#585 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com My name is Jason Newland. I've had a bit of a cough lately, which is a little bit annoying. I'd like to say thank you to Lawrence for your PayPal gift.

Thank you very much. Very much appreciated. Thank you.

If you would like to send a PayPal gift to me, please go to paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland or you can just go to my website and click on the banner at the top of the page. Yes. Did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? I think I did.

I made a song today, but it made well. I recorded a song. So we'll listen to it together, shall we? All right then.

Sounds awful, but there you go. I'm trying to imitate the Bee Gees a bit there. Well, I didn't rehearse that by the way.

I mean, you might think, well, yeah, obviously, but I just did it. Just, you know, filmed it, used the microphone on the camera, you know, the new microphone that I bought. And I finally figured out how to get a decent sound volume on a video.

It's taken me 15 years, but there you go. I finally managed to do it. So there we, there we are.

Because the volume level on that was only half, half the volume that it could have been. So just now I'm playing it on my phone. So you see it could be quite loud.

So I'm quite pleased with that new knowledge that I've got. I keep coughing. I'm not coughing, I'm laughing.

I'm laugh coughing. I'm laugh coughing, cough laughing, laughing and coughing. I'm just, I was trying to mix them together, but they both had the same ending.

Laughing, coughing, laughing, coughing, coughing. Shut up, shut up. And so, yeah, it's pretty good.

I got, oh, what's that? So I made the video. Well, I recorded it on my phone. Then I had to, I didn't have to do anything, but then I needed to upload it to the iCloud.

And then share it with my iPad. So that took a while. Upload, download and sharing.

I mean, even though it's only like two and a half minute video, it still took up quite a bit of meat. It's not really, it's about 200, 270 megabytes, I think. And then I, then I sent it to the iMovie to edit it.

So I cut out the beginning and the end. Then I sort the volume out as well. I saved it to the iPad, the iCloud.

Then I went to YouTube, and I uploaded it, and it didn't work the first time. But the second time I did it, it worked. So basically, while I was uploading to YouTube, I could not use the internet for anything else.

It was taken up. It was basically, you know, working on all cylinders. And then when it's uploaded, at this time at all, at this point, I'd already uploaded to Facebook as well.

So I uploaded to Facebook, which is a lot quicker than uploading to YouTube. I don't know if that's what that says about Facebook. Even it got better.

I have to write where this software, I don't know what better uploading capabilities or the YouTube's got too much, they've got so much stuff being uploaded. Because I imagine YouTube has more videos uploaded daily than Facebook, even though Facebook's probably got millions and millions of daily, a daily, millions a daily uploaded, YouTube would be probably higher. Because it's solely video, isn't it platform.

So I guess that's why it takes longer to upload. I did that shared it with Twitter. I haven't had any views, I don't think at all.

Um, let me see. Have I? Have I? I don't think so. No, I don't think so.

No. No, not at all. Facebook, YouTube, YouTube.

So for some reason, I can't get into YouTube. On my phone now. Can't get into YouTube.

Absolutely ridiculous. Try and go to YouTube, it takes you to a page which says m.youtube whoops. Now I don't want m. I just want YouTube.

YouTube. That's it. Just YouTube.

I don't want the mobile version. I should be able to choose whether or not I have the mobile version of YouTube. You know, I mean, do you care? You don't care do you? What do you care? Google.

Oh, all I want is Google. So sometimes I want to chuck this phone in a pond. YouTube.

Right, okay. YouTube premium. No, go away.

You know why they put that on there? Because they know that some people click, just click the button. So used to saying yes, okay to all of the data collection and that kind of crap that we have to now agree, you know, every time you go into a website, do you agree that under the European rules or whatever rules, blah, blah, blah. And unless you play, if you don't click Yes, you ain't going to get access to the website.

How many people have clicked on YouTube premium? By accident, which says try for free, click on it, not realizing that. Oh, shit. Well, I've got this crap now.

What's this crap? Oh, God, not another thing. Another thing. I don't want to try for free.

I'm stuck on a page m.youtube. I don't want m.youtube. I want youtube. Just youtube.com. Is it that comp? No, m.youtube. Again, sign into YouTube. I don't want m.youtube. Whoops, won't let me sign in.

I just want YouTube. Is it that complicated? youtube.com, you know, just because I'm on a mobile phone does not mean that I have to use the mobile version of the website, or the app rather, which is YouTube m.youtube. No, no. I just want normal YouTube.

Thank you. YouTube, YouTube. Clicking that.

Nothing's coming up. Oh, oops, something went wrong. So if I put m.youtube, click on there.

Oops, something went wrong. How weird is that? So I don't know what's happened. I can't get into my Netflix.

Well, I cancelled the Netflix, but I've still got a few weeks left of it. So I thought, oh, what if it's because I know I cancelled it. And maybe that's why it's not working.

But it hasn't. I've still got till the 1st of February. So please tell me why I can't get into and I can't get access to my Netflix.

Every other app on my TV is working. Netflix is the one that isn't. I can get onto it with my phone.

But I can't stream it onto my TV. Weird, weird stuff's happening at the moment. I blame it.

I blame it on Spain. I blame it on the albatrosses. Okay, where are we going to go? I don't blame on anything.

I'll tell you why. It's because of our brain. People's brains don't blame.

No brain equals blame. Got a brain, ain't got a blame. Because it must be someone else's fault.

I must blame somebody. Yeah. I can't take responsibility for my own actions.

Must blame. Must be someone else's fault. I must be a victim and you could be a victim all the time.

Yeah, sorry about that. I'm not quite sure what happened. It wasn't me.

YouTube. So here we go. I'm going to download the YouTube app.

FaceCast is a global popular video community with young people's favourite imaginary amount of perverts. Young people! I've got to download that app. Watch the video on YouTube about colon cleansing.

Whatever. Where they squirt water into the colon via the only entrance available. And fill it with, you know, a lot of liquid and then... This is being done professionally.

So this person who's sitting down or laying on the left side. Have to be on your left side. And it was being done properly in a salon or wherever they do it.

And it kind of looked okay. I thought I quite like to do that. I'm interested what's up there.

Because they say that you can, your stuff gets then gets released. So basically it comes back down the same tube and is collected in a bucket or something. And stuff gets removed that may have been there for years and years.

I'm just interested what's up there. Because surely stuff shouldn't be stuck up there for years and years. YouTube would like to send you notifications.

No. Continues. Yeah, it continues me.

Right, I'm in. So the app's fine. The app is working absolutely fine.

So let me just check. If I go to YouTube. YouTube.

In Google. Click on YouTube. And the app comes up.

Forcing me to use the app. I almost, got no choice mate. Have to use the app.

I don't know that. I mean, it shouldn't really bother me. It's not really a major thing, is it, in the world, but I find it annoying.

I don't like being, I don't like that. Because the app doesn't do everything I need it to do. For example, uploading stuff doesn't always work so well.

Okay, YouTube Studio. So go to the dashboard. Watch time.

I've had 1.1 thousand views this month, or over the last month, so it's only a small, small amount. Alright, so I've got hardly any actual I started a joke. The Bee Gees, sung by JJ.

Seven views. Already, in an hour. Wow.

You know what, I actually went, I actually went on to YouTube and listened to it six times. No, I went on to YouTube. No, I went on to YouTube No, I went on to YouTube.

I went on to YouTube. And I put in, I started a joke. Because I wanted to see if I'd come up or not.

You know, I'd only been uploaded for about ten minutes at that point. And there was probably ten videos ten versions of the song, including the original. But other covers.

And then I popped up there. So ten across. So I was watching on the TV and I just went across, flicked across.

So I was like number eleven on YouTube for that song. It's like, wow. I'll try again.

That's the way I go. So if I search for I started a joke. So the first one is the Bee Gees, obviously.

It should be, shouldn't it? 48 million. Wow. Number two I started a joke, lyrics to Bee Gees goes.

That's a karaoke, I think. Number three the Bee Gees, I started a joke. So it's another version.

The first one is them live. The second one there is the video. Third is Ali Sherlock singing it.

Five million views. Faith No More, I started a joke. So that's number six.

Seven, eight, nine ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen fifteen, sixteen, seventeen eighteen, nineteen, twenty twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six twenty-seven, twenty-eight twenty-nine. Oops. Okay, I'm twenty-ninth.

Did I say eleven? I might have flicked quite quickly when I was doing it on the television. So I'm number I'm number twenty-nine. Now it's not bad in an hour to get to number twenty-nine.

Really. And I'm above people that have got hundreds of thousands of views. Even though I'm in the list.

I don't know why, but hey it's not bad, is it? So I might have some people watch it and it's not necessarily a good thing. They might come to actually listen to the podcast thinking he's got to be better at making podcasts than he is at singing. So, yeah.

Isn't that weird? Number twenty-nine. So I'm in between I started a joke by Dave something, I don't know. He's got 1.6 million views.

There's me. Two views on there, but it's nice more than that. And then down below me is first okay, this is a reaction video to the song by King Blitz and that's got 7.9 million no, 7.9 thousand.

All right. So it's not even in I've gone below me with 10 million. Oh wow.

So it's not even the amount. How strange. I wonder if I put in hypnosis, if I come up at all.

Hypnosis. Do I come up on YouTube? Michael Sealy is the number one. Yep.

Nothing, nothing, nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. Well, not surprising really. I can't remember the last time I actually made a video.

A proper video. Been a long time. But but you know what after using, seriously after using the video I'm using the i movie software I feel a little bit more confident to to maybe maybe make a hypnosis video.

Nope. Still not anywhere to be seen. I bet some of the other hypnotists were happy when I left YouTube.

Because I used to some of them would get annoyed with me because I used to produce so many videos that I just sometimes people would put their name in and my video would come up. Which was weird. I used to get people to contact me saying look you're making too many videos.

Stop it. Okay. Ooh.

Nowhere to be seen. Nowhere to be seen at all. I am on it but just in the you know what they offer you a suggestion of something to watch.

Nowhere. Nowhere. To be seen.

It's supposed to snow tonight. So tomorrow, Sunday, it's supposed to be snowy. But hypnosis asleep.

Let's see if I come up anywhere on this one. Nope. Wow.

It's almost like I don't even exist on YouTube anymore. Believe me I used to exist. I did.

I used to be on YouTube. Proper. Like really properly on YouTube.

Now I'm almost invisible. Hypnosis for deep sleep in 60 seconds. 1.2 million.

See that's Michael Sealy. No it isn't. That's mind oddities.

I just the problem I've had over the years apart from not being very good at anything that I do is I never really wanted to do the gimmick stuff. Really. I could have gone gimmicky like laugh past life and you know forgetting your name and turning invisible or changing your sex or having an orgasm or whatever stupid things other people do.

You know change really messing with your brain really. Which I don't want to do. Never really wanted to do that.

And you know some people do that for a living on stage. Get people to imagine the person next to them is an alien. I mean that's psychosis.

You know I don't want to create psychosis behaviour in somebody. It's just not my thing. It's funny to watch.

I'm not denying that. When I was a kid well not a kid so much probably early 20's I used to watch Paul McKenna and I loved it. I did watch every single episode that Paul McKenna ever made.

Of his Paul McKenna Paul Moore McKenna's Magic World of Hypnosis or something like that. I watched every episode and I loved it. I had no interest in being a hypnotist.

I had no interest in hypnosis at all. It was weird but I loved the show. I suppose it's kind of like watching a show on autopsies.

I don't want to be an autopsist or be autopsied but I don't like watching those programs but as an example some people do don't they? Can everyone leave the room please? She's about to have her heart removed. Sickos Sick sick sick I love judging That's a nice little picture I wonder if that stays on there the whole picture is there just for the No No it doesn't Blimey Some of the videos are really well done This is called Meditation Station Cure insomnia and sleep deeply Sounds quite quite familiar doesn't it? To you? Maybe? To me?

This is six months ago I do think that some people have copied some of my stuff over the years made it better probably I do wonder if someone could only speak four or five words could probably improve my recordings Go sleep now Now sleep Eyes closed Sleep and it would still be more soothing than me Here This is quite a good thing it's actually quite a little moving So listen Now take four deep breaths Take four deep breaths in Release the contents of your lungs I'm releasing the contents of my lungs Grant your body permission

to relax even further by letting all of your muscles know that it is now safe to do so I fell off the chair I don't want to relax As you continue to breathe Oh he's done the relax but he's got the voice relax, relax, echo Insomnia is a choice you can choose not to make You can choose to sleep deeply Well I'm not going to mock him because I'll be mocking myself It's very professional really Music in the background is good the video is good You should go to him, he's better than me Why do

people listen to me I don't get it There's better people, go to YouTube loads more better people because if everyone starts listening to other people and stop listening to me then I can stop doing those stuff and do something probably start doing something with my life get on with my life and I don't know take up train spotting or stamp collecting I kind of think my hobby is boxing really I do like all kind of fighting arts UFC MMA but particularly boxing as a as a non participating person in that as an audience member I

love my boxing and I would say out of those audience members who are enthusiastic about boxing I'd probably say I was in the top 10% of enthusiastic ness I go online I study people's form study their boxing record watch videos, interviews with them with their opponents as the build up to a fight comes find out about their training all that kind of stuff I'm quite knowledgeable about the boxes both in the US and in my country probably more so in the US really because I shouldn't really say this but it's something ok here's a difference

between the UK boxing scene and the US boxing scene and the difference recently ok ok um ok sorry I've just just noticed something I've just got a message ok yes I so with the with the Lurgi I've been going around you know the last year no audiences hardly at all with boxing a lot of sporting events although in America a bit slow on the mark for that one in England we were pretty slow to be fair we were having we were having rugby I think cricket and football hundreds of I don't know hundreds of thousands

but like you know however how many thousands can fit into a stadium and we had people, fans from other countries coming over here and we were going over to other countries and you know it was very slow in cutting that down and then they did put a full block pretty much on everything and now they've gradually kind of opened it up again so that a lot of sports are now back on telly have been for a while football, it's on tonight actually no crowd I don't know if it's no crowd at all now they did

allow something like 200 people allowed to attend but I think as we're in a full lockdown there shouldn't be anyone there at all in fact they shouldn't really be playing football if we're in lockdown I mean I'm glad they are because I think it's having some sport on is a good it's a really positive for people that are stuck at home so I'm not going to complain but logically if they're saying you're in a full lockdown you can only go to work if you've got no other choice if you can't work from home or if

you do a job that is important you know so if you work in an office but they don't have the facilities or if you've got a job that you can't work from home with I can't think of anything for example autopsy person and flange cleaner I don't know a hooker I suppose you can work from home can't you I usually visit yeah so I don't think footballers and rugby players and boxers and all that those kind of people really fit into the important roles you know as far as a job being done but at the

same time I'm glad that it is on telly I'm glad that they are doing it because when boxing got took off and all sport got took off everything was cancelled the olympic games over here you know Wimbledon was cancelled for the first time in my life that I remember I don't think it has ever been cancelled I think the last time Wimbledon was cancelled was probably during a war the olympic games I think the last time that was cancelled was during the war as well and loads of festivals most festivals were cancelled in the summer

Glastonbury is already cancelled this years one as well so that's two years in a row Glastonbury hasn't been there and they decided to not wait until loads of people were preparing to go they said it's going to save themselves a lot of money by cancelling now regarding booking acts and being able to give people notice I suppose they won't have to pay for the field will they because they might have paid for the field last year and not used it I don't know I don't care Glastonbury Glastonbury it's not Glastonbury it's Glastonbury so I I'm

glad that boxing is back on but to give you an example of the quality of fight night in America and fight night here during the lockdown there's a difference a huge difference I've watched a pay per view fight in this country between two fighters that weren't even world champions weren't even world champions where in the world are you going to get a pay per view fight between two people that aren't world champions unless they are superstars like Conor McGregor yeah he is the biggest superstar in mixed martial arts it should be John Jones but McGregor

because of his mouth and his character personality is bigger than the sport he's almost more famous than the sport he does just like Muhammad Ali was when it comes to boxing he was bigger than boxing and I'm trying to think what other sports people just like Ronaldo I suppose he's almost bigger than football although I'm not really a football fan but Maradona you know he's still remembered I know he's passed away now but he was still I'm laughing not at him passing away but at what he was famous for because it was the hand of

God where he handballed he beat us beat England by handballing a goal but the only reason really that England England haven't well one of the only reasons why England haven't been as successful in the World Cup and I've heard other players actually talk about it from other countries they say the English players are too polite now you go within two feet of a Spanish Spanish player they'll fall down on the floor holding their leg you've not even got anyone near them so they're cheats I'm not saying Spanish people are cheats I'm saying that that was

an example a lot of football players are cheats and what we have to do we have to become cheats ultimately English players have to become cheats in order to win the World Cup which for me means the World Cup ain't worth nothing if the only way you can win it is by cheating what do you think of that then what do you think of those grapes I watched it and I think maybe I notice it more because I don't watch football much I kind of watch it during a World Cup just you know you can't

escape it especially if England are doing quite well and have won a few matches and maybe we're into the quarter finals or something it's hard I watch this and you just see the other teams falling down at every possible opportunity and English players especially I don't know about these days but in the past they were tough they were known for being tough that they wouldn't go down even if they did get kicked even though that would help their team they wanted to be tough and there's a few really tough players that were defenders that wouldn't

care if they got kicked mind you they'd probably be doing the kicking to be fair that's all the knowledge I have on football I thought I'd just get it out it's all like having a big football poo it's gone, the relief I haven't got to think about it again oh, the fillings come out of my tooth yep yep, you heard right it's basically I've got a volcano inside my mouth now on the right hand side big massive gap it came out when I was eating and I thought that what I was eating must have had

some kind of weird gristle it was quite hard and I just swallowed it anyway I didn't care not realising it was a filling now I know they come out eventually, generally fillings aren't necessarily supposed to last forever whatever but I don't know what to do now because dentists I'm not going to say nips because it's quite negative so I won't yeah, so boxing we paid it was a pay per view boxing between Del Boy so Derek Chisora and Usyk Alexander Usyk now Usyk is Olympic gold medalist and he also went on to win, become undisputed

cruiserweight champion and he's undefeated he's kind of he's in the top I think he's in the top 10 like pound for pound possibly he's a big name but even so he wasn't I mean Del Boy is he's lost many times but he goes to war he's actually an exciting fighter to watch and much more than he used to be he was a better boxer I think in his early days he fought for the world title twice I think and he fought Klitschko went the distance with Klitschko one of the few people that ever managed to

do that and then he fought he fought David Hay got knocked out in I think the 5th round or 4th round and he fought he fought a few people he fought he fought Titan Fury twice and lost both times he he fought White twice and lost both times got knocked out in the 2nd one but it's something the last few years he's been proper even though if he does get knocked out or he gets beaten but he puts everything into it literally I don't know there's something admirable about that I think he maybe it's something

the English people like in a boxer even if the person doesn't have you know they're never going to really the chance of them winning the world title is slim when anyone that's close to that level beats them it's slim that they're going to win but you put them in with any anyone in the top 20 you know not top 10 but anyone between number 11 to 20 and there's a good chance he'll beat them put him with someone in the top 10 he's still got a chance but you know and then anyone below the top

20 he'll beat pretty much anyone possibly anyway that was a pay per view and I think the same weekend in America there was five five main fights it's always like early fights where there's no one watching there's only a few people in the arena but they might show it and then they show the five fights leading up to the main fight out of the five fights four of them for world titles four of them were world title fights featuring big stars there was one weekend they had the Charlo twins both fighting on the same night

and they said wow there was a bit of an audience not much of an audience in America but there was a few instead of being in an empty room like the ones for England that we've been doing everyone in masks the only people allowed really was trainers and the other boxers but in America they allowed 2,000 people into an arena even though it could hold 60,000 but they booked an arena and made it a big thing and spread the 2,000 people around close to the ring so there was an audience so actually and then they

did it on pay per view or I don't know if they did it I guess I don't know it was a much better night everybody they were putting people in with each other that had never some of them only had a few fights and they were really big prospects and they were fighting other people that only had a few fights that were also unbeaten you don't get that in this country it's really rare you know they had that and then over here the undercard honestly mate it was two fights one it was his fourth fight

and he's a hot property he's going to be the next biggest thing and he fought someone that had lost 72 times and I thought the bloke had had something like honestly I think he'd won 40 odd 50 times it had a lot of fights but because you say well anyone that wins 50 times surely they should be world champion or be going or fighting for the world title but if you spread that 50 times over 20 years mixed in with four or five defeats for every win although it adds up to lots of wins still

not great so it's these people and then I thought that was weird and then the next one another prospect who'd had maybe one or two fights some of these were going to be at the Olympics and when they heard the Olympics was going to be cancelled they turned professional instead of doing the Olympics then turning professional and Andre what are you doing Andre it's locked in the kitchen I'm coming how are you alright mate what are you doing what are you doing why do you always try and run away from me what do I do

what do I do why do you hate me so much oh hello so he was asleep in the kitchen so he got I closed the kitchen door up I don't close it up completely but just there's this little gap because I know he likes to go in there and if it's closed he'll scratch against the door but I think when he's in there to start with it's quite difficult to get out but now I know he's been asleep in there I'm going to have to turn the light on when I go in there because he

might have done a poo in the sink not because he's naughty it's just when he's asleep if he's in here he knows where to go because it's he's still asleep when he poos he's not awake he's asleep so he poo sleeps or sleep poos and it just does it by I guess muscle memory he just runs over does it and then goes back to sleep if he's in the kitchen he's not going to run into here he's still going to be asleep and he just runs to the nearest corner he doesn't even know he's doing

it so it's not like because he probably wouldn't do it there if he was awake in fact I know he wouldn't if he was awake he would never poo near the kitchen sink in fact he would never poo in the kitchen he would go to the places where he goes to the toilet he's got his places he goes his special places honestly he likes going to the toilet it's ridiculous in front of the front door I know it's ridiculous it's the most stupidest place for him to go to the toilet and I can't I've got

paper down for him I've cleaned the carpet loads of times to try and take away the smell so he won't go there but he still does he loves pooing at the front door and there's a couple of other places in the living room that I've got for him to go to the toilet he's a good boy but when he's asleep in the bathroom that's it he's just he runs over and he's back to sleep again and because he rarely does it he rarely does a poo in the kitchen a couple of times a year I

don't expect it to be there and whenever he does it I normally stand in it because I don't expect it to be there that would be the one day that I walk in there in an evening I don't turn the kitchen light on because I'm just going in there to put a plate in the sink or something like that and I step in it and I you think you're clever don't you I do when I'm around you Oi stop it I love you Back off shush you can't say that I'll say what I fucking like

Andre you can't swear stop it Andre stop it stop that naughty words I told you before I told you before he's so cute he could get away with it if he was to start swearing he said a naughty word he said you're naughty you have to start behaving yourself give me kisses I never want to let you go ever I want to hold on to you forever and ever you won't do when I start weeing on you ok there you go right so that's pretty much it for now I'm still working on my website it's

a lot to do honestly it's a lot but I'm hoping probably next week it will be there's a few little bits I'll be adding to it they'll make it easier which basically means my four main podcasts in my mind not other peoples but so I'll have the Let Me Boy To Sleep Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Sleep Hypnosis Weekly those four podcasts I will have every single episode available organised for you to either stream for free or download for free so you can stream it or you can download

it to your phone, laptop whatever I'm just in the process of doing it and I did have a similar thing a while back but I deleted a lot of stuff so yeah I'm just in the process it's nearly there I reckon it's got about 10% left to be finished and once it's finished it'll be good kind of and you'll have I don't know how many recordings but quite a few ok let me have a look so with this if I look at the if I look at the podcasts no not statistics podcasts so I have

Deep Sleep Whisper there are really this is rubbish oh I know what I'm going to do jason jason no that's not going to do it either because I can't see them there I don't know anyway I've got a few there's 500 and I don't know why I'm up to 500 and something with these ones 500 so it's nearly 600 I think I've got 290 nearly 300 Deep Sleep Whispers that's 900 over 200 Relaxation for Stress 1100 so over 1100 there's 62 sleep weekly ones so there's about 1100 different recordings that's not all the recordings I've

got, that's the only ones I'm going to put onto my podcast, onto my website I think that's enough that's enough and then just continue to add to those podcasts as I make new recordings maybe add some other stuff as well but you know that's quite a lot isn't it really 1100 1100 there's so many I can't work out how many I did last year because it's too difficult it's probably not that difficult I guess I'll just look at the number now and then go back to the first of I might have already done it have

I done it I don't know I'm not sure I want to go to the garage and get some painkillers for my teeth but I'm not going out it's supposed to snow overnight I'm so looking forward to it it snowed a bit today this afternoon and it was beautiful I drew my curtains the net curtains I opened up so I pulled them up together so I could see out the window and then I opened the window wide and I sat down on the chair over there I looked out at the snow and I can honestly say

that I felt like I was communicating with my nipples you know what I mean it just felt nice I felt almost it's quite an elated feeling yeah elated elated yeah so that's it other stuff has happened in the news around the world which I rarely talk about maybe I should but I don't know if it's really could I just want to progress whatever I'm doing I want it to progress and for it to naturally organically move forward but the thing is with these let me bore you to sleep ones it's just me just jabbering innit

about nothing literally about nothing for an hour I can't write a synopsis for or even you know an introduction to what's on this episode because I don't know I don't know what I've talked about a little bit about boxing a little bit about football a little bit about my tongue is rumbling I don't know I don't know I just don't bloody know I wish I did I wish I did sometimes maybe not always but sometimes I wish I did I wish I did what was I going to say who's the famous person oh I was

talking to my friend and I realised that you know the actor in Hugh Grant for years and years he played a bumbling idiot didn't he type of character I really like him but I want him to war oh sorry perhaps you can just suck that how much I don't know if you're mad blowjob he's very bumbly I think he's started taking on grittier roles lately proper quite horrible roles quite vicious I've not seen Paddington 2 I can't I just I was wrong talking about him being vicious horrible character I've not seen Paddington 2 but apparently

he's a kind of baddie in there he's a sadistic you should see his latest role sadistic murderous disgusting homicidal sociopath Paddington 2 he's in a Guy Ritchie film where he plays horrible character and it dawned on me he's had to stop playing the bumbling idiot because no room in this country for 2 because now we've got the Prime Minister which is ironic because he played the Prime Minister in Love Always or whatever it's called so it's ironic he was a bumbling idiot playing the Prime Minister but now he can't play the bumbling idiot anymore because

that role has been taken over that act the character fine every now and then Boris Johnson Alexander Johnson says you do a sentence or a little monologue and he has to someone else said this they copied him someone copied him the other day and they said by jowl or jawl or something like that something that no one says no one I've never heard anyone say that sentence ever I've been around I guess it's probably from some literature book Charles Dickens maybe probably Shakespeare or one of the big famous people not that Charles Dickens wasn't famous

don't judge me because I said Charles Dickens or you don't know the difference between Charles Dickens and Shakespeare the difference is Charles Dickens is readable yeah so there you go and Shakespeare very clever stuff but he was just obsessed with old tales wasn't he he was very obsessed oh what's that I've just seen that mouse I'm not very yeah I like Charles Dickens but I don't really read those kind of books anymore because I don't know I don't really relate to that period you know I don't necessarily feel that I want to just read stuff

about my own period and I'll be told by a few people that reading stories about periods isn't necessarily that interesting but I I don't really I suppose if I read something about the 80s or the 90s or even the 70s I could relate to it a bit if I read something that someone wrote about now I might relate to it but it depends if they're coming from a perspective of a 22 year old living in Edinburgh for example then I might not relate to what they're saying but then why would you need to relate sometimes

that's the point of reading isn't it to hear a story and you know a bit of escapism but you know what I struggle with a little bit I read something the other day I actually downloaded a book it was part of the Amazon plan it was free and it's almost like it was a novel paint by numbers kind of situation and I don't know see if I wrote about you know if I was going to write me I walked into my living room and a stupid cough if I walked into the living room it's kind

of sat down turned the TV on and flicked my feet off my shoes off and gave Andre a cuddle but if I was a proper writer I would be I walked into the room I noticed in the corner there was a bookcase and there was 14 books one of those books made me feel extra smelly and then you just as I was walking towards the sofa I noticed my left leg my left knee creak and I thought oh no my left knee is creaking I hope the right one doesn't also creak and I noticed the

feeling of the floor upon my feet and then I basically what I should be doing with hypnosis which I don't do oh my goodness maybe that's why I don't like it is you can walk through the fields and you can notice the smell of the sycamore tree and as you wander you can know you can sense that there has been a squirrel nearby because you can see the small fingerprints of the squirrel in the mud and as you look at the mud you notice there is also some dog poo in the shape of a goldfish

and it's like maybe maybe it's because I am not visual I am not a visual person unless it involves breasts unless it involves women or yeah pretty much I am visual with women when it comes to ladies not just visual I am everything what I mean is all senses are there but generally I know what's in the room and none of it stimulates me visually now I love my books not as much as I used to love my books I used to have a huge book collection and I could have doubled that in the last

five years living here but I never I do have a book collection now which I pretty much when I moved there I probably had maybe 20 books maybe 30 now I have probably got a couple of hundred still a tiny amount how many have I got?

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 10,11,12,13,14,15 16,17,18 19,20,21,22 23,24,25 26,27,28 29,30 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 9,40 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 9,50 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 9,60 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 9,70 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 9,80 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 9,90 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 9,100 13, 14, 15, 16, about 220 roughly it's not many though is it it's quite a short small amount I mean I used to have I'd say 500 books before maybe more five six hundred books and I'd like to just have every single hypnosis book ever produced I used to think that until I saw some of the newer books oh my goodness there's some great stuff but there's also some I don't know so yeah that's kind

of what's moved away from the microphone sorry that's what's um I was praying I was sitting there I was sitting in the bedroom there until I realized oh I'm still recording I I don't write like that I write like I talk including the random moving away from the subject so I don't know if other people would enjoy reading something like that because it's I imagine it's quite hard to follow and it really is my best work would probably be me writing no editing and just releasing it but you know writing a few bits and waiting

until I found something that comes out quite well now I did a podcast episode the other day which went down really well and had a quite a bit of positive feedback now that's something that I could have released under if that'd been a book rather it's something I could have released as a book or not an hour-long book but you know I mean something I could have liked that this is a product on its own that works but there's a part of me that can't be asked there's a there is a part of me that

would love to write a book but the way I work is one books not gonna be enough I'm gonna want to write lots and lots and lots of books and they're all gonna be a bit rubbish possibly because it's gonna be me writing them and it's gonna be me me it's not gonna be any editing really I will not do these recordings I don't edit what I say I should I know but generally I don't edit what I say when I do the hypnosis stuff I don't really I'm quite more more focused on those but

I still do go off sometimes on a different direction especially with the relaxation for stress ones if you ever hear me talking on a subject yeah I could random I couldn't be yeah go on forever sometimes I do I've got like an hour and a half nearly got one recording was nearly two hours long it was just me talking for two hours nothing to do with hypnosis just me talking about a subject and so yeah I think I'd like to write a book but needs to sort of I guess like everything I do if I

give it away as opposed to charge people for it or try and charge people for it then so I charge people and no one buys it I know some people buy okay I'll probably sell I'm just being realistic based on the amount of people listen and those that support me and stuff and like what I do a very minimum I'd sell a hundred copies and it's not a lot is it maybe a thousand not straightaway but you know probably over like a few months I probably sell a thousand copies of a book if I wrote

one and released it if I did it for free and I'd get a lot more people downloading it if it was on Kindle for free doesn't mean anyone's gonna read it or anything but if I do it for free it means I can't make a paperback copy of it although I will for myself so I'd have to offer that as an option you know if you want to maybe what I would do is I print off maybe 50 or 100 copies paperback and keep maybe keep two copies for myself and and you have the rest

signed and I could just send them to people as a gift oh my dad would be so happy okay got a gift like that for Christmas Jason where's the Scotch whiskey what's this I can't drink this well what's this in words I'm supposed to read the where's my whiskey so yeah I'd probably wouldn't give that to him I think he'd like a book from me it's weird isn't it it's isn't it kind of I think it's always been a little bit of a dream minder one day my dad will like me no one day that

it's my it's my book dad it's like being 10 again you know I want to improve I want to impress me dad but I think once you get to 50 you gotta realize it's never gonna happen if someone's never been impressed with you all your life they're not gonna be impressed after 50 years or 40 43 years that he's known me he's not gonna be impressed by anything I do now so you know those days of wanting to impress anyone it's pretty much gone there's no one left it's he was the only one really my

nan I didn't need to impress my nan she was just happy for me just wanted me to be happy but I kind of like to impress my dad but it's not gonna happen is it ain't happened if you're not hand by time you're 50 it's not gonna happen if I did say to him this is weird a couple of weeks ago and I said you do realize you know if you notice that if you realize but you know I've been doing this thing for 15 years I've been I've helped what I've reached millions of people

in that time and hopefully helped a few along the way and I think he said if you had any snow that was his answer if you had any snow there I thought just tell me you're proud daddy daddy can still tell me JJ you're proud of him I suppose I don't really do pride pride but maybe maybe I should stop trying to be proud of myself or at least of my accomplishments I mean for no other reason if not and I've done all right I've lived a life that's full I do my way yeah I'm

a good boy most of the time I've been a good daddy to Andre I know that for a fact I've been a good daddy to him I'm not always available when he wants to play but he has such weird hours so sometimes you know I get up and I just wanted to do is go for a wee wee and he's up there he's like come on chase me dad chase me and like when we go out I took him for a walk last night he wouldn't he hated every minute of it did not want to

be outside I was like okay get on the grass you'll be fine sniff the grass get in the mud nope wasn't even cold I didn't think it was cold but yet he wanted to come back so we came back I took his little lead off his you know thing off he put him on the floor take my hat off take my jacket off I'm walking into the kitchen to I'm going yeah I'm walking towards the bathroom to wash my hands I always wash my hands when I get home after being out and he's he's he's

basically staring at me and running away and coming back and running away into the kitchen and coming back he wants me to chase him he's full of energy he's jumping around hopping around as I would just being outside that is the time for you to do this he said I can't hide behind the cuckoo in the park he's so specific anyway I'm gonna go thanks for listening remember to be kind to yourself big shout out to Boston chicky so be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love bye