#581 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. So this is in fact the third attempt at making a recording, a Let Me Bore You To Sleep recording.

It is. I tried to do one this morning. I couldn't.

I was asleep. I was basically too tired and I gave up. Yesterday I tried to do one and I was too tired and I gave up.

So basically I was trying to record these when I'm tired and I can't. Yesterday I actually fell asleep. So I'm trying to figure a way of making, well all of my recordings really, without falling asleep.

Now an ideal situation would be to open a window to let some air in, but then I'd be letting sound in as well. Which is not a great idea. Oh no.

So happy January. I had snow here a couple of days ago. I think it was, I don't even know what day it is now.

I think it was Saturday and the snow went away. It settled for a little while and then it just poof, poof, poof, poof, went away. Just puffed away.

Like a dragon. Puff, puff, puff, the magic dragon. So yeah, it's Monday the, what is it? The 18th of January.

January. And hello. Hello everybody.

Oh hello. Oh. And I think part of the reason why maybe I'm, I struggled a little bit the last couple of days to make these recordings is because there's nowt going on.

There is literally zero happening. Although yesterday I did manage to make a few, still tired again, make a few recordings. I'm gonna try and adjust myself so that I'm not sleepy.

So what I've done is I have, I have readjusted myself. Which sounds weird. No.

How should I reword that? I'm now no longer sitting on the sofa, which is too comfortable or too, too sleepifying for me to make recordings on. I can't do that anymore. So I'm sitting on a normal chair.

I've rearranged the microphone. So it is a little bit lower down. So it needs a bit of adjusting, but it's okay.

And I've opened the window to let the cold winter air into the room. So I'm not going to fall asleep. I think one of the things that frustrates me a little bit is what I do.

I really want things to sound good. I do. And I want things, I'd like to be able to make, you know, four, five, six recordings a day.

But in order to do that, I need to be awake. I need to be alert. My brain, it needs to work.

And when I'm in a warm room, I get a bit sluggish. I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest.

I do. So the window's open, but you can hear, you may be able to hear background sound. And that's kind of okay for this podcast, for the, the boring sessions, but for the other stuff, I don't want any background sound at all.

At all. So I'm not sure, not sure what to do. I'm not sure what to do.

I wish I needed a poo, but I don't. So I don't know what else to do. The one thing I look forward to doing is not quite ready to do.

And that's a poo. That's a poo. See, I don't know.

Too many yawns. In fact, I seem to be yawning more than farting, which is unusual. For me, very unusual.

Oh, yes. I've been doing exercises to try and stretch my lower back. And I don't know if they're working because my lower back still hurt when I walk.

In fact, I might be doing more, I might be doing more damage, which isn't funny really, but it, it kind of is in the same, you know, doing something to try and help my back. And in fact, I might be grinding it to a full stop. I have not.

I do think that they are grounding a bit. And the muscles, I think it's not the muscles, but the, the bones seem to be grinding when I walk. And the other day I actually pooed out some flour.

So it's like, oh my goodness. It's honestly, I'm scared it's gonna, I'm gonna end up pooing out a loaf of bread. Because the bones grinding together are causing the flour.

So happy most miserable day of the year. I can't believe I woke up today. Let me show you what it says.

You might not have that in your country. I can't even get a chair that doesn't squeak. Listen.

Just a normal chair. Anyone? Why can't I just have a normal, normal chair? Just something normal. Okay, here we go.

Where did I see it? I think it was actually on the television. Or was it? No, I know where I saw it. It was on, I'm pretty sure it was on Twitter.

Let me have a look. Wow. Ollie Roy.

Ollie Royer Roy. Where did you come from? Hmm. I saw something on Twitter.

Something about it being the most miserable Monday of the year today. And I thought, why are you telling people that? You could say the same thing to me, but I didn't make it up. Why are the press telling people? I think it was an article somewhere saying how to survive.

No, I think. Oh, I know. I remember what it is.

Let me, let me show you. Let me show you. This email I got.

Right. From Bipolar UK. It's a charity to help people with bipolar.

Right. Okay. The headline of the thing, getting through blue Monday.

Getting through blue, something that I didn't even know existed until today. Okay. Dear Jason, this blue Monday is important to remember that if you or a loved one needs some help, you can visit our website to get practical information, advice and support.

January is always tough, but it's even harder this year in lockdown. We will get through this together. Reach out virtually.

So blue Monday, for some reason, somebody somewhere has decided that today, this Monday is called blue Monday and it's the most depressing day of the year. And I woke up this morning, woke up this morning, and I had no idea of this concept. No idea.

I really didn't honestly didn't know. Whatever it's called. It's called blue Monday.

Yeah, I shut up. I don't know why. Why? Why? Make this stuff up and why tell people about it.

We don't want everyone to feel blue and to feel down and depressed on Monday. So what we'll do is we'll tell everyone it's blue Monday. And then we'll go on the news and on the radio and in the newspapers and magazines and online and mention it.

Try not to feel blue on today, the bluest day of the year. Try not to feel depressed and think about all the crappy parts of your life. Yeah, great.

It's we're being manipulated, people. We are being manipulated. I think almost just for the entertainment of somebody.

I don't know who. What should we do this week? How about, how about blue Monday? So let's see how many people we can actually affect by going on about this and telling people that this is the the, you know, the day when most the most amount of people are depressed. Yeah, let's let's call it blue Monday.

Yeah, that's brilliant. Let's stick that out there and have some fun with this one, shall we? Yeah. I mean, there are other days and stuff, but it's like it's like Friday the 13th.

I rarely know it's Friday the 13th until I get out of bed and turn the TV on or listen to the radio or go online. Here's how to get through Friday the 13th without having a full breakdown. Well, I wouldn't know it's Friday the 13th if you hadn't mentioned it.

I'd have seen it as the 13th and I'd have seen it as Friday, but probably wouldn't have put two together because I'm not stupid stitious. It's almost as if someone somewhere is just taking the piss. Really, I do believe that.

Someone somewhere. I don't believe it, but it sounds good if I say I do believe it. I don't believe anything.

I believe that I'm six foot seven. Yeah. And if you deny me that, then that's that's being prejudiced.

If you tell me that I'm not six foot seven, then that is. That that surely that should be an arrestable offense court case. If I decide to represent myself as a six foot seven.

Black man, I should be able to do that. You can't tell me I can't. You can't.

If I can present myself as a woman, I can present myself as anything. So you can't argue it. And if you say, but you're not, I'll say, yes, I am.

And if you say, no, you're not, I'll say. And if you go, uh, and I go, and you go, and I go, and you go, and I go. Oh, you get the idea.

Six foot seven. With blonde, natural blonde hair. Tiny hands.

A donkey girth. Tiny little hands. And.

A magical anus, which presents music from Beethoven every time I guff. Is my impression of Beethoven. I think Beethoven was a pervert.

See, if that's my belief, then that's that's it. You can't argue against my belief, because that's what I believe. That is my truth.

What about reality, me old fella? No, reality doesn't exist. This is my truth. I wonder where that came from.

I know it came from America, but I wonder where, you know, it's some kind of self-help model. But I don't know where it came from, because I only started hearing about it about 10 years ago. This is my truth.

Your truth. So you're a bit, a bit dim, yeah? No, I'm not. It's my truth.

If I believe it, it therefore is. OK, let's check my truth. Oh, OK, no.

What? Honestly, the internet is so weird saying. OK, here we go. Urban Dictionary says.

My truth. It's a pretentious substitute for non-negotiable personal opinion. It's true, it's perfect.

Pretentious substitute for non-negotiable personal opinion. Often used by academics, this is a convenient phrase for avoiding an argument, because people can contradict your opinions, but not your truth. The phrase is often used.

When seeking to justify a controversial personal stance or action, because people are not allowed to argue with your truth. Brilliant. So it's got an example where Gertrude says.

I'm leaving my husband. He is a really good, faithful guy and all, but I just don't love him anymore. It was a tough decision, but I have to stand by my truth.

OK. Oh, wow. The Nussy.

Have you heard of this? Nussy. The Nussy or the Nose Pussy, if you will, was discovered during the coronavirus pandemic of 2020. People that had to be tested for COVID-19 had to have their noses swabbed right where the brain connects, which often leads to people rolling back their eyes and gagging.

A nose swab fetish developed from this because we as humans ruin everything. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Swab my Nussy.

Now, OK, this bit. You have to have the nose swabbed right where the brain connects, where the brain connects. Shut up.

Where the brain connects. It's just, why do they say stuff like that when it's not true? Yeah, the nerve endings that connect to the brain, but all our nerve endings connect to the brain. You know, a nerve ending in your little finger connects to your brain via your spinal cord.

So the idea that you actually poke in your brain when you stick a little swab up your nose. And as any nose picker will tell you, putting a thing, putting something up your nose does not cause any kind of gagging at all. It might, it might make you sneeze or tickle your nose at worst.

That's it. Or it might make me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Your nose might start running.

That's it. You know, you might have a big bogey bubble up there and you might pop it. A snot bubble.

But that it's not to cause you. Why do they do that? Even that they're causing fantasy and fear by saying, oh, yes, putting that up your nose. It makes you gag.

No, it doesn't. Trust me. I'm an expert on stuff on that subject.

It does not. So there. And I never felt so angry.

What other stupid, I hate this chair. I'm going to chuck it out the window. Everything in this flat is rubbish.

This chair look. Here, crap. But it was my nan's and she never sat on it, but I kept it because it was my nan's.

Shit. Why? Why? Why is it doing that? The other chair does the same thing. I got this thing, which I inherited, which I my friend gave me.

Which is cool for sitting back and watching movies and television. This settee. But for doing anything else is it's a sleep machine.

Seriously, I fall asleep when I lay down or when I sit down in it. The other chair, the other side of the road or the other side of the room. Is actually perfect for making recordings.

Perfect. Which is making me think. Maybe I should.

You know what? There's nothing to stop me moving that chair over here, getting rid of this table, because I don't need the table there. And sitting in that chair and making a recordings. Is there anything to stop me? I don't think there is.

No. And then I will be physically supported. So I'll be physically supported.

But I won't be creaking like an old creaky thing. No, I won't be creaking. No.

It's really weird, though, because now I'm looking at the room from a different angle to which I normally look at the room. So I'm looking at the book cases. All the Kindle stopped working.

Properly. The Internet has stopped working properly for some reason. Keeps cutting out.

Maybe it's because I'm uploading too much stuff and, you know, the Internet don't like it. It's too much work. But.

It's what I do. If I'm trying to make four, three, four recordings, six recordings, whatever a day. It's, you know, for every hour of recording, I probably spend another two hours with the editing and uploading.

And the processing and all that stuff. So, you know, this making a recording for this, this is three hours of the day gone. If I make a Let Me Boy To Sleep minimum.

Sometimes I go over the hour, but generally, this is three hours of the day gone. Pretty much gone. Maybe two and a half.

Depending. When I make some of the other stuff that also has got music, you know, sort of a music version. That can go over that.

So. Really, to make four recordings. This is going to be.

Four, five, four, eight. Probably about 11, 12 hours. 10 hours of work.

Yeah, four, eight, nine, about 10 hours, maybe longer of. Stuff with the whole process. I mean, that's a day, isn't it? That's over a day's work.

So, yeah, that's what I'm kind of working with. Working with having no money in the bank, which is annoying. It's ever so annoying.

Really annoying. It's annoying. It's my voice.

It's really annoying. Ever so upset. Oh, oh.

By the way, if if you're listening to this and you're thinking, this isn't very sleepy. I do actually have much more serious recordings where there are really sleepy stuff. Proper focused on relaxing and sleeping.

So there's the relaxation, hypnosis. For anxiety, stress, anxiety and panic attacks. There's the sleep hypnosis weekly podcast.

There's a deep sleep whisper hypnosis podcast, as well as other stuff. So pretty much everything I do these days seems to be around relaxing and sleeping. As well as the odd recording, which I might do for as a request from you.

If you do have requests, I would. I don't always get around to doing them. I have had requests in the past and haven't ended up doing them.

And sorry. But I'm trying. So I got a request from someone the other day and I made a recording within a few hours of them speaking to me or talking to me on Facebook.

I got motivated. In fact, I really felt motivated for that recording. I can't remember what it's called now.

Something about don't allow. I don't know. Don't don't allow your shadow into the bathroom.

I don't know. Don't allow something to get in the way of your sleeping. So I get quite passionate with that recording I did yesterday.

It was relaxation hypnosis number. I think it was 266 or something. That's a lot, isn't it? That's a lot of rubbish to have.

There were to have recorded. That's a lot. That's a lot is even even though.

Hate this chair. Honestly, I'm going to just chuck it in the garden. What's the point in having stuff that don't work? It's just pointless, isn't it? Absolutely pointless.

I might just break it up and stick it in the garden. Sentimental value. What's the point in that? Get rid of it.

I was thinking of keeping hold of the vacuum cleaner, even though it doesn't work. When I found out that it was my Nan's. I was like, oh, another connection with her.

It's a vacuum cleaner. Don't work. There's no point.

Yeah, I think it's gone very calm. I like the I like these little peaceful moments. It's fresh, nice, cool air coming in there.

This is no way of me falling asleep. But at the same time, I am. Feeling quite relaxed.

And if I was a soldier. Right, let's get back to basics. Let's start talking about a past.

Come on. So here's my. Let's do a Q&A.

Andre. Let's do a Q&A. Obviously, I can't do it.

Now, because I don't have any questions. But if you have some questions. Please.

Send me the questions. And I can do a Q&A. I can answer your questions.

Did actually get a message from my website. I had a couple, actually. Where's the other one? Where was it? Oh.

No, I think this is it. Right. It says here.

Darby. Left the following four star review of the product. Just on new land.

Thousands of hypnosis MP3s. Stream free. Bore what is the headline? Wow is the right word.

What a fabulous way to relax. Ponder, laugh and the best sleep. Not just sleep.

But Jason Newland knows and definitely helps to bore you to sleep. Very intuitive. Very, very cool.

I couldn't have said it better. And yeah. I probably would have mentioned tap dancing.

But then why mention tap dancing? I guess not really relevant is it? But how nice. What a lovely message. I very much appreciate it.

Now. I'm happy for you to send me pictures. Anyone want to send me pictures themselves you can.

So I know who I'm dealing with. Know who's watching or listening to me rather. If you're watching me then you're in the tree outside.

And I can see you with your binoculars. And your smelly. Coffee cup.

I can. I don't be quite nice to get an idea of who's listening. Because I know not everybody that's listening ever lets me know that they're listening.

It's only really a very tiny. Portion. Of people that listen regularly.

That are on my Facebook page I mean. Or that I know of. It's not a tiny percentage.

Tiny portion of people that listen. But it's only a small amount of people that I know who listen. People that let me know and say oh.

By the way I listen. I said you listen? What are you talking about you listen? No we all do. We all listen.

I said what are you talking about? It's starting to wind me up. I don't know what Elvis did then. In fact I just drifted off then.

And I've come back to being awake. And I'm talking about Elvis I think. It's around my people wanting a punch up.

So I don't know how I got there. Oh like a rabbit sitting in a albatross's tree house. Yeah I drifted off again there.

See even sitting in a normal chair. Doesn't stop me from drifting. Drifting off.

Which means I may have got out of bed too early. Early. Could be the could could could could be the could could could be the issue.

Issue. Issue. Issue.

Issue. Issue. Rub a dum dum dum.

Rub a dum dum. I shut the man down. In front of a big old crowd.

I shut the man down. In front of a big old crowd. In front of a big old crowd.

I need a hobby I really I think. What kind of hobby could I do that would be. I kind of would like a hobby that's interesting.

But at the same time maybe a little bit annoying to other people. Just it's very childish of you. Very childish.

Want to upset people do you. Want to upset people's lives. Then you think they work hard enough.

they need to deal with you, do they need to deal with you? Well no, I just thought it would be funny to say, doesn't mean I'm going to do it. Well what I say then, you make me so mad, Oi, don't be like that Papa, come on. I remember I spoke to people like, I remember when I was about seven, used to talk to everyone.

Come on, come on Mama, when is the dinner ready? Your dinner will be ready when it's ready. Always sounded like she was, I don't know, on a game show, trying to get people motivated. Yeah, well, I'm searching my whole life through, loving you, loving you, loving you.

So yeah, not much going on, but if you've got any questions about my life in the past, or even, you know, what I am planning for the future, that might be something that you may be interested in. So my website is on my, well it's on my website, the contact me is on there. If I, I don't know why my mind keeps dribbling off, doesn't really make sense when you consider that I can talk for long periods of time, without break, without anything.

But the last few days I felt a bit more tired than usual. And I don't want to fall asleep when I'm making a recording. Stupid chair, I am probably going to chuck it out the window.

And anyone, you know, if he's told to someone, I just need to warn you that he's keeping, he, he, he, he, see my words are falling asleep. I can't remember what I was talking about. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe.

I had you, maybe, baby, you'd be true, maybe, baby, I'll have you for me, for me. It's funny, honey, yeah, yeah, you never listen to my prayers. Maybe you will love me some way.

I miss Buddy Holly. He was a good friend. I had a lot going on for him.

Huge, brilliant pod, pod, pod singer. Cold singer, song singer, that's it. Singing songs and writing songs.

He would have been so in fit of Tim, them, or whoever it is that I was talking about. I've forgotten. Wonderful stuff, wonderful stuff.

Genuinely, yeah, just have the occasional blemish, blemish, blemish, whatever you feel I do. When all you look, hello Andre, Andre, monkey head, monkey head. I don't know what he's up to.

I might take him out for a walk. That might be good for both of us to go out for a walk in the cold air. Or, like often, Andre, come here mate.

Hey. Where are you? Where are you hiding? Nope, he's gone. He's now in his bedding, going back to sleep.

Even he doesn't want to talk to me. I'm just there for, I'll tell you, yesterday, he was so angry with me. Because he was waiting for his dinner and he didn't get it at the time he wanted it.

And I woke up and he was just staring at me. Which meant that he'd been doing something to wake me up. Banging the door, maybe being on the bed, biting me, I don't know.

Whatever he needed to do to wake me up. Because he was standing there just staring at me. And I picked him up, said morning, and he'd let a stink off.

Which he only does when he's angry or frustrated. So, I thought, okay, sorry mate. Sorry that I can't always be here at your whim.

Is it whim or quim? Quim. So, I can't always be here at your quim, your beck and call. But he gets a fairly good deal.

The only thing he's not getting is he's not going outside at the moment. And that's partly because the only time that I've been going outside is when I've needed to go to the shop. And I don't take him to the shop with me.

Andre never gets old. Never gets old. So, that's it.

That's it. It's going to be a little bit shorter of a recording. But at least I've made the effort.

At least I've tried. At least I've given it a go. At least I've given it a go.

It's a main thing. Yeah. Yeah.

So, I'm going to go. Thank you for listening. And... That's it, I think.

If I was a soldier. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Bye.