#704 Let me bore you to sleep - KEEPING IT LIGHT - Jason Newland (10th August 2021)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Um, yeah, only listen when you can safely close your eyes. And the payment for the podcast hosting $120 a month is coming up in about two days time, or tomorrow or the day after, whatever.

If you'd like to help with that cost, the running costs, it would be much appreciated. Just please go to paypal.me forward slash jasonnuland. The link's on my website if you'd like to help with that.

Because it's a big chunk of cash coming out my bank when the money's not in my bank for it to come out of in the first place. I think I've done quite well actually managed to keep going all these years. It's been a bit, you know, it's been a bit of a touching cloth at times, moments where I thought I was going to lose the website or I was going to lose the podcast because I didn't have no money to pay for the things.

But manage with help. Sometimes I get help sometimes I don't, but I appreciate any help I do get. And it all seems to work out okay in the end.

Yes, oh yes. And all being well, I think by April next year, I will hopefully be out of debt for the equipment that I bought. So hopefully that will be paid off.

And so I'll have a lot less going out of my bank. Like every three days it seems to be money, money, money, everybody wants my money, baby. You know what I mean? So you get me? So yeah, it's Tuesday, the 10th of April 2021.

And here we are. The news today, because I check out the... I'll pay a TV license. The only thing really that I use, the only television I watch really is just checking the news two or three times a day.

I just go to the BBC news channel. Other than that, I stream. So I'm paying, what is it nearly 200 pound a year for nowt.

It's something that I could just, I get, I could get that news online, just in a different format. You know, just read it as opposed to watching it. And or listen to the radio and get the news they are, you know.

But there you go. It's the very, for those that don't know, the TV licensing laws. First of all, it shouldn't be a law.

It's entertainment. It's television. It's entertainment.

How can that be in law? That doesn't make sense. This is the same way as how can the railway people, you know, and buses, the bus system or the railway system that isn't run by the government. How can that be? How can they have laws? If you don't buy a ticket, you get arrested.

No. Well, you know, if you, you don't get arrested if you don't buy a ticket. But if you refuse to buy a ticket there, you know, in the old days, they used to kick you off the train.

Sometimes they'd allow the train to stop first. Now they don't do that because it used to be, you know, 30 years ago, if you get on a train, first of all, you could get on a train and buy a ticket on the train. Now, most train operators don't allow that to happen anymore.

They haven't done for a long time. So if you get on a train and you haven't got a ticket, first of all, you have to buy a ticket from them. Plus, you have to, you end up with a fine, depending upon the, the train man or woman that's there, because sometimes they can be nice.

But it's, it's one of those things that, you know, back in the old days, when I was in my 20s, I'd get on a train and perhaps I wouldn't have a ticket. And what they would do is say, well, you need to get off at the next station because you're not allowed to drive on this drive. You're not allowed to travel on this train without a ticket, which is fair enough.

Fair enough. You know, and you think, oh, well, okay. Okay, mate.

All right. Love you. Bye.

And then go on and you think, okay, I'll stay on there. Guaranteed, like a genie, as soon as you pulled up to the next station, that man or woman just puff out of nowhere, out of nowhere, nowhere, just in the middle of nowhere, just suddenly appear time to get off. This is your stop.

Like, where did you come from? I was hiding in your ear. Okay, great, great, great. So that's how it used to be.

So, you know, used to be able to get on any train and pay once you were on there from the ticket inspector, they'd come around and you could pay them. So I'm going, and a good thing about it is if they don't get around to you. So let's say if you're going from, as an example, Norwich to Ipswich.

Okay, that's just an example for my kind of part of the world. So if you're getting from Norwich to Ipswich, you get on at Norwich. Now, if the, if the train conductor doesn't get to you until you're practically in London, for example, you're just going, you're, you're leading up to Liverpool Street, you could say, well, I've just got off, I've just got on at Stratford.

So you know, you'd end up paying maybe £3 or £2.50 for the journey, as opposed to perhaps £17 for the journey. I'm talking like 30 years ago, quite a while back. So that used to be a benefit.

So I guess that's why they stopped that. Because they realised that the train conductor, ticket inspector, whatever, can't be, such a squeaky chair, they can't be everywhere at the same time. So you know, and people do tell fib, fibby, fibby, fib, fibs.

As I did, sometimes. The thing is, if I was getting a, if I was getting a return, then sometimes I just be honest, like, because I needed to get back to where I was going from. Because otherwise, they'd say, okay, we get you, do you need a return? Yeah.

And you end up return back to Stratford, which is absolutely no good to you. If you're going all the way back to Norwich, you get me. Groovy.

We're on the same page. Brilliant. Fantastic.

Now let's move on. So that used to be easier back then. And then suddenly, suddenly, life has new meaning to me.

I can still kind of remember the first time that I got charged. That was going to know, where was it? Nottingham, I think, got on the train from London. And they said, Where's your ticket? Have you got tickets? And I said, No, I haven't got one.

I just said, Could I get a return to Nottingham, please? I say, You haven't got a ticket? No, I'm buying one now. Because I literally was running. Those were the days as well, where you get onto the train while it was still moving.

You could just open the door. And, you know, those again, those days are no longer available, which is probably a good thing. But I imagine there's a lot of accidents with people doing that.

But I remember years ago, we was on a tube, I think it was like the central line. And for those that don't, I can't keep explaining myself, explaining things, because I realised that some people that have never been to England, or some people that have never been to London, won't know what I'm talking about. So I guess this is communication, isn't it? If I just talk and expect you to know what I'm talking about, then that's a lack of my awareness, I suppose.

But anyway, the tubes in London, it's underground trains. Okay, so the central line is the or I think it's pretty much the biggest line. It's the red line on the tube, the tube map.

And it goes from Ealing Broadway, all the way to I think, Hainault, pretty much. And I think it does break off a little bit. So it goes to two different places, I think Grange Hill is up there as well.

And so yeah, I didn't know Grange Hill was a real place. Because as a TV is a kids TV show used to be didn't know it's an actual place. I was very surprised.

And all very excited at the same time. Well, anyway, I remember once we was on the tube. And seriously, all the doors opened while the train was going.

It might sound like a lie, but it's true. When I say all the doors, all the doors in my carriage, I don't know if I wasn't really prepared to stick my head out the window to look. Because while I'm still here, so obviously, I didn't do that.

But all the doors opened on both sides. Because you've always got one side where the train is going to stop. And it changes, you know, depending on what this what train station is getting to.

The doors opened. And it was the weirdest experience ever. Very cool.

Very noisy. Like because of the echo. And it only lasted for one stop, you know, between two different tube stations.

And they did stop the train and they got everyone off. Because you know, it was a huge, oh man, it was a serious safety issue. And I never heard anything in the papers or anything.

I mean, this is a major event, really. You could say, well, if nothing happened, if no one fell out or anything, it's not a major event. Fair enough.

That is a, that's a, you know, but if you see, you know, when there's a near miss in the sky, two planes nearly crash, we hear about it, generally. Because it's, it's an event, it's something that's, that seriously needs to be looked at. Because, I mean, I enjoyed it.

I thought it was funny. I didn't, I didn't look beyond what the possibilities could have been, and how dangerous it could have been for other people. Or I didn't, didn't think about it.

Or even worse, what if a werewolf got on? I didn't, didn't even consider that. So, but I don't know what I'm telling you about that. But there's a reason, for some reasons, I just wanted to tell you.

See, that's a bit of information that you're never going to hear anywhere else. Because it's a part of my life. Mind you, the other 2,000 people on the Tube, on the train at the time, it was part of their life as well.

But do they remember it? I had a lot of weird, I had some weird experiences on the Tube, on the underground train stations, over the years when I was, like, because I used to do a lot of traveling, to gigs, to comedy clubs all over London. And in the, because the Tube stations that don't only go to London, they take you to Essex, Middlesex, the outskirts of London as well. So you've got Middlesex, Essex, Hertfordshire, Herts and, of course, London.

So those are the surrounding areas of London. Essex, Middlesex and Hertfordshire, which is a big area. I'm not saying that the Tube stations, they go all the way there, because sometimes the, the train stations are actually overground.

So once you get out of London, they're generally overground train stations. So at some point, the central line, and I think quite some of the other lines, they will go above ground. So between, so if you used to do a journey from, let's say Leighton, Leighton train station, Tube station, all the way up to Oxford Circus, which I think is probably about 12 stops, it might be less.

But it's, I remember I used to count them because there's not a lot else to do. So, you know, you're going to be underground the whole time. But once you get to the end of the line, so once you get to, I don't know, I don't know that direction.

I know that Ealing Broadway, which is the end of the line, the other side, is, so going towards, oh dear, I'm not sure, blimey. Ealing Broadway, I'm pretty sure Ealing Broadway is, yes, Stratford, towards Oxford Circus, Piccadilly Circus, Liverpool Street, Mile End, blah, blah, blah, Bank. I'm sure that direction is where Ealing Broadway ends up, and it's above ground.

And at one point, you actually see, you can feel it, you go from complete darkness, well, there are lights on the tube, there's not complete darkness, but outside of the windows, you know, it's black, just black, because you couldn't see anything, because it was just a tunnel. I don't know why I'm trying to explain what darkness is. Do you know, at night, you know, when the sun goes down, and you turn the light off, and you blow out all the candles, it was like that.

And then suddenly, it's daytime, because you come above ground. And it's quite a few train stations above ground on the tube line. Now, I reckon, I might be wrong, but I reckon that they were built later.

They were built later on. Let's face it, it was above ground. It's a heck of a lot easier to build a train station above ground than underground, to add an underground one on.

It would be harder, wouldn't it? So, I imagine Ealing Broadway was... It might sound silly, but I imagine that was the last train station to be added. It makes logical sense that they wouldn't, the last one on the line would be the last one they did. But technically, it doesn't necessarily mean it's true.

Because here, where I live, they've built a bridge, right? Because when I moved here, there was this big uproar. There was like five people getting angry. It's a little village.

A big uproar here is like a little whisper, really. But very angry, because this is a little village, and there's nothing here. And that's how I think a lot of people want it to stay.

There's not a lot of traffic on this sort of little area. There is once you get to the road, the main road, because it leads to a motorway. Because where I live, this is the new part.

The old part, most of it was demolished to make way for the motorway back in the 50s or 60s or 70s, I don't know. Quite a long time ago. And then they built further up, which is where I am.

Which is still part, it's still part of the same kind of area. But it's, this chair is squeaking. Well anyway, they want to stay, they've got plans, sort of had plans since before I moved here 72 years ago, to build another estate, another area, which would be, I don't know, a couple of thousand houses and something like that.

Now, it hasn't gone ahead yet. It probably will eventually. But I think the people that make these plans, they're old money.

They sit and they don't really, they're not in a rush. Because the money's in the bag for them, as it were, especially for those people that own the land. Because the land, the price of the land is only going to go up.

So those that are going to sell the land or have already have a contract or a deal to sell the land to be built on, the value is only going to go up for them. So it doesn't matter to them, does it? The people are going to have the building contract are probably connected to the politicians anyway. So they're probably already rich.

So this is just something in the future that they'll have to add to their money that they got from, that their family might have made from selling their slaves back in, you know, 100 odd years ago. Selling the slaves? What do you mean? Well, let me explain. See, we didn't have slaves here, like in America.

Wasn't wasn't the same kind of thing. Slaves. I can't believe he's talking about slaves.

It's supposed to be a light hearted podcast. How do you go from trains with the doors open to slave owning? Well, it's a different it's a different subject. And I'm not making light of it.

All I'm saying is, some people think that we had slaves working here, like in America, you know, on the cotton fields and stuff we didn't. What we had is back in the I don't know how long ago it was, because it was before my time before my, my, before my dad's time. Probably before my granddad's time.

So we're talking 1800 and something, I think. So it's get well over 100, probably 130, 40 years ago or something. So slaves were almost like, like a stock market kind of thing.

People had shares. So they own slaves. However, I mean, it's sick.

Obviously, it's a sick thing. It's human beings. But they didn't see it like that.

I don't think because they never people that lived here in this country, probably a lot of them never left this country because it wasn't easy to travel. So for them, it was like stocks and shares. And they got they bought more and more and more.

And they got the return from what they I'm not quite sure how they got the return, I guess for the production of coffee and whatever else was done. And it's all disgusting. And everything to do is pretty much disgusting.

However, what I didn't know, until a few years ago, I saw on a documentary is that when slavery was abolished, and I guess it probably would have been different here. Because our the slaves that we had were living in. They weren't living in America, they were living in other places, other countries.

So we, I say we, not me, not my family. Because if anything, my family, were very, you know, if you go back long enough, my family probably pickpockets during the Dick Dickson Dickensian times, you know, I don't come from money. And I don't think anyone in my family ever had any money.

We definitely weren't. We definitely didn't have old money. I don't even have any new money that reminds old money.

So what I didn't realize is what happened is when I thought slavery, the abolition of slavery, that was it. People were set free. And I didn't realize how it had, I still don't really know how the whole thing worked.

Because it's very complicated for my little brain. But some people think that we had, it was like America, you know, like we had actually slaves living here in our houses and stuff. We had servants, which was just only one step really below, above rather being a slave.

Because back then, kids were sold. Kids were sold to shops and to factories. So people like me, my family, we were being sent to work in a factory or being up chimneys, and we were sold to people, especially orphans, because of the wars, all the ongoing wars.

There was lots of children that didn't have any parents, didn't have any family. So they were just sold. So if I'm correct, isn't that slavery? Yeah, thank you.

So, and they were not treated well. This, you know, children. So back then, workers were treated pretty much like slaves.

They were treated horrible, mistreated, paid practically nothing, lucky if they got food. That was kind of how it used to be in this country. This was never the land of opportunity, not in England.

This was, it was, yeah, I don't know how I would have got by. I probably would have survived just like I did anyway, but it would have, wow. I don't know how, that must have just been absolutely, absolutely atrocious to be around in those days for people like me.

So when slavery was abolished, and the people that would own slaves would be the people that owned the factories, that, or the people that were rich, people that owned land. And, you know, it would, it would be, it really, this is my version, my take on it. It was almost like slavery was stocks and shares.

Like they were completely uninterested. The people that owned them weren't thinking of them as humans, but they're going to leave it with probably the slave owners that were there in person, weren't thinking of them as humans. Because otherwise, how could you have a slave, a human being? How could you do that? You know, keep it light, JJ, keep it light, you dickhead.

Okay, sorry. Sorry. What's next? Abortion? No, I'm not going to talk about it.

Blimey, yeah, fair enough. Now what I found, is he talking about? What's he talking about this for? I find it fascinating, fascinating. The reason, because I was talking about old money, right? The people that owned the slaves during the abolition, when it was all stopped, and I don't know how connected it was to America, or whether or not Europe had their own rules.

I don't know. But at some point, it was illegal to own slaves. I thought that would be it.

And, you know, for that, I know all these people that had their stocks and shares, and all it was just a book of people that they owned. They wrote them down and kept the track of it. All this stuff's documented, it's kept.

You know, they've got proof of all this stuff. And how much they paid for like, or paid two guineas for this person. And like, just what really? Two guinea pigs for for a human.

So it was just when it was abolished, in England, right in England, of course, there was no like, you're now free to go, because that would be awkward conversation. But we had pretty much paid slavery, anyway, here. And it was just the our own population.

The poor people were the slaves, but they were sometimes paid. Sometimes it was just food and board, that was their payment. I mean, what is that if not slavery? But then, I guess, these people, the difference is, they, I guess, could leave.

I suppose. I don't know. It sounds just, when I read and see how it was, I mean, I must say, it's like, you can't compare it to slavery.

Okay, but it's just, some prisons are worse than others. You know, it's, it was still a prison. So you can have the most disgusting, horrible, vicious prison in the world in maybe Cambodia, or Mexico or something like, because there's, they've got these document, everything's about television, really, isn't it? That's all I learn, everything.

I don't read, I don't watch television. But some of the worst prisons in the world, and you look at them, like, oh, there's like 500 people just in one room, one cell. And then you got somewhere like maybe Denmark, where, or I don't know, sort of some parts of Europe where the prisons are, people are treated very, very well, treated like humans, in the hope that actually, it will, you know, it will, I don't know, it's a different way of doing things.

It's still a prison. You know, it's like still not able to do what they want, still lost their liberty. But it's a very different experience.

That's how I kind of see it, when it comes to the way that things used to be, you know, a couple of hundred years ago, in this country, the poor were treated terribly. And they were treated like slaves. So, you know, argue all you like on that one.

And you know what, if someone's hungry enough, you know, it's been proved, when someone's hungry enough, they kind of do whatever they have to do to survive. So, you know, you can, you can, you can lock someone up. Or if they're hungry enough, they will allow themselves to be locked up, if they get fed.

You know, so it's kind of one of those weird things. Anyway, keep it light. Okay.

All right. So we're going to talk about car crashes now. No, we're not going to talk about car crashes.

What about a space, the space shuttle crash? No, no, no, keep it light, keep it light. Okay, so what happened, right? This is just factual stuff. It's not my own, my own making it up stuff.

I had the best sleep earlier. I think it was probably about half six. Maybe seven.

I just went and laid down. It was just going to be like a little nap. And then I woke up about, was it nine o'clock, 930.

I remember the dream and everything. I was having this, I was in a dream. And basically, I was kind of in the middle of nowhere.

And I wasn't sure what to do. And I ended up in a psychiatric ward. And you're probably thinking, keep it light.

Keep it light. Okay, well, I don't know. I saw some people from the past in there.

And it was, it was a nice environment. So it wasn't a bad, you know, it was, it was a very friendly environment. And I was pretty much begging to allow them to let me stay.

Now, I don't know if that was just because I had nowhere else to stay. And I didn't want to, you know, sleep rough. Yeah, like not nice and nice and light, rough sleeping rough.

Anyway, it's a very weird dream. So anyway. So what happened is when the slavery was abolished, you know what happened? The slave owners in the English slave owners, people that probably most of them have never ever been to the countries where the slaves that they owned were living.

Probably didn't really understand even what slavery was really. Because to them, it's probably just stocks and shares. It was just a commodity that they owned on a piece of paper.

They were allowed to go to the bank. Because they had, they had receipts for all of the and proof of all of the slaves that they owned. They were allowed to go to the bank.

And cash and get paid money more than they spent on the slaves. This is more money than they paid. And they're allowed to cash out.

I went to the bank and get paid for their losses, but much more than their losses, like a huge amount more. Because it was only the rich people that lost. So they, of course, what you do with rich people, you give them more money, don't you? Makes sense.

And they're the people that went on and bought property. They went and bought land. Went on to be connected to the royal family and politicians and produce politicians and all that stuff.

Because super rich people, old money, people that have got hundreds and hundreds of millions of pounds in property and in land. And that's got, I guess, quite a few, a few quid in the bank as well. But they're always making money because, you know, they own stuff.

And I guess they continued with their stocks and shares, but did it with stocks and shares. I mean, the stock market probably was, I wonder if it, yeah, the stock market probably was around back then. So that's where old money, not all old money came from slavery.

I'm not going to try and make out that that's the case. But a lot of old money does come from slavery, from the abolition of slavery. And those apparently those queues and queues and queues, 75 miles long of all these rich people queuing at the bank to collect their money.

And some people got paid thousands and thousands of pounds, which back then was enough to, well, it's equivalent of probably millions of pounds today. So that's where a lot of old money comes from. That's interesting, isn't it? What do you think? I find that.

So I didn't realize that, because, you know, when I was, I didn't go to school, really. I did go to school, but I didn't listen to anything. And I just figured that we must have just had slaves there because, you know, when people talked, when I heard people talk about the abolition of slavery and I thought, well, that was America, isn't it? No, the abolition of slavery in the UK, it was banned in the UK as well.

Didn't realize there wasn't slaves in the UK. They, they were owned. It just, it just feels wrong to even say the word, the idea of a human being owned by anybody.

But I don't, I don't even like the idea of an animal being owned. I didn't own Andre. If anything, Andre owned me.

We don't own, technically, we don't really own anything. Everything's just borrowed. We don't even own our body.

We're our life. You can't own your house because when you're gone, that's it. You can't own stuff when you're gone.

So it's just temporary. We're just borrowing. Everything's just borrowed, isn't it? Really? You get me, isn't it? That's like a squeaky door, isn't it? What am I talking about? 9, 7, 11, 12, 1. Oh, really? That's nice.

So yeah, I find that quite fascinating. When you think the royal family, I wonder how many shares the royal family had. Oh, not shares, how many slaves they had.

Because I just assumed when I was younger that because, like in America, I'm sure America is not the only country that had slaves, but they definitely embraced it. There is like plantations worked in by slaves, then the abolition of slavery. And then the same people continue to work in, if they wanted to, to work in the same place, but got paid very little money and still treated rubbish.

But they were allowed to leave. So that was kind of a difference. It's different, I guess, maybe.

But, you know, again, reliant on food and board, it's just another prison, isn't it? Wow. But then we had that here, we had, as I said, people working for wealthy people, as you know, looking after their children, cooking, you know, not even just rich people, but just people that were well off, that were doing well for themselves, could afford to have a cleaner or a cook. And, you know, if you go, it's just like, and they were low paid, very, very low paid work.

And it was only a level above slavery, because they were stuck there. And they weren't, I mean, some, I guess sometimes they were treated great. But I don't know how often, because they really, that would have been my kind of level in life.

I'd have been a, like a houseboy or something. You know, I'd have been up chimneys. I'd have been cleaning people's shoes in the street.

Probably been pickpocketing. That's kind of the level of, the level in society that I would have been born 200 years ago, or 300 years ago, however long it is. 400 years ago, maybe.

So that's, that's the kind of level that I would have been there. I'd been born poor. And I'd have probably stayed poor.

I don't know. Who knows? I mean, I might have started a podcast. Mind you, it was never gonna make me rich being a podcast host, was it? Yeah.

Can't even earn a living doing this stupid thing. What's the bloody point? Because it's fun and it helps people. Hopefully.

Sometimes it's just a little bit of fun. Sometimes it's really, it's not. I don't know.

What the hell do I call it? What do I give a title to this? Slavery? I mean, that's not a good title for a light-hearted podcast, is it? But some people are so dim that they would think, oh, you're making fun of slavery. Now, at no point have I made fun of slavery. And there's nothing funny about slavery.

But some people are like, they're really so dumb that they're unable to comprehend that you can't talk about a subject. You're just like, no, you're not allowed to talk about that subject. That's it.

And if you do dare to talk about the subject, then you're breaking some kind of unspoken law. Now, I've spent my life breaking every unspoken law there is, I think, and a few spoken ones. And nothing serious, by the way.

I'm not some kind of weird criminal, secret criminal mastermind. I don't know. I stopped there because everyone knows, everyone that's listened to me knows I ain't no mastermind.

I ain't no mastermind, no. I'm not. I'm a very good boy.

I do. I do. I wipe my bum regularly.

So I, yeah, probably, I'd probably be at the level of just getting by. But then I say that. But my friend said something earlier today, and he said, well, we are a product of survival of the fittest.

And I was thinking about that because now survival of the fittest in, well, in this country, possibly in a lot of the Western countries, survival of the fittest isn't really a thing anymore. It is in the terms of genetics, in the terms of, in some ways it is, but not the way it used to be. There was a time when only the toughest people would survive.

Literally, only the physically, the people that could fight would get through to become an adult, or get through to become those that could physically have a fight were the only ones that would be able to reach 30. You know, only those that physically were able to withstand the amount of torturous physical pain connected with the jobs that they had would be able to survive. Working down mines, building bridges, all those kind of really, really dangerous, hard jobs that we don't really have anymore.

You know, they're not really, I mean, they are in other countries, people still digging mines, still doing that stuff, still got those hard, physically hard, laborious, laborious jobs? That's a good word, isn't it? Laborious. So laborious to me sounds like it's boring, because it's got the word bore, laborious, but actually laborious, laboring, isn't it? Or is it just laborious, just boring? Labor intensive, that's another word, yeah. Physically challenging, yeah.

But now, because, you know, we've, we actually have progressed as a society, survival of the fittest doesn't really come into it anymore. And because we look after, as a society, we look after people who can't look after themselves. Now in the past, and it's terrible to say it, but in the past, that didn't really happen.

You know, if a baby was born, in the past with no legs, that was it. And then we generally would leave the hospital. I'm going back a while now, you know, with our medical, amazing medical discoveries, and I can just, you know, they will do everything they can to, but let's face it, we create humans now, you know, like taking the eggs out of the, a woman's bum, and then put in, taking the sperm out of the man's bum, and then sticking it in an ostrich's bum, or whatever, and shaking it around, and then producing a, like a new baby.

And that's phenomenal. It's just, it's unbelievable, isn't it really? And it's unbelievable. Problem is with the ostriches, it's like, you can't catch the bugs.

Wow, can you imagine a half ostrich child, 100 metres in the Olympics every time, wouldn't it? They'd win it every time. So anyway, we look after people now, and it's, I think it's brilliant. I mean, you know, some people are like, oh yeah, I can talk about this.

I'm talking about it from a perspective of myself, because with my condition, I'd have ended up in a, probably in an asylum, where I would have been put in, probably at an early age, and never released. That would have been my entire life. At best, potentially.

So I'm grateful, actually, that things are different. And however much people love to moan, and moan, and moan about everything, you know what? We've never had it so good in some ways. That's hard to hear if you're going through a difficult time, I know.

I've not exactly been going through the easiest time myself, but it's like, in some ways, like, wow, get a perspective, and I think of myself, and people that I know, that would not be here now, if it wasn't for, or medical science, and I mean, so many people, my dad, he had a major, he had a big tumour on his neck when he was, when I was about nine years old. He'd be dead. It was benign, but it was strangling him, you know what I mean? So if they weren't able to remove it, he wouldn't be here.

My little brother, his appendix burst. Now, even with medical science, they couldn't detect it until it was too late. I mean, it burst, it wasn't too late for him, he survived, but it was an emergency operation.

He had sepsis. So, you know, he kept, like, oh, I've got a bad stomach, and they were like, yeah, you must, have you done a poo? Maybe you're constipated. Have you been putting things up there? No, I haven't.

Stop it. And they wouldn't take it seriously at all, and then he had, yeah, his appendix erupted. So he'd be, he wouldn't be here.

Who else wouldn't be here? So I had appendicitis. Now, I blagged that one, because I just wanted time off from school. So I did almost, like, my oldest brother, he had grummed an appendix.

Now, I don't know if he had his appendix out or not. I can't remember, because I wasn't interested in anything but myself. Nothing's changed.

But, so, I guess this could be a genetic thing. You know, my little brother had his appendix out, I had my appendix out. My older brother might have had his out, I can't remember.

But my dad, I don't think, did. Now, my nan, when she broke her hip, yeah, actually, I think she, I don't know, I mean, yeah, that's probably a different thing, because that was surgical and stuff. But my nan was so tough.

She wasn't, like, tough. I mean, she didn't, like, get into street fights and stuff. Nothing like that.

But she was tough. She was old school. She was, what, 95 when, I think, when she passed away, six, seven years ago.

And so, she'd be over 100 now. So, she was tough. You know, she said one day, she walked, just walked around the corner, I think, to get her, get something from the shop.

And she came back, and the house next to her had been blown up by the Nazis. You know, they'd dropped a bomb and blown up the house next door to her. It was just completely gone.

I remember her saying to me, I said, we, I said, were you upset? Pretty stupid thing to really ask someone, isn't it? You know, and she said, yeah. Because it was, I think it was, like, her auntie or something lived next door. Auntie Mabel or something.

I said, was you upset? And she said, yeah. She said, of course. Your auntie Mabel owed me £10.

So, it's like, oh, okay. She still owed me £10. Now, I'm never going to get that £10 back.

Blimey. Tough lady. That didn't happen.

The house blow, the house did though, that did. Tough. My granddad.

Tough, tough people. I'm such a wimp compared to them. You know, and I don't know how, how would I have dealt with being at war? Being, you know, my granddad, he was in a concentration camp for, for three years, I think.

And I remember saying to him, what was it like? He said, well, it was a, he said, it was a good job. But, you know, obviously, I had to stop when the war ended and had to get more different work. No, he didn't work there.

No, he's, he, he was in the army. He was in the army and he got, he got captured. So, basically, he was kept in one of those places.

Prisoner of war, but he was there. Basically, they used the concentration camps for everyone. Not just the people that are associated with those things, unfortunately.

Horrible. Keep it light, keep it light. I know.

And he went missing in action. He basically, my nan thought he was, he was gone. That was it.

For three years, or four years, no, for at least three years, she thought he was, he was gone. And then suddenly, after, I think six, three, I think two or three months after the war ended, she got a telegram saying, oh, by the way, your husband's alive. And we found him.

And he's, you can't see him for five weeks, because he's malnutritioned. And he has to, we have to build him, get him to, well, I guess, question him and get him fit again, get him healthy and stuff. And so there was a street party for when my, when my granddad was coming back.

It was in Enfield, North London. And they put a street party on for my granddad. I don't mean like, I guess it wasn't thousands of people there, but probably just the neighbours.

I don't know. And that there's anyway, there's a street party and welcome back, Eddie and Ted or whatever. And all these welcome back, Mr. Newland, Sergeant Newland, whatever.

And those banners up, I guess, probably balloons, I don't know. And probably no chocolate, because we still didn't have chocolate back then. It's all rations.

I mean, to put a street party on when there's rations is pretty good going. That's, that's people caring, when they don't really have enough for themselves, but they still, they'll still put a party on and make food and stuff. And this is all for my granddad.

You know what he did? He sneaked in the back door. He came up. And he didn't, he couldn't face it.

Because, you know, they were welcoming him as a hero. Grateful that he's back. And he was a popular man.

He'd lived there, I think, all his life. So he was 29 at the beginning of the war. So I guess it'd be like 35 or whatever, at this point.

And had a four year old child that he'd never met. Or five year old child that he'd never met. Because, yeah, so because it's, because my nan cheated on him.

No, because they, yeah, basically, the, he was born during the first year of the war. Anyway, he sneaked in the back because he couldn't face seeing all those people. And he was such a private man.

Such a quiet man. But tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough. And not just mentally tough, physically tough.

And he wasn't big. He was bigger than, well, he's not as big as me now, but he was bigger than, he was probably about 11, maybe 12 stone, I'd say. Maybe 12 stone.

So he wasn't little, but he was, he wasn't particularly tall. Probably about my height, 5'8", maybe 5'9". But he was a boxer during the army, because he was in the army for 12 years before the war.

Then he retired, and then they got called back into the war. And so he was a boxer. Ex-boxer, won medals, won all kinds of stuff in the army.

So he knew how to handle himself. And I've told this story before, I think at least once. But when he was in his 70s, he was on his bike.

And I think a car pulled up, or a motor, I think it was someone in the car, nearly knocked him off his bike. Or he, maybe he pulled in front of the car or something. Anyway, the car driver got, started shouting at my granddad.

The car driver, I think the car driver got out of his car and started having a go at my granddad. So my granddad got off his bike, and the bloke started picking on, I mean, this is like a young man, probably in his 20s, picking on a pensioner, which is disgusting, isn't it really? And you could see he was in his 70s, he didn't, he didn't, he looked like Clark Gable, my granddad did. You might think I'm making it up, he actually looked like Clark Gable.

And you might be wondering, you might be like, oh, no wonder, no wonder Jason's so handsome. His granddad looked like Clark Gable. But then you might be thinking, well, in order for you to look like you do, if your granddad was Clark Gable, your mum must have been Shrek.

Very rude. No, no. So he looked like Clark Gable.

Anyway, this bloke was swearing at my granddad. And I think he threatened him. My granddad just punched him once, knocked him clean out.

He's in his 70s. He was probably about 72 at the time. My granddad just knocked him clean out.

Got on his bike and just, just continued his journey. He probably just went home, actually. I mean, that is just, wow.

That's, for me, I know it's weird, but I just think that's impressive. And because I always knew that he's never, this, this is a man you don't have a go at. Sometimes you know, don't you? You meet someone like, yeah, there's an intensity there.

He was a nice bloke. He was very quiet. He spoke to me, I think, three times in my entire life.

He just wasn't a talker. I'm very similar to him. We have a lot in common, as you can tell.

I would be probably the biggest embarrassment. I've noticed what it is with my dad. I feel I'm an embarrassment to him.

Because to be like this, to be such a, to talk absolute rubbish, as I do. And this isn't something that I imagine many parents would be proud of, or grandparents. Now, my nan, she'd be proud of me, whatever I did.

That's a simple fact, you know. If I, I know for a fact, and this is for a fact, that if I had committed a serious, serious crime and gone to prison, my nan would have still kept in contact. I know that for a fact.

So it wouldn't have made any difference. She loved her grandkids. She loved her family, you know.

But she loved her grandkids unconditionally, really. I think the only condition is you visit her. But even then, like my oldest brother didn't visit my nan.

He had reasons. It wasn't to do with her, but he just refused to come to the town where she lived, for other reasons. Years and years and years.

And I'm talking from the late 80s all the way up to 7 years ago. She was still talking about him. Well, both my brothers, both my older brothers.

She's always talked about them. Actually, it's not entirely true. Close, probably a couple of years before she passed away, she stopped as much.

She still would, but she started to forget. I remember I mentioned something to her. And she said, she said something.

It was actually a bit, it was quite upsetting. Because she said, what do you mean? What's he doing there? So I just referred to something that we'd talked about for 15 years. Something that really huge, really, really big thing to her and to me.

And she had no one else to talk to about it. So she spoke to me about it. And I didn't really have anyone to talk about it to either.

So we talked to each other about this thing that happened. That was big, that we didn't really have anyone else to talk about. We secretly got married, we got married.

We didn't want anyone else in the family to know, you know, grandparent, grandchild. No, that didn't happen. That was weird.

Okay, let's move away from that. That was just a weird, weird moment. But there was something important.

And we, we both talked about it. And then one day, it was outside where she lived. And I said to her, just like in comments, well, you know, he should be getting out of there, out of that place soon.

And she said, What's he doing there? And she'd forgotten. And you know what? I didn't tell her. I changed the subject.

I'm good at that. I'm very good at changing subjects, distraction, distraction, extraction, distraction. And I changed the subject really quickly.

Oh, look, there's a butterfly up my bum. Just that kind of thing. Just like, would you like a marshmallow? I have five in my earlobe.

Just something just to distract her. Did a little card trick or something. And, and I was sad.

But at the same time, I didn't want to have to explain it to her because if, if maybe part of her mind had forgotten that thing, for me to remind her about it seemed like really cruel. So I didn't, because it's something that kind of traumatized her, to be fair. And she spoke about it a lot to me.

And sometimes I didn't want to talk about it. But she she kind of mentioned it a lot. At times, sometimes she wouldn't.

But she she would mention, like the amount of times, how's your oldest brother doing? Have you seen him? Like, no, I haven't seen him. I wish you'd visit. You know, he lived with us when he was a kid for nearly two years.

He was like a son to me. And now he just doesn't contact me. And I know he lived with you, but I'm the grandson that visits.

They haven't visited, I visit. Okay, one hasn't been able to, but I visit. Why don't you focus on me? But I was there.

She wanted to see them. Honestly, I don't think she could have been happier if me and my, well actually, all three or all four of us, her grandsons were all there, all visited her in her home, in her flat. I think she'd have been, that happiness level would have been so high.

So high. She'd have been blissed out. Because she's been so happy to see us all together.

Well and alive and getting on and you know, she'd she'd be so pleased with that. She'd be if she could get all of her grandkids together in one place. She'd feel like the queen.

She would have felt like the queen. And I tried to do it a couple of times, but no one was interested. The uncles and aunts had zero interest to help organize it.

And only one cousin was interested. So it just didn't happen. And if anything, the uncles were like trying to dissuade it.

Well, your nan's old. Shut up, you stupid people. Underestimating.

I think people do that maybe with their parents and I'd possibly do that with my own. I don't know. A lot of dismissing of what people need.

She needed to see. She needed to be like, oh, she's old, she can't handle a big family. Yes, she can.

She doesn't got to do anything. You know. Do you think she's going to be so happy she drops dead? Well, what better way to drop dead than to be happy, to be blissed out, full of happiness? Because overjoyed with seeing your family all in one place.

You know, that's what she wanted. More than anything, she would have, apart from my granddad, she wanted my granddad to be there, of course. She took my granddad just on his own.

That's what she really wanted. She wanted my granddad. It never stopped.

Never changed. You know, he passed away 1991 and then she passed away 2014. No, 2000 and yeah, 2014.

So how many years is that? 24 years? 90? 2010? 2024? 24 years and all she wanted was him. She liked watching Deal or No Deal as well and Come Dancing. You know, the strictly Come Dancing.

She loved that show. Loved it. Now I could, I'd watch Deal or No Deal with her every time.

I'd even watch sports with her. You know, anything like that. Strictly dancing show, I couldn't.

We nearly fell out over it. But I, you know, I really, you know, she kind of was manipulating the situation so she got to watch what she wanted. So I wanted, it was on holiday at the Isle of Wight.

No, the Isle of Man. Only men there. True, true story.

So we were there and everyone else had gone out to the pub. I wasn't drinking that year so there's no point going to the pub if you don't drink. So that was my attitude.

My nanny used to say, but you're not going to meet anyone nice if you never go out. It's true, true. And she said, I was watching Top of the Pops and she said, Strictly Come Dancing is on the other side, which to me doesn't seem right because I'm sure they're on the same channel.

But there was something on the other side I wanted to watch anyway. But she kept saying, Strictly Come Dancing is on. And in the end I just said, OK, I switched over for her.

Because she's got, you know, what she wants is what she gets. That's how it's got to be. But I hated her for about 10 minutes.

I was so angry because I can't, I don't like dancing. I don't get any pleasure watching people dance. Zero.

It's just, it's a pointless activity for me. Just, it's not my thing. I used to love dancing when I was a little kid, but not now.

And watching, I used to enjoy watching Come Dancing because a lot of the women used to wear low cut tops and dresses and stuff. I'm just being honest. I used to watch it for.

But no, not what I just can't. I can't watch that. I can't watch something like that.

It's just not me. It's not a piece of me. But I can't, it's just, it's not nothing wrong with it.

It's just not what I like to watch. Just like she wouldn't watch Big Brother. I love Big Brother.

I did absolutely loved it. And let's face it, Strictly Come Dancing is probably better than Big Brother in pretty much every single way because there's skill involved and there's learning and there's entertainment and all that stuff. Big Brother had none of that stuff, but I just loved Big Brother.

It was just what I enjoyed watching. So that was the only time ever that I nearly, I didn't have an argument with her, but I was annoyed by her. And it was the only time ever.

And that was just me because I wasn't getting my own way. That was me having a little internal tantrum. So yeah, weird.

But you know, it's okay though. I put laxative in her tea in the evening. So I got my own back.

I did not do that. Why am I saying? Why do I say things like that? I didn't do it. Of course I didn't.

She didn't drink coffee. She didn't drink tea. No, she did drink tea.

I remember once someone saying to her, Oh, you have too much sugar in your tea. Because she used to have like four, five, six spoonfuls of sugar in her tea. Right? Like literally a lot of sugar.

And people used to moan at her. You've got too much sugar in your tea. And she'd look at them.

Like, how old are you? She'd say to them. You know how old I am mum? I'm 55. Well, I'm 90.

Well, I'm, I'm 83. You know, when she said that, I remember she said once, I'm 93 years old. What's it gonna do? What harm is sugar gonna do to me? And it's really hard to argue that.

She said, Yeah, sugar's bad for me. That's what all my doctors used to say. But they're all dead.

I'm still alive. So okay, then shut up. Stop going on about how you outlived your doctors.

We've heard that too many times. Stop it. Blimey.

I'd love to see her again. Obviously not, not, you know, in a good way. Like, so she was alive.

Not so nanny Newland. She made the best rock cakes ever. And when I say the best rock cakes, I mean, they were lovely when they were cold, but when they were warm, oh, so they'd come out of the oven.

And, you know, it'd be you couldn't eat them straight away. I mean, I used to try but I'd burn me burn me little tongue. But that was so good.

She was. I need to look into that and maybe start baking. And I realized that my belly doesn't need more cakes, but just for might be a little bit of fun.

I used to do baking when I was a kid. I used to quite like it. I think I definitely enjoy eating stuff.

Some might. Yeah, that's something I might look at doing, actually. Yeah.

Yeah. So there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I'm going to go.

So thank you for listening. Yeah. Please remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy.

Do something nice for yourself today. Make it a priority to do something special. OK, so I'm going to go.

I'll speak to you tomorrow. Lots of love. Bye bye bye.