#583 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Now, I hope you're all okay, hope you're well.

And I've got a message to read out actually that I got yesterday. Let me have a quick look, a quick... Um, where is it? Oh, it was on Facebook, Messengar. It was a lovely message and I'll read it out to you.

I got the message at, I don't know, what time was it? I read it about four o'clock in the morning. I think it was sent about one o'clock. And I went to put the phone down and I accidentally phoned the person that sent me the message.

So I hung up and I sent a message to apologize. So I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean to call you. I did the same thing today.

About an hour ago, I just touched the phone and it started ringing someone. So either there's something wrong with my phone, I don't know how to handle it properly, or my phone's concerned about my lack of contact with humans. Might be.

Anyway, this is from Megan and it says, Hi, Jason, apologies for the random late message. I just wanted to thank you so much for your recordings, especially, especially your bore me to sleep podcast. I would honestly be lost without them.

You make such a big daily difference in my life. And I just felt I needed to express my gratitude and let you know. And I apologize.

Also, if this is the wrong place to let you know, just thought it may be the most direct line. Thank you so much again. Hope you have a good day.

That's from Megan. So thank you, Megan. Oh, it says, PS, please don't read this out on the podcast.

Oh, whoops. And yeah, thanks for the message. It's really nice.

I appreciate that. It does. I mean, it's pretty much why I do what I do.

Because of those kind of messages that I get it. Yeah, it keeps me going. What keeps me says, I'm so needy.

I don't mean it in that way. But it's, it's a bit like fuel, you know, keeps the, the, the momentum to know that I'm not. I mean, technically, I know that I'm not talking to nobody, in the sense of, I see the stats.

And I know that, you know, thousands of people listen to me weekly or whatever, over. I don't know how many people, but quite a few people. Yet, if I don't hear anything from any of them, those people, it almost feels like I'm talking to myself.

With a deep sleep whisper podcast, I get very little in the way of feedback, I guess I have had feedback, but not a huge amount. But I do have a fairly large audience for that. It's one of my most popular podcasts, above the Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

So it's, it's kind of a weird, weird thing, really. I mean, I'm just have a look, because I know how much everyone enjoys hearing about my statistics. So, here's interesting.

Well, it's not that interesting. I'm turning my back to the camera, to the camera to the microphone. 9166 downloads yesterday, or streams.

And so far today 4863. And it's only 1040am. So that's pretty good.

So the deep sleep whisper podcast, podcast, I've had 304,865 downloads, the Let Me Bore You To Sleep 221,685. And I get a lot more messages from people that listen to the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast, then listen to other podcasts. So I'm going to get back onto the screen to make sure it's still recording.

Yes, it is. So that's it. That's the entire recording done.

I just had a shower, just had a shower. So you know, everything's clean, whatever weather I could reach. I don't remember.

I remember there was a time when everywhere was reachable quite easily. That's all I'm saying. And I think what it is, is I'm too muscular.

So I'm going to go with that. I'm going to go with I'm way got to too many muscles. Like a bonus big massive bodybuilders to struggle to do some of the more normal things in life.

So yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So you know, that's kind of how it is at the moment. So yeah, things are okay today. I did quite a few recordings yesterday and the day before and I'm kind of starting the day off again really.

This is the first recording of the day. I had a food delivery at 7.30 this morning. And I got a few bits that I needed.

But this next this next bit this next thing is gonna I was I wondered if I was being sexist here. But this morning I got the delivery and there's quite a few bits that I had a couple of cartons of coke like 24 cans in each. So they're quite heavy.

A couple of packets of water like which are quite heavy. And you know, just basically the the containers themselves with the individual bits fairly heavy. Normally, I don't mind.

Because part of the reason of getting a delivery is me not carrying this stuff upstairs. Plus, with my lower back. It's not something that I need to kind of be avoiding at the moment until I figure out what to do with it.

Or what's going on there. Well, knock on the door, answer the door. There's a lady standing there.

Now, usually for my deliveries, it's usually men. There have been women, but it's usually men. And because it was I wouldn't say a big delivery, but there was some heavy some heavy bits.

I felt I felt almost obligated to help her carry the stuff upstairs. When normally I don't. Because the reason I one of the reasons I get a delivery is because of my back is because it's I still have to carry this stuff.

You know, bend over and pick the stuff up, put it into bags because they don't come in bags anymore. And then, you know, walk into the kitchen and put stuff away. It's quite a lot of bending over and things.

And at the end of it, I need to lie down on the bed for about 10 minutes for my back to get back to normal. My back to get back. And for some reason, I like to think it's more the shrivellingness of, you know, the old fashioned shrivelling thing that, you know, my granddad used to do.

So he used to open a door for a lady and put your coat over a puddle. Yeah, right. Like that's ever gonna happen.

Put my coat over a puddle. Blimey. I wouldn't even do that for myself.

I wouldn't actually I would do it for the Queen. Of course I would because it's the Queen. But why would she be walking through puddles? She wouldn't be so it's not really relevant.

But you know, I mean, I'd carry someone over the puddle. I would put my coat on them. It's not that I don't know, maybe I would.

I might have done when I was younger, because I used to have romantic parts. Romantic, romantic parts. Romantic pants.

I used to have romantic pants. But I don't know if I've got them anymore. I think if I do have any romance, any romantic ness in me, it would need to be sparked from another person.

I think it would be it would be reopened like like an old wound. It sounds awful, doesn't it? Like an old wound. I'm now romantic.

I'm romantic again. But I'm in pain. It's all the blood.

So yeah, I am. I would. Anyway, I wasn't being romantic.

I wasn't. I was not being romantic at all. However, however, I, I guess I just thought that it was the right thing to do to help her to carry the heavy stuff up the stairs.

And I just went with it. I didn't have time to write a list of do's and don'ts and pros and cons and do some kind of flow graph and maybe, you know, get into some deep thinking and write some poetry about it, trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. So I just gave her a hand.

It's not the first time I've helped other drivers out. If I've got a particularly big load and if he's got to unload a lot, I'll help the driver unload his load. You know, if he's got a lot to unload, I'll give him a hand.

And so it wasn't really being I wasn't really being sexy. It was. I'm not just trying to be kind to another human being.

I think that's what it was, actually. Yeah, so I'm not going to beat myself up over that. If she'd have said, what are you doing? Just because I haven't got a penis? You think I can do this myself? Then I'd have told her to go away, probably.

And but yeah, I don't know. It's Also, I wanted to get the stuff in as soon as possible, because I've decided to close the door for the day. So trying to get this company trying to come in here and check the electrics.

And I don't want someone coming into my home at the moment. We're in lockdown. You know, there's a reason I'm not allowed to do anything or really go anywhere, which is why I got a delivery.

So I don't go out. Really, maybe for a walk. That's it.

So why would I want to let some man or woman whoever electrician come in here, put their hands over everything, check all the things, and then go to another place and in another person's house and in another person's house all day long. I mean, that's one way of spreading stuff in it. So I'm basically just not answering the door.

It's I wouldn't normally do that. It's just, you know, what's the point? It defeats it, doesn't it? It's just, I might as well just go and just kiss a complete stranger in the street. That's not nothing similar.

All is it really isn't, isn't it? I would even know not even not even know. I'm trying to record this on. I'm using what am I using? Dragon software.

It's an app on my phone. So I'm trying to record the podcast. I'm using it as I'm using the app on my phone recording it.

Just to see whether or not I can get some kind of transcription from it. Whether or not I can, I don't know. I'm not looking at it, but it is a bit distracting.

Because at some point, I've had it before. At some point, it seems to move the cursor to backwards into it is into a part of the transcript, and then records and writes it there. So it's very muddled.

So I do have to keep an eye on it. And every now and then I stop it and put a new paragraph in so that it can separate it as well. Because there's no paragraphs, there's no sentences, there's no full stops either.

Although when I just said paragraph, it just put a paragraph in it's just weird. I don't understand what's going on. So yeah.

It's weird. What do we talk about when I do nothing? No thing, I guess the past other times when I've done nothing. Okay, I've got an idea.

1995. Okay, in 1995. But the summer 1994, I was with Andre, but I was, I sort of spent the summer with him.

We were we were going to the pub nearly every day after work and during the weekends. And then I ended up moving to Ireland with him. Well, he went first and I followed him.

Follied him. Probably a couple of weeks later. And then spent like five or six weeks, whatever it was in Ireland.

And then I came back in probably October, November time. The following year. So I was still living in that same place.

So I went back to live there. The following year, I, I wasn't working. And I spent the summer because I've been ill with a bad stomach since leaving Ireland.

I was really, really unwell for quite a while. All the way probably from, let's say November, December, January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August. So for at least nine months, maybe in September, but so at least at least nine months, I was unwell.

And I kept going to the doctors. They, they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. And then I ended up going to the hospital in the, the summer, you know, late summer and having tests, having scans.

I even had that thing that pregnant women have, not a baby. You know, when they put the jelly on, well you might not, but they put the jelly on your tummy and they're ultra, is it called ultra scan? So I could see the baby in there and like, well, I could just see the poos fighting each other. See who could to decide who is going to leave next, leave the nest.

So I could see the poos fighting each other, boxing each other to decide who is going to leave the nest next, leave the nest. Blimey, that's weird. And then I had, yeah, so it was very unwell for a while.

And eventually, you know, I had a few other bits and bobs done tests and stuff. And then I had a ended up having a blood test because I was referred to specialists who were then looking for something serious though, you know, cause they feel it must be something serious because we can't find out what's wrong with this bloke. And then they came back and said, I remember it was weird because I went into the, this big office in this hospital and there was two specialists sitting, one was sitting behind the desk, the other one was sitting like to the side and I thought this is not good.

Two specialists, what on earth, you know, what's going on? I thought no. And they said, oh yeah, there's nothing wrong with you or we can't find anything wrong with you. It must be stress.

They said, it must be stress. And I said, what do you mean stress? I don't do anything. I don't work.

I don't, can it be stress? They said, well, it's already the only thing we've come up with. So I, you know, I said, okay, put me on antidepressants. And after a short time, all the symptoms went away.

I put on about half a stone in weight, maybe a stone and felt better than I had done for a long, long time. Felt fitter, healthier. I was like, what? Very strange.

But that summer, because I was unwell, I couldn't work, couldn't do anything. I couldn't be too far away from a toilet. I was really not in a good space.

What I did is I had at the time, probably 20, 25 journals, like big thick pads, or some thin ones as well, of me journaling my life. I've been doing it since. That one had been since 1990, April.

So for five years worth. And there was like jokes in there and stuff when I was doing a comedy, just ideas and you know, everything, basically documenting my incredibly boring life. And what I decided to do was to go, I bought this big 200 page pad, like a refill pad, really, but you know, it's still stuck together.

And I wrote down in very, very small writing, everything from all the 25 pads. And I covered both sides of the paper. And I spent, well it took me weeks to do that.

There's a lot, a lot, a lot of stuff. A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. And I just sat at the desk for hours and hours.

And I was listening to, oh, can you hear that in the background? Brilliant. So there's, oh, I know what it is. It's the recycle truck is coming to pick up the recycling.

So I was wondering what it was. It sounded a bit strange. Anyway, I was listening to talk radio, which I mean, there's an internet talk radio, but this was just on the radio.

It's not around anymore. But maybe it's, it might be exactly the same radio channel, but it's on the internet now. But anyway, it was new.

It was new. And I loved it. I loved talk radio because I guess it's talking.

I don't know. There's something about it. I think maybe I'm a little bit of a chatterbox, but at the same time, I'm not hugely confident.

And part of that might be because of the people that I've been around or the life I've had. I don't know. I feel a lot more confident doing these podcasts when I'm doing podcasts, but doesn't really necessarily feel more confident outside of making these podcasts due to having made the podcast for years.

If that makes any sense. Oh, great. So this is what happens with this stupid, stupid damn thing.

So the, you know, the app that I was using, basically, I said a word it didn't understand. The transcription app. And it stopped.

And I couldn't move forward until I put in another word, you know, typed in what the word was or whatever. So that was a waste. So I'll get rid of that.

I won't be using that again. And I've probably done it before. The amount of times I've gone back, signed up for a podcast, or not, not to listen, but to use the podcast host, or to use the website host, only to remember the reason why I stopped using them before.

And that might be because of the limits on uploads or length, or girth or whatever the uploads not able to just some functionality that wasn't prevalent, or available to quench my needs. Perhaps I need to keep a note of that stuff. So yeah, that that was a weird time though.

95 1995. So I've gone through the whole year started the year off. I was Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas 94.

I think I just stayed at home. I think I just stayed at home. And I think I looked after my friend's dog when he went away.

I think either that or he went away with a dog and I just I just have this memory of sitting up in bed. And I didn't eat hardly anything except breakfast cereal. When I got up and then toast with slices of meat in them.

That was it. And that was all I ate pretty much through that period. And I was just smoking.

And that was it. wasn't drinking alcohol. I don't think wasn't drinking coke.

I used to always drink water. And that's in fact, I'm not even sure if I did if I smoked. I don't know.

But I didn't do I do very little that summer that that Christmas but I remember watching Madonna in concert. Or it might have been a documentary about Madonna. And something like that.

I think it was a documentary about also showing her like behind the scenes. And in concert. Yeah, something like the glamour tour, I don't know, whatever.

The whole tour, I don't know, whatever it was that she was doing. And that was my memory of that Christmas, but it might be. There was definitely one Christmas I did that.

And it couldn't have been 93. And it wasn't. No, no.

93 94 95. See, I honestly, I have these mixed memories now and I'm a little bit confused about them. Because 1995 I spent Christmas because I 1995 I was at Butlins by the end of the year.

So by I went there probably October 95. And spent Christmas there. And then I came back.

And I spent New Year's with my girlfriend. So that year, that was Butlins 95. 93 was when I started dating a like a someone that I'd known for years.

And so I had a new girlfriend. So I went to see my dad stayed with a friend. For Christmas, you know, for that period, for the four days or five days or whatever it was.

And ended up dating. So that that meant that that year was taken, because we know New Year's Eve, I spent with her. And her kids and so which means so this is very strange.

I don't know when it was that I was watching. Maybe it wasn't Christmas. Maybe it was.

Maybe it was something else. But 95 94. So 93 sorted 95 is sorted for Christmas 92.

And 91. I went back and I spent Christmas at my dad's. And I saw my nan, you know, as well.

2004 was the last time I saw my nan at Christmas. Because after that year, she used to go and stay with my aunt every year, whether she liked it or not. So she, she, I think she moaned a little bit about the travel, but she she I think she enjoyed being there because if nothing else, the change of scenery, she's with her daughter that she loved to bits.

She's with my uncle that was married to my aunt or that is married to my aunt. And he's lovely. And they lived in a big house.

And she had, she was, you know, basically waited on and looked after. So I think she enjoyed it. But at the same time, she probably she I guess she missed being around the people that she was around all year.

Like my dad, my dad's wife, their kids, you know, me, people that she'd see throughout the year a lot. So although she she didn't really, she just went anyway. I think she I don't know, I think she'd have preferred it if she could have had kind of both.

You know, I think an ideal situation probably would be if she could go there. And then we all went to there as well for to sort of see a maybe boxing day or something. I don't know.

And that's what we used to do with. Yeah, quite often we do that anyway. So we'd have when we before she just started going up there before 2004.

We would have Christmas at my dad's. I'd be living in London. So I'd travel back.

I'd stay but I stayed on dad for probably a couple of years. And then I'd stay with my friend, depending. And I'd go to his Christmas Day for dinner for you know, and then Boxing Day, we would go to my nan's.

And before, you know, before 1991, my granddad was there as well. So we'd go there for Boxing Day. But my nan and granddad would also be there for Christmas, depending on whether or not my aunt came down.

So you know, it depended. We'd still see them still go visit and or they'd come and visit Christmas Day and then we'd see them the next day on Boxing Day. If no, if no one else was down, then my dad would pick my nan up, take her to my granddad's grave, leave her there.

And then, you know, see if she can make her way home. Actually, you know, she'd come and we'd have have sort of Christmas Day together. My dad's wife's parents would be there as well.

And so she they were all kind of, they were younger than my nan, but they were sort of in the same ballpark, you know. They were, they remembered what life was like before electricity, you know, that kind of era. And what else? I mean, it's one Christmas.

And this was 94 then, it must have been 94 that I went and I visited. I was no longer with the lady that I was with in 93, at the end of 93. And she found a new boyfriend while I was in Ireland.

Apparently, moving to another country is not conducive to making a relationship stronger, especially if you don't inform the person. And so I didn't really think about it, you know, I just told her I'm moving to Ireland. Because it was a long distance relationship anyway, I was seeing her less and less.

And it didn't really feel like I had a relationship with her, if I'm honest with you. And it probably felt the same for her. Well, if it didn't, what was she up to? And then she got together with another bloke, had two kids.

And I did visit. I visited the following Christmas. Because she's a friend, you know, I've known her since I was 17.

So, and he was a bit, a little bit off with me. I said to him, look, if it's awkward, I'll go. You know what I mean? I don't want it to be awkward.

If she's my friend, I'm not here under any issue, whatever, just come and see her, but if it's an issue. And we sat down and we had a smoke and we was fine. He was, we got on alright.

But I said to him, look, if it's weird for you, I can go. I don't, I don't like her that much. I'm not really that bothered.

Just, you know, I'm not here to ruin your Christmas. And, and that was it. And then, I don't know what happened.

Basically, what happened is I went, I think I probably visited her a couple of days, maybe, maybe just before on the way to my dad's, went to my dad's. And my brother was there. Now, I hadn't seen my brother for, well, for a while.

It'd been a while. I don't know how long, but it'd been a while. Probably, probably 1990.

I think I saw him previous because he was in the Navy. So I don't, yeah, I think it was 1990 was the last time I'd seen him. And then I saw him in 93, December, right.

You know, Christmas. And the first thing he said to me, so I'd literally just only got there, put me back down. And he said, do you want to do some security work? Now, at the time, I had pretty much zero money.

You know, I didn't have a very, I didn't have a lot of money or anything. So a chance to earn a bit of cash was, I don't know, just I was always kind of open to that if possible. And he said, oh, he was a security guard on the docks.

And he said, we're short of staff. We haven't got enough staff to cover Christmas. I said, what do you mean? And he said, why did you say that like that? I said, I don't know.

What do you mean? Why did I say that? And he said, and then he said, stop. I said, okay, stretch out. And he said, do you want to do a shift? I said, well, what's it entail? Because at the time I didn't know, which is why I asked him.

If I hadn't known, I probably, I might have asked him, but not in the same way. You know, I probably would have been more, give me some specific details of what, rather than tell me everything. So he said, well, I need you to look after a, what was it? It was a Garrett.

Yeah. I need you to look after somewhere as a security guard for 12 hours, Christmas Eve, 12 hours, Christmas Eve until Christmas night. Or no 12 hours.

What was it? 24 hours. It might've been two shifts. It might've been 12 hours and then going back again for another 12 hours.

I can't remember. It's such a long time ago, but it was at least 12 hours shift. And I know my dad was annoyed because it meant I was going to miss Christmas, but that was part of the, uh, in a way that was part of the charm of it is, because I never, for a long time, not really being a huge fan of Christmas, just, I quite like the buildup.

Um, I suppose Christmas to me is a bit like a really rotten fart. The buildup is quite interesting. Like what's it, what's going to happen? Is it going to be incredible? Is it going to be really smelly bit in a good way? Or is it going to, is it going to be so powerful? It's going to rattle, rattle the building, you know, is it that kind of an earthquake far, but then the ones that just realize like rotten eggs that no one can enjoy.

That's a bit like Christmas for me. It's like a, a rotten egg fart. No, it's, I might, yeah, emotionally it's a little bit difficult.

Um, yeah, just a weird, weird thing. And so I kind of jumped at the chance. Plus it was doing something new, doing something different.

And I thought, yeah, right then. So I turned up, I didn't turn up, my brother took me to this place and it was a garage or let's say it was a car showroom, big car showroom in the next town. And he was, uh, I forget what they call it.

Like a supervisor. He was, uh, mobile. I think they call it a mobile.

So basically he'd go from place to place, check up on people, make sure they're there, make sure they're awake. So it's kind of like a supervisory position, but I'm sure they used to call it mobile. And I shouldn't know really, because in 96, I actually became a security guard for about a year and a half.

But, you know, there you go. I forget. I forget this.

None of it's important. That's why probably I forget. Should I have a drink? Yeah, you should have a drink.

Well, thank you. Thank you very much. And I, uh, yeah, when I got there, I thought, you know, this is going to be boring.

And technically it was, but it was also very peaceful. Yeah. Now I probably knowing me, I would have had my journal with me because I'd take it everywhere.

Pretty much. I went, I used to take it to work sometimes. So I had something to write on so I could write stuff.

I could sing because there's no one else around to laugh at me. So I could sing and I could fall asleep if I wanted, you know, as long as I didn't sort of make a big bed up, take a mattress with me and, you know, make a big deal out of it. You've got to hide.

If you're going to sleep, you've got to hide in security. You can't let anyone know you're doing it. And anyone thinks that they've got, you know, some people might think, well, I have security guards.

They work at night and they do not sleep. Or I, I actually employ security guards in my office at the weekends and any nighttime and they don't go to sleep at night. Yes, they do.

Yes, they do. Yep. Yes.

Sorry, but it's true. Every security guard will at some point go to sleep if they do it a night shift. It's not always because, uh, they're being lazy.

It's, you know, doing night shift is, could be fine. And I've, I'm a, I'm a night person. I kind of, I found that out quite early in my adult life.

Nights are much more my thing, uh, than days really. But if you do a night shift, it's not guaranteed that the person, you know, sleeping during the day is not always as easy as nighttime. You know, you know, if you've got, if you live next to a building site or something like that and you know, it's, it's, and they're doing the groundwork, the foundations of that.

It's like, like shaking the whole street, you know, for eight hours a day for three weeks. Like, oh great. So sometimes, you know, you need to go to sleep.

I actually got, yeah, I got suspended. Or did I get sacked? I can't remember. I mean, I got, I got, I got suspended or three times when I was a security guard.

Once was because of drinking alcohol out of a flask, even though I didn't drink alcohol out of a flask, but someone reported me and I got suspended and I lost that position. And they, they basically took me into the office and in the end decided that I wasn't guilty of that particular crime. And then they moved me somewhere else, which is a shame because I, I like being there, but it was ultimately probably someone that was jealous of me or didn't, maybe didn't like me or something.

There's some reason, some kind of personal grudge, but what was inside that flask was protein shake, because I'd go to work. I'd, what is it? I did a night shift. I'd get home and I don't know if I went to the gym before I went to bed.

I think I did or whatever, but I went, I was going to the gym nearly every day. So I was taking, I was drinking, I was taking protein drinks to work with me and I was taking, I was eating pasta, trying to do it quite regular, just, and I was very slim back then. So I was trying to build some muscle up.

So that's why I had the protein shake plus the farts you can get with protein shakes is worth the extra cost. Not of getting suspended, but, but yeah, anyway, I got suspended and they said, well, you did tell us at the beginning, before I even started working there, they asked me, do you drink alcohol? And I said, no, which I didn't. It's, I think part of the reason I didn't drink alcohol is simply because during 94, that's all I did.

It was sociable, it was me and Andre and we lived literally around the corner from a pub. It was almost, it was, I'm pretty sure it was someone's sitting room. Someone converted their corner house into a pub and it was less than a minute away to, to get to.

That's how close it was. A minute's walk, if that. So I'd be there every night, we, in June a day, the weekends, brilliant, actually.

Had a great, it was a good summer. That was 94. And then, because I'd been ill all the way through 95 and then at the end of 95, once I stopped being ill and stuff, I went to Butlins and I was drunk excessively for five weeks.

Or for, I don't know how long I was there for, but during the Christmas season, I was there and we'd work and then we'd go and it was like, there'd be a bar after work that we could go to and, you know, but we'd work hard, play hard. And after that, I didn't drink. Did you hear that? Someone just put something through the letterbox.

Wonder what it is, wonder what it is, wonder what it is. What could it be? What could it be? Unless it's the electrician, shrunk himself down and climbed through the letterbox. Now he's going to like pump himself up again so he can come in and do the electrics, check them.

Sneaky. So I wasn't drinking at all. And before 94, I didn't drink.

Really, I didn't not drink. I just didn't really, I rarely drank alcohol. Partly because I had no money.

I didn't really have the money to, it's not true. Sometimes I had money for alcohol, but I just wasn't really into it. You know, it's something that I do every now and then, but generally didn't really have a taste for it.

So when I was doing the security, they said, do you drink? I said, I don't. I said, I used to, but I just don't really drink anymore. Just don't like it.

And because I was working, when would I have time to drink? You know, because I was doing long hours in the insurance, in the security. I was doing seven days a week, pretty much, quite often. Sometimes six days a week, but rarely did I ever drink alcohol.

But it's, you know, now and then, but not much. And then I got sacked from the same place. What for this time? Oh yeah, before that, for falling asleep.

When my supervisor asked me to do a 24 hour shift. So I'd done 12 hours. And he said, could you do another 12 hours? I said, no.

He said, go on. Be your best friend. But I'm going to fall asleep.

It's hard to prepare for 24 hours. But if it gets splashed onto you, out of the blue, like, oh, another 12 hours. Because, you know, someone, if in a normal job, in my experience, not that I've had that many normal jobs, but if someone says, can you do some overtime? Yeah, right.

It's maybe a couple of hours, maybe an hour, maybe three, not 12, not 12. And I did really well staying awake. But I fell asleep.

And I didn't know I'd fallen asleep. It wasn't even a case of, I was like nodding. I just was reading a book.

And I fell asleep. And I practically read the whole book. I'd done a few, the odd shift and a little bit of overtime.

Sometimes when people were late, you know, when they'd sort of, the security guard, they'd asked me to stay on for a couple of hours. Or I'd just take over from the secretary. So I think they had a secretary down there.

Because this was the main persons of the mirror group. This was the newspaper. This was the boss.

Kelvin McKenzie, I think it was. That was his place. That was his office.

There's a special floor, you know, where he was. And I took over from the receptionist sometimes. So I'd done that job before.

And it was very easy. You just needed to be on the ball. And to be alert enough to sort of, I think, answer the phone and stuff if it was needed.

Generally, it wasn't. But sometimes, you know, can you put this message through? Or can you do this or whatever? And that's very, very, very vague. I so generally do this or whatever.

Could you give me a bit more information, please? Anyway, I was reading this book. I bought it. It was called Lady Killers or something.

And I bought it since and I've still not read it. Because I didn't get to the end of it. And I don't know what happened.

So I've got it on my bookshelf case somewhere. And I need to but I really was enjoying the book. So I'd read a little bit of it.

And then that night, I read the whole, you know, pretty much nearly all of the thing. And then I fell asleep. The same supervisor, he'd clearly gone home, come back.

And he caught me asleep. And he sacked me. It's like, what? But it was a disciplinary.

So that's what caught me in first. So it wasn't just a case you're sacked. That's it.

I had to go through a disciplinary procedure. And the first thing I said is, this is ridiculous. I was doing you a favor.

And I told you that I was going to struggle to keep awake because I've been awake for so long. And you said, I said, I'm gonna fall asleep. Probably.

And you said, Don't worry about it. I'll take care of you. And now here we are having a discipline, a disciplinary.

And they just his boss or his partner, I don't know if they were equal. If it was their company, I think it was. But he, you know, they just apologized to me.

The third time I was sacked was when a toilet was blocked. In this printing firm that I was doing security for. And the cleaners came in.

Yeah, the cleaners came in about maybe about six o'clock or seven o'clock every morning. I was doing 15 hours a day there. Sometimes I would do seven days a week, but generally, I think I was five or six days a week.

15 hours a day. And it was night shift. So I'd get there what half three in the afternoon until six the following day.

In the morning or whatever, something like that. And I the one thing that I did do, even though I was didn't do a lot. I always checked the toilets.

I always checked the offices. I always did a patrol. And I might not done as many patrols as I was supposed to do.

But I was in an empty building with no access. And if anyone did gain access, the alarms would have gone off. But to be honest, I do patrols out of boredom.

So I would check the toilets. Very first thing I did when I got in there is check the toilets, check the fire escapes, check the windows are closed, all that stuff. Because it is nothing else to do.

And what else was I mean, there's only so much tap dancing a person can do in an evening when they're on their own in an office block. So yeah, I would just check everything. So I got a phone call saying, you're suspended, you can't go to work.

I said, What? Yeah, you're suspended. Don't bother coming back tonight. And we'll see you Monday.

So this is about on a Thursday or something. They said, Yeah, you're not to come back to work tomorrow. You can't go back to that that job anyway.

Because they don't want you back because the toilets flooded. So how big do you think my poos are? I didn't flood anything. And it's really weird, very strange.

I still didn't find out what happened. But I went into the previous two disciplinaries. And I just laughed at both of them.

The first one, I was kind of pretty like, well, it was my word against whoever had accused me of drinking alcohol when it was protein. In fact, I think I had my jug on me, not my jug, the flask. I think I actually had the flask on me.

Plus, I said, ask the other security guards, ask the supervisors, ask the mobile, what's in my flask? Because they all wanted to know as well. You know, the supervisors, when they first come say, what's in your flask? Probably thinking it was alcohol, maybe. That's not my first thing.

I'd think it was like coffee or tea. And I think one didn't believe me. I said, it's protein, protein shake.

So I pulled it out. I said, look, protein shake. And I flexed my muscles.

And they said, well, you're going to flex your muscles then? I said, I just did. And she said, oh, sorry, didn't mean to be rude. And, you know, we kissed and cuddled and that was fine.

We didn't. Then I was suspended. No.

And so I went to this tribunal after being suspended for the toilet situation. And they said, what do you have to say for yourself? I said, what? They said, well, the toilets were overflowing. It's something you should have noticed and you should have called it in and you should have, you know, contacted us.

I said, the reason I didn't contact you is because they weren't flooding. But they were flooding. No, when I was there.

So someone, because once the, once the doors were open, right. And staff started coming in from six o'clock in the morning onwards, I didn't leave the reception until it was time for me to go home. So the receptionist would get there about nine o'clock.

Wow. Was I doing 16? I don't know. But anyway, eight o'clock in the morning.

So the receptionist, the cleaners would get there at six and the doors, the front doors would be open for the other staff to come in, which meant I couldn't leave the reception. So whatever the cleaners did and whatever any of the other employees did, like having huge dumps and unable to flush them away, that happened. It might have happened while I was in the building, but no one reported it to me.

And I couldn't do anything anyway, because my job was at the reception and I couldn't leave the reception because people were coming in and out and I had to buzz them in and out. I wasn't allowed, you know, the door wasn't allowed to be left open. I had to open it for everybody.

So, and I explained that to them and they wouldn't believe me. I said, this is ridiculous. So I've just lost two days work, money.

You're taking me off that job because someone's blocked the toilet of a big turd and wanting to blame it on me. And they started saying, we don't like your attitude. You shouldn't be laughing at this.

I said, well, it's ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous that you would be suspending me. They said, we're not suspending you.

We are sacking you. And they sacked me. Honestly, they sacked me.

And I was like, wow. I said, you're just ridiculous. And I walked out.

I got a job then in, a friend of mine had a job in a call center. It wasn't a call center. It was, but it was a sales, outward bound selling in till roll.

But most of the customers thought we were saying toilet roll. No, we don't need any toilet roll. Thanks.

And if we did, we'd just go to the shop. Thank you very much. And I didn't really like it.

And I was there for about two weeks, I think. I got paid, but I phoned up my company, the security, my friend who sacked me. I said, look, can I come back? And he said, yeah.

So basically he said to me, yeah, you've served your time. You've had your punishment. So they weren't really sacking me.

They sacked me, but it was more just, we'll teach you because they wouldn't have the upper hand, but they didn't really want to sack me because they just gave me on my job back just like that. So why did this? So what? It was ridiculous. So I went back.

Um, this isn't money, isn't it? Never been so angry. And then I went back to, yeah, they put me on this building site. I started sending me to some really rubbish places after that, really.

Um, I was in a former psychiatric unit, but the whole area around this former hospital, this was closed and it was the longest hospital in Europe. It was like huge hospital, but it was the, I didn't go inside there. It was all of the ground surrounding it, miles and miles of ground with lots of buildings where the patients would live and maybe some doctors would live, you know? And it was very dilapidated, de-depilated, dilapidated, crappy.

Yeah, crappy. So that was one of my jobs. Another one was in a booking, in a betting, a betting shop.

Another one was at the, the ballet, what was it? The, some, the opera house in Covent Garden. They were building a new opera house and I was there for quite a few months. And so I had a few different places that send me.

It all kind of went a bit downhill after, after I was sacked the first time. In fact, that, that, they never put me anywhere with a proper indoor toilet. I just, just thought about that now.

When I worked in a building site, there was porter cabins. So no inside toilet, proper toilets and they're chemical toilets anyway. So there's no flushing.

When I worked at the former psychiatric hospital area ground, it was an outside porter cabin toilet there as well. Wow. They basically put me in two places where I couldn't flood the toilet.

They really believed I flooded the toilet. Wow. Dear, oh, dear.

Anyway, I'm going to go. So that's the end of this recording. So hope you're well.

Hope you have a good day. Remember, remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. There's a lot of weird things going on these days, but there's also some amazing things going on.

You know, every pretty much, uh, every few seconds a new baby's born. You know, so that's, that's at least one of one human being filled with joy at that happening. Generally it would be a lot more than one, you know, be maybe a whole family of people.

So there's a lot of happiness out there. So that's just one example. I've got lots of examples.

I was thinking about it the other day with a friend and I, you know, it's some of it was explicit actually, but it's still got the point across, you know, your first, whatever pleasurable experience, whatever that might be. The first time you taste chocolate or first time you hear a song that becomes your favorite song. I remember the first time I saw it's a wonderful life.

It was, I don't know why this is just England, but it was in the summer. I don't know why they were playing it in the summer. Uh, it's generally classed as a Christmas kind of film, isn't it? Probably more because of the snow than anything else.

But I remember that film and it had, it resonated with me. Like I loved that film. I loved it.

I even remember got a book from the library that said all about it and Frank Kafka and how it was put together and how it wasn't even a success at the time when it was first released. Then it became on, it went on to be a, uh, I don't know what the right word is, but, uh, very popular, you know, classic. I think it's probably the right word.

Hello, Andre. Andre. Bubble butt.

Hello. This is the time of day where he sleeps nearly all the time. This time of year, but it shuts up and he'll get up, goes to the toilet, then goes back to bed.

Okay. You know, that's it. And now he's sneezing.

Stop pretending to sneeze just because you want to be part of the recording. And you're welcome to come over here and have a little play. Go and have a little cuddle and kisses if you want.

I can squeeze your tummy and make it go squeak. Yeah, maybe not. So yeah, um, there's lots of really amazing things happening.

We just don't see it on the news. We don't hear about it. Don't necessarily even see it on the internet.

Lots of amazing, joyful things happening around the world, around wherever you is. It's one of those things you perhaps need to look for. I don't know, but there's lots of wonderful things.

Just for me, hearing birds singing. I like that. I like the, I like the freshness of the air this time of year.

January, especially. There's a freshness that I quite like. It's cold, but it's fresh.

It's getting lighter earlier now. It's staying lighter longer. It may not be hugely noticeable, but I notice it, especially in the mornings.

Over the next few weeks, it's really going to start getting lighter a lot earlier. And it's really noticeable if you're up during the night. Which I am quite often.

I'm not a fan, not a fan of pigeons for some reason. Just pigeons are annoying. I'm trying to think what is this always? I mean, there's something quite nice about there not being planes in the sky all the time.

To be able to look into the sky and not see anything. And there's something quite healthy about that actually. Visually, mentally, to be able to look into the distance and not have anything there.

It's hard to do that in a normal situation. Even if you're in a field, there's still going to be trees in the distance and something, even if it is half a mile away. When you look at the sky, there's usually planes.

But now because there's maybe what, 10% or 5% of the planes in the sky to what there normally would be. You can see into the distance and there's nothing to focus on. And apparently, that's very good for lowering anxiety and stress levels.

Now I used to like staring out to sea. Especially when there was nothing in the way. There's no boats or nothing like that.

Not all beaches allow that anymore because of the wind turbines, which are, yeah, I'm not, I mean, there's a great idea, but I'm not a big, huge fan, a fan. Well, they are big fans, aren't they? But they, where once you could perhaps stare out to sea and not have anything in the way and your peripheral starts to notice kind of your own body and stuff to the side of you, you almost become part of the landscape or the picture. Yeah, that can be very relaxing.

So yeah, so again, thank you for listening. Lots of love. Bye.

Shut up in your face. What's the matter with you? Hey!