I've been sent by the agency. How you doing? My name is Jason. You know, normal greetings.

We kissed each other. And you know, you got to feel each other out. And he said, Oh, welcome.

Welcome. And we showed me into the little hut, where they had like coffees and stuff being served. I don't know.

I think it was free. I don't know if I had to pay for it. So I got a cup of coffee.

And I think I remember getting something like a croissant or something like that. Because I hadn't eaten. I mean, not ever.

I mean, just that day that morning. And I just then there was these table, the heaviest things was the tables. The bed mattress.

It was like one of those spring mattresses. Not mattresses that the mattress was light. I mean, not heavy, but you know, they were, they all got, they were covered in plastic.

So you could pretty much just drag them along. So they weren't, they weren't heavy. They kind of needed two people really because of the length.

Just to guide it. The wardrobes, it was quite, they were light. But first of all, wardrobes hollow, isn't it? There's nothing inside the wardrobe.

And it wasn't heavy wood. It was very, very, very cheap, cheap objects, very cheap and cheerful, basic, cheapest wardrobes they could probably get. So they're very light.

And so they were quite easy to carry. So there's no straining with that. The chairs, often the chairs were kind of on these little and lifty things.

So you can like push them along and have like 12 chairs stacked on top of each other. So you would be using lifts for those little wheels. And I think we'll probably be doing the same with the some of the other things.

The base of the beds was just a basic like metal frame. And I think they were, I'm not sure if they were being put together once they got into there once you know, so might have just been a basic, you know, set up now to sort of attach it together. 100% not sure.

I mean, I could just say, you'd never know, would you? But I don't like that a lot. I like to try and be, you know, I mean, no, what? Well, I want to be specific, specific, honest. I can't remember exactly.

But the things that were heavy was the desks. Now the desks were heavy. I don't know why I said it twice.

It wasn't really any need was there to say it twice. It wasn't like I even said it twice, but in different ways. The desks were heavy, the desks were heavy.

I could have said it did like desks were really heavy. I couldn't believe how heavy the desks were. I could have done it like that.

And I'm like, I've said the same thing twice, but I said it a little bit differently. And it's almost, you know, acceptable card, you know, in a linguistic way. It's like, okay, fair enough.

He said this, he's repeated himself, but, you know, he's, he's added a bit more to it. But just to repeat the same sentence twice, just to repeat the same sentence twice, you know, you know, it's, it's, so I can't stop myself now. I can't stop myself now.

Okay. Well, the first thing I picked up, and bearing in mind, I had my coat on, because it was minus degrees, it's very cold. It's very slippery.

It was, you know, not good conditions to be outside. But yeah, it's just what it is just what it was is what it is what it was what it is what it can be had to had to do something. So that's the job that there was available for that day.

So I took it. The first thing I picked up, and I heard the rip. It sounded literally like a zip, like a zip being undone.

Now you might say you're sure your trousers didn't split again. Can I just point out in those days, I was very slim. My trousers didn't split.

I didn't have, I must have been like, minus fat. You know that that was the thing they do. I don't know how they measure it.

But they say what percentage of fat you are, or I am or whether. Well, I would have been minus because I was as skinny as anyone could ever be. Back then.

I was I mean, I'm not even joking you put I know those that you those that you you have seen me on Facebook or YouTube and you've seen a video of me and you see that I'm not particularly skinny these days. Might laugh at the idea that I used to be not just slim, but wow. Wow, slim, like really, really, really, really skinny.

And I was embarrassed by it. But nothing I could do, I could do nothing to put weight on. And you said, well, you eat more.

No, I tried. I did. I went through a period when I was eating every two hours.

Oh, I'm almost put myself onto a bodybuilding diet. And it still didn't put weight on for me. My metabolism was too fast.

And the more I ate, the more I pooed. It really is. I know, you know me, I don't like to talk about toilets and stuff, but that seemed to be the situation.

It just I didn't, I couldn't put weight on. And then in 1995, at the end of 1995, because at this point, I think it's 95 this happened. It was definitely before 96.

Because I didn't know what a nurse's home was, like a nurse's student home, or student nurse's home. I didn't know what it was. But I found out in 96.

And, or this was 95 was the first time I didn't, that I'd seen like it that if that makes sense, because I worked in one in 96. And so I don't know what part of the year this was. I mean, we're talking, probably thinking about it, it must have been beginning of the year.

So maybe January, February time, 95, 1995, if it was snowing, so it must have been around that time. And then, then, then, then, then. Yeah, because in the summer, like probably August, maybe July, maybe September, it was near the end of the summer, 95.

After numerous tests, to figure out what was wrong with me, because I'd had a lot of problems with my stomach and that for a long time. And they decided that it was stress that would cause my 10 months of illness. And they put me on antidepressants.

And I, other than the fact, you know, the symptoms went away, which was amazing, I couldn't believe it. All of you know, the issues I had. I also put half a stone on.

I don't know what that is in kilos or pounds. Well, 14 pounds to a stone, so seven pounds. I put seven pounds on.

I mean, literally overnight, it wasn't overnight, but within a few weeks, I put on half a stone. And that was the first, yeah, it was the first time I'd ever put on that much weight so quickly, just like really quick. And it felt good.

I was really pleased. Because I needed extra weight on me. It was very cold in the winter when you're being really, really skinny like I was.

And then, and then and then and then, in the November 95, I went to work, or was it October, November, I went to work at Butlins. And I was getting fed. I think I stopped taking antidepressants by then.

So I must have taken them for at the end of the summer. So maybe for three months, maybe two months, I don't know. Not long enough, really.

But it was, you know, just, that's the way I was back then. So I took them for a while. And then I stopped probably in November.

If I probably stopped in October. So I was pretty tough about three months, maybe July, August, September, something like that. Anyway, I went and worked at Butlins and I was suddenly eating three cooked meals a day.

I was drinking a pint of milk of each cooked meal. And as well as eating other stuff in between, you know, chocolates and biscuits and stuff like that. And I put on at least another half a stone very quickly.

I'm not sure how much weight I put on, but I put on a little bit extra. And I was still burning it off. And even at this point, I was still very slim.

Even with the extra stone in weight, I was still slim. I didn't have any fat on me. And I just had a bit more weight.

Well, maybe I did have some fat on me, but I didn't, it didn't show. It wasn't like a belly or anything. Just I still had a slim stomach.

I guess I just, I used to exercise and that. So maybe it helped. I don't know.

I'm not quite sure where it went, to be honest. But I put weight on because I was weighing myself. I felt a lot healthier.

And it was good. And I was also drinking quite a lot as well alcohol, which obviously not something that I would recommend. But that's what I was doing at that time.

I don't drink at all now. Never drink alcohol. Even the, because I had this, when I was in Cornwall last year, in June, beginning of June.

Can you believe it's nearly a year? Wow. Wow. Wow.

Yeah, I just realized. It's May, isn't it coming up? Just remembered something. That's all right.

It's so June. I remember I had, I remember I had a couple of pints because I wasn't drinking. I haven't, I haven't really drunk alcohol for years, really, to be fair.

Just, I don't have the tolerance really anymore. Just haven't really fancied it. Don't really got no, no attraction to me at all.

But in, in June, I had a couple of pints of lager and I enjoyed it. And I thought, Oh, yeah. Maybe I'll just do this when I'm on a holiday or every now and then, maybe only drinking a pub or something like that.

And then when I went and visited my dad, was it last month, month before? I can't remember. And I was, I went there and I was drinking on the first night in the evening. So that was the first day of being there.

Yeah. So I drunk the first night, probably had, I don't know, three pints, four pints. And then the next day, no, wait, what am I talking about? What am I talking about? No.

So yeah, I drunk that night. But I went and saw my dad that day. But I saw him briefly, just for a little while.

And then I went back the next night for dinner. And so I had a few drinks then. Well, I think one pint and then I had some drinks when I got back to the pub, to the, to the restaurant, the hotel thing.

So it was only two days, actually, to be fair. It's only two days of drinking, two nights of drinking. But I wasn't very well.

It's just, it just didn't suit me. And apart from when I was drinking with my dad, because I had a pint of lager, but I wouldn't make no difference if it was a glass of milk or orange juice, to be fair. You know, it's just nice to see him, hadn't seen him for ages, over, over two years.

And the drinking in the bar of the hotel, just sitting there on my own, drinking. Apart from being extremely boring. It was just, just, it was, there was no joy, it was unenjoyable.

Unenjoyable, is that a word? Unenjoyable. Really didn't enjoy it. And even though I kind of had casual conversations with some of the staff, I didn't feel like they wanted to talk to me.

I wasn't like trying to hog their time or anything, but just being friendly, but they weren't interested. They wanted to talk about their boyfriends. In fact, that's what they did, they talked about their boyfriends.

So I was there, they were just, I was sitting down and they were behind the bar, just having these big long conversations and the music didn't drown it out. And I just, I almost felt like a dinosaur. It wasn't because I was eating people or anything, I was just running around with my little arms.

It was just, just, I don't know what it is. It was boring. It was just really boring sitting in a place on my own.

It was just incredibly boring. And it's put me off traveling a little bit. And I kind of, I don't know, I wish, but I kind of, kind of wish I was maybe, you know, in a relationship with someone I could sort of go with them.

Sort of maybe just someone to share it with. I think maybe that's what it is. I don't know, I don't know, I haven't quite worked it out.

I mean, I don't know, there's a few places I'd like to go. I'd like to go to Norway. I've been watching the Viking, actually I finished watching the Vikings, or Vikings TV show, finished.

I watched every episode. And now I'm watching Valhalla. It's the Netflix Vikings season series.

It's based upon the same story, the same book, whatever. And it's a continuation, 100 years in the future from the last, you know, episode. But it's made by Netflix, not by whoever originally made it.

I mean, I think in that situation, they probably get exactly the same people working on it that worked on the other show. That's what I imagine happened. They probably got paid more money from Netflix.

Probably. So I started watching that. It's just, it's all right.

It's a little bit different because I like watching the show once it's finished, and then watching every episode. And doing that, you know, after, sometimes it takes a season just to get to know the characters. And then the second season, you know, get to know them a bit better.

And by watching just the first season, I'll be left either, it's kind of how I do it. I get left wanting more usually, depending if it's good, or if I enjoy it rather. And then I forget.

And then by the time a new season comes out, I've lost interest. And I might watch it, I might not. It's happened with a few things.

It happened with Stranger Things. Stranger Things. I love that.

The first season of that, I loved it. And it took a while for the second season to come out. When it did, I watched an episode and I just didn't bother watching anymore.

I just, I don't know, I don't know why. And the same things happened with, what other ones has that happened with? Well, I can tell you what hasn't happened with The Walking Dead. I've been very faithful to that, that TV show.

Although it took me about seven attempts to watch the first episode. I know, ridiculous, eh? I watched it and I just, I don't know, something about the, the beginning, I didn't like it. And I watched it again, didn't like it.

And I watched it from beginning. And then I decided, okay, I'll watch all the way through. And I got hooked.

And I watched every single episode. I think at that point there was maybe five seasons already down. And then I just, then I had to wait for the next one to come and stuff.

Fear The Walking Dead's another one that I really enjoyed watching. Now, it took a little while to get into the new characters, or not new, but a new bunch of people. But in a way, um, hmm, in a way, in a way, I, so I would say prefer.

Why did you hear that? That's almost like the, a lorry just did a big fart. All these people racing on the motor, on the motorway, they're racing. Bless them.

They know not what they do. So I, I did, what did I do? What am I talking about? Not farting. Fear The Walking Dead.

If you haven't watched it, if you've watched The Walking Dead, and you haven't seen Fear The Walking Dead, then I do really recommend it. It's on Amazon Prime. I'm not getting paid for advertising them, by the way.

It's on Amazon Prime. And unfortunately, Amazon, bless their little, their little willies, they, they don't, they like to charge extra on top, just always something extra. Like, you know, with Netflix, you pay your monthly fee, and you can stream everything there.

That's it. Amazon Prime, if you don't know Amazon Prime, they like to do things a little bit different. And included in, you know, they might have, for example, Fear The Walking Dead, the first five seasons free to watch, but the sixth season, $3.99 each episode.

As an example, and I say as an example, because I watched every episode of Fear The Walking Dead, and then the last season had to pay. And it was so annoying. Because it was a cliffhanger as well.

I really want to know what happens next. But I'm determined not to pay $30 or whatever it is to watch the whole season. Because I don't know, there's something about paying for some for a streaming thing.

I guess I'm still a little bit old fashioned. You know, paying for something that you can't actually hold in your hand. You know, with a DVD box set, you've got it, it's in your hand.

I know DVDs are old fashioned now. Still, you've got it, you know, and you can stick on a shelf and you could build a collection and providing you've got a DVD. You know, what I what I found a little bit disappointing is how laptops got rid of their disk drive.

It was a good place to watch DVDs, especially especially if you had a big screen, like a big enough screen to make it worthwhile like a 17, 18 inch screen. But now how to get rid of get rid of the, the disk drive. It's like, yeah, okay, we don't need the disk drive to put disks in anymore.

You know, as far as for programs or for, you know, uploading in software. Fair enough, we don't need disks for that anymore. Because, you know, you have to be on the internet.

And you can upload stuff and disks, disks, but software. But for a movie, the quality of a DVD movie is possibly going to be better quality than you get on a stream. Possibly.

I don't know. I don't know. Don't ask me that.

I don't know. I'm not sure. Sure.

I didn't go to the hypnosis training course. I've, I've had this cold pretty much for three weeks nearly. Although I haven't got a cold anymore, still got the remaining cough.

You can't go on public transport and be coughing everywhere. I know some people don't have any, they just don't care, like so that it wouldn't affect them. But I'm not one of those people.

And the more I wanted to knock off, the more I didn't have coughing probably. So yeah, yeah. Just and something I've noticed is I've got on the bus three days in a row, or no three days out of four, I've got on the bus the last three days out of the last four days.

Each time thinking I'm going to go into town, because I need to get my debit card looked at by the bank and get because there's some issues with it. For some reason, I can't order a supermarket groceries with it. Which I don't understand, you might say, well, maybe it's not enough money on there, Jason.

No, that's not the issue is it just won't. There doesn't have to be any money on there anyway, because I can order food with this particular supermarket on a Monday, and I don't get paid on a Wednesday. So I can order it for Wednesday.

As long as money on there on the morning of the delivery, that's fine. So that's not even an issue about having money in there. But they just wouldn't accept the card.

So the three journeys I've made, I've not been able to get all the way into town, because every time there's someone sneezing or coughing right near me. It's always I don't know why, there's literally two journeys a day, both journeys, there was an elderly person wearing a mask, taking a mask off and blowing their nose, and sniffing and coughing and sneezing. And it's almost like, if we're not learn anything, if you just learn, just I can't say anything, I just got to sit there and get off at the first opportunity.

Oh, I didn't tell you this is something that really happened the other day. And mostly probably asleep now anyway, but she's still awake. Couldn't believe what I saw.

It was elderly man. So I'm not I am a great supporter of elderly people. So you know, don't don't think that I'm having a go.

I'm a big supporter of the elderly. You know, the most important one of the most important people in my life was my nan. And she was elderly, she's always elderly, elderly.

When I was a kid. She was old all the time, even though just because you know, she was what 9096 when she passed away. And that was seven years ago.

So she was 96 I was 40 or 45. So 55 65 75 85. So she was 50 when I was born.

Does that make sense? 25? Yeah. 5050 ish. So when I first really got to know her when I was seven, I knew when I was a baby, but I didn't also don't recognize it.

But I would have had that imprint, you know, that psychological connection with her, because I did see her when I was a baby. So I she was one of the first people that I would have had a like a connection with, you know, obviously my mom, my dad, my two older brothers, my nan and granddad. And I'd aunts and uncles would come and visit, but they would have been my nan was there all the time.

She was around, so I would have had that connection with her, even though I didn't remember it. And then when I did, it's weird, because she used to come and visit me when I was in a children's home. There was one, this is it.

I want to tell you this other story. On the very last day of being in a children's home, my nan, or my my biological mother, a mother, she took us out. So we were in Southend, she took me and my three brothers out to the beach.

Now, I didn't know really what was going on. I was, I didn't even turn seven, I was still six. But this was the summer and I was seven in the August.

So just before I was seven. So I don't know, it was June, July time. And she, I didn't know it was our last time of seeing her, I didn't.

And we didn't live with her. And she hadn't visited at all for years. So suddenly she appears.

And like, I didn't really didn't really understand what was going on. And so she took us out, bought us chips. Now what I didn't realize is my nan was with us.

I didn't know who she was. Yes, I did know who she was, what we're talking about, of course I knew because we used to visit her. No, I didn't know who she was.

But I don't remember it. That's it. I don't remember it as that's the thing.

So I remember talking to my nan, like, I don't know, 1015 years ago, whatever, about this. And she said, I was with you. I said, No, you weren't.

It was just us. She said, No, I was with you the whole time. So I didn't remember that.

I remembered my mum being with us, and my two brothers, older brothers. But my nan was there the whole time with us. And making sure that we got back, making sure that she didn't run off with us.

Because that was the last time that we were going to see her. And basically, my dad's wife adopted us. My dad's new wife, and you know, he obviously didn't have to adopt us because he was our dad.

But she she adopted us. And we then and we'd been visiting them and going back to their house. Pretty much every week, every other weekend for a few months.

So it was, there wasn't like an instant thing. We did it took a while, the process. And then that was the last weekend and we were going back for good.

And it was a Saturday, I think, or maybe it was a Friday. And I don't remember my nan being there. That's really weird.

But she remembered it really clearly. And she said, Yeah, I was there the whole time with you, and your brothers, and your mom. And my dad and his wife were waiting at the when we got back, they were waiting at the at the home.

And I don't know how I got into that subject. But my nan was just a very, very important. Even when I didn't even know she was there.

She was there, if you know what I mean, didn't know. And that and the whole kind of running away and taking us is something that she'd already done before. And my nan, she said I wasn't going to happen again.

She wouldn't allow it to happen again. Because of what happened last time. And because our, our best interests.

It's a very diplomatic way of putting it, but our best interests were put first, possibly, at that point in juncture, in those days, back then, in the past, blah, blah, blah. So yeah, my nan and was looking out for us at a very early age. And right from, you know, for the age of sort of six, seven.

And then she was just there all the way through childhood. I almost didn't really, I guess, appreciate her. Because she was always there.

Like always, just always around every birthday, every Christmas, constantly visit them, I'd come home, she'd be there. It's just, she was just there. And it's only really when I got to 16.

When my, well, my mother, my stepmom, you know, I called her mum at the time, for 10 years, or nine years. She, she left, moved away. And it's only really then that my nan became, well, she became the only woman in my life.

I know how that sounds weird. But you know, she became, and, well, I didn't have anyone else. There was, my dad was around, but he was, I never got very particularly close to him anyway.

Didn't have, I don't know, I just, that bond I had with my nan, that I didn't really realise it was there, just became, it became more evident as I got older. And the, it's a very, very strong bond, a very strong connection with her. And she did as well with me, you know, she, we both knew it.

And yeah, she used to give me advice and all kinds of stuff. It was, she was always, always pleased to see me. And I've never met anyone in my life that's always been pleased to see me, like always.

I've even met puppies that were a little bit pissed off for me sometimes. Oh God, you again. But she was always, honestly, she was always pleased to see me, no matter whether she was ill, whether she was grieving or whatever.

She's always made the time, always made the time to invite me in and to make me welcome. Always, even when she was, I mean, even in hospital, when she broke her hip, she's like, I visited her in the convalescent home, because she was convalescing, obviously, having, after having broken a hip. And the, she was shouting up to the nurses, here's my favourite grandson, my favourite grandchild or whatever.

I'm adding grandchild, just to make it a little bit more just in case any of me female cousins are listening. But, here's my favourite grandson. Now I'm sure she would have said that about any of her grandchildren, because she loved all of them.

But it was just, it felt nice, you know. And I remember walking in, she said, oh, it's you Jason. I said, yeah, you just shouted out, my favourite grandson.

She said, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew it was you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, don't worry.

Sit down, Ted. I mean, Jason, sit down. Bob, I mean, Jason.

Susie, sit down, Susie. So it was, okay, I'll just finish on this. I was on the bus.

I think it was earlier this week. It might be last week. I lose track of time.

There was this, and I said, I'm a big supporter of elderly people. So don't think that I'm having to go at old people. I'm not.

But there was this old bastard, no, elderly man sitting in front of me. He blows his nose into a tissue using his right hand. You might be thinking, why are you being so specific? Well, there's a reason.

He presses the buzzer with the hanky in his right hand, covering his finger as well. So where he's always been blowing his nose, presses the button on the bus to stop the bus. And before the bus stops, he gets up and he holds pretty much every, I don't know what you call them, you know, they move up from the chairs and here into the ceiling so you can hold on to them, the rails or whatever.

He basically holds on to about four different rails. But the hanky or the tissue is in his right hand the whole time. And he's using his right hand to hold all his, he's basically spreading his snot all through the bus.

And I just, I imagine no one else noticed, because I don't think people seem to notice that stuff. I do. I don't know why.

I do. And that's it. I got no, I got no words.

I got no, I got no nice things to say about it. I just was just surprised. The, just, I don't know.

Anyway, on a nice note, that's not horrible. It's kind of funny, but not at the same time. Human beings, basically just tamed animals.

I mean, really, we're born into captivity, human beings. It's like dogs, just generations of captivity and training, you know. Imagine if we were like we really are, like our near human beings and their true nature.

Oh man, that'd be weird. But I like, I like this kind of life in a sense of having manners. I know not everyone has manners, but just saying thank you and please and a bit of kindness.

I quite like that. And I know you could say it's a bit false at times. But just, you know, like I might say thank you, but do you really mean it? You know, maybe you, you, you bang into someone, you say sorry, but do you really mean it? Are you really sorry? Are you, are you, are you really regretful for that moment in your life? Or do you not really care? Are you gonna be thinking about that later? You're probably not, are you? You're really sorry, are you? We need different, we need like lesser words like whoops.

And that'd be a bang into someone whoops. There's like, well, not really sorry. You know, I'm not, I'm not, I don't have any strong emotions about this particular occasion, if I'm honest.

But whoops, almost like, well, I didn't mean to do that. Obviously, I didn't mean to do that. And then maybe have a different word if you did mean to do it, like, take that.

That could be the expression. So you're banging someone take that. And then they'd know that you meant to do it.

So you haven't apologized. And you know, then you can move on and enjoy whatever interaction occurs next. Whatever little dance you end up doing.

Whoops, that could be like, well, I'm not sorry. Because there's no really emotion connected to this incident. Probably neither on your side, nor my side, not really.

We're not gonna be thinking about this in 20 years time. It's just part ways. And just move on, you know, I didn't mean to bang into you.

And you know that really, you know, there's no malice involved. We're just two human beings. There's not really enough room in there.

You can see how big my belly is, I'm bound to bang into you or knock everything off the counter, you know. Whoops. Or if there's someone you don't like the look of and you fancy a punch up.

Take that. Whoops. So yeah, maybe we should all incorporate whoops.

Let me know how you get on. So next time you have an accident and you know, instead of saying sorry to the person, look at them and say, whoops. Let me know how you get on.

Anyway, I'm gonna go. Thank you for listening. Remember, remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy.

Be gentle with yourself and do something nice for yourself today. Lots of love. Bye.