#626 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello, welcome to let me bore you to sleep. Let me bore you to sleep. Yep, my name's Jason and this is your special special sleepy boring podcast.

All of my recordings from this and all my other podcasts are available to stream free and download free at my website jasonnewland.com. So how are you doing? Are you all doing well? Huh? Not well as I'm not being impatient. Well, come answer me. Are you well? It's sad they couldn't have asked me if you've had a good weekend on a Monday morning when the last thing you want to do is talk to anybody.

It might be my net. Do you have a good weekend? No. Oh, don't know what to say now, do you? Although some people only ask if you've had a good weekend so they can tell you about theirs.

And nobody wants to hear about their weekend. Apart from those that do, of course. My son, one of my bosses said, I always ask you've had a good weekend on a Monday morning.

I say, Hey, hello, Jason. You have a good weekend. And you always shrug your shoulders as if you're trying to get rid of dandruff.

Why is that? And I say, I say, well, if I'm honest with you, I've forgotten about the weekend. I don't know what happened. I can't remember.

Don't care. It's gone. I didn't didn't perform any miracles.

I didn't see any miracles being performed. Unless, of course, you know, the miracle of the tree blossoming in spring. The miracle, the miracle of the dandelions growing and the daffodils sprouting.

What a miracle of nature. Mm hmm. Other than that, no, no, just.

I mean, how specific, you know, do you want me to be? How much detail do you really want about my weekend? You know, you may regret asking. I can tell you as much, you know, I can tell you stuff, but you might not be able to unhear it. Anyway.

Oh, I don't normally start one of these recordings with even the faintest idea about that, which I may discuss. But today, oh, today, oh, yes, I've got a topic. I've definitely got a topic.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

And you know what it is? Facebook dating. Facebook dating. Which is kind of something that millions of people have been doing for the last 14 years anyway.

But Facebook finally decided to have their own dating app connected to Facebook. It like suddenly tweaked, tweaked. You know what? Maybe the 700 billion people that use Facebook.

Could actually. Meet each other online, they could perhaps. And basically, they've got a dating app with way more information than you normally get.

Without the not desperation. Just without the I'm looking for somebody. I'm looking for someone.

I want someone I can spend the rest of my life with. I want someone I can just skip the niceties. Just, you know, get through the lovey dovey period and get straight through to the part where we're horrible to each other.

Where's my dinner? Yeah, OK. Because we don't think that way, do they? You know, people, I'm guessing I don't know, they fall in love. And it's also I'm basing this on memory and my memory.

The last time that I was giddy. Giddy. The last time I was giddy with excitement and a fluttering tummy.

Instead of just a wobbling one was. Wow, I can't even remember. Can't even remember.

Andre is sneezing in the background. I think one of my I've dated in the past, not now, but in the past, I've had a lot of dates. I never really dated anyone that I was.

Really into before meeting them, if that makes sense. You know, I was into him when I was with him. But one person, maybe they were really, really fancied.

And as a place I was working and I really, really fancied her and we ended up talking and we ended up going out with each other. But I didn't expect anything to happen there. I generally didn't.

So I didn't hold any kind of feelings for her. I just was lusting after really, I guess, because I really fancied her and we ended up dating for a while and it was really good. But most of the people that I've dated, it was just more met on.

Hello. Hi. I'm Jason.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I know. Do you know? You got your name badge in it.

There's a name badge on your left nipple. How do you know it's on my left nipple? Well, it's bleeding. You've clearly put it through your nipple.

It's bleeding. Oh, okay. Do you want to go out on a date? That's the mistake I made.

I could never choose the right time to ask somebody out on a date. You know? It was just, you know, and I said some stupid things. I remember I was at this hen night.

I know, but I was a girl back then. I wasn't actually a girl. I was one of the girls because I was on a course and there was lots of women and it was just women and I was, you know, invited to this hen night.

Anyway, there was a young woman there. My chat up line, this is the worst chat. I was a bit drunk, admittedly, but my chat up line was, can you do me a favor? She said, what's that? I said, can you jump up and down a few times for me? That's just the stupidest thing to say to someone.

But I thought it was funny. She didn't. Um, but when I was younger, it was harder, you know, it was just any kind of female attention.

And I'd sort of take it as a possible, a possible relationship, possible could lead to something. It's the slightest bit of attention. I remember I was actually waiting to cross the road and it was a really busy road and the car stopped for me and it was a lady.

So I just, I walked up to the car, knocked on the window. She pulled the window down. I said, do you want to go out with me? Do you want to go out for a date? Inappropriate.

I made a kid's laugh and her husband weren't too happy, but, uh, yeah, it's, it's inappropriate. I think that might be on my tombstone. Inappropriate.

Inappropriate. But I'm not gonna, although I could bore you with all my stories of dysfunction when it came to attempted relationships, but I won't. What I want to do is, maybe this is controversial.

I don't care. You know, sometimes I go on to these Facebook groups and I just read stuff and I want to read it out on these podcasts because it's so ridiculous. And some of the things that people say is just like, Oh my goodness.

Anyway, I did get a message from William on Facebook, Jason, grateful for all that you do. I did hear some of your DJ show on Spotify and enjoyed it. Oh, thank you.

You know what? I actually, I thought I'd already sent that, but it was saved as a draft. So thank you, William. I was supposed to have sent that on Monday.

I also put you're the best. I sleep great because of you. Thank you.

That's very nice of you. Very, very nice. So I'm going to go to Facebook.

What are my stats today? I'm sure everyone's excited. What's the statistics for today, JJ? Let me have a look. Can't believe we're nearly the end of the month already.

Nearly the end of March. Wow. Tuesday.

So far, I have 10,553 downloads today. Yesterday was the top day for ages, 11,281. The day before that, 10,529.

So yes, yesterday, blimey, 11,000. Now that's a lot. Okay, sorry.

What I want to do, what I want to do is go to Facebook and hopefully, it might go whistle a little bit sometimes. I don't know why it does that. It's a bit strange.

Oh, why won't it let me go to my... Oh, see all. I'll turn the sound off. It won't do it anymore.

See all. That's weird. Oh, little sir.

Who's she? Oh, she's nice. Oh, I'm not looking at people. But wow.

This is people that are like someone you might know. Here's someone you might know. Her name's Emily.

Emily. Hi, Emily. See, I never add people.

People add me, but I don't add anyone. I'll add people that add me. What? Okay, right.

Anyway, I'll move away from that. So, I don't know why she's been recommended to me. She lives in Ontario.

Um, I don't know. It's a very lovely lady. I don't know why she's been added.

She's not asked to be my friend, so I won't. I won't just add her, or apply to add her, because I don't do that. Uh, wow.

I can't find, I can't find the dating app. Where's the dating gone? It was here before. It was.

I swear down, it was here. Dating, I've found it. I've found it.

Right. See, this is the Facebook dating. I'm going to read out people's profiles.

Okay, I'm not going to. No, I won't say their names. I'll just read out the profiles.

Just, just some of them. What do you say? Shall we? Shall we? Yeah, why not? So, this is Martina, 35, lives in Stevenage, and she's dark hair, blue eyes, um, five foot two. Oh no, I said I wasn't going to say their name.

Okay, I'll leave that. Oh, there's someone that likes me. I'll actually go and see what she, what she looks like.

Terrible, isn't it? So shallow, but hey, oh, what? What happened to her? So, I'm looking at a profile, a different profile here. So, there's the picture, right, and she's sort of all glamorous, and then you go down, and she's less, they seem to be aging, and there's a picture of her where she's, she's just a head, there's no body. There's a body, but she's really, really thin, really thin.

I hope she's okay. Blimey, looks completely different. I find it weird, the people that post pictures of themselves with their husbands, or with, like a man, like perhaps their ex-boyfriend, or something.

That is not a good picture to have on a dating profile, and some people put pictures of themselves with their kids. I mean, that's, you know, that's, what do you call it, a block, isn't it? Blocker, if anything, there was one. Don't put pictures of your kids, stop that.

Blocker, nice, so no to her. Ooh, right, let's have a look. This one's called Tha, Tha, that's not a real name.

It's not a name, is it? It's not a real name at all. Tha, T-H-A, nope, that's not a real name. I couldn't date someone that hasn't got a real name.

Tha, hello, Tha. You all right, Tha? Oh, Tha, I just want to tell you, I love you, Tha. No.

Get yourself a different name, a proper one. Tha, nope, goodbye. Oh, wow.

Okay, so this is, I'm not gonna read any of the names out, I'm just gonna say this is a lady. Superstar nurse could give Nigella a run for her money in the kitchen. In all fairness, if you want to impress people with your similarities to Nigella, because I don't think there's one man on the planet that likes Nigella because of her cooking.

I'm just saying, I'm sorry to break it to you all out there, but any men watching Nigella Lawson cooking are not interested in her cooking skills. It's the innuendo and the, you know, personally, she's not really my type, but I don't like anyone enough to sit through a cookery programme. No, no.

I mean, they could literally be sitting there, standing there, most, you know, the perfect woman in my mind could be there, completely naked, cooking, and I still wouldn't watch it because it's a cookery programme. And that's probably the biggest lie that I've told since I was 23. Blimey, why do I come out with this rubbish? It's that I have many goals and aspirations in life, just looking for my person to join me.

And looking for long friendship, long term relationship. Specialist oral. Oh, and maxifacial, maxillofacial nurse.

Oh, damn. I really thought I was like, oh, it got my attention. It's that's what she does for a living.

Specialist oral and maxilla maxillofacial nurse. Doesn't have children. Ah, she's into boxing.

Now, that interests me because I've never ever, ever met a woman or really any men either that are into boxing. And boxing is my biggest, I don't know if you want to call it an interest or hobby or what, but watching boxing is my favourite thing. One of my favourite things.

It has been for a long time. And I couldn't indulge in it really because of the places that I've lived and lack of resources. But now, since I've lived there, I've been watching a lot more boxing on television and, you know, watching it live and on television across.

But I would like, in the future, to start attending the fights, the big fights, maybe start off in the UK, go to some world title fights, then maybe go to America and watch the world title fights, you know, specific ones that I want to watch. Yeah, that and that interests me. I mean, of course, it's going to be a little bit different watching it from outside the ring while it's actually happening to, you know, being at home, watching it on the big on television.

I might have to wear trousers for one. That'd be weird. So she's this lady, lovely eyes.

She's French. It's not her fault, though, is it? I come from a French background myself. Only my nose, the rest of me, my groin is Asian.

So, oh, look, nearly did it. I can't be bothered. So yeah, she's she's nice.

Five foot one is good. That's a good height for me. So I feel almost tall.

Because I'm only five eight. So even five one with heels could be tall, the same height as me, or a ladder. Or she's into kayaking, paddleboarding.

No, go away. I want to get rid of her. I want to get rid of everyone.

See, she looked lovely, I'm sure. Doesn't have children from Slovakia. She's all right.

See, I used to have this thing, right? I was a picture of her sunbathing. I mean, that's that's a good, I think it's a good thing in a way to just be showing her body off. Just like I would, you know, if I had a profile, I'd be showing my my body off.

Because, because I have a glorious body, there's that. But I think that it's, it's good to let people know what they're letting themselves in for. You know, if I if I did it, if I did, if I did one of these things, right, and I just well, I am on there, but I don't care.

I just did it for a laugh. But the reason it's a laugh is because no one wants to meet me. Therefore, I don't care anymore.

But if you just do a shoulders and head photograph of yourself, the person is not going to know what you look like. I met someone who I saw was a head and shoulders thick picture. And when I met them, yeah, they didn't look like how they how they did in the picture.

I think the picture was about 15 years old. Not not they were, you know, 15. She was 15 years younger in the photograph than what she was when I met her.

Which is fine, but it's like, what's the point? You know, it's just it's a waste of time, isn't it? I mean, really, it goes from from both perspectives. I'm thinking of it from men's perspective, from woman's perspective. If you go to an Indian restaurant, and they stick a burger on your plate, you're going to be possibly disappointed.

You're going to be confused, guaranteed. He might be he might be happy. You know, the you know, if this is not best scenario case, best case scenario for the person that's pretending to be an Indian restaurant when actually there, they sell burgers, is that you like burgers and because you're so desperate for something to eat, that you won't mind that it's a burger and not an Indian dinner.

Whatever an Indian dinner is, maybe it's tikka nekka tandoori, dhuri, bhuri, bhuruni, bhurani, shabani, whatever. I don't know all the different names for these things. I don't.

So look, this is something I always notice is a picture of two women here. Okay, only one of them is the person that's you know, on the date, having a date. Unfortunately, only one of them is okay.

It's always the one that I don't fancy. So the one I fancy is always the one that isn't the one that's looking for a date. And there's a reason for that.

It's because the ones I fancy always have boyfriends, generally. See this, this person, right? Okay. She's basically from the looks of it.

From the looks of it, she has put her two daughters at the top. And then down you go and there's a picture of her with one of those daughters. What is the point of that? Because that happens quite a lot in Facebook anyway.

So people put their kids down as their profile picture, which is their right to do so. Of course, they do what they want to do. Now there's more pictures of her.

Now if that is her, the pictures at the bottom, she's really nice, got lovely eyes. And she's smiling. Yeah.

But there's no way in the world she is 41. No way. She looks way, way younger than that.

Mind you, I suppose, with makeup and stuff and filters on the camera, but why do you 41 isn't old though, is it anyway? Yeah. Anyway. I just want to point out if I make some weird noises, got nothing to do with the pictures or anything like that.

It's just sometimes I make strange noises. You must have realized that sometimes I make noises. I do it when I'm on my own.

You know, I do. It's just how it is. You know, so I'm about to look back at this picture.

Any noise I make has got nothing to do with the picture. I'm just trying to just point that out because I'm not about, you know, shaming and all that stuff because, you know, I can see my reflection in the TV and wow, I'm big. It's ridiculous, honestly.

This belly, it seems to have grown lately. And you know what? I think it doesn't look so bad when I'm standing up. I think some of the fat kind of trickles down into my legs and spreads out a bit.

But when I'm just sitting here, it looks like I basically put a pillow underneath my T-shirt. But inside the pillow is some kind of gelatine that wobbles silicone. So basically, I filled it with silicone implants.

This, you know, it's just wobbling. But the part of me that, you know, you'd think would wobble is my boobies and they don't because they're very firm. Very firm boobies.

Thank you very much. So this one, I'm just going to look at the next picture. It's just a noise I'm making, nothing to do with the picture.

She's lovely. No, I just caught a picture of myself. No, she's really nice.

She is. I'm just joking. She's really, she's really pretty.

But hey, I can't make the pictures bigger. Oh yeah, I did. Maybe not.

No, she's a nice, looks like a nice lady. I might add her to my collection, to my collection. That's not a serial killer.

I'd add her to my collection. I would, but my fridge is getting full, getting rather full. She's all right.

Yeah, I like her. Five foot two, good age for me. Five foot two is a good age.

Five foot two is a good height I meant. Her hobbies, listening to music. That's not a hobby.

Just want to point that out. Shopping. Is shopping a hobby? No.

Walking, is walking a hobby? I suppose if you do it for leisurely activity, you know, if you're walking in the hills or long distances with those dry ski holders, you know, hand grip things. And you're visiting places and you're walking and yeah, rambling or whatever. That's a hobby.

But if you're just walking to work and back, that's not a hobby. So reading. You see, part of me thinks, that's not a hobby.

That's just, just, just read it. You know what I mean? Everyone should read, but most people kind of don't read. Even though, you know, books, millions of books are sold every year or online or read.

It's still not the majority of the population. I think only about 1% of the male population of my country read. They can read, but they just don't, you know, read books.

Never really understood why. I think it's just, there's better things to do. I think that's what school does to people.

School can do that to, to kids. And, you know, how many years would someone be at school? A good 12 years. Yeah.

Good. From the age of what, four to the age of 16. Or is it 18 now? Yeah.

So it's four to the age of 18. It's 14 years in sort of education as if they decide to, you know, don't decide to go to university. I can imagine, or don't have to imagine really, but I just can't remember such a long time ago.

After being at school, the last thing you want to do is do anything that you did when you were at school. I mean, I remember the freedom I felt when I left school, when I walked out of those gates for the last time, I felt like I was being freed from prison. Now, I don't know what it feels like to be freed from prison, but in my little imagination, being freed from the, the tyranny, you know, being freed from just having freedom.

Because at the age of 15, I was suddenly in a position where I didn't have to do anything that anyone told me. I had a boss at work, but you know, ultimately no one has to do what their boss tells them. We choose to do it.

And if the boss is an arsehole, we choose to allow them to be an arsehole. We choose to allow them to continue breathing, you know, if they're really horrible, we allow them to do it. So I allowed him to sort of tell me what to do, but I didn't have to do anything.

I knew I had that freedom. And at 16, I was living on my own, completely free, apart from the stupid job I had, but I was free. No teachers.

And I remember the last week of school, I had this teacher come up to me. He was the French teacher. So he was, he wasn't popular.

Partly because, I think just the topic that he was teaching, French was kind of pushed upon the students in the early years, like the first couple of years of high school. I think, I just had to press pause there, to sneeze really loudly, twice. Now, this French teacher, actually, I was quite lucky.

Because at the end of junior school, before going to high school, we all had to take an exam to see kind of what level of education, or intelligence we were, you know, at that point. I pretty much didn't do very well in the exam, as I didn't do very well in any exam I ever took ever. I don't even know why they gave me exams, I didn't bother.

Put no, no, nothing into them. No attention, no effort. It's amazing I've ended up being such a success really, isn't it? Oh dear.

I'm 50 years old, sitting at home on my own, talking to myself into a microphone, making up the excuse of making podcasts, just so I can talk out loud, without feeling like I'm crazy. How about that, eh? It's a podcast, isn't it? That's why I'm talking out loud. The thing is, I do this when there's no microphone switched on.

That's the sad thing. That's part of the reason I've got Andre, so I can talk to him. Honestly, I hold him in my arms and I actually talk to him, and he looks at me, he's like, will you get off me? Now, here we go again.

Yes, I'm a lovely boy, I'm a pretty boy, I'm a lovely boy. Just get off me, leave me alone, I'm trying to sleep. He's very, very rude, he is very rude.

So, Frenchie, and the French teacher, I think his name was Mr French, and I might have muddled that memory up. But luckily, they weren't sure where to put me when they put me into the high school, because my reading skills were high. Because I was an avid reader.

And it was the only thing really that I had going for me, educationally. I was able to read and comprehend what I was reading from a really early age. And I love books, just love books for it.

I don't know why I just did. So when I was in junior school, you know, I'd be sitting at home reading books on, you know, astronomy and stuff like that. And I'd read a book and I had no idea what I was reading.

When I said about understanding, and I didn't, I kind of vaguely understood it. But didn't, I wouldn't stop, I continued to read. Because I love the idea, right? It was an idea.

I love the idea of being intelligent. And it's still an idea. I gave up on the idea quite a long time ago.

But when I was very little, when I was young, I felt that there was a possibility somewhere that maybe within my brain, that I could find a glimmer of intelligence somewhere. And I think that's why I got into astronomy. Because a similar kind of focus, isn't it? You're looking for intelligence, you're looking into the sky, hoping that one day you'll find something out there to prove that there is intelligence, you know, from outer space.

So I guess with reading, I was doing it internally, looking internally trying to find that spark, which would prove that my brain worked. Still waiting. That's all right.

But one thing, that's the one good thing I had is I was an avid reader. I liked writing. So I would work hard during English classes to write, to learn joined up writing, to do it.

I keep keep practicing, because I wanted to do well, I wanted my teacher to, I just wanted to be one class where I got praised because of what I'd done academically. Not because I'd been a good boy and I hadn't disrupted the class. Thank you for, you know, thank you for not chucking stuff around other students.

And that's nice praise, but it's better to thank you for not setting fire to the, to the science lab, you know, it's like, that's praise, but it's not quite the praise I really wanted. And yeah, I did set fire to them. Everyone did it.

Well, I imagined. That's why I assumed. I mean, the place is full of paper towels and Bunsen burners.

What did they expect? But I wasn't really naughty. Not really. I was.

No, put a good book. Give me a good book to read. Even a challenge, because I used to take a book home from school in junior school, and I would read it overnight.

I'd read it in the evening, take it back, read it, or a big book, read it over the weekend. And as a kind of another one, another book to take home. And I didn't get a huge amount of praise in life.

Generally, never really have. So I think, oh, little violin, the little violin singing to me. Oh, little JJ, not enough, not enough kind words said to you.

Oh, JJ, oh, let me pat you on your bum. Oh, bum, bum, pat, pat. Oh, not enough attention.

Why don't you start a podcast then and get attention from people all over the world. It feels sorry for you. Oh, poor little JJ.

I don't know where that came from. And it is kind of psychotherapy. It's like talking through things.

But I like to read. I liked to read. And when I went to high school, they didn't really know what to do with me.

So I'd proven without a doubt that my mathematical ability was sketchy at best. They didn't know what to do with me when it came to science and history and geography. In junior school, there's not much really covered on that, that I can remember that, you know, the real kind of study and geography and history and stuff that didn't really come into being until I got to high school.

For me, in my memory, I don't remember any of the other stuff happening in junior school. I just remember having a bit of fun. It was fun.

I liked junior school. Didn't like high school, but I liked junior school. The whole thing was cool, really.

I learnt to swim. I went to three junior schools in my town, which is weird, but it's quite... Anyway, I went to the last one I went to had a swimming pool. And they taught me to swim.

I was there for two years. Not in the swimming pool for two years. I was in the... I went to that school for two... Yeah, I think it was two years.

I liked it there. I did. I did like it.

It was a nice school. But I liked all the junior schools, really. I don't remember the schools previous to that.

And the one, the first junior school when I was seven, I don't really remember it very well, vaguely. And then I moved to another school that I was at until probably more during my eighth year, when I was eight. And then I went to this last school for the last two years until I was 11, when I went to high school.

And they had this... My year, each year, and there was five years, or six years, sixth form as well. And each year had... There was less people in the sixth form. It was very more casual for them.

So I don't know if they had a name. But I think each year had a bird, and the name of a name. And I think there was six, six forms.

So each year had six forms. Not sixth form, but sixth form, six classrooms, basically. Each year had six of maybe, I don't know, 30 kids.

Something like that. Or 25, 30, I don't know, maybe more. And I was in... And the name for our school, our year, and it carried on.

Did it carry on? You know what? I think it might have carried on all the way through, which doesn't make sense unless I just make it up as it went along. That would make sense. Anyway, Osprey was the name of my year of my school, of my year.

So O-S-P-R-E-L-O-P-E-S-R-O-S, it says O-S-P-R-E-Y, O-S-P-R-E-Y, six. Why was the lowest? See, I think it's, personally, I think it's quite sad to grade people. It's not bad.

I don't think it's sad or wrong to grade kids. And also for kids that are gifted, you know, intellectually or academically gifted, to be given every opportunity to pursue an academic... Well, to pursue, to become as good as they can be in that sort of whatever they want to do. But at the same time, because I've seen both sides of it, you see, because I was in R, my form was R. So O was the top.

That was all the clever, the cleverest people. S was the second from top. P and R were the middle.

But I was like lower middle. They did say that P and R were kind of equal-ish. But I was, you know, I was at a lower level.

And then E and Y was, Y was the lowest. And E was, you know, getting down there. Now, to start with, I think in the first year, people pretty much stayed together.

I might have it wrong, but in my memory, this is what happened. If you was in your class, you'd stay together in the first year with all your lessons, history, maths, English, whatever, you know, you stayed in because you'd been graded and that was the class you stayed in. But then after that, things start to change.

And if you're... I was moved around to different things. So I was moved from being in the middle, well, lower middle for maths into Y. And with Y, the Y, or you know, the lowest level of maths, they didn't try and teach us. They just let us play in a room, in a group together, and just let us do whatever we wanted to do.

Now, for me personally, I had fun. And because they didn't know what to do with us. And amongst the group that I was with, were the most disruptive kids in the year.

Aggressive, fighting, or just not willing to do anything, you know. I kind of, I don't know, I was more... I feel I was more unable to do anything with maths. I just wasn't my thing.

So I was put into that group. And I'm laughing. I was put into that group and had a lot of fun.

And I think that I might have been halfway through the first year. Maybe it was the second year. Eventually, with the maths, they got rid of that group because they realised that we weren't learning anything.

And I think they brought a teacher in. And we were going to just sit there. And they just give us something to do.

And then they kind of integrated us back into the system. It's almost like we did our time. And they integrated us back and left us alone, really.

To just to do what we wanted, as long as we didn't weren't too disruptive. We weren't given a hard time. And that's kind of the, that's where I ended up in all of my classes.

So I wasn't in the dances class anymore for anything. But they'd given up on me. They didn't, didn't, you know, I'm responsible for what I do.

And I didn't put any effort. I suppose the only thing I put any effort in was cookery, or home economics, because I had to, I had no choice. Because every, I don't know what day it was, we probably basically spent the whole afternoon cooking, home economics.

And that day was what I was going to be eating in the evening at home with the family. So I couldn't just turn up and not do anything. I had to be prepared.

I had to know exactly what ingredients I was taking into school. And I was carrying the thing home. And it was ridiculous, mate, seriously.

I should have got a lift home. If I had a kid at school, and he was going to be cooking a dinner, first of all, I wouldn't ever eat anything that a kid cooked ever. Because it's not going to be in a hygienic meal.

You know, it wasn't. It's just, you know, it's like, don't, I wouldn't put anyone through that. But hey, I didn't have any choice.

So I had to kind of put my best effort because I knew that I was gonna have to eat it. And I didn't want to eat my own cooking. Didn't mind the cakes, that was all right.

Occasionally, I would steal someone else's lasagna or their food. Just, you know, I say, oh, I didn't realize. I thought it was mine.

Yeah, but your one's burnt. Was it? Whoops. Because if it's burnt, I still had to eat it.

It wasn't, they didn't have my, my, the adults in my household didn't have the brainpower to actually look at it and say, that's disgusting. Let's, you know, let's just have a sandwich. You know, it's just, you know, even like anything, we'd be better.

Let's just have some dried crackers. And, you know, a glass of water, that would have been better than the food that I was bringing home. But I didn't get a lift home and I would carry, sometimes I tried to carry it on my bike.

I don't know how I managed to do it. But quite often I would just walk home so that, you know, I couldn't really do the bike with that thing. And by the time I got home, half the lasagna would be all down my school uniform.

Because I was trying to hold it as flat as possible, but it was just going everywhere. And I'm talking lasagna because there was lots of different meals. It wasn't just lasagna, but it's one particular sloppy memory of mine.

A sloppy memory. So yeah, so I didn't enjoy cooking, but compared to sitting in a room at a table, listening to someone drone on and on about something, looking at the clock, wishing for time to just hurry up. You know, there was no question that I would choose to be sitting in the kitchen or stand in the kitchen, cooking food and being busy doing something for three hours or four hours in an afternoon, because it beat anything else.

I didn't enjoy doing that, but it was a thousand times better than any of the other lessons. Apart from RA, I liked RA. Not really sure why, but I did.

I think I've always been interested, fascinated maybe by human beings ability to be able to be superstitious and the belief systems that people are able to have that can then, based upon those belief systems, some of the most ridiculous things that they may do behaviour-wise. I've been fascinated by that. And I think perhaps it's because of living with nuns.

You know, these perfect little creatures of God, I think, and seeing the reality of that. I had questions like, well, okay, let's look at behaviour, what's expected. And that's part of the reason, probably why I got into Buddhism as well.

It's just a kind of a fascination with religion, a little bit, a little bit of fascination. I'm very interested in how people, beliefs, because for me, I'm trying to, with time, get rid of as many beliefs as I have. Because it's got so many restrictive thoughts that I'll get in the way of my just living, you know, just being, being able to, yeah, very self-restrictive, very, yeah, very limiting.

Very limiting. Indeed. So, yeah, I just, I'd like to, I'd like to get rid of as many of those limiting belief systems I can possibly get rid of.

A lot of it's gone. A lot of it's still there. A lot of it, I guess, will never leave, but I'm sure a lot, a lot more will grow and, you know, be created through life's experiences.

But I like to challenge and question myself, but I don't like other people doing it. I don't. I question myself all the time, but I will not be questioned by another human.

Do not question me. And, yeah, I just don't like answering questions. Well, I don't mind, but what did you do that for? So you've got to do you what I did it for.

I did it because I wanted to do it. That's it. Because I'm an adult.

Oh, yeah. Mr. French. It came up to me and I said I was 15.

I was literally leaving school that week. We weren't even doing anything. We just had to be there until the end of the week, the Friday, and then we could go home.

And. I. I don't know what I was doing. I was playing.

I was perhaps being a little bit too loud or something. I don't know. But Mr. French, he walks up to me and starts shouting in my face, shouting.

And it's a very smelly shout as well. And he just. So I have a mint, have a mint, mate.

If you. You heard a listening. Come on, man.

Really? And it's like that really shouting that he was. That wasn't what he was saying. It wasn't.

I mean, I mean, I was I might have had to call an ambulance for him. What's going on? Help him. And.

And I'm standing there and I'm getting a little bit frightened, I suppose, if I'm honest. You know, someone's yelling. He's he was a lot bigger than me.

He was an adult. I was still a kid. I was little.

I was very little for my age. So it was an intimidating, quite scary. The word scary is right.

But there was a little bit of a twinge of like, oh. And then I started laughing. Because I realized that.

I've only got like two days left of being at school. And the reality is I could have just left and not gone to school at all. I didn't have to go in for those days, but I just did it anyway.

I was like. Hello. What are you shouting at me for? I hadn't done anything really.

Nothing, you know. Really bad. Nothing.

You know, nothing that couldn't be put right. With a bit of local funding. No, everything was fine.

Just, you know, it's something I can't remember what it was. They were shouting at me. I started laughing.

And he was I think he was a deputy head. Yeah, he was a deputy headmaster. I think he was an angry man.

More so. He's very angry, but was more angry because when the headmaster left, he didn't get the job and another man came in. And the man that came in used to be a dustman.

So that didn't go down well. So the deputy head stayed the deputy head. But he was the one that used to give out the punishment.

Like the cane and stuff like that. Now, I never got the cane when I was at school. Got the slipper in junior school once.

And that was a random act of just, I don't know why that was. I didn't do nothing. I didn't do nothing, sir.

It was not me. You can believe me or your lying eyes was not me. And I said, that's an old one is and I started laughing like, why am I put why? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? And at that time, I was doing karate.

So I could have easily I could have put him on the floor if I wanted to. I would have run away. So if he got up, I'd probably be a bit scared.

But you know, I could have stopped him from hurting me. I knew I'd been doing karate for a couple of years. But it's just like, what are you doing? Why are you shouting? What is the point in you shouting? Come on.

Come on. Give me a cuddle. Give me a cuddle.

Come on. Just a cuddle. Just a cuddle.

That's it. Let me see your hands. Keep your hands where I can see them.

That's it. Right. Yep.

Oh, keep that away from me. Come on, just a cuddle. Now go back into your little deputy head master's room.

That's it. Now I'm going to come with you. And this time, I'm gonna cane you don't look so excited.

Stop it. Oh, no, you'd be looking forward to this for ages. Anyway, that didn't happen.

So I'm gonna go Thank you for listening. Remember, remember, remember, remember to be kind to yourself, because you do deserve to be happy. Lots of love.

Bye