#667 Let me bore you to sleep - CREATIVE WAYS TO REDUCE CRIME - Jason Newland (8th June 2021)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. I hope you're well and if you would like to support this free service please go to paypal.me forward slash jason newland and the link is on my website.

Thank you very much. So what's happening? Eh? Eh? What's happening? What you doing? What you up to? How you been? Hmm? Not a lot happening here. You know, just doing the doo-doo.

The doo-doo when I need to do the doo-doo and avoiding the don't don't. How are you doing? How you are doing? Oh, oh, oh, staying alive, staying alive. Yeah, just looking through the, uh, through my phone.

Oh, Karen sent me a message on Facebook saying hello my lovely. How are you getting along? What's it got to do with you? What? No, I'm joking. Hello my lovely.

I'll do her voice. Hello my lovely. How are you getting along? I was wondering how easy I would be for you to put say six or seven hours of the music after the podcast just for me to try.

I am still waking up after a couple of hours and I'm wondering if it's when the music stops. I thought maybe if I tried it with your music playing longer we could see if it worked. No, um, I have looked into this actually Karen, I have and the problem is I just don't care enough.

I just, that's the problem I found is I want to help people but there's a certain limit where I just don't care anymore. Ah, again, I'm very much joking. There's a limit on my podcast host and I've looked into putting longer music on there because I think it's because of Karen.

I think you're pretty much the only person that's mentioned it in the past so I have looked into it. Um, someone else may have mentioned it I don't know but the reason being, I don't know what the reason is. I think basically two hours was the longest I could do.

Now I can do podcasts for longer than two hours but music takes up a lot more space than talking. A lot more space, like a lot, yeah. So there probably is a way of doing it.

Leave it with me. I'm gonna, Karen, for you I'm gonna spend at least four minutes looking into this after this recording. I'm gonna give it all the attention that it deserves.

I'm gonna give it four minutes. Now I have actually looked into it. I recorded, I think I did a five hour one so I spent quite a few hours working on this and I could still only come up, I could still only ended up with two hours because my podcast wouldn't allow anything larger because it's about the size of the file as well, okay.

I think the maximum limit of my recordings could be five hours but they have to be under a certain size. Again, there are ways of reducing the size of the recording. Yeah, I could sort of give that a go.

Maybe, yeah, there are ways of reducing recording, like mp3 sizes, but it takes away, it can take away quite a lot of the of the quality, especially with music rather than with talking. With just verbal stuff, if you reduce the size, sometimes I don't think it can even be noticeable necessarily, but with music it can be. And as we're talking about music, let me, yeah, I want to look into it because, yeah, let me look into it, Karen.

I'm definitely going to look into it. In fact, I'm going to spend seven minutes looking into it. I could devote a whole seven minutes of my life and at 50, seven minutes is a long time.

Try holding your breath for seven minutes and you realize it's a bloody long time. Yeah, I've got very little, I have to be very careful with how I waste my time now. I've really been noticing that having hit, you know, the big, the pointless five-oh, I just, I've noticed that I'm a bit more resentful about spending my time with people, just wasting my time with pointless conversations about nothing.

I'm just talking generally about friends, you know, like real life humans that I see and, or people that I don't see and I talk on the phone and there's, there is a little degree of resentment now thinking just what I just, not that they've wasted my time, I've part of that process, but that's, that's, that's four minutes I'm never going to be, never going to see again. I just, you know, I guess I just value time more than I used to, but that's natural, isn't it?

I mean, I think time, you think it's, it's kind of like, I guess it is like money. Time is like money in a sense of when you're a teenager, you're a millionaire, you know, you'll waste your time doing all kinds of crap and won't think about it.

So like a billionaire, in fact, you could say, when you're, when you're a child, you're a billionaire with time, you can chuck millions away, playing video games, watching television, uh, just shooting the breeze, just doing whatever you want to do, having fun. And to be fair, if you're really having fun, then it's not wasted money, you know, it's not a waste of time, but ish. And then, you know, even when you're in your twenties or your teens, some things, let's say, I'll, you know, teenage boys would do spending many, many hours, you know, quite a few hours a week doing perhaps a certain thing.

I mean, you know, spending millions and millions of pounds every day. Technically, you know, like bang, and then the two, you know, then your twenties again, just chucking away millions of pounds, millions of dollars constantly with time wasting, or not necessarily time wasting, doing stuff you enjoy, maybe getting drunk, taking drugs, whatever some people do, not me, because I'm a good boy, I am. And then, I don't know, as you get older, start to realize that it's like, oh, a lot of that money's gone.

Because, you know, when you're a kid, it's too much to count. So who gives a shit? Too much to count. I'll chuck it away.

I'll just, yeah, you just spend it, you know, you can't count it. Why worry about something that you can't count? Teens, twenties, again, so much you can't count it. It's too much.

So you don't have to worry about it. I mean, some people in their twenties start to develop a degree of intelligence, perhaps about time and about, you know, how to live their life and how they want to live their life and to do things for other people. And maybe, you know, that's kind of suppose that's the time in life when people do maybe start to, their brains are kind of developed by 25, kind of developed.

Isn't it crazy? Like in the old days, the old days, people were classed as adults when they were like 14, 15, 16. I mean, adults, as in getting married, you know, early teens getting married, having kids and being a member of society. Even when I was a kid, 16, that was the time you left home, got a job, got a girlfriend, got pregnant.

And just, you know, I mean, just that was sort of what was half expected. And I tried. And now, with the knowledge, I got a neighbor downstairs, he slammed the door, he's got no concept of door slamming.

It's 523 in the morning. He slams the door, lets the door slam. He's got no concept.

I don't know if he might just be, might be hearing, he might be partly deaf or something. And I'm not supposed to use the word deaf, but I'm gonna call a friend who gets annoyed with me because her daughter's deaf. And she says no, hearing impaired, I think is the right, the correct term.

And well, bollocks. Sorry, I can't. There's got to be a point I'll try and use the right terms when it comes to racism and homophobia and sexism and even mental disorders.

You know, I try. I do try, but I can't, I can't do all of them. I can't keep track of all of them.

You know, it gets, I can see now, I never used to really get it. I can see why some people that are old don't care anymore. And they'll use and they use the old language, the old words and do not give a shit.

Now I've always made an effort. I genuinely have made an effort to use, to not offend people with words. And to also offend people, you know, depends on the scenario.

But as I got a bit older, I'm talking probably the late twenties, early thirties, you know, kind of, I started to, to learn. Yeah, I started to make a bit more of an effort to be a bit more of a decent kind of person, I guess. Didn't work, but okay, there you go.

But all the different terminology, you know, with sexuality and, but again, I've kind of stopped on that one because if you, right, someone's gay, when I was a kid, you call them a poof. Okay. That was it.

That was, and it wasn't even the people saying it weren't thinking it as derogatory. Now it's not a language I would use now, but I'm just using it as just, you know, that's the language that, that's what we used to say. Queer, poof, whatever.

I never went down the like faggot language because that's just horrible. Even though faggots are something you eat, you know, just never liked. I didn't dislike the word because it was associated with gay people.

I just didn't like the word because it was associated with something that looked like it'd been pooed out. The faggots, these like the big, like balls of meat that really looked, just for me, from the pictures on the tins, looked very diarrhoea-y, just, you know, so I didn't really like the word faggot because of that. Now I realise I'm probably the only person that took offence to the word faggot that was actually straight and didn't connect it in any way to sexuality until I learned about it.

I think I didn't really learn about it, I think I discovered it with Eddie Murphy in his Delirious album, the concert he did, and he was talking about faggots and like, huh? Never heard that word before. Well, I did, but I thought, what's he talking about tinned meat for? That's weird. You know, so I wonder if secretly Mr T is a faggot, but how's he gonna fit inside a tin? He's huge! So yeah, very confusing for me.

And then I think with Grace was weird because I kind of had a like a mixed kind of, a mixed growing up because when I lived in a children's home, I was around, I had I was black, white, you name it, every kind of different kinds of people were there, kids, because, you know, orphans and it's not that selective to be fair, you know, that kind of situation affects everybody of all colours and creeds and religions and stuff. So, it's a nice sniff. So I did.

The thing is the first black lady I ever saw, I was around black kids and I was, there was this young girl, probably the same age as me really, actually probably older thinking about it. I loved her and she used to let me brush her hair. I was, I was absolutely obsessed with her hair because it was different from mine.

Although mine was super curly, hers was quite short and mine was quite long and I just, I was like, wow, it's like almost like her hair was a superpower, like this super, like honestly I was obsessed, loved it and she used to let me brush her hair with a comb or comb her hair with a comb and I had to be very careful because it was quite, you couldn't just do it too quickly and stuff and I really liked her and I might have been in love with her, I don't know. I was, I was only little but I was, I've been in love with girls and women my whole life, right from a very early age.

It's ridiculous really but from, yeah, from the age, I remember my first official date was when I was probably eight or seven actually, seven years old.

Yeah, I was seven, I wasn't eight yet. I was seven and I had my first official kiss, went to the cinema, took her flowers, no not flowers, some chocolates and you know, I've been dating and really been into women since as long as I can remember but proper, you know, I used to fancy fully grown women when I was probably six or seven. Weird, I don't know, well it's not weird probably but maybe it's the same for everyone.

Now I can't be bothered, I think I used it all up. I think I used all that energy that, you know, I was chasing women when I was nine. Now, you know, now I'm 50, I just, I think I used up all my, all my energy.

I was too active when I was nine juggling all those women. Dear oh dear, that's silly, what a silly thing to say. Yeah, the first, so, so I had these friends, like the people I lived with, I think there was a a couple of girls and a boy and they were like, I think they were fam related, just like I had my brothers there and their mum turned up one night, one day actually, she was crazy.

I'm talking screaming and swearing and probably even to this day one of the scariest people I ever met, I didn't meet her, I hid her, but she was horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible.

In that moment she might have been an amazingly wonderful person and there might have been a reason, well it was, yeah it's not necessarily a reason was it, but there might have been a real reason why she was so disgusting in her behaviour, especially around children, but you know bearing in mind she was trying to get into this, there was loads of kids around and she was like effing and blinding and effing and blinding, but she was swearing, but proper full-on hatred, hatred, it was, it was, oh man and I think if I had a

gun I would have shot her, I really would have put her down and like it was like a wild animal going crazy and it was scary, I didn't even see her as a human because of the way she was acting and it's the same with anyone, like that's racist, no I'm talking about anyone that acted like that, that's a wild animal, that's not a human being, that's just disgusting behaviour, she was horrible, horrible, but what she didn't realise is she had no power, no matter how horrible she was, she couldn't even compete with one of

the nuns in horribleness, see she didn't have a chance, like you can't win against a nun, they just can't win, they have, they're almost, they have a supernatural evilness, not all of them obviously, but some of the ones that I knew, they were just, just, it was like they were sort of the devil and this woman didn't stand a chance, they shut her up, I don't know how they did it, I think they, I think they might have beaten her up, but which I'd have enjoyed to watch, because I'm weird, I'm not sure, but they

definitely shut her up, she left, I think she was still shouting, she shut up for a little while and then she still, because people like that can't, they make out they can't control their behaviour, they can control their behaviour, they're just stupid in a way that they don't, they believe they can't control their behaviour, but basically what they are is children, they're little children in adults bodies, they're toddlers having a tantrum, that's all they are, toddlers having a tantrum, but because they're big and strong, it's a scary sight, but if you saw a a one-year-old

doing that in a supermarket, it'd be kind of funny, because the one-year-old can't do anything physically, they can't hurt you physically, they want to, but they don't, so that's a thing I think with, you know, the most violent people are basically toddlers, they've got toddler brains, because a toddler, when a toddler has a tantrum, they're basically like an atomic bomb, they want to destroy everybody, if they could they would, so you know this lovely little child that we all love, when he's in toddler mode, when he's in a tantrum mode as a toddler, he doesn't

like you, he hates you, he wants to kill you, but he can't, because he's a tiny little baby, he's a little tiny little child, but in that moment, he wants everybody dead, it's a weird concept isn't it, to think that this tiny little child that you love so much, actually at times, wants to shoot you, if he could shoot you, if he could get a gun, and actually physically hold it up, he would shoot you, and everybody else, that he could, isn't it weird, but even then they don't have that concept of wanting to do

that, they don't know they want to do it, but they want, they hate, pure hatred, now you get that in a toddler having a tantrum, pure hatred, now you put that into an adult's body, that's where the problem is, so there is an answer, but nobody wants to listen to my ideas, they just have to be removed basically, and I wonder if there's a way of separating that human adult from the toddler, because I do have some ideas about crime and punishment, okay, so if someone's very violent, there's certain things you can do, so that

person can live in society, but you're pretty much assured that they're never going to offend or re-offend, physically themselves anyway, and one of those ways is by blinding them, not actually blinding them, but putting, I was thinking some kind of way of covering their eyes permanently, but without hurting them, you know, that's what I mean, so I think there probably are ways where someone could probably get an injection, and it would take away their sight, but you know, for a short time, and then it could be reversed, so hopefully without surgical or anything horrible like

that, but take away their sight, because then they'll be helpless, or maybe helpless isn't the right word, but they will, like you say, well people who are blind aren't helpless, they were helpless at the start, so let's not get all caught up in, oh that's offensive, no, if I woke up today or tomorrow blind, I would be helpless, doesn't mean I'll be helpless in 10 years, or even in six months, but to start with, I would be helpless, I would not be able to do a single damn thing, without banging into stuff, and I wouldn't

know where to start, so let's just, let's get it right darling, let's get it right, hey, hey, hey, if someone went from being fully sighted to having their sight taken away, as a punishment for being a complete tantrum person, a tantrum adult, they wouldn't be able to fight anymore, they wouldn't be able to get violent, or if they did get violent, they'd be on their own, and they'd be just walking into walls, so it's kind of funny for those around them, so have a, oh god, should we try and wind them up, or her, it's

not only men that have tantrums, so, should we wind them up, let them just, just, but you could just push them over, I mean imagine that, because I'm, I know some people like, oh, you know, you shouldn't, you shouldn't be horrible to people, you know, oh they're old now, yeah, but if that person has spent the last 40 years, or 30 years, bullying people, so someone's been a bully all through school, and then a bigger bully as an adult, beating people up, being, you know, everyone's scared of him, in a, in a town, all his,

you know, all his adult life, and then he gets to his 40s, or 50s, or 60s, and suddenly he's a bit frail, and he's maybe got a walking stick, and he can't do the things physically that he could do, because time, you know, naturally, time has an effect, shut up you stupid pigeon, thank you, now if someone's done that, and they've spent their whole life picking on people, and bullying them, and being violent, then I think it's acceptable to just push them over, if they're in walking sticks, and if they're in a wheelchair, kick them,

and push them into the road, and stuff, is that wrong, I just, I can't believe you just said you should be able to push someone in a wheelchair into the road, you know, get, get us, let's, let's get it into perspective, okay, if you got, um, I'm trying to think, like a really famous criminal, okay, horrible, someone that, you know, is very famous, and they got released, and they were in a wheelchair, you're telling me you wouldn't kick them into the road in front of a lorry, someone that's, like, really done horrible things, now, there'd

be a queue of people wanting to do it, it'd turn into a national sport, maybe that's what we should do, get all the really horrible criminals out, weld them into wheelchairs, weld them, you know, make sure, and we could just have, like, yeah, do that, just have put, get hundreds of them, just have a really good, have it all televised, and those that survive, get to live another day, yeah, you can't ask for more than that, what could we do, we could use fireworks, we could, I think we should, I think it'd be quite good

to use, and when I use, talk about criminals, I'm talking about, seriously, the sickos, you know, the real horrible, the ones that just shouldn't be taking up space, and, or oxygen, so we could use them, just an experiment, you know, so, like, well, just from a safety perspective, so, like, we've got a new kind of explosive here, we just need to know how far away we need to be from the explosive, you know, because maybe the army's got a new explosive, like, we need to, we need to be 30 foot away, or can we be

20 foot away, we just need to know, so we can, you know, the closer we can be, the better, because we need to get into the door, as soon as it explodes, hence, bring out the criminals, they can be tested, can't they, you could have one just on the door, you know, that the, the explosive's about to blow off, just for fun, just so we can watch him blow up, and then, or her, of course, and you could just have just some placed, have a whole line measured, so you could have one, one foot away,

one, two foot away, three, four, five, six, seven, all the way up to 30, so, you may be able to get rid of, like, 20, 25, all in one go, that's a good result, isn't it, and at the same time, you get to find out how far away the explosives can allow you to, but then, I suppose, you'd need to kill the people, yeah, because then they're, they're killing people, so they're murderers as well, aren't they, oh, it's just so complicated, the murderers of the murderers are murderers, and so, if you murder them, then that

makes more murderers, and then the world's just full of murderers, trying to, trying to kill murderers, it's like, oh, damn, not really a suitable subject for sleeping, oh, I'm sorry, I can't help it, sometimes, I just talk about stuff for no reason, hmm, adults having tantrums, it's just like drunk people, I think all drunk people should be filmed, and shown, or recorded, and shown themselves back, let them see what they did, let them hear what they said, the pointless conversation, because the only time a drunk person's conversation is interesting, is when you're drunk, it's the

only time I could ever listen to a drunk person talk, and be interested, is when I'm drunk, and suddenly, it takes on a whole new meaning, it's interesting, it's, it's exhilarating, it's, it's like, wow, this conversation about nothing, is amazing, it's amazing, it's like, wow, this is the best conversation ever, when it wasn't, and the thing is, drunk people don't realise that they just talking rubbish, I know I'm talking rubbish, but I'm doing it on purpose, drunk people, just awful, I'm sorry they are, drunk people are awful to be around, I worked in nightclubs, and

they're just the awfulest, and I see them every night, I'm talking drunk, not, not tipsy, not just happy, go, I'm talking drunk, there's a difference, there's a point where people go from being nice, to being nasty, or from being nice, to being, you know, what I found weird, when I worked in my first pub, when I was 18, is how someone would come in, and they were so nice, like really friendly, all right mate, how you doing, yeah, good, yeah, good, I'll have a pint of lager please, one for yourself, yeah, and it's like, any

part you'd like me to lick, you know, and just like really friendly, really friendly, and two hours later, give me another drink you bastard, it's like, wow, now I know that alcohol destroys your brain, it does, simple fact, ain't an opinion, it destroys the brain, this is more factual than cigarettes, you know, this is a fact, this is something that can be actually physically seen to be happening, destroys, but not all at one time, obviously, but it does destroy the brain, and I think when someone's drunk, it gives you an example of what they're gonna

almost, it gives you an example of how much it's destroying the brain long term, potentially, and there is a thing called wet brain, which is basically alcohol, where someone has drunk so much alcohol, that their brain is just basically turned to mush, and they can't function, and they just, yeah, it's this really horrible thing to have happened, but I don't even, I'm just begging the microphone, begging the microphone, I, I used to drink regularly, like really every day, for years, but I didn't, never affected me at all, okay, I, I, I lie sometimes about like,

oh, I never got drunk, but I did, and maybe it was every night I got drunk, the reality is, I probably did every night, I didn't drink eight cans of Stella, and not get drunk, and it only takes, after three pints, okay, maybe not drunk, drunk, drunk, but drunk in a sense of like, merry, and having had, you know, been affected, I want to go and get some lagers now, isn't it weird, but having been affected by it, but now, as I think back, I just don't remember, I mean, I haven't been able to drink

alcohol for ages, even when I wanted to, I think maybe part of that is seeing other people, and I, I tell you what, I think what it is, is there's a big part of me that thinks it's absolutely pathetic for someone in their 40s and 50s to be drinking alcohol or taking drugs, all that stuff like that, there's, or even smoking, or doing any of the stuff that should have been stopped by 30, I think there's, I love the should, should, there's, I think drinking excessively, and partying, all that stuff, excessively, I think there's a

cut-off point, maybe 30 is it, for people's health, you know, long, long-term health, and of course it's, everyone's health is going to be affected by whatever they do, but seeing people in their 40s and 50s, or whatever, still doing, I don't know, still drinking excessively, or regularly, which is still excessive, just a different version, see someone that drinks at the weekend only, but then they end up drinking huge amounts, is not any worse, really, than someone that drinks every night, and never gets really drunk, drunk, but maybe drinks six cans of lager in the night,

it's probably going to have the same effect, I imagine, I wonder where I would be if I was still doing that, because I haven't really, oh man, it's only been, I've hardly drunk anything, really, for about five years, hardly had any alcohol, like the regularly drinking in the evenings, it's been, it's been five, over five years, I mean I have drunk, you know, I have had some lagers, and a bottle of whiskey, and even vodka, I've tried, but the regular drinking just stopped, I don't even know why, I used to enjoy it, I loved drinking

in 2000, yeah, no, the only times I really loved drinking was 1994, that summer, and then, but I had a bad pint in Ireland, one Saturday, when I was living in Ireland for a bit, I was really ill, never had a bad pint in my life, apart from that one, and, but, so that was a good summer, 2004, I went through a little period in 2005, probably, probably the summer, when I was drinking a bit, but not like too far, 94 rather, 95, but yeah, 95, I didn't really drink that much, and nothing in 96,

I was working as a security in 96 and 97, so I didn't really have the opportunities to drink, so I was doing night shifts, mainly, so, yeah, I didn't really get, didn't really drink much, there was a thing when I was in the nightclub, I did, were, I did go, I went for a little period when I was drinking, but only, my God, I'm really getting close to the microphone, keep bashing it, keep banging it, I got, yeah, I used to, at the end of the night, we used to all get together and stay, sometimes,

I mean, there was a point where we would stay until early hours, well, we were finishing work, by about half two, maybe three sometimes, depending how long it took to clear up, and the, then we'd be there till maybe five, or six even, I think, sometimes in the morning, it was light outside anyway, and I'd get a taxi home, so it was in the summer, I'd share a taxi with someone, so that was a time when I was getting drunk, it only lasted for a few weeks, a couple of weeks, maybe three, and like, just

at the weekend, just on a Saturday night, and didn't do it Friday night, because I had to work the next day, but only on a Saturday night, and I quite liked it, but it was, people used to tell me afterwards, oh, because again, I was talking rubbish to people, and someone said to me, you really need to see a therapist, so, okay, thanks, so what do you mean, he said, some of the stuff you were talking about last night was really disturbing, we're just trying to chill out, and you were really ruining it, like, oh,

and after that, I stopped drinking, there, because I never used to drink there anyway, like, I'd have one drink, and then go home, like a, you know, a bottle of lager or something, but I didn't drink there anymore, apart from just that, never got drunk after that, because I was embarrassed, like, oh, brilliant, what have I been talking about, and then, I didn't drink anything really, until I stopped smoking in December 99, and I started drinking, and you know what, and this is weird to really talk like this, you know, in this way, but it

was beautiful, it was, oh, I was, I weren't drinking during the day, at all, never been, I'm quite disciplined, I suppose, in some ways, but I never drank alcohol during the day, I'd wait till the evening, and then I'd drink, I'd have, and all that started off with four cans of weak lager, and then, I think, I ended up, I ended up drinking, probably, I don't know, six, maybe eight cans, eventually, but I started off with four, and it was really cool, because I was into doing the websites, I was really into website building, so

I wasn't just drinking lager, I was drinking tea, and, you know, but I, yeah, I just went through a period, and I was drinking every night, and then, I was working at the weekends, I wasn't drinking at all, when I was working, so I was just, I was only drinking five nights a week, the other two nights I was working, so I didn't drink, I might have a couple of bottles of lager, when I came home from work, but that was nothing, you know, it's just a couple of drinks, and I did that until I

left from London, left London in the end of 2001, and then I was, yeah, I worked in insurance, and I was doing, I was probably drinking six cans of lager a night, and then I, then I moved on to the stronger lager, again, I just chinned the microphone, what the hell's wrong, I'm gonna move the microphone a bit away from me, that's it, keep away, so, yeah, I was drinking every night, I basically drink until I got ill, not drinking continuously, but I just drink the amount every night, until I got ill, and I have,

you know, then I have to stop for a few days, but during that period, I wasn't sleeping properly, because I was drinking, the last thing I wanted to do is go to sleep, I just wanted to drink, I just wanted to stay up, listen to music, there was nothing on telly I wanted to watch, I had no interest in television, I just wanted to wind down from working, because it's quite high pressure job, and, but I was still reading, I was still reading books, and so I wasn't, you know, but that was more during the

day, when I had my own time, like weekends and stuff, I would, so I wouldn't drink during the day, ever, and then I got ill, so, you know, the, I actually stopped drinking 2004, well actually it was New Year's Eve 2003, and I didn't drink for a whole year, 2004, the whole of the year, I didn't drink, and then New Year's Eve 2004, I went to London, and I didn't drink, but I did something else, and then I drank, and I, yeah, I basically just, hell, I had a good time, I let me hair down,

that was a difficult year, 2004, that was a difficult year, and very much so, a lot happened, you know, but, also lost quite a bit of weight, I got fit, I did Wing Chun Kung Fu, and I was a vegetarian for the whole year, well for most of the year, and yeah, lots of stuff happened that year, it was quite a good year really, in a sense, went to the Isle of Man, with my family, it was the first and only, first and only holiday really, that I'd ever been on with them, like with my

dad's, I can't even remember who he went on holiday with, I think it was just me, my dad, me aunt, me, me nan, my dad, my dad's mum, my dad's mum, my dad's wife, and I think that was it, yeah, I'm pretty sure it was just the four of us went up there, unless we met other people there, I can't remember, like the ferry, I mean the ferry destination, but that was, yeah, that was the only holiday I ever went on with my nan, it wasn't really a holiday, but it was a, it was a

trip, it was a, yeah it was a holiday, it was a different country, it was, or a different island from this, Isle of Man, and we was away for probably about three days, and then came back, and yeah, weird year, the year started off, well, quite good, well I was a complete nervous wreck at the beginning of it, and generally not being well, and then I got a letter through the post saying, yeah I saw your advert, and I just thought you sounded quite nice, and I was watching yeah, Only Fools and Horses, or Christmas

Day Again, I thought I don't want to spend next year on my own, I was thinking what the hell are you talking about, what's this crap, and I thought it was just some, it looked generic, it looked like it was just printed out, kind of a letter, and as it turned out, I think it was, anyway this woman had, I phoned her up, because there's a phone number on there, said yeah who are you, she said my name's Veronica, I said, I said really, she said yes, and I've got a message for you, I said

what is that, she said I don't think talking about blowing people up is a good subject for your hypnosis recordings, I said but this isn't a hypnosis recording, she said okay then bye, so she said the basis she wanted to meet up was looking for a boyfriend, because I had phoned up the newspaper number, where they have the singles, or whatever they call them, you know, looking for someone to love, so I phoned up the telephone number, left my details, and they must have printed it in the paper, she saw it, and what a sad,

both of us, she, I've just hit the bloody microphone again, I'm gonna have a tantrum, I really am, I really, really am gonna have a tantrum, that's weird, there's something really bright red in the window, sit down again, no I just thought I'd have a look, but it's just the light shining on the door, across the way, yes she wanted to meet up, I said, she said but I didn't drink, so I had to, I'm gonna meet up with her, but she told me something about her, and I thought okay fair enough, I'll give it,

I might as well go and meet her, and 30 40, and I thought okay oh I'll meet up with her, so we did, and she was, I think she's already drunk when I got there, and she definitely had a few drinks, because she said oh you're handsome, so I didn't realise she was drunk then, and we went to another pub, and then she said oh, I started having a bit of a panic attack, and she said oh let's go then, I said well I need to get out of here, she said all right, and then

she said right let's go back to yours, I said no you're all right, she said no come on I want to go back to yours, I said I don't, she said but I do, I said yeah but I don't really want to go back, she said she said yeah but I do, and I kind of got what she meant then, it took a while, in fact she actually told me what she wanted to do, and I was just, I was a little bit worried about the mess, because it was very messy, I'm generally quite a

messy person, and it was messy in there, so I took her up, took her up, took her up the, took her up the stairs, and we got up to where I live, and I had to leave her outside, and said can you stand there, just wait there for a minute, while I try to tidy the place, I didn't expect, I generally did not expect it to end in any kind of romantical position, inside my home, I didn't generally, and I had this studio apartment at the time, so it was all right actually, it was a

nice night, well it's an okay little place, but yeah she, so I did that, and then the next day she wanted to meet up with me again, and she, I went around there, she was watching Holby City, eating ice cream, and she'd already told me that she'd lost loads of weight, so she could get a boyfriend, and I realised that, well I don't realise, but I thought, I mean she was really, really slim, not everywhere, but just you know, like stomach, and it's almost like she'd, she'd really worked hard, I could see, I didn't know

what she looked like before, but I could just see that she'd, from what she said, and she devoted a lot of her time to getting herself looking the way she did, really determined to make herself, I don't know, how she wanted herself to look, but at the same time I think she was willing to just let it all go when she met someone, just wanted to get someone, a man, and then kind of go back to how she was before, I think I got that impression, especially with the big, she didn't even offer me any

of the ice cream, maybe that's what annoyed me, I just realised, don't eat ice cream and not offer me any, but she had this big massive tub, and she was eating ice cream, and watching Holby City, and I was bored, like well what am I supposed to do here, and I slept, I slept over with her during the night, nothing didn't happen, anything didn't happen because she had a medical procedure the next day, which meant she couldn't, she couldn't, couldn't be interfered with, that sounds wrong doesn't it, so you had to be left alone, but

we had a cuddle, and I gave her a massage actually, which she didn't appreciate, I don't know she did, I don't think she did, and then I called her the day after, and she just ignored me, so I texted her, she ignored me, and I'm not sure, I think it might have been a couple of days later, I don't know, the next day, and then she sent me a text saying, yeah it's not working out, take care, bye, now then that's when I realised, that, well that's when I kind of came to the conclusion, I

might be wrong, is that she was evil, that she was seeing more than one person, and she'd found someone more suitable for herself, now those weren't the words that I would have used at the time, and I think I did see her again, because she was a mental health nurse, and someone, I went to the psychiatric unit to visit someone, and I saw someone that looked like her, they were a lot bigger, and looked like they'd eaten a lot of ice cream, and that's when I realised, yeah it's her, now I wasn't thinking like, well

that was a close miss, you know, because I wouldn't have cared to be fair, for me the more important thing is that the person's nice, and she did, she seemed, I don't know, quite nice, potentially, she's really picking apart the old Buddhism and vegetarianism and stuff, when I struggle a little bit with that, like why are you vegetarian, what's it got to do with you, that's my natural reaction, I can be a vegetarian, but I don't want to talk about it, I'm not one of those vegetarians that want to talk about it, it's not a

subject that interests me enough to have a conversation with someone else, but then I don't want to talk about hypnosis with other people, no one to talk about hypnosis with, but it's pointless talking about it with someone that doesn't know anything about it, it's just like two different languages colliding really, it's just pointless, doesn't mean I'm not interested in it, because I am, I just don't, I don't have conversations about it with other people, because they don't, they're not going to understand, if they do understand, then, well I've never met anyone that understood, not really,

or not that, I never met anyone that was really interested in what I was interested in, it's been a difficult life really, it's very difficult, there was this one time, when a woman, she was a counsellor, at this place I was volunteering, this is back in 2006, 2007 time, and she gave me a lift home, I'll give you a lift home, he said, well let's pull it here, to like this little area near a garage, and I thought, oh great, blowy, and she said, oh I've got some questions for you, I said what, and she

bombarded me with questions about hypnosis and about the chronic pain, stuff that I was doing, and it was like question after question after question, and I felt so drained, that I almost felt like we had got off together, like you know, I was like, I'm spent, you've drained me, like the emotional vampire you are, completely drained me, full of any, she almost took my interest in hypnosis away from me, drained it, so I can't be around people that do that, like question after question after question after question, I actually, I had a similar thing with

a friend, he was my best friend at the time, and I went up to visit him, I was going to spend the whole of the summer, this is when I was in university, I was going to spend the whole of the summer, living with him, working as a security guard at his company, yeah, I went there, I was going to spend the next two and a half months, or three months, there with him, and he needed to get me registered, and get, you know, all the paperwork done, so the first day, I was there, and

I just drove around with him, and he asked me so many questions, he couldn't stop talking, that I had to leave, I honestly had to leave, he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I had to leave, the next day I left, I couldn't handle him being so talkative, he was too chatty, wanted to talk, wanted me to answer, asking me question after question after question, now, I'd never experienced that feeling before with him, because, you know, he was my best friend, and I think it was more the fact that I was connecting, the idea of like

three months of that, was too much, I think that was the problem, yeah, I think that was a problem, but he was just so stressed out, he was hyper, because of owning the company, he was trying to build it, and before that, he was a lot more chilled out as a person, but I'm not here to talk about all that, I'm a bastard, he, yeah, basically, I had to leave, like, please, so I left a job to go there, I had a little part-time job in the Buddhist gift shop, but I thought it'd be lovely

to get away, to not be, because I was, the way I was living was just, it's just, just, you know, sharing a kitchen with a family, just, yeah, it was not, not great, it was, I got through it, I don't know how, but um, weird thing, I didn't even want to move out, because I was used to it, it's amazing what we can get used to, isn't it, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, so I'm thinking I might call this, let me bore you awake, instead of let me bore you to sleep, this might be, this might

be the first of moaning minis, moaning minis podcast, or something, wake up with Jason, yeah, I could do that, wake up with Jason, this could be that, maybe do something a bit different, I don't know, I'll just leave it as it is, and just, just put moaning about stuff, yeah, how to, how to, how to reduce the prison pop, the prison population, yeah, god, that's gonna go, that's gonna be popular, I wasn't being serious, man, it would be good though, wouldn't it, if we could just, just detonate, just all of the prisons, there's like, imagine

just, yeah, but there's so many people in there that are innocent, oh, apparently in, I don't know if it's true, but in Norway, the prisons are nice, like they're, I say nice, but like a proper room, and they're treated with respect, so, yeah, wow, again, I don't know if it's true, but I like to think, well, I don't like to believe anything, I just don't like it, I just, I've run out of coffee, I've run out of coffee, so I've been drinking tea, it's not the same, it's not the same, man, it's not, and I

like strong coffee, and almost like the tiniest little bit of milk, just gets rid of the strongness of the tea, rather, I like strong tea, but I prefer coffee in the morning, because coffee is the, is the correct thing to drink, in the morning, with your breakfast, coffee is the correct thing to drink, I'm gonna start shouting in there, it's the correct thing, tea's not right, tea's all right, I don't mind, it's not, yeah, it is, it's okay, no, I prefer coffee, I don't like coffee, generally, but in the morning, although, I'm not tired now,

because I've been up for, what, an hour, hour and a half, so a cup of coffee wouldn't make that much difference to me, but if I'm tired, and I'm about to have my breakfast, a cup of coffee really does make, oh, it means the world, oh, the world, I don't know what I'm gonna do today, I feel a bit, I don't know, a bit lost at the moment, a bit lost, just a little bit lost, a little bit lost, not really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, sure, what's gonna happen, I don't know,

just don't know, don't know, isn't it, isn't it, isn't it, not sure, yeah, anyway, I'm gonna go, it's been quite a long recording, in fact, 79 minutes, I would say, 79 minutes, that's 60, 70, no, that's one hour and 20 minutes, blame me, whoa, yeah, baby, one hour and 20 minutes of pointlessness, yes, Hope sent me a picture of her, this is her words, here's a picture of my, you might like, my dripping wet pussy, and there was a picture of a very wet cat that followed, thanks Hope, for destroying all of my hope and

my trust, very disappointed in you, I expected more, I expected a real, the real, I mean, if you, yes, yes, I wanted, yes, never mind, never mind, but very, very, very upset, and yes, I'm gonna go, uh, gonna go now, I need to go and do some stuff, because I think it's time I, you know, had some breakfast, and a nice cup of tea, eee, that's enough, I want to stop talking rubbish, I can't help it, I just can't help it, I just want to do it, I just love it so much, talking rubbish, anyway,

take care, remember to be kind to yourself ya ya ya ya ya lots of love bye bye bye bye bye