#697 Let me bore you to sleep - GIANTS, DWARFS & TREES - Jason Newland (30th July 2021)

Hello, hi, how are you? Are you well? Oh good, ever so pleased to see you. Hello, hello, bonjour, welcome to Let me bore you to sleep with Jason Newland. And if you're interested, there are all of my podcast episodes for this and all of my other podcasts are all available on my website to stream for free.

And also you can download them for free. So just pop along to www.whatever my name is.com. So yeah, just go there and jasonnewland.com. And yeah, that's it. I really sold that didn't I? Like it doesn't really matter if you go there or just do you want.

I make no money. There's no money to be made from it for me. I nor sell nothing.

There's nothing to be sold, nothing to buy. There's no point going there really. I think probably the only benefit part unless you know, of course, you want to download stuff is it's very organized, you know, the everything's like in playlists.

So with the podcast, you get I did I say only listen if you can safely close your eyes. Eyes not eyes. And on the podcast on a lot of podcasts, they might have only the last 250 episodes, which normally for most normal people is a lot for most podcasters.

250 is, you know, but for silly people like me, who just seem to just keep on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. And 250 doesn't quite cut the mustard. So doesn't cut the cheese as it were.

So for example, this podcast, I think is number 696 or 97 episode and the deep sleep hypnosis ones nearly 400 on there. So you know, so you might not have access to the early stuff, or the earlier stuff on the actual podcast. So on the website, Jason Newland, Dirk Coombe, the you've got access to every single recording from number one onwards.

And to be fair, the early stuff will be better. You know, I mean, this, this, this, you know, I'm a shadow, shadow of myself. Not physically, obviously.

I'm much bigger than my shadow. In reality. But yeah, there's the early stuff.

There's the chocolate suitcase or is it the poo suitcase or there's some good stuff. There is some good stuff out there. I reckon, if I went through and listen to every single recording, and wrote down all of the like the funny bits, like, you know, connected all the funny bits together.

It would take ages. And but yeah, I reckon I'd get good, maybe two, two and a half minutes worth of funny stuff. For the last three years, three and a half years.

Oh, yeah. But that'd be like proper mildly humorous. It would very, it'd be very kind of like, yeah, that's kind of kind of amusing.

Mildly. Nevermind. I'll just, it's yeah, I'll continue looking at the wall as probably where's that paint? I'll watch that dry because it's more interesting.

So yeah, it's Friday, the 30th of July 2021. See, yeah, I went, what did I do? I've made this is the third recording today. I made a deep sleep whisper and a relax and sleep hypnosis daily.

And now I'm doing this. So it's a good for me. And it's a weird thing.

But it's a good day if I do three recordings. If I make three recordings for three different podcasts, that's a good day. That's a good day's work.

It's not work, obviously. But you know, it's a good of kind of accomplished something in my little mind, my little reptilian mind. I've done something I've, I've, I've used part of my life for good.

Maybe. I mean, I hope that what I do is useful. Because I wouldn't do otherwise.

I mean, honestly, it might seem like I'm just doing this for jollies, you know, just to, to amuse myself. And there's a bit of there's a bit truth in that. But I wouldn't.

I wouldn't bother if people weren't listening or benefiting or enjoying or whatever. I wouldn't do it. And you just want us to send you messages to say that we like what you do.

No, I don't need you to course I want that course I do. I need my ego stroked, not euphemism. I need a nice good firm tug on my ego to you know, I'm a human being.

It's nice to know that I'm needed. And I'm loved. I just want to be loved.

I just want to just know that I'm loved, you know? It's not too much to ask, is it? Just to be loved. To be held and hugged and fed and fed and cuddled. A nice big long cuddle.

A cuddle. A cuddle. Cuddle me.

See, yeah, that was weird. Even for me. Even my standards are slow.

Cuddle. Oh, I just like a cuddle. I ain't got to do nothing.

It's okay. You just stay, stay the night. It's fine.

I don't need to, I'm not looking for anything other than just a cuddle. Yeah, I've heard that before. Just a cuddle.

Just cuddle me. I just want to be held. I just want to be held.

I'll go home then. Find someone to hold you. I want to hold you.

Hold yourself. So yeah, I did three recordings. I'm going to try and do that every day.

Part of the reason, well part of the reason is because the stats are much better when I do three recordings as opposed to one. Yeah, I generally, you know, he's going to talk about the stats again, isn't he? Yeah, I am. Stick it in your ear and hold your breath if you don't like it.

Sorry, but I'm going to talk about the stats. I'm just, I'm not going to spend the whole hour talking about the stats, but I will mention it. Now and then I will mention it.

Please just accept me. If you love me, you'll accept me. You'll accept it.

The stats come with me. It's a package, a package. I need to talk about the statistics.

Sorry, that was, that was a bit of a, um, that was weird. Oh, there's some weird stuff happening tonight. It's as if my brain is just going strange.

It's melting like a, like an easter egg in an oven. I, I think, yeah, I think I've, I'm, I've come out the other end of my little funk that I was funk, f u n k. f u n k, f u n c k, f u n k. I, I think, not that I've got my mojo back, but I've kind of got a little bit of it. Yeah, I feel, I feel a little bit better than I did last week and the week before and a month before that.

And ever since, uh, uh, you know, what happened in May, so I'm kind of, it's a bit windy. A tree fell down in the garden and it's probably the second most exciting thing that's happened in the last six and a half years in this, uh, area. The other one was an attempted murder.

So that's, I'm not even joking. Um, a friend of mine got, uh, yeah. Anyway, but there, a tree fell down.

It was a little, my friend downstairs, a tree, the, the wind's blown the tree down. He doesn't speak like that. And if he heard me say that, he would punch me.

So I just don't tell him. The tree, there's a tree in the garden, it's been blown down. He doesn't speak like that.

He really doesn't speak like that, but he would be so angry. The tree, there's a tree in the garden, it's blown down. That's how he speaks.

He doesn't. Um, and I thought, blimey, I'll go outside because he's got to see this. It's practically like a bonsai tree is a tiny little tree is honestly, I can fit it in my pocket.

It's like, boy, it's a twig, mate. It's a twig. He said, no over there.

And I thought, oh, okay. And there was a tree actually fallen down. Um, I felt a little bit silly, but it was only, it wasn't a big tree, but they're deceiving and they trees.

Oh, I haven't forgotten about the stats. I'm coming back to the stats for those of you that are people who are like sitting on the edge of your seat. Oh, what about the bloody stats, Jason? Oh, I've been waiting for ages.

I know the tree story is very exciting and all that, but I really want to hear about the statistics on your podcast. So this tree, I'd say probably about maybe 12 foot tall. So for a tree, that's not particularly big, is it? But I reckon if that landed on a midget eating his dinner, dressed as a squirrel, I know I reckon little people.

I don't know, you know, if some of these new phrases or new words are actually actually respectful, because like midget, that was the name I was brought up to use. And it was never a disrespectful name. It was never a word used as a disrespect apart from when you called someone that was short a midget, I suppose.

But that was more disrespect towards the person you would be referring it to. I'm not talking about Tom Cruise. And I mean, I wouldn't be talking about his heart would be too busy kissing him.

He's so cute. Tom Cruise, loveliest smile, isn't he got one of the loveliest smiles in Hollywood, Tom Cruise. He's yeah, beautiful smile.

I think that's what did it really for him. He had is he had the million dollar smile back in the day when I'm not saying that no one smiled when he first started out. He wasn't you know, like, what's that you're doing Tom? What do you mean? I don't know how he speaks.

What is it you're doing? You're doing something different. I've never seen that before in a Hollywood movie. Oh, you mean smiling? I'm smiling.

What? Yeah, I'm just showing my teeth. Wow. I'm sure that didn't happen.

He wasn't the first Hollywood star to smile. But he had a glorious well has I'm sure a glorious smile. And that was before veneers.

And, you know, all the like, fake piano teeth, you know, piano key teeth things. And he had like real real teeth. And I've got no issue with anyone's who have fake teeth.

I mean, I don't care. It's up to them. And I've got quite small teeth.

I'm not saying Tom Cruise looks like a horse. I'm saying that I've got quite small teeth. Something I've noticed is on the news, and people that being interviewed on the telly, and I've got a very big television.

Part of the reason that is because I like to tell people about my television, and can't tell people I've got a big television unless I've got big television, because I'm not a liar, like you. With my eyesight and stuff, I just needed I had to get a bigger telly. Because my other telly was just just too small.

I couldn't see. I couldn't see subtitles. Now, my television 75 inches.

I just wanted to be able to say the words 75 inches and not be lying. That meant having a television of that size. So hey, there you go.

And I got it on credit. And I, you know, paid it off over over a period of time. So that was like the only thing I bought for myself.

Really, for kind of any kind of, yeah, it's probably the only real thing that I bought for myself. Because everything else is generally just equipment to do this or I spent quite a bit of money on headphones, noise cancelling headphones. But that was so that I could go out and not be overstimulated, like on a bus and stuff like that, or when I was in the supermarket.

So that was more kind of like mental health stuff. So might sound weird. Because you know, I sound like perfectly probably the most mentally well person you've ever heard, I imagine you probably never heard anyone more sane than me.

But yeah, I have a few problems. This is a few few little few ones in the past. But yeah, I'm looking around other than books.

I haven't even got that many books. I've got like, I think I counted them. I found 300 books, which isn't a lot.

And I've read two of them. I'm just looking around. There's nothing that I've got.

That's really for me for pleasure, other than the television. And obviously, there's, there's the toys in the bedroom drawer, but I'm not going to discuss that. We need to wash them.

Anyway, I'm trying to think what else I mean, you know, a washing machine, the bed, the bed is probably my best investment, because I love love, love my bed. I love it. Love it.

Love it. Love it. Love it.

And because I'm so fat. And I want to lay in it. It doesn't even moan.

You know, not a normal bed. Oh, God, really? I used to hear that when I was laid down. Oh, not again.

What? Nothing. Oh, God, great. Another bed that talks brilliant.

But this one, don't say a word. Now I don't know either. It's just a kind bed.

Or it can't talk. So, but it's nice to just lay down and just have all the flat that the fat just kind of spread out over the bed. As lovely is like, honestly, it's like a normal bed.

But then there's almost like a war bed on top, which is my belly. And I just float on top of it. Moving around.

It's almost like I'm flying in a way. Sometimes if I balance it right on my belly, I would be like Superman. And but without the horse.

So I got no idea what I'm talking about. What was I talking about? stats? Yeah, my stats. If I do one recording a day, probably not even daily, like every other day.

I'm looking like a million downloads. Yeah. Like, you know, with the other podcast are already there.

Because people do listen to the older recordings as well. So with that and the regular traffic or whatever. So like, you know, less than let's say one a day for just for argument's sake, that's a million downloads a year.

So two would be 2 million, three recordings a day, 3 million a year. So it works out basically 3000 a day is a million a year. So nine with three recordings, I get between nine and 12,000 downloads a day.

Which is was between three and 4 million a year. That's a nice number in it. When you consider it's just me doing it.

In it's just a little old me. Little old me making up as I go along. Just plodding along, pretending to know what I'm doing.

While in a way I'm pretending to not know what I'm doing. Wow, that's deep. That's a philosophical conundrum that is pretending to not know what I'm not doing what I am not might not be doing.

I had a cupcake for dinner. Because I can, because I can. They can, can.

I think 3 million a year. See in a way, the word million sounds like a lot. I think.

And you think even, you know, and if you spread it out, a million a year, 3000 a day, divide 3000 by 24. It's not a lot an hour. Let me work it out.

Because I can't in my head. I don't care what you think. I can't.

Yeah, sure you can. No, I can't. You just gotta try.

No, no. So divided by 24. 125 an hour.

That's all. 125 an hour. So you know, you've got a million pound or million dollars.

It's $125 an hour. Every hour of the day. So if you did it 3000 divided by eight.

So if you worked an eight hour day, you'd need to earn 375 pound an hour to earn a million a year. So 375 pound times by eight times by 365. 1 million and 95.

Isn't that weird? See 395 pound. Admittedly, I've never earned that an hour. I'm not sure if I've even earned that in a week.

But when you break it down, it's not, you know, it's weird, isn't it? Like a big number, break it down. And it ends up being a, well, the same number really, but just just seems more approachable somehow. More attainable.

Some what? So 3 million, I wonder, do more people listen to podcasts like in general, because of the, you know, the lockdowns and stuff? That's a question I know you can't actually technically answer. Although some people do. I have some people actually, they'll post like a continuous flow of messages.

Because they're listening to a recording and they're just posting messages as they're listening, which is fine. But you're not going to get the most benefit out of a sleep recording. If you sit in there, writing messages out.

Close your eyes and go to bloody sleep, man. Also, I don't remember what I've talked about. So if you put a message saying, well, why would a midget be dressed up as a squirrel? I'll be like, I don't know.

What are you talking about? Why was a squirrel, a midget dressed as a squirrel in your garden? I'll be like, well, it wasn't. Why? What are you talking about? I forget. Because none of this is true.

This isn't really happening. So yeah. Oh, yeah, midgets.

I think little people is the correct, the politically correct or the correct way to say that now. Or is it dwarf? Now, for me, I'm not, you know, I'm not a midget. I'm not.

I mean, the word midget, midge, like is for small, isn't it? And it's used in for terms for animals, for insects. And it's just, it's like the correct term for small, I think. So it was never supposed to be an insult at all.

Had to call them something. I suppose you could just call them humans, you know, which is what they are. I don't know why we needed to have a name.

We don't have a name for really tall people. Or giants, gigantes, whatever the, which is the medical term, isn't it? Gigante, testicle, whatever name for people that have got. It's usually like a thing on the brain, isn't it? Which causes extreme growth in size.

So they end up being seven, eight foot tall and huge. I don't know what my point is, really. Why don't we just call short people, short people? Why do we need to call them anything? Why can't we just leave them alone? Leave them alone, man.

I blame the Wizard of Oz. He wasn't a real wizard, was he? He wasn't a real wizard. Here's a question.

How come I can't get, well, I've had the jabs now, but how come I couldn't get my vaccination done at my doctor's surgery? You know, the doctor's surgery. Couldn't get it done there. Still, no one can.

Not doing it there. Yet, you can get a jab at a theme park, where they have roller coasters and stuff like that. You do, you do vaccines there, but not at the doctor's surgery.

I ask you. So there you go. Oh, my stomach's rumbling.

It's that time of night where I kind of could possibly do with some food, but I don't want to, really, because I'll be going to bed soon. I don't do the all-nighters anymore. I don't stay up till six, seven in the morning.

I think what happened, what happened is, I wouldn't want to be called a dwarf, would you? Because for me, a dwarf, like, it's like Little Red Riding Hood and the 17 Dwarfs or whatever it was. Like, I'm not, I'm not a cartoon character. Cartoon? Cartoon character.

So I wouldn't want to be called a dwarf. But the official name, like with the gigantic Xaurus name, is Dwarfism, isn't it? So I say leave little people alone. I think you should just stop with the name calling.

And I was very embarrassed. I remember once I had this friend, and she was a bit dim, to be fair. She's funny, and she was actually my girlfriend, so she had to be a bit dim to date me.

But very, very insensitive, that's what I mean by dim, like in the sense of she... Blimey, what the hell is that? I just saw something. That's weird. I'm sure I saw something moving on the ceiling, on the... Mind you, it's windy, so there's wind blowing up.

That's weird. That's got my attention, though. What is it? Anyway, um, I... Yeah, she was a bit, um... I don't know.

It's hard to explain. But we was in town, and this is 20, 25, 30 years ago. And there was, like, one or two, um, dwarfs or little people walking down the street, the other side of the road, walking towards us.

And she points and starts laughing her head off at them. Now, I've always, uh, I was always kind of... I'm not, I'm not, I'm, you know, I'm not trying to play the, the higher ground here, or the, the more superior person. But I think that kind of behavior should be hidden.

If you're gonna laugh at someone, do it so they can't see you. Don't, don't do in front of them. And she just like, ah, look, look at it.

Like, right, I mean, you couldn't, she, she's a big, big girl as well. She's about seven foot tall. And in fact, she was a giant, I suppose.

And I didn't even think about that. I dated a giant. I think sometimes I might be a bit of a dwarf.

I'm kind of a mixture between a dwarf and a giant. Maybe that's what it is. Like, the average human being is the odd one out.

You know, you've got giants and you've got dwarfs. But we're like the, the runts, you know, the normal, we class ourself as normal. Maybe we're abnormal.

And the normal is either to be a dwarf or a giant. Didn't think about that, did you? Mm-hmm. Would you want to have dinner with Richard Branson? So I, I'm just thinking it's very rude for her to do that.

And I was embarrassed because that kind of behavior is just not acceptable. It's just cruel. It's, I think to make fun of someone that's cannot do anything about it, you know, they can't, they can't help.

You can't help how you look, can you? You can't help the size. But I can sort of, I guess, sort of change kind of how I look in a way. I can make, I could, yeah, I could let myself go.

That's what I mean. I could let myself go. And, but then I don't want to lose modeling work.

So it's important that I keep that going. It's a nice sideline. Yeah.

Advertising tents. Modeling tents. That's nice.

Yeah. Yeah. To make fun of someone to their face just seems unacceptable, really.

Yeah. Just, there's not, there's no need. There's no need for it.

So I don't know why, I don't know why she did it, but she was just a bit, a bit dippy. I don't, I just, I don't know what the right word is. A bit, a bit just insensitive.

Probably the, probably the correct word. Just, but then she lived in a small town where I lived as well. And I think there was, she hadn't seen such a person before apart from on the Wizard of Oz and maybe Pento.

But I think she thought that that was children. She didn't know that they were real. Not, not real humans, but like adults.

So she'd never seen one before. Hence her starting to sing in Follow the Elliptic Road, Follow the Elliptic Road. Oh, and okay, perhaps I shouldn't have danced with her, but, you know, I didn't, well, and sung, maybe I shouldn't have sung with her as well, but I didn't.

You know, sometimes someone sings a song and you just like get carried away with it and like, oh, it's fun. And we're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz. And now, perhaps we shouldn't have picked up the midget and started chucking her up in the air.

But, you know, on reflection, you know, everything's easy on reflection, isn't it? At the time it seemed right. But, you know, she was very insensitive. I do feel highly superior.

It's weird, isn't it, how that happens? But yeah, I've not actually met like a little person, really. I've met short people. I think short people are cute.

I don't know what it is, like if I meet a short man, like really like a good, like five foot or four, less than five foot. I kind of admire them. Especially if they go out in public and they try and live a normal life.

I'm joking. I kind of wish I was, I'm not tall. But I sometimes wish I was like really, really short.

Because there's something really nice, quite lovable about a really short person. Like, I like really short women. You know, 5'2", 5'1", 5'2".

I don't know, I've always, I've dated women over six foot. I've dated women short as well. I don't know.

I like to feel quite tall. And provide no one else, I don't ever see anybody else in the world. If I've got a girlfriend who's like 5'2", I can feel tall.

Because if I go outside, I'll feel short again because most people are taller than me. Most men, a few women. I think there's a lot of women that are the same height as me out there, especially with high heels.

So someone that's like 5'6", with high heels, they'll be the same height as me. Like 5'8", which I am. But sometimes I wish I was like a nice five foot or four foot seven or something like that.

I don't know what it is. It's just, I think it's, I just cute. It's just nice.

Might be a strange thing to think. I'm not saying I want to be a I just, I think that looks nice. Mind you, I did meet quite an evil one once.

An evil one. Like a really short man. I think his surname was Cook.

But he was in charge of the, he was the area manager for the supermarket I worked at when I was 17. He was a proper handful. And he was little.

He was, well, we didn't know he was coming once and someone actually, well, it's a bit embarrassing, it was a bit of an accident. He got injured in the mousetrap. But it's fine.

He was okay. But he was really, really like, oh, angry, really strict. And there's that, what do they say about small man syndrome or something? And I don't know if it's true or not.

I've met people that like, were walking around trying to want us to be bigger. But you can't just be who you are. Can't we just be who we are? Can't we just all get along? Can't we? I've met short people that are lovely.

I don't think height is really I mean, it does, it is, it can, I suppose anything could affect a personality, can't it? So if someone's got an issue with their height, or their weight, or their whatever, their hair colour, their, what they look like. I guess that can affect, I suppose it does affect our personality. I wonder what I'd be like as a person if I actually looked normal.

So if I was like a good looking man, I looked like a man. If I was a man. I wonder how that would have changed me as a person.

Personality wise. If I had a personality that is. I wonder how I would be.

I don't know. Would I be different? Would I have a different outlook on life? I'm not sure. It's hard to tell, isn't it? It's like, well, what would the biscuit taste like if it was a different biscuit? You know, it's hard to, it's just, you know, there's no way of knowing what you don't know, is there? Unless of course you learn.

I guess that's what education is about, isn't it? Learning things you didn't know before, so now you do know them. But you can't know everything. You can't.

So I thought about that. I'd like to be a vampire so that I could learn everything there is to learn. But then in reality, if I was a vampire, I'd be spending a lot of time eating people, wouldn't I? So I guess perhaps I wouldn't have that much time.

I'd be in bed all day. Not that indifferent from much of my life. Oh, itchy ear.

There's a certain pleasure I get from sticking my little finger in my ear and wiggling it. It just feels quite nice. Now, the good thing about doing it with your finger, when you stick your finger in your ear, my ear, is unlike any other ear, it doesn't hurt.

It doesn't itch. It doesn't itch at all. You know, like the buds.

What do they call them? Something tips. And if you push them in, you can end up perforating your eardrum. With my finger, when I stick my little finger in my ear, it's too big to go all the way in.

So I can't reach my eardrum. Now, that was boring. You can't say that wasn't.

That was really boring. I nearly fell asleep saying that sentence. Nearly fell asleep.

Oh, yeah. That's the sound I make every time I look in the mirror. Yes, it is.

Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

No joke. It's true. I wonder how life would be different if I'd have been born with a nice face.

Just, you know, I mean, you know, like those people that are just really attractive, like naturally, just like, oh, I do wonder. I mean, I've done all right. You know, I'm not, I can't really, well, yeah, I can't really complain.

I've, I'm not, I'm not exactly, um, you know, a hunchback in Notre Dame. I've done all, you know, I've, I'm not doing great now. But part of that is because I don't go out.

I don't see anyone. When I do see people. And I don't know what I'm saying is what I'm trying to say is what I'm trying to tell you is this.

I'd like to have been born pretty. I'd like to have been a pretty boy. Because I think life would have been easier.

It would have been for me. I really do believe my life would have been easier if I'd been born pretty and had a few other other changes that I'd make as well. To be born pretty.

Yeah, I think that would be nice. A nice little. Yeah.

I mean, the main reason, well, I say the main reason I'm, I'm single. What is that noise? Sometimes feel like I just want to get out this whole flat and just start again. Just do something about the loft, get rid of all the wildlife in the loft.

Some of the weird noises I hear just. I'm sure there's like, honestly, there's an ostrich up there. What was I talking about? I can't remember.

So yeah, it's. I think one of the problems I've had over the years is I've been, when it comes to relationships with ladies. Is I've been way, way, way too fussy for my own looks.

Yeah. A lot of people say, they look at me, they say, you have no reason to be fussy. You should feel grateful for whatever you can get, which I think is a bit disrespectful to sort of talk about women that way, whatever you can get.

Yeah. That's, that's not the way that I talk about bitches. I'm joking.

I'm joking. It's not the way I talk about, um, wonderful ladies. So I, I guess I just, there's a degree of disappointment I've had on some online dating sites where it's all been disappointment, actually, to be fair.

And because the only women generally that I get, that I attract, and this isn't, this isn't, um, this isn't an insult at all to women or to the women that have shown an interest in me. But I'm not in my seventies. I'm fifty.

Now, I don't think, personally, as a personal opinion, I don't think I even look my age. Yeah, you look 92. I don't look 92.

Why would you say that? I don't think I look 50. I look younger than 50. So I'm doing all right for my age, to be fair.

I don't sound 50. I know that. No, I don't.

What does 50 sound like? I don't know. But I'm doing all right, really, in a way, for my age. In some ways, you know, there's work to be done.

Obviously, there is. A few sit-ups and press-ups wouldn't go amiss. A few less cakes and chocolate.

But, but, but, but, but, on these online dating sites, whether it was only a couple I've been on, but there's, Facebook's got one, and I don't know if it's the algorithms and they only show me to, to women that are older than me, if that's the case. And fair enough, that's why I'm getting those people showing an interest. But I just find it unusual that I'm attractive to such older, women that are so much older than me.

Which is fine, I've got no issue with it at all. I'm not going to date them, but I've got no, well it depends if, but that's, you know, with, with internet dating, it's so much of it is just based on a picture, isn't it? Which is a bit of a rubbish way to judge somebody by a picture. I don't know if I've ever took a decent picture in my life.

Honestly, I look rubbish in a picture. I look amazing in person, in a, no I don't, but in a picture, I never look good in a picture. I look horrible.

Which is probably why I make faces, because I'm just, I realise how bad it's going to come out. So I might as well make a face, then I've got an excuse. Well, I was making a silly face, that's why I look weird.

I really look horrible in photographs. Now, the same way that I can hear my own voice, I can see my own picture. And that is not how I look.

I know how I sound, but I also know how I look, and I do not look like, I can't look like I do in a photograph. No one would ever talk to me. Everyone would have, no, they wouldn't, no one would want to be seen in public with me if I looked like that.

I don't look like, I can't look like my photograph. Please tell me it's not so. Maybe I've got some kind of dysmorphia thing going on, but you know, it's weird sometimes.

And it's a very strange thing. I don't recognise people. I see people, unless I see them like all the, like regularly see someone.

If I don't see someone for a while, I'm not sure if it's really them. Now at times I've like been told, I'm your dad, it's me, it's me, you know, like, okay. I've walked past people in the street.

I actually did walk past my dad once in the street. I just don't recognise people. Then I remember I saw someone and it was in a library and she was talking to me like I knew her.

She said, oh yeah, I'm pregnant and have the baby soon. I said, okay, didn't recognise her. And I know that there's, I've got this little problem.

I've never told anyone this before. And I was hoping like, God, I hope she's not my girlfriend. Is that my baby? I don't know.

But I didn't reckon it almost as if, I mean, I've looked at people and their faces changed in front of, I really should keep this to myself. Yeah, I think you need to go back to the psychiatrist JJ. No, it's not, it's not an issue really.

It's not, but I, sometimes I can look at someone and their face seems to change when I'm looking at them. I dated someone, this is like 20 odd years ago, I was dating someone. And when the lights were off, I looked at her and I thought, oh, she's taken her face off.

She's an alien. It's a bit of a strange thing, isn't it? And I was like, I had to turn the lights off. To check it was her, because she looked different in the dark.

Most people do. I just didn't, didn't like it. Like, oh, it's almost like I thought, oh, someone, she just got out of bed and someone else had got in the bed next to me.

Someone different, like, no, I've got to turn the light on and make sure. Very strange. But this woman, she was pregnant.

I didn't know. I said, I've got to go. And she looked really surprised that I wasn't really interacting with her.

But I didn't really know who she was. I thought I kind of did. I must have known her or seen her before.

I thought she might be someone that I'd spoken to. But she knew me. But I was just like, oh, I've got to go.

She said, all right, I'll see you at home. I thought, oh, God, I hope not. Bye.

Don't forget to get some milk. The electric bill needs to be paid. Who are you? Who is this person? Get the book, the book of baby names on the way home.

I do sometimes think, you know, there's films where someone goes to sleep and they wake up and they're in a new life. You know, there's a few films like that where they wake up and suddenly they're in a marriage and they wake up next to their childhood sweetheart who they hadn't seen for 30 years. But suddenly they're married to him.

They've got kids and they're happy. I'm thinking of a Nicolas Cage film where I think it was, I forget what it was, but he wakes up. I think he falls over or something.

I don't know. He wakes up and he's in this like idyllic family environment and I kind of, I like the idea of that. He's mainly like waking up next to a, I don't know, if it's someone.

Oh, wow. Just for a day, just to see what it's like, you know, maybe have like a family life and just like, oh, I can't see, see what it's like for a day. Maybe Christmas day.

That's got to be one of the best days, isn't it? For a family, I guess. Unless, of course, you don't celebrate Christmas. You evil person.

I'd say, even if I'm not, I'm not a Christian, I'm a Buddhist, but I still, I still think if I had a family, I would celebrate Christmas because it's such a, such a fun day. You know, if you're living in the Western world, I don't know what it's like in other parts of the world, but I know where I live, where we live, Christmas is very much like everybody do it, apart from those that don't. So, yeah.

I had a friend at school that didn't celebrate Christmas. He was, uh, he wasn't, but his family were Jehovah's Witnesses. He wasn't old enough to make his own mind up.

He was eight years old. He didn't have, um, really, I think the mental capacity or the maturity to decide for himself what religion to follow. So, he had to go along with his family.

Now, I think everybody should be allowed to just wait and choose for themselves. So, not be indoctrinated or anything, in anything, just what any kind of likes, just choose for yourself what you want to do. Let the child decide if they want to be a, a footballer, or if they want to be a pianist, pianist, pianist, pianist, piano player, or if they want to be a scientist, or if they want to be a hairdresser, or if they want to be an author, like me.

I'm kind of like an author. I class these podcasts as little books, like little, little audio books, kind of, innit, don't you think? You get me? A little audio books. Anyway, I think I've talked enough rubbish for one day.

Yes. So, thank you for listening. Thank you very, very much.

Thank you ever so much for listening. Please remember, remember, remember, remember to be kind to yourself because, because, because, because you deserve to be happy. You deserve to treat yourself kindly.

You do. So, treat yourself today to something that you enjoy doing. Go easy on yourself.

Remember, you've only got one you. There's only one you. You've only got one body.

So, just take care of yourself. Be gentle with you. All right, I'm gonna go.

Lots of love. Bye, bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye.