#696 Let me bore you to sleep - THE 2 ANDRES - Jason Newland (29th July 2021)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. So yeah, hey, how are you doing today? Are you, are you, are you well? Are you? So for those that haven't listened to these Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcasts before, I wouldn't bother really if I were you.

I just, just, just, just, they're a bit boring. They are a bit boring, but they're supposed to be, so that's good I guess. Um, I don't even know how to describe them anymore.

They seem to have taken on a little world of their own. Um, yeah. I started to do one last night, but it was, I was, I was out last night and I came home quite, well I don't know, got home about, yeah gone 11 o'clock in the evening and, you know, I, I never go out, you know, literally it's for me to be out in an evening, in an evening.

Uh, the last time I was out, I can't even remember. Really, it's over two years ago that I actually went anywhere in the evening. Blimey, that's sad, isn't it? Wow, how pathetic am I? But there you go.

So yeah, it's, it was, yeah, blimey. So anyway, I got home quite late and, uh, I started to make a Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast episode and it was just, I just, was too tired and I stopped after about half an hour and I thought, oh maybe I can upload that, but then, nah, couldn't be bothered. So it's one of those recordings that will never be heard, ever, ever, ever, ever.

I should keep stuff like that, just, you know, the lost, the lost tapes or something, stuff that no one's ever heard before. Oh, blimey, what's this? Wow, more money gone out of my account. So $29 for the website.

Nope, nothing more. Um, okay. Learn what's new with analytics.

This is Apple Podcasts. Devices Now listeners, Engage listeners, Top Cities. Maybe I should have a look, have a look at the analytics, should I? So this is Apple Connect or something.

So should, should remember me. Remember me. Oh, let's have a look.

Okay, that's weird. Shut up. So I asked my brain, tell my brain to shut up.

Just trying to put in the details so I can have a look at it. I realized maybe I should. What? That's weird.

Yeah, stuff it kind of bothered. I had what did I have? I need to plug the phone in as well. Because I'll need that.

Oops. I'll need that to upload this podcast when it's actually done. Did you hear that? The thing is, right? I'm not sure if I mentioned this.

But something's got a bit weird with the recording software on the iPad. And it's very low. It's recording low.

Now, it might be me, I might have done something to the settings. Because I was playing around with the settings the other day. But I thought that was the editing settings, not the recording settings.

So I figured the recording settings were just standard. I've unplugged and plugged in everything, switched everything on and off. But it's still very, very, very low.

So I'm having to pretty much amplify it to the absolute max, which isn't good. It's not ideal. So and not, you know, I could, I guess I could talk a lot louder.

But I'm not a loud talker. Do you know what I mean? You know what I mean? So it's basically, it's, it's probably only a third of the way of what it should be, or it needs to be. And even then I could do with it being a little bit louder.

But this might be the time to open up the old MacBook and get started on learning how to use the Adobe suite that I'm paying for every month. The contract that I'm locked into for the year. Yeah, that was a good decision.

Not even used it yet. I've had it for five months now or four months, five months, try to delete it, try to get rid of it and the stuff and 175 pound they wanted from me just to cancel. I just shows you both two things.

First of all, read a small print, which you don't normally like most things online that you rent monthly that you subscribe to. You can cancel at any time. That's it.

I can't think of one thing that locks you in for the year, other than a telephone contract, or an internet contract. Or, you know, like you buy something on credit, that kind of thing. To use something monthly on the internet, a website, podcasts, I've used hundreds of different things over the years.

And usually you just cancel some of them make it a little bit complicated to cancel, because they're bastards. But you know, generally, you can just cancel it. And either cancel straight away, or it cancels at the end of your month, you know, when you've paid up to.

So the second thing is, now we know why Amazon is so bloody rich. And you might think, well, what's it got to do with Amazon? And I realized that hasn't got anything to do with Amazon. What am I talking about? Who owns Adobe? I don't know.

Who owns Adobe? Is it Microsoft? Who owns Adobe? Adobe has millions of users worldwide.Net income 2.95 billion in 2019. Number of employees 27 and a half thousand people.

Blimey, that's a lot, isn't it? What company owns Adobe? Well, according to this, Adobe also owns the assets of numerous companies through less direct means, through the mergers or acquisitions of companies later acquired by Adobe. Company of Science and Art, Allaire Corporations, Live Software, Authorware, Macromind, Paracomb, Altis, Macromind. Wow.

Is Adobe? No, it's not. It's owned by, so basically Adobe is owned by Adobe Inc. It's a multinational computer software company, headquartered in Jan Jose, it's California.

No, I think you'll find it's Jose. No, it's Jose. J. No, but the J is H. No, it's not.

J. J is J. It's not H. If it was H, it should be H. It should be H-O-S-E. J-O-S-E. What about Jesus? Jesus.

What, Jesus? No, it's Jesus. If you're going to call someone Jesus, that's their name, Jesus. Doesn't sound like, oh, baby Jesus was born in a manger.

No, Jesus. Imagine calling your child Jesus. That's just, that's just, no one, I don't think anyone in my country's ever done that.

I want to look it up. Has anyone ever called their child Jesus? How many children in the UK are called Jesus? Baby name is N in England and Wales. Can you name your child Jesus in the UK? Britain doesn't have any hard and fast laws about band names with authorities only stepping in when parents are thinking of naming offensive names like Hitler and stuff.

No one would call their child Jesus because it's again, it's sacrilege in this country. It's absolute. And to me, calling your kid Elvis again, you just better not do it.

Why don't more people call their names, kids names Jason? It's a brilliant name. It is. And it's, it's more, it's a much older name than Jesus.

It's, it's, uh, means healing hands. It does, the healer, Jason in, um, not biblical times, but, uh, what are they called? Um, baby names. How common is the name Jason? Wow.

It's ranked number 119 in the UK. Well, in the world, I don't know. Number 119.

So 0.68%. So there's a huge drop off after the first. Wow. What's the most common name in the UK, Oliver and Olivia.

They remain the most popular names in England and Wales. Freya and Lily replaced Emily and Ella in the top 10, 10 girls names. So why would Ella, Emily, I suppose famous people.

There's famous people called Emily and there Freya. I don't know anyone called Freya. Do you Freya F R E Y A and Lily? Does anyone know anyone called Lily? Is Jason in the Bible? Jason of Thessalonica was a Jewish convert and early Christian believer mentioned in the new Testament.

Also is a biblical name. According to tradition, Jason is numbered among the 70 disciples. Jason is venerated.

Yeah. As a saint in Catholic and Orthodox traditions. Wow.

Isn't that interesting? It's really nice. 30 of the rarest baby names, eight Rosalind, seven Indigo. Why the hell would you call your kid Indigo? Six Shepherds.

Shepherd? That's Shep. Okay. That's quite a good name.

I've known someone called Shep and he was cool. Georgiana. Georgina, George.

I knew I've known someone called Georgia. I had a proper crush on her. Georgia.

Chester. Chester is quite an old-fashioned name, isn't it? Indra. Isn't that quite an old name? I've never known anyone called Indra.

Baxter. Nope. Never heard anyone called Baxter.

Pax. Nope. I've not heard any of those names.

I don't think they exist. I think they're making it up. So Jason is a biblical name.

So I am in fact a saint. Just unfortunately in the wrong religion. But never mind.

So I am a Catholic saint. I always thought it was something rather religiously about myself. Very, very religiously.

Very, very, I think it's very judgmental. I like to judge people. I like to condemn people for their shortcomings.

So yeah, I think that's fitting quite well. Yeah, I like to tell other people not to do things that I do. So yeah, that's a good quality.

Looking down on people. Yeah, that's definitely me. Hmm.

Well, I've got a couple of messages. Yes, I have. A couple of messages.

I'll read them to you. Blimey. Is this money, money, money all the time going out of my account? I wonder if there's any money left.

Seriously. Blimey. Today so far.

2032 for the internet, for the phone internet. One of them. Spotify.

I do use Spotify. So I pay for the pay for it because ad free costs $9.99 a month. And when I'm doing stuff on the computer, like a lot of computer work, I like to listen to albums and stuff.

I do. Sometimes I like to listen to the radio. And but generally, yeah.

It's a mixture between the two. But I like to have a nice Spotify afternoon or evening sometimes. In fact, I think I might do that tonight.

Listen to a few albums, maybe a bit of Craig David, a bit of Elvis, maybe. I was doing a bit of Terence Trent Darby the other day. I also like to listen to albums, comedy albums sometimes.

Listen to a bit of Steve Martin. George Carlin, or was it George Carlin that might have been on YouTube? George Carlin. The thing about George Carlin.

What's it got to do with anything? That's just going off on another subject. Yeah, I know. The thing about George Carlin that I liked was that as he got older, he still was funny.

Oh, bloody hell. Sorry about that. It may be hard out there.

But don't let that give you an attitude. Be good to each other. What? This is someone.

I guess they clearly don't live in the UK. So I ain't hot here. Oh, dear.

Well, I had some messages. Let me read them out to you. Please, can I? Yes, lovely.

Right. So Cindy left me a message. This is 50 055.

This morning. And it was a four star review on my jasonnewland.com podcast website. From Cindy, I am a newbie to the morning to sleep podcast.

I'm enjoying them. Although I haven't made it through an entire session because I fall asleep. Jay, this just won't do it.

I try and do voices and this is always the same voice, isn't it? Basically, Jason has a soothing radio. Okay. Jason has a soothing radio voice.

And has a talent for unscripted storytelling. I highly recommend. Thank you, Cindy.

And I hope you enjoy the 20 pound I sent you to do that. So thank you very much. It's very kind of you.

And if you haven't, if you're not on my Facebook, just join me on Facebook. If you want to, if you wanna. Another message from Mary.

See, I got your name, right? Mary, Mary. Hi, Jason. You take care.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And everyone knows how much you loved Andre. Grief is such a hard thing to deal with, and seems to come in waves, knocking you back just when you think you might be managing. Don't be hard on yourself and just take it day by day.

Lots of love, Mary. Thank you, Mary. Yeah, it's weird.

I forgot about it. Thank you. I need to reply to that.

I'm replying now, but I will reply to you with a message. Sometimes what happens is I'll wake up in the middle of the night. Okay.

And I, I look at my phone, or maybe I look, because I leave the, the iPod on something, the iPad on, and I'll just check the stats, because it's a 24 hour thing for me. I'm always checking. I'm obsessed.

I am. And I will maybe just, I'll get up to urination, to urinate myself. And I'll, you know, I like look at the phone and see I've got a message, but I'll be half asleep when I'm reading the message.

So I'll recognize the message like, oh, that's nice. And then I'll go back to bed. And then I'll maybe forget about it.

The next day or forget to either reply or, you know, mention it. I try, I do try to keep up. It's not that I'm inundated with messages.

I do get a few. And you know, over the years, I thousands but I don't get like huge and huge amounts. But any of that I do get I'll happily read out if anyone, even if it's just a message saying, Can you wish me? Wish my husband? Happy birthday or wife? Happy period? Birthday? I don't know.

Whatever people wish each other. Yeah, can you wish my husband? Wish him? He rots in hell. I hate him.

No, I'm not going to read out messages like that. But you know, any nice anything nice. And if you've got a story, a story that you'd like me to read out, I can do that as well.

You know, this doesn't have to be all about me waffling on about nothing. I'm very happy to read out your stories. If you've got a funny story.

You know, I don't want to do anything too heavy. Just because I try and keep it light because I think as people are going to sleep and you want to have nice bit of lightness and stuff. But you know, I can, I'll happily read stuff out.

And I try and do it at the beginning of the recording, at least in the first 20 minutes. Because after that, when people start to get really bored and just start to drift off to sleep. And you may, you know, miss the message, especially if you've asked me to read out a message.

So you know, I'll read out a whole letter if you want. Honestly, be part of this with me. Join in the fun baby.

This is this is for you. And the more stuff and messages I read out from you, the less I've got to do. As you see, it makes my job a little bit easier.

And you know, I am very lazy by nature. So I will do the very, very minimum possible at all times. And why do you think I do this? Because this is easy for me.

Talking absolute rubbish is the easiest thing in the world for me. It's nothing easier. This is, this is as easy as just laying on my bed, playing with me, kneecaps, or whatever.

It is just, there's no, there's no, effort involved. I guess the only effort is sometimes to do it, to actually sort of set the microphone up. I mean, it takes 10 seconds to get it ready.

Yeah, so sometimes I'm even too lazy just for that, just to pull the microphone down and stick it in front of me gob. And then there is, you know, there's the editing and there's the sharing and there's the, that takes another like hour or two to do all that stuff, maybe an hour and a half per episode, maybe two hours depending. So yeah, there's a little bit of work goes into that bit.

But actually just recording that, that is actually why, that is why when I first started making recordings, I didn't edit because it meant I could just make a recording and upload it. And that was it. The same with videos on YouTube.

No editing when I started. Click play or click record rather, say what I wanted to say, click stop, click upload to YouTube. That was it.

And I still managed to get some subscribers. Amazing. I did start to edit after a few years, well, probably after a few months, really.

But I went through periods when I just couldn't be bothered. It's so easy just to do it on the phone, have a little bit of inspiration, talk some rubbish for half an hour or an hour, and then upload it. And it's done.

Instead of the way I do things now. It's, it's, there's more to it. It's like work, man.

I mean, the recordings I did yesterday, I've done three, I've done two recordings today already. This is the third one. Plus, I think I did, I did at least one recording yesterday.

I haven't done, I've not shared those on Facebook yet. I've not shared them on my website yet. And I've not made images for them yet.

Oh gas, that's nice. A lovely sound in your eardrums. See, yeah, I'm still, but then today, my friend, I need my prescriptions running out.

And the app on the phone isn't working. The NHS app to order a repeat prescription ain't working. Like the last prescription I got was the 1st of June.

No, 1st of July. And it's now the 29th of July. So you know, you only get 28 days worth of medication.

So um, luckily, I don't, well, it's not really a good thing, but I don't always take my medication. So there's times so I've got enough to keep me going for a while. Apart from the pain medication, for me back.

But still, it's like it said on the app, oh, it runs out, you need this very small print, I'm very good with missing small print. As all you need to contact the GP surgery, because you your your prescriptions run out. Now, there was a time right, there was a time when if you had a condition, let's just say bipolar.

Yeah, Mike, my, my particular, my particular little, little scratchy defect, my, my little thing, a little bit of it's a little bit of bipolar, it's just a little bit of just a brain disorder, that's all. So I, there was a time when you had that. It's a long term, lifelong condition.

At the moment, I mean, it is not a lifelong. You know, it's, it doesn't mean that someone's ill the whole time, just is a complicated process. And I'm not gonna kind of bother to go into it.

But there is no cure for it. And at the moment, there might be blood blimey, there might be a vaccine, you don't know idea in the future. I think that this whole creating vaccines very quickly has the potential to I mean, I just think if they, if we just, this is how I think, right? If the whole medical world really can get together like they did, no financial restrictions to come up with a vaccine for something that they'd never a completely new thing, then what could they get accomplished, if they had the same resources to focus on something that they did know about very well.

Like certain illnesses and diseases. I mean, the next 20 years, we could eradicate every major illness. I think, if we went down that road, I think that's powerful.

I know, you know, I don't like to get serious, but you imagine, so maybe, imagine you'd be able to get a vaccine, and then you'd be able to mix the vaccines together, probably. So you know, any, anything to do with your nervous system, you'd be vaccinated against, maybe at school, maybe at birth, I don't know. Imagine the kind of life kind of world we could live in.

It'd be amazing. And I think that proves that they can do it, because they have. They found a cure for something that they didn't even know what it was.

They really didn't know even what it was at the beginning of last year. And then they've managed to do something that seemed impossible, not just to find a vaccine, but also to, to produce it, and to do all the, the trials that they managed to do in such a short time. And then I know that not every country's had the benefit of being as lucky as the UK, because, well, hopefully lucky depends on what the long-term effects are of the vaccine, but we've had to roll it out very quickly here.

I've had both my vaccines done. And so my dad and his wife, and pretty much everyone, most of the people I know now, um, or people old, my age and older, have all been done. And it's, it's quite weird because now, again, the government lying, oh blimey, I'm going to conspiracy land.

The government lied saying, oh, there's not going to be a, a COVID passport or vaccine part. Well, there is clearly, because anything that stops you, anything that allows you into something like into a festival, into a sports arena, into a nightclub, you know, a piece of paper that allows you in, it says that you've been vaccinated. That's a passport, isn't it? It's allowing you pass that line that you're not allowed past unless you've had both vaccinations.

And that's coming in, in was it September or October for young people in the UK, you're not allowed to, or in England, you're not allowed to, they're not allowed to go into nightclubs unless they've been vaccinated. So that's going to be, I guess it's just a case you just get fake, you can get fake passports, can you and fake ID. So I guess I'll just be another thing that people get.

They just get fake vaccination, passports. It's not something I need to really focus on because I don't go to nightclubs. I never was a nightclub person.

I know I kind of worked in a nightclub for four years, or whatever. I wasn't really working, I was there, but I just got, I got my food and drink, and I got travel home, a little bit of pocket money to, you know, my friend used to give me money so I could go and get some clothes and basically do what I want. So yeah, it wasn't really a job, it was a hobby, really, in reality.

And it's only like a weekend, a weekend thing. But it was, yeah, still, it's a nightclub. And I still like going to gay clubs.

Not when I was really young. I mean, when I was nine, I didn't really like them. But when I was about early 20s, not so much.

I was still at that kind of age where I was a little, um, a little bit wary, a little bit wary of the kind of surroundings. It was a very different environment to a straight club. But generally, I preferred, I would, I wanted to go to a straight club that was like a gay club, that had the same vibe, the same, um, friendly energy.

Never seen a fight in a gay club. I'm sure there are, I'm not saying there's not fights in gay clubs, but I've been in quite a few when I was younger. More like late 20s.

Yeah, late 20s, pretty much. Although I used to go into a gay club in Stratford with Andre, the original Andre. And he, he went in there because there was girls in there.

And I kept saying to him, they're probably gay. And he said he didn't care. And he just liked it.

Basically, it was a, it was a club that sold alcohol till two o'clock in the morning. And that's all he wanted. He sat at the bar one night, he sat at the bar and the barman, I think it might have been the owner, I don't know.

But the barman was chatting him up all night and giving him drinks, free drinks. And Andre loved it. He was getting free drinks.

That's all he cared about. And I'm thinking that's, that's just like Andre, the, you know, Andre the Ferret. All he cared about was his tummy.

All he wanted was chocolate. If he could have a little bit of chocolate, he wanted it. Or if I was eating something, it was in my mouth, he wanted it.

He was greedy, greedy, little, little piggy he was. And Andre was like that with beer. By the way, I didn't give Andre lots of chocolate, just in case.

Or, well, that's why he died, isn't it? Because you keep giving him chocolate. No, and he's not a dog. And it was, I did used to give him little, little bits, but only little bits.

And he used to like my breakfast cereal, or he was like sausages. And if I was eating something, it's just like, you know, when I was a baby, I think I have a video of it. I've got some pictures of it.

He actually, I was over here. I was doing something at the table while I went in the kitchen or something. And I came back, and Andre was pulling a pizza, like a proper pizza from Domino's on the box.

He was pulling the whole thing out of the bucket. So he grabbed one piece, but it was still attached to all the other pieces. And he was pulling it.

This is when he was a baby. What the hell was he gonna? That's like me trying to, like grabbing hold of the letterbox and trying to pull this building along. I mean, it's huge compared to him.

He was tiny, but he just wanted the whole thing. He's greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy little tummy he had. He never got fat either.

Always, he'd eat and eat and eat and, but when he wanted to, but he never got fat. He always had a nice, I think he said to me once, I said, you never get fat, do you Andre? He said, Daddy, I think you've got enough fat for both of us. He's such a little wanker.

But yeah, that was funny how he'd, I remember once, right, it was me and my friend's, my neighbor's friend came up to say hello to me. And he was just sitting there, right, and he gave me, I think he gave me a chocolate bar, or I might have given him a chocolate bar, I can't remember. So I had one, and it was, I think it was a flake.

So I gave it to him. He put it, I think he dropped it on the floor. He went to pick it up, and it was gone.

And I looked, I looked under the chair, couldn't find it anywhere. Looked down the sides of the chair, looked inside his shoes. He didn't want to take his shoes off, but hey, have to check everywhere.

And couldn't find the chocolate bar anywhere. Six months later, I'm in the bedroom, moving the bed around because I'm doing a vacuum in and stuff. I find it under the bed.

This chocolate bar that, I didn't open it, but I imagine it's a bit stale at that point. And you might be thinking six months, you haven't, you didn't clean your bed for six months. I haven't cleaned under my bed for six years, so go stick it up your bum.

No, I, it was six months at least. Maybe, maybe a year, but it was six months. Why have I got to clean, what's going to happen underneath the bed? But I didn't think at the time that there was stuff under there.

I didn't even know he could get under the bed. The bed is very low down. You know, he's not, you know, he's, he's ver, he was versatile, but he wasn't that versatile.

But he must, well clearly he could go, he got under there. So I found stuff, you know, sometimes I tidy up and I'd find a big pile of stuff like old socks or new socks and bits of food, bits of wrappers, a crisp packet, stuff that he just hoarded. I don't know how he must have just, when I was maybe doing something else, going to the toilet, jump on the set, he grabbed something from the set, something that I was eating and he'd run off and hide it.

I had just, he had these little dens all over the place, little places where he'd sleep and I hear him crunching away like, what the hell is that? He'd be eating something that I didn't even know what it was, something that he'd, like a Jaffa cake or something. Well, I know what a Jaffa cake is, clearly I did know what it was, but it's just, where did he get, I haven't had a Jaffa cake for years, which is untrue, but you know, just as an example. I just hear this like, what the heck is that? And where's it coming from? Because he had places that he hid that I couldn't find him and he loved those places.

Once he found a place that I couldn't disturb him, he'd keep going there because he liked to be left alone when he was asleep. Now, me being Mr. Needy, I'd pick him up and maybe lie down with him and give him kisses and stuff and rub his belly and maybe go to sleep with him, try to, and he'd push me away, tell me to go away and he'll run off and go to sleep somewhere else. Or sometimes I'd pick him up and I'd put him on my lap and he'd be asleep still.

And then he'd wake up and he'd look up at me like, he starts like, almost like I made him jump like, what are you, what is it? Oh, it's just you. How did it get up here? So he didn't like being touched. Sometimes he would actually push me away with his hand.

No, no thanks, dad. Why don't you get yourself a pet or something? Really, you need to leave me alone. Get myself a pet? What the bloody hell do you think you are? I'm your son.

I ain't no one's pet. All right, okay. Mr. Attitude.

So yeah, I, it's weird. I've always been like, I don't really want a dog because dogs are so needy. But then I realized that I was the needy one.

I was the one that was so needy with Andre. He wasn't needy with me. I was, I was with him more than he ever was with me.

Now it's not, not to say that he didn't want cuddles because he did. And he did want my attention. Sometimes he would follow me around.

Like everywhere I went, he'd follow me. If I was in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the bedroom, he would just follow me around. I don't know why.

He didn't want any food because he always had food. He always had drink. He always had kind of what he needed.

But maybe he wanted, maybe he wanted to have a fight because he liked to have punch ups with me. I start play fighting and stuff. Although he stopped doing that about a year ago.

I think when he hurt his back the first time a year ago, it was last July, I think. He didn't, he didn't have, didn't seem to be like that anymore. He was a lot more, he's still playful.

But he didn't like to get really rough. But one of his favorite things over the last couple of years has been getting me to chase him, was to get me to chase him into the kitchen. And he'd run behind the cooker.

And then I'd run and hide either in the living room, the bedroom, or up near the front door, maybe in the bathroom, or behind the door, you know, just hide. And he'd come looking for me. And sometimes I could get a good angle so I could watch him.

And he'd be creeping along looking around the door. Like, where is he? And sometimes he'd like walk past me and go think he's at the front door, because I'd change it every time. And then I'd jump out on him.

And he'd go, sometimes he'd just run. Sometimes he'd scream. He like, because he got really excited, like really high pitch and run off.

So I think a lot of it was almost play, play, acting, pretending, like really pretending that he had to run away and he was in danger. There was almost like he got himself into that, that zone of being real. When of course he was never in danger, but he, he always, he's the instigator of that.

I never, I could never get him to do it unless he wanted to. But once he wanted to, he never wanted to stop. He just enjoyed it so much.

Just me chasing him and running. And sometimes I'd have to catch him. Because I think he liked me catching him sometimes and then like struggling with him a little bit and like tickling his tummy and his belly and his, just, you know, letting him bite my fingers and that, and then run off again.

So he's, that's one thing he used to really enjoy doing. I think sometimes he was, he did want my attention. There was always the thing where he would go into the kitchen and he'd bang the cupboards open.

He'd like push them open with his hands or his feet and let them slam shut. And he'd do it. And I'd walk into the kitchen and he'd just be staring at me.

He just wanted me to come into the kitchen. He wanted me for some reason to be in there with him. Other times I remember, you see, he didn't figure out how to open one of the kitchen cupboards for at least probably three years.

And then one day I heard a lot of rattling and smashing and clattering. And I walk in and he'd basically found a way to get in there. And it was a bottom, bottom cupboard, but he just never attempted to get in there.

Just, well, this time he had and he'd pushed everything out. Plates, food, just all just pushed it onto the floor. There's one, see, I've got a freezer.

So I've got a fridge and a freezer, one on top of the other. One fridge is on top of the freezer. That sounds weird.

It's like it's, but it's, they're two separate things. They're not, they're not connected. I've also got another freezer as well.

But the small freezer at the bottom, I don't know what the name of it is, the kind of freezer it is. It's the one that opens at the front and the other one opens at the top. So the one that opens at the front, the sucker, you know, the seal around the door is very, very, very tight.

It's a proper old fashioned one that you just can't open without a little bit of strength, not a lot of strength, but more than Andre had. So I thought, and yeah, I went in there one day and he'd opened it up, pushed loads of stuff out, went in there and he'd done a big poo right inside the freezer. Why? Why would you do that? And he was just looking at me like, what are you going to do? Just done a poo.

Look, look at that. Blimey. I wonder who did that? Yeah, it's me.

Because he knew he could get away with absolutely anything, any, anything he wanted. Any, anything, any, any, any, anything, any, any, anything. Yeah.

So yeah, that was interesting. I'm pretty sure. Oh yeah.

No, I just remembered something. No, don't worry. But he, he did some weird things over the years.

I mean, I've talked about this before, but there's one way I thought I'd been robbed because he had found a way onto the kitchen cabinet. So they'd knocked everything onto the floor while I was away or while I was out. And another time he climbed all the way up to the top of the bookcase, which is the bookcase is at least six foot.

Now that's a height you don't want to be falling from. That's a height I wouldn't want to fall from. But especially not when you're little like that.

But he fell. So I guess it's years and years ago. And he almost surfed his way back down upon all the books that were falling ahead of him.

He surfed it. So he didn't actually, and then he landed on the settee. So he didn't even fall, not properly.

He just sort of balanced himself on one of the books as it slid down and some magazines. That's just, he didn't learn either. He tried to climb back up again.

And the one time learning, if there was a table near a chair, or two tables, similar kind of height, he'd look at it. Now he didn't do that as in older age, he didn't do it for the last couple of years. But before that he did always.

And he would look to see if he could jump across. And if he thought he'd stand a chance, he'd do it. He was happy with 50-50 odds.

And if he fell, he'd try again. And he'd keep trying. Until once he achieved it, he never failed again.

Always achieved it. So there was just, sometimes it was funny to watch him keep trying something and slipping off and falling on the table. Because he wanted to get onto the table and knock everything onto the floor.

Seriously, if he could get onto this table, he would knock the can of coke on the floor. He would knock my glasses on the floor. He would knock the glasses case on the floor.

He would knock laptops on the floor. He would knock anything he could. If it was a plate of food, he'd probably have a little bit of a nibble of the food.

And once he was finished with the food, he'd knock the plate on the floor. Seriously. And he did it all with his nose.

The tip of his nose, he'd put his nose underneath the thing and he'd push it. Sometimes he'd use his bum. He would, he'd kind of lean against it and try to roll over and push things that way.

If he couldn't get the leverage underneath his nose. But normally he'd just push through his nose. I don't know why that is.

I mean, I think it's a ferret thing. I don't know if it's just a him thing. I guess we all want to think it's just, it's just his personality trait.

But it might, you know, a lot of things he did were just things that ferrets do. But maybe that's part of the reason why I'm reluctant to get another ferret. Because if I see that another ferret had the same traits as him, almost as if, well, that wasn't his personality.

He was just, just a ferret. And I don't want to think of him like that. I want to think of him as being unique and special.

And the things he did was him. That's because he was a cheeky little monkey. And even though he was naughty at times, I still kind of loved that about him.

Because he didn't care. Just did not care at all what anyone thought, what I, whether I was angry, didn't not care at all. All he cared, he just wanted to do his own thing.

Wasn't interested. And annoying at times. But funny.

Funny to watch, funny to see. But then he could be so gentle and cuddly. And it clinged to me when there was someone around that he didn't know.

It wasn't because he was scared, because he wasn't scared of nothing. But he didn't really like, and that might be my fault, you know, because living alone with, or living with him, he didn't get to see that many different people. Well, it's not true.

We did go for walks nearly every day. So we saw other people with their dogs and, but in our home, he didn't really get to see many people. So if someone came in that he didn't know, sometimes he'd just ignore them.

Sometimes he'd come out and say hello. He liked women. For some reason.

He loved women's handbags. He said he loves women, he loved women's handbags. And I know it sounds weird, but climbing into their bra, he had a thing about women's top parts.

He did. He just, my, he bit, he nibbled on my, my friend's, um, bosom. It was like 135 years old, and bosom.

But he had a thing, he was weird. He had a foot fetish. That was, but he also really liked women.

Like, he wouldn't go near men, apart from my friend. Who he's known, you know, all his life. But he liked women.

I don't know if he liked the smell or, I don't know, who knows what it was. But he liked women and he loved the attention. Absolutely loved the attention he got.

And he'd be looking at me. I remember he's, he's, I think it was a social work. No, it was someone and he was rubbing himself all over her breasts.

And I said, seriously, he was, he was looking at me like, you wish you could do this, don't you, daddy? And it was like rubbing his face in a cleave. It's like, he did that in town. He did it with strangers, like people.

Oh, can I just hold him? And he'd be doing that, rubbing himself all like, ah, you wish you could do this. Like, it's weird. It was probably a little pervert he was.

Probably a little pervert. Sounds like you might be the pervert, Jason. No, I'm not.

He was. But he can't defend himself, can he? I don't care. He was a pervert.

So that's it. End of story. Perve.

Pervy Andre. Can't believe Andre, the other Andre, all night getting free drinks. And then, I remember, I think Andre said, well, should we go now? I said, what's your worry? He said, oh, the barman, he's gone to change one of the kegs.

I'm going to go before he gets back, because he thinks I'm going home with him. I might have made that bit up. I probably did, in fact.

He was, he was funny. He was very funny. Old Andre.

He used to climb up lampposts. Which Andre? What, the ferret or the man? Both. He used to climb up, he used to, he wanted to be in a boy band.

Because we met in our early 20s. Like 21, probably. And it's blimey.

Wow. Yeah. 21 to about 25.

We were pretty much best mates. Sort of during that period. And so we worked with each other, lived with each other, twice.

Yeah, he was funny. Still, one of the things I remember about him, right, and he's, apart from his smelly feet, one of the things I remember is, he said, I've got two fake, I got two fake. He was Irish, so, I got, I got two fake.

I got a, I said, well, um, I can't do the accent. Um, I got two fakes. No, he didn't talk like that.

I got two fake. So, what's the matter? He said, but it's in my smile. It's in my smile, he said.

So, basically, it was one of his front teeth, because he had a bit with two feet. And he didn't want to lose it, because it was in his smile. And I thought, oh, so cute.

What a cute little thing to say. It's something you expect from like a nine-year-old, isn't it? Like, oh, he doesn't want to lose one of his smiley teeth. He was funny.

I said, another thing in common, both the Andres had, women loved them. Although, a couple of women were scared of Andres when I first got him. One of them, like my sister-in-law, and another friend I had, and my dad.

And it's like, how can you be scared of such a cute little boy like him? But then, it's not about logic, is it? It's just, um, it's just people's natural reactions. Um, but I, I think he was, I think he was just lovely. Didn't bite no one, didn't anything like that.

He was so gentle. The gentle little soul he was. Happy, just doing what he did.

So yeah, that's about it, really. So yeah, I've made a couple of recordings today, which is good. If I can do three recordings a day, then that's a good day.

And, and I will speak to you tomorrow. So thanks for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy.

You deserve to do something nice for yourself. Do something nice for yourself today. Lots of love.

Bye.